Suit of the Week: Theory

91 Comments

1. I love Theory suits and I wish I had both 1) the money to buy them and 2) more occasions to wear them.

   1. This suit is stunning, but I will never think going shirtless under a suit is anything other than ridiculous. It looks like something a bungling 20-something tries to pull off in a rom-com, when she spills coffee on herself on the way to an important fashion magazine interview.

      1. I think it’s more of a red carpet celebrity look, but it had better be in a fancier fabric and with excellent posture/fashion tape in case you slouch.

      2. I don’t understand this styling for the brand’s own retail website. If Theory can’t identify a shirt that makes the suit look good, how am I supposed to? In this case, many would, including, I suspect, some that Theory produces, so why not include one?

      3. I guess stylists get bored or something, but I hate when they do this sort of thing (same with styling with inappropriate shoes or terrible accessories). It just makes it so much harder for me to visualize what it would look like in the way that I would wear it.

      4. Yes, I would NOT dress (or undress) like this. The model could be reckless if she let’s certain men to close to her, b/c I can’t tell you how many men love to try and take cheap shots at our boobies. Here, she is making it to easy for people like Frank, or CFO, to put his dirty hands where they do NOT belong. The same goe’s for short skirts, b/c he thinks that b/c he issues our paychecks, that he can put those same dirty hands virtually anywhere he likes, even tho the Manageing partner told him this was not appropriate. Dad thinks he read those articles about the US gymnastic coach who was a doctor and did stuff he was not supposed to. Dad says if we are not going to get our boyfriends to punch them out, we should just say FOOEY to these men and point to their pants’ zippers and say “there is nothing in there that any woman could possibly be interested in”. That should shut them up pronto! I tried it with Frank last week and he kind of slinked away. He has steered clear of me this week, so maybe it worked! YAY!!

2. And then for horse people, there’s the association with The Horse in the Grey Flannel Suit …

3. Any recommendations for Japan? We have about 9 days – thinking of splitting between Kyoto, Tokyo, and one night in Hakone. Would love to hear about activities / restaurants / food!

   1. So many! In Tokyo, we went to an owl cafe – Akiba Fukurou. Loved it! For quick meals, we also enjoyed the food hall underneath Tokyo Station. Yabaton was a particular highlight for red miso tonkatsu. In Hakone, we stayed at a traditional ryokan for two nights – Gora Hanaougi. It was a very big splurge for us but definitely an experience to do once. We’re pretty adventurous eaters, but the food was a bit too “traditional” for us (think fish head soup for breakfast). If you spend time in Kyoto, be sure to take a side trip to Nara to visit the bowing deer. The best.

      1. Amazing, thank you! We were actually supposed to stay at Gota Hanaougi but unfortunately they haven’t recovered from the tsunami. We’ll have to try them next time :)

   2. No personal recs, but one of my favorite Disney-twitter-travel-bloggers has gone deep into Kyoto/Japan traveling and I highly recommend his recommendations :)

      double-yoos dot Travel Caffeine dot com

      1. Ah, that reminds me. Tokyo DisneySea was a fun experience (try all the snacks!) and try and get to a baseball game if you can too.

   3. Japan is amazing! I was there for three weeks earlier this year.

      For Tokyo:
      Gomaya Kuki is fantastic black sesame ice cream in Harajuku. You choose the level of sesame-ness, and can select a beautiful black waffle cone for it. Ice cream generally is fantastic in Japan — it doesn’t have the chemical aftertaste you often get in the US, and it’s not overly sweet.
      If you enjoy third wave coffee and can tolerate long lines, you must go to Koffee Mameya. You’ll receive an in-depth, personalized coffee consultation (ours was 20 minutes!) at this extremely fancy coffee shop with “magic” pour overs. Foreign and Japanese roasts. The coffee makers here are true artists and they have encyclopedic knowledge of all things coffee.
      The Nezu Museum is a true delight (and I found it much more enjoyable than the giant National Museum). The star is the garden, and the Chinese bronze sculptures on the upper floor are also exceptional. It’s located at the end of Omotesando Street — the walk there from Omotesando Station is a fun experience, too (as the street is lined with high-end stores designed by an array of the top contemporary architects).
      Definitely visit the depachika (basement) of any of the department stores for amazing food halls! I liked Isetan and Mitsukushi.
      Fuunji (in Shinjuku) was the best ramen I had in Japan. Long lines but worth it (or get there before it opens!).
      Fantastic mid-range sushi at Manten Sushi. Don’t be put off by the location in the basement of an upscale mall (all the best food in Tokyo seems to be in mall basements!). The Omakase was delicious and well-executed, and we left stuffed! Make a reservation
      ahead of time.

   4. Not sure if you’re still reading, but that’s basically the same itinerary I followed for an 8-day trip. I highly recommend staying in a traditional ryokan in Hakone, with its own onsens. There was nothing quite like leaving your shoes at the front door, changing into a cotton robe, and doing nothing but eating gourmet food, soaking in a variety of hot tubs, and sleeping for the next 18 hours. I left my stuff at the ryokan after I checked out and took the cog wheel railway to the Hakone Open Air Museum, which was a very pleasant way to spend the morning/early afternoon before catching my afternoon train back to Tokyo. The ryokan was super expensive, like $300+ for one night, but it included a seven course dinner and three course breakfast, and was worth it for the experience. I didn’t actually sleep that well on the futon (my feet stuck off the end, I’m 5′ 9″), but I’m very glad I stayed in a fully traditional ryokan.

      In Kyoto, my favorite things were a day trip to Hiroshima (which has gorgeous gardens near the train station in addition to the A-bomb museum and park) and a day trip to the bamboo forest/monkey preserve.

4. Any recommendations for an interior designer/decorator in the Philly area? My style leans towards Modern/Scandinavian with pops of color.

   1. What does a Scandinavian style mean? Just never heard that term before.

      1. Modern, minimalist, functional. It’s an extremely common design style. Have you heard of IKEA?

         1. Well yeah I’ve heard of IKEA, but how does it translate to clothes? What kind of pieces are we talking about. Basics? Coats with many pockets?

            1. I think you missed a word – the post was about interior design/decorator (not clothes) :)

            2. Ugh you’re so right. Cannot read today. My b!

      2. It’s often given the (wretched, IMHO,) diminutive of “scandi” on blogs.

5. For a reading challenge, I need to find something related to my ancestry. They are pretty lenient, so it can be non-fiction history, memoir/biography, historical fiction or even fiction. I’m open to anything as long as it’s not too long/heavy as it’s 4th quarter busy time for me. This Irish-Sweedish-German is struggling on what to read. My ancestors came over early (pre-War) 1900s or late 1800s probably, so ideally I’d like to read something that was actually relevant (in other words, WWII Germany doesn’t work). I’ve read Angela’s Ashes, The Wonder (this time period words but read it too long ago), and the Magdalen Girls (too late in time period anyway) (all Irish).

   Any suggestions?

   1. Did they come through Ellis Island? Would a book about the history of immigrants coming through there work?

   2. For the Swedish ancestry, read The Emigrants by Vilhelm Moberg (there’s also a related musical by the ABBA guys, but not sure it’s available in English. If it is, it’s worth checking out.)

   3. Deirdre by James Stephens is based on Irish mythology. It’s an old book and I’m not sure if it has stood the test of time (I read it as a teenager about twenty years ago and don’t remember much, but I loved it at the time).

   4. I’m listening to “Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland.” It’s about the Troubles in Northern Ireland and is too late for your ancestors, but is really great.

   5. Molly Murphy series by Rhys Bowen. It’s fiction but set in Ireland and then NYC in turn of the century 1900s.

      1. Also, non-fiction Dead Wake which is the Lusitania Sinking. 1915 but still before both WWI and WWII.

   6. For the midwestern immigrant experience, I would recommend Willa Cather (My Antonia) or Wallace Stegner (there are shorter ones), or Rolvaag (who is def longer and darker). These may be less relevant to your family history, depending where they went.
      If you want to dip into the Viking side, I enjoyed Neil Oliver’s light, general, history (titled Vikings). Or you could try Bernard Cornwell for fiction, although I don’t know which ones, specifically–very action-packed, gore galore. Both of these have been made into TV shows, if that speaks to their quality for better or worse.

   7. Remedies and Rituals: Folk Medicine in Norway and the New Land by Kathleen Stokker. Not Sweden, but Norway was once run/owned by Sweden.

6. Paul Weiss is authoring an amicus brief in June Medical Services v. Gee on behalf of lawyers who have had abortions. Interested lawyers should contact Paul Weiss at JuneLawyersBrief (at) paulweiss.com. The deadline for lawyers to share their story is November 8, and the deadline to be a signatory is November 20.

   https://www.wbadc.org/Files/WBA_Amicus_CallForSigners_JuneMedicalServicesVsGee_20191023.pdf?fbclid=IwAR3meoKmoQRENXnmZsm_dRGAx69bFrLo8NZZKUETNXFfSxQM172f8Nmeay0.

   I will be joining as a signatory and thought some of you might also be interested.

   1. Are you giving your employer a heads-up before you do this? I would like to be a signatory, but I am SUPER nervous about my employer’s name being affiliated with something they did not approve (I am in-house).

      1. What does this have to do with your employer? I think they’re looking for individuals (who are attorneys) to share their stories. What made you think it has to be endorsed by your employer?

         1. It may not, but the call for signatories in the link says you have to be willing to have your employment affiliation listed. I think it’s fair to consider if your employer, particularly if it is a law firm, wants their firm name listed in this amicus.

            1. This. I think that identifying lawyers, firms, employers, etc. can be very dicey.

               And it’s not like they are wanting to hear from the fathers — the ones who didn’t have to drop out of school or take a second job to support a baby and instead could keep on trucking in anonymity. So (again), the women have the downside of everything. No thanks.

            2. Or if you work for a religiously-affiliated school or hospital.

         2. What Sadie said. To be a signatory, they want you to provide your employer’s name. Maybe if you’d clicked the link and read it, you’d know that. Good grief.

      2. I teach as an adjunct faculty member (at a liberal, private university) and am using that affiliation.

7. Found an unexpected gardening tool under the bed in our house, not mine and not something I was aware the husband used. Am I a jerk for asking him about this? Should I put it away or clean it or just leave it (we have a once a week cleaning lady and I feel like her finding it would be super ick).

   1. I would definitely ask my husband.

   2. I would put it away and mention to husband “hey, I found your x under the bed and put it y. When did you get into that?”

8. Ugh there’s a dead rat on the steps up to my door. I’m absolutely terrified of any rats. I’ve let my landlord know and have reported to 311, just hoping that it gets cleaned up quickly!

   Can’t take matters into my own hands, as there’s literally no where I could put it (if I could even face my fears)

   1. Forgive me if this is a stupid question. But can you push it off the steps with a broom? Even if you have to buy a new broom after, at least it’s out of your immediate sight.

      1. You could put your broom in a garbage bag so it doesn’t touch the rat, then just get rid of the bag and keep the broom.

         1. I would honestly also have to get rid of the broom, too.

   2. Are you looking for praise for ordinary adulting?

      1. Mean

      2. Ordinary adulting is not always easy– your inability to keep your pointless nastiness to yourself is just one such example.

         1. Preach.

         2. Nicely done.

      3. OP here – actually my roommate had to attend a funeral today and my great aunt passed away this morning. So, the rat was just another hurdle on an already tough day.

         1. Condolences and a hug.

   3. Kick it onto the street, or sweep it away.

      I don’t know that a dead rat warrants a 311 call.

      1. I actually thought reporting was required (as a sanitation thing), though I don’t know where I formed this impression.

      2. Yes, reported for sanitation.

         It’s at the base of the steps, so technically the sidewalk, I believe.

         If I brush it into the street, now there’s just a dead rat in the sidewalk or street, which is not helpful to anyone.

         I live in a row home so no one has outdoor trash cans so there’s nowhere to dispose of it.

      3. Reported to 311 for sanitation / public health purposes as well as removal purposes.

         I live in a row home where no one has outdoor trash cans, because there’s no where to put them so I don’t really have a place to put the carcass. When I lived in the burbs, I would have taken a deep breath and swept it into a trash can but don’t have that option now.

         I’m not going to sweep it onto the sidewalk / into the street, because that doesn’t make the issue go away it just simply relocates it (and makes it everyones problem). Hoping that 311 or the handyman will be able to come over and properly dispose of it.

         1. In flyover country — if you don’t have trash cans, what do you do with your trash? If we don’t put our trash in cans, all sorts of vermin would get into it (and I live in a fairly dense suburb — think Arlington / Bethesda, not out in the country) and spread it everywhere.

   4. You’re making me feel better. I did this with a snow shovel and mouse once and had to take about 20 min to work myself up to it. Just kept repeating the mantra, “I’m an adult I can do this. I’m adult I can do this.” Weirdly, I didn’t have any trouble bagging a dead raccoon in our backyard with just the bag. My husband refused to do that one, so it’s kind of a source of pride. ;)

      1. Yes!! I’ve been the designated bug / spider / small snake killer/relocate-er of pretty much everywhere I’ve lived. I just can’t deal with rodents (or birds). They freak me the eff out.

   5. I have dealt with 20+ mice (not rats) this year and a giant dead possum. The roaches are almost background noise now :(

      Co-sign just put the scooping implement in a bag. The most vile thing was the dead mouse that burst open to reveal the maggots within. I totally need dragons to just burn that sh*t up.

      And don’t ever tell anyone or you will become the person who handles dead rodents in perpetuity.

9. My MIL is thinking about a career change and would like to go into social work, specifically helping people cope with what she is thinking of as “life transitions”: coming out of prison, post-death of a spouse or loved one, in recovery for eating disorders. Her ideas aren’t very well formed yet. She is also peak sheltered middle-aged white lady; she would like to be progressive but just doesn’t have very much world experience outside her bubble. I would like to get her some books for Christmas that might help her develop her ideas a little more about what kind of social work specialty she’d be interested and also educate her a little about the world outside her bubble. Going with Homeward by Bruce Western for post-prison reentry, but would really appreciate any other ideas. Thanks all!

   1. wow, no ideas for books but I admire her ambition and focus on helping others….

   2. In any case she’ll probably need to get a Masters in social work or counseling. Does she have the time and resources to go back to school for 2-3 years (depending on if part time or full time)? The program will definitely help her in opening her eyes to the sort of people she’ll work with – and tbh she probably is the wrong type of person to work with people out of prison, but the others could be a good line of work for her if she has high empathy coupled with high professionalism.

      1. Yes, she is planning on going back to school. That said, she has no idea what she’s getting into, so my goal is to help her understand a little before she gets into spending the time/money for school.

      2. My replies keep getting eaten, but yes, she is planning on going back to school and doing any licensing, etc. Trying to help her develop her ideas on this all before she spends the time/money on school. And I agree she might not be the best person for this! That is not my fight to fight, though (but maybe the books will help bring her to that realization?)

      3. My mother went to school for her MSW starting at about 60 y.o.

         After the 2-3 years of school, she also had to do supervised work for some number of hours before she could practice on her own. I think that took about 3 years, and it was generally not the type of work she wanted to eventually do. I bring this up because I think it takes some grit (and the ability to handle a period of low income) to get through this period.

         She’s in New York State, not sure if the requirements are different elsewhere. But she should definitely talk to some other local people who’ve done this, at a similar stage in life. It’s important work, but it’s not an easy road.

   3. Does she have the resources for such a career change? That’s a master’s, plus supervised clinical experience, plus a licensing exam. Then she has to determine how exactly she would get these clients and get paid for this – would she do a private practice? work for the government? find a non-profit? Each of these has benefits and drawbacks, and getting a job may not be as easy as she thinks. The pay might be a lot lower than she wants, especially for things like assisting people who are getting out of prison. Social work might not even be the best path for the type of people she wants to help.

      1. All of these are totally valid questions, but not what OP asked about, and depending on her particular family dynamics, maybe not appropriate for OP to bring up anyway.

   4. She should probably find someone doing the work she wants to do and figure out the skills she needs to do whatever it is.

      I work with people in jail and prison and a lot of amazing work is done by people who have no formal training. Things like recording stories to send home to the children of inmates and helping people get identity documents and ID.

   5. I’d try to steer her toward doing some volunteer work first, rather than reading up on it.

      1. Yes, very much this. For example there is a nonprofit in my city that focuses on working with returning citizens (people coming out of prison) and they periodically put out calls for volunteers to help clients with life skills learning classes, mock job interviews, etc. It would be a very very good idea for your MIL to try this out before she goes to great effort and expense to get credentialed as a social worker and start a new career. I have known social workers who worked with some of the populations mentioned in the original post, and the burnout rate is pretty high. You might also talk with her about the idea that people can work in nonprofits (volunteer or paid) that support vulnerable individuals and work to change social and economic conditions without going back to get an MSW; those folks don’t have as much client contact as social workers working in those organizations but it can still be rewarding. As a nonprofit employee I taught classes to returning citizens as part of a grant-funded project and did not have a social work credential, just a master’s and experience teaching/training adults.

   6. Seeing as she’s your MIL, be careful about what unsolicited advice you give. I would be supportive but respectful. I take from the fact that it’s your MIL who is middle-aged that you yourself are not very advanced in your own career path. Do you have relevant experience in the area? You don’t seem to be celebrating her choice (which would be an appropriate way to give a gift), but instead using this as an opportunity to educate her. Perhaps I misinterpret you.

      1. The prison transition can be a lot to handle for someone who is sheltered (perhaps your MIL). What might be easier as a life transition is helping teach immigrants English and apply for jobs / fill out forms / etc. If she is kind/helpful/can keep a regular scheduling commitment, she could make a huge difference in people’s lives without going back to school. Or reading to people in the hospital / nursing homes. Or volunteering at a Fisher House if there is one in her city. Lot of transitions need help, not at the social worker level, but from a caring person who is just there at the right time.

      2. “Middle aged” was generous. I’m 20 years into my working life and I spent the first 10 in social justice work, though not specifically the areas in which she is interested. I am giving no unsolicited advice (we have a pretty icy relationship) but I have cleared with my partner that books on topics in which MIL is interested are fair game as a christmas present. I am squarely on team “this is a terrible idea” as to her whole plan; she’s an entitled airhead who is not cut out for this work. I just can’t be the one to say that to her and am hoping that getting some exposure would make her realize this is a terrible idea all on her own. It is her life, I am not responsible for her, and I am not affected by what she does with her finances. There are plenty of times where I have to spend capital and be the one to tell her she’s doing something stupid/harmful to someone/insane, but this is not one of them. All the suggestions here would be great – and the very things I would suggest – for someone who was going to go about this rationally and actually try to get into this work in a sensible, helpful way. This is not the situation we’re dealing with.

         Imagine you have a little kid who idly says they want to be an astronaut someday but has terrible eyesight and a bad case of claustrophobia. That kid could still enjoy getting books about astronauts as a gift. In reading them, they might even learn that they will not be cut out to be an astronaut. That’s what we’re doing here.

   7. If she’s interested in prison release, she could go to the local courthouse and watch criminal dockets daily to see what the world of criminal justice looks like. She might also become interested in victim advocacy, something that’s in short supply in a lot of prosecutor’s offices.

10. Repost: Need tips for dating for over 40. I turn 40 in 2 months, single with no kids. I have used dating apps and I’m honest about my age. I have encountered some men who don’t put their real age. In one case a guy had 38 or something, but stated his real age in his summary. When we met I asked him why and he said it was because most people filter out anyone over 40. This was on Ok Cupid, and I realized it was true, I had been doing the same thing. So my biggest anxiety about this age is how much more challenging dating will become. I do try to meet people IRL but of course will still use apps.

    1. Why were you screening anyone over 40? (particularly if you are only 2 months from 40 yourself…)
       I don’t know if there’s any “tip” for this other than doing what that guy did- he did put his true age in his profile so it’s not like people are communicating with him under false pretenses. That said, I think being a woman over 40 and dating is tough, period. People either assume you have kids or are dying to have them immediately.

    2. I’m 35, and female, so this may not help. I don’t filter over 40s, but put my limit at 44. It is hard for me to imagine wanting to be with a man who was 42+ and put his preferred age as 26-39. I’m sure they exist, but I don’t want to spend time with them. So, maybe you just don’t really want to hang out with people who don’t want to hang out with 40+ people?

       I have found different sites/apps have different age groups. Bumble is a lot of 28-33 year olds. OK cupid is probably a lot of younger people, but also a lot of 33-38 year olds. Match is a lot of 35-55 year olds. Therefore, I think you might have better luck not on OK Cupid.

    3. I’m 39 and use my real age and haven’t had issues matching with people. I search around my age – 34 – 44. I don’t have any magic tips. Sometimes it’s fun and sometimes it sucks, but that was how I felt about dating at 28 also so ?

    4. There are match making services in all major centres. You can also try speed dating etc. Just take a look at what’s in your area.

    5. I set my age parameters at =/- 5 years of my own age.

       Best advice? Be proactive and contact men who look interesting to you; most women tend to be passive and just respond to men who contact them.

       1. +/-

11. This may be too late, but what is the percentage breakdown that gets recommended here when you get an unexpected lump sum of money? Something like save 60%, invest 20%, splurge 20%?

    1. Depends how big the lump sum is. Usually when I get a bonus will have a splurge dinner of (~$500 for 2) and put a bit of extra for travel ($~1500) but sock away (i.e., student loans, mortgages, 529, savings or investments depending on your age and market conditions) the rest.

    2. I’m not certain what is advised here but my plan is 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 to the past (old bills, loans) to the present (fun!), to the future (save). If there is no past (hurray) then 1/2, 1/2.ymmv.

    3. I do 80/20 save/fun. My savings are in investments (index funds) so there’s no real distinction there. If you don’t have an adequate emergency fund, you could top it off before investing, but otherwise I think saving and investing are kind of synonymous. I definitely wouldn’t just stick 60% of the money in the bank to lose value relative to inflation.

    4. Just to state the obvious — be sure to think about whether you will owe taxes on it before you spend all of it!

    5. I’m probably an outlier here, but I usually spend all, or at least most of, my bonus – over the course of a year. It is sort of the “fun money” that I use to buy jewelry, bags, etc. I think of that money as a true bonus – not guaranteed income – and therefore use it accordingly.

12. What are the chances anyone will notice if the ends of my hair are choppy / I need a haircut? I hacked off a bunch of my hair and it’s roughly even and I think looks fine (especially given that I fluff my hair so it’s not like it’s a blunt cut that needs to be super clean). I feel like I would literally never notice this about anyone unless it was egregious. I’m starting work in a couple days and I’m obsessing about everything, but I’m also super broke until my first paycheck.. debating whether it’s worth throwing what very little money I have to make sure the haircut is somehow messy in the right way.

    1. Personally I prefer to start a new job with a fresh haircut. Since you’ll presumably get a paycheck within a month, why not put it on a card and pay it off when you get the money?

       1. I don’t even have enough credit. It’s bleak!

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