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Anon
I think I have to say goodbye to this board. The snarkiness of some of the comments has gotten to me. Both on people’s requests for personal advice, but also obviously on posts like this morning’s childcare-on-vacation debate. There are mean comments that have really hurt my feelings on here haha.
Thank you to everyone who has given kind, thoughtful advice over the years!!! There are a lot of wonderful aspects of this community. I wish you all the best.
Anon
If you have or want kids, check out the moms page. It’s a much nicer place in general.
Anon
I kind of feel like many of us are trying to find something to think about that is less depressing than everything going on in the world, so we are seeing more replies to questions like the vacation/childcare question this morning. And more of us are in a bad mood right now so snarkier responses are coming out.
AIMS
I think this definitely plays a part.
AIMS
Please stay. Or take a break and come visit when you feel better about it and see if it’s for you.
I’ve been reading/commenting for most of my adult working life I think and I agree that the tone has gotten to be a bit much lately. Intolerant and with very little benefit of the doubt to anyone.
I think part of it is everyone posts under the same anonymous handle and probably often more than once to say the same thing, and part of it is we are all just barely hanging on after the last few years. Civility is hard to come by IRL too these days. But if everyone who was here for the kind and thoughtful and supportive comments left, it would be even worse. I’ve experienced this too and just decided I am not going to give up so easily on a place and community that I know can be great and often still is.
Anonymous
Agree. The irony of people expecting free dog sitting but then being aghast at the suggestion that they watch a kid for 15 mins was a bit much.
It’s unfortunate that there are not more people just collapsing comments and scrolling past. I’ve been reading since 2007 – the vibe ebbs and flows but it’s definitely more negative at the moment – especially on anything food/health/fitness/parenting related. There’s been some vicious comments on great long time posters like Diana Barry who has literally mailed clothes for free to other posters for years.
Emma
I was upset by that too – I’ve received clothes from Diana in the past and she was so kind and considerate about it. I think she was genuinely trying to ask a question and people got really carried away. And the responses this morning seemed so intense – I can’t imagine going on vacation with people who have kids and not wanting to spend even 15 minutes with them, but I’ve always liked kids and am really perplexed by kid-free weddings too, so I accept that different people have different responses to this stuff. I’ve asked something in the past and gotten really overwhelmed by the aggressive responses, and took a break for a while. I’m happy to be back because I enjoy a lot of the conversations here but you have to take everything with a grain of salt and sometimes that’s hard.
Anonymous
The big change I’m seeing is that more people seem to be going after the posters themselves – negative comments about an OP on a post vs. just commenting (however stridently) with their views. Like it’s changed from comments like “I find it entitled to do a registry for a second wedding” to “OP is so entitled for asking about doing a registry for a second wedding”. It wasn’t always nice and friendly but there is an uptick in being more directly negative towards the posters vs negative about an issue that is raised.
Anon
Eh there were always comments like “OP is so entitled to do blah blah blah…” I still remember one thread where I expressed my sadness that my retired parents didn’t visit me more frequently, and a (very popular) named commenter called me selfish and entitled. It still stings a bit when I think about it, even though the issue I was having with my parents has long since resolved with no lingering hurt feelings on either side. This place has *always* been very big into the mean girl/queen bee thing.
Senior Attorney
That sounds like it might have been me at my crankiest, and if so I am very sorry, Anon at 3:38 p.m. I’m glad you and your parents have worked things out. Ugh I hate it when I’m awful. I will do better.
And Peggy
I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve been reading here long enough to still miss regular commenters that this site ran off (Kanye East, Ru, cbackson, etc).
Jules
Same
Vicky Austin
Same. I miss cbackson’s input often.
Anon
She’s still here, I’m pretty sure, just posting anonymously.
Anon
Didn’t some of the old commenters start some kind of Tumblr hate site? There was always negativity.
Anon
Yes. A group of regular commenters started a Tumblr blog to make fun of the comments here. I’m all for snarking about the mean comments (like Sloan’s comment about the weirdo who told her she can’t call her dog her “pup”), but the Tumblr site was really mean and made fun of a lot of people who seemed totally nice but just very naive. Every year or so there’s a big discussion about mean this place is getting and it just makes me laugh. It’s always been a cesspool.
Curious
I miss LaurenB and Rainbow Hair and Shots Shots Shots.
Anon
Me too.
Anon
I don’t disagree with you at all!
I feel like as a regular reader, the childcare on vacation post had such a predictable outcome of heated responses on both sides. The minute I read the original post I literally thought to myself “oh boy, this oughta be good!”. Lol.
Anon from this Morning
I was the poster from the morning. I read less than I used to, but really was trying to frame it as an optional suggestion and make clear that there was 0 obligation involved. My intent was not clear to everyone and I apologize for causing any chaos or stress for anyone.
I know many people do big group/family trips for the 4th and it was something I thought would be a nice suggestion – just like I will tell you all that white sangria made with vino verde as the base is 10x better than red sangria when it’s hot – of something nice to do should you so choose. Of course not everyone drinks. Of course, somebody is going to have an example where sangria was disgusting. But if it’s something that appeals to you, there’s the suggestion.
Bonnie Kate
Your sangria analogy is just the perfect illustration of commenting on the internet. We all are posting quickly between other work and life things, coming from completely different experiences. And we can’t very easily read intent or inflection into comments.
Although, I kind of like having threads where not everyone agrees with each other. I think you did a good job this morning explaining your perception. I think we all could do a bit more of assuming the best intentions and it seems unnecessary to call out posters (lol once someone told me I was enabling the patriarchy or something ridiculous because I’m not shunning my republican neighbors and friends since I think it’s more effective in changing their minds than shunning them), but without any back and forth it gets boring.
On point – I’m one of the childfree people who wishes you’d ask me to watch your kid for 15 min while you do x (I stand by this! ;)) but I also realized after I went to lunch that DH and I literally do exactly what you were saying constantly. I’m not sure if it started by just being left with the kids while parents got dinner ready or something, or what, but it obviously is a lovely thing to do, if one is so inclined to like white sangria.
AIMS
We can disagree without being disagreeable!
OP from this morning
That’s so lovely! I hope you know how appreciated those little bits are! Thank you!
Anonymity now
I want to thank you for your post because it described to a tee a situation that I was just in. It is so hard to travel with young kids. All the crap, living out of a suitcase, and needing to be their 24/7 care provider (typically no day care or babysitters to help on vacation). One would think that if you’re close enough to share a house with someone, they’re close enough to help a little. It was a nice suggestion. The vitriol spewed in response was too much. It seems like some child free people want to take that lifestyle to the extreme and be rude and crass to both parents and children.
Anon
I don’t have any problem with childless people not wanting to interact with kids (I’m a mom, but tbh not a big fan of kids other than my own) but then why would they go on a vacation with other people who have young kids?? It’s just weird to me to not want to interact at all with kids you CHOSE to vacation with.
Anon
All I can guess is that on some level the whole topic of autonomy and the degree to which women have children by choice (!) is insanely raw right now in ways I certainly haven’t fully processed.
startup lawyer
the most insane ones that are the moms who are like NOPE, AMY IS RIGHT. lol. ok, great.
Anon
I think it’s pretty insane to think that your opinion is the only one that could possibly be correct, startup lawyer, but hey – here we are. Kind of unsurprising to see this from you, TBH, given the tone/tenor of your other posts, and I think this is actually more of a reaction to getting called out than anything else. But hey, it’s whatever.
Anon
Wow, startup lawyer, that’s not super-mean or anything. Looks like you’re part of the problem.
Coach Laura
I love kids, would always watch other people’s kids but I totally collapsed that morning thread without reading it. I felt so sad when people were mean to Dianna Barry for something that, most likely, may have been poorly written or expressed. I would never ascribe those opinions to someone who has always been nice and thoughtful. And I too miss cbackson. I know she may be here but I used to read her comments specifically (especially ones on Big Law and firm life) and give them more weight than some anon person.
I hope this board gets calmer. I value so many people here. I know so many of us are hurting now and lashing out may be expected, but it is discouraging. I hope the good core of this board remains.
Formerly Lilly
I totally get it. There was a time some years ago when the tone got really nasty far too often and I ended up taking a very long break. I truly don’t understand what some people get out of being ugly to people on the internet. Please come back when you feel like it.
Anonymous
I think the op from this morning would have gotten a lot less snark if she had said “hey. This happened on my vacation and it was hard for me and I want to vent and/or I would like advice.” Instead it was a psa that kind of felt like the moms board had some suggestions for the rest of us based on experiences that we had nothing to do with.
Anon
It wasn’t even her recent experience though. It was based on something someone else shared on the mom’s page. There was so much jumping to conclusions about how she was writing from personal experience, which translated into lots of judgment about her personal situation and her “unhelpful husband,” when that wasn’t even accurate. I think a PSA of here’s something helpful you can do for so-and-so person in your life is not at all inappropriate. If you don’t want to do it or it doesn’t apply to your situation (for example, if you don’t travel with friends who have kids), then just ignore it.
anon
I was glad to be reminded of this way to be nice to someone! It doesn’t come naturally to me. But I know that 15 minutes for a parent or for a couple to be alone is amazing and a real gift, so I am going to try to do it more. If you don’t want to do it, fine. (Also, my husband is great at this too so all of that about this only falling on women was kind of preposterous. If the men in your life don’t do it, then you need to find new men, not say that you would never go one step out of your way to help a parent that is a friend.)
Anonymous
The part about its only falling on women is true, though, and a lot of it is perpetuated by women. All the women in my family dump their kids on me, but it would never occur to dump them on my husband despite the fact that he is actually better with babies and toddlers than I am.
Anon
I don’t think the fact that society generally expects too much childcare of women in general (a point I agree with) means someone can’t say to a group of women “hey, offering to watch a friend or family member’s kid is a nice thing to do.”
If childcare is always getting dumped on you at extended family gatherings you have a husband problem, not an extended family problem. My husband would step up if he saw extended family always expecting to use me for free babysitting. TBH, he likes kids more than I do, so he’d probably the one volunteering to watch the other kids before me.
Anonymous
The OP on the moms’ page had a husband who stuck her with the kid the whole vacation, which is probably where that was coming from.
Anon
Yes, but this OP said over and over again that she wasn’t that person, so it was annoying that people kept screeching about her useless husband.
Anon from this Morning
Thank you! I was the OP this morning. My intent was to share a suggestion of something that might not mean a lot to you – giving 15 minutes to intentionally spend time with a kid – but that could potentially mean a lot to your traveling companions.
I honestly didn’t spend hours writing the perfect considerate of all situations post, it was a comment on a blog I wrote while waiting for a (very boring) webinar to start. I do appreciate all the conversation that has been on here – I’ve been reading since grad school and will continue to read the posts. I do think a LOT of people desperately need a REAL vacation.
Anon
I feel like a lot of the snarking is because people are anonymous (which I say as an Anon, but I’m also a former named commenter who got piled on about really nothing!) but also because in the last couple of years with T1k Tok, everyone feels entitled to share their “hot take,” which seems means being rude and assuming everyone should be interested in your rude opinion because.. you’re you? I don’t really know, actually.
You said, “hey, just a thought, it would be really nice if you….” and then people were like HOW DARE YOU, and I just think anyone reacting that way is experiencing a them problem, not a you problem.
As usual, as always, don’t let the a-holes get you down.
No Face
In the past I’ve taken a year or so off and then come back. There are waves of unpleasantness and it’s back apparently.
Anon
I do feel like it’s a bit of a cycle. I find myself getting snarkier almost as payback for the way people have spoken to me. Like if someone calls me a name or says something cruel, I’m less likely to respond positively to others in the future. Maybe we could all collectively request that people stop doing that and it will organically regulate to be a kind-ish place again.
Anonymous
Also, please know it may be just one or two people repeatedly posting snarky/mean/awful comments. One person being super mean can make as many comments as he/she/they would like – i’ve seen this in play in other situations recently. Not sure who peed in their cornflakes, but enough.
Aunt Jamesina
Yeah, I really wonder about this. In a thread with twelve Anons, am I talking to twelve different people, or four? I feel like we have a few pot stirrers who like to interpret things in the most negative or inflammatory manner possible and then they go to town.
Bonnie Kate
This. Completely agree with this. The anonymity hurts the community vibe. I don’t really get why we can’t stick to handles for a while, and if you feel like you’re being tracked or piled on (as I know some have), then just switched handles.My name in real life is not Bonnie Kate, we’re all posting under anonymous handles anyway.
Anon
My problem is that when I’ve tried switching handles, I just end up in mod.
Bonnie Kate
Like you switched handles to a different one you consistently use and you keep ended up in mod? Not sure why that was, but the moderation structure here is a bit of a mystery to me. I’m sure that if one switches handles a few different times within the same post, you’ll end up in mod, I’ve switched to a different handle for something I wanted more anon and then switched back without an issue. So I promise it can def be done.
Anon
Maybe I will experiment again! Switching to “OP” and back does seems to work for me.
Anon
At the same time, I’ve been accused of being the only anon sharing a certain opinion when I know for a fact I only made a handful of posts and there has to be at least one other person (probably more) sharing similar opinions. I think sometimes it probably is just one angry person and sometimes it’s several people disagreeing, even if the majority is loud about how it’s just one person.
Seventh Sister
Some of the nastier comments remind me of the (mostly guy) 1Ls who figured out Socratic argument format in the first semester of law school and then used it to be as unpleasant as possible to their classmates. Sure, answering a question I had about yesterday’s lecture *could* result in me getting a slightly higher grade because I now understand the legal issue I didn’t get yesterday.
Sloan Sabbith
I stopped commenting for a long time and also switched my username at one point. Many comments have been very supportive, but there are a couple of comments that were super rude and about the stupidest things- after I got my dog, I was calling him “my pup and I” and someone a) corrected my grammar (“it’s my pup AND ME”) and told me to “stop saying pup, it’s annoying.” This was, for the record, on a post where I was sad about being ghosted so it was particularly uncalled for (if word policing what someone calls their dog is ever called for?). It was years ago but it was just so super rude and I still remember it.
Anon
I remember that too. I thought that was the weirdest thing for them to snap at you about. Hugs <3
Anonymous
That was a super dumb post about the vacation child care. Not to rehash but you got called out for it and now you are leaving. Bye.
Anon
Ooh you’re so edgy. Consider me just super impressed with you.
anon for this
DC-area folks: there’s a protest tomorrow at the Capitol at noon. Info at https://scotus.cpdaction.org
Anon
I am thinking about coming down for the women’s march July 9th. Is anyone else going?
Anon
Pear-shaped readers: where are you buying pants these days? I used to have a ton of AT Loft skinny jeans and cords and they worked well for my pear shape. Now — I guess we are done with skinnies? I am not wearing something that close-fitting in the summer now and am lookin for something mid-rise and with straight legs. BR Logans were also my suiting pants, but IMO that worked better with heels, something also now firmly in my past as far as daily drivers go.
MagicUnicorn
Other than slim fit dark wash jeans that I refuse to give up, I have a couple pair of wide-legged linen pants (with pleats, and the jury is still out on that feature) from Gap that I am wearing this season.
Following with interest for other suggestions. I have not yet given up the BRs in my closet, but even hemmed for flats they make me feel dated whenever I try to wear them lately.
PolyD
Have you tried the Loft Riviera pants? They are not skinny, but are on the straighter, closer fitting side.
Anonymous
Apple instead of pear, but Wit & Wisdom still works well for me…
Anonymous
I like the Boden Richmond pants.
Anon
I am a charter member of the IBTC. Kid 1 is also. Kid 2 is shaped very differently, to the point where Kid 1’s clothes can’t be handed down and Kid 2 lives in boxy hoodies or Adult M boxy tees. Nothing else fits well — if it fits elsewhere, it is too snug across the bust. If it fits in the bust it is either A) huge and boxy overall or B) wildly inappropriate for a kid of 11 (roughly a size 2 ladies but with a DD chest). I’ve finally gotten her into the right bras (thank you Athleta and a couple things from Target). But what will fit her that is age appropriate that would be OK for things like a family wedding coming up and nicer casual clothes?
anon
So, to be totally honest, you’re probably going to need to have something altered. First, you need to shop in the adult section – no way around it with a DD chest (I too got sent to the adult section as a kid for similar reasons).
Also, you need to accept that while you want more conservative styles since she’s young, she’s going to look older as a result of being more, ahem, developed, than her peers – that’s okay, it’s a temporary season (my mother was not with me – I only wore sacs, it gave me issues, don’t advise that approach). I’ll put some links in a reply below, but there are definitely more conservative options out there, you just have to accept you’re shopping in the adult section and deal with the prices associated.
anon
Here are some ideas. I think the goal here is to avoid cleavage, which lends itself to a higher neckline. However, she’ll still have “shape”, but there’s no way around it, and I know it’s hard when she’s that young, but it is what it is, and putting her in something shapeless isn’t fun either.
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/likely-womens-hadi-floral-long-sleeve-tiered-dress/6715806?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=331
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/vero-moda-lykke-puff-sleeve-floral-print-dress/5926848?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=301
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/cayce-puff-sleeve-floral-dress/6992218?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=485
Anon
Hmm is your daughter wearing boxy clothes because she is trying to hide her body or because she has no clothing? Too snug across the bust can be subjective, but my similarly busty kid has always liked clothing with elastic smoking across the bust and down to the high waist, and it’s very popular right now so it’s everywhere.
Now, this is not going to hide the fact that she has a bust, at all. But it’s going to fit her and be age appropriate and not some sack where she just looks big all over because someone is trying to hide the fact that there are boobs there.
Anon
https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/dresses-and-jumpsuits/smocked-beach-dress-in-linen/BF159
This is the kind of thing I mean. You can find these everywhere. I happened to be in a Kohl’s last week doing an Amazon return and bought my daughter 3 semi-cropped tops like this.
anon
Here’s another example at a slightly lower price point:
https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.1026759002.html
Anon
(Smocking not smoking but thanks Siri)
Anon
You need to look for things with some stretch. I’m a 6 on the bottom and a 12 on top (36DDD), so dresses are really hard, even with stretch- skirt and top combos work well for less formal things.
Anon
Also please be accepting of your daughter’s body. I’m not saying you aren’t, but you have a long road ahead of you. I got to watch my 15 year old who was shaped like Jessica Rabbit wear lululemon leggings and a cropped top to high school because it was what all the other girls were wearing and see grown men and women of all ages staring at her. But as she rightly told me, that’s their problem, not hers.
Anon
I was told innumerable times that it was my problem if men stared at me, not their problem for being nasty. It made me downright neurotic about my body – as someone who dressed very conservatively to begin with.
Anonymous
It was their fault, but your problem because you were the one being stared at! They certainly didn’t have a problem staring at you.
Aunt Jamesina
Yes, and sadly creepy old men stare at young women no matter their shape or attire.
Anon
So true.
Girlonawireless
Ugh. SOOOOO true.
Anonymous
As the mother of a 15-year-old, I think it actually is her problem because she is the one who is getting stared at and worse. No teenager should be wearing leggings and a crop top to school, regardless of her shape. She can wear that outfit to an all-girls sports practice or in public when she is old enough to make an informed choice to accept the consequences.
Do you really want her to be harassed? I was harassed daily for an entire semester at exactly that age, not for my clothing but because the setup of the classroom in a mostly male class made me an easy target, and it was terrible. I didn’t have the skills to deal with it so I just had to laugh along with the “jokes.” I would not encourage my daughter to do anything to invite that kind of attention.
Anon
You’re in the wrong century, babe. That ship has sailed. Girls wear what they want to wear.
Anonymous
She didn’t “invite” any attention. She wore the same thing other girls her age wore. This is such a frustrating attitude. I am not saying there are not lines, but leggings and a crop top on a teenager is not the line. (I am not a fan of leggings as pants on anyone outside the gym either but they are universal now.)
Also, as a teenager, I dressed quite conservatively, even tomboyishly, because I did not really have full control of my wardrobe (see below re the enraged mother) and had bad skin, and yet I was harassed by classmates, grabbed by the p*$$y by a teen neighbor and chased down on the street by grown men anyway (I had to threaten to run one over with my car once and muster up the will to actually do it when it felt like I was gonna have to carry out the threat because he would not let me out of a parking spot even after I responded with confirmation to his question of whether I was “jailbait”). Coping skills for the girls and education and consequences for men are the answer, not sack dresses.
Anonymous
But there will never be education or consequences for men, and it’s unreasonable to expect a 15-year-old to “cope.” It’s about self-protection and survival, not living in some ideal fantasy world.
Anonymous
Also – did you say she can only wear the outfit to an all-girls sports practice?! F that. You are the problem.
Anonymous
I “coped.” I confronted and threatened right back. I did that bc I was taught that I did not have to accept this behavior and was allowed to protect myself.
Anon
Men don’t care what girls are wearing, they’re going to harass them regardless. Sending the message that it’s a teenage girl’s fault is vile.
Anonymous
It’s not her fault, but she can encourage the men to choose other targets.
Anon
You are so wrong, Anonymous. Men will harass anything that moves, but the ones they continue to harass are the ones who put up with it, which does not describe my daughter in the least. Are people going to look at her? Always, no matter what she wears. But teens dress for conformity with other teens, and you are not doing your kid any favors by making her dress like a nun. If anything, you’re teaching her she has to accept the dictates adults put on her… which leads back to my second sentence.
Anon
“You don’t have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun your friends!” is not a fabulous take on avoiding predatory men.
Anonymous
Have gotten harassed and catcalled wearing giant, baggy sweats many times. Has nothing to do with what you’re wearing.
Aunt Jamesina
“when she can make an informed choice to accept the consequences”. Sorry, when does this happened? If the “consequences” you speak of are men leering at me, I’ve never accepted this. There will never be a time that a woman’s attire isn’t criticized for being deemed too [tight/dowdy/short/frumpy/whatever]. We are not responsible for others’ reactions, and those reactions aren’t our burdens to bear.
Anon
+ a million
Anonymous
So you are okay with getting leered at and catcalled? I personally am not.
Anonymous
Those reactions *are* our burden to bear! The men are enjoying themselves and we are the ones suffering.
I get followed by enough creepy dudes outside the courthouse when I am wearing my lawyer costume. I don’t need even more of it because I’m dressed like Jessica Rabbit.
Anonymous
You are an adult person. You have made a decision that you don’t give an eff what men think or do. A 15-year-old does not have that kind of decision-making capacity.
Aunt Jamesina
Anon at 4:35, yes, they are ours to bear in terms of us having to hear and experience them… I guess I mean that the feelings and actions of others about our attire aren’t our responsibility, and we can’t prevent them and shouldn’t take them into consideration when deciding what to wear.
Anon
@4:35 my daughter was not dressed like Jessica Rabbit. Jessica Rabbit wore a red sequined strapless gown. My daughter wore what other teenagers wear, as all teenagers do.
What I said, and reading comprehension is a thing, is that my daughter had (and has) a Jessica Rabbit figure, by which I mean larger than average boobs and hips plus a small waist. Her body is the way it is, and to quote Jessica herself, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”
I’m proud of my daughter, who is now at the top of her class in college, and she’s going to be just fine.
Seventh Sister
As the mother of a 14yo, I see the leggings + crop top combo all the time at the high school and I’m afraid that ship has sailed anyplace that doesn’t have a uniform. (Though the crop tops I see aren’t the sports bra kind – more of the loose-ish shirt that shows about an inch or two of midriff.) My daughter is Team T-shirt and Jeans Every Day, but that could change at some point.
FWIW, I’ve been catcalled and harassed while running in public wearing one of those loose men’s style free T-shirts and jogger sweatpants. Jerks are going to be jerks.
Anonymous
Yeah. My mother became enraged when I finally told her-at 15-that I could no longer continue wearing training bras and needed a few dollars to buy real ones. It was traumatizing, for us both, I guess, but I don’t think she had a right to it. It still upsets her today because I guess my C-cups make me a real slut. It sounds like you are more, ahem, supportive, though.
Anon
I am sorry to hear that about your mom!
Anon
Do you think things are inappropriate just because she has a large chest? I have a large chest and I’m not walking around baring cleavage all the time. She’s probably trying to hide her body because she’s getting the message that her body is inherently inappropriate.
Cat
A Nap Dress – not kidding. The smocked bust is very accommodating and they come in a range of fabric dressiness.
AIMS
+1
Anon
I totally disagree. I’m big busted and the nap dress (smocked dresses in general) look horrible on me. They’re also hard to wear a normal bra with and a girl with DD boobs is not going braless, so she’d need to wear a strapless, which is pretty annoying and uncomfortable.
Cat
FWIW I am a D cup. I find them to work well with a more balcon3tt3 style regular bra, since the cup fabric doesn’t continue up the strap very high.
Anon
I have found that if you’re wearing a properly fitting balconette style bra, and by properly fitting I mean the band and not the straps are doing all the work, you can actually just drop the straps down and use them as a strapless bra. They also tend to fit much better than those padded monstrosities most companies sell as strapless bras.
IL
And more generally, dresses may work better than tops here. They are supposed to naturally flair out which de-accentuates things without turning into a sack. You can always stick a pair of bike shorts underneath so she can run on the playground and ride on swings without concern.
Bonnie Kate
For the casual wear, gen z fashion is fullllllll of boxy oversized hoodies and tees. If you google image search gen z style, so much oversized and boxy outfits. As a millennial I find this comically intriguing and try and pull it off and feel a bit ridiculous, but love the looser cuts all the same. If you want something nicer that a basic tee/hoodies, do an elevated version of it. But if she’s comfortable in the boxy hoodies and tees for casual wear, I’d leave her be for that.
Family wedding (and elevated casual if she likes them): prairie dresses. ruffles, a high neckline, voluminous sleeves, and a billowy body. luckily you have sooooo many options right now.
Anon
OP here: this is her vibe. Also, until a couple of months ago, it was cold. She has cared about fashion since it warmed up in April and we usually go to Old Navy and the Gap. Some mall stores like F21 often look cheap or too prom for her age. Some other mall store are Too Cougar. It is hard to strike a balance.
Bonnie Kate
How about H&M, Maurices, Urban Outfitters, American Eagle? Those kind of less expensive stores that have a younger vibe. I kind of hate shopping in F21 too (just don’t like the store layouts in general) and find H&M to be easier to navigate. I do think you need to shop at juniors stores in general though – that’s where her body is at, and mentally it’s going to be easier to shop in a store that doesn’t have distinct age sections.
Like at Target, I imagine it’s kind of hard to go from the girls section with Kid 1 to the juniors section with Kid 2. That’s what I’m envisioning anyway, I might be way off.
In my perception, gap is a more preppy vibe that is going to be more fitted in the chest; I get why that’s not really working.
Seventh Sister
Nike? Banana Republic? Also this may be something where online would help (I like mall shopping but hate doing it with whiny teenagers).
Anonymous
How about Talbots? It’s for adult women but with a more conservative vibe. I was actually looking at their t-shirt dresses this morning – they look cute online! Completely understand you don’t want your 11yo dressing like a 16yo. I was an early developer too and vividly remember some unwanted and frightening attention.
Vicky Austin
Similarly, what about Boden? The styles are pretty conservative whether the girls’ or women’s range works better for your kid. Especially for something like a family wedding.
anon 330
Maybe skirts and a shirt for an upgrade on mens M? I’ve had good luck with slim cotton t-shirts from J Crew (and am DD). Alternately, how about a draped linen t-shirt? JCrew has some, but I don’t love them because they’re too cropped (search for relaxed linen t-shirt). Counterintuitively crew necks might NOT be her friend since they tend to make breasts look even bigger (it’s the huge expanse of fabric). FYI, I spend most of high school wearing my father’s old button down shirts because I was so uncomfortable with how big my chest was. I had a friend (5’11”) who slouched horribly until she was 25. Growing up is hard and there are big changes to get used to.
Anon
Please don’t make an 11 year old shop at Talbots because she is busty. That’s just a punishment. She wants to shop at Aerie and American Eagle and Lululemon and Brandy Melville (gag) because that’s what girls her age all aspire to. She is going to feel all sorts of My Body is Wrong if you make her shop at Talbots!
Anon
Those other stores carried literally not one thing that looked right on my prematurely developed figure when I was 11. I got a lovely dress at Talbots that I still remember. How is she going to feel if not one single thing fits at any of those other stores?
kitten
LOL I’m sorry, I just went to Talbots’ website and I would have been horrified to be dressed like that as a kid. It looks like stuff my grandma might wear, although she would never be caught dead in those pedal pushers.
American Eagle is very size inclusive. I’m a 30DD and wear their bralettes at home all the time. They also have short/curvy sizes. It’s not like only old people have breasts.
Anon
I’m glad things have changed since I was 11 I guess! I just sympathized with the difficulty.
Anon
I’m 34 and I don’t want to shop at Talbots because its too old for me. I pity the actual child forced to shop there.
Cat
There’s a huge diff between going to a department store if the listed sources don’t work, and making your tween shop at Talbots! Even the 40ish crowd here struggles to find youthful styles there!
Anon
The problem is that the petites selection at the department store was way more hopelessly out of style than Talbots, and it absolutely had to be petite sizing.
Anon
Athletic shirts that are sort of for athletics and sort of for looking cute – like the ones with fun details in the back. They have a really nice drape that would not accentuate her figure or make her hide it.
Puff sleeve t-shirts to draw the eye elsewhere?
No Face
I started wearing adult clothing at 11 or 12 because I was already a C cup. There was no way I could dress that would prevent men from gawking at me or asking me out. There is also no way for me to dress that will make my chest look small.
Anyway, at that age, I shopped at Forever 21 for casual clothes and Macy’s for formal things like weddings. Target is a good option now too. A thrift store chain like Plato’s closet is good because there are many brands. Bend forward in the mirror when trying on tops and dresses.
Anonymous
For the wedding, try Altar’d State but watch out for some of the “clubbing for Jesus” styles.
Anonymous
Girls’ size L or XL from Nordstrom (size 16 is enormous, like an adult 6) and tailor the waist.
Nom
This is the way. Get stuff that fits in the bust and is reasonable-ish in the shoulders, and then take it in at the waist. For casual clothes the alterations can be pretty simple but will make a world of difference.
Also, if she’s interested: learning to do some basic alterations can be a great skill and will be super useful for the future. (I know the basic sewing skills that I learned in elementary school have been incredibly helpful in my adult life.) Obv don’t push her if it’s not her thing! But if she is, learning how to make things that fit well can really help with building positive self-image. Also thrifting and remaking clothes is really big right now, there’s tons of content on TikTok and YouTube.
Anon
The junior department at Nordstrom is also a good place to look.
Anonymous
This. Most of the department stores (including JC Penny, Old Navy. Khols, and brands like Athleta Girls, Justice) have a XL/XXL “plus” line of clothing. The pants were always too big for my similarly developed girl because she had a small waist, but the shirts and dresses fit her bust well and were the right length and shoulder width for a girl vs woman size.
Anonymous
Is the BP brand still a thing? I remember loving their stuff when I was a teen.
SMC- San Diego
I am going to say something as a mother who went through this that will be wildly unpopular with many members so this group (many of whom I suspect do not have that experience):
11 year old girls should dress modestly, especially if they look older than they are.
Note I said 11 – not 15, 16, or 17. The reason for this is that an 11 year old who looks 16 is going to be treated like a 16 year old by men and boys who are not necessarily being “creepy” (or who ARE creepy but would not be creepy to an actual child). And she is going to have absolutely no idea how to respond and is going to be upset and embarrassed and potentially frightened.
When my D-cup elementary and middle school aged wanted to go out in clothing that was revealing for her shape (and can we please stop pretending that all clothing is equally appropriate on all bodies?) , I said no. And when she asked I told her it would attract attention she did not want and would not be able to handle. And when she asked why I told her that when she was old enough to understand and actually wanted the attention she was going to get, she could wear what she wanted compliant with the school’s dress code.
And before everyone jumps all over me, she and I talked about this when she was in high school and she thanked me for looking out for her and said I was right – which I realize is a sample size of one but there you have it.
OP’s daughter is 11, not 15 and a lot of growing up happens in those years.
Aunt Jamesina
I was (and am) flat as a board and typically dressed in boxy t shirts and baggy jeans as a tween. I was leered at by age 11 by older men who clearly knew I was very young because I was baby faced. I really don’t think there’s any way to dress that will stop that kind of attention. Boys need instruction about how harmful this is, and they need to feel supported in calling others out when they witness it.
I think we miss the train when we talk about unwanted male attention and clothing choices in the same conversation. Clothing isn’t the actual problem. I certainly understand that parents set expectations for what their kids can wear. But what happens when your daughter gets unwanted attention from boys or men when she’s wearing something that’s been deemed “appropriate”?
kitten
+1 I was flat until 16/17 and have been sexually harassed since I was old enough to realize what was happening (maybe age 10?). I grew up in purity culture, wore uniforms to school, and was otherwise forced to dressed modestly. I honestly just wish my mom had taught me about how disgusting a lot of men are and let me wear what I want.
Anonymous
I agree that 11 is not 15/16/17 or 21 or 35.
Anon
As an 11 year old girl who dressed modestly and conservatively (to the point that it was a bit old fashioned), the creeps were creeps anyway. They don’t have a line. Adult men creep on grade school aged girls because (a) they’re predatory creeps (b) children are especially vulnerable. If dressing a certain way can make us more vulnerable, I would bet that’s more of a social class thing (“does this girl look like her parents have a lawyer”) than anything else.
Anon
I was an 11 year old dressed and built like a boy with a premature case of acne and I had a carful of grown men chase me on my bike for several blocks yelling things they would do to me if they caught me – many things I’d never even heard of.
My uncle was extremely creepy with me in ways I don’t really want to describe here, but basically his hands were in places they shouldn’t have been.
My neighbor’s much older kids managed to get my lower half clothes off and “inspect” me against my will.
None of this was because of what I wore or what I was shaped like.
The truth is that men will check out and harass anyone they think they can get away with checking out and harassing.
Anon
I feel so bad for this girl. A girl with boobs is going to be creeped on no matter what she wears, that’s just reality. Telling her that she’s causing it because of what she wears is so, so damaging. I just want to give her a hug.
Anon
Wearing a seatbelt won’t keep you from getting killed in an auto accident but we wear then anyway. Dressing like a child and not an adult will not keep creepy adults from leering at children but it will at least keep non-creepy guys from treating an 11 year old like she is 17.
My baby sister was a beautiful girl and I saw more than one guy in his late teens and early 20s trying to chat her up when she was way too young to understand what was up – partly because our (single) father let her dress and wear make up inappropriately for her age.
Aunt Jamesina
“Wearing a seatbelt won’t keep you from getting killed in an auto accident but we wear then anyway”
Um.
Anonymous
Does she have hips also? If it’s just about the bust why can’t she just wear a fitted or loose t-shirt that is regular sizes or kid sizes, depending on fit? I like Madewell and they’re pretty young. You might also want to look at more teen-type stores like Abercrombie, Express, etc. Even Kohl’s has a teen section I think.
Anonymous
I’m Jessica Rabbit-shaped, and has had to deal with that for decades. I think the first thing you have to do, is give up on hand-me-downs from somebody with a different shape. Sounds like she might have a style preference, but even if the boxy stuff is to hide, that’s fine!
A ladies US size 2 with a DD cup would be about a size 14years, I think, but children’s size 15-16 at places like H&M is absolutely possible. I’m a US 4 with a G+ bust, and I can fit into size 15-16 year tops and tees.
For actual shapes and outfits though – layers with an open shirt (boxy flannel if she wants!) over a tee will break up her bust and make it a little less prominent, for everyday clothes.
For party clothes, check with her if she likes dungarees (I think it might be called bib overalls in the US?).
Party (or denim) dungaree shorts or dungaree skirts can go over a cute tee or long-sleeved top and does not emphasize the bust. Or check if she likes suits. A colorful “suit” with an oversized, trendy blazer is both current and can be family wedding appropriate in summer colors.
Anonymous
Some links:
Rompers or jumpsuits like these can work:
https://www.uniqlo.com/us/en/products/E448499-000/00?colorDisplayCode=09&sizeDisplayCode=003
Fun “suit” jacket for wedding:
https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.1033373006.html
https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/just-female-ceo-linen-blazer?category=jackets-coats-for-women&color=034&type=REGULAR&quantity=1
Dungaree shorts:
https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/urban-renewal-vintage-shortall2?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=001&searchparams=q%3Doveralls&type=REGULAR&quantity=1
https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=813731002&cid=1171905&pcid=1171905&vid=1&nav=meganav%3ATeen%3ATeen%20Girls%20Categories%3ADresses%20%26%20Rompers&cpos=1&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D1171905&ctype=Listing&cpid=res22062915369746825829961#pdp-page-content
https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/uo-hearts-on-fire-denim-studded-overall?category=SEARCHRESULTS&searchparams=q%3Doveralls&quantity=1
https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.1025257002.html
june
Completely agree with the shortalls and/or overalls. When I was that age in the 90s and similarly shaped, I loved that I could still wear the cute babydoll t-shirt like everyone else but had the extra bib coverage. I’ve seen them in so many fabrics and colors now (and have bought more pairs as an adult than I probably should shhh).
Anonymous
I’ve been invited to an an event for the demolition of old buildings for the construction of a new project a client is involved in at the construction site. What do you wear to something like this (particularly for shoes)?
Anon
You shouldn’t need specialty shoes unless they specify that you need construction PPE. That said, I like Chelsea boots for things like this, or loafers or oxfords will be fine if it’s hot out. Slim cut pants (even dark skinny jeans), a shell, and a boxy blazer on top. There will also be at least one woman there in a skirt suit and stilettos, I can guarantee it – I’m a millennial but there’s an older generation of women in construction who insist on it, I’m in awe.
Anonymous
Agree, and will also add that fashion sneakers will generally be fine if you usually dress more casually. The main thing is that you want closed toed shoes.
Girlonawireless
My family ran a construction business when i was growing up, and I am a construction lawyer who spends quite a bit of time on construction sites and in factories.
Go for a shoe with a hard rubber sole, closed toe, and no heel. Soft rubber soles won’t work, neither will leather. I often wear doc martens or a Chelsea boot. Both of these have lug soles, so a lug sole flat would also work. There are so many hazards at these sites, so pants are a must. (I wear jeans when i can get away with it.) If it’s going to be particularly dusty — demolition usually is — white, very light gray, or light beige can dirty quickly. A gray or charcoal works well and lighter blues (but not too light, because dust). If it’s needed they should provide safety glasses, but even if they don’t sunglasses or your blue light glasses can keep the dust out of your eyes. (I wear contacts, and this is a must.) A scarf can also be a useful accessory to cover your nose if needed.
Demolition is fun to watch. Enjoy yourself!
Bonnie Kate
I’m a speciality contractor project manager and when I visit construction sites for meetings, I wear closed toe shoes (lately black Adidas sneakers), slim dark wash jeans, company logo polo + jacket + baseball cap.
Anon
I’ve been seeing someone casually, and he’s been away on a work trip for a month. We have been texting the whole time. He gets back this weekend, but asked if we could get together later next week. Don’t ask me how I know, but he’s definitely reserving this weekend for another woman. I know we were casual, but oof this hurts. Please give me some comfort that eventually I will find someone who sees my worth because right now I’m just crying at my desk.
Anonymous
Here’s to meeting a better dude this weekend because you won’t be stuck with this loser.
Vicky Austin
I’m really sorry for how much this hurts. Feel free to drop him completely – even if he’s fine otherwise sometimes it’s hard to come back from these things.
Senior Attorney
Oof! I know that stings!
1. Yes, you will definitely find somebody who sees your worth. Although “seeing somebody casually,” by definition, isn’t the same as “seeing somebody exclusively,” and I wouldn’t necessarily jump to the conclusion that this guy isn’t that guy.
2. On that note, going forward do what he does — see multiple people at a time and don’t put all your eggs in one basket. That way when something like this happens it will lessen the sting quite a bit.
Hugs, Anon. Dating is hard.
Senior Attorney
But as Vicky Austin says, it’s your call and of course it’s perfectly okay to dump him over this, too.
Formerly Lilly
Ouch. I’m so sorry. Been there. Sometimes hurtful information can also end up being useful information. Here’s wishing you someone who makes you a priority in his life, whether it’s this guy or someone else.
Anon
It sounds like seeing someone casually is not the right choice for you. Find someone who feels as you do about monogamy.
OP
Yeah, I know, I hear you. It’s not even the monogamy – it’s more that I really liked this guy, and he obviously likes someone more.
OP
But I agree with you.
Monday
Yes, that would sting for me too in this situation.
It’s ok to not have a coherent policy in dating, such as “I am ok with not being exclusive” when it leads to “he’s clearly prioritizing someone else, and I would have prioritized him.” You can just say to yourself, “this hurts, and I don’t want to risk more hurting.” It doesn’t have to sound rational or apply to every situation–we’re talking about emotions, bodies and hormones! This is a crying-at-desk situation, and it doesn’t matter if someone else wouldn’t get it or can’t relate.
I wish you a peaceful weekend and a spark with someone else when you’re ready.
Anon
This. Hugs.
OP
Ohhhh thank you, I needed to hear this. It’s ok to have emotions even if they aren’t entirely logical.
I really appreciate the support from everyone who has replied. It means a lot.
Anonymous
+100
Anon
+1
You can also see someone casually (i.e. with no plan to move in, get married, etc) but exclusively! Not as easy to find, but I’ve done it when I was fairly recently divorced and not interested in anything serious but preferred to avoid the dating merry go round. I ended up seeing someone who was also recently out of a long term relationship for about a year and it was great
Anonymous
But don’t most relationships start out casually and then progress to exclusivity? OP was in the casual phase with the guy and likes him enough to want to be exclusive, but apparently he doesn’t feel the same way about her. It’s not necessarily about their views on monogamy in general. It’s just not a match, and dating is about testing out matches to find the right one. Time to move on.
Anonymous
But don’t most relationships start out casually and then progress to exclusivity? OP was in the casual phase with the guy and likes him enough to want to be exclusive, but apparently he doesn’t feel the same way about her. It’s not necessarily about their views on monogamy in general. It’s just not a match, and dating is about testing out matches to find the right one. Time to move on.
Anonymous
Found the man!
Anonymous
Huh? No. I’ve just been out of the dating pool for a long time and I am not ready to jump head first into a relationship with the “safe” person. I need to get some things out of my system/explore first. That should have happened before, but for a bunch of reasons, it didn’t, and I don’t have to ignore my needs and potentially mess up the “safe” relationship with real potential because you think that is how a woman behaves. I am seeing him tonight.
Anon
Weird take.
Anonymous
I have way too much self-respect to allow myself to be treated that way. Going on first or second non-gardening dates with multiple people is fine. But once it becomes apparent that there is the potential for a future, then I want exclusivity while we explore that potential.
Anon
I agree! If someone who saw a future with me blew me off one weekend for someone he didn’t, I would take that as a huge sign to run.
OP, we’ve all been there and it doesn’t say anything about your worth. Your person is out there. You can cry for as long as you feel sad, but remember that this is temporary and you will find someone you like with whom it’s easy and overwhelming, and you never feel like this again.
Anon
I agree, but I think it’s an unpopular opinion here.
Anon
LOL the exact opposite, actually.
Anonymous
Nah, he doesn’t see her worth. More power to you for recognizing this and refusing to put up with it, OP!
Anon
I’m so sorry. One of my least-favorite dating experiences was getting really excited about someone only to find out that I was on their C list when they were on my A list. Like, they were happy to string me a long and use me to pass the time while pursuing women they were more excited about. It’s totally okay to ghost or slow-fade this guy and put your energy into looking for someone better, who will be as excited about you as you are about them. I hope you feel better; big hugs coming to you from this Internet stranger.
Anonymous
If a success story would cheer you up: I had just started seeing a guy that I was totally smitten with, we were only like 4 dates in but meeting him (through friends not OLD) felt like a fairy tale and I thought he had real potential. He went away on a short work trip and we had plans for the Saturday night after his return on a Thursday. I got basically no texts from him while he was gone, which I brushed off because hey he’s working. Then nothing on Thursday. Or Friday. By Saturday morning I reached out to ask if we were still on for that night. He called and broke up with me. Not one to be dateless on a Saturday night, I messaged a guy on OLD who seemed nice enough and we went on our first date that night. Well I ended up marrying the guy! If I’d let myself be all lovesick over that jerk then I might never have met my awesome hubby!
Senior Attorney
Hello, ladies. I find my bedside table is empty of books that are getting me excited and I’m looking for suggestions. I have pretty eclectic taste but at the moment am in the mood for fiction of any genre as long as it’s absorbing.
And here’s your thank-you-in-advance gift: I just finished Counterfeit by Kristin Chen and liked it a lot! Also enjoyed This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub.
Senior Attorney
Don’t know why my post is in mod, but short version is I’m looking for book recommendations if you have any!
Sloan Sabbith
My response is in mod…
Anon
I liked This Time Tomorrow too. It definitely borrowed heavily from 13 Going on 30 though.
DTLArette
Have you read Nothing to See Here? I really enjoyed it. Also The Lincoln Highway, Long Bright River (depressing subject though), and Anxious People (not as bad as title suggests LOL).
Vicky Austin
I CANNOT wait for This Time Tomorrow!
I recently devoured Salt to the Sea, which to me felt like a fresher and better take on the WWII fiction that is everywhere, by Ruta Sepetys. Also recently read Beautiful World Where Are You (Sally Rooney), Commonwealth (Ann Patchett), A Man Called Ove, and Daisy Jones & The Six is due back to the library tomorrow so I better get moving. I’ve been into authors like Joyce Carol Oates and Alice Munro lately as well.
I love fiction that reads like nonfiction and in that vein my finds this spring have been Sister Queens by Julia Fox (about Catherine of Aragon and her sister Juana of Castile), The Haunting of Alma Fielding (by Kate Summerscale), and Kick Kennedy by Barbara Leaming.
Hopefully that helps, SA!
Anon
I liked Evening Hero by Marie Myung-Ok Lee. It’s a weird mashup of satire of the American health care system and historical fiction set in Korea during the Korean War. The mix of tones is a little strange, but it worked for me.
Curious
Someone here recommended Ancillary Justice, and I’m finding it fascinating.
anon
I am REALLY liking A Tale for the Time Being, which I picked up randomly at BN based on an employee’s pick sign. I haven’t heard it discussed anywhere. It’s a Booker prize nominee but very easy to read and approachable.
Anon
I loved this book
Sunflower
I just finished “More Than You’ll Ever know” and really enjoyed it. Assuming you know a little Spanish, I think you’d like it. (The author inserts Spanish words here and there without translating them.)
Anokha
Have you read Sea of Tranquility already? If not, I strongly recommend it!
Anon
Yes that was amazing. And The Glass Hotel.
AIMS
I think Cb recommended Book Lovers and it was just the right escapist fluff that I needed this week.
The Summer Place by Jennifer Weiner is the NYPL book club pick for this month and I may end up reading it next.
Allie
Parable of the Sower was one of the most absorbing things I’ve read in a long time.
Senior Attorney
Octavia E. Butler! The pride of Pasadena!!
Jules
I just finished The Lunar Housewife, takes place in 1950s NYC, some Cold War intrigue and a lot about the constraints on ambitious women.
Cb
Lessons in Chemistry. I bought and finished it in the airport/during my flight. Which is a new era of parenting, when I can read with a kid.
Anon
omg yes, the era of parenting where you can read a book on the plane is the BEST!!! (Our kids are very close in age I think)
Explorette
I just finished The Diamond Eye and really loved it! I normally do not like WWII stories, but it was so good.
Outside of a dog
Thank you, Senior Attorney!
I’ve been reading Elif Batuman’s The Idiot and Either/Or and enjoying.
Nylongirl
The Island Queen, excellent historical fiction & based on a strong woman who bought her freedom & became a business woman in the 1800s.
Sloan Sabbith
Modern Mrs Darcy released her summer reading guide in May that has really good recommendations but here are my recent favorites:
– Rereading House in the Cerulean Sea, which is delightful.
– Reread Project Hail Mary, which was also excellent the second time around.
– Binge reading Taylor Jenkins Reid’s contemporary books; favorite so far is Maybe in Another Life, which has an interesting premise. It switches between two timelines based on a choice a woman makes- whether to go home with a guy at a bar or go home with her best friend. The rest of the book plays out both stories chapter by chapter.
– Something Wilder by Christina Lauren. Treasure hunting. Would be excellent paired with Chasing the Thrill by Daniel Barbarisi, which is non-fiction about Forrest Fenn’s treasure hunt in the American southwest. Like a beer flight but for books!
– Like a House on Fire: I LOVED this book. It has a LOT of cursing and is fairly explicit in other ways, but it is fun and funny and has great characters. About a mother who goes back to work as an architect and ends up becoming close to her childless boss.
– Book Lovers: Fun romance by the author of Beach Read and People We Meet on Vacation. Fun, flirty romance.
– The Lioness, Chris Bohjalian.Set in Tanzania in the 50s. Some mystery ,some historical fiction, involves movie stars.
– Sea of Tranquility by Emily St John Mandel. Read it in one sitting.
– The Stars are Fire by Anita Shreve. Older, but it’s a great book about a fire in Maine in the 50s. Fiction.
– The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood. STEM romance. Very cute.
– The Cartographers: Mystery book about map makers. Little bit of fantasy involved, but it’s not a fantasy book by any means.
Anon
The Stars are Fire isn’t completely fictional. It’s based on the real 1947 Great Fire that destroyed large swaths of the Maine coast from Portland to Bar Harbor. It’s still the largest fire in the history of the state.
Nylongirl
Yes to Modern Mrs. Darcy! She is the best. Love her website & podcast!
Senior Attorney
Wowzers! Thank you, everyone, for the wonderful suggestions!
I read Sea of Tranquility the week it came out, but I have added everything else to my wishlist and am looking forward to working my way through them. First up: Ancillary Justice, which it turns out was already on my wishlist so there you have it! :)
Curious
I hope you like it. It’s different, but I think it’s well done.
Curious
Oh my word that morning thread. We are all hurting right now, aren’t we? In good news, my baby got her first COVID shot, and I have my home office space set up to go back to work next month. (There’s a bed in the room with me, but hey, I have a desk and a monitor and art in the background!) Anything else got you happy today?
Anon
Hooray for kid vaccines! And glad to hear you’re doing well enough to be heading back to work, Curious. My kid is also recently vaxxed and we leave for Mallorca in two days!
Curious
Have so much fun!
Anonymous
I found out that one of my staff actually knows how to do the big giant task I need done and is going to teach another person how to do it too. That makes me very happy.
Bonnie Kate
oh that’s awesome! I would feel like that’s a legit miracle if that happened to me.
Curious
Wow. I felt my blood pressure go down and a big sigh of relief when I heard that and I’m not even working!
Bonnie Kate
yayyyyy that is good news! Setting up a new office situation gives me back to school vibes that were always my favorite. and double yay for lil vaxxed baby!
Happy things here: It’s sunny and warm, my office is blessedly quiet today because everyone is gone (means its a bit more work for me but honestly quite nice sometimes), the town 3-day festival I helped run this last weekend was a huge success and roundly enjoyed by the community, my kitchen garden is getting super lush, and our climbing roses that we planted in may are all flowering.
Curious
Congrats on the festival! Those are so much work!
Vicky Austin
My sister got married over the weekend and my heart (and eyes) were so full!
And I get to go to the boujee grocery store tonight to fill our fridge up. Heh.
Curious
Vicky these are both wonderful! Critical question: what shoes did you wear to the bachelorette and rehearsal dinner?
Vicky Austin
Ah! Yes! The overwhelming advice was to get party heels I could wear again, so I went for a pair of Naturalizer silver strappy things with serious heels. I think they’re called the Baylor. I felt fabulous in them thanks to the hive!!
Curious
Love those!! You must have looked fabulous!
Anon
Oh thank you Curious! Somehow I had forgotten to schedule boosters for my kids, and your post prompted me to schedule it. I’m so happy your baby is getting vaccinated!!!!
Curious
Oh yay!
Anonymous
My lawn is 80% weeds, and I fertilized very early this morning with a nitrogen fertilizer made from waste water. In theory, my yard is undernourished, hence the bumper crop of weeds. I planned to water at 5:30 tomorrow morning to activate the fertilizer. But, in a place where it doesn’t rain often, it’s enthusiastically pouring from the sky! This makes me ridiculously pleased.
Curious
Yasssss. I feel this so much. It’s dry season in Seattle (yes, we have one), and I am so pleased when it rains enough that I don’t have to water.
Anon
A meeting I was dreading and wanted to cancel (it’s my very least favorite project) got cancelled by the other party, and I was so happy!
I know it’s just kicking the can down the road, but it made my day today.
Bonnie Kate
Canceled meetings are ALWAYS happy occasions. I feel this in my bones.
Curious
Meeting cancellations can truly be the best part of the day.
Senior Attorney
Haha something similar here. I thought I was chairing my first board meeting tomorrow, turns out it’s next Thursday. Day made!!
startup lawyer
A dreadful deal just got signed so now I can sit back and wait for closing deliverables to come in from the other side (who sucks but i’ll look on the bright side)
Curious
Yay for you!
Formerly Lilly
I just stood outside for a little over an hour because the fire alarm went off. And there was a terrible burning smell when I opened
my door to leave so there was a big adrenaline rush from that. The good news is that the building is not on fire and is not going to burn, and I’m back in the AC and the dogs have calmed down. Other than the heat and being co deemed about fire, I enjoyed standing around outside with the other residents. I’m just 16 months into this building and seem to have really lucked into one that has a real sense of community.
Curious
It is incredible to find places with community. A neighbor single handedly created it with our Buy Nothing group here, and we benefit weekly and try to give back.
Anon
Of all the flowers I planted from seed this spring (first-time home owners here), the first one has bloomed.
Also happy that it looks like we’re getting an Omicron specific booster (my last booster was ages ago).
Anon
Yes! My husband and I work in one of the eligible employment categories and got our boosters in September 2021 after originally being vaccinated the previous March. It feels like we’re basically unprotected at this point, it’s been so long.
Curious
Hurray flowers AND shots!
(I miss Shots. Shots. Shots.!)
Coach Laura
Curious – so happy that your baby is protected.
It’s good you’re healthy enough to go back to work. And congrats on your office! My unplanned retirement has me actually sad that I won’t have a career anymore. On good news, my husband’s cardioversion worked and he had more energy and oxygen immediately!
Curious
I’m so glad the cardioversion worked and sad about your being forced into retirement. A different circumstance had the same effect for my mom at 63 and it just wasn’t the end of a 35-year career she had envisioned.
Best of luck for admission and new chemo.
amberwitch
On vacation with the whole extended family, including a 3 year and a 1 year old. That in itself is lovely – the sun, the food, the pool, the view and the company. But what makes my day is the 3 year old helping with cooking, or that is, perching beside me on the kitchen table and asking questions and telling stories, sneaking bites of this and that.
And then listening to him ‘cooking’ the things we made as play food.