Coffee Break: Symmetry Phone Case
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I'm really hard on my phone. I drop it ALL the time. (Somehow, my husband doesn't use a case for his phone and manages to keep it in one piece, but I'd never risk it.) Because of that, I buy cases from OtterBox. The brand has a reputation for bulky, rugged cases (and their Defender series provides that if you need it), but mine — from the Symmetry series — basically looks like a thicker-than-normal case while being super strong.
Though my case has tiny chips/scratches on a couple of the corners (after, uh, a few months), I can't imagine what my phone would look like without it. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be usable. The case is sturdy, but it's still easy to use the phone buttons, and the back of it is a little textured for better grip. (You can leave the case on for wireless charging, but it does charge a bit slower.)
Amazon carries the Symmetry line for iPhone, Samsung, and Google Pixel. I bought this SE 2nd generation case recently (I still really like my SE!), but here's one for iPhone 13/14, pictured above. (Both solids and prints are available from OtterBox.)
P.S. Dropping my phone all the time ALSO makes me go through screen protectors really quickly — my favorite brand I've tried is ZAGG, available at Amazon. Pro tip: If you register your protector at ZAGG.com when you buy it, you can later get a warranty replacement if it gets cracked, by solely paying shipping costs.
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Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
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- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
Do you have a sensitive skin cleanser that you recommend for folks with Rosacea? I’ll use it twice a day.
And how do you rinse it off? Apparently I am only supposed to touch my face with gentle finger tips, but in the past I always needed to use at least a facecloth or cotton circle to get stuff off or things start to pill on my face/my skin doesn’t feel clean.
I have a new diagnosis of Rosacea, and it feels like everything I put on my face makes me burn. My face is so sensitive….
YMMV, but I have mild rosacea and my face has been pretty happy with Dermalogica precleanser (a water-soluble “oil” cleanser that gets ALL the makeup off with just my fingertips) followed by their special cleansing gel. Really gentle, leaves my face clean but not stripped, and I don’t get redder with its use. It’s really pricey, but so are all the derm visits…
I have rosacea.
I use micellar water to remove makeup and grime, with either a reusable or disposable cotton pad.
My go-to cleanser is Cerave Hydrating Cream-to-Foam.
both of these but the regular cleanser. the foam is too drying for me.
Vanicream Free & Clear is one of the only cleansers I can use, but I have had problems with eczema as well as with rosacea so I may be extra sensitive.
I have rosacea and very sensitive skin. I shower in the mornings and use Cerave foaming face wash for sensitive skin in the shower, just using gentle fingers and rinsing with the spray. At night, I use the Blueberry face wash from Glow Recipe. I use my hands to apply and rinse, then use a reusable bamboo face cloth (those little circle ones) to make sure every thing is off. If I’ve done a full face for a big event, I’ll also use Clinque Take the Day Off balm again with hands and the bamboo cloth as a second step in addition to the Blueberry, but I can’t do that every single night.
I have rosacea. I use a balm cleanser to get my makeup off & I like an oily one so there’s lots of slip and no dragging. Mine is the Super Healthy Skin balm cleanser from Beauty Pie. I do take it off with a soft washcloth, but I don’t use super hot water, and I emulsify the cleanser with wet fingertips before I go in with the washcloth.
In the morning, I use either the gentle cleanser from Curology, or La Roche Posay Toleraine Hydrating Gentle Cleanser. The morning cleanse its just to get the previous night’s skincare off and to take care of any crustiness around my eyes or corners of my mouth from sleeping.
I hope along with your recent diagnosis you got a decent Rx topical to help out with the current burning/stinging.
I also like the La Roche Posay cleanser for morning. It will not do a good job removing makeup, however, so you’ll need a separate product for that.
I use a balm cleanser, and miscellar water for any extra makeup.
With the balm I spread it, massage very gently, put some lukewarm water in my hands to rinse off, and then pat my face with a wet cloth to get any remaining.
The absolute worst is foaming cleansers, in my experience.
I have rosacea and use Aveeno Calm + Restore redness relief foaming cleanser
I have eczema. I also use Vanicream. Avene is my other go to. Both recommended by my derm for super sensitive skin. At night, I use the Colleen Rothschild balm, and it does not irritate my skin.
I have rosacea and for makeup (esp eye makeup) I use Tatcha Camilla Oil. Then wash with Avene Anti-Rougeurs Cleansing Lotion.
I’ve used a ton of things through the years at all price points. Best thing by far is ponds cold cream sensitive (light green cap). I use a bunch and massage and then wipe off with a warm wet washclotch.
I have very sensitive skin and while I don’t have rosacea, I do tend to have a lot of redness. It’s pretty $$ but the best cleanser I’ve ever used is the iS Clinical Cleansing Complex. It’s a gel based cleanser and very gentle, but effective. You can order it from Dermstore or even from Amazon, and they do sell a 2 oz size if you want to just try it out. A similar, much less expensive cleanser is the CosRX Low pH Good Morning Gel Cleanser. Also very gentle. At night, I double-cleanse with a balm first to take off sunscreen & makeup, and I love the Banila Clean it Zero Cleansing Balm, original formula (pink jar). I’ve tried other balms, but this one is my favorite … rinses off so cleanly but leaves my skin feeling very soft. I follow up with the Cleansing Complex. I’ve seen trial sizes of the balm at Ulta, or you can order from Amazon or Soko Glam.
Johnson & Johnson Liquid Purpose
Mundane question, but how do you store stuff in your freezer? By protein? By level of prep (like leftover rotisserie chicken in a different spot than your regular chicken)? I feel like I need a new system.
I just put it in there.
Same…
Same
Throw it in, prop up with boxes of popsicles so it doesn’t fall on my kids when they open the freezer?
+3
Uh, wherever there is space.
Good question.
My Freezer isn’t huge and it looks messy and disorganized, but actually it isn’t. It is kind of divided into quarters, with one shelf in the low middle.
One Quadrant I put all the frozen vegetable bags, one quadrant I put all the frozen proteins (mostly seafood). One quadrant I put most of the boxed frozen things, stacked (eg. Trader Joe’s frozen Indian meals, a frozen pizza, a few other easy meal frozen things). One quadrant is divided into frozen fruit for smoothies and portioned leftovers.
It’s basic, but I know where things are, so I don’t accidently forget about something that is hidden in a random corner.
I try to keep the oldest stuff closest to the front if there are duplicates. Ideally, I date stuff before freezing and label contents. And I leave some “extra space” on top so I can stick new stuff there to freeze before putting it in its quadrant.
This is what I aspire to, but it usually devolves into chaos. As long as I can find the Thin Mints!
I have one drawer with meats, bones and broth, one drawer with frozen fruits, chili and sauces like pesto in cubes, abs one drawer with miscellaneous- mushrooms, vegetables, dried fish, herbs, and one for do not need in the everyday stuff.
I have a vertical freezer with multiple shelves:
– Ice cube trays (big cubes for whiskey, smaller cubes for wine and homemade stock) and ice packs
– Proteins
– Produce
– Ready to eat meals. Includes leftovers and store bought items
– Miscellaneous. Usually vodka, butter sticks, veggie scraps for stock, and parmesan rinds
I have a tiny apartment fridge/freezer, so I just shove things in and hope they all fit! I wish my freezer was big enough to organize
My freezer is really small (two shelves, of which the top one goes back further into the unit but the bottom one is taller), but I try and organise it so that the top shelf is ‘things to eat’ (fruit, ice cubes, bread) and the bottom shelf is ‘ingredients’ (veg, veggie sausages, etc).
It doesn’t always work, because it’s so small that things just go wherever there’s space, but ideally that’s where things live.
I very rarely freeze raw meat, I’m much more likely to cook the whole package and then freeze the cooked meat in individual portions (eg I defrosted some cooked sausages I found in there yesterday to put in last night’s dinner)
I randomly just organized my freezer drawer this weekend when I cleaned it out. We have one drawer that has two shelves with movable divider on both levels, so we basically have four bin areas. All of the protein is in one bin, frozen biscuits, cinnamon rolls, potatoes, and pierogis are in one bin (starches), vegetables in one bin, and fruit in another. I also have a large stack of ice packs for headaches in the vegetable bin because there was room there because we mostly eat fresh vegetables.
I have a counter depth fridge where the freezer has French doors and is two entirely different sections, so it’s a bit smaller than normal. It’s loosely organized as: (1) stuff for smoothies; (2) food cooked and ready to nuke; (3) vegetables and meat. It’s not highly organized other than that so some rummaging about is necessary, but at least I open the correct side and know generally where to rummage.
It’s a multi leveled system. In my chest freezer I have three bins one for each of: chicken/seafood, beef, and pork. A corner the bins don’t cover has some random breakfast items and bread. My basement fridge has a small freezer where surplus frozen fruit and bulk prepped stuff lives (braised red cabbage, cranberry sauce, bone broth, occasional leftovers, puff pastry, ice cream, garlic bread, etc). The fridge in the kitchen has a small freezer that houses mostly ingredients I use regularly like ginger, wine ice cubes, parmesan rinds, tomato paste, smoothie ingredients, frozen peas (just because I use them so much), stalks that collect for bone broth, bananas for baking, yoghurt tubes for kids’ lunches, frozen whey from yoghurt making. This one has a few too many random bits and bobs and needs to be purged.
Stuff that would leak bacteria-laden liquids (fish or ice cream) in a power outage goes on the bottom. Stuff that would just be messy (frozen fruit or veggies) goes above that, dry stuff goes on the top.
I have two best friends.
Last week one of them was killed instantly in a car accident in Palm Springs.
My other best friend got engaged yesterday, and I’m truly so happy for her, but I also feel so, so alone.
I have the emotional range of a toddler right now, and everything feels bittersweet but I have a hole in my chest and crocodile tears at the drop of a hat. I have spent time with her family. I was in the acceptance phase but now I’m back to shock/disbelief again.
Please, if you have experienced grief, I would appreciate any resources, poems, books–anything that was helpful for you. I am exhausted and not coping. Like…yesterday I was at Costco and saw the tomatoes best friend buys, and just lost it.
This has been a wonderful community for me for the past _15_ years, and I need some supportive help. Thank you.
I am so, so sorry.
When I asked this question here, one of the recommendations I still remember was the article “The Myth of Closure.” I Googled it and was able to find a copy. I don’t think I read every word, but it helped me to understand what was even happening.
Later I re-read the Year of Magical Thinking which for me captured a lot of that shock and disbelief. I don’t know why it helped me to just witness the experience articulated, but I felt like it did help.
+1 to Year of Magical Thinking. I reread it shortly after my dad died, on the heels of a brutal breakup. It helped me a lot and I still think about it a lot during difficult times.
One of my closest friends dropped dead in the fall, apparently of “natural causes” if that’s a thing for a healthy 50ish year old person. We were told it was something like a heart attack or stroke, with no history of issues.
I still miss my friend every day. The services helped a lot, and seeing all of our mutual friends. I hope there will be something for your friend. It really does give you a bit of closure.
Sometimes I see something online I want to send to my friend, then I remember, and a wave of grief hits me again. What I’ve heard is that over time the waves become less frequent but never stop entirely. Big hugs to you.
xoxo
I’m so terribly sorry for the loss of your friend. I wish I had anything to pass along.
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Maggie Smith’s book Keep Moving has been very helpful for me in similar situations. In the last 5 years I have lost two very close friends – one to a heart attack and one to cancer. They both have been devastating losses, and I carry them with me. Grief changes you – you will never be the same person you were before; you have to decide who you are now, and how to live alongside your grief. Therapy helps too.
This is the best analogy I’ve ever seen to living with grief:
https://twitter.com/LaurenHerschel/status/946887540732149760
The pain never disappears, and sometimes it will be just as fresh as it is right now. And that’s okay. Hugs.
Nothing to say except that I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are normal; your mind and soul need to go through a long process after a tragedy like this.
If there is any way you can take time off from work, and if that would help (versus wanting to lose your mind), do it.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
What has helped me is accepting that there will be a phantom presence for a long, long time. And after some time it’s “my beloved friend loved those tomatoes” and the tomatoes remind you of both your loss but also the relationship and the good feelings about your friend. It will be lots of things – cafes, movies, maybe a particular brand of wine or chocolate – they will all remind you of your friend again and again, and the reason this happens is because you had intertwined lives and shared your experiences. All these moments that will hurt again and again are signs of your shared stories, and it’s okay to keep those precious and allow yourself room to miss your friend every time.
I’m so sorry.
Peer grief counseling helped me tremendously. If you’re in Silicon Valley, I recommend the organization Kara for peer grief counseling. If not, Google or a local hospice should be able to refer you to one local to you or to a professional counselor with grief experience.
Oh, I am so so sorry for this great loss.
Yes, yes…. it comes in waves like that. And can be overwhelming.
One thing I found helpful is I started writing down memories of the person. I basically keep a Word document on my computer, and I randomly will remember a wonderful story / moment or something I loved about the person, and will type away. I am NOT a writer, at all, normally. It actually can be a lovely way of reliving time with them, and remembering then. And then I have gone back to read these things, sometimes years later. It always feels happy/sad and soothing.
I also keep pictures around and even “talk” to them. It is a comfort.
Unfortunately, I found most other people unhelpful. It is such a person experience.
Oh, I’m so so sorry for your heartbreaking loss!! Be kind to yourself — grief isn’t linear and don’t expect it to be a straight line through “phases.”
I have found the “box and ball” analogy to be helpful: https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-ball-and-box-analogy#looking-forward
Much love to you, MJ.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
If you subscribe to Christian faith, you might find Every Moment Holy, Volume II: Death, Grief, and Hope helpful. I bought it after my father-in-law’s very unexpected death in January. It contains liturgies and prayers to read/speak when grief rears its head.
I am so extremely sorry. Having suffered the hard and unexpected loss of someone young in our family last year, I can say that it won’t always hurt as much as it does right now. You will always love that person and there will be days when memories make you tear up, but the human heart and mind are so resilient and the crushing pain won’t always be so heavy. You may feel almost haunted right now (emotionally, I mean) and it’s normal if you feel extra anxiety about things happening to you or someone else you love, but the pain and fear will subside. If it’s been a few months and you still feel acutely horrible, make an appointment with a therapist, try out a grief support group, and/or talk to your doctor. But hang in there…chances are that it will get better sooner than you think. And again, my deepest condolences.
One other thing: in a month or so, see if you have the energy to plan a picnic with friends, a short road trip, even just a visit to a new restaurant or a local museum… just something positive, fun, and not too daunting or high-pressure. Planning a small celebration for a friend soon after my loss really helped lift my spirits.
Also, my husband and I really got some relief in the immediate aftermath from watching silly mindless TV. That wouldn’t be a healthy long-term plan, of course, but it brought us weird joy and a welcome distraction for a couple of days when we needed it most.
Silly mindless TV is totally a long term plan! :) I mean, not round-the-clock but silly mindless TV definitely has a place in my every day life.
Haha great point and same here, honestly!
A friend was randomly and tragically killed almost a decade ago and I still cry on the anniversary of her death. It is still shocking and devastating. She was engaged and in her late 30’s. I think it takes about a year to feel normal again after a death. My best suggestion is to surround yourself with her friends and family and appreciate life as much as possible. I’m so sorry this is one of the hardest things to go through.
Oh I’m so, so sorry. That is devastating. It is exhausting. That is all exhausting. It will not always feel this heavy; I know you know that; but I promise that it won’t.
A meditation: Live Awake- Learning To Surrender by Sarah Blondin. This is available on Youtube and also on Insight Timer app (free). At very difficult times in my life I have listened to this on repeat.
A song: Trevor Hall, You Can’t Rush Your Healing
A book: Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss if you are open to different spiritual ideas. This is about reincarnation and very easy to read. And it is honestly has been so very very comforting to this former agnostic who was raised and and then rejected strong Christian upbringing.
one more suggestion:
At a certain point, when I have a lot of hard feelings I’m trying to process, it can feel like I’m crawling out of my skin – like I have too much emotional energy inside of me that is just not settling. This is the only time in my life when I have felt inclined to run. So I run, for about 3 minutes. All out run for 3 minutes – I don’t push it or try and make it a huge thing. It’s totally out of character for me, but can really help me to get settled back into my body. So if you get to that point, maybe something really physical will help.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve also been reading here since 2008 and have always valued your contributions. I’m thinking of you!
Heartbreaking, I am so sorry for your loss. No advice, just sending love.
I’m so sorry. They are definitely real tears, not crocodile tears.
One my best friends was killed in an accident five years ago and it was a big news story in my country as an inquiry was held, so I couldn’t watch any form of free to air TV or online news. It’s really hard but leaning on, and being lent on by, other friends really helped. Talking about them, what they loved and hated and all the stories really helps. I was even doing it yesterday.
You’ll always miss them but time eases that gaping wound you are feeling right now.
OtterBox Defender all the way. Have been buying them for years and I never worry about my phone—and I drop it OFTEN.
It’s bulky but you can still find cute patterns/colors on Amazon or OtterBox, even for older models as I never have the newest version.
Just go full Defender if you’re hard on your phone.
Agreed. I have a neurological disorder and have the one with a pop up on the back and my phone has survived all sorts of accidents.
I have been so tired the last 4 or 5 days: totally bone tired, sleeping 9-10 hours a night, groggy when I wake up.
I’m sure I was behind on sleep and that this is good for me, but even after getting up and moving I’m tired. Any tips on snapping out of it during the day?
AM caffeine!
Happy light with breakfast!
Get outside soon in the AM for natural sunlight… maybe a tiny bit of exercise or walk.
Try to keep your schedule of sleep as consistent as possible, especially as you get older. Our bodies just can’t tolerate deficits as well with aging/stress etc…
I actually already do all of the above every morning :) Wake up, read and enjoy my coffee in front of my happy light and then I walk to either the gym or the office (25 mins) every morning.
I am about to turn 30, so your comment about it being hard to bounce back as we get older might be too true
Uh, from my perspective (46), the fact that you are not quite 30 rules out age related reduced “bounce back”.
Your 25 min walk outside should wake you up. Are you pregnant? Or ill? Or unhappy at work?
Definitely not pregnant, I don’t love my job but it’s not making me miserable. I don’t think I”m coming down with anything and don’t have any chronic illnesses. My bloodwork (done in early Feb) was fine, though I’m often anemic when I try to donate blood.
I’m usually pretty busy and when I hit a lull in my schedule, I find that I become exhausted (I think it’s all of the build up tiredness and stress hitting me at once). This happens 2-3x a year for a week or so at a time. I also know I need to improve my diet a bit – I eat generally healthfully but don’t always eat enough.
This just happens sometimes! Coffee and fresh air help. What helps more is just listening to your body and taking it slow for a bit. Go to bed early, eat well, get some rest.
Get up and go for a walk, outdoors if possible. Even 5-10 minutes every couple of hours makes a huge difference for me.
For me, this was my main covid symptom, so may be worth a test.
I also react this way to other illnesses, so my first response to feeling exhausted is to rest, take vitamins, and cancel plans for the week if I can.
Tested negative! This isn’t usually a sign of getting sick for me.
I get like this a handful of times every year, just a week or two of random exhaustion. I still haven’t been able to pin point the cause.
If this commonly occurs when you’re finishing up a big project or when you hit a lull it could be burnout. Did this also happen after finals or a stressful project in college? I remember needing to sleep an absurd amount after finals because I used up everything I had for those weeks. I’m not going to virtually diagnose you but reading up on ADHD burnout and symptoms/ways to help yourself recognize the signs BEFORE you burn out may be helpful.
This is quite possible!
A naturopath recommended daylight on my naked eyeballs (no sunglasses) for 4 minutes as soon as possible in the morning.
Take extra vitamin B and listen to your body: get that extra rest for it for a week or two.
Favorite smoothie recipes using chocolate protein powder?
I don’t like mixing chocolate and peanut butter flavors but am otherwise open to just about anything!
Banana, greek full fat yogurt, chocolate protein powder, milk or premier protein chocolate, and coffee concentrate.
ha, see I hate mixing chocolate and fruit flavors so I’m no help beyond the basic ice, banana, milk, maybe a bit of xanthum gum.
You might also want to try oatmeal with chocolate protein powder for your flavor, or adding it to your plain yogurt.
One banana (room temp or frozen pieces), 8 oz coffee; 8oz your favorite milk/”milk”; chocolate protein powder; big fistful of ice. Optional: spoonful of almond butter. Even if you don’t normally care for soymilk, its slightly beany flavor is hidden in this and it’s a great source of protein. I use Orgain protein powder and Silk vanilla soymilk and it comes in at 30 grams of protein, without the almond butter.
Banana, huge handful of baby spinach and water with ice cubes and chocolate or vanilla protein powder. I like two scoops of protein powder. 40 grams of protein and some greens is a pretty awesome win for me.
Any advice on interview prep for old financial institutions? Especially investment banks? Is there any unique I should know going in?
cw: Pregnancy
Can I tell you all something wonderful that is now on social media? My “little” sister is 13 weeks along after about a year of trying and some basic fertility interventions. My SIL is also expecting (also after a long journey), so my toddler, who was the first grandchild, will have two cousins born this year. And my sister just got an offer accepted on a house! She and her partner have had a rough ride the past 3 years and I am just so happy for them.
What is making you delighted?
* Now on social media so I feel I can share here :)
After a really tough few weeks of work (I had no idea that a ‘bruising’ meeting could actually leave you physically feeling like you’ve been in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson), I have an interview for a promotion later this week!!! Feels great to have a former boss vouch for me in this way.
Holy cow! Fingers crossed for you!
Congratulations and best of luck for the interview!
Congratulations to your family, Curious!!
I am delighted that my husband came through his cataract surgery this morning with flying colors (I took the day off the be with him, of course) and we are messing around the house passing time on this rainy afternoon by baking a Nutella/cinnamon roll “wreath.”
That sounds delicious, and I’m so glad he came through okay :)
The sun in shining. The last few weeks have been gray, cold, and awful, so this feels like a miracle.
Oh how lovely :)
Oh, Curious, how lovely!!
I’m close to kicking this cold and that’s my main source of delight at the moment. Just trying to find small things to look forward to so I don’t drive myself nuts about when baby will come! (Soon!)
Oh, good luck with that mental struggle. It’s so hard. I was dilated and in pre-labor for like a week (they quite literally thought I’d have the baby 10 days before I did). In retrospect, I really wish I’d called my therapist to get through that time. I was not well.
That sounds like the worst form of mental anguish; I’ll be sure to take good care of myself! Thank you <3
Good luck! I think we were due roughly at the same time? I was due 25 March and have a five day old. The waiting can be so hard. Mine involved a lot of medical to-ing and fro-ing and it’s going to take some time for me to get over the experience and how it played out so wishing you a better time than me!
I’m due next week! This is my first though, so I expect to go over. I’m sorry to hear you had a rough time!
Ovarian cysts. What do we do about them. My doctor says just wait and see and hope it is gone next cycle but I want it gone now. Is there a tea we drink? A yoga stretch? Can my cat pop it with a paw? The really powerful water jets at a Korean spa? I do not have time for the cyst which is benignly threatening to delay my fertility plans and yes I am aware this sounds unhinged.
I think we wait. Most go away within three months. Mine did not, so I am having an MRI on Friday (abundance of caution/don’t want to wait til May for the next ultrasound). I think they either eventually go away or they need to be surgically removed.
Most of the time cysts go away on their own. Sometimes they burst, which hurts like hell. If they get too big they pose a risk of torsion, which can cut off blood supply to the ovary (which also hurts like hell), so they are surgically removed. Unless it’s growing, all you can do is watch and wait.
I have no advice, just wanted to say I appreciate the humor-but-no-really-why-not with which this written :)
Me too!!
Aww thank you. Fertility sucks and this was really sweet to read.
Ever go through a long stretch where you feel like you’re not getting many wins? Because I’m there now, and it is really taking a toll on my well-being. Work has been difficult for the past 6 months or so; just keeping things going feels like a success some days, but that’s not very gratifying. On a personal front, DH and I keep making plans that aren’t working out for reasons beyond our control. We pivot to something else, but the new plan ends up feeling like a compromise and less than what we wanted. I worked really hard to start running again after having major surgery last summer, and once I was finally getting somewhere, I ended up getting injured. That sort of thing. I realize that’s life sometimes, but it’s getting old.
How do you pull yourself back to a place where you feel like you’re actually contributing something, making a difference, or making headway toward your goals? I’m almost afraid to want anything right now because of the sting of falling short.
Make different type of plans that are a shorter time commitment like a concert, show or new restaurant. My DH and I had set a goal of eating at one new place and seeing one live something every month. Restaurant could be anything, even if it was a sandwich place, the point was not to just get the same default thing again. For shows, we counted anything like plays, art gallery, concert…any where we are paying money for someone to provide something that is creative and related to the arts (we are both engineers so this is missing in our life).
As for running, maybe running isn’t for you anymore. There are many other activities and it seems unnecessary to keep doing the one that isn’t working out for you. Find something new and take it slow.
I am right there with you. I’m not setting any new goals or even really striving for the old ones. I am just trying not to make bad decisions on the day and getting through this sticky period of my life.
Stop making it a list. I went through a period where I lost my job, my dog was diagnosed with terminal cancer and then I was diagnosed with cancer and then I took a new job I hated. I finally woke up one day and realized that I was replaying this laundry list of grief over and over and applying to every new bad thing…X, Y and Z has happened and now “my trip just got canceled”, “my hairstylist gave me a bad cut,” “my car is making a weird noise,” etc. etc.” Truly sometimes being happier requires having a hard conversation with yourself that you’re just going to let go of all the bad to that point and put one foot in front of the other with whatever new challenges await. Life is never going to be perfect. But you’re here, so make the most of it. I don’t like saying this part since I don’t like the idea of comparing yourself with others, but I also get inspiration from others who are coping well with far greater trials. Nothing stops the self-pity in your head on cancer as fast as seeing someone else who is going through a much tougher path with a much harder diagnosis. You learn really fast to be grateful for what you have.
How about starting a gratitude journal? It might help you think through the things that are joys in your life, and it might be encouraging to see how those pile up when you write them down.
Best ‘street style sneakers for wide feet? Saw the Mother’s Day pics of Kate Middleton with the white Supergas and it reminded me I wanted to get something similar. Triangle shape so wide front foot and normal heel.
My feet have a pretty unremarkable shape, but I like Supergas. They aren’t very expensive and are pretty comfy if you don’t mind a thinnish sole. More support than Keds.
Vejas have been the most no-break-in required for my feet, wide but not officially shoe-store “wide” forefoot and normal heel.
Birkenstock bend low are by far the most comfortable sneakers for this type of foot. And I have tried a lot!
Looking for recommendations for favorite protein powders. Specifically looking for plain/no-flavor and chocoalate flavored whey protein and also for no-flavor collagen protein.
Plain protein powder will be used in fruit smoothies, chocolate protein powder will be used for post-workout drink (powder and almond milk) and collagen will be used in morning coffee.
Im totally new to the world of protein powder, but my dietician suggested it as a way to increase my protein (I naturally eat like 40g a day, which is too low for my activity level).
I like the Vital Proteins collagen powder. I use it in my coffee. Big tip: put the powder in the mug BEFORE the coffee and it dissolves much better. The unflavored kind has a slight taste of…something but I also add creamer and that is enough for me.
Soymilk has a lot more protein than the other nondairy alternatives. Orgain is a vegan protein powder but with a good blender it blends well and doesn’t leave a grainy texture.
Gold Standard whey protein from Optimum Nutrition. I specifically like the double rich chocolate flavor because it’s the least sweet. I like this protein because it has a pretty slim ingredient list without a lot of unnecessary stuff, plus it tastes the best.
+1
I also get these in the huge bags when they go on sale at Costco.
Raw (brand) whey is unflavored and unsweetened. There are others but I chose this one and like it.
+1 for vital proteins unflavored collagen peptides. have tried a few different and find that this brand dissolves the best in hot liquids. Personally I don’t notice a taste, but I am always mix it in a hot drink with some form of milk (hot chocolate, matcha, latte) so that may mask a subtle taste if there is one.
I really like Antler Farms for no-flavor whey protein.
Just as an aside, collagen protein like Vital Proteins tends to have a disclaimer that it doesn’t count as dietary protein (but it is still good for skin and hair and all the other things!). So don’t plan on it as part of your additions to your 40g per day!
Help me plan a trip!
I have some United flight credits I have to use up soon. Where can I fly for July 4 weekend? About 3-4 days. Cannot be anywhere hot. Direct flight that’s under 5 hours from Newark strongly preferred.
How do you define hot? Just about everywhere is “hot” by then.
Iceland? Norway or elsewhere in Scandinavia? Alaska?
San Francisco. Stay in the city or head up or down the coast (Monterey, Santa Cruz, Point Reyes, etc). As long as you stick to the coast it will likely be not too hot and definitely not humid.
I love PEI and Nova Scotia!
The expiration date normally refers to when you book not when you fly, just FYI. You can book flights 11 months in advance.
Not sure about United but for AA, the credit is tied to use (i.e., completed travel) before the first anniversary of when you booked.
Canada? Montreal or Vancouver?
What qualifies as hot for you? Ok if it is 70s or 80s, but dry?
I’d go to the mountains. Banff?
We are doing coastal Maine this summer – it sounds so charming and refreshing, and it seems like there’s a pretty small window where it’s really nice. And super convenient for you!
Paging the poster who was asking about Stackers— they’re 20% off right now at The Container Store!
My mother-in-law, who is in her 70s, went from having short hair to growing it really long, but she doesn’t like it down, so she’s putting it into a low ponytail and then using claw clips to put the tail against her head. It’s not flattering and I don’t think she can tell that it looks a little crazy from the side and back. I see her every 2 weeks. I should keep my mouth shut, right? My only explanation is that she moved to our area 2 years ago (from out of state) and hasn’t found a new salon yet, but I think asking her about it will only make her more self-conscious. DH doesn’t notice women’s hair. Again, the right thing to do it to not say anything unless and until she asks for a salon reco, right?
Just following up to say that this look is fine on some people (I have two teenage girls and they do something similar sometimes), but it doesn’t look cute on my MIL (trust me).
Yes, the right thing to do is not say anything.
Correct. Don’t say anything.
Do you have a hair appt coming up? “Oh gosh, MIL, if you need a cut, Melissa is just so good! I feel like a new woman! Let me know if you want her number.” And if MIL bites, maybe you talk to Melissa privately in advance about poor MIL’s unflattering current vs. flattering former styles, and Melissa can ask some questions in the chair like, “Tell me, doll, how do you like to wear your hair? What makes you feel best?” and maybe MIL walks out with short hair or maybe at least she walks out without a claw clip.
I think suggesting a stylist is ok but absolutely do go behind her back and talk to the stylist. That’s worse than saying something directly to MiL!!
*do NOT go behind her back
What? No, you do not ask the stylist to do anything in private. She is a grown woman and able to choose whatever style she wants. Just because it isn’t your cup of tea, doesn’t make it “wrong” (just like following up to say your daughter’s use of the style is “right”). Style is subjective. You need to respect her personal autonomy here.
There are people in my day-to-day life that I’d love to give a makeover to, but it doesn’t make it right. Her being an in-law doesn’t change that.
Absolutely do not say anything.
Not your circus baby girl. Don’t say a word.
Don’t say anything. If she likes it, that’s all that matters. (FWIW, she may be trying to limit her time in the salon. I have an immune compromising condition, and post-Covid I’ve started coloring at home because I don’t want the extra hours sitting in a crowded salon with everyone not wearing masks. I want to get in and out and go.)
Pre-pandemic, I had chin length hair that was cut every five weeks and colored every eight weeks. I now have past-my-shoulder hair that is cut twice a year and never colored. No one is testing or distancing or staying home when sick or masking, and the exposure of being in the salon that much is not a risk I can take.
Related: Did anyone else see the JAMA study last week about how often people lie about symptoms/testing/isolation when they know they or their kids are infectious? Nope, cute hair is not worth long COVID. My brother developed long COVID and can no longer work. Early 30s. Trying to qualify for disability.
+1. Plus, the idea that your MIL owes it to the world to hide her grey or try to look cute is appalling.
+1
My own father didn’t cut his hair after COVID either! Many seniors didn’t want to expose themselves. I actually liked my Dad’s ponytail.
Your MIL may have realized how freeing it is, and doesn’t want to go back to all the short hair upkeep.
Good for her!
I was just wondering if this was written by my daughter in law. I’ve adopted this hsir style due to the pandemic and a desire to stay out of situations where someone is breathing on my head for 30 minutes every 6 weeks.
I think the common/”right” answer is to not say anything…. but if I were your MIL, I’d want to know! But I’m human, so I’d probably take it best coming from someone who I’m close enough with to hear tough love/honest opinions from… and that’s a very small group of people.
So make of that what you will. In your shoes, I’d think of 2 things:
1) how good is your relationship with your MIL? Be brutally honest, not optimistic
2) if you do decide to say something, I would approach it as “so and so told me they love this new salon, so I wanted to let you know if it’s helpful” or something innocuous that she can ignore if she likes the style or can latch on to if she was looking to do something about her hair and the claw clip thing was more last resort than fun style experiment.
Really? When you are like…75 years old, you would want some 30-something woman to tell you that you look bad, and need to change your hairstyle?
Say nothing. I’m in my 30s and don’t want to be told that my convenience oriented hair clip solution looks crazy (and I think that it does!). I have my reasons for not getting a haircut right now, but if I just needed help finding a salon, I would definitely ask.
Do not say one word.
Life gets a little harder as you age, in many ways, and sometimes easier. You start to prioritize. You become more comfortable in your own skin.
I am only in my 50’s and I am already sick and tired of cutting my hair every 4-6 weeks and dying it and washing it every morning and spending a ton of $$ on product/maintenance and drying it and fussing with it all day because short hair is a lot of work. I LOVE having long hair I don’t have to wash every morning, can put in a ponytail in 5 seconds and up with a clip. Life is easier. Such as waste of time.
Who care what your MIL’s hair looks like? Good for her for not caring what others say a 70 year old women should look like, and doing whatever is easy and comfortable for her. How I long for the time when I don’t have to worry about what other men and women think about how I look. Doesn’t that come by the age of 70?!?!?
And I would be so sad to learn that this was what my DIL thought when she looked at me, or that she seemed to value.
RIGHT. Omg.
Have you ever been asked a really great icebreaker question? I’m new at my job and I’ve been asked to pose a discussion question at our monthly meeting. I’d love to ask something interesting (I’m still getting to know my coworkers) but I don’t want others to groan. (If you recognize me at our monthly meeting from this point — no you didn’t!!!!)
First job can be quite interesting.
What’s some of the strangest thing you’ve ever had to do at a job? (That you are allowed to disclose.)
Maybe somebody had a summer job feeding Aardvarks or trouble getting hold of two thousand pink paper cups or had to their whole shift by candlelight – you’d have to set the tone light and slightly silly.
If you had the chance to work in a different country, where would you most like to go?
I like the kind of weird question ‘ what is the song that you irrationally hate?’ For me it’s 100% that happy by Pharrell song. How dare you tell me to be happy. I’ll be happy if I damn well please!
And wear my hair in a low ponytail with a claw clip, but I don’t have a son for that!
https://museumhack.com/list-icebreakers-questions/
Favorite thing to do outside of work? This works because it’s general enough that people can include dinners with friends or working out at the gym or travel.
Most surprising thing when you moved into your own house/apartment for the first time?
I’ve heard two really good icebreaker questions. The first is “Tell me a story about your name.” You’d be surprised what people will tell you! Everyone is always surprised at what a good icebreaker that question is. The second is, “What do you wish people would ask you at events like this?” That gives people a chance to talk about what they want to talk about.
Help I have a vaginal prolapse. Made an appointment, seeing my in/gym tomorrow. Not in pain, but uncomfortable and not wanting to make it worse. Anyone been through this? I’m peri menopausal and had 2 children 20 years ago.
I haven’t but met a wonderful physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor issues. There are specialists who can help you with the recovery. Find one.
Make sure to get a referral to pelvic floor physical therapist.