Suit of the Week: Veronica Beard

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

I’ve been drooling over Veronica Beard’s structured, cool jackets for years, but I think this is the first suit we’ve featured of the brand’s. (Nope, I’m wrong.) The big thing her brand has been known for in recent years are the inserts/dickies — the theory being you can buy one beautifully tailored blazer and then zip in a different layer beneath it, such as what looks like hooded jacket, a turtlenecked vest, or more — which is all fine and good but for the fact that you can also just, you know, wear a hoodie, a vest, or more under a regular blazer and just pocket the $500+ you’ll spend on the endeavor with Veronica Beard. (Hers admittedly look cooler, though, and obviously give you a sleeker, more tailored look since you’re not adding extra fabric all the way around.) This blazer doesn’t have the “insert” feature, but I like the cool red thread running through the fabric, the extreme skinnyness of the pants (know your office, of course) and the great example the stylist is setting here pairing the cropped pants with the booties. (Perfection!) The jacket (Eva checked crepe blazer) is $595, and the pants (Farrow checked crepe skinny pants) are $350.

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  1. Speaking of suits, I need a new suit and the few I’ve tried on at BR and AT seem frumpy and boxy. Is this likely a tailoring issue or a style issue? I have never gotten a jacket tailored and I wonder how big of a difference it might make. I would get a Theory suit but I don’t wear suits that much, so it seems like a waste for something that mostly sits in my closet.

    • Anonymous :

      I get all my suit jackets tailored and it makes a huge difference. If the jacket fits across the shoulders and through the bust, the rest is generally fixable. AT tends to be irredeemably boxy, though.

      • I think my problem may be that I have quite large shoulders and a narrow torso, which might make it hard to alter. . If anyone knows anyone who sort of cuts for that shape that isn’t a high end designer, I’m all ears.

        • Anonymous :

          I’ve actually had good luck with AT’s single button seasonless stretch suiting jackets with a similar body shape. My torso is usually a 4 and my shoulders are usually a 6, but I’ve been able to pretty consistently buy a 4 in AT jackets and they’ve fit quite well. I would also think about J Crew Factory at a similar price point. They have basically one suit in 3 colors, but it might work for your body type (I’ve had luck there too, sizing up to the 6 in jackets to fit my shoulders).

          • This depends a lot on bust size in addition to torso size. I wear a 4 in the shoulders and a 2 otherwise, and a 34A. AT jackets are hopelessly baggy on me. They’re just so, so much room in them for a larger bust and I look like a kid wearing my mom’s blazer when I button them. I just don’t button them and they look less dumb. I have to wear a suit like … 4 times a year though so it’s not worth the money to have one altered for me.

          • LOL, I can’t wear AT because I find it so small in the bust.

            I love how different our perceptions are!

          • I was going to say the same thing! I have big shoulders and the single button seasonless is my go-to suit.

        • If you are still reading this, try J.Crew (or maybe BR) “tall” cut jackets, in a size down from your usual size. I too am slim with broad shoulders, and even though I am just average height, it seems my torso is proportioned more like a taller woman’s. I used to feel frumpy in a 4 or straitjacketed in a 2, and wearing a 2T is a revelation!

  2. Law tuition :

    Why is law tuition exorbitant? High costs for med school make some sense (facilities, equipment, insurance), but…law?! I suppose faculty salaries have to be high to compete with what firms offer, and surely these schools are also just ca$h cows for their universities. But are there other big reasons I’m missing?

    It’s heartbreaking. I think I would really enjoy practicing law, but the financials are *terrifying* and I doubt I’d snag a scholarship. Dream, meet garbage can. Sigh.

    (Context, for what it’s worth: law would be my second career, entirely unrelated to my first. I have no meaningful savings, no family money, low HHI, two kids to raise, and I wouldn’t want–nor be remotely competitive for–a high earning biglaw job.)

    • I don’t know all the reasons but you might be surprised by what financial aid you qualify for. If this is a dream, take the LSAT and see how you do. The last few years have not been so hot for law school admissions, not sure if that’s changed, but you may qualify for more aid/scholarship than you think. Also, there are some public interest law schools where tuition is less (CUNY, in NY, for example).

      • Anonymous :

        +1. I got full rides at several Top 30 schools with a strong but not mind-blowing LSAT (95th percentile as I recall). One of those was a very good public law school in my home state – schools like that are eager to buy talented “homegrown” talent that has left the state. Don’t take out $200k of loans on a whim for sure, but take the LSAT and see what happens!

    • I agree with AIMS, take the LSAT and see how you do, there may be more aid than you think. And in-state tuition at state schools can be reasonable, and those schools often are better for getting jobs in the local area, anyway.

      But you should also think about whether you really understand what practicing law involves. Talk to lawyers, spend some time in their offices, etc. Based on the posts on this s*te, and other anecdata (and probably also actual data), many, many lawyers do not “really enjoy practicing law.” I’m lucky to have a legal career in a field that I love and that I think has value to the larger society and – 25 years in – I make a good living, if not big-law money. But I certainly have days where the long hours, or the stress of dealing with jerks on the other side of a case, or even sometimes the unreasonableness of one of my own clients will make me wonder why I chose this path.

    • At least for my public university law school – tuition funded 95% of the school’s operations. They got little to no money from the University system, so were essentially self-funded. And the university didn’t get any money from them.

      There are professor salaries, staff salaries, building/facilities, infrastructure (wi-fi, printing, library books, Westlaw/Lexis subscriptions). Alumni relations to help fundraise for things like scholarships so people don’t have to pay full price. Paid for by 100-200 student per class year (300-600 people).

    • 40% of my law school’s revenue (i.e., tuition) got passed through to the larger university. The president of the university was effectively using the law students as a cash cow. The law school dean finally stepped down when it became clear the president wasn’t going to change anything and it made Above the Law headlines. Unfortunately, I don’t think this sort of thing is uncommon among law schools attached to larger universities.

      • And to add to that, the reverse isn’t great either – if it’s a stand alone law school, it requires a high tuition to operate because it doesn’t get any of the bulk discounts that a larger organization would get.

    • Anonymous :

      I think it really depends on what you want to do. If you want to work at a top Biglaw firm, then yes you need to graduate from a top school and that will be expensive. But there are lots of other lawyer jobs outside of biglaw and depending on where you live, the local school where you can pay in-state tuition is sometimes better to employers than a non-Ivy, but still top/expensive school. I came back to my home state and went to the only law school here (which is a freaking bargain), and had no problem getting a job because the employers here all recruit at the local school. So definitely don’t take out hundreds of thousands of dollars in loans, but if this is a dream of yours, it might be more realistic than you think. (also standard caveat that many non-lawyers have no idea what practicing law actually involves, so make sure you are well-informed before making any decisions.)

  3. bridesmaid :

    A friend wants to do a low-key adult slumber party for her bachelor e t t e party, which sounds really fun: the game plan is to order pizza, make cupcakes, paint our nails, watch bad 90s movies, and play Cards Against Humanity. I am extremely down for doing all of those activities with a group of chill, cool women, so yay for that.

    The one issue is that the MOH wants to get an AirBnB. She, one other bridesmaid, and the bride all live in the same city, where the shindig is scheduled to go down. Three women would be traveling; I’m a quasi-traveler since I live like 2 hours away, but am in town regularly to visit family. I don’t want to pay for the AirBnB, since I have a free place to stay and a tight budget courtesy of some previously-booked travel and a surprise second bridesmaid turn for the summer. I’m happy to be at the house for all waking hours and contribute to food/booze/games/whatever, I just really don’t want to drop $$ on accommodations that I don’t need or want. Is this reasonable? If the consensus is that I need to cough up the AirBnB money to be a good sport, I will. I would just really rather not.

    • How much would it be split 5-ways? If it’s not especially a lot, I would just go along with it. Especially, considering how absurd these parties have gotten recently, I think you’re probably still coming ahead.

    • Anonymous :

      Yeah suck it up. She’s doing a slumber party! The activity is slumbering over together. If you can’t afford or don’t want to, don’t, but leaving to go sleep elsewhere is really really lame and this is like the cheapest possible bach party.

    • Honestly, an AirBnB makes sense to me for this activity – hosting seven adults for an adult slumber party sounds really logistically challenging if it were to be done at someone’s own home. It would definitely take over the whole house (unless you had some sort of country estate). So I think the AirBnB is sort of part of the package – it sounds like a fairly cheap bachelorette party otherwise so I think you just cough it up and pay your portion.

    • if you’re going to spend a lot of time at the house, does it really matter if you’re technically sleeping there or not? I feel like you’re making use of the Air bnb anyways, and should contribute.

    • Totally get where you’re coming from, but I think this is one of those situations where you just have to suck it up and pay. It will likely create more awkwardness than it’s worth for you to leave mid-party just to save a few bucks. Or if you truly can’t swing it, then just don’t go at all. Sometimes going with the flow is a little more expensive.

    • is your question if you can opt out of paying for your share of the AirBnB, or if you are out of line suggesting that one of the in-town people host the slumber party (and not rent an AirBnB at all)?

      I think if an AirBnB is being rented, regardless of where you sleep, you should chip in–your job is to pay for a portion of the bride’s experience, not just your own. And, if you will be hanging out there but not sleeping, you can’t ask to opt out of your portion.

      If you think someone should host vs renting an AirBnB, consider that hosting at one’s home is (a) not always a “party” atmosphere and (b) a lot of burden for some people to shoulder.

      Renting an AirBnB is way cheaper than a hotel, which is what more bachelorettes require…

    • If it’s not in the budget then it’s not, you are under no obligation to attend/pay for additional wedding events. That said, here, you either participate or you don’t. If they were going out for dinner and drinks and only crashing back at the house at the end of the night, then your plan would be fine. But if the entire thing is being held at the house that strikes me as different. Think of it this way: the event is being held at a venue that the other bridesmaids are paying for. It’s pretty cruddy for you to show up for most of the event but not contribute toward the venue.

      • yes this

      • +1

        I’ll add that if you’re going to resent paying for it, don’t ignore your budget and “suck it up,” because you won’t have fun, and it will probably be obvious. Just tell the bride/party planner about your budget constraints and stick to them.

    • Honestly, I think it’s unreasonable to say that you’ll attend the party but shouldn’t pay because you don’t need to sleep there. The activity is to be together at the house, and you not sleeping there or not really doesn’t affect the bottom line much. Also, this sounds like an entirely reasonable bachelor*tte party, which is refreshing. You would probably spend more going out to dinner and going to bars afterwards, and lots of these shindigs go way, way beyond that now.

      • Anonymous :

        This. Unless the AirBNB they’re renting is a mansion, this sounds like a very affordable bach party.

    • Anonymous :

      Agree that you should just cough it up and attend in this situation. Can you save in other ways? Like hunt around for a cheaper but still great AirBnB?

    • Yup, I would either pay or not go.

    • bridesmaid :

      Thanks all. I hadn’t thought of the AirBnB costs as being more of a place to host the whole event, versus just crashing. This is a dear friend so there’s no question that I’m not going. I’ll find the money (don’t have to go into debt or anything, just probably won’t be able to hit my savings goal).

  4. Sorry, my association with dickies is Cousin Eddie. That’s a big nope for me.

  5. anonforthis :

    Hoping for some advice. I am a senior biglaw associate. I have never before had trouble working with anyone at my firm, but I am having pretty bad problems working with another senior associate (more senior than me). I really can’t put my finger on the problem, but I think we have such different work styles and personalities that we are simply professionally incompatible. I am senior enough to recognize that the two of us working on something together results in massive inefficiencies for partners and the client to deal with. And on a personal level, most people at my firm are great to work with, including the partners on the matter I am on with this person, but this person leaves me completely frazzled, sad, angry, frustrated, feeling worthless, etc. It has really made this past half a year a living hell, despite the fact I otherwise like my job. My current tactic is to minimize contact and limit necessary interactions to the fewest possible words. But that only goes so far. I was thinking of asking to be taken off the matter I am on with her at a time where there are not pending deadlines, and to just not be on matters with her in the future, but that feels extreme and borderline unprofessional? I also considered leaving my job, but there is nothing I don’t like about this firm except this person and my practice group is plenty large that I don’t have to work with this person. So that also seems extreme, but I am just afraid of getting staffed on something and then this person gets staffed after me and I am trapped and miserable yet again. Thoughts?

    • Can you try to push your work on this matter down to someone more junior “to reduce inefficiencies” and then sidestep out of the matter all together once it’s all covered so that you can “focus on other matters that are more leanly staffed” without making a big deal about it?

    • Anonymous :

      Can you either talk to the person about it directly or ask others for advice on working with them?

      I had a similar issue with someone and spoke with them directly. They were universally disliked by others at the firm but I sucked it up and apologized. I started the conversation with something like “I think we got off on the wrong foot on this deal and I want to fix it. Our working styles seem different, and you seem frustrated because you are not getting what you need. What can I do differently?” I let them talk about all the things that they thought I was doing wrong, and then I generally stopped doing them (or did them differently). I then raised the two things that bothered me the most about their style and asked them what would be a workaround for them. It wasn’t my favorite conversation but it made life more bearable. I was also worried that they would start bad mouthing me to others because we got along so poorly so I wanted to save my own reputation a bit.

      Alternatively, I’d ask others for advice on how to deal. That’s what I normally do, and I really listen to the advice I get and take it to heart. I find it’s often easier to be the flexible one and make some changes myself instead of feeling like I’m in a war with the other associate.

    • Not in law, but I faced similar issue 1.5 y ago – however, in my case, I did not have an option to delegate or to avoid this person. I was leading marketing, he was leading sales team and we had to find a way to work together. In my case, I respected this person and understood he has great business understanding and good intentions. He was just painfully socially awkward and annoyed everyone around (mood swings, anger, not communicating things properly). We ended up on a business trip together, had dinner, spent some time together and found some common ground. Since then, it was easier to work together (+5% improvement every month – small but steady improvements). After a year, we are basically working BFFs and now he is my boss.
      To be honest, I am also not the easiest person to work with – if I do not like or respect the person on the other side. But we had no other option and I also understood that he is not aware how difficult he is to work with and that if we are to get better, I will have to make and drive the effort (start small chit chats, ask about his dog or family member, say something nice about someone on his team…). Was it fair or equal? But it was worth it in the end.
      My learning – there will be situations in your work life you cannot run away from – be it a difficult colleague or boss – and you have to learn how to deal with it. It will probably require you to put more effort and it is fine.
      I would use this opportunity and treat it as a learning experience. If it doesn’t work, no harm done and you can go to your avoidance & delegation plan.

    • Hug’s. It is always difficult when I had to deal with another older woman, in my case Madeline. She was alway’s P.O.ed at me b/c the manageing partner liked to stare at me as did Frank, b/c I was cute, and she was, at the very best, “dumpy”, according to dad. Women tend to get very catty when they have to inter-act with one another, especialy when one is cute and the other is NOT.

    • anonforthis :

      Thank you for the thoughtful comments. I am going to think about the best approach (and I have ruled out quitting my job!).

    • I literally could have written this past (but change industry from law to consulting).

      I don’t have a great answer. As I talked with other people in my firm, I found out that this person is notoriously hard to team with.

      Solitions I’ve tried include spending more time working with them, investing in the relationship (I tend to avoid people that I am uncomfortable with). It still feels like two steps forward, one step back (sometimes two or three steps back). I also hold them to talk more (send follow ups to even casual conversations) to pin them down and about misunderstandings.

  6. It doesn’t seem low-key, imo, to rent a place where most people live. Also, all the clean up, etc. involved, vs. just chilling at someone’s house.

    • You think that the person’s whose house seven adults are planning on having a party and sleeping over won’t require some clean-up? Hosting an adult slumber bachelorette party sounds like a bunch of cleaning before everyone arrives (because it would take over the whole house) and a bunch of cleaning after everyone left (because… it took over the whole house). No thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      Uh someone’s House? Your friends live in houses? Mine live in one bedrooms, and guess what- they don’t sleep 6 and still require someone to clean up.

    • I live in a 4BR house, but it comes with a husband and 2 kids :) When it was just me and DH, we had 2 bedrooms and we could NOT accomodate 7 adults + give DH space.

      When I lived alone, I had a 1 bedroom. Or a 4 BR with 3 roommates.

    • I’ve hosted a bachelor*tte party where people slept at my house (well, in my 2-bedroom apartment). I was happy to do it because everyone else was paying a lot to travel to my city, but it was not low-key. I put a lot of work into setting up, bought or borrowed things to accommodate extra people, and cleaned a lot afterwards. I also displaced my husband for the weekend, which he was mostly OK with, but which might not be possible if you had a regular, rent-paying roommate.

      • Anonymous :

        This. I hosted the brunch because my sister’s friends were low-income or no-income med students or young professionals but then I ended up housing them too… Took the day off to prep/make food/clean/decorate and then had a house full of women.

        I should have gone out for brunch and just housed them.

        (In a small 2bed in NYC)

    • Senior Attorney :

      It’s only “just chilling at someone’s house” if you’re not the someone whose house it is.

  7. Anonymous :

    NYT piece about how to dress like a credible victim of sexual harassment.

    • Assault Hearing :

      For my SA protection order hearing a few years ago, I wanted to wear a black skirt with a black blazer and a dark shirt underneath because it made me feel most confident. My lawyer put the kibosh on that one, and instead I looked like I was going to brunch. I wore a pink and white striped dress and a mint green sweater with black tights (my one demand) and a pink necklace. I HATED IT, but I did look innocent (which I was, and that was necessary- my lack of understanding of…how things work…was crucial). One of my male friends really, really shamed me for trying to “look like a victim,” but my lawyer was right- if I walked in there looking like a rising 3L law student who had her s*it together, I wasn’t going to be protected, and that was my main concern. I hate that women have to do this, but I get where the author is coming from.

      • Anonattorney :

        The author was being very sarcastic, right? As in, “I can’t believe I had to think through these things, but of course I thought through these things because this is how stupid everything is and this is the burden that women bear.”

        I thought the article was very well done.

        • Assault Hearing :

          Yup. It is what we have to think about, like it or not.

        • I thought the article was terrible. It was full of hand-wringing and somewhat self-absorbed.

          It also failed to acknowledge the myriad of ways in which all people (yes, even men) dress for credibility. Ask any defence attorney: their clients are very well-coached on what to wear (whether it be no ripped t-shirts or to wear their wedding rings). The salesmen (yes, men) in my family wear black, navy, or charcoal suits every single day that they are in front of clients.

          I never thought that someone could turn “Look like the rational and adult graduate student that you are” into a thousand-word essay, but, yeah, she managed that.

          (FWIW, I wore a suiting fabric sheath dress and heels to my first sexual harassment legal investigation in front of state authorities.)

  8. Anonymous :

    I am running in a Republican primary, and I need some more red dresses! Anyone seen anything good recently? It needs to have sleeves and be pretty business-y.

    • Anonymous :

      To give you an example of what I like, I adore this one except for the price.

      • AttiredAttorney :

        First two are a little more business-y, but I’ve purchased all three over the past year.
        All are true, bright “Republican” red

      • Anonymous :

        BR has a red fit and flare that looked nice

    • Anonymous :

      Absolutely! How about this?

      Or ask CapHillStyle. She lives for this.

    • Candidate :

      I don’t have a source for red dresses, but when I ran as a Democrat last year I often added blue in accessories instead of as a main color; a navy blazer was particularly useful, maybe burgundy could work for you? Also a lot of cream instead of white, but I think the dynamics of color symbolism are different running as a Republican then a Democrat, so do what you think is best for your race.

    • Doesn’t have sleeves, but what about the Boden Honor dress? And it’s only $36 right now and I’m kicking myself for not waiting to buy it.

    • Hugo Boss had some gorgeous red dresses earlier this year, might want to check there.

    • Flats Only :

      I got this dress in red and it’s a really nice bright, clear red color. Forgiving fit despite the sheath shape.

      • Flats Only :

        Also this one looks very much like candidate-wear to me.

    • Anonymous :

      I would look at Tahari dresses on 6pm, Amazon or Macy’s – it seems like every time I see a red dress come up in my random shopping searches, it’s a Tahari.

    • cake batter :

      If you’re still reading, I just bought this dress from kohls and love it. Very comfortable and flattering, and the bell sleeves are pretty subtle.

    • Anonymous :

      Good luck! I’m a voter of the other party so wouldn’t be voting for you (even if we lived in the same area) but I am still very excited for you and happy that more people are getting involved.

  9. Venting — how do I make a compliance presentation slide deck that doesn’t just jam a ton of words on every slide, but that will serve as suitable reference materials?? I asked about having a separate, more detailed hand-out, and that was shot down.

    • Create an appendix – basically what you’d say in handouts, except put on slides at the end. During the presentation, you can speak to what’s on the appendix slides, and also mention that all this information will be included when the slides are distributed.

      The other option is just to include the really wordy slides in the body of the deck but not speak to them during the presentation – you basically would have a high level slide that is on the screen while you are speaking to the details, and then pause briefly on the detailed slide and say, “This is what I just covered so that you can reference this in the future,” and keep going.

    • Could you just have the bare minimum on the slide with a list of citations on a slide at the end that they could refer to for all the specifics?

    • I think that if it’s important for people to to keep it as a reference, you should just put all your information in the slides. That doesn’t mean that while you give your presentation you have to sit there and read every bullet point; you can still have an engaging presentation.

    • Jam a ton of words on some slides, which you will skip over quickly in the presentation. Put interesting slides you actually want to use in there too, and dwell on them during the actual presentation. Maybe not ideal, but it might be the best you can do.

    • Put the interesting info on the slides and the rest of the reference materials in the “notes” section of each slide. People can print it out later to show the notes.

  10. Saw this article and had to share. Whole30 ranked at the bottom as one of the worst diets, right up there with Keto.

    • Thanks for sharing. I am so sick of the Whole30 craze. It feels like disordered eating masquerading as a trendy lose-weight quick scheme. Of course you’re going to lose weight if you cut out half the major food groups! But it’s not sustainable, and doctors don’t recommend it.

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        + 125 million

        It’s gross. I am sick of it. I am sick of “clean eating.” I am sick of “reset your relationship with food.” I am sick of “paleo.” I am sick of these diets that aim to take you “back to basics” and yet just completely take away anything you eat, further f-ing up your relationship with food because suddenly every food is “bad.”

        • I remember really clearly the first time I heard the phrase “clean eating” because I was really confused and had to ask the person who said it what they meant by it. The first thing that popped into my head was, “like as opposed to … eating muddy vegetables straight from the ground….?” It’s a really strange way to think of and talk about healthy eating.

        • Okay, so don’t do them?

    • Anonymous :

      As you obviously know, a lot of people on here are really happy with Whole30. It’s definitely not for me, but I think calling it disordered eating and trashing it is plain rude.

      • Anonymous :

        It IS disordered eating, though. There are plenty of healthy ways to lose weight gradually – eat less, move more, eat more lean protein and healthy fats and less junk food, etc. Fad diets where you cut out a whole bunch of foods and drop 10 pounds in 30 days are just trendy eating disorders. A lot of people may have “success” (weight loss) with it, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

      • +1

        Whole30 may not work for you, but it certainly has worked for other people.

        Similar to how I do a moderate version of intermittent fasting (eating within an 8 hour time window every day) and it’s completely changed my life for the better, while others have said it resulted in disordered eating for them.

      • People can be happy with it, but the fact remains that doctors do not recommend it and I am allowed to say I am sick of the craze! How is it rude to say that I’m sick of it? I am not personally insulting anyone for participating. People complain about being sick of fashion trends, parenting trends, and finance trends all the time on here. How is this any different?

      • Anorexia “works” for people to lose weight, too. Doesn’t mean it’s not an eating disorder.

        • Eyeroll at you. This is concern trolling at its finest. You and these other posters don’t actually care about people’s relationships with food, you just want to trash this fad.

    • Anonymous :

      Ugh, these fad diets. I know someone who is obsessed with keto and I just want to shake him and say “YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER.” It may be a socially acceptable eating disorder, but it’s still an eating disorder.

      • Sigh…. I have a friend who is a ‘recovered’ orthorexic but like… recovery looks a lot like still having a problem, but calling it ‘clean eating’.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I feel like the reality is that the medical establishment has totally failed at weight loss/weight management advice. That’s a huge reason why people latch on to these fad diets. You think people doing fad diets haven’t tried “eat less, move more?”

      Not that easy. And if you think it is easy then you are a winner in the genetic lottery.

      But certainly anybody is more than welcome to be sick of diet talk of whatever kind. It’s super boring, for sure. (Says the woman who posted that I am doing a Whole30 in January but will certainly be sparing you the gory details.)

      • I mean, calories in calories out is physics pure and simple. If you think your body doesn’t follow the laws of the universe, then I don’t know what to tell you.

        • Senior Attorney :

          And if you think it’s easy or even possible for most people to maintain a calorie deficit over time, then I don’t know what to tell you. But by all means enjoy the view from your high horse.

          • Rainbow Hair :

            OK wait I’m a fat chick who doesn’t diet (though I do eat healthy and exercise) and honestly never even talks about diets… but I thought that Whole30 or whatever ultimately led you to a caloric deficit (because you feel more full on fewer calories if you’re eating Whole30 things) and that’s how you lost weight. Is there something else going on?

          • Senior Attorney :

            Good lord we are really going down a rabbit hole here.

            I’m not arguing against calorie deficits being necessary for weight loss. I do it to create a calorie deficit. I guess the people who made it up designed it as an elimination diet to test for food sensitivities, which is not a concept I am particularly into, although my husband swears he must have a sensitivity to wheat and he did indeed lose a ton of belly fat by cutting it out.

            I’m arguing, I guess, that modern medical science doesn’t have much of a clue about how to turn fat people into not-fat people, short of weight loss surgery, which is how I changed from a fat person into a not-fat person.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Where “it” = “Whole30.”

          • Rainbow Hair :

            Thanks, SA. Was truly confused as to maybe some other thing going on like w/r/t digestion or something because the last time I actively tried to lose weight was [mumbledy] years ago and I definitely just ratcheted the restricting-calories thing to an unhealthy place (yay type A!), so I truly know very little.

        • This is so far from the current scientific consensus, it’s laughable. There are all sorts of factors, only some of which we currently understand, which mean that different people can eat the exact same food and absorb a different amount of calories. Gut bacteria, variation in intestinal functioning, etc.

          That’s before we get into the separate issue of why some people feel much hungrier than other people while absorbing the same amount of calories. I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full and my body stays at a constant healthy weight. Other people respond to their hunger cues in the exact same way, and end up at much higher weights. Again, we don’t entirely understand why, but it’s an extremely well documented phenomenon. If you want to read more, I recommend the recent book The Secret Life of Fat.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        But couldn’t this be because “eat healthy food in reasonable quantities + exercise more” is what leads to better health outcomes (a doctor’s business), even if it doesn’t lead to a rapid decline in weight or size? It might be optimistic of me, but my hope is that doctors are always saying “eat less, move more” because that’s a great way to be healthy — while doing whatever it takes to change the size of your body isn’t necessarily a move in the right direction.

        • Anonymous :

          +1. I have a friend who’s a tall size 16. She eats great, exercises a lot and has really good medical stats like blood pressure and cholesterol. Her doctor has specifically warned against doing fad diets and told her they’ll change her appearance but won’t make her healthier. His attitude is “if you can exercise a little more and lose a few pounds, that’s great, but otherwise just keep doing what you’re doing.” “Normal and ‘fat'” (for at least some definition of ‘fat’) is often healthier than “fad diet skinny.”
          Plus, food is delicious and a huge part of a happy and fulfilling life for many people.

        • My understanding is that the eat less/exercise more (and particularly the exercise part) is definitely good advice regardless of whether or not it causes you to lose weight. Weight does have a separate health effect as well – but it’s not one that we really have much control over. If eating less and exercising more doesn’t cause you to lose weight, then you are probably going to be healthier doing that and staying fat than using a fad diet to lose weight. Major interventions (like surgery) may be an exception, but they carry substantial health risks of their own, so it varies a lot according to an individual’s situation whether they are likely to lead to better health outcomes. For individuals who are obese but don’t have current health conditions such as diabetes, my understanding is that the risks generally outweight the benefits.

          NB: I am not a doctor, my understanding all comes from researching/teaching in a women’s studies program – I try to stay up to date on the broad scientific findings, but my real expertise is in the cultural politics of it all. Please do not mistake this for actual medical advice.

      • Anonymous :

        On some level, weight is just calories in vs. calories out though. Of course two people can eat the same number of calories and burn the same number of calories and have bodies that look very different, because of genetics and the fact that we all have different body types. But a healthy adult who is eating 1,800 calories and getting 30 minutes of exercise every day is not going to be unhealthily overweight from a medial perspective. That doesn’t mean every woman who follows that regimen is going to look like Karlie Kloss, but I’m not convinced following a fad diet to get to a size 2 is good for anything except vanity. Some people are just naturally bigger (taller, bigger boned, curvier, whatever) and that may not be at all unhealthy.

        • Senior Attorney :

          Except have you seen the research about the Biggest Loser contestants who ruined their metabolisms and gain weight on 1,800 calories?

          • Senior Attorney :

            Oh, and also? That’s exactly why I’m doing a month of a fad diet: Vanity. Just like a lot of the things we do around here from hair removal to botox.

          • Anonymous :

            Well if you’re exercising for hours a day you obviously need more than 1,800 calories. It was a hypothetical amount for a normal person who gets a little light exercise every day, not someone who’s on a competition weight loss program. If you read that article, it actually says that all the contestants had normal metabolisms before the show, despite being obese, which totally disproves your theory that calories in/calories out doesn’t work for heavy people “because of genetics.” This article is actually saying that if they’d lost weight slowly and steadily, they’d be much better off, but they basically ruined their metabolisms by crash dieting/over-exercising.

    • Lots of concern tr0lls today! Pretty sure all y’all don’t actually care about whether or not people have “eating disorders”.

    • Anonymous :

      The difference between the healthy diets on that list and the unhealthy ones is that the healthy plans focus on what you should eat and the unhealthy ones focus on what you should not eat, often with a very moralistic overtone. Sign me up for the DASH diet—fish, berries, whole grains, and nuts all sound delicious to me.

  11. Networking Advice? :

    An post from earlier today made me think more about networking. How do you do it so it feels authentic and natural? As an introvert, it feels stressful and my best friend struggles because she had a narcissistic parent and feels like networking is manipulation since it is introduction with an underlying goal in mind.

    • Anonymous :

      On the manipulation point, at least, I find it helpful to think of networking as “what can I do for this person?” rather than “what can they do for me?” I also find it helps me as somewhat of an introvert because there’s a goal in the conversation that can help me target questions – get to know the person and try to identify something I can help them with. I work in a niche field so often my “help” is not even work related – at networking events I’ve referred someone to my wedding photographer, sent someone an itinerary from a recent vacation I’d been on, recommended a restaurant for a big group for brunch, etc. But the person then remembers me and we can connect again if it makes sense.

    • You’re not tricking people. Pretty much every adult human who engages in networking knows what they’re getting into. And presumably you’re not forcing anybody into a business relationship with you. Trust that the people you’re networking with are competent enough to make decisions for themselves.

    • espresso bean :

      I try to approach it from a very genuine point of view. There will always be a place for inauthentic schmoozing, but I figure those people will find each other. They won’t really want to help me and I won’t be interested in getting to know them. But the good news is that there are plenty of people who want to engage on a more authentic level!

      I think the trick is to not think, “How am I going to network this week?” and instead think about what you’re seeking and how you might be able to help others. From there, brainstorm organic, natural ways to connect with people you already know and see who they know in their networks, and start some conversations.

    • Fellow Introvert :

      Networking isn’t manipulation. It’s about building relationships. It’s getting to know people and what they do, and telling them about what you do.

      The goal is get to know someone and what they do – nothing more. You aren’t asking for a job straight off (or ever).

  12. For those of you who have applied for jobs for which you are under-qualified, how do you deal with that? My boss is encouraging me to apply to a position for which I lack several key credentials. However, the position is very prestigious and applying (even unsuccessfully) is a great way to meet people and to put yourself out there. Applying is almost a rite of passage for professionals in my field. However, for some reason, I have had borderline panic attacks about applying — it has really enhanced feelings of impostor syndrome and feeling like a fraud, and it is taking a lot out of me emotionally, even though I recognize that that’s silly. I don’t think this is a healthy way to function, and it will harm my career if I’m incapable of applying to reach positions. I’m jealous of all of the people (mainly men) in my life who simply don’t have a problem doing this. Any tips?

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      Just do it. Seriously. Sit down, write the cover letter, get someone to review it, prep your app, and then hit submit and walk away. Or drop it in the mailbox at the post office and walk away. I’m not saying this to write you off- I almost threw up a few months ago applying for a job I was underqualified for and actually had to press submit and then put my computer down and leave my house I was so freaked out. I felt like not only was I an impostor but that someone would see my app and think badly of me for even thinking I had a chance. I can’t say it fixed it, but I put an application out there.

    • Anonymous :

      You’ve posted about this before right? This is your job. If your anxiety is keeping you from doing your job, that’s a sign that it is time to talk to a professional. There’s so much they can do to help!!

    • Senior Attorney :

      I don’t know if you’re still reading, but I was in this situation some years ago and didn’t apply, and I regret it to this day.

      And yes, get some therapy to help with the anxiety.

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