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In our discussions on “the weekend you,” I always thought I was more interested in “tough girl chic” and less interested (for weekends at least) in preppy clothes. In fact, I would have said that I was distinctly NOT a Lilly Pulitzer kind of girl. BUT: I will say that the mix of hot pink, green, and blues and purples is very happy and, increasingly up my alley. So never say never.
This charging cord is adorable and affordable — I think it would make a great small present if you're on the hunt for something for yourself or someone else (Easter? Mother's Day? end of school teacher appreciation? lots to choose).
Lilly Pulitzer has two colorways available for $25 each.
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anon
BUT IS IT PROFESH ENOUGH?
j/k, I totally love this.
Senior Attorney
Haha just needs a matching water bottle!
anon
I would gladly coordinate my charger and water bottle!
Anon
Yes — I am always buying new ones (they used to be durable, now, not so much). This makes it clear that this is MY charging cord, not yours. #SparksJoy
Anon
I have the 12 Max Pro and it doesn’t take this kind of cable any more, and I have SO many cables that need replacing. Ridic.
pugsnbourbon
I went through my box o’cables last week and could only identify half of them. I think one was for a second gen iPod? Of course I didn’t the one I needed, though.
Anon
Serious question — how long is it? If 3-foot: useless. If 6 or 9: OMG I need this yesterday.
Anon
Will it match my scrunchie???
Anon
So looking at what people say about incomes of this board, I assume there are lots here who don’t qualify for stimulus checks; latest stats are that 85% of households will get checks so it’s the top 15% that doesn’t qualify. If you aren’t getting one — are you annoyed that others are? I mean ultimately your tax dollars (along with the deficit) funds these things. Believe me I believe in the K shaped recovery — the unemployed/people who had to quickly pick up survival jobs need this money and probably more. I’m annoyed that all the work from home/haven’t lost a dollar in income, retirees living the same as 2019 are getting these and like oh I’ll just invest it (so not even putting it back in the economy). Thoughts?
Anon
No, of course I’m not annoyed. Stimulus is right in the name, and of course there are so many people getting these checks who need the money to get by. I don’t begrudge anybody that and I’m happy to pay taxes for that purpose.
Senior Attorney
Same. I am DELIGHTED that so many people will be helped by this bill and the last thing I want to be is one of those horrible people who let 100 people go hungry lest one undeserving person get fed.
anon
Same. I am DELIGHTED that so many people will be helped by this bill and the last thing I want to be is one of those horrible people who let 100 people go hungry lest one undeserving person get fed.
Anonymous
I’m not annoyed about that, but I’m a centrist who wishes that money was going into unemployment instead of stimulus.
anonymous
I’m going anonymous for this one. On the one hand, of course not: I’m fortunate to have had my job and my home and medical care this past year. On the other hand, I miss the cutoff by like $2,000, which contributes to an overall “woe is me” feeling I sometimes get about being in my income bracket- expected to keep up with people who make 5-10 times as much as I do, with secretaries and housekeepers and so on, when I’m just a single gal doing it all in a high COLA. I try to lean down on the side of hand #1, because I know I’m well off in the scheme of things. But often I think like the anon above: all this political capital for a one-time bill, not structural change.
Anon
Can you put more money in retirement? It’s based on AGI so we upped our retirement contributions in 2020 to qualify. I was FLAMED for that when I posted about it before, but I don’t really see it any differently than doing what you can (legally) to minimize your tax liability. Nobody wants to give the government money/let the government keep their money if they can avoid it!
anonymous
I agree and am considering it. No flaming here!
Anon
I’m not an accountant, but my understanding is you can qualify retroactively so if your 2021 AGI is under the limit, you would get the stimulus payment whenever you file your 2021 taxes.
Anon
Anon at 3:47, do you have a source for that? I’d love to read it. My 2020 income was well over, but I got laid off (and collected severance) in 2020. 2021 will be a far different story.
Anon
“While the $1,400 payments will be based on the most recent tax return the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has on file for each taxpayer, if you lose income in 2021 and become eligible for the third stimulus check for the first time — or for a larger portion of it — you will be able to claim it on your 2021 tax returns, which you will file in 2022, says Garrett Watson, a senior policy analyst at the Tax Foundation.”
https://www.cnbc.com/2021/03/12/lose-income-2021-qualify-third-stimulus-payment-retroactively.html
The stimulus is basically a tax credit delivered in advance. So if you don’t get a direct payment, you will be able to claim it as a credit on your ’21 return. Babies born before Dec. 31, 2021 will also get you the $1,400 per child payment.
Cora
It’s going into both!
Anonymous
I’m OK with it. These times are desperate enough that I’d rather be over-inclusive than under-inclusive for who gets a check.
Anonymous
Our HHI is over 400k this year. I am not annoyed that we are not receiving a check. I think we got a check for like $90 the first time because in 2019 our AGI was something like 240k and we have 4 kids.
Separately, I do kind of wonder what the point of sending checks to retirees is– maybe just voters/ easier administratively?
Anon
I don’t think there should have been any income limit. Not so I could get it but because so many people live on the edge of their means and if they lost a job due to the pandemic, they need the stimulus as much as anyone else, regardless of their prior income.
AIMS
Also, because it’s easier to administer without a limit, won’t ultimately add that much to the total, and is going to be criticized regardless if you cap it at anything because someone will say it sounds outrageous that a family making 6 figures could get it!
And I am not personally annoyed to have gotten nothing from any of this but I also thinks it’s all stupid because I know people who make more money than I do who got money because of the way they have their deductions structured or people who have family money, etc., who have gotten max amounts. Even some posters here have posted about getting checks and I have no idea how because their stated income seems higher than my HHI. But there you go.
I had this conversation with an economist friend and he pointed out that policies are best when they aren’t means tested at all (property tax, kid deductions, etc.), otherwise they have a tendency to become divisive. And it really made me change my mind.
Anon
I don’t think it’s a big administrative hurdle; the payments are coming from the IRS which has everyone’s income info anyway so it’s just a matter of a computer searching a database to see which people qualify. But I agree with your other points.
Anon
I agree.
nuqotw
I don’t know whether we’re getting one yet; I can’t remember our income for 2019 and I don’t know what it is in 2020. I’m not annoyed; speed is more important than accuracy right now so if someone who doesn’t “need” it gets it in order to make sure that people who very likely need it do get it, that’s fine. I’m grateful that we have plenty either way.
AFT
Not at all. My family has been very lucky (in the pandemic and outside of it) and the money wouldn’t mean much to us but could mean a lot to many people.
My retired parents received the stimulus but are very comfortable – they turned around and donated it to food banks and similar organizations so that it will help those most in need.
anon
Don’t qualify, and no, I’m not annoyed that others are getting a stimulus.
Anon
Not annoyed because I don’t need the money. I’d rather people who actually need it get the cash.
buffybot
I’m perfectly unbothered by not getting one. My household’s income hasn’t been negatively impacted by the pandemic and in many respects our expenses are lower. I’m fortunate. I’m doing what I can to donate to local charities and spend money in local businesses.
I *am* annoyed that my in-laws are getting one on the basis of their retired non-income status, notwithstanding the fact that they are incredibly wealthy. I guess the fact that they spent that money on something frivolous is somewhat helpful – injecting the money back into the economy, which is better than saving it — but I wish they were the type of people that would have donated it to a food bank. I kept this thought to myself, however.
Monday
Economic data tends to show that lower-income people spend stimulus money quickly on goods and services (since they need things in the short term) whereas upper-income people save or invest it. So if the goal is stimulating the economy then an upper income cutoff makes sense. Are you saying the cutoff income level just should have been lower?
Leatty
I’m not getting one (and didn’t get one last year either), and I’m not at all annoyed. I’m not the intended audience – DH and I still have our jobs and haven’t suffered financially due to COVID. While I certainly wouldn’t turn the money down if I were eligible (student loans!), I don’t need it. I’m also not annoyed that others who haven’t suffered financially due to COVID are still getting the checks – they have lower incomes and are more likely to benefit from the funds even if they haven’t lost their jobs. They may have had to hire extra childcare when schools/daycares closed; their bonuses might have been lower or nonexistent; they may have had to spend the money on WFH equipment; etc. Yes, there are definitely people who need it more than others, but what was the alternative? If you lower the income thresholds, there are people in HCOL cities who need it and will miss out.
Anon
No, I’m not annoyed. My tax dollars are going to pay off any stimulus, but I’d rather pay for one like this that gives money directly to people with less, and other programs directly for them like the earned income tax credit and daycare funding, than pay $4.5 trillion to large companies including airlines like I did under the Trump stimulus. Everyone seems to have forgotten about that one already.
Sunshine
I’m annoyed in so far as three family members who are multimillionaires have already received stimulus checks because they’re retired and had small incomes last year; I assume they’re getting checks again. I know no government program can be perfectly administered, but when I hear that a family member whose net worth exceeds $10m gets a check, I’m frustrated. Some of these people say they’ve donated the money to food banks because they realize the absurdity. I’m absolutely confident at least one never would do so.
Anon
I think it could have been more targeted (my understanding: you can be locked up and get; college kids; etc.). Some need it. But someone will have to pay for that and IDK how you ask people to pay for some of this when you get into the weeds. I know no one expects anyone to read legislation, but there are some choices in there I wouldn’t have made b/c $ is scarce, even to the people who will have increased taxes to pay for this or future geneations inheriting the deficit.
Anonymous
Absolutely not. I’m not poor, I don’t need it, I don’t want to waste my tax money giving money to rich people like me and anyone else who doesn’t qualify.
Anonymous
+1.
anon
+1.
Anon
LOL only this place would consider a couple earning $150,000 a year “poor”!
Anonymous
You qualify for low-income housing assistance if you make about $120K per year for a family of four in several counties in the Bay Area.
Anon
Yeah, but most people don’t live in the Bay Area! And salaries are higher there. I don’t think federal government tax/stimulus plans should be targeted to the most extremely high cost of living places, it should be based on some kind of US average cost of living, which is certainly much much lower than the Bay Area.
Anonymous
It doesn’t matter if the salaries are generally higher if the family is still under the stimulus threshold while also having higher expenses than most people. I would be open to cost of living adjustments to try to make it as equitable as possible.
Anonymous
im not annoyed at all. i actually went more went into extending unemployment benefits and increasing them as i know it’s extremely hard worrying about if unemployment is going to run out in industries that cant pick up right away. im more than happy for that money to be going to stimulus checks as well
Anon
I am incredibly grateful that I make enough money not to qualify. Why would I be upset at a $1400 check to people that need it/to them that is a lot of money?
Anyone upset at not receiving it is definitely the type that want their children/younger generation to suffer simply because they did.
anonshmanon
+1
Anonymous
I don’t agree with that. Many people have lost their jobs or had income changes since the tax year in question. Others are dealing with immense costs due to health care issues or other emergencies (especially in my state where people have suffered so much from wildfire season).
AnonMPH
I’m pretty sure the new bill allows you to update the IRS with your 2020 income info so that they know your status has changed. Or you could just file your 2020 taxes and it will adjust for what you ought to have gotten with all three stimulus checks.
Anon
I think the point is that a lot of people getting money don’t really need it? My family income before retirement contributions is well over $150,000, we have a fully paid for house, well-funded retirement accounts and one child who has a well-funded college account. We do not need this money. Granted, we’re probably doing better than most people at our income level because we live in an affordable city, weren’t saddled with massive student loans and have made some smart financial decisions, but I think the point is valid that the scope of the stimulus is way too broad and the money would have been better spent on people who actually suffered financially during the pandemic. I’m a Democrat and benefited from the bill, but would have liked to see something more targeted to those who lost jobs or at least people whose incomes are low enough that they’re really struggling. Sending very comfortable upper middle class families like mine a total of more than $10,000 does not seem like a good use of taxpayer dollars.
Anon
Well, you’re getting $ and they also likely going to be paying it back. So, good optics for politicians, but I feel back for young people who are going to have social security nearly broke by the time they are old who will be also footing the bill for this. At some point, if spending just continues on this point, it is a bit of a Ponzi scheme on the young. Like expecting a state pension to be worth anything.
Anon
I’m annoyed that I’ve already gotten the first few rounds of checks. DH and I are better situated financially now than we were at the beginning of the pandemic since we don’t have commute, lunch, or childcare expenses, and all of our investments have continued to grow. I’m fine with the pricetag, provided the money goes to those who need it most – those on unemployment, shoring up food stamps, getting $ to schools so they can reopen, etc. I’m annoyed there are likely millions like me who are getting money they don’t need, and I wish the money was better directed.
I would have been fine with the $15 / hour language to reduce overall number of people who would require public assistance.
Anonymous
I would love to get it, but I’m not “annoyed” that I’m not.
Anonymous
Also, I live in a VHCOL area and am sympathetic to the many families here with higher incomes who still struggle to make ends meet, but since we don’t have kids, it’s been easier for us personally.
Anon
I thought over 90% of people were eligible? I’m getting one and our pre-tax household income is over $180k, in a LCOL area so we’re doing very well. I’m not going to turn down the money, but I don’t think giving people who earn nearly $200k is a great use of funds. I agree with another poster that funds directly offering relief to people who have lost jobs or businesses would be better.
Anonymous
I am annoyed that others got it and I did not, particularly when I hear stats like 90% of the population was eligible. I am single, no kids, and just barely made more than the cutoff for 2019 and 2020. The extra money would have been just as appreciated by my as it was by my peers and friends who make slightly less than I do. I also don’t have student loans (so the deferral of payments wasn’t a help to me), and I am desperately trying to buy a house, and bumping up hard against the low inventory, and hyped up purchase prices, fueled by the low interest rates. So I feel like there is a lot of economic policy going on right now, and I understand what it is designed to do, and can appreciate that, but I also feel miffed that I don’t directly benefit from any of these policies.
Anon
If >90% of people are getting this, then it seems to be astonishingly over-broad. Like yes, I could use some $. But it’s not free — where do people think $ comes from? I don’t like it when politicians play at “giving people $” when they are using borrowing against future revenue to give me $20 today that will likely mean that I pay $30 more in taxes later. Like it is my money funding . . . my money. Giving it to actually needy people (or even just to food banks) I’d have been OK with.
Anon
Unclear. It could easily be fixed by tax raises on the top 1% (or less). If we taxed billionaires at the appropriate level it wouldn’t be hard to give the bottom 90% of the country free money all the time. But yes a future Republican president will likely whine about the deficient and raise taxes on middle class and upper middle class people.
Anon
That’s the thing — there are a lot of people in the middle who will have to step up and fund this. I know raising taxes on “the rich” has good optics, but IMO it never really works as planned. Taxing people earning wage where the employers just withhold and send the $ in — so easy and has to be what is happening next. And it seems that unless you raise rates generally on a lot of people, you never raise what you need.
I’d just be happy if I didn’t think our bridges have so much deferred maintenance, that they will fall down. But that’s not s*xy spending. So it’s not really done.
No Face
I was pissed when I got Trump’s tax cuts. Added a huge amount to the deficit but did not change my spending habits at all, as we already have more money than we spend. If you’re going to add to the deficit, sending money to individuals and families outside the top %15 makes much more sense.
Anon
Hello from California where we got Trump tax increases, and also have to pay off the deficit.
Senior Attorney
Oh, man. Right? The “punish the blue states” increases.
anonymous
Agreed, and arguably helped bring some expensive blue state housing markets to a peak.
Anon
Yes I’m annoyed. To everyone saying oh I don’t need it, I’m glad it’s going to those that do — you do realize that it’s going to 85% of households, they don’t all need it. Like you many have benefited from WFH, no commuting costs etc so this is just more investment funds for them. Are things really THAT bad outside of hospitality? We’re looking at an employment rate of 6.2% and everyone’s acting like we’re at 2008 recession unemployment which peaked at over 10% and affected white collar jobs too.
Anon for this
Yeah, unpopular opinion I guess, but I get it. Our stimulus money is going to fund a dream vacation (African safari) when it’s safe to travel internationally again. I know quite a few other well off families who got stimulus and have admitted that the money is going to something similarly luxurious or extravagant that they don’t need. I fully understand why people who didn’t qualify are resentful or think it was a poor use of government funds. For us it definitely feels kind of like winning the lottery since it was an unnecessary and unexpected windfall.
Anon
You do realize it’s just your tax money round-tripping?
Nesprin
There’s that old quote that “I like taxes. With them I buy civilization”. I feel pretty strongly that I pay taxes to ensure that my countrymen are fed when hungry and cared for when needy, that people educated so that we all benefit from a well trained workforce, and so that infrastructure that works for all of us. Giving a stimulus to people during the worst period of unemployment in history is a good thing, that we all benefit from populus that can pay rent and feed kids and educate the next generation. And I’m kind of fine with some people getting money they don’t need to ensure that people who do need the cash get it more quickly with fewer hoops.
Lilau
I see what you’re saying but I’m not annoyed at this. I’ve lost a lot in the past year, but none of it has been monetary. I’m pretty used to the idea of paying taxes for the betterment of society generally, not myself specifically. Like others have said more eloquently, I’d rather the distribution here be overbroad, rather than underbroad. I think a lot of people are a feeling financial crunch even if it’s not a job loss (loss of grandparent childcare, loss of rental income, slow downs in business).
There are other occasions where I’m mildly annoyed that somehow my high- wage earning household gets lumped into the same bucket as the mega rich, but this isn’t one of them. I’m generally much more annoyed with non-graduated means of taxation that disproportionately hurt the poor. With regard to retirees, yes I have *many* issues with how baby boomers seem to have everything a little easier financially than the rest of us, but again this isn’t the example that irks me.
Generally, I think that even without a check this bill benefits me significantly in helping the country generally. It’s going to help fund my local schools and public transit.
It’s going to help me afford insurance if god forbid we do lose our jobs. It’s going to lessen child poverty. If some people who aren’t financially hurting need a little windfall to make it popular in the short term, that seems like a small price to pay.
anon a mouse
Not annoyed at all – we are fortunate to have two secure, high-earning jobs that were unscathed during the pandemic and have been able to help out family members who were struggling. This whole past year is proof that the free market/charity does not actually take care of everyone and government is needed to help out in times of crisis.
Keeping people afloat until the virus is under control is noble, and relatively easy to implement. At least, easier than getting the population maximally vaccinated.
Anonymous
Annoyed because I think it is far too broad (most of it is going to people who don’t need it) and we will be laying for this via taxes for many years to come. Targeted unemployment absolutely, but not just “free money” for all. I’m a Democrat but still fiscally conservative and this this is just a mess of a bill.
Anon
This.
Anon
+1
JustmeintheSouth
+1
Anon
We do not qualify, and I’m not mad about it. I’m happy to pay my bracket of taxes and believe that those who make more should contribute more to the greater good.
That said – it does annoy the crap out of me that the phase-out for deducting student loan interest is so low, and that there is a cap on the childcare credit.
Seventh Sister
I really think upping the childcare credit would help a lot in the whole childcare landscape, both for employers and employees. Also national healthcare would help – a lot of domestic workers are scared of losing health insurance over a certain income threshold.
Airplane
Not getting one. Not annoyed. Hope people will use it not save or invest it which defeats the purpose. I also wish it was going to unemployment instead and cut out retirees.
Anon
Not getting one, would think it was a mistake if I were eligible. Household income has not suffered during the pandemic. I am fortunate;i know it and do not begrudge those who are getting the stimmy.
AnonMPH
Absolutely not annoyed! I got most of the first stimulus check because in 2019 I was not yet married and my AIG put me under the threshold with my retirement contributions. I felt pretty icky about it given that I also got a raise last April- so clearly not the target group.
Now, if you ask if I’m a little jealous of the idea of having a random $1400 in my bank account? Sure. But if it were to come along with a lack of job security during this long horrible year? Less disposable income because my salary were significantly lower? No thanks, I’m not really jealous.
This sort of feels like how I’m feeling right now about vaccinations. We’re getting to the point that a TON of people I know who are also in their early-mid 30s are getting vaccinated, and I’m getting pretty jealous that I’m at the end of the list. But again, even if their qualifications are based on criteria for pre-existing conditions that are very broad, they have conditions that have made the year more stressful for them than it has been for me. So sure, I can be a little personally jealous, and still feel that it’s completely and utterly correct for me to be at the end of the line.
Anon
Not bothered at all. We got the first stimulus payment and donated it. Didn’t qualify for the second and didn’t qualify for this latest one. I’m fine with it. Had we been eligible this round, we would have just donated it again. Our HHI is higher than it was this time last year.
Anon
No, I am very thankful that I am in a position that I don’t qualify for it.
Seventh Sister
I wish I was getting a check, but I’m not annoyed that other people are getting a check. I would have directly stimulated the economy by buying some landscaping stuff, but we’re doing fine and I’ll probably buy the rocks I want within six months, not this month.
To be frank, I wish Democrats would try a little harder to get rid of some of these cutoffs for people who are high-income but not millionaires or billionaires.
Anon
Randomly, I had a Laura Ashley flashback this morning (as I put on my athleisure for the millionth time). I never had any — too expensive and not sold at my Sears and JCPenney-anchored mall. I did have a knockoff (likely from one of those two stores) lilac and white two-kinds of floral fabric skirt and quilted jacket outfit with puff sleeves. I wore it with a white blouse and (probably) white hose (and a slip!) and white strappy sandals for a violin concert with I was a kid. I felt totally grown-up! I had two ponytails that I curled the ends of with sponge rollers.
As a grownup, I am almost shocked at how little thought/effort I’ve put into my appearance lately now that I’m at home. And yet, it’s all dress for your audience (so when you don’t have one, I guess you get a pass).
Anonymous
I remember feeling terribly sophisticated in my”suit” consisting of pastel jacket with floral collar and coordinating floral skirt, off-white hose, and cream-and-tan spectator pumps at recitals and competitions when I was in high school. Ah, the 1990s.
Senior Attorney
Off-white hose FTW!!
Seventh Sister
I was watching Metropolitan this weekend and OMG, Audrey’s bedroom. The fireplace, the striped LA pink bedspread, the ultimate.
Senior Attorney
PSA: in these trying times you can’t go to the bank (my bank, anyway) and just walk in and do business with a banker. You need an appointment. And no same-day appointments.
Argh.
Anon
For the first time in my life I have a personal banker (a dude I met at the branch in the Before Times who agreed to be my personal banker) and since the pandemic started he gave me his personal cell number. I appreciate that so much.
Senior Attorney
I’m super jelly right now…
Anonymous
I can’t fathom needing to walk into a bank.
Anon
I had to do it to sign some papers in person. It wasn’t so bad, because as SA mentioned they’re only taking appointments now anyway. I could have filled out the papers at home but they needed to be notarized, which would have involved a trip to see a notary (which we had to do for some of my husband’s paperwork, and that was a much riskier-seeming environment than a bank) so it just made more sense to do it at the bank in person.
It was related to setting up a new segregated account for my sole proprietorship, which is my quarantine baby.
Hollis
Almost all 50 states have changed their laws to permit electronic notaries. Notarize.com, DocuSign, and your local e-notaries can all notarize your doc from their own homes after they use their software (similar to facetime) to look at your ID and watch you sign your document. Regular notaries and even mobile notaries are going to be a thing of the past.
Anonymous
Not all banks will accept e-notarization. Even if they’re supposed to, that doesn’t mean they will.
Signed, still mad that we paid for e-notarization and then had to expose ourselves to COVID to get the document notarized in person because the bank wouldn’t accept it
Anon
This is so helpful! Thank you. Looking into notarize dot com and Docusign right now…
Senior Attorney
Have to add my husband to my accounts (won’t let us do it online) and, relatedly, deposit a giant re-fi check (which couldn’t be done electronically because Reasons). I couldn’t fathom it, either, if it weren’t happening to me.
Senior Attorney
I think that was ungrammatical. Let me try again. I wouldn’t be able to fathom it either, if it weren’t happening to me.
Anon
My bank was like this pre-Covid. I actually like it because it means you don’t have to wait if you go at your designated appointment time. I don’t like waiting.
Anon
For those of you with crown molding (and maybe other bits of trim around cabinets), do you periodically recaulk it? I don’t think that painting will work with some small gaps, but it’s a caulking task (and white caulk, not the shiny clear kind).
Is there a homeowner 101 on this? I grew up in a tract home with no trim at all and am in an older house now where what I guess had been gussied up for its sale is now showing a bit of wear / seasonal setting / or something. I bet if I hadn’t been home for a d*mn year I may never have noticed.
Anon
It has never occurred to me to caulk the molding in my very old house. Most of it is dark wood so I can’t imagine that not looking bad anyway.
Hollis
Geez, at first I thought you were asking about people who have crowns on their teeth and my answer was going to be “no, I don’t recaulk that sucker.” But, I also have a ton of crown moldings in my home and I never recaulk or even look at it that much. I barely have time to recaulk missing pieces of caulk or grout for my bathroom sinks and in-shower tiles, so I sure as heck am not going to spent a minute doing something that’s purely cosmetic.
Anon
I read it this way too.
Anon
It’s not weird to need to recaulk – if they used low quality caulk or you have a lot of heat/humidity changes in your house then it can crack. We got a wood burner this year and had some crown molding caulk crack, which is to be expected because it’s a lot of dry heat. I would think it’s weird to need to recualk it every year, though.
Anonymous
I always caulk the trim with paintable latex caulk before I paint, whether it appears to need it or not. Painting is the best opportunity to do it. Make sure you are using the right type of caulk.
Nesprin
Yes, you need painter’s caulk- look for “paintable within 1 hour” type notes and “interior use”. Highly recommend getting the tool for spreading caulk and a ton of rags, and plan to tape off the molding if it’s not painted
Anonymous
If your crown molding is painted, the solution that will give the best “finished looking” result is to use paintable caulk first & then paint. Caulk alone probably won’t look right since it wont be an exact match for color (even if “white”). I consider this to be in the same category as patching and filling nail holes before painting a wall.
Shouldn’t need re-caulking unless the caulk shrinks/gaps or otherwise starts to fial.
anonshmanon
I don’t know how to handle as an owner, but I used to live in a rental with crown molding, and they did a rush job and those gaps are definitely annoying.
Anon
White ceiling + white moulding means that every crack is noticeable. I think that wood shrinks at a different rate than drywall/plaster, so I think there may always be gaps. I’ve seen some trim pull at drywall also, which looks awful. I think that nothing holds up well now. Everything requires maintenance. Houses are exhausting.
Anon
It’s pretty easy, you buy a tube of caulk and squeeze it on, maybe dipping your finger in water and running it over the line to smooth it out.
anon a mouse
We have extensive crown molding and it always looks worst Jan-March, when there’s been lower humidity for months and the temperatures are cooler. There are small gaps all over. By May and June when it’s warmer, the gaps disappear. So it might be worth waiting a full year to watch patterns – you don’t want to caulk and then when it’s warm the caulk will bulge as the molding swells.
A.
I’m a relatively new Peloton user/rider (mostly rider) and would love some advice. My goal is to enjoy working out (check!) and get healthier…so, a combination of being in better cardio shape but also adding muscle. Is there some sort of guide for how to do this with the Peloton? So far I’ve just been selecting random workouts, which is fun but I’m not sure how it’s going to help me achieve my goals.
BB
Someone on here recommended Powerzone training and it has totally changed my life (okay, fine, just workout routine). They are rides targeted to your current level of fitness and increasing that level bit by bit. You need to do a 10 minute FTP ride warm up + 20 minute FTP test ride to set your zones and then they show up on your screen during workouts. I also find them super useful during regular rides – like oh, I should totally be able to turn this up to the top of the range because I’m only in my Zone 2.
Anon
Try Peloton Hardcore on the Floor FB group – they publish a monthly calendar that is awesome
Z
I use the Peloton app but use a different low-tech bike. Peloton has “programs” basically lists of classes for a specific goal (gaining strength, running a marathon, getting better at cycling etc) that might work really well for you here. It tells you what classes to take that week and when to take rest days. That might work well for you if you are looking for a structured program. Otherwise, just doing a variety of workouts throughout the week will definitely get you more in shape over time.
Anonymous
Is your goal to gain strength or actually add muscle? Be aware that adding muscle is, for most of us, a difficult process that requires both weight-bearing exercise and dietary contributions.
"Life Is Pain Anyone Who Says Otherwise Is Trying To Sell You Something"
Anyone else get frustrated feeling like every time you try to go down the self improvement path there’s just someone waiting at the end of it wanting you to give them your money? I know I’m not my best version of myself but I am so skeptical of anyone telling me “You can have the life you want! You can be the best person possible!” when so much of it is either a. a feel-good, no personal responsibility, leave it up to the universe type program (which seems like it’s supposed to make me feel more comfortable with a crappy situation as opposed to empowered to change it) b. toxic positivity c. instructions that look good on the surface that are really just meant to get people into feedback loops so they never stop buying their product (looking at you, diet magazines with crash diets that make people give up, binge, and gain more weight). And this isn’t helped at all in the digital age. You put in a google search, something like, “how to get better thighs,” and great, now every social media app on my phone now knows this is an insecurity I have that they can try to exploit and I’ve got weird compression shorts from Wish showing up in my feed.
It just makes me so frustrated because I know that in theory, people can improve and be better versions of themselves. I never think I have all the answers and I’m sure there are people out there with good information to share. But you have to spend so much time sorting the wheat from the chaff that there’s almost no point.
Anyone else get this feeling?
CountC
Maybe we could offer some resources if you let us know what area of self-improvement you are interested in? I have great luck with books, but I also went in with very targeted areas of improvement and know the type of author/advise that works for me. I also bounce resource ideas off my therapist sometimes. I see her on an as needed basis (couple times a year), so a text is easy peasy. I also generally buy books used, so the $5 I spend on the book doesn’t make a huge dent in my budget if I hate it.
anonshmanon
One the one hand, yes, anyone who promises you the stars and the moon is dodgy. On the other hand, there are more realistic (read: involving hard work, long term) paths to self improvement and no shortage of advice on those. If it’s an easy fix, it’s probably fake. Even if you get the ‘better’ thighs with a 20-day juice fast, you won’t keep the thighs if you go back to your old diet/exercise habits. On the third hand, some self improvement can be achieved for cheap with investment of time and energy, and you can make it easier in exchange for money.
Age difference in dating
I’d appreciate some wisdom from the hive. I feel like I’m too biased to see straight. I’m 32 and fell in love with an incredible man that is 56. I don’t want children of my own and I adore his daughters. Gardening is excellent – zero complaints. We both are financially independent. We’ve been dating about 6 months. I would like to eventually settle down and get married to the right guy. Do you think this age difference makes continuing our relationship a bad idea?
Anonymous
How old are his daughters
OP
Great question – 17 and 14. Thank you.
Anon
You’re significantly closer in age to his kids than to him, and he didn’t have his kids young by any means. Yiiiikes.
Anon
It’s really hard to give advice because it’s so fact specific. I would caution that I have a friend who went down a similar path, and they are now in their mid-40s and they are seeing significant challenges with their partner who is 20+ years older. Their partner has health and mobility issues and things usually don’t get better with age, they get worse. Plus, they are still working, and their partner is retiring and in a different phase. But she loves him. I don’t think she would change her mind, but it’s something to think about
OP
That’s a good data point. Thank you for taking the time to share. I wish I could just know what Future Me would want Current Me to do! :)
Anon
+1 think about whether you want to be an informal caretaker (or in a worse situation) when you are in your 60s and still want to do sports, travel, and go out at night.
Anonymous
Or very possibly in your 50s.
amberwitch
I am in that exact situation – a 20+ year gap, a spouse close to pension age with mobility issues. And granchildren!
I love my spouse and wouldn’t change my life, but it does have long term implications to be in a relationship with such a large age gap.
Anonymous
Aging issues are likely to be your biggest issues. Is he active now? Chances are you will be a young widow but if you are already an independent person that shouldn’t be a huge adjustment. My FIL was 13 years older than MIL and she was in total shock to be widowed at 50. It was like she never contemplated that because he was older and she was a woman (women generally live longer), that it was pretty likely that he would pass first.
DH’s previous boss got out of a horrible marriage in her late forties and met a great guy who was widowed at 60. He’s super active (think back country ski vacations) at 68 so it seems to be working for them. Activity level, lifestyle and retirement plans would be key considerations for me in dating someone 50+. My parents BFFs were teachers who retired mid 50s and travelled a ton, that would be hard with a partner who had not a lot of vacation time.
Senior Attorney
Being a young widow is the best-case scenario. Being a long-term caretaker is more likely and more scary.
Anon
Jinx SA! I just said the same thing below. It sounds crass but him dying long before her is kind of a best case scenario.
anon
I had a similar age difference in a LTR, similar approach – neither of us wanted children. If he had been closer to my age I think I would have married him – but ultimately the age difference did have knock on effects on our relationship. The romance and connection was there, the functionality was challenged. Like other posters I did have concerns about future compatibility because of the aging process, even though looking at his parents they seemed hale into their 80s. But I couldn’t imagine being 49 and my partner being 72. It seems a bit like an arch – huge age differences matter on the early side of life and the late side of life, not so much in mid-life.
Anon
“huge age differences matter on the early side of life and the late side of life, not so much in mid-life.”
This. You’re in the sweet spot now OP, but it won’t be this way for long. Even 10 years from now, I think you’ll find your lives diverging more, if he’s ready to retire and you’re not.
Anon
If you’re both financially independent (so there will be minimal conflicts about someone wanting to be retired and have a companion in retirement, while the other partner wants to keep working), and you are really sure you don’t want kids, it has a decent chance of working out, in my estimation. I used to look at 20+ year age gaps and think, well, what if the older person gets sick, but then I saw many of my own age contemporaries (I’m mid-40s) get sick while my parents (who are in their 70s) and their friends keep kicking along like they’re 20 years younger. If he’s in good health now, with good health habits, he likely has a long time left to live. Not as long as you, but since none of us know when the end is coming for us, it’s hard to make decisions based on speculative calculations of what might happen in the future. Because if the last year has shown us anything at all, anything can and will happen, usually when we least expect it.
It is a bald fact that you are very likely to outlive him, maybe by decades, but you are the only one who can decide how much that matters to you. I read one of Lauren Bacall’s books not too long ago – she was many years younger than Humphrey Bogart when they got married – and her descriptions of their 12 years together were very heartwarming and, I dare say, romantic. She had a lot more happiness in her 12 years with him, before he got sick and died of throat cancer, than some people have in decades of marriage. Anything we do in life is a risk. If you love him (and it’s not still the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship), and he makes you happy, and you can accept that you’ll be together for a good time, but not necessarily your lifetime, I say go for it. None of us are guaranteed a lifetime with our partners when we marry them regardless of our ages when we get married, anyway.
Anon
I don’t think him dying before her is the real risk, I think it’s him needing her caregiving for decades. My grandmother developed Alzheimer’s in her mid-80s and lived to be almost 100. It was awful on my mom and you get much more of a break when it’s your parent rather than your spouse. OP will barely be 60 when he hits his mid-80s and I can’t imagine choosing to spend my 60s and 70s taking care of a spouse that way (and yes, I know some people get Alzheimer’s or other serious long term illnesses before 80, but it’s much less common).
Anon
Not everyone needs “caregiving for decades.”If we’re trading anecdata, none of my four grandparents ever went into long-term care. Two dropped dead after being pretty healthy their whole lives (heart attack; stroke); one got sick but only needed care for about three months (and we got in-home caregivers to help support family members who were giving care), and the last electively went into inpatient hospice at the end of her long life for about a month before she passed on. I think a lot of people here immediately jump to the worst-case scenario in all situations. I’ve known far more people who died young than people who needed decades of long-term care. P.S., if OP and her partner are both financially independent, it’s likely they will be able to hire in-home help when the time comes; it likely won’t all be on her shoulders. And as far as choices go: I would rather spend my 60s and 70s caring for my older spouse than get to my 60s and 70s lamenting that I had passed up an opportunity to be with someone I really loved, who loved me back, for whatever amount of “good time” we could have had together. I’ve met several older people who have sad stories about “the one who got away,” for whatever reason, and they don’t seem happier just because they’re unburdened with spouse caregiving.
Anon
This. Many on this list think they will also be old in their 60s, but trust me, it doesn’t feel that way when you get there. The gap between 60 and mid-80s is immense.
good luck
+1
I have been a caregiver to an frail parent for almost 15 years with no end in sight. I would never consider a relationship as the OP is considering for marriage. The thought of having to relieve this with a spouse is utterly terrifying. Just…. never. And with the age gap the likelihood is significant. I would prefer never marrying to that.
You need to have LOTS of conversations about life plans, his plans for retirement, your plans for working/career development, the kids needs etc… . If he wants you to retire early to have some healthy years together to enjoy, is he wealthy enough to support you, him, his daughters, until the end of your life? Because obviously you would need to retire very early, sacrificing your highest earning power years. And you could live an extremely long time…. without your husband, and without enough money.
Anon
If you were my close friend I would point out that you’re likely to spend a good chunk of your years together being his caretaker. That’s just reality. Gardening won’t be amazing forever.
Also to make sure you are 100% certain you won’t ever want children. Because that’s a dealbreaker with this kind of age gap. You don’t want to do that to a child.
Anon
PS I’m 56 myself so I’m not saying he’s ancient how. Just ancient compared to you. To be honest, I can’t imagine being interested in a 32 year old guy at all. That kind of turns my stomach.
Anon
Big +1 to all of the following: you have to be 100% certain you don’t want kids, gardening won’t be amazing forever, you will spend a very large chunk of your life taking care of him (unless he dies suddenly), and it turns my stomach to think of dating someone 24 years younger.
Anon
It would be a dealbreaker for me. You’re roughly in the same stage of life right now, since you don’t want kids. But when you’re in your 40s and 50s and presumably still grinding away at your career, he will be retired. And when you’re in your hopefully active early retirement years, he’ll likely be in a nursing home or at the very least unlikely to be physically and mentally fit for much travel and going out. When you’re 65 he’ll be 89, if I’m doing the math correctly! I’ve never met an 89 year old that is healthy and active enough for the kind of travel and adventuring I hope to do in my 60s and 70s and personally can’t imagine sacrificing my golden years taking care of a person who’s likely to be infirm. Eldercare for parents is challenging enough, I can’t imagine planning to do it for a much older spouse.
Also to be honest I just find a 24 year age gap icky. You’re young enough to be his child if he’d had kids on a very normal timeline (i.e., not a teenage parent). A 10-15 year age gap can be challenging for the reasons mentioned in my first paragraph, but I don’t think there’s anything weird about it. But I kind of feel like men who date 25 years younger have some issues.
Senior Attorney
Yes, I do. It’s as good now as it’s going to get — you are both within spitting distance of midlife (you on the very young side and him on the older side) so the age difference is less apparent than it’s ever going to be. But what about when you’re 50 (prime of life) and he’s 74? What about when you’re 60 (close to the age he is now) and he’s 84? My next door neighbor is about 70 and her husband is in his 90s so they are both basically housebound — how about that?
My first husband was 17 years older than I and he’s going to be 80 this year. At the time (we were married when I was in my mid-20s and he was in his mid-40s) the age difference seemed romantic, but you better believe I’m happy not to be his nursemaid now.
And my current husband is a mere 11 years older than I, but I’ll probably be retiring earlier than I otherwise would because I want us to have some great retirement time together instead of waiting until he’s in his 80s and who knows what shape he’ll be in?
And also, yes. There is an ick factor with the he’s-old-enough-to-be-your-father thing.
Lilau
Agree to this. Watching my 60 year old mother in law struggle with care taking of her bitter 80 year old husband is really sad. She’s young enough to be living a much more interesting and vibrant life, but she’s stuck in a caretaker role for the foreseeable future. My parents are the same age as my mother in law and their lives are so much happier and richer even in the midst of everything that’s happened in the last year. You can’t help who you love, but this is a very real and big downside.
Anon
Yup. I worry about the retirement age/caretaking thing with my BF who is “only” 8 years older (we’re 36 and 44, both divorced with kids and done having kids). From seeing family and friends age, there’s a very big difference between 70 and 78 for most people and I wish that we would have more overlap in that sweet spot of being financially secure, retired and still active. I can’t fathom being with someone two decades older no matter how wonderful he was.
Anonymous
As a thought experiment, where do you see yourself in 10 years? You will be 42 and he will be 66. Will you be OK if he retires? DH’s parents have 12 years between them and FIL retired at 55 (corporate buyout). MIL worked for 17 years after FIL retired and it was really hard on them. By the time MIL retired (and she retired young, at 60), she was ready to do Active People Things, and FIL (now age 72) was slowing down and already sorta bored with retirement, having been retired for 17 years. They had a couple years of being active together before FIL really started slowing down at 78.
And that’s a 12 year difference with early retirement. If you work until you are 55, your SO will be nearly 80.
shananana
So, been there, and one of the things that I realized was, he’s going to be ready to retire at the same time my career is hitting my peak. And the blunt truth was, this wasn’t a millionaire where that would be fine cause I could then retire early too. Having watched a few other friends in similar situations, in addition to the caretaker concern, is it going to be hard being at different career stages when they are ready to ramp down and you can’t?
TheElms
Are you financially independent “enough” that when he wants to retire in 10 years, you could too? If not, what will your life look like when he is retired and you plan to be working for another 20 years (assuming a retirement age around 65 ish years)?
Anonymous
Eyes. Are you financially independent from each other/your parents, etc., or are you independently wealthy? Those are different and it isn’t clear which you meant.
Anonymous
No one can predict the future. You could marry somehow your own age who gets into a brutal car accident and needs your care for life. You could marry your boyfriend and he could be healthy as a horse until age 90. You’re in love with him, you said he’s an incredible man, he’s not a financial liability to you, and you love his family and don’t want kids of your own. I say talk about the kind of future you want with him and then if his vision aligns with yours, GO FOR IT! Don’t let age or fear of worst-case scenarios stop you.
Anon
Sure, no one can predict the future but statistics tell us something about the likelihood of future outcome and it’s vastly more likely you will end up as a longterm caregiver of a spouse at a young age if you marry someone more than two decades older.
Anon
The fact that he’s going to need care while she’s still relatively young is not a worst case scenario. It’s the most likely scenario.
Anon
Agree with this completely. My FIL is about the same age difference from my MIL and they’ve had a fabulous life together. He’s still super active and they travel and are the most fun couple I know. I love hanging out with them and probably in large part because of how youthful she makes him.
Anon
Can you imagine being a caretaker to your husband and your parents simultaneously for perhaps two decades (assuming all live long lives)?
Anon
This. I’m early 40s and many friends my age are now in the “sandwich” stage of life – taking care of elderly parents and young kids at the same time. I guess you won’t have the kids, but elderly husband + elderly parents at the same time will still be a lot.
a different vent on taxes
We’re not getting the stimulus and we’re not annoyed about that at all. What we ARE annoyed at is paying a ton of taxes and then watching our right-wing family complain that they are receiving the stimulus check, insisting that we shouldn’t raise the minimum wage, insisting that it’s great that Texas is not on the federal power grid and therefore not subject to regulations, etc.. Basically, they’ve bought in to the whole pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps thing, but they don’t understand that wages have not kept up with productivity, inflation on college education is absurd, and that health insurance costs in this country are ridiculous in large part because we’re so litigious and the overhead to administer our terrible system. So sure, you don’t want your check because you’re too proud. Fine. But complaining about struggling to pay your mortgage, terrified of losing your job, worried about retirement, etc. and also voting for policies that directly hurt your ability to do those things? That’s annoying.
Anon
No advice, but commiseration. We have similar feelings about some of the younger members of our family who sure do love the “socialism” that is delivering the stimulus check, but still post rants on Facebook against raising the minimum wage and adopting Medicare for All.
Anon
Ask them if they’re planning to give the government the money back. No one is forcing them to take it!
anon
I take it the family in question don’t actually live in Texas? As a Texan who lived through hell week in February, and is now watching our governor do everything he can think of to avoid fixing the grid, I can assure them it’s NOT great that the Texas grid is unregulated. Texans froze to death that week, and those deaths were entirely avoidable. I’ll stop ranting.
Your relatives sound horrible for all the reasons you listed. Even if they are ‘nice people’ most of the time. I hope you can find ways to avoid listening to their mewling.
a different vent on taxes
Nope, they live in Texas, and literally don’t see the contrarian views of voting/agreeing to keep TX off the federal grid but also not forcing consumers to pay the absurd bills that arose because providers weren’t regulated. One particularly crazy relative is sharing conspiracy theories that say the situation in TX was 100% Biden’s fault. So yeah, they range from ill-informed to straight crazy. They also vote/argue against the myriad ways we can reduce ab0rti0n, but are single-issue voters to place conservative SCOTUS justices. We try really hard not to engage on politics or the economy…
Sloan Sabbith
To the seattle poster from the morning thread- I posted a suggestion for finding lower price apartments!
If you have any specific questions about anything related to seattle living, please feel free to email me! Sloansabbithette @ g mail