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What are your latest favorite products for putting your hair up? This one from Ouidad looks nice, and reminds me of the many, many discussions early Corporette readers about their love for spin pins. (Which are now sold in bulk at Amazon(!), although you can also still buy the original Goody 2-pack.)
I'm still a fan of simple elastics for at home, and I keep this clip in my purse (since I feel like it's so pretty it should only be worn in public). Still, perhaps this clip is the sophisticated-but-at-home answer I've been needing. Hmmn.
The clip is $18, at Ulta.
Psst: Below, find some of our favorite hair accessories for work as of 2024. Note that some of our long-standing favorite brands for quality, durability, comfort and styling include Ficcare and France Luxe. For more affordable options (which may not last as long), keep an eye out at Anthropologie, Ann Taylor, and J.Crew stores (including J.Crew Factory and Madewell). Also: Kat loves these flat elastics.
Some hair accessories we've featured recently include these!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anon
Anyone hears from Dr. The Original… lately?
Anon
She hasn’t been commenting on this board ever since some very bitter, snarky women attacked her. I’m still upset we lost one of the best voices on this forum due to some unhappy women (who unfortunately are probably still here).
Cat
I think she had a death in her close family.
Curious
Oh, I hadn’t caught that. I know that happened to Sloan, and then her condo caught fire. I know Dr… The Original is taking a break after getting attacked here, but it might be family, too.
Senior Attorney
I’ve been in touch with her offline. No family death that I’m aware of. That was Sloan (hugs, Sloan!).
Anon
:(
I was hoping that she was taking a break and would return.
Anon
A lot of us are Anon now after experiences like that. I can’t figure out who these a-holes are who get their jollies from bullying people on an online forum, but it’s pathetic and I wish they’d get an actual life.
Anon
I’m also Anon after getting attacked
Anon
Same, and I was a named commenter for 10 years or more.
Ironically Anon
It’s is why, counterintuitively, I wish Anon handles weren’t allowed. If everyone has a name, it’s hard to single out people for attack and the attackers aren’t anonymous.
Anon
Do you mean like, any random name of the day?
That would work all right. I think doxxing would be a real issue with any persistent handles.
My life has too many unlikely features; I feel like any three things I reveal could out me to someone.
Cat
I always go Anon for questions that I’ve talked about with people IRL or that pieced together could be too revealing. Would not come here for that type of advice if it wasn’t an option!
Ironically Anon
Oh, any random name of the day or even the week.
Anon
Also a ten plus year commenter going Anon these days. I haven’t been personally attacked, but there have been too many incidents of nastiness to feel comfortable with a consistent identity here.
Sunshine
This is also how I feel about Diana Barry who I think left after she got some nasty comments in response to one of her posts. She also was heavily invested in this community for many years.
I know that asking internet strangers for advice comes with risks. We all know that. But I wish we could all remember there are (usually) real people with real problems on the other side of the posts and respond as we would to a friend with whom we are having drinks – even when we disagree. We have lost some good ones over the years.
Auburn
Agree – I think about Diana Barry often. She was treated very unfairly.
Curious
Coach Laura and I were talking about this (we got to meet!). It’s not that Diana Barry’s post didn’t have problems that day — it did. But they are problems many, many, many of us have to work through with diet culture, and if we attack people for asking the questions imperfectly, we lose out on being able to learn. It was a bummer to lose her.
Anon
Are we sure she left because of that? I know she was a longtime commenter here, but I don’t recall her posting all that frequently recently. Maybe she just hasn’t been around.
Anon
Yes. The pile-on that day was banana-crackers even compared to the more normal (sad that there’s such thing as a normal amount of mean pile-on) ones that have happened from time to time. They did her dirty.
Anon
Diana Barry never commented again after that pile on.
Anon
I am interested not in updo pins but some sort of barrettes to keep my hair on the sides off my face when it’s driving me crazy. I would like it to look nice enough for a zoom.
Right now I do a twist and and up with a claw clip or a ponytail with a sink covered elastic (like a scrunchie but the sink is barely wider than the elastic – I don’t know if these have a name) but what I really want is to leave my hair down and just pin back the parts that bug me.
Anne-on
Do you need barrettes? Or would bobby pins in the color of your hair work? It’s a bit old school but I find bobby pins easier to work with than most other options.
Aussie
Bobby pins or slide combs.
Clementine
side combs are an underutilized but totally useful option.
Anon
Side combs and center parts are all of my earliest babysitter memories (and their high-waisted flares were so cool). It’s like an episode of The Americans, but it’s real and chic.
Anon
I love side combs but I think my hair is too slippery. They don’t stay tight at all, and eventually fall out.
Vicky Austin
Try spritzing the comb or your hair or both with hairspray? I have super fine, slippery hair too and this helps. (Also not 100% clean hair, as gross as that sounds. Day 2 hair.)
Marketiere
I love side combs and retro banana clips. They give my curly hair a fabulous early-90’s volume.
Mpls
Or snap clip barrettes. Especially the ones with a bit of silicone/rubber on the inside to prevent slippage.
Anon
Ah I didn’t know they made silicone lined snap clips (also didn’t know that’s what they were called, thank you!) I will look around for some. I feel like they break my hair and silicone sounds like it wouldn’t.
Mpls
I don’t know that they are completely lined, but they often have some dots of grippi-ness.
I have the Revlon Double Black Clips (use that as a search term) and I like them. My hair is on the thicker side, so I like the extra legs on the bottom, but I’m guessing they would work just as well for thinner hair.
Anon
I could do bobby pins but I want something cuter & more intentional.
Vicky Austin
I have been eyeing the Kristin Ess stuff at Target for ages – they have some elevated “bobby pins” you might like.
Vicky Austin
Like this: https://www.target.com/p/kristin-ess-celestial-bobby-pins-4ct/-/A-80179168#lnk=sametab
Anon
Pretty cute! Thanks
Anne-on
Oh man, are these really back? I remember all the girls using these in HS for dances/prom in our updos in the late 90s.
ALT
I have “fancy” bobby pins that are the same essential idea but are 1/4” wide and some sort of gold colored metal (brass maybe?). They are definitely meant to be seen unlike an actual bobby pin and I love them for adding a bit of glitz to a normal look. I am 99% sure I got them at Target so maybe poke around for something similar?
Cat
Thin headband?
Anon
I like headbands but they don’t seem to like me. They always make the area behind my ears hurt if they’re the half circle kind, and if they’re the stretchy circle kind, they slide back on my head and fall off!
Anon
Not exactly what you are looking for but might work for you. I have several of these and love the…
https://www.etsy.com/shop/ButterflyHair?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=641707385
Anonymous
My parents are late 60s. My mother’s mental/processing capacity and memory seems to have plummeted in the last 2 years. My dad covers up for her, will complain to my siblings and I about it, but refuses to take her to any specialists. They have seen their rural Midwest general family practitioner, who according to my dad a) prescribed high strength ibuprofen if she’s in pain and b) didn’t refer them anywhere. My extended family has started to question my mom’s abilities and my siblings and I are torn whether to try to talk to her and/or my dad about it. I tried about a year ago and my dad said they don’t need any other doctors, that all they need is their GP. I’m not saying the GP is wrong, but it’s way too early for her to be mentally failing like this if there is a way to help her.
Any advice? My siblings and I are all 30s, dispersed across the country. I’m the closest geographically so it would probably be me to have a meeting or conversation.
Davis
Have you had a sibling-meeting about this yet? We started them a few years ago for my parents. The parents aren’t there, but we do a quick round-up of what we know about them medically, financially, socially, etc. It’s over Zoom and a good way to loop in the siblings who aren’t that involved so we’re on the same page. In your case, you might be nominated to have the conversation with your parents, but you’ll start with a place of support (I hope) from your siblings and they can help brainstorm the approach and questions to ask.
Hugs to you!
Anonymous
Yes, it is good to talk with them about it. But finding a way when you are all far away, by phone is harder.
Can you talk with your Mom directly about it? Or is she not aware at all? Do you notice it on the phone?
Can you visit sometime where you can stay a bit longer, see how she is doing…. and then go with them to a doctor’s appointment and express your concerns? That might sound unrealistic, but just something to think about.
Because actually there are a lot of medical causes of these sort of changes that are NOT dementia/Alzheimer’s, and sometimes that can be a doorway into getting your Mom more thoroughly checked out. Everything from low grade infections to thyroid problems to sleep disorders to untreated anxiety/depression to auto-immune disorders to ???? And many of these are treatable, so you really don’t want to miss them. Tell your Dad (the doorkeeper?) that you have a friend that knows people like this! And even for some dementias, there are some early treatments and new things are being discovered every day, so the earlier you can check in to a Neurology Memory clinic and have a one time assessment the better. It may only be one or two appointments in the entire year, and then a resource to go back to if anything changes.
Fear is hard to overcome. Your Dad is afraid. Trying to reassure your parents that you want them to be healthy, living independent happy lives as long as possible is the goal. And making sure that you do this on a regular basis, and not step in with catastrophic diagnoses/extreme plans (move here! move into assisted living! we think you have Alzheimer’s!) is not the way to do it.
Another direction is trying to start talking in a general way about their plans for this next phase of their lives. Are they looking forward to retirement? How do they envision it? Is there anything you kids can be doing from afar to help and make sure they get there? This hopefully opens doors to talking about long term planning (estate/POA/health care) and sometimes it is an OUTSIDE person (an elder care lawyer, a social worker etc..) that helps with this and can be the person who helps urge appropriate medical assessments.
And if Mom really does have a serious diagnosis, then the kids need to get together and talk and get on the same page about what they are able/willing to do in the future to help. Best to be a team.
It is hard work. One step at a time.
anon
Commiseration but no advice. My mother, aged 70, has been buying art from Goodwill for hundreds of dollars while claiming that the paintings are real works by big name artists. My father is no help, not challenging her on obviously ridiculous purchases like a room full of paintings or a brand new Burberry trench coat that doesn’t fit her. He continues to work in his mid 70s “because we just need a little more money so we can retire comfortably.” It’s hard to capture how bizarre their behavior is in a post like this, him working himself to exhaustion while she blows through money while living in her own reality.
I wish I knew what to do with a parent who is declining so early in life. It’s hard for me to process that a woman can lose the ability to make sound decisions so young and in such a way that no amount of money saved will be enough.
Anon
Sorry if this is a duplicate post…
Yes, it is good to talk with them about it. But finding a way when you are all far away, by phone, is harder.
Can you talk with your Mom directly about it? Or is she not aware at all? Do you notice it on the phone?
Do they have any local friends, that you know well, who can give you the inside scoop, and be a positive influence on them to get more help?
Can you visit sometime where you can stay a bit longer, see how she is doing…. and then go with them to a doctor’s appointment and express your concerns? That might sound unrealistic, but just something to think about.
Because actually there are a lot of medical causes of these sort of changes that are NOT dementia / Alzheimer’s, and sometimes that can be a doorway into getting your Mom more thoroughly checked out. Everything from low grade infections to thyroid problems to sleep disorders to untreated anxiety/depression to auto-immune disorders to ???? And many of these are treatable, so you really don’t want to miss them. Tell your Dad (the doorkeeper?) that you have a friend that knows people like this! And even for some dementias, there are some early treatments and new things are being discovered every day, so the earlier you can check in to a Neurology Memory clinic and have a one time assessment the better. It may only be one or two appointments in the entire year, and then a resource to go back to if anything changes.
Fear is hard to overcome. Your Dad is afraid. Trying to reassure your parents that you want them to be healthy, living independent happy lives as long as possible is the goal. And making sure that you do this on a regular basis, and not step in with catastrophic diagnoses/extreme plans (move here! move into assisted living! we think you have Alzheimer’s!) is not the way to do it.
Another direction is trying to start talking in a general way about their plans for this next phase of their lives. Are they looking forward to retirement? How do they envision it? Is there anything you kids can be doing from afar to help and make sure they get there? This hopefully opens doors to talking about long term planning (estate/POA/health care) and sometimes it is an OUTSIDE person (an elder care lawyer, a social worker etc..) that helps with this and can be the person who helps urge appropriate medical assessments.
And if Mom really does have a serious diagnosis, then the kids need to get together and talk and get on the same page about what they are able/willing to do in the future to help. Best to be a team.
It is hard work. One step at a time.
CapHillAnon
I don’t know how to advise you except to say proceed carefully. My sibling and I noticed exactly the same thing in our older father (cognition / memory really slipping; mother covering for it, and then later commenting / complaining about it). Our mother didn’t want to bring it up to him directly, because he has always been proud of his mental quickness and education, and the times she noted that things were off (like leaving the water running at the sink when he washed his hands, and walking out the door), he bristled. We persuaded her to independently contact my father’s gp before his next physical to bring it up and to suggest baseline testing. It was an utter disaster. When the dr brought it up, my father was bewildered and angry, and asked the doctor why he recommended mental acuity tests, and the doctor told my father that my mother had called and suggested it. My father is more furious about this than anything I’ve ever seen. It has very nearly ended their marriage. So now he’s much further from even acknowledging that there is a problem, much less from seeking out help.
I cannot believe what an awful practitioner, and awful human, their doctor is. They both still think he is just fine and they refuse to switch doctors.
So it can be a perilous road! It will go better with your mother if the message of concern could be conveyed by whomever communicates with her best and most compassionately. Good luck.
Anon
Wow – I am so so sorry for this.
Your mother didn’t screw up. That doctor did. What an idiot.
Anon
I had an almost identical experience with my mom. I called her doctor and relayed some concerning issues in–I THOUGHT-confidence, and the doctor blabbed to her almost immediately. I would never recommend that approach now even though I am confident that, if handled correctly, it would result in better patient care. My mom’s brain can fall out of her ears before I will call another healthcare provider about her symptoms.
Anon
This happened to me recently too! I am still so angry at the doctor. It made it so much worse and destroyed a lot of trust.
Seventh Sister
Commiseration. My MIL’s memory and behavior gets stranger and stranger every year – she was always “eccentric” but has started to go on and on about things that either never happened or are profoundly inappropriate. I’ve talked to both my husband (who she’d never listen to) and my BIL (who might be able to persuade her to see a doctor), but there isn’t a lot I can do in my position. If it was my own mom, I feel like I could convince her to go to a neurologist appointment I set up for her. But my dad is super-passive and wouldn’t object to that, which is pretty different from your situation. I’m so sorry.
Anon
I’m with you; this is worth investigating. This happened to me in my thirties, and trust me that it took more than one GP to figure out what was wrong (and probably more than ten specialists). A lot of doctors don’t try very hard, but it can be worth trying to figure things out since some causes are treatable, and it’s also just better to know if possible what is going on.
Pair Eyewear?
Has anyone tried Pair Eyewear? I keep seeing the ads and as someone who wears glasses since 4 yrs old interchangeable toppers for glasses including sunglasses seem like a dream come true!
My high correction would require some special attention by the person assembling the lenses, so I’m wondering whether I should just buy a pair online plus topper and have my optician put in the lenses…
Anon
So grateful that with WFH, I can drive to many lunches with clients (in my city; I am not sure how next work trip to NYC will be, when I have to drive in CT and Long Island to see people I used to see in Midtown). But my one city extended walking to fancy event recently showed me that even comfy shoes, if not worn with tights, will just get hot spots all over my feet even in well broken-in shoes that give no problems on shorter walks (grabbing lunch <= 3 blocks from the office or many smaller walks). Ugh. I envy men and their socks (but socks when you're a dress wearer is . . . a look). No question. I just miss WFH sock comfort even though I do feel better as a worker be when working in real clothes from an office (vs my bed used as a standing desk).
Cat
girl just walk in your commuting shoes and swap to your nice shoes around the corner from the venue. No one cares if you carry a tote bag to lunch! If it’s an evening event where it would be weird to have a huge bag, I check my walking shoes with my coat (bring a dark-colored reusable shopping bag in this case.)
No Face
If your feet need a layer, panty hose could be an option.
BB
If you have to wear nice shoes the whole way, try to find no-show socks that work for your shoes, assuming they’re not open-toed. I can usually find something that works with most pumps and all my loafers.
Trixie
We are grown up women who wear what works. Buy colorful pantsuits and wear them with oxford shoes. Wear socks! Socks are fine, have them tuned into the colors of your socks and shoes. Wear tights with dresses. Wear pantyhose if they work for you. Wear sneakers and change out of them. Don’t overthink this just think about footwear that makes you happy and comfortable and build around that.
Anon
This is where fashion sneakers come in, I have a few expensive pairs of GGs that cross the fashion-comfort bridge.
Anon
Yes, it is good to talk with them about it. But finding a way when you are all far away, by phone is harder.
Can you talk with your Mom directly about it? Or is she not aware at all? Do you notice it on the phone?
Do they have any local friends, that you know well, who can give you the inside scoop, and be a positive influence on them to get more help?
Can you visit sometime where you can stay a bit longer, see how she is doing…. and then go with them to a doctor’s appointment and express your concerns? That might sound unrealistic, but just something to think about.
Because actually there are a lot of medical causes of these sort of changes that are NOT dementia/Alzheimer’s, and sometimes that can be a doorway into getting your Mom more thoroughly checked out. Everything from low grade infections to thyroid problems to sleep disorders to untreated anxiety/depression to auto-immune disorders to ???? And many of these are treatable, so you really don’t want to miss them. Tell your Dad (the doorkeeper?) that you have a friend that knows people like this! And even for some dementias, there are some early treatments and new things are being discovered every day, so the earlier you can check in to a Neurology Memory clinic and have a one time assessment the better. It may only be one or two appointments in the entire year, and then a resource to go back to if anything changes.
Fear is hard to overcome. Your Dad is afraid. Trying to reassure your parents that you want them to be healthy, living independent happy lives as long as possible is the goal. And making sure that you do this on a regular basis, and not step in with catastrophic diagnoses/extreme plans (move here! move into assisted living! we think you have Alzheimer’s!) is not the way to do it.
Another direction is trying to start talking in a general way about their plans for this next phase of their lives. Are they looking forward to retirement? How do they envision it? Is there anything you kids can be doing from afar to help and make sure they get there? This hopefully opens doors to talking about long term planning (estate/POA/health care) and sometimes it is an OUTSIDE person (an elder care lawyer, a social worker etc..) that helps with this and can be the person who helps urge appropriate medical assessments.
And if Mom really does have a serious diagnosis, then the kids need to get together and talk and get on the same page about what they are able/willing to do in the future to help. Best to be a team.
It is hard work. One step at a time.
Anon
Help me find a bathing suit top for for a 30C (but I’m 50, so that is generally a “medium” and I read as fairly flatchested). I don’t want the little foam cookies that never lie flat and get destroyed in the wash, but some sort of soft-bra that doesn’t bunch up. Does this exist? I will wear under a rashguard generally when in the sun, but would like something that can stand on its own as a suit or part of a suit also.
I have any number of C- versions of this and this year I want to toss them b/c I’ve finally found what I want (and then would get multiples).
Anon
Title 9 has fantastic swimsuits that are quite comfortable and are flattering on middle aged women.
Anon.
I read this as for 30 degrees Celsius and thought, ok, summer swimming.
From your weird Australian friend.
Anon
I swear my this swimsuit top (I have the D-cup version.) Removable cups and great coverage. They usually offer it in some prints. I pair it with a tank rashguard.
https://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=446903012&cid=1026473&pcid=1026473&vid=1&cpos=4&cexp=2702&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D1026473&cvar=23167&ctype=Listing&cpid=res23030612217478930120113
Cat
Tommy Bahama if you don’t want to go full Lands End yet.
anon
Are you machine washing your swimsuits? They’re so small and quick to dry that I hand wash mine. If it’s one or two dirty swimsuits I’ll just bring them in the shower with me and rub them with some body wash. Otherwise I soak them in the sink. The suit lasts longer and the foam pads don’t get ruined.
Anon
Target sometimes has swim tops with fixed padding. Body Glove may, too.
anon
Look for Freya on Amazon. Solid coverage, and does not require contorting yourself to get it on or three layers of knots to make sure.
Anon
+1 to Freya. Amazing size range, fixed padding that really hides nipp!eitis, and they last forever. I have two that I’ve had for a decade, still look new and hold perfectly. Now the Freya bottoms do tend to run shallow so if you have curves you may want to size up and either take in the waist or go with a higher waist style.
No Face
For those of you who get regular pedicures, how often do you go? Every other week? Every week?
Anon
I try to go every other week during the summer. It usually slips to more like once a month though.
Cat
I DIY, but they usually last 2-3 weeks. More like 2 weeks if I’m spending a lot of time at the beach, since the sand and water are rougher on the finish than walking around the city in sandals.
Anon
I used to go once a month religiously before the pandemic, now I’m much lazier about it.
Anon
This is me.
Anon
I used to go every other week in the summer and every month in the winter. I needed to scale back my spending so am now monthly in the summer, not at all in the winter but will go as needed (before a trip or wedding as an example) year round.
Anon
Our volunteer club has a president who doesn’t do a lot by e-mail due to shift work as an OR nurse. As VP, she wants me help her and an an org, to transition from using the office-holder’s personal e-mail (linda.lastname@ whatever) to a generic “tulipclub@” e-mail address at whatever service will forward e-mails to her (so she can see them) and to me (so that I can actually respond to the matter, which I can often do quicker than she can). Is there something like hotmail (which I find more readable) or gmail or similar that will do this for us? I may go where I can get the best “handle” for our group, but if you do this (or can think of a better workaround), please let me know — I’ve got a couple of weeks to transition this. We are just a small club, so no real budget for this.
Anon
Yes any email service can do this for free. Gmail is the most common.
Anon
G mail does this! You’d sign up for a new email account with the club handle you want at g mail dot com. Then you would set that account to immediately forward to your personal email. I believe you can still use either handle when replying from your own account, so replies would still appear to come from the group account (but that may be erroneously recalling my experience doing this in Microsoft office, not google. I can’t remember).
Anon
Agree with Gmail. I’m in a volunteer group and this is what we use. Any of us can check the email but the catch is that occasionally the authentication process makes the member who has the cell # tied to the account provide a code. Make sure that goes to someone who can check their cell and text you the code if needed! Maybe that’s you, actually.
ALT
Yep, you can make an email with any email provider that will be tulipclub @ provider . com.
Our HOA did this with Gmail so we have a central repository for documents and all the associated Google services.
If you want tulipclub @ tulipclub . com, that’s a bit more complicated but not unreasonably hard to do.
Anon
My company has decided to mandate return to office three days a week beginning next month for all local candidates. I am local, but I was hired two months ago and told we were a remote-first hybrid organization. My boss and immediate team are all fully remote and live thousands of miles away from the main office.
I don’t mind coming in occasionally and I have been since I started, but to mandate it for no reason except for face time seems archaic.
This feels like a bait and switch to me. How should I handle it? I don’t want to seem like a diva, but I’m upset that this wasn’t even mentioned as a possibility when I was interviewing.
Anon
That sucks, I’m sorry. It does feel like a bait and switch. My employer is doing the same thing now, and it seems like it’s unfairly penalizing the people who stayed local over the people who moved away (in many cases to lower cost of living areas) during the pandemic. My solution is looking for a new job. But you’re in a tough spot since you just joined.
Anon
Oh man, this sort of thing infuriates me. Going to the office just to sit on Zoom/Teams with your team all day! I would talk to your boss about it for sure.
Anon
Commiseration…a similar thing happened to me. I recently accepted a job after being told it was 2 days a week in person. During my first week, I learned it was now 4-5 days a week in person. Total bait and switch. It’s an hour commute each way, too…it’s so disappointing companies are doing this.
Cat
I would ask my boss. “Hey, I just got an announcement about 3x a week office time. It says everyone local needs to comply, but is that based on an assumption that everyone local is part of a local team? In my case it seems like I’d be commuting just to do the same video calls I do at home.”
YMMV if you frequently do work with people in your local office, though, even if they’re not part of your immediate team.
Anon
I doubt you were deceived intentionally but companies can and do change policies. I might start casually by asking your boss (by phone, not email), hey I noticed an email about return to the office, when I was hired I understood this would be a principally remote job and our team isn’t in the office so do you think this really applies to me?
I know plenty of places where people are loosely following the office return policy. Whether there will be consequences remains to be seen, but maybe not in your situation.
Anon
Ugh commiseration. The head of my department is trying to get all the remote employees back now. I had some frank talks with my boss, where I told him that I’m happy to come in on a routine basis, but my husband and I live far away from our families and I don’t want to lose the ability to work from a different part of the US occasionally, say, one week per quarter. He was amenable and now they’re finalizing an agreement to let me do this. Maybe you could do the same kind of negotiation but try to talk them down to only 1 or 2 days per week in the office? Three days is a lot, especially if your team isn’t local.
Anon
In your shoes, I would start by raising it with my boss and saying that since (1) the entire team is remote; (2) you took this job a month ago with the promise it would be primarily remote; and (3) you are willing to come in as needed but cannot identify any business reasons for your regularly being there in person you would like to ask if an exception could be made for you. Or at least a reduction to 1-2x/week.
If the answer is no, start looking for a new job. You have the perfect excuse for why you are leaving so soon. (“When I took the job I was told it would be primarily remote with only occasional commuting required but a month in I was told I needed to travel to the office three times a week.”)
And let this be a warning to everyone. The employment environment is changing and more and more employers (who have office space) are going to start requiring people to come in. We can argue all day about whether there is a business need for it, but it is what is happening.
No Face
I agree with this advice.
I am completely fine with employers requiring in-person work. I work in the office most days and love it. Just be honest! Don’t hire a remote worker and then make them come in person. That worker will quit!
Anon
I would tread cautiously and I’m surprised by your last paragraph, which gets it, and is in stark contrast to the first two. No one is loose on remote work anymore and calling in workers is the new trend. You wouldn’t likely get a sympathetic ear if you interview. I’d count your blessings that you get a couple of days at home.
anonshmanon
That is just not what I am seeing. This may be highly industry/region dependent. Let’s not make sweeping declarations based on anecdata.
Anon
Well McKinsey and LinkedIn say otherwise
https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbestechcouncil/2023/01/02/is-remote-work-dying-a-fast-death/
Fullyfunctional
Don’t ask. If it comes up, just let your manager know you were hired with WFH as one of the terms of your employment and unless a specific need arises, you’ll continue to do that.
Anonymous
I have a high-risk family member and was told a few weeks ago they would greatly appreciate seeing me in the office two days a week, the very same week the entire team was out due to Covid they got at work. I told my boss if she came up with a business reason from time to time I’m willing to come in, but if she asked me to pick between my family member and the job, she would probably not like the answer. I am relatively senior.
Anonymous
Does the high risk family member make a difference any more? I thought the C-era protections had expired.
Anon
I mean, most people don’t care about Covid anymore but I think most managers who aren’t a-holes would let an employee work from home if they had a household member going through chemo or something like that. That sort of thing was fairly common even before the pandemic. If you’re high risk yourself and can perform your job duties effectively from home, telework is probably a reasonable accommodation under the ADA.
Anonymous
My high risk partner is kind of a special situation, even among most normal high risk people.
Anon
I think it depends on what high risk is, over 65, no one cares anymore, in chemo, yes, people still care and did before Covid too.
Anon
Agreed. You’re going to get a lot of eyerolls if your family member is “high risk” because they’re in their 60s or overweight. But if you’re talking about someone going through chemo or a lung transplant, it’s a very different story.
Anonymous
Your boss and team are remote, is anyone going to care or think to check on whether you’re in the office? The enforcement piece (or lack of) is what would guide my response to this. If someone’s checking up on this then yeah I’d raise with boss in a formal-ish way. Otherwise I’d check in when you’re otherwise shooting the ish and act like it’s a foregone conclusion that that rule doesn’t apply to your circumstances, but you want to confirm that’s her understanding too.
Anon
Agree with this. I’m officially supposed to be in the office twice a week but I basically never go and my boss doesn’t care.
Anon
I know many people in this situation. If you’re doing your job and it isn’t being enforced by keycard swipes/etc., just assume it doesn’t apply to you since you were told otherwise upon hire.
Anon
I once accepted a job where they said I’d be working in office A, but on my first day they told me to report to office B and then told me they’d decided that was where I’d be working. It was a HUGE difference in commute and I wouldn’t have accepted a position at office B. I pushed back hard, and I suggest you do the same, and I ended up with a sort of compromise where I mostly worked in office B. But I’m posting to tell you that in my case, this was the sign of an overall crappy experience with a company that did not seem to give one shit about their employees. I didn’t last long.
Anonymous
Speak to your boss calmly and professionally about it.