This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
I recently bought a pair of pants in this cropped kick flare cut, and I was shocked at how good they looked on my shorter-than-average legs. If you haven’t tried these before, make sure you’re getting a pair that hits right at your ankle for the most flattering fit.
I really like this pair because they’re made from a slightly stretchy (and forgiving) ponte material and have a pull-on waistband. For a top, I’d probably pick a printed blouse that I could tuck in and layer with a blazer or cardigan.
The pants are $110 and available in sizes XS–L. Roxana Crop Kick Flare Ponte Pants
Anthropologie has a plus-size option (available in two plaids and houndstooth) in sizes 16W–26W. The pants are on sale for $79 and also come in straight sizes and petite sizes.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
LaurenB
I know they say shorter people, or those with long torso / short legs shouldn’t wear capri or cropped pants, but I think they look fine on me, and they certainly eliminate the hassle of having to get everything hemmed — I can never buy off the rack. (I’m 5’4″ with longer torso / shorter legs.)
Anon
I need a 25-inch inseam. Cropped pants are never “cropped” on me, though I enjoy not needing to get things hemmed, as you mention. They just look like ankle pants. I would skip the flare style above, though, that would just look strange at my leg length.
Emma
I’m also 5″4 and I like a skinny ankle pant, but I would not look good in these.
anne-on
I almost exclusively buy Madewell jeans because of this. Also about 5’4 (and a half!!) and have a long torso for my height, so their shorter length and high rise looks great on me off the rack.
Anonymous
+1 Does anyone know how Cupcakes and Cashmere fits? Pear here.
Cold Climate
How do you wear pants like these when it is not warm outside?
Anon
I know posters around here recommended booties to bridge the gap between slim ankle pants and the foot. But I don’t know how that would look with cropped flares. I’m having a hard time imagining it. I didn’t particularly like the look even with slim crops (but I wore it)
Anonymous
I think these pants call for a “sock bootie”–in other words, a bootie with a tall narrow shaft that would cover the entire ankle.
Anon
I’m 5’11” with a 34” inseam. I also like it when ankle pants are in style because that’s where normal pants hit me. A true cropped pant with a 27-ish inseam hits me mid shin.
I know my petite sisters don’t love having pants hemmed all the time. Me, I can rarely find pants long enough, and the tailor can’t add fabric at the bottom to make them long enough. I wish they’d sell women’s pants like men’s pants, like 36×34.
Anonymous
I am 5’6″ with a long torso and short legs and still have to have cropped pants hemmed in order for them to look intentionally cropped and not like full-length pants that are too short.
Ellen
These pants look very cute, Elizabeth! I did not know you were also short. How tall are you? I really want to be freinds with women in NYC like you who are not tall like models, b/c when I go out with them, men just ignore me and gravitate toward them b/c of their long legs. I think this is a big reason I am not married. Dad says keep the faith, but at this point, I am about to give up and settle for someone who I would NOT even look at a couple of years ago. FOOEY!
Anon
What online events are you enjoying? I saw the suggestion about the free Smithsonian writing hour and wondered what else is out there. My local cheese and wine shops are doing fun zoom tastings. What about comedy or theater? Any virtual events on your holiday plan? Tia!
Calico
I’m enjoying The Moth over Zoom. Their big storytelling “gala” is next Tuesday and accessible with a small donation.
I’m also watching lots of book release events hosted by indie bookstores on CrowdCast. I’ve seen so many of my favorite authors this way.
Anon
The Second City improv theater does virtual comedy shows on Thursdays. I attended a bunch earlier in the pandemic (admittedly while they were still free) and really enjoyed them.
Anon
Membership to the Berliner Philharmoniker.
MJ
Nowhere Comedy Club has true comedy headliners and shows frequently. It’s great.
Yesterday, DancersofNYCBallet had a live, one-hour class taught by Tiler Peck. I am not a ballerina, but it was super-cool to watch and learn the names of things while I worked away like the desk slave I am!
BlueAlma
Online escape rooms. We’ve done three with Trapped Escape Rooms based in St. Paul, MN, and they have all been a blast. We will do a Christmas themed one next.
Anon
I’ve watched a few book release events hosted by my local book store, where you buy the book (sometimes signed) and get a Zoom link.
If you have warm, fuzzy feelings for your alma mater, check out the virtual events for alumni. My college has several every month, ranging from guest speakers to faculty lectures to pizza making.
Our local theater is going to have a virtual performance of The Nutcracker. I’m sure that will be relatively common this holiday season.
Anon
The Preservation Resource Center in New Orleans is doing it’s Holiday Home Tour online this year — fancy houses all decked out for the holidays — so I’m getting a bottle of wine and watching that as part of my festivities.
Moonstone
Tiny theater group in Chicago has re-released a really wonderful version of Pride and Prejudice for viewing Nov 12-29. http://lifelinetheatre.com/performances/2020-2021/pride-and-prejudice2020/ I had a low-tech watch party with a friend, where we texted each other throughout and had an “intermission” where we talked on the phone for 10 minutes.
I started watching it out of obligation (I wanted to support the company) but quickly found it charming. Also, I like that it’s loaded to Vimeo so you can get the Vimeo app and watch it on even an older kind-of-smart TV instead of just my laptop. Lifeline sends you a link after you buy the ticket.
Digby
Thank you for this! I’m a Jane Austen geek and I just bought a ticket!
anne-on
I’m saving this for the holidays but am VERY excited to take a closer look at the costumes and inspiration for the Queen’s Gambit.
https://www.brooklynmuseum.org/exhibitions/queen_and_crown
Anon OP
Great ideas – thanks so much! Looking forward to checking these out.
Calico
Ok I’m geeking out for this- thank you!
Senior Attorney
I’m in Los Angeles and one of our local theatres, the Geffen Playhouse (they’re calling themselves the Geffen Stayhouse at the moment) has really mastered the art of the Zoom theatrical experience. We’ve done one already (a magic show) and have three more booked including one tomorrow. They sell out fast so I jump on the minute tickets go on sale. VERY FUN.
Carrots
FYI, for those who are looking to get involved in the Georgia Senate run-offs, I got an email from Vote Forward that they’re planning to do some Georgia letter writing campaign. They were super easy to do and a great way to get involved! Linked them in my name if you want to register!
Anon
Thank you! Just registered.
Normally, I don’t mind a divided government because it puts the brakes on the parties, but Trump’s lawsuits and Pompeo’s comment that we were going to have a second Trump Administration after Trump’s obvious loss made me want to take the car keys out of a drunken GOP’s hands.
Anon
I’m also an independent and think the current Republican Party needs the kind of wake-up call that can only come from them losing everything.
Anokha
PostcardsToSwingStates is also planning to do a Georgia postcard campaign!
cbackson
Out of curiosity – what kind of instructions do they give people about what to write in these letters? We got a letter that was pretty weird. It felt like it was directed to someone who typically doesn’t vote, but we are both registered and vote in every election, and it was basically a form letter that was printed off where someone had written a few generic sentences in the middle about our civic responsibilities and the importance of voting. Maybe there is evidence showing that this is effective but it came off as a strange combination of condescending (yes, I know voting is important to our democracy and future since I vote in every election and donate to candidates) and impersonal.
I’m not sure what org it came from or how they chose us to receive it, though, and maybe I would have felt differently receiving it if I were not a regular voter.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t make a thing of it or discourage anyone here from writing them. If it didn’t apply to you exactly, well yeah, it’s a form letter. Sometimes they’ll miss the mark. The letters are typically to people who are less likely to vote.
cbackson
I’m not trying to discourage people – I’m truly curious about what guidance is given in terms of what to say when you write them and how they decide who receives them, and it sounds like lots of people here have participated.
Obviously if you want a campaign to be successful, getting the content and audience as correct as possible is good, no?
Anonymous
Yes, I participated in writing letters myself. No, it was not possible to tailor them to individuals. If you ended up on a list for “people who are relatively unlikely to vote” and you felt like it was condescending, it just doesn’t seem like a huge deal and I think you can choose whether or not to read it in the spirit it was written.
Anon
That is strange. I wrote lots of letters to swing state voters through Vote Forward and they sound like what you are describing, but I don’t think you are the right audience for them. We were told the letters were going to likely Democratic voters who don’t always vote. That doesn’t sound like you, so yours must have been a mistake.
AnonATL
I received several post cards as well that were strangely worded. We vote in every election.
I didn’t think much of them and chucked them in the recycling because we had early voted, but it was a little odd.
Senior Attorney
I wrote some of those postcards and I thought mine were strangely worded, to be honest. But the instructions said the wording had been vetted via research and that we should remember the goal wasn’t to make the recipient happy to get the postcard, but to make them more likely to vote. FWIW.
Monday
Hmmm…this does sound like the VoteFwd letters, but they were supposed to target people who haven’t been voting consistently. (I wrote some to NC voters.) You may have ended up on the list accidentally, and that wouldn’t land well with me either. I got a voting “report card” that shamed me for not voting in my state in 2016, but I didn’t live there at the time, and did vote in the (swing) state where I did live.
I guess errors are inevitable with huge campaigns like this.
Anonymous
Serious question, why would it bother you? If I got a letter like that that wasn’t perfectly addressed to me and my situation, I would just be glad that someone was writing letters at all.
Monday
It wasn’t a big deal, just a bit annoying. I was doing voter protections stuff for my state and we were told how many people complained about getting these mailings, so that tells me others didn’t love it either, particularly if the info wasn’t correct. That feedback was shared with the group who sent them.
I am glad for pro-voting campaigns, and as I said I participated myself. I just don’t think a message that explicitly mentions the person’s not having voted in X year is a great idea. Probably when it’s accurate, it’s still a turnoff, but especially when it’s wrong people apparently don’t like it.
cbackson
I also got FOUR of those voting report card things (they come from someplace called something like the “Center for Voter Information” or something like that?), although they were at least correct.
Anonymous
Grading people on their voting behavior does not seem like a positive way to encourage them to vote. I wonder whether this was actually done to sabotage GOTV efforts.
mascot
I think I only got one of those, but we got multiple copies of absentee ballot application forms from both parties and non-partisan groups plus all the mailers and political ads for both parties. It’s only going to increase now that we are in run-offs. How many ways do you need to tell me how terrible you think the opposing candidate is?
Monday
The Georgia Democratic party is also taking volunteers to call voters for ballot curing.
Anon
Any recommendation for a reliable moving company/storage facility in NJ/NY area? Thanks in advance!
AIMS
I’ve used Oz for multiple moves with great success.
Anom
I’ve used Oz a couple times too. Currently have my stuff in storage with FlatRate. I’ve gotten bids from FlatRate previously but they always came out higher and so I used Oz (2x) or Empire (1x), but this time FlatRate came out lower. I’d had reliable source recommending FlatRate before.
BeenThatGuy
I have used Ridgewood Moving Services (based in Mahwah). Prices were competitive and it’s a woman owned and operated company.
Anonymous
Alpha Moving was great for our local move, though we didn’t use their storage so I can’t speak to that.
Anonymous
Is anyone looking at getting the iPhone 12 mini? As someone with smaller hands, the smaller size seems really appealing but I do worry about the diminished battery life.
Anon
I ordered it last week due to also having small hands that feel strained with the bigger sized phone I have now. It hasn’t come in yet, but I will report back once it shows up.
Anonymous
Really tempted!
Flats Only
I am looking seriously at it. I am still using an original iPhone SE from 2016. It’s the last really small phone they did. It still works really well, but I may jump to the 12 mini later next year, assuming it will work with my prepaid carrier. (TracFone). I worry that if I wait for my SE to die they will have stopped making the mini, just to be annoying. The mini seems like it will be marginally bigger than the original SE, but with a much bigger screen, which would be nice.
Anonymous
+1
NY CPA
I don’t need a new phone yet, but just want to jump in that I love that they’re continuing to offer small phones, since my hands are tiny. I have an iPhone 6S (personal) and an iPhone 7 (work), and I vastly prefer my 6S. I have to use 2 hands with the 7 since my thumb can’t reach the far side of the screen to type.
Gail the Goldfish
I’m an android person, not iPhone, but I deeply miss my Galaxy mini, which they stopped making several generations ago. It was so much easier with my tiny hands.
Nesprin
God I miss my iphone 5- the form factor made so much more sense for my hands. Tempted to trade in for that reason alone.
Anonymous
I am interested. I’ve been annoyed at how Apple (like every company) designs its products to fit average men and if they have a smaller one now, it might work better for me.
Anon
I needed a phone in a hurry, and had to pick from what Best Buy had in stock at that moment. The smallest thing I could find is still uncomfortable and makes my palm cramp. Wish I could have held out for this!
Anon
I have a 3 year old iPhone (I think an 8?) that is still perfectly good, but I’m really tempted by the 12 mini! It seems like a really perfect phone for my needs, but that’s a lot of money to pay when the only difference from my current phone is size and form factor. Whenever my phone dies though, I will likely get it or the next version. I think there’s enough demand for the smaller phone that they will continue making it past this year.
ThirdJen
Anxiously awaiting Covid test results for myself and my family after an exposure. Anyone want to share good news?
anon
Okay, this isn’t “traditional” good news like a big achievement or anything, but I ordered a litter robot (a self cleaning litter box) this morning and I’m extremely excited about it. :)
cbackson
We have one! It is great.
ThirdJen
That is exactly the kind of tiny boost I was hoping for – I hope NOT scooping litter brings you much joy!
Anonymous
It looks like I will be writing my first law and international convention! It’s so surreal that somehow lil ole me is changing the world and I have periodically burst into tears all day because I get to contribute my own little piece of good.
Senior Attorney
Wow that is huge! Congratulations and thank you!
ThirdJen
That is AMAZING – congrats to you! This is only the beginning of your worldwide impact.
Anonymous
The Goo Goo Dolls released a Christmas album!!! Yes, I bought it. Yes, I have listened to it even though it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. No, I am not ashamed.
ThirdJen
I also am not ashamed of my love for The Goo Goo Dolls – I’ll be adding this to my playlists!
EB
I made partner at a firm I took a leap of faith to move to 2 years ago while 6 months pregnant.
ThirdJen
CONGRATS TO YOU, that is HUGE news for you! I bet younger lawyers are looking to you as a role model.
Senior Attorney
Oh, wow! Go, you!!
Happy
I want to buy myself a gift to celebrate a professional achievement . It’s not something that made me a lot of money, so maybe keep it under $200. I don’t need anyone else (I know in real life) to be involved with this, but it’s a very momentous occasion and I want to mark it for myself. Jewelry wise, I’m allergic to nickel.
What do people get for things like this? I want to keep it for a long time, so it seems like jewelry is up there. I also might frame like a memento of what happened.
Anonymous
I’d do a classic chain necklace or a nice wallet that could last me many years. Or maybe a cashmere scarf.
Happy
I like wallet idea! I wasn’t as keen on jewelry since I have other pieces I use daily, but a wallet would also be used daily and last a long time. Also, I do need a new one.
Any wallet brand suggestions?
anon in brooklyn
I bought a Comme de Garcons wallet 10 years ago to celebrate an accomplishment and it still looks great and I still love it.
Maudie Atkinson
A friend gave me a leather Cartier card case as a gift after my divorce. It has my new (old) monogram on it. It was the perfect gift: far more spendy than anything I would have purchased myself, but such a lovely splurge for the occasion.
emeralds
They aren’t near your max budget, but I absolutely love my wallet from Via de’ Ginori, 23r, who are artisanal leather makers in Florence.
Conveniently, they just launched their online store and ship internationally: http://www.viadeginori23r.com
(I would also recommend them to anyone who wants leather bags or other leather accessories! They make beautiful, classic pieces with heritage craftsmanship, and everything I’ve bought from them has held up like iron.)
anonshmanon
wow, these are so beautiful!
Anon
Omg I totally want that Hunter bag. Thanks for the link!
LaurenB
For a similar occasion I got an Alexis Bittar necklace I really enjoy and it is that price range.
Anonie
I have never ordered from them, but Instagram-follow a jewelry company called Melanie Casey that has some gorgeous, dainty pieces under $200. Catbird NYC also has beautiful and more unique pieces under $200. Granted, I’ve also never ordered from them and thus can’t comment on quality or customer service haha :)
BabyAssociate
I have a stunning sapphire necklace from Melanie Casey and a few pieces (earrings, simple gold bands, and a necklace) from Catbird, would highly recommend both!
emeralds
Melanie Casey is great! I’m suuuper skeptical of Instagram companies, but I ended up getting my wedding ring from them. They have great customer service, too–their showroom was closed for renovations when I happened to be visiting a friend in the area where they’re based, but they let me come try bands at their atelier.
Which was probably a good business move from them, since I also ended up buying a necklace that I fell in love with and would never have let myself buy if I was shopping on the internet. Anyway, I love both pieces and would absolutely buy from them again.
AnonMPH
My engagement ring and both of our wedding rings are from Catbird and I love all their stuff so much. Definitely recommend!
Anonymous
I had intended to start a collection of bracelets commemorative of events like this, but I never did. I still think it would be great to have arm candy as a visible reminder of your accomplishments.
BB
Non-jewelry thing to consider: I buy pieces of artwork for things like this. Not like crazy auction house stuff, but like some local artist that catches my eye that I wouldn’t usually have the spending money to shell out for, but is a nice totally non-essential, pretty thing that I get to keep around.
Katie
I bought myself a Lo&Sons laptop bag after a professional achievement. It felt appropriate to spend it on something vaguely work-related but is a massive upgrade from the bag I had. If non-jewelry is of interest, they’re having a nice sale.
anon
If you don’t have one and like to bake, buy yourself a kitchenaid mixer.
kk
I am tall and these pants somehow make my legs shorter, and reminds me of being 12, wearing bell bottom jeans that I’d grown out of and were way too short. I’m trying to wait this trend out
AnonATL
I’m not especially tall (5’6″), but these pants bring back some memories about being teased for highwaters in elementary school. I’m down with cropped skinny pants, but the kick flare is just too much.
go for it
Agreed. This super high waist makes it even more unflattering on me.
Anon
Yep.
Carla
Any suggestions for day/1 night trips from Boston in winter? Planning to go with a family member I live with, and we’re from a family of doctors – we get and will follow and know first hand all of the COVID rules.
We just want to go hiking and stay in a nice lodge or Airbnb and take out some food.
Marie
Portsmouth, NH would be great for this (and other NH towns). Also, Cape Ann (Gloucester, MA) is a cute area, although I do no know whether a lot of the restaurants or shops close during the winter. The Berkshires would fit this bill, as well, as would trips to Connecticut. All are easy drives from Boston.
Panda Bear
+1 to Portsmouth, NH. I also love the Northampton, MA area. Although that is a bit of a longer drive, I think. What about Porland, ME? Maybe also a bit longer than an hour, but a cool little city.
Anon
NoHo has great restaurants and hiking (Mt. Tom). Only thing to note is that MA is currently in the COVID redzone and has travel restrictions, so they might impede your plans to some extent depending on when you go and what the status is.
Carla
I’d be in MA already!
Anon
Duh! Maybe I should rethink that second cup of coffee I just decided I didn’t need…
AnonSF
This Smithie wholeheartedly echoes the Northampton recommendation!
Anonymous
Berkshires
Anonymous
North Conway NH, Stowe VT, Burlington VT, Woodstock VT, Hanover NH, Camden ME, Wolfeboro NH. I love Portsmouth, but I wouldn’t do that if you really want to hike.
Carla
Idk if I need to hike, I was just thinking that it is one of the most COVID friendly activities
Marie
If you don’t need to hike, I would also add RI locations to that list of New England options that are easy to get to from Boston.
Anon
I haven’t been to most of these locations but can vouch for Stowe.
anne-on
The Berkshires, Kent CT, or Brattleboro VT. all seem like great easy day trips with both nice outdoor areas and nice downtowns you can do take out from.
Anon
VT just announced mandatory 14-day (or 7 day + COVID test) quarantine for travelers from all out-of-state location.
Carla
Ah when you get there too? A COVID test before and quarantining before going I could easily do.
Anon
Hopefully OP won’t do this, but everybody I know at work who has been faced with any kind of quarantine recommendation has ignored it with a wink.
Alexa
(This would be why NY changed it to a testing requirement, feels like people are much more likely to follow that)
Anonymous
@11:57 they don’t know they don’t have it until after the quarantine window expires, so, yes, they are obviously fine with spreading disease.
Anonymous
Cool that they enjoy spreading disease wink wink.
Anonymous
My coworkers are like this too. They read and understand the travel rules/recommendations and just flat-out ignore them. They wear masks and distance but think that that is all they need to do ever.
Anon
Shrug. If they don’t have the disease, then they’re not spreading it.
Anon
That’s what I hate about the quarantine requirements. They have zero teeth unless you are flying in and tracked. I know it would be a logistical nightmare but there should be a check point at the border where they register all out of state travelers to insure they follow the quarantine.
Anon
um yes, my MIL came to visit from a state that required a 2 week quarantine upon return. we facetimed her with the kids less than 2 weeks later and she was in a restaurant. i was livid
Anonymous
I don’t know about Airbnb or lodging options, but I climbed Mt. Monadnock (on a sparsely populated hard trail up that required scrambling) and it was definitely COVID-friendly since absolutely no one else followed us lol. If you don’t want to go that intense, though, I recommend checking out Jackie Greaney’s Instagram. She has all kinds of lodging recs in New England.
Anon
+1 Mt. Monadnock. Has a variety of trails of different difficulty and length.
Anon
When working on a brief, how do you make sure that you capture what your boss has in mind?
I recently started working with a partner who has a tough reputation. Whenever I have a call with him, it feels like he is interrogating me. But he does work with two other associates a lot, so I must be doing something wrong. It feels as if we are on very different wavelengths. Often, I find it difficult to understand what he is getting at, write a brief that he doesn’t like, and then he would lash out at me. I should manage this situation by calling him more to ask for his views on different sections of the brief I’m working on. But I also dread my interactions with him so much that I find it difficult to initiate such calls. How do you deal with type of situation?
Anon
Can you ask the other two associates what works for them in dealing with this partner?
Anonymous
Outlines- I send outlines for review to make sure I’m on the right track
Anne
This. Send a full outline of the brief.
Marie
When I was an associate with a very particular partner, I would get ahead of this early on by telling him what arguments I intended to focus on, and then ask if there was anything else he thought she be included. If you are confused about an argument, also ask if this has been written on before (almost certainly it has) and have him direct you to a file where a brief includes a similar argument. If the brief got through his scrutiny before and was filed, it is a good sample for you to model your argument or organization after. This can be a control/micromanaging issue, and if you keep him informed so he doesn’t feel like he is chasing you for info or worried about what will be in the brief, that make take the wind out of his sails.
Anon
This but at my firm you don’t ask a partner for a similar case. You ask other associates, paralegals, legal assistants or do a word search on the firm directory.
No Face
If he interrogates you, isn’t clear on what he wants, and lashes out at you, he is one of Those Partners who is terrible and sucks to work for. Every firm has them. He was like that before he met you and will be like that if you no longer work together. He is not your fault.
I worked with one of Those for years and had all kinds of tips for working with her. I was always happy to share with other associates who had the misfortune of getting a case with her. Ask the associates he regularly works with about advice for working with him, as they will have the best advice to deal with his particular issues.
Do not call him and ask for his views on the brief. I think that would just be annoying, to be honest.
Marie
This may be true for your partner. It really is dependent on the individual what strategy works for them. Mine also hated receiving e-mails and preferred calls. I agree with the advice above to find out from the other associates how to communicate best with him.
Anonymous
If you don’t understand what he is getting at in the assignment meeting, you really need to ask more questions in that meeting until you feel like you do understand. Exiting and then taking a blind shot at the getting it right is really unproductive for both of you.
Anonymous
What kind of issues does he have with the brief? Are they stylistic, organizational, factual, or about your legal analysis? It sounds like his issues might be more substantive.
1. Talk to the other 2 associates. They can tell you if this is normal and give you some tips about what he’s looking for. Ask if one of them would be willing to review your brief before you give it to partner (make sure they’re allowed to bill to that client).
2. Prepare a detailed outline before you start working on the brief. The outline should include research questions. Review the outline with partner when you go over the assignment.
3. Preferably, #2 happens before you have your first call with the partner. If you don’t have enough information before the first call, do as much prep work as you can. You should at least know the party names, who you’re representing, what kind of case it is, and do some googling on the parties and legal issues.
4. At the end of every call/meeting, summarize your key takeaways to confirm that you’ve understood his directions. If he’s impatient, then do this at the end of each topic instead of saving everything for the end of the call.
5. After the call, review your notes. Make sure you understand the instructions. Adjust your outline based on partner’s comments. If you still have questions, bring them up sooner rather than later.
6. Any time you ask a question, be specific and propose an answer. It sounds like you’re planning to send him sections of the brief as you work on them and ask for his general comments? Don’t do that. It’s inefficient and makes you look like you lack confidence. Your questions should demonstrate that you’re thinking critically about the brief and working to get ahead of any issues.
Anon
No advice but commiseration. Due to Circumstances I have bounced around a bit from firm to firm, so I have been exposed to several partners’ management styles when it comes to this. In my experience, this is That Partner. It’s not you, its him. The other 2 associates are not reading his mind, they are likely experiencing the same thing and are literally miserable. Always avoid That Partner, there is nothing to be gained.
Ari
Has anyone here used a recruiter for tech jobs? Did you find it useful?
Particularly if they’re in NYC, any recs?
Anonymous
I need a re-set. I managed to do pretty well through the first six months of the pandemic. I live alone and I’m an introvert, so the adjustment to working from home was relatively easy for me. I bought a Peloton in May and lost 7-8 lbs over the summer. Over the last 4-6 weeks, however, things have spiraled in the wrong direction (due, if I’m honest, in large part to finding out that my last ex-bf is getting married while I haven’t been on a single date since the pandemic started). I’m eating like it’s my job and drinking way more than I know is healthy. I’ve gained 15 lbs since the beginning of October. I exercise, but I know the adage about how you can’t outrun a bad diet. I need to find a way to re-start some healthier habits but I can’t seem to get motivated to do it. How do you talk yourself into beginning a healthier lifestyle? I know objectively that this is something I need to do, but I just can’t make myself want to start.
Anonymous
Are you still working out? I think that’s the easiest first step for me – add back workouts and then, for me, I start wanting to eat a bit better and drink less. The Beyonce ride is great if you want something to motivate you today.
LaurenB
I hear you! I’m good on the exercise but I have talked myself into “it’s a pandemic / election, I deserve a chai tea latte / hot cocoa.”
AIMS
I’ve been debating getting the Noom app for this reason. Would love to hear reviews.
Anonymous
Noom articles are good, but the structure is calorie counting at its core. If calorie counting isn’t your jam, it won’t be great long term.
Anon
I thought it was useless and switched back to MyFitnessPal
Anon
I did a Whole30 together with some other people when I was feeling this way. I did not really intend for it to be a new healthier lifestyle: just a “reset.” I went back to my normal diet afterward, but with more moderation.
Because of medical restrictions, my normal diet is a lot closer to Whole30 than most people’s to begin with, but there may be less restricted plans that have the social component and the recipes/shopping lists? Those are the things that made me actually stick with it.
I’m annoyed when diets are branded as “detox” or “clean eating” or “fasts” and was annoyed with some of the health claims, but I think fasting is ultimately the experience I wanted (to feel how I feel when I’m not indulging at all). Fasting is a part of my religious tradition that’s sort of fallen by the wayside, but I think there’s something to it as a human experience.
Anon
Yeah, whole30 is big on calling itself a “reset” or a “protocol” and not a diet. OP, it’s a diet. Do it if you want but come armed with the facts. You’ll doing your next “reset” in six months.
Anon
I’ve done a medical elimination diet, and it’s basically the same. So yeah, it’s a diet, but not a lifelong dietary change.
Anonymous
So this might be more woo woo than works for you, but the weight isn’t the problem. The problem is that you’re feeling blah and dissatisfied with your life. Now isn’t the time for a diet. It’s time for long walks just for the pleasure of being outside and reading good novels and taking up journaling or meditation and finding a hobby.
alexa
Maybe there’s a way to combine this. I don’t think a harsh diet will help the feelings, but maybe putting more joy into finding recipes you’ll like or trying new ingredients would at least make this more fun and like you’re improving your life than yet another thing to do.
Anonymous
+1. Find something fun to do and do it.
Anonymous
+1,000. Usually when we think it’s our diet or lack of exercise, it’s our emotional health that needs the tune-up. The diet / exercise make for great places to avoid working on our emotional health.
AnonATL
Partly inspired by a thread from last week, I’ve started doing a no alcohol on school nights routine. It’s been good so far and is an easy rule to follow. I had to up my tea game for my evening cozy drink, but otherwise it’s been easy.
I also try to do one active thing a day for 20 minutes. It could be a run, a walk, or yoga but it has to be active.
Both of these things are easy habit changes to lay a foundation for even better more difficult habits.
Anon
Maybe start with a week or month of not drinking? That can be a lot of calories and might feel like enough of a reset to get you going on some other changes, like adding an extra serving of fruit or veggies or an extra vegan or whole grain meal each day or something like that. In general, I think it’s better to focus on positive diet changes rather than framing it as eliminating things, but it probably depends a lot on what you eat and what works for you. I know the not drinking advice goes against that, but I think of drinking as different as the rest of your diet and might help you feel like you’re resetting while focusing on other positive changes and it might help you feel better right away. I do drink but definitely don’t think that drinking a lot makes me feel better- obviously you may be different.
No Problem
A few ideas:
At one point earlier this year I literally removed from my pantry everything containing added sugar and put it in a box. It was eye opening to see what made the cut and what didn’t. Some things were obvious (candy, certain cereals), others were not so obvious (certain crackers, trail mix, some condiments). This helped me understand a little more about what was actually in all of the things I was eating. It might help to take a critical look at what’s in your pantry, what you feel good about eating and what you don’t feel good about eating. (note: I did return the stuff to my pantry after a few weeks. But I did notice that I didn’t really miss most of it!)
There’s a woman on YouTube who goes by Frumpy Fit who is a weight loss coach. Her videos are mostly about the science of weight loss and dispelling myths about fitness, weight loss, and metabolism that are all over the internet. She has some really good advice on things like snacking – like it’s ok to snack, it’s ok to snack on “bad” foods, you just have to be aware of what you’re eating and put some guardrails around your snacking to keep yourself on track (like the idea of never eating chips out of the bag – you should pour your portion into a separate container, put the bag back away, then take your container to where you are going to eat it. If you decide you want more, you have to go back to refill, etc.). She also really harps on the idea that you need to consume fewer calories than you are burning in order to lose weight. At first I thought this was a little simplistic, but the more she explains that all the “diets” out there that are effective for weight loss (like keto or intermittent fasting) are effective because they’re putting you in a calorie deficit, the more it made sense to me. In her videos on metabolism (at least that I’ve seen) she doesn’t get into things like how hormones affect it, but overall I think she has a solid, science-based approach. Worth checking out if you’re interested in reframing your understanding of the science of weight loss/gain and some practical strategies for getting to your goals.
Anon
I am an all-or-nothing person, and I can easily overwhelm myself with these sort of goals. I micro-goal and perfect one thing, then add on another step once that first thing is done.
When I started my weight loss last year, the first thing I changed was “no liquid sugar”. I learned to tolerate sugarless coffee and tea, quit soda, took up fruit-flavored seltzers, etc. Once that was accomplished consistently without cheating, I moved on to “salad with every dinner, no exceptions”. And so on.
I am currently in maintenance with 15 pounds more to lose, because I was just too overwhelmed with life to keep pushing right now, but I’m keeping a careful eye on my habits to stay diligent.
Amberwitch
So I am a big fan of data:) and I usually track a lot of stuff in Excel (what I wear, eat, do). But recently I needed a change, and a way of taking better care of myself. So I set up a planner with the different categories I thought were important to improve – wellness, networking, job search .. – and just creating the tasks and ticking them of is extremely satisfactory:)
Anonymous
What are your active hobbies and interests? Do you like to bike outside, hike, dance, weight train? Are you open to trying new things and playing as an adult? What did you like to do as a kid that you could try again today?
kk
Have you read the book atomic habits? It plainly states some really good tools for how to fix bad habits and how to pick up more good ones.
Some that I’ve started since August have included:
-sit ups or core work every single day
-water before every meal, water before morning coffee
-green stuff with every single meal- ideally at the beginning of the meal so that the carbs/eat/other stuff is a side to a greens main.
Anon
The best advice I have is to make healthy eating easy. We buy a lot of bagged salad kits, quality frozen vegetables, Trader Joe’s frozen lasagna, hummus, fresh fruit, all that. We have recipes for easy and healthy meals on our refrigerator door. I’m a coffee addict and keep Nespresso capsules, coconut milk, and cold brew in stock – so much healthier than Starbucks and every bit as tasty.
There’s a deep emotional component to what you’re going through. It can really suck when an ex gets married. Understand that you’re going to feel lousy for a few weeks and that’s normal.
Sherpa throw recommendation
What’s your favorite cozy sherpa blanket? Ideally want something big enough that two adults can snuggle under together on the couch.
Open to other options on blankets but not barefoot dreams – the recipient doesn’t love that fabric.
thanks
Anon
Check out Costco. They have them frequently.
Horse Crazy
I’m shopping for a bed frame/headboard, and all the photos of the frames have beds piled with pillows, like I see on blogs. My question is, do people really cover their beds with pillows? I’ve always just had the two pillows that my SO and I each use on the bed and nothing else. If you do have more pillows (throw pillows/shams), what do you do with them while you’re sleeping? I think adding a few more could be cozy, but I’m not sure. This is just never a trend I got into, so I’m curious what others do.
BlueAlma
I just have two pillows, one for my husband to sleep on and one for me. I don’t want to have time for arranging pillows every day. And removing them every night.
anonshmanon
I don’t have the giant pile of pillows that’s on these photos, but when I added a second pillow, it was a total game changer in terms of lounging in bed. Now when I’m scrolling through my phone, I’m and comfortably leaning against the wooden headboard, supported by a two-pillow stack (DH and I used to steal each other’s pillow for that). At night, one pillow is under my head and the other just stays in place.
anne-on
I personally would like MORE pillows and my husband fewer, so we compromise with 5/6. That’s 1 pillow each to sleep on, another pillow each in a sham, and either a bolster or 2 throw pillows in front of that. I prefer the hotel look where the two pillows (sleeping pillow and sham) are stacked flat on top of each other, with the bolster or throw pillow in front of those.
If you read in bed, the two king or queen sized pillows (sleeping and sham) together are nice to prop you up. They all get piled on the bench at the foot of the bed when we’re sleeping, along with the throw I keep over the bed (I run very cold, and often wake up in the night to grab the throw for my side).
ATL
I loooooove a bed piled with pillows. It feels luxurious to me. I have my two sleeping pillows, two pillows with shams that match my duvet cover and then two Euro shams that match my quilt/bedspread. I just put the non-sleeping pillows on the unused bedside table on the opposite side of the bed that I sleep on. I also live alone so don’t have a significant other to use the other nightstand, but I guess my backup option would be to put them on the bench at the end of my bed.
Anonymous
I like having Euro size pillows in the stack for reading, and stack them off to the side of the bed when I am done. No indoor pets.
Maudie Atkinson
I peaked with 12 pillows on the bed (two sets of 6, essentially)–4 are for sleeping, the other 8 are decorative pillows of various sizes, shapes, and fabrics, plus a throw folded at the foot of the bed that is also largely decorative. I realize it’s a little ridiculous, but I love the layered, multi-textured look. This is a (very soft) mountain I will die on.
The original Scarlett
Pillow lover here. 4 for sleeping (2 each) stacked up neatly behind 2 king sized pillows covered w a sham not meant for sleeping but lounging, and two large decorative pillows in front of that. At night the decorative pillows just go on a bench stacked up.
anon
After much marital compromise over the years, we’ve landed on 2 bed pillows + 2 euro shams. The shams are important for reading in bed, plus they just look nice! Sometimes I’ll add another throw pillow if I’m feeling fancy. DH still thinks that’s too many, but it’s a step down from the 6-7 pillows we used to use. ;)
Anonymous
No I hate the trend so much. It’s a pet peeve of mine. I hate having 23 tiny pillows to deal with when it’s time to sleep. Whenever I visit someone with that in the guest room I don’t know whether it’s cool to throw them on the floor but there’s never anywhere else to go.
Anonymous
I do not, but I know people who do. They spend a copious amount of time arranging the bed with their massive coordinated pillow collection each morning and then taking them off each night before bed. It is a time and space suck that doesn’t work for my lifestyle, but these people particularly enjoy the pillow part of decorating.
Anonymous
That’s what it seems like to me, a time suck and another load of laundry to deal with all the cases. Not for me.
Anon
My dogs would take care of that careful pillow in seconds. Unless the goal is “chaos reigns,” the pillow curation would not work at my house.
Anon
That’s for people with the time to put them all on carefully and remove them carefully each night and a non-floor place to put them. I tried just two or three and those ended up in the closet. It is very pretty, but simply not functional for me – esp. w/ spouse and kids who throw them on the floor when inconvenient. I’d need a turn down service for this to work in my household.
Senior Attorney
We have three Euro pillows and three smaller decorative pillows on our Cal King and they go on the floor most nights and it bothers me hardly at all.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t do it, but I also see the wisdom in choosing not to care about it.
Anonymous
Same.
BeenThatGuy
I just redid our master bedroom and have TONS of pillows. The bedding is all white with lots of different textures. I have 10 pillows in total (king bed). 3 euro shams, 3 standard shams, 2 lumbar for pops of color and 2 pillows for sleeping. I LOVE it. Yes, it’s annoying to move them every night, but walking into my “Pinterest bedroom” brings me so much joy.
Diana Barry
I have 2 pillows – a ‘regular’ king sized one and a body pillow (Comfort U). Got the body pillow when I was pregnant and have never given it up!
Anon
I guess I’m unusual, because my bed (shared with DH) has 7 or 8 pillows for using. Believe me, they aren’t decoratively arranged!
I like to sleep on one firm flat pillow plus one very soft pillow. For sitting up reading in bed, I need a 3rd pillow, which I generally shove aside for sleeping. DH likes to sleep with 3 pillows at his head, and 2 more elevating his knees to help his lumbar spine. Sometimes when I have a tension headache, I also like to prop something (usually a stuffed animal, tbh) between my elbows.
Add in a dog and a cat who both sleep on the bed with us, and it’s kind of ridiculous. But it’s definitely about comfiness, not about spending time propping up pillows.
AnonMPH
I have the opposite problem! We each sleep with one king size pillow that is very tall (side sleepers) and one body pillow to put between our knees. But we have a platform bed with a beautiful but low leather headboard and a pretty tall mattress, so if we pile all four pillows we actually use up on the bed, it blocks the whole headboard. So when I make the bed, I hide the body pillows in the closet. It drives my husband CRAZY to be that fussy about making the bed. But it drives me crazy to have purchased a beautiful bed, and beautiful bedding, but to walk into the bedroom in the middle of the day and see it just looking ugly and blah. So we have reached a détente at the moment that I make the bed more frequently than I used to (he used to do ALL bedmaking) and when I make the bed I hide them in the closet. When he makes the bed, he sometimes hides them in the closet, sometimes doesn’t. But long term, we’re going to need some sort of tall skinny cabinet that is just for body pillow storage, I guess? The good thing is that this stops me from indulging any crazy decorative pillow ideas.
Anon
I have a huge set of beautiful similar-but-not-identical pillows with a matching bedspread, all handmade by my mother. They are currently in storage because we have pets, and I would go insane if they clawed up the fabric of something I cherish. When we did use them, though, it was definitely weird to un-pile and re-pile all the pillows on top of the highboy every day. They’re not meant for use (large decorative buttons and tassels, etc.) and nobody else sees our bedroom.
That said, I have terrible GERD and need a foam wedge to sleep. I’ve never seen the “lots of pillows” look to actually contain pillows that are functional.
Anon
2 sleeping pillows, 2 decorative shams, maybe a seasonal decorative pillow if I feel like it. A bed doesn’t seem made to me if it’s just the 2 sleeping pillows. The non-sleeping pillows just get tossed on the floor at night and picked up the morning.
Anon
2 pillows for sleeping on (one for each person) and that’s it! I have a comfy upholstered headboard which is perfect for leaning against to read, with my one pillow. To me, anything else looks weird and fake.
Anonymous
Our bed has six pillows, one euro and two regular for each person. The euro pillows are for lounging and are set on a chair when it’s time to sleep. The other two pillows are used for sleeping–not stacked, but one overlaps the other a bit to create the perfect neck angle.
Anon
I put them on the rug next to the bed while sleeping. I read a lot in bed and need a certain arrangement of pillows to make it a comfy experience.
Partnership offer
Has anyone here ever turned down a partnership offer from your firm based on the terms of the offer (or for other reasons)? Also, how did your draw as a new partner compare to your total comp?
Would love to hear any thoughts but for reference this is a midsize equity-only firm.
Anonymous
In my firm you don’t negotiate this, all elevated partners start at the same level and then move up over time. Ask a colleague to explain the draw system as they can vary.
Anonymous
I have never heard of anyone actually turning down an offer made based on the terms, though I have heard of people pulling themselves from contention because they knew they were not interested based on the terms. Mid-sized firm here and my total comp as a brand new partner was pretty on par with my senior associate comp when you account for tax changes and paying full freight insurance (meaning the number looked a bit bigger, but my take home was basically even). It took a couple of years, but I am solidly making way more now than as an associate.
Anonymous
Yeah getting to the point of receiving an offer and turning it down would be shocking and a reputation killer at my firm
Diana Barry
+1. They showed me the numbers and I could see that I would be making way more. I think if you get to that point, the numbers are a confirmation, and if you wanted to turn it down the time would be before you actually get to that point (like at your annual review if the reviewers say how about equity partner and you say “I’ll think about it”, that to me means you have thought about it and are saying no – no need to get to the looking at the numbers point).
Anon
I’m in maybe similar shoes, midsize firm equity only (although they recently introduced a non equity, non voting, non salary position for retiring partners).
I decided to take the leap. I’m worried about risk. My draw next year is an estimate and it’ll be my last associate salary. I can choose a lower amount. If I make more, I get that as a lump at the end of 2021. I have a true up at the end of 2022 if I made less than I drew. After a few years of partnership, I can set my draw higher and do quarterly true ups.
I realized I’m hesitant because I’m worried about whether I’ll still have work. I saved some cash and plan to live very frugally next year until I see what happens. I believe that if I wait till year 3 I can make lots more, but whether I make it three years without getting poached to go in house with salary security and benefits is a different story.
At my firm – if you don’t say yes, you’re out. So be ready for that. If you are not saying yes, ask yourself if a man would say no. At my firm they allow people to take one more year as an associate with the understanding that it’s either up or out at that time.
Partnership offer
(I should clarify that turning down the offer would mean leaving the firm instead.)
Title Nine
Maybe b/c I am at home ad infinitum, but as I am outside a lot more this year, I feel like I wasn’t prepared for this fashion-wise. When I was in an office or otherwise inside 24/7, I had clothes for that and PJs. Now, I have a dog to walk. Kids who are not in school and need to go out to the park / ride bikes / etc. Friends I only see outdoors. A wet damp climate with 10 seasons (sudden winter! false fall! fourth summer!), sometimes with 2 seasons in a day.
The Title 9 catalog came in the mail. I read it at breakfast b/c it was mostly pictures of people enjoying themselves outside. Can I just send them my paycheck and they will send me what I need?
I am intrigued by the bun-warmer skirts — I would like them to wear over leggings maybe to stay warmer and look a bit more dressed than sloppy. I also need to get some sort of jacket to keep me warm that isn’t a formal wool office coat. Recommendations? And do they do anything for Black Friday (if that is even happening this year)?
anon
Ahhh, I love the Title 9 catalog. Just looking at it makes me feel more outdoorsy. IME, they don’t run great sales, so you’re kind of stuck there.
A.
If Title 9 is your aspirational goal, I’d recommend Athleta on sale.
Diana Barry
In winter I live in the Athleta polartec leggings and a down skirt or insulated skirt over. I have one from Title 9 but I prefer the down ones!
Flats Only
OMG I love your ten seasons! Gave me such a a laugh!
Rip Skirt?
I’ve thought that RipSkirts looked cool and like you could wear in summer and wear over leggings otherwise, but have yet to pull the trigger on a plain black one. If anyone has one, can you let us know how they might work on a pear? My wait would be met by size S but fear my hips would not work or make things bunchy but a M may be too big otherwise.
Also, will the down skirts add a lot of bulk? I was thinking wool knit but down looks cute (on the models) and might be warmer.
Anonymous
I have always wanted to live the life of a T9 model. I don’t want the clothes, though–they never fit right and look frumpy on me. So I guess my goal in life is to be a T9 model who wears LLL?
Waah -- school
Just found out that one kid isn’t going back to school until some time in 2021 (this is version 4 or so of the reopening plan — writing it in my calendar but in pencil). OMFG. I feel like I am going to kiss my career goodbye due to having to half-ass it for so long. [I feel especially bad for kiddo — kiddo is on the spectrum but in regular classes at a regular school and all of the hard work spent on working on social skills probably will take a while to rebuild.]
anon
I am really sorry. This is all terrible. (My son has ADHD and while he is back in school — thank goodness — the decline in social skills is absolutely real and we’re dealing with the fallout.)
anon
I’m sorry, and you are likely right on both counts. We have three months of evidence showing that schools are NOT contributing to community spread. I do not think that the benefits of keeping kids out of school outweigh the risks.
Anonymous
The fact that they aren’t contributing to community spread is not the same thing as not causing students and teachers to get COVID themselves. It just means that COVID isn’t raging through the community as a result. I think it’s terrible that we don’t have better safety nets for parents who are dealing with this right now, but I don’t think that in-person school has been deemed safe yet either.
anon
Sure, some kids and teachers are getting covid. But the risks of that- keeping in mind that kids tend to have mild cases and younger children especially do not transmit at the rate of adults- are outweighed by the risks of deteriorating mental health due to isolation; unnoticed child abuse/neglect; declines in social and emotional skills; unsupervised kids getting into dangerous things; women leaving the workforce, and more. Not having school is bad for children and families, particularly mothers, and the impacts are far worse for low-income children and families.
Anon
That is totally a household by household risk assessment. You simply can’t say that “yeah some of them will get covid but the kids will be fine” and education outweighs the risk. People are DYING, their parents or older relatives that live with them might die or have permanent (and expensive) healthy consequences. That is so much worse for them mentally – both familial death or sickness and the poverty that could bring. Also, all those parents that catch it from kids are the ones spreading it to other adults. Do you live in a bubble of healthy young parents who all work from home and never seen older family members? Because if so, you need that bubble to burst.
I think the school districts that have hybrid programs and staggard classroom days are walking the most even line – parents can make the risk assessment for themselves if they think them or their kid getting sick is worth it or not, and it allows easier spacing out of kids. But full in-person school for kids? Absolutely not, it’s absurd to think that’s a good idea – especially in red states where lack of funding forces bigger and bigger student per teacher ratio, wages are lower, and there is less state funding for medical assistance.
Anonymous
To 12:33 — this was to let kids go back in thirds — 1/3 in Week A, then two weeks remote while the others take turns rotating in; you can opt to be fully-remote at any time and maybe 1/3 have already done that, so this is a truly maximum distancing while still getting minimal in-person benefits. And yet it is beyond their ability / will to pull off. I am really disgusted and will be leaving public schools for good after 9 months of being jerked around (this is the 8th or 9th plan that they’ve had and scrapped re return to school). They cannot even get baby steps together, so I imagine it will be fall 2021 or january 2022 before people are really back.
anon
Anon at 1:23, unlike most of the posters here, I’m in a blue collar family and a blue collar neighborhood. We are cops, nurses, firefighters, and electricians who have been at work throughout this entire pandemic. When mom is a nurse and dad is a cop, who do you think takes care of the children at home? It’s not grandma, because we’re worried we’ll bring covid home from work. It’s not nannies or “learning pods” because we can’t afford them. The kids are largely left unsupervised for hours on end. I live in the complete opposite of a bubble, and I personally live the consequences of not having kids in school. My husband already had covid, by the way, so I’m fully aware of all risks. Your condescension is why I’ve really developed a disrespect of many of the posters on this board.
Anonymous
Apparently SEC schools are OK going to school. I know it’s all about the football $, but at least they have the option of school and all the benefits it entails.
Also, in my city, private schools have been going back in person, 5 days a week, since August. Maybe a couple of cases among students, teachers, staff, but not gotten or spread at school. And in the large suburban county nearby, the % in virtual schools/scholars/teachers is > in person attendees.
SMH
Quail
Right, but COVID is raging through the community anyway, and kids are getting it from their households. If we are going to shut down, schools should be the last things to shut, because they are actually less likely to be a source of spread than many, many other places, and can actually be better at enforcing masking, etc.. I believe we should have paid everyone to stay home from work, and should be continuing to pay people to stay home, subsidize restaurant owners, etc all to keep schools open, because this lack of education will have a profound effect on so many children. My public school district didn’t open this fall even though our rates were quite low. Now rates are rising and it is unlikely we will reopen this school year. We didn’t take the chance when we actually had it. That’s over a year of kids out of school while many privately-educated kids have been getting full in person education. It is a public tragedy and needs to be treated as such.
Quail
And adding that our public district has always planned to offer a fully remote option for families who didn’t feel safe returning.
No Face
Oh man, that sucks!
If it makes you feel better, my kiddo on the spectrum basically became unglued and regressed in all kinds of ways while the school was closed. She magically changed after only a week back in-person, and her social skills are much better now than back when school closed.
Anonymous
I’m sorry. I don’t have kids, but I really wish bars would stay shut for the long-term (with robust government aid) so things like schools could be open. It really baffles me that as a society, we’ve agreed it’s okay to put schools last. I don’t have a horse in this race since, as I said, I don’t have kids, but I can imagine feeling really upset if I did.
Seventh. Sister
I have kids and I feel the same way. My kids are bright and screwing around for a year won’t hurt them in the long term, but that is not true for so, so many other kids in my big city.
Imposter syndrome?
Does anyone else feel like they have imposter syndrome? I made partner about a year ago and while I try to look like I have my sh*t together, I just feel like a total fraud. I feel dumb in front of staff/associates since I’m not as close to the details or technical research as I used to be pre-partnership. What little I knew about business development has gone out the window with the pandemic since everyone seems to have zoom fatigue. I worry about staff but get radio silence or reluctance to share when I check in on them. As a result, I’m basically home every day just getting by and dealing with what little work is trickling in while other partners seem to be out there crushing it. I know that I’m lucky to even still have a job and really not trying to complain. I’m just exhausted and feel like a failure… guess I’m just looking for advice or commiseration.
Anonymous
I feel you. I don’t have any advice but know you’re not alone.
If it makes you feel better, I think everyone feels this way at some point in their career. When I was a midlevel associate, I attended a conference where one of the panels was about partnership in different kinds of firms. I approached one of the panelists afterwards and she said she felt like such a fraud because her book was so low. She felt like she was never going to make equity partner. We ended up getting quite drunk together and we’ve stayed friends. She made equity partner last year and she has an important leadership role in the firm. Even (especially?) rockstars get down on themselves sometimes.
anon
I have struggled with this at times. I’m not a lawyer, but one of the worst times for this was about one year into my first leadership. I felt like I was drowning, not crushing it, and felt disconnected from the work that was once second-nature to me as a high-level individual contributor. Even though I was getting good feedback, I couldn’t internalize it and felt like I was one project away from being discovered as a fraud who didn’t know what she was doing. I can only imagine how a pandemic would’ve complicated things. The good news? Those feelings did pass with time and experience. Not to say that I never have those “oh man, I’m in over my head” feelings, but it happens much less than it used to.
anon
*leadership position. I can’t type today.
Anon
Any recommendations for a new duvet cover? I have and love the sheets from target-threshold performance care (I think), but they do not make a duvet cover. I would like a solid (or very subtle print) white duvet cover.
Any ideas?
go for it
ikea. Mine is textured white and is holding up very well with kids and pets.
go for it
https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/ofelia-vass-duvet-cover-and-pillowcase-s-white-70133025/
Yes!
I have this duvet too and I loooove it. Don’t sleep on Ikea linens. Some of them feel cheap to me (the non-textured 100% cotton ones, in particular) but some of them, like this one, are a total steal.
AnonMPH
West Elm Belgian Flax Linen duvet cover!
Aunt Jamesina
The H&M linen duvet cover is nearly as nice for a fraction of the cost! It takes a few washes to soften up, but we’ve had ours for probably four years now and it’s so nice.
Anon
I have an inexpensive one from Target that I really like. It’s very easy to wash — I have a black cat who likes to sleep on my bed so I wash it every 2 weeks or so. It’s the easy care duvet cover by room essentials.
Anonymous
I keep getting email invitations to something called Fishbowl. Has anyone heard of this? Is it a real thing? Is it beneficial at all?
AnonMPH
It’s a message board for people at the big consulting firms and big tech companies. You can only join if you have an email address from one of these places, and they validate your level, but then you post anonymously (as like, McKinsey Associate Partner, NYC Office, or whatever). My husband was, until recently, at one of these companies, and he looooved getting all the inside scuttlebutt on what was happening with bonuses, promotions, layoffs, restructuring in other parts of his company, or getting a sense for salary ranges, hiring practices at other companies that he was considering applying to. But if you don’t like wasting your day on snarky message boards, then you won’t like it. I don’t think it’s “beneficial” but could be interesting. It’s just a way to get quasi-verified information that is not publicly available, or a way to discuss things anonymously with your own colleagues. It also seemed to be an endless source of consulting memes that he found extremely funny and I found…sort of funny sometimes. Definitely no need to join, and will certainly be a bit of a time suck if you get into it.
Anon
It is real! It’s a networking app for people in advertising and consulting, and it is actually very robust. Good mix of industry chatter, networking, job postings, and just general life posts. I like it.
anon
How is it different from LinkedIn? (I’m not a LinkedIn super user at all, but the concept sounds the same.)
AnonMPH
It’s anonymous!
Anon
It’s also much more social media esque than LinkedIn. Anecdotally, my Big4 firm leadership references it surprisingly often on town hall calls because it’s the go-to spot for junior folks to air grievances.
Anon
I’ve gotten them too and just thought they were spammy. (I also keep getting emails and linkedin messages and even phone calls! from some local custom styling and tailoring place. The woman looks to be mid-30s and seems to have started the business right before COVID. Look, I feel bad that her new business has withered on the vine, but ain’t nobody gonna need business formal clothes at the level they did before, so please just stop pestering every professional in the DC area to buy suits from you. She’s worked her way through my whole firm!)
anon
Yep, it’s real. IMO it’s used by younger/insecure employees looking for anecdata. However, if you work for a super big org it might be helpful to navigate some corporate questions if you don’t want to ask them publicly. There are “bowls” aka threads for organizations, fields, locations, level, identification (women in accounting, moms,) etc.
anonchicago
I enjoy reading Fishbowl but have noticed most posts are from 25 year olds with (IMO) very minor complaints about the work world. That said, it can be incredibly entertaining and I’ve learned a lot about my firm and gotten some general work advice from there. I know partners in my firm are now on it because they heard chatter from associates and a few partners have said it’s helped them be more in tune with the entry level employees. Agree with the others that it can be a time suck. Set a time limit in your phone for it every day and stop.
Anonymous
I’d probably read there, but also keep in mind nothing you post (with them verifying your account through your company email) is truly anonymous.
anon
I’m on it regularly. There’s a fair bit of whining, but also some useful information. Definitely worth a scroll through, and also helps me keep my finger on the pulse of how the junior folk are thinking about things.
A.
Husband and I ordered a Peloton Bike+ last night. Big bummer is that it won’t be delivered until 2/1! It will probably have to go in our basement. Peloton owners, what should we know/ensure about setup and anything else to plan for before it arrives? And yes, I realize this is a dumb question, but I’m really excited :)
BeenThatGuy
If you have space elsewhere, try not to have it in the basement. That’s where mine is but I can’t do any overhead arm movements during the classes. I modify as necessary but do mostly off the bike arm exercises (anything overhead, I have to be on my knees). Now, if you have 9 ft plus ceilings down there, you’re golden. Hope you love it!
Anonymous
use used an old yoga mat underneath it to help make clean up easier (i literally drip sweat on that thing). i got cheap 2 lb hand weights elsewhere for the arm portions. its also nice to have a mat nearby for resting/stretching after or for the stretching classes without having to go elsewhere. im excited for you!! we love ours
Anonymous
Know that if social distancing is still a thing in February (it will be), the delivery people may refuse to bring the bike inside your house, so you should be prepared to carry it and set it up yourselves and/or confirm this before the delivery date.
Anonymous
That’s interesting. I had mine delivered two weeks ago and everyone had to be masked, but they brought it in and set it up. They had to plug it in, turn it on, and take a picture of the working screen before they could leave…
editrix
Have a mat ready to go under the bike, and a separate mat for yoga and floor exercise. (The screen swivels; I keep my mats side by side.) Place it near an outlet. I have a small bookcase to store gym towels, shoes, unsccented baby wipes, resistance bands and yoga blocks.
Anon
I had a one-off assignment with a partner I’ve never worked before, that was very interesting work and I hoped would turn into a more regular thing. She was very friendly and communicative and I really enjoyed working for her. I sent her my draft on time and then she ghosted me- no response to my emails or voicemails. When the filing deadline came, she asked the court for more time. Is this normal if my draft was truly terrible? I am so shocked by this that I’m not sure if I should be feeling terrible about myself and my writing skills (I do), seeking feedback and trying to rehab the relationship, or feeing pissed off that I was ghosted by a partner which is frankly unprofessional.
Anonie
I am not a lawyer but I would definitely think you should politely ask her. It seems possible the reason may have nothing to even do with you, right?
OP
Yes, I did, with no response
No Face
I would assume that she is busy with other cases/issues and hasn’t even read your brief yet, honestly. That is what happened 90% of the time I’ve been ghosted. Are you able to open the brief and see if any edits are made?
Anonymous
Same
Anonymous
Yup. As the partner, this is 100% the situation. I haven’t had a chance to review it yet and I need more time because I am busy with other things. 9 times out of 10, it’s not because of any big issue.
OP
Thank you, I hope this is the situation. I’ve never been ghosted before but I guess this is a thing?
cbackson
What year associate are you?
Anonymous
Uh wow this is a lot of frustration over something that’s nbd. First, it seems like she just got really busy. I’m not sure why you assume it has anything to do with you or your work product. If a partner isn’t responding to you then you go to their secretary. Did you do that? Second, “ghosting” is something you do to a date not to your associate, it’s oddly intimate language to use for a partner not getting back to you in a timely manner. Third, being “pissed” and calling her “unprofessional” is out of line. The partner is better positioned that you are to prioritize her cases. She got an extension, so obviously this case is not that urgent. Finally, I invite you to consider whether you have had this kind of reaction when male partners have done this to you. I totally understand the frustration but this response is pretty extreme.
cbackson
I would definitely advise against Option 3 and in general against thinking of this as “ghosting,” which is a concept that is better suited to personal relationships. I’m not sure how long you’ve been practicing, and I don’t mean to condescend, but I had this kind of thing happen to me when I was an associate too, and I just had to adjust my thinking to the mindset that the partner was essentially my client, and that I wasn’t entitled to get a response from partners on the schedule or in the way that I preferred. It’s up to them, not up to you.
(Also, I don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve heard from her, but in general partners have far, far more going on than is visible to associates, and they have to prioritize their work based on factors that you aren’t going to be aware of. That’s on top of all of the personal stressors that people are dealing with during a pandemic.)
I know it’s frustrating when you work hard on something that you are excited about and then don’t hear from the partner for a long time, but if you approach this with a mindset that she is acting unprofessionally and wronging you, when she’s probably really just…extremely busy, you risk jeopardizing what sounds like it could be a great professional opportunity for you. Conversely, I don’t think there’s any reason at all for you to assume this is because your work product was terrible or anything like that, at least not based on what you’ve said! This is really truly almost certainly (as a former biglaw partner) about her schedule and workload, not about you at all.
I would guess (although I’m not a litigator) that she is really swamped and asked the court for more time because she has a professional obligation to make sure she reviews anything she’s going to file, and she hasn’t had a chance to do that yet. But it’s worth reaching out to see if there’s anything you can do to help at this point.
anon
+1 to all of this, especially thinking of the partner as a client and not being offended that she “ghosted” you. Now that I’m more senior, I have clients who want something turned around right away, only to wait 2-3 months to actually sign the documents I send them. It’s not because they’re unhappy with my work–they just have other priorities.
OP
Thank you, this is so helpful. I don’t want to give too much identifying info but I am a mid year. However, I rarely have worked with anyone outside of the partners in my group that I directly work for, so I think I am still learning norms in that respect. I have definitely experienced this scenario from clients and did not think of it of “ghosting” or unprofessional, your words of wisdom are so greatly appreciated.
Anonymous
I’ve held out so far on buying more light for video conferences but it’s dark where I live now and I’m giving a large presentation pretty late in the evening and will need some extra light. Somebody recommended the Lume cube but I can’t really stomach paying that much. Any recommendations?
NY CPA
Ring light? No particular brand recommendations, but I just googled and they’re much less expensive than a lume cube.
Mouse
I have the Ikea HEKTAR floor lamp with 3 spots on one side of my desk, and an Anglepoise on the other side. Between them I’m able to create good (and flattering!) lighting for presenting.
Anonymous
Following, I can’t get the lighting right on Zoom and it’s driving me crazy.
Solutions
For this I used a computer plug in mini ring light. You plug it in to your usb port for power, and it can clamp onto any surface. It comes with a flexible two foot or so stand (think snake with light on the end) and a slightly shorter one to hold a camera. It comes in three temperatures and multiple brightness settings. It is honestly better quality than I could have ever imagined. You can find it by searching Webcam Light Stand for Live Stream, Selfie Ring Light with Webcam Mount for Logitech by Amada in the forest website and has about 1200 reviews. And it’s only about 20 bucks.
Anonymous
Perfect, thank you!
Lilau
Does anyone have information or good sources of information on NY’s new legislation regarding attorneys’ fees in frivolous lawsuits meant silence the defendants. I think they are calling them SLAPP suits? I’m trying to specifically discern what kinds of actions would be subject to this new legislation. Also, would be interested in any attorney’s thoughts on this. Thanks!
Anonymous
Wikipedia has lots of info.
Mouse
Regular commenter, anon for this one.
My job is technically a temporary position and I’ve been given the opportunity to apply for a permanent version of it, given that I’m already doing the job, I’m really struggling with the “I want to join this team because…” and “what I hope to gain from doing this job…” sections. Any insights from those of you who have had to do this before?
AIMS
I would just reframe it as ‘I want to permanently join this team —-‘ and work in what you’ve already done and why you’re great. Or ‘what I hope to gain is to continue …’ etc.
Basically, your theme should be I love this job and I am great at it and I’d like to continue doing it.
Anonymous
Throwing out some ideas:
X is my passion and I want to do more of it/learn more about it … I’m committed to developing a certain skill/gaining more experience in [specific thing you do there] … I appreciate the company values/culture/training opportunities and want to be part of a company that fosters x.
Anon
Can anyone comment on whether the difference between the regular airpods and the airpods pro is worth the cost difference? Regular apple earbuds have always fit me well and I’ve used them exclusively since I got my first iPod in 2003. I am not an audiophile, but need something that will work well for calls and video court.
Anonymous
100% worth it to me but I found the originals wildly uncomfortable. The pros are super comfortable, multiple size choices for a good fit, and awesome noise cancellation. I don’t know how I would get through my workday and constant phone meetings without them.
Cat
If the fit on the originals is good for you, then it comes down to whether you would want the noise cancelling. I love the option but if it’s not worth the extra $$ then by all means go with the regular ones.
The original Scarlett
I hated the AirPods Pro’s – gave them to my husband because they kept falling out of my ears. I like the beats for apple earbuds instead.
Senior Attorney
Any veterans here? On Veteran’s Day, I want to give a shoutout to any of you who are veterans, also any military moms or spouses. It was hard enough to send my son to the USMC ten years ago, in peacetime (although he is quick to tell you about “that one time when I almost invaded North Korea”), and I on this day I always think about my maternal grandmother, who sent FIVE sons off to fight in WWII, back when communication was only by letter and heavily censored at that. (There’s a family story about a letter that said, “Carlo is not where you think he is. He is where he was befoe they sent him where you think he is.”) And yes they all came back!
Anyway, thanks to all who served and are/were service adjacent!
Senior Attorney
And OMG did I say peacetime? I’m an idiot. It was wartime ten years ago but he didn’t go to war. So sorry for the brain lapse.
Friday
You’re sweet, SA. I’m a veteran spouse, though we weren’t together while he was in. I’m thankful for his service and equally thankful he didn’t make a career of it. Thank you for your son’s service. I’m thinking a lot today about all the men and women who are out and dealing with survivor guilt. We love you! We need you here with us!
Anon
Marine Corps, 96-2000. Left a crappy family environment/hometown for a new set of traumas that are mostly dealt with now but still bubble up from time to time. So… yeah, Veterans’ day can be rough :-(
anomanom
Also Marine Corps, post 9/11 but been out 15 years. And this year Veterans Day has been particularly rough for many reasons. I have a similar story around running away from a lack of options and having spent the time since working through what the military left me with. I think that is the modern military story for a lot of people.
Senior Attorney
I’m sorry that all happened to you. I hope you are thriving now.