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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 156 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Rozean Pleated Petal Cape Back Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Ted Baker Rozean Pleated Petal Cape Back Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Verrrry innnteresting. I saw the name of this dress first and was intrigued, and asked my VA to hunt around to see if she could find a video of it online. (Here you go.) I like it even more, albeit for the right woman (and the right office) — I think if you're comfortable making a high fashion statement, this dress is really fun, and is work appropriate but very interesting. I like. The dress (also available in green) is $295 at Nordstrom and Zappos. Ted Baker Rozean Pleated Petal Cape Back Dress Here's a lower-priced version and a plus-size alternative. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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Comments

    • Cat

      Me either – it’s a striking look, but not one that I’d see as office wear. Between the unexpected shape, the sliver of exposed back, and the brightly colored form fitting liner, it’s a little “look at my shapely backside” to me.

      Afternoon wedding? Perfect.

        • Charlotte

          I wouldn’t be caught dead in this. Carrie might wear it, but it’s a stretch.

      • Hey Nonny Nonny

        I love this, and I’m happy to see something a little more edgy than the normal sheath dresses on here, but still not totally out there. I’m pretty high up in finance at a pharmaceutical company and would totally wear this to work.

    • MJ

      Just…whoa. This is for all you ladies who though Kat wasn’t being fashion-y enough. Your very own Ted Baker smock-dress. You’re welcome!

      • Bumparoo

        I don’t know that I would call this more fashion-y. Perhaps it’s just another example of embellishment in the wrong places–a hallmark of recent picks here.

    • roses

      I actually adore the dress, but for a party. I cannot fathom it as being appropriate in anything except offices in more creative fields. Also, I don’t understand the belt – in the back view, it appears to be underneath the black material, but it’s over the material in the front.

      • Denveranon

        Agree. I really like this, but would not wear it within 10 miles of my office.

      • Hildegarde

        I also like the dress, except I definitely would not wear it to the office, and I don’t actually like the fabric the designer chose for the sliver of exposed fabric in the back. I think the belt is cool, though: I think there must be a small slit in the black fabric on either side where it balloons out, so that the belt, which is on top of the black in the front, goes through the small slits and sits on top of the flowered fabric, and under the black fabric, in the back.

    • thatsnotmyname

      On another note, this gives me ideas on how to repurpose dresses that no longer fit…

  2. Separation

    So H moved out on Friday. He came back on Saturday, complaining there were absolutely no hotels and wanting to talk. He and his mom stayed in the living room Saturday night. Concerned they had no intention of leaving, I sent H an email (when he left, we began exchanging emails) telling him that I felt bullied, betrayed, and disrespected (I’m much stronger in an email than to his face). When he read it, he looked like he had seen a ghost. He said he had no idea I felt that way (problem #1) and he was terrified that I would file for divorce or take the baby somewhere that he couldn’t see her. He said he would leave immediately. I told his mother that I didn’t want her driving at that hour (it was like 9:30pm and she had been with him all day) so they ended up staying overnight and they left early Sunday morning. H rented a uhaul van and packed the vast majority of his things. He seems to expect me to foot the bill for his hotel(s) and possibly apartment. I told him to sign a 6-month lease somewhere. He says he will do anything to save our relationship, including therapy (individual/joint), seeing a psychiatrist, or anything else I want. Thought the hive would enjoy an update! So, any advice?

    • Anonymous

      No, but you’re incredibly brave and I wish you the best of luck with this. go you!

      • Rogue Banker

        +1. I have no advice worth giving, but you’re a freaking rockstar and I’m rooting for you – along with most of the rest of us, it seems. You’ve got your own little cheering section here. :)

    • Cat

      I am glad that H moved out and that you are doing OK. Please don’t let H’s (apparent) surprise at your feelings change your mind in any way about your decision to separate or pursue a divorce. Even if H is being honest, being oblivious to how H is treating you/your feelings is not a positive.

    • Anonymous

      1. Obviously there were hotels. If you believe that you are lying to yourself.

      2. Are you kidding?!? It was 9:30. She could drive.

      3. Of course he’s saying he will do anything right not. Because he’s a controller and that’s how he controls you now.

      4. I can’t believe you let him and him mom just hang out all day. That’s completely ridiculous. Go to a lawyer today, get real advice on your support obligations , and act on that.

      5. Don’t email him. Don’t call him. Don’t let him in your home. Don’t communicate with him at all for a week. You need distance.

      6. I really hope your therapist is making you think about the hard questions of what you get out of feeding into this drama and why you are seeking the rush of the rage/reconcile cycle. Because your mother in law tried to leave with her son AND YOU DIDNT LET HER. And I hope you have a real life friend yelling at you.

      • anon

        Agree on number 4 particularly. Get schooled on what you are absolutely obligated to do and go from there. Nothing beyond that right now. You need the distance.

      • Denveranon

        +1
        Also, do not pay for his apartment. You said earlier you have $2,000 to your name and he has “much more to lose.” So let him use some of it to support himself. Supporting him while you’re one month into your first job just keeps him entangled in your day-to-day life, and gives him one more lever to use to control you. He’ll be calling you every other day for grocery money.
        From all your posts, I get the impression he’s not actually trying that hard to find a job. Or that he’s one of those types who only applies for management positions because everything else is beneath them (I have a family member who sounds eerily similar to your husband, including the abuse, controlling, manipulation, and willingness to allow his wife to support him). Let him sink or swim by himself for awhile (unless your lawyer says you are otherwise legally obligated – but do not assume you are just because you have a job and he doesn’t).

    • Anon

      My totally unqualified advice is to live alone for awhile before you think about reconciling. He can go get therapy all by himself before involving you. Don’t rush back into it.

      • ExParalegal

        + 1 million. Guarantee you, him, your child a 6-month separation and THEN think about The State of Things.

        • Monday

          OP, if you are who I think you are, then based on previous posts there’s simply no way he didn’t know about your concerns before. He also refused to go to counseling though you’ve wanted to for years. It’s terrible to see him making these claims and offers now, just because you’ve finally taken action. You absolutely should not have needed to go this far in order for him to start caring. Thus I cannot imagine any justification for giving him even one more chance.

          • L

            +1000. If you’re who I think you are, I am super proud of you but there is NO NEED to give him another chance. He’s had more than his share.

          • Anon

            I also agree with L and Monday and everyone else. Super, super proud. But he’s had more than enough chances. You have no obligations to him right now apart from anything that your attorney tells you that you are legally required to do. And I think a self-imposed period of no-communication is a good idea (provided that your attorney approves this w/r/t your child). But he’s a grown-a** man, he can find a d*mn hotel or apartment on his own.

    • Bee

      Please be careful with the email communications. Don’t put anything in writing that you don’t want ex-H to submit to the judge in the divorce and custody proceedings.

      I’ll echo the other commenters and say that you should talk to a lawyer about your financial and other obligations. Do you have to help with the hotel/apartment? Do you have to provide him access to the house? The baby? If not, then don’t. It is not your job to make his life easier.

      • S in Chicago

        +1 Stop the emails. It may feel more comfortable to stand up for yourself in writing, but you are making yourself very–and unnecessarily–vulnerable. Talk with a lawyer and see what your options and obligations are. And in the meantime, minimize any contact by text, email, or voice mail–any means where the communication has staying power. If you feel you must write things down, then write it down as talking points to yourself and read it to him. But do not leave anything heated in writing. (Good practice no matter how things turn out by the way, so you don’t have a SA reading it months later when you may feel differently at that time. I know I can read old emails from fights with friends and feel heated all over again. And that’s just with friendships, where there isn’t heavy issues like child well-being, finances, etc.)

    • Senior Attorney

      I actually have a ton of advice (not legal, of course, although I am an attorney — this is woman-to-woman from somebody who’s been where you are, fairly recently):

      1. You need to have a team, and you need to work with your team. You should be in close contact with your therapist and your lawyer, and listen to their input. In particular, know your legal rights and do everything to protect them. If your lawyer isn’t responsive to your concerns, or isn’t good about returning calls, then shop around until you find one who is. I absolutely could not have made it through my divorce as well as I did if I hadn’t had absolute trust in my attorney, and if he hadn’t been there for me every step of the way. Such attorneys do exist and you need on in your corner. If you need a referral, email me at seniorattorney1 at the google mail and I may be able to help.

      2. Do not go to joint therapy with this man. Conjoint therapy is absolutely contraindicated in abusive relationships. Mr. Senior Attorney and I did some joint sessions towards the end and it made things worse rather than better. He would rant about my shortcomings, and I would cry, and then he would berate me in the car on the way home. Don’t do this to yourself. If he wants to go to individual therapy, that’s on him but don’t let him think doing so is a ticket back into the marriage.

      3. The emotional task you have in front of you right now is to break your attachment to him, so that you will be able to think clearly. The less contact you have with him, the sooner that will happen. Don’t call, don’t email, don’t text.

      4. One more time, talk to your lawyer and see whether you want to get a court order in place re: custody and possibly other issues sooner rather than later. I can think of reasons this might be a good idea, but I can also think of reasons it might be good to stay out of court for the time being, lest he go on the offensive. You and your lawyer need to figure this out.

      5. Do not listen to the voices in your head that are telling you to feel sorry for him, or feel guilty, or feel responsible for him. Those voices are lying to you. He has betrayed every one of his obligations as a husband and father and he is now going to suffer the consequences of his actions. That is on him, not on you. Take care of yourself and your baby.

      6. And +1 to all the good advice above.

      You are a strong woman and you can and will get through this. It will be awful for a while but then it will be better than you can imagine. I tried to leave twice before I finally made it stick, and both times I looked back and was so sorry I’d backed down. Don’t back down. Make it stick. You deserve better than you’ve had. I am rooting for you.

      • Separation

        Thank you so much, Senior Attorney. I am going to need lots of advice about custody.

  3. New to Louboutin

    Well gosh, in my circle of friends/family, someone was given a pair of barely worn Louboutin pumps. Apparently the original owner had memories from a prior flame and didn’t want them any more. The end result is that I am the Cinderella of this group.

    I’ve never had anything in my closet at this price point. I have several questions as a newbie.

    1. Do I remove the plastic cling-on stuff from the soles?

    2. I work in a big city and walk on my driveway, parking lot at the office, and sidewalks on a daily basis. Mostly, it’s just a commute from my house to car to office door, rinse and repeat. So it’s short commute in general. All of my “other” (read: ordinary, <$120) pumps have the coloring/soles scratched from this walking.

    So am I supposed to protect the red soles by not walking in them and just put them on once I'm in the office?

    I mean, surely, people "just wear them" as my hubs suggested?

    3. Also, once the lovely red sole trademark is scratched, what do you do?

    Pardon the inanity of the questions, but I really don't own such lovely items and want to take appropriate care of them.

    • Anonymous

      Take the plastic off! I’d just wear them inside like I do all of my work shoes. You can get them resoled but most people just wear them scuffed.

    • Anonymous

      I get rubber soles put on the bottom, but I do that with all of my shoes. The shoe repair store I frequent has red rubber so there is less contrast with the part that isn’t covered. But after doing whatever you would normally do to shoes, just wear them.

    • LilyStudent

      The bit of the red bit that people can see when you’re standing up (the bit under the arch) isn’t going to get too scratched up, I wouldn’t have thought – so don’t worry unduly about that

  4. Lyssa

    We’re heading up to Chicago in mid-November and I’m looking for tips. I’ll be attending a seminar for a few days (the American Health Lawyers Association CLE – is anyone else going? I’d love to meet up!), then my husband and toddler will join me in the city for the weekend (they’ll visit family nearby while I’m learning). What are the can’t-miss things to do in the city? What should we eat (definitely want to “taste” the city)? Tips for getting around with a toddler? Should we expect it to be really cold (we’re from TN, so our definition of “really cold” is probably a bit warmer than yours)? Any thing else? First time there, so I’d really like to experience the city!

    TIA!

    • Becky

      Other people will have much more advice than I will, but if you want deep dish pizza, my favorite when I go is Giordano’s. It will be pretty cold and windy for you, make sure to bring coats, gloves, scarves, hats, etc., especially if you plan on walking through some of the parks or between places. And have a great time, I love visiting Chicago!

    • ANP

      Man, I love Chicago. Weather at that time of year will be dicey — there’s a chance it could be mid-50’s and sunny or 30’s and brutally windy. Where are you staying? That said:

      + I find Chicago to be very walkable, even with a toddler. I’d throw him in a (small) stroller and go for it! If the stroller is lightweight you can get it up/down stairs on the El platform or, depending on the time of day, onto a bus.

      + I think Michigan Ave. will be decorated by then, so you can stroll and people watch. I like Grand Lux Cafe for touristy-fun but not-gross food — EASY to have a kid there with you b/c it’s so loud, but watch out b/c portions are enormous. Save room for dessert! For someplace off the beaten path, RJ Grunt’s in Lincoln Park is yummy and kid-friendly too; Manny’s Deli on the south side is also pretty legendary. If you and your husband are SNL fans, you can also hit up the original Billy Goat Tavern (kids welcome, I believe!) underneath Michigan Ave., between Tribune Tower and the Wrigley Building.

      + Hands-down, the Shedd Aquarium is my favorite child-friendly touristy thing in the city — HOWEVER, the lines are crazy on the weekend and you may not want to devote a whole half-day to fish. But both of my kids love love love it so I highly recommend. If the weather is good you can stroll through Lincoln Park Zoo (free!) and eat at RJ Grunt’s afterward (see above).

      + I think the Kohl Children’s Museum in the north ‘burbs is the best, but the Chicago Children’s Museum on Navy Pier is pretty good too. I wouldn’t go to Navy Pier otherwise — too much time to get out there and not much to do once you arrive.

      This focuses quite a bit on the city proper and assumes you want to do mostly kid-oriented stuff. But if you have specific questions or that’s not the case, let me/us know.

      • Becky

        Last time I went (2 adults, mind you), we LOVED the aquarium. The planetarium is really cool too, but might not be quite as much fun with a toddler. It’s definitely kid-friendly, just more for slightly older kids.

    • nutella

      Mid-November, the Lincoln Park Zoo may have zoo lights on already, which is a hit with kids.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I was just there on vacation a few months ago and the coolest thing we did was take an architectural boat your. I don’t have the name offhand but it was through a non-profit and was absolutely wonderful. If it isn’t too cold, I highly recommend it.

      • Em

        Chicago Architecture Foundation! I did that too and also loved it – and I’m not even an architecture person; it was just really, really interesting.

        • Moonstone

          It’s the last week the tour is offered before it shuts down for winter. I gotta say, unless its a freakishly warm day, being on the river will be very cold in mid-November. I second the recommendation for Lincoln Park Zoo, which is free so even if the kid lasts for just an hour, it’s still fun to do.

    • Michelle

      For a taste of local junk food, you can’t beat the Italian Beef at Portillos. Second Giordano’s, for stuffed pizza (which is not really pizza if you’re a New Yorker like me but is yummy), and my kids ate stuffed spinach pizza before they realized spinach was something they were supposed to hate. I love the aquarium of course, the Art Institute is great depending on your toddler’s tolerance, and the Lincoln Park Zoo depending on weather (it’s Chicago, it’s November, it will be cold, whether it is cold AND miserable will vary).

    • CTS

      I would suggest Lou Malnottis for pizza (do the butter crust, you will only be sorry if you get on a scale afterward, which I advise against). I also love getting dim sum in Chinatown, a can’t remember the name of the place but it’s right off the red line on the L. We also enjoyed the museum of science and industry, there is plenty for kids to do there as well. Have fun!

    • Kim

      It may be too late for you to see this, but I’m going to that same conference! It’d be fun to meet-up for a drink if you’re interested.

  5. Anonymous

    I’d like to get a family picture taken this winter, but we’ve never done it before and don’t know the first thing about what to look for. Any thoughts? Also any recommendations in the DC area? I’d also like to keep the cost as reasonable as possible.

    • Wanderlust

      I think it’s a “know your office” situation, but this dress is beautiful!

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t buy this dress if I primarily needed a work dress. To me it’s better as fancy brunch, and doable for the office. If I really needed an office dress I’d buy one that’s more office than brunch.

      • Dress opinion

        To clarify – i bought it thinking it would be great for special occasions that aren’t formal occasions (like baby showers, fancy brunches, ballet performances, etc). I was just wondering if I could also get away with wearing it to the office. I definitely don’t need another office dress, though, so if it won’t work for that I’d still keep it.

    • Manhattanite

      Fine for the office just keep something around to cover your shoulders. And skip those ridiculous 90s knee highs it’s styled with in one photo… :)

      • Dress opinion

        I never go sleeveless at work so I’d always pair this with a cardigan for the office.

        Darn-it – so you’re saying the Cher Horowitz look is OUT for the office?

  7. MJ

    So, I thought that the blowback from Satya Nadella has been really interesting. Here’s a teaser from Broadsheeet, written by Caroloine Fairchild. The experts say, “…NEVER ASK FOR MORE MONEY.”

    Why Microsoft’s CEO may have been right about asking for a raise

    Now that the witch-hunt has died down a bit, it might be time to cut Microsoft’s CEO a little slack.

    Last week, Satya Nadella made a controversial comment about women and pay. On stage at the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing, Maria Klawe – the Harvey Mudd College president who was named one of the world’s 50 greatest leaders in Fortune for her work recruiting female engineering students — asked Nadella what advice he has for women uncomfortable with asking for pay raises. “It’s not really about asking for a raise, but knowing and having faith that the system will give you the right raise,” he responded.

    The crowd was noticeably alarmed by Nadella’s recommendation. Research shows that women are less likely to ask for a raise, which fuels the persistent gender wage gap. In 2013, female full-time workers were paid 78% of what men were paid.

    After a swarm of negative attention in the press and on social media, the CEO quickly recanted his statement. He acknowledged that he answered the question “completely wrong” and firmly stated that he believes men and women should get equal pay for equal work. “If you think you deserve a raise, you should just ask,” he wrote in a letter to employees.

    Yet Nadella’s second answer may be as ill advised as his first. Asking directly for a pay raise may be poor advice for workers regardless of their gender, say experts and several high-paid female execs.

    “You never ask for more money,” Victoria Medvec, the executive director of the Center for Executive Women at the Kellogg School of Management, said last week in a panel discussion at the 2014 Fortune Most Powerful Women Summit. “You ask for more of a package. As you go into a negotiation, you always make it about what you achieving for the business. The compensation should be at caboose of the offer. It is just along for the ride.”

    —

    I will post the link to the full story in the reply to avoid mod.

    I am interested in others’ advice on _not_ directly asking for more money, if you are not an executive, so “the other parts of your package” are more fixed.

    • Anon

      That’s terrible advice. If you ask for more money, you can get more money. Then all of your pay increases are based on that raise, so you’ll make even more money. Suzy engineer at Microsoft or another big company where she is a respected employee but ultimately another cog in the wheel is not going to be able to negotiate a longer maternity leave or more vacation or different benefits. Frankly most HR systems are not even really set up to do that on a big scale, even if the powers that be were all for it. If you want more money, you ask for more money. Nobody is going to read your mind to give you stuff you didn’t ask for, and who really wouldn’t want $10k vs a few extra vacation days? Is that even comparable?

    • Anonymous

      All her advice amounts to “when you ask for a raise, do so in a way that places the increased value you bring to the company first, instead of just show me the $$$.”

      That’s fine. Great advice. Nothing to do at all with the issue at hand though.

      • yousaucyminx

        I admit, I laughed at this one.

        I think it depends on your office. Mine is pretty conservative, so this wouldn’t work, but in a more casual environment, or more edgey field, it could be just fine.

  9. AN

    Ok, I hated the dress. It is a fancy hospital gown at best. At worst, it looks like the model forgot to zip up!

    • Denveranon

      Personally, I think the gold heel is ugly/frumpy. But go for it if you like them. It’s just a matter of personal taste, and I bet a lot of people on here will like them, so you’re not going to be that lady with the obviously ugly shoes.

    • tesyaa

      I got a Lands’ End catalog over the weekend and they have a similar (but plainer) version. I think the gold heel is trendy at the moment, but if Lands’ End is showing it I’d be slightly worried that the trend is almost over. Otherwise, the shoe is fine.

    • Brit

      I’d pass on them, but I’m not partial at all to the chunky heel trend that seems to be making a come back, so take my thoughts with only a grain of salt.

    • ITDS

      I have a pair like this from last season with a round toe, and find that they are very useful. I vote Not frumpy!

    • Anonymous

      Also, I have another pair of chunky low gold heels that I really love (for reasons other than said heel). Would you be worried about them looking obviously dated say, a year from now, or would that not be really noticeable?

    • Anonymous

      I actually love the heel — but not a fan of upper. And contrary to what others are saying, the low chunky heel is very “in” right now.

    • LilyStudent

      I love the low chunky heel, but I’m not a fan of the square toe – but then I have fairly long feet (US10) and square-toed shoes tend to make them look like flippers, where rounded and almondy toed ballet pump type shoes (and even Chuck Taylors!) show off how ridiculously thin my feet are (they’re the only part of me that is, so I like to make the most of it!

  11. AnonInfinity

    Has anyone read “Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time”? I’m wondering if it’s mostly geared toward women with children, or if it has some good stuff for those of us without kids, too? And if it’s worth reading? I’ve read some mixed reviews.

    • 'Murica

      I’ve read it, though it’s been awhile. I don’t have kids (though I plan to eventually) and I remember it being largely geared towards families with children, but there were also portions that were applicable to people without children, especially as it relates to work. I enjoyed the book. It’s more of a sociological exploration of American and other cultures’ relationships with time and sharing of duties than a how to book on time management.

    • I'm Just Me ...

      I read it, or I read part of it. I decided a good ways into the book that I had better things to do with my time. I have children, but I don’t think that the book was geared totally towards mothers. If you have read the multiple articles by the same author then you have read most of the book.

      The first 2 chapters were basically a recap of the articles. The following 2 chapters were a extoling the author’s busyness. There were a few tidbits on bringing schedules under control, things like learning to say no and the power of not multitasking and keeping careful agendas and prioritizing and a nugget or two about not over extending yourself, but nothing that I really apparently needed to read.

      There were quite a few passages on how women are more busy than men, which I don’t actually think is true.

  12. mbs

    Can anyone recommend lined wool dress pants that fit similar to the Drew fit at Limited or Sloan fit at Banana Republic? I’ve lost weight, which is nice, but I lost more inches in my hips than my waist, and now nothing fits right. I need a straight cut with a lower rise. I’ve always been able to wear Ann Taylor Modern fit pants and Banana Republic Martin fit, now both of those are baggy in the seat, if I get them to fit in the waist. And I’ve had no luck getting the hips altered if I buy the larger size to fit my waist – apparently that’s difficult to do, I’ve ruined 2 pairs of pants trying. The Drew & Sloane pants fit well, but they don’t come in wool, and I’d like some nicer wool pants for winter, and a nice wool suit if I can find one. I was going to try the JCrew wool City Fit, but they aren’t lined . I can’t wear unlined wool pants, I’ve tried. Thought about trying Theory, but also could not find lined wool, and I’d have to order them, no one in town carries that brand. Any suggestions from other no-waist women?

    • Denveranon

      I’m straight-figured, and I like Brooks Bros. I’ve found lots of high-quality, lined wool slacks at their factory/outlet store.

    • KateMiddletown

      try the J Crew Outlet for lined wool-blend pants. i got some a few years back and while they were too short (no Tall sizes there) they were a great buy and had a nice wide leg shape.

  13. AttiredAttorney

    Any recommendations on standing desks, or easy/cheap modifications to create a standing desk environment? Other than the obvious of stacking your screen on a bunch of books or boxes, of course.

  14. PrettyLawBelle

    I really like both the featured dress and I especially am feeling the less expensive Lumier one. Super chic! I probably would not wear either to work, though, because of the slightly open back.

  15. Erin @ Her Heartland Soul

    My husband is turning 30 November 3rd. I typically have an easy time getting him gifts but this feels harder because it is such a big milestone! Any fun ideas for a 30th birthday present?

  16. Moonstone

    Anyone here use the Spark fitness tracker with Sparkpeople? It’s a lot cheaper than a Fitbit but gets mixed reviews. I can’t figure out whether you have to sync is every day.

  17. Sarabeth

    Any tips for dealing with coworkers who regularly make “full voice” phone calls in an open-space work environment? It’s getting really distracting (they recently moved to my area of the office) but is it just fair game in this kind of office space? I am really reluctant to say something but my usual passive aggressive sigh-then-put-on-headphones tactics aren’t working (they have their back to me).

    • kc

      I dealt with this a year ago, unfortunately no, I don’t think there is anything you can do. We actually have people who have speakerphone conversations, but it’s part of their job. We usually just put on headphones if it’s really distracting.

    • Anonymous

      Deal with it. Making phone calls at a normal speaking voice is completely acceptable behavior. And stop passive aggressive sighing. That’s never work appropriate!

      • Sarabeth

        Could you hear me passively aggressively sighing in response to this comment? Full voice isn’t the same thing as “inside office voice” in my book. 90% of the floor manages to use a quieter voice when on the phone than they would if they were sitting in their apartments.

      • A

        I do agree that passive-aggressive sighing is never okay, nor is passive-aggressive huffing, grunting, or throat-clearing. That’s not a valid way to deal with behavior you don’t like, at work or anywhere else. While you can’t expect people to whisper on work calls, if you honestly believe someone could be a little quieter on the phone, you need to talk to them about it. Sometimes people don’t realize how loud they are when they’re on the phone. And if you can’t bring yourself to have that conversation, then let it go – and that means dropping the passive-aggressive behavior.

        • Sarabeth

          Right, that’s why I was asking the question. The comment about sighing was a joke.

      • Ellen

        Yay! Pricey Monday’s! Like a lot of the other op’s, the back is to open for me, even tho it does the opposite of showeing the tuchus, it is NOT for me, Kat!

        As for the specific OP here, you have to work with people NOT upset them. Hence, I alway’s talk with a quiet voice, not b/c I want to sound sexy (I am told I do), but in respect to those around who would otherwise hear me. It is NOT enough to just say deal with it. FOOEY!

        I am about ready to give my litiegation lecture now–the professor was VERY complementary of me and all that I have accomplished since law school. He said that now that I am over 30, I can date HIM! I did NOT know where to look b/c he is still 30+ year’s older then me, but he claim’s that the female student’s are all over him b/c he is such a man! OMG, it must be slim pickeing’s in the classroom, as it was when I was a student, but realy? 30+ is a bit much for any gal, even a gold digger! We are going to go to eat in Georgetown, maybe at the 1776 house or somewhere he said. I do NOT remember that place. Is the HIVE familiar with it?

        Anyway, I am having a good time and hope to be back late tonite. I billed 22 hour’s on Saturday. If I worked every Saturday, I would exceed my require’d billeing’s by over 15%, Frank says. I have to think about that b/c THAT is what my BONUS is tied to. BILLEING’s!! YAY!!!!!!!!

    • M2

      I feel you. There is a dude down the hall from me who makes several calls each day using his outside voice with his door open and I can hear him clear as day with my door closed. It is so. annoying., but does not interfere with my ability to work such that it is worth confronting him about it. Unless it interferes with your work-related phone calls (i.e. client on the other end has commented on being able to hear loud co-worker), just put your headphones on and carry on.

  18. Anonymous

    Does J.Crew have any pants that work for hourglass figures? I really love some of them but don’t want to spend extra $ to take in the waist.

    • Amy H.

      In my experience, only the J. Crew Hutton trouser in the suiting line (wide-leg) works for an hourglass/pear figure off the rack.

      • Anonymous

        Really? A) can we not acknowledge that “women’s figures” encompass a range of shapes? And B) I have a 10 inch diff between my waist and hips and find the Hutton and 1035 trouser work well.

        • Alana

          10 inches is the standard difference according to many size charts, especially in non-00, non-plus size clothes.

          To be frank, I think it could be related to the idea that some figures are “classy” and others are “vulgar,” as well as the idea that wealthy women are more likely to have leaner figures with less extreme curves.

      • Mpls

        Eh – I have pants (stovepipe trouser, chinos, jeans) from Jcrew that fit fine (in my normal size), I just don’t wear them at my waist (short waisted, 12″ difference between hips and waist). I am more likely to wear a belt with those pants, however, given that they tend to slide down a bit more.

    • Chini

      I haven’t had much luck with J. Crew pants, but I suppose it depends on what kind of hourglass/pear you are. Honestly, a 10-12″ hip/waist differential is NOTHING, especially if you’re just dealing with wider hips but have a relatively flat or proportionate butt. I find that J. Crew (and most other retailers, to be fair) are too narrow in the legs, and I can’t even get most styles above my thighs unless they’re about three sizes too big for my waist.

  19. Chini

    Looking for recommendations for jeans and work pants that fit big legs. Bonus points if they come in petite/short lengths. My proportions have changed over the past year as I’ve gotten into shape. Waist is more defined, stomach is flatter, booty is rounder and larger, and thighs have grown exponentially (mostly quads sticking out, but my legs are bigger all around). I’d say I’m size 4 waist, size 8 butt, and size 10-12 legs.

    I’ve been living in wrap dresses because everything else in my closet is too small, and I’ve had zero luck with shopping. Everything gaps at the waist and pulls across the thighs (horizontal creases running down the back of the legs). Tailoring only works up to a point — I’ve already had one item ruined because the size differential was too great to maintain the silhouette. “Curvy” fits typically don’t work because they are structured for people with wide hips (which I don’t particularly have), not so much a badonkadonk that sticks out and muscular legs.

    Help. It is getting cold and my legs need to be covered.

      • Chini

        BRILLIANT search term. I don’t do Crossfit so that never crossed my mind (and I had lackluster results searching for variations of big/muscular/athletic legs). Some of the results that came up are brands I’ve never tried, so I need to map out some stores and schedule another shopping day. A lot of those Crossfit photos are exactly my body type, blessed be the bootay.

        • Lucky

          I have pretty much the exact same figure you are describing and swear by Lucky Brand’s Sofia and Sweet n’ Straight lines. They generally come in a 30 in. inseam, as well. I’m a size 4 waist and they accommodate my very muscular legs/backside very well. I have several pairs of both, and they are pretty much all that fits. I have also heard good things about Barbell Denim, but have yet to try them myself.

          • Chini

            I realize it’s way too late to be posting in this thread, but in the event any of you responders check back….

            Lucky Sofia and Sweet N Low used to be my favorite jeans EVAH. But they were a casualty of my expanding legs. I tried on about a dozen different pairs of Lucky jeans in the company store today, including the new Lolita (curvy) line. All had the same issue — my usual size wouldn’t make it up past my knees, and sizing up led to gapping waist, saggy butt, and too-tight horizontal creases across the thighs. I also tried on jeans in other stores, including the Levis someone else recommended. Haven’t tried Barbell (super wary of online-only shopping and returns, especially for something as fickle-fitting as jeans), but I may end up caving. I genuinely believe that I have bulked myself out of standard manufactured clothing.

    • Pants

      You might try Calvin Klein Classic-fit Trousers. The legs are wide and straight. I bought mine at Dillards but Macys has them too. You likely would have to have waist taken in, but after a day searching the mall these were the only wide, straight leg trouser style I could find. Jones New York had some that also had a wide straight leg- can’t recall the name of the style.

        • Pants

          The Jones New York are the Sloane pant, in the Jonesworks collection. Turns out I’d bought these in charcoal and the CK in black.

          • Chini

            Tried the CK classic today – they were a no go. I tried two sizes up and still couldn’t get the fabric to drape over my legs properly. Beyond that, I think a tailor would have trouble taking in the waist and saggy butt.

            As I posted above, it’s possible I may have bulked myself out of standard manufactured clothing. Looks like I will invest in lots of stretchy leggings and sweater dresses this winter.

  20. CTS

    I am going to be interviewing for a new job at my FIL’s law firm in a couple of weeks, and I have a question about how to handle one particular partner. A little background, I am returning to full-time work after a year of working part-time with my husband at our own firm while my daughter is little. When I mentioned my desire to find another job (I prefer not to work with my husband, we are too different to work together), my FIL was very enthusiastic about my joining his firm (5 partners, no associates) as were 4 of the 5 partners. The 5th expressed his desire to interview others and he will presumably put up a fight about taking me on, likely due to his ambivalence about nepotism. I have excellent credentials (top lawschool, law review, clerkship, etc), so his beef can’t be about my qualifications. Should I confront his doubts directly during the interview, or not say anything knowing that the other parters are already on board? What would you all advise?

    • Anonymous

      Why on earth would you confront him? To prove that you’re going to be able to get the job because nepotism even though he owns a share of the business and doesn’t want to hire you? Be professional , pleasant , interested in his work, and focus on how you can help the firm.

    • Anon

      What would confronting his doubts directly accomplish? It seems like that’d be awkward and you may put him on the spot. If they have an anti-nepotism rule and they are relaxing it for you, this is all the more reason to be above board throughout the process, including by looking at potential other hires so that there’s no way to say at a later date that the only reason you got this job is because you had a familial connection.

    • Anon2

      Absolutely. Not.

      Frankly, he has a say in making this decision, and if he has an issue with offering you the job then he will discuss it with his fellow decision makers. You have enough champions in your corner. If this one guy can overthrow four of them, you very likely wouldn’t enjoy working with him anyway. Keep the interview focused on you and your credentials – don’t bring up the family relationship unless someone else does, and even still downplay it. You need to sell yourself as a standalone entity to sway this guy.

    • EK

      I think that this may be a wording issue.

      I too would discourage “confronting” this partner but I think proactively addressing his potential concerns in the interview.

      That’s just as you would with any interview, address your perceived weak points and make your case why you would be an excellent hire.

    • Sacha

      I don’t think there is much to be gained here from telling Partner 5, “So, FIL gave me the heads up about your concerns about nepotism before I even came in to interview with you, and he also told me the other three partners are on our side, so I’d have the inside track on aceing this interview …” And I don’t think you’d have to say it directly to communicate that if you bring up concerns about nepotism in your meeting with Partner 5 that he hasn’t expressed directly to you. Follow the advice above.

    • CTS

      “Confront” was a bad choice of words, I meat to simply address the issue directly, not necessarily to him alone. I certainly know not to be confrontational! Something like “I know you may have reservations because your parter is my FIL, but I would like you to know that I am prepared to work just as hard for you as I would for anyone else” or something like that.

      • Katie

        Hmm, I feel like saying that is just drawing more attention to the situation, and saying you’re prepared to work “just as hard as you would for anyone else” is an empty promise. Let your credentials shine and approach this as you would any other job opportunity. Good luck!

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