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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 146 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Nudo 18k Gold Amethyst Earrings

Coffee Break

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Pomellato Nudo 18k Gold Amethyst EarringsPomellato is a new brand to me, but it looks like they have a number of small, tasteful earrings that, while a splurge, would be definitely work appropriate. For once I like the purple the best — I think these would stand out more and be more flattering against most skin tones. They're $4500 at Neiman Marcus (also available in several other colors as well). Pomellato Nudo 18k Gold Amethyst Earrings (L-2)

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Comments

  1. Frugal doc

    Bare legs, legs with hose…. I don’t know how you guys do it.

    Who has the time for maintenance… Shaving multiple times per week for me. And then hoping for no shaving casualties (rash, nicks) and hiding the various flaws (veins, lumps, occasional bruises) and somewhat lackluster skin tone (do not mention self tanner….).

    For me, it’s pants or tights. I’m 44. Am I alone?

    • Francie Nolan

      Nope I am right there with you Doc, 40 in april tights or pants for me as well :)

    • NOLA

      I shave every day and I don’t care what anybody thinks about my skin tone (I’m very pale). But it’s too effing hot for tights here.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I rarely bother shaving my legs. Luckily my hair is so light you can’t tell until you get really close and my boyfriend (the only person who gets that close) isn’t bothered by it.

      • Alanna of Trebond

        Yea — I have dark skin and hair and I do the same thing. My boyfriend hates it, but oh well.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Slightly OT but still about hose. I wear knee high nylons w/ pants in the fall/winter at times. Depending on my outfit I either wear nude for me or black. I’ve seen many Caucasians wear “black” nylons with dark colored skirts and dresses and it looks nice. However, I’m now wondering if black knee highs are supposed to be for people with similar toned skin (a nude for you if you will) and that I am doing it totally wrong by wearing them with pants as a Caucasian.

      • Nellie

        I think the black can be worn by anyone; it’s like a trouser sock. I don’t think it’s any different than hose—the black is fine for women of any race.

        • WorkingMom

          I wear black trouser socks/ knee highs with dress pants and black pumps all the time!

      • Ashley

        The old rule was your hose should match your hem or shoes. This is the first time I have ever seen anything about race and black hose.

    • Anon

      33 and pale (with blond hair). Shave daily (estimating 2-3 minutes total time spent). Always wear sheer nude-for-me hose with skirts/dresses because I prefer how it looks. I do have visible/varicose veins, but I’m not stressed by them – these are my legs, people – deal.

    • Anonymous

      I shave every time I shower even if I’m wearing pants or its the weekend. I do it while the conditioner is in my hair (if I don’t shave, I end up waiting around for the conditioner anyway). I don’t knick myself (I use a fresh blade and eos shave cream). I’m 37 and have olive skin.

    • Bonnie

      I lasered off the majority of my skimpy leg hair and don’t care if people see my scars and bruises.

    • Anon

      I mostly wax my legs and if I’m just going to the gym or something and want to wear crops, I just go with a little stubble because I’m not really trying to impress anyone. I wouldn’t do that at work, but I would wear tights to cover it if I was dying to wear a skirt.

    • zora

      I haven’t shaved since I was 22, and while my hair is pretty light, it’s not exactly invisible. And I wear bare legs (when it’s not freezing, which isn’t that often in oakland lately) without thinking about it twice. i don’t care if people can see my hair and bruises and freckles. But then I’m a radical feminist with a rebellious streak, and I live in California, so that kind of gives me a pass to be a weird hippie. ;o)

    • posey

      I shave way too infrequently for how often I go bare legged (basically every day April-September, shave once a week at best). For me shaving is not about time or convenience, it’s about the patriarchy putting me down.

      • Anon #2

        If you can get away without shaving due to physical conditions (less visible hair) or being especially strong-minded, I salute you! Personally, pale skin + dark hair = a battle I don’t want to fight. (My insufferable teenaged feminist self rationalized the shaving decision by deciding to impress the patriarchy by what was on her mind rather than on her legs. Yes, I was insufferable.) Due to sensitive skin I shave infrequently and plan my wardrobe carefully.

        My basic detente: Bare legs with sandals until it’s too cold, then socks with pants and tights or hose with skirts. I can’t imagine myself successfully wearing good shoes with bare feet, or managing to keep any sort of “mini sock” (whatever you call those tiny things that don’t show above the edge of your shoes) on my feet, untangled, etc.. Fortunately most of my life is either business casual or just plain casual. I get cleaned up just often enough that I don’t completely lose the skills!

        • zora

          Actually, the reason I stopped in the first place was because my skin is so sensitive, I was Just. So. Tired. of being in pain/uncomfortable on the entire surface of my legs constantly.

          Just after shaving, I would have painful razor burn for 2 days, no matter what products i used, and then as soon as stubble would start to grow in, it would be so uncomfortable. My mom always called me the princess and the pea when I was younger, because i couldn’t handle even the tiniest irritant on my skin, any tags in clothing, or the sock seam on my toes inside my shoes, anything. Ridiculous.

          Anyway, one day I just decided I was done inflicting pain on myself for other people, and i was going to stop immediately and if any one cared, f%*k ’em. And for 12+ years no one has ever said anything, and like I said, I don’t really make an effort to hide it. Maybe people have noticed and judged behind my back, but I really don’t give a crap. i recognize that I am taking advantage of a lot of various privilege in the above scenario, but I just wanted to put it out there. Because if there are any other women even contemplating it in their heads, I want to them to know someone else has done it, and maybe they can say f&$k it, too. ;o)

          Of course, if you don’t want to stop shaving, I am 100% not judging, every woman gets to make her own decision about what to do with her own damn legs ;o)

    • Lady Harriet

      I shave a couple of times a week, and can usually get about 2-3 days of bare legs out of that, but my standards aren’t high. I love tights, but it’s too hot for them half the year in Florida. When I lived in Wisconsin tights were totally inadequate to keep me warm, so I wore pants almost all winter, even though I hate them. I’m not concerned about covering my freckles and scars, since I have those on all the rest of my body too. :p I’ve been rocking a giant bruise on one leg from swing dancing for the better part of a month now, but I don’t care. However, I’m in academia, work from home a lot, and when I am in I rarely have to interact with others, so that may be why my standards are low.

      I hate shaving. At-home sugaring was an epic fail. It took 2 days to get visible leg hair, but 2 weeks for it to be long enough to remove, and then it was uneven and back in less than another two weeks. I’d like to try an epilator, but I’m hesitant about taking the plunge, since they’re pricey.

    • anonz0rz

      29, shave my legs every other day in the summer and every 3rd or 4th day in the winter (due to being able to wear opaque tights)…I don’t really care how it looks but hairy legs make me itchy :(

      • Anonymous

        33, overweight but not obese quite yet, very blond so I never shave my legs, but: I wear nude tights to prevent inner-thigh chafe, even when I’m dying in the heat.
        I typically use gold bond medicated powder, or the vanilla puff dusting powder from Lush with my casual skirts. But then there is the reapplication problem, i.e., exactly when I most need more absorption is when I can’t find privacy or a bathroom. There is also the visibility on dark fabric problem. You can tell I’ve shopped around on this. Anyone have a better solution to this problem? 80s lycra bicycle shorts?!

    • Anonymous

      Same age as OP, have visible veins in a couple of spots and bruise easily, but at least I don’t usually nick myself when shaving. Skin tone is OK but I have thick calves. None of this stops me from wearing hose and going bare-legged when warm. Really, my legs are not very pretty but they are certainly not offensive to look at, and most people don’t pay close attention anyway.
      However, I do not feel the same about my thighs and always wear at least knee-length skirts and shorts, and never, ever wear leggings.

    • Anon for this

      Related question: have any of you ladies had any kind of treatment done for spider veins? I am approaching 40 and now they are everywhere on my legs! This is driving me crazy.

  2. iPhone 4 cases?

    Anyone have any favorite iPhone 4 cases? I’m looking for something unique without obvious branding.

    • CountC

      Try Society6.com. They have a ton of cases and I found mine to be sufficiently protective (I drop my phone a lot).

      • Jules

        I acted on your recommendation from a couple of weeks ago and just ordered a case from Society6. It hasn’t arrived yet — fast service but slow shipping — but the range and quality of the designs are amazing, my biggest problem was choosing from my top picks (about 12 that I loved).

        • CountC

          I had the same problem!! I got one for my old phone that had a giraffe holding balloons on it – adorable. When I upgraded my phone, I ended up getting a Mophie battery pack and was very sad panda that I had to give up my cute case. I may buy one anyway and switch it out once in a while. There are so many pretty ones!

    • pilates princess

      Uncommon Case, getucommon.com. The Capsule case has saved my phone innumerable amount of times. There are some outlandish prints, but tasteful ones too. I’m in love with the clear Deflector cases for the white iPhones, but I don’t trust myself to loose the protection of the Capsule.

  3. KC

    Any face mask recommendations? Bonus points if it’s easy to order on Amazon, find at Sephora, etc. Thanks!

    • Miz Swizz

      I really like Queen Helene Mint Julep mask. It’s got some sulfur in it but the mint smell masks it pretty well. My skin feels much smoother afterward and I enjoy taking the time to take care of my skin, especially now that summer’s over and I’m not using crazy amounts of sunscreen any more. I bought mine at Ulta for around $7, I think?

      • Lady Harriet

        I’ve found it in regular grocery stores for less than that, so if you shop around you may be able to get it even cheaper.

    • Matilda

      An extremely cheap and easy-to-find option: During the winter, I use plain honey as a mask. There are a ton of “recipes” online that recommend adding yogurt, or oatmeal, or essential oils, and so on, but I read somewhere that just plain honey would work, so I tried that because I’m just too lazy to deal with recipes that aren’t actually for eating. I’m hooked. I have fairly sensitive skin — no acne usually, but it dries out pretty badly if I’m not careful. The honey leaves it much softer and better moisturized, and seems to make it a little brighter. Plus, as Miz Swizz points out, it’s nice to spend time pampering my skin.

      Oh, and a lot of the information online says to use raw honey, but honestly I tend to just use the stuff I get at the grocery store.

      • Trixie

        +1 to this. I read some article online about washing your face with honey only to help reduce acne and I thought I’d give it a try although it seemed weird. It actually helped a lot (still had monthly breakouts in time with my cycle but they were more manageable). I eventually stopped with “honey only” because of the obvious mess factor – worked great when I was in the shower but washing at the sink inevitably gave me sticky hair. But it is great for your skin, and as Matilda says, the mask moisturizes and brightens. I liked using raw honey because it had little crystals which helped exfoliate, but grocery store honey works fine for a mask.

        • oil in houston

          ok – I have to ask – how does it work? do you just layer honey on your face?

          • Wildkitten

            I assume the honey would be kind of grainy with sugar and would exfoliate.

          • Matilda

            I just put it on my face, usually before a shower. As Trixie says, it’s messy — and it warms up from your skin and can drip. So usually I put a coat on my face, then hang out in my bathtub with a book so I don’t drip all over the place. I leave it on for 5 minutes or so (10 if the book is good), then shower. The processed honey I use isn’t grainy, so no exfoliation, but it still brightens my skin.

          • Trixie

            Yep – pretty much just slap it on your face. When I first tried it, I had a normal “honey bear” squeeze bottle and basically just squeezed some out like face wash and washed my face like I would with liquid soap.

            It’s a little weird because you are very much just sitting around with your face covered in sticky goo – Matilda, I am impressed and jealous that you can read a book; I think I would wind up getting honey all over it – but I think it’s worth it.

        • KC

          This is interesting – very tempted to try this tonight. Thanks for the suggestion!

  4. salty

    I told a counselor last night for the first time (ever) about childhood s3xual abuse i endured.. I am reeling. Abuser is still in my life. I have been ok (functional, normal life/marriage/job) but now just saying it aloud last night has me reeling. I have two projects that must be done asap and cannot get my head in the game.

    I thought that it would be better if I was honest and confronted it, but it is much worse.

    • Anon

      For whatever this is worth coming from an anonymous blog reader – I’m proud of you. That was incredibly brave, and you are incredibly strong. I’m sorry that you are feeling pain today, but please, just take a minute to think about what a huge, important step you just took in your own healing.

      • zora

        I don’t have any good advice, but I agree with Anon, I am proud of you for having the strength to take this hard, hard step for yourself. Please try to be kind to yourself today, and I’m sending lots of internet hugs, if that helps.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I think it is good that you recognize that what you are feeling is because you disclosed the abuse. Two people in my life have addressed abuse years after it happened and had their marriage fall apart because they didn’t realize or couldn’t process that these new feelings/issues were from confronting the abuse. Both became non-sexual with their current partner, blamed their current partner for them feeling that way, and post divorce were able to be sexual with new partners. They likely could have saved their marriages if they could process what they were dealing with and included their partner in this somehow. Recognizing that this happens and recognizing that you are going to have a lot of feelings about this and telling yourself that you WILL get through this and process it will help tremendously. Changing your mind, projecting your feelings on your current partner and withdrawing will hurt your current situation. I am not a therapist, just what I observed. I’m very sorry that you have to deal with this but hopefully your heart will be lighter going forward once you get past this extremely rough spot.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        Yikes. I just re-read my comment and I think it can be totally read the wrong way. I don’t know how to clarify my tone and statement. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to deal with anything. I just wanted you to know that I have seen a wide variety of outcomes from your situation and the difference between them had to do with how they dealt with what you are feeling right now. For them, they didn’t allow themselves to feel it. They put those feelings on something else instead. That was not wrong of them and it led them to future happy lives but it caused some blips they didn’t expect. If one doesn’t want those blips, they may want to discuss it with their therapist for help processing and avoiding doing just that – if they so want. Again, there is no right or wrong! I just hate that people aren’t always warned of the collateral issues that may come up when they head down this road. You are super brave and awesome for doing everything you are doing.

        • Wildkitten

          It’s fine BL. I’m super-judgey and I didn’t judge your first post so I think you’re fine.

    • Anonymous

      Please, be gentle with yourself during this period. You’ve been silent for XX years; it will take more than 1 night to feel OK without a protective cover. Even if you’re the one peeling off the bandaid.

    • Ellen

      Hug’s to you. It is terrible when any of us have old SKELETEON”s in our closet’s from disgusting things that happened to us from peeople who we trusted to protect us but who did NOT. FOOEY on them!

      But you have taken the first step, and that is to talk about it. Talk is the best medicine. Like my mom alway’s says: Medicine has to taste bad to be good. Mom is smart alot of the time, and this is one of them.

      I do NOT have anything to add but HUG’s here. I did read on Face Book that the relative’s in Budapest are thrilled about comeing here to visit, and there will be other’s comeing soon now b/c we are such great host’s!

      One wierd thing. Oleg told me that it is fully acceptable in Budapest for a man to grab a woman’s tuchus in public, even if they are NOT dateing. It is evidentely an expression of fondness that is done with both FREIND’s and FAMILY and for others that are freindly in nature. I told him that was NOT the custom in the USA and NOT to go around grabbeing anyone’s tuchus in the USA. I think I told him just in time b/c he was goeing to do this to someone on the Circle Line. I would NOT want to have to figure out how to get him out of jail b/c I am NOT a criminal lawyer. It is good that we spoke early b/c there are alot of cultureal differences. Igor also likes to stare alot, but he said it is b/c of his ASTIGEMETISZM. FOOEY! I do NOT want to tell this to Frank or he will also have this same condition. DOUBLE FOOEY!

    • Anon

      I have been there, and I am very sorry. You asked for how to get through the day, so here’s my suggestion: go have a good, hard cry. And at the end of it, start reminding yourself how you can control some events in your life, such as when you are going to give time to thinking about specific subjects. You couldn’t control the person you hurt you, but you are an adult, and it’s OK to be reeling, but you are not going to let the emotions run you right now. You will not resolve what you want to do about having this person in your life right now. It takes time. You don’t have the time to really devote to thinking about it right now, but promise yourself that you will. Then, get a glass of water, drink it. And get back to work.

      Every time the thoughts start creeping in, identify them as “Oh, I’m ‘thinking’ about this, but I don’t have to engage in this right now. I’ll come back to it.” Give yourself permission to not solve and sort out everything you are feeling right now, and the thoughts should become less intrusive.

      I find it is also helpful to admit what I’m feeling without having to justify it. So, “I’m angry. I’m mad, I’m sad,” without letting your mind engage in why you are feeling this way.

    • NYC

      How often do you see your counselor? Might be a good time to schedule more frequent sessions, as you try to process this admission. I can’t imagine waiting a whole week for another appointment. When I needed help processing a bad event, I saw a counselor who had a technique specifically for helping me take the emotion out of describing what happened. It was a little like hypno-therapy (watching a moving light while talking through what happened, and repeating it until I could get through the words without sobbing).

      Good luck. You are strong.

      • Carly

        What you are describing is EMDR. Psychologists don’t know why it works from a scientific perspective, only that it does. I’ve done it and found it to be highly effective, though it seems a little woo-woo at first. Just wanted to add to NYC’s comment to suggest it might be a great idea for you. If your therapist isn’t trained in it, s/he can likely refer you out.

        • ANON

          EMDR was a miracle for me. I had PTSD from a traumatic event and it helped me very much. I highly recommend it for events that you need to emotionally detach from, such as this.

      • LizNYC

        I second this advice, only because this is such a world-rocking thing to face. Maybe seeing your therapist again this week/early next week would help? It would be a sign you’re taking care good care of yourself (which you’re already doing!).

    • Susedna

      Didn’t want to wait till I got off the train and back to the office to respond.

      You are so brave and strong to do this. I have so much respect and many supportive thoughts for you. I can’t imagine how hard this is, and yet, you’re doing it. Others have given good advice about frequency of visits w/therapists and why it is painful. Just hang in there and take good care of yourself.

      What city are you in, if you’re comfortable saying? I’d buy you a drink (vodka, wine, tea, or coffee, as you like) if we’re in the same city. :-)

  5. CountC

    Speaking of jewelry – TJ – I am looking for preppy enamel jewelry, specifically rings and bracelets, but am having a tough time finding rings I like. I definitely am into the more preppy styles. Anyone have any suggestions?

  7. Boston Dining Recs

    Anyone have a few not to miss Boston spots? Both cheap and fancy are welcome! I’ll be in the downtown Boston area and would appreciate a few delicious dinners.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Love Silvertone SO. MUCH. It’s basically the first place I go every time I go back to Boston to visit.

      • Boston Dining Recs

        Pretty much everything, though after a bad incident with shellfish, I’m slightly seafood adverse (stinks, right). Sushi is fine, lobster is okay, but fish/clams are out. I like a good steakhouse, Mexican, tapas, italian, pretty much anything! I’d like to avoid chain places (ruth chris and the like) because I have them at home.

        • Diana Barry

          I would hit Regina for the authentic North End pizza (very greasy though), and I also like Umberto and Giacomo’s in the North End. Modern for cannoli/other Italian pastry.
          I love Oishii Boston (sushi and COOL riffs on it) and Myers & Chang (Asian street food), right across the street from each other on Washington in the South End.
          Addis Red Sea for Ethiopian in the South End, on Tremont.
          If you make it across to the Ft Point area, Sportello is good and Drink for drinks, and then there is a Flour bakery too (other location is in the South End).

    • LH

      Legal Seafood is touristy (and a chain) but their clam chowder is the best I’ve ever had.
      You can’t go wrong at any Italian restaurant in the North End and a stop at Mike’s Pastry for cannolis is a must.
      Zaftig’s is my favorite brunch in the area, but there’s always a wait on weekends and its in Brookline, pretty far from downtown.
      For fancy places, I haven’t been but I’ve heard amazing things about Craigie on Main and No. 9 Park from friends who live in Boston. Both are $$$$ though.

      • anne-on

        I loooooved No. 9 Park, fantastic wine pairings. If you’re on a corporate account, this would be my top pick/

        • Anonymous

          +1 for No. 9 Park. Regular menu is great and my dining companions loved the tasting menu.

    • BB

      There’s a really good Belgian frites place near Faneuil Hall called Saus. I wouldn’t say it’s the best frites I’ve ever had, but they are very, very good if you aren’t, you know, coming from Belgium. :)

      • Cb

        That’s amazing. I’m meeting my partner in Belgium this weekend and he was super excited about frites in Brussels. I had to break it to him that they are definitely not vegetarian.

    • anne-on

      Neptunes in the south end has the best hot lobster roll I’ve ever had. I’m also partial to Mama Maria’s if you’re looking for a fancy Italian dinner.

    • Anon

      Eastern Standard on Comm Ave! It’s wonderful. Also Sibling Rivalry in the South End.

  8. Anne

    I need some advice/support about trying to live below your means. I work in BigLaw and have for several years. I’ve paid off half my loans and have some savings, but when I think about *how much money* I make it seems like I should be farther along by now. Especially because I am going through some career angst and am considering downshifting (not immediately, but someday) into a lower-paying, better lifestyle law job. I KNOW to I do not want to stick around and try to make partner. At best, several years from now I’ll be making something a little less than my current salary, but most likely it will be much, much less. I don’t want to look back on this period of my life and think that I was so stupid to fritter away so much of my income.

    I made the classic mistake of “upgrading everything” when I graduated law school – the nice apartment, nicer clothes, more dinners out/etc., and now I’m having a hard time trying to cut back (future lawyers — don’t be me!). I calculated out that I spend about 40-50% of my after-tax income each month on paying down my loans and increasing savings (retirement and emergency fund) , but I want that number to increase. For the moment it doesn’t make sense to move out of my (bigger than I really need) apartment because I would still want to live alone so at most by finding a cheaper apartment I’d save a few hundred bucks a month, which would be eaten up in broker’s fees (I’m in NYC) and moving expenses anyway. I recently cancelled cable, I’m trying to limit meals out and have cut down significantly on shopping. But it’s hard when ALL of my friends are lawyers or have similar high-paying jobs, and when I’ve been living this lifestyle for several years. What else can I do to cut back, and more importantly, how do I mentally/socially adjust to changing my lifestyle without changing my social life? I guess my question is less about what to do (just stop with the $15 martinis!!) and more about how to be firm about it when the money is still “there,” I just don’t want to spend it.

    • Bonnie

      Have a certain amount of your paycheck moved to a separate savings account automatically. If you don’t see the money in your primary account, you won’t be tempted to spend it.

      • East Coast Anon

        I agree with this. I have found the easiest way to save more money is to save more money. Your spending will adjust accordingly.

    • Godzilla

      If you don’t want to change anything, I don’t know how you can change your spending. The moving and different venue for friend times look like your biggest options for cost saving right now.

    • Anonymous

      I totally understand where you’re coming from, although lucky in that many friends are in lower income brackets so less “keeping up with Jones” element. What has helped me is to earmark, even if it’s only in my head, what the savings are for. Having a big pile of money seems much less tangible/important to me than “I can repay my [loans;car;house;kitchen remodel] *if I want to*”.

    • Anon

      Do you do automatic deductions from your account and/or paycheck? It’s easier not to spend money if you never see it in your checking account.

      • Traditionalist

        To kind of combine what others are saying here, keep the money from being “there.”

        I like having many, many different accounts, some of which are automatically funded by my paycheck and others I transfer to periodically, because it keeps it (a) out of checking and (b) out of the “one big pile” problem. I earmark these accounts so that I can ask myself a specific question: is it more important to me right this minute that I [go to this bar with these people] or [save for a new car] [buy cool birthday gifts for my nieces] [go on that trip with my friends]? I have literally transferred money using my phone at a restaurant instead of ordering a second drink. That way I’m “spending” it, but I’m making a reasoned decision about it, instead of just drawing from one pile with hopes the pile will be big enough when I want it for something else.

    • Eleanor

      I agree with the others that automatic deductions are a good idea, but could you also go on a shopping hiatus? If you’ve been living this way for a few years, you probably have enough clothes, shoes, and jewelry to avoid buying new stuff for six months or a year, and a complete hiatus might be easier to stick to than some vague idea about “cutting down” your shopping. That way you don’t even have to go into stores or look at clothes websites (erm, other than this one).

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Give yourself an allowance. You are not going to succeed spending no money at all. I keep a separate checking account for fun spending and I move money into that account each month like any other bill. I can only pay for fun if there is money in the fun account.

      • Anon in NYC

        +1. Start paying in cash. Open a separate checking account, get a debit card tied to that checking account, transfer a set amount of money into it every pay period for certain items (drinks, dinners, takeout, general entertainment), and then that’s all you get until your next paycheck.

        This is what my husband and I do for dining out, takeout and groceries (all in 1 account). We decided on an amount that was reasonable and still allowed us to go out or not cook when we feel lazy. We would not be able to do this if we were depriving ourselves.

        Also, a good way to not spend as much: tell your close friends that you’re trying to save money/pay down your loans faster and you want to go to a less expensive restaurant or bar. Unless your friends are really snobby, I’m sure they will be supportive.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I feel like you’re making excuses about moving. If you’re only planning to be in your current place for another year before buying a place or making some other big life change that’ll affect your living arrangements, then you’re probably right that moving isn’t cost effective. If, however, you’re planning to rent over the long haul, you’ll “make back” the up-front moving expenses within a year to 18 months, and find yourself saving several hundred dollars a month for the foreseeable future.

      H and I just made the decision to move last year, and are saving about $450/month. It cost us about $4.5K to move (broker’s fee of a month’s rent, security deposit of a month’s rent, and one-day U-Haul rental) – we broke even at the ten-month mark, and we plan to rent for 2+ more years beyond that, so over three years, we’ll have saved over $10K on rent. That’s 100 months of $100/mo. cable. Or 10 Burberry trench coats. Or 666.67 $15 martinis.

      • Sydney Bristow

        This is what I was going to suggest as well. Also consider how moving could affect other expenses in your life. It could cut down on transportation expenses if you moved closer to work for example.

        Another thing to look at cutting is your cell phone bill. There are lots of no contract options now for significantly less money than the big names. You typically have to buy the phone outright but when I did the math of make that money back in a year with my monthly bill cut in half and if you don’t upgrade your phone each year that can be around $50/month savings after that.

        I also recommend reading The Total Money Makeover and Your Money or Your Life. The second one in particular can be a great shock to the system about how you view money.

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          Good catch on the cell phone – I switched to Straight Talk last year (the Wal-Mart plan, GASP!) and my bill is $45/month. Even assuming you buy the iPhone outright at $650, if you keep the phone for two years (which you’d have to anyway with a standard contract carrier), your bill still averages out to $73ish/month, which is less than any standard carrier. (And Straight Talk, at least, operates on the AT&T and Verizon networks, so, at least for me, there have been no service issues in switching).

          • Lady Harriet

            +1 I also switched to Straight Talk this year and I’ve been really pleased. My phone is much less fancy than an iPhone, but because I paid for it up front the monthly bill is so much lower. I’m paying less per month for an unlimited-everything smartphone than I would for a basic phone elsewhere.

      • CKB

        I agree. Have you crunched the numbers to see exactly what the benefit would be if you moved? And the cell phone idea is a good one too. We outright bought our current cell phones with our tax refund this year, and cut our cell phone bill in less than half but with way better features. And we’re free to switch to another plan if we find one that’s even better.

    • Granola

      What’s really helped me is to work on changing my mindset back to what it was when I was a poor student/intern. Instead of thinking “I can afford this” or “I deserve it”, I evaluate every purchase carefully along the lines of “do I REALLY need this?” and “do I have something already that I can use instead?”. Start thinking of money as freedom – the more you have stashed away the sooner you can have the freedom to take a lower paying job.

      Also what helped me was reading almost every post on the Mr Money Mustache blog, in particular the post on the shockingly simple math behind early retirement. I started looking at monthly expenses in terms of “how many more years of working will this mean?” and that has been revolutionary.

      Still struggle with the splurges on wine and the occasional cocktail out with friends, but I try to avoid eating dinner out as much as possible.

    • bananagram

      I signed up for Mint on the advice of thissite and found it really helpful for budgeting. It showed me where my money was going instead of where I thought it was going.

      Consider substituting cheaper for more expensive activities. Maybe meet friends for drinks instead of dinner? Also, take a look at some of those ‘best of’ lists. I definitely saved some cash sampling all the ‘best of mycity burgers’ with friends instead of meeting them at fancier places. (Bonus: instant dinner conversation as we compared meals.)

      • Stephanie

        Along these lines– invite those friends over to your big apartment for a night in. Have each person bring either a bottle of wine or an appetizer. So it’s not like a full blown party where you spend a fortune and have to dress up– it’s more like a substitute for meeting a few friends for drinks.

      • MH

        I second bananagram. When you do go out, go to cheaper restaurants, or go only for drinks/dessert/appetizers/etc. I realized when I started work that I was going out for $100 dinners wayyyy too often. Now, I’ve been trying a lot of the trendy cheaper places (food carts, happy hour places, small plates for just appetizers) to get my foodie fix and I save the fancy dinners for special occasions.

    • Pink

      I’m with you on buckling down. I dont’ think I made a ton of upgrades but I’m with you on how difficult it can be when technically, you can “afford” it.

      As for saving money, it’s likely that I’ll be moving in a month or two from my single studio to a share to save about 400-650/month, but my studio is under market rates and if you email me directly mskimmath at the google mail, I will put you in touch with my landlord so you can save on fees that way. (details include: 500 sqft, half a block from the green line at 33rd, doorman, pets, laundry, wall of windows)

    • CKB

      Instead of thinking “Well, I CAN afford it” think “Darn, it’s not in the budget”. Get yourself on whatever type of budget you need (entertainment, clothes, etc) and use whatever way to track it that’s easiest for you – cash, transferring money to a separate account – whatever. And then you aren’t saying you can’t afford something, you’re saying you don’t have the budget for it, which imo, is a different & easier to accept mindset.

      Like when my boys want me to buy them a new computer game or toy or whatever, I don’t ever say we can’t afford it, because we probably could, I say “we don’t have money for that today” or “we aren’t spending money on that today”, (or tell them to save their own money for it) which is more truthful and (hopefully) doesn’t scare them into thinking we’re poor, kwim?

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        For some reason, I’m really struck by the “we aren’t spending money on that today” phrasing – I think I’m going to start using it on myself when I’m shopping!

    • Anne

      You are all so helpful and awesome. Thanks for these comments.

      I’m going to look into the moving thing; part of it is that I am applying for clerkships including outside of NYC so if I get one (for 2 years from now) I might not break even (and the possibility of getting one, with the associated pay cut, is a part of why I want to adjust my lifestyle *now*), but I’ll look at the numbers again. The idea of paying for things in cash/debit is a great idea, as is moving money out of checking ASAP after paycheck. Part of the problem is that I know no matter how many dinners out/etc I charge the money is there to pay my balance in full, but if I see it as a set amount that is decreasing instead of “oh gee it would be great if my credit card bill is under X this month” I think that will help. The budget vs. can’t afford distinction is great. You’re right that part of the issue is that I can’t get myself out of the mindset that I can “afford” it so it’s hard to tell myself no. And I think a shopping hiatus is a good idea. Thinking about it in terms of freedom/what specifically I am saving for helps a lot too. There is money in my savings/emergency fund so I know I will be okay if something bad happens, but I want to have money someday for a down-payment/kids/who knows what else that is more than just 6 months living expenses. And definitely will start suggesting to friends that we do less expensive things; they may not understand but I don’t think they’ll be jerks about it. Having people over is a good idea.

      Basically this community is great. And it’s awesome to have people to talk to candidly about this; my lawyer/banker friends don’t understand why I don’t want this lifestyle/job/etc. forever and my friends with different income situations who struggle to save at all would think I was a jerk asking about how to cut back even though I don’t “need” to do so.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Okay, you didn’t ask for advice on this and it’s totally late, but I just finished a clerkship in the NYC-metro area (and got the clerkship after 2 years in Biglaw), and feel like I should share – your prospects as someone with past work experience are very different than they would have been straight out of law school, and I think, unless you have really strong ties to a different geographic area (family/alumni ties) and a definite plan to relocate permanently, you won’t have much luck outside of New York. Judges who are looking for a clerk with work experience are doing so because they want a clerk who understands their court/state/etc., who won’t need any significant training on local procedure, and who will advance the judge’s own perceived status by going on to be successful in the local bar (i.e. – “hey, did you see that Anne just got elected to a judgeship in Nassau County? I heard she used to clerk for Judge Federalface!”). Hiring someone who isn’t from the area and doesn’t know the state (and possibly/probably won’t stick around long-term) makes no sense when that’s the goal.

        That said, you’re in a much stronger position for local clerkships, especially if you’re willing to consider (a) clerkships in the suburbs (Westchester-SDNY, Long Island-EDNY, etc.); and (b) clerkships with magistrates (SDNY magistrates are pretty limited in what they do, but EDNY magistrates do almost everything a district judge does, with the exception of criminal work). Good luck. (And don’t let “I maybe might have a clerkship somewhere else maybe in two years” justify staying in an unnecessarily expensive apartment! Figure out how much moving will cost you, then figure out a rent price that’ll allow you to break even in around a year, and then go look for a new place.)

  9. Macatty

    FUZZY ROBE TJ. This is a long shot, but with the cold weather descending, I’m wondering if anyone can point me towards a long, faux fur robe? I know it sounds bizarre, but I think Restoration Hardware sold robes like these last year (made with the “luxe faux fur” they still make throws and pillows and such from). I have fantasies of curling up by the fire in a thick fur robe, drinking red wine….

  10. Tipping?

    I have an appointment for a cut and color with a new stylist. She works out of her home. I’m aware of the rule that you don’t tip the salon owner… but never had to apply it. What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to not tip her if she’s expecting a tip, but I don’t want to tip her if she set her prices with the expectation that she would not be tipped.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      How are her prices relative to similar-quality stylists at area salons? If she charges significantly less than you’d otherwise pay, I’d personally probably tip. If her prices are the same as area salons, then I’d be less inclined to tip (although I still probably would for a great ‘do).

    • Anonymous

      I tip my hairdresser who works out of her home, but the cut and color are a fraction of the price of what it would be at the salon.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Me too. Mine charges quite a bit in my mind but it still is much cheaper than the salons around here.

    • Stephanie

      I have two hairdressers– one for cut and another for color (long story)– both are owners, one of a larger salon, the other more of a one person operation. I tip both of them. I know the rule, it just still seems awkward not to, and I want to make sure I get good service.

    • Carrie Preston

      I would still tip. I think it’s nice even if it’s the owner and I always get appointments on an emergency basis, could be great service, could be bc I tip, but no one ever disliked a client who tips.

  11. anonymous for this one

    I’m sorry, but I can’t talk to anyone IRL about this, and just have to vent. For those of you who have gone through the process of TTC, how do you keep your mind on work those last couple of days before you can take an accurate home test? I pledged to myself that I wouldn’t take tests until my period was due because of the risk of knowing about a loss I never needed to know about, but now that we are actually trying, the suspense is killing me. The timing was right this month, I had very light spotting that I am hopeful was implantation, and now I am just waiting to be able to pee on a stick, and holding my breath that my period doesn’t come. Does this get easier over time? Not sure what I am even asking, just needed to get it out of my head and out into the world in hopes it will free up some mental space…

    • TBK

      My approach was always to make it not really a big deal. Mostly by affirmatively planning my life as if I wasn’t going to get pregnant. So I’d schedule some pregnancy-non-friendly event for a couple of days after my period was due (drinks out with friends works) and make sure it was something I was really excited about. That way, if the test was negative, oh well at least I get to do [X]! If it was positive, I’d be a little disappointed about missing out on [X] but, hey, baby! I’d also plan trips or other things just assuming I wouldn’t be pregnant. I’m not saying I was assuming I’d never get pregnant. I just didn’t rearrange my life while we were waiting (which is a good thing, since it took quite a bit of time and technology for it to finally happen).

    • RJ

      I can totally relate. I never got over the anticipation so I gave into it and bought the cheap strips on Amazon. I gave myself permission to test every morning starting a week before my period was due. Yes, you might catch an early loss, but I figure any and all information is useful so it is worth it (i.e. If you have a pattern of super early losses it would be good to know). Plus because I allow myself to test I don’t think about it as much during the day. I hope you get positive news this month!

      • Another S

        I was of the same mindset: I’d rather know about an early loss because thinking you’ve never been pregnant vs. having repeated chemical pregnancies are two different animals. Of course, you’re just shifting the suspense a few days earlier… I for one was never able to focus. Good luck!

    • In Rem

      I’d take a test early. Buy a bunch of them. Also charting helped because it was an active form of tracking, and then just trying to keep busy. But I like to open my presents before the occasion and hate surprises; you should go test & tell us!

      • anonymous for this one

        Thank you guys! Just connecting with people about it has made me feel better…and I do think I’ll go ahead and buy some tests and do one tomorrow morning… fingers crossed! And TBK, that is an awesome plan – I think I need to work on making happy/booze related post-period plans on a regular basis.

    • Stephanie

      I just made a little rule for myself that I could only test on the date my period was due. So of course I did at like 2am. Don’t worry– one day this will be long behind you!

  12. Lady Harriet

    I just wanted to celebrate something. Today I actually sent out a job application for the first time in months. It’s for a job I’m actually 100% qualified for at a company where I would be excited to work. I need to move on from my current job (great boss, but not intended to be permanent and lacking in stability), but depression, fear, and laziness have kept me from following through on applications, even though I’ve been looking at job listings for almost a year. I don’t want to pin all my hopes on this particular job, since it is just a random posting I found online, but I’m hopeful that it can be a catalyst for me to get out of my rut. RAWR!

  13. Miri

    If anyone here is still thinking about leg hair/hairless – I used to wax, then started going to an electrologist years ago. Only had my lower legs done, because I’m beyond wearing short skirt, and haven’t had to depilate for years now. Electrolysis came in handy again for my chin hairs, which sprout every few years. But it beats constant maintenance.

  14. Nonny - re iPad

    Hi everyone:

    I’m researching which tablet to get. I’m partial to Apple products, and already use a Mac at home (which will also need to be upgraded soon). However, I’m curious to know whether those of you with an iPad have found the lack of a USB port to be a major drawback. FWIW, I don’t keep a lot of documents in the Cloud, though I do use Dropbox, and am wondering how people have found iPads for things like reviewing Word and PDF documents.

    Thanks!

    • BMBG

      I never thought about the lack of a USB port — I just e-mail documents to myself. It’s an easy workaround, though it may be prohibited by your organization. That said, I don’t use my iPad as much as I thought I would. I mostly use it to watch movies when traveling!

    • Pink

      The iPad is great for reviewing pdfs and word docs and great with dropbox. I installed quickoffice and was able to draft a simple document with my bluetooth keyboard/cover. I use it when I travel (internet, emails, kindle app, maps) and to watch netflix in the kitchen when home; but found myself super frustrated when I actually had to do work while travelling but mostly because the Citrix app is neato awesome but you’re very limited without a mouse and computing power.

      • Nonny - re iPad

        So as a follow-up, then, do you find it’s OK with shorter documents, e.g. 10 pages or less, just not with large ones?

        I would think that Citrix would be frustrating! I’m unlikely to use the iPad in that context, though…

        • ss

          I find mine unreliable with larger Dropbox docs, 10 pages is about the right dividing line. But I do think the problem is low-quality wi-fi/ network connections while on the road though.

    • CP

      I use Dropbox for document transfer between iPhone, MacBook, iPad and the PC I use at work.

      • Cb

        I am in academia so PDFs all the time and find goodreader the best for annotating things. I do find myself in situations where I could use a real word processor though. A surface tablet is coming our way and I might make the switch, I do a bunch of website editing on the go and the iPad just won’t play nice with the interface.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Reviewing documents on my iPad works fine.

      I’m not sure if it only works for uploading photos to your iPad, but Apple does make a USB adaptor. It is marketed as a tool for connecting a camera. I’ve never tried to use it for anything else and just email myself documents that I don’t store on iCloud. iCloud works pretty well for Word/Pages docs though.

  15. Cat

    PSA on Jcrew — there is currently a 30% off sale promo running, and it’s NOT final sale(!) The wool pencil skirts are in there in 6 colors and loads of sizes (with the discount they are under $70) as well as some summer pieces that I wanted to try but was wary of ordering on final sale.

    I unsubscribed from their emails in a fit of “why do I need a shopping reminder every other day” so this was a pleasant surprise for me!

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