Coffee Break: Edessa Welded Pump

Rockport Edessa Welded PumpPretty! I think these pumps are those great not-just-black-but-just-as-versatile set of pumps that goes everywhere.  They’re available in regular and wide sizes from 5-11 (with half sizes), and they feature adiPRENE® by adidas® to help absorb shock with every step.  Like most other things I try to post in January, they’re on sale:  were $150, now $67-$90 (in black and gray).  Sign me up… Rockport Edessa Welded Pump



  1. Anon for this :

    Question for the moms: how do you know when you’re just having a hard day parenting (my daughter is 2 and just really, really bums me out, a lot of the time) versus something more serious? I’m pregnant with #2 so I know hormones are playing a role — going to ask my therapist if it might be prenatal depression next time I see her.

    My daughter is going through that “I’m independent and must challenge everything” phase, which is also sometimes the “no mommy” phase. A few weeks ago she cried every time I came into the room because she wanted her grandmother (who was staying for the weekend) instead. On my birthday she refused to sing Happy Birthday (prompted by my husband) and instead threw a book at me from across the room (ow). I know she’s a toddler, but I just feel totally trapped for the next 20 years in this prison of my own making. I can’t help worrying that #2 will be exactly like #1 and it’ll just be worse in stereo — part of me also worries more than #2 will be different, more likeable somehow, and I’ll just be an even worse mother to #1. I got so upset a few weeks ago — while my husband and #1 were visiting his parents upstate — that I seriously thought about packing a bag, taking some cash, changing my name, and just buying a plane ticket to somewhere new to start over… it was just a fleeting thought but the main reason it got shut down so quickly is because I’m pregnant with #2 so it just seemed like I’d be taking my problems with me.

    Does everyone feel like this sometimes? Is this just part of parenting?

    • Coach Laura :

      Whew! Deep breath. Yes, I’d say most parents feel like that some/a lot of the time. I’m rushed for time but I’ll channel Carolyn Hax and say that it’s probably hormones plus lack of time/sleep/patience. I remember being pregnant with #2 was so different because wtih #1, I could come home after work and lay on the couch all night and you can’t do that with #2 so you’re not getting the rest/downtime that you need. Good for you for talking to your therapist and asking about hormonal-fueled depression.

      A book on child development might allow you to be dispassionate and step back from the situation a bit. I recommend “Your two year old: Terrible or tender” which I read when I had a two year old.

      Also remember, with 2yos they do grow out of a lot of that oppositional stuff. Good luck!

    • Having never experienced a toddler myself, I can’t say I’ve been in your shoes, but I do think that certain phases of parenting are really hard and you are definitely not the first person tpo be at their wits end with a toddler.

      My recommendaiton would be to consider looking into a family therapist if you have the time/money. My stepdaughter is 13 which means she is hormonal and it’s like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. However, I found a GREAT therapist who is able to help me learn about where she is at developmentally and how I can best respond when she is being difficult. I still get upset sometimes, but it’s so much easier to take it less personally when he’s putting things into a psychosocial development context for me and giving me techniques to try using. It makes me feel more proactive and less like I have no control.

      Also, friends with toddlers highly recommend a book called something like “You can’t make me do that, but I can be persuaded” although I haven’t checked it out myself.

      Good luck and hang in there!

    • kjoirishlastname :

      BTDT, still doing it.

      I have a 5-yo and a 3-yo. Both boys, so apparently, there is less drama even at this age. However, with the boys, I heard somewhere that testosterone doubles every now and then when they go through growth spurts. So, we don’t get catty behavior, but we still get pretty awful behavior.

      It’s not just you. And it’s not a bigger problem.

      This is the way it is sometimes, and yes, it sucks, it’s awful, and you want to scream and run away and wonder if you’ve made some kind of huge mistake.

      For what it’s worth, my #1 and #2 are totally different, and you’re describing more like my #2. #1 was easy, still is, really…he’s independent, but he’s never been as simply outwardly defiant and malicious like #2 is sometimes.

      So, deep breath, it will be ok.

      Just out of curiosity, did your daughter receive any reprimand for her book-throwing incident? We believe that it’s OK not to participate in things, but you can’t be ugly about it.

      It WILL be ok. If your DH is having an easier time with convincing her to do the right thing, take a break for a bit. Be a back-burner participant, but let him take the lead. Obviously you can’t always do that, but you can sit back a bit while this phase takes its own path. It won’t last forever. Or it might, and to some extent, I think that is OK also. As children, we may relate better to one parent than another. I refused to learn to drive with my mother because she (is an a$$hat) would have driven me insane. So I did all of my learning to drive with my dad. I don’t consider myself a daddy’s girl, but at the same time, we sure butted heads less. It is part of our own individual personalities. DS#1 is much more like DH in terms of personality. DS#2 is a lot more like me. We do tend to split the parenting that way. It’s not that I don’t to stuff with DS#1, but we have each developed our own method that works with each kid. It’s ok to separate a bit, I think, while not playing favorites.

      • Catty? Really? She’s two.

        • start em early :

          Didn’t you hear? Bad behavior in boys is testosterone, but with girls it’s early onset bitchiness.

        • Workingmomz :

          Yeah and less drama? Come on now, toddlers can be tough whether they are boys or girls.

      • kjoirishlastname :

        I’m not saying girls are harder than boys…they both face their own challenges–and challenge parenting in different ways. I have just heard from every parent I know who has both, that there is more drama with their girls than their boys–even at such a young age. There are certainly exceptions. My ODS is dramatic, my YDS will just haul off and punch his brother in the chest. Catty wasn’t the right word. Sassy? Having never had a daughter, and only going on my experiences with my friends’ daughters and what they say about them (especially when they compare them to their sons), that’s all I have to offer.

        The vast majority of toddlers are difficult regardless of gender. Just in different ways. In any event, it’s hard, I commiserate.

        • I don’t think the response you got was because you were implying girls are harder– it was because of the gender stereotyping at such a young age. It’s true that people say those things about girls (and boys), but it doesn’t make it true or okay.

    • Diana Barry :

      Aw, hang in there! It is really hard with #1 being 2 and pregnancy. It also sounds like your DD is picking up on your fatigue and lack of patience by being even MORE contrariwise (what 2-yos do best!). I hope you can ask your DH to give you a couple days a week just to nap or go to bed REALLY early. Sometimes I was so tired that I lay down and had DH make dinner (a miracle in our household!!!).

      It does sound like hormones are making everything amplified for you. At 2 they are still such babies in terms of “no no no” being the only way they know how to respond to things. Hang in there!

    • Big hugs. I am so nervous about feeling like this next time I’m pregnant. Good job for talking with your doc about this, because I hope you find some relief somehow/somewhere. As far as parenting strategies and not feeling so alone, I have found Alphamom has tons of great advice for dealing with difficult kiddos (I generally love her blog) and so I tried to look up something useful for you. Here’s one article on child discipline, but I’m not sure how helpful it’ll be (the second half of the answer is focused on Toddlers):

    • saltylady :

      All I can say is that, at age 2, my son was a menace to society, and did not at all resemble the incredible 10 year old he is today. He certainly stopped attacking random kids at circle time– if anything, he’s the kid who doesn’t quite get it when other boys are being rambunctious jerks. Toddlers are nuts. We totally joke about that now and it cracks him up.

      • Lady Harriet :

        Even if it doesn’t stop immediately once she stops being a toddler, there’s still hope! My best friend was reportedly a holy terror up through part of elementary school, but then she settled down. According to her parents she was an extremely easy teenager without most of the usual moodiness and certainly by the time I met her as a freshman in college she was great.

    • saltylady :

      Also wanted to add it does sound like you could use a day to yourself. It’s easy to underestimate how taxing it all is. Maybe something like a pregnancy yoga class, where you can focus on you and being pregnant, and less on parenting, just for one hour. Connecting with other moms could help, as well, although sometimes that backfires.

    • Bewitched :

      I want to echo everyones thoughts that you are perfectly normal and please don’t be too hard on yourself. You have to remember they are called the “terrible twos” for a reason. My first was completely unbearable during the entire year (and I was also pregnant with #2 at the time). The phase passed, though, but not without alot of stress and consternation on my part. Incidentally, #2 was the complete opposite-the easiest baby ever. I used to say that the “higher power” knew there was no way I could handle a repeat of #1! Good luck, and again, please don’t be too hard on yourself. Best of luck!

    • Nannyshare :

      To add in, these guys are so, so much more intuitive than we realize (at least, I tend to underestimate my 1.5 yr old). It’s possible your little one is totally aware of your pregnancy, and is acting out b/c she is nervous/anxious about the transitions to come. At that age, she isn’t going to be totally aware of what’s happening (or what’s going to happen), but she is definitely old enough to know that Something Is Up with Mommy. She might be acting out, looking for attention or reassurance that she is still so important to you, even after the new baby arrives. Our friends had a 2 year old during her second pregnancy, and this sweet, sweet girl turned into a vicious biter during the pregnancy and during a short adjustment phase after. I was shocked – I remember asking her whether her girl even “knew” that a baby was on the way – turns out – YES – maybe not full understanding, but enough. My guy isn’t really verbal, so I tend to forget how much he absorbs from his environment.

      If that is what’s going on, if you are up for it – try to think of a special activity that makes you and her really happy, and see if you can spend some special one on one time with her. She may respond well to special alone time with Mom, and it may help reclaim some feelings of happiness about her. I suggest not overthinking or planning too hard, otherwise expectations may get built up too high and turn into an exhausting outing – for me, for instance, it would just be to find a special park that we don’t usually visit or an indoor play gym, where my guy could run around and then we could have something special for lunch after. Also, it may totally backfire, and she could be a terror during the whole outing, but your comments about her seeking out her grandma and lashing out against you seem like she may be looking for some reassurance.

      Also, I echo everyone above – counseling is an awesome outlet for these kind of feelings!!

      Good luck – little frustrating people often turn into awesome, smart, sweet kiddos.

    • I don’t have any great advice, but I am reading the responses. I think this is in my future. I am pregnant with #2 and my daughter will be 2 years, 5 mo or so when baby arrives. She is already getting a bit difficult to deal with, and she’s just so darn big now. And my husband travels during the week, so it’s tough when it’s just me. On the plus side, I dispense with the nighttime chores quickly and am usually in bed by 9 pm at the latest. It helps.

      • Anon for this :

        Super late in responding, but thank you to everyone who chimed in — it really does help to know that I’m not just crazy.

  2. Interview attire TJ:

    I anticipate doing some informational interviews in Dubai next month. Although each will be with western-based companies, I appreciate that more modest attire is required. Most of the information I’ve found online gives the specific benchmarks of covered shoulders and knees. Does anyone have any experience with just how very modest I need to be?

    In particular, I have a navy suit – jacket and pants and skirt. In the States, the skirt is my power piece, but I would wear either the pants or skirt and not give it a second thought. The skirt, however, is hemmed to touch the top edge of my knee cap. Is this a no-go in Dubai? The last thing I want to do is offend and I can wear the pants to err on the side of caution but, in practice, is a skirt hemmed to the top of the knee ok?

    • Kontraktor :

      It depends on the company, industry and make-up of the employee body. I have a friend working in the ME at a corporation with a largely expat employee base and she wears hemmed to mid-knee length skirts without hose all the time as part of her day to day work. However, for interviews, she tended to wear pants because they are thought of as more modest. If you don’t know if the employee base is largely native, it can be safer to wear pants. If you are wearing a skirt, I would most definitely wear hose and for an interview, I would probably also err on the side of caution and pick a covering knee-cap skirt.

    • I’ve lived in Dubai and I would err on the side of pants for the interview. Mid-calf skirts are fine too but they look less professional for an interview. Standards can vary a lot, and Westerners do get a pass for clothing, and Dubai is probably the most liberal of the middle eastern cities, but I’m cautious and would go with the trousers because you just dont know how your interviewer is going to think.

      • Thanks for the insight. I’m risk averse, so this cements what I was already thinking: pants win.

  3. Like with the Presia, by Rockport, too (I think Kat even posted that one, too) – beautiful shoe, but that heel is way too high for me :(

    • I agree – way too high.

    • These pumps aren’t my style (a little too rounded) but it’s nice to know that Rockport has some pretty pumps (like Presia) that I could get in my real size (more like 8W) and not have them come off my heel comstantly.

  4. Taxed out :

    Immediate tax-related TJ.

    I was a very bad citizen in 2012, didn’t file or pay taxes when I was self-employed. Out of forgetfulness/flakiness, not protest. With the (many) fines, I owe the IRS about 6k, due in full by April 4.

    In 2013, I was not self-employed, and a rough estimate shows about a 1k refund due. If I file my taxes soon (say, February 15), will the IRS apply that 1k to the ammount due, leaving me owing only 5k in April? Or will the refund take longer to process? Also, have any of you ladies ever been in deep waters with the IRS? Obviously 6k is not a lot in the long run, but I’m starting to get nervous about the approaching deadline. If I don’t quite meet it, I’ll just be fined more, right?

    • Anonymous :

      I haven’t but a self-employed family member has. Get ahead of this if you haven’t already with the IRS.

    • Wildkitten :

      Call them? I’ve actually heard really good anecdotes about working out payment plans with the IRS.

      • Agree — with the payment plan. If you don’t get anywhere with your usual people, you might want to talk to the Taxpayer Advocate.

        And yes, they will offset (or they can).

        You might want to check on the state level — they do offsets, too.

      • I worked out a payment plan with the IRS (had a different reason for the delinquency, however), so I second calling them.

    • The longer you wait, the more fines will accumulate, you are right about that. Also, since this is a relatively recent tax bill, you haven’t hit the ceiling for the max amount you can be fined. I would definitely call and work out a payment plan, but that means filing, and as a self-employed return, you will want to have all those business expenses itemized and in good order. If you are feeling like it is too much, I recommend getting the help of a professional tax preparer or even accountant, just so that you can start resolving the issue now rather than have more fines pile up.
      Good luck!

    • Anon in NYC :

      Do you have any accountant? They will definitely be able to answer these questions for you.

    • Set up a payment plan ASAP. Check on the IRS website (irs. gov) for forms.

      Yes, they will take any federal (and possibly state) refund you are due for 2013 and apply it to back taxes owed before you ever see a penny of it.

    • Anonymous :

      They will offset the refund, but they may not process it by April 4.

      Your best bet is to set up an installment plan. Your liability is low enough (to the IRS–I realize still substantial to you!) that you should qualify for a streamlined installment plan. You can apply online. I would do this ASAP as there are talks of raising the fees for doing this (I no longer practice in this area, so actually they may have already gone up–but you still want to take care of this ASAP to start working on the interest and penalties that continue to accrue).

      One question–you say you didn’t file, but you owe an amount. Did they calculate this for you? Have you seen an accountant to confirm it is correct? You are not “stuck” with their calculation if your records prove that your tax should be lower. They probably prepared a “substitute for return” giving you only the standard deduction, and you may have been entitled to more than that.

  5. I’ve been joining a couple of book clubs to give myself increased motivation to do more reading. I’m really enjoying reading Dostoevsky again, and remembering how much I loved all the reading assignments in college.

    So, what’s your favorite ‘classic’ book? One that really sticks with you, or that you’ve gone back and read again? can be fiction or non, and a loose definition of classic, but I guess more than 10 years old at least.

    I think my top ones are Their Eyes Were Watching God and Jane Eyre.

    • Maddie Ross :

      A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.

    • Have read all of these multiple times (these skew older, more like 100+ years)
      House of Mirth
      Any Jane Austen
      The Good Soldier
      Vanity Fair

      • House of Mirth! I love anything by Edith Wharton, really (coincidentally, I just bought the Age of Innocence clutch by Kate Spade that I have been wanting for YEARS). I also love Jane Austen.

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      Trollope – The Way We Live Now. And Vanity Fair.

    • I’ve read The Count of Monte Christo at least a dozen and a half times. It’s hardly high brow but I always get something out of it, and it is just such a fun read.

      My favorite Dostoyevsky is The Idiot.

      If you haven’t done it, re-reading Catcher in the Rye as an adult can be a really interesting experience.

      • ooo, good idea, I think I will try Catcher again. I’ve actually had some other Salinger on my to-read list for a while, too, because I feel like I should know more of his stuff.

    • Here are three books that I try to revisit once every 5 years or so.

      Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
      House of the Spirits – Isabel Allende
      East of Eden – John Steinbeck

      • Anonymous :

        ++++1 on Allended and Steinbeck. Both fabulous, though wildly different. We must be reading soul mates.

        • We were assigned to read the Allende for AP World Lit in High School. We did a whole section on Latin American Magical Realism. My favorite reading assignments ever! It might be time for me to re-read it again.

    • kjoirishlastname :

      +1 to TEWWG! I was supposed to read that book in high school lit, but never did. Read it again as an adult and LOVED it.

      To Kill a Mockingbird
      Lord of the Flies
      Anne of Green Gables series (the WHOLE thing)
      Of Mice & Men
      The Awakening
      The Crucible
      The Secret Garden
      The Aeneid (I like this one much better than the Iliad or the Odyssey)

      Having tried to read Crime & Punishment and never getting anywhere, I’ve sworn off Dostoyevsky entirely. I could also never get into anything by Thomas Hardy, though there was a PBS miniseries a LONG time ago based on Far from the Madding Crowd, and it was so enjoyable that I really wanted to read it, but still just couldn’t.

      • Love the Anne of Green Gables series and The Secret Garden.

        Also Little Women/Little Men/Jo’s Boys.

        • Diana Barry :

          +100. Although my rereading tends to be Jane Austen, the Shopaholics and Bridget Jones, and Harry Potter. :)

          • hellskitchen :

            I think Harry Potter will be considered a classic in 50 years so I think it counts? (fellow potterhead here)

        • If you love these Louisa May Alcott books, try Eight Cousins and Rose in Bloom. Neither of my copies have a binding any more

      • You should try some of Dostoevsky’s short stories instead. They are way less complex than his novels, which makes them more engrossing and interesting to me. I especially like Notes from Underground. Also, try different translators. The original translator back in the 1890s (Constance Garnett) reads as really boring and choppy to me. I really like the Pevear/Volokhonsky translations better.

        Or you can stick with your decision to give up on him. I support that. ;o)

    • Wuthering Heights.
      The Picture of Dorian Gray.
      To Kill a Mockingbird.

      AIMS – I’m interested to see if I like The Catcher in the Rye more as an adult. My high school self thought Holden was much too angsty :) I’ll have to give it a try!

    • I always go back and read the Little House on the Prairie books every few years. I also love To Kill A Mockingbird and Little Women. I can’t say I re-read tons of other books – I try to read a lot, but I guess I haven’t read enough books that I’ll go through again and again.

    • East of Eden
      A Farewell to Arms
      Dr. Zhivago
      Anna Karenina
      War and Peace

      And not sure if these are considered classics, but I really enjoyed them in college:
      The Bluest Eye
      The House on Mango Street

      And this one we read in elementary school I think, but I still really like it: The Giver

    • Anonattorney :

      The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I’m a dork.

    • Brideshead Revisited. My favorite book of all time.

      • Ahh! Love this one.

        Btw, I was really irritated with the newish movie. Bad enough that they have to cut huge sections of the book for time, but they turned Charles Ryder into this grasping “I’d do anything to seize this amazing property” type and Lady Marchmain into a class-snob. Where did this sh!t come from? Certainly not from the book. Ugh.

    • hellskitchen :

      Ben Hur – the writing is so rich it feels nourishing. And anything Tolstoy.

    • The Forsyte Saga.
      But I reread Lord of the Rings more often.

    • Stranger in a Strange Land
      Anything by Robert Heinlein, Arthur C. Clarke or Issac Asimov

    • Girls of Slender Means – Muriel Spark
      Memento Mori – Muriel Spark
      Loitering with Intent – Muriel Spark
      Middlemarch – George Eliot
      The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien
      ANYTHING BY DIANA WYNNE JONES (*ahem* sorry, for the shouting, but I like her that much.)
      Merchanter’s Luck – C.J. Cherryh
      The Faded Sun Trilogy – C.J. Cherryh

    • CapHillAnon :

      Mansfield Park, Anna Karenina, and the Chronicle of Narnia

    • All my favorites (with one exception) are what would be considered “Children’s Literature”:
      -Little Women
      -all the Little House on the Prairie books (though I actually like the ones where she is older and living in De Smet more than I like the ones where she is a little kid)
      -The Secret Garden
      -A Little Princess
      -Jane Eyre (the only “adult” book on this list)

      I reread these books every couple of years and they always make me laugh and cry the way they did the very first time I read them!

    • Lyra Silvertongue :

      Tale of Two Cities

  6. I can’t believe none of you told me about the Kanye Westlaw Twitter.

    • Just saw you posted this on Tumblr. OMG that made my life worth living today.

  7. I need to vent. My husband and I are in the same profession in the same area of law. I attended a meeting with my entire office where the “big” boss was coming to see how our office runs, discuss concerns, etc. We all went around and talked about what we did and a few questions were asked about the type of things we work on. When it was my turn after my little spiel, I was asked if I was related to husband and how was he doing. Nothing about the work I do, nothing about me at all. Am I right to feel humiliated? Is this all he could ask about? Did he hear anything about what I said after my last name? This is one of those days I regret changing my last name….

    • East Coast Anon :

      He was probably trying to make a connection to someone he knows (your husband). People do that all the time when they meet someone new. Maybe he didn’t have a connection with anyone else in the room.

    • Nannyshare :

      Honestly? I would view that as a good thing. Several short, somewhat generic anecdotes about current assignments probably won’t stay on the boss’ mind. What really would resonate are professional contacts – most partners I know are really tuned into networking (and honestly, some pay more attention to the networking than to the cases, for better or worse). My husband is not in law, but I often used to mention his profession when working with senior partners, as it ended up being a lead generator. Anyway, your boss may view your connection to another attorney in the same field as a bonus, as it may end up bringing in business down the road (i.e., your husband’s firm conflicts out of a case, referral to your firm, etc.). Just a thought.

    • I disagree with other comments and completely agree with you: I’d be furious. There’s nothing wrong with people trying to make a connection to your husband but it should not be done at the expense of hearing anything at all about your work. Sadly, I am realizing this is way too common. I have experienced similar situations, although my husband’s not in law, and it’s incredibly frustrating and demoralizing.

    • In complete agreement with LH. I would also feel very slighted and even a little patronized. In this situation you deserved all due recognition for your contribution as an attorney, not to be remembered as someone’s wife.

      I hope at some point he realizes the huge faux pas he made.

    • WestCoast Lawyer :

      I can see feeling a little irritated that you didn’t get to discuss your work, but I think “humiliated” is extreme (and to be honest I bristle a little at the implication that being remembered as someone’s wife is somehow patronizing). To me this is just part of the name game that most attorneys I know play – “oh, you worked at xyz firm – did you ever work with so and so, how is he?” I agree with Nanyshare and East Coast Anon that connections are very important in business and we should work to develop them however we can. Also, if the roles were reversed (i.e. if someone had realized your husband was related to you and took a conversation with him on a detour to find out how you had been) would you expect him to be humiliated by the experience?

      • This isn’t a conversation with her alone though. If someone meets me at a networking event and we’re chatting about what we do and s/he knows my husband or notices my ring or whatever and asks about my husband and what he does, of course I would be happy to talk about him and to ask about his/her spouse. But this isn’t a one-on-one networking situation. This is a Big Meeting where a Big Boss is going around a roomful of colleagues asking each of them to talk about their work in front of the entire office, and when its OP’s turn the discussion had nothing to do with her work and everything to do with her husband. Her husband may be a connection but he isn’t the value that she adds to the company, that comes from her work. I adore being my husband’s wife and I love that his friends and family know me as Mrs. H. But I do think its incredible patronizing and sexist to identify a professional woman ONLY as Mrs. X and essentially deprive her of an independent professional identity by refusing to allow her to discuss her work when all of her colleagues are being asked to discuss their work. Maybe I’m just really fired up about this because I’ve similar things happen to me and other women I know recently and I cannot imagine this happening to a man. Not that nobody ever asks a man about his wife or her work, of course they do, but the idea of a boss skipping over a man’s presentation of his work to focus to the whole office to have a conversation exclusively about his wife would just. never. happen. ever. ever.

      • I meant absolutely no disrespect for being a wife, but for that being what your career amounts to. You can be a superstar at both, but at work, I would hope one would want to remembered for her work, not JUST her marital status.

  8. La Canadienne question :

    I recently acquired a pair of water/snow proof leather boots from La Canadienne. Does anyone know if they are also salt-stain resistant?

    • Frugal doc..... :

      No – they will salt stain. But mine clean nicely. I brush with a suede cleaning brush I have and simply wipe with water, or a mix of water and vinegar to remove the salt. I try to do it regularly so it doesn’t build up. Then every year I re-waterproof them (spray).

      I love my la canadiennes! Congrats on your purchase.

      • This is great info. I was just thinking this morning that I don’t know what to do with the salt stains on my own new La Canadiennes.

  9. TMJ / TMD :

    Has anyone pursued extensive treatment for a TMJ problem? By extensive, I mean more than a mouth guard – physical therapy, orthodontics, jaw re-positioning devices, etc. My dentist is insisting that I pursue further treatment (aside from just wearing my night-guard), but the “assessment” from their orthodontist is $350. I’d like to know an estimate of total cost for planning purposes before I throw in $350. I feel like this is something that will never really be fixed so treatment is just a money pit.

    I’m in the Northern VA area if anyone has local recommendations.

    • Yes – I had braces to fix TMJ when I was a teenager (I didn’t need them otherwise). The good news: an expander followed by braces fixed the problem in about 9 months. The bad news: in that process my teeth became very crooked, and that took another 2 years of braces to fix. That said, this was almost 15 years ago, so orthodontics may have improved since. And to be fair, my TMJ was permanently cured.

      • TMJ / TMD :

        I had about 6 years of braces in elem/middle school, and the TMJ problem started in the middle of high school. It’s unfortunate but it is likely the work of my first orthodontist that caused these problems in the first place! My new dentist says that my orthodontist was after visual appeal with my smile, but that he didn’t focus on the alignment of my jaw… With all of that experience, I’m so scared to go down the braces route again.

        • Right, braces can affect the alignment of your jaw either for better or for worse, from what I hear. I’m not *recommending* braces per se – it definitely is the least pleasant of the options you listed. But I just wanted to chime in with experience that TMJ is indeed fixable, from my experience.

    • just Karen :

      Yes, I have had extended treatment for TMJ, but basically in the form of mouth guard type appliances – basically upper and lower retainers (upper for night, lower for the day) that slowly repositioned my jaw. Mine had gotten so bad that my jaw was locked and would only open about 20mm – I couldn’t bite a banana, much less eat a sandwich. Two years later and EVERYTHING is so much better (opening my mouth, pain, headaches). Had an appointment today and opened to 44mm. I am on maintenance at this point – only wear the lower appliance when I am exercising or stressed/in pain and therefore likely to clench my teeth. Treatment was expensive and long, but so worth it for me. Definitely look into a TMJ specialist – it was my dentist’s “treatments” that made me get so bad. They were well intentioned, but did more harm than good.

      • TMJ / TMD :

        How did you go about finding your TMJ specialist? The orthodontist recommended by my new dentist claimed to specialize in TMD, but he was also a general orthodontist. For some reason I get the scam vibe from them (the “free” consultation where all I learned was that I need a $350 assessment rubbed me the wrong way).

        • saltylady :

          Watch out. I went to a TMJ orthodontist in my area who had some whackadoodle plan to use an expander on my jaw. She wasn’t a real orthodontist and admitted that no one agreed with her that this was a good idea. I was initially persuaded but then got cold feet– I realized my real issue was my neck and not so much TMJ. I didn’t get any TMJ treatment and eventually got invisalign, all is fine. She’s probably unique, but there are other TMJ specialists who do weird things and want to crack your jaw open.

    • My husband had acupuncture for his, 2 or 3 treatments and he was pain free and the pain hasn’t come back. It’s been at least 7 years. He had an MRI with a diagnosis of TMJ and was getting some sort of electronic pulse treatment which did nothing. He hasn’t had his jaw MRId again, so I can’t say it’s healed, just that it doesn’t bother him anymore.

      • TMJ / TMD :

        This is especially interesting to me, because it is something I could feasibly afford right now. Did your husband clench/grind and did the acupuncture stop the clenching/grinding? Or did the acupuncture just help with a pain that was unexplained (not from his own tension)?

        • I don’t know about clenching or grinding, but I don’t think so. He had a big problem with his jaw clicking and causing him ear pain. He has a lot of joint-based issues, so his tmj may have been more related to that than teeth grinding.

          Interesting side note, our insurance wouldn’t pay for any TMJ related treatments, but paid for the acupuncture. Annoys me to this day.

  10. Does anyone have any experience with their pants? They are mainly a travel clothing company, but I think their pants would work for casual settings. I am finding that the more I work from home and do mom things, I need some bridge pieces b/w my work attire and gym attire.

  11. Anon Lawyer :

    Vent/Work Advice needed: I’m a fairly junior lawyer at a small firm but the partners delegate a lot of responsibility and substantive work so I would guess (from what my friends are doing at other firms) that I am probably doing work similar to at least mid-level associates would be doing at other firms.

    My boss, the supervising partner, has a law clerk who has been with him for years. She is in her 60s and doesn’t hesitate to tell me that I’m doing things wrong. She is very slow and it takes days to get simple things done, usually with commentary about how things should be done. My boss asked me to work with her on a project which is well within her job description. I conferred with her and double-checked that everyone was on the same page. Today I found out that she asked a more senior lawyer for help, one who isn’t involved with that file at all.

    How should I handle this from here on out? I feel like she should have asked me for help or clarification if she needed it since I was the one who discussed the project with her in the first place. I always feel like she thinks I’m too young for my job and she doesn’t take me seriously i.e. she has asked my boss to confirm instructions on something relatively simple on multiple occasions before doing something, not because he asks for that but because she doesn’t trust me.

    TIA ladies – especially if you got through my novel!

    • Diana Barry :

      What do you mean a “law clerk”? Is she a secretary, paralegal, something in between? I am assuming you are senior to her.

      I would go back to her and say “Partner asked me to work with you on the Y file, but I understand that you have been asking OtherLawyer for help. Did Partner ask you to work with OtherLawyer instead?” Assuming she hems and haws, then you can confirm that you should be working on it with her.

      If she keeps ignoring you, etc., you can go back to Partner and discuss with him the best way to handle it.

    • Moonstone :

      It’s not likely you will be able to change her. When working with people like this, I try to learn from each previous interaction and be really specific for future interactions. So, next project, you handle it exactly the same at the beginning (confer, double-check, etc.) but then you say explicitly: “So, if you have any questions about this, check in with me directly.” Or even, “I’ve scheduled 20 minutes for tomorrow morning in case questions come up while you are handling this.”

    • This is a dificult situation. If you are workeing with an older woman it is worse then workeing with an older man, b/c a man alway’s wants to seem relevant if a woman is sweet to him. An older woman, on the other hand, does NOT like younger and prettier women like us treading on their TERF. So you will get push back from her on every point, b/c she does it this way better then you do and she has been doieng it for 30 years, since you were in diapers! FOOEY!

      I have alot of troubel with older women for this reason. Before Lynn got there, we had an older woman that the manageing partner had here for many years, who decided to retire (finaly after 30+ years. I had to deal with her for a coupel of years and she made my life dificult b/c she alway’s thought she should have married the manageing partner. But the manageing partner did NOT look at her for sexueal reasons, and he wound up courting and marrying Margie, who is many year’s younger then him. He also had to pay her ex to go away so he would be abel to marry her, and the ex knew it and knew that Margie told the manageing partner she wanted to have more then sex with him. The manageing partner had to go along b/c otherwise he would not have Margie.

      So my advise is to grin and bear it b/c the old lady won’t be there forever. With any luck she will retire, or find some man to keep her busy so she won’t bother you as much. YAY!!

    • Anon Lawyer :

      Thanks ladies – she is essentially a secretary (my firm names them law clerks for some reason).

      That is good advice – I will go back to her and hope she eventually stops going over my head

      • anon atty :

        she wont stop going over your head. based on your description, she probably doesnt want to take orders from you and/or does think youre too young. and its unlikely the partner who she has worked with for years will do much about it. So, i’d just try to work within these limitations. For example, does it really matter that she asked another senior partner for help on the project? Sure, its annoying. But think about it as getting something off your plate so you can concentrate on more substantive work. If she asks your boss to confirm insturctions, again, who cares? So long as she is actually doing the work, try not to worry about her annoying personality.

        • SoCalAtty :

          Going to have to agree with this one. You’re not in my area, are you? I think I know her! Really though, just start giving instructions via email, be very explicit, and set a time limit that says “if you don’t think you can complete this task by the deadline, please let me know.”

          Don’t engage. I made that mistake and it escalated into the first time I’ve ever yelled at anyone in a professional setting. Thank goodness she and I were alone in the office so there were no witnesses.

  12. Anon for this :

    Re-posting from the morning thread:

    Pregnancy Blogs/Books!!!

    Looking for blogs and books that can discuss mental and physical health during the trying-to-conceive stage and during pregnancy. I’m also looking for general tips on dealing with an office environment during pregnancy. I’m looking more for hard facts, no-nonsense type information for the realistic–not perfect, or even close-to-perfect–mother to be. Specifically, I want advice on what to eat/not-eat, exercise tips, dealing with office politics, etc. (Big big big thanks in advance).

    Some great suggestions from this morning:
    ** Expecting Better by Emily Oster
    ** AlphaMom
    ** Pregnant Chicken

    • The Mayo Clinic book is a good no-nonsense factbook. Also, friends gave my husband The Expectant Father and I actually really enjoyed reading it. It was more straightforward and less touchy-feely than a lot of books aimed at women (I’m looking at you, WTEWYE). Not sure about the office politics side of things. But it seems like that would be a useful resource if such a book/blog existed.

      • hoola hoopa :

        +1 for The Expectant Father for men and women.

        Hands down my favorite book was The Mother of All Pregnancy Books. Mayo would be my second choice, but not close. I’d say that have similar tone and content but I far preferred TMOAPB because it was organized around content instead of assigning content to weeks (which isn’t necessarily accurate to your experience and makes referencing particular topics more difficult). Plus, TMOAPB had better tables and the best section on post-partum.

        WTEWYE is dribble; don’t waste your time.

        • OCAssociate :

          +1000 on Mother of All Pregnancy Books AND What to Expect.

        • hoola hoopa :

          For working mom stuff, I liked Just Let Me Lie Down – but it may be more humor for someone who’s already a working mom rather than informative for the perspective working mom. I’ve also heard good things about Balance is a Crock and Sleep is for the Weak. When I was pregnant with my first I borrowed a book that was oriented towards moms-to-be or very new moms and it was just okay. I didn’t really take anything from it, but I think the friend who leant it to me found some useful tips. Unfortunately I cannot remember the title.

          You might try The Working Woman’s Pregnancy Book, which amazon suggested to me while I was trying to get the other titles. It’s highly rated and seems to cover what you want.

          • I loved Balance is a Crock, Sleep is for the Weak, but don’t read it until you’re already pregnant! I may have thought twice about this whole plan to become a working mom if I had read it before getting pregnant (mostly kidding). Definitely read it before taking your first maternity leave – it has a lot of good tips for making the most of your leave.

    • Maddie Ross :

      Yeah, there’s no such thing, which is why everyone posts things on this blog all the time.

      • Ha! Alright, get ready hive, because I’m going to be asking a LOT of questions.

        • Maddie Ross :

          I should specify – there’s no great site or blog that will give advice on office politics, being pregnant in an office, or being a pregnant professional. There are of course some no-nonsense resources for pregnancy in general. I second the Mayo Clinic book.

      • Anonymous :

        It is getting so annoying. There are countless parenting websites and hardly any that focus on work and work fashion for women.

        • I’m sorry that someone sits behind you and forces you to read and respond to all those topics that you don’t enjoy. That really must be annoying.

    • kjoirishlastname :

      The quintessential conception book is: Taking Charge of Your Fertility

      As far as beyond (pregnancy & beyond), WTEWYE is horrible and unrealistic. I found it to be terribly alarmist, and didn’t really get much out of it. I did find that Ina May Gaskin’s book (the title escapes me now) about birth is a great read–the first half is just birth stories, and the second half is a little more about actual process. I re-read the birth stories in the few weeks left of my pregnancy with #2 who was to be a VBAC (great success!)

      If you are already an athlete/are already exercising regularly, then I would recommend Exercising Through Your Pregnancy. It’s a little dated, but the material is still relevant. Talks about how basically a woman’s body is even MORE suited for certain types of exercise during pregnancy due to increased cardiac output, etc…It was really eye-opening, from a physiological standpoint, but I’m also a medic nerd.

      For [email protected], I recommend So That’s What They’re For and Nursing Mother Working Mother

      • + a million for Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth. So great. Also, the movie The Business Of Being Born changed my views completely on childbirth (made me feel much more empowered and much less scared).

    • The book From the Hips was pretty good.

    • You might not appreciate it now, but add it to your list to read during maternity leave or when you are first back at work: The Milk Memos.

      • In House Lobbyist :

        Loved this one and Balance is a Crock. Read both of these while I was on leave and am still referring to them occasionally.

  13. I tried to buy my first pair of Rockport flats (the Ashikas), but the fit was totally off. I normally wear a 7W, but had to drop to a 6 and then it felt uncomfortable. The 6.5 had a ton of space at the heel. Too bad since I loved the style and thought the Adidas technology was likely to be comfortable.

  14. 'Burgh Frustration :

    Are there any Pittsburgh ‘rettes out there which may be able to help me network? I have been looking for a job there for over a year now, and I’m starting to really get frustrated breaking into the smaller market. I am working with a recruiter, and I have been scouring job boards and applying to as many positions as I can that I may be qualified for, but many are looking for 8-10 years of experience and law firms don’t seem to be hiring litigation associates. I would also be open to government work, but don’t have any connections.

    Right now, and since law school (2009 graduate), I have been in Philadelphia practicing at two different large law firms. I have done well and gotten some great experience in a variety of areas of litigation, but am unhappy working long hours at a large law firm when my personal life is in another city.

    My significant other is in Pittsburgh, and while he has been looking for a job here as well it would be starting over for him (a 100% commission profession). We have been doing the serious long distance thing with a 5 hour commute for a very long time. My family also lives in the Pittsburgh area, but I didn’t go to undergrad nor law school there. I try my best to have my recruiter or cover letter explain my ties to the area, but I’m not sure how effective that is.

    I’ve been considering leaving the practice of law and moving there — but with my student loans we couldn’t rely on one income.

    Does anyone have any ideas or help getting more Pittsburgh connections? Anything would be appreciated.

    • Anne Shirley :

      My vote is quit, defer your loans, and move. A “very long time” sounds too long to me. When you get there, join the local bar association, volunteer for a committee, set up a Lawyers From [Your School] group if there isn’t one already. Expenses are hard, but I bet there are lots of people getting by on less than he makes, and a year looking from afar is enough to convince me that it’s just not working. Life is too short to keep waiting.

    • Killer Kitten Heels :

      This may sound kind of silly, but what about using boyfriend’s or a trusted family member’s Pittsburgh address as your mailing address on your resume/cover letter/etc.? It’d reinforce the local connections.

      • 'Burgh Frustration :

        I think that would be easily caught given that my current job is in Philadelphia, and I would come up as an active attorney in the Philadelphia area (in fact, if you google my name and attorney, I’m the first person that comes up).

        Not to sound anti-lean in about this, but I think a lot of it has to do with conversations where we agreed not to get married until we live in the same place, and I’m in my 30s, and I just would like to be settled!

        • I second Anne Shirley’s advice above.

          Also, any reason why a proposal hasn’t happened? If you guys want to get married, and you are relocating with an intent to be married, it would seem to make sense to be engaged – even if the wedding won’t happen until you are together. Also, I switched locations, and it was very, very easy to say that my fiancée was local, and we had decided to settle in {Town}. Also, it may help to relieve some of the stress associated with waiting for the job to work out. Again, with AS’s advice, I wasn’t able to successfully relocate until I physically spent time in town, and met with people in person. Was able to explain the marriage, intent to settle, and desire to be in town. Looking remotely, IME, was difficult to impossible.

          • 'Burgh Frustration :

            Oddly, the reason the proposal hasn’t happened was because I told him not to propose — my own emotional issues. He’s fine with it. We have discussed it and plan to skip the whole “engagement” thing entirely and actually elope, we are going to have a friend who is ordained marry us and then fly to Spain (Barcelona, Seville and Ibiza).

            My boyfriend has actually suggested lying and telling possible employers that we are engaged, but something about that just doesn’t sit right with me.

          • If you and SO have a commitment to get married, then you are engaged already, right? Even without a formal “proposal”?

            If you plan on getting married (as in you and SO have discussed it and are on the same page), I think it’s fair to call yourself engaged, with or without a ring/formal proposal, or any other outward acknowledgment.

          • I don’t know, I think its totally understandable to want to wait to get engaged until you have lived in the same place for awhile. Most of my friends cohabitated for a year or more before getting engaged, and I personally would never have gotten engaged to someone that I only had dated long distance. Long distance relationships are just different and things come up when you’re together that don’t come up when you’re in an LDR. I tend to agree with others that it sounds like it’s time for one of you to move if you’re serious about the relationship. To me, it seems like it makes more sense for him to move, even if he took a step back in his career, than for you to move without a job.

        • Killer Kitten Heels :

          I actually did the address-specific-to-where-I-was applying thing when in law school, and I never got “caught out” in a negative way. Basically, I used my school address when I was applying for opportunities in the state where I went to school, and then the address of a family member who lived in the other state where I was also applying. Occasionally, I got a “hey, what address is that?” on the other state address, which was answered with a brief explanation that allowed me to emphasize my local connections to the new market. If you’re in a long distance relationship where you’re regularly staying at boyfriend’s and it’s where you intend to live when you move to Pittsburgh, I don’t think anyone would think it’s that weird.

          And if you have an agreement to be wed, I’d call that “engaged,” so I don’t think it would be disingenuous to tell employers that you are.

    • I’m not sure if you’ve thought of this, but someone had this question last week and someone else made the suggestion to put “Relocating to Pittsburgh” at the top of your resume instead of your address (or in addition to your address). It’s more accurate than using someone else’s address (the biggest issue there is you wouldn’t necessarily be able to go interview on a moment’s notice, etc.), and it makes it clear that your move is inevitable, regardless of whether or not you get the job. Might help. Also, you mention that you are a litigator; have you thought of applying for clerkships (state or federal)? I know you’re a bit out of school but it’s not unheard of, and judges like people with experience. It would be temporary, of course, but it would give you great connections to apply to something afterwards.

    • Not a lawyer, but I am a Pittsburgh ‘rette who made a similar move from Philly a few years ago to be with my SO. Trying to find a job from across the state was impossible (granted, it was 2009), so I’d encourage any strategies for making it clear you’re intent on moving. Using the “relocating to Pittsburgh” phrase at the top of your resume would be a great start in this direction.

      Since you’ve been job hunting for a while and have connections to the area, you probably know about these resources, but I figure I’d throw them out there regardless: Vibrant Pittsburgh, Pop City, and Pittsburgh Young Professionals provide job information and networking opportunities, though I’m not at all sure how useful they’d be for lawyers. If you happen to be Jewish, J’burgh is known for being useful for networking, though I’m sure other religions or local organizations exist as well.

      Also, as I’m sure you’re already aware, there’s a new mayoral administration setting up shop, so they will be hiring in the next few months once their employee buyout scheme is implemented.

      Good luck!

  15. Potty Training (just to warn y'all) :

    Has anyone had a girl who was just awful at potty training? Like can do the job, but doesn’t care and will sit around being wet/poopy and continue on with what they are doing?

    started around 2 1/4 years old
    that was 1 1/4 years ago — she has gotten a little better, but has been stuck at a plateau for a while
    occasional perfect days, but a lot of adult involvement in that
    pullups at school for naps; diapers overnight

    Her sister (20 months older) was done (including overnights) by the time she was 3 with very rare accidents. Did I just get spoiled before?

    In her class at school, she and a girl who’s not yet 3 are the only ones who aren’t try at naptime and have accidents.

    I am thinking that I can’t send her to any fun camps this summer b/c I don’t know if she’ll be reliable by then.

    • hoola hoopa :

      So she’s 3.5? I hate to break it to you, but it’s late but not unusually late.

      My oldest was like that. She was potty trained many times and went successfully staying dry without diapers for a couple of weeks, then would seemingly decide that she was bored with it and would go back to having accident after accident. So we’d pull back after a couple of days and put her in diapers and regroup, get her dry again and repeat. We did finally put our foot down, but it was major drama. We had to be pro-active about getting on the toilet and she’d strongly resist.

      As she got older her behavior made more sense because she’s still the kid that does not want to use the bathroom. She holds it until the last possible second and would often wait too long. Fortunately she reached the age where she finally started putting 2 and 2 together and getting to the potty sooner and/or her bladder control when full improved. She also reached the age when wetting herself became embarrassing enough to be motivating, I’m guessing. She now is accident free and goes to the bathroom on her own timeline, but she still gets furious and resistant if we suggest she goes potty before leaving the house or when she’s wiggling.

      I don’t have particular advice, but after seeing how my daughter is as an older child I suspect what we did “right” was to really push her to use the potty frequently? It’s so hard to know. GL!

    • I think Alphamom has some helpful articles on this. Sorry to totally plug her website like crazy today. This article might be a good start even though it discusses mostly boys:

    • anon-oh-no :

      my son (the oldest, now 6.5) was like this. he had accidents all the time until he was at least 5.5 and would just sit in it. he still wears overnights. my daughter on the other hand (3.5) was potty trained with only the occassional accident (which she would tell us about immediatly) by 2.5. although she still wears overnights, she’s almost done with them.

      one day my son just got it. its like it just clicked one day and he stopped having accidents (maybe it was kids at school, i dont know). I know boys are different, but really, all kids are different. and ive asked the dr over and over again about the nightime thing, and they are not even a little worried.

  16. Looking for non-Lulu workout clothes :

    I am looking for shopping recommendations for workout gear. I work out 5-6 days per week, a mix of group pilates classes and running. I have always (well, since they became popular) splurged for Lululemon clothing, and love it. I haven’t bought anything in a year or so and feel that it’s time to update my wardrobe. However, due to the Lulu CEO’s offensive comments in recent months, I don’t know that I want to support their company anymore.

    Does anyone have a favorite non-Lulu, fashionable workout brand? I have tried and don’t like the fit of Lucy. I don’t generally like the style of Athleta. I’m looking for something that is on-trend with bright colors, form fitting shapes, stylish prints, etc., and price point is not a big concern (since I’m used to spending for Lulu). For pilates days I don’t need clothes with a ton of support, but I do like to have clothes that can do double-duty work for both pilates and running. TIA!

    • Wildkitten :

      I am in the same boat – yoga and running, phasing Lulu out of my wardrobe. I don’t like Lucy, and Athleta and Title IX are hit and miss for me. But, what I surprisingly really like is Champion at Target. It’s not the lulu price point, but its the same fun/colorful/fitting.

      • +1 for Target’s C9 line. The clothes hold up surprisingly well for 10-20 miles/week running plus 3x week pilates classes. And generally pretty cute and bright.

    • Potty Training (just to warn y'all) :

      Zella? It’s an in-house Nordstrom brand. My understanding is that a Lulu alumna is working on it.

      I can’t do Lulu b/c their logo looks like a uterus.

      • +1 for Zella. I’ve only seen their capris in black, but they are comfortable, form-fitting and could definitely do double duty for pilates and running.

      • Wildkitten :

        I had only heard of their leggings – this stuff is cute!

      • Anonymous :

        I hate Zella. The tops always ride up and the built in bras are chintzy (and I am an A cup). I really like Athleta and UnderArmour capris and have a mix of tops – some Nike, some Athleta, some Lulu.

      • anon-oh-no :

        zella is my go-to brand. i used to buy lulu, lucy, and zella, but stopped buying lulu for the reasons the OP noted. I still prefer lucy yoga pants, but i buy zella leggings and zella tops, both of which are much less expensive than lulu or lucy.

        I have no problems at all with any riding up and i think the bras work fine (im a d cup)

      • I really like the Zella leggings. I wear them to Barre classes and for lifting. I’ve run in them on occasion, but I usually prefer shorts/capris for running instead.

    • PinkKeyboard :

      Zella has fun stuff and is about the same price as Lulu. I know it is stocked at Nordstrom and I prefer the fit to Lucy and the style to Athleta (which skews more earthy/hippy/granola than I prefer).

    • I like Zella but have also found great workout clothing at Old Navy.

    • I’ve been loving the Gapfit line – I’ve had good luck with sales and was pleasantly surprised with the quality.

    • First Year Anon :

      I feel like we should forward this link to lululemon so they know what is happening to their brand.

      • Equity's Darling :

        Eh, I doubt it’s news, they’ve had C-level resignations recently, and the business commentator on the CBC was talking about them a week ago or so and saying how the company cut its Q4 expectations, because it’s customers aren’t happy and sales are slowing.

        The main reason I’ve stopped shopping there as much is because I recently counted up the sheer volume of things I have from them, and I was a little concerned that I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of money on workout pants.

        • Yea, I really think recent events with them hurt their image– not just that people don’t like what he said, but more like it’s inconsistent with the whole yoga/peace-love thing. People were buying into an image and that’s part of it (along with the materialistic brand name thing).

          I’m just bummed because I really like a few of their things. The non-stretchy/loose fit crop pants are THE best.

    • What did the CEO say? (I’ve missed this, somehow.)

      I always hated the brand because it was so culty, and it demanded slavish displays of loyalty (Nike-style) from its employees, which I find creepy.

      • Anne Shirley :

        Remember how they had issues with see-through leggings? That’s actually fat women’s fault. Some of us are just the wrong shape for stretchy leggings.

        • Wow. Just googled this. That CEO just exhibited the classic mark of the a-hole– utter refusal to accept responsibility when called on stuff that wasn’t done well.

          • I just cannot with the “Landmark” obsession.

          • Boycotting This Brand :

            Anon 7:48pm: Chip, is that you?

            No need for Landmarks when the pattern is pretty clear. Walks like a jerk, talks like a jerk, keeps talking like a jerk, ayup, it’s a jerk!

      • Anon in NYC :

        After the sheerness issue, and Lulu came out with thicker pants there were quality complaints (pilling) and he made some comment blaming women for pilling. Specifically, he said, “Some women’s bodies just don’t actually work for it. It’s really about the rubbing through the thighs, how much pressure is there. I mean over a period of time, and how much they use it.”

        He’s had a history of offensive comments, actually, if you look at this article:

        • Boycotting This Brand :

          One thing that really bugs about the thigh-rub thing is that it’s not true. I carry my weight in my midsection, not in my legs, and even without thigh-rub, my pants pilled after not too many wears. That also happened with my Forever21 pants, but they were a fraction of the cost of the Lululemon ones.

      • Anonymous :

        Regarding quality issues with their leggings: “Some women’s bodies just don’t actually work for [our apparel]. It’s really about the rubbing through the thighs, how much pressure is there. I mean over a period of time, and how much they use it”

        Regarding the company’s refusal to carry sizes larger than 12: It takes 30% more fabric to create plus-size clothes, but “plus-sized people are [too] sensitive” to pay higher prices.

        Regarding picking the name of his company “It’s funny watching [Japanese people] try to say it.”

      • Looking for non-Lulu workout clothes :

        He also said some nasty things about naming the company a name with a bunch of “l” sounds because Japanese people can’t pronounce them and he thinks that’s funny.

        • Wildkitten :

          And he said the downfall of society is because of contraception, or something shockingly similiar, and thats why God gave us breast cancer.

          • Wildkitten :

            Your comment is awaiting moderation.

            Breast cancer also came into prominence in the 1990’s. I suggest this was due to the number of cigar3tt3-smoking Power Women who were on the pill (initial concentrations of hormones in the pill were very high) and taking on the stress previously left to men in the working world.


          • Holy Farking Schnit. I missed the racist stuff he said. And here I thought the tool who heads American Apparel won the bottom feed award.

        • Wildkitten :

          Breast cancer also came into prominence in the 1990’s. I suggest this was due to the number of cigarette-smoking Power Women who were on the pill (initial concentrations of hormones in the pill were very high) and taking on the stress previously left to men in the working world.

    • Anon in NYC :

      I don’t have personal experience with these brands (mostly Lulu myself), but here are some brands that I have seen / would be potentially interested in that are of a comparable price point to Lululemon: Splits59, Sweaty Betty, Michi, Under Armour, Stella McCartney for Adidas.

      • In-House Optimist :

        I have good luck with regular old Under Armour and Reebok tights/sports bras/tops – I usually get them at regular sporting goods stores. I pretty much live in Under Armour’s ribbed workout tanks. They are amazing.

    • Oiselle! They are a small business that’s based in Seattle, but you can order online or buy in many different running stores. Their clothes are high quality, and the clothes are built for runners, by runners. They have fun colors, and a lot of their shirts I wear both casually and for running. Website is They also have fantastic customer service.

      • Anonymous :

        Ugggh. Hate Oiselle. Everything I’ve ever had from the has ripped on a seam within days or weeks of wearing (at least three articles of clothing). Poorly made.

    • If it makes you feel better, I think they recently fired him.

    • Salt Stained Boots :

      Along these same lines, has anybody tried out Fabletics? Thoughts?

    • Have you looked at Athleta’s offerings lately? They are cutting back on the granola look and outright copying several popular Lulu styles. I still think Lulu has a better color selection, though. :(

    • Looking for non-Lulu workout clothes :

      Thank you all for the recommendations!

      And PSA: Gap is having a 40% off EVERYTHING sale through tomorrow!

    • WestCoast Lawyer :

      FWIW, the founder (who is the one repeatedly rammed his foot in his mouth) is Chairman of the Board and is stepping down in June. I think his wife was the CEO, although she was just replaced as well. I think they still have a significant amount of stock (around 30% of the company) so they would still benefit from any business but the company seems to be trying to distance themselves.

      • Wildkitten :

        But now that there are cute alternatives (Zella, C9, etc) I’m happy to take my business elsewhere!

    • Look at Lorna Jane, too. I don’t fit in their stuff (XL = 10) but my roommate does and loves it.

    • I like GapFit, you can find them in usual gap stores and very reasonably priced as well.
      I have stopped buying lulu after their CEO’s offensive comments, I might be his ideal body size but I refuse to support such a company’s bottom line.

    • I'm Just Me :

      Under Armour?

    • This may be too late for you to see, but Splits 59 is a popular brand as mentioned above. Beyond Yoga is another one to try.

      And as mentioned several times already, the CEO and founder are out, so hopefully there will be an improvement in culture and product quality, because IMO Lulu still has the best design.

  17. Salt Stained Boots :

    As a recent transplant from the West Coast, I’m not used to the salt/melt everywhere – including all over my boots. Any tips for removing salt stains and restoring boots to their pre-salt stain state?

    • What works for me is making sure to wipe them with mild soap & water as soon as I walk in the door (I just use a teeny bit of mild hand soap). FWIW this is on leather boots and they’ve held up well with no staining for about 2 yrs.

  18. Laundry question :

    I scored a down coat at goodwill today. The care tag is cut off. My gut says dry clean but I know some modern down is machine washable and tumble dry.


    • Wildkitten :

      You want to clean it before you wear it because it’s from Goodwill? Might as well dry clean. After that? I’ve never washed the coats I own. They’re outwear and they just don’t get that dirty.

    • I would wash it – I wash down coats, but then again I wash almost everything. If the outer fabric looks delicate or silklike or just like it would not survive washing well, that is a good reason to dry clean. The down can handle it.

    • Laundry question :

      Am I the only one who washes everything I buy before wearing with very few exceptions??

      • Wildkitten :

        Is a down coat not one of the few exceptions? I don’t usually wash before wear, but with my down coats I basically never wash, ever, for years.

      • Wildkitten :

        Why do you wash? General gross-factor in case someone else tried it on? Or something else?

      • No. If more people knew just how filthy the garment industry was, they would clean their clothes before they wore them too!

        • laundry question :

          ^^this. Plus the general gross factor. Even if no one tried it on, there are still TONS of people (especially at a store with a high rate of turnover/visitors as our goodwill) who simply just put their hands all over the clothes. Even for a coat, they may try it on over their own clothes, but who knows how clean their clothes are??

          But, now that I have this coat, and it’s clean, I probably won’t wash it again for years.

          I ended up washing it in the washer, by itself, and tumbling dry with a dryer ball. Perfection.

    • PinkKeyboard :

      I would wash (they make down friendly detergents for sleeping bags/comfortors if you are concerned but i’ve washed down coats, comforters, and sleeping bags in my top loader on delicate with normal detergent with no issues). Biggest thing is to keep heat low to non-existent when drying (and check frequently) to prevent scorching the feathers (trust me- no impatient medium dryer settings!).

  19. Huge day of anxiety here for some reason. I had difficulty with some tasks yesterday and I’m convinced my boss thinks I’m an idiot. The icing on the cake was getting a speeding ticket on my way home from work last night. I was driving fast because my dad was at my house waiting for me (he drove 4 hours to see me). I love him but he spent the entire night ranting about Obama. I hardly slept last night because my husband snored and I couldn’t sleep in the guest bedroom because my dad was in there. If I was going to take a mental health day, today would be it. But I can’t because we are so slammed at work. Here’s to caffeine and not losing my mind.

    Also, it seems like whenever I’m tired and/or stressed out I take everything so much more literally – i.e. a joke that was all in fun, etc. In addition, I start to think of all the dumb things I’ve said to people, etc. It’s like I just start to personally attack myself. I don’t know the point of this but rant over.

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