ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Silk Tie-Neck Knit Top

This icy blue top from Dolce & Gabbana is such a gorgeous piece for this time of year. The silk knit is perfect for the last bit of chill in the air, but the pale blue color is lovely for spring.

I would wear this blouse with a navy or dark gray suit for a tailored, business formal look.

The top is $945 at Saks and comes in sizes 0–16.

Two more affordable tops in straight sizes are from Pleione (on sale for $19.97) and Express (on sale for $44.99); a plus-size option is from City Chic (on sale for $35.40).

Sales of note for 12.10

Sales of note for 12.10

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

299 Comments

  1. How is Elizabeth Holmes married and pregnant? To a much younger hotel heir no less? Is there some pheromone that a looming felony trial gives off? If so, I need some of that.

    1. After reading the book about her, it became clear to me how she was able to grift for so long because she’s really good at telling people what they want to hear…I wouldn’t be surprised if that was also at play in her relationship.

        1. I mean you can try to time a pregnancy and it works sometimes. I timed my first, but the second took longer than planned.

        2. You can’t count on timing a pregnancy. Sometimes you get lucky and it works out, but it’s risky to try and time it.

        3. No? You can’t time a pregnancy when you are trying to get pregnant but you can certainly avoid one, which is the responsible thing for her to have done. She is trash and shouldn’t be reproducing at any time, much less at a time when she is facing the possibility that she will be in jail for the entirety of the kid’s developmental years. I mean, don’t get me wrong, any spawn of hers is probably better off without her influence, but being raised in her absence will still have its own set of repercussions. What a complete demon she is. I hope there is some good DNA to.offset this, but I fear she will be like Trump and her kids will marry equivalent trash and poison the planet like Ivanka.

    3. Is it bad that my initial reaction was good for her? Men do way worse all the time and get away with it, I’m cool with a woman being a villain for once.

      1. But… she’s bringing a human life into this world KNOWING that she is facing a potential 20 year jail sentence. If she’s given that, she will miss this whole kid’s upbringing. This isn’t about her anymore. I just think that is such a sad gamble to do that to the kid.

        But I agree with above that I also think this is calculated in that it will make however she is sentenced factor that in even if they legally aren’t supposed to, I don’t know.

          1. Maybe the husband wants a kid? Being a single parent isn’t ideal but some people choose to do it.

      2. OTOH, it’s not like she’s a guy and will be able to have kids when she gets out. And, it will guarantee she gets some $ from the dad even if they split up.

        1. But even if this is the motivation, that is purely about some selfish drive to replicate, not about raising a child. I think there are probably 80/20 odds a kid born under those circumstances (including the notoriety so lots of public opinions) wouldn’t want anything to do.with her as an adult if she gets 20 years.

      3. I mean, ultimately none of it is ok. But I do understand your feelings. I had the same reaction to Sarah Palin when she came onto the scene. How refreshing to see a totally incompetent woman in national politics, bursting with unjustified confidence! I’d rather nobody was like this, but since that’s not an option, score one toward gender equality.

        1. This made my entire Monday !
          “How refreshing to see a totally incompetent woman in national politics, bursting with unjustified confidence! “

      1. She founded a tech company which was supposed to build quick blood test machines. It was shown to be a fraud (in that the technology for such testing NEVER worked) but not for years and not before major grocery chains signed on and her company had prestigious board members and financial backers. The story was written up in the book “bad blood” which is a fascinating read.

        2. At one point there was also a movie project starring Jennifer Lawrence! Not sure if that’s still happening.

        3. And people used the faulty test results to pursue their lives, thinking they were okay, when they weren’t.

      2. In addition to the criminal charges, she’s also famous for having faked a deeper voice to gain more credibility. Look up her Ted talk if you’re curious. It’s a minor thing compared to the rest but is one fo the more interesting things to me.

        1. How is that criminal or weird? I have done this on calls with all men to gain more credibility. Women with high pitched voices are talked over all the time. I see this as an adaptation to the environment.

          2. I didn’t say it was criminal, but it was definitely weird. I think you have to listen to it to appreciate the weirdness. It’s a comically deep voice and yet people were lapping it up.

          3. It’s super weird. She goes from an alto to a baritone. This isn’t just a little adjustment.

    5. I’m also assuming that if she is found guilty, she definitely has another kid while out on bond pending appeal. She could keep this going . . .

      I had assumed she had used a donor, but cannot believe that a young guy with $$$ would marry her and under these circumstances.

      1. Yes, she is very lucky. Even though the law seems to be catching up to her, and even with all of her other issues, she was still able to:

        1) get alot of money;
        2) do a TED talk;
        3) find a rich guy and get him to marry him; and
        4) and get pregnant to have a baby, all before her trial which is now being postponed just for her b/c she is due to pop out the first baby with her new hubby in July!

        I think that even if she does ultimately have to “do time,” she will at least have at least one baby before she goes in, and maybe she gets the chance to get more before her fertile years are behind her.

        I would not trade places with her, but I would like to be able to find a guy to marry me and have a baby ASAP!

      2. If there was a NYT Modern Love piece on this, I must have missed it. Sounds like it would have been a good read.

      3. Mary Le Tourneau got pregnant again while on probation, had the baby in prison, it was taken away from her. She was able to reunite after her second spell in prison, but she had a much shorter term than Lizzie is facing.

  2. Attention NY-based litigators — if you are looking for an in-house litigation position in the financial industry, please send me a message. Ideal candidate is 4-8 years out of school with a solid litigation background (firm or government). Abbers1210 at hotmail.

    1. “My anxiety is chronic but my ass is iconic.” It’s silly enough that it knocks me out of any negative pattern I may have been in.

      4. I love this! Thank you for sharing. I do have chronic anxiety which seems to be getting worse but this made me laugh!

    2. I look AWESOME naked.

      Very helpful reminder to self if there’s a wardeobe malfunction.

    3. “I see pride. I see power! I see a bad ass mother who ain’t gonna take no crap from nobody!”

      (Yes. It is from Cool Runnings.)

      On less good days there’s “well, it’s as good as it’s gonna get” from Princess Diaries.

  4. To anyone who needs to hear this…

    Good morning! You’re doing a great job. You’re doing everything right. Stay at it.

    5. Thanks. I needed to hear this. I’ve been in a really hard sustained push at work since October (working nights, weekends, and over the holidays) and I’m just completely exhausted. My main project is finishing this Wednesday and my other current project ends early next week. I can’t even fathom the release I’ll feel by late next week at this point.

  5. What are your easy/quick healthy, packable meals? Currently working crazy hours (90 hour weeks) but for financial and weight reasons, can’t keep relying on takeout for every meal. No food restrictions, would prefer stuff I can get from a normal grocery store (I can go to whole foods or Trader Joe’s but they’re further)

    1. Rotisserie chicken from the deli, precut veggies / fruit (like a party platter), a small piece of nice cheese or nice chocolate would make good lunches for a week for me. Its not super exciting though, which is why I include the nice cheese or a couple squares of nice chocolate.

    2. I like doing giant salad jars. You can pack them all at once, one for each day. I do avocado on bottom with salad dressing, olives, or anything that can get soggy. Then layer of quinoa, spinach, peppers, hard boiled egg, sliced sandwich meat, nuts, cheese.

    3. Instant oatmeal – you can find some nicer ones in a cup that you can add milk to and also add fresh cut fruit. Hang in there!

    4. Frozen lasagna. Might not be the healthiest (watch portions), but covers the comfort food needs and is quick and cheap to feed yourself for the week. Otherwise, I normally do some from of “gruel” (as husband calls it) with turkey/ground beef plus whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

    5. I’ve been pretty impressed by buying boneless chicken thighs from the normal grocery store, immediately marinating them in garlic/onion powder/red pepper/salt, freezing them, and then just cooking them on the stove for dinner (20 minutes). Marinate a vegetable in the same things and you can stir fry that at the same time as well. This is more of a dinner meal than lunch though.
      My other go to has been a very veggie-heavy pasta salad – whole wheat pasta, spinach, cucumber, tomato, feta cheese, italian dressing.

    7. I like doing things that add up to a meal but don’t scream “meal.” So like hard boiled eggs and a smoothie (or just fruit), apple or banana plus peanut butter plus a slice of toast or yogurt, antipasti/cheese and crackers (cheese, crackers, olives, other veggies, maybe sliced deli meat), that sort of thing. Also consider getting ingredients for sandwiches with a side of fruit or chips: bread of choice, meat of choice, cheese, lettuce/tomatoes/pickles/avocado topping. I also like the salad jar idea though I can never execute on that. Also nothing wrong with boiling some pasta and tossing with your favorite jarred sauce and storing it in individual containers to grab and go. If you have a favorite chili recipe, make a batch on the weekend and eat throughout the week over a baked potato. Dried fruit is also a great snack (my favorites are the low sugar dried cranberries and dried mango).

      1. +1,000,000. Bowtie pasta, broccoli florets (from the precut/pre-washed veggies section) and chicken breast, mixed with jarred alfredo sauce in a glasslock container is my jam and microwaves well.

    8. Bagged salad plus chicken (rotisserie works so no cooking) or deli.meat or salmon or shrimp, maybe cheese. Amy’s or Wolfgang Puck or homemade soups. Carrot and lentil salad with chicken or salmon on top. Healthy-leaning frozen meal plus frozen veg. Tuna+white bean+red onion+olives/capers salad with vinaigrette on premixed salad greens.

    9. Canned lentil soup and an apple. Bean salad from the deli section of a grocery store. Microwaveable TJ’s meals, many are relatively healthy.

    10. Bag salad in a box type container with leftover meat (usually chicken) and either fresh raw or leftover roast veggies – whatever is around, but I do buy those pre shredded carrots to make it easy for myself – plus a little container of my homemade ranch dressing. Usually also an apple, an orange, or a mandarin orange.

      To be perfectly honest, I often feel entitled to a little bag of nuts or even potato chips when eating a virtuous lunch like this, which I would buy from the vending machine at work. But you don’t have to do it my way. :)

    11. I like to roast a chicken, cut it up, and then add the cut-up meat to things like rice or pasta (like rice pilaf or fettucine alfredo from a box — not super healthy but not the worst). Add a handful of frozen mixed vegetables and you’ve got a whole meal.

      1. Oops meant to say you can use a rotisserie chicken if you don’t want to/don’t have time to roast it yourself.

    12. If you can get the pre cooked puy lentil pouches I like to mix them with baby spinach for a really hearty salad – top with protein and dressing of your choice

  6. What’s it like living in Seattle? I’m interviewing for a very interesting opportunity there, but haven’t been to the city in almost 20 years. The access to nature, hiking, kayaking, etc. seems fantastic, but the dreary weather, high cost of living (job pays mid-60’s), and summer wildfire smoke are giving me pause. I’ve also heard concerns about the number of unsheltered homeless, which seems to be associated with an increase in property crime, difficulty using public parks, and some uncomfortable situations for residents walking around alone. Are these issues overblown? I’ve lived in large east coast cities my entire adult life, so am no stranger to urban living. The hiring process will be complete well before I receive the COVID vaccine, so I doubt I’d have a chance to visit before making a decision about the job.

    1. I can’t speak to actually living in Seattle, although I think it’s a great city to visit, but I live in a West Coast city with all of the same problems and it’s a huge drag to me. I’m not sure it would be worth it to start over and move to Seattle at that salary and to deal with those problems. More and more, I am starting to feel like these cities have completely given up on the concept that the street should be shared by all and not destroyed by a few (and when I say destroyed, I mean destroyed – I’m not talking about the keep-to-herself homeless woman resting on a bench, but entire blocks ravaged by feces and used needles and high men). What neighborhood would you be trying to live in? My understanding is that it does vary quite a bit by neighborhood in Seattle.

      Also, the wildfire smoke is no joke at all. Last year, it wrecked the majority of my covid-safe summer plans.

      1. +1, though I think SF’s homeless problem is worse than Seattle, at least SF has world-class restaurants and entertainment.
        And this may not matter to you, but Seattle is the largest city I’ve ever been to that has practically no attractive men. This is based on empirical data, obviously.

    2. From my perspective,

      Ability to quickly be in nature is unparalleled. Hands down my favorite thing about Seattle. The dreary weather isn’t as bad as you think and summers are magic. Wildfire smoke over the past few years has lasted a couple weeks. Could get worse in future years, but it hasn’t been months long. 60k could be rough – start thinking about a realistic rent budget and see what your options are. Homeless is definitely an issue, but I wouldn’t say it is a dealbreaker. It’s worse in some areas than others, so your mileage may vary based on your day to day life. Happy to weigh in on specific neighborhoods and such if you drop a burner email.

    3. I find Seattle much more comfortable to live in /walk around in than I did Chicago, as long as you keep away from 2nd Ave downtown. Until recently I was in Capitol Hill (home of the occupied zone, hurrah) and it just… wasn’t the way TV made it sound. The police’s use of tanks and tear gas was far more intrusive than the homeless presence during occupation. I admit I can’t speak to how it is now, but I don’t think we are anywhere near San Francisco levels.

      There’s far less gun violence than Chicago, and there aren’t weird poorly lit industrial corridors. 60K a year is a good salary but hard here — you’d probably share a house with roommates to make it work.

      One thing to note: the city is super white. If you are Asian, you may find Bellevue more comfortable. If you are Latina or Black, the communities are small, much smaller than in many other US cities.

    4. I also live on the west coast (San Francisco) and to comment on the wildfire smoke specifically, it can be REALLY bad in a way that cuts off your access to the nature/beautiful scenery that sets the area apart. I had told myself “well I don’t feel safe or relaxed most of the time in the city, but at least I can go camping and to the beach etc etc” and then I wasn’t able to (I did see a lot of people working out/running even on the most hazardous air quality days, but that’s just a horrendous idea for your lungs). There isn’t a guarantee that future years will be as bad, but it’s something to really take into account. If getting outside every single day matters to you, especially in the glorious Seattle long summer days, that’s not necessarily going to happen.

      1. Do note our wildfire season is much, much shorter than yours. We hiked and camped a lot last summer! Air was bad for about 2 weeks.

        1. True, it has been in the past, but experts are saying the future of wildfires in the past is likely to be more severe. I hope we get at least a few years that are better than 2020 on the wildfire front, though.

      3. Keep in mind smoke season in SF literally wasn’t a thing until like 2017 or 2018. Things change.
        That being said, as long as Seattle stays much wetter hopefully it keeps it minimal.

        1. Yeah, we didn’t really have smoke season until then, either. Most of our smoke comes from you or Eastern WA. We get more breaks because we get air from the moist Olympic Peninsula.

    5. My best friend lives there and loves it. For me, I love to visit, but wouldn’t like to live there. Outdoors access is awesome and the general mindset (it’s sunny- everyone take off the afternoon) is great. Really good farm to table, seafood and Asian restaurants, but lacking in some other cuisines compared to east coast. Summer is lovely even with the wildfires. The rest of the year, the dreariness and unchanging definitely weighs on you- no leaves changing, usually no snow, so you don’t get the seasons. You will need to take supplemental Vitamin D. It’s super white, with a strong Asian population. My friend is first generation Asian and loves that she has a good community available there, but if you are other POC, it may seem isolating. $60k will be tight because cost of living is definitely high (although no state income tax, so it goes a littler farther). Public transportation is good. Traffic is increasingly bad so that it rivals the east coast, except people aren’t aggressive enough to keep the flow/merging working. Way too many super cautious and bad drivers.

      1. Hahaha I love our drivers :) we are so deferential. Visiting east coast family is always a shock.

      2. One thing — it’s blooming and spring now :). We have seasons; they are simply less pronounced than the beautiful 4-a-year of New England and New York.

        Okay apparently I love it here :)

        1. You guys do get lovely cherry blossoms and other spring blooms. And the green foliage is just stunning. I was talking about the “traditional 4” seasons coming from east coast (rainy & gusty spring, muggy & sunny summer, crisp fall, snowy winter). Seattle’s fall/winter/spring seasons are more subtle with unique signals (“Is the mountain out?”). I’m glad you love it and thank you for being lovely hosts- I’m usually out there once or twice a year and always enjoy my time :)

          1. Hahaha you nailed it :) And yes, we miss East Coast Italian food and Chicago barbecue. It’s just not the same here.

      3. Interesting as to traffic. Compared to the SF bay area, I think people drive better. I always remark that Seattleites “merge like a zipper” and it works.

    6. Expensive and full of tech bros. It doesn’t actually rain all the time but the weather is pretty grey.

    7. I love it here (I grew up in the Midwest and seeing mountains and water every day is amazing) and the weather I prefer cold and rainy (usually more sprinkles than pouring, thus the lack of umbrellas) to snowy on the east coast, and summers can’t be beat. Smoke season (much much shorter than SF) is a new thing. But on that salary it will be tight (though if you already live on that salary in another major city maybe not that different?) Note it is very very hilly (the good views, but can be a pain when walking/biking)

    8. Oh also also—while people talk about the Seattle Freeze for making friends, I find there are so many people who’ve moved here recently that it’s relatively easy to make friends—not a huge “oh we went to the same high school and don’t need new friends” contingent. Though I worry the tide is about to turn and my friends will start moving away!

    9. I’ve lived in Seattle for almost 15 years after growing up in So. Cal. and Seattle feels like home to me. I love the access to the water, mountains, beautiful hikes, urban walking areas (Green Lake!), great coffee, progressive views. I believe King County has one of the lowest covid infection rates in the whole country.
      For sure, the homelessness problem has gone up a lot so you want to avoid living near any freeway intersections/underpasses. The weather is the wild card – some people get used to it and some people do not. I love warm, sunny weather, so I live for the summers here and I try to take a trip somewhere sunny around February when I’m so done with the rain and the dark afternoons. I think a lot of your experience here will depend on where you choose to live – each neighborhood has it’s own feel, so you may want to get a short term rental somewhere and look around once you are here to find what makes sense for your commute, your hobbies/interests, your parking needs, etc. Please feel free to post any specific questions.

    10. If public schools are relevant for you, do a bit of googling about the situation in Seattle Public Schools. Our governor recently had to intervene because some districts, including SPS, have not managed to offer any in-person learning to their students in over a year. It’s been rocky between the district and the teachers’ union, and it’s not clear what the remainder of this year or fall will look like. Of course, that’s hopefully a short-term issue, and I do love living here. It’s beautiful. Co-sign with comments about traffic, cost of housing, and weather. Homelessness seems concentrated in certain areas, but is a thing to be aware of. I would also recommend checking out different neighborhoods before committing to a location.

    11. I think the commenters telling you it’s great make way more than $60k/year. I would recommend looking for an apartment on a budget you would be comfortable with. I think you’ll find that you will either be in a bad part of Seattle or outside the city. It is doable but I would not relocate for the opportunity.

      1. I agree that this is the sticking point — can you find a place to live you feel good about? Are you willing to live with roommates at this point in your life?

        1. Someone making in the 60s May be eligible for the MFTE program through the city (80% of area median income). It reduces the rent on newer apartments by a LOT. Highly recommend!

    12. I’m stuck in moderation on another comment, but one more thought—many single women I know who rent have moved out of the city due to homelessness/crime (especially women who are looking for relatively cheap apartments). For example—landlords here can’t do criminal background checks on renters. There are a lot of good policy arguments for this, but it is something to have on your horizon if you are a single woman living alone.

    13. OP here. Thanks to all who replied! I’m feeling better about moving forward in the hiring process, but will also be looking carefully at housing costs. Appreciate the tip about the MFTE program.

  7. Hi! Update on the “how do I handle a trip to Germany now” thread I did last week: I made it to Germany, I cleared immigration without a problem (the airline actually checked more of my paperwork than immigration did), I’m in my new apartment now and just got my first food delivery (also toilet paper). The snacks I brought have been very valuable for this phase. Thanks for your help, ‘rettes.

    3. That’s awesome! Enjoy your stay in Germany! Best of luck with the quarantine and settling in.

      Would love to hear some expat updates. :)

      1. Oh, and also? They have this thing where they take a giant pretzel and cut in half and put butter on it and put it back together. Sounds weird but it is AMAZING.

        1. Butterbretzel! Responsible for at least half of my study-abroad weight gain! (I don’t regret any of it.)

          2. It’s the combination of the salt on the top of the pretzel with the butter and the dough… just perfection!

          3. I only lived in Germany for 3 years and I was a small child, but you have just taken me all the way back and now I want a butterbrezel for lunch.

  8. I was reading Friday’s thread about sexism against female attorneys. People posted about being told to act confused/dumb in depositions to get the male deponent to mansplain to them and that they found this sexist.

    I wouldn’t say I act dumb/ditzy, but I admit areas I have less knowledge and have the deponent explain it to me instead of pretending I know everything about a subject. Sometimes I may know about a subject but I want it explained to me in their words as if I don’t.

    I teach male attorneys to take depositions in a similar way. I think you get way more flies with honey. I have gotten crazy admissions out of deponents just by being nice and sympathetic to them. The arrogant blowhard attorneys that want to intimidate a deponent get them to shut down and answer with one word answers. My method leads to conversation. My questions are still based on my knowledge but I don’t give that knowledge away. To me, that’s strategic, not sexist. If you are being told to charm a deponent with your beauty than yeah, that’s off base but if you are being told to have them explain things to you as if you don’t know it, I think that’s great. It gives them way less room to weasel out. I’m struggling to give a perfect example but say a med mal. I might say, so I’m not a doctor, tell me how X procedure is supposed to go. Then I might follow up with can you explain Y in lay terms? Then, ok, but that’s not what happened in client’s case. Why not?

    I’ll alternatively say something like “people often have different interpretations of that phrase. What do you mean when you say X?” That works for things like hostile work environment that people often misuse.

    1. What you described is not sexist. What the people described on that thread was sexist.

      2. Yes, I was the one who posted about the ditzy thing. What you’re describing here is different from what I was describing — you’re talking about asking open ended questions, not being adversarial, not showing all your cards, and trying to build a rapport with the witness, which is good, commonly-dispensed advice for depositions. I am describing a scenario where training included the advice you describe, use the funnel method, etc., but then followed by “And, for the ladies in the room….” I am not equating curiosity with ditziness; I am talking about advice explicitly directed to the women in a mixed-gender setting to basically play upon feminine stereotypes and may try acting a little bit dumb when deposing male technical experts. There’s a big difference.

    2. Sure, leading a conversation while revealing less than you know is a great strategy. As you pointed out, also advisable for men. It’s not the same as outright telling women that being too good at their job too obviously could disadvantage them, because of male egos.

      1. Yeah there is a difference between don’t reveal everything you know (applies to everyone) and “try to flash some cleavage during depositions to destabilize them” (actual advice received by a friend of mine).

      2. didn’t see friday’s discussion but my work involves a lot of EUOs and honestly, it’s why I love my job! I love hearing about the work that people do, learning about their claims, their lives, etc. Even if I’ve talked to people about 1000 car accidents, I love hearing how people describe them anew.

        …even if it may be that the conversation is the in context of them trying to defraud my client :)

    3. I have definitely gotten a lot of mileage out of “people often have different interpretations of that phrase. What do you mean when you say X?” . It doesn’t make you seem clueless, but also gets people to say what they exactly mean and feel comfortable doing so. I was talking to some friends who are also in tech, a notoriously sexist field about this. They felt that it was a disaster for a woman to ever admit not knowing something technical, but in my experience I have gotten more flies with honey, and being friendly/a little approachable/very calm has helped me a lot.

      1. I’m in tech and ask lots of questions. A lot of people in this field are vague because they’re not certain about things, so asking questions kind of frightens people and also makes them think I’m smarter because I know how things really work. Especially older men near retirement, I don’t know why but they seem to really advocate for me.

    4. I agree with the OP. I have had success at depos by being freindly to both opposing counsel as well as the deponents, and they get more chatty then they otherwise would be and I have been able to get a few to admit things they would not if their attorney’s had not themselves been freindly back to me. Once I get them do say the wrong thing, I just pretend I did not hear it and move to another issue rather then probing it and wakeing them up to the mistake they just made. If you do that, you will have it in the transcript that they admitted something bad and since it is in the record unimpeacheable.
      I have never resorted to even hinting that I am interested in them personally, because that would also be on the record and I could be accused of saying / doing something that would damage my personal and professional reputation in violation of the NY State Legal Ethics rules.

      The manageing partner now wants to nominate me to the bar association to become an officer there so that I can get some leadership expereince there first. I can then have the manageing partnership all sewn up here when the manageing partner retires.

    5. I am not an attorney, I’m a technical expert, but I have been deposed several times. The blowhard older guy attorney who thinks he knows everything and uses the deposition as a chance to prove me wrong (I’m not wrong) gets a lot less out of me than the male attorney who is nice and asks me to explain things to him. He doesn’t come across as ditzy, he just comes across as coming from a place of light specific knowledge on the topic. This is not a dizzy blonde thing. It’s just being human and knowing what works with other humans.

      1. Absolutely, it is best practice to try to build a rapport with a witness. But assuming you’re not a man, you’re probably not going to be flashed some cleavage from a young female attorney acting on terrible sexist advice. You can see the difference, right?

        1. When I posted my question (OP) I hadn’t seen anyone say that they had been advised to flash cleavage. That’s beyond the pale.

  9. Elizabeth Holmes: does she start a second life as a black-turtleneck mommy blogger? Apparently she is married and soon to have a baby. Fooey on the pending felony trial.

  10. Does anyone have any experience with this brand? I had never heard of it until it popped up as a banner ad for me on the weather channel web site. The clothes are interesting and unique enough to make it possibly trying out, with a reasonable return policy, it seems, but the few items that are reviewed get low marks, with no narrative. They appear to have a few dozen stores out west, so I thought I’d ask here.

    1. I once went into one of these on a business trip – it may have been in Utah? I think it seemed like general middling mall quality, neither horrific nor terrific.

  11. I’m pretty sure there are some New Orleans folks on here . . . I’m trying to figure out a 3-4 night trip that’s in driving distance of NOLA. It would be me, my spouse, and our 6 year old and 1.5 year old. I’m looking for something camping-like but not actual camping, haha. I’m imagining a cabin by a lake, one with hot showers, a small kitchen and beds or cots. Nature walks, lake or pool swimming, no more than 4-5 hour drive. Any suggestions?

    1. LA has a few state parks with over-water cabins that are lovely. Maybe not great for 1.5 year old though

    2. 4 or 5 hours is going to be mostly beach destinations, I think. It’s a bit further, but what about Hot Springs, Arkansas?

    3. I live near Nola. Last year, my family of 3 drove to Tishomingo State Park in Mississippi and stayed in a cabin. I believe the drive is 5.5-6 hours, so a little further than you’re asking for, but the last hour of that drive (from Tupelo to Tishomingo) is along a beautiful stretch of the Natchez Trace Parkway and is really fun to drive. The cabin was stocked with sheets, towels, and all kitchen utensils, etc. that we needed. The park is gorgeous, and there were several short hikes, but nothing too difficult. I enjoyed mornings sitting outside the cabin reading and watching wildlife (birds, squirrels and deer), and the evenings sitting by the fire pit with my husband. There’s no swimming, though.

      Later this year, we have a driving trip to Poverty Point State Park planned. It’ll be our first time, but there are cabins sitting over the lake, and it looks beautiful. There is a swimming area on the lake (and canoe and paddle boat rentals and fishing), but I think you have to drive around the lake to that area from the cabins. It’s also near Poverty Point, the UNESCO World Heritage site of earthen mounds built by indigenous peoples between 1700 and 1100 BCE.

      Check out the Louisiana and Mississippi State Park websites. You can filter your search by cabins and types of recreation (including swimming). Weather, i.e., how hot it will be in southern Louisiana at a particular time of year, and how many mosquitos there will be, plays a huge role.

      1. Sorry, this sounded snide like “just google” but what I was trying to provide you was the keyword “glamping” that will get you the results you are looking for.

    5. What about finding an Airbnb with a pool in New Orleans and doing some nature things in the city? Audubon Park is great for picnics, the zoo is awesome, City Park has a big playground and park space plus Storyland, the beignet place and the train. For a day trip, you could drive an hour and a half to Global Wildlife. The aquarium is also great. For camping, there is Fontainebleau State Park across the lake – we have camped there overnight but not in one of their cabins. It is fun for hiking and they do have a small playground. https://louisianastateparks.reserveamerica.com/welcome.do?tti=Home

    7. I am in New Orleans. There is nothing – NOTHING – within 4-5 hours that’s really as you describe. My husband has taken our child (alone) to Cheaha State Park in Alabama and it might fit the bill for you – they have an extensive and helpful website. However – it is 6-7 hours. If you expand 2-3 hours on your drive, you’ll have so many more options. Also, Fontainebleau State Park on the northshore just got rustic tent/cabins that are awesome for overnights – the 6 year old would love it. I wouldn’t take my own 1.5 year old there b/c she’d definitely wander off.

  12. I’m planning a road trip with 3 young kids this summer. We are starting in the NYC suburbs and headed to visit a relative in Asheville. It’s just me and the 3 kids, who will be 3, 5, and 7. DH will be home renovating our kitchen (!!).

    How would you break up ~12 hour drive? In non COVID times, I’d have planned a stop at either Hershey Park or Sesame place, depending on the route (eg. go through PA vs down 95). I’m not sure that’s a practical idea but then again summer is several months away.

    Go through DC and do a day in the museums? Heading via 95 seems to have the most obvious stops (philly, DC, richmond etc) but also the traffic is probably going to be a lot worse. If we go the PA route, what are some fun young kid friendly stops along the way?

    I’m planning for it to be a fun drive, then a visit with our relatives (it’s my cousin who has same-age kids, so I’m not too worried about what to do once we arrive), and then a fun drive back. Maybe 1-2 hotel nights on each leg?

    Thanks for any ideas! And in case it’s relevant, all adults involved in this trip are already vaccinated, none of the kids will be since they are all way too young. They are all excellent mask-wearers. We’d prefer “covid friendly” activities but I’m fine taking them into a museum. Right now we are not eating in restaurants but I’ll be fine eating outside by the summer with them. I am assuming the state-to-state COVID restrictions will ease up a bit but if they do not, then obviously that will change what we can and cannot do. My older two are COVID tested twice every week at school and we live 5 minutes from a testing site, so we are fine doing any kind of pre-trip testing.

    1. Lexington VA is a few hours past DC. Emmitsburg MD is on the way to DC (as is Gettysburg). Both have places to stay, eateries, and outside-walking to do while having a bit of a civil war / early college tour.

      Gettysburg is HOT in the summer — and the Battle of Gettysburg was fought then AND in wool uniforms. IIRC Lexington can be a bit cooler (not always though).

    2. Sesame Place is all outdoors, so maybe would be ok? I wouldn’t go to Disney, for example, due to insane crowds and indoor rides and lines, but Sesame Place shouldn’t be too bad.

      1. Sesame Place is all outdoors, so maybe would be ok? I wouldn’t go to Disney, for example, due to insane crowds and indoor rides and lines, but Sesame Place shouldn’t be too bad.

        1. Williamsburg to Ashevile will be a slog though. The ‘Burg is delightful, but it can be horrifically humid and hot.

          Still: W&M has a beautiful campus walkable from the Colonial area.

          1. I would not recommend taking the 95, or trying to tack Williamsburg on to this trip. Take 81.

    3. Traffic on 95 is HORRIBLE for that drive–I did Richmond to PA on 95 for years and it would regularly take 4-5 hours to do what should have been a 3-hour drive for us. I’d avoid and take 81 for sure.

      NY to Hershey is still going to leave you with a reeeeeally long drive on day 2. I’m not super-familiar with stops along the MD stretch of 81, but if you make it to VA, Winchester, Harrisonburg, and Staunton all have cute downtown areas to walk around in, including some nice parks or light hikes that might be good for you.

      1. There is a place called Dinosaurland near Winchester that would be a fun stop. It’s almost all outside and of dubious educational value.

          1. Ohhh man YES! I used to commute past Dinosaurland…cannot believe I forgot that absolute gem.

        2. OP here- this is perfect! Thank you in advance from my 3 dino loving little ladies.

    4. Sesame Place/Hershey would make the second leg of the drive really long. In your shoes I wouldn’t do 95 — it is so unpleasant and traffic can be a nightmare. DC museums are still closed and maybe they will be open later this summer, but I wouldn’t plan on it.

      I-81 has some really pretty parts and several state parks along the way, if you pack a picnic blanket. You could pick up food from a restaurant or a grocery store and let the kids run around outside. Near Front Royal, VA, there’s Shenandoah River State Park that has some nice riverside picnic tables. Or you could go into Shenandoah NP (Front Royal is a gateway town). If you can make it to Harrisonburg, Purcell Park is pretty big and the JMU Campus is nice to walk around. If you wanted to venture further away from the highway, Luray Caverns in Luray, Va., is a lot of fun for all ages.

      1. Last time I was there (W&L reunion), Natural Bridge had a small zoo, so outdoors. Natural Bridge is also great to visit.

        1. I did the drive through safari by Natural Bridge and I thought it was absolutely fabulous. However, after recommending it here, I learned the owners have had some investigations for animal rights issues. From what I could see of the place, things looked clean and the animals looked content. I don’t know if that means they had cleaned up their act before I got there or if it means there is a lot deeper going on under the surface.

          So, I’m saying it was a blast and your kids would love it but do your own research on the ethics.

          You get a bucket of feed too so you’ll have zebras, camels, ostriches etc. sticking their head in your car for food.

      1. You also drive down rte 1 and get on 95 right past Rising Sun if you stop there! they have cool treehouses, and outdoor garden/train thing, and an extremely cool children’s garden in the conservatory.

    6. I took my kids around ages 3 and 5 to the train museum in Scranton and found it really surprisingly great, if any of your kids are into trains! If you go 95, Baltimore is fun and may be faster getting in/out, cheaper hotels, etc.

  13. I missed the Friday thread on This American Life episodes, but can recommend After the Flood (post-Katrina – listened to it 5 years ago and still think about it), Tarred and Feathered and Tell Me I’m Fat.

    1. I missed it too, and sorry if this one was already recommended (didn’t read all through), but a pretty early episode called Fiasco! has a hilarious story about a peter pan production gone wrong. Its been years since I first heard it, but I still think about that story and giggle sometimes.

    2. Thanks for weighing in. I’ve heard Tell Me I’m Fat and Fiasco, but I am adding “After the Flood” and “Tarred and Feathered” on my list of must-listen-to’s. I will add a couple of other great ones – Three Miles, Americans in France, and not from This American Life, but I also love the story “Listo? by Roy Choi” on The Moth Radio.

  14. I wore this blouse in the mid 1980s!

    Post-pandemic of course (late 2022 at the earliest) … opportunity for a trip to Morocco. Anyone been? Suggested itinerary?

    1. We combined Marrakech, a desert overnight, and time in Essoiura (sp) a few years ago. Great balance of bustle vs OMG desert vs a more peaceful city on the coast. 9-10 days was the right amount of time for this without spending the whole time unpacking and repacking. Have heard to skip Casablanca as overrated.

    2. Yes. I went to Marrakesh for about 4 days. Main thing to do there is walk around and shop. I thought Yves Saint Laurant’s house was cool. Food was very good. I’m not into moutains or deserts, but one night doing something like Cat suggest might have been fun.

    4. My husband was there some years ago (Casablanca and Marakkesh) and loved it. He did the desert overnight and said it was a highlight. Also enjoyed some kind of public bath/spa kind of thing. We are planning a return trip when such a thing is possible.

      1. The hammam! I swear I lost 5 lbs of dead skin. Amazing.

        Also adored the Majorelle garden.

        Spent almost no time in The Square aka tourist-cr-p central.

    5. We tacked a 2-week Morocco trip onto the end of a Spain visit so we started in Tangier. Not much to do there except enjoy a hammam spa. From there we hired a private driver to take us to Chefchaouen for one day/night, then took a bus to Fez. After a few days there we did a 4-day/3-night tour of the desert (glamped in the Sahara for one night — loved it). Then continued on to Marrakech (the desert tour company picked us up in Fez and dropped us off in Marrakech) for a few days before heading to Casablanca. Casablanca felt more European than the rest of the cities and was a nice way to wind down from the bustle of the medinas before returning to the US.

      Super fun trip overall. Would definitely do it again and never felt unsafe at all.

      1. That sounds like an awesome trip; especially considering it being added onto the end Of a trip to Spain.

      2. Can you provide the desert tour company you used? It sounds amazing – we are looking to do something like this, hopefully next year, COVID-things dependent, of course.

        1. Sure! Look at sahara adventure tours (all one word) dot com – I contacted them via g m a i l and they were super responsive. The guy who runs the company is named Hassan. (Sorry that this looks so spammy… trying to avoid m o d!)

  15. I’ve been thinking for a while of getting screened for ADD and sometimes maybe low-grade depression. I just need to call my PCP (who I’ve only seen a few times-I’m almost never sick) and say “hey, I just want to make an appt to get screened for ADD and depression,” right? I think I’m overcomplicating this in order to procrastinate.

    2. Yes, that’s perfect – you are so brave to take this step – good for you!
      I have anxiety and possibly ADD (self-diagnosed, never tested) and Wellbutrin has been the most effective drug I’ve used, I would highly suggest trying it as a starting point over something like a low-dose Prozac.

  16. I just finished watching All Creatures Great and Small, and I really want to know: why are all the middle-aged men of Darrowby widowers? All the children of Darrowby (Jenny Alderson, Tristan Farnon, the Rudd children, Maggie the barmaid’s little brother David) are being raised by their older siblings. The only middle-aged women left in town are single. The only married woman to have survived to retirement age is Mrs. Chapman, who has the most adorably perfect marriage ever (Mrs. Pumphrey is a widow). What happened to all the middle-aged wives and mothers? Did they all keel over from exhaustion? Or did they get tired of the never-ending grind of farm life and enter into a pact to fake their own deaths, run off to London, and enroll in secretarial school? I sense a spin-off.

    1. Not sure on that, but I was SO looking forward to the show and it didn’t really do it for me. I won’t post spoilers, but it just didn’t capture the spirit of the books for me, which is too bad because I LOVE them and always have. I liked the actor who played James and the actress who played Helen, but Siegfried and Tristan were way off for me.

      1. Have you seen the old ones, from the 70s? Because the are amazing. I think James Herriot, Siegfried and Tristan were all iconically cast and absolutely true to the spirit of the books.
        I’m looking forward to the new version when I get around to watching them, becuase ACGaS is just so lovely, but it couldn’t possibly live up to the older adaptation.

      2. Bingo. I watched the first episode, and the Siegfried character was so far off from the books, and the story had so many changes I didn’t watch the rest. WHY did they mess with perfection?!?

        1. It’s not the same story or characters at all. They just use some of the animal anecdotes from the books.

    4. I miss the old All Creatures. Loved the books and the his children’s books and stories. We visited Alf Wight’s (author’s real name) real hometown in Yorkshire in the 1990s, found his house (drove by, didn’t stop) and toured around seeing what the Dales towns were like. Beautiful places.

  17. Philosophy time — can you really lose 5-10 pounds in your late 40s? I was up 7 and vowed to lose it; now I’m up 5 more. I don’t want to make myself neurotic over this. I can embrace the change and get new clothes. Habits are largely the same, but night snacking is a bad pandemic habit; still active, but largely walking due to gym closures and restrictions. I feel like I just may not have enough fight left in me and now that seasons are changing am investing in a new capsule wardrobe (but from Old Navy, as I won’t throw $ at this size until it seems to be permanent).

    1. I’m Facebook friends with a woman who has lost 120+ pounds over the past year through exercise and dietary changes. A doctor told her she couldn’t do it without weight loss surgery, but she did. And she’s early 50s. So yes, it can be done, but at what cost? I personally am not willing to make myself neurotic over losing weight (not saying this woman was, I just know that it has been a lot of effort for her).

      1. Just had a conversation with friends last weekend turn into getting serious about losing the weight for summer and all I could add was, but at what cost/why. I don’t have energy for the other full time job it would be to fit back into the clothes I wore at 25. It was work at 25, I just had more time.

    2. I’d try a few things then re-evaluate the effort once you know what does and doesn’t work for you. Personally, I logged my food on My Fitness Pal for awhile, used my Fit Bit to track my movement, and read the Obesity Code. I discovered (which really should have been obvious to me but wasn’t) that when I worked in the office I didn’t eat breakfast and working from home I did. I’ve now switched to semi-intermittent fasting, no breakfast, 4 hours between meals, can eat whatever during certain hours so not just no snacking. I make sure I hit my walking goal daily. I weigh myself at least once every couple of days.

      It was really easy for me to see what takes the pounds off and what puts them on. There are days I decide, life is too short, I’m having french toast before work today even if I way an extra pound in three days. there are other days I go hmmm, I’m almost up 5, time to start cutting back and drinking less.

      I just like having the knowledge of how my body responds so I feel more in control and can decide what is and isn’t worth the effort.

      1. And speaking of autocorrect issues we are all having, I typed weigh (I know because I accidentally typed weight first and fixed it) and it auto-corrected to way. Silly software.

    3. At only 5-10 lbs, unless you’re very short, wherein that’s a lot of weight on your body, I don’t think it makes sense struggling to lose that small amount of weight. I think it makes more sense to focus on what you eat rather than how much (i.e. doing healthier switches inside of bad habits rather than trying to eliminate bad habits) and focusing on weight training rather than fat loss. Weight training will show a dramatic difference in body shape with or without weight loss.

      1. Of course I’m short! Not that tall people don’t ask this question, it’s just calibrated differently.

        I’ve love to early-retire to a villa in a warm sunny state where everyone has good knees still and we all play doubles each day in cute outfits. Until then, however, it’s probably best to store all non-fitting clothes and embrace a capsule wardrobe while this is pending. I’d say I’m not one to shy from a fight, but this year has been exhausting. And while I’ve had a sendentary job for decades and formerly enjoyed a restaurant lunch daily, it has never taken a toll until now. Maybe it is a combo of perimenopause + gym closures + working in an actual kitchen, but it does not seem to want to go gently.

        1. I’m assuming that you’re the anon OP, but maybe not. I’m short and yes, 5-10 does make a huge difference.

          At one point in my life when it was stressful (young kids, sick spouse, night MBA classes, lots of worry and no extra time) my obese coworker said that she had gone to the doctor and the doctor was really pleased that she hadn’t gained weight. The coworker pointed out that most Americans gain 5 pounds a year, which is 50 (it adds up to real numbers!) over 10 years. Her doctor didn’t want her to try to lose, just to stay the same over 20 years. I adopted that mindset and stayed pretty much the same*. That was 2004. You could try the same thing.

          *The only thing that allowed me (and my brother) to lose the hoped-for 30 pounds was cancer. Not a good way. I’ve gained 20 back but now trying to lose 5-10.

    4. Since you prefaced this with philosophy – I think it’s possible. However, besides the metabolic slowdown, lifestyle changes also make this harder. Whether it’s being a parent, or caring for other family members, or leaning into a career, or any responsibility or passion project that one has acquired somewhere along the way from being 21 and carefree – there is just more to life that distracts from committing mental bandwidth to changing exercise and eating habits. I personally think it’s an overall plus to quality of life, but it probably makes weight loss harder.

    5. My mom (55 at the time but still maintaining at 60) successfully lost the weight. She eats oatmeal for breakfast every day, a light lunch like soup, stew or chili, and a normal dinner. The real key for her though was cutting out the daily wine. It’s just her routine now and seems very easy.

    6. I think it depends on your starting point. Can you lose 5-10 lbs in your mid-40s if you’re 50 lbs overweight? Yes. Might you have a new “natural” size that’s 5-10 lbs over the weight you were in your mid-20s? Also yes.

    7. I’m in my 50s and I just did this. In the past I could do it just by dieting, but this time I really had to ramp up the exercise. And cut out most snacking, particularly items that were the biggest problems (hello, 2 bowls of cereal every evening after dinner). If it hadn’t worked, yes I would have been accepting of getting bigger sizes.

    8. Yes, but you might not like what it takes to do it. I quit alcohol, dairy, and sugar.

      It’s worth it to me, because staying very slim keeps my horrific GERD under control without medication (which was destroying my kidneys). Your own motivation may vary.

    9. Yes, I lost about that much over 2019. I tried to eat fewer carbs, tried not to drink as much alcohol (I did not drink alcohol during the week unless I was out with friends, and that usually didn’t happen every week). I also did a version of Orange Theory, so about an hour of combined weight lifting (slightly heavier – I mostly used 12-35 lb weights depending on the exercise), body weight exercises like pushups and squats, and cardio intervals. I did this twice a week and then went to ballet classes 1-2 times a week, generally I managed to go twice a week. I think the extra cardio was really key, along with watching what I ate.

      It’s all different now, and I am up about 4-5 lbs over my weight at the start of the pandemic. But last year I managed to lose about that much between March and June. Again, fewer carbs, less alcohol. I tried to go for at least a 2-mile walk 3-4 times a week, did yoga most days (20-30 minutes), and did an HIIT workout (Heather Robertson on YouTube) about twice a week.

    10. I’m in my mid fifties. A year ago, my 70 something year old colleague lost 20 pounds after cutting carbs. I figured if she could do it, I could do it. I lost 17 pounds over six months. I don’t eat bread or pasta. I substitute lettuce for buns or tacos, rely on cauliflower thins from trader joe’s for sandwich bread, and cauliflower gnocchi or rice. It’s really not that hard. I eat bacon, cheese, dark chocolate and drink red wine with abandon! And I can fit into my old clothes! Don’t give up-you’ve got this!

    11. I’m 56 and I’ve lost my COVID 15. Took me 3.5 months. Not doing any thing crazy, just tracking everything I eat on My Fitness Pal and taking the dog for two good walks a day.

  18. Has anybody had the Thuma bed or a recommended alternative? I think I am finally going to bite the bullet on a king size bed (my husband is 6’2″ without even getting to weight, and I’ve been sleeping like crap) and we like our mattress but can’t decide if it’s worth the price to do a bed frame like Thuma or the extremely-similar Valyou Furniture Charm bed, or just go with a wood zinus frame from Amazon?

    We have a Zinus plain, non-wood attractive frame now and have been happy with it.
    We do live in an apartment and plan on moving in the next year or so (I thought about putting this purchase off until then but have put it off a year already) so ability to disassemble and move without falling apart (cough, IKEA Hemnes, cough) is a consideration.

    1. We have a Thuma and love it. It really is substantial, and although we haven’t had to move it, it was incredibly easy to put together and should be easy to disassemble and reassemble. I wish they made a taller pillow headboard, because our mattress is pretty deep, but that isn’t a dealbreaker for me and seems like a plausible future enhancement.

    2. I really like my IKEA Hemnes, and have reassembled after a move without problems. Just saying. ;)
      Am even considering putting a continental frame and mattress into my Hemnes, because I really like the frame but might want a double pocket mattress system.

    3. We have TWO Thumas; our bed and our guest bed. I am not a brand evangelist in general, but wow, I am totally a Thuma evangelist. They are indestructible, could survive as many house moves as you would ever have, incredibly easy to assemble and . . . solid as a rock. No matter what activity you throw at it. It does. not. move. Or squeak! I think they are totally worth the money.

  19. A long shot – but does anyone have recommendations for childcare in the Waltham/ Newton / Lexington area? Having a baby in July so would need care starting in December. I am totally overwhelmed as I don’t know anyone in the area. I probably can’t afford a nanny but open to all suggestions either personal recommendations, or how to go about the search (have done a basic google search / reviews already)

    1. Local moms groups. C-moms page has a bunch of people in the Boston area. If you’re relocating ask colleagues to be – even if they don’t have kids, they can ask their friends with kids. Once you have a short list of places you can tour and the tours should give you a good sense.

    2. If you haven’t already, join local parenting groups on facebook. That’s were all the real reviews are in my area.

    3. Those areas are not super close– do you live in one and work in the other? I’m just west of you in Wayland. in Before Times, I commuted to Waltham but my daycare was near my house. If you live in Newton, I would not explore childcare in Lexington unless that’s where your office is (and you’ll be commuting to it). Maybe look at Waltham if you live in West Newton–but even then, there are tons of daycares in Newton.

      Try local facebook groups, or NextDoor. Generally, put Bright Horizons on your list- it’ll be on the high end but the centers are generally all good. You’ll want to see who offers food and laundry, what the hours are, and which of those things matter most to you. Check out what holidays they are open and what their sick child policies are.

    4. I don’t have specific suggestions for MA as I’m on the opposite coast, but as a working mom of 3, I have some general tips. It is going to be darn near impossible to get an infant care spot at most daycares because they all give sibling preference and most have to have a ratio that makes it such that they take very few infants. I was on a lot of waitlists but ultimately couldn’t get any of my kids into any daycare until they turned 1 or 2 years old. Even though a nanny was more expensive, it was for just a short year or two and also made life much easier for me than to have to shlep a newborn, a bunch of labeled bottles, etc. to the center and back everyday, so I think it was totally worth the $$.

      One great option in my opinion would be to have a nanny share with another family – my sister does this and it worked out great – all they needed to do was to get a double stroller, agree on a schedule with the other family, and pick which house would make the most sense for both sets of families. If there’s an expecting moms group nearby, that would be a good group to network with others who may be having a kid around the same time.

      I remember how challenging it was and how full of angst it was to find good childcare, but you will find a good option for you. Just keep asking around and seeing what others in that area do and recommend – you may even find someone who has to let go of their wonderful baby nanny around the month you need one! Good luck!!!

    5. The travel times between these areas is very slow at rush hours. Look near your home and your office. I live in Newton. There are lots of family day care providers who can be more flexible than corporate day cares, but have their own personal needs. Try nextdoor, and Facebook pages for each town.

  20. What’s going on with m o d lately? It seems so slow and it’s leading to duplicate threads (Elizabeth Holmes). All of the comments are coming in at once for me and I’ve also noticed that some controversial threads seem to be set to “perma- m o d” or something where every single comment is delayed posting. Has there been a policy change? Does it have to do with the email field being required now?

    1. +1 I’ve gotten sent to mod several times lately with my normal username and email and what I thought were fairly innocuous topics.

      3. Me too. My post above with film quotes in has gone for review and I don’t know why – c r a p?

    2. I’ve gotten sent to mod several times in the past week for using a brand name in my post. Super weird.

  21. I might have a milestone achievement coming up, and I’m thinking about upgrading my bag to commemorate it. I’m very much a “one perfect bag” person, so if you were to have one really great, versatile bag–what would it be? Would you go black, brown, or another color?

    (I’m not worried about daily-commute-type usage, since I use a backpack for that.)

    1. Black for sure. I find that a lot of browns don’t pair that well with other browns, so it can make it hard to put an outfit together.

    2. My One Perfect Bag is a taupe-y gray (Stone from Cuyana). Black bags feel dated to me and I don’t like them in summer. My bag works with all colors of shoes and coats and in all seasons.

    4. Dark blue or plum. Matching is easy for me–I hate brown and never wear it, so my shoes are always black and my jewelry is always cool tones.

    6. Heh I’m probably not the one to ask — my “one perfect bag” is rainbow stripe.

      But I also get a lot of use out of my burgundy bag.

      1. Oh yes – cordovan is an EXCELLENT underappreciated neutral. I wish this was an option on more women’s accessories.

    7. I carried a cuyana tote in their burgundy/cordovan color for a year+ and it seemed to go with everything. Before that I carried one in their Stone color and felt the same.

      Currently I’m carrying a sort of cobalt blue bag and it goes with almost all my outfits. If I wore a lot of browns and reds I probably wouldn’t like it, but I don’t tend to wear those.

    8. I might be the exception here. If I’m going to splurge on an expensive bag, I want it to be in some special color (like grey, nude, or a subtle shade of brown/tan), because these days it’s super easy to get designer dupes that look very realistic in black. Virtually, all the realistic Kelly bags I’ve seen that are designer dupes are in black. However, because it’s very hard for designer dupes to copy that beautiful special non-black color only authentic designer brands have, you can more easily spot the value and authenticity of a designer bag if it’s not in black.

    9. I think you have to know your own wardrobe first. I rarely wear a lot of black (my coats usually aren’t) so for my my best neutrals are navy, grey, camel, or green. I’d make a vote for a classic camel bag as I think they’re lovely and go with more than black does. I’m planning on picking up the Aspinal of London Mayfair bag in either tan or green croc the next time I’m in London (one day…)

  22. Can someone indulge me and draft a fantasy itinerary of Spain that includes Almeria? I had a milestone birthday last year and have been brushing up on my Spanish and maybe I do this in 2022? I just need something to dream about and read up on now that I have time and a loose goal.

    1. How many days? Have you been before in Spain or Andalusia? Almeria county has amazing wild beaches Cala San Pedro, Monsul, Los genoveses.. (you can see that one in the scene of Sean Conery with the umbrella and the seagulfs in Indian J. movie) .The city is famous for the tapas (real free, huge, tasty ones) and in La garrucha for their fish. Sergio Leone movies were done there in Tabernas desert with the young Clint Eastwood.
      You could do a road trip along mediterranean coast, starting in Valencia or Andalusia depending in how many days you have and driving all the coast to Cadiz (one of my favorites cities there) mixing beaches, good food, heritage sites and sherry caves at the end.

  23. How is a fit bit useful? I understand it shows intensity of activity, and how much activity has been done. I also learned that it can track sleep: how long total and in each stage–REM, deep etc. Having all that information, what does one do with it; how can it be used to improve sleep and other habits?

    1. I’ve had one for years and it’s helpful for me to keep track of activity levels. I was definitely a star chart kid. I know it is a gimmick / perhaps pseudoscience but I feel much healthier if I’m getting around 10-12k steps most days. It’s a level of activity that makes me feel good in my body and the fitbit is just a good reminder to get there.

      1. This. It reminds me to get up every hour if I haven’t already logged 250 steps that hour. This has resulted in me doing a few indoor laps around my house at 10 of the hour every hour. I try to fill all the circles so I get a 10/10 but obviously it’s not always possible if I’m in a two hour Zoom meeting. Though I did once turn off my camera to still get those steps because I’m a little obsessive.

        It has a bunch of goals that you can adjust like flights of stairs, miles, calories burned and active minutes. I can get the first 3 by making sure I walk 10,000 steps a day. I also have a treadmill that helps me finish it off so I’m not always outside at 10 pm walking the neighborhood, but sometimes I do that too. The active minutes require me to get my heart rate to a certain height.

        It pushes me to his those metrics and it’s just an accountability tool. I get a weekly summary and I like to see my numbers go up. I get satisfaction out of seeing my step streak. I like seeing all my perfectly filled in circles and stars.

        As another example, I usually allow myself a day or two off per week but by Friday of last week I had a perfect score in all categories for every day. I’ve never had that for a full week and I was curious if I’d earn a special badge. So even though I really didn’t want to (I had eaten a lot and had some drinks) I hopped on my treadmill to walk another mile. I don’t yet have the answer on the badge… weekly stats come out tomorrow.

    2. You track trends over time to figure out what works best for you. If you’re trying to improve your sleep, look back at the nights you had good sleep to see what you were doing right, and the nights you had bad sleep to figure out what caused the disruption. I was really surprised by how much alcohol consumption impacts my sleep, for example.

    3. are you generally a person that draws inherent motivation from tracking and seeing the data? This could be budgeting, tracking your net worth, chasing the streak on duolingo or other apps, letting your phone nudge you into reducing your screen time or time on social media, tracking food habits or exercise progress?

    4. I use my Fitbit as an accountability tool. I am a skeptic turned convert. I can’t fool myself into thinking I’ve been active if my step count clearly shows the opposite! I also like that I can set exercise goals, and it will clearly show me when I’m meeting/exceeding/falling short. Could I do without it? Sure, but gold stars are helpful and useful for me. I also use the period tracking feature.

      I have used the sleep tracker to troubleshoot when I have sleeping issues, but it’s not a feature I look at regularly.

    5. Post-covid, the pulse monitor is incredibly helpful, as spikes in resting heart rate is one way that long hauler syndrome expresses itself. I’m grateful to know what was happening so I could track for the doctor. Tracking steps and daily move reminders also helps you be mindful of just how sedentary we can be (especially working from home), so trying to get in a base level of 5 to 10k steps a day just to maintain weight is helpful. The distance tracking when you do cardio is also helpful.

    6. OMG I am total evangelist for the Fitbit. I got it as a gift a the beginning of the pandemic and it has been the single best thing that kept me sane and even keel.
      I like numbers and data, and seeing my daily steps, workouts/week, sleep and all the other stats. You can set goals. I have a relatively small one of 5000 steps/week which during a long day at my desk in WFH, is still sometimes hard to meet. I do try to do a quick walk outside if I see I am falling short at the end of the day.
      It automatically detects some type of workouts (walk, run) and you can tell it about other workouts (yoga) and you can also set a goal for the number of workouts per week you plan to have. As the week goes on, it encourages you to meet your workout goals.
      I love the sleep feature which automatically tracks both your quantity and quality of sleep. I feel validated on mornings when I wake up feeling terrible to look at it and realize my quality of sleep was bad. You can set it to vibrate for a bedtime reminder and also to vibrate to get you to do 250 steps/hour.

    7. Its also useful for long term trends…. I just took a look back at my historical data, and can really see how much my activity level has dropped off (and continually trended downward) since we started working from home.

      Rather than having an externally driven goal (“10000 steps per day”), I have now reset my goal based on what my average actuals were pre-pandemic (200000 steps/month, or about 6700/day).

      1. Yep, I agree. I didn’t realize how precipitously my activity dropped off during the pandemic until I started looking at the hard data from a year earlier. And I was still exercising regularly throughout all this! Turns out those extra daily steps at the office counted for a lot. No wonder I was gaining weight. It was useful for helping me recalibrate. (I agree with your point that it’s useful to set your goals based on your actual levels, not necessarily aspirational!)

    8. Oh I forgot to add the most important part for me. Smart Wake. I can set it for the latest I can get up and it will wake me up at the best time in my sleep cycle up to a half hour earlier than my absolute get up time. It also wakes me up with a gentle wrist vibration which I prefer so much to a beeping alarm.

  24. I’ve had one for years and it’s helpful for me to keep track of activity levels. I was definitely a star chart kid. I know it is a gimmick / perhaps pseudoscience but I feel much healthier if I’m getting around 10-12k steps most days. It’s a level of activity that makes me feel good in my body and the fitbit is just a good reminder to get there.

  25. I’ve seen recent posts here re longevity which made me think big picture — what are you doing now/will you be doing to make aging “easier”? It can be anything from meditation to hobbies – also helpful if you state your age now/when you plan to do these things.

    1. I think the most important thing is eating healthfully and exercising so that you don’t start losing mobility earlier than you want to.

    2. Age 40. I exercise 5x week, both for overall health and because I fully subscribe to the idea that a body that moves will keep on moving. My job is sedentary, so I feel like I need to make a concerted effort to keep those problems at bay.

      1. +1, almost 40 here. Lots of exercise, eat whatever I want, don’t smoke and barely drink.

    3. I’m 51.

      I decided I will accept my modest changes in weight. I enjoy my life and my food and my friends and will not fall down a rabbit hole of self loathing because of something so relatively insignificant. And with aging, if I keep my weight where it “was”, then my face and boobs suffer because of it. A little extra fat in your face makes you look younger. Believe it.

      I let my hair go grey where it wants to. The financial sacrifice and time dedicated to dying/highlighting my hair every 3 weeks was just ridiculous and I started phasing this out in my 30’s. I keep my hair in great shape, good cut, treat my skin well and try to dress well with clothes that flatter my shape and not following ridiculous trends. Quality over quantity.

      I accept that at the end of life I will probably have to to move into some sort of communal living situation for my safety/health since I am single/no kids. That will probably be in my later 60’s. Would like to avoid Nursing Homes, but realize I will never have the millions in savings to pay for living independently paying home aids. So I may need to go onto Medicaid at some point, and that’s ok, and I will decide when life is no longer worth living and will have a way out available. If I get cancer late in life, no chemo for me. That’s my end point.

      The thing I am NOT doing but I will try to phase in as soon as possible is making sure I am getting enough calcium and vitamin D and weight baring exercise to minimize osteoporosis. We women are bad about this and it isn’t hard, and dying after a broken hip in our 70’s or 80’s or 90’s is too common and I don’t want that to be my end point.

    4. I injured myself a few years back and found myself in PT surrounded by nice elderly people who all admitted they hadn’t exercised in decades. It changed my thinking that exercise shouldn’t be seen as a hobby but is something I have to do if I want to prevent injuries. A really motivating realization!

    5. 47 – Strength training, building/maintaining friend relationships with people of a variety of ages, shifting to more plant-based protein, and daily word puzzles & sudoku.

    6. Staying in the job that has an incredibly generous match for retirement savings! When I look to move on I will have to take that into account when comparing reward packages.

    7. Weight training. I’m watching my mom deal with osteoporosis right now, taking Fosamax and dealing with hip and back pain. It’s brutal. Preventing bone loss is critical.

      Luckily I have a bit of a head start on her, being CF.

        1. Childfree. Fetuses suck calcium out of your bones. Per my GYN, they adjust your bone density estimates by number of pregnancies.

    8. I am in my mid-60s, so I am not just planning for aging well but trying to live it. Most importantly, I am happy and find intellectual challenge in my work. I expect that I am likely to reduce my work commitment in the next 5 years or so. I am fortunate to have a great partner. I think both of work and partner play a big part in aging, and I am appreciative of both. I also eat reasonably well, exercise lots (although I am fundamentally not an athlete), maintain connections with people of all ages, volunteer in my community, read lots and love my pets. I have always been a saver, so I think finances will not be a stress. That’s all I’ve got and I am counting on genetics for the rest.

    9. Staying at a lower weight to ease my joints. Strength train for bone density and maintaining muscle mass. Sunscreen and skincare routine to prevent or slow wrinkles. Sleep. Sleep a lot. Not have kids. Saving $$$ to fund a retirement that will be comfortable or maybe even a little luxurious. Lots of yoga. Regular cadence of cardio exercise even though I dread it. Brush my teeth in the morning and after lunch and before bed. Lots of green leafy veggies including in smoothies. Make sure my parents have their healthcare power of attorney and estate stuff all squared away. Encourage parents to ignore conspiracy theories and generally try to make them scam proof or as close to that as possible.

  26. For those who’ve traveled in the Middle East, are there places where you can just book a flight and luxury hotel (in 2022 or 23) and just go — alone as a single woman — just explore the city/major tourist areas by yourself for 4 days as you would in Europe or North America? Or would you only go if you could find a friend to go (unlikely) or join a tour (which means someone else’s schedule). I know certain places you wouldn’t go alone but could you do it if you stuck to the big cities/luxury hotels say Dubai, Doha, Abu Dhabi?

    1. I’ve traveled for business in the UAE and was fine by myself in Abu Dhabi and Dubai. I would avoid hotel bars and drinking but I did have a glass of wine or two in restaurants with dinner.

    2. I don’t know the specific laws in any of those countries, but I personally would never travel to a country where women are jailed for adultery for reporting a r@pe or assault, or that actively repress women’s rights in other ways. They don’t need my tourist dollars.

      Probably the only Middle East country I would feel comfortable going to is Israel, but still not sure I would do it alone.

      1. That’s nice. So stay out of it then and leave the discussion to those that have been or want to go.

        1. Ok let me rephrase.

          “Research the laws in those countries and what has happened to women who report a r@pe or assault. If you travel there alone, will you be comfortable with that risk, however unlikely it is to happen? Also consider whether you will have fewer rights in general because you are a woman, or whether it’s possible you’ll have more rights as a western tourist than local women, and whether you want to spend your tourist dollars there.”

          1. My brother was on a school trip to Oman where a classmate was sexually assaulted. She reported it and the perpetrator was found, tried and sentenced before her semester was over. I get what you are saying but not all countries in the Middle East are the same.

    3. I wonder how this would be with Oman. Car rental would be easy and the roads are safe. I don’t know if I’d feel okay getting out at a wadi or the sea turtle beach alone.

      Oh! I am fairly certain this would be fine in Turkey and very confident that it would work in Israel.

      1. I think Israel is more like Europe in this respect – especially in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem.
        Much further east but you could also do this in Singapore – I was roaming around the city by myself at 16 (long story!)

    4. My brother lived in Jordan with his American girlfriend. She had her own job and commuted solo without issue. However, while there, he had to refer to her as his wife because they lived together. I visited with my husband and I was less comfortable going places alone but I think it was more a bit of culture shock than safety. I will say we noticed a big difference in how we were treated with and without my brother with us. My brother is a tall redhead so he doesn’t blend in but he speaks Arabic. We did not. People were so so so so welcoming when my brother would speak any Arabic to them. I’d recommend learning a few phrases so you can say hello, please, thank you, goodbye and the like. We went to Petra, the Dead Sea, the place were Jesus is said to have been baptized where you see Jerusalem across the river (sorry I can’t remember the name) and started and ended our trip with a few days in Amman, where my brother lived. We were also going to go camping with the Bedouins but the weather didn’t allow it which is how we ended up at the Dead Sea.

      1. I was going to recomend Jordan too. I was there (with a friend) but from all the muslim countries I know only to this one (and Tunisia) I will go in my own, the closest to western mentality. We were in Amman, Jerash, Petra, some days in a resort in the Dead Sea and in an AMAZING luxury camp in the desert in Wadi Rum.

        1. I did love Jordan but some Arabic really helps there. Is it comfortable for a woman on her own? I was with friends who had been expats in Amman for 7 years by the time I got there.

    5. Beirut but not sure about how it’s recovered since the explosion last year. Maybe check into it? It’s lovely there as it is on the Mediterranean and the food is delicious.

    6. I lived in Oman for two years and it was the safest place I’ve ever been in my entire life. Great for beaches, diving, deserts, etc. and there’s a range of hotel options. The locals are warm and welcoming and it’s relatively easy to rent a car. If you’re looking for more nightlife or shopping, Dubai and Abu Dhabi are both great options and totally safe.

      Please note that the Gulf countries are very different culturally than the rest of the Middle East. Having traveled all over the region, I would not feel as safe in Jordan, Lebanon, Morocco, Egypt, etc.

  27. Associate attorney job search help needed. How should I chose a writing sample? I’m a mid level litigation associate, and have a bevy of dispositive motions and mediation submissions to choose from. Several of my mediation submissions received compliments from the mediators as “one of the best they’ve ever read”, but I take those compliments with a large dose of salt because I am paying the mediators. Do you change confidential info? Redact it? Do you mention the names have been changed?

    1. I personally would not use something confidential like a mediation paper. I think you should go with a pleading that has been filed.

      1. Same. I use a file-stamped motion so that it is clear that I am not revealing confidential information. I would never use a mediation statement.

      2. I would use a mediation statement only if it’s a generic type case so that there would be no way to identify the Parties. I’m thinking car accident, slip and fall or divorce as the only “generic” types at the moment. I would change all names to either Plaintiff, Defendant, Doctor, Police Officer, Town, etc. so it is clear you are using something generic for confidentiality purposes but still allows it to be readable.

    2. I am in the process of hiring a mid-range associate now, and I like to see a dispositive motion, like a motion to dismiss or motion to strike, since it gives me a good sense of a person’s writing style, their ability to lay out the facts of a case, and their ability to apply the law to those facts. I wouldn’t have a problem with the submission of a mediation statement, but I would expect it to be appropriately redacted of party names and confidential info, and if it wasn’t, I would question the attorney’s judgment.

  28. I was able to schedule my first vaccine shot today. I could cry tears of joy. I’m immunocompromised and have been absolutely locked down for a year +. My state opened up 1c today and there were no appointments in my county so I’m going to an adjacent county. I hope that’s ok. The system accepted my appointment using my real address.

    1. I think the rules vary on this but in most places it’s fine to go to a different county. Congrats on getting vaccinated!

      1. Thank you!!! I’m so excited – and nervous. I might have less of a response to the vaccines due to a less functioning immune system, so I’m counting on all of you guys getting vaccinated to provide people like me with a safe bubble!!

        1. Can I ask what condition you have? I’m in the same boat and I’m wondering if you’ve gotten any pertinent advice from your immunologist. Yay for you getting the vaccine! I hope to get one soon.

        2. I am quite healthy and getting my first shot tomorrow. I have helped my friends get appointments as well to be sure we are helping the herd.

          1. As long as everyone who is getting the vaccine currently qualifies, this is great.

          2. Yes, of course we all qualify. We are healthy but my state is so far behind I want anyone who can to get stuck. There are sites here begging for takers. Our waiting doesn’t get a dose to someone not actively seeking an appointment, so I am just trying to get shots in arms.

        3. My Dad has a primary immunodeficiency and got both shots of Moderna. He didn’t have any side effects, and although his immunologist was hopeful he would respond to the vaccine, the lack of side effects was concerning. He will get his antibodies checked 1 month after his 2nd vaccine shot (Pfizer) and if he hasn’t made antibodies they will talk about whether he needs to try a booster/different type of vaccine etc…

          For those of you on IVIG (immunoglobulin) treatments, the word from his doc is that the IVIG currently does not contain anti-COVID antibodies, but will in the near future.

          2. Yep, that’s correct – IVIG and SCIG won’t contain antibodies until later this year at the earliest (from what I understand). There’s a big delay between the time of plasma collection and the time of production/distribution. I’m glad your father got the shot. Could you come back and let us know the results of the antibody check? I would really appreciate it – it’s hard to find good data (even anecdata) for PI and the vaccine.

          3. This is anecdata but I know a lot of healthy people (especially men) who got both doses of Pfizer or Moderna and had no side effects. My dad even asked his doctor because he was worried the vaccine didn’t “take” and his doctor said no side effects was normal and nothing to be worried about. It is comforting to get the side effects though. There was an interesting article about this in the NYT recently that discussed how, for a variety of reasons, women are much more likely to have side effects.

        4. I have rheumatoid arthritis and take Humira to keep my immune system from further attacking me. I also have sarcoidosis and hashimoto’s, that lovely co-morbidity of autoimmune diseases thing.

          1. Ps my rheumatologist told me to not take the humira for a few days following my vaccine in order for the immune system to have an adequate response. My humira injections are 14 days apart. For my first shot I will be at 12 days since the last shot. For my second shot, I’m just going to skip my Humira dose until after I have the expected reaction.

            Overall my rheumatologist says it’s better to have the vaccine and a partial reaction than to not have the vaccine at all.

  29. Have any of you purchased morganite studs online? May you share where? I’m looking for a bday gift for myself. Thank you!

  30. I’m looking for fun spring shoes in a bright color. I’m not tied to a particular style, but I’m WFH and not going much of anywhere, so they should work well with jeans. Anyone buy or see anything cute recently? Budget ~$100 or less, and must come in a size 11.

    1. I bought a pair of fake PVC Birkenstocks in a bright orange/coral last spring and I love them!

    2. Ilse Jacobson shoes seem in that realm, but I haven’t seen them in person so I can’t say that they’re cute on actual feet.

  31. Going for ovarian cyst scan tomorrow. Send good vibes, please. I don’t think this will be a pleasant visit finising with – see you in a year. Sigh.

    2. Vibes coming your way! I hope it’s not as bad as you are anticipating!

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