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Updated: Jul 20, 2021 184 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: McQueen

Suit of the Week |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

I love a good ombre effect — and I love a good McQueen suit — so it probably isn't terribly surprising that I love this dip-dye suit available for preorder.

It's definitely a “fun” suit — probably not one you'll be wearing for an interview or court appearance — but it's so much fun.

The blazer is $4,290 at Neiman Marcus.

(Not pictured, but wow.)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. The Original ...

    Not in an industry wear suits are necessary but have been watching videos of ice dying for a bit now, it’s so soothing to watch the process and some of the results are just stunning!

  2. Anon

    WOW, I love this suit! In what industry could I wear this, because I would like to change careers ha….

  3. The Original ...

    Wondering what books people are excited about lately. Whatcha reading?

      • Anon

        I recall a post of the author’s here on a long, controversial thread that promoted the version of that book for educators, but honestly, I wasn’t impressed with the conversation. It contained false denials about a particular surgeon in the U.S. who performs double mastectomies on girls as young as 13. I don’t know that I can trust the advice of someone who wasn’t able to interpret peer-reviewed study results in her own purported field of expertise. Maybe it was a misunderstanding.

        • ANon

          I remember that conversation and someone tried to turn into a conspiracy theory type thing which she did not take the bait for. It is weird that you say “purported field of expertise” as if your vague memory of a conversation on an anonymous board invalidates someone’s entire career. Deciding you disagree with supporting tr@nsgender youth is one thing, trying to invalidate someone’s career is another.

          • Anon

            It wasn’t about “invalidating“ anyone’s career. It was about an expert in the field repeatedly denying the troubling results of a published study, even though though direct quotes were posted here. It didn’t sit right with me.

          • anon

            The study was biased, further research indicated such, nobody denied the biased study existing, the conversation moved on to more current research. Your attempt to bring it back up is bizarre. If you are not more of a field expert, why would you assume you know more than the actual expert? Let it go so the rest of us can acknowledge the success of one of our own.

          • Anon

            What on earth are you talking about? The lead author was the surgeon, the study was published in JAMA Pediatrics, and it was peer-reviewed. I know it’s really inconvenient to have facts complicate your narrative, but you need to back up your accusations of bias. Big claims require evidence.

    • Senior Attorney

      Thank you for asking! Just finished Anxious People by Fredrik Backman and LOVED it.

      • Marie

        I am about 2/3 through this book and am really enjoying it! It has kept my attention and kept me guessing throughout. Will likely finish tonight or tomorrow.

      • anne-on

        Same! There were SO many punch you in the gut emotional lines but in a good way – it was very emotionally soothing.

    • Anonymous

      I liked Nickel Boys and America’s First Daughter (historical fiction about Martha Jefferson) recently.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        If you liked America’s First Daughter, My Dear Hamilton is also very good!

    • cbackson

      Just finished Ruthless Gods, the sequel to Emily Duncan’s Wicked Saints (YA fantasy set in a Slavic-inspired world). It was meh. Currently doing a re-read of Robertson Davies’ Cornish Trilogy (I’m still in the first book, The Rebel Angels), which is excellent if you like academic fiction. I’ve also been on a bit of a Tolkien-inspired bender – I recently finished The Fellowship (an excellent group biography of Tolkien/CS Lewis and their writer’s circle), after which I read Tolkien’s famous (and really compelling) lecture/long article, “Beowulf: the Monsters and the Critics.” I’m now getting ready to re-read Beowulf in a dual-language version, since I used to know some Old English and am feeling excited about digging back into it.

      I read a lot if it’s not apparent…

      • Anon

        I don’t know how much Charles Williams features in the Fellowship, but if you haven’t read any his novels yet, I often recommend Descent Into Hell.

        I read “Beowulf: the Monsters and the Critics” at an impressionable age and spent much too much time studying philology! So I am jealous you know any Old English.

        • cbackson

          He’s profiled extensively in it! He and Owen Barfield are the other Inklings that get in-depth treatment in the book.

          • Anon

            I will have to look up this group biography; thanks for reporting that it’s worthwhile!

    • Anon

      I’ll give a +1 to Nickel Boys, America’s First Daughter, and Anxious People (though I liked Beartown better). I think the most interesting thing I read recently was The Ministry for the Future by Kim Stanley Robinson, an sort of scifi (but more or less realistic) optimistic climate future book. It was idea dense and sometimes slow going, but I’ve been thinking about it for weeks since I finished. So much of our literature is about dystopias and so rarely grapples with solving tough problems, so it was interesting to read something that takes a different approach.

    • Anon

      Just now got around to Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson and it was SO GOOD.

      • AnonMPH

        I am listening to the audio book (and will be listening to it for the rest of my life, since I have no commute and it is so long!) and it is so great!

    • AnonATL

      I have been tearing through the Virgin River series. I think I’m on like book 10 now in the past 2 months?
      Just as cheesy and escapist as the show, but the plot is totally different and better.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      Code Name Helene! Great WWII historical fiction about a badass woman spy. I listened on audio and loved it.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve found that that genre is REALLY over-saturated rn (the badass female spy/operative/resistance member in the European theater during WWII), but I also typically enjoy those books so I might have to check it out!

    • Anon

      I just read the Meritocracy Trap and it both depressed me and scared me into putting more money in my kids 529. I just started The 100 Year Life by Lynda Gratton and am finding it just interesting to think about.

    • Ribena

      I just finished Head Over Heels by Hannah Orenstein which is a romance set in the world of competitive gymnastics. I really enjoyed the story but I found it being set in a pandemic free 2020 really difficult. Back to the historicals…

    • BeenThatGuy

      Without shame, I’m reading Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyer. I’m eating up every terrible page.

    • Anonymous

      I am currently reading “Dear Martin” with my 12-year-old son. It is good and sparking interesting conversation between us.

  4. Anon

    Why are pilonidal cysts so awful and why is there no remedy but antibiotics (not something I want to use) or major surgery with a super long healing time (not realistic)? Ugh.

    • Ellen

      Hugs. For the benefit of the hive, I am sharing what read about this cyst on webmd.com:

      Most doctors think that ingrown hairs are the reason for many of them. Pilonidal means “nest of hair,” and doctors sometimes find hair follicles inside the cyst.

      Another theory is that pilonidal cysts appear after a trauma to that region of your body.

      During World War II, more than 80,000 soldiers got pilonidal cysts that put them in the hospital. People thought they were because of irritation from riding in bumpy Jeeps. For a while, the condition was called “Jeep disease.”

      You might be more likely to get one if you were born with a small dimple in the skin between your buttocks. This dimple can tend to get infected, though doctors aren’t exactly sure why.

      Other risk factors include obesity, large amounts of hair, not enough exercise, prolonged sitting, and excessive sweating.

      Good luck to you. This obviously needs to be taken care of, but as lawyers who sit alot, I bet this is how you got it. FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      Why are you being dramatic about not using the perfectly good effective solution you need and we are lucky to have: antibiotics.

    • pugsnbourbon

      If you don’t take antibiotics now, you may NEED surgery later (and probably IV antibiotics). I’m sorry, they are painful and they suck, but they don’t go away on their own.

    • anon

      I think the meaning was that frequent ones mean frequent antibiotics, which is not something anyone wants since there are so many problems with using them frequently.

    • Leatty

      Sorry you are going through this! DH had pilonidal cyst surgery last year, and it was SO rough. The surgery site was intentionally kept open to avoid recurrence, and it took 4 months to finally close.

    • Holly Flax

      So sorry you are going through this! My roommate in college had one and it was awful for her. In her situation, her only option was to get the surgery, and then she had to go to the doctor most mornings to get the wound checked and repacked. She ended up having to purchase a special pillow to carry around with her so she could be comfortable in class…maybe that could help the pain? Sending you good thoughts!

    • Secondhand Experience

      Counterpoint: My husband had a pilonidal cyst removed about 12 years ago, when he was ~25 yo, and he didn’t find it too awful. He went under general anesthesia, and they warned him about risks of relapse and nerve damage that did not materialize. Other than that, it was pretty low-key. Outpatient surgery, spent a weekend on the couch being tended to by his then-GF (not me), and ended up not taking most of the painkillers they gave him.

  5. fads

    I’m so intrigued by the whole Gamestop stock situation. Since this is a board of lawyers . . . was this legal, and if so, how is it different from what hedge funds do on a regular basis (if you consider wallstreetbets to be the equivalent of a hedge fund)?

    • Anon

      NAL myself, but I’m curious why it wouldn’t be legal? Nothing I’ve read about it in the news suggests that it isn’t.

      • fads

        People are suggesting that it may be a pump-and-dump scheme. It isn’t really because they never misled people about the quality of Gamestop stock.

        • Ses

          NAL but am in finance and trained on these ethics/legal issues. I think there are two issues here: The legality: it’s not really classic pump and dump where they make false claims that increase the price – they were pretty open about the plan- but it *is* market manipulation in that the price was intentionally influenced through transactions planned for that purpose. The second issue though is the practicality. Even if the SEC decides this is a problem, it’s not like going after a hedge fund for a big “win” – this is chasing down a bunch of individual jackasses on reddit, which may not be worth the effort and expense.

    • Anon

      Dunno about legality (and I’m a lawyer, sorry!). I do know apparently this was aLL over Reddit weeks ago and DH knew folks who were the rogue “amateur investors”

    • Anon

      I think the questions is why would it be illegal for a group of individual investors but not illegal for hedge funds and institutional investors?

    • Anon

      It’s a David and Goliath situation. The clowns running the hedge funds are screaming market manipulation by retail investors, while at the same time lying on CNBC about closing their positions. After-hours movement shows their claims to be false.

      Watch the interview on YT with Chamath Palihapitiya, he absolutely demolishes Scott. Saagar is also coming through with sane commentary on social media.

      All that said, the SEC is in the pocket of the rich, and I expect “consumer protection” regulations to ramp up, because it’s only ever okay to step on the little guy. The megarich will not tolerate this, and the fact that they have you asking if it’s legal proves that they’re already succeeding in their efforts at spin.

      • fads

        I mean, they dont really have me asking if its legal. I think its either illegal for both the Goliaths and Davids, or legal for both Goliaths and Davids. I think the stock market as a whole is messed up and deluded, and that what the wallstreetbets people did is no different than a hedge fund, and the stock market has nothing to do with the economy and is all a bed of lies anyways. So I just wanted to discuss it and talk about what could happen, but I haven’t heard about this through CNBC or any other business news so no one is influencing me. I think this is wrong in general, but the fact that these crypto bros on Reddit did it isn’t what made me start thinking it was wrong.

      • Anon

        Lol to the hedge fund clowns. They pull enough BS and now cry foul when redditors beat them on their shorting position. Clearly they aren’t as clever as they make themselves out to be. SEC will probably side with them, Anon–bet you’re right there. But it stinks.

        • Anonymous

          My son worked for them when he was in college and has accumulated about 2,000 shares over the years since. He made a totally unexpected fortune off this.

    • Anonymous

      how is reddit recommending a stock any different from jim cramer or any tvheads saying “go buy this stock!”? it feels like suddenly the SEC is so concerned but what about all the hedge funds who regularly trade huge amounts and also impact stock pricing …?

  6. The Original ...

    This morning, someone posted about potential hysterectomy and they mentioned having “something called adenomyosis.” It reminded me of how often we talk about a diagnosis of “something called” or “I think they said it was” and how much we are harming ourselves. I know we are all busy but please do your research instead of relying on docs to spell everything out.

    Adenomyosis is likely why the hysterectomy is recommended, it’s the only cure. Recommendations for other things don’t actually fix adenomyosis. Rather than always just getting a second opinion, get all you can from the first opinion and do your research. (Before a huge choice like a hysterectomy, of course go for a 2nd opinion if you feel more comfortable.) However it sounds like you were confused about why a hysterectomy was recommended for heavy peri0ds and people were giving you feedback for lightening that, when that wasn’t the problem the doc was solving. Likely, the doc was recommending the only solution to adenomyosis which just so happens to stop the heavy peri0d problem too. If you aren’t trying to cure the symptoms of that or that, you can tell your doc as much and switching the goal is likely to lead to a different recommendation.

    Adenomyosis is no joke, sending gentle hugs for the stress it puts on you!

    • The Original ...

      PS For this, unless there is reason to remove ovaries, your doc may want to do a partial, which removes the uterus, meaning no HRT needed but removal of the uterus would end the adenomyosis and the heavy or any peri0ds. Not sure if you have plans to use your uterus but if not, it may be worth considering. Hope you find a solution that works for you!

      • Anon

        I’ve read that removal of the uterus often also diminished ovarian function, so this may not be a solution either

    • Nesprin

      Cochrane Library of medical reviews is a fantastic resource for this sort of thing- medically vetted, plain language and they discuss their evidence.

    • Friday

      Not to pile on too much, but yeah I googled that term after reading her post and thought “Oh. A hysterectomy actually makes sense.” but I didn’t feel the need to comment since I really don’t know anything. A second opinion probably wouldn’t hurt but I agree we hurt ourselves by sourcing our medical info on message boards (I’m also guilty of this, not throwing shade).

    • Anon

      I always think it’s strange when they call hysterectomy a “cure” for adenomyosis. They didn’t heal the diseased uterus: they took it out! I would to know why a full hysterectomy was recommended, because I agree with you that ovaries aren’t the issue (and I share the original OP’s concerns that HRT isn’t where we would want to be for her risk factors). Uterine artery embolization and even endometrial ablation are still offered as alternatives, so I would want to know my options and discuss them with my doctor. I have unfortunately had too many bad experiences with physicians who think that the female reproductive system exists only for making babies and nothing else, so I’m just very wary of doctors who are quick to recommend full hysterectomy (or who perform a full hysterectomy when consent was only given for a partial hysterectomy: I know things come up during surgery, but it’s been argued that some surgeons make this call very, very freely compared to other surgeons).

      • Anonymous

        “Cure” is probably overused in the medical field. The vast majority of things aren’t actually “cured” (with the exception of bacterial infections described above which are actually cured with antibiotics) as much as the symptoms are alleviated and/or risk removed.

        • Anon

          In this case I think “cure” is especially misleading because the hysterectomy is mainly done to alleviate symptoms. To me it makes me feel like I’m being pressured into accepting “the cure” for my condition, without which I’m “sick”, when another way of looking at it would be “the most effective therapeutic option.”

    • Anon

      Um, also, do not come here for medical advice! If you want a second opinion, get it. But most folks here are lawyers or other non medical professionals and this is not a good forum for a medical opinion.

      • Anon

        I think a medical professional would not give medical advice on an online forum. No one should ever give or take medical advice to strangers on the internet.

        But “medical science” isn’t a secret. It is good a idea to talk to other patients and check UpToDate, because in my experience, medicine can be very hit or miss. From talking to other women, I’ve been able to ask my doctors questions that led to better treatments for me, because my doctors hadn’t heard of everything that other doctors were doing. Doctors aren’t perfect, but I wouldn’t have known when they were making mistakes if I didn’t talk to other people and look things up myself. I’m the one who stands to suffer if they get something wrong.

      • Anon456

        Eh. There are shades of gray here.

        I use an online forum for my relatively common medical condition that can have a variety of different paths to treatment. In my case it is a condition-specific forum, so it different than posting something here but I learned about the forum I’m a part of from this very s!te. In fact, my current course of treatment is directly from what I’ve learned on the forum. So, sometimes it is helpful to talk to others about their own experiences.

  7. anon

    Has anyone else struggled to learn a new writing style when they changed fields? How did you break yourself out of that box and learn a new style? Classes? Exercises?

    I’m asking here because it seems like law and some of the other tech fields may have rigid rules, like what I practiced for years studying classics and then chemistry. Everything needed to be concisely presented with clear logic. But now I’m in field where I need to include a lot more tangential background, offer opinions, and generally say more. I just…can’t seem to do it. Writing hasn’t been a large part of my job, but it would allow a lot more advancement if I could learn.

    • Anon

      I think reading is the best way to get into a style – like spend an hour a few times a week just reading industry docs to get a feel for it

      • anon

        Thanks. Until you pointed out the obvious, I didn’t realize that I never read the format I am trying to write. I still read all sorts of other things to stay up-to-date on content, but it’s almost a running joke that no one reads these quasi-governmental white papers. I should seek them out

        • Anon

          This is similarly obvious advice but also pay close attention to the edits you get and keep a running list of the big picture advice (like add more context to X section, use fewer adjectives, whatever). Over time you will develop a sort of formula.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve worked in special projects at different types of publishers, so my experience has varied from working with academic authors for peer-reviewed content to directing marketing campaigns for lead gen. I agree with the advice above to read as much as you can. With long-form projects in particular, I also find it useful to step back and sort of do a “reverse outline” where you read someone else’s sample and map out the overall structure. If you were making an outline, how would you describe the content? The more you start to understand the bigger picture of how information is being organized, it’s easier to mimic the same with your own writing.

    • Anon

      I went to law school after being in a very direct and concise field. I literally couldn’t wrap my mind around all the “dithering” and presenting of options expected in law school. My previous field had been the exact opposite – analyze the options quickly and pick the best one and run with it. So in law school, I’d speed through analysis to present X as the “right” answer. And I nearly failed my first semester. Yup.

      What helped me was to break down what was expected into a checklist. Checklists made sense to my action-oriented mind. I didn’t invent the law school checklist, called IRAC – Issue, Rule (of law), Analysis, Conclusion – but learning it made a huge difference for me. “Ok, even though I think this isn’t natural for me and I’m not crazy about it, this is what they expect and this is how I get a good grade [succeed in this field in your case].” I’d see if you can identify a pattern to professional writing in your field (oh gosh, remember those reading comprehension standardized tests when they’d ask you to find the topic sentence? ha) and try to follow it in your writing.

    • Anon

      I did a doctoral degree in the humanities about 10 years after law school. Learning how to write again was really hard. Like another poster mentioned, reading in the style I was trying to write was very helpful. So was working with an editor.

  8. anon

    Has anyone been on Ask a Manager today? The comments in the post about Michelle Silverthorn’s work on racial bias are a disappointing mess. I’m glad that Alison is now moderating them more heavily, but IMO, she should’ve shut that down way sooner.

    • Anon

      I haven’t read it, but what do you mean? I’ve found the crowd over there to be near 100% uniform in thinking in the past, though, and always on the side of woke. It actually felt like an echo chamber that didn’t reflect the realities I face in the workplace.

      • anon

        There were plenty of very non-woke comments by white people who couldn’t resist relating racial bias to their own experiences of feeling left out or having to change themselves to fit into corporate culture. I’m as white-bread as they come, and even I realize THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

        • Anon

          Oh, that sounds really stupid and I agree with your take, but I don’t know that I can agree that it would be best to moderate those comments out. I think there needs to be room for people to express stupid views on the subject so they can grow in their beliefs and hopefully challenge them.

          • anon

            You’re probably right, but I feel bad for anyone who has to wade through that nonsense.

        • Anon

          I can’t stand the commenters there. They have this very idealistic notion of how the world should be, which is not a bad thing by itself, but they completely ignore how it actually is. And so many of them seem to think that a colleague asking how their weekend was is some unacceptable invasion of their privacy. It makes me wonder how they manage to function in real life.

          • Anonymous

            I agree with this 100%. People there often seem to be in a kind of alternate reality and they are often very intolerant of what I view as reasonable workplace norms. They also seem really prone to pathologizing their own behavior and self-diagnosing with anxiety and other mental disorders.

      • Anon

        I realized the commenters at AAM were faux-woke when there was drama about whether it’s professional to go to work without blow-drying. Because apparently any hair texture other than “stringy dishwater blonde” never crossed their minds.

        I quit that site a while ago. It devolved into clickbait letters from people who can’t manage to speak to their colleagues in actual words.

        • Anonymous

          “It devolved into clickbait letters from people who can’t manage to speak to their colleagues in actual words.”

          This right here is AAM today. It’s all fake stories that aren’t applicable to me (“my boss wants to watch me shower, what do I do?!”) with a side of fetishizing social anxiety.

          • Anon

            Yes, fetishizing social anxiety is exactly the right description for that place.

          • anonshmanon

            eh, those clickbaity letters certainly exist, but I read AAM everyday except the open threads, and there is a lot of useful advice about building professional relationships, managing up and down, negotiating salaries etc.

  9. Anon

    Found out that my ex’s mom died last week. She was in her upper 80s and I don’t know details. She was perhaps the greatest woman I ever met in all the ways my own was not. I absolutely adored her. He and I have been done for years, no contact. It was an unsafe situation so I left, but spent more tears on losing his mom from my life than on losing him as the lack of safety meant I couldn’t stay in touch with her or even say goodbye. (I had to leave and move without him knowing.) I don’t have contact with anyone there to send condolences. I’m just not sure how to process the feelings of sadness.

    • Anon

      She sounds like a lovely woman. I’m sorry for your loss. I am still in touch with my MIL despite me divorce. I’ve known her 15 years, she still considers me a daughter, and it’s not her fault her son screwed up LOL. Allow your time to grieve. This is a very real loss meaning that you’ll never see her again, while before there was still potentially the chance. Can you make a donation to a nonprofit in her honor?

    • anon

      I am very sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful person, and it is indeed a loss, even if she happened to be your ex’s mom. As far as processing goes, I would journal about it or even write her the letter you wish you could’ve sent. ((hugs))

    • Anon

      So sorry – I think the suggestion of making a donation in her honor is a good one! Sending you hugs!

    • Anonymous

      Could you make an anonymous donation in her name to her favorite charity or cause?

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry for your loss. It is absolutely a loss for you–she is a person you love.

      My ex FIL passed away suddenly a couple of years ago, and my ex and I are no contact. I learned about the passing through a mutual friend who saw it on social media. I did learn about it in time for the funeral. I didn’t go, but I did send a plant to the funeral home and I made a donation in his name to a cause that he would have liked. My situation was not an unsafe one, so that is why I felt comfortable sending the plan–I would not have done so if it was going to endanger my recovery or safety. The situation was really hard because I felt like I didn’t have a right to grieve, so that impeded the process a bit. I still think of him sometimes and wish we’d been able to have another conversation, and it helps me to journal about it.

    • Coach Laura

      I see others beat me to the suggestion to make a donation in her honor. You could even do it anonymously, like “in honor of Susie” instead of “In honor of Susan Smith” to be more secure. To a women’s shelter or domestic violence group would be good.

      For other emotional support ideas, volunteering or mentoring would be a good way to honor her and feel like you’re making a direct contribution to helping someone’s life. Or having a simple personal ceremony indoors or out where you say goodbye and thanks to her.

  10. Anon

    OMG this model totally copied my outfit today, head to toe.

    Just kidding. I’m still in my robe with wet hair.

  11. anon

    I’m sorry, but this suit looks like a menstrual cycle. Not a fan of ombre in this color combo, apparently!

  12. Anonymous

    I tried searching and didn’t see any recent posts, so asking this group of smart and insightful women for advice. I do feel a bit guilty for posting this, but how are you all handling not having opportunities where your spouse/partner is away from home for an overnight or two? My husband is an amazing partner, friend, father to our little boy, and all around great person. I love spending time with him. However, in before times, we’d each probably have 2-3 times a year where the other person was on a guys weekend/girls weekend, at family, or out of town on business. We (obviously) haven’t had those in the past year, and I’m really missing that time.

    To be clear, not to do anything nefarious, but to do those certain “me” things that only I enjoy – make or order food from the restaurant that only I like, walk around the house with a face mask without my husband going “you’re wearing a face mask” each time he sees me, watching my bad hallmark rom com movies that he doesn’t like, but loves to comment on, doing my random deep-cleaning and random house projects that he doesn’t see as necessary/important, but that I just really like doing (I am a very, very novice wood worker/home rennovator and don’t really like to talk about my hobby, but my husband just likes to keep asking me about it anytime I try to do something), and watching tv while also reading a book and looking at my iPad and not being asked how I do all those things at one time (I lead an incredibly exciting life….. ha ha ha).

    So, can anyone commiserate? Any suggestions? TIA!

    • Cat

      I can commiserate! Like- one of my chores (that I actually don’t mind at all) is laundry (to ward off commentary, we each do household-wide chores, and one of my husband’s is cleaning the bathrooms which he does nicely and without nagging, so we’re not in need of therapy).

      Anyway. Aside from the stuff in the hamper, I go around and collect the various “not not clean”items that end up around the house by the end of the week – like a fleece near the door, maybe the tablecloth is ready for a wash, or a throw blanket, etc. My husband will always comment “oh that’s not dirty yet” … that’s right, because I wash things before they are visibly soiled or smell, lol. Sometimes, I just want to load the washer without commentary.

      Can you split up errands on the weekend so you each get a bit of alone time?

      • Thanks, it has pockets!

        Which reminds me, my favorite time to mop the kitchen and/or vacuum the floors is when my boyfriend is out of the apartment, because a) I know the noise isn’t bothering him, b) I know he won’t need that room for a while, and c) I’m not working around him or making him feel bad. It’s like . . . ninja cleaning!

    • pugsnbourbon

      I can commiserate – we are heavy on togetherness these days – but I also think you should spend more time doing the things you want to do, even if your husband is around. Order food from your place and he can order something for himself. Tell him you like the movie and that his comments bring down the mood. Do the house stuff while listening to music or a podcast. Etc.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I can commiserate, except that in the Before Times I was usually the one who traveled. I liked having a hotel room to myself for a few nights every month, but I really loved it when my husband would go away for the weekend once or twice a year. The time he and our daughter were both out of town the same weekend was divine. I love my family, but once in a while I like being able to use the bathroom without someone’s barging in (they get offended if I lock the door!), eating cheese and crackers for dinner, staying up late watching garbage on Netflix, and generally doing what I want without feeling guilty for not keeping the rest of the family entertained.

      • Anonymous

        OP here… thank you! Yes, when I lived by myself, cheese and crackers was an occasional dinner. Now I just hear “that is not a meal.” And podcasts… how I love podcasts, but my husband, despite all of his wonderful qualities (not sarcastic, he has many of them), just blanket does not like the podcast format, so it’s not something we share. So I have to listen to them on headphones, but then, even while listening on headphones, I still get asked questions like I’m not using headphones.

        Thanks for letting me vent and knowing that I’m not alone. I appreciate it.

    • Anon

      I can only tell you that I’m pretty sure my husband and kids feel the same way. I traveled 25-75% depending on the month in the Before Times. Having me around all the time has been An Adjustment for everyone around here! I am the task master and the disciplinarian parent, so basically no one is letting things slide.

      My husband is the chief laundry doer, dishwasher, bill payer, and home and car repair and maintenance person, so it’s not like he doesn’t pull his weight, but there was a lot more eating drive-thru in front of the TV when I was traveling.

    • Anonymous

      I hear you. We used to travel a ton. It’s the little things. Like I love making tuna noodle casserole for myself and I’ll get nothing but grief on how much it smells and takes up space int he fridge. I also like to use his biz trips as closet purge time so he doesn’t give me any comments about so many bags of clothes being thrown out or the need to schedule a pick up and wait when I just want it out.of.the.house. Nothing but commiseration from me.

      For things like pamper nights or watching movies he hates, I just declare in advance that’s how I’m spending my time. If I give a bit of notice, he doesn’t seem to feel as left out. (I also plan things around when I know he’ll be watching hockey though or something of the like.) Weekends I go to forest preserves with our dog and without him. He runs errands without me. I love my husband, but man sometimes only seeing each other with little break is just a lot.

      I also wonder if tolerance changes over time. My mom used to complain about how much my dad watched sports. He died several years ago, and she will watch football games now. Blows my mind.

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes I miss my sweet husband’s weekly Tuesday nights out with the cycling lads. Fortunately we are both still going to work so I can come home early from time to time and have a little alone time, but it’s not exactly the same thing.

      • Senior Attorney

        And yes, we are learning we don’t have to be together all the time even if we’re both home.

    • Anon

      We are definitely struggling. We both have things to do that the other cannot tolerate being around. My husband goes nuts when I use the shredder (it’s like nails on a board to him) and so my years-overdue office clean-out has ground to a halt. He is trying to learn the trumpet, which makes me wish I was deaf. Isolating in different rooms is not enough, the house isn’t that big.

      We also despise each other’s taste in TV and movies, so end up watching the same bland sitcoms over and over because that’s all we mutually tolerate. I miss sci-fi.

      He does do some overnights at his brother’s house, because they are fixing the house up for their disabled dad and like to work late (and early). I don’t look forward to it, because I know he will come home miserable from the mental strain of the whole situation.

      • Vicky Austin

        With all sympathy, your post made me think of this, from The Witches Are Coming by Lindy West:

        “My husband plays the trumpet, which is a sort of loud pretzel originally invented to blow down the walls of f^cking Jericho and, later, to let Civil War soldiers know it was time to kill each other in a river while you chilled eating pigeon in your officer’s tent twenty miles away, yet somehow, in modern times, it has become socially acceptable to toot the bad cone *inside your house* before 10:00 a.m. because it’s “your job” and your wife should “get up.” What a world! If one was feeling uncharitable, one might describe the trumpet as a machine where you put in compressed air and divorce comes out, but despite this – despite operating a piece of biblical demolition equipment inside the home every bright, cold morning of his wife’s one and only life – the trumpet is not the most annoying thing about my husband.”

        After that description I shudder to think what *is* the most annoying thing! Hopefully it makes you laugh.

        • Anon

          This is delightful, thank you for sharing! I am definitely going to read this to him!

        • BelleRose

          And Lindy West’s husband is Ahamefule J. Oluo, an actual professional trumpet player!
          But my favorite part is that his sister Ijeoma Oluo (the author of Let’s Talk About Race) retweeted the passage and added “I love this so much because it’s true – there are so many more annoying things about my brother.”

      • No Problem

        Can you each plan a separate long walk outside the house to let the other do their thing that you can’t stand hearing? For you it sounds like a one-time thing to use the shredder, but I guess for your husband’s trumpet playing it’s probably a few times a week. Still…can you arrange it so he practices while you run an errand?

    • Friday

      Commiseration. I feel like we were often together in the Before Times…but not like this. And we get along! Except for the perennial casserole debate. Why do men hate casseroles? This may not work for you, but DH has been attending a socially-distanced, outdoor campfire get together on Sunday evenings. He puts kiddo to bed, then leaves and I have the evening to myself. I normally watch Mandalorian, which I have to rewind 20 times because I’m scrolling insta instead of paying attention, eat a box of Cheezits (it IS TOO an acceptable dinner choice, DH!) and take a bath. I also like the idea of just doing your own thing separately. We’re kind of all on top of each other in our house, but maybe that could work for you? Also, you might just try saying “I like doing my woodwork, but I’m new and just don’t feel like discussing it. You can ask what I’m working on but please don’t interrogate me.” Or you could have a “quiet game” night where you see how long y’all can do activities side by side without commenting on it. Man, I’m full of ideas.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Nothing to add except further validation that cheez-its are 100% an acceptable dinner choice.

        • Senior Attorney

          I actually made homemade cheez-its in the early part of the pandemic. And yes of course they are dinner.

    • anon

      DH and I sometimes just go our separate ways after our kid goes to bed. We have a guest room, so we’ll sleep in separate beds for a night. We can go to bed early or stay up late, watch whatever we want, play video games, read, take a bath, clip our nails, whatever.

      During the day is harder, but on weekends, we each try to give the other parent some alone time. DH takes Kiddo out on Saturday mornings, and I usually let DH sleep in on Sunday mornings. We also still have a version of “quiet time” on weekend afternoons where everyone, including our son, quietly does their own activity for about 40-60 minutes. It’s not the same as having days to do whatever you want, which I still miss, but it’s still important.

    • Anonymous

      We have been splitting errands; he’s been going on bike rides with his pod buddy: we have each been walking or running solo; and I have been commandeering the bath for long baths with actual books to read and sheet masks.

    • Anon

      I was feeling this way as well, so I checked into a local hotel for a couple of nights. I ate takeout, watched movies, and hiked during the day. I had lots of unused points, so the trip was basically free. My husband was completely supportive of me going, although I’m not sure he really understood why I wanted to.

    • anon

      I feel this deep in my bones. My DH is my favorite human and yet I am positively itching for some quality alone time.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      I can relate. In the “before times” my boyfriend would be out of the apartment for a couple evenings a week, and I had the living room to myself, and I could make whatever I wanted for dinner, it was lovely.

      Also, one thing I really miss is not ALWAYS having to pick a damn movie, or show to binge, every single night. So many nights we’d either go out together, or he’d be out doing his thing, or I’d be taking a class or dancing, and we might watch a couple episodes of “our show” at the end of the night but there were only a few nights a week where I’d make dinner and we’d watch a movie.

  13. Anon

    Boots! I spent a crazy amount of time clicking through boots last night. What sort of boots are you all actually wearing these days (vs what you own that sits in your closet)? Tall boots at all? Or is this a bootie year? [For me, it is a hiking boot year, which is great, but not an aesthetic that works for me other than in the woods.] I feel like I have a hiking boot / sneaker / croc life right now and can’t be trusted to make a good boot decision.

    FWIW, I own a ton of tall boots that I’d wear with dresses / jeans, but that is too fancy for my current leggings lifestyle. I also own some tall riding-type waterproof boots that I’d wear in a muck-storm but probably not otherwise (they may be classic, but I feel like they are not current and don’t work with the sort of clothes I wore in before times). Sometimes good-quality purchases last at least 5 years longer than your desire to wear them :(

    • Anon

      Ummm, I am wearing Birkenstock clogs with wool socks 100% of the time. I don’t go anywhere. I think my boots have spiders in them at this point.

    • Anonymous

      The only place I wear any type of shoes these days is to walk to dog or drive to curbside pickup. Who knows what type of boots will be in style if/when I ever get to re-enter society.

    • Anonymous

      I’m wearing almost none of my boots these days, but I am not getting rid of any either. I don’t want to commit to what my non-quarantine life will look like yet.

    • Anon

      This year, the only boots I am wearing are hiking boots for, well, hikes. I am WFH and never put on outdoor footwear around the house. For the occasional errand in the real world, I have an old pair of sneakers designated for that purpose that live on my porch.

      • Anon

        So how to you unload groceries — bring things to door and then bring inside wearing socks?

        I am 99% socks / clogs inside, but do briefly wear shoes from outside indoors. [Shoe habits are for comfort, not germ-based; if I had a germ-based life, I’d need to get rid of the dog who is filthy and gross and we love him even though he eats garbage and licks things he shouldn’t.]

        • Anon

          That’# when I wear my designated, pandemic sneakers: carry everything to the door while wearing said sneakers, open door, put bags inside, take off shoes outside, enter house. We were always pretty much a shoeless house, so this is probably not as extreme as it will sound to some on this list.

    • Cat

      I’m wearing knee-high Aquatalias for outdoor dining. (I have yet to purchase a pair of booties. Short-legged pear and they do me no favors.)

    • pnwanon

      https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/korks-esmerelda-ankle-bootie/n3284183?color=GREEN

      I bought these recently. They are a little bit of all the styles and I feel really cute in them. They are suede so i need to weather proof them before wearing, but i am super excited about them.

      I also like my laceup born boots https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07N2Z6BF4/ref=twister_B07X7SB7N4 but I plan on replacing them with something similar by next fall. They have a zipper up the back, which is easy on and off. without looking redundant.

    • anon

      I’m not going anywhere, so … snowboots, when I’m shoveling my driveway?

    • Booties

      My black La Canadienne suede booties – almond toe, wedge heel. For taking out the trash in snowy Chicago. Warm, waterproof, look great since I take care of them.

      Now is the time to get great boots that last forever, in a classic style.

    • Anonymous

      I occasionally wear ankle boots when I go to the grocery or gas station. They look fine with jeggings. Some days I just want fancier shoes than sneakers and it’s too cold to wear ballet flats right now where I live. Have contemplated wearing tall riding-style boots out to get takeout but haven’t actually done so yet.

    • Is it Friday yet?

      Shearling lined Bean Boots. Practical, warm, and cute enough with jeans or leggings for where I’m going right now (mainly, the grocery store, haha).

    • Seafinch

      Blundstones for errands and Bean boots or occasionally Sorels for my daily walks as we have a boat load of never ending snow.

    • Anonymous

      I am wearing low-heeled suede ankle boots for date nights, meet-ups, and shopping trips. I have worn heeled boots to work when a dress and tights is the outfit. My taller boots never get much attention, but if I had some I liked better I would wear them out for date nights and meet-ups. I have a brand new pair of combat-type boots that I have just decided need to make their debut when we are fully opened up.

  14. anon

    Well, now we know what happened on the 4th Wednesday:

    The US Department of Homeland Security declared a nationwide terrorism alert Wednesday, citing the potential threat from domestic anti-government extremists opposed to Joe Biden as president.

    • anonshmanon

      Yeah, well when Senate Republicans are clearly signaling that we don’t need to hold any of the effective leaders of the insurrection accountable, I can’t say I’m surprised that DHS still sees an ongoing threat.

  15. Anon

    I hope this all makes sense, here goes –

    I have been in a role the last year where I support two teams. I have known for a while that I really only have the capacity to fully support one. The more I have been supporting Team A, the further I have been neglecting Team B. Team A is in a really good spot now and I want to shift my focus to Team B, but every time I try to do that, I am redirected to the upkeep of dealing with Team A. I have helped Team A with standing up a lot of things and Team B could desperately benefit from me doing the same for them, but I don’t have the bandwidth to help stand up Team B while running Team A. I’d like to hand off some well-running things on Team A to some of its supervisors, and then move completely to Team B. Any advice on how to propose this idea to my boss? I feel bad that I said “yes” to supporting both teams, “yes” to every other project, and then realized the hard way that I can’t actually do it all.

    • The Original ...

      Are there people on A that could benefit from growth by way of monitoring or managing the things working well? Maybe you could phrase it as a boost to their skills to give them that extra responsibility, say that they can report to you and you will step in as needed and, extra bonus, while they do that, you can focus more on B and get them up to speed as well. That way, it sets up the plan, maintains your ownership of the situations you agreed to, gives others the career boost they may want, and frees you up.

  16. Coach Laura

    I posted this really late on the morning post, wanted to put it here so more can see it. People have talked about the covid vaccine and whether or not to get it if pregnant or considering pregnancy, a new study is out to today in the well-respected American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology on maternal covid mortality. It might make one reconsider getting the vaccine before/during pregnancy, especially if you’re of color or have comorbidities. I’ll post a link to follow.

    Quote: Contracting COVID-19 while pregnant can have deadly consequences for the mother, a new study published today in American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology shows.

    The study, which followed 240 pregnant women in Washington state between March and June 2020, found that COVID-19 mortality among them was significantly higher than in similarly aged individuals with COVID-19 who were not pregnant.

    Specifically the study found:

    Pregnant women with COVID-19 had a 3.5 times higher rate of associated hospitalization than the similarly aged people who had COVID-19 and were not pregnant.
    The mortality rate was 13 times higher among pregnant mothers than among similarly aged individuals infected with COVID-19 who were not pregnant. This said, most of the pregnant patients with COVID-19 had asymptomatic or mild infections and healthy pregnancies.
    The three women who died of COVID-19 were from minority ethnic groups and had other health conditions such as obesity and hypertension.
    Of the 240 pregnant women with SARS-CoV-2 infections, 24 were hospitalized and three succumbed to the virus.

    • Cat

      I’m confused what this is supposed to convince — to get the vaccine (because risks are higher if you are pregnant) or not to get the vaccine (because risk of adverse reaction is higher)? FWIW, I know two extremely smart pregnant women who work in healthcare, and both jumped at the chance to get the vaccine.

      • anonshmanon

        I read it as an argument to get the vaccine. Adverse reactions or really anything re the vaccine and pregnant women wasn’t discussed here.

      • Cat

        I hope so- the sentence that threw me was “it might make one reconsider getting the vaccine” – hopefully that means someone who otherwise wouldn’t have!

    • Anon

      The WHO recommendation is not to vaccine pregnant women with the Moderna vaccine (but they do not recommend pregnancy testing before vaccination, or refraining from becoming pregnant after vaccination) unless the woman is at high expose risk or has significant risk-factors. They do not make this recommendation (for it not to be given) for the Pfizer vaccine. This recommendation is different than the ACOG (but was just issued).

      • Anon

        I wasn’t aware that Moderna and Pfizer had any relevant differences. Did they explain at all?

        • Anon

          I’m in healthcare, but this is not my specialty, but I think this is mainly due to the data collected, not anything intrinsic to the vaccine. Pfizer has data that shows it is safe, but even though they work the same way you can’t draw the conclusion Moderna is safe, you need data to show it is.

    • Anon

      Unpopular opinion coming–folks shouldn’t TTC during the pandemic. I know, I know–you are all on the cusp of the end of your fertility, blah, blah. But not everyone is guaranteed to have children if they want them, don’t give me guff about needing someone to wipe up after me in my old age (world is plenty populated, thankyouverymuch). It just seems so…selfish. I don’t feel bad for anyone deliberating on whether to take the vaccine at this point because if you intentionally got pregnant during a pandemic, that’s on you and you had to know this issue would come up.

      • Anon

        This is a really warped perspective on children. Though maybe the culture of TTC and “wanted” children invites it.

        • Anon

          Yeah, it’s not that I’m saying kids are bad and that no one should have them, but the TTC culture is super ridiculous and premised on all women inherently having the RIGHT to have children even though it’s not and shouldn’t be in the cards for literally every woman. There’s a very entitled attitude baked into the culture. That’s just not how the world works–life isn’t fair. And if folks want to be moms that bad but aren’t willing to adopt, imo, they don’t deserve any kids, biological or not.

          • Anon

            I personally think being an unplanned but much loved child and having one are both a bit underrated. Maybe that’s just because every child breaks the mold. But there’s no question of whether the child will fulfill whatever need motivated TTC if there was no TTC.

      • anon

        I’m 29 so have plenty of years of fertility left and intentionally got pregnant this summer with our third child. Why selfish? People have been having children through war, pandemic, starvation, and so on for all of human existence and, looking at it with a historical view, now is a better time than any time in history to be born. Don’t have children if you don’t want them but yeah, I think it would be unpopular to share your opinions about whether other people should.

      • Small Law

        I think this is a perspective that assumes TTC is easy or controllable or that pregnancy just happens when you want it to. The decision to TTC is complex and this kind of sweeping judgmental opinion is why fertility in general has been a taboo subject for far too long.

    • Curious

      Thank you! My husband will really want to see this if I get the chance to get the vaccine.

      • Curious

        Thank you! My husband will really want to see this if I get the chance to get the vaccine.

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