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Updated: Nov 2, 2018 173 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Pinstriped Shoulder Button Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Happy Friday! This shoulder button dress is a bestseller at Loft, and it comes in plus sizes as pictured (16–26, online exclusive) as well as regular, petite, and tall sizes 00–18. Note that the dress on the product page for regular/petite/tall sizes looks much shorter than this version, although the descriptions on both pages describe the length as “hits above the knee.” I'm assuming that's because the model is 5'11” — however, this model's height isn't listed. That aside, the dress is 40% off right now, bringing it down from $89.50 to $53.70. It's machine washable, too! I like the subtle navy pinstripe, but if you're looking for something more colorful, there's a medallion jacquard option, final sale, that's only $34.94. Pinstriped Shoulder Button Dress This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Ethics

    What’s the deal with this ethics complaint against Warren and Harris? My initial thought was “so what”….doesn’t this happen all the time? I don’t want to dismiss something serious but I’m unfamiliar with this topic. Am I missing something?

  2. Anonymous

    Inspired by yesterday’s post about hair washing, but read it too late to comment ….

    I wash my hair every other day and usually blow dry with a round brush afterwards (10 minutes). I’d love to skip the blow drying step and let it air dry, but in the past I haven’t liked how it looks. I have a lot of hair but it is very fine and thin, mostly stick straight a few small 2A sections, and a bit of frizz. I find blow drying with a round brush gives my hair a bit of volume and completely eliminates the frizz. After air drying, my hair looks limp and sad and a little frizzy. Does anyone with similar hair have any recommendations for air drying?

    • Anonymous

      Bumble and Bumble has a good air dry product for fine hair – I think it’s called Don’t Blow It. I also put my hair up in a bun while wet. I think putting it up helps give it volume because I’m lifting the roots, and the product eliminates the frizz. If I don’t put my hair up, though, my hair still looks limp (though not frizzy).

      • January

        Living Proof also makes something called In-Shower Styler, which helps my fine, wavy, frizzy if-air-dried hair. Ultimately, I prefer the way my hair looks when it’s been blown dry, but the Living Proof product is an improvement for summer days when it’s just too hot to use a blow dryer because it helps define my waves/curls more. I haven’t tried the Bumble and Bumble product, so I can’t compare them.

      • Anonymous

        How do you put your hair in a bun while it’s wet so it doesn’t have bends/kinks when you take it down?

        • Anonymous

          I just sort of twist it up and secure with bobby pins. I don’t use an elastic. The pins haven’t caused any bends or kinks.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not sure I have exactly the same hair, but it’s very thick. I also hate drying it, but realize that it ends up looking much more polished when I have. So I wash my hair late at night, sleep with it wet and it’s still damp when I wake up. I then blow dry it for about 2 minutes to finish drying – it has a very similar outcome as when I completely dry it.

    • C2

      My hair is similar, it thrives from a little heat, looks terrible when air dried and doesn’t cooperate if I try to style it later. I have a thick head of hair but the individual strands are thin. I typically shower first thing, put in my product, and allow the hair to dry 80% while I do other things – coffee, breakfast, makeup, news, etc. Then I go after it with the hair dryer, and even with a lot of hair this only takes ~3 mins. I find I get the same smoothing and workability results as I do when drying from wet. I add some curl to the ends and go – total styling time is 10 mins. I put dry shampoo in at night and wear my hair in a loose bun on top of my head to sleep. I wash it every 3-4 days.

    • Anonymous

      What hair dryer do you have if you can round brush your hair in 10 minutes but have “a lot of hair”? Is it very short?

      • Lilly

        Not the OP, but Amika or GHD brand hair dryer and the right products will do it. I have below the shoulder, thick, porous hair, and with my Amika dryer and a jumbo round brush can do a near salon quality blowout in less than 15 minutes, including brushing out damp hair, applying products, and drying. You need to use a good heat protectant, use the dryer close to the hair on largish sections, and move quickly. I get out of the shower, wrap my head in a pestamal towel, and wander around doing other stuff for 20-30 minutes, and by then my hair is merely damp. My experience with these two brands of dryer is that they do not fry my hair like a drugstore hair dryer does.

      • Anonymous

        OP here. My hair is a little longer than shoulder length, and like I said, it is very thin. I wrap it in a micro fiber towel while I put on makeup and eat breakfast and then use a heat protectant and the highest heat on my hair dryer (babyliss).

  3. Anon

    Due to scheduling flukes I’m off today and Monday (without taking any leave)! It happened so last minute that I didn’t have a chance to plan much. I’m planning on lots of workout classes but what would you do with a four day weekend? Currently just moved so actually living with a relative so not much to do house wise.

    • Anonymous

      Be a tourist in your city (or a nearby city)! Go to museums, maybe take a walking tour or a food tour. Check out your local state parks.

    • LawyrChk

      Everything you said, plus: Drop by a bookstore and pick out a great paperback. Bring to cozy coffee shop and enjoy a few hours of reading and fancy coffee with pastry. If weather permits, walk through a park. Soak in a long bath and give myself a pedicure. Swing by grocery store and buy some cheese, crackers, wine, and a bag of chocolate.

    • cat socks

      I’m pretty introverted and if the weather continues to be cold and rainy (like where I live) I would sleep in, read and watch TV/Netflix. If you have a bathroom to yourself, take a bubble bath. If I felt like getting out of the house, maybe go to an early happy hour at a restaurant or see a movie. Or maybe get a mani/pedi.

    • C2

      – Mani/Pedi at my favorite salon that takes forever but does the best job
      – See if your stylist can squeeze in a haircut if it’s time for one
      – Wander Nordstrom for a few hours and try on everything during the day when it’s dead quiet.
      – Check out the new exhibits at a local museum or go to one you haven’t been to before
      – One-day road trip to a touristy town within a couple hours
      – Read a book or the paper at super hip cafe/coffee shop with a $7 oat milk latte
      – Binge Outlander before the season 4 premier on Sunday
      – Hit the farmers market for the last of the fall produce
      – Practical things like meal prep, review personal finances, schedule eye doctor/dentist/dr appts

    • Cb

      I’d get all the niggly admin stuff done – insurance, emails, doctor’s appointments scheduled. And then I’d get outside! Or sit in a cafe with a novel.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Season 6 of House of Cards just got released, so I’d binge that. Or seconding the OUtlander suggestion above.

    • Anon

      Great ideas, thanks so much everyone! Unfortunately it’s supposed to rain otherwise I would absolutely take a hike! Appreciate all of the great indoors ideas.

    • Anon

      I would go somewhere for the weekend. Don’t waste a four day weekend doing “admin stuff.” It doesn’t have to be expensive if you’re near any camping opportunities.

  4. Anon

    I realize I need to figure out better make up for myself. I was thinking of going to Sephora for help- can you just walk in? Are there better ways of figuring it out? Does Ulta so it? (Ulta is closer)

    • Makeup Lover

      Ulta will do it but in my experience (and I’m sure this varies by store) the Sephora employees tend to be more experienced (maybe even on path to makeup artist). There are more stations set up for makeup applications and they wear a belt of makeup tools ready to help you with. Also, in my opinion, you’re going to find slightly better makeup brands at Sephora than Ulta, although Ulta has gotten much better over the past few years. Ulta crushes Sephora in terms of in store hair care options though. Is there anything specific you’re looking for as far as better makeup?

    • Pompom

      I’d vote Sephora, where you can just walk in (ime). I don’t think Ulta does this, or if they do, it’s not a cornerstone offering like it is at Sephora.

      If you want to make an appointment somewhere, and it’s convenient, Nordstrom does offer beauty stylists, just like they do for fashion. It appears that a certain level of their services are indeed free, so might not be a bad place to start for a consult and a walkthru of the brands they offer.

      When I did this a few years back, I walked into my neighborhood Lord and Taylor, walked up to the Nars and Clinique desks, and basically just said “Help me.” Worked well!

    • Anonymous

      I’d probably try Ulta first if I were you. If you’re building a makeup routine, then you want to be able to pick up refills pretty conveniently. Ulta and Sephora have some overlap but it’s not 100%. I always tell myself I’ll order stuff online, but then I end up waiting until I’ve run out of whatever I need and I have to make a trip to the store. Ulta is under 10 minutes away and Sephora is 30+ so… I tend to gravitate toward brands that Ulta carries.

    • Anonymous

      You can walk into Sephora and get help…but if you go at a busy time, you’ll probably have to wait for a while. If you can go at a non-peak time, you’ll get better service.

    • JS

      Sephora can suggest products and try a few on you, Ulta it totally depends on the associate you speak with. A high end counter at Nordstrom like Bobbi Brown is a better choice for personalized service, but they are only going to recommend that brand. So you can start there, pick your favorite product or two, and learn the techniques.
      Honestly, I learned everything I know from Youtube. You can search for whatever skill you are trying to learn or product recommendation you need and get so many opinions without the sales pressure. If you have a specific thing you want to learn I’d be happy to point you to some channels or videos!

    • Sunshine

      You can walk into Sephora but it’s usually hard without an appointment. I’d suggest making one if at all possible. Some appointment types look for a $50 product purchase and the appointment itself is free. Without an appointment, you’d be looking at maybe getting ~10-15 min with someone who can help you. With an appointment, they’ll actually do your full face. I’ve found that very helpful. And it’s counter-intuitive, but wear your usual makeup to the appointment so they can see what you typically go for. Then you can tell them what your concerns are and what you’d like to change.

  5. Owl Lover

    I have this dress in the blue stripes. It fits very comfortably. I am 5’3″ and got a size 10. It definitely hits right at the knee on me. However, when I wear it sometimes I feel like I have a matronly vibe (which is not something a 27 year old wants). I don’t know if its the fabric or the cut of the dress. Tim Gunn wouldn’t like it. The plus size picture gives a much better idea of the fit than the standard sized one.

    If you’ve never shopped at the loft before, I have to say their returns/exchanges are super easy. So if you are on the fence about it, I would recommend trying it out.

    • Anonymous

      That’s good to know about the length. I love pinstripes so I’m thinking about ordering this, but I’m 5’8 and it looks so short on the model. I wish they included a length measurement in the description.

      • Owl Lover

        Yeah, I think there might be a photo shop issue with that standard sized model. There is no way that the dress is that short. But, i am a short person.

    • Anon4this

      I have this dress in solid grey. I think it runs really big. I am typically a 12-14 and have the 12 and it is giant in the waist. That could also be contributing to the prior poster’s comment that it looks matronly. I tend to belt it when I wear it and that seems to help a lot. I’m 11 weeks pregnant and none of my pants fit, but this dress is a go to. Its still giant in the waist. I look forward to wearing it until at least Christmas. I’m tempted to get it in another color …

  6. Anonymous

    Does anyone have any insight into how to find a fully remote job? My husband is a professor who can work from anywhere in the summer and I would love to find a remote job myself so we could spend our summers showing our kids different corners of the world. I’ve worked in the writing/editing/communications field for the last 10+ years. My interest is really in writing, not marketing or sales, although I have worked in some positions where I was officially part of a marketing team. I’m open to freelance work, since finances are not a big factor (we live off my husband’s salary and I mainly want to continue working to have something to occupy my time and maintain some degree of financial independence). A non-remote academic year job would also be great but I know college teaching jobs, even at the adjunct level, are extremely competitive and I don’t know that I’m really qualified to teach.

    • anon a mouse

      Fully remote writing jobs are very in-demand, and there are lots of people vying for them. Your best bet would be to leverage existing contacts somehow. If you search on sites like Indeed they have an option to search for remote jobs.

      Have you considered teaching at a community college in your town? Or looking at local adult ed classes, sometimes through the county/city.

    • Anonymous

      You have dig a little, but there are jobs postings out there for remote opportunities. There are also a few subscription type services that have these postings- Flexjobs is one.

    • Anonymous

      Have you ever looked into technical writing? All of our tech writers have been fully remote, though many of our employees are as well. For technical consulting companies and large defense/tech firms.

    • Anon

      What about something in K-12 education? Some (not all) non-teaching jobs might have summers off?

      • OP

        Thanks! Unfortunately, in my experience, most non-teaching jobs are year-round. I have worked in both K-12 and higher ed before and never had summers off. Many places do give you a week or two off at the holidays for winter break, which is awesome, but not enough time to go live abroad.

    • Academic Anon

      I’m the flip side of this – a professor married to someone who works remotely. In our case, it came about because we had to move for my job. As you probably know, academic careers require a lot of geographic flexibility, so the move wasn’t optional. My husband talked to his work and told them he’d love to keep working there, but it would have to be remote. He was fully prepared to quit. Luckily, he’s in a high demand field, so he could have found work in our new city, but he really liked his old job and wanted to keep it if possible. Obviously your situation is different, but it might still be a good idea to start by negotiating with your current org. I think it’s much easier to convince a company that you’ll do a good job working remotely when they already know your work ethic.

      Otherwise, I would try targeting tech companies, even though you wouldn’t be in a technical role. Technical writing would be one route, but also marketing, etc. Not every tech company is on board with remote work, but it’s much more common in that field.

      You’ll also need to be specific about the parameters of remote work. In my husband’s case, he can work anywhere, but he has to maintain core west coast business hours. We’re in Central time now, so he works 9-6 hour time, which means he’s available to the rest of his team through 4 pm in their time zone. I do some international travel, but he doesn’t usually come with me, in part because he’d have to work until 10 pm or midnight. Some remote arrangements are more hands-off than that, but if the goal is international travel, you’d want to know for sure in advance. We don’t have kids, but the logistics of that would be even more complicated if we did.

      • AnonTechie

        Adding to this, some specific sub-parts of tech are extremely distributed (blockchain comes to mind) and require a LOT of content!!

      • Anonymous

        Thanks! I appreciate your perspective. Like you said, we’ve moved around a lot, so I don’t actually have much of a Career-with-a-capital-C. I’ve never been unemployed for long, but I’ve often had to change fields a bit or start over in entry level jobs when we moved and so unfortunately I haven’t been able to build up long-term goodwill with one employer. I currently work at my husband’s university (sort of by default, it’s the only major employer in our small town) and going full-time remote is pretty unheard of here.

  7. Anon

    So, I reread the Little House on the Prairie books over the summer after the conversation here a few months ago about how they are racist and were stripped off the name of a book award. One thing I don’t understand is why the books themselves are considered racist from the examples that were shown. The way I see it, the books correctly observed that many people, including Laura’s mother, said and/or did racist things in the 1800s. Isn’t that a true, accurate piece of history? I think it would be so much more racist to not include those bits of dialogue (to whitewash everything), but it seems that those words coming out of characters’ mouths are what people call the books racist for. Am I missing something? I would understand (although not agree) if people argued that reading any book about pioneers and Manifest Destiny were an inherently racist concept, but that doesn’t seem to be where the criticism originates.

    Honestly, I also found the books delightful for their descriptions of food and the minutiae of pioneer life. Would definitely read to my kids with ample discussion about the sections of the books that include recordings of racist dialogue.

    • LaurenB

      I was never a fan of LHOTP (just didn’t care for them) but I agree that they depicted what the reality was during that time. And I think it’s more appropriate to read and then discuss “this is how people talked/thought back then” than to whitewash it and pretend it never occurred. I’m liberal but I think PC sometimes goes amuck.

    • Anon

      I missed the original discussion, and I’m not a librarian or otherwise connected to the literary world. I just love to read and soaked up LHotP (and others like it) when I was younger.

      But I would imagine that the problem is you need nuance to read them – you need to get additional context to understand that those types of racist behaviors were commonplace at that point in time and they are no longer acceptable. You need to say the value of the book is as a historical reference to how white people thought and acted back then, not as an example of a virtuous lifestyle or a time period we should want to emulate.

      Not everyone has someone available to give them that context. And not every kid gets nuance when doing a reading assignment for school. There are so many good books, why does a kid need to read one where people like her are called hateful things? It doesn’t feel great to read a book that dismisses your entire family with hurtful phrases like “the only good Indian is a dead Indian”, and then hear your teacher say it was his favorite book growing up, or hear your principal drone on about how she watched the series with her entire family and loved it so much.

      • Anonymous

        This.

        I wouldn’t want my kid exposed to characters saying “the only good white person is a dead white person” and I don’t want them exposed to that idea about any other peoples either. I can’t imagine what it must be like for Native Americans to hear people speak fondly of LHotP.

        Taught in high school as part of a course examining the history of Native Americans and racism against them? Sure. Taught to elementary school kids as historical fiction? No way.

      • Anonymous

        Doesn’t this mean no one would ever be assigned to read historical tomes? I think the way you “get” nuance is to read many things and then take the readings on board.

      • DCR

        +1. The ability to read the books and focus on their historical accuracy (vs. the deeply disturbing racist views) is a perfect example of white privilege. I would not want my kids reading any book that discussed the destruction of an entire race is a good thing, especially without a parent participating and describing the deeply problematic nature of those views

        • Anonymous

          What? Do you think that anyone is spared deeply disturbing racist views by not reading? Do you believe that people would better off being ignorant of that fact only to be confronted with the harsh reality of the f*’d up world we still live in? Or is it that you think white people can’t be disturbed by horrible racist attitudes?
          I was never into these books but I read Huck Finn, along with Jack London and similar stuff, as a kid and am glad my parents trusted me enough to not sterilize my world for me. It only made me more empathetic. The whole notion of everything being offensive is just getting absurd. There will be no culture left soon.

      • Anonymous

        I can understand what everyone is saying, but I also know that I read the books (starting in second grade) and don’t hold the views that Laura’s family held and have never thought to myself “the only good indian is a dead indian.” And, it sounds like many of us on here had a similar experience – we read the books and came out the other side not being racists. I am going to make a guess that this was the result because we read the books and recognized that Laura and her family lived 80 or 90 years prior to the time when we read the books. I did not have either one of my parents explaining the books or providing commentary/context to me. I either already knew you shouldn’t say something like that or I was able to put enough distance between the books as fiction and my own life to draw that conclusion.

        Of course some people are going to read them and then go around saying things like “the only good indian is a dead indian.” I can’t stop those people from thinking that and I highly doubt reading Little House on the Prairie is what would change someone’s views on racism.

        For me, I would absolutely say they are among my favorite books, for the simple fact that they are the first books I remember devouring and they sparked my love for reading and inspired a continuing interest in American history.

    • MagicUnicorn

      When re-reading the series with my little one a few years ago, the racism struck me as problematic because it was presented as an acceptable point of view. I am a little fuzzy on the details now but I recall being surprised since I didn’t remember the racism from my own childhood reading of the series. I think with appropriate parental commentary on the troublesome passages the books can be redeemed; however, I wouldn’t want a child reading through them without the external input that yes, these attitudes were (and unfortunately still are) A Thing but that they are inappropriate.

      • Anon

        I don’t think it was presented as acceptable – some of the other characters protested when Ma or Ms. Scott said racist things about Native Americans. There was actually a lot more nuance there than I expected, including discussion of why it was natural for Native Americans to be angry because their land was being stolen.

    • Anon

      As a former student of history and someone who always seeks historical context, I deeply agree with this. Renaming the award is their prerogative, and I understand and agree with their reasons in doing so. I grew up next to a historical site of a Dakota War that occurred a few years before Laura would have been born, in an area near one of the places she eventually lived, where hundreds of settlers were killed in the conflict. I can both have empathy for the indigenous people who were wronged and cheated by an invading government, and understand why Ma, operating in the context of her time and the rules and standards of her society, might have been afraid, and how that would have manifested itself in a racism. History is a complex thing. There are more that two sides, there is more than black and white. That complexity doesn’t make what happened in the past acceptable by today’s standards, but I agree we can’t take an eraser to pieces of history that we find uncomfortable. I, too, will absolutely read the Little House on the Prairie series and discuss with my kids, and then we’ll visit the historic and memorial sites near my hometown so they can gain a respect for the culture, traditions, and truths of the indigenous people who were unjustly persecuted.

    • Anon

      I have to say that I agree with you, OP. I think it’s pretty clear that Laura doesn’t agree with Ma’s views and that the way the Native Americans were treated was terrible. That was certainly the perspective I came away with after reading the books as a five year old! I re-read them recently as well and some things certainly came across differently when reading them as an adult (I would have found being married to Pa infuriating!), but I still felt that it was pretty clear that phrases like “the only good Indian is a dead Indian” may have represented common feeling at the time, but weren’t morally acceptable.

      • Anonymous

        These were far from my favorite books, but I did read them as a child. I don’t remember reading that sentence in the book, but I absolutely remember boys at school saying “the only good Indian is a dead Indian,” and how mortified and angry I felt at the time.

        I support taking Little House on the Prairie off its pedestal, but I’m not aware of any perfect books. I think it’s a much better lesson to take what’s said in books as just things people are saying than to view more carefully chosen books as authoritative, exemplary, and edifying.

    • Anonymous

      Renaming the award wasn’t be meant to imply that they are not great books. Some of the depictions around things like interactions with the Indians are pretty heavily fictionalized, though. Ma’s fear/hatred of the Indians is historically accurate, but many things in the books are not. It can be hard for kids who take things at a surface level because they are often taught that the series is a true story, but they’re a fictional version based on her life. If you haven’t read it, Prairie Fires is an an interesting analysis of the books.

    • Anon

      I loved these books when I was little, read the whole series, went on to become a history major, and was so excited to read them to my son..I had forgotten/not registered as a kid some of the topics in the book, and pretty much stopped after the first chapter of Little House in the Big Woods-mostly out of an age thing (I decided that pre-K was probably not the right age to explain to him where meat came from if I ever wanted him to debate eating dinner again, don’t think I am ready to explains guns yet). That being said, we recently watched the Disney version of Peter Pan, and that was pretty shocking to watch now too. In time, we will talk about the reasons why not everything in books, tv/movies are not good examples of how to live our lives.

  8. anon

    How often do you change your hairstyle? I’ve had roughly the same cut, with a few minor tweaks, for 4+ years now. I’ve added variety by changing the color a few times, which I’ve gotten lots of compliments on. I’m happy with my hair and it’s the easiest style I’ve ever had, but I do wonder if I’m getting into a rut. Now that I’m in my late ’30s, I feel like I need to be a little more aware of staying current, style-wise. I don’t know how to describe this, but I have the type of face and body that can look frumpy awfully quickly if I don’t intervene. At the same time, why fix what’s not broken? It took me a while to find my own personal style (especially after kids), but now I barely have to think about it.

    • MagicUnicorn

      Every 18 months or so I get the urge to try something other than my standard pixie cut. I spend about 3 weeks growing it out beyond when I would typically get it trimmed, detest every second of the grow out phase, and finally come to my senses, remember why I love my pixie cut, and get it cut again.

      I started with a pixie cut about 15 years ago after always previously having very long & lifeless hair, successfully grew it out to shoulder length once about 10 years ago but hated it immensely and have no regrets about lopping all if it off again about 8 years back.

      • anon

        Yeah, that’s pretty much where I’m at. I’ve had shoulder-length hair exactly once in my adult life. It took me two years to grow, and I absolutely hated it. It was so heavy, blah, and just … not me. I look at pictures taken during that time and barely recognize myself. It’s startingly weird.

        I do love my pixie, but I am aware that I have to keep it looking fresh.

      • Anonymous

        I do the same with my pixie! The growing out part isn’t horrible; it’s just not me. I do switch it up based on how I’m feeling. For awhile I was feeling bada$$ and got it super short, like a buzz cut. Now I’m feeling more nurturing and feminine, so it’s long enough to switch from pomade to mousse (maybe 3 inches on top?). I did grow it out for about 9 months at one point because I was feeling very aimless and got to a chin-length cut. Then I figured out what I wanted to do and chopped it all off again.

    • AnonInfinity

      I’ve had the same basic hairstyle for several years. I love it and get compliments a lot. I just make sure that every few months, I have her do a really good trim to make sure all the layers are still fresh. I kind of think that if you’ve got a hairstyle that looks good and it’s not something super trendy, then you’re good to go. But on the flip side, it’s just hair and will grow back so if you’re interested in trying something out– you should go for it!

    • Monday

      Hair can be so exhausting and frustrating, I tend to support “if it ain’t broke” approaches.

      If you feel that you’re tending toward frumpiness, think about other ways to change up your look. Don’t force yourself into a different hairstyle on principle.

    • Anon

      I hope that changing hairstyles isn’t a necessity, cause I’ve had basically the same hair style for 10+ years. I have curly hair, so there are only so many ways to style it. The length might change slight, but not much else.

    • Anon

      I actually think staying on trend is best left to the young 20-somethings. If ain’t broke, don’t fix it, as Red Green would say.

  9. Getting out the vote

    It’s the last weekend ahead of the election! My state is very early voting friendly and so I am trying to get as many people to the polls as possible this weekend. Anyone have thoughts on the best ways to get folks out who are not regular voters? I have texted a few friends who live in my district with the early voting info. I have also canvassed my entire district over the last month and a half.

    What would get you out to the polls?

    • Anon

      I’m panicking about not being able to get to the polls. I moved to Virginia recently and haven’t received my voter ID card or my VA license in the mail yet. The told me at the election office, where I chose to get a photo ID card made in case I didn’t make it to the DMV in time, that I can only use a Virginia issued photo ID to vote and that there are no exceptions.

      • anon

        I’m in Texas, but I have had to learn a lot more about voting rules thanks to block walking (go Beto and down ticket!). A quick Google search brought up the Virginia Dept of Elections s*te on Virgina dot gov and it says the following:
        Valid Virginia Driver’s License or Identification Card
        Valid Virginia DMV issued Veteran’s ID card
        Valid United States Passport
        Other government-issued photo identification cards (must be issued by US Government, the Commonwealth of Virginia, or a political subdivision of the Commonwealth)
        Tribal enrollment or other tribal ID issued by one of 11 tribes recognized by the Commonwealth of Virginia
        Valid college or university student photo identification card (must be from an institution of higher education located in Virginia)
        Valid student ID issued by a public school or private school in Virginia displaying a photo
        Employee identification card containing a photograph of the voter and issued by an employer of the voter in the ordinary course of the employer’s business

        I myself voted with a temp DL document without issue. I lost mine 5 weeks ago and hadn’t received the replacement when early voting started.
        I hope that helps! I hope you can make it to the polls! Let us know!!

        • Anon

          Hmm I don’t have any photo ID other than my out of state license and an employee ID but I didn’t know an employee ID could count! Thanks all for the info, I’m going to dig more this weekend and I’ll report back about what happens to me on Tuesday!

    • Anon

      Have you voted yet? If you have friends who may not vote and who can vote at the same early voting place, I would suggest going to vote and out to brunch this weekend.

      When you do vote, talk about it. I’m planning to vote on Tuesday morning, and will make a facebook post afterwards and mention it to everyone I see that day. If you vote early, tell everyone when they ask what you did this weekend.

      Volunteer to make get out the vote calls

  10. Anonymous

    Is the MM Lafleur Jardigan in Taupe Pearl too summery to wear this time of year?

  11. Audio Book Recc.

    Happy Friday, hive! I have some audible credits to burn and am looking for some new books for my commute. Would prefer nothing too heavy since I will be listening when I’m trying to unwind from work. I have already preordered the new Liane Moriarity book, so light fiction like that is what I am after.

    Thanks!

    • K

      I’m really into memoirs read by their authors. Trevor Noah’s memoir Born a Crime was GREAT. Tina Fey’s Bossypants, Amy Poehler’s Yes Please. Clearly I like comedians. But their books are fantastic and them reading it adds a lot to the experience.

      • ANP

        I will second all of K’s recommendations! Amy Poehler and Tiny Fey’s books are lighter; Trevor Noah’s is heavier but AMAZING. Have you read the Nightingale? Also a great one, though takes place during war so might not be light enough. I plowed through When Life Gives You Lululemons and Revenge Wears Prada (both Devil Wears Prada sequels) — super fluffy and just right! I also recently downloaded Exit West on Audible but have not read it yet.

  12. Anonymous

    I posted about thisnover on the moms site last week but I think the posters there skew toward moms with younger kids.

    I have 3 kids that are really ramping up in activities. The oldest is in elementary and does ballet, soccer & tennis. She also did swim lessons for a while and we have a family pool we go to. My younger two will likely each have 1-3 gear-requiring activities as they get older as well.

    How do we manage all the *stuff*? What are your tips or lessons learned on sporting gear/uniforms/water bottles/accessories that go along with all the kid activities? Between the racquet, balls, shin guards, leotards, uniform, shoes, cleats, bathing suit etc I feel like it’s just everywhere (garage, mud room, kids drawers, back of car…). Does a bag system work? Crates? Keep it all in their room? Keep it all in the car?

    Help me before things go crazy as my second starts activities!!

    FWIW we are renovating our house and adding a mudroom connecting the house and garage so I’d like to optimize how we organize in there. Laundry is second flooor so mudroom won’t be a total catch-all but could be close.

    • Anonymous

      back of minivan + one large Scout bag per child (and maybe one just for swimming).

    • Anon

      We don’t have a mudroom, and only two kids. But we bought two of those “heavy duty triple storage bins” from container store and stacked them along the garage wall. One bin for each kid’s sport (So Kid A swimming, Kid A soccer, Kid B swimming, Kid B ballet, etc) with hooks or shelves on the wall above each bin to hold more stuff. We had labelled them at first but now the kids just know which bin is for the stuff.

      They each have a duffle bag (that lives in the closet) that they load up with the appropriate gear for whatever activity. Sometimes it’s too big, sometimes they have to hold the hockey stick, whatever.

      DH and I survey the bins each night and pull out anything stinky or dirty to wash (as they get older, we’ll have them start doing this themselves) and then replace it when it’s clean.

      Not a perfect system, and not Pinterest-pretty, but it’s working for us so far.

      • Anon

        Reading through the other comments, I think maybe people are forgetting that sports are seasonal? My kids each do three activities – swim in the summer, a fall sport, and a spring sport. I only have two kids, but they only in one activity at a time (other than the week or so where seasons may overlap, which are crazy weeks!) This is our system for storing all the gear and not losing it between seasons.

        But to their point, I do know people who keep their kids in dance year-round and do traveling hockey year round and such. (And spend all weekend at the track meet every weekend during the entire fall) If that’s the case, yes you’re going to have to cut WAY back on the activities unless you can somehow be in three places at once.

        That’s one of the hardest parts I’ve found as my kids get older – setting boundaries on activites. We had to quit a local soccer league because the coaches expected that the second graders would be at EVERY practice, which was 4-5:30pm 3 nights a week, and then attend multiple games every weeked, plus parents volunteer to organize other matches their kids weren’t at. That’s insane for a 7 year old and not practical for our family. We found a much more reasonable league instead. But the pressure!!!!! And somehow WE were the crazy ones for pushing back? Holding your boundaries is SO HARD.

        • anon

          I wonder which families actually make this insanity work. (And why?) With some of those intensive teams, you almost have to have a stay-at-home parent, because there’s no other way to make it work unless you hire help to drive your kids back-and-forth or have an amazing carpool option. (Paradoxically, the families with SAHPs or an adult with a very part-time job seem to be the only ones able to make the carpool option work.)

          For example, there is a summer swim league in our town that I think our son would love and get a lot out of. Well, they practice daily … from 10 a.m.-noon. Um, what? That’s followed by Saturday meets. I sort of griped at my friend, who is a SAHM who happily participates in said league, that I had no idea how to make it work for our family and found it pretty crappy that a CITY REC LEAGUE would effectively exclude 60% of the families in our community.

          I don’t know, DH and I have come to the conclusion that we’re lazy parents when it comes to extracurricular activities. Luckily, our kids don’t seem to care. They still get to do/try stuff, but we limit the intensity.

          • Anon

            Ha. Their solution to the soccer league practice was just to organize a car pool with other families in our “situation”. Ummm, we can NEVER make a 4pm practice, because we both work 30 min away and can’t leave work at 3pm even “just” once a week. I will never be able to participate in said carpool, and likely neither will others in our situation. Who exactly is going to do the pooling??? So frustrating, but apparently others make it work somehow.

            I always wonder what happens to the siblings. Do they not get to be in sports at all? I can’t imagine they enjoy spending their entire Saturday watching a track meet while Dad runs the concessions.

    • Anonymous

      Why not have them keep it in their rooms? I think that is what happened to my swim gear. (In a mildewy pile on the floor usually. But this is how L learned that lysol spray can work miracles). I didn’t get into swimming until I was 12, so packing it all and making sure I had what I needed was my responsibility.

    • Anonymous

      The only “gear” we allow in rooms is the uniform because those get put on at the house. Towels live in the linen closet. Otherwise, all the other stuff stays together in a bag for the activity. This takes some training of everyone in your house, but it makes a huge difference. I also try to make my kid responsible for checking the bag before we leave.
      You may also find that this isn’t an organizing issue as much as it is a symptom of over scheduling. Once all three kids start activities, you may have to enforce the one sport/activity at a time rule.

    • Anonymous

      Wait so you’re expecting that you will have 3 kids with 3 activities each? Unless they’re all doing exactly the same activity at the same times (is that possible given the age differences?) I think you’re biting off more than you can chew.

      • Anonymous

        OP here. I assume they’ll have one after school activity (scouts, dance, coding, whatever) and one weekend thing (rec soccer, etc) and swim is either a family activity or a lesson, so either way they’ll need a bathing suit. Right now my kid also plays tennis because it’s convenient for us and I’d like her to try it out and with any luck she’ll like it more than soccer :-)

        Yes, we have help to shuttle kids around. With 3 kids and two working parents, you have to. Some of the programs are available in lieu of extended day, but she still would need her brownie uniform/book/whatever else (just an example as she’s not a scout…yet). And it’s not fancy travel soccer, it’s rec soccer for an hour on the weekend on the town green. But she has to wear soccer socks, shin guards, the right jersey, bring a ball and water bottle. This x3 is a lot of crap to keep track of :-).

    • Anonymous

      We have four (5 to 14). Easy organization so they can do it themselves is key. We use bins for the stuff that is relevant during that season. If it’s soccer season the basketball or lacrosse stuff goes into deeper storage (the garage). Cleats, shin guards and shoes are in a basket organizer for sports stuff only. Balls, bats, sticks live in the garage in clean trash cans used for storage.

      We make the kids get themselves ready. If they want to do the activity they need to help and take some ownership. We give reminders for sure but starting them on the path of doing it themselves is critical. Even my five year will pack her dance bag with her shoes and get her water bottle.

    • anon

      I don’t have a perfect system, but it seems to work okay with two kids, each in two activities at a time. We have cubbies in our combo laundry room/mudroom. The kids each have ONE activity bag, which stays in the cubby. As soon as a swimsuit or leotard is washed and dried, it goes back in the bag. My rule is that clothes, towels and uniforms stay in the house. They rarely, if ever, leave the laundry room.

      Balls, shin guards and larger equipment are in the garage, and we grab them as we’re leaving for an activity.

      I think I’d go crazy trying to manage a separate bag for each activity. The key is having a very clear place for each item. And never letting the special clothes and uniforms sneak their way back into their bedrooms/closets.

    • Diana Barry

      Crates, bins and drawers. We have soccer stuff – the cleats and shin guards stay in the mudroom in the shoe cubbies. The uniform and socks go in kid’s respective drawer (in armoire just inside mudroom)

      The dance stuff is in the armoire on a shelf, in a shoe box. Kid #1 has a bag (2 dance classes, so 2 sets of shoes in the bag) and leotard in the box, kid #3 has leotard and shoes in the box.

      Ice skating has its own bag (skates and gloves) and the bag stays in the car or in the mudroom.

      When the uniform/items are washed they go back in the kid’s drawer, so they don’t stay in the kid’s bedroom etc.

    • Anonymous

      With three kids in multiple sports/activities that cross over the seasons, we ended up dedicating a bag to each activity/sport. There’s a laminated index card with the contents clipped to the bag (makes it easier for the kid to take responsibility to make sure they have everything they need). Off season bags get stored in the garage, actively used bags stored in the bedroom on wall hooks.

  13. Anon

    I’m considering Botox on one side of my mouth to correct a crooked smile. This was suggested by my dentist. I’ve never had Botox and I’m worried about potential side effects that I’ve read about, including possible paralysis of the area after using Botox long term. Not only would that freak me out but I worry about things like eating and speaking. Am I worrying too much? I really want to correct my crooked smile but not at that cost.

    • Anonymous

      It’s ok to have a crooked smile. It’s what makes you, you. Remember how we all loved Renee Zellweger with her small eyes?

      • Original Moonstone

        I came here to say the same thing, except about Ellen Barkin. Also, Botox is an expensive habit to keep up.

        • Monday

          I just read something on a UK news site about Botox interfering with s3xual satisfaction as well!

    • Anonymous

      Go to a reputable plastic surgeon and insist on having the surgeon do it, NOT a med spa, dentist, or nurse practitioner, because the plastic surgeon is more familiar with anatomy and therefore can avoid putting it in the wrong place (too shallow or too deep in the muscle, for instance). A good surgeon you trust will be able to talk you through your concerns and make the decision that’s right for you.

    • Anonymous

      How’s your health in general? I’m in a support group with some women for a medical condition that can be hard to diagnose. Botox went badly for some of them, but in retrospect, that makes perfect sense. I imagine perfectly healthy people can have bad reactions to Botox too, but at least some of those bad reactions are because of undiagnosed counterindications.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve done Botox for about 8 years now (started in my mid-20s). I do my forehead. I did my crows feet for awhile, but ultimately thought it made my smile look weird so stopped (and the Botox just wears off eventually). I’ve always gone to someone highly reputable connected with a plastic surgeon–no med-spas. The worst side effect I’ve ever had is a small bruise at the injection site, and that’s rare.

  14. Face paint

    In case anyone is interested, I am the poster who asked about wearing face paint for a whole day with sensitive skin. I did end up doing this, and have to say I was so impressed by the Snazaroo face paint! (which another commenter had also recommended) It feels like a light creme to powder foundation even after I used 2-3 coats. Forgot I had it on for most of the day unless I touched my face and realized the color came off onto my fingers. No skin issues, and it came off really easily with soap and water. I had a much harder time taking off the actual makeup (eyeshadow/liner) I was wearing than the paint.

  15. Anon

    Help me keep my cats off the kitchen counters before I go completely mad! I tried tape, tin foil, a beeping mat, puffs of air. Nothing works. I’ve had a 10 month old kitten since July and she is getting my older cat all riled up. He never jumped on the counters before but now it’s a regular thing with both of them. They don’t even bother to wait until I’m gone now, they do it right in front of me.

    • Anon

      Run your fingers under the sink and flick water at them. It’s mild but effective for my cat. Loud sounds absolutely don’t do it for her.

    • Anonymous

      Eh does it matter? I’d probably live with it and just spray down the counters before cooking on them. I toss our mail, my handbag, etc on our counter and that’s just as gross. I just clear and clean before cooking.

    • Panda Bear

      I squirt my cat with a water bottle when he gets on the counter (gently, aimed away from face). That gets him off… but he always comes back. Honestly, with some cats, you may have to simply accept that counter jumping is The Way Things Are.

      • Anonymous

        The only cats I know who are trained not to go on the counter go on the counter the instant the proud owner walks out of the room.

        But I’m still going to follow, since after 10 years of better behavior, my cat has started jumping onto the stove to check out what’s cooking (even if I’m standing right there, stirring the pot). The vet suggested he’s just hungrier since I guess senior cats struggle with digestion, and so I’m feeding him a bit more with some digestive enzymes. But it can be hard to break this kind of habit once they realize it’s an option.

    • Anonymous

      Our two cats are only allowed on one area of our counters (the spot with the window and the junk drawer). If they try to venture beyond that they we clap and/or yell and they jump down. Maybe limiting to one area would be easier than trying to make all counters off limits because cats naturally seek out high places. Or, if you have space, you could get a cat tree for the kitchen that they are allowed to climb on and redirect them there when they start to get on the counters.

  16. Weird milk question

    I eat a lot of cereal and therefore have always gone through a lot of (whole) milk. In the past few months, milk has frequently started seeming to me like it’s gone bad. Maybe a third of the time, the milk smells and tastes to me like it’s gone bad as soon as I open it; a third of the time, it’s okay at first, tastes off after a few days, and tastes unusable after four or five days; and a third of the time, I get through the whole gallon without issue. This milk is bought from a bunch of different stores and is never past its expiration date, but I still have the same problem.

    My non-milk-drinking husband says that the milk that seems spoiled to me smells exactly like the milk I think is fine (which seems crazy — they smell completely different to me). My kids also think the spoiled-to-me milk tastes fine, although they are pretty young so maybe not totally trustworthy.

    What on earth could be causing this? I am definitely not pregnant and haven’t had any other health issues. I still consume a decent amount of the milk that doesn’t seem spoiled, and haven’t had any reaction to it. Our refrigerator is set at the right temperature, and nothing else is going bad faster than it should. It’s really bothering me to be throwing out tons of milk, and not having anything to put on my cereal!

    • Anonymous

      UHT milk tastes a little different from regular milk, so if you are switching kinds that may be to blame. I also find that some milks taste different , like they have a different terroir. I have also bought milk that seemed off to me… not sure why. Maybe improper storage prior to purchasing? Maybe my taste buds are also weird? I had been drinking a lot of Fairlife and I wonder if that has skewed my taste.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Milk absorbs other smells pretty easily–are you storing it next to something that it could be picking up and impacting the taste? (like onions or something)

    • Anon

      Have you confirmed your fridge temp? There can be huge variations between the setting and reality. Another possibility is a blown or otherwise compromised seal on your fridge door. That’ll cause the stuff in the door to be quite a bit warmer than the stuff in the middle/back of the fridge.

    • anon a mouse

      Are you using paper cartons? I’ve noticed that sometimes the paper develops a sour smell, even if the milk itself is okay. FWIW, I’ve switched to organic milk because it has a much longer shelf life.

      • milk

        yes do this! organic lasts WAY longer (especially if you’re the only avid milk drinker in your house). I did this for smell reasons and am very satisfied.

        • anon

          THIS. One of my favorite life-hacks ever. I’m extremely sensitive to the smell of milk and am that person who smells it “off” long before anyone else.

        • Anonymous

          Organic milk doesn’t last longer because it’s organic – it lasts longer because it’s UHT (ultra high temperature pasteurized).

    • Anonymous

      My husband only likes milk from one of the 3 grocery stores that we shop at. Maybe take some notes and see if there is a pattern to where you are getting your milk. Does size of container make a difference? If you are only using milk for cereal, try half gallons and see if that helps.

    • No Problem

      You said they’re from different stores…have you tracked whether the “bad” milk is from the same store, or from all of them? Otherwise, no idea. I have noticed that my half gallons often seem to go bad within a day or so of the sell-by date, while if I buy a gallon it’s usually good for several days after. No idea why this is the case, but it sounds like you’re buying whole gallons all the time anyway.

    • Weird milk question

      Thanks for these suggestions! We haven’t confirmed the fridge temp, so that’s something to try (the issue does arise with milk stored in different spots in the fridge). It’s organic milk and all stored in plastic jugs, and we’ve bought from all of these stores for years without issue, yet it seems to be affecting all the different brands. Trying half gallons may help, though we do go through milk pretty fast given the kids. I’m starting to wonder if the issue is me and not the milk — especially since my husband says it all smells the same to him — but I can’t figure out what would cause perfectly fine milk to smell and taste spoiled to me. (Maybe I should take this is a sign to give up my cereal habit, but nooooo.)

      • Anonymous

        If it’s just you, would you consider switching to a nut milk? I’m a big fan of unsweetened vanilla cashew-almond milk – delicious with cereal!

    • Tfor22

      I am very sensitive to off tastes in milk and don’t really drink milk for this reason. My kiddo (age 13) has just started noticing these as well, which has dramatically cut down on milk consumption in our house. I don’t really have an explanation for you, sorry. I have my cereal with yogurt most of the year. If I feel like having a glass of milk I might have chocolate milk or soymilk.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not you; it’s being exposed to warm temperatures in transit. This has happened where I live too over the past several months, and I looked it up and asked around, and I was told that the trucking industry has officially been disrupted by the gig economy, and not everybody is up to par. My grocer encouraged me to take back spoiled dairy to be replaced; they said it’s very common right now.

    • Little Red

      Same here!!!! I’ve noticed that the organic milk I’ve been buying goes bad in less than a week. The conventional stuff lasted longer but it went bad much faster than what I remember.

  17. Anon

    So last night on Greys Anatomy (yes I still watch), Meredith’s daughter was dressed up in a Mexican style dress with her face painted for a Dia de los Muertos parade at school. I know we just had a lengthy discussion on whether this is an appropriate costume. Thoughts on whether this was inappropriate for the show? At school, should kids not dress up as different cultures as a way to learn about them?

    • Anonymous

      No, kids don’t have to dress up as different cultures to learn about them. They can learn just fine. It’s still cultural appropriation and inappropriate.

      You know, I’m not saying you’re doing this but there have been so many “conservative” trolls here lately who pose “innocent” controversial questions and it’s getting really, really tiring.

        • anon

          No, they are allowed, but literacy is encouraged. Please work on this fundamental skill and then get back to us.

          See how the post your responding to was talking about trolls? Did she limit her statement to conservatives, or did she say “conservative” trolls?

          Are you conflating all conservatives with trolls? Are you just being intellectually dishonest? Just. Shut. Up.

          • Anon

            Lol very welcoming of you when an election is coming up. This kind of response and behavior in general does not make people want to come to your side. I’m not the OP here but in general, there is nothing wrong with asking thought provoking questions when trying to get more context and perspectives on an issue. Most of the responses here indicated people don’t believe dressing up in this way is okay. Now the OP can take that information to help possibly influence her own opinion. Boom, someone’s opinion is changed in a peaceful way. But the attitude in this sub thread is not the way to do it.

    • Anonymous

      Why would the answer be any different for a character on a show?

      It’s culturally insensitive but no one really cares and I’m sure no one will call out the show for it.

      Only in America do we call undocumented immigrants from Mexico rapists and murderers and then appropriate the “cute” or “pretty” aspects of Mexican culture that we like.

      • Anon

        Isn’t it both? The super catchy song from Princess Elena says it as Dia de Los Muertos. My kids’ (90% Hispanic) school sang that song yesterday and now it’s stuck in my head.

          • Anonymous

            Uhhhh, I’ve heard both from Mexicans. Don’t about Spanish from other countries.

          • Anon

            Sorry should have been clearer. The entire school celebration was “Dia de los Muertos” according to all the paperwork and artwork and songs they sang. All of her teachers and staff are Hispanic and native Spanish speakers, so I assume they would write it correctly. That’s just the song that stuck in my head.

          • Anonymous

            First of all, Dia de Muertos is a Mexican holiday, not a generic “Hispanic” holiday.

            Second of all, just because someone is Hispanic or even Mexican-American, doesn’t mean they are getting it right, either.

            I grew up in Mexico and I think I know the right name of the holiday.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think we ever dressed up as different cultures to learn about them. Honestly it doesn’t seem like a great teaching technique unless you’re in some kind of costume design major.

      • Anonymous

        I agree this has nothing to do with learning. But I’m having a hard time with the Dia de Muertos appropriation debate. I’m from a city where the parade is truly a neighborhood affair. Yes, this means plenty of Irish girls are wearing sugar skull makeup, etc. But when I was growing up, there was a lot of tension between white and Latinx immigrant communities, and to me seeing these communities come together to share a tradition represents a huge improvement over the way things where when I was growing up there.

        But I was aghast after moving to the South to see a Dia de Muertos celebration that was by white people for white people–in a city where the service class (including the literal servants) are largely Latinx. It was like Cinco de Cuatro but for real. It was palpably uncomfortable and wrong.

        So I feel really strongly that the bad thing we want to avoid here is a really, really bad thing. But I also don’t want to come down against people who are deliberately opening up and sharing a tradition of their own with their neighbors. But then I know other people disagree with sharing the tradition. (I also think commercial capitalism ruins everything and has sure as heck ruined Christian holidays, so part of me just wants our wretched American culture to leave a good thing alone…)

      • H

        We did. You were assigned a country and had to come up with something to wear from it (beret & a striped shirt for France, sari for india, etc.) and then give a presentation about “your” country. It was really fun.
        OP, I think this is an issue only on the internet. Anonymous @10:46 and 11:03, why is it bad to have to explain your reasoning? I agree that sometimes people try to provoke but a lot of things genuinely don’t make sense to me. I appreciate hearing why people feel a certain way.

    • Anonymous

      When I was a kid, the WASP grandmas at the club told us that those other people were “not our kind.”

      Now I think they’re saying “You’re not their kind.” Just so long as we all keep our distance, right?

  18. New job after long break

    I start a new position in a week after a 3-month (intentionally scheduled) unemployment period. Mostly traveled and spent time with family and non – lawyer friends. I am a 5th year attorney. Starting to get a little nervous that I will be rusty on things like adult conversation and legal news, even remembering the Westlaw layout – othan than binging on ATL or the ABA sites, any advice for starting a new job after a long break?

    • Anonymous

      3 months is not a “long break.” I doubt you will have forgotten to use westlaw. Chill!

  19. Swimsuits in November

    We’re going to Hawaii for Thanksgiving: Hooray! I need to buy myself a new swimming suit: Boo!

    I’ve got a size 14 rump, no b**bs and a c-section scar. Any recommendations about where to shop?

    • Anonymous

      i really like my Lands End swimsuit i bought a few years ago in a plus size. Bonus – it’s lasted a few years as well.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t have any suggestions for bathing suits, but I just got back from Hawaii on Sunday and it was AMAZING!!! Sorry, not helpful :)

    • Everything But Water

      Everything But Water! They have a lot of cute one-piece swimsuits that could work for you based on your description. I can be anywhere from a 12-16 and I’ve had luck on there with flattering and trendy swimsuits.

    • swim

      landsend is SO frumpy. I would recommend Athleta (skews a little sporty, but not bad.)

    • anon

      Athleta. I am larger on the bottom than the top, and their tankinis fit me really well. They have coverage but aren’t frumpy.

    • Shananana

      swimsuits for all is my favorite site especially for cusp sizes and lots of suits where you can split sizes if you are thinking 2 piece

  20. Anonymous

    I have an issue I’m not sure how to work through. I’m dating a guy who has one child of his own and is still involved with his longterm ex’s child. The kids are school aged, about a year apart, and refer to each other as siblings. When I first started dating him, he told me he has 2 kids, and even though one isn’t biologically his, he’s still dad to both (ex’s kid calls him dad).

    In practice, though, it doesn’t seem to play out that way. BF and ex wife are amicable, but he has a very fraught relationship with his ex gf. This is complicated by the fact that she’s living with the man she cheated on ex BF with. When they first split (a year before I met BF), BF reportedly had ex’s child and his own child at the same time – to keep the “siblings” together. Now, ex gf uses the child as a bargaining chip; and BF can’t do much because he has no legal rights. This constant conflict wears on both BF and his own child – his child has commented to me that he’s happy dad is dating someone nice unlike ex gf. I’m sure ex gf’s child picks up on it too but I haven’t heard anything.

    On top of this, BF doesn’t seem to treat the children equally. For example, we were at a street fair and each kid asked for a toy. BF bought a toy only for his own child. I pulled BF aside and asked if I could buy the toy for the other child and he said no. He also doesn’t help the other child with homework or really ask about school at all (he has the child on a school night). I could list a dozen similar seemingly-minor things, but when taken as a whole it seems like BF just isn’t that into parenting this child. Yet BF says he is and he’s afraid that ex gf will take the child away from him.

    I’m questioning BF’s judgment in allowing this situation to continue. I know how painful it is to lose a relationship with your SO and their child (I was married to someone with a child, I raised that child for 6 years, so I get it). But this whole situation is toxic and it’s leeching into the kids. I’m also really bothered by how differently BF treats the two kids. I know it’s not my place to tell him his business, but I’m really considering getting myself out of this situation. When I’ve mentioned this to some friends, they tell me it’s none of my business. So my question to you wise women is – am I off base here? Am I being too hard on BF? Should I just focus on the two of us and wait and see how his situation sorts itself out?

    • Anonymous

      Omg this is awful. I don’t think you’re being too hard on him at all & I do think it is your business if you’re seriously involved with him. He shouldn’t be raising this child unless hes’ going to treat her like his own child. I would walk away from this situation.

      • Anon

        +1! I probably wouldn’t have a problem with him being a father to his ex’s child, especially if he was with the ex for a long time, and would put up with whatever difficulties that involved. But I would not be ok with him treating the children differently. I would especially be concerned about how he would treat any children we had together differently from his other kids.

    • Anonymous

      It 100% your business if you’re in a relationship with him. If you don’t like what you see, get out. When people show you who they are, believe them. I’m all for nontraditional relationships and family arrangements, but that doesn’t mean some of them aren’t nuts. This one sounds like something I wouldn’t want to deal with, and I wouldn’t like the drama, but ymmv.

    • Anon

      It may not be your business now but it will be your business if you’re going to be in a long term relationship with him. So if you don’t like what you see you can absolutely raise the point and walk out if necessary. I question his motives for wanting to raise the child without treating him/her equally. I feel like he’s the one using the kid as a bargaining chip to maintain contact with his/her mother.

  21. Anon

    I have a similar dress from Brooks Brothers (diamond jacquard shift dress) and love it.

    It even has pockets, for those into pockets.

  22. Anonymous

    I need a script for telling a supervisor that his language occasionally is inappropriate and makes me uncomfortable. He’s an otherwise supportive, proactive supervisor who has been instrumental in getting me good opportunities. But he uses a lot of sexually-tinged phrases (think “d!ck measuring contest,” and a lot worse) that make me feel uncomfortable, in part because I’m usually the only woman in the office. I think he’ll be receptive if I point it out because I’m respectful and have a good reputation with him, but I’m not a confrontational person so I need a script.

    • Anonymous

      I think the best way to deal with these situations is quickly, in the moment, and without making a big deal. He makes the inappropriate comment, you say “Please don’t say that/use language like that,” and immediately move on.

    • Anonymous

      What is it about the language that makes you uncomfortable? And what does your being a woman have to do with it?

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