This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
This is really pretty, and it has been marked down, but it is still way too expensive for me!
Or Richard (…you know the nickname–don’t want to get stuck in moderation) Tracey.
But I do sorta love it.
I don’t like this – it looks too prison-garby for me.
Are the Balenciaga shoulders from a few seasons ago trickling down to other designers now? These shoulders look a bit pointy…
This is one that I’m glad I cannot afford.
Threadjack – Has anyone ever gone to the Bastille Day festival at the Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia? Is it something worth going to? Would it be a good excuse to go back to Philly to eat at the Farmer’s Cabinet?
(I’m in DC so it’s a fairly easy trip)
I haven’t done it but it sounds like so much fun!! I say go for it.
I did visit Eastern State recently (doing the self-guided audio tour) and I found it much more interesting than I expected! Philly is such a fun city to visit for a weekend.
My college had an online annonymous confessions board associated with it. People would gossip about other people and it was very nasty. When I was in undergrad, people would discuss the way I looked (mostly my breasts). I never thought much of it as it didn’t show up in google searches and I never got involved in whatever the discussion was. I graduated, moved on, and completely forgot about it.
Fast forward a few years later, and I’m going to finish graduate school soon and look for a job. Now, however, due to some changes in the site ownership, when you google my name, the FIRST THING that comes up is these jerks from undergrad years ago debating whether I’m hot or fug. It’s above my linked in page. I have a very unique name so it’s obviously me. I’m very concerned that a potential employer will google my name, see this stuff, and be very put off by it, costing me a job. How do you think this will be looked at? How should I deal with this?
ugh, i’m sorry.
the only thing i’ve heard is that the best way to deal with digital dirt is to smother it with positive links, so that the nasty reference comes up on the 2nd or 3rd page of results. that basically means creating a lot of other links to your name or strengthening the ones that already exist. you need to find an SEO expert or do some researching on it (assuming you can’t get a hold of the original jerks who run the site).
sorry about that.
That sounds a smart thing to so, and something doable, at any rate~!
That’s terrible. I agree about creating more of an online presence so that this stuff is minimized. Register with your real name on various sites and comment on whatever you can comment on thoughtfully, etc.
BUT — I would also try to contact the site administrator for the gossip site to see if you can either have the info removed or the settings reset.
Last, if you didn’t participate in this and it’s from a no. of years ago, embarrassing as it is, I don’t think many employers would hold it against you. We have all gone to high school/college and I would trust people to remember just how malicious and insane that experience can be.
This sounds like just the type of situation Reputation Defender (now reputation.com) is intended to help with. I don’t have any firsthand experience with it, but it might be worth contacting them and seeing how much their service costs, what they can guarantee you, etc. I believe they typically get in touch with the site operator/administrator and threaten legal action (as opposed to flooding search results with other sites about you).
Oh my gosh. That’s horrible. I agree with the poster saying you should contact the site administrator and see if they’ll remove it. Keep us posted on whether you figure something out.
Do you remember the Autoadmit.com scandal a few years ago? The girls who were involved hired a company called Reputation Defenders to help get their personal info and slanderous comments scrubbed from the message boards. You might look into something like that.
Honestly though – your potential employers will probably see that stuff, but it makes the people who said it look bad, not you. I don’t think it would cost you a job, but it might be embarrassing for you to know your boss has read those comments.
This happened to me too. A few of the guys at my freshman dorm were bragging on-line because they all wanted me and I chose only one of them to be my b/f the first semester. I think there is a web service that you can use to cleanse your name. It is like Lifelock.com, but has another name. I am sure one ofthe other corporettes’ can tell you the name. My dad used it and now there is no web tracks describing what I supposedly did in the dorm (which was untrue anyway).
Anon for this...
I am going to disagree with some of the other ladies here; thus the anon. I do think it might affect you negatively. While it shouldn’t affect you, it might affect the way you are perceived. Some might think that there is something behind the comments (i.e. she got around, got drunk a lot…). There is also the chance that the person reading your resume is a sleezeball and will bring you in just to stare at your breasts. I know we’d like to think that we’re all adults and above that kind of stuff, but the sad reality is that there are creeps everywhere (even in the professional world).
I knew some of the AutoAdmit victims and I believe they filed a lawsuit–not sure if it was successful but look around online for it for ideas. I’d contact the site first, then Reputation Defenders, then maybe get a lawyer if it really bothers you.
So messed up–sorry you have to deal with this.
hm, not for me either.
Another threadjack – am going broke with all the gift giving that summer entails!! (weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, housewarmings, etc). Just want to vent and share my latest strategem which is to buy good stuff at discount at Homegoods-type places and then wrap them up super-nice. Any one else have clever ideas?
I sympathize. Am in the same boat and it is definitely hurting my wallet.
If you are giving people something off their registries, my only advice is to google promo codes and look for sale weekends. For instance, Bloomingdales has frequent home sales with special promotions and a lot of the folks I know getting married are registered there. I will try to get a gift around the time of the sale if it’s close enough to the wedding. Of course, so many people return things for cash now that I still spend close to the amount I would have otherwise, but if I can get something nicer than I otherwise would or earn some reward points for myself or even just get free shipping, I am still happy.
Where there is no registry (housewarming, etc.), I think it’s much easier. The internet can be your friend. Love the homegoods idea, but would also check out overstock dot com, or even etsy, which have some unique and inexpensive gifts.
I also recommend stocking up on gifts when there are great items on sale. You can figure out who to give them to later. Summer clearances are a great time to do this.
I sympathise! Adding together the cost of hen weekends, hotels at wedding, outfits, gifts… ouch indeed!
And I do not buy into the ‘yes, but the bride and groom are paying a lot more than that for their wedding’ argument. This is a choice. You don’t have to spend that much. I, on the other hand, provided I attend, have no choice about the location of said wedding/hen weekend and how much it costs to go there. Sure, I could choose not to attend, but that’s a whole different issue altogether!
Hen WEEKENDS? Yikes. I love a good bachelorette party (and am hosting one for a good friend in a few weeks), but I’d resent the hell out of the bride who asked me to take a weekend trip just to celebrate her.
Ugh. For some reason this seems to be the trend of late. I have had to tell a couple friends that I just can afford plane tickets, condos etc to vacation spots for bachlorette weekends. I’m very happy you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but why does that have to cost me so much money?
can = can’t.
You may not know this, but etiquette allows you up to a year after the wedding to give a gift. You don’t have to buy it before the wedding if you’re feeling pinched with multiple gift-giving events – wait a few months to buy the wedding gifts once you’ve saved up again.
I shop a lot of the Gilt/Rue La La/Ideeli wedding sales and stock up on presents in advance. But sometimes the deals aren’t as good as they advertise (when you factor in shipping costs and delays) so you have to do some fast googling and calculating!
I’ve heard this rule before, but also heard complaining about those who follow it. Just keep in mind that it’s not a conventional which is universally accepted.
For more informal celebrations, like housewarmings, I tend to find some fun things at Ross or T.J. Maxx, like fancy glass bottlestoppers or wine charms to give with a bottle. On the flip side, anyone have advice about sparing others of this problem? My fiance and I have a small apartment, and I worry about a deluge of gifts that will probably wend their way to Goodwill. For example, my maid of honor’s mom has offered to host a bridal shower – should invitations say “no gifts needed – your presence is enough!” or is there a better way?
found a peanut
Either register somewhere with a great return policy (Bloomingdales comes to mind) or have your family members spread the word that cash would be preferred.
Regifting is also an option.
You can’t have a shower without gifts (too much of a mixed message since a “shower” is literally that — showering you with gifts). There’s no reason not to have a bridal lunch or tea and put “no gifts” on the invite if you’d like to celebrate without presents. If people bring gifts — and several will–thank the giver, put the gift away unopened out of sight of the other guests and open after the party (and send a thank you note!).
I should clarify: by “no reason” I mean “no reason that should stop you.” Technically, putting no gifts on an invitation is an etiquette breach b/c it implies that you were expecting gifts and gift giving is always optional. In a circumstance where someone is hosting a party that might otherwise be interpreted as a shower (and cause confusion for guests), I think it’s fine to request “no gifts.”
Perfect – that sounds like a great alternative.
I put “your presence is gift enough” on the wedding invitations and did not have a shower – just a brunch with ladies. Most people did not give gifts, a few gave cash, and the few gifts I got were easy to deal with.
A friend had a shower where guests were asked to bring either their favorite book as a gift or a book they know the bride would like. Perhaps this could work for you or something that is unique to you or that you could use – beautiful stationary, unusual wine glasses for a funky, mismatched set, for example. Otherwise, I think saying “your presence is your gift (or present) to us!” is lovely.
Aha! This (the favourite book, etc. concept) is such a great idea! When I get married (sometime in the distant future) I am going to casually bring this idea to my bridesmaids’ attention… :-) (Of course I need more *stuff* like I need a hole in the head and really, I’d rather just have a get-together with all my bestest friends, but Cannot.Resist.Books.)
Ask specifically for donations to selected charities. If it’s good enough for the future King and Queen of England…why not? (grin)
I have noticed several brands that show up on wedding registries for sale on Gilt/RueLaLa/ideeli etc. If you have friends that have registered for things super early, you can always stalk those sites in the months before the wedding to see if what they’ve registered for pops up on sale. As for non-registry events (baby showers, housewarmings), I’m a fan of Marshall’s/TJ Maxx.
thanks ladies for all the great ideas! related/followup question is whether one needs to follow a registry if there is one? i’ve always bought from the registry, on the philosophy that you may as well give the recipient what they want, but certainly going “off” registry would make things a lot easier. I have some GFs who get annoyed by that, and others who are annoyed by their annoyance …
I know some friends also find registry items at non-registry places (e.g. finding a Macy’s item for cheaper at TJMaxx) and then call Macy’s to get it crossed off the registry. which is smart but a lot of work, IMO …
Unless I’m extremely close with someone and know they want or would love a gift that wasn’t on the registry, I buy off the registry. I’ve also been known to do a quick google search for a registry item and buy it cheaper elsewhere if that’s an option (and then have it removed by calling the store or mother of the bride or someone else who sent around the registry) – unless I know the couple registered for random stuff at a store they generally like intending to return most of it (I’ve heard of this quite a lot, actually). That said, “any” gift should be appreciated so one “need” not follow the registry, but I do think it’s generally a good thing to do.
For a cousin with a panini press on her registry, I found a higher end one for about the same price elsewhere (plus free shipping) and asked her mom if I thought they’d mind. Got the green light and she dealt with getting the other one removed so no one else bought it.
S.O. and I were having a debate about this last night – is it ever appropriate to “deduct” the amount that you are going to spend on travel and lodging for a wedding from the value of the wedding gift? We have two weddings back to back this summer. For one, we have to spend about $500 on travel and lodging. The other is in our city and we don’t have to spend anything on travel and lodging. Can we give a smaller gift for Wedding 1 than for Wedding 2?
(As background, he is a groomsmen in Wedding 1 and I am a bridesmaid in Wedding 2, and all the people involved are close friends. My POV was that we had to give equal gifts at each wedding, but he disagrees.)
I was married two months after finishing college and I had a number of friends for whom even paying for the gas to drive 90 miles to my wedding was a burden. Several of them gave me lovely cards. A few very thoughtful folks took lots and lots of snap shots during the reception and then sent me prints. I still pull out the sweet little album one of my friends made…she caught a few of the moments my prophotog missed due to a camera malfunction. To this day I hate the thought that some of the folks I loved enough to invite to the wedding might have felt like they had to tighten their belts to be there. Do not go out of your comfort zone in order to be one of the heaps of gifts they will receive. Your presence truly is present enough.
I have a question for everyone- I just started my articles, and I’ve really been stressing over what to wear, how to do my hair, etc. My question is whether clothing choices are ever a dealbreaker for a firm? If I’m too formal, is that frowned upon? I want to be certain that the quality of work is most important. I don’t want to be not hired back because of the earrings I wore. Does it ever happen that a firm will say ‘her work is quality, and she’s personable, but we cannot have her lack of style in our firm’?
And thanks to everyone that said no credentials on my business card. One of the other students pushed to have JD on his, and it seemed so silly when I saw it. Mine are nice and simple, ans sleek. :)
I think a professional appearance is important, but not “style.” It can be extremely simple – e.g., suit with a button down shirt, pencil skirt and blouse, etc. Earrnings shouldn’t be distracting, for instance, but no one’s going to care if your studs are boring (or if you wear no earrings at all). Above all though, do good work – it’s easy to spend some time on this site and then worry about what you’re wearing, but the quality of your work and your interaction with other people are, in my view, more important by a mile.
I think if you are dinged for clothing choices (assuming you are dressed appropriately), you’d be dinged for something. If a place decides to or not to hire you, I would think minor clothing differences wouldn’t matter. Too formal/too stylish/not formal enough, I think it’s all just an excuse/cover for the decision.
On the other hand, do not try wearing turquoise tights with a black floaty top that does not cover your bottom, and no pants, as I saw at the Kennedy Center this weekend. I should not be able to see underwear or crotch panels when out in public. An outfit like this might well affect a hiring decision, and probably not in a good way.
I think style choices only effect you to the extent that you’ve done something inappropriate — consistently wearing far too revealing clothing, being way too casual, etc. I think being significantly more formal than everyone else (e.g. business casual office and you’re the only person who wears a suit every day) could give the perception that you don’t fit in with office culture, but even then I think a lot of employers wouldn’t really care if your work and your relationships with co-workers were good. The fact that you’re even concerned about it suggests to me that you’re not going to have a problem–you have to be really oblivious, or really not care, to get into one of the trouble areas.
No, you will not be dinged for your clothing choices, as long as you do not stand out in a bad way. Seriously, the most important thing during your articling year is your attitude. Be enthusiastic, helpful, and ask thoughtful questions, and that is half the battle done.
My general manager resigned from the company yesterday.
He will be leaving in few weeks.
I much appreciated this person who was one of the VERY few to value my work and praise it in an otherwise very ungrateful organization.
I am devastated and don’t know what to think of it. The GM is leaving… this can’t be good.
I’m so sorry. But I’m sure others value you too, you never know.
SF Bay Associate
Sorry to be dire, but don’t make any decisions in the next few weeks, and be very careful what you say as the company transitions from the GM leaving. The political shakeout could hurt you, especially if you are one of the “very few” associated with him and he offers a very harsh (honest) view of the “very ungrateful organization” in his exit interview. You could be branded guilty by association, so keep your head down, a smile on your face, and your mouth closed. A week or so after your GM leaves, reach out to him for coffee/lunch and get his advice on how you can best succeed at the company in his absence.
I really like the advice about reaching out to him after a little time has passed. He is likely to be much more loose-lipped when strategizing on your behalf once he has gone. And you will have an opportunity to observe the new organization and raise any specific concerns you have.
Do you have any idea why he is leaving? Did he get an offer for a job that’s closer to home or pays a lot more money? There might not be a lot to read into it. As the manager role turns over, you’ll want to do your best work and be at your most professional (like you would at a new job, where you’re trying to make the best impression possible) for some time. Nurture your relationships with those others in the company who you think value your work (even if they don’t explicitly offer praise).
I may have missed this, but I recall you were contemplating looking for a new job. How is that going?
(By the way, and I say this as I would hope a friend would say to me – you seem to panic over unfamiliar situations. I think you’d be a lot happier if you could figure out a way to calmly process change and newness. Maybe it’s just the way your posts read, but they’ve certainly given the impression that you are very quick to view things as crises.)
Ha. I resemble that comment. I’ve been working on a new mantra: Change is not always bad. When I get that in my head, I may try to work my way up to: Change can be good.
E you are right on most of the points.
He is leaving because he got a better option and maybe because his results were not great.
You are also right that I am scared to death of change because I do not feel secure in my job. As I had shared in some earlier posts, I still didn’t get my diploma. This makes me feel vulnerable, replaceable thus scared.
I have managed to go through commencement but have some modifications to submit before I get my diploma.
As long as I do not have this piece of paper, I always feel that any change could mean houda leaving the company. I love my job though I do not get positive reinforcement, I also need the money I make out of it, so the thought of losing everything makes me almost paranoid.
You were looking for a new job already, right? I’d keep looking, quietly of course. If he is leaving on good terms, it shouldn’t affect you much, assuming of course that you get on well with your new boss too. But if he’s leaving on bad terms and you’re perceived as his protegée, you are likely to end up unhappy. Good luck!
Anon for this
Can anyone recommend any good books on fostering healthy communication/fighting fair when in a relationship? Or any good strategies they’ve developed over time for resolving conflict in a rational, healthy way?
My SO & I communicate extremely well most of the time, but struggle when we’re in conflict with each other (which, fortunately, isn’t often). I can be overly sensitive and have a tendency to overreact, causing him to shut down. It’s the one thing about our relationship that we’d both like to fix, but neither one of us are entirely sure how to (old habits die hard). Both of us had a serious conversation last night about how we’d like to fix this before it becomes a pattern, because otherwise, things between us are fantastic. Any insight is greatly appreciated.
I recommend Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It gets you where you need to be.
Hmm. What do you mean by overreact and be sensitive? I used to cry whenever my BF (now DH) said anything critical at all, even if it wasn’t directed at me (eg I am a lawyer, so he would complain about speed limits). He was very sensitive and always thought that I would leave him, since his mom left his dad and the family when he was a kid. Then when I would cry, he would turn into a stone person, withdraw and not speak any more.
We figured out how to get around this by (1) me understanding where he was coming from with his fear of rejection/being left, (2) me growing a thicker skin so I didn’t automatically cry, and (3) him seeing that bottling things up was counterproductive. We also got more in tune with each other and more grown up as we got older. Now if he is about to withdraw, I get out of him whatever is bothering him right away instead of letting him stew/become withdrawn. We also don’t fight about the same things any more…I think a lot of that early conflict came from his fear that I was going to leave him, and corresponding attacks on me, so as that fear has gone away (or he recognizes it when it comes up) our conflict has also gone down a lot.
Anon for this
By overreact, I mean that I have this tendency to assume the worst about him whenever he upsets me or hurts my feelings. I don’t give him the benefit of the doubt, which he really does deserve. Rather, I automatically think that he’s being selfish and is finally showing his true colors, which I think is largely in part due to a rough family situation growing up and poor dating experiences in the past. In reality, he normally had no idea nor intention of upsetting me or it was a miscommunication.
I’m learning that I have a tendency to automatically go the worst case scenario, because, sadly, that’s how I’m used to things playing out. Then he gets upset because I’m already in “worst case” mode and he feels like I’m being dramatic/not giving him a chance, and it just starts this cycle where he doesn’t want to discuss it because now we’re both upset.
He is seriously one of the sweetest, most generous men I’ve ever met, and both of us feel really strongly about each other and want it to work. Other than this, things between us are incredible and we both feel like this relationship has a lot of potential.
I think a lot of my painful past experiences have something to do with how I respond, now that you mention it. I overreact because, in some bizarre way, I’m looking for reassurance that he loves me and isn’t going to leave me.
Aha. I would guess that has something to do with it – my DH was also going to the worst-case scenario every time. Can you see if you can recognize yourself doing that? Have a code word or something? We started using “Hippopotamus” every time he was making a mountain out of a molehill, and eventually he started recognizing the situations in which he would jump to the worst-case visualization.
Cognitive therapy might also help you process your reactions and develop a different script for reacting to things (although I haven’t had direct experience with it, I have heard good things).
Anon for this
Love the code word idea! Thanks – I will suggest that to BF, as I think that could really help. I tend to realize I overreacted like 45 minutes after the fact, but being able to see it in the moment is a little harder for me.
I haven’t ruled out therapy either – thank you for the suggestions!
My husband used to do this (assume the worst about me), when we first dated. I think it was a relic from a crazy ex-girlfriend. You mentioned that about 45 minutes afterwards you can see that you are overreacting. One of the things that has helped us is when we start to get into something, we take a break from each other to let our thoughts gather. For this to work, both people have to be committed to spending that time thinking about where the other person is coming from and not polishing your arguments for why you are Right.
Fighting For Your Marriage and ScreamFree Marriage.
Each has a share of cheesy/ folksy self-help rhetoric (more the 2d than the 1st) but I like that both place the focus on becoming a better partner/listener yourself rather than trying to change the spouse. Especially helpful if each half of the couple reads and takes from them what he/she responds to in particular.
I’ll be interested to see what everyone else has to say about this. For my part, I had to really learn to bite my tongue so I didn’t overreact about, e.g., spilled coffee ONCE AGAIN left on my white countertop that I bleached 5 seconds ago and that you know very well stains if you look at it funny. To him, spilling coffee is a minor offense and not something I should be upset about. To me, it’ a respect issue. Those drops of coffee take hours of bleaching and scrubbing to get the stains out – time that I really don’t have when I’m working 70-80 hour weeks, and that could have been avoided if he had only taken 3 seconds to wipe up the coffee before it stained.
In a situation like that, it’s important to calmly point out the problem when it happens so your SO knows about it, but also take the time to discuss it when you’ve had a chance to cool off. Sometimes once you’ve had time to reflect on things you’ll realize that it was no big deal and you shouldn’t be upset. Other times, you’ll decide it is a big deal and you’ll have collected your thoughts so you can talk to him in a calm and productive manner. Think about what you’ll say and how you’ll explain to him why you were hurt.
Anon for this
Your last paragraph is key for me – thanks! I freak out in the moment but calm down in 20 minutes, but then by the time I’m calm, BF is upset because of my initial reaction, thus creating this lovely viscious cycle. I need to learn to bite my tongue initially, until I can explain myself rationally.
I’ve been a trial lawyer for 36 years, and I’ve learned that life is hard. In my own life, I experienced extreme sexual molestation from ages, 5-12, the suicide of my mother, a schizophrenic sister. I was in the Peace Corps and saw pain and starvation and cruelty and kindness. As a family law specialist and then a criminal defense attorney, I’ve seen families wracked by meth addiction, physical abuse, lack of education, children so neglected they were unresponsive. I just turned down a case where a child was tortured to death.
Coffee stains on the counter? My meager wisdom, as an old woman and a tired trial lawyer, is that life is hard. And much shorter than you think. No one needs to feel disrespected because of coffee drops on a counter.
I think we all need to be flexible, have perspective, keep the big picture in mind, and realize how lucky we are that cleaning issues are actually important. This means you aren’t starving, sick, in pain, alone, poor.
When you are closer to the end of your life, and you sit on the porch in your rocking chair listening to the birds and smelling the salt air, do you really think you will be wishing you’d spent more time at the office, or arguing with your loved one about leaving the lid up on the toilet? . . .all the precious time we waste stressing and anguishing over such small matters cannot be regained.
In the end, I believe when we fight with our loved ones, we need to think: how important is it, really, in the scheme of things? And usually, the answer is, not so much.
I guess it’s kind of a weird one to spring to mind, but I’d really recommend Gerry Spence’s “How to Argue and Win Every Time”. I’m not into self-help books, and this one isn’t about intimate relationships per se, but I found it incredibly helpful to learn how to manage my personal relationships in a productive and sensitive way. It’s a really good book for learning how to communicate better, and to consider other points of view. “Winning” becomes about communication, so it’s easier to defuse the personal offense and strong emotions that often come with arguments between partners.
This is a late reply, but DH and I went to a seminar one weekend called Operation Us. I don’t know if they have them all over the country, but it’s a federally funded program, so it might be. Anyway, I thought it was really helpful, though sometimes a bit corny. We identified our levels of anger, we learned how long we needed to take a time-out once our anger levels reached a certain point, we learned the basic speaker-listener technique. It’s hard to put into practice, but when we have a huge blow-up, it sometimes helps just to have a technique to reflect on and try to remember to follow, instead of focusing on being angry.
Another perspective: if you don’t have conflict that often, and if the times you do aren’t devastating to you/him/the relationship, I would actually encourage you to both allow the conflict to unfold as it will. You two will eventually find your own way to fight fair.
I spent a few years in a relationship where we had a big focus on fighting fair. For most conflicts (and, the fact that there were so many straight away was only one of many red flags I should have heeded), we calmly talked, rather than yelled and cried, through our conflicts. We had written down our agreed-upon rules for fighting fair that we would turn to whenever we had a conflict. At the time I just thought this meant we were being very, very grown up, and I also liked it because I come from a home of yellers and didn’t want that in my own relationships. But looking back I’d say what my ex-bf and I were really doing was creating an emotionally sterile environment.
Not that I want a tumultuous relationship — I don’t. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what you have, so maybe a good old fight every now and then isn’t a bad thing. If I could do it over again, I’d be less afraid of raised voices and actually allow some emotion into the resolution of the conflict.
Love the jacket, not the price tag.
anon in Texas
I just bought my first “expensive” suit. It’s expensive for me, and a belated birthday gift. I am also celebrating getting to a size 4/6. It’s my pre-law school size, and I am just really happy to be healthy and feeling great. Even though it’s a super-nice/interview suit for me, for some folks here, it would be everyday wear.
It’s navy with pinstripes. What are the best colors for shoes and shells? I am cinnimon colored (a little less red), and have black hair and dark brown eyes. So, nude shoes are kinda out (unless they don’t match my skin tone, and I am not sure if that’s sexy or just wrong). I want to avoid Red & Navy combo as well– sometimes it tends to make my skin look more red (like I got sunburned).
Plum could be awesome, so long as it is conservative looking plum (…I’m sure there’s such a thing somewhere). I also wear gray with navy and love the way it looks, if you are avoiding nude-for-you and reds.
anon in Texas
I have a pair of plum patent, and I think that they might be a little much, but regular plum might work out nicely! Thanks for the suggestion.
will see how I feel about gray! thanks for the suggestions!
I think of navy like any other neutral. I think most pastels look great with navy, as do kelly green, plum, orange, bright pink, turquoise, tan and gray.
anon in Texas
Thanks for the suggestion! some of these are great suggestions, but not in my closet– yet!
What about a burnt orange shell? I am thinking if you have cinnamon skin that could look really gorgeous on you, and I like navy and orange together…
anon in Texas
I will try it out… although I did graduate from A&M.
Me too! So glad to see a fellow Aggie on here!
I recommend a shiny black shoe (patent or well-maintained kid leather).
anon in Texas
I normally wear black patent leather/fake with navy blouses, and I’ll see how it looks with the whole suit…
Congratulations on the weight loss! I think the suggestions here are great – it’s hard to wrong w/ navy. You can add yellow and light pink, green or lilac for the summer and jewel or darker tones for the fall. I agree that gray shoes, perhaps green (depending on how conservative your office is), navy, of course, and black work.
anon in Texas
ooh, some of your suggestions are already in my closet! I will see how it looks with liliac and light pink.
also, I never thought green would go with Navy. Are you talking about army green? looking for what shade you’re thinking…
I think that I should just get a nice pair of Navy shoes… it seems like it’s a staple that I’ll need, esp. with super conservative suits.
Orange! Gray! Plum! Maybe also mustard yellow? Not sure if that might make you look more red, but I think mustard yellow can pair beautifully with navy. Also for shoes, cognac brown or cordovan (?) (is that the same as oxblood?).
anon in Texas
just tried on something yellow this weekend. I was surprised! I thought that yellow looked bad on me. It was a sunny yellow t-shirt, and I looked a little more fair, but good!
Brown type shoes are tough. I normally don’t wear them, because I have to balance matching my legs v. clashing wtih my skin tone. I need to do some in person shopping to find the right shade, I think.
Pale pink is my go-to option with navy pinstripe. I also have a couple of patterned blouses that include navy (one is lighter blue with navy marks and the other is green/yellow/navy). Both look great.
anon in Texas
I don’t know if I am bold enough to do pinstripe (suit) + pattern (blouse).
Thanks for the suggestion though!
Shoes: grey, pewter, burgundy, camel, chocolate….
Bag: Caramel would go with anything , even with black suits
I have a navy sort of windowpane-pattern suit from J. Crew, and I usually wear it with French or light blue. I just stick with navy peeptoes, or I actually have a blue-grey pair that look pretty nice as well. When I am feeling super-edgy, I wear it with orange. It has an orange lining, so I feel like it kind of works. I definitely wear the plain navy peeptoes when I do that.
While we are on the topic of shells, can we also please talk about what is currently in style to wear under basic black suits? I have perfectly good classic black skirt and pants suits, and don’t know what to wear under them to look current. In the mid-90s I wore jewel-toned shells (dated!). In the late 90s I had stretchy camis in every color (can’t take jacket off at work!). Now what? The neutral button-downs at Banana? Pretty print blouses? What is IN?
Yes, I know classic is always in, but I do want to look a little bit trendy, even at my semi-advanced age. Thank you.
Simple, pretty-colored knits with perhaps one special detail– a twist, a trim, a waist. In other words, a lovely, high-quality ‘special’ t-shirt. Model/lyocel or silky mercenized cotton blends for smooth drape and obvious quality. Cap or 3/4 sleeves.
I really like printed blouses or tees with plain black suits. I think if you want to be a bit trendy, “interesting tops,” whether silk blouses or patterned/detailed tees are the way to go.
Something like this, perhaps:
Or maybe this. . .
Stacy and Clinton on what not to wear say print tops under jackets or cardigans are a modern way to vary your look. I think they like geometric prints for the most part. Once they said that, I started noticing lots of print tops in the stores. I have been trying this look and I sort of like it, despite having been allergic to prints for most of my life. You still won’t find me in florals, though!
PLUM would be gorgeous with navy pinstripes, Kellyn. Why didn’t I think of that?
Anon for this one
Potential pregnancy-related threadjack, may be TMI, so please skip if you are not interested:
I’m having a bit of a conundrum and was hoping to run it by some of you ladies for advice. I missed my last period (about four weeks ago), which is highly unusual (actual, has never happened to me before.) I take hormonal BC and my husband and I use back up as well. We do not have children. I took a drug-store test and it was negative, so I tried to move on and stop thinking about it. Now it’s a month later, and I should be starting again but nothing. My breasts are sore, and I’ve started to get some heartburn/indigestion (during the middle of the day.) Tests are negative. I have an appointment w/ my OBGYN in a week. I’m 30 and have never been pregnant before (as far as I know.) Last year I had surgery to remove some large uterine fibroids, and my doctor expressed that I would have difficulty conceiving due to this (though we have not been trying.)
My question is, should I see my doctor earlier? My impression was that over the counter tests are pretty accurate nowadays. I’ve been taking my BC, but now I’m worried that if I am pregnant, I should stop right away. It seems almost impossible that I could be pregnant, so I feel like it would be an overreaction to call my doctor when I have an appointment coming up very soon (also, she is in another city, so it would be a bit inconvenient as well at the moment)! Any stories or words of advice for me? Thanks in advance.
If it were me, I would get to a doctor right away. Even a local clinic, if that’s more convenient. You’re right – the drugstore test should be showing positive by now if you truly are pregnant, but I would want the certainty of a blood test.
If your appointment is in a week, I would wait. If it were two weeks or more away, I would say try to move it up. At this point, another week isn’t going to hurt anything, but defintely see the doctor. If you’re not pregnant, something else could be wrong, and you’ll want to get checked to make sure either way. Pregnancy tests are pretty accurate early in a pregnancy, but get less accurate after you’ve been pregnant for a while. That may be affecting your tests.
Best of luck, and let us know how it goes!
My last baby was conceived after I missed one pill (I come from a long line of fertile women). Since I didn’t realize I was pregnant, I continued taking my BC for a few weeks. My daughter turns 3 in two days and is just perfect, so there was no obvious problems with taking my BC for that time period. If I recall correctly, my doctor didn’t express any concerns.
That said, I agree that over-the-counter tests are very accurate, especially when you are more than a couple of weeks past your last period. If you’ve taken a test recently, I’d be surprised if you are pg.
I also wouldn’t hesitate to call my doctor if I were in your position simply to put my mind at ease. Just chat with the nurse and tell him/her your concerns. He’s/she’s probably fielded questions like yours numerous times.
I would recommend that you call and ask to speak to your doc or a nurse. If the office is worth its salt, they should be able to talk to you and let you explain your problem and let you know whether you should come in early. Unless the office tells you otherwise, I wouldn’t recommend stopping your BC pills- they aren’t really known to harm a baby (counter-intuitive as that may seem!) once a pregnancy has started (my hubby was conceived while his mom was on the pill, actually, though they knew a lot less about those things back then- he turned out fine).
My understanding is that the drug store tests are pretty darn near infalliable, so I’d guess that you’re probably not pg, but I guess I’d avoid, say, heavy drinking or other really bad stuff for baby for a little bit until talking to your doc/nurse, just for your own peace of mind. Good luck; it will all work out!
OTC tests are very good, but not infallible. I know a couple of women whose babies were negative preg. tests into the first trimester. Could you get some bloodwork (possibly even at a local affiliated lab, where your doctor will be able to access the results?)
It could just be stress. I once missed my period for four months and then it mysteriously came back. I didn’t think I was under a ton of stress, but my body thought otherwise. I would consider taking a break from the pill for the next week, though. Can’t hurt?
Your system may also be *trying* to work but not getting there for whatever reason – stress, over/underweight, PCOS, other hormonal conditions, etc. I had irregularity for a while before we were TTC our first, and sometimes I would feel soreness when my period would have been due, had I been regular. My system was just not working right (for whatever reason, they never figured it out) and was trying to reboot itself.
Sometimes people can use the same BC for years and suddenly develop issues or stop having their period entirely. I know my mom had the latter experience and thought it was great, and I’ve had a few other friends who had the same issue. Unfortunately in that case it is hard to tell if you’re pregnant. In other cases, you can just get certain side effects even after using the same pill for years, and you may need to switch or stop entirely.
This happened to me. After years of being on the pill, I randomly stopped having my period entirely. Of course I freaked out, took several drug store tests (all negative, obviously), and called my doctor. She said it was just a side effect of being on the pill so long, but I was still freaked out so I insisted on an office visit and she was happy to tell me the same thing in her office (plus she did some blood work). Now, years later, I still don’t get my period and it doesn’t bother me one bit. However, the first few months without periods were really difficult psychologically.
Of course, there could be any number of causes for your missed periods and you should see/talk to your doctor about this. But, in case you can’t see her until next week, try to stay calm and remember that not having your period doesn’t necessarily mean you’re preggers.
This happened to me, and frankly, it is a totally welcome side effect!
I hope my reply isn’t hurtful, but I had a similar experience with my first pregnancy.
I had several negative drugstore pregnancy tests but no period for 2 months. I finally had a blood test which indicated that I was pregnant, but the hormone levels were very weakly elevated. Ultrasound showed I was pregnant with what they called a “blighted ovum,” which was a zygote that had started to develop/divide, but then stopped. I ultimately miscarried it on my own, but I hadn’t I would have needed to have the miscarriage induced. I ended up having a D&C after miscarrying naturally, as it appeared some ‘products of conception’ might have been left behind, which could have caused an infection.
A bit of a sad story but I tell it in order to advise you to get checked sooner than a week from now.
Thanks for the feedback ladies. I called my doctor’s office late yesterday afternoon, and hopefully will speak with her or a nurse this morning. I do believe the birth control-stopping period theory is the most likely. I did some reading online last night about my BC (Loestrin 24) and it seems that there is a very high instance of women missing their cycle on Loestrin. Just like one poster said, it is a bit jarring, but I can get used to it (so long as nothing else is amiss.)
Mamabear, I appreciate your feedback- my mother had several miscarriages, so I am worried that I’m genetically predispositioned to the same. I will definitely move up my appointment to as soon as possible when I get home.
Thanks to the poster who gave me the recipe for the black bean/spinach/artichoke casserole last week – it was awesome!
Threadjack: Casey Anthony found not guilty of murder, manslaughter; guilty of giving false information to an officer.
Don’t get why her attny didn’t make a motion to get her released? She’s already served 3 years for misdemeanors!
Shocked. I can’t believe it. After everything I’ve seen, I thought she would definitely get prison for life.
I have watched a lot of this trial during my breaks from Barbri, and the verdict has rendered me almost speechless. I cannot believe it. She was clearly guilty, and now there will never be justice for that poor little girl. It makes me question the adequacy of our justice system.
If you’ve been in Barbri, clearly you’ve heard of reasonable doubt…
I haven’t followed this case, but I cannot even begin to comprehend why it’s in the national news. My thoughts: who cares?
Agreed. It is a tragedy that the little girl is dead, but if the mother wasn’t found guilty, all the outrage and publicity in the world won’t change the verdict.
I agree. I avoided the media coverage. I don’t really know what happened other than a mother was accused of killing her child and was acquitted.
Because she is young, pretty, and white, AND because Nancy Grace told everyone to care.
The jury was made up of 7 women and 5 men. Do you think this has anything to do with their decision? Who were these jurors, and did they even graduate high school/speak English (a lot of people in Orlando don’t!) ?? ?
Hey now! The jurors were from Pinellas County, not Orange :)
I think this is a little offensive, AccountingNerd. Just because someone didn’t graduate high school doesn’t mean they’re incapable of understanding legal arguments. Furthermore, it’s the duty of the prosecuting attorney to make certain during jury selection that the potential jurors are capable of comprehending the proceedings.
I haven’t been following the proceedings because I’ve been disgusted with the media circus, but the prosecutor did have to prove beyond ANY reasonable doubt that Casey Anthony was guilty. If they didn’t, the jury cannot be blamed for finding her not guilty. That’s what they’re supposed to do.
You’re right. Maybe I should have said pre-school instead of high school. I just don’t see how anyone could think that a woman who is pictured partying, drinking, participating in a “hot body” contest, and getting tattoos in the weeks following her daughter’s disappearance can be innocent. Like the prosecution said, who else had a motive to kill Caylee? Who’s life is easier without her?
But in all of that–not one shred of evidence of murder. Deranged, maybe, murderer, maybe. But where’s the proof?
Exactly, AJ. I completely understand that it feels so “obvious” what really happened given her lies, etc. but is there really no reasonable doubt? What about the argument the defense crafted that the child drowned accidentally, setting off a coverup effort and web of lies? I bet most of the outraged people who feel terrible that this little girl is dead haven’t the first clue as to whether there’s reasonable doubt.
I just don’t know why, if the child drowned accidentally and the deranged mother freaked out about it and handled it poorly, the defense didn’t trot it out earlier? Why wait until the trial started?
And further more, why didn’t Casey give any reaction when her mother, in a jailhouse visit, said that people were saying maybe Caylee had drowned and was missing, and Casey just said “Surprise, surprise” like it was just another of the ridiculous theories that had been going around that summer.
This jacket looks kind of like “Las Vegas”, but the funny thing is people in the professions in Las Vegas do not dress that way!