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Readers introduced me to Suzanne Kalan's delicate jewelry — but for some reason I thought of her pieces as on the lower high end ($300–$600 or so), like Alexis Bittar and Monica Vinader. But Bergdorf Goodman has some much fancier jewelry of the brand's, including a $66,000 necklace. Nice.
I'm really digging her stacking rings, such as this pictured sapphire and diamond one for $1,000. I think it would make a great gift for a new mom or someone else connected to a September birthday. And, according to The Spruce, sapphire is also “used to protect against negative energies, as well as calm the mind, strengthen intuition, and invite spiritual clarity.” See, clearly we ALL need one.
Looking at some of her other rings, a lot of them have gemstones around the entire ring instead of the “half band” shown here, although I feel like anything more than a half band would be uncomfortable — but maybe that's me and what I'm used to with my wedding ring. Thoughts, readers?
Hunting for something more affordable? This one from Ross Simmons is $289, and (ooh) Astley Clarke has a bunch of cute ones in various gemstones for $170–$500ish. Which are your favorite mid-tier jewelry stores, readers?
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
I wonder if it’s the picture or if this ring really is uneven like it looks. It looks poorly made!
Anonymous
Was just wondering the same. I love sapphires, but this construction looks off.
Anonymous
It’s intentional and well done- a signature style of hers.
Anon
The cattywampusness is intentional.
Anon
I had to look that up.
Anon
I think it’s supposed to be like that. If you look at the other pictures you can see how the zig zag is intentional.
Cat
I think it’s just not uneven *enough* – looks warped rather than intentionally designed to me!
Anon100
I think you’re right – I first glanced at the photo and thought it was a bracelet that I’d really like, then I read the title of the post…
Anon
It’s supposed to look like that, but I agree it’s kind of weird.
Anon
Randomly, 2021 has shown me the importance of jackets (and blazers, but I am apparently a jacket person). I spend my time in casual pants (with half-elastic waists) that are non-stretchy, but just a step above joggers and leggings. I wear plain white tees. Rothys. But a jacket, OMG does that elevate things. It’s like in The Big Lebowski, with the rug tying the room together. The jacket, really any jacket (including the one I didn’t love that I always wanted to donate but didn’t b/c I never found a better replacement for it), makes things look presentable (good, b/c I walked into work today to a conference room of local bigwigs in suits).
Senior Attorney
That’s so funny because I have drawn the opposite lesson from the pandemic. I was Jackets Everyday Forever, but in the pandemic I am just over it. Down with the Third Piece, says I! Cute bottoms and cute tops FTW!
Senior Attorney
And why all my posts are suddenly in mod is beyond me…
Anonymous
Probably because of your outrageous aspersions against jackets. :)
Curious
Today is a weird mod day for me, too.
Anon
I used to be on this team. I’ve been on Team Jackets twice in my life: when trying to hide a pregnancy early on due to Office Drama affecting a promotion and when trying to style pants in my 2021 size that seem to warrant elastic on the back, which I prefer to hide.
If I had a waist (not currently) or shirts that looked good tucked in (not currently, either), I could ditch the third piece. But our office A/C (or husband on WFH’s use of A/C) means that I’m on Team Third Piece until I hit menopause probably. It’s 90+ degrees outside but barely 70 inside.
Anon
How many days of silence do you give it before you conclude you are being ghosted? I have been talking to a new guy on Bumble this past week – we were talking pretty much constantly until two days ago when his responses stopped and I haven’t heard anything. The conversation was great, mutual, and we said we would have our first date on Tuesday (because he was busy this week and is going away this weekend). This is the first guy I have felt excited about for a very long time, but I’m the kind of person who needs someone to be really assertive about their interest in the beginning and I am also not interested in chasing anyone anymore – if there’s not reciprocal interest and energy I am out. The last messages I sent him two days ago had questions in them and I don’t feel like reaching out with more questions until they are answered, so how long do I give it before I conclude that he’s ghosting me and allow myself to be sad about that? The fact that I’m posting here already tells me that I’m not feeling too secure about the connection, but its only been a week and we haven’t met yet so trying to give the benefit of the doubt.
Anon
Oh gosh, I know these feelings! Honestly, he might be out with other women or otherwise busy, but let’s not put the cart before the horse – you haven’t met IRL yet, so wait for that before you get too anxious.
Anon
Right. Put your energy elsewhere unless and until he follows up though. If life has taught me anything, it’s that interested men pursue.
Anon
OP here – yeah obviously my thoughts are that he’s out with other women and I know that objectively that is totally fair, but personally that makes me want to cut it off because I’m looking for someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them, and I have really wanted to talk to him these past two days! Sigh. It’s really hard to date when you are a hopeless romantic who’s past relationships have all consisted of instant connection and fast & hard to the exclusion of all others. I haven’t been on dates or swiping since I started talking to this guy, but I get that most people aren’t like that.
Anonymous
He might be ghosting you or he might just have a full and rich life and not prioritize texting with someone he already has plans to meet. Until you meet, he’s a stranger. You need to work on dialing back the insta-obsessiveness.
Anon
This is why I hate texting. It’s “conversing with someone” but then they go dark and I realize that it’s just a way to deal with momentary boredom and not to read anything into it. It’s not like there are magazines to flip through in waiting rooms now; just people and their phones.
Senior Attorney
This. When I was dating my now-husband I was convinced, at least once a month, that I was being ghosted because that’s just where my mind operates. My therapist said it was because I have poor object relations (i.e. I was like a baby who cried when the ball rolled behind the sofa because I thought it was gone for good). And even though I constantly told myself that Gentleman Friend was just temporarily behind the sofa because he had a life (and, as it turned out, he didn’t want to appear too eager), it was difficult.
So I have no advice, but lots of commiseration. And you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT not to pursue. An interested man will pursue, although sometimes that pursuit doesn’t look exactly like we wish it did.
anon
This x 1000. I say this as someone who did years of online dating in her 30s; an instant text connection means nothing, no matter how intense and great it seems.
Anon
” I haven’t been on dates or swiping since I started talking to this guy, but I get that most people aren’t like that.”
I know you know this, but don’t do this to yourself. This is a recipe for getting overinvested in someone who doesn’t deserve it, and ending up repeatedly heartbroken. No matter how great the guy seems in those initial conversations, don’t lock yourself into him. Because he may not lock himself into you.
Anon
I get it, but also you guys haven’t even met yet so I wouldn’t worry much about a connection until then.
Anonymous
Golly. I think that level of intensity you had over the first week (!) would be hard for anyone to keep up. Are your expectations reasonable?
Allie
Agreed. You haven’t met in person yet — how is this level of intensity/expectations pleasant for anyone involved?
Monday
It sound like you’ve been ghosted. I’m sorry. You can just go about your business without blocking his number, and see if he ever texts again, if you’re still open to him.
Yes, that early turbo-speed intensity is unsustainable. But if both parties are doing it and then one of them suddenly goes silent, it still means it’s probably not going anywhere. The same people who are prone to hot pursuit in the beginning are also prone to ghosting and gaslighting (“I’m sorry if you thought blah blah blah”) IME. I’ve fallen for it in the past.
OP
Yes, thank you for understanding! The comments above about “insta-obsessiveness” and expectations and intensity are unfair. This has not been a one-sided situation at all, or I wouldn’t be wondering where he is! It was mutually intense and suddenly he has dropped off in the middle of the conversation. The only expectations being triggered here are that a person with whom I was engaged in a conversation would continue to respond in that conversation, and that a person who was expressing great interest in me by engaging in such a conversation would continue to do so.
Anonymous
Give it time. He was busy this week and away this weekend. You can reach out the night before your scheduled date to confirm the plans. If he doesn’t respond to confirm, then I think you can conclude you’ve been ghosted.
When I first started dating after divorce, I had similar feelings to what you’re expressing. After some disappointments, I had to take a good hard look at my behavior. I realized I was getting overly excited about people I hadn’t even met IRL (or after one or two dates) and worked on making a conscious effort to dial it back. It has made the inevitable disappointments much easier to manage.
I also did a lot of reading about attachment styles. That helped me recognize my anxious-avoidant tendencies and working toward becoming more secure. Highly recommend the book “Attached” by Amir Levine.
anon
Just wanted to chime in that this book helped me a LOT, as well. I wish I’d read it years before I did, and I really don’t think it’s a coincidence that I met my husband a few months after I read it. I had a much better idea of what to look for, and wasn’t wasting my time getting my emotions yanked around by guys who would never be it, so was grounded and calm and happy when I met him. It also helped me understand a lot of my past emotions and relationships with a deep compassion and understanding.
One last thing on Attachment theory – sometimes people act like it’s all about what your parents did and ways your parents screwed you up (as I recall, the Levine book isn’t too bad about that); in my case I was securely attached until the abuse from my ex husband in my 20’s, and then then the rollar coaster drama of dating for the next 8 years made things worse for me and I became very anxiously attached. But, reading that book helped, and, spoiler alert, life with my secure husband is a wonderful – we have a really really good relationship!
For your particularly situation – he’s got plans with you for Tuesday! The “make plans with her” box is checked in his mind! Now he’s on to “hang out with friend”, “play video game”, “finish big work project”, or whatever else he likes to do! I would not worry at all unless you don’t hear anything from him the day before. Have fun on Tuesday!
Anon
This one guy and I texted a bit and then stopped. I dated other people. I kept thinking about him. I looked at our texts and saw that I had sent the last one and he had never answered. I figured he had moved on. I had a few more dates. One night when I came home wine tipsy from a bad date, I texted him again.
He’s a pretty good husband, but still not always great about texts.
Anonymous
My vote for this approach!
Senior Attorney
Love this!
My husband is still lousy at texting, too!
Anon
You know, I actually don’t like texting a ton between making plans for a date with a new person and the date itself. Once we’ve determined mutual interest, I’d much rather see how things play out in person than spend more time on my phone. Given that you know he’s busy and going away this weekend, I’d just try to put this aside for a few days and then see how things go on Monday or Tuesday. Rather than making peace with the idea that he’s ghosted just to close this chapter and end the uncertainty, I try to make peace with the idea that I’ve done what I can for the time being and now just need to be patient (the worst!)
Is it Friday yet?
+1 I hate spending tons of time texting with someone that is, for all intents and purposes, a total stranger at that point. I’m too busy for that! I’d maybe text (once) on Monday or Tuesday asking if he still wants to meet up, and not dwell on it in the meantime. Who knows, you may not like him in person anyway.
Also Anon
It’s possible he’s ghosting. It’s also possible that he’s super preoccupied with work and his upcoming trip! I know that when I’m about to travel, it takes a LOT of my mental bandwidth figuring out the drive or flight there, when to leave, what to pack, what errands I need to run before I go and when I can run them, etc. etc. and I have a really hard time seeing beyond to what’s happening after the trip, so if I’m making plans for someone after I get back, I might want to hold off on making those plans, at least until I’m at my destination and I have a little downtime.
Try to put this out of your mind for now. If he reaches out over the weekend or on Monday, great! If not, he’s not the guy for you, keep on truckin’.
Anonymous
You have a date scheduled for Tuesday. I think you give it through Monday night to decide whether he has ghosted you.
I often get texts at an inconvenient time, don’t respond immediately, and then forget to respond at all for some extended period. If my phone has a text-response-reminder system, I haven’t found it.
I think I would be both annoyed and disappointed if someone I was interested in enough to schedule a date with decided my lack of immediate response constituted ghosting, especially if I had told them I was busy the whole week and weekend and our date was set for my first free day.
Don’t torture yourself over this. Let it play out. If Tuesday doesn’t happen, then you probably have your answer.
Anonymous
Hi all, I have been reading since 2008 and in the old days of this site, there was a young woman who went by Edna Pontellier, who posted about a bad situation with her husband and baby. Edna, if you’re still around, I would love to know how you are doing. I still think of you and worry about you.
Anonymous
Awww same was just thinking of her the other day!
Anon
I remember Edna too! Not all of the details, but that the situation was really bad and that she had a new baby and was trying to decide what to do. Hope she is living a magical life now
Anonymous
Hi, I hope I’m not revealing too much about someone else’s situation, but in case she doesn’t see this…she reached out to me a few years ago when I posted on this board. I was in a similar situation to the one she had been in and really suffering, and she offered to get a drink with me. At that time, I can say she had gotten out of the bad situation and her life was in a much better place. Don’t know if it is my place to give more detail than that and have no idea how her life has progressed in the years since, but I definitely appreciated her support in trying to help me avoid getting even deeper into a bad situation. (FWIW, I too got out of that shitty relationship and am with someone who actually treats me well now.)
Anon
I was not on the site at that time and do not know Edna but I love all of this thread. The fact that she reached out for help – people tried to help – they still remember her – they cared enough to ask – she was reportedly OK a few years after – she cared enough to help another poster – they in turn got better – and they care enough to give the news, and in such a sensitive way…
You all restore my faith in the world and in people and I love you all. You make me try to he a better person.
Anonymous
Hi, hope I’m not revealing too much about someone else’s private situation, but writing this in case she does not check the board anymore.
A few years ago she reached out to me when I had posted here in distress and was in a similar situation with my then-boyfriend, and she offered to get a drink with me and talk. By that time, she had gotten out of her bad situation and her life was in a new and good place. I don’t know that it is my place to say more and of course don’t know what’s happened since, but I appreciated her willingness to reach out to someone else who was suffering in a similar situation in the hopes of avoiding me getting deeper into an unsolvable situation. (FWIW I also got out of my crappy relationship and am finally in a relationship with someone who actually treats me well, unlike my bf at the time.)
Anon
My husband is counsel at a big law firm. He has been in this practice area for about 12 years. (We both graduated law school in 2009 and I work in government.) There’s little indication that his current firm wants to make him partner or equity partner, but he is valuable because he is knowledgeable about this area of law. He works a ton of hours and make a lot of money, occasionally gets frustrated about various partners he still has to work under. He’s being recruited by another firm, multiple rounds of interviews, may get offer soon to be equity partner. The new firm is less prestigious than his current firm, but is busy in this practice area (which is why they want him.) So IF he gets the offer, he will go back to his current firm and try to get a counter offer. I’m curious if any Corporettes have done this and how it played out? Should he accept anything less than equity partnership? I suggested something creative, like if they don’t want to make him partner, keep the same salary, but just cap the number of hours he has to work each year? (like if he hits his hours in October, he gets rest of the year off?) I guess that’s not great for his career. At this point, we really don’t need more money. I guess he should just negotiate for more power and autonomy (by getting to partnership)? I’m curious what the hive thinks…
Anon
No. Do not do this. Take the offer and leave for the new firm. You CANNOT ethically leave your clients in the lurch for the last two months of the year. You cannot expect that the current law firms partners can all even agree to what is being proposed (equity partner or he leaves). His current firm hasn’t promoted him after 12 years and aren’t in discussions about it – they aren’t going to start now.
Anon
The stakes are high and the ideas are so terrible that you may alienate everyone and eff up your husband’s career and reputation. That you don’t know that “taking the rest of the year off” does not pass the laugh test tells me you should step back and he should do a lot more homework. Under these circs, I don’t recommend that he try to get his current firm to counter b/c you all will eff this up too bad to fix.
Anonymous
Exactly this. Blunt but fair.
Anonymous
Capping his hours is an out of touch suggestion. I don’t think he should take a counter offer at all. They don’t want to give him what he wants.
Anon
My take is that he should go. It is good to feel valued. And not good to be somewhere at best they value you when pushed.
That said, if he has skills vs book of business, to me, that doesn’t look like an equity partner (maybe an income partner) at any firm. SO before he does anything, he really needs to understand the partnership economics at both firms (like does he get a W-2, 1099, any benefits, no benefits; what is the capital contribution back, how is that financed, and how does he get it back when he leaves).
At my firm (BigLaw), capital contributions are about 50% of comp. If you leave, you don’t get it back right away if you go to a competitor (but do if you go in-house or retire or go into government service); otherwise, they maybe pay you back over 5 years? Also, unless you have a $$$ book of business, you are just not going to be an equity partner unless you are perhaps coming back from being a GC at a large company. So my guess is that some asks might not pass the laugh test (likely equity partnership, definitely taking months off).
Also, what did his feedback ever say as to why he is not a partner (but is still there) after 12 years? That may be important to factor in.
Finally, prestige of the firm may not matter so much to his group (in one BigLaw firm I was at, it was prestigious, and very prestigious for some groups, and not at all prestigious in the group I was in, so a smaller firm busy in that area might have been an overall step up).
LoudyTourky
Agree with Anon 4:14. I was counsel then income partner at one firm, then lateralled to another firm (also as an income partner).
Does he have a book of business? Going from counsel to equity without a book sounds like setting him up for disaster. The income partner stage is far more forgiving.
It is very hard to regain trust once you break the seal that you are looking for other opportunities. Firm lawyers are not as forgiving or rational about potential moves as other fields/non-firm life. Capping his hours like that will never work. If he can make a case for income partner at his current firm, then do so on the merits at his current firm.
Senior Attorney
Agree that this is a horrible idea. If you want more reaons why, go poke around Ask a Manager.
Also? The only people who care about “prestige” of law firms are the people in those law firms. Literally nobody else in the whole world cares.
Also, too? You should stay out of it for a variety of reasons including “this is his career to manage and he should do that” and “you don’t have nearly enough knowledge about any of this to give helpful advice.”
LaurenB
Thank you for this. I echo that “prestige” is self-referential. Outside law, no one is impressed or cares about the differences. Each field has its own prestige – you don’t know the prestige factor within advertising agencies or market research companies or aeronautical firms or food companies, so why assume people in those industries know or care about supposed prestige rankings in law?
Anonymous
Also, if the new firm is busy in the practice area, that firm may actually be a more prestigious and viable place for your husband’s practice. Plus, jumping ship may give him a chance to build his own book, in part by attracting clients from his current firm to the next one, who will then be “his” clients
Anon
Good grief, no, do not negotiate like that. Since there’s “little indication” his firm wants to make him partner, he doesn’t have any leverage and I suspect his firm will be happy to see him go. His best play is to actually be gracious with the new firm and negotiate there. But realistically. The asks you’re suggesting are frankly nuts.
anon
I know the common wisdom is that this never works. But I actually did this and it worked out great for me. I was of counsel and seen as an expert in my niche area (and really the only one at my firm who was the full time dedicated expert in this growing and very important area). But my firm never saw me as ambitious enough to make partner, and to be fair, I hadn’t put much effort into campaigning for it. I had a partnership offer from our competitor, and went to my trusted boss and told him about the offer and that I wanted to stay but only if I had a path towards advancement at my current firm. After a few weeks of negotiations, I decided to stay and make partner at my current firm, and I’m really happy that I did. It can work, but in my case it was because I had niche expertise that my firm knew would be difficult to replace. They only started showing me the love when I had one foot out the door.
LittleBigLaw
Not to pile on, but it sounds like you also need to reset your expectations about the potential offer that’s coming. Equity partner isn’t even in the universe of a request for capped or reduced hours. That’s like suggesting an elephant in exchange for a puppy. If you’re hoping that equity partner means “power and autonomy” to bill less hours, that’s . . . not how this works.
anon
Go with the firm that wants his actual skills. That sounds like a step up to me rather than negotiating with the current firm.
anon
I’m very late, but in case you’re still reading, counsel at one firm may mean more $$ then partner at another firm, so just keep that in mind.
Coach Laura
I got a half-shank diamond band from Ross Simmons on sale for very cheap. My hubby is clueless about diamonds, so I bought it for myself. It’s sparkly enough and for less than $500 on sale, I wasn’t much concerned for stone quality. That was almost 10 years ago and I’ve worn it every day to work (up until the pandemic) and out to dinner or for special events for all that time and haven’t lost a stone yet.
https://www.ross-simons.com/.33-ct.-t.w.-diamond-ring-in-18kt-yellow-gold-952433.html
Neighbors
This is a total 1st world problem but you all are so creative I figured I’d ask. I bought a single family home and my yard is across from a church with no school. What I did not know is that seemingly year round there is some kind of daycare, and every weekday, multiple times a day, there are children outside screaming pretty loudly next to my yard (and my office windows honestly). I am really trying to be understanding that this is literally just children playing, so is there any kind of sound dampening that can be done outside? Even if just for my deck? I understand better windows is the solution for inside :)
Anonymous
Yes definitely! You can plant dense high plants. I find a water feature also helps.
Anon
Better windows would be my first step.
Anonnymouse
Maybe a hedge? Fencing? I feel any layer between you and the noise will be helpful. Also, having a fountain running can help mask noise.
Anonymous
You can do a proper insulation, either on the outside wall, or inside. Search for soundproofing walls, for the inside ones. Won’t be cheap, but it can absolutely be done! Think about all the sound studios – you want a light version.