Coffee Break: Road ID

143 Comments

1. Recs for where online to buy reasonably high quality frames and mats? I have some posters that I want in nice frames, but they’re not nice enough for me to splurge on custom framing.

   1. I’ve been pretty pleased with my frame from CB2 – they’re nicer than what I’ve gotten from other similar quality stores.

      1. Counterpoint I was seriously disappointed with frames I bought from Pottery Barn. They won’t stand up and the photos keep sliding down behind the matts.

         1. They’re not related to PB, that’s West Elm (whose frames are also terrible).

            1. I ordered terrible quality gallery frames from West Elm and they gave me a hard time in the store when I returned them

   2. NOT Frame it Easy.

      1. Oh no I just ordered frames from them the other day! What was so terrible?

         1. I was surprised at the amount of work that I had to do to frame them myself. The materials were covered in sawdust. One of the frames I cannot get to match up in the corner… And when I reached out to Help they could not have been ruder. Ugh! Never again.

   3. Mat board and more dot com (all one word) is great, and they have very affordable options.
      I also picked up some Umbra frames at Blick Art Supply that are surprisingly nice.

   4. ArtToFrames dot com has been great for me.

2. Books to read during Women’s History Month? I have 100% had it with the sexism in this world so anything that would trigger my mind to do something productive with all of my rage would be nice.

   1. This one is a bit unconventional, but it’s really good – Savage Summit by Jennifer Jordan. It’s about the first women who climbed K2, the second-highest peak in the world, and the sexism and misogyny they faced. I like that the book doesn’t spend all its time on that, but also doesn’t overlook it.

      Other recs: The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir, anything by Andrea Dworkin, and for fiction, maybe some Octavia Butler? Her work as a science fiction writer has been super overlooked – and also Kindred is really great.

      1. 100% co-sign on Octavia Buterl. I just read Kindred (been hearing about it for years and convinced one of my book clubs to read it) and it is AMAZING. Parable of the Sower is next on my list. I hadn’t thought I would like sci-fi but this is opening my eyes!

         Cokie Roberts wrote several books on some of the country’s “founding mothers” – however, as you’d expect from that time period, it’s pretty white. And I’ve been wanting to read more about FDR (Biden seems to be inheriting nearly as big a crisis as Roosevelt did), so I have No Ordinary Time waiting on my shelf – while it’s not exactly women’s history, his administration had a lot of great women in and around it, starting with Eleanor Roosevelt.

         1. Octavia Butler, the pride of Pasadena, California!! +1,000,000

            Also for more recent female-written sci fi/fantasy, I loved N.K. Jemison’s The City We Became.

            1. NK Jemisin is truly the best. I do also like Octavia Butler.

         2. No Ordinary Time is really interesting. I always recommend it to people looking for a good read.

   2. If you’d like to calm your rage, I’ve found re-reading Anne of Green Gables (and subsequent novels) to be calming and enjoyable in this outrage era. Bonus that it was a female author – her story’s worth a read, too – really struggled to get published, not recognized in her day because she wrote “fluffy” stuff – unrequited love (didn’t marry the guy she did love, married a guy she didn’t love) – mental health issues.

      1. I love her so much.

   3. I wonder if you would enjoy The Power by Naomi Alderman.

      1. Oh man that book was both great and terrifying. I really wished they would have couched the religious storyline in more historical analysis of the mother/saint/wh*re dynamic but oh well. Also – read it in paper, the footnotes/images are really annoying to deal with on a kindle.

         1. It definitely wasn’t the fastest moving book, but it really made an impression on me. It is one book that years later, I still think about frequently!

      2. I loved that book! And I disagree that it wasn’t fast moving. I read it in a day.

      3. Gosh that book was great until the last 10 pages.

   4. I’m planning on reading Votes for Women, which is a neat graphic novel about the women’s suffrage movement in the U.S.

   5. Good and Mad by Rebecca Traister — lean into your rage! Seriously though this book is incredible and everyone should read it.
      Shrill by Lindy West

      1. Loved both these books. I’d add either of Kate Manne’s books on misogyny: Down Girl or Entitled.

   6. I loved “Moxie” by Jennifer Mathieu a few years ago and bonus, it’s coming out on Netflix on Wednesday with Amy Poehler as director.

   7. I liked “The Soong Sisters”, it’s a biography of three sisters who helped shape the history of China from “behind the curtain”. While they themselves are not especially famous, their brothers and husbands were quite influential and the sisters had very significant influence with each other and with their husbands. A very interesting look into chinese history and the minds of people who were very educated, unusual for women at the time

   8. Shrill by Lindy West. Really challenged me to think about how misogyny/ sexism/ racism, etc. manifests itself in the entertainment that I consume.

   9. Shrill by Lindy West. Really made me think about how misogyny/ sexism/ racism/ ableism, etc. are so prevalent in popular culture.

   10. I’ll post some reccs later, check back!

3. For those who’ve been vaccinated — did you feel slightly run down after dose 1? Got Modena if it matters (age 40). The first 2 days the symptoms were pretty obvious – arm hurt actually not at the injection site but the entire bicep, feverish/felt hot for an hour or two on the first night. Now though 4 days into it there’s a vague run down feeling — like woke up with feet/knees hurting (which isn’t an usually issue for me) but went away with some mild movement; later felt a bit of reflux etc. Is this just the body working/making antibodies? How long does it last? My parents OTOH got Pfizer a few weeks ago and were like shrug I guess my arm hurts where the needle went in. I know some people are making a big deal of Pfizer vs Moderna but don’t they largely work the same way so how can the effects be that different. Is it an age thing (70+ yr olds vs 40 yr olds)?

   1. Yup. My parents are both 75, got the Moderna, and had no noticeable side effects on the first round and just some tiredness and minor headache after the second round. I am 44 (in healthcare), got the Pfizer and got a very sore arm with transitory fever and chills after the first shot, and felt run-down and exhausted for a couple days after the second. Anecdotally, that is what I’m hearing from others, too – the younger you are, the more side effects you are getting. The speculation I’ve heard is that it’s due to the more robust immune response in younger people. It’ll be interesting to see if the trend continues as younger (like 20s-30s) folks start to get shots in larger numbers.

   2. i have friends (in their 30s) who’ve gotten Pfizer and some have gotten Moderna, and all felt basically nothing after the first dose. More symptoms after the second one. I think everyone’s body is just different.

      1. I’m in my early 30s and dose 1 of Pfizer did nothing to me but I’m currently 24 hours out of dose 2 and I have exhaustion, chills and a fever and I feel like he//.

   3. Your parents are probably just used to feeling that way. I’m late 50s and can confirm my knees and feet hurt in the morning before I move around, and reflux is my constant companion. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel somewhat tired.

      1. I really think this is part of it. When you’re 40 or younger if you feel knee or foot pain, you start thinking what did I do yesterday. Same with reflux. At 50+ and certainly 70+, that’s just a normal day so you would think hmm is this vaccine making my joints hurt (which btw is a side effect for these vaccines).

         1. Half way through my sixties, and either I (and my friends and sibs) are uncommonly healthy, or folks or this board think getting older is really, really awful. (It’s not all wonderful, and I miss things about my younger body and mind, but so far, life is great.)

      2. This. I have two unrelated chronic health conditions that manifested in my early teens. I am resigned to (but annoyed by) the fact that I never got to experience what it was like to wake up and consistently NOT be tired, sore, achy, or have a constant low level pain. On the other hand, I find that my pain tolerance relative to other people my age is very high, so, there’s that?

      3. Reflux can be a sign of low stomach acid, which can lead to malnutrition which can lead to all kinds of health complaints. This happened to me in my teens, and I was treated aggressively. I’m always perplexed that when it seems to be ignored as something normal in older women.

   4. I’m 31, pregnant, got the Moderna shot, felt absolutely nothing.

   5. Myself (33),DH (36), and a friend (55?) all had basically no side effects except a sore bicep after dose 1 of the pfizer. DH and I had a sleepless night and I think it might have been an adrenal response, but it could have been totally random. No second dose yet to say how that will go.

   6. I’m 44 and have had my 1st dose of Pfizer. My arm was sore about 8 hours after the shot and it lasted for maybe 4 hours. I’m hopeful that the 2nd dose will be similar. Maybe wishful thinking.

      My sister is an ICU nurse and had both shots of Moderna. After the 1st shot, she felt run down. 12 hours after the 2nd shot, she was laid out for 20 hours with a fever and shakes. FWIW, most of her colleagues had the same reaction with Moderna. Those who had COVID had the worst reaction to the 2nd dose. A close second was those who are O+ blood type (which my sister is).

      My 80 and 90 year old parents had both shots of Moderna and had zero reactions other than a sore arm.

      Seems like a total crapshoot.

   7. My mom got Moderna and her first dose knocked her out for 24 hours, but second dose wasn’t has bad. DH had Pfizer and his reactions were flip flopped. From what my doctor friends are telling me, Moderna’s first dose can give you worse symptoms, and Pfizer’s second dose is the one that reacts more heavily.

   8. I received the Moderna. Felt like I was punched in the arm as hard as possible first day. Could barely lift my arm the second day, started feeling better over the next few days. Felt run down (tired and foggy brain) for abut 24 hrs. From anecdotal evidence, it seems the Moderna is giving slightly worse side effects.

   9. My mom is an elementary teacher and only felt a little tired after the second dose of Moderna, but her school district actually cancelled in-person and virtual classes for a day because so many teachers felt sick. She didn’t mention any side effects from the first dose.

      I got Pfizer and had an incredibly bad headache the day after my first dose, but it could have just been a Monday headache. After my second I had fatigue, chills, and full body aches for a day. About half a dozen of my coworkers got Pfizer on the same days as I did, and all of them only had mild side effects, if anything.

   10. I got my second Pfizer shot Friday (yay!). About 3 hours after I my first shot, I got suddenly exhausted and had shooting joint aches like when I’ve had the flu, but was fine after a night’s sleep. The second shot was similar, but the achiness was worse and lasted through the day Saturday.

       I have a fried who works for the schools who ran a fever for a day after her first Moderna shot. She is pretty sure she had a mild case about a year ago, before everything shut down. She did test positive for antibodies when she went back to in-person school, so she is probably correct. There has been some evidence that vaccine side effects in people who had covid is more pronounced, especially for the second shot.

       Anyway, it all just means that your immune system is on it, so congratulations!

       1. I have a *friend*, not a fried. But you knew that.

   11. Yep, felt pretty bad for about 24 hours. Late 20s, pre-existing condition. Arm hurt like crazy for the first day, especially the first night.

   12. We’ll never know the answer to this, but I’m super curious if your reaction to the shot is related to how you would have reacted to getting the virus for real. Like if you were going to asymptomatic, you’d also have no reaction to the shot?

       1. DH says it has to do with if you’ve already had the virus and how strong your immune system is! I don’t 100% understand, but if you have worse symptoms reacting to the vaccine, your immune system is working harder? It goes over my head, but I found it interesting that doctors think it’s better if you have a bigger reaction

   13. Got Moderna first dose, 33 and pregnant, my arm was sore for a couple days and I was a little tired – but the latter is tough to distinguish from not sleeping great due to pregnancy discomfort! My coworkers and I have had to be in-person for a while so we’re (fortunately) all getting vaccinated, and the anecdata is all over the place as far as individual reactions and ages. I think there’s just a lot of variability.

4. Anyone else suffer from chronic dry eyes? I have an eyeball condition related to an autoimmune disease, so I have steroid drops for that, but when I’m not using them (which is hopefully most of the time) I need to use eyeball lubricating drops.

   My opthamologist didn’t recommend any specific brand so I’m on the hunt now for anything that simply lubricates but doesn’t have a bunch of icky stuff like visine does that would just make the problem worse in the long run. I’d appreciate any recommendations!

   Ideally someone will just tell me “order this” and I will order it and it will be perfect.

   1. I like Systane ultra. No weird stuff that will make the problem worse and they seem to work for me. I have dry eyes, scar tissue, and blepharitis so I know what’s up :)

   2. My eye doctor recommended Refresh Tears for my allergy-ridden eyes; would those work?

   3. My eye dr. recommended Refresh lubricant eye drops. I wear contacts and have dry eyes. There might be some for non-contact wearers.

   4. https://www.amazon.com/Systane-Lubricant-Eye-Gel-0-34-Ounces/dp/B00CBXQ1XO

      This is like a lotion for your eyeballs. Can only use right before you put your head on your pillow because it’s thick enough you can’t see well with it in your eyes.

      1. Theratears Gel is like this also — that’s my go-to when I’m having dry eye problems. They’re single use so there are no preservatives. Also put the F.Lux timer on your computer to dim automatically, and you can download reminders to blink/take breaks.

         https://www.walmart.com/ip/TheraTears-Lubricant-Gel-Eye-Drops-Nightime-Therapy-Preservative-Free-30-Ct/415628110?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&wl13=1927&adid=22222222420&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=501107745824&wl4=pla-293946777986&wl5=9015340&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&wl11=local&wl12=415628110&wl13=1927&veh=sem_LIA&gclid=Cj0KCQiAvvKBBhCXARIsACTePW9IxwriPKqfa2yXMFg9HgEfb0MyOAbHWr4LlrV3bPAgu6thl9u2D0saAlYaEALw_wcB

         https://corporette.com/psa-dry-tired-eyes-allergies-bad-news/

   5. a question i can respond to!! i have super dry eyes. it’s awful. mine stems from perpetually clogged meibomian, an incomplete blink so i use warm compresses daily, an anti-inflammatory drop (cequa) and lots of lubricating drops.
      i recommend single use preservative free drops – they’re not really single use, i use them until the entil vial is done (like 2-3 uses for me in like 8 hrs) but they just dont have preservatives. i recommend refresh plus, or look into retaine single use because they also have an oil component to make the drops last longer in your eyes. in a pinch i use refresh gel in the bottle, but i prefer the preservative free. i personally can’t use the refresh or systane gel at night but know it helps others.

      1. Thanks, I won’t be able to use the gel at night if I’m using the steroid eye drops because those are also used right before bed. Have you tried the Systane individual vials? It looks like they have a hydration and original version.

   6. Another recommendation for one of the various Systane options. I like the Ultra; it doesn’t irritate my sensitive eyes and it is viscous enough that it feels like it stays on my eyeball better than some of the more liquidy options out there. It does not interfere with my vision.

      For really heavy-duty needs, I use Refresh PM, which helps a lot but is impossible to see through (so I only use it immediately before turning off the light to go to sleep). It’s thick and greasy and I have to wash it off from around my eyes in the morning, but it does make a difference.

   7. My eye doctor said Systane was the only OTC he’d recommend.

   8. No order recommendations, but you could ask about having your tear ducts plugged. Sounds extreme but I think it’s in my near future (and is not a big surgery, apparently). Also auto-immune related for me.

      1. I’m on my second ophthalmologist for this (episcleritis, autoimmune) and neither has ever suggested this!

5. I made partner last fall and my hours have tanked. I lateraled to my firm as an of counsel expecting to inherit a book of business – now that partner has decided to delay retirement, and the more I actually look at the book, the less I’m convinced is there is enough to support both of us for 3-5 years. Firm doesn’t pay salary – it’s all eat what you kill (aka % of collections). I think my options are a) beg for work from other lawyers (not much success yet), b) scale back my budget and try to market market market to get new clients – not expecting many big fish this year but could pay off?, c) leave – likely for in-house, I think a few clients would follow me but not nearly enough to call it a portable book.

   Thoughts? Anyone been in this spot?

   1. No advice, but commiseration. Have watched a number of friends get totally f’ed over by partners who just will not retire. Firms really should stop recruiting over laterals for succession planning purposes without a guarantee that the partner will depart when they say they are going to. Boomers just cannot stop hoovering up all the cash

      1. How rude. A person who has built up a successful legal practice is entitled to maintain it for as long as that person wants to practice.

         1. Okay, boomer.

            1. I don’t think there’s ever been a more perfect use of that phrase.

      2. No one “owes” anyone a book of business. So many partnerships and organizations change over time (on both sides!) that I don’t think you can ever bank on simply owning what someone else brought in. There’s nothing stopping you from marketing yourself. I think that’s the best way to set up for longer term security.

6. Related to the eye question above…. I am having major eye fatigue. I try to do all the major tricks — systane drops 2-3x a day, blue light blocking glasses, breaks at least every hour to look out the window for a minute or two. Yet my eyes feel chronically tired and I’m getting headaches. I had my eyes checked in December at an optician and my prescription hadn’t changed; I switch out between my old and new glasses and haven’t seen any difference. Is this worth seeing an opthalmologist, or are there other things I should be doing? I know that “look at the computer less” is the obvious solution and have considered taking a half-day or whole day as sick leave just to rest my eyes and see if it makes a difference.

   1. I’ve read to make sure your screen brightness is approximately the same brightness as your surroundings because that helps lessen the strain on the eyes.

   2. Are you working at home? How’s your computer/desk set up? You should pay attention to good ergonomics in general (make sure your shoulders aren’t tense because your desk is too high), but also lighting (glare is a big problem if you have windows behind you, and lights in front of you are good for zoom, but definitely make my headaches worse) and screen brightness (try turning it down and using a blue light blocker like f.lux or night mode). Increase the size of things so you’re not straining to see them, but not so much that you have to scroll too much. I have a binocular vision disorder that makes it much harder to use multiple monitors or even a large screen without a lot of eyestrain, but I imagine that might help some people. Most eye doctors don’t screen for binocular vision disorders unless you specifically ask, but they can cause eyestrain while still having 20/20 vision. If none of those other things help, it could be worth looking into, but I’d try those first.

      1. I posted awhile back that I started getting terrible migraines. I realized I can’t double screen or triple screen. I can only look at one device at a time. If I’m going to check my phone or tablet, I have to turn away from my computer monitor. I also try to shut it off when I’m on calls or get up and walk around with a headset.

         Lastly, in the office I printed more. If you get a large document you have to read, see if the sender can send it in Word so you can have the computer read it to you. If that’s not possible consider printing it even though having printed docs at home is a PITA.

   3. What kind of eye drops do you use?

      1. The Systane Ultra ones recommended above (Costco carries them, thank goodness).

   4. can you try more eye breaks? the rule i’ve heard from my optometrist is 20 seconds, 20 feet away every 20 minutes. i’d also recommend you see an opthamologist if this continues to rule out something else

   5. My eye Dr recommends a 10-10-10 rule: every 10 minutes look at something at least 10 feet away for 10 seconds. It should achieve more for your eyes’ ability to follow their natural cycles and also cost less disruption of your routine than a longer break less frequently.

7. Husband and I taking our 15 mo old on a 2 hour (nonstop) flight tomorrow to see his (fully vaccinated!) grandparents. I am also vaccinated (yay!). First time flying in a looooooooong time, and first time with the kid. We did buy the kid his own ticket, and plan to take his car seat on board. Any advice or tips? I’m not sure I fully appreciate what we may be getting ourselves into…

   1. assuming your flight is not delayed, you should be ok. we flew with our twins around that age, and our flights were longer (more like 4 hours). all the snacks. ideally things that are not super messy that you eat one at a time. we never brought our car seat on board bc we never bought the kids their own seats, but usually lucked out with an extra one available. i always put two diapers on kiddos for flights. bring a few books, i think around that age my two loved putting popsicle sticks into a water bottle and did it over and over again. also really enjoyed looking at pics of themselves on my phone

   2. You’ll be fine! Make sure that whatever you’re bringing on the plane is easy to get. I try to streamline as much as possible.

   3. I would gate-check the carseat and not plan to bring it on board, unless your kid absolutely needs it. The plane seats are so narrow and it can be a pain to try to install. You should be able to hold the kid for takeoff and landing.

      1. By contrast, I would much rather spend a few minutes buckling in the car seat than being a human jungle gym for my 15 month old.

         Hit up the Target dollar spot and plan for a change of activity every 10-15 minutes. The gel stickers have always been crowd pleasers for my kids and they stick to all sorts of airplane surfaces.

   4. If the seats are available and you have the budget, paying for the bulkhead is great with a squirmy kid since they are unable to bang on the back of anyone’s seat in front of them.

   5. At that age, I’d bring “surprises” for my son. Whenever he got squirrely, it was surprise time. It was either a food treat or a new toy. Biggest hit ever was a flashlight. It was small, maybe the size of your middle finger, not too bright and Lighting McQueen. Hours of quiet entertainment.

      1. A stack of small post-it notes is golden: put them all over your bodies, on tray tables, draw on them with crayons, etc. Pipe cleaners also good.

   6. We are flying with an 8 month old in a month to see the vaccinated grandparents as well. Flying delta which is still blocking seats. I’m planning to wipe down the seat area thoroughly before sitting down. My kid is still in the everything goes in the mouth stage.
      We are baby wearing through the airport. Lots of puffs/ pouches (my kid is always happy to eat). Some rattles/teether toys that don’t play annoying songs. Worst case, we will flip through pictures on my phone. He is always grabbing for it.
      Grandma and grandpa have a car seat and pack n play from a local grandkid so we won’t be lugging that or a stroller.

   7. I had no idea you could take a car seat on a plane

      1. You can and you should. In the event of a crash, a child in your arms becomes a projectile. No matter how securely you try to hold on, the force of the crash is just too great.

         Signed,
         My mom was an NTSB investigator

         1. The 1994 USAir crash mentioned here, actually: https://carseatblog.com/47288/myth-busting-why-use-a-carseat-on-a-plane/

            https://www.forbes.com/sites/johngoglia/2013/04/18/if-the-faa-thought-flying-with-lap-kids-was-unsafe-it-would-require-kid-seats-right-wrong/?sh=299cae05aab7

            She lobbied Congress to make car seats on flights mandatory after that crash. You don’t forget something like that.

         2. Yes and the history behind not requiring parents to buy seats for the infants is that if they had to, more would drive and arguably more kids would die in car crashes since car crashes are much more common than air crashes.

      2. I’m the OP. I think hauling the car seat through the airport will not be fun, but I’m 99% sure he will fall asleep in it during the flight. If I tried to make him sit on my lap for 2 hours, or even just in an empty seat next to me, I’m almost certain he’d create such a ruckus there’d probably be cause for an emergency landing…

         1. You can get one of those car seats that has wheels that pop out of the bottom and a handle that pops out of the top and then use it as an airport stroller. I did this when mine were little and then sold the contraption on my neighborhood parent group for just about as much as I paid for it. Well worth it!

         2. comment in m0d recommending something like this

            Car Seat Travel Carts , Stroller with Wheels,for Air Travel , Light and Portable
            by Towber
            Learn more: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07T7D2ZX5/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_PSRWG2HSB5S8JQ9CPTQJ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

   8. Two hours is such a short flight, you will be fine! Personally, we never bring a car seat on board as our kids never liked sitting in it, and it just ended up getting in the way. You won’t need as many toys/books as you think you will…there are lots of things for toddlers to look at, inspect, play with on the plane.

   9. I think it’s really a personal preference, but I liked to check everything (stroller and car seats) at the ticket counter and babywear through the airport. My husband liked to have the stroller to be able to wheel our stuff around. Though I guess if you are bringing the car seat on it makes sense to gate check the stroller.
      Second the suggestion to streamline the carry on – makes accessing things easier – two hours is relatively short in the grand scheme of things. Toys were a little wasted on my kid as they just prefered playing with the inflight safety regulation sheet (Is that still a thing?) and water bottles. Do pack an extra t-shirt for yourself, though.

   10. A few tricks we liked: Wrap each new toy/activity. Unwrapping it is another activity!
       Best fun ever was a roll of scotch or masking tape. The kids have so much fun sticking it on things.
       Don’t forget the fun of the magazine in the seat pocket. My kids loved to rip, fold, and look at those.
       Bring enough food to allow for unexpected delays for all of you.
       Don’t bring toys that make noise–those are annoying to other passengers.
       For the car seat: if you do strap it into the kid’s seat, definitely use a lap belt extender (you can get it from the attendant when you board). Without an extender you can sometimes strap in, but it may be extremely hard to release the faceplate of the buckle.
       Hand puppets are fun.
       Have a good trip!

   11. Measure the car seat and compare it to the airplane seat widths to make sure it fits. For a 15-month-old, I agree that car seat on the plane is easier, if only for containment purposes. At that age, my son was small enough to fit into the infant bucket seat that snapped into his stroller, so we used that and gate checked the stroller. Obviously, if your 15 month old exceeds the height and weight limits for the infant seat, you can’t do that, and I recommend devising a system to get the car seat strapped or bungeed onto a rolling suitcase.

       I recommend installing the car seat rear-facing so your 15 month old can’t kick the seat in front of them, and also because it’s what your child is used to. Once, a flight attendant told me I had to install the car seat forward-facing because installing it rear-facing prevented the passenger in front from reclining. He was wrong, and the FAA website says, “A CRS must be installed in a forward-facing aircraft seat, in accordance with manufacturer’s instructions. This includes placing the CRS in the appropriate forward- or aft-facing direction as indicated on the label for the size of the child.”

       My son always did well on the plane, but we needed to provide constant engagement. We talked to him about what was happening, pointed out the window, read books, fed him snacks, flipped through photos on our phones, and brought out some favorite toys and activities. I’m usually of the mindset that a parent’s job is not to provide constant entertainment for their child, but this is a situation where you really owe it to your fellow passengers to do what you can, especially on a short trip.

       Beware of taking out any favorite stuffed animals or blankets on the plane!

   12. I don’t have kids but have been on lots and lots of two hour plane rides with small kids in the surrounding seats. What really makes a difference, is the parents being prepared to actully handle a stressfull situation. Lots of people around you will absolutely think OH NO! when they see you, and often based on experience. Most of the things you do to make your kid happy on the plane, will make everybody else happy too.

       I don’t know if you know your flight well, but if there normally is any sort of longish low-flying, circling, landing or take-off on your route, there’s a big chance that your kid’s ears will hurt – a lot. I feel so sorry for the little kids that just feel the horrid ear and sinus pain because of the pressure and have no idea what’s happening. I’m an adult and can get excruciating ear pain as well, I can’t imagine having that when too small to understand.

       Some parents (not saying that’s you!) seem to go selectively hard-of-hearing concerning their own children’s noise – or maybe the noise is so familiar so as to disappear. Being responsive and comforting instead of just yeah-that’s-normal-kids-sometimes-cry/scream/bang things etc. is very much appreciated. The same is making sure to keep toys with noises, screens without headphones or feet or hands banging into other seats at zero. Soft spoken conversations or comforting, low-noise playing, walking around, snacks and even soft singing is absolutely fine. Snacks and drinks available just in case you end up boarded but still at gate for an hour is a good idea. Changing nappies quickly (no – oh, well be starting the descent soon, I’m sure waiting 25 minutes will be fine) is also very much appreciated. :D

   13. Pack an extra set of clothes to carryon for yourself. Yes, I have been that parent whose child vomited all over my shirt. I did not have a spare, but was saved by the kindness of a stranger who handed me one. I never traveled again with a kid without my own spare clothes.

       1. Yep, extra set of clothes for EVERYBODY in the carryons – regardless of length of flight. Also, one parent board early and secure the carseat and most of the gear, other parent board as late as possible with child, although with a 2 hour flight that’s not really an issue. HIGHLY recommend flying with the car seat as long as possible. Have fun – next thing they’ll be driving your car and heading for university. Sigh.

   14. At that age, my first kid LOVED putting ice in and out of the cup provided by the flight attendant. That way if a piece dropped I didn’t have to squeeze down there and pick up a block or whatever. Do they still serve beverages these days? Maybe you can get a cup and some ice anyway.

       I ditto the other advice for post it notes or tape. 15 months is kind of the worst age for flying, frankly – too old to just be held but too young to be distracted for long. Just bring lots of different stuff, hope he sleeps (mine never did, car seat or no) and one day you will make it to the blessed day when your kid can have his own tablet :)

       (And it makes me so happy that you will get to reunite grandkids and grandparents. We are counting down the days as my second has only met her grandparents a few times since she’s 17 months.)

8. My office (law firm) is still almost exclusively WFH, but I anticipate we will reopen to a greater degree sometime this year. I am starting to think about what my work wardrobe will look like as I transition back to working in the office at least some portion of the time — not necessarily all 5 days per week, but at least 2-3.

   Since I started WFH, I have really enjoyed being able to use my clothing budget towards weekend, casual, and fun clothing, and am not looking forward to spending money on work clothes again. Lately, I’ve been considering adopting a pretty extreme capsule wardrobe — basically just buying around 8 well-fitting black dresses and alternating between them. I would change up the the shoes and accessories, throw on a cardigan or blazer, etc., but I would be wearing a black dress literally every day. I’d still wear a suit for court, of course.

   Thoughts on whether this is doable or advisable? Has anyone tried something like this and made it work (or found that they got too bored)? I’ve made partner already, so I’m not concerned about dressing to any certain office “standard”. My size has also been fairly stable since I had my youngest child (not having any others), so that isn’t a big concern either. I’d like to throw on the same thing every day and not have to fuss with work clothes because — even when they’re very nice — I just don’t get excited about wearing them.

   1. I can’t understand why you’d think this was a good idea? You don’t need 8 black work dresses my goodness! If you don’t want to spend lots of money on work clothes don’t start the process by buying all new things (8 black dresses why even?!?). Wear the clothes you already own! Edit your collection down to a point where it is easy to use.

      1. +1 also you’d certainly need a bunch of nice, different cardigans and blazers, plus the shoes etc. I don’t see how this streamlines anything.

      2. Yeah, I love it when people are like, “I have too much stuff, tell me what new stuff to buy to fix my problem.”

         1. I disagree. Adopting a uniform will stop the habit of buying those “maybe” clothes that you never wear.

            1. Even if all you wear is black work dresses, 8?

            2. Maybe I’m projecting too much of my own tendencies here, but I just really don’t think this ends up being feasible for most people, even if in the abstract the idea is a good one.

            3. I can totally see this scheme working, using the dress as a standard “base” for all outfits. I myself would buy black, navy and charcoal for the winter, and add in a tan and a light grey for summer. (Variety of neutral colors vs. Seinfeld-esque “same dress every day”). Make sure some have matching blazers for a “suit dress” you can wear to court. Then add some “personality” blazers, cardigans, and accessories. If you already have lots of scarves/necklaces/cool shoes you’ll be all set.

      3. It sounds as if OP wants a uniform, not a capsule wardrobe. It worked for Steve Jobs.

         1. “I would change up the the shoes and accessories” I guess, kind of?

   2. I use separates but my travel separates are all one color – so 3 black tops and 2 black skirts plus assorted cardigans or jackets. I wear these for 4-5 day trips and no one has ever said a word. I also have navy blue basics like this. I’m either black or navy on a trip, never both. I lean toward navy in summer months with bare legs because navy tights are too hard to match.

      I’m going for a dress-like look, but because I’m tall and my waist is never where dresses want my waist to be, I find separates more comfortable.

      I seriously don’t think anyone would ever notice.

   3. Yes, I think this makes sense. I’d say first – box up/tuck away your other work clothes. Leave a couple suits pressed/dry cleaned and ready to pull out at a moment’s notice. Pull your favorite few black dresses you already own and consider whether you want much “different” – do you have a sheath with sleeves? Do you want a V-neck? Which necklines and lengths work for your body, blazers/cardigans, and shoes/accessories? Having a low-decision power uniform can be really helpful. If you have young kids, I’d say throw a jersey/low wrinkle LBD in your office in case you show up with spit up on a dress – black is hard to cover and not always easy to wipe off. Please report back!!

   4. For what it’s worth, when I went into the office, I basically ONLY wore black dresses and navy dresses, with a blazer/cardigan thrown on top occasionally. In-house. It made life a lot easier, and no one ever negatively commented on my wardrobe. (And, mostly, I got compliments for the fun accessories, e.g., a bright red blazer)

   5. If you will only be working in the office 2-3 days per week, I don’t think you need 8 dresses for the approach you mention. You can do it with half that number, easily. If you need some inspiration, look at the 100 day challenge posts coming out of the Wooland.com challenge. I think this is could work very well with accessory and jacket changes. Think of all the closet space you’ll have!

   6. This is more or less what my day-to-day work wardrobe has looked like for the past three years. (I’m an associate at a business casual law firm.) It’s not something I set out to do, but because I prefer wearing dresses most days over picking out separates, it’s what my work wardrobe evolved into on its own after I’d been working for a while. Outside of client meeting or court days where I need to be in a suit, I pretty much alternate between the same 5 or 6 sheath dresses all year long, swapping in different cardigans or blazers, tights, and shoes as needed for the season. Those 5 or 6 dresses in my main rotation are a mix of black or blue dresses. I don’t find myself getting bored at all of my “work uniform.”

   7. I have a capsule wardrobe and love it! Even starting from scratch, if you are going to the office 2-3 days a week you only need four dresses max. Save your money for your fun clothes. I would also make sure you have a pair of plain black pants in your favorite cut, because there are many tops that work for weekend wear and the office (especially under a blazer or cardigan).

      I have a capsule weekend wardrobe as well. Variety comes from jewelry, scarves, shoes, lip color.

   8. Why not do a test run first with the clothes you have? If you are only going in 2-3 days a week, you could do a little pilot program with 3-4 plain dresses in your closet.

   9. An aside, but I really wish I could make myself a “dress person.” It would be easier, require less clothing, and probably would be better for my shape. But dang, I cannot stand wearing dresses all the time. Either I’m all exposed, or I’m wearing soul-sucking tights or pantyhose. And I’m likely to be very, very cold in my office, no matter what’s happening outdoors.

      Separates it is. My uniform is black/charcoal/navy bottoms and lighter-colored tops.

   10. I would not do all black unless you are in New York. I know someone who did this there and it worked, but in another market it would look pretty stark.

   11. What about the same dress in a few different colors?

9. Live 2 hours outside of Miami and now that we see light at the end of the tunnel, I am thinking of finally leaving the house with my husband for an overnight/weekend trip to Miami. I’ve spent a lot of time in Florida, so this is not a super touristy trip, but still want to think of somethings that feel different and exciting compared to our suburban cooped up existence for the last >1year now. Any recommendations of things to do, places to eat, be? Mid-30s and only interested in COVID-safe options plz. TIA!

   1. Lol Miami is where the anti-maskers are going to party without restriction….

      1. +1 All my friends I see on social media who are out partying like its 2019 are either in Miami, Tulum, or Aspen. I’m steering well clear of those three places (not that I have been on vacation since 2019 anyways).

   2. Might I respectfully submit that Miami is maybe not the best place for you if you have been locked down for a year and this is your first trip out? Anti-masker party Central is miami… which I know from personal experience.

      1. Your LOL kind of cancels out your request to be considered respectful.

10. Welp, during lockdown I’ve succumbed to the COVID-10 and combined with what must be peri-menopausal shape-shifting, means that I can now to a capsule wardrobe b/c nothing fits in the pants department (like I have gained all of the weight in my belly, after being an extreme pear al my life). Like I’m not my shape but larger, but a different build entirely. Almost like being pregnant (but I am sure this is permanent — the women in my family start life as little twigs and become more robust in build as they hit/pass 50, nothing extreme, but at some point they can’t wear their clothes from their 20s/30s/early 40s). Anywho . . .

    If you are a pear with a tummy, where do you shop? I am still really flat-chested, but trying to avoid dressing like Golden Girls: The Early Years with things floating too obviously over my stomach like I”M TRYING TO HIDE THIS. I have two pairs of black pants that fit (pull-on waist with elastic, so shirts can’t be tucked in). And I’ve always been #TeamDress, but I wouldn’t know which stores are good for this shape. Also, which cut? Fit and flare seems to be the only thing that makes sense (or maybe a loose midi-dress?).

    Of course, my leggings fit. And a couple of caftans. [And all blazers, but the blouses I wore with then don’t look right with casual pants or what I’d call a gut now.]

    1. I mean, you don’t want to wear floaty things but you also don’t want to wear things tucked in, and you probably don’t want to wear tight things so I’m not sure what’s left. I find that if I wear a floaty top, I wear a third piece that’s kind of structured and creates vertical lines down my front (open jacket or a more structured cardigan, like a chanel style jacket and it doesn’t cover my belly but distracts from it because there’s a lot of verticality going on.

       I also feel like ruched tops that are more fitted but have some kind of foldy material over the tum is flattering, but these may not be widely available in our current fashion moment.

       1. Ruched tops do not help. They basically highlight what you want to hide, but in a comforting way.

    2. Tops that gradually flare out over the waistline help. Anything that’s cut too straight clings to the belly. And there’s nothing wrong with relaxed-fit tops as long as the overall silhouette works.

    3. I feel that if I won the lottery, St. John would be what is stretchy/forgiving and classic (if not too on-the-nose St. John), but for the rest of us, I’m not sure what there is between BR and Chico’s — you don’t sound ready for Chico’s but BR (and similar mall stores for the non-menopausal) probably aren’t cut for your shape.

       I would weep if I had to toss my whole work wardrobe.

       Shift dresses with a slight shape?

    4. +1 to fit and flare dresses. I think pencil skirts might work with this shape, since if you size to accommodate your waist, you should have enough hip room. I don’t wear pants so no great ideas there.

    5. Dresses are your friend here. I’m plus size but not particularly heavy on top, more around my belly and hips/thighs. Fit and flare dresses are definitely the most flattering, and I particularly love a good wrap dress.

    6. I’m similar but more chest. The best dress shapes for me are straight sheath (just grazing hips but not not too tight across stomach) and wrap dresses where the wrap part goes above stomach. I find it isn’t so much which store but each individual dress. I like the MM Lafluer Etsuko worn without the belt and Sarah style. Some of my other favorite dresses are Maggy Londonm, Eliza J and J crew–usually similar in shape to the two I just mentioned. The key if there is a waist to choose something below traditional empire waist but above natural waist.

    7. My body totally changed shape at menopause, so I can sympathize. I like sleeveless fit and flare dresses, to pair with cardigans or jackets. My current dresses are from a range of places, including Calvin Klein, Chaus, WHBM and Boden. At Boden I buy Long cuts, because they cut to a short waist.

    8. I find J Jill to be a more reasonable alternative to Eileen Fisher, and equally comfortable and versatile (and lower-half friendly!)

       I was a pear, now have a menopot.

11. I haven’t updated my LinkedIn profile since mid last year when my job ended. I left the profile unchanged after reading some advice online that there can be bias against unemployed job seekers so preferred not to advertise the fact that I am unemployed by listing it on the profile. I was planning on updating it once I get a new role. Recently someone contacted me about a project they are working on–this is based on my programming skills which are listed on my profile. They expressed a desire to collaborate and asked to chat and I agreed. Even though I am not working I am still programming but on smaller projects, building a portfolio that I can use to apply for jobs. I plan to of course be honest with this person once I talk to them but worried if having a profile that has not been updated might seem dishonest. Thoughts?

    1. Do you mean you didn’t update it so it still looks like you work at your old job? If it’s been almost a year since you left that job, I think you should go change it, because it is a little misleading.

    2. Yes it looks dishonest but it looks like these people want you for skills not necessarily where you work. I think you can delay updating your linked in for 2-3 months but not a full year

    3. Can you update it to reflect being freelance? Then you can always say you left, did freelance and decided that you liked the work but not being a business owner. It’s true if you’re picking up project-based gigs. I work in publishing and wouldn’t bat an eye at someone freelance in writing, graphic design, digital marketing, etc. who was in this set-up, especially when you know you’ll have project-based work and/or references that will back up you spent some time this way.

       1. I wouldn’t do this if there’s a possibility someone in the company or industry would tell them you were let go.

    4. I wouldn’t worry that much. They clearly want you for your skills, not the previous company. Otherwise, they would not be contacting you directly using your private contact details, they would be calling the corporate rep if they wanted to do bsn with the company. Also, updating LinkedIn, Facebook, Insta is your choice, not a legal requirement. I would always state all information correctly and truthfully in my CV, which I send to potential employers or clients. But I don’t care if a candidate has not up-to-date LI profile.

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