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Coffee Break – Daydream Pump

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Stuart Weitzman Daydream' Pump (Nordstrom Exclusive)Nordstrom has begun its shoe clearance sale, and there are a lot of good markdowns — lots of Stuart Weitzman, Cole Haan, Salvatore Ferragamo, Anyi Lu, Via Spiga, and more. For today's coffee break, I'm liking these “Daydream” pumps — apparently a Nordstrom exclusive. I like the gray flannel mixed with the shinier (patent?) leather toe, and the 2.5″ heel looks nice and walkable. The pumps were $375, but are now marked to $187.49. Stuart Weitzman Daydream' Pump (Nordstrom Exclusive) (L-all) Psst: Check out more great deals at the Corporette Bargains page!

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

193 Comments

  1. Thoughts on black tights with navy suit for an interview? It’s at a casual org and I think nude hose would be overdoing it. Temp will be in 40s -50s. I’m fine with black heels and navy suit but adding black tights seems iffy.

    1. To me, skirt suit + interview = nude hose. I would wear a pantsuit if you think the skirt suit is too formal. Ix-nay on the black tights.

      1. Thanks. I’m also thinking of adding bare legs into the possibilities (which I almost wrote as bear legs. Now THAT would make them remember me!)

        1. I find bear legs or tiger legs to be the best for interviews. My worst was when I tried to go with dolphin tail- it was very embarassing.

        2. “Bear legs” pretty much describes what I have going on right now, in light of my lax shaving habits.

    3. Don’t do it. Bare legs or nude hose with a navy suit. If it’s a casual office, maybe separates and patterned hose/tights would be OK for the interview? Something about patterned tights with a suit seems off to me.

    4. Agree. I wear black tights all winter long, but I recently busted out the hose for an interview.

      For bear legs, I recommend a chunky shoe to even out the proportions. Or, just let your claws hang out, but make sure your clawnail polish is a neutral color.

        1. I don’t know about doing nude for you shoe for an interview though, it can read kind of trendy

    6. Where are you geographically? In SF I would not blink at tights & would probably consider nude hose dowdy if I thought about it at all.

      1. Dc. Dowdy is exactly what I’m worried about since its a casual workplace. I don’t want to seem like I won’t fit in. I don’t have the pants that match the suit but maybe I can pick them up tonight– probably not bad to have anyway. I already do have the dress that matches (it’s jcrews super 120s collection).

        1. There are nude hose and there are nude hose. Picture very sheer, very matched to your skin tone, not thick fake tan hose. I’m in DC and I think even in a casual workplace, good sheer hose would not be seen as dowdy – we’re just not that fashion forward here. Now, if you are interviewing at some amazing brand new internet or fashion company, maybe reconsider, but in either case you probably wouldn’t be wearing a proper suit anyway.

          Belle at Capitol Hill Style tends to skew a bit conservative, but has some good posts about hose and tights. Personally I disagree with her about opaque tights – I think they tend to make women look childish or like off-duty modern dancers, and I know I’ll get ripped for this on this site, but what can I say – but I think her posts are worth a look.

      2. I’m 31 and in SF and I’d say suit and nude hose for an interview. This is for any professional office even if casual unless you’re in a really creative field.

        1. I guess I just have a different take on interviewing attire. I think it’s better to feel confident & like you look “right” for the role, office, place and I don’t err on the side of overly conservative, myself. I also think nude hose went out in the 80s and I can’t imagine feeling good wearing them, especially when interviewing and I want to feel confident. I also don’t view black tights as casual, so maybe that’s the difference. If I were the OP, I’d wear the dress w/ the jacket, black or dark grey tights, pumps, good jewelry, do my hair/makeup, etc. and I don’t think anyone would blink at tights or see them as casual.

          1. You might not like the look of nude hose, but they very clearly did not “go out in 80s,” and saying that just makes you sound as uninformed as you are judgy.

          2. Nothing wrong with nude hose – they aren’t out of style.

          3. I actually recently discovered that I feel very confident in nude hose because I don’t worry about whether they match, and they slim me stomach, which makes me feel like my skirt fits better. Let’s agree to disagree – I’m rooting for Team Hose on this one.

          4. Wow, Kris – that’s a tad mean. I thougt I was pretty clear initially that I don’t think a candidate should be judged based on their choice of hosiery. I also think it’s a pretty common view in the fashion world that nude hose aren’t exactly fashion forward. Just because people still wear them in the corporate world doesn’t make them “in.”

          5. While I agree that nude hose may not be “fashion forward,” I also don’t ever want my interview attire to be described as “fashion forward”. Classic, traditional, conservative, polished = yes. Fashion forward? Not for my first impression. Unless I’m interviewing for a job where my fashion sense is likely to be a key component of the interview and my job description (see eg working at Vogue).

          7. I always feel more confident in nude hose because I don’t have nice skin, and the hose evens out my skin tone. That & they help smooth the lumps & bumps I have. *shrug*

            However, as an interviewer I’d never look poorly on someone for their legwear choices unless they were obviously inappropriate – lace, neon pink, really large fishnet, etc.

            Or red lace tights like I saw on someone over the summer. Red lace with denim short short cutoffs on a hot day (hot for here, anyway). Gotta love Stampede fashion! I totally judged that girl negatively!

          8. I want them to be back in style. I need them to come back in style. Back in the 80’s and all the way through the 90’s. we ALL WORE NUDE HOSE ALL THE TIME. Except when we wore black hose. I noticed the bare leg thing sometime around 2002 when the new lawyers in the PD’s office stopped wearing them. You know what? They looked better than grown-ass women wearing black tights.

      3. In SF and I went bear legs for my interview for my current job. My fish catching skills were impressive enough for them to hire me even though I’m not really that grizzled yet.

        I don’t own nude hose. I haven’t been kicked out of federal court yet.

  2. A question for the hive! What are the most popular color combinations you’ve seen in weddings these days? I’m planning a wedding and am looking for ideas and am curious about the trends right now. You all seem so savvy, thought I’d check here! Thanks for any input!

    1. When is the wedding?

      I LOVED theperfectpalette.com when I was planning. If you have one color down you can search by it and see good combos n

    2. I’m, of course, partial to my own recent wedding colors, yellows and grays. Ours was an April wedding and I wanted more subdued colors. I have really been loving the monotone weddings lately – a range of greens or blues or all pastel colors, for example.
      Congrats on your upcoming wedding and happy planning!

      1. A second vote for yellow and gray. The bride even wore yellow shoes :)

        I’ve also attended a coral and navy wedding which was lovely, but I’m not sure if that combo would work year-round or for all venues.

    3. I’d visit the Pantone website to see what the fashion colors of the season will be. They show the palette as well as the colors combined. Many of your vendors (florists, decorators, linen companies, etc.) will be paying attention to these colors and getting their stock based on them. Plus, it’s fun to spend time on Pantone dot com.

    4. There is a LOT of purple out there right now. A lot. If you’re not on pinterest, it is a pretty useful tool just to gather your ideas so you have a sense of what appeals to you. Also good for the “trendy” bridal ideas is StyleMePretty (website), which also has region-of-the-country specific posts. Honestly, I think you should base it on the venue, and on what appeals to you. There is such a huge market out there for bridal and bridesmaids accoutrement, that you will be able to find whatever your heart desires. One very big trend is letting bridesmaids wear non-matching, possibly even non-bridesmaid dresses. You just pick the color family or shade. I think it looks really neat and un-stuffy, but do with that what you will :).

    6. are “wedding colors” really a thing? it sounds like something for kids’ birthday parties.

      why wouldn’t you just pick things in colors you (or *even your groom*) actually like, not based on Wedding Industry Trends?

      2. It’s been many years since I planned a wedding but I can say, from planning other parties, that choosing a color palette that’s already out there is a whole lot easier. There are some colors that are more popular and therefore more available for just about everything.

        One of my staff got married last fall and she chose yellow and brown – like sunflowers!

      3. With everything related to weddings, there’s a continuum of interest in what’s trendy, expected, will look good in photos, etc. Wedding colors are just one of these things. I’m so far on the opposite end of this continuum that I didn’t want a wedding at all, and that’s why I never respond on these threads. To each her own.

      4. You’d think, right? Then everyone wants to know what your ‘colors’ are…and “um, blue?” is not a good enough answer.

        But really, it’s actually good to have because you have to decide on so many dang things, you can at least narrow it down to the blue tablecloths.

        Anyway — try Design Seeds for color combo suggestions (I’d search the term, there’s a website and a fb page). She’ll pull the key colors out of a photo to get a palette of 4-5 colors that look good together in a non-matchy way.

    7. Whatever you want?

      I just picked the color I liked for dresses, and the same for flowers.

    8. The wedding I went to in August was very pininterest-y.

      Rustic theme and venue, with lavender and light blue as the colors… actual lavender EVERYWHERE. The three bridesmaids were in different colored and styled dresses: purple, light blue, and sea green with matching ties for three groomsmen. (I liked the mismatched bridesmaid look, but knowing that the bride was very controlling in her bridesmaid dress selection and that the dresses still cost 250+ dollars somewhat ruined it for me.)

      I think trendy colors depend on the style of wedding. I’ve seen a lot navy + other colors, or lavender + other colors for differently styled weddings.

    9. I refuse to have “wedding colors”. I think it looks a bit too stuffy for me. My bridesmaids picked their own fabric for their dresses (made by someone on etsy) and I’m telling my florist to use any of those colors and to go to town. My mother is apoplectic that I won’t just tell her a color for chair sashes. The world may end without them.

      1. That’s what I did. I found a beautiful fabric with a very fine stripe for bridesmaid’s dresses at Aria and gave a swatch of the fabric to all my vendors, telling them to do something beautiful around those colors. It worked great. Trust your professionals!

      2. I was somewhat similar, in that my “colors” were multicolor bright floral colors. My bridesmaids wore lavender, and I used purple on the invitations, but I told my florist to go to town with a mix of bright and pale pinks, purples, blues, yellows, greens and white and it turned out great – but that’s my style, I’m not good at “matchy”, so it worked for me.
        The only suggestions I have are:
        -Don’t get fixated on one very specific color (like one bridezilla I dealt with who got dresses in “celadon”, then got mad when the venue’s napkins were “seafoam not celadon”, and the ribbon they lined the table with was another not quite the right green for her taste).
        -Chocolate brown as a main color for bridesmaids dresses, etc can be hard to work with. What do the men wear then? Black, brown? I went to one wedding with a large wedding party wearing dark brown, and it just seemed like an awful lot of dark brown without another color to break it up a little. I’m sure it could be styled well, but I wasn’t fond of it at this wedding.

    10. I’m a bridesmaid for a winter wedding for next year, and I was really hoping the bride would do emerald with hot pink accents. Alas, it’s black, lime green (lime green is her favorite and what I was hoping to avoid :)) and hot pink for her which I’m pretty euh about but happy that she’s excited about her wedding.

    1. Amazon does put shoes on sale, but not often, and there’s not usually an “AMAZON SHOE SALE” announcement. It’s just random pairs at random times.

      If you have an amazon account and you put the item in your cart, at least it will give you an alert every time you visit amazon that the price has changed (if it has)

  5. After a long, good life, my great-aunt recently passed away. In going through her things, my mother came across a virtually new Burberry wool coat which she has offered to me. I’ve played dress-up at Burberry just to see what it would be like, since I could never afford one. I wear a size # in Burberry for a snug fit, or a size #+1 for a slightly loose or maybe normal fit. The coat is size #+2 and though I haven’t yet tried it on, I am guessing it will probably be a little big on me. I assume it could be altered to fit, right?? Even if I have to spend a couple hundred dollars in alternations, that’s far more within my budget than actually buying a Burberry coat myself. Please tell me this is possible.

    1. I don’t know details, but I do know that Burberry stores often do significant alterations to their coats off the rack — length of the coat, bringing up the belt loops, etc. so I bet getting the jacket altered 2 sizes is doable.

      Some things I would consider: I have noticed that Burberry coats right tighter in the chest so if you want to layer underneath it’s pretty standard to go one size up as it is; depending on the age of the coat it’s possible that the sizing is different from what you’ve seen on modern pieces and you may be pleasantly surprised.

    3. I would be so careful with this. I had a wool Burberry coat that I had altered when I lost weight and it never hung the same way again. And then I gained the weight back.

      I gave the coat to goodwill.

      Vintage is a good reason to wear an oversized coat. And oversized is coming back in anyway. I’d leaev it alone.

      1. OMG this. I got mine hemmed at Burberry and now one side droops. Given that I paid $100 for this, I’m rather annoyed.

    4. It may fit you fine anyway. You don’t say when she bought the coat, but I’m guessing that while the coat may be virtually new, it may have been bought a while back. Sizes – inc. those for burberry – have been getting bigger so I wouldn’t go by what’s on the lable, it may fit you fine as is.

    5. It’s fashion week here in NYC and from seeing people on the street (who I walk in the midst of my dowdiness) I’m seeing a lot of oversized vintage coats.

    6. Oversized coats have been huge in the fall collections during NY Fashion Week. Don’t do anything you’ll regret later!

  6. Sorry if this is an un-Valentine’s-y topic. I feel like I have heard about many divorces lately among my peer group (early thirties). Many, though not all, were couples who had been together for years but split up three years or less into marriage. I am curious if any of you have been through this and what your insights are. Or, on the flip side, I would love to hear your secrets of a lasting marriage/long-term-relationship (so, more Valentines-y).

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about 18 months and I think marriage talk is on the horizon. I am definitely into the pre-marital counseling to talk about expectations around finances, kids, careers, s#x life. I have also seen several books recommended here about conversations to have before marriage. What about reading a relationship book every year to work on communication? I believe I have found the right person for me, but am just nervous that the day-to-day frustrations can spiral out of control. Would love to hear from both sides of this issue.

    1. IMO, when you’re talking about people in their early 30s who are “couples who had been together for years but split up three years or less into marriage,” you’re basically talking about “starter marriages” where, out of loyalty/habit/convention, people who loved each other but weren’t necessarily ready or well-matched got married because it was time and it was easier than breaking up (at the time— now they probably feel differently).
      Basically, marriage was viewed as the “finish line,” so once it was achieved, the relationship wasn’t maintained and didn’t grow, and it died.

      1. This.

        Garth makes excellent points.

        Other causes:
        Not asking the difficult questions and having the difficult conversations to find out if you really share the same goals and values.

        Related to the above: unrealistic expectations – you married a type-triple A man who is really laser-focused on his private equity career, loves the nightlife, and you now think he’ll be stay-at-home dad and be happy in the burbs where everything closes at 9 or 10pm?

        Also – not figuring out who YOU are before marrying.

      3. +1. None of my college friends are divorced yet, we’re late 20s and mostly just getting married this year but there is definitely pressure to get married when you are late 20s, in a several year long relationship and all your friends are getting married. It can sort of feel like you’re on a roller coaster and you can’t get off. I ended one of those relationships that Garth describes (we were best friends and there was a lot of caring and affection, but we werent’ in love and I never saw myself marrying him) when I was in my early 20s. This is sort of embarassing to admit but I can’t help but wonder if I had been in that relationship when I was 27 if we would have gotten married. I’d like to think no, but it was hard enough as it was to walk away from a generally good long-term relationship with a really nice guy and I’m not sure I would have done it if all my friends had been getting engagement rings at the same time. On the other hand, seeing friends get engaged might have made me realize faster that he wasn’t the one and end it sooner. So I don’t know. But I can definitely believe that lots of people do get married because its the natural “next step.”

        Many high school friends (who wed right out of high school or during college) are divorced but I think in those cases it was mostly just being too immature to get married & getting married mostly because there was physical attraction but not the underlying foundation of a good relationship. There are exceptions of course, but my belief is most people are not ready to get married until at least age 25.

    2. I haven’t experienced it myself (I have an unusually large number of friends who, mid-30s, are still never married) but I do think there’s a psychological shift between being boyfriend/girlfriend (even live-in, even very long-term) and actually married, and I wonder whether people who have been together a long time are prepared for that. Since your day-to-day doesn’t change — still living with the same person in the same place as you have for years — it might be a shock to still have the relationship change because now you’ve really decided you’re together for the very long haul. Also, a lot of people have written about the difference between taking the plunge all at once — i.e., going from dating but living separately to married — versus incrementally — i.e., living together first. That if you live together just as the “next step” in the relationship, and not as an explicit precursor to marriage, it’s easy to take the “next step” to marriage without really reflecting on whether this is actually the person you want to marry. On the other hand, I could see people doing the opposite and thinking that marriage will change the relationship in big ways but really, it’s the same person in the same house and you have all the same problems you’ve always had.

      1. I will chime in to say that my husband and I (married almost two years) dated for 8 years before we got married (high school sweethearts, got married after graduate school) and even with living together 3 years and dating for so long it WAS still a transition to get married. I think you’re right that some people think it’s just like the default after living together and don’t consider the implications of “forever” and of truly planning for and living a life where you are, and have to be, a team. For me, the hard part of the transition was going from having separate to (semi) combined finances. We adjusted rather well and rather quickly, but I can see how other couples may hit a snag at that point.

    3. separate bedrooms, separate finances. 10 year anniversary next month & sparks still fly.

    4. This is a really interesting question. I’m actually in a very long-term relationship (5 years, living together for about three, with a year long-distance between the first 9 months living together and the rest of the time). We moved in together fairly quickly, because we really really liked each other and it made sense for very prosaic reasons, but we initially had an “end date” (when I left for graduate school). But we actually lived together really well, and so moved in together again…

      We have only started to talk about marriage in the last few months. Basically, I feel really sure this is the person for me. But my SO, who is emphatically not the type to plan ahead, surprised me by being really quite scared about the whole commitment thing. Like, he didn’t want to break up, didn’t see ever wanting to break up, definitely wants to get married at some point, had thought about marrying me / having kids with me “at some point,” but hadn’t quite considered getting married in the foreseeable future. It astonished me, especially because I guess to TBK’s point, I am one of those people who just assume that getting married won’t change things between us.

      So we have been spending a lot of time talking about marriage, etc. Incidentally, we had already talked a good amount (always framing it like, “when you get married,” or “when I have kids”) about things like dividing childcare responsibilities, juggling careers when married, finances, etc.).

      So I’d love to hear others’ experiences on this topic, too.

      1. It’s possible that he equates getting married with having kids and the lifestyle changes that go with it. My brother delayed getting married to his longtime SO for ages, and when he did I finally understood why — no less than a month after the wedding he was trading in his sports car for a van, they were TTC, and so on. For him there was no point in getting married until he was also ready to do those things.

    5. My husband and I have been together for almost ten years, married for 7. (We got married young, and are both about to turn 30.) We are really big on communicating things with each other before they become a major problem. So I feel very safe (in the sense that it won’t damage our relationship–I always feel physically safe with him) telling him if something he is doing or not doing is bothering me, and I think he feels the same too. This way nothing is left to build up resentment. We also try to have s*x multiple times a week, and it really does help our marriage. We have also have three kids and try to have a date night a couple of times a year where we actually go out to dinner and usually do something else fun too. It is hard to find a sitter for all three kids though, so it is kind of rare.

      I really don’t think getting married changed much for us. We moved in together about a year into our relationship, and have just been really committed to each other. We have never, even mentioned or threatened divorce, even in a joking way like some of my friends do.

      I really don’t know what the key is to having a lasting marriage is, but so far what seems to be working for us is–really trying to make sure the other person is happy, making sure we stay connected to eachother, and making sure we always have open communication.

      1. I agree completely with this. Married my high-school sweetheart at 22, will be married 8 years in June, pregnant with our second child. I think it’s important to realize that you cannot change someone. So if you have issues with your boyfriend regarding certain things, those things will only get worse once you get married.

        I trust him implicitly with pretty much everything (other than not making a mess while cooking), and he feels the same about me. I know that no matter what, our family is the first priority in our lives. We never, ever, ever joke about divorce or one of us leaving the other. I don’t know if that means anything, but we just never have.

        About once a year, we’ll open a few bottles of wine and have a “state of the relationship” talk and hash out as much as we can and focus on any bigger issues that we might have. We also feel “safe” in communicating to each other about any number of every day annoyances, whenever those pop up. I guess we’re both secure enough in the longevity and that each person is invested in this relationship, so I would feel comfortable talking to him about anything.

        We both work a lot of hours and prioritize time together. We may see each other maybe 30 minutes to an hour total at night and in the morning, so weekends are an important time together. I think it really boils down to: each of tries to put the other person’s needs ahead of ours more often than not.

        I’m just now realizing this turned in to a novel…

    6. Dated for 6 months and engaged for 1.5 years. Moved in together for the last 1.5 months of the engagement. Married for 21 years and counting.

      Not sure that I know any “secrets” to a long marriage.

    7. I am getting to be on the other side of those divorces and am now attending second weddings (including my own) and meeting step kids.

      I don’t think there’s any one factor. Stuff happens. But in my sample, one thing is fairly clear. A woman feeling like she absolutely must get married because she’s right around 30 is just about the worst reason on earth to get married. I’ve seen a number of those relationships not last.

      And then there’s the cheating husband. Not sure what to tell you about that. It may not be a deal breaker for the wife, but when he knocks up his paramour (this has a count of 3 in my friend sample) it is usually a dealbreaker for him.

    8. We got married very young (one year out of high school – I hadn’t been 19 long, dh was almost 21). We’ve been married 18.5 years.

      My tips are:

      1. Talk about everything, but always respect the other person. So, if you have a difficult topic to discuss, make sure you don’t charge in accusing, but treat it as a problem that both of you need to work together to solve.

      2. Consider your spouse in most if not all decisions. This might sound extreme, but if I need to work late one night I always call as soon as I know to give him the heads up. He always considers what’s best for our family before buying something that’s more than, say $50.

      3. Remember that you’d rather go through the tough times together than good times apart. And if you aren’t here yet, reconsider getting married.

      4. Do what works for your relationship, regardless of what the ‘experts’ or your friends, family, acquaintances say. Some people like separate finances. Some like combined. Do what works for you.

      5. Pick your battles. Don’t harp on little things that don’t really matter.

      Those are what work for us, anyway.

    9. Ben with husband 13 years, about to celebrate 10th wedding anniversary this summer – things that help make it work: Don’t ask the person you fell in love with to be someone else after you marry them. Respect each others dreams. Fight fair. Expect to be disappointed every now and then but don’t wallow in it. Always assume good intent…

    10. I wrote a long comment that vanished into the ether, alas.

      As most of this group knows (since you all hand-held me through it), I’m divorced. I was married at 26 after four years together, and my husband left just shy of my 30th birthday. For context, my ex-husband’s parents were bitterly divorced, and mine have been married for 40+ years.

      I dated a really lovely guy (too bad I met him three weeks before leaving SEA forever) who described talking about his divorce to new people as “the compassion test.” It’s accurate. Some people can only understand divorce if they can figure out who in the couple – or what action or inaction by the couple – they can blame. Other people can understand that the human heart is infinitely complex and that other people’s marriages are veiled from those that aren’t in them.

      When you get divorced, you think endlessly about what you did wrong, or what he did. I should have stood up for myself more. I should have deferred to him more. I should have been more interesting. I shouldn’t have talked so much. I should never have said no to s*x. I shouldn’t have asked for s*x so much. I should have, I should have, I should have. If you don’t do this, well, trust me – many people you meet will be happy to do it for you.

      Here’s the truth, from someone who’s been there: there are no guarantees in love. Marriage is a leap without a safety net. Are there things that you can do to make your marriage better, to try to make sure you marry the right person, to help yourselves work through problems, to make it, in short, safer? Yes, of course. But there is no vaccine against divorce. You stand on shifting sands. It’s a risk you take together, and that’s why we think marriage is amazing, man, because that’s courage, is it ever.

      My husband refused to explain to me why he wanted a divorce, and the news was shocking to everyone that we knew. Only much later – and secondhand – did I come to understand what had happened. Without being violative of his privacy, I’ll simply say that he was struggling to come to terms with a personal issue that made being married to me impossible. I don’t tell people about it, because I feel like I owe that to him (even though he treated me pretty awfully). I’m sure lots of my friends think that if I’d only done [fill in the blank], we never would have divorced. But having been through this, now, I can only say that from the outside, you can neither know, nor guess, what happens in the space between two people.

      1. This was really a wonderful post, cbackson. as a fellow divorcee, I’ll just say

        Amen.

      3. cbackson, I admired your incredible strength, honesty and grace during your divorce and your move cross-country and I was hoping that you would pick NYC as your new home so that we could meet in person! I know you are working a lot and are currently studying for the GA bar exam (I shudder having taken/passed the NY bar years ago) and just want to say that I so admire you for how you handled a very difficult situation and I hope that you have found happiness and serenity in your new life.

  7. It’s my first week back from maternity leave. So far, I’ve had two cases that were before an administrative agency come back, and was unsuccessful at both of them. I have three, probably four, other cases that, upon further review this week, I’ve concluded that I probably am wasting time on and will likely drop.

    I don’t have that many cases.

    I was so good at law school – why am I so bad at lawyering?

    1. YOU are not bad, my dear, the facts of the cases are bad. Not even brilliant lawyering could change that. You just successfully grew a human – you are thus impressive win, lose, or draw!

    2. Oh stop. There’s nothing you’ve said that supports your statement that you’re bad at lawyering (except, maybe, that you failed to provide support for your statement that you’re bad at lawyering). You’re one week back from maternity leave. This is absolutely not the time to be making pronouncements about your competency. It’s totally possible that you s@ck this week. It’s actually likely that you do. But that doesn’t really mean anything in terms of your overall ability as a lawyer. In fact, your ability to assess that some cases aren’t worth your time is actually a point in favor of you being a pretty good lawyer. So cut yourself some slack this week (and this month) and just deal with being back from leave, being away from your baby, and getting back into your groove. I’m sure things will look better in another few weeks.

    3. You are being really hard on yourself! It’s only your first week back and will likely take a little time before you get back into the swing of things. One bad week does not mean you are “bad at lawyering”!

    4. OP here – for what it’s worth, these are all cases I’ve been working on for a while, not ones that just came up this week.

      Just seems like there’d been a lot more failures than successes lately (before leave).

    5. You don’t get to pick the facts for your cases. If it is not a good case, that is not your fault. We have to work with what we are given. Depending on what kind of law you practice, it can be difficult to win. I practice an area of law that loses about 80% of the time. It is tough, but you can only do your best and continue to work on improving your own skills. Law school and the real world practice of law are nothing alike.

    7. I am not clear what being back from maternity leave has to do with either bad lawyering, or bad facts……

  8. I’m 5’8″ and so tired of all my pjs shrinking and looking like capris. Still fits everywhere else. I have been experimenting with different fabrics but am not having any luck. Any advice on where to find something that will hold up or maybe start with a longer inseam? How are you all who are taller than me finding something that doesn’t look like “floods” after a couple of washes?

    1. My mom made me flannel pants a couple years for Christmas. Otherwise I wear shorts.

      Jcrew does have some tall sizes in their flannel pj/cotton weekend pant collection. They’re almost guarenteed to shrink some if they are uber tall on you to start with.

    2. VS yogapants in Long. I think they also do PJs in long and I didn’t have problems with shrinkage. Or wear leggings to bed?

    3. I’m really not tall, but pajamas shrink on me all the time. my solution is to by them one size larger in hopes of proper shrinkage. i am pretty sure most vs pajamas come in tall sizes?

    4. Victoria’s secret has tall sizes that are actually tall. The Gap sometimes has tall pj’s, too.

    5. Buy men’s pj pants if you can find some that are cute.

      Buy yoga pants in a long and wear them as pj pants (double benefit if you go to yoga first thing in the morning—you’re already dressed!).

      Unfortunately, neither option works if you want a matching top.

    6. Eddie Bauer and Victoria’s Secret make tall PJs. Hanna Andersson PJs run long too, if you can abide the prints.

    8. I’m not a big Victoria’s Secret fan in general, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE their pajama pants because most are available in long inseams. My other strategy, with Target pjs, is to size up so the extra fabric hangs longer.

    9. S–No shrinkage if you aren’t throwing cotton items in dryer. Problem solved. You need to hang-dry things that make you look like Olive Oyl if they are going to lose and inch or two. Bonus is that your clothes last much longer.

    10. Hatley pj pants are longer than average. They can be pretty cheesy, but they win for length.

    11. Target Gilligan o’Malley modal pants in Tall. Can’t say enough good things about those. I have at least 10.

    12. Thank you for asking the question. I’m also tall and appreciate all the replies.

  9. Okay, so I have a unisex first name and there are multiple accepted spellings of both my first and last names. However, my email signature clearly illustrates not only which is my first name and which is my last, but how they are spelled. Therefore, there is no reason why I should receive emails to “Dear Lastname” (regardless of spelling) or “Dear Furstnaymme.” Okay, rant over.

    1. FWIW, I sent a “Dear Lastname” email the other day and was kicking myself when I realized afterward but thought it would be more awkward to send a follow up email correcting/apologizing.

      1. My last name is a relatively common first name, so I get Dear Lastname emails CONSTANTLY (not to mention the misspelling of my first name as well…) I would absolutely love it if someone immediately emailed me back and said something like “sorry about the wrong name — typed faster than I thought” or something similar. It at least shows they’re paying some attention and that I’m not so inconsequential that you can call me whatever you want.

        … Can you tell this is a serious sore point with me?

    2. I have a common masculine first name as a last name.* I often get called the feminine version of that name, as my first name. It drives me bananas.

      * like my name is Lucy Gerald. And I get called Geraldine. Routinely.

      1. I can see how that would drive you nuts. I have to say it made me giggle a little bit though – that is a special level of reading comprehension fail! How do you respond to those people?? I’m sure you must have something by now, but that is just really ridiculous!

  11. I like these shoes. I have been looking for dark gray heels for a while, and I don’t mind the low height. But I have taken a vow that I will not buy any more shoes with bows, buckles, or other fussy accents. Unfortunately, this eliminates a lot of shoes for me.

  12. Reposting from late this morning (and thanks RR):

    Ipad question: What is the best word processing app (free or paid) for the ipad?

    1. I did a lot of research on this last week as I just got an ipad. There seem to be 3 main ones and each has it’s pros and cons depending on what you plan to use it for. I went with QuickOffice, which so far has worked well (use it combined with dropbox to get my docs on and off the ipad). Docs to Go and Office2 HD are the others. I found http://www.iphonejd.com/iphone_jd/ helpful as he has several posts comparing them. Check out the Jan 3, 2013 post for links to past posts.

  13. For those who are homeowners, did you just *know* your house was the one for you, or did you like the house more as you learned more about it/considered it? We made an offer last year on a house that we *loved* but were unsuccessful due to another, higher offer. Months later, we haven’t found any houses that strike us the same way. I’m feeling impatient and wondering if we are crazy to be waiting for that same feeling. Thoughts or guidance would be appreciated.

    1. We bought our first house 10 years ago. We knew it was right for us based on some “must-haves”

      – Three bedrooms
      – Large kitchen
      – Full basement

      We also like the floor plan, landscaping, carpet, paint, etc. We only looked at 7-10 houses and we kept coming back to this one over all the others.

      Now we are looking to upgrade, but unfortunately a lot of the houses we want are a bit outside our price range. I am adamant that we don’t get a house with a big increase from our current mortgage. When we move again, it will probably be the house we will be in for a long time, so I really don’t want to settle.

      Must haves for a new house are four bedrooms, large kitchen, bigger living room than we have now and hopefully a full basement. A deck or patio would also be a plus.

      I don’t think it hurts to wait for a house you really love and can see yourself staying in for a while. At the same time, there might be things you don’t love about the house, but they might not be deal-breakers.

    2. If you have the luxury of time, I don’t think you’re crazy. We jumped at the first house that had most of the things on our wish list, and now three years later we are wishing we would have thought things through more. A house is not as easy to change as say an apartment with a one year lease. Its a long-term committment, and I think your hesitation is justified. People always say change what you don’t like, or if it doesn’t have the kitchen/bathroom/layout/etc. that you want you can make it yours – in reality home remodeling is expensive, time consuming, frustrating and life disrupting. If you are not in a huge rush to buy a house I see no reason why you shouldn’t wait for that feeling again.

    3. For me it was more practical. At my price point I knew I wouldn’t find the “perfect” house so it was deciding on what the top priorities were. For us, neighborhood was #1 so we got an older townhouse in an area that is quiet, walking distance to Safeway & Starbucks, good-schools, and close highway access. But it has a bit of wow factor too with 25′ vaulted ceilings which was the tipping point. We had it narrowed down to two prospects and went with my husband’s pick even though I had a slight preference for the other one (b/c it had a 2 car attached garage)

      1. Also to add, we would not have gotten a fixer-upper and liked this house because it was move in ready, but we decided to remodel/upgrade the kitchen anyways before we moved in. Also we repainted the entire interior – one bathroom was teal and one room was yellow with an ugly poorly painted giant purple flower. The paint was something we new was easy to change (though surprisingly expensive). I am not good at visualizing how something could look so it’s hard for me to see what the potential is.

    4. our first place (a large condo) grew on us. Our current house was love at first sight. But, we had been looking (off and on, sometimes more seriously that others, and had a deal fall through on another place) for nearly 3 years. When we walked out of viewing our current home (for jsut 20 minutes) my husband and I both looked at each other and simulatnously said “its perfect.” We put an offer in the next morning.

    5. we knew the location was right for us, and as my MIL says, you can change anything about the house but its location. inventory is very low in the area we wanted to live, so once we found a house in okay shape in the right location, BAM.

  14. So, I have a weird LinkedIn question. A year or two ago someone requested to Link with me, and I accepted, even though I wasn’t sure who they were, because I thought they looked vaguely familiar and I’m bad with names. A couple of months ago, this person endorsed me for several skills, so I went and looked more closely at their profile and determined that we were in the same study group in an Industrial Engineering course when I was a junior in college. This person has endorsed me for my skills in Litigation and Administrative Law, which he has no way of knowing my skill or lack thereof at.

    I’m not very savvy with LinkedIn, but this is weird, right? Will it be insulting or rude for me to reject the endorsement.

    1. I find it weird, but it’s not uncommon. The worst offenders are ones who don’t even endorse you for a skill you list but come up with a completely random skill for you. I’m not sure if they have nothing better to do than link with and endorse random people or they are trying to improve their own stats.

    2. I actually think it’s kind of common. I have received a number of endorsements over the past few months from people who are really not in a position to judge the skills they are endorsing. Even though it’s kind of weird, I just let it go (also, I didn’t know you could reject an endorsement).

      From what others have posted here, it sounds like perhaps users are prompted upon logging in (this has never happened to me)? That said, I’m not sure why anyone would endorse someone else unless they were confident in the assessment, but who knows.

      1. If someone endorses you for a skill you yourself list then you don’t approve it. If they come up with a random skill for you (the same person, whom I’ve never met, decided to randomly endorse me for Patents and Commercial Real Estate, neither of which is my field) you get a message asking if you want to add this to your profile.

      2. This is what I’ve heard too. You log in, and LinkedIn says, “Coalea, would you like to endorse Houston Attny for her typing skills?” And even though we’re LinkedIn for something non-work related, you will still say “of course she can type!” probably to be nice. I think it’ll even assume you have skills you haven’t listed based on what you’ve set forth as your career. LinkedIn is crazy.

    3. There is a way to completely “hide” endorsements on your profile, but NOT to stop LI from prompting random contacts to endorse you for random skills.

      This same thing happens to me frequently with one elderly family friend in particular…he’s endorsed me for every possible thing and we’ve only met once, not in a professional context, and he is not even in the same field as I am. At all.

      I think some people don’t realize you can decline to endorse someone when LinkedIn prompts you to do so. I absolutely HATE this feature of LI and have considered deleting my profile over it. it’s just so tacky that it does it randomly/automatically. I would be fine with it if it was by request only.

      I personally don’t want to endorse anyone for anything because the majority of my contacts are much senior to me and I think it would be weird for me, new law grad, to endorse Mr. Litigation Director-who-has-argued-before-SCOTUS on his legal research skills. Anyone have any thoughts on that?

    4. Endorsements are a joke. I have been “endorsed” by a guy in my high school class and another guy who lived in my building 10 years ago.

      It’s a brilliant strategy on LinkedIn’s part to make it easier for people to engage, a la Facebook “likes”, but I hope everyone ignores it.

  15. Biggest.Sigh.Ever.

    Mom went to Baycrest today to sign her contract. She decided it is too full of old out-of-it people. She has reluctantly agreed to try it out for a month, but is also looking into other places. The good part is that she does seem to be on board with the whole “retirement residence” thing. The awful part is that I now have to start this process all over again. Ugh.

    I am really not doing well. She started hedging again this weekend, and I’ve been kind of a mess ever since. I think it’s partly my own problem….and then I get emails from friends and family telling me how terribly worried they are about her being on her own. I guess if she is willing to do retirement living but just wants to find a place she likes better, it’s not so bad. I just feel SO TIRED with thinking about this. I want my life back. I am an emotional mess, losing weight, running out of meds, and a terrible terrible partner at home.

    I feel hopeless and like I will never have my life back. I just can’t fkng handle this. Everyone seems to think I am wonderwoman and can do everything and anything and I swear to god, I just can’t. God, I just can’t.

    1. I’m going through this with my grandpa right now (my mom, his only kid, is dead, so my sister and I are his only heirs) and it is awful. I too am getting the calls and texts about how people are worried about him… to which I just want to scream, HE WONT LET ME HELP HIM! LEAVE ME ALONE!

    2. Sympathy, so much sympathy. I keep on getting calls about how people are worried about my mom and her mental health problems. Which is sweet, but everyone in my family is out of ideas of how to help, and these people never have their own idea. They have just resolved their bad feelings about it by telling me, like I maybe hadn’t noticed that my mother has become progressively unstable over the past few years, and then their done, but I still have to deal with it, and I don’t have anyone to call so that they can fix it!

      1. OMFG THIS.

        Do they also think you have MAGICALUNICORNPOWERS to make her listen?

    3. Hey Jo. Big hug, hon. You’re doing the best you can. That’s all you and anyone else needs to know. Just because people think you’re not doing what they want you to do, doesn’t mean you’re not doing your best. You are killing it. Your mom needs help and you are helping her. You do you. Haters gonna hate. You got this.

    4. Man. You need a break. But, I get that you feel like you can’t take a break. So, practically speaking, if she moves into this place for a month and doesn’t like it, what does she think she is going to do then, move back home until she finds a new place? I think the fact she is willing to agree to stay there a month is great. Then, once she is there a couple weeks you could have a conversation like “look, we haven’t yet been able to find the next place for you. We can all agree you can’t live on your own so you are going to have to tough it out here a little longer for me while we find you the right place. You wouldn’t want to move to the wrong place and have to move again, right? This is going to take a little time.”

      My parents went through something a little similar w/ my nana. She was in a dangerous living situation but wasn’t deemed incompetent. We got here into assisted living on a “short term basis.” It sounds cruel but we just kept extending the short term basis. “Well, you really can’t live alone just yet, let’s give it another month.” She is now 100 in a nursing home (medically necessary) and never went from assisted living back home. We were always afraid she would just “check herself out” and she threatened to call a taxi back home a few times but never actually did.

      So, I think you play that approach with her and treat the deadline on your end as a very soft one. Take some time to take care of you for a week or two and then start looking for new places again. Maybe your mom can work at the staff at the place she will be at for a month to help her find her next place. Does she have a social worker who can help with that?

      1. She won’t be able to move back home: the condo corp wants her out and I’m NOT spending the money on a lawyer to fight that. So I don’t know where the heck she would go. So, if she can find a place she likes better in the next 2 weeks, let’s send her there. I just need this to be DONE.

        1. Having gone through this with FIL, at some point, you just have to stop listening to the complaints. If she’s like my FIL, something will always be awful. We’ve taken to repeating over and over “Dad, the condo is gone. You have to stay where you are.” Ad nauseum.

          Yes, it gets very wearying.

    5. OK. Slight improvement I guess. She is taking the reins on calling to go see a different place. She agreed that the goal is not to explore a million different options but to find a retirement facility she feels comfortable in. This other place she is calling is in a great location so that (as she put it) if she going going to be surrounded by very old people, at least she can go for nice walks and have a coffee at the neighbourhood cafe.

      I’m trying to calm down. If that’s the goal, I can live with that. I would rather avoid two moves if at all possible…

    6. The positives: She signed a contract, she’s giving it a solid try, she’s good with the idea

      A lot of this is just her nerves/emotions talking. You won’t win this all at once and have it fall into place. It is a period of transition and there will be some hard days. But this is HUGE progress. A month ago you were worried she was going to jail. Baby steps my friend. And hugs, and maybe a stiff drink.

      1. She didn’t actually sign a contract…but now she is actively seeking out other retirement living options. I think this is the best I am going to get for now. If nothing else comes up in the next week or two, she will do the trial month at Baycrest (where I thought she was OK with going for the long-term). I would like to avoid two moves, so if she can find something quickly that she likes better than Baycrest, I will not complain.

        1. Sounds like it’s moving in the right direction, at least. ((hugs)) I’m sorry. I went through the never ending grass-is-always-greener assisted-living rounds with my grandfather. It’s exhausting and frustrating, but I tried to remember how important it is that he felt comfortable. It’s completely understandable that you want a break/resolution and return to your own life.

          1. Thanks. It is really important to remember that, and it maybe hasn’t been at the forefront of my thinking.

            I kind of messed up taking the lead so much; she seems much more engaged now that she is doing the research herself (duh!) and I’m hoping this will do the trick. Fingers crossed that things are moving along by the time I leave for Cuba next weekend so I can actually enjoy my MUCH NEEDED VACATION.

  16. WARNING: Random motivational posting. I know this has been posted before, but this is my new mantra that I remind myself of whenever I feel like skipping exercise (like now).

    Oprah: When you first told me that a few years ago, I was like, “You get up at 4:30 to work out?”

    Michelle Obama: Well, I just started thinking, if I had to get up to go to work, I’d get up and go to work. If I had to get up to take care of my kids, I’d get up to do that. But when it comes to yourself, then it’s suddenly, “Oh, I can’t get up at 4:30.” So I had to change that. If I don’t exercise, I won’t feel good.

    1. I’m sorry to say that if I had to get up at 4:30 for work, I’d be looking for a new job. I don’t feel good if I don’t exercise, but I also don’t feel good if I don’t sleep. :)

      1. The point isn’t that everyone should get up at 4:30 to work out. The point is that so many people, myself most especially, say they couldn’t possibly find time in their schedule to exercise. And yet if you needed to work late for your job or needed to take care of your child, you’d find a way to do it but so many women don’t put that same priority on taking care of themselves.

        1. Haha, I had the exact same though as An, but I do love the spirit of it. I’ve been trying to be better about it myself.

        2. Why do you think I can’t exercise? Helllllo job! Helllllo kids!

          Nobody’s going hungry or naked if I don’t work out, but my job and kids pretty much have to get attended to. I heart Michelle, though.

          1. I read that she started this habit when her kids were young and she was working because that was the only time she could do it.

    2. This actually sounds more smug than motivational to me. I know she has some public engagements and whatnot, but I think she could find time other than at 4:30am. And I agree with An, I would not regularly wake up at 4:30 for a job either.

      1. Seriously? I continue to be amazed at how people can take a positive post and manage to find fault with it or be critical about it. Maybe it was always this way on here but I never noticed before?

        1. +1

          I appreciated reading it. It’s true for me!

          And unfortunately, I do have to get up at 4:30am for my job already….

      2. For whatever it’s worth, the end of her quote to me really mitigates the smugness (which I don’t think was intended):

        “…Well, I just started thinking, if I had to get up to go to work, I’d get up and go to work. If I had to get up to take care of my kids, I’d get up to do that. But when it comes to yourself, then it’s suddenly, “Oh, I can’t get up at 4:30.” So I had to change that. If I don’t exercise, I won’t feel good. I’ll get depressed. Of course, it’s easier to do it here, because I have much more support now. But I always think about women who don’t have support. That’s why work-family balance isn’t just a policy conversation; it’s about changing the expectations of who we have to be as women and parents.”

        I would also suggest that being the First Lady is probably an extremely demanding job (“public engagements and whatnot” are things I could easily see taking up 20 hours a day!), certainly more demanding than I have, which along with raising two young women, I think would absolutely mean she is often very pressed for time. So it may be that she only has time to work out early in the AM, or that *is* the best time that works for her schedule.

  17. Any DC ‘r e t t e s with recommendations for a general practitioner accepting new patients, located near a Metro stop?

    I have found an OB/GYN I really like, but need someone to basically do my annual physical exam, etc. I’m in Capitol Hill NE, without a car, but don’t mind taking the Metro basically anywhere. And for some reason, I’m having an incredibly hard time finding a doctor who (1) takes my insurance (GEHA); (2) is accepting new patients; and (3) is not part of a subscription practice (I’m already paying a lot for health insurance, and don’t particularly feel like paying an extra annual fee, especially as I am generally health).

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Dont know about insurance but really like mary beth alder- dcdocs.com I believe. She is near dupont

    2. Not DC proper, but I used to go to Dr. Brickte DeBasse at General Internal Medicine Group in Ballston, and I LOVED her. I now no longer live nor work near Ballston, so I’m making a switch. If it were at all feasible though, I would stay with her.

    3. Dr. Mehany at MedStar Chevy Chase. He was very comprehensive in his exam and had a nice bedside manner. I made an appointment through ZocDoc, but you can also call the office.

  18. Help! I randomly (and anonymously) received a dozen red roses in the mail at work today. No note, no card. Who are they from?

    I don’t think anyone in my family sent them because, well, they are red roses.

    So that narrows it to 2 gentlemen–one who I’ve only seen once in two months after an intense start and one who I only met in person on Sunday.

      1. I didn’t know you could do that. Isn’t there something like florist-client privilege?

        “Abnormally large call volumes.” I’m on hold.

        1. People’s cards probably get lost all the time. Even if they don’t volunteer you could prob ask if you could guess their names

          1. Duh, didn’t you watch Valentine’s day staring Ashton Kutcher and Anne Hathaway?

            But how exciting!

        3. Indeed, I believe that if the sender wants to be anonymous the company won’t release their name to you. I’m intrigued on your behalf, though!

          1. I’m intrigued too. If you find out, please let us know. Are you going out with either of these guys tonight?

          2. @SunnyD, I’m actually going to my new gym tonight and having meatloaf for dinner. A gym wouldn’t send flowers, would they?

            Two-months-ago-guy has been asking me out but flaking at the last minute or standing me up. Really, it’s been happening so much that I no longer plan on actually going out with him when we technically have plans. I figured he put me “on the back burner” and I just don’t feel motivated (or have a reason) to formally end it.

    2. K- Padi, you have a SECRET Admirer! Yay! (or mabye not so secret if it is the guy you just met on Sunday).

      I got a yellow flower booquet from someone named Fred, but I do NOT know any Freds (other then FRED FLINSTONE, who is a comic book guy). So there is sombody who mabye like’s me who is NOT comeing forward yet. I hope it is NOT Gonzalo. FOOEY! Mabye it is that wormy Internet guy with bad breathe. Who care’s about him, even if he has money, I can NOT stand his breathe.

      But rest asurred, that if a guy is buying flower’s, he is goieng to be coming in for some return on his INVESTMENT, dad says. He warned me that if a guy who buys dinner for you want’s sex, then so will a guy who buy’s flowers, even tho flowers are disp9oseable. So do as I do. Do NOT let him know where you live.

      I told LYNN she could have the flower’s to take home today b/c I do NOT have alot of room in my ofice for flower’s so she put them out in the reception area (without the card, YAY!).

      I also have NOT bought any shoes yet with the $100 the manageing partner promised me. Myrna says she wished her boss gave her shoe’s. But she does NOT work for the manageing partner I told her. She told ME FOOEY! I guess I am lucky after all with him. Yay!

      1. Hey, Ellen, at least you got real flowers. I had a guy text me a picture of a red rose! That’s right y’all… I’m jealous of Ellen’s love life…

    3. I was in a similar situation once…it was the intense guy who I hadn’t talked to. I got an intense hand made card in the mail a few days later. So…maybe your card is on its way?

    4. It was the guy who I haven’t seen much in the last two months. Apparently, it’s an apology for standing me up so much. Thanks for the support!

    5. Could a friend or family member know that you’ve been having a hard time and think this would make you feel better?

      If not, my money is on Sunday dude.

      You MUST report back whenever (if ever) you figure it out!

  19. TJ – I am hosting a bridal shower for one of my dearest friends in my home next month. Does anyone have ideas on ways to make it special? All of us ‘maids and her close family members are bringing photos of us with the bride through the years to have displayed. I don’t think she will be into having too many games, but I want to make sure the shower is special. Anyone have tips for special things to do?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Any little touches that show how well you know her will be appreciated. My good friend made sure to have a six pack of my fave beer at my shower which was really sweet of her as it is pretty tough to find. She also bought a small photo album and had guests wrote advice to me and DF on cards and put them in the album. Overall if you have good guests and make her feel special and loved the event will be a success!

    2. You could do a blessing circle (I just made that term up; there are probably better names). The idea is that you and your friends — maybe after the gifts — go around the circle and everyone says something kind and affirming about your friend, like this: “Sarah has been a wonderful friend to me for 20 years and I know she’ll be a wonderful wife. She is kind and generous and Bob is a lucky guy.” Or set it up as wishes for your friend: “For Sarah, I wish that she and Bob will find the courage to take risks in their marriage and continue to have adventures.”

      In my (religious) family, we pray for the shower recipients, and this is sort of a similar, albeit secular, idea.

      1. I like this, but please, write them down! She’ll want to have those in the future.

      2. This goes nicely with the pics, too. It would be fun to make a book for her with the photos and ‘blessing’ together.

        I’ve participated in the same rough idea where everyone says how they know the bride and share a memory as part of introductions. It’s very sweet and fun. I particularly like it for the older-than-average bride who has snowballed friendships from here and there, because has a “This is your life!” feel.

        At mine, everyone shared a piece of marriage advice. The highlight was an aunt who I’ve always thought was rather stiff advising me to buy my own lingerie.

        My favorite game is when the groom is recorded giving answers to ‘Newlywed Game’ types of questions, and the bride guesses at the shower how the groom answered. Funny stuff, but I also have felt like I got to know the groom better.

    3. I went to a shower recently where all of the guests were asked to write down their favorite go-to recipes on cards for the shower recipient (whose fiance, by the way, is typically the one in the kitchen). Because no one was told ahead of time, they actually had to rely on the things they had cooked so many times they remembered the recipe by heart. I thought it was a nice idea.

      They were compiled in a cute recipe box at the end.

      1. I got recipes at my bridal shower, along with a binder to put them in, and I use it constantly. I’ve added my own recipes as time goes on, and every time I get out my binder I think about all my friends.

        I’m sure this won’t work for everyone, but my shower was thrown by my best friend since age 11, and something I really appreciated was that she invited all of the “moms” who’d hosted us and watched us grow as well as their daughters and all of my other friends from our hometown. I really loved having all of the generations there.

    4. My favorite part of my bridal shower was the pictures my family photoshopped of my fiance and I “through the years” together. We had actually just met a year ago but it was hilarious to see us going to the prom together and trick or treating together as 2 year olds.

    5. Thanks everyone! All great tips, and I will definitely put them to use! Love this community!

  20. Thanks for the heads up on the shoe sale! A shoe I’d been mulling over was half-off and now will soon be in a box headed to my house :)

  21. Help, I am totally sucking at writing an email. I would like to leave my current job and want to start the process of getting coffee with people to figure out what jobs are out there. I would prefer not to totally signal to my current employer that I am looking to leave. Any advice on how to word the email to invite people out to get coffee? These are people that I know either well or somewhat well professionally but never get coffee with. Thanks!

    1. Can you call them?
      I am always happy to help out an acquaintance with job leads, particularly since my employer pays $$ for employee referrals that get hired; however, due to my schedule and commute I don’t do coffee or lunch. This may be why I would prefer the other person to contact me by phone – it is more personal than email.
      I also like them to do their homework and identify at least one position of interest so I could tap my network for similar jobs.

    2. With people you know well I would just send a brief email saying hey I haven’t seen you in a while, we should grab a cup of coffee and then mention your job search when you see them. For people you only know professionally I would write an email saying you want to learn more about their field (if it’s different then what you’re currently doing) or that you are considering your next career steps and are wondering if they would share their experience over a cup of coffee. When I was contemplating changing my practice area I reached out to several senior attorneys and some were happy to meet with me and share some insight, a few did not respond at all, and one responded saying he doesn’t think he has much to say.

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