ByKat Hours Updated
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Holiday Weekend Open Thread

Max Studio ELASTIC WAIST TRIM DRESS-M-BLACKSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Happy Fourth of July to all of our American readers, and Happy Canadian Day to all of our Canadian readers! Max Studio has some amazing sales going on, and I'm loving this textured black dress. Love the empire waist, the straight skirt, and the flattering, sloped V (as well as the fact that it's very easy to wear a bra with it). It was $138, now marked to $28 on sale (sizes XS-L still available, amazingly). ELASTIC WAIST TRIM DRESS Other Noteworthy Sales This Weekend: – Lord & Taylor is offering an additional 20% off regular, sale and clearance. – Macy's (online only) is offering an extra 25% off clearance. – Banana Republic is offering 40% off women's sale items with code BRSTARS. – Piperlime's Lime Tag Sale is going on, with prices up to 50% off. – ASOS is offering up to 70% off prices. – The Limited is offering 40% off your entire order with code “fireworks” (7/1 and 7/2 only). – Johnston & Murphy has final clearance going on. – The Outnet has some killer shoes on sale, with prices up to 60% off. – Bluefly's Friday deal is an extra 10%-15% off handbags (up to 55% off retail). – Kate Spade is offering an additional 25% off on stores and online, plus free ground shipping. – Talbots has prices marked to 40% off. P.S. Keep an eye on this space — I'll update it with other great sales I see! (L-#)

Sales of note for 12.10

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

319 Comments

  1. yayyy long weekend is here! Cannot wait for that wedding we have to go to tomorrow. It should be fun.

    Also wanted to provide update on my post few weeks ago. If anyone remembers, I had posted about y husband getting blindsided on his review where he got blamed by his manager for not satisfying a nasty unsatisfiable client. Well, he did two other projects for two other managers and got glowing reviews and a bonus! He says that he did exactly the same job as the first projects. So much for that!

    Anyway, he is still looking for another job, but can afford to wait and be choosy now.

    1. yay for good triumphing over stupid management! Enjoy the weekend wedding… :-)

  2. Followup from earlier post from today: I evidently have the worst luck with the customer service people at Talbot’s because after striking out with a price adjustment through online chat, I tried calling and that didn’t work either.(Though the guy I talked to sounded delightfully like Kenneth from 30 Rock).

    1. Turns out I was looking at the regular size prices instead of the prices of the women’s sizes that I actually bought, but I went through the Talbots facebook page. They told me to email Facebook@talbots.com with my order number and billing information. Its probably helpful to include a link to the item with the lower price. It might be worth one last shot!

    2. Yeah, I tried to get more information on the precise differences among the various pants fits in an online chat with “Bettina”–the responses took forever and read like cut and paste from marketing crap. I wanted actual measurements or even just normal words–I gather “modern” means lower cut and tighter, but Heritage vs. Signature vs. Curvy ?

  3. Looking for anecdotes from corporetters who pursued a side business (i.e. real estate, franchise etc.) in addition to their day job? I’m in law, and love it, but I’ve always been interested in pursuing a source of income other than my job. Anyone care to share?

      1. I want to start a painting career on the side. Not really lucrative but would make me feel so much better to have a plan B that I like doing.
        Kat, can we have a post about this?

        1. I think there was a post about this – or maybe a post on starting your own business? – where Kat talked about her personal experience with this blog.

        1. Thanks, Ruby! I don’t want to spam here, but I give discounts to Corporette readers, so convo me if you ever want to buy anything.

          1. i bought three necklackes from Kanye East a few weeks ago and LOVELOVELOVE them–have gotten tons of compliments. They are feminine but really high quality. Good prices, fast service. I know I sound like an infomercial, but I loved everything I got and can’t wait to buy more as gifts!

      3. Kanye East, your jewelry is exactly the kind we talk about on this site. It’s personal, interesting and unique but not ostentatious or over the top. It’s lovely! And your pearl hoop earrings…Girl, you’ll be hearing from me. Love them!

    2. We run a vacation home business. We have a great home on the lake and use vrbo dot com to advertise!

      1. Robin, that’s really interesting! I’d love to hear more about how you go about starting and running a charity.

        1. I found a cause I really believed in and decided if I can advise clients on multi-million dollar issues, I can certainly set up and run a 501(c)(3) organization. Not sure if I can provide a link to our webpage (its ww.educatingafricaschildren.org). Since its something I feel really passionate about, I love doing it. Sometimes it gets a bit intense, but mostly its been a good thing for me. And co-workers and clients have been very supportive of my efforts. I wouldn’t do this for just anything…but since this speaks to my heart, its been a great way for me to feel fulfilled, even when work is, well, work. I actually feel this has helped my career too, since its a way for me to do something that I think is really important, but still have a job that is stable and pays well.

    4. associate – I too have always always wanted to pursue another source of income other than my law job so I am excited to see these responses! I do not have any great advice but I do know that another associate at my firm a few years ago started working as a real estate agent, and despite achieving financial success ended up feeling really worn out and run down after only about one year. He ended up having to give it up because it ended up being too much. I am not sure if/what your billable requirement is like, but I almost cannot imagine taking on one more thing. I am just not sure where the time is.

    6. I do photography as a hobby and donate pieces for charity auctions and occasionally sell others. I don’t have a formal website yet but that is a goal. I’m not an official business. Sometimes people see my work in my home and ask if they can buy a piece and I say yes!

  4. So I was napping on my desk yesterday afternoon (side note: this first trimester exhaustion is no joke) and I think I heard my door open and close. I just assumed it was the mail guy, who I don’t really care about seeing me nap. But a few minutes later I got a call from a partner on my floor asking if I had time for a new assignment. What are the odds the partner opened my door, saw me napping, and then decided to call instead of waking me up in person and forever humiliating me?

    Just wanted to share this tale of office woe/paranoia.

    1. Ouch. I doubt it was him, though, or if it was he didn’t care that much. If he had been annoyed, he probably would have woken you up and/or wouldn’t have given you the assignment.

      Maybe try putting a chair or some other obstruction in front of your door next time? A coworker said she used to do that when she was nursing at a firm that didn’t have a nursing room.

    2. Why would the partner open the door after knocking if you didn’t answer? Seems odd. I don’t think anybody in my office would open another person’s door after knocking and hearing no answer.

      1. People do this all the time at my workplace. I swear, it’s like they weren’t raised right as kids or something and don’t know to wait for a polite “come in.” I’m thankfully never doing anything I wouldn’t be OK with them seeing, but I’m often annoyed as any pause is usually because I’m on the phone, finishing up my train of thought in an email, etc. It would serve them right to walk in on someone pumping or doing something equally private one of these days (of course, I wouldn’t wish it on the pumper for anything).

      2. We have an open door policy at my firm. I don’t literally mean the doors have to be open, but rather that everyone is welcome in each office. It took quite a bit of getting used to to realize the partner was serious when he said I could come in his office at any time, for any reason, and I don’t need to ask. I still felt like I was snooping when I needed something and he wasn’t there! If the door is shut, you knock first, and without hearing objections, you go on in.

    3. Oh, you poor thing. As someone who took a handful of catnaps during my pregnancies, I feel for you. I remember being very thankful my office door locked and that I don’t have those *new* office styles with glass walls (as helped during pumping)… In my case I used to fear that I’d fall into a full-fledged slumber (3rd trimester) so much that I’d actually set an alarm for 20 mins. Regardless, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. The sound you heard may not have even been the door. We all make sounds up in our sleep. Most importantly, your corporette sisters are with you and have been there. Good luck!

  5. Holiday Thread Jack:

    Does anyone know how to grill Salmon outside? My boyfriend is getting a whole salmon and he wants me to grill it for the 4th. I told him it would not sit on the grill and would fall through, but he said I was wrong.

    Who knows how I can grill Salmon on the 4th of July?

    1. Get Cedar planks for grilling! Turns out awesome. Remember to soak them for a while otherwise they will burn on the grill. add your favorite herbsm slices of lemon and you are done.

    2. I haven’t actually done this, but isn’t that the point of grilling fish on cedar planks?

    3. Drizzle olive oil on heavy duty tin foil; place salmon on oiled tin foil; seal up into a package; put on grill. It’ll steam itself.

      3. Even without sealing it for steam, I recommend this. Losing half a fish through grill grates is sooo sad

    4. Even without sealing it for steam, I recommend this. Losing half a fish through grill grates is sooo sad

    5. I would definitely use the cedar plank or foil idea. The time we tried to cook it on the grill without anything, we lost a lot of it as it fell apart.

    6. Sounds delish! My hubby grills salmon all of the time on an outdoor bbq. He sprays the grill before he turns the fire on and then when the grill is nice and hot, puts it skin side UP (meat side down) to get a bit of flavor and some nice marks. This only works if you have good quality grates on your grill and you liberally spray it. If neither applies to your situation, skip the first step. Very shortly thereafter, he flips it over and cooks it skin side down for the rest of the time. Somewhere out there, there is an amazing recipe for a mustard seed “sauce” for salmon. It’s a mixture of a few different types of mustard and honey. You slather it on after you’ve turned it (skin side down) and a bit after it’s cooked too. O – M – G. I would give you more details but when my hubby cooks it, I don’t pay much attention to what ingredients he is using.

      1. I’ve mixed grainy mustard, apple jelly and horseradish as a glaze for salmon; just throw them together and nuke until the jelly melts, then put in on the salmon as it grills (or goes under the broiler) – really good!

      2. lemon dill sauces also go really well with salmon. You can usually just buy something pre-made at the store, though I’m blanking on the name of the brand I like.

      1. What makes you think this poster is Ellen? It sounds like a genuine question to me.

        1. Syntax/writing style is identical to Laura. Add in random capitalization and the overall weirdness of asking a question like this here instead of googling it, and it’s definitely her (him?).

          1. Also – she posted a comment below that sounds pretty off, in response to a post by Ruby.

  6. First time to ask questions here- love this site!

    I’m over 50, work in a business formal type environment in Portland OR. So, we are expected to wear jackets and dresses, but not matching suits. For most of my wardrobe I have Brooks Brothers, Pendleton and Talbots formal suits. Cardigans only if it’s a Friday with no client meetings and/or if you aren’t working in public.

    I am looking for casual jackets to wear in the summer or Fridays that don’t look frumpy or dated. Any tips? Many of Talbots jackets like this are too casual. Chico’s look like they are aiming to the 65+ set or women who play tennis and don’t work. I’ve looked at Nordstroms but it’s hit or miss.

    How do I avoid looking old while looking professional?

    1. Try hitting some one-off boutiques – they tend to have some great pieces in a range of styles – and better yet, you won’t see it on everyone else!

    2. White House Black Market has some good pieces that are reasonably priced and definitely not aimed at 65+. Classiques Entier also has nice jackets at Nordstrom’s if you are looking for something a bit more classic but still fun and current.

    3. Boden has a lot of good casual blazers. LL Bean also has a small but decent selection. I’ve also seen good summer blazers at Anthropologie, although nothing jumps out at me from their website.

    4. Ditto the recommendation on Classsiques Entier & also add Classiques Entier Atelier (both from Nordstrom). Love them, and have several that all match either black or grey pants.

      2. Lafayette 148. They are really trying to modernize their merch and I love it for their classic style. FWIW, I’m 39.

    6. some of Boden’s jackets are nice for this – not exactly cutting edge stylistically but very nice quality, not too “young” or edgy, with great linings that make me smile every time I wear them. I also find Nordstrom’s has some good ones, hit or miss.

    8. Not Over the Hill – your Chicos comment cracked me up a bit. I second the J.Crew recommendation, above, and encourage you to try Ann Taylor. They have a whole “jackets” tab with a number of stylish and appropriate selections. Today with the holiday they are slicing 40% off of everything! I like this one:

      http://www.anntaylor.com/ann/product/AT-Apparel/AT-Jackets/Textured-Front-Zip-Jacket/257043?colorExplode=false&skuId=89605622&catid=cata000017&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=2268

      Happy shopping – stay fabulous and Not Over the Hill!

  7. Any suggestions for a good garment steamer? There are so many brands out there, I want one that will really last and work well.

    Also, did anyone else read the NY Times “Room for Debate” on exciting nail polish colours?

    1. I love my Jiffy J-2000 purchased at Costco. LOVE it so much I’m considering buying another one while I’m commuting between two cities. Have had it for almost a year.

    3. My mom bought me a cheap little handheld one from Bed Bath & Beyond to hold me over while I was researching more expensive steamers to purchase. I ended up falling in love with the tiny one & never buying the big one. I love it because it gets the job done & is compact enough to fit in a carryon for travel.

      1. K, great news that such an option exists–thanks for sharing! Can you give more information on the brand/model? a search on BBB’s site turns up so very many…

    4. We’re very happy with the Jiffy J4000 Pro-Line that we found second-hand on craigslist. However, now that I have a Reliable V100 iron, I never use the steamer. I LOVE this iron . . . it has a separate heating panel for the steam so that it never spits or leaks.

  8. Max Studio dresses are often available at Marshall’s for about $40. I have bought several there!

  9. Public Service Announcement:

    Corporettes, if you are in the middle of a financial dispute with an ex-friend (who was an “ex” before this), be very, very careful what you put down in internet-writing. You might, for example, accidentally send the text cursing out said former friend TO the friend rather than your intended recipient (probably romantic partner). Then you not only look like a frugal witch, you indicate your lack of technological savvy as well. And your former friend now knows for sure exactly how immature and unethical you are.

    …

    Ugh. Because I want this relationship to be over as soon as posisble, I’m going to be the classy one and ignore it completely. After I rant anonymously here I am going to delete it as well. There is a 20% chance she was not talking about me, but let’s be realistic here. This consumed both of our weeks, and it was sent two hours after we last met. Fortunately the matter is almost resolved and soon, the end of the relationship will be too.

    Sincerely,
    Still disgusted

    PS my holiday vacation will include putting all of this behind me…just as soon as I post this.

  10. Here in Canada we just call it Canada day, not Canadian Day- but thanks anyway!

    I’m gonna re-post what I posted last night – I’m looking for a clear lucite necklace, with small beads so that it looks like a strand of pearls only clear. I’ve checked etsy and ebay, no luck. Any thoughts?

    1. Have you tried department stores? Macy’s usually has an extensive costume jewelry section. I haven’t been there lately, but lucite has been having a bit of a resurgence I think, and that might be an option. I know Anthropologie had a long lucite necklace (with bigger beads though, and somewhat textured — not smooth like pearls) in early spring, but I would think someplace like Macy’s or even Dillard’s or JC Penney’s might be a good source for something like this.

      1. I got something like this at Black House/White market once. Also seen similar at Talbot’s.

    1. Ditto! Just bought it too, the texture makes it special. Not that I REALLY need another black dress :)

  13. I just wanted to share exciting news. Banana Republic will open its first store in my country Morocco. I am so excited even if it is in a few months. I just can’t wait :)

    1. Oh… I’m so envious! I’m in Europe now, and when people ask me what I miss, I say “people, appliances, and shopping.” BR has had some poor collections, but still a large percentage of my wardrobe is theirs. Enjoy!

      1. Don’t know where in Europe you are but I’ve just come from Milan and I remember there being a huge BR there.

  15. Any suggestions for good contract lifecycle management software? I’m in-house and we still rely almost exclusively on honest to goodness paper contracts and metal filing cabinets. This makes negotiating/managing contracts so inefficient on a day-to-day basis and I’m convinced we could manage the process much better electronically. So, for those of you who have experience – good or bad – with this type of stuff, what are your recommendations for bringing my company’s legal dept into the 21st century? TIA!

    1. I was just talking to a friend of mine yesterday about this. She was describing the system she uses and it sounds great. I believe it was called Onyx.

    2. Ha! The curse of the small in-house department! :) If your company uses lotus notes or some other kind of shared database, talk to your IT department about getting a DB set up for contracts. Our HQ has one that tracks it by person/contract partner/date, sends notifications 3 months before expiration, etc. Am planning to have a similar program here. Good luck!

  16. Any recommendations for commuting shoes for finicky feet? I have these in black: ( http://www.amazon.com/Naturalizer-Womens-Cabalina-Mary-Jane/dp/B00359G5WA ) but they ate my heels after a week or so of wear.

    I have shallow heels that are narrow (compared with the rest of my foot). Sometimes I walk the 2 miles home from work, but I don’t want to resort to my tennis shoes! It seems I’ve tried everything at this point (heel inserts, orthopedic inserts) and I’m just about to give up.

    I wear skirts more than pants, so something that looks decent – I’d like closed-toe preferably, so I could get year-round wear out of them (am I asking for too much?) Please help! My feet have staged a revolt, it seems!

    1. Ecco and similar comfort brands have Mary Janes with a sort of thick sling back– check Zappos out…..

    2. I live in Cole Haan air flats especially since I won’t be able to wear heels for a while. I have a couple different styles. They’re often markedbdown in 6pm.com

      1. If watchthecityglow has shallow heels, flats won’t work for her. I have the same problem and they shred my heels to bits.

    4. FitFlops in hot weather. I love them – so supportive and they stay on your foot. I also sometimes wear my FiveFingers on my commute, but usually only on days when I’m going to run at lunch. In cold weather I wear Danskos.

      1. I just discovered Orthaheel. I could walk for hours in them. Even better than the FitFlops to me.

  17. So although I am in my mid 20s, I’ve only been to one wedding that was a little non-traditional. This summer, I have four lined up. So just a quick wedding etiquette question:

    One of the weddings is in a midwest city I’ve never been to. I don’t know anyone aside from my date, the groom, and one other couple. The (Catholic) ceremony is at one, and the reception is across town (think: 10 miles, in the city) starting at five, running until midnight. What on earth do we do for a couple hours in between? Drink? Nap? Do I change clothes for the reception?

    I wish my parents hadn’t skipped all my family weddings growing up, as I am currently clueless on how these things work.

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Having been to a number of Catholic weddings with the gap between ceremony and reception, I wouldn’t change for the reception, unless you want to put on comfier shoes.

      You might want to take the extra time to check into your hotel, freshen up and head somewhere close to the reception site for cocktails and appetizers. That’s what H and I always do, usually with a group of the people we know at the wedding.

      Or, if you think you are going to be exhausted and need the nap, by all means, take that nap! For me, though, it’s always a drag getting back up and putting my party pants on after a mid-day nap.

    2. No need to change clothes in between, just wear the same thing. You can do whatever you want in between, drink, eat, shop, sightsee.

    3. Ah, the Catholic gap. At most weddings, I’ve always hung out at the hotel/family’s house in the interim — freshen up, hang out and *lightly* drink with other guests. I have never changed clothes. If you don’t know anyone, watching TV in your hotel room is a perfectly acceptable option. Last Catholic wedding I went to, my husband and I tried to find people to go hang out in the gap with us, but everyone else was going home to hang out — i.e., nap and watch baseball.

    4. Catholic ceremonies can take a while, so you might not have as much time as you think. I went to a wedding last year that had a “garden party” between the ceremony and reception (the timing was similar to your situation) that wasn’t really announced on the invitation, but was on the wedding program. The wedding party took pictures somewhere else and showed up for the last hour or so before the real reception.
      If no such option is at this wedding, then drinking or napping sound like great options. I wouldn’t change clothes, unless you were wearing an extra layer to be more conservative in the church that was unnecessary for the party.

      1. Catholic weddings will not take 4 hours. One to one and a half hours, depending on the number of guests (and assuming they are doing a Mass, which isn’t strictly required).

        And having gone to predominately Catholic weddings in my childhood (lots of aunts and uncles getting married), I’ve never really been to a Catholic wedding where the reception didn’t follow directly after the ceremony. Is there really a “Catholic gap” phenomenon? I don’t really see this as a Catholic thing vs a planning issue in using different locations?

        (Your wedding won’t be in Iowa, would it, because your details sound a lot like my brother’s wedding – and I also NOT impressed with the gap between ceremony and reception, since it involves me taking “fun” pictures with the rest of the bridal party party, most of whom will be 5 to 10 years younger than I am. Sigh.)

        1. Most parishes like the weddings (on Saturdays at least) to be over in time for the priests/staff to turn over the church for Saturday evening masses after everyone finally trickles out. My mom has worked in two different parish rectories, and both parishes would schedule wedding such that they had at least 90mins between the end of the wedding and the beginning of the evening mass to turn it around. So, if a parish does 5PM mass, the ceremony has to be done by 330PM. But cocktail/appetizer hour usually doesn’t start until around 6. Thus the gap.

    5. They’ll be off taking pictures. You can do whatever you want during the break. Normally if I’m staying near the reception site, I just go back to the hotel. Some people will change clothes for the reception, but this is the exception, not the norm. However, if your dress is revealing, it would be appropriate to cover up in the church; you could drop your cover up off at your hotel during the break.

      I don’t think this break is a Catholic thing – it’s pretty typical at every wedding I’ve been to, so that the bride and groom can have photos taken.

    6. I, unfortunately, will be having the Catholic gap at my wedding (and I had no idea it was a Catholic thing…just thought it was a my church thing! Fancy that.)

      I’m thinking about giving my guest an insert in the program about possible things to do. If the hotel is near, you could go back and freshen up and/or watch some tv. Probably you could get some coffee or something. I’d suggest against eating anything since weddings have SO MUCH FOOD.

      If you’ve never been to the place before, I’d research scenic drives in the area and go for a little driving tour. That way you don’t have to walk in heels or anything but you can sort of see some sights.

      1. i have a related question:
        i am getting married soon and dont have a gap in the schedule and am worried that people will get tired. its an indian ceremony so there will be a groom’s parade (baraat), ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception, probably going from 3pm to midnight. the problem is that the venue is not at a hotel and the hotel is about 30 minutes away, so its a little too far for people to sneak away for a little break. should i maybe try to build in a gap so people can rest? i have attended events like this and it hasnt been a problem for me, but i am concerned about guests with kids/babies that need naps. also, there is some quiet space with sofas for people to sit if they need to.

        1. btsbc – I have been to two indian weddings in India and will be attending an indian wedding in boston later this summer. I would vote for the quiet lounge area and have your wedding party spread the word – or put it up on your wedding website/information sheet. Your wedding guests will use it if they need it.

        2. Can you designate a quiet area/nap area for the kids? The quiet space with sofas sounds perfect. You’re right that kids will probably need a nap between 3pm and midnight.

    7. Thanks everyone. Wedding is not in Iowa. Trying to research this before I posted, it sounded like many Catholic ceremonies were earlier in the day than most receptions, because churches needed the church for Saturday mass in the evening, so the delay was common in Catholic denomination.

      I appreciate the feedback… Corporettes awesome as always! Happy 4th!

      1. And during the summer when there’s lots of weddings, some churches have multiple weddings on a Saturday, so if the couple has an earlier wedding, there ends up being even more of a gap before the reception.

        True story: many of my friends have gotten married at our college’s church. There’s often a gap between ceremony and reception, so the most recent wedding we went to at this church, I just assumed there was a gap (you know what they say about assuming…) Anyways, I made plans with other guests to get a drink/snack before the reception. One friend was having her mom babysit her toddler during the reception and was going to bring him to friend during the gap so we could all see the toddler. Problem was that there was no gap, which I found out from one of the groomsmen. Friend had to call her mom so she didn’t bring the toddler and we didn’t get to see the little guy. So, the lesson is to always, always read the reception card. Reception immediately following means just that :)

    8. I usually change- most of my evening clothes are heavy on the cleavage- most of my church clothes aren’t. I usually seem a mixture of people wearing day clothes and evening clothes. And I am a fan of drinking and napping in the gap!

  18. Without doing any research, I ended up choosing a legal recruiter to help me find a job in a new city. The recruiter has not been very helpful or eager to meet with me, but has passed on my resume to about a dozen firms in the new city. She’s not terrible, she’s just not that great.

    I have now met a new recruiter whom I would love to work with and who seems to have a lot more contacts in this new city. Can I switch recruiters at this point, even though my resume has been sent to some firms by the first recruiter? If so, how do I go about this? I’m really kicking myself that I went into this whole thing blindly without doing any sort of research on the recruiter.

    1. Within the past 14 mos, I found a new legal job with the help of a recruiter. Don’t want to give out details, but it was a senior-ish move and I moved with others. We used several recruiters and they all knew we were using others. Made them work harder :) Wasn’t why we did it, but it worked out well. Just say that you are going to use both and let them both know. Of course, if one brings you to a firm “first” its his/her “find”

    2. I think you can absolutely switch (or augment) recruiters, but bear in mind that the new recruiter cannot resubmit you to anyplace the initial recruiter has submitted you. If you still want to pursue those options that the current recruiter submitted you for, I wouldn’t “fire” the current recruiter just yet, but I would just start working with the new recruiter and be upfront about what you’re looking for and that your resume has already been submitted to X, Y, Z, so you’re looking for other options. Good luck!!!!

    3. Usually the t&c’s you sign with a recruiter is that if they put you forward for something and you then get the job some other way, they still get the commission. This applies whether another recruiter also puts you forward at a particular firm or if you end up applying off your own back.

      Most recruiters will ask you (1) if you’ve instructed anyone else and (2) which firms have your CV. Be honest about that, as the recruiter would be pissed off if they send your CV to a firm, you end up getting a job there and they find out some other recruiter had already sent your CV in and therefore gets the fee.

      Good luck!

  19. I have a question. Starting a new job in a top 10 accounting firm, and was told to bring a padfolio. I have one I used during interviews (cheepie $30 item), but I want to get a nicer one for daily use. Can you recommend a padfolio under $100, and maybe a few nicer under $200?

    1. I got one from Lord and Taylor for $89 on sale. It is leather. You should not get any logo on it because you never know who your clients are. The last thing you want is to go in with a brand name of a competitor. That will make you look bad.

      You might also want to wait until you start, and the firm will likely have their own logo stuff that you can buy. If you do that, you will be sure to have the right logo.

      Good luck!

    2. I have a padfolio that I received as a graduation present from my parents-in-law from Coach. While it does have the “Coach” stamp on the front cover, it is not noticeable. It is lovely black leather and, most importantly to me, has a zipper. You also might check out Sharon Luggage and Gifts. I helped my mom pick a padfolio graduation gift for a cousin there. They had a range of prices and colors, but they were (mostly) real leather.

      1. I also have a black Coach leather padfolio that I received as a graduation present from my aunt and uncle. I love it. It’s very plain, but it has a zipper and lots of little handy pockets inside. It was great for interviewing because I could put my resume, writing samples, etc. inside, along with my cell phone, keys and ID. Plus I had a pad to take notes on. It definitely solved the problem of not bringing a purse to interviews.

    3. I have a leather Coach one I bought on eBay…very nice. I’m surprised they don’t give you one with their logo on it–most law firms I’ve worked at do…..

      If you don’t have any luck on eBay, try Levengers.

  20. Reposting from an earlier thread for (hopefully) more comments –

    Interesting NYT blog post: “Nearly half (43 percent) of college-educated Generation X women — those currently between the ages of 33 and 46 — are childless, a new study finds, and the statistic is likely to lead to a new wave of wondering why women still feel they have to choose between families and careers.”

    http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/06/30/gen-x-women-choose-work-over-kids/

    1. I would like to have a child and a career, but since I am not at the younger end of the Gen Y spectrum, it is turning out that I will have to settle for the career.

      Right now, I have an OK job, but there are plenty of times that I wish that I had a child to keep me busy at night and on weekends. I am exploring the possibility of having an in-vitro procedure, but at my age (40) this may be somewhat wishful on my part, since I do want to know who the sperm donor is in order to make sure he is OK.

    2. I always get annoyed at those comments. Some women simply have no interest in having children, and Generation X women are the first women who have really had the option of opting out. I think there have been studies in other countries like Netherlands where there are lots of women who neither have children nor really work that many hours because they’re so busy pursuing other interests. I am not choosing work over children, I am choosing my other interests over children.

      2. Also, for once, people have enough (really good) contraception options that not having a child if you don’t want to can probably happen!

      4. Very well said. Thank you.

        It’s true–I’m not giving my age, because it’s just too embarrassing that I’m *still* trying to get a career going–but I’m still trying to get a career going. Yet it never occurred to me, oh, you know, I’ve done some interesting work, but this career thing doesn’t seem to be working out, so I think I/we’ll start having kids now.

        Because, as others have worded so well here, it isn’t really (necessarily) about career vs. kids. I’ve never had a desire to have a child.

        Re: legacy (though that comes up later in the comment stream)–
        Is there anyone who’s had a great (positive) impact on your life? Maybe it’s someone you’ve known for years, or maybe it’s someone you met at a conference or even on a plane and didn’t talk with again. Maybe they don’t know the impact they’ve had on your life.
        To me, this is also legacy.

        As is, of course, some of the other things people have mentioned here, such as having an impact on their community or on the living conditions on someone they may never have met. :-) I believe the definition of “legacy” may be changing as it depends less on money and/or reproduction to support it.

    3. Interesting. I read this statistic and thought, “Great! I didn’t realize so many others were like me!”

      I never thought of it as an either/or choice between a family and career. I simply never felt ready for a family.

    4. I’m in this camp too — 36, professional, no kids, solid relationship & neither of us have any desire to have em. Not really about my career, really just don’t like the lifestyle that comes with kids. Prefer to travel, pursue my interests, live as an adult. It’s nice. I agree with the commenter that we’re the first generation that really has this choice & thank goodness for that.

    5. I’m slightly younger than the women surveyed, but I feel like it’s impossible to meet men while maintaining my upward career trajectory. I literally do not know a single woman in my group of friends and business associates, who range in age from around 27 to 40, who has managed to get married and have kids without compromising her career, often permanently, and I cannot fathom how the ones who do have kids and work manage to keep up their daily grind. I’ve been practicing law for 5 years and can barely pay my own bills and I don’t anticipate paying off my law school debt until I’m close to 40, so I can’t afford to compromise my career unless I marry very well (financially speaking). And frankly, most guys who would fall into that “very well” category are not looking to meet overworked, overeducated women – and even if they were, I don’t know when I’d meet them. Since I’m unlikely to marry for money, I’m unlikely to be in a situation where I can make the decision to have children anytime in the next 10 years. And by then it might be too late.

      So, I don’t think this is a choice for many women (although of course some women choose not to have children). I think the financial reality of completing advanced degrees and living in a major city makes it darn near impossible to have kids before you’re pushing 40, and a lot of women aren’t able to do so because they don’t get married, aren’t able to conceive, etc. It’s not a conscious choice for most women, but rather a result of other decisions we’ve made, often without realizing the consequences.

      1. “And frankly, most guys who would fall into that “very well” category are not looking to meet overworked, overeducated women”

        Sad but true. If when I was younger I’d seen all the AbovetheLaw posts about how men think lawyers make terrible girlfriends/wives, and realized how most men seem to find intelligence, success and competence intimidating rather than attractive in a woman, I might have chosen a different career path. I have achieved financial independence, which is a wonderful thing, but I strongly suspect it will mean facing the second half of my life alone.

        1. I hate the, “oh wow!” eye goggle, sometimes followed by “you must be really smart!” reaction when I’m meeting a new guy, and he’s asked the “so what do you do?” question. It’s *not* flattering (as my non-lawyer friends seem to think when I relay these stories). It feels quite dismissive – they’ve quickly put me in the too smart/too successful/too independent box.

          I know that’s a person’s prerogative in romantic relationships to want what they want, but this happens all. the. time. And it is extremely frustrating.

    6. I’ve always known I didn’t want to have children. One of my pet peeves about being in my twenties is that no doctor would talk to me about more permanent birth control options. Every doctor would smile benignly and say it wouldn’t be a good idea when I was so young. Now that I’m 30 I hope the docs will take me a little more seriously.
      My reason for bringing that up is that I certainly don’t feel like I’m choosing between career and family. I mean, honestly, if millions and millions of dollars fell from the sky, I’d skip the career too and live on a house boat or something.

      Final thought: Its nice to know that there’s statistical data to show to my mother now when she starts talking about grandchildren.

      1. I’m the same way. I’ve always known that I don’t want children. It really gets on my nerves when people continually tell me that I will change my mind whenever it comes up in conversation. Its not a matter of choosing my career over having a child, its that I really just don’t want a child.

      2. This. The social expectation that, as a female, I must want to breed, really bothers me. It isn’t a choice of one thing over another, it is just that my choice is not to have children, period.

        Sure, many people have families and do a great job of it, but it isn’t for me and I don’t understand why some people expect it to be for everyone. It isn’t like I go around saying ‘I know you really don’t like ice cream, but EVERYONE likes it, so you’ll change your mind when you try the right flavour’. Why should I change my mind? What is it about having kids that makes it so definitive that I should want to do it?

        1. As someone who doesn’t like ice cream, I assure you that people go around telling me that they’re sure I’ll change my mind if I have the really good stuff. People are just nosy.

        2. Hah! I’m a bacon hater, and people are always trying to convince me that I’d really like bacon if I just had the right kind.

    7. I fall right in the middle of that range and would love to have kids, but I’m single and I can’t afford it.

      I think that stat is interesting, but the speculation about the work/family divide is annoying. It’s never that simple.

    8. I admit, I sort of wonder what our generation of childless/free women will be like in 30-40 years as they age. Will their decisions to remain with no children be happy ones?

      I often think now about how I am not sure I’d like children, but I realize I would probably regret it most when I was 85 and dying alone with nobody to my name and nothing to ‘leave behind’ except the more or less meaningless things I did at my job. Not like children are meaningful in and of themselves, but the whole idea that they carry on legacy is true regardless of how we might feel about children. They are the next generation and we live on through them.

      I also think I’d regret it in the sense that I missed out on a huge part of life/the life cycle and I think as an old person I’d regret not having gone through pregnancy, birth, and child rearing. I think for me, I often have to think about having kids less in the more superficial sense of “I don’t want them because it will be annoying when I can’t travel as much as I want and they puke on me” but more in the deeper sense of “I want to experience the natural part of life that is being a parent.”

      1. I don’t mean to be critical at all, so please don’t take this that way. But your comment makes me think of something I’ve pondered a lot, which is that I think it’s sad that societally, we tend to think of children as the only legacy that people leave behind.

        When I was married, my husband didn’t want to have children. And I loved him more than the children that I might or might not have even had. So I didn’t think that we would have kids, and I thought a lot about what my legacy would be. I came to the conclusion that if I built a community for myself, and if I threw myself into making this small corner of the world better, that I wouldn’t die alone at 85 – I’d die loved and remembered by a family that might not be mine by blood, but which would be mine by heart.

        1. Love this way of thinking cbackson. Its very similar to my own and why I started a charity (see comment in the string above). I think we all want to have some sort of legacy…and certainly children is one way to try to do that (maybe, but its based on the premise your kids outlive you, are good kids with whom you have a good relationship, etc). But there are many many other ways to do that. And sometimes I think having kids interferes with a person’s ability to make a wider impact on other people simply because kids take a lot of energy. Everyone has to make their own choices. But I don’t think kids are necessarily a cure to the fear of not leaving a legacy behind.

        2. Definitely understand your point, and I was mostly being a bit more black and white in comment to illustrate my point. But I do think children (fortunately or unfortunately) provide a certain type of legacy that other friends and family can’t provide. I am not saying that fulfillment could not be obtained through either, but rather that children are unique and I think offer a unique perspective on life and things left behind when one is old.

          I am not sure I can describe my ideas much more, considering I am not old, but I guess just speaking speculatively, I think children are different than other family/friends because we can affect children the most of all and they are things that come truly from us. Therefore at the end of our lives, we can look at children and see the greatest impact and legacy within them because they are truly 100% our creations and truly 100% things that would not exist were it not for us. We can’t necessarily say the same things about family and friends or even jobs in all instances,.

          I guess what I am trying to say is that I wonder how our generation of women will see the issue as they age. I also wonder whether or not the lack of children will continue to be a thing that women feel peace about or whether they may have wished to have done things differently.

    9. I go back and forth on the children issue. (Not so) deep down, I know I do not want children. The best relationship I ever had dissolved over this issue — he wanted several, I wanted zero. Even now, many moons later, I agonize over whether I made the wrong choice; might I be happier had I married him (and followed his career, which would have necessitated leaving my own) and had kids?

      But the fact is, I really don’t care for children. I get that I might love my own beyond words, but I don’t want to take the chance. Again, looking (not so) deep into my heart, I know that I would be a horrible mother if my kids were less than perfect. I wouldn’t love a delinquent, I would resent a child that had special emotional of physical needs. I see my friends dealing with children who need a lot of help, who will never grow up to be functional members of society, who have health issues (including cancer)…and when I see their Facebook updates, all I can think is, “Thank GOD this is not me.”

      Does this make me a horrible person? Maybe. At least I know this now rather than after the fact.

      I’m only 30, so I do allow myself the possibility that my mind might change. So I’m not looking into permanent anti-baby procedures. But I also don’t like dealing with hormonal birth control, so I know that every month I carry a risk of ending up pregnant while using FAM/charting. I always talk with my partners about the what-if, and each person seems to elicit a different feeling (if someone I REALLY like and could see a future with, I think I’d want to have a baby…if someone who is clearly short-term, I think I’d be able to have an abortion…when I’m single, I lean more towards No Babies Ever but also Not Sure I Could Go Through With the Procedure).

      I sometimes say that I don’t want kids, but I’d love adult children. I don’t have the temperament to deal with child-rearing issues, and I have ridiculous requirements for Me Time. But I love my extended family, and I’d really rather not end up dying alone. I think building friendships and family-like ties through mentoring would help…but honestly, I am not that nurturing, and I struggle with connecting to others.

      Gah. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Just…I feel you.

      1. Why is it a choice between having children and dying alone? Last time I looked, senior citizens have the highest growing rate of STDs of any age group. That indicates to me that they’re not sitting around alone and miserable while lamenting the fact that they’re not with someone. They’re out there enjoying life and meeting people just like any other age group would do. You can easily have a great support network without having any children if you have a good group of friends and other family members who love you.

        Similarly, just because you have children doesn’t mean they’re an automatic support system for you when you get older. Plenty of people who die alone have children who are estranged or don’t have the resources/ability to care for their parents. I don’t have children, but if I did I would not want to be a burden to my children when I was older.

      2. It’s definitely complicated. A lot less press is given towards feelings that aren’t on either end of the “ZOMG baybeeees!” and “never!” continuum. But I think it’s important to talk about. So many people feel this way!

        There is also the option, if you were to get pregnant, of having the baby and electing for adoption. There was a long thread on last weekend’s open post about how difficult it is for would-be adoptive parents to get matched with infants.

      3. Why if you really don’t want to get pregnant would you rely on family planning instead of condoms? This seems like tempting fate.

  21. I’m looking for a multicolor “statement” necklace that is very lightweight. An old neck injury makes it difficult for me to wear anything heavy for very long.

    I love the current look of layered necklaces, but most of the nicer ones are either heavy glass or natural stone beads. The lightest ones are plastic and look el cheapo. I’m not against plastic, but it shouldn’t look, well, plastic!

    Any suggestions for etsy shops, or something you’ve seen in a department store? I found some nice necklaces in Dillard’s in their Sensitive Skin line that are made of thin wires with a few strategically placed stones.

  22. Ok, Ladies of Seattle:

    Meetup, Red Lion on 5th Ave across from the 5th Ave Theater, balcony (5th floor if it’s good weather, inside 5th floor if it’s not) – next Friday (8th) at 6pm for HH. Look for a red scarf and I hope to see all y’all there :)

    3. Ugh–I may or may not be in town depending on a ridiculously dramatic business trip that has been pushed back (last week was so stressy! I hate when my job is dependent on other people’s actions, and those people can’t seem to communicate!) But yay for a meetup!

    4. Won’t be in town… :(

      If this seems like it will be a low turnover, maybe we could reschedule (or just have an additional meet-up) for the following Thursday or Friday?

  23. Is there a hot place in Brooklyn where they serve a good mojita that you can recommend? My BFF from law school is coming in for a visit from LA and she is a snob for a top shelf mojita and I want to be good in showing her a great time.

    1. No use for your top shelf friend, but I have two places where I have had WONDERFUL low shelf mojitos in Brooklyn–Barrio (7th Ave) and Bogota 5th Ave. Bogota makes a diet mojito (rum, lime, seltzer, touch of splenda), which is great for when I’m watching my weight more carefully. Both make yummy, reasonably-priced food.

      Flatbush Farm makes delicious upper shelf drinks, but they don’t have a mojito on the menu, sadly.

      1. Bogota has incredible food! I’ve never had a mojito there, but I’ve had some other drinks there that were great. If you go there, get the empanadas.

    2. I would go to Luz and Luis’ place in Greenpoint. The food is cheap but they do not stint on the booze, and you’ll both be flying upside down after 2 drinks, so she won’t be able to tell the difference! After she dries out the next day, you can then be able to tell her that the swill she was drinking cost a lot less than the top shelf stuff she insists on.

  24. I would appreciate some advice from all of you wise ones.

    Issue: How do you get feedback (other than from formal written reviews) when your assigned mentor at the firm doesn’t act like all of the other mentors? Let me be clear – the mentors at my firm have specific tasks they must do and it seems like all (except mine) do those tasks, as well take them to the next level by providing constructive feedback. So the problem here is really twofold: 1. My mentor is not performing her tasks like she should (and for some of these, there’s really no one to call her out on neglecting them) and 2. Since everyone else’s mentors do above and beyond what they are supposed to, no one realizes that I am lacking feedback, so they don’t provide much. And I’m too shy to ask :(.

    I’m normally not a shy person at all – ask anyone! But in this case, since most of my coworkers don’t have a need to actively solicit feedback, I am too shy to be the only one to do it.

    Background: I have been at my firm for a little over a year now. My first official review didn’t do much, as I was too new at that point. And I don’t expect my next official review until around November. I did summer at my firm (litigation) and have received really good written reviews then and thus far as an associate from both the people at my firm who I’ve worked under and my clients – problem is, we don’t receive that many of these “formal” reviews. I believe my mentor’s thinking is as such: “Normally Not Shy” is doing so well, no need to meet up with her as she would probably let me know if anything is seriously wrong. But, what my mentor is failing to realize that just because people are doing well, it doesn’t mean they don’t need feedback/guidance in their careers.

    I would appreciate any advice – TIA!

    1. I have asked in the past to sit down with my boss to discuss my job progress, his expectations, etc. I think that would be a good place to start – ask for an appointment and let her know you want feedback. It’s not really your mentor’s failure for not asking you – you should be asking her as well.

    2. Agree with Duckie – you need to ask.
      my firm provides no formal mentoring and fosters a culture that allows managers to sit on feedback until your review. After a particularly frustrating review, I asked my manager to schedule monthly sit-downs with me to specifically discuss situations/feedback in a more timely manner. It was a great decision and has made our work relationship much stronger.

    3. Rather than passively waiting for your mentor to tell you what you’re doing right and wrong, use her as a sounding board. Ask her to lunch or coffee, then tell her about a few things that have come up where you weren’t sure what to do – how to behave in a meeting, how much time to invest in a complex assignment before going back for clarification, etc. This will show her that you are genuinely interested in others’ viewpoints and give her an idea of what kinds of feedback would be helpful to you.

      Also ask her generally what she thinks you should be doing now in your career to be successful at your current employer long term.

      The quality of your written work, as reflected in summer associate and early litigation assignment reviews, is sadly not that big a part of how successful you will be. So don’t get too hung up on that part. Think about the big picture of how you can create a niche for yourself in the professional world.

  25. Ladies- I need help. I have a shopping addiction. As you may be able to tell from my username, I do not have the income to support this addiction. I am deep in law school debt. I am working a government job this summer and not getting paid. Yet for some reason I cannot stop myself from shopping- it’s like therapy for me. It is such a bad habit. I don’t know what to do. I keep trying to justify it to myself- like “Oh, this will complete my wardrobe” or “it’s on sale” or whatever- but the truth is I just need to stop cold turkey. How? Has anyone been through this? Any advice/support would be appreciated! (and I realize after re-reading this that it may sound kind of troll-ish but I promise it’s not!)

    1. I used to be like this. Get a hobby. I’m serious. Most of this is just boredom. My first idea would be a library, and second would be some volunteer work that you love. be a big sister, lead a girl scout troop, volunteer for boys and girls club, work at a camp, build a habitat house. You will realize that the people you admire most aren’t necessarily the best dressed!

      I promise, pro,ose PROMISE that the practice of law is nothing to bind yourself in golden handcuffs over. I have a ton of bad days where I feel like I need a treat for enduring my daily grind. Get this under control or it will be a lifetime thing.

    2. You should find something more substantive to substitute for the shoolong addiction. I suggest taking up a hobby or spending time in a soup kitchen. You may find a kindred spirit out there to take you away from the shopping. Best of everything.

    3. Okay, you won’t believe the site I just discovered today that is on just this topic:
      http://myyearwithoutclothesshopping.com/

      I found it because Imogen Lamport linked to it at the end of her new ebook about accessories. I’ve been using shopping as therapy lately as well, so it resonated w/ me.

    4. I used to be like that until I started making lists.
      I make lists of all my wants, needs and splurges.
      I do one big trip for shopping (usually combined with a business trip) and go on a shopping marathon for 3 days.
      This taking into consideration my price range for every item.
      Usually by the end of the shopping spree I am fed up with shopping for a few weeks. Then after the few weeks have passed, I just tell myself: “Oh houda you lasted 3 months without buying, why do you want to buy now?”
      It also helps that in my country everything is so overpriced that I hate spending 2 or 3 times the real price of an item.

  26. Any corporette women of color know what to do about what I guess are ashy knees? Meaning patches of dark, dry skin on my knee caps? Dermatologist says just moisturize, but I’ve tried every moisturizer under the sun (and some exfoliation) and it does not make an ounce of difference. The only thing that really helps is when my legs are really tanned, then you can’t see the dark patches. But in the meantime I feel super self-conscious wearing knee-length skirts, shorts etc.

    1. How about bio-oil? I am Asian, but have had really bad dark scars from leg surgery (up and down both sides of both shins, used to be really noticeable) and it has helped me lighten them. It’s not a miracle though – but after using consistently for a year it’s helped.

    2. I’m not black, but my elderly aunt is, and I cared for her for a while when she was ill. She had ashy skin in spots, and a doctor recommended a gel moisturizer – I think it was Johnson and Johnson? – and it worked even though no regular moisturizers did.

      1. My friend uses this. J+J baby oil gel.

        FWIW, rubbing baby oil mixed with salt or sugar (into a paste) into dry spots in the shower works on my pale, white skin.

    3. You can get the base for cream prescriptions at the pharmacy (the base is not medicated, obviously)- that stuff is ridiculously good at getting rid of patches of dry skin, and not at all irritating. I’m biracial, and I live in a city that is insanely dry, so I’ve had problems with dry skin and I keep a little jar of the base handy. My doctor wrote it on a prescription sheet to take to the pharmacy, but I’m 95% sure no prescription is needed.

      You could also try visiting a dermatologist- it might be a skin condition. For regular lotion, I find the Body Shop’s Body Butter to be fantastic in the winter, and in the summer I use St. Ives Collagen Elastin (plus Ombrelle!).

    4. I had written an elaborate answer but my internet went off…
      Here is a summary:
      Do’s:
      – Moisturize whenever you think of it (the type of cream used does not really matter, the thicker the better)
      – Use sunscreen if your knees are exposed to the sun
      – Just after shower use almond oil (on wet skin), then pat dry.. So far this has been the best moisturizer I have found
      Don’t kneel (for gym, praying, talking to not tall kids etc.). If you must kneel, then try to have some padding/cushion between your knees and the hard floor.
      Also if you have ashy knees, it is probably the case for elbows, so consider moisturizing also your elbows.
      Good luck

    5. my dermatologist recommended drug-store eczema moisturizer (even though I don’t have eczema) and it took care of things in a few weeks. Also took care of a painfully dry patch on my neck, which was just random and a little uncomfortable.

    6. Wow, thanks for all the suggestions, ladies! Corporette is such a great resource! Now, does anyone know where to find almond oil in the US? I’m going to go out and look for several of the suggested products – and try intesive knee moisturizing for the next few weeks! Thanks Houda especially for the comment about avoiding kneeling – I spent a lot of time on my knees – yoga, kids, etc. – and thinking about it now, it does seem to make my knees worse.

      1. Oh, are you sure it’s ashy skin and not calluses, then? I am an avid yogi, and I get really, really bad calluses on my knees, forearms, and the heels of my hands. I started using a yoga towel (actually mine is a microfiber Gaiam travel mat, but you could get a Yogitoes towel) on top of my regular mat and they’ve mostly faded after a couple of months of doing using the towel.

      2. I use coconut oil, and you can find it in any grocery store. Once a week in the summer I put it all over after a shower, and let it soak in (2 or 3 times a week in the winter).

      3. If you are near a Whole Foods or Earthfare store, you’ll find almond oil in their body care section.

  27. Hi ladies! Asking a question about proper office etiquette. I have just started my job as an analyst at a DC trading prop shop (so I guess just a finance place). It is relatively small (<150 employees) and my analyst class is 20.

    I'm trying to meet people and make new friends and get to know co-workers better. I am an avid (indoor) rock climber and have talked to analysts and other people at the company about it. Is it improper for me to invite analysts or associates or anyone to come rock climbing with me at a gym either after work or over a weekend? I want to be friendly, but don't want to appear overly eager and/or familiar.

    1. Not improper, but I think sending a blast email, for example, is not the way to do it. At the next group lunch/watercooler break with your colleagues, bring up the topic of “what’s everyone doing this weekend” and listen and be engaged as people discuss their plans. Presumably, this time or at the next casual gathering, someone will say “Gee Locomotive, what are your weekend plans?” and you will say “I am rock climbing – I do it every weekend!” Someone will probably say something like, “wow, that’s interesting/scary/hard” to which you respond, “yeah, it’s so great, even when I first was getting started. You guys should totally come next time! I’m going tomorrow at 11am at __ gym. I love introducing people to this fun activity!”

      And if people come, great. If they don’t, that’s cool. Just continue to be enthusiastic and emphasize how much you love introducing new people to it at subsequent lunches/breaks, and always include a “you guys are totally welcome to come! I’ll be there at 11am tomorrow.” I expect after a few rounds of this, someone will bite :).

    2. I think it would be ok to send a blast email to your class of 20, or to those analyst you already know, but not to the entire firm or people you don’t know yet. It’s not unusual in my office for people to just walk around from office to office and say “I’m planning Activity for Date, and am making a list of everyone who’s interested. Are you interested? I’ll email you the info.”

      I think rock climbing would be fun – people in my office would def. go for this. Then again, we also like paintballing and running.

    3. Funny – I actually climb every week with a group from my husband’s office! He started out by inviting a few people that he worked with regularly, and we added other co-workers, significant others and friends to the group over time. We usually go out for a beer afterward, which gives us added motivation!

  28. My bestie is leaving town for law school in a few weeks. What’s a good gift in the 50-100$ range?

    1. if you know what laptop she’ll have I think a cute laptop case would be a great gift. She’ll use it all the time and it is a must have for law school.

    3. Spa gift card for a massage. My first year was VERY stressful and it would have been nice to have a massage as it isn’t something I did for myself but should have.

      1. I completely agree! I kept saying that I wanted a professional massage, but couldn’t justify the cost. That would definitely be something nice for her after a stressful week.

      2. I completely agree. I was dog tired all the time and too broke to do something like this (or mani/pedi) my whole first year. Give her something to spoil herself. If she’s not the pampering type, what about a gift card to a well-liked local spot?

    4. A good day planner, a gift certificate for a massage that she can use before/after exams, a little piece of art or something for her new apartment (one of my friends did this, and whenever I see it, I think of her…so I really like it).

  29. So my whole family (parents, brother, sister-in-law, sister, brother-in-law and 3 nieces) headed over to the Vineyard for brunch on my brother’s boat about half an hour ago. But I’m sitting here working and feeling sorry for myself.

    2. I’m stuck studying for summer class finals and writing a 20 page paper all weekend. Happy 4th to us, Bunkster!

    3. My entire family is going on vacation from Sun-Fri. I have to miss it because of my internship and clinic. I may be alone on the 4th. :(

    4. I feel for you. I worked on a brief for 8 hours yesterday. On the bright side, I accomplished quite a bit since I was the only person in the office.

      Will you be able to enjoy any of the weekend?

    1. Hee. But from what I can tell those seem to be some of the nicer pants in the store. Sad.

      1. Actually – it would probably keep the mozzies / bugs / horseflies / whatever away ;)

        Even men, I guess.

    5. I would actually love a pair of pants. I go to the Disney parks pretty frequently, but hate having my legs exposed to all the heat. Instead of wearing a maxi dress, I could wear these and get on and off rides a lot easier!

  31. Thanks to all Corporettes who posted here recently in favour of Neutrogena Ultra-sheer for oil (slick)y skin!
    I was not familiar wit the product at all, but bought some based on the glowing reviews on this site, and am loving it.
    I’m 30+ and this is the FIRST product I have found that keeps my skin from getting disgustingly oily in a few hours.
    Thanks again, and enjoy your long weekend!

    1. I bought it too – I think I recommended Neutrogena Age Shield, and wanted to see if Ultra Sheer was really better. After seeing it recommended on Beautypedia as well, I bought it. It is better! So excited for matte sunscreen!

    1. I think the blazer is really nice, but the polyester lining will prevent the linen from feeling as cool and breezy as one normally wants linen to feel. If you’re buying it just for the look, I think it’s great. But if you wanted a linen blazer to keep you cool in hot weather, I’d pass on this one and look for one with no lining or with a natural fiber lining.

  33. Yay! I’m so excited! Me and my DH are taking a much needed vacay to Vancouver at the end of summer and we are looking to find some fun things to do and great places to eat. We don’t know a THING about Vancouver but have always wanted to go. Any tips? Suggestions? Things to do during the day or night? Thanks so very much!!

      1. Don’t laugh, there’s a clothing line called “Joe Fresh” sold in grocery stores that is absolutely fantastic. (I didn’t believe it either, but it’s supposedly the creative team behind Club Monaco, back when Club Monaco had great stuff).

        It’s worth checking out the line — the spring stuff is on sale. I just got two really great cotton dresses for $19 each.

      1. Late reply — this is an AWESOME trip, but be forewarned, the drive is lengthy. You will probably need to plan a place to stay in Kelowna and drive back to Vancouver the next day.

    3. We went to Vancouver last summer…it was awesome.

      For restaurants, we ate at two places in the “glowbal” collection (unintentionally really) — including the Trattoria and the Glowbal grill. Both were excellent, and the Trattoria is relatively reasonably priced.

      We rented bikes and biked about twenty miles through the big park along the water, over to Granville Island and so on. If you can plan you bike ride to have lunch at Granville, it is awesome.

      A day trip up to WHistler is really a beautiful drive. As is a trip over to Vancouver Island.

      Yaletown is pretty fun at night, as is the big main drag (can’t think of it’s name sorry) but it has tons of lights and clubs and stuff, kind of fun.

      Hope this helps.

    4. I love Vancouver!

      There are a lot of clubs on Granville Street, which is the main drag in downtown. Be careful about getting a hotel there though, because many of them are built above the clubs.

      Granville island is always a fun place to visit. There is a large food market as well as a lot of little shops. I also liked the observation tower. You get a 360 degree view of the city.

      I never got to do this, but if you are adventurous I have heard great things about the Capilano suspension bridge.

      Hope this help. Have fun!

    5. I spent a week there 2 years ago. It’s a nature-y outdoor place. Take a bike ride or walk around Stanley Park (rental bikes are easy to find downtown). There’s also a good selection of boutiques, vintage shops and galleries on Granville (on the other side of the bridge from downtown). Gastown is cute. It’s summer, so look for any festivals during the dates you’re there.

    6. Not sure if it is on right now or if this is in your interest range but vancouver has a half decent opera house and a few ballet companies.

    7. Lots to do in Vancouver at this time of year. It’s my part of the world so happy to give some tips:

      – there are two outdoor theatre events over the summer months – Theatre Under the Stars, in Stanley Park, and Bard on the Beach. TUTS does musicals and Bard, obviously, does Shakespeare. Both are really worth looking into if you like that sort of thing – they both have websites and you can buy tickets online.
      – you can spend a really nice day simply walking along the seawall, which runs from downtown all around Stanley Park, around False Creek and to Granville Island. Great views and lots of interesting things to see along the way.
      – go to Granville Island Public Market for lunch – you can wander around the market and pick things up for a picnic, then eat outside. Lots of buskers around and local products to try out.
      – if you can afford it, Harbour Air does seaplane tours out of downtown Vancouver – you can just do a one-hour sightseeing tour, or you can fly to Victoria for the day. The views are out of this world (I am a bit jaded from taking the seaplane too much in my regular life, but whenever tourists are on the plane, it reminds me again of what a great part of the world I live in).
      – someone already suggested the Capilano Suspension Bridge, but if you continue further up past there, you can take the gondola up Grouse Mountain and do a bit of hiking up there. Or, if you are renting a car, drive up to Cypress Mountain to go hiking there. Vancouver is all about being outdoors.
      – good food: Vij’s (for Indian; get there early because they don’t take reservations), Yamato Sushi (for sushi; a little hole in the wall, but the best sushi in Vancouver, which is saying a lot), Victoria Chinese Restaurant (downtown, for fantastic dim sum; it is in the bottom of an office building but is open all the time), Italian Kitchen (for modern, upscale Italian), Miku Restaurant (for unusual, to-die-for Japanese food), C (for seafood).

      Have fun and post again to my attention if you want any other info!

  34. In an attempt to procrastinate while studying for that little test at the end of the summer, I must share 2 things.

    1. I had the misfortune of sitting through the new Transformers movie last night (2.5 hours long!) and one of the main characters had a Birkin bag. I only knew what that was because of the infamous discussion here, but I felt so informed when I could whisiper to my my husband that such a bag costs at least $10,000.

    2. I bought my first wrap dress! I am so excited to pass that little test and start wearing my new fabulous grown up clothes!

  35. Dear Tory Burch,

    I bought your Eddie flats on sale for $125. At first I thought they were really comfy, but they actually weren’t. Elasticized band digging into heel, no arch support, the usual ballerina complaints. I could live with that, but you know what? Having the sole peel away from the toe the first time I wore them? Not okay. Immediate discoloration (cactus green turning into a turquoise around the edges)? Not okay. I will keep these shoes, being on sale and the only closed-toe shoes I have that look decent with light-colored linen skirts.

    But I will not buy your overpriced, overrated shoes ever again.

    Bloch ballerinas FTW!

    Love,
    Me

    1. I hate my Riva flats. I can’t walk more than 30 feet without the elastic heel falling off my foot and turning the shoe into a flip flop. Why they don’t just make normal backs to their shoes is beyond me.

      I’m also a little over seeing every other young woman on the metro wearing a pair. They’re like the Coach-emblazoned handbags of shoes.

  36. This may be too personal a question, but does anyone have a hormonal birth control she loves and recommends? I’ve been on Yaz (or generic of it) for 4 years now, and I’m looking to switch. Suggestions? Thanks in advance! Also, does anyone love her IUD? I’ve heard scary things about them. I definitely won’t want a child in the next 3-5 years, may want one after that.

    1. I, funnily enough, have opinions on both of these.

      I was on Ortho Tri-cyclen lo and literally never had a single problem on it (but I think all birth control is super personal).

      I have a Mirena currently because of a variety of health problems that made a hormonal bc form not feasible and I pretty much love it. It hurt like hell going in, but I don’t have to worry about a daily pill or remembering a ring or anything. I love it (and I’ve never been pregnant or had a baby or anything, though a doc may give you crap about that) and I don’t get my period anymore.

      There are also metal IUDs that are entirely non-hormonal, but my understanding is that those have many more potential side effects.

      That’s all I know.

    2. Sigh. We are talking about the bane of my existence. Starting at 14 I had cysts on my ovaries and was put on a random generic bc for a few months. In college I used ortho tri cyclen regular for about 4 years with no problems. Then I got diagnosed w/ a disease that could cause me to not absorb my pill so I went on the patch. Two years later I started having heart palps, a weird discharge but no infections, dizziness, naseua, etc. Docs sent me for all kinds of tests, decided it was my bc, and put me on Allese. I gained 12 pounds in 2 weeks – all water weight. I was then put on Yaz and bled all the time. Not good for me at all. Then I went off bc all together and just used condoms. Now, three years later, I have a hormonal issue making me sick half the month. So, I’m back on hormones again. This time I opted to go back on ortho tri cyclen regular and see how long I can hack it.

    3. I’ve been on Ortho TriCyclen (regular and Lo, both generic), as well as Yaz and Yazmin. It seemed like the low-estrogen versions didn’t work as well to control my horrific cramps or my acne, though I haven’t had other problems with any of them.

      I currently have a Mirena and absolutely love it. Second the “hurt like hell going in,” and I had cramps for a week and some very minor spotting for about a month. (Sorry if that’s TMI.) But since then, no period (and no cramps) for the past three years. Also gone? My monthly neurotic panic that I’d gotten pregnant despite taking my pill correctly. I’ll probably get another one when my five years is up with this one.

      1. Do you not still have a neurotic panic that somehow the IUD isn’t working and you’ve gotten pregnant? I feel like if I didn’t have a regular period, I would definitely randomly panic and think I was pregnant despite knowing the incredibly statistically low failure rate of IUDs. This (and the “hurt like hell”) is basically the only thing keeping me from getting an IUD (well, and the last time I asked, my doctor refused. That’s another story).

        1. No – sort of surprisingly, I don’t. In part because (as you mentioned), statistically speaking, in women of my age group the Mirena is equivalently effective with having one’s tubes tied. The other contributing factor to my paranoia was that I had been on hormonal BC (and therefore so predictable I knew when my period was due down to the hour) for so long that apparently my endometrium thinned out and I started being later and later. Which led to massive panic when things didn’t happen as I expected them to. With the IUD, I check to make sure it’s there, but once I know it is I assume it’s doing its job because the lack of period that happens is what I’m expecting.

          And honestly, the “hurts like hell” is very brief and was a small price to pay, as far as I was concerned. YMMV of course.

        2. Hmmm, I thought I was a slight pinch going in….. But them again, I’d had my second naatural (no med) childbirth 6 weeks prior so perhaps my pain threshold was still skewed……

          1. I love my Mirena! Totally easy, no need to remember, very high success rate, and once it’s pulled, your fertility normalizes in days. Divaliscious11, you probably felt less pain because your uterus and cervix are somewhat soft 6 weeks postpartum (putting an IUD in is way less stress than getting a baby out). Women who have not had a recent vaginal birth will likely have more pain due to the fact their cervix is tightly closed.

      2. I’m half-way between the hurts like hell people and the ones who say it’s not so terrible. As a woman who’s never had a baby, I had a few moments of serious discomfort but nothing so bad. BUT I had a month of pretty bad cramps afterwards. Nothing debilitating, but it was uncomfortable. Now that I’m 4 months past that, I’m thrilled with not having to think for a moment about having super-effective BC.

    4. I’ve been on Seasonale/Seasonique for the past 6 years or so, and it’s super. The only issue I have is that if I forget to take it one day, and it’s close enough to when I should have my period, I start spotting. Otherwise, no issues for me! The only issue I’ve had with hormonal bc was with generic mircette – I had a period for 2 months straight. It sucked.

    5. I was on Ortho tri-cyclen lo for a while, and I loved it, but I had to switch to the generic version of the regular ortho tri-cyclen for financial reasons. I have had no real problems with it, other than (occasionally severe) breast tenderness the week prior to menstruation. It was so uncomfortable last year that I switched to Loestrin-24. Terrible mistake. I was an emotional train wreck. I decided to go back on the ortho tri-cyclen, because I would rather be sane with breast tenderness than feel the way I did when I was taking Loestrin.

      A friend of mine got an IUD in the fall, and she loves it. She said that it hurt when it was inserted, and she had some cramping that day, but she has had no problems since then.

    6. I loved Depo Provera, and used it for years. After that I used Lybrel, which is a continuous hormonal method (no placebos). I loved not having a period.

    7. I had a copper IUD for about three years, and just got it taken out recently. I am 25 and got it put in when I was younger than the average age, but I cannot take hormonal birth control and wanted to exhaust all of my options. I loved it for the first two years; it was painful to have inserted, but nothing agonizing, and the security of knowing my birth control was the most reliable out there AND was non-hormonal was awesome. However, it did make my periods much heavier and crampier, and by the end of the 3 years I was spotting almost every day and having unpredictable, spontaneous, significant bleeding between cycles such that I couldn’t even really have sex. My understanding is that this reaction is unusual but not extremely so. But, it was worth it, and looking back I’d do it again if for no other reason than it got me through the irresponsible college years without a surprise baby.

      1. I have the copper IUD. I got it about 2 yrs ago. The first year was crampier/heavier than normal, but now its a fairly normal, non-BC period. A few points — I went off yaz to get the IUD b/c I was sick of being on hormones. It was difficult to get in b/c I had some scarring on my cervix from an earlier procedure, but they got it in. And yes, it hurt, but whatever, it wasn’t that bad. The bad part was that I apparently needed yaz to control my PMDD and didn’t know it. So I got a bit crazy (admittedly). Fortunately I have a great doctor how suggested I get on progesterone cream (bio-identical; not what the studies have tested with is progestin and is not bio-identical). Anyway, that solved the issues. The plus, no worries about pregnancy, sex is WAYYYYYY better, and no unnecessary hormones. The downsides, heavier periods than on BC, I actually gained some weight, my boobs got bigger (and they aren’t small to begin with), and I sometimes have a little spotting with exercise (nothing major tho).

    8. I have a paraguard (non-hormonal) IUD and I love it. I don’t do well with hormones, but after my second, was fairly sure I was done with having kids. Have had it 8 years with no issues, trying to decide if I will get another, or have a ligation when this one has to be removed. We have several mid-40’s babies in our family and I don’t want one….

    9. I am on NuvaRing and love it. I tried Seasonale, but out of the 13 week pack, I would have spotting and cramps for 10 weeks. No thanks. The NuvaRing is great because you can put it in and forget about it for a few weeks, plus it is a very low dose of estrogen.

      I considered Mirena, but my uterus was too small for it (no children). I’ve heard that they’re considering a smaller version and that’s what I’d go with if I had the option. Everything I’ve heard about Mirena is great.

    10. I use Implanon. I had problems with skin darkening on bc pills, and I was between an IUD and Implanon. I went with Implanon because while complications with IUDs are very rare, when things go wrong, they go really wrong. I have had zero issues with Implanon and can’t say enough good things about it.

    11. No recommendation, but thanks for posting this question. I’ve been taking Yaz for about 4 years now. I started with the generic Ocella, which I loved, but my pharmacy switched it about 6 months ago to Zarah because the corporation has a better deal with that brand. I switched pharmacies after a few months because I found Zarah caused daily spotting and cramps, (for me, obviously, not in general) and CVS carries Ocella for the same price (with my insurance).

      But I’ve been thinking of trying Seasonique or Nuva-Ring – you’ve inspired me to actually start researching other BC options (like the OP, not looking to get pregnant immediately, but not sure about 4 years from now).

      1. I am currently hormone-free for a variety of reasons, but I used to use Nuvaring and LOVED it. I didn’t have any of the side-effects of other methods I had tried (I had the damnedest time remembering to take the pill – I think Orthotricyclin, and it made me moody and dropped my sex drive, and the Patch irritated my skin locally and made me bat-shit crazy), and there was only one awkward moment where it came out during some, ahem, vigorous activity and ended up ringed around the partner… kind of in the trading gum vein, only much much weirder. Luckily he thought it was hilarious.
        If you are going to go the hormone route, I highly highly recommend it.

      2. I’m going to second Nuvaring. It lasts 4 weeks, so you can easily use two back to back if you need to skip a period or use it for 23-24 days and shorten the hormone-free time between rings. It seems to have fewer side effects than other methods. I don’t think I’ve talked to a single woman who tried it who didn’t love it, but I have heard that it’s a bad choice if you’re prone to yeast infections. I think it did take me a month or two to get used to it, but after that short period I don’t notice it’s there at all.

        1. Ha! I loved my nuvaring…until I got pregnant while using it. Well, now I have my son, who’s pretty awesome, so no real complaints there either.

      3. I’ve had problems with the switch from Ocella to Zarah, too. (Same deal with my pharmacy.) Worse control of my acne, and my blood pressure’s gone up a few points – which actually happened on the brand-name Yaz too. How did you figure out which pharmacies stock Ocella on your insurance? I definitely want to switch back!

    12. Woody (what a name) Allen of all people told us of a very effective method of oral contraceptive.

      When Woody asked a pretty woman to have sex with him, she said no.

    13. I loved my Mirena IUD. It didn’t hurt much going in, although my doc gave me a small prescription for cytotec (cervical softener) to take the night before, which can really help if you haven’t given birth. I had it for a little over a year, and it was perfect- no maintenance, periods stopped immediately, extremely reliable. Unfortunately, I developed a huge ovarian cyst and had to have it taken out. My doctors don’t think the IUD caused it, but, because Mirena doesn’t stop ovulation, it may have contributed to the size. So, with that experience in mind, I’d be wary if you are predisposed to PCOS or have had ovarian problems in the past.

      I’m currently on birth control pills, and have had experience with a variety of brands over the years. Some women have bad reactions to certain hormone formulations, so you may just have to experiment and see which ones work best for you. For me, they all seem to work equally well with no side effects, as long as they are monophasic (ie, one constant hormone dose in all the pills). Triphasics make me an emotional wreck. For that reason, I’d recommend something like Ortho-Cyclen, NOT Ortho Tri Cyclen. Because I’m still a student, I just try to get a prescription for whatever’s cheapest- figure out what’s covered by Target/Walgreens/Walmart’s $4 prescription program, and go with that.

    14. I’m glad you asked. I’m kind of in a bc bind right now. I’ve tried multiple kinds of hormonal bc, and the side effects ranged from bat-crazy (depo provera) to depressed with no sex drive (every type of pill I’ve tried). I eventually gave up and when my last relationship ended just went off bc all together. I’m so much happier off it I don’t want to go back on, but my partner doesn’t really like condoms, either. I’m tempted by IUDs but my sister has the copper IUD and it’s taken her cramps from “annoying” to requiring prescription muscle relaxants to function (although she still likes the IUD). My cramps are pretty bad as is, so I’m too afraid to get an IUD myself.

    15. i’ve been on Allesse (generic is aviane) for several years now. my doctor gave me carte blanche to use normally or as an extended cycle (instead of placebo pills start a new pack if i want to). No mood swings, no spotting like I got on ortho tricyclen, and it definitely helps keep my skin clear. I do have some bloating if I go more than 3 or 4 packs without a period, but I’m pretty sure that would go away too if I let my body adjust to the longer time-frame.

  37. Question: what do you do with old love letters from past boyfriends?

    I was engaged before I married my now-husband and have some letters and jewelry from my ex-fiance. I found out this week that he was killed in a car accident. I hadn’t spoken to him in 15 years, and actually didn’t even realize I still had the letters. But I do, and now I don’t know what to do with them. It wasn’t a great relationship – there was emotional abuse, and he stalked me after we broke up – but it was significant. He was my first love, first everything. I don’t want to deny the relationship just because he is gone now. However, I don’t necessarily want to keep this stuff either. I think it would probably be upsetting for my kids or grandkids to go through my stuff at some point and realize these very heartfelt letters aren’t from their dad/grandpa. I am also not sure my husband appreciates knowing I have these – he understood my sadness at my ex-fiance’s passing, but seems a little bothered about the letters.

    Do any of you have love letters from past boyfriends? Does it bother your current partner that you have them? Has anyone burned or trashed old letters and then regretted it later?

    1. Not I, but my sister once gave me some papers to “keep” for her regarring her first marriage, which ended in divorce (along with high school mementos). I stuck them in my attic and she has never asked for them again. Maybe giving them to a friend or family member to put them up for you would be a good intermediate solution. Then in a few years you may feel more comfortable trashing them. Your husband does not have to know what happened to them.

    2. I kept them for a few years in box at my Dad’s house and finally trashed them last year. So far, no regrets. I read through them before throwing them away and that was enough-I realiZed that the emotions were very real at the time but the meaning now was not what it had been.

      Ex-BF was married, so that helped as well. I think reading through a few may help-I felt very neutral toward the letters, which indicated to me that I was ready to throw them away.

      1. I missed one of your questions: yes, I was (and still am) dating someone else at the time I threw the letters away, and he was a bit upset when he found out I had them. I understood that-they were letters from my first love and he took it as a sign that maybe I wasn’t actually over my ex. I am a letter keeper in general and hate throwing letters away, but in this case it felt like the right thing to do. Ultimately I threw them away because I wanted to do so; BF never asked me to do that.

    3. I would recommend that you burn these items. That’s what I did, and it felt much cleaner than simply throwing them in the trash to rot. I held onto items for a long time (including an antique piece of art that he gave me, which I also burned) and I have never once regretted it or missed having the items. I will say that I did kind of grieve when I watched them burn, but once they were ash, I felt good.

    4. I scanned/photographed things and emailed them to myself, and then disposed of them. Not because I expect to want to see them, but in the rare event where they’d be important I figure I might as well be able to pull them up (e.g., if he becomes famous and I’m contacted by a biographer or something equally far fetched!). Current significant other knows and was happy with this.

    5. I don’t see anything wrong with keeping them if you are the kind of person who keeps everything – I save little mementos, letters, notes, etc from different times in my life, and it would be weird for me NOT to save letters from an ex. However, if you are only saving these letters in particular and not mementos from all of your past relationships and events in your life, then I understand why it bothers your husband and I think you shouldn’t save them because it indicates that you’re holding on to this one relationship.

      As for how to dispose of them, you could give them to a trusted friend and ask her to do it for you. Or, I agree with the recommendation to burn them, if you have a fireplace. That seems a bit more sentimental than throwing them away, and there’s great symbolic value in seeing your old love letters burn away.

      1. It seems weird to throw letters and pictures away. I have a box full of letters from friends, family, and old boyfriends. Part of my life.

        1. This. I have letters from an old fiance from college (along with meaningful old letters and cards from other people) up in our attic. I can’t imagine throwing them away, although I have never ever looked at them since I placed them in that box 10+ years ago. I don’t think my husband is even aware of the existence of those letters, but I can’t imagine it would bother him since I never look at that stuff. To get rid of them would feel to me like erasing precious and important years of my life.

          1. That’s really interesting. I never felt like I was erasing anything-for me it felt weird to keep a love letter from someone who was happily married. It felt like holding on to something that was no longer ‘mine.’ Other letters, from friends, grandmas, etc are different. I’ve enjoyed these responses and seeing how others have handled this.

  38. What are the TSA requirements re: cosmetics like mascara, lipgloss/stick, etc.? Can you keep them in your carry-on or purse?

    1. I’m in Canada, but here we’re required to put them into the clear plastic baggies that they give you just before going through security, because they’re ‘gel’. I’ve been stopped a couple of times for a lip gloss hiding in the bottom of my purse, and it is always the most annoying thing. But then sometimes I find them at the bottom of my purse after a flight, and I haven’t been stopped. I guess it depends on the person doing the scan.

      You can also just ask the people that funnel you into the various security lines- they usually know what will get people stopped, and they’ve always been helpful when I say “do I have to put this in a baggie?”.

    2. They don’t need to go into the plastic baggie. I remember reading that on the TSA blog. I haven’t taken them out for 20+ trips and never had a problem.

      1. Depends on the airport. Busier airports usually don’t care. Smaller/less busy terminals do. If you don’t want to lose it (ie, if its your favorite lipgloss) make sure it fits in your baggie. I travel A LOT. Maybe 5% of the time I’ve had to make that stuff fit in my baggie. But I wouldn’t want to lose a Chanel lipgloss b/c it didn’t fit.

  39. I tried on my first pair of Stuart Weitzman chicpumps and they were like a dream!
    Only problem is I have slightly “lumpy and bumpy” toes. I’m just wondering whether it’s unprofessional to let your shoes be a little bumpy where your toes are because those pumps just conformed so comfortably to my feet! I’m just worried a wider width would cause my foot to slip out.
    Thanks!

    1. I don’t think I would notice this. I think you should go for it if you love them so much.

  40. PSA – cambria cove (dot com) is closing out their website. Everything is on sale. Good quality, unique items. Not related, just a sad customer!

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