ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 442 Comments

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Puff-Sleeve Flounce Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This dress just looks like New York City in the summer to me.

I’m told that in other parts of the country, black is not a “summer” color, but in my decade of NYC living, black was always seasonless.

(A friend of mine used to refer to his closet as consisting of black and “black pastels” (i.e., grays).).

I like the slightly puffed sleeves and flared skirt on this knit dress. I would wear it with a pair of low-top Chuck Taylors for a casual weekend look.

You could also wear this with a bright cardigan in a casual office. Puff-Sleeve Flounce Dress

The dress is $70 and available in plus sizes 14–26, regular sizes 00–18, and petite sizes 0–8.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

442 Comments

  1. A 10 minute documentary on the Pittsburgh Circus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UXK76jC0ok&feature=youtu.be

    NASA at Home with kids’ activities https://www.nasa.gov/specials/nasaathome/index.html upcoming live events https://www.nasa.gov/nasalive

    Mattel Online Playroom https://www.mattel.com/en-us/playroom

    Make your Starbucks drinks at home https://athome.starbucks.com/recipe/

    Les Miz “One Day More” from the living room https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdcS0Nbo7Ng

    LLandudno Goats https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2020/04/01/llandudno-goats-west-side-story-soundtrack/

    Redefining parenting success https://tinkergarten.com/blog/lets-redefine-parenting-success-right-now

    Reflecting on the links I’ve collected these past few weeks and I gotta say GO HUMANS!! We are so innovative and creative and everyone’s trying to help as best they can. It’s really glorious to see how our brainpower can be turned to so much good. We will get through this!

    1. Good news — for two days, my city’s number of new infections has fallen.

      And, two people I know who tested positive are out of the woods and on the mend. Their journey was the mild version and now I feel that they have acquired the superpowers of no longer being personally worried about this (and being able to assist researchers).

    3. People are really coming through for each other. We walk by the primary school each am and they’ve got food distribution set up for local families and one of the restaurants has rejigged their business to do home delivery of fruit, veg, meat, and dairy, to keep their suppliers trugging over.

      1. I feel like I can personally relate with this sloth. I, too am lazily munching on food all day.

    5. I want to say how grateful I am for this community in these crazy times. Many of you post the most thoughtful and encouraging responses to those that are panicking or facing new to them problems. So thank you and keep it up! You may not be responding directly to someone, but know that your kind and thoughtful words are helping the lurkers as well.
      What a wonderful community of powerful and thoughtful women!!

      1. +1,000,000

        I’m a loooong time lurker (8+ years) and have gotten some good advice along with some not so good advice, but I have always appreciated having a space to seek input on problems when I’m not comfortable talking to my friends and family about them. Thank you all.

      2. +100 Answers have helped me and Questions have helped me too! I see a little of myself in many of you.
        Thank you!

    6. Thank you for these posts!

      I feel like maybe two-thirds of my colleagues and friends (in Seoul, Korea) take social distancing seriously and the other third are generally out and about (bars, restaurants, gyms) and don’t think this is very serious. I had to talk my 60+ year old father out of ongoing weekly gatherings at his alumni meetings and clubs, an attempt that only partially worked because I threatened to not come to see him any more if he continued. And everyone is out in the parks and playgrounds with the nice weather — the government has had to shut down certain crowding points for cherry blossoms. I admit I was myself not at all anxious about this until mid-February (although I followed government guidelines), when my workplace started sending daily emails about social distancing, cancelled all meetings, and implemented voluntary WFH.

      I still think we are getting lulled into a false sense of security in Korea. Besides, all this “efficiency” of the Korean government is hinging on the all-too-often-untold sacrifice of medical and emergency personnel, delivery personnel, and government employees (many of whom are now infected, at least one government employee and a delivery personnel has died of overwork, and one doctor has died of COVID-19).

      But at least we have a semblance of normalcy here (although schools are still out so I concede the picture must look very different for people with kids). We’re witnessing the situation in the US and Europe much as we watched the situation unfold in China — that is, from afar, and not really thinking the situation could turn into a nightmare very quickly here, too. But thanks to the relative normalcy, I know some friends are trying to help by shipping masks to doctor friends in the US — export of N95 masks is currently banned unless specifically approved by the government. I hope we all make it through and help each other the best we can.

    8. Good morning! The sun is shining after a few cloudy days and they were re-stocking TP at my local grocery store. Overall the grocery store situation seems to be better. You can only buy a limited amount of certain items but meat, bread and produce were looking good.

      I only been to the store a couple of times in the past few weeks, but all the staff I’ve encountered have been so friendly and helpful in spite of everything that’s been going on.

    9. I am determined to stay positive today. I could be pissed that the next door neighbor college kid is AGAIN blasting his crappy dance music while I’m trying to work. Or I guess I could appreciate that a half shirtless guy is doing push-ups and there’s far worse views in this world.

      1. > appreciate that a half shirtless guy is doing push-ups and there’s far worse views in this world

        This is the way.

      2. I’m picturing a guy with half a shirt. Switching between a top half only belly shirt and a right side only long-sleeved button down. Either way it is he-lariuos!

        1. Was about to type half n*ked but it felt too wrong. =) (Although one shirt sleeve would also have been fun to watch!)

    10. If you are looking for an uplifting, charming move I recommend Pad Man on Netflix. In Hindi with subtitles and a few great Bollywood song and dance numbers, it’s the story of a gentleman who invented a cheaper maxi-pad that would be more affordable to Indian women. Fun viewing, and will definitely remind you that there are good people out there.

  2. I’m not our typical morning greeter, but good morning y’all! I am grateful for yesterday’s news that David Lat is doing much better. And morning the passing of a member of Fountains of Wayne and several people in my new adopted state. We’re into week 3 of shut schools and social distancing (my county had a B-, which seems to be pretty good, but room for improvement). I think that the seriousness is sinking in — lots of local cases are in the <40 age group (my guess is that once schools and day cares closed, everyone 35+ has been stuck at home with their kids) and the unemployment claims have skyrocketed.

    BUT my mind wandered last night to how we will do things in reverse. First up, possibly, outdoor activities: golf, driving ranges, tennis. MAYBE velvet ropes appear at museums and restaurants and stores capping attendance per hour or on a one-in one-out basis once a ceiling is hit. Not expecting in a long time: concerts, things in arenas.

    The construction and related trades are still working, as is transit. If they are staying well (I believe they are), maybe we can learn from them.

    1. They aren’t staying well! Construction workers, transit workers, delivery workers, grocery store workers: allllllll getting sick.

      If golf is our top priority to reopen I willlose my mind.

      I think more realistically we will be told retail can open with strick occupancy limits, workplaces can start having a skeleton staff on site, and we can all add in one family member we haven’t see.

      1. I’m in one of the states with a Stay at Home order and the list of essential employees is 10 pages long. A lot of what is included I think should be non-essential but maybe I’m missing a rationale. Landscapers were listed as essential. Personally, I think construction should have been limited to those constructing critical infrastructure or making emergency repairs. Why is all construction considered essential?

        1. My thought on this was that there should have been two categories, essential and those who don’t work in close quarters with people. I think landscapers were called essential but really they just can work in open space so there is no reason to kill their business too. I don’t know if that is the actual rationale, but that’s the only way I could justify it.

          1. Yes — this is what I think.

            And I hope that people are thinking of how to make other areas low-spread low-contact AND viable. This is probably what our future will look like.

          2. I think of landscaping as a public health thing (not related to viruses, but they help keep mosquitoes and rodents away).

          3. Also, old people in my city who live at home (safer) often live in areas with HOAs that mandate grass-cutting and fine you if you don’t comply. And the landscapers need jobs. I’m not seeing a huge risk to anyone with that continuing. It’s sort of the thing I’d start back with if it were even taken away.

          5. Yeah, if a HOA honestly fined an old person in all of this for their yard maintenance I would lose my mind at them.

          6. I get HOAs and leniency, but their main concern right now may be dues shortfalls. Neighbors may help neighbors.

            Ultimately, I see landscapers as low risk, so am OK with them working.

          7. I saw a story about an HOA fining a nurse 1k for keeping her “Qaurentrailer” RV in her driveway. Unbelievable!

          8. Landscapers are still working here, we have one coming to clean up a tree that decided to split in half in a windstorm the other night. To us that is essential as half our yard is covered with tree and we don’t have the tools to cut the tree into pieces, or a truck to transport the pieces to the dump.

            I guess I would need someone to explain to me how a landscaper is a high probable vector? The company is sending out one-man crews right now. They said he or she will not shake hands or get closer to us than 6 feet. They work outside, by themselves. They get the job done and return to the office and put the job paperwork in a box outside that’s collected by the office manager.

        2. I have a guess re construction is that rather than deal with every project individually, people recognized that an open and partial construction site is either an attractive nuissance (people may move in as squatters or bored kids will explore) or potentially very dangerous (we are doing a remodel and have had to do asbestos abatement where everyone was in hazmat suits and we moved out). Or some things left exposed to the rain will be ruined mold pits and also hazardous. Lesser of two evils.

          BUT I think that absent super-spreaders, it is a relatively low-contact industry (I’ve seen roofers working in my area — they are outside, same crew every day). Super-spreaders and high-spread events are probably where the future concern will be (outside of hospitals and anything re eldercare and health care / first responders generally, always a caveat now; also grocery stores, b/c everyone eats). We aren’t going to stay like this forever and I think it makes sense to keep some things going if they can because at some point we will be adding back things.

        3. In my state we really need housing and putting a stop to that building would lead to more problems with homelessness.

        4. We had a landscaper come to weed and mulch. We weren’t out there interacting with him, so why not? It’s an important time of year for those kinds of businesses.

          1. Yeah it’s important to keep in mind the purpose of all these rules. We shouldn’t be closing down businesses that don’t increase the health risk just because we think “everything” just be closed.

          3. I agree; my brother-in-law is a landscaper, and he’s been helping out a lot of his friends whose jobs were non-essential. He can follow social distancing at work, so why not continue as long as clients can afford the service?

          4. I’m the poster that raised the question. I have no problem with landscapers being considered low risk and allowed to work. I just didn’t understand why they were deemed “essential.” I agree that there should be two categories of people allowed to work.

          6. Except that our stay-home order uses the literal word “essential” as the defined term for who can go out. Including landscapers. It makes so much more sense to consider it to be “truly essential + non-dangerous,” not that there is a conspiracy for golf courses with better lobbyists.

      2. I picked golf courses because they are outside and people are fairly evenly spaced. I see it as a low-risk activity. Ditto parks (perhaps with daily volume limits).

        We have to start back with something, and probably the more low-risk things the better.

        I feel bad for people who will have weddings and graduations between now and . . . 2023? Also symphonies and performing arts. I used to joke that my contribution to the arts was being an audience member. No longer.

      3. It’s not that golf is a top priority, it’s that it is wide open spaces without large groups.

        1. My town was working on a plan to make public golf courses safe. I really do think it will come back sooner than most things. I’m sorry if that makes others angry, but at some point some forms of recreation need to come back and seems like a great place to start. I bet it would alleviate some traffic in the parks and beaches here too.

          1. I am not a golfer but would pay a fee and tote a club and ball to be able to walk a course.

          3. Agreed. Golf courses here have to allow public access rights and they are one of the good places to walk at the moment.

          4. My country club’s private golf course is still open with extremely strict rules about distance and cart usage (and yes, the rules are being followed and enforced when necessary). I have a couple of friends who have played a solo round and it has been great for their mental health.

          5. They closed my tennis club (outdoor, not huge amount of members, can sign up for times online) . I get closing the gym there, but tennis seems too extreme. You can’t even walk the grounds. I hope it is the first thing back and that they can rehire all of the people who just got laid off.

          6. My local (city centre) park IS a golf course. But that’s Scotland for you! (Haven’t seen anyone with clubs for a while though…)

        2. I live across the street from our public golf course in a closed down state. Last week I drove by and saw a foursome walking to their carts… there were four carts parked in a row and each golfer, maintaining a six foot social distance, each got in a separate cart. But this week, it’s closed.

      4. Gently, I want to say we’re all experiencing the same thing, differently. If golf is not reopened, I might lose it. I really hope that whatever you love is able to be safely reopened or retooled so you can somehow enjoy it safely, too. Getting golf back and reopening retail or other places safely when the time is right are absolutely not mutually exclusive. Golf is an easy one, because it can be done safely if very careful rules are in place regarding the amount of people on the course, their mode of transport (limiting cart use severely to only those with the inability to walk a round) and if people follow the rules of distancing while playing. I belong to a club, so it’s even easier for me, but generally people can drive to the golf course, pay the greens fee online or outside, and walk the course zero contact. They’ll raise the cup/eliminate flagsticks or put a circle around the area where you get an automatic 1 putt, so absolutely no touching hard surfaces. I think 6′ is too close to be to people I don’t live with personally, unless you’re briefly navigating around a tight space, but the good news is, I can stay 20+ feet away from any playing partners. Golf is a big part of my mental health, so I’m really glad it’s being recognized that it’s something that people can safely do now.

        1. I agree with this. I have no strong feelings about golf (having never played), but the sooner we can open up realistic recreation to help people’s physical and mental health, the better.

          1. I may have to become a golfer now. I’m not opposed, but it just takes so damn long to play. Now my choice is golf or the couch.

          2. Anonymous at 12:45 – pre-COVID there’s been a big push to play 9 holes – which you can do in far under 2 hours! You might also check for Par 3 courses near you, they’re shorter and a ton of fun for beginners and experienced golfers alike.

        2. C2, agreed and I am sorry you’ve been cut off from your outlet. My dad has been able to stay sane because he can golf; the courses are still open where he is. He uses a pushcart for his clubs and won’t get in a cart. He’s golfing by himself and distancing from everyone. He’s playing 18 holes every couple of days. If they close courses where he is indefinitely that will be a huge issue for him. We’re staying sane riding our bikes on the trails near our houses. Everyone has their “thing” and for many of us, staying home and knitting and watching TV is not going to work as a substitute for being outside. I would go nuts after three or four days of that. If “mental health is health,” as we’ve been repeatedly told over the years, then we need to be thinking about that too. Not just coronavirus.

        3. Yeah, I know people who are going mentally insane from not being able to golf. Most all of them are old people in Florida who are entitled Trump supporters, so it colors my feelings on the supposed importance of re-opening golf. Because with these folks, if you give an inch, they take a mile, and it goes from the reasonable “separate carts, no touching the ball, no rakes” to glad-handling and drinks afterwards in close proximity since it won’t hurt anything.

          1. I live in the SEUS where golf is pretty common except for very very poor people. We have public courses in addition to $$$ country clubs.

          2. Let’s not make this political. That’s who you happen to know. The courses will need to enforce the rules, and the clubhouse will not be open, so my suspicion is that if they were going to sit around and have a drink, they were going to do that whether or not they golf. There’s currently a petition going around MN with 40,000+ signatures asking our Gov to reinstate golf. We only have so many months of good weather and it’s totally a bipartisan/nonpartisan effort.

      5. Oh man, you should see the comments on my local equestrian facebook groups about whether or not going to the barn to see or ride your horse (in a situation where you are boarding at someone else’s barn, not where you are taking care of it) is essential or not under our stay at home order. “But the golf courses are open!” is a common refrain. (my barn is closed to all but truly essential workers who care for the horses)

        1. I was a competitive junior equestrian, and I’m so sorry to hear that. Hopefully the folks that can be at the barn are able to exercise. Most horses love to work, so they definitely depend on you for their own mental health and well-being! But, it’s definitely a tricky situation, especially at large stable. At the golf course I never have to touch a door or enter a building, but even though you can ride alone and remotely, you’ve got to get in and out of tack rooms and the same enclosed spaces.

      1. I know. I think that if you get rid of transit, that either means that more people lose jobs and access to stores OR it increases the burden on cabs. IDK what the solution is there in the short run.

        1. In the short-run, some bus systems are eliminating fares (at least temporarily) so that people can board only at the back and don’t have to interact with the driver.

    3. I’d rather see restaurants reopen their dining rooms at half capacity, with tables and barstools spaced far apart, and limits on how long you can linger at the table.

  3. I am near Pittsburgh and never knew about the Pittsburgh Circus. Thank you for finding that link and sharing. I’ll have to check them out someday.

    I need to rant this morning because I am absolutely disgusted with people. I follow a couple of community pages on FB. Somebody posted a reminder that if folks are going to the store, please don’t take the entire family because that just defeats the whole purpose of the mandatory shelter at home orders. The responses were mind-boggling: people who said it was their “right” to go to the store with their husband and zillion kids. People who said their kids have been cooped up at home for a month with nothing to do and “deserved” a trip to Walmart. A woman who said her father had heart problems and needed someone to help him with his shopping, but no worries! They’re “being careful.” A nurse (a nurse, for sh!tsake!) who said it was no big deal, her kids were very well behaved and weren’t touching everything in the store. Damn it, people!!! They just aren’t taking this seriously and I want to strangle the entire lot of them. How can people possibly be this stupid and cavalier about what is going on? I get it, it sucks, but the longer people don’t comply and take into consideration the effect their actions have on others, the longer we’re going to be sitting at home watching the numbers climb.

    Sorry, y’all. I’m just pissed and the caffeine hasn’t kicked in yet. Or maybe it has. I’m just over this and we still have a long way to go.

    2. Oh that’s so frustrating. Our local store will only let one person per family in. Watched a family walk up and try to enter and then get really snotty because the children wanted to look inside. It’s a tiny little independent shop and they are being zealous re hygiene, wiping down baskets, only letting 2 people in at a time, and having them follow in a loop, etc.

      1. My kids are so stir-crazy that it is a treat now just to go out in the car to drive to the store. And they are old enough I can leave them in there while I shop, which is a total relief. I realize that not everyone can do that (stores where I am are only open 8-8 now, but the first hour is for older people so IDK what you do if single or you have a spouse that works 12-hour shifts).

        1. I think if you’re a single parent or a parent with a partner doing essential shift work and you have to bring your kids to the store, then you do that. Its why people say “try a little grace” and the like. You don’t always know the other person’s circumstances. Of course its hard because many people are not following the rules as well as they could, but some legitimately have no other options.

      2. The flip side: My local grocery store also mandated that they will only allow one member in per family, no exceptions. I am a single mom with two kids. One is old enough to stay home alone but the other is not. I can’t leave her in the car because it is starting to get warmer here. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do? They have reserved online shopping for those most at risk.

        1. +1. I’m not a single parent, but my husband has taken our 5-year-old to the grocery store twice. It’s not because our kid “deserves” to go to the grocery store, just that we’re trying to reserve deliveries for more at-risk people and trying to avoid crowds in the evenings and on weekends. He keeps him in the cart, tells him not to touch anything, and carries sanitizing wipes for everything the kid does touch. I think it would be better if our kid stayed home with me, but I have to work.

          1. Not now, but in the past I have brought my 4 y/o to the grocery and kept her entertained by allowing her to “wash” the cart and all the groceries with the cart wipes. Today, that seems like a brilliant use of a 4 y/o if you have to bring them.

        2. Oh no, surely there are reasonable exceptions. I wouldn’t have thought twice about the children going in if it wasn’t 2 parents + 2 kids.

          1. It’s not likely , but it is possible that this family is not capable of splitting up. Maybe that’s not dad. Maybe it’s mom’s boyfriend who, now that he’s decided to quarantine with them, has shown some scary behavior toward her kids and she’s not comfortable leaving them alone. Maybe they are a family. Maybe mom has gotten really depressed, and is having apoplectic thoughts and he’s not comfortable leaving her alone, even after hiding the ropes and guns in the house.

            Maybe not. Maybe leaving the house makes them monsters. But people are hurting in a myriad of ways now that you really can’t judge by seeing them right now. Grace.

        3. Yeah… My spouse will be leaving for a prolonged period (think months, not days) and I have a newborn, a toddler, and a preschooler.

          My support network isn’t supposed to come around, I am supposed to avoid hiring a sitter, and there is no school or daycare. If grocery delivery isn’t an option, you’re screwed.

          We’re stocking up and planning ahead, but I’ve realized that in the inevitable ‘oh shoot, I need to grab a gallon of milk’ scenario, it might be more reasonable /the safer choice to leave the kids in the car and walk into the local mini mart (not a supermarket, like a gas station) which has windows all around, where I will never be more than 15 feet from my kids, and buy the gallon of milk rather than bring everyone inside. (Note that this is just theoretical and I’ve already started freezing gallons of milk…)

          1. My sister has been leaving the kids in the car (aged 4 and 7) to run into the store real quick… seems safer than dragging them into a store in our current situation.

          2. Dad says Do NOT leave the kids in the car. The police could accuse you of being a negligent mom, even tho bringing them inside could expose them to COVID. Dad think’s it would be better to leave the kids with a neighbor, or better yet, Dad says let the neighbor shop for you if they do not want the kids in their house. Dad says he is picking things up for his neighbor, who is elederly, so what goe’s around comes around. If you pay it forward, they will do so also.

        4. If you posted that situation on my local parents Facebook page and asked for help, someone would take your grocery list to the store when they go themselves and leave your groceries on your porch for you with the receipt so you could pay them back. I would do it if you were my neighbor! I know several people who are shopping for 2 families when they go.

          1. yes! My bay area mutual aid network has 3 volunteers signed up for every help request. People want to help!

        5. If one child is old enough to stay home alone (assume 11 yrs or older tbf), they’re old enough to watch one younger child (unless they are special needs) for an hour while you go to the grocery store. Don’t burden yourself more than you have to.

          1. I think this varies quite a bit by kid and family. Plenty of 11-12 year olds are perfectly capable of being home alone but in no way are capable of being responsible for a younger child.

          2. In my state, you have to be 12 to be left alone AND in charge of a younger child.

    3. I got riled up over the WaPo article about some teenagers who just won’t stop meeting with their friends, even though they understand the situation perfectly well, and the mom with pre-existing conditions that just throws up her hands at the son’s selfishness, and then gives in to his requests for hugs, too.

      1. I was screaming through my monitor at that mom to take her son’s car keys.
        I know I’m supposed to lead with grace and compassion but that story made it hard.

        1. I get that. BUT while there is a risk that these people are spreaders, this isn’t the sort of super-spreader behavior that I really fear. Like the South Korean church or the Connecticut birthday party that people flew in for.

          I’d take the keys in a heartbeat just for disobeying a direct order from a parent under normal circumstances. I’d probably donate the car to charity if I were the parent (since you obvs can’t sell a car now unless you are Carvana).

          1. I would get rid of that car so fast, the kid’s head would spin. And I’d donate pretty much anything else of value that the kid held dear.

        2. I am a parent of kids around the same age and was disgusted by the WaPo piece. Obviously that mom lost any influence a long time ago. I don’t think I am a super judgmental parent. When I see a toddler having a meltdown on a plane I think “there but for the grace of God go I.” But this is life and death.

          1. Same. And he’s a teenager, not a toddler. I have both and that article made me so steamed!

          2. IDK that I think it is life and death with the small #s of contacts here, but OMG if I keep a roof over your head and you don’t respect that the treats are gone and you just get bread and water. A car for a kid is a luxury (have you looked at the insurance?!). A car for a kid who doesn’t mind is . . . .

    4. With you on the kids thing, I don’t understand why people think their kids get a pass. I was out walking and parents were not keeping their kids to their side of the street and instead letting them roam in the middle of the road and I had to dive off the sidewalk and into an ornamental rock display to keep distance.

      1. Nope, we’re past that. We are allowed to be upset when people put us in danger for no reason. I completely agree with OP that it is very stressful and aggravating to see people who don’t take this seriously – and that’s with every effort I make to meditate, worry about myself, etc etc. It’s a lot easier to just worry about yourself when other people are not actively undermining every step you take.

      2. I actually agree with this. I get we’re being judged and hated on for anything, but if getting out of the house once a month is the world’s worst crime then I think people are actually doing pretty well. They didn’t spit and cough on all the produce in an attempt to be infect people. One family acting this way once a month is still a mind boggling reduction in potential spread overall . I get it. I’m scared of the spread. But part of me thinks rare outings and doses or normalcy may be the only difference in someone’s sanity and society’s ability to continue mostly complying with the rules overall for the next weeks and months ahead.

        I’m also worried that a lot of this outrage is mis- directed at others who are really doing their best in an impossible situation. We’re all scared. I get it it. It’s still not the pinnacle of selfishness to leave your house for an hour after several weeks.

        1. I know some people who have descended into soviet-type informing on people.

          Remind me to re-watch The Lives of Others.

          1. Yes, it seems like we have moved past the “we’re all in this together” phase of the crisis and into the phase where the population feels emboldened to inform on each other for doing things “wrong.” Maybe people are just doing the best they can with the situation they’re confronting and we really have no idea what is prompting those decisions. The mom with her 4 kids with her at the grocery store may be getting them out of a house where the other parent present is out of work and has been drinking too much and verbally or physically abusing the kids. You know that trope about “be kind because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about?” That sentiment would go a long way here. Not that I expect the church ladies and Karens on this board to have – or demonstrate – any empathy for others.

          2. Anon at 11:28, empathy goes both ways. Where’s the empathy for the workers at the store? For the other guests who are terrified due to preexisting, high-risk conditions? You seem to be deliberately misunderstanding OP’s post – these weren’t sympathetic cases, but people who are defiantly asserting their right to f over everyone else. That’s not cool and we don’t have to be polite, delicate, understanding women about it.

          3. I’m not the Anon you’re responding to but I worry that people are attributing the things a few selfish people say on Facebook to everyone they see out and about. I don’t think at this point there’s any hope for changing the minds of selfish people, so posts like this seem to just rile up everyone and make people feel justified to “confront” people out in public because they assume the worst.

        2. Yup. Also, you don’t know the situation. As someone pointed out above, what do you do if you’re a single parent whose kids aren’t old enough to leave at home alone? I get that there are a lot of selfish people out there who aren’t doing everything right but a lot of people are really trying their best. If at this point, nothing has gotten the first group to comply, nothing will. So I’m going to assume people are in the second group instead of the first since there’s nothing I can do about it other than be upset.

        3. Yes.

          We all cope differently and we all have different reserves and resources. One family might be fine getting grocery delivery and having the kids play in the big backyard; another family might be stuck in an 800 square foot apartment with no yard to speak of, no place to play, and going to the supermarket is literally the only time they can be outside those four walls.

          So much of this seems to be class judging – the assumption that everyone with kids has a partner who can watch them at home, space to entertain them, the ability for them to get some exercise, the resources to spend money on grocery delivery, etc.

          2. I don’t think it’s class judging to criticize someone for saying “screw you, my kid is bored and needs to get out and run Home Depot.” That is very, very different from “I need to bring my kid to the store and will do everything in my power to keep the visit low-impact.”

          3. Gently, the difference in those two responses is tinged with class implications. What I mean is, the poorer folks I know are less likely to respond calmly to this kind of confrontation than middle class and rich folks, even if the reason for their actions is similar.

    6. It’s so irritating when people act like they’re some special exception to the rules. Like, this isn’t all about you, the people who work in these stores deserve to be safe too – and they’re not! People working at grocery stores are getting sick, have some g-darn consideration for others here! And really? The kids “deserve a trip” to Walmart? Take them for a walk around the neighborhood if they’ve been cooped up, these stores aren’t playgrounds!

      I mean, I’m not a parent and I’m trying to have empathy for those with little ones going stir crazy, I hope most people can find a way to let the kids run around outside for a bit without putting them or others at risk, but taking them to stores like Walmart and Target really don’t seem like the right solution here.

      2. Most people can. Most people are. Others can’t but are still doing the best they can. This is true even if the my defensive when confronted.

    7. Walmart stores, churches that are still congregating in person, and non-essential businesses that are still open (looking at you hobby lobby, etc) have the dubious honor of being a major source of transmission for this disease.
      It’s infuriating.
      Texas put a block on abortion as non essential medical service, but gov Abbott said Churches can congregate in person on Sundays. I suspect that two weeks after Easter Texas medical services are going to get clobbered. And there’s not a thing I can do to stop it (I won’t be congregating on Easter, thankyouverymuch).
      It’s infuriating.
      I understand that some people have to take their children with them when they go get groceries because there’s no one else who can watch the children. Casual outings with the entire family to Walmart and other places have got to stop though. But they aren’t because people are going to do what they want for as long as they can get away with it (and then probably blame someone else if they get sick).
      It’s infuriating.
      So I’m trying to play by the rules, in the hope that if the majority of us do, it’ll be better than if the majority of us don’t.
      That’s a small comfort.
      Thank you for doing your part and following the guidelines, despite the actions of those around you. I hope it pays off handsomely for you and your family.

      1. Walmart is often the only grocery store selling fresh items in many rural areas. And it is where you can buy scrubs, so v. important to have access to that now that other places are closed. Don’t hate on Walmart b/c it is Walmart.

        1. I am anon at 9:33. My relationship with Walmart is complicated. I shop there for some food items. I get that for rural people it can be an only option. I don’t like how they treat workers, or their business practices. And yet, I still shop there.
          That being said, unlike many other grocery stores the Walmart nearest to me is not encouraging, reminding or otherwise engaging in social distancing. It appears to be business as usual. Business as usual exacerbates this disease and allows it to thrive.
          I can shop elsewhere and probably should for the duration.
          Does that clarify for you anon at 10:24? :)

        2. Walmart is often the cheapest, which, for those on a tight budget (or who are one of the 10 million people who just lost their jobs), is very important. It also carries an array of other household products that people need (pet food, diapers, towels, clothes for kids who need them because the seasons are changing), and, last I checked, it’s probably better to get everything in one big trip than to take trips to five different stores.

      2. Yeah you can hate on people’s behavior but not on Walmart. A lot of people rely on Walmart, Target, and the Dollar Store for food.

      3. Not to mention, there’s a lot of people who might not go to church on Easter, but will insist on having some sort of brunch or get-together because “it’s a faaaaamily day” and they can’t possibly break with tradition this one time for the sake of others, so they’ll justify it by saying they’ll be “really careful” and stay 6ft apart. Not good enough. Stay home, put on a nice outfit and Skype with family this year.

        1. I might have to stay off the Internet the whole week after Easter. Seeing pictures from those events and the “justifications” for them might actually cause me to ragestroke.

        2. OTOH, if people have eliminated 90% of their daily contacts for a month and then just see family at Easter, that seems to be not a greater risk than the grocery store now that we have community spread. I mean, we’re going to go back to life at some point and a monthly family contact doesn’t seem unreasonable. We live far from family, but I can’t imagine how it must be if you are in the same city or reasonably close by. I will be watching the #s for the two weeks following, but I think people are really vigilant about declining to go places if they feel remotely unwell and it wouldn’t surprise me if there is a push to get people to take temps during holy week so that more people are aware what illness looks like and decline gatherings with a known valid explanation to loved ones.

          [If nothing else, a lot of divorced parents have custody orders mandating easter visits, so I suspect that some visiting is just going to happen.]

          1. No, if everyone wants to be “the exception” to go see grandma, even once a month, then we might as well not socially distance and open everything up again. People don’t get that they CANNOT be the exception. I have a 77 yo mother and two young adult children in my city all in separate apartments (I’m in the suburbs). I CANNOT go visit them and they cannot visit one another. At *most* two of them who live close to one another could meet for an outside walk while keeping distance. That’s the end of the topic.

          2. I just don’t think it’s going to be a disaster if people who have eliminated maybe 98% of their contacts slip to 90% for a few hours of one day. In my state, gatherings of <=10 people are still allowed, so this isn't even necessarily rule-breaking. IF it is, we know something that we didn't before (that we will be in this for a LONG hard slog). But I bet that we see a blip and not a spike because visits will be brief and smaller. If visits can't be brief and smaller, that will maybe make people take it more seriously and adapt better.

            Honestly, it is better that we know stuff like this now before hurricane season starts in the SEUS and fire season out west. At that point, we are really going to be out of better options.

          3. Ack- my SEUS city has had hurricane evacuation orders 3 out of the last 5 years. I can’t even imagine the goat rodeo it will be to navigate that and a pandemic.

          4. LaurenB I feel like that’s an extreme response. You can’t possibly be saying that a bunch of People who have all otherwise been socially distancing meeting up once a month is the equivalent of opening everything back up.

            Extreme statements like this gives justification for being the exception because “welp it’s not going to work anyways” something is better than nothing.

            And no, I’m not trying to justify anything. I haven’t seen anyone I don’t live with in weeks outside two trips to the grocery store.

          5. Right, I’m not sure that LaurenB 100% gets the concept of social distancing. Let’s say I quit going to work, to restaurants, to the store, everywhere. If *I* get exposed because I made a 1x visit to someone else, then the other social distancing I am doing still matters because I am not subsequently exposing others to the virus.

    8. Whoop-de-doo that it’s their “right.” It also makes them a– holes. Tell them that and unfollow. Can’t fix stupid.

  4. Well, an interesting update…yesterday, I was furloughed from my job in NYC unexpectedly. This economy is even hitting the industries that seemed like they’d be okay, gang. Since my company has been WFH for about month, I think the shock my coworkers expressed to me was genuine since it all seemed “okay.”

    Still in DC with this guy, going strong. But yesterday and this first morning of waking up with no work hit me differently. I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed because this current climate/economy is just something no one could have seen, but I do. He’s already working and busy for the day, and I feel…useless. Not like I liked my job, anyway. I’ve been hunting since November. But everything is so up in the air. Filing for unemployment, so money will be fine enough until I get a new job. A friend suggested just moving to DC, getting unemployment, and chugging along with my job hunt. But I can’t go back to New York and get my belongings right now. I shouldn’t go back to where I’m from due to my mother’s age, plus she is still working with the public AND not social distancing like she should. She could just as likely give any virus to me as I could give to her. My personal life is NOT what I should be worrying about right now, I’m aware. But it’s right in front of my face. I don’t want to create tension, let my own insecurities take over, and keep asking if things are okay. Last week, we agreed we’d “play by ear.” But for some reason, I’m convincing myself that being furloughed is going to make the difference.

    Currently being in the job hunt is another thing giving me a mental headache and making me feel down. I’m trying. I’m a recent law school grad and have worked in DC before in the area I want to be back in. I didn’t think I’d be in this position right now. But the other millions of people who lost stable jobs didn’t think that either, so I’m trying to put this weird time in perspective. Moving to New York City a year ago was a hiccup on my “self journey” due other reasons, and having finally realized that I feel more at peace with my decision to move back to DC. I’m going through so many waves of feeling defeated, failure, worry, and anticipation. Let’s see how me and this man grow. I’ll tell ya what, though. This morning he asked me if I wanted to watch the sunrise on the river…I’m really happy I’m here with him. He makes me feel like me again. I don’t think now is the time to say I caught the L word though.

    Long update, and if you made it to this point you get a wedding invite but I have a question: still have a second interview next week here in DC. Didn’t bring a suit with me (duh). Online stores that can come through with fast shipping? Thinking of just trying to get basics from Target and explaining the situation of not having proper suiting.

    3. I can’t imagine you’d interview in person – I’d just wear something presentable on top for a video interview, you can barely tell what people are wearing on those anyway. And good luck with the relationship- rooting for you and enjoying your updates.

    4. Please start writing your screenplay for this movie; I am looking forward to the opening Summer 2022. These updates are one of my favorite reasons to come here.

      1. +1. All romantic heroines have to overcome some hurdles. I’m so sorry you got furloughed. I’m very invested in this story and feel like it’s all going to work out for you in the end!

        PS – Hopefully you can get a suit delivered in time, but I think Target is actually a decent back up plan if you can’t get anything shipped. :)

        1. I don’t think any webcam is quality enough to notice if it the suit is from Target or Theory. I’d just get something presentable for the top from Target and call it good.

    5. Good luck with the relationship and the interview! Thank you for your updates.

    6. I agree with the Nordstrom suggestion. Love your updates, good luck on the interview, you are gonna kill it!

    7. ???? You’re not going to be interviewing in person in DC. You’re going to be using Skype or FaceTime or Zoom or whatever. Surely you have something professional to wear on top. Everyone understands.

    8. I’m totally cashing in that wedding invitation.

      Rooting for you on all counts and second the motion to not stress about the interview outfit.

  5. Is anyone else increasingly concerned about the longterm civil rights implications of the restrictions that our governments are imposing? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for restrictions that are necessary to keep people safe. But I’m terrified by the prospect of over the top, unconstitutional restrictions that don’t actually enhance safety but make people think they do.

    It really hit me yesterday when my otherwise thoughtful, educated friends in a group chat started saying things like – the governor should make it a criminal offense to meet with anyone outside your household (we already have a stay at home order); no one should go to the grocery store; grocery stores shouldn’t allow people to line up outside 6 ft apart they should require people to wait in their cars; we should close our state border; we should deport everyone whose car is licensed out of state; hospitals should require new dads to quarantine from their newborn for 2 weeks in case they have have the virus. And btw, my state is still weeks away from our peak, we aren’t one of the hardest hit by far.

    I can stay at home to protect myself and others from the virus. What do I do to protect our society from panicked people who seem intent on sacrificing all civil rights for the illusion of safety?

    1. This is something that I am generally concerned about given Trump’s autocratic tendencies, but I’m less concerned about the specific measures that you describe because they are specific to epidemic response and are limited. I will be way more concerned if there is talk about postponing the election.

      I make an exception though for the extremely over-the-top measures that some hospitals are instituting for new parents during labor. My concern is primarily health and welfare of the mother, which I think has been absolutely thrown aside in favor of panicky coronavirus protections. I work in public health and do not make that statement lightly. I believe that it is possible to balance the very real health needs of healthcare workers and new mothers who should absolutely not be separated from their babies for prolonged periods or be left to labor alone.

      1. I fear that there will definitely be talk of moving the election depending on how polling looks as we get closer.

        I totally agree on the second part. Obviously it’s important to take precautions but that doesn’t mean we should not be considering anything else – the precautions have to be weighed against other valid health concerns.

      2. As somebody in my third trimester who obsessively checks the news and my hospital’s policies on visitors, I can tell you the amount of stress and panic caused by the L&D policies surrounding the coronavirus have been extremely bad for my mental health, my sleeping and eating habits, and my day-to-day life. I worry about it literally all the time.

      3. As unpleasant as it may be for a woman to labor alone, it’s not as though it’s going to make a difference in the health outcome. There are always unscientifically-based doulas and the like who claim that “stress slows it all down,” who seem not to have noticed that mothers who go into premature labor are stressed as all get out and their stress doesn’t seem to slow it down. Baby’s going to come out somehow no matter how relaxed or stressed mom is. I agree it’s unfortunate, though.

        1. Yes, it may well make a difference in the health outcome. Partners or doulas are often the first to notice that something is wrong and to alert the nurses to signs of trouble. Women with less education and socioeconomic status will particularly suffer without an advocate of some kind at their side – I bet we’ll see way more interventions, including C-sections, if women are forced to deal with the fear and anxiety without a trusted partner to talk through options. The hospitals certainly aren’t going to be assigning one-on-one nurses to stay be their side the whole time and to fulfill that role. Also, most maternal deaths occur in the postpartum period. It’s absolutely unacceptable to force women to be alone at that time.

          1. This is especially true for women of colour. Black maternal mortality is at such a high rate because many health professionals don’t take their complaints seriously. Their partners advocating for them is the only way to save their lives – wasn’t that the case with Serena Williams?

          2. Exactly right, Shopaholic. These rules are going to have a much greater negative impact on black women.

          3. Absolutely true, Shopaholic. There are lots of good resources out there discussing racism and racial inequities during delivery. Maternal mortality for all women in this country is unacceptably high, but even more so for black women.

        2. If you have the time, do some reading about risks to women particularly in the immediately postpartum period. There’s a reason it is strongly recommended that women have an advocate with them in the hospital for labor, delivery, and postpartum and it’s not just because it reduces stress. Hospitals do not have the staff available to closely monitor every mother after delivery, and postnatal medical care is heavily focused on the baby rather than the mother. As a result, family members are critical to ensuring that if something is going wrong, the patient gets attention.

          The impact is likely to be particularly significant for WOC, who are already more likely to have their symptoms dismissed (see: what happened to Serena Williams…and she’s one of the most famous women on earth).

          There’s a reason NY state ordered hospitals to allow women to have a support partner with them and there’s a reason it continues to be the WHO recommendation notwithstanding the pandemic, and it’s not because of people’s feelings.

          1. I agree and I think this should be true for all hospital admissions, not just labor. I had a dangerous allergic reaction to a medication in-patient and it took my husband explaining the out of character changes in my personality for the medical staff to catch the early warning signs of it. I now feel like I need a second person with me, particularly if I am unconscious, to make sure I do not accidentally get that medicine again.

        3. If I were having a baby in this environment, I would definitely investigate having a doula, and if I were at all capable of natural childbirth, like Rosa originally did for her first birth’s, that is better then going to the hospital these days, b/c of all of the COVID cases. This should be a consideration for the entire HIVE b/c it is not only the woman who is pregnant, but for their families too.

        4. This is just factually incorrect. There is a lot of data to back up that these policies are dangerous to both mother and baby

        5. Being alone in a hospital is just dangerous. My impression is that other professions have more accountability for obvious, preventable mistakes than medicine does. And other professions (education, transportation) have laws about minimum staffing, length of shifts, etc., that help prevent mistakes.

        6. This is an incredibly ignorant comment. I mean, basic logical reasoning 101 here, LaurenB: stating the true fact that “stress can make labor more difficult and slow it down” is not the same thing as saying that “stress will always slow labor down,” which you believe you have disproved by bringing up women who are having medical emergencies.

    2. I think people are saying crazy stuff in a pendulum swing against an initial response that was too little, too late. It’s what happens when leaders fail.

    3. You ignore them, the government is not trying to pass those types of restrictions. If they’re really spiraling out of control, encourage them to get help for anxiety.

      1. No, the concerns are very real. You not being concerned about the wholesale abrogation of your civil rights does not mean that abrogation is not a concern.

        1. What are the restrictions that are being worked? I hadn’t seen any like what the Op’s friends were wanting but maybe I haven’t been following the news that closely.

          1. I mean just as an example a ton of states have already used this as an excuse to restrict abortion access. Who knows when/if that will ever be lifted

    4. Yep. I’m all for flattening the curve, but the reactions from people as you describe make me think of the start of the Handmaids Tale (the show). I get it, but I’m concerned.

      1. I think it will be a couple of law review articles that no one will read.

        But think of the job of a trucker — that TP isn’t going to get itself to your local store. And the trucker needs to stop for gas (Flying J! TSA!) along the way and for food. The trucker may sleep in the cab. But the food in the truck stop and the workers there need to be there, along with the gas.

        This isn’t the middle ages and we’re not all yeoman farmers who can just subsist on our plot of land solo for centuries. We are all interconnected in a web now.

      2. Same. My strategy at the moment is to just hope very hard that when we can go back to normal, we’ll all want to.

    5. I’m just as concerned when I hear people saying things about how we should just let everyone get it since the population will be healthier and more productive afterwards anyway. Fortunately, they are not the ones making these calls!

    6. Yes. I am terrified of this. Like more so than the virus. I’m staying home and only going out once a week for groceries (or every two weeks, husband takes every other week) and walks outside. The number of educated people who seem to be upset that the government isn’t requiring people to “prove” that they are outside of their home for a legitimate reason is terrifying. Of course this is a public health crisis but governments who take away civil liberties generally don’t have a great track record of giving them back.

      1. France is requiring notes for every errand. Not a perfect country by any means, but not one that is known for insane infringements on civil liberties…

        1. Yeah, and that’s terrifying to me. If a “good” country like France can do that, what’s to stop the head cheeto from doing the same here? And then using that newfound power to do all sorts of scary abusive things. I don’t know why people are so willing to hand over their rights with no promise as to when they’ll get them back.

        2. How do you get a note for a grocery store run? Write it yourself and have it signed by a grocery clerk for the trip home?

          1. Right? And will there be a hiring boom for note-checkers? Who will be (I guess) psychic? Or an uptick in opportunists (I have a “store” and will give you a note)?

          2. I understand that the notes are as though you’re under oath, so if you falsely state your purpose in going out you can be penalized.

          3. Again, no one can really police this. I could go out “for food” and “for medicine” any day I wanted to. Legitimately. And let’s not forget that people are . . . creative . . . and other are outright nefarious. Are drug-dealers not going to drug-deal? Are people not going to see their mistresses (it is France, after all)? Are kids not going to need diapers and suddenly get a stomach bug and need pedialyte-francese? And are bad guys not going to tip policemen or start informing on others as a way to divert attention from themselves? What woman cannot legitimately say at any point in time “I need advil”? This is so naive to think that this will work absent employing half of France to enforce it (and maybe that is the point — full employment!).

          4. The not being able to police it is the least of my concerns, I really hate the idea of the police being able to stop people to “prove” that they are allowed to be out and encouraging neighbors to spy on each other.

      2. Yep – I’m much less worried about the virus than I am about peoples’ irrational responses to it, and worse, when they advocate those irrational positions to their government representatives.

        1. I don’t know; I think of human idiocy as a treatable problem, if there’s enough will to address it. Right now, we don’t have an effective treatment for the virus no matter what we do (though we are working on it).

          1. Human idiocy is a constant, shifting, but untreatable problem. You’re right, we don’t have an effective treatment, but advocating for positions that aren’t based on evidence are of no help and often make things worse.

      3. I agree – I’ve constantly been worried about the state’s restricting freedom of movement/right to travel, especially over state lines. Even my employer is now offering ‘mobility letters’ if you need to cross state lines for work. How many rights are states taking away while people are distracted and will we get them back? I see this at a state level, not necessarily at the federal.

    7. I was really surprised that this board of lawyers didn’t get VERY worried about the DOJ request to suspend habeas corpus, two weeks ago (but maybe I missed that discussion). I haven’t heard much talk of it since, hopefully because it would never pass the house.

      1. I don’t remember seeing a post about it either but it TERRIFIED me. I get that this public health crisis is very scary but I am personally shocked how many people are ok giving the government unprecedented unchecked power and stripping rights right now. Fear is what lead to things like the PATRIOT Act, I think we’re in for a lot scarier legislation this time around and the people who opposed the PATRIOT Act seem to be championing these efforts. Its a very strange time.

        1. Plus, what’s the “joke” – there’s nothing so permanent in Washington as a temporary program?

    9. Yes, I am very concerned. I am a lifelong liberal and Democrat, voted for Hillary in 2016.

      I was born an American, free and independent, and I will die one also. In between birth and death I expect that my government will adhere to the Constitution, interpreted appropriately, and allow me the freedoms assured to me in the Constitution, including the right to peaceably assemble, the right to petition for a redress of grievances, etc. I did not know that our Constitutional rights could be thrown over so easily and so quickly because a small group of people think it is necessary to prevent a nebulous, uncertain outcome that would affect a small percentage of citizens. That worries me a lot.

      I also think that we have to think about the good of the many vs. the good of the few; our society is precipitated on that principle (as are most). 10 million people are out of work. They are relying on government assistance to survive. (That’s as it should be and I hope that one thing that comes forward from this is the idea that perhaps we as a society need to provide more social supports, and not less.) At what point do the deaths of 240,000 people (the peak estimate of Covid casualties) get balanced against the needs of 327 million? Are we going to consider it a public health emergency when we have 240,000 people kill themselves or overdose or drink themselves to death out of despair? How about when we have 240,000 people die of starvation, or preventable medical causes because they no longer can access healthcare? In my state, ten times as many people died of gun violence last year than we’ve lost to Covid-19 and we didn’t consider that an emergency worth shutting everything down for. We’re very used to the stay-at-home concept as we would not leave our house after dark except for urgent needs, because we feared being shot. Apparently that’s not a problem worth abrogating people’s rights over – even if it’s just their second-Amendment right to own a gun.

      I am also worried about the de-prioritization of a child’s right to a free and appropriate education. Homeschool with Zoom chats is not an appropriate education for many children. Are we really sure that telling children their education is not as important as preventing the spread of a disease that only kills a small fraction of infected people is the correct long-term move? Our kids are never going to forget this.

      I don’t know anyone who wants people to die from Covid. I also don’t know anyone who doesn’t think this has gone too far. As I said, I am a lifelong Democrat but will be voting for our incumbent governor’s Republican opponent in the next election because I believe she has made a series of boneheaded kneejerk choices that are crippling our state’s economy, putting our children in danger, and will ultimately not prevent many deaths. I am very worried that if this turns out to be mostly nothing, and everything stays shut down till June for “reasons,” and the economy collapses as a result, people are going to turn on the Democratic party, big-time, and blame them for the carnage that will ensue from these shutdown decisions and sweepingly vote Republican in the November elections, retaining Trump and turning both houses of Congress Republican.

      And I’m also worried that the next pandemic that comes along, we will have trouble getting adherence to public health orders, because so few people are being affected by this disease. What if the next pandemic is a disease with the transmissability of Covid but the death rate of Ebola? And no one will shut down or stay inside early on because “remember that whole Covid thing? Nothing happened except the economy fell apart.”

      1. Please catch up on what is happening in New York and Italy. This is already not nothing. We’re doing this to support medical workers who are risking their lives to keep us safe. And Trump was going to win anyway. And yes, education is not as important as people’s lives (speaking as a life long educator who for health reasons missed many years of school and was just fine).

      2. You understand that 240,000 is based on the theory that we all keep doing this, right? If we stop the measures to slow the spread, many more people than 240,000 die.

      3. I don’t think it’s gone too far. I’m high risk. I don’t want to die. I don’t want huge swaths of my community- my community with the same chronic illness I have- to die, just after a medication was approved by the FDA that allows 90% of us to look forward to a long life for the first time in our lives. I’d prefer we do too much and look back and say “Huh, maybe we went overboard” than to do too little and look back and say “We could have saved so many lives”. And I’m a lawyer. I know what this means for our constitutional rights and liberty.

      4. The fundamental lack of understanding in your post of the purpose of these policies is staggering. If it turns out to be “mostly nothing” since “so few people are being affected by this disease,” it will be BECAUSE we took all of these measures. Want some proof? Look at Michigan and Florida. Those states waited too long to react and the cases there are exploding. Look at California and Washington (and many, many countries across the globe), who took quick(er) and decisive action following initial outbreaks and are slowing the spread.

        There are a quarter million confirmed cases in the US now — one week ago today there were about 80,000 confirmed cases. Mitigation is critical.

        1. + 1 to Anonymous at 12:29 pm. Unfortunately that’s what is going to happen — it isn’t going to be the ultimate disaster it could have been, and the yee-haw Trump supporters are going to claim “the libs ruined the economy over nothing.”

        2. Oh, yeah. Also this. I’m in Washington and I’m so glad our governor has responded quickly and decisively. For weeks. I feel a lot safer than I did before the stay home order.

      5. I am not a doctor or epidemiologist, but you seem very ill informed about how these numbers work. We’re not weighing the lives of 320M against 240K – the 240K would be exponentially higher if we did nothing. Not only from people dying of the virus but also from those that would die as a result of an overwhelmed medical system.

      6. “I am also worried about the de-prioritization of a child’s right to a free and appropriate education. Homeschool with Zoom chats is not an appropriate education for many children. Are we really sure that telling children their education is not as important as preventing the spread of a disease that only kills a small fraction of infected people is the correct long-term move? Our kids are never going to forget this.”

        I cannot believe a supposedly educated person says that this is about preventing the spread of a disease that “only kills a small fraction of infected people.” Where you have BEEN in the past month? Are you not aware that the issue isn’t so much the death rate, but that a significant portion of those who come down with it require hospitalization, hence overloading the medical system?

        1. I know — good lord this is so clueless. I wonder if this poster even has kids. Mine are probably better on zoom than I am b/c they are using it so much now for meeting with their teachers (public school, so nothing fancy). Even if we were cut off from everything, they have tons to read and draw and do math with.

          1. I mean that’s really fortunate that your kids have access to zoom but that’s not universally true (although I understand many school districts are working hard to get access to chromebooks and the like for kids that don’t have access to a computer/ipad at home). Same regarding books, art supplies, etc.

            I don’t think we are over-reacting to the public health crisis but I do think we are minimizing/ignoring the very real impact this will have on children, particularly low income children. I’m not so worried about my kids (they’ll be fine, we too have an abundance of books, art supplies, educational toys, cool technology, etc.) but I am very worried about the huge impact this is going to have on the already wide achievement gap. I also worry about the huge drop off in reporting of child abuse cases because the reason isn’t that less kids are being abused, it’s because teachers and daycare providers report the vast majority of incidents.

            I understand that people want to push social distancing, but I really hate the cavalier attitude of so many posters here of “it’s not that big of a deal” in response to very real problems this is causing.

          2. It sounds more like it’s exacerbating pre-existing problems (that were and are a very big deal).

      7. I personally know someone who died of Covid-19 (a colleague in his mid-40s with small children). and multiple infected, currently sick people, about whom I am worried. This is absolutely not going to be “remember when nothing happened” — especially to the family and friends of those who have died and will continue to die.

      8. Agree 100%. 240,000 deaths in a country of 390,000,000 people is not worth all this economically or mental health-wise.

        1. That number is with the shut down. Without shutting everything down, it’s over 2 million.

          1. I am unnerved that this concept is so hard for supposedly educated people to understand.

          2. THIS. i know i am late to the party– but HOW ARE WE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION? Because we took remedial measures, it did not blow up, therefore, we should not take remedial measures?

      9. +1 – you wrote the article I’ve been looking for. Also lifelong Democrat and I agree with everything you’ve said here.

      10. I live just outside of New Orleans. The “number” of cases here has exploded in the last two days because first testing, then test results, were delayed. Many of these “new” cases are people who were infected a couple of weeks ago, when the city already had community spread and the city wasn’t doing enough.

        We talked to a close friend last night. He’s been furloughed because he’s a sales rep for a distributor with all restaurant accounts. His wife, a CRNA who is 8 months pregnant, is being given the choice to move to ICU patients or take her maternity leave early (the rest of her team was moved to ICU 1-2 weeks ago). They’re worried about her health and the baby’s. His uncle is on a ventilator and took a turn for the worse last night.

        The hospitals are getting full. The state is running out of ventilators. We may soon have COVID cases treated at the convention center (yeah, that one) without adequate equipment. I don’t think this is a case where people are going to look back and say, “Nothing happened except we tanked the economy.” And, yes, the local economy relies on oil and tourism, so that’s tanked too.

      11. As one of the vulnerable people, I am not volunteering to be one of the fatalities so that the economy keeps going at the rate you think best. I have no intention of “dying for the Dow.” I am doing my best to stay healthy and safe. Shame on you for suggesting that other people’s lives are disposable.

    10. Yep, absolutely. I get that the restrictions are necessary right now and I’m absolutely not arguing that they’re not. But I’ve been incredibly disappointed about the lack of conversation about the civil liberties aspect at all levels — federal, state, and local.

  6. Okay I’m a week and a half in from work from home and I’m losing steam. Live alone so no one to distract me but also no one to help me focus. Unfortunately I’m unable to dial it back , as I’m working on COVID support work.

    I’m just struggling to focus and stay engaged throughout my workday. I normally only work from home once a month or so. I think I was dialed in until Monday and then I just lost steam and focus.

    Obviously I’m exhausted (working ~70 hour weeks) and stressed (duh) which impacts it but basically being off my mark is unacceptable for several reasons. Trying to be very kind to myself, as we all should be, but I need to turn it back on again. Any ideas?

    1. Get as much rest as humanly possible. Take time to chat with family or friends. This is a marathon, not a sprint, so pace yourself as much as possible. And you have our gratitude for helping us all get through this.

    2. It seems counter-intuitive, but taking breaks makes me more productive – 30 minutes minimum. I need about an hour to reset when I’m really stressed. Try limiting yourself to 8-9 hours of work per day unless your boss has specifically stated you need to work longer, in a max of 4 hour blocks. Get outside: go for a walk, sit in your yard if you have one; spending any amount of time outdoors helps. I sympathize – 1.5 weeks in was the hardest time for me (I had a minor freakout and called my friend who’s a therapist). On week 3 now and I feel like I’ve hit my stride. It’s not as productive as being in the office, but anyone who thinks we should be doesn’t understand trauma at all.

    3. Can you schedule some virtual lunches/breaks/work sessions with co-workers? It helps energize me when I have some collaboration with people who understand my work and can help me brainstorm, or at least commiserate about the specifics of the job and organization.

    4. It helps me to have an accountability buddy – write down the 3 (or whatever number) things you plan to accomplish today and email it to your work BFF, or just to yourself if you don’t have a close work friend. At the end of the day, check in on how you did. I also find it very helpful to have something to look forward to in there middle of the day and then again halfway through second half of the day, whether it’s a walk around block, drink favorite tea, call friend for 10 mins, whatever. Breaking the day up helps me stay motivated for few-hour chunks

  7. Yesterday I took an online quiz to find out what my Myers-Briggs personality type is. I generally don’t trust/rely on these things too much, but the result and write up I got seemed fairly accurate. The test I used is at www . human metrics .com /cgi-win /jtypes2 .asp with no spaces although I am sure there are many others out there. I thought it’d be fun to do a quick poll of what type everyone is. I got ENTJ.

    1. eNTp — My N is really high; my tester said that “NT” was the lawyer personality

      1. Lawyer here and always INTJ! Most of my friends are some combination of this TJ as well!

    3. INTP. The ‘NT’ being a lawyer personality type makes sense – I’m not a lawyer but always thought of it as a route that might suit me (and then moved somewhere where you can’t retrain as a lawyer without going right back to the start of undergrad, whoops).

      From 16 personalities: “Logicians pride themselves on their inventiveness and creativity, their unique perspective and vigorous intellect. Usually known as the philosopher, the architect, or the dreamy professor, Logicians have been responsible for many scientific discoveries throughout history.”

    4. I’m INTJ and seem to fit the stereotype (especially in not having or wanting children, but also in other ways).

      (Someone is going to show up to say this isn’t real psychology–as if real psychology weren’t embroiled in a replication crisis and still struggling to find its foundations as a legitimate academic discipline! I find that it is pretty easy to guess someone’s type if you know their preferences and choices. So I think of it as just giving a name to those preferences and choices. I think the backlash is partly from the career coaching industry trying to treat this like it’s some kind of science.)

      5. INTJ married to an INTJ. We are definitely the couple who got married late, had one child, and feel more comfortable around our baby than around other people’s babies. This particular child is great, but babies in general aren’t really our thing.

      6. INTJ solidarity! I think we’ve found… all of us, lol.
        I am an outgoing introvert, though. I miss all my peeps right now. But simultaneously miss having some physical distance from DH and the kids. LOL

      7. ISFJ-T, “The Defender,” with “turbulent” sub-type. Pretty accurate, although the description is more social than me. I’m a legal aid attorney , so a lot of the traits really align with the work I do (patience, empathy, etc). The weaknesses also align with me pretty closely. I especially identify with the section about friendships and workplace habits.

      8. Another INTJ – It’s the most rare personality type for women. Exciting (although somewhat expected) to see so many of us on this board.

        I work in logistics for a major company and find the problem solving/systems building aspect of my job incredibly satisfying!

        My spouse is an ENTJ, we are well matched and also married later (35+ in life). Expecting our first child at 40.

    5. I’m also an ENTJ. It seems pretty accurate for me. I find the enneagram to be much more detailed and on-point though, if you’re interested in another test.

      1. Another ENTJ here. I’ve taken the test a few times over the last 20 years and it always comes back the same (and feels fairly on point). I’m an 8w7 on the enneagram but I can’t find a lot of science backing that one, so I’m a little more skeptical that I already am of these personality tests.

        For me the most important takeaway from the Myers Briggs is thinking about your preferences/ intuitions and how others might have different “default settings.” It explained a lot of my childhood when I realized I am an E but my entire family are Is. And also when I realized an ENTJ woman is fairly rare/ discouraged throughout history, which matters in my very small conservative “Christian” hometown.

        1. IDK what this has to do with Christianity of the flavor you describe. I am a ___P and all that really means is that I don’t like to follow a schedule. I mean, fundamentalist anything and I probably don’t get along but it’s because of personality vs specific branch of thing being fundamentalist.

        3. Interesting about the historical nature – I can see some of that in relationships with various family members. I will definitely take the enneagram, although with a grain of salt as usual :)

        1. Apparently INTP’s are only 3% of the population! I don’t know about the other P types

    7. IS*J. I’m a pretty even balance between T and F at this point in my life. If someone asks in an interview, I say T since it sounds more analytical, but I’m happy being either and find that it’s a common theme in my life to go between the two.

      1. Vicky this is the first time I’ve noticed that we’ve been different at something shared on this site and even then it’s just introvert/extrovert

        1. LOL, I could be one of your introvert girlfriends! I do like having an extrovert around socially. :)

        1. Agree. Sometimes I find an F approach to be way more effective, so I choose it (which is sorta T of me, right?).

    14. High five fellow ENTJ. When everyone is lost and doesn’t know what to do, we will tell them what to do. When they’re being a-holes, we will tell them where to go.

    15. I love personality tests! DH and I did it for premarital counseling and both are ESFJ, but I am more extreme than him at every level. I also realized that all of my close girlfriends are I’s, which sometimes makes me feel bad that maybe I don’t like sharing attention.

    16. ISFJ. I’m a happy appellate lawyer. I’ve taken the assessment about 5 times over 25 years and always get the same thing. I don’t know what DH is, but he’s also an introvert, and I’m incredibly grateful for that right now as we live in our tiny space together full time.

    18. I did it twice and got INTJ and ISFJ. I’m a civil defense attorney but I do feel sometimes my introversion and passiveness is my biggest weakness (and, more than anything, my overwhelming desire for everyone to like me, like even here in this anonymous post).

    20. INFP. And I am a lawyer, but not having “the lawyer personality” does not surprise me a bit.

    21. I’m an Enneagram 5w4 or 4w5 and IN??. I’ve tested INTJ, INTP, INFP and INFJ at different points in my life. I read recently that it’s pretty common to get different results on the MBTI. I did want to study law when I was in high school, but ended up training as a classical musician.

  8. Got let go of my big law job with two months severance. I’ve never been let go before and I have no idea what the next steps are supposed to be. Do I file for unemployment or are there downsides to that? Do I get an independent life insurance policy? Thankfully I’m on my husband’s health insurance. Is there a tactical way to ask the firm I worked at as a junior associate for a job? (I left to pursue a niche area but I have skills in the general areas the other firm does and left on good terms with the explanation I was just following my passion subject matter.) Other things I should immediately consider? Volunteer work? I feel so lost.

    2. Ask for more time on website! 2 months is on the shorter end is under normal situation let alone now = when no one is hiring. I’d ask for 4 months. I mean they can’t possibly expect you to get a job within 2 months…

      1. WOW. I’m so sorry. I would think that it would be better to ask for staying on the DL for 4 months so you will show as “employed” and get benefits (and I’d offer to take a 50% pay cut vs severance). But ask — the most they can say is no. And file for unemployment.

    3. Kindly, I strongly suspect whatever firm you worked for before is not hiring. No one is. We’re all laying people off.

    4. I”m in HR, not law… so caveat of there may be industry nuance I am missing for your scenario.
      File for unemployment.. there are no downsides. For your life insurance, see if you can keep continuity of coverage by calling the vendor you had at your job. It sometimes works out you can continue converge. If not, it’s a risk assessment to decide if you want to open a new policy while you job hunt.
      On contacting prior companies you have worked for.. in my opinion it never hurts if you have a good contact to use. Simple letter explaining current circumstances and indicating you will now be looking for new opportunities, mention something you appreciated about that firm if possible, and talk about new skill sets you gained that could be applied.
      Other things you should consider.. approach job hunting like a job. Set hours for it.. Go through the steps and then shut down for the day. You will drive yourself crazy if you look 24/7. This sucks, but you will get through it.

    5. BigLaw partner here. Bankruptcy and restructuring teams and firms will be busy and hiring. We otherwise have a freeze on hiring until we see how things shake out. You should also register with temp firms, they may be able to put you in short projects to help fill the gap until things stabilize. If you have a pro bono or charity passion, this is also a great time to volunteer, public interest organizations are swamped.

    6. File for unemployment now, it’s possible to collect both unemployment and severance, and it’s always a good idea to get that money coming in ASAP in case you’re unemployed long-term. Don’t forget the additional payments the federal government will be sending to people laid off as well, those will be helpful. Don’t worry about the layoff being some black mark on your record, it happens to a lot of people and almost everyone will understand it wasn’t your fault, it’s not a reflection on your performance.

      Do reach out to someone at your old firm and ask if they’re hiring, be prepared for a no but maybe they know of someone who is. It doesn’t hurt to leverage connections when job hunting.

      1. Labor and empoyment lawyer here. Depending on your state, you most likely cannot collect both severance and unemployment at the same time. If your severance is paid as regular payroll, it will more than cancel out your benefits and disqualify you for each weekly period of unemployment; if it is paid in a lump sum, your state may calculate it as if it had been paid weekly and it would serve to disqualify you for that number of weeks.

        It doesn’t hurt to appy now, but you probably won’t get unemployment benefits paid until your severance runs out.

        And this obviously is very tough, I’m sorry you are going through this.

  9. Sorry if this has been asked recently, but I’m assuming I should hold off on TTC? We started in December and haven’t had any luck so far.

    1. This is totally personal but I say keep trying! It will keep you busy. You don’t know how long it will take and even if it happened today, 9 – 10 months is a long time. Babies are born into all kinds of circumstances. Good luck!

    2. Please consider the possibility that you may not be able to terminate a non viable or dangerous pregnancy, depending on your state. That’s enough for me to hold off, personally, but ymmv.

      2. +1. That would be enough for me to hold off as well unless I had access to a personal stash of misoprostol (I do, actually, but it’s all expired – not enough of a safety margin for me).

        1. There’s no issue with obtaining prescription medicine, right? You can still go to a pharmacy and get it.

          1. You usually don’t know a fetus has a serious health condition until it’s way too late to terminate with pills. Most people in that situation find out at the 20 week ultrasound.

          2. It’s not too late to terminate with misoprostol in the second trimester. However, it shouldn’t be a first resort simply because misogynistic governments have terminated our rights.

    3. Personally we’re holding off until May for a couple reasons (one being that my husband is working 60 hour week/night shifts during my fertile window in April, one being economic uncertainty, one being waiting to let this shake out a little because he was supposed to get a sperm analysis in March before this all happened anyway). We’re young though – 31 and 30. If we were older, I think we would push a little harder.

    4. I don’t know why this would be a bad time except that there might be a number of people delivering when you are due or if you are worried about your personal finances. There has been very little discussion about babies getting sick, and the cases I’ve read about the symptoms were mild. Also who knows where we will be in 10 months, that is a long time

    5. Thanks all. Rationally I think we should hold off but I’m really struggling emotionally. We have been married since our early 20s and waited so long intentionally, and then this happens. I am turning 34 this summer for what it’s worth.

      1. I think that you should start trying. Gently, you have no idea how long it will take. All fertility treatments that were not in progress have been paused, so there will be many people looking for this once they are starting again. If you need fertility treatment you will want to know sooner rather than later. If you wait 6 months – 1 year to try, and then try for a whole year, before needing fertility treatments, are you comfortable with that impact to your timeline?

        Alternatively you might get pregnant right away and you will be able to use the this time to get through your first trimester tired and nauseous at home without needing to hide it from others. I am 12 weeks pregnant and I have definitely had anxiety but there is never a perfect time and after struggling to conceive I am so grateful that I didn’t wait any longer.

        1. +1 to this. There is never a perfect time and I definitely know people who got pregnant right away but most fertility specialists won’t even talk to you until you’ve been trying for 6 months or a year depending on your age. And fertility treatments can take much much longer.

    6. I’m about 23w right now, and if I were just starting to try, I would hold off a month or two unless you are older and it could take longer.
      There’s a lot of risk to the fetus from a high fever in the first trimester. Let the big peak they are anticipating this month pass, and then go for it. Depending on where you live, many practices are cutting back on prenatal care so that’s another factor to consider. Also dealing with the stress of this world while pregnant sucks. No alcohol means I have to process my emotions like a healthy adult.. lol
      All that being said, it can take months (it did for me and I’m gynecologically young and healthy) so you could start now and not be pregnant till after the peak. I wouldn’t worry too much about reports of birthing conditions and birthing alone if I were you. Who knows how it’s going to look in 10+ months.

    7. I got my IUD out and started TTC about a week before this all started. We initially decided to wait it out… but after seeing estimates this may go on for a year, etc., we just got so depressed that we decided to start again. My obgyn has told all their patients that it is business as usual for them and they are still seeing patients. They are in a separate building with a separate women’s hospital (which is on a different city block) from the main hospital. TTC is also something to keep our minds off things… I will say that depending on your city, etc.you may want to reconsider. If I was in NYC, I don’t think I would TTC right now.

      1. For what it’s worth – I’m 20 weeks in NYC and prenatal care is not business as usual here. No in-person appointments except for critical scans/testing, and otherwise teleconference calls with doctor (have to record weight and BP at home). I’ll go back in at 23 weeks for anatomy scan and at 30 weeks. I’m due in August and not even sure what delivery situation will be then. Then again, it took us 2 years to conceive and I’m not sure what I would have done looking back. Best of luck to you and everyone TTC/pregnant/with newborns.

    8. I would wait, yes. My pregnant friends mostly aren’t having regular prenatal appointments and it’s very stressful for them – they’re worried about their health and the baby’s health. Many of them are planning home births to avoid hospitals which is not something they ever would have chosen except for the current situation (they are all second or third time moms so the home birth risks are not as high).
      I feel you, I was married for over 10 years when started trying but when I was ready I was ready immediately. So I get how hard it is to pause. But 33 is still fairly young and I would not want to be pregnant now.

  10. I’m having a hard time with a decision:

    For reference: I started taking ADHD meds when I was 22. I always was well behaved, did very well in school but literally never took a book home. Both my twin sister and I were kind of disasters in terms of organization, but had very high IQ’s/test results, so no adults were concerned. The meds kind of changed my life during law school and after, in terms of being able to focus on the right thing at the right time, follow through on things when there was not an imminent deadline, etc.

    Fast forward 15 years. I have the sweetest 6 year old daughter. She’s in kindergarten (summer birthday, so one of the oldest in the class). Teacher conferences and schoolwork shows that shes struggling academically. My experience reading with her is the same. Seems to have a very short memory, asks repeated questions, rushes through things. Mentioned this to pediatrician and daughter was tested (note…it has taken from late October until now to get the testing process completed.) Doctor wants to discuss the results and medication.

    I logically know that meds changed how I operated and felt about myself, but I’m nervous at the idea of putting my 6/7 year old on stimulants. Luckily there’s a pandemic so I have lots of time to think about this.

    Who has

    1. Breathe. Talk to your pediatrician not the Internet. Providing your child with medication they need is not a bad thing.

    2. Be open to the discussion of medication. There are some logistical issues to think about, like how do you make a 6 year-old reliably take a pill every day, and whether she’ll eat enough if her appetite is suppressed, but the doctor will have some thoughts on these because they likely have a lot of experience working with kids with ADHD. A lot of girls slip through the cracks when it comes to ADHD so it’s actually really good they identified the issue early, I had to wait until I was 16 for someone to take my concerns seriously.

      There may be some alternatives to medication that can help with her cognitive skills and reading comprehension, but low-dose medication may not be the worst thing.

    3. I had these concerns with both of my kids (one ADHD and one merely ADD). We went with every possible intervention (LOTs of activity, good environment for reading and eventual homework, etc.). We only have one on meds now (held off for a long time due to concerns re stunting growth as girls in my family get periods early and after that our growth completely cuts off; caveat that grades were good and drama was minimal). For the meds kid, she is also ASD -1 and I think they help her cope at school but we haven’t been doing them at home for the last several weeks and I’ve only noticed her being not-great on zoom calls (which is more the ASD vs ADHD). It’s hard know exactly b/c she doesn’t have quite the words to say to describe what the meds do. It’s hard to say generally — talk to your ped about YOUR kid.

  11. Now that teleconferencing has come so important, I have noticed that my voice sounds really nasal and lacks intonation on the phone. To compensate for sounding young growing up, I learned to decrease intonation so my sentences don’t end up in a question mark, but I seem to have overcompensated. The other day I recorded a presentation I gave and literally fell asleep to my own voice. I also hate how nasal it sounds. Any tip for resources and daily exercises that I can use to change my voice? I’ve already read articles on how to decrease intonation at the end of my sentences, so that’s not a problem I have.

    1. No tips on changing, but I think disliking how your voice sounds when you hear it recorded is universal. I get compliments on my voice often, but I can’t stand listening to it recorded!

      1. +1 I have a feeling your voice to others sounds just fine.

        The thought of actively trying to change the way your voice sounds makes me think of Elizabeth Holme’s weird fake deep voice and kind of makes me cringe. But maybe this is a more popular thing to do than I’m aware of, with hopefully better results.

    2. Kindly, most people hate the way they talk when they hear themselves back in a recording. No one you talk to over the phone or in person is thinking about how your voice sounds. I definitely hate the way I sound, but I try to not think about it and carry on.

    3. I’m also interested in tips or resources. I would get speech therapy if I could find a provider. I’ve noticed that many of my friends who either sang or got speech therapy as children speak especially clearly, so I think it works. My own voice sounds childlike and breathless, and I’m told that I artificially lower it to compensate, but only inconsistently. I am sure that people who know me are used to it, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t improve. And people do sometimes think I am younger than I am or that I am nervous when I’m not because of the way I speak, so I don’t think it’s just a self perception.

      1. Someone trained in singing and I am certainly able to modify my voice in many ways that singing taught me.

        For the phone, I tend to be softer and have my voice sound ‘richer’ than my regular speaking voice. Lots of it comes down to breath support, mouth shape, dictation, and vowel sounds.

        I wonder if you could contact a vocal/dialect coach to do this work remotely?

    4. For those of you with iPhones, I can highly recommend the app Speeko for public speaking/just speaking in general practice.

    5. I’m a reporter so I have to constantly play back recorded interviews and listen to myself talk (and fake polite laughs, which is almost worse). It’s awful. I don’t know anyone who likes the sound of their own voice.

  12. I’m a senior associate in BigLaw, and was wondering if anyone had advice on managing up. One of the biggest issues I’m seeing with everyone working from home is that we’re constantly expected to be “on.” Of course during the normal workday, but a lot of the partners have kids, and thus only really get going at night and expect responses to their emails. It’s left me exhausted and frustrated, because it feels like there’s never a chance to take a break and disconnect from work. I’m also concerned about potential layoffs with the upcoming recession, so want to remain responsive and keep up my hours. Thoughts on how to try to manage the situation? I know several other associates are feeling the same way.

    I will caveat this all that I am very grateful for a job where I can work from home – I’m just trying to figure out how to make it more manageable.

    1. I have a kiddo so am grateful for partners that are parents since they are usually more understanding than childless ones. That being said, I totally get it. When you have worked 10 hours and get ready to sign off, then suddenly twenty emails come in, it is incredibly frustrating. What I found helpful is to find one partner that you work most with and/or will be open to accommodation. Then try to do a daily call with them first thing in the morning or early afternoon right after lunch to go through what is on your list that needs to be done the day of. And immediately following the call, send them an email with all of the attachments you need them to look at so they can get right on it versus having to find the email, which takes time and they will get distracted. That should help somewhat, though it would depend on what the relationship dynamics are like between you and thepartner.

    2. I feel this so hard – from partners as well as from clients. It’s like my schedule is inverted. My normal working hours are now my break hours and my normal break hours are now working hours. I get a spike of work early in the morning, at lunchtime, and later evening. It’s a tough adjustment.

      My schedule is basically:
      7 am Get up and respond to emails/take calls
      10 am Shower
      10:30-noon Do the actual work I‘d intended to do that day
      Noon Flurry of emails and calls
      2 pm Eat lunch and watch something on Netflix
      ~3-5 pm More real work
      5 pm Go for a run
      6 pm Eat dinner watch Netflix
      9 pm More calls and emails until bed

    3. Can you start your own day later, take a dinner break yourself, and then be online to be responsive?

    4. Not Big Law, but am a partner (MidLaw) and I would just say – don’t respond overnight. Sign off. However, there is a caveat – respond to everything you need to during the day and try to anticipate what the partner might need that night. I sign on at 8pm each night now (after bedtime) and work until 11 or 12. I am not expecting responses at night. I am expecting responses when I check my email mid-morning. If you’re still working a normal day, don’t keep the partner waiting. (And if you’re not working a normal day, try and tell your partners what you are doing so they can expect it – i.e., “I’m signing on each day around 9am and will be available until 6pm” or “I have a baby at home, so I’ll be signing on at 5am, but off again at 8am, and then available off and on during the day.” Whatever it is – just be upfront with them.)

      1. A colleague of mine has on his email signature ‘if I’m emailing you outside of usual office hours, I don’t expect an urgent response’ or similar – if you’re the one emailing late at night because it works better for you to do so, it might be worth adding that caveat?

        1. For managers on this site – use the “Delay Delivery” option on Outlook! I do this whenever I work on weekends, when I email my team or outside counsel.

          1. Nope. I’m the partner above and no way am I doing that right now. I’m working weird hours. Deal with it. These are not normal times.

      2. I also agree with this in principle, but I also left BigLaw due to nonsense like this. So ymmv and may depend on how reasonable your colleagues are.

    5. Three options:
      (1) have a candid conversation with the partners about whether they need responses at night or whether first thing in the morning is ok; it may turn out that the morning is ok
      (2) adjust your hours to match the partner hours
      (3) lump it – treat it like a really busy time at work where you’d be working 16 hours a day and getting breaks just to sleep

    6. If the partners are interested in feedback, you can tell them you are getting a lot of email at the same time and it would be super helpful if they could say “need response tonight” or “tomorrow is fine” so you can triage most efficiently. If they aren’t open to feedback, then you should adjust your own hours to march theirs – start at your normal morning time but then chill out in the middle of the day to do laundry, exercise, or whatever, and expect to do a lot of night work.

  13. Vent: I feel like maybe two-thirds of my colleagues and friends (in Seoul, Korea) take social distancing seriously and the other third are generally out and about (bars, restaurants, gyms) and don’t think this is very serious. I had to talk my 60+ year old father out of ongoing weekly gatherings at his alumni meetings and clubs, an attempt that only partially worked because I threatened to not come to see him any more if he continued.

    And everyone is out in the parks and playgrounds with the nice weather — the government has had to shut down certain crowding points for cherry blossoms. I admit I was myself not at all anxious about this until mid-February (although I followed government guidelines), when my workplace started sending daily emails about social distancing, cancelled all meetings, and implemented voluntary WFH.

    I still think we are getting lulled into a false sense of security in Korea. Besides, all this “efficiency” of the Korean government is hinging on the all-too-often-untold sacrifice of medical and emergency personnel, delivery personnel, and government employees (many of whom are now infected, at least one government employee and a delivery personnel has died of overwork, and one doctor has died of COVID-19).

    But at least we have a semblance of normalcy here (although schools are still out so I concede the picture must look very different for people with kids). We’re witnessing the situation in the US and Europe much as we watched the situation unfold in China — that is, from afar, and not really thinking the situation could turn into a nightmare very quickly here, too. But thanks to the relative normalcy, I know some friends are trying to help by shipping whatever masks they can to doctor friends in the US — although shipping of N95 masks is currently banned unless specifically approved by the government. I hope we all make it through and help each other the best we can.

  14. How do you deal with a senior associate who for whatever reason just seems to dislike you? I’ve been at a small firm for over a year now. From the minute I arrived, there seems to be a senior associate who just does not like me. I tried taking him out to lunch, dropping by his office, passing tips to him, but it’s as if he deliberately puts up a wall against me. Before, it did not really affect me. But recently we have all been working on similar types of pro bono cases with a partner. This senior associate is the only person who subscribes to a pro bono listserv that sends out critical updates everyday. I found out that he has been sharing these helpful updates with only a few other associates (who all went to his law school or are Jewish). He occasionally shares it with me, but only when cc’ing the partner. It’s just makes me sad because we are all trying to help our pro bono clients. And because I did not receive the helpful information, I was not able to incorporate stronger arguments into my brief.

      4. Yep, this isn’t cool. I’m not joining the pile-on for fun, but to let you know that you are in the minority with those thoughts and that they are not welcome in civilized society.

      5. Sorry, I certainly did not mean to be anti-Semitic. I’m also a minority and so would never want to subject another minority to similar treatments. It’s just a commonality that I have noticed when trying to fit in with his group. I do not have any anti-Semitic intentions behind this observation.

      6. I think it’s pretty relevant – people will often hold back work for discriminatory reasons. The senior associate may be holding back work because OP isn’t Jewish – it’s not common but it does happen. How many of you would be saying the same thing if the associate was not giving work to someone because they weren’t white or muslim? Just because someone is in a religious minority doesn’t mean that they can’t be discriminatory.
        It’s not a pile on – it’s an observation that the issue could be motivated by religious discrimination and it’s ignorant to dismiss that. The behavior is not a reflection on the other associates who may or may not be Jewish getting work, but rather a reflection on the senior associate who may be a bigot (we don’t have enough information other than OP’s observation).

        1. Yeah I didn’t read this as anti-semetic but more of an example of the senior associate limiting to a select “inner circle” group. I see this behavior from a lot of partners and the “inner circle” ranges from people they attend church or temple with, people who live in their area, law school colleagues, college friends, “bros” who share similar interests, etc.

    2. Can you also get on the listserv? If you get pushback, your last sentence is a really good way to advocate for you being added as well.

      I don’t mean to downplay your concerns, but what you’ve described here would not raise alarm bells for me. Just because someone doesn’t want to be your friend doesn’t mean they dislike you. I’d focus on how this impacts your actual work.

      1. Thanks, it’s not a listserv, just a collection of people that he seems to randomly add each time. I can only get it when one of the people on the listserv forwarded it to me, or when he emails it to me or the partner.

        It looks like there’s probably nothing I can do to change him. Calling this out will only label me as a complainer or anti-Semitic apparently. I just have to work harder and be more prepared.

        1. I was talking about the subscription, not the people the associate emails, as you described here: “This senior associate is the only person who subscribes to a pro bono listserv that sends out critical updates everyday.”

    4. Ask him how to subscribe to the listserv. Not his job to be reading it and picking out everything that applies to everybody and forwarding it along.

  15. I fell asleep yesterday and couldn’t respond – yes, it’s true most local governments are sending care packages to those quarantined with hand sanitizers, soap, thermometer, masks, rice, ramen, soup, shelf stable canned food, and other essentials. (I looked up the Reddit thread and the US comments seem completely justified at this point. And now I’m craving ramen at 11 pm, haha)

    For those who don’t want to go down the Reddit hole: https://observers.france24.com/en/20200305-south-korea-coronavirus-COVID-19-kits-masks

    1. Thanks for replying to me! I found that entire thread so fascinating. Hope you’re doing well and staying safe.

  16. Anyone want to help me find pretty exterior paint colors? We have a wood American foursquare that we’re looking to paint something that is somewhat classic (not historically inappropriate, but not trying to recreate exactly what was in style in 1912).

    1. I can’t give you specific color names, but I love a sage green color on wooden foursquares. My brick foursquare has grey shingles on parts of the front, and I love that too!

    2. I’d take a look at the Farrow and Ball website. Not too many options (so you won’t be overwhelmed) and almost (if not all) of them are historically accurate and based on colors that have been used for hundreds of year or that are nature-inspired.

        1. You can order matches at SW, BM, etc. No need to bring in a paint chip or anything, it’s all in their systems.

    5. What color is your roof, stone, fence, or any hard materials that you won’t change?

    6. What color is your roof, stone, fence, or any hard materials that you won’t change?

      1. YES OMG yes to this! Maria Killam has a couple of posts just on roof color. That will matter a ton! Then house color and trim colors.

        1. Omg I feel like if I had time on my hands I’d go so deep into her color theory right now!

      2. I love that blog! We actually have to replace our roof too so I can make any choice I want and it’s overwhelming! We have an unstained wooden fence but otherwise no real constraints. I had seen the BM historical colors but I love the Farrow and Ball suggestion too. I like the sage green. A lot of people around here have more of an avocado which is just too much for me but sage would be nice. Thank you all! I know this is not life-saving, but it’s just fun to think about!

        1. I love the sage green idea. I’m looking at a craftsman home across the street with a great sage green, cream my trim and a brown roof. I love it and I feel like it could work on a four square because it has those craftsman (prairie?) vibes .

          The current trend in my historic hood is a creamy white everything (including trim and shutters) and window boxes with red geraniums. Ok two houses did it. But still it’s a fun take on a famous hamptons home. Looks great on an italianate and colonial revival. Not sure if it would work in a four square.

          I’ve also seen some four squares in magazines in dark charcoal with white trim which has such a fun modern vibe but I’d obviously not for everyone.

          My roof is black and I have a light grey house plus white trim and porch columns and black shutters and front door. It’s actually a midnight blue but reads black. Do you have shutters? I feel like they may not be appropriate but the four square I’m spying from my living room has them.

          Are you going to paint the porch ceiling blue? We did! It makes me smile every day.

    7. Benjamin Moore has an exterior colors picker tool you can play with. Include the roof and any trim colors that you won’t be changing and see how different colors look.

  17. What’s one small thing youve bought or started doing that’s made your life easier, better or more fun? Looking for some pick me ups today.

    1. I’ve decided that I’m going to get through this with good bread and proper butter. So, those.

        1. I gave up on Lent a few weeks ago. I gave up coffee but have been working on COVID planning and earlier this month I worked 12 straight 12 hour days. I needed the coffee!

    2. It hasn’t arrived yet, but I finally sprung for a robot vacuum and I am so excited.

    3. We still get the paper and I’ve started doing the crosswords again. They start off easy (Mondays) and get harder through the week so we’ll see how long I can last. The NYT puzzles tend to also have meta-puzzles where the clues combine in an overall way so that’s fun to figure out.

      1. I’ve been thinking about dropping the $ for the NYT crossword app – I think it’s like $40 for a year of full access? I had a lot of fun on the free trial a month or two ago.

        1. I would say it’s worth it! It’s sort of like travelling without leaving your house, you learn little facts about opera, tv shows, Italy, etc. Just remember Charlie Chaplin’s wife’s name was OONA :) (that answer pops up a lot, I guess to fill in their extra squares)

          2. And a old-fashioned needle case is called an etui. Got me some good points in words with friends yesterday!

        4. God, I love that app. I look forward to it every night, and I can confidently finish the Monday, Tuesday and most of Wednesday puzzles now! A 2020 goal was to do the M/T/W puzzles every week (even if I have to reveal a clue or 2 in the Wednesday puzzle). I’ve also been working on the Sunday puzzle, although I only get about halfway through most weeks.

      2. If you get stuck (and even if you don’t), NYT’s WordPlay blog has a fun writeup of each day’s puzzle. They’ll often point out witty clues or themes that I didn’t even notice.

    4. We are getting take out from a favorite restaurant every Thursday night. We usually eat a restaurant meal 6-8 times per year so this is a splurge that we look forward to and helps support a local business whose food we really like.

      2. For us, it’s Takeout Tuesday, to join in on The Great American Takeout. It has helped us learn about different restaurants in our new community, too.

    5. This hasn’t happened yet, but I just got an email from my dear aunt who is very crafty (and who doesn’t procrastinate) that she’s sewing masks on her sewing machine and sending me some today. So grateful to have a wonderful aunt like her in my life. It’s like she read my mind and knew that I was concerned about how to make a mask without a sewing machine or elastic in the house.

    6. Frozen cookie dough in the freezer. And Little Debbie zebra cakes.

      Since I’m home all the time now, I open all the blinds to let light in and light a candle or two.

      1. Man zebra cakes taking me back to my shockingly unhealthy by today’s standards childhood. Also a huge fan of the swiss cake rolls. yummmmmmmmmmm

        1. Same! I think I ate zebra cakes every day back in high school. Nostalgia for sure!

    7. I bought a cross-stitch kit! It’s an unorthodox pattern – a specific urban legend from my state. It’s giving me something to look forward to in the evenings.

      1. Can you tell me more about the urban legend, I live for that stuff. Mothman? The Chicago Flying Monster? https://www.singularfortean.com/news/2020/3/2/witness-reports-footprints-left-by-big-black-birdman-in-west-englewood-chicago The Kentucky Goblin? https://kyforky.com/blogs/journal/15-times-aliens-definitely-visited-kentucky Florida Skunk Ape? https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/new-york/articles/2019-11-29/in-his-quest-to-find-bigfoot-this-taxi-driver-found-peace

    8. Lighting some candles when I do my at home yoga practice. My husband does it for me and it is so lovely.

    10. I am loving taking a daily bike ride or walk…and being able to do it for as long as I like. No wearing commute, plenty of sunshine, looking at nature.

    11. -use my diffuser w essential oils in the morning and switch to a candle at night, kinda helps me break up the day.
      -treated myself to flowers three weeks ago when this all started, and got another bouquet to replace them this week. Plan on continuing this all of quarantine because I have never been home more to enjoy them.
      -New York Times book of cocktails: decided to make every cocktail in there at least once. Had to look to find ones I could make w the ingredients on hand, and am enjoying craft cocktails at home!
      -Started running and look for the cutest house as each run’s “Winner” and post to my insta story. It distracts me during the runs, and it’s nice to enjoy something I would normally ignore

    12. Every Sunday we get takeout from our favorite local breakfast place. We used to visit once a month or so, but have decided that until this ends we will do it every week. Since we are otherwise eating pretty frugally to space out trips to the grocery store, it’s a nice little break and isn’t having a significant impact on our budget.

    14. I’m still going into the office every day and I bought a electric scooter that I am commuting on (it’s less then 2 miles) and it is the best, most fun part of my day!

    15. Playing relaxing piano music on Youtube while I work. It also calms my dog down!

    17. I ordered some ear cuffs from Nordstrom Rack. They arrived today and they’re so cute and fun!

  18. Cute dress but no way would I spend $70 for a LOFT dress – their quality is meh. Get it when they are doing one of those 50% or more sales, then it would be worth it.

    1. It also looks hot. It’s too much dress for walking around in a city on a 90-degree day.

      1. +1, especially with a polyester lining. I like a more floaty dress for the hottest days. Preferably in linen.

    2. With the caveat that I am not a New Yorker, there are a couple of options on their site that look a bit better for walking through a hot, muggy city:
      Black striped romper (viscose): https://www.loft.com/loft-plus-striped-v-neck-romper/534421?selectedColor=2222
      Striped ruffled shirtdress (rayon): https://www.loft.com/loft-plus-striped-ruffle-tie-waist-shirtdress/533070?selectedColor=0473
      Swing dress (rayon, but dang I wish it were cotton): https://www.loft.com/loft-plus-mesh-trim-swing-dress/531020?selectedColor=2082

      1. And of course, Old Navy has lots of options:
        Striped shirtdress: https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=563242022&cid=7322&pcid=7322&vid=8&grid=pds_19_129_1&cpos=19&cexp=1483&cid=CategoryIDs%3D7322&cvar=11131&ctype=Listing&cpid=res20040211172279150771107#pdp-page-content
        Cotton-blend fitted t-shirt dress: https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=563206012&cid=7322&pcid=7322&vid=8&grid=pds_29_129_1&cpos=29&cexp=1483&cid=CategoryIDs%3D7322&cvar=11131&ctype=Listing&cpid=res20040211915388848127512#pdp-page-content

  19. I’ve primarily worked from home for years, but most of my colleagues have not. I’ve just been asked to do some online training for the rest of our company on successful WFH. This will take some substantial time away from my usual duties. Pro: I am flattered that the big, big dogs think I do this well enough to speak on it. Cons: I am one of about a dozen people at my level of management. It seems like whenever there is something “extra” to be done, usually related to marketing or HR, it’s either me or another female colleague who are called upon for these chores. I mentioned it in passing to my male boss once and he didn’t get it at all. He isn’t a jerk and I don’t think he was being purposefully obtuse; he just didn’t understand why I wouldn’t be flattered. I guess in this economy I just need to suck it up and do it, don’t I?

    3. We have someone in our company (also a woman) who ends up doing a lot of this stuff. I have talked to her about it because it drives me nuts that she ends up being the defacto mom of the group who keeps everyone in order. She doesn’t like it either but knows someone has to or we will be completely chaotic.
      We are a small company about half male and half female, but the women still do a lot of the emotional labor. Drives me crazy. It only marginally helps to have someone take over some of it (likely another woman).
      In times like these, I’m of the mindset to just do whatever you’re asked. In normal times it’s good to redirect when possible. Hey joe also has experience with such and such let me check with him.

  20. I found out late yesterday how grateful I need to be for my employer. They are working hard to assure no layoffs during all of this, and they are providing Frontline staff who are being changed into roles they don’t normally fill a shift premium. This compares to one of their competitors who is doing a 40% pay cut for non-clinical Frontline staff. When I talked with my manager about it this morning, she said she had sent the article to her boss to explain why so many people are asking questions about potential pay cuts and layoffs. My employer has said repeatedly that without our people we can’t do this. And that includes the front line patient intake staff who get the permission to take care of patients.

    1. I just read a short article today from Mark Cuban warning businesses that Millennials and Gen Z in particular are watching the way companies respond to this. He is quoted as saying those who lay off employees or don’t take paycuts themselves will find “their businesses in the toilets”.

      As a millennials, I couldn’t agree more. The way companies treat their employees during this time is going to have an impact on who I choose to spend my money with going forward.

      I am also very lucky to be working for a company that is treating employees well. I am very impressed with how much grace has been given to employees here – from not requiring any use of sick time/PTO if you are sick or required to quarentine, working quickly to get as many employees working from home as possible, being very flexible with those who can’t find child care and paying them even if they don’t have a job that can WFH, and giving bonuses to essential employees (of which I am one) who still have to work in an office.

      2. I guess the Millenials who love living in stroll neighborhoods with lots of eclectic stores and restaurants realize that these are shuttered and have laid off everyone not b/c they wanted to but b/c they didn’t have the funds to keep paying? And that leaves drug/CVS stores, HD/Lowes, grocery stores, delivery services, and Target/Walmart as who’s left with $ coming in? This is just craziness. People aren’t doing layoffs to be mean. It’s because they have no $$$ to pay people with. That is doubly-true for nonprofits — our city’s museums, theaters, and symphony are all having bit cuts or furloughs and will continue that. I HOPE that people are back to work soon, but some venues and business may have to closer for good. They are so naive.

        1. I feel it was directed more towards large corporations and entities, not mom and pop shops.

          I fully understand why a small, local place may need to layoff employees. Another reason why supporting local is even more important right now.

          Large companies, however, who are only trying to protect the shareholder and their own bonuses are what this is aimed at.

        2. Yeah, no sh!t. Shuttered bars, restaurants, and arts venues aren’t what we’re talking about.

      3. Yes, I’m planning on quitting prime, and I’ve been shopping at local stores instead of WF. Long time coming, I guess.

  21. What are your favorite vegetable-based recipes that don’t require many ingredients? I’m trying to eat healthily but want to get in and out of the grocery store as quickly as possible.

    1. Fennel and potato gratin. Sauté the fennel with some onion and butter (maybe some white pepper too!), then layer it with the potato. Pour in 1/2 pint of cream, cover with shredded cheese (I like the TJs Quattro Fromaggio), and bake at 375 for 25 minutes. GORGEOUS.

    2. I make a concoction of farro, butternut squash (or whatever vegetable you have around) and chickpeas and jazz it up with some goat cheese and/or pumpkin seed or hazelnut oil.

    3. Curry with tofu and vegetables: curry paste and coconut milk are all you need in addition to a block of tofu and whatever veggies you can grab. I have been serving with rice or noodles.

    4. An all-time fave and tastes amazing for having like three ingredients: dice up two sweet potatoes, dice half a yellow onion, lay out on a baking sheet and coat in olive oil. Bake for about 30 minutes at 400 degrees, stirring every ten minutes. (I also make little “wells” in the mixture and crack an egg in each well, then cook those for the last ten minutes.) When it’s finished, you can toss some herbs (parsley, cilantro, whatever) over the top, or eat it plain. It’s shockingly good.

  22. ok, so here is something that I am psyched up about, skip this if you are irked by ‘forced’ cheerfulness and whimsy.

    DH and I have been wfh for almost 3 weeks now, and there are only so many walks around the neighborhood you can take to break up the monotony. We are lucky in almost every regard during this crisis (although I am worried about my job search, but I have a couple of months left to worry about that), but it’s very groundhog day.
    So, I’ve decided I will surprise him with a ‘trip to Paris’ this weekend. I’ll find some red, blue and white decorations, we’ll have madeleines and coffee, pretending we’re in a street bistro (maybe I can find audio of a rude waiter for the tourist experience). I found a nice virtual tour of the Musee D’Orsay online, and probably we’ll have candlelight dinner with wine, baguette and cheese, and a youtube video of Paris at night. Our photos from the trip we took almost 10 years ago are really really bad quality, but I’ll see what I can do with those. I wonder if I should make him sit in a tight nook with bad coffee for 20 minutes to simulate the plane trip, lol.
    I’m doing this as a surprise, but I feel something like this could even be a family collaboration, much like planning and looking forward to Christmas traditions each December.

    2. Oh! Someone called @tubbsmcgu on Instagram just did something similar – she and her husband were meant to be having a kitchen garden tour at a gorgeous french restaurant so instead she laid out a bag of carrots, an onion, and a squash on their balcony, and recorded a tour in French. I lost it at her description of the onion…

    3. That’s adorable! Maybe I’ll do the same with my boyfriend, but imitate the trip we were gonna take to California.

    5. That sounds great! Once the weather warms up, I’m going to sit out on the deck with a rum drink and pretend I’m in Jamaica. We had to cancel our trip for the end of the month, but hoping to visit next year.

    6. I love this! I was thinking along the same lines as we were supposed to be going on our spring break trip to Berlin on Saturday.
      Was thinking we would watch some travel shows or maybe a movie set there. We have a family-owned German bakery and maybe they would help me put together a package to pick up.

      1. cool! The Berlin Philharmony (which is largely self governed, and the players elect the conductor) currently has their online concert archive freely available on digitalconcerthall.com .

    7. This is genius. I am totally doing something like this over the weekend.

    8. That’s really sweet.

      Last Friday at 5pm my four year old and I put on some music and made a cheese plate like we do for company and happy hour drinks (wine for me, sparkling water for him). I poured a drink to give my husband when he came down from his home office at 515. It was silly but he seemed really touched when he came down and saw it. It was like a nice way to emphasize that it was the weekend.

  23. So right before we got the stay at home order in NYC, I was in the job interview process (switching from biglaw to something not law, but where lawyers are valued and hired–not compliance). The company obviously suspended in-person interviews and told me they would keep me posted.

    Clearly, we’ll be staying at home much longer. And now the job market is being impacted, including professional services jobs. It’s been about 3 weeks since I received the email saying that they are putting in-person interviews on hold. Should I reach out just to check in? I saw this company recently posted a job posting for a similar role, but more junior than where I would come in, so it does seem like they’re hiring. And if so, does anyone have a good script I could use for the check-in email? I don’t want to seem presumptuous that they are still hiring (I didn’t apply through a posting), but it’s a field I really want to move into and they provide a professional service that is still in demand.

    Thank you!!! Stay safe, everyone.

  24. Welp, I will be joining the laid off. I took voluntary severance because it was a really good offer and I’ve been ready to move on from this job for quite some time. They had already cut everyone’s pay by 15%. I’m excited, not scared, which is a weird mood to be in right now, but there you are. With six month’s pay and them paying their usual employer contribution toward COBRA, i think I can ride this out. If normalcy never returns, then I’m no worse off than anybody else.

    1. what industry are you in? sounds like you have a good attitude about the situation. good luck

        1. Damn. Sorry to hear this! Sounds like you are in better shape than a lot of people!

  25. Y’all, I am so tired! I keep hearing people talking about struggling to find things to do and there are not enough hours in the day for me to get my work done and try to help with planning music for next week, let alone practicing what I’m singing Sunday. I just took a break and went to give blood, which was terrifying to me, because I usually get sick just having blood drawn, but these women were awesome. Now I can’t run tonight but that’s probably a blessing in disguise as I have been getting more tired and sore on a daily basis. People on my campus who don’t work with students do not understand the urgency of what we’re trying to do and its effect on student success and retention. I unleashed on one of them via email. Ugh. Just needed to vent…

    1. I’m also starting to feel the long hours working in higher ed these past few weeks. Maybe see if you can eventually model some of the advice that’s probably going out to students right now about pacing and wellness? And, in the meantime, thank you for being one of the people on campus who gets it.

    3. Yikes–you are still singing?!? The virus is not nearly so widespread in my state as in yours, and for the past month our church has been streaming services with old recordings of the choir or solos by the choir director. Only the pastor, the choir director, the organist, and the A/V guy are allowed into the building.

      1. Just now seeing this. We are having two singers, with proper social distancing. There to sing solos and lead hymns. The church is still paying us, so I have been helping out by creating a spreadsheet of all of the solos and duets that we have available at the church. I went in and took photos of the title pages and tables of contents then made a Google sheet that I could share with the choir director and other soloists.

  26. I just wanted to follow up thank you for this community & the comments when I posted about my aunt passing away earlier this week. I am Not A Crier probably due to how I was raised, but I cried when I read every comment and it just felt good to acknowledge our loss even if it came from “internet strangers”. Not sure why I haven’t shared with any friends, but you all lifted some of my grief and I am grateful. I was going to say today was the first day I didn’t cry, but I’m now tearing up while typing. Hope everyone is getting some sun – even Michigan decided to participate in Spring today!

    1. I missed your original post, but I’m so sorry to hear about your aunt. This is such a hard time when you can’t be with family during difficult times. I’m close to you in Ohio and we are finally getting some sun too!

    2. Big love from the other side of the Midwest, Abby! (Although we have not decided to participate in spring yet, alas.)

  27. I’ve been on birth control for nearly 15 years. I’m single and given the quarantine, I don’t think I’ll need it for quite some time. I decided to go off birth control and see if my body regulates. Anyone have any tips on what to expect? I have three months worth of pills in my bathroom for whenever I need to go back on it.

    1. Prepare for the acne! I had terrible acne after stopping the pill, despite never dealing with acne before I started taking them.

      1. I always had acne! Even while taking the pill in my 20’s. Once I hit my late 20’s/early 30’s my skin finally cleared up. I just have oily skin.

    2. It may take you months to self-regulate. My periods were really irregular for almost a year after I stopped the pill but have finally regulated. I think you’re supposed to go off after you finish a pack (so don’t stop halfway). You may notice other hormones re-regulating i.e. your libido at certain times in your cycle. Don’t be surprised if you have some gut issues – the pill can be linked with some issues and also some malabsorption of certain nutrients/vitamins.

      i think it’s a bad idea to jump on and off – I think it would make sense to commit to going off for at least 6 months if not more because it takes your body a while to get used to it and to flush out the synthetic hormones.

      1. OP here. I just ended a pack and would have to start my new one today. I’m just concerned about being on it for so many years and not knowing how my body would react when I stop. Since I’m not gardening anytime soon, I figured now would be a good time.

    3. It was a easy for me. Some acne and lost 5lbs. Got pregnant after two months off pill (TTc)

    4. I feel so, SO much better after getting off the Pill. Like you, I was on for about 15 years and under advice of my Dr. went off the pill last year. Previously I got “hot flashes” if I missed a couple days, so I was really nervous. The first week was a little weird, but no hot flashes or cramps thankfully. Download a period tracking app if you don’t have one – I’d never tracked my cycle and much to everyone’s surprise, I have a completely regular cycle now. I go 35-36 days between cycles with my regular diet. I’ve probably put on a little weight (3-4 lbs) but I also stopped working out regularly and feel amazing health wise so haven’t worried much. I probably get a couple pimples every cycle now but after tracking, I know to be more careful with skincare around that time.

    5. In case you are still checking, my horrible period symptoms from my teenage years (extremely bad cramps to the point that I throw up if I don’t regularly Advil myself for 3 days, needing to rely on a big overnight pad plus super plus tampon for overnight) returned with a vengeance. I’d stay on it personally…

      1. This is what life was like for me off the pill, but I couldn’t handle the side effects of the pill either. I ended up being able to resolve these symptoms with better medical care, so there are options.

      3. Horrible symptoms like that aren’t normal, despite what most doctors will tell you. It’s super common for them to treat everything with the pill. But that doesn’t address whatever’s causing the symptoms in the first place – it just masks the underlying problem. My pain turned out to be from endometriosis. I had laparoscopic excision (not ablation – that has a high recurrence risk) with a Creighton-trained specialist two years ago and it’s been a HUGE life-changer. I went from needing narcotics and still being out of commission at least one day a month from the pain to just needing some ibuprofen and acetaminophen at less than max doses.

    6. I think everyone responds differently to this. I was on bc for 12 years, went off, did not get my period for 6 months (6!!!). I also lost about 1/3 of my hair, which eventually also came back. It was not fun and I will never go back on bc just so that I don’t have to go through that process again.

      1. In case you’re still checking, any words of wisdom on the hair loss? I went off the pill last fall and have significantly thinning hair in the spot above my forehead. According to my derm, the pill was likely covering up female pattern baldness. He started me on a treatment that takes about nine months (spirolactane) to even start showing results. Given that your hair eventually grew back I’d be very interested to hear about your experience and any words of wisdom that you have!

        1. Unfortunately no silver bullet. It took about 4 months after my hormones stabilized (ie period started again) to see my hair coming back too. I was 30 if that makes a difference. I religiously took biotin supplements but that’s it.

    7. I love being off the pill because it brought back my sex drive, but PMS is worse now. For me it’s just moodiness/impatience/general b*tchiness for 2-3 days, sometimes breakouts. Still, it’s worth it.

      1. Anon Probate Atty, I’ve found that 200-400 mg of magnesium glycinate has been really helpful with relieving PMS symptoms. My doc suggested I take it for something or other and I noticed after a couple months that I wasn’t bloating any more (based on the scale, not just clothes fitting), didn’t feel grouchy, and didn’t have cravings. And I’m totally not a supplements / crunchy sort of person, either. It’s cheap and easy to get (e.g. amazon). Might be worth a try?

    8. Little late on the response, but just in case you’re still reading – I went off it about three years ago, and tried to go on it again recently – and realized it was REALLY originally causing my mood to be much more volatile. I thought I had just had different life circumstances, grown up, whatever – but practically the MINUTE I went back on it, instant mood volatility, and I wasn’t willing to live with that. Didn’t make it past the first month and a half. Started gaining back the ten pounds I had lost too. My period is still perfectly predictable, topical treatment fixed my skin (Curology!) that I’d had hormonal breakouts with at first, and oh, getting the cup and period panties instead of tampons made my period way better. Gonna have to figure out multiple options if I find a long term partner who isn’t snipped, but I’ll figure that out when it comes to that point. Overall, unspeakably glad I got off it now that I’ve had time to figure that out, and staying off it.

  28. This is tough for me to write about. I don’t talk about it with anyone except for my therapist about once a year when I have a 5-minute conversation and then never bring it up again, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. I’m hoping someone on this board can empathize, or has been through the same thing. But, please be gentle.

    I’m 27 and I’m somewhere on the ase*ual (mod) spectrum. I’ve never dated anyone (I can count the number of dates I’ve gone on on my hands, and I hated every second of the first date-Tinder-app experience), never kissed anyone, never slept with someone. I feel attraction to people, but only after really getting to know them and it’s never been reciprocated. The whole idea of dating someone freaks me out, honestly.

    All of that being said: I’m realizing that I’m not sure I will ever be married. I do want a partner but not sure how that’s going to happen if I don’t date strangers, attraction isn’t reciprocated by those I do fall for, and intimacy freaks me out, so I’ve come to realize it may not. That feels OK. Not great, but OK.

    However, I really do want at least one child. I’ve always wanted a child. I’ve also always wanted to adopt- I have a chronic health condition that’s well managed, but I don’t want to carry a child because of it, and I wouldn’t really want to do artificial insemination.

    So….single mother by choice through adoption seems to be the best option.

    Has anyone had the experience of being a single mother by choice?
    What about SMBC and adopting?
    What considerations went into your decision to do this?
    Are there any books, blogs, etc you would recommend?
    What would you do to prepare now, if I was thinking about it in 7-10 years?

    Thanks in advance- this was a post I’ve been considering for a long time.

    1. No experience with this issue, but I recommend reposting tomorrow a bit earlier – it’s an important post and you should get more responses that way. Good luck!

    2. No experience with this issue beyond coming to the realization that I’ll most likely never be married or partnered up and have become okay with that. I’m impressed with how clearly you laid out what you want for yourself (and what you don’t want) and am sure with that clarity, you’ll do well as you go down the path to adoption.

      1. Thank you- that means a lot. I’ve always been pretty decisive, largely because the chronic illness I have was for a very long time terminal for most people who had it. After some new treatments were developed, it’s no longer an almost certain death sentence, but I had to know what I wanted because I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to have all the time in the world to get it.

    3. If you’re still there, there is also foster-to-adopt, which might be something to look into.

      1. Also something I’ve considered. I worked with foster kids in law school and have considered it as a possibility since then. But oh gosh, what a messy system foster care is.

        1. I wrote a guest post on this for the Mom’s page last summer! Check it out if you’re so inclined and/or feel free to ask questions.

          1. I remember that! Really liked that article- and remember being inspired by you.

    4. I think my younger sister could have written this post. One thing I want to say is that 27 is still so very young. I think there’s still a lot of growing to be done in that age range, especially if you’re a late bloomer, like I am. I just want to say that there is no reason you need to make a decision now that you’ll probably never be married. What’s the point? If you want to be married, then keep anticipating and hoping and dreaming about that, and keep it focused in your life, and admit to yourself and others that you want it. I spent much of my life telling people that I didn’t want to be married, probably wouldn’t be, couldn’t imagine settling down – all to cover up for the fact that I felt like I would never find a partner, intimacy freaks me out, my dating history and relationship history doesn’t seem to stack up when I compare myself to others – and really it just sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy and negative thought patterns that you’ll have to undo later down the road. I don’t have much advice on the SMBC/adoption thing, but just want to point out that if you want to adopt, then you don’t even have the same biological time constraints that sometimes force a decision on the point. I’m glad you screwed up the courage to post and I hope you get some good replies.

      1. I appreciate that- I’m not sure I want to be married, but I also recognize that could change.

    5. I share some similarities with you, particularly about wanting to adopt. I say if you want to do it, do it. Don’t think your mind will change. I was married at 27, divorced at 33, and currently am 36 and single. I’ve served as a GAL and felt a strong desire to adopt a child, which my husband didn’t share. He tried arguing we needed a biological child of our own before adopting one. That really sat poorly with me; an adopted child *is* your own, or should be. I’m also considering being a SMBC at this stage in life, not because I don’t like dating or don’t think I will find a partner, but because I would like to have a child by 40.

Comments are closed.