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Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Wool Jacket

Stella McCartney Wool Jacket | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Wow — what a stone cold cool wool jacket from Stella McCartney. Love (love) (love!) the peplum back, and the hi-low effect for all of it. Gaw-geous. It's $1545, at Nordstrom. Stella McCartney Wool Jacket A few lower-priced coats with a similar feel are here, here, and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-5)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

150 Comments

  1. Striking jacket.

    Do people send Xmas/New Year’s/Holiday cards anymore? Is that just over?

    I used to send them in my 20’s for awhile, then stopped and I just can’t be bothered.

    1. I missed one year, but I’ve always done them. Primarily for family, especially older relatives who rely on mail. Before having kids I made a drawing or took a pretty picture in late fall and used that. Now, just kid pictures.

    2. I was wondering this too, because we adopted a dog and bought a house this year so it feels like maybe it’s time. But I’ve never received one except from the older generation of family (parents’ generation and up).

    3. We still do. I love getting them so sending them is part of that. We don’t do the letter any more though (my parents always did the 1-page letter and still do), just a bunch of pictures of the kids and a couple with us in them. :)

    4. I send 50 or so Christmas cards every year, and have done since I was 20 or so. I think the practice is becoming less common, but I love Christmas and I love getting mail that isn’t a bill or a flyer, so I keep doing it.

    5. Yep – I love sending and receiving. My Southern friends have always sent them; Northern friends started sending more and more once babies arrived. Some people include letters (mostly parents’ generation). My friends tend to short updates if any; some put brief updates pre-printed on the card (like next to each kid’s name, a few highlights like 2nd grader, Lego-maniac, Nancy Drew lover), which I really like because I get a picture of the personality/interests too.

      1. We get dozens and dozens. Maybe it’s a southern thing, like you say. Last year, I counted 60, I think. I send them too.

        1. or a parent thing (west coast. here). As soon as our friends had babies, we were deluged with holiday cards. We do one, with a photo of the kiddo – so far-flung friends can keep up with her age – and one or two of us with her or having an adventure. I love the tradition!

    6. I haven’t managed to get them out in recent years, but I do take in a haul. I get more traditional folded cards with hand-written notes from older relatives, but the younger folks will send out photo cards (like the ones that Shutterfly etc.) make with a spread of family photos. I love them! We always made paper chains in my family then stapled the cards to the chain and used the chain to decorate a doorway or mantel.

    7. I usually do the folded card with a note inside because we don’t have kids. We usually get quite a few as well.

      Spinoff question — Do people generally like receiving a card with a photo of just the couple and their dogs? I’m torn on whether that’s interesting or not. If we do that, I’ll still include a note to the recipient because I like doing that.

          3. Also, if I like you enough to give you my address, I like you enough to get a picture of *you*. Babies and puppies are cute but aren’t a requirement.

      2. I love getting photos and actually HATE it when the photos are just of kids. as in, if you have kids, do a family shot! you were my friend first!
        and I love pics of couples/singles with or without pets. just don’t be the person who sends ONLY a pic of your pet! :)

    8. Yes, in my late 20s and I have friends (couples) send them. We plan on sending them this year. I think it’s nice to keep in touch with more distant-relatives who you may only see every few years.

    9. I do this! Last year I didn’t send many, though. It’s part of my trying to send cards for any little thing, though – I know that receiving a handwritten note makes me feel special so I try to do the same for my friends.

    10. I’ve given up on getting cards out but love receiving them, especially if they include a photo of my friends and not just the kids.

    11. I’m late 20s, single with no pets, and I send a photo card every year with a picture of me in a fabulous place I’ve traveled to (Sydney Opera House, Golden Gate Bridge, Grand Canyon) over the past year :)

      I’m in the south, and receive probably 60-80 Christmas cards from similar aged peers/friends/couples.

      1. I love this idea! I wish my non-married/parent friends would send me cards like these.

  2. Anyone watch the Good Wife last night? I was very “meh” about last season but I really loved the season premiere and now have high hopes for this season. The scenes in bond court especially felt like a throwback to season 1 in the best way.

    2. Yes, I thought the same. It was very classic Good Wife with Alicia struggling with her career and dissention in her marriage and issues at Lockhart, Agos & Lee. Throw in Louis Canning and the new bond court attorney and I thought it was a great start to what looks to be another great season.

      1. Yes, but inquiring minds want to know if Matthew Goode is coming back this season? Because YUM.

      2. The new bond court attorney seemed like a Kalinda replacement. I also don’t think Matthew Goode is coming back, but I believe Jeffrey Dean Morgan (I think that’s his name) is coming on as Alicia’s new love interest.

  3. I’ll be traveling to DC for work in mid November for a conference from Wednesday to Friday (ends at noon.) My husband would like to join me and make a weekend out of it. He would fly in Friday morning and we would leave Sunday night or Monday afternoon. We’re in our late 20s/early 30s. Have only been to DC for work in the past few years. Haven’t done any touristy stuff since our middle school trips to DC. I know there are a lot of DC women on this forum, so I’d like to ask for things you recommend we add to our agenda.

    What are must see tourist stops and any particular unique things we should do that aren’t necessarily the top tourist destinations? How would you recommend structuring the day — how long to spend at each activity?

    Any restaurant recommendations — we’re big foodies and open to any type of food.

    Where would you recommend we stay? I’m booked at the Washington Court Hotel for the conference so I could extend my stay there or I could move to a different hotel Friday. It would be more convenient to stay in the same hotel but if all the things we want to do aren’t walking distance, I’d rather move then have to spend a bunch on transportation costs.

    Thanks!

    1. You might be too late planning for this, but if you have any interest in touring the White House, get in touch with your Congressperson’s/Senator’s office TODAY to arrange that. It’s a self-guided tour, but it is neat to see, plus you can now take pictures during the tour. That office will also be able to arrange other tours (e.g. a small group tour of the Capitol led by a staffer from their office, so you don’t have to be on the huge “official” tour).

      The Newseum is often skipped by tourists because it costs money and all the Smithsonians are free, which means it’s a bit calmer and less crowded. It’s also a truly fantastic museum and definitely worth the entry fee– search online for tickets for a discount.

      Your hotel is convenient to the metro and the Capitol/Supreme Court, but not in a particularly exciting neighborhood.

      Preferences on food– budget? Type of cuisine?

      1. Do ask your Congressman’s office if they’ll do a small tour of the Capitol. A lot of offices stopped doing small tours on a regular basis when they opened the Capitol Visitor’s Center but if you specifically ask for one, they might. Of course, with the small tours, you do run the risk that some of the facts your tour guide (who’s likely the office intern) tells you may not be entirely accurate… Also ask your Congressman’s office for passes into the House Gallery if they’re in session. You might also ask if they can get you a tour of the capitol dome, but I think those are on hold until they’re done with restoration work.

        1. The small tour through your Congressperson’s office is great because you can move at your own pace, the guide knows where the statues for your state are, etc. But I second Gail’s point that the intern giving the tour may not know the facts– I cringe when I think about some of the answers I gave (read: made up) to questions when I gave these tours!

      2. The Newseum is truly fantastic. Make sure to take tissues, though – a couple of the galleries in particular are pretty hard-hitting.

      3. Visit the monuments at midnight, they’re still open and they encourage people to go! It’s peaceful and it gives you a side of the monuments most people don’t see. And I’ve always felt very safe doing it. And go to brunch at Ted’s Bulletin in Capitol Hill, they make the best homemade poptarts and have great classics. There are cute kitchen stores all along Capitol Hill to if you have time to do some morning/afternoon strolling (like Hill’s Kitchen, Salt & Sundry over in Logan Circle, Chocolate Moose in Dupont – all great walkable/explorable areas.) Union Market also has a craft show/farmers market.

    2. Your location itself is fine, but I might move if you plan to walk around and do touristy things. The blocks between about 1st and 5th streets on E can be surprisingly sketchy (I hate to say it but it’s the combination of the courthouse and a large shelter) and you’d need to walk that way to get to Chinatown/Metro Center/Penn Quarter. I’m not sure what part of the country you’re coming from, or what your tolerance for cold is, but if you’re up for a brisk walk, walking around the monuments can be a great afternoon. The WWII and Korean War monuments are my favorite, but FDR is very interesting and the Jefferson Monument on the Tidal Basin is lovely. Because none of the Smithsonian Museums charge admission, and they’re all lined up along the Mall, it’s easy to spend a day (or two) flitting from one to another. Air and Space, Natural History (which might be closed for renovations?), and American History are classics. If you want to see governmenty type stuff, do contact your Senator’s or Representative’s office about getting a tour of the Capitol. There’s a tour open without appointments, but it’s honestly a little lame and you’re better off getting a staffer to show you around. If you like to geek out, the Supreme Court will be in session and you might be able to get in to listen to arguments (if you’re not super law-geeky, there’s also a tour, I think while getting in for arguments means actually sitting in the courtroom and listening through the whole thing — a dream come true for a law student but pretty meh for normal folks I think).

      Depending on how much you want to spend, trying to get a reservation at Komi is completely worth it if you want a major splurge. You do need to call exactly one month in advance and be ready to dial dial dial. Same goes for Minibar. I think either is worthwhile as a really unique experience. Minibar is more like a performance piece in some ways whereas Komi offers more “real” food, but both are very memorable experiences. For a less splurgey meal, Zaytinya is one of my favorites. Rasika is also very good and somewhat unusual (Indian but not the typical Rogan Josh/Vindaloo/Korma with samosas you find everywhere). If you like Ethiopian, Adams Morgan (a neighborhood) has a large Ethiopian population with a good number of sort of hole in the wall places. If you’re still young enough to like the whole going out thing, Adams Morgan is probably your best bet. It’s a more eclectic area than most of DC with some fun places (don’t ask me names — I’m too old now for that scene and all the cool places have changed I’m sure). If you’re out late, Ben’s Chili Bowl is the traditional late-night post-drinking place. That or Jumbo Slice. For a light lunch if you’re near the White House, Teaism is just north of Lafayette Park and is a cozy spot for a late fall lunch/tea break (the salty oat cookies are fantastic).

      For areas to just kind of poke around, Georgetown is a reasonably nice and traditional place to shop, but if you want super high-end stores the new place to be is City Center, just north of Metro Center. Dupont has some fun shops and Kramer Books is a staple (good place to browse then grab a coffee and snack).

      Hope that helps!

      1. Meh, if you want to “go out”, I’d actually hit up the U St (and 14th, the cross road) neighborhood. Adams Morgan is more dive-bar-y, U St is more hip/trendy.

        1. See, too old for giving that kind of advice. I settled down right as H St became a thing.

      2. Love Zaytinya, TBK!

        And for “going out” I do love the 14th strip for food (doi moi, yum), but caution it for late-night. I live in the general area and we have had a rash of shootings and stabbings. It’s a bit unnerving.
        of course, there was a shooting outside Amsterdam Falafel at 2am in AdMo, so . . .
        I think a great “adult” club these days is the 9.30 club. I haven’t been in a while, but my 30-something friends frequent it.

        1. Wow — really? This forty-something frequented the 9.30 club . . . in high school.

      4. Rather than just walking the monuments yourself, check out Walk of the Town. It’s a guy who offers tours of the monuments and certain other things, advertises solely through TripAdvisor, and subsists solely on the tips (i.e. there is no set fee for the tour). It was the single best thing that we did when we visited DC last year. He is fabulous (as you might expect, since he relies on the goodness of your heart and your tips). I can’t recommend this one strongly enough.

    3. Tourist attractions: Go to the zoo – it’s possible by November the new panda cub Bei Bei + mom will be out for visitors to see, but even if not, 2 year old Bao Bao is a delight as well. Also check out Millennium Stage at the Kennedy Center -there is a free show every day at 6. Brave the chilly temps and take pics on the roof, for sure. I also second going to the Newseum – I could spend hours there.

      Restaurants (I feel like I should just write a guide to DC restaurants, I answer these so often…):
      Fast food: Cava Mezze, Shophouse, Beefsteak
      Cheap sit-down: Busboys and Poets, Daikaya ramen shop
      Mid-range: Compass Rose, Thip Kao, Ethiopic
      Somewhat pricey: Zaytinya, Proof, Partisan, Oyamel, Jaleo, Estadio, Rose’s Luxury (if you can wait in line)
      All-out splurge: Komi, Minibar

    4. the page keeps messing up for me. I’ve tried to post this like 6 times. Maybe it will eventually show up six times?
      food, yum:
      1. le diplomate – offshoot from Philly. it is DELICIOUS french bistro food and the outdoor is lovely and the indoor is fun, but noisy.
      2. absolutely rasika OR rasika west, which is near your hotel.
      3. in Adams Morgan there is a place called “keren” it is technically afghan food, but slightly eritrian, too. it is so fabulously delicious. Also, for late night Amsterdam Falafel! there’s one on 14th now, too, but I love the traditional AdMo location. Mellow Mushroom is good for pizza in AdMo, but I wouldn’t run to it. Bourbon is excellent — great drinks and actually really solid food (and surprisingly good brunch!).
      4. for higher end by you – blue duck tavern is AMAZING. Also, in Georgetown Bourbon Steak (four seasons) is my hands down fave for steak. It is technically a chain (Michael Mina), but I don’t care.
      5. Boule opened a new restaurant in City Center. Can’t remember the name, but it is delightful.
      6. Also, I love, love Partisan these days. And Iron Gate in Dupont is delightful.
      7. we have some yummy “quick” food for lunches: Merzi (china town) is chipotle style indian food. BGR is great burgers. Z Burger is great burgers, too, more “fast food” style than gourmet. Of course we have a shake shack, but I’m not in love with that. We have typical chains: vapiano, cosi, shophouse that are intersting if you come from a place where those are not located. Also, Beefsteak just opened if you are heavily veggie centric.
      8. Stoneys for grilled cheese!
      9. we have a burgeoning ramen scene. I go to the place in AdMo, but everyone loves Toki Underground on H Street NE

      Also, I don’t like the location of your hotel. I prefer dupont when people visit. not because dupont is that great anymore, but because it makes every where else (Chinatown, U street, AdMo, Georgetown) walkable, or metroable.

      I’ll stop now. but if you have specific questions, I love my city!
      And they are total “tourist” spots (not “off the beaten path) , but my favourite places are the National Archives and the monuments (preferably at night). I also LOVE the newseum and the Phillips collection, though I typically don’t recommend them to first time visitors.

      1. I’ll second Amelia’s food suggestions with the exception of the Blue Duck Tavern–I’ve had some off experiences there recently, and with so many other great places to spend your money in this city, I wouldn’t want you to feel disappointed! That said, the Partisan, both Rasikas, and Le Diplomate are fantastic. I also really love Ripple in Cleveland Park (which would be a hike for you unless you stay in Dupont), Graffiato, and Casa Luca.

        As a lower-key alternative that’s still “going out,” DC has an ever-growing cocktail scene. I really like the Gibson (speakeasy-style) and A&D (more of a neighborhood-place). Barmini is an offshoot of Minibar, which TBK recommended as an experience restaurant. It serves inventive cocktails, and is much more of a modern atmosphere than the Gibson/A&D. I’ve also heard good things about the Denson (near Chinatown), but I haven’t tried it myself.

        In terms of activities, I agree with the Newseum, tours through your congressman, and mall recommendations. There’s obviously plenty to do in the city, but if you’re not interested in the typical touristy things, I really like walking around Old Town Alexandria, in Virginia. It’s a bit like Georgetown in DC, but fewer chain stores. You can take the metro to King Street (yellow and blue lines, about 20 minutes by metro from downtown), and walk down King to the water. There’s a free trolley that can take you back uphill to the metro when you’re done browsing.

    5. If you’re foodies, I’d recommend staying closer to Dupont/14th St. Tons of great restaurants on 14th St. including Barcelone, Kapnos, Le Diplomat etc. If you’re willing to stand in line, Little Serow and Rose’s Luxury are amazing. Bad Saint is new and generating a lot of buzz.

  4. How much does age factor into a relationship for you? I have many friends that only date older men – between 5-15 years older. I recently met someone that is around 4 years younger than me, will this be a problem long term? For those of you that are married, do you think age is a big issue in long-term relationships?

    1. my two cents…4 years is really not a big deal (assuming he’s at least 24-25 — if you’re talking he’s 21 and you’re 25 that’s a little different). I think once you get closer to the decade mark it is significant; based on my friends that tends to mean the older one is ready for kids/buying a house/settling down much sooner than the younger one (i.e. he wants to have kids when he’s 40, but the wife is only like 26 and maybe not ready), and there tends to be a financial disparity that can create some difficult dynamics. But, I’ve seen very successful relationships with 15 year age gaps.

    2. I think ultimately the issue isn’t age, age is just an indicator of compatibility for other reasons like those set out by Anon above.

      The issue is where you are in life, what you are looking for in the relationship and what you are emotionally ready for. If you are both in the same place about those things or in places that are compatible to each other, then age doesn’t matter.

      1. Another +1 for it’s more important to be at the same stage of your lives and wanting the same things. For instance, if you went to law school and he only went to undergrad, you might be at approximately the same place in your working careers, etc.

        Since this is a relatively new relationship, you probably don’t need to have this heavy talk yet, but one of the big issues with a younger guy could be having kids – will you want to have them when you are early 30s and he’s only late 20s – will he be ready for that? Will he want to wait until he’s 30, when you are 35 and starting to push up against a potentially more complicated pregnancy?

        On the other hand, age alone doesn’t determine these things. He could be ready for kids, house, white picket fence, the whole nine yards NOW and you might be wanting to wait another 5 years – or never want those things.

        The one place I’ve seen big (10-15 year) age gaps really rear their heads is when the couple starts to get older, and the older person is ready to retire while the younger is just hitting the stride in their career, or the 70 year old starts having health problems, so the 55 year old winds up spending the time they imagined traveling or golfing or whatever caring for an ailing spouse. But again, that could happen to people at any age – a person could get sick at any time and have their spouse have to care for them.

        1. +1 to this.

          I feel like a 10-or-so age gap (which I realize isn’t what the OP is talking about) is pretty major in your 20s, then gets to be not a big deal at all in the 30s and 40s, but then it gets to be a bigger deal again in your 50s-60s for the reasons Meg Murry mentioned. Gentleman Friend is 11 years older than I and although he is healthier and more active than I am, and still practicing law with no plans to retire, it still freaks me out a little to be dating somebody in his late 60s. More in a “OMG the clock is ticking!” way than in a “I’m worried about having to take care of him” way.

          On the other hand, as MM says, there are no guarantees. His first wife passed away in her 50s after a 10-year breast cancer ordeal.

    3. Ha ha ha no. My husband is 3 yrs younger and it isn’t even anything we notice. It only comes up when I’m like “this song was so huge my senior year” and he’s like “yeah, mine too” where I mean college and he means high school.

      1. Age isn’t even the best predictor of this–my boyfriend is only one year younger than me, but he was a late-starting August baby, so I still graduated from high school three years before he did!

    4. I think the age difference is important depending on your age and where you are in your life, but it doesn’t have to be such a big deal. If you like him, give it a shot! Honestly, there aren’t that many great guys out there in my experience. Don’t let age be a deal breaker.

    5. The older you get, the less a small gap like that matters. Really by the time you’re approaching 30 I wouldn’t think it would matter at all. (Spoken by someone whose spouse is 2 years younger.)

    6. My mom is 3.5 years older than my dad and they’ve been happily married for more than 50 years. I wouldn’t sweat it.

      1. My mom was eight years older than my dad and they were married for 52 years before she passed away.

    7. Five years older than my husband (28/33), together for three, married for two. Like TBK, we mainly run into funny comparisons of what each of us was doing at a particular point in time (like him graduating from high school when I was finishing my second year of law school). I used to very much be a person who wanted my partner older than me, but I seldom even think about it anymore.

    8. I think it’s more “being in the same stage of life” than it is your actual age. My husband and I are six years apart (he’s older) and I have never really noticed our age difference. I was at a bachelorette party this weekend where the bride-to-be is almost 4 years older than her fiance and it’s a non-issue. Provided the guy in question is at least 25/26 and out of that initial post-college partying phase of his life, I think it’s fine.

    9. I’m also 5 years older than my husband and it’s a total non-issue. We met in professional school – he was pretty mature for his age and I was still living the student life. Everyone is right that if you’re both mid-twenties or later all that really matters is whether you’re working on roughly the same timescale for life events or not. It would have been an issue if he didn’t want the whole marriage and kids deal for another 10 years but we were on the same page. He does like to tease me about the age difference though. :)

      PS My mother is also 5 years older than my father and they’re still together.

    10. My husband is five years younger, and I’m glad because our lifespans are more likely to be even :-) He’s actually further along in his career because I spent more time in grad school, so for all intents and purposes, we are at the same place in our lives.

      Whether the diff matters depends, of course, on how mature the guy is. At 35 and 40, it’s less of a difference than it is at 20 and 25.

    11. I am 51. My husband is 38. Most of our age difference issues have been positive. I provided a jumpstart on housing for him – my fourth house was his first, and it’s a pretty nice “starter” house for him. He drug me,kicking and screaming at the cost, into current tech devices and their optimal uses. Result: the old lady of my office (me) is the tech savvy person in the office. I can glimpse a downside from where I’m standing though. I have my eye on a fantastic retirement community, which I would like to enter in my early 60’s. I am eager to downsize my house and my chores. He has dying duck fits at the idea of moving into a retirement community in his late 40’s or early 50’s, and I really cannot criticize that. I would feel the same.

  5. This may be a broad question, but are there things you wish you had done since starting your current job? I just started mine 2 weeks ago and am hoping to keep on top of things but it has been years since I’ve had a permanent job somewhere so I’m sure I’m forgetting things. I’d love some suggestions on what you do to make your life easier at work.

    I’m thinking about things like keeping a praise file and a document keeping track of what you have accomplished so it will be easier to complete the self-review portion of an annual review.

    I also am subject to the billable hour now. I’ve managed to input my time daily and am using timers to keep track throughout the day. I’m hoping that I’ll just have that established as a habit from the beginning.

    Any other ideas?

    1. There are a few things – praise file VERY GOOD, also doc keeping track, but the third is CONTACTS. I have a vague method of searching my email “admin” folder for referral requests that I have made before, but if I were doing it again I would keep a database of people – appraisers, CPAs, financial planners, attorneys in other areas, etc. (customize for your field) – that people have asked for, so that I didn’t have to go back and look every time before I make the referral request within the firm or my area group.

      1. And if you’re willing to pay for a service to help keep track of these things, Contactually is pretty good – they have a free trial you can try out for a few days (I think) before you commit. It used to be freemium but no longer :(

    2. Definitely enter time every day. Praise file is great, and the contacts list is also important.

      A form file – I email myself documents that I like and keep in a ‘form’ file in outlook

      Keep a list of things you’ve done – this will be useful come review time. I also like looking at this when I feel like I haven’t gotten anything done. A quick look at the list always tells me I’ve actually accomplished a lot more than I thought.

      Not sure if this makes sense for your practice, but I also keep a list in Word of “form” time entries. I use these once I finally get a time entry written with language that I think will result in being paid. This also can make entering time quicker, since you just copy and paste and revise as necessary.

      I got into this habit a while ago, but have drifted. You’ve inspired me to do it again – I used to review my emails from the day before every morning. It took me about 15 minutes, but it often helped me see if I missed a time entry (i.e. email references telephone conference and I realize I forgot to enter it), remind me to respond to anything that I didn’t get to yesterday, and follow up with my assistant where needed

    3. I have a moleskine that I bought before my first day at my current job. It’s kind of a work journal, where I keep track of 3-month, 6-month, 1-year, 5-year goals, accomplishments, things I’d like to improve in the org culture, kvetches, rants, other job postings that look attractive, ideas on performance improvement that I’d like to remember, etc. It’s very informal, and I won’t pick it up for months at a time, but is also great to look back on and see how far I’ve come.

      I also have a OneNote file of interesting job postings that I keep track of, more so to keep track of what interests me and what’s going on in the field than to actually apply to. Also I note any skills or qualifications that I don’t have that I’d like to have, and try to build them into my plan for the year/year(s), and rewrite my own job description each year to reflect both experiences gained and some aspirations (again, just so when I do update the old resume I’ll have it at the ready).

    4. Thanks all! These are helpful suggestions and I’ll try to work them into my practice.

    5. CLEs! My old firm had a person whose job it was to keep track of all of the attorneys’ CLEs and make sure they were up to date. If your firm has this, it’s an invaluable resource.

  6. I just set a new career goal that has about a 12-month time horizon, and I’m hugely intimidated by it. Logically I expect it to be a TON of work, but it’s otherwise within reach. But I just feel so daunted and intimidated and am wondering how I deal with this. Do I just ignore those feelings and focus on the work? Are there other things I should be doing to make myself feel more confident?

    1. Can you break it down into smaller, manageable goals within that timeframe, so there are prospects for a sense of accomplishment within that 12 months?

      I don’t think you need to ignore those feelings, but hopefully you can manage them by making the whole thing seem less daunting.

      1. Yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing. To clarify, I’m not intimidated by the amount of work involved, I’m intimidated by generally wondering if I’m good enough, based on nothing in particular. The rational part of me is perfectly comfortable with this and the plan that I’ve devised, but I just sort of fear the prospect of being a failure.

    2. I sometimes tell myself ths mantra: feel the fear, and do it anyway! Good luck, you’ll be great!

  7. Threadjack! I’m traveling to NYC for three days with my three-month-old and am planning to go sans stroller. I figure I’ll carry my baby in a soft carrier (Ergo)…but is there anything I’m forgetting? It feels weird not to bring a stroller, especially in the airport, but we don’t have a small, city-friendly one (just a BOB Revolution or a Snap N Go, neither of which feel particularly subway-friendly to me). I’m staying with a friend in Brooklyn — who lives in a 3rd-floor walkup — if that matters. Thanks, ladies.

    1. Do you still need to use the infant insert with a 3 month old with the Ergo? Are you comfortable using it now, or do you only use it rarely? I’d practice with it as much as you can between now and the trip, especially carrying the baby in the Ergo plus a diaper bag at the same time.

      1. I travel a lot with my bebe and would highly recommend using a backpack rather than a diaper bag (traditional). I put the ergo on the front and the backpack on the back and I’m ready to go! You don’t look, great, but hey, it’s all about functionality at this point!

    2. I don’t have any experience with NYC with a baby, but if it were me, I might take the snap ‘n go at least in the airport and you could always leave at your friends. Esp. if you are traveling with a car seat (which I assume you are). That thing is heavy to lug around without help. You don’t have to use it in the city if you don’t want, but I think I would take a least.

        1. i don’t take a carseat. the cabs are exempt from the rule, and I just brave it.

      2. Why would you need to travel with a car seat if you’re flying and then using public transportation?

        1. I’ve always traveled somewhere where I needed a cab or car when I landed, so I see I am wrong about needing car seat.

        2. This is *legally required to have* versus need, no?

          In many places, you don’t legally have to use a helmet on a motorcycle. But in an accident, you still need one.

          1. No – I don’t think there’s a place to strap a car seat in on the subway.

          2. Americans are pretty much the only people who will bring car seats on aeroplanes. The rest of the world is confused as to why you’re buying the extra seat if you don’t have to.

    3. I carried my kids all over the city in my Ergo, with no car seat. I think your plan sounds perfect. Strollers in the city are frustrating and awkward. Maybe pack a thick fleece pad or blanket in your bag if you go to a restaurant or somewhere that you might want to lay the baby down on the seat next to you for a few minutes.

      Oh and one more tip, check the diaper frequently. Even a small poop can turn into a disaster if you don’t notice at first, and it leaks out on to the Ergo that you planned to use all weekend.

    4. It’s common to walk really long distances here, depending on your activity/friends. I would expect to walk about 5-6 miles a day if you’re sightseeing or even just exploring neighborhoods. I think an Ergo would be fine for quick jaunts (and better than a stroller) but I would be hesitant to commit to just that, especially if cabs aren’t a real options without a carseat. But YMMV and I’ve never had a baby here.

    5. I would suggest a baby wearing fleece or coat or something you can put over the ergo. I would always recommend infant tylenol, two changes of clothing for baby, a bib, disposible change pads or a reusable one, wipes, hand sanitizer, a soft book, a baby clutch to carry essentials, a change of top for you (babywearing prolonged is sweaty).

      1. And more from me – you definitely do not need a car seat (unless baby hates ergo). I strongly recommend looking into something to protect baby from the elements. there are lots of things that go directly on top of the carrier to make sure your little is snugly.

        1. And more from me! You can rent a stroller or a car seat if you need to. Often companies will deliver to where you are staying. I do this all the time in Toronto (the parents are not comfortable babywearing).

    6. You’ll be fine with an Ergo, but if your friend lives in the Brooklyn brownstone belt, chances are she could borrow a stroller for you, just in case. Brooklyn is Stroller Central and lots of moms of older kids still have a variety of strollers stashed away (like me!) Also, I wouldn’t sweat needing to pack a ton of supplies for your daily outings. A couple of dipes, wipes and a disposable changing pad will fit in the Ergo zipper pockets, and there is a drugstore on almost every corner in NYC if you forget something. Finally, on the infant insert/excellent suggestion from another poster to bring a blanket to put baby down on: when my little guy was slightly too big for the heart-to-heart insert, but small enough to need something, I rolled up a receiving blanket into a kind of donut to put under his bum to give him a little boost. Worked just fine.

    7. You’ve gotten some good advice already, but short answer is that it is definitely doable with just an ergo.
      While it is legal not to use a carseat in a taxi, I would NOT do it. Either take the AirTran and subway or arrange for a car service with an infant seat (uber has car seats but only for older kids) but there are many in Brooklyn that have infant seats.
      The snap and go is not great for long walks or Brooklyn sidewalks and stroller are a pain in small restaurants and cafes. As long as you are comfortable with the ergo and good with walking, you’ll be fine. Babywearing is very common in Brooklyn

  8. I find I get hit up for charitable donations, buying junk for school fundraisers etc and I’ve always been supportive and equally supportive (all causes/runs get the same donation and I buy a box of cookies from everyone who asks). I joined a fundraiser for the first time in at least a year and asked a lot of these same people for money and didn’t get very far. Thoughts? Is it unfair for me to expect reciprocity from coworkers? Is it okay for me to stop giving to their causes and focus on causes I care about?

    1. I don’t think you should expect reciprocity–everyone’s financial situation/belief system is different.

      But you should reevaluate your own giving. Give/support causes YOU believe in–not just everyone who asks.

    2. Neither of you are under any obligation to contribute to something else. It’s nice to buy cookies, etc from kids sometimes, since they are children, but totally not a requirement. Plus some of those school fundraisers are kind of shady.

    3. Yes, I did hear about the American Apparal Bankrupcy. I do think that what goe’s around come’s around. There were alot of women alegedley victimized by him, but there are alot of other innocent employee’s who work hard that will be negativeley affected and store closeing’s. Also, they have a female general council who I feel for who now will have to become an expert on bankrup issue’s. FOOEY! I am NOT sure that is what she barganed for when she went over there.

      I know that if I EVER go in house as General Council, I will make sure to get the right salary, all the right bennie’s and I need to be sure that they will NOT go bankrup on me b/c all my bennies will be up for negotieation and most likely will be rejected by the court (unless my WC judge become’s a Bankrupcy judge–which is NOT likeley at his age).

      So for all of you ‘RETTES thinking about goeing in house as a General Council, be warey of this kind of thing. YAY!!

    4. You’re a better woman than I; my entire being is suffused with schadenfreude.

  10. Has anyone had experience transferring their licensed software from an older Mac to a new one without having to repurchase the software?

    I bought my Mac Book Air in 2010 when I was a student so I was able to get Microsoft Office and Adobe Acrobat Pro very cheaply through the campus computer store. The laptop now appears to be running out of life, so I’m looking at replacing it with another Air and trying to get a picture of the total costs of replacement. I’ve seen mixed results on various message boards and blogs whether people were able to successfully transfer over their Office and Adobe licenses. If it’s not possible for me to do so (at least not without doing something sketchy), that’s fine and I’ll buy new ones–I just want to get an idea what I need to plan on. Interested to hear if anyone else has gone through this recently!

    (Post-drafting ETA: I’m fine with my Office and Acrobat being the same versions that I bought in 2010).

    1. Maybe investigate using Time Machine and starting your new computer from the time machine backup?

      1. Yes, I’ve had Time Machine and a Time Capsule since my first Mac (prior to the Air) but I’ve read some opinions that it’s better to start a new laptop as a new setup rather than set it up from backup, just to avoid carrying over any junk that may have accumulated on the old machine.

    2. Do you have a CD and/or product license key for the software? Chances are you won’t be able to install the old versions without the license key at a minimum.

      We ran into an issue at work with Windows where we couldn’t install a never-used version of Office 2010 onto a Windows machine. Not sure of all the exact details (it might have been Windows 8, or it might have been because we only wanted certain components of Office 2010 but to use other things in 2013 that was already installed), but at any rate, we were not able to install the 2010 version and had to go buy 2013 (and even that was hard to come by – everything is being pushed into Office 365 now).

      Not saying it’s impossible, and I am not an IT person, but I would expect to have to re-buy the Office Suite or use an Open Source solution like Open Office and be pleasantly surprised if you can actually install your previous software.

      1. I do have the CDs and license keys, but you’re probably right that I should prepare for having to rebuy and consider it a bonus if using the old works out!

        1. I know you say you are fine with the old versions, but the new ones really do have benefits when you are on a new machine. When I bought my new Mac in mid-2014, I did the time machine thing, and it did bring over everything – note that you do indeed need the license keys again. However, due to performance issues I bought a subscription to the new online versions (the software still is downloaded to your system, you aren’t working in the cloud – it just connects for upgrades and such) for both Office and Acrobat, and I’m really glad I did. Much better performance and new features.

    3. The migration assistant will let you transfer applications. It’s built into OSX.

  11. I guess I need advice on how to manage family dynamics. I’m in my late 20s and get along fairly well with my parents from a distance, my sister less so. But when we’re in person, I am miserable. I feel trapped and suffocated and like nothing I do is good enough. I get criticized about the cleanliness of my apartment, or my weight and my sister gets weirdly competitive. The idea of a family weekend creates so much stress and anxiety leading up to it and I find I’m just so on edge that it doesn’t take much to get me to explode.

    Any advice? I need to probably grow a thicker skin or just chill out but I can’t seem to do that.

    2. Limit your time with them! If you have a family weekend, go for Saturday and Sunday and try to arrive late and leave early. If they criticize your apartment, then they don’t need to be in your apartment. Your sister being competitive is probably just her own insecurity. On the other hand, you can try to talk to them and let them know things that upset you. That can always be a struggle because sometimes they just don’t get it and can’t or won’t change. It’s tough to deal with family so do whatever is easiest for you even if it means not spending as much time with them.

    3. Two things:

      1) Do you actually have to do “family weekends” other than for, say, major holidays? Even then? It depends on where you are, geographically from your family too, I know. Do you have to sleep there?
      Once, when my parents were staying with me and my mom said something AWFUL, I just looked at my kids and said, “OK munchkins, bed time, let’s go upstairs!” and never came back downstairs. It was 6:30. You coudl have a headache and go to bed early with a book if you feel ready to explode.

      2)Try not to take it personally. I have realized that, while I am not a perfect daughter, I also do not deserve all the criticism my mother throws my way. I can mentally let it roll off my back. A useful phrase is, “Hmmm, I’ll think about that”. You don’t have to specify that what you will be thinking is “f%^$ that!”.

    4. alcohol

      Stay in a hotel when you go to visit.

      Learn to walk away when the criticisms start. Just say “ouch” or “I appreciate your concern.” And walk away.

    5. This is very normal. Here are some ideas: Run all the errands. Invent new errands and run them. Work out a lot. Go to a movie. Go to the library and do work. Put on headphones and work in a separate room. Xanax.

    6. Thanks for the suggestions! Problem is that this family weekend is happening in my apartment (it got thrust on me and I couldn’t really get out of it) and it’s a small place so there’s not really much escaping. I might have to “work” this weekend.

      It really is just a holiday thing but I also have a tendency to over-stress which I think makes things worse. I’m just trying to breathe and get my cleaning lady to come this week so hopefully that’ll help.

      Thanks all!

      1. Run errands. Go running. Sit in your car. Go over to your friend’s houses. Go to your yoga studio that you’ve been meaning to try. Go to Starbucks. Ride the bus in a circle. There is plenty of escaping to be had.

      2. Also, learn to say “No” for the future, and living in a small place is the BEST reason so refuse house guests:

        Family: “Can we come to your place for your sister’s wedding weekend?”
        You: “No, sorry, my place is just too small.”

        Family: “Great news! We’re coming to stay with you for Thanksgiving weekend!”
        You: “That’s great that I’ll be seeing you! But I’m afraid you won’t be able to stay with me because my place is too small. I recommend the Best Western that’s only 2 blocks away from me.”

        Family: “For some inexplicable reason we must stay with you for a weekend.”
        You: “Oh dear, you really should have run your plans by me first. Unfortunately, I actually can’t have you stay with me because my place is too small.”

        Et voila!

        1. Trust me – this has occurred to me but is not really a possibility in my family/cultural situation.

          1. …you asked for advice but it seems like maybe you don’t want advice after all.

          2. This situation will not improve at all until you learn how to say no to unreasonable/uncomfortable/difficult requests from your family. And yes, it is “possible” to say no – you just don’t like the repercussions of not accommodating them. You’re making a choice to accommodate your family at your own expense. Own your choice, or make a different one. Those are really your only options here.

    7. I don’t know whether it will help you to hear this, but at nearly 50 years old I still go through this. Family really doesn’t come visit me anymore. Because last time they said two people were coming and eight showed up, and I used my words. Now I’m “uptight” and “don’t enjoy company” – which is frustrating but the end result is that family no longer drops in on me and that is actually fine with me.

      When my husband, kids and I go to visit we stay in a hotel, and we only stay for a day or two. There are always protestations about why we can’t stay longer but we just say we have to work. As far as my family is concerned we are workaholics, but that is also OK.

      You are never going to be able to get your family to see you as you see yourself. They will always have their own notions of who you are. Try to take it in small doses, take care of yourself first and do not feel guilty!

    8. I have the same family dynamics as well. My sympathies.

      One thing that I have found to be effective is to emotionally remove myself from the situation and try to be more of an observer. For example, when my sister says something rude or hurtful (e.g., why would you dye your hair – it looks cheap / ugly / fried?), then I take a second and think… why would someone say this about anyone else to their face? Probably because of insecurities about their own appearance or to attempt to take the other person down a notch. Rather than let her have the satisfaction of seeing the hurt her words cause, I just let it go. It has taken me several years to get to this point, but everytime it gets easier. Also, moving across the country and limiting in-person interactions to 1-2 times per year helps a lot too.

  12. So, not really sure if I need advice, or just to vent. Everyone around me at my organization is resigning. We have our challenges to be sure, but my area of work is going along well, good progress, solid deliverables. Every other area seems to have major concerns with the organizational direction, leadership and their own work. I am worried I am missing something, or being naive thinking my work area is fine. It is very, very awkward.

    1. It depends on the type of organization. If all other departments see problems that are serious enough to result in their resignation, then it could be that the entire firm/company is not doing well and it may be in your best interest to look into your options elsewhere. One department doing well is not going to save an entire company. You can reach out to someone who left and ask about their reasons for their departure, etc. Sounds like unfortunately the writing is on the wall here.

  13. I have, over the past couple of years, become a huge fan of dry shampoo. I can now easily wash my hair only twice a week, which is awesome — my hair is noticeably healthier! However, my scalp starts to get itchy between washes, particularly as the weather gets dryer in winter. FWIW, I try to spray the dry shampoo on my hair at the roots rather than at the scalp itself. How do you ladies deal with this between washes? Should I be using a clarifying shampoo when I do wash my hair? Right now, I use either Neutrogena T-gel or Trader Joe’s Tea Tree Tingle. Any other thoughts?

    TIA!

    1. When I was in law school in Boston, I did a round of accutane and my scalp became insanely itchy/dry/dandrufy during the winter. The thing that helped most was every couple of weeks, I’d take a q tip, dip it in jojoba oil (you can get it @ trader joe’s) and I’d make a bunch of parts in my hair & put the oil directly on my scalp. I’d sleep on it & then wash it out the next day. It worked really well, made my scalp much more moisturized, and made my hair nice & shiny too. FWIW, I have fairly course & curly hair, so if you have straight & thin hair, it might weigh your hair down too much, even after you wash it out– but still worth a try.
      Since my accutane days, Jojoba oil is my cure all for any and all dry skin or hair issues- the stuff is magic.

  15. Is the lob still popular enough? I’m in need for a new style and want something shorter than my current ‘do. Seen any nice haircuts lately?

  16. I get really upset when people “copy” the things I buy, mostly my sister and my close girlfriends. For example, I buy new shoes and they go buy the same ones. I don’t understand where those people are coming from. If my friend got a new purse and it was awesome and I liked it, I would 100% NOT go buy the same one. I would deem it off limits. Could this be because of the way I was raised? I feel like I never had things that were “mine” as a kid. Or am I just a terrible person for no reason? FWIW I think my style is pretty unique and I often like things based on the fact that not everyone else has them.

    1. I think the human race is generally possessive as part of our survival instinct, so it can be helpful to recognize that your reaction is natural but completely unnecessary when it comes to bags or shoes rather than shelter or drinking water.

      Best to see it as a compliment to your great taste! I love a gorgeous bag or pair of shoes and love a great deal, so usually share info with family members or girlfriends and hope they’ll take advantage of it. I actually feel gratified when someone else “copies” me because I assume it means I’m rocking it.

    2. I got offended in 8th grade, now I really don’t give a crap. Think of it as a compliment, they must think you have great style.

    3. Well stop telling them where you bought them. Try to reframe it in your mind as a compliment, because unless you are ordering them custom, people are going to have the same things. Not a terrible person but a silly thing to be annoyed by- the shoes will look different on you because of different outfits.

    4. It would bug me a lot, though intellectually I realize that it’s irrational and I should take it as a compliment. Could you stop telling them where things came from? Though if it was a very close friend or family member, I wouldn’t have any problem telling them it bothered me.

    5. Take it as a compliment, even if it is a little weird that grown a$$ adults can’t choose their own stuff. Start shopping in consignment stores to eliminate the risk if you’re really bothered about it.

    6. Really? When I get something awesome the first thing I do is tell my sister and all my friends so they can also have said awesomeness in their lives. I love being the one who tells other people about amazing things that can spark joy.

      1. Me too!
        I have many conversations that go like this (& this one actually happened today):
        Person: “I love your wallet”
        Me: “$5 at Target last year, can you believe it!”
        Sometimes I literally have to stop myself from blurting out the price/place I bought it because it’s not ALWAYS appropriate.

    7. Your friends & sister’s behavior does sound weird, but your statement that ” If my friend got a new purse and it was awesome and I liked it, I would 100% NOT go buy the same one. I would deem it off limits.” is equally weird to me. Do I run out and copy everything my friends buy? No. If a friend has an awesome new bag & I love it and I want the same one, do I feel like I can’t buy it? No. I would take it as a compliment and let it go.

    8. For me it’s household goods and home improvements, and my MIL. The first time I had a private wtf reaction. That was when she copied my kitchen renovation, down to the curtains. The second time I became bemused. After that, I’ve begun to find it humorous. Copying is flattery. At least you can tell the copier how great t looks.

    9. Try to take it as a compliment. You don’t own the rights to things that you purchase. I don’t think it is a big deal when other people buy the same things. My sister and I will often go shopping and purchase the same thing together My friends got me a pair of shoes and my sister bought the same ones after she saw me were them. I was thrilled that we both had awesome shoes! I love talking about clothes and convincing someone to buy something that I love because then we can both enjoy wearing them. If you really want to be different, wear things in a unique way.

  17. I normally wouldn’t post this but I am getting desperate. I live somewhere somewhat remote and despite it being cold there is limited selection of warm baby clothing available. I am looking for two piece baby track suits – the only ones I can find are american apparel which are fantastic but i can’t justify buying any more at that price point. Looking for fleece. Thanks so much!!

    1. Try Carter’s, Old Navy, and LL Bean online – they should have something.

      1. I was just on Carter’s/OshKosh this morning and they definitely have baby sweatpants, hoodies, and sweatshirts. There’s a coupon on ebates, too.

        1. I just bought a super cute newborn girl’s one that had lining on the Macy’s site (it was Carter’s brand). I think it was 50% off & ended up being $12-ish. I’m in CA though so my idea of what is warm might be wack. I’ll try & link it after this posts.

          1. I just thought this was freaking adorable:
            http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/carters-baby-girls-microfleece-dot-print-hooded-coverall?ID=2349900&CategoryID=48692&LinkType=#fn=BRAND%3DCarter's%26PAGEINDEX%3D1%26sp%3D2%26spc%3D442%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D106

            There are a bunch of 2 piecers too:
            http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/carters-baby-girls-2-piece-hoodie-leggings-set?ID=2269828&CategoryID=48692&LinkType=#fn=BRAND%3DCarter's%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D442%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D38

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