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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 178 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Drape Front Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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The Limited Drape Front Sheath Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. We started the week with a splurgey, drapey dress; let's end with one as well. This one, of course, is much more affordable ($41, huzzah) and the care is far easier — machine wash, tumble dry. The Limited Drape Front Sheath Dress Two plus-sized options are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. DisenchantedinDC

    Love this dress! Trying to build my business wardrobe at the moment – anybody have any advice on how The Limited fits? I am a 14/16 fringe size.

    • Sydney Bristow

      In my experience, their dresses seem to run a bit smaller than their skirts. It’s worth a shot as a fringe size. I carry my weight in my stomach and as a similar size, the dresses were to tight but the skirts were fine.

    • lost academic

      It was tricky for me – medium tops were good for me (I’m an 8/10 there) but jackets run smaller/thinner arms (I’ve got muscles!) and I’m a 10-14 for pants, with 12 talls fitting perfectly there. Love the quality! Planning to order a dress and see how that goes.

    • Ems

      I got their suiting dress and I love it. 12P/14P in BR/AT and was able to pick up in 12P in the limited.

  2. Comforter recs

    Looking for a good quality lightweight down comforter that won’t break the bank. Suggestions? TIA!

    • Anon

      the company store! I have had mine for approx 5 years and its still in really good condition

    • Anonymous

      ikea has worked well for us. we live in a warmer climate, but have had ours for 3+ years and it’s going strong.

      • lost academic

        +1 – you can get a variety of weights there, and we use duvet covers on them that wash nicely.

      • Ems

        My mom bought me an ikea one in 2001 and it’s still great (lives in the guest bedroom at my parent’s now)

    • moss

      I bought one on overstock last year for about 45$ and washed it every couple of weeks and it’s held up well. The one I bought is out of stock but if you read the reviews for the blankets I am sure you can find something that would work.

    • Cb

      Doi-tsch? I’m hopelessly confused by pronunciation after a friend thought I was an idiot for not knowing who Alan Turing was. I heard Churring. I’d say a t, she’d say a tch!

      • KP

        Agree but go easy on the ‘a’, you don’t want to sound harsh like CHA CHA CHA. Focus more on the CH sound.

          • Opal

            We call them “DB” at my finance job, but people who don’t work with them on the regular might not pick up on that.

          • buffybot

            I have the maturity of a 12 year old, but I’ve always found it endless amusing when Deutsche Bank AG is abbreviated as DBAG in legal docs.

          • Pronunciation Q for finance people

            Too funny!

            But this isn’t re the parent level, so no DBAG. Some other DB entity.

  4. DisenchantedinDC

    Repost from yesterday: recommendations for productivity/time management/personal development books? TIA!

  5. Anonymous

    Sigh. When you have a huge crush on a guy with a girl friend, and after 3 months of dinners alone with him he sets something up with the girlfriend too. Ugh.

    • DisenchantedinDC

      Sounds like you may be causing yourself more hurt by doing this. Maybe some space away from him would be good?

    • Anonymous

      3 months of dinners alone with someone who’s in a committed relationship with someone else? Doesn’t really seem appropriate, assuming it’s a conventional, monogamous relationship. What are your expectations here? Are you hoping he’ll fall for you and leave her? Are you trying to be “the other woman”? Someone’s gonna get hurt in this situation, it’s best to give it up and find someone who’s available.

      • anon

        It doesn’t have to be inappropriate. DH and I frequently have dinner with opposite sex friends alone.

        • Anonymous

          It’s inappropriate here though. She’s right- I want him to leave his gf for me. He has no idea.

          I know, I need to stop. But I’m lonely, and I do look for other people, and they’re all terrible.

          Sigh. Just venting really. I know what I need to do.

          • Calico

            I bet he does have an idea, though. He probably enjoys the attention and your company.

          • Anonymous

            You’re probably right about that. I haven’t says anything to him, but I’m sure it’s obvious.

          • A from Boston

            Please stop making excuses for this behavior. Being lonely and having trouble finding someone doesn’t give you a pass to sabotage someone’s relationship like this.

            Stop looking, and get into a hobby that has you around other people doing something fun. Start going to Paint Nites with your friends, get involved in your community, take up a form of social dancing like lindy hop or salsa.

          • Anonymous

            Hahaha. Yeah. Sure. Paint nites. Ok.

            Look, I know I’m doing something not great here. So is he. But the solution isn’t signing up for classes.

          • A from Boston

            My point is, you need to find something to do that you enjoy. I didn’t say you had to sign up for classes per se, but there’s clearly a void in your life, and dating a man who’s not available isn’t the way to fill it.

          • Anonymous

            The void in my life is an attractive interesting man who makes me laugh, has time to go out with me, suggests interesting things to do, and enjoys my company. I understand I can’t have this one, I do, but it is a real sadness for me and it’s not a void that is easily filled. I’m so exhausted about being single.

          • Sabataging?

            @ A from Boston – Can we not put the blame on her for “sabotaging” someone else’s relationship? No one is responsible for the relationship except the people in it. OP is not a temptress luring Guy to his doom – he can be an idiot all on his own. He either knows OP is interested and is courting that (bad on him) or he thinks this is how you are friends with women (and is just oblivious).

            Yes, OP shouldn’t be hoping to break up a relationship in order to date one of the parties (bad karma), but geez, give the guy some autonomy in making the decision to continue seeing OP in date-like situations.

          • CountC

            Right, and as long as you are pining for this taken dude and still seeing him, you won’t be able to fill that void with someone who meets all of your wants and needs. You need to cut it off now and start filling your time with other activities and possibly some therapy to figure out why you are attracted to unavailable men. I can say that to you because I had to do the same exact thing.

          • Ella

            I feel you about the lack of guys, but right now, focusing on the unattainable dude is making things worse. Pain of no contact is better than the long drawn out pain of longing. Seriously. I can’t listen to Adele’s 21 because it brings me back to a summer I spent pining over the wrong dude.

          • Anon2

            I’m so sorry. I know this must be rough. But I promise, finding another person to make you happy isn’t the solution. You have to do and find things that make YOU happy, as an independent person, not as half of a relationship. Social activities are a good way to start. I met a lot of my current friend circle through group exercise classes – yoga, TRX, crossfit, etc are all community oriented. There is probably SOMETHING out there for you. Start building your social circle even when it seems impossible. Give people a chance.

            I have literally been in your shoes. It feels okay because it scratches an itch you have and makes you feel good, and it’s probably fun and easy. You can’t imagine anybody else holding a candle to the way you feel when you’re with him, or why would you possibly want to go and look for somebody better when you already like *this one*?

            But if his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum, what do you think he’d do or say?

          • Anon2

            @Ella I cried in the car last night while listening to Taylor Swift because of the exact same thing. I know I’m so much better off now, but sometimes my heart still hurts.

          • Anonymous

            But I have a huge social circle, and I do tons of things. I love my job. I have a great apartment. I have a fantastic family. But I want s3x on the regular, someone else there when I come home, and a baby.

          • A from Boston

            And most of us have been there, honestly. Two years ago I fell head over heels with my roommate’s friend who was one of the most gorgeous men I’d ever spoken to. My roommate said he was “starting a thing” with someone in another state, but it seemed like it hadn’t gotten serious yet so I told him I wanted to get to know him better. He explained he’d gotten his heart ripped to shreds by his ex fiance earlier that year and wasn’t ready for a new relationship, but we started hanging out anyway and I, fool I was, got my hopes up about him. I was so optimistic that we’d get together . . . but he eventually told me we needed to keep things platonic, and then made things official with the woman he’d been seeing and I was crushed!

            Moral of the story: while we should never get our hopes up too high about someone new, it’s really not emotionally responsible to get invested in someone who’s definitely not available, in the hopes that with enough contact, enough flirtation and charm, he’ll eventually be yours. It rarely works out in your favor.

            By the way, I’ve been cheated on, and I blamed both of them, not just him. He shouldn’t have given in, but she shouldn’t have actively pursued someone she knew was in a relationship.

          • Anon2

            You’re probably not going to get that from a man in a committed relationship. Frankly, if you really want to go down that road with him, just rip off the band aid and tell him. If he rebuffs you, you have your answer. If he leaves his GF for you, well, you have your answer.

            The dating scene may blow, I get it, but come on. You’re just fooling yourself.

          • emeralds

            Hey Anonymous, I just wanted to send a ton of empathy your way. This sounds a lot like a situation I was in while I was in college–I was close friends with a guy who had a girlfriend. It was 100% platonic until he broke up with said girlfriend. I started wanting something more; then he started dating someone else. We continued to hang out “as friends” for a really, really long time. Nothing physical ever happened, although we came close a few times (like, leaning in for a kiss and a friend came to see where we were). I kept hoping if I waited, he would leave her for me. At the time I thought I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but in retrospect I am so ashamed of the way that I acted for months upon months. They did break up eventually, but he still never wanted to date me–he just wanted a source of attention and emotional support. And friendship, but in retrospect our friendship was nothing like the 100% platonic, non-complicated friendships I enjoy with every other one of my male friends.

            I am obviously not you, but I know how hard this is. I really, really do. I think you know what you need to do, which is take some space and give yourself time to mourn what could have been. You will never be able to move on as long as you’re still seeing him, especially for stuff like one-on-one dinners. That’s just a fact. No slightly awkward, small-talky first date is ever going to match up with with months or years of friendship and easy chemistry.

        • relationships

          And the OP of this thread is one reason why you should be concerned if they are occurring regularly…. with the same person…. who is single….

          • anon

            We still do this. It’s more me, but they’re very longstanding friendships with parameters that are very well established, so maybe that makes it different. I wouldn’t spend that much one on one time with someone I didn’t know really well.

          • A from Boston

            “parameters that are very well established”

            See this is the key element, you’ve talked about what you’re both okay and not okay with, and you adhere to those boundaries out of respect for each other. You’re not sneaking off to dinner with the “he doesn’t need to know because I’m not doing anything wrong” mindset, and you’re not telling him “this is what I’m doing, and it’s not wrong so you need to be cool with it.”

        • Anonymous

          Yes, and the other night I had dinner with a male friend who has a girlfriend; but we went to a casual place to catch up, we’re not constantly going to dinner and neither one of us has feelings for the other person. I didn’t say “having dinner with the opposite sex” is bad, but 3 months of doing it consistently when you have strong feelings for the other person is sketchy.

    • TO Lawyer

      Without commenting on the propriety of your dinner with this man, I know this is really tough but please stop torturing yourself. Just cut it off if you can’t have platonic only feelings with/for him. It’s ok to take some time and cut off the friendship without explanation so you can get over your feelings.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks, TO Lawyer, and everyone else. Sincerely. You’re not telling me anything new, but sometimes you just need to hear it from other people, you know? No more dinners just the two of us. Or late night texting. No more.

        • cbackson

          Yes. In the end, this comes down to not valuing yourself enough. You deserve more than a non-relationship with an unavailable person. I know it’s hard, because I’ve been there (in my case, the guy was always SUPER vague about the status of his relationship and so I told myself that they were just dating, not a couple…but that was total self-delusion), but you are worth more than what you are getting from him.

        • January

          Also, if you really can’t shake your sadness or tendency to fixate on this guy, consider asking your doctor for a low dose of an anti-depressant. Seriously. It might make a world of difference for you. It also helped me to realize that my inability to move on might be partially due to a chemical imbalance in my brain, and not just a moral failing on my part.

    • Anonymous

      First question, do you really like him or are you just lonely? Are you just displacing feelings? Second question, if you really like him, does he really like you too? If so, it is wrong and you need to decide if you can make yourself stop liking him, otherwise you shouldn’t see him anymore.

      As an anecdote – I had a similar scenario happen to myself. However, my situation is the EXCEPTION. I met my current husband when he was with a serious girlfriend. We were in school and studied/hung out regularly. At some point I realized I had very strong feelings for him, and I thought he did too – just intuition. I, within a week of realizing this, told him I couldn’t hang out anymore because I had feelings and it was inappropriate and disrespectful to his girlfriend. He agreed, but said he didn’t want to not be my friend. I drew a line. A week later he left his girlfriend, and we have been together ever since – married, etc.

      Again – this is the exception, not the rule. But, my experience does lend itself to a different perspective than everyone else. So yes, it is wrong what you are doing, but if you REALLY feel a certain way, you should be honest and willing to walk away if necessary. I have since spoken with the ex-girlfriend, and it was harder on her then on me. Remember, one day if you are the girl on the other side with the boyfriend, this type of behavior could hurt you and its best to be respectful of everyone.

      • January

        I have to agree with this (even though, as one of the unrequited ones for whom it didn’t work out, I sometimes hate these kinds of happy-ending stories). If you want a regular, committed boyfriend, and a baby (which are normal things to want! it’s ok that you want these things!), then your options are to fess up to this guy so neither of you can hide behind the “we’re just friends” front anymore (because you are not “just” friends), and if he doesn’t return your feelings or actually choose to be with you, then you need to start the process of moving on. Which can include taking new classes or finding new activities, just to help you redefine your life a bit.

        I’m sorry you’re going through this, because I have been there. And clearly you are not alone in struggling with this type of situation. Maybe it would help to start actively telling yourself that he’s not an option for you. And don’t agree to dinner with him and the girlfriend. Gawd.

    • Anon

      Stand in his current girlfriend’s shoes and see how it feels. Just because you are in pain doesn’t mean you have the right to inflict pain on others. Also, if this continues most likely you will be in those shoes in future. He will do to you what he is doing to his current girlfriend. So be prepared.

      • Anonymous

        Very true. A lot of women try to tell themselves that men who do entertain new relationship prospects while currently in a relationship are good men, and are only doing it because they have the misfortune of being with a woman who is unworthy of his love and respect. But really, someone who does this likely does it with most, if not all, of the people they get involved with.

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      Wow, seriously, you know he has a girlfriend. I deleted my original comments because they are too snarky, but seriously stop it! He has a girlfriend and you should not actively try to break up a seemingly happy couple. Just stop.

    • Anonymous

      For your sake, and the sake of his girlfriend, you shouldn’t continue seeing/talking to him. You may be interested in him now, but would you really want to date someone who is willing to sneak around behind his girlfriend’s back (or at the very least continue to keep his options open)? If he is willing to do it with you, he would do it to you.

  6. RDC

    Good morning! Looking for recommendations for clothes storage at the office. I’ve started leaving most of my suit jackets at the office for ease of commuting, but don’t have a wardrobe or place to hang them. (Also, no chance that the office will buy me anything.) Can anyone recommend a sturdy but not-too-big clothes rack I could keep at the office? I’m thinking it should fit 6-10 jackets. A metal rack is fine — not too concerned with the aesthetics of it — and would love to find something for under $50, but can go more if necessary.

    • Wildkitten

      Do you have a door? I’d get an over the door something that you can hang jackets on hangers on.

    • Anon

      That actually sounds a little inappropriate – 10 jackets at work? It’s not your closet, it’s your workplace. I get that it might help you commute but most people figure out how to do tha without leaving their wardrobe at work. Just seems like it would send a very unprofessional message. I’d rethink this.

      • RDC

        It’s actually pretty common in my office, since lots of folks bike or use public transit and change once they arrive.

      • Wildkitten

        I keep all my suit jackets at work, but we have little cabinet closets so it’s really easy. And I think it might be a public transportation thing – I don’t have a car to leave stuff in.

    • Anonymous

      I hung a wreath hanger on the inside of my door just this morning to hang jackets on. Seemed like the cheapest option.

  8. Veronica Mars

    I discovered something about my best friend recently & wanted to vent my irritation. She’s a graduate of one of the best universities in the country & she only uses the ampersand instead of the word ‘and.’ She did it once in a blog post she asked me to proof & I was very clear in telling her that it’s not used like that. I thought it was a one-time slip. Nope. I saw some other work from her & it’s clear this is her normal writing style. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I went back & checked my emails from her since we’ve been friends for years & we only really send files back & forth, not messages. She doesn’t do it in texts. Sigh. I’ve told her once & I know I need to let it go.

    • mascot

      One of my dearest friends doesn’t use capitalization very much. I assume that she uses it properly in her professional life so I just love her ee cummings quirk and move on. I wouldn’t consider a blog post to be formal business writing so maybe she’s fine in work you don’t see. But yes, let this go.

      • Veronica Mars

        She’s in STEM, so I don’t think she actually writes much in her job. She normally asks me to proof important things since she knows I’m a writer, so luckily I can catch it if she does it in say, a cover letter. But yeah, no point in telling her again now.

    • Anonymous

      Hahahahaha. Love. Love the weirdness of pet peeves. Love that my BFF tolerates emojis as words and doesn’t comment when I just don’t spell stuff rite.

    • Anonymous

      I’m actually totally thrown off by all the &’s in your post!

      Good luck correcting anybody else’s grammar. I work in a shop where I do a lot of writing and we have a copy editor for this.

    • Mpls

      It would be like using @ every time you meant “at” – fine in text or informal communication, but weird when you are using letters for all your other words.

      I totally understand the frustration :) It’s kind of a code switch – you just don’t expect it to be in prose.

    • Alli

      This made me curious about ampersands, so I googled and learned a lot! Did you know the word “ampersand” comes from the phrase “And per se and,” which is what schoolchildren in the 1800s used to say at the end of reciting the alphabet? The “&” was, for a time, considered a character of the alphabet, and it came from the Latin “et” meaning and. Often written in cursive, the “et” evolved to look like what is now the symbol “&.” It was considered the alphabetical character for the word “and,” and when children ended their recitation of the alphabet, they said “X, Y, Z, and per se and” (per se for “by itself,” so “and, by itself, and”). I thought this was fascinating! (Nerd Alert)

    • Snickety

      Send her the Wikipedia article. If she’s going to use it all the time, she should at least know the history.

  9. Yesterday's Shopping Help Post

    Thank you all for your help late in the day in helping to find a dress! I actually ended up buying 2 of them, I loved all the suggestions so much. :) Also, I had never shopped at Macy’s before, and had an excellent experience with their customer service. One of the dresses I purchased went on sale today, and they adjusted the price for me no problem. So once again, the Hive is awesome and has awesome taste.

  10. Anonymous

    Can anyone recommend good books for learning about depression? I believe my husband is clinically depressed I believe he’s also had 2 other bouts in 17 years we’ve been married – is post partum depression for fathers a thing? I think it is. He strongly resists admitting he’s depressed most of the time and refuses to seek treatment. I think he feels he’s weak or that it’s shameful that he has an objectively great life but still feels unhappy. I’d like to understand more about depression so I can get a sense of what is going on with him. He’s not normally an unreasonable guy and will usually change his mind about things given evidence. I think it’s the depression making him stubbornly think counseling will do no good and “drugging himself” would turn him into some sort of zombie (admittedly he has some not good family examples of people on psychiatric drugs).

    I feel like I need to understand this disease more before I can begin to understand how to be supportive and helpful. Any resources you can suggest would be much appreciated.

    • Wildkitten

      You should go to a therapist and talk to them about how you can get him to go to a therapist and get anti-depressants. Depression lies and “being supportive” isn’t helpful if you end up supporting his choices to not get therapy and not go on meds.

    • Anon for this

      Yes, it is (even if it’s not necessarily as hormonally tied as PPD in women), but definitely urge him to get assistance. My H had real issues in the first year after our child was born, but I was too in a fog myself to realize it right away.

      • Meg Murry

        Not to armchair diagnose, but after my second was born and was almost 1 I was diagnosed with ‘Situational Adjustment Disorder’ – basically, I was often on the borderline of depression/anxiety and the fact that I wasn’t coping well with the adjustment of going from 1 to 2 kids pushed me over the border into depression. (Note – it wasn’t that I didn’t love my 2nd, just that I wasn’t coping with the added stress very well, and had to learn some techniques for dealing with it, and communicating with my husband what was and wasn’t working for me/us).

        CBT was moderately helpful for me, although not entirely, partially because I didn’t really listen/work at it, and because I wasn’t really ready to hear what the therapist had to say. I was in my “dream job” at my “dream company” but I was actually miserable and hated it – and until I was able to admit that, and wound up leaving that job – which was terrifying, but the best thing for me in the long run. Meds also helped me get out of bed every day, and calm the panic attacks – but the best thing for me was just leaving that job, and admitting to my husband that I needed more help.

        TL;DR: PPD for dads could be more of a situational adjustment thing, plus some guilt about that fact that he’s not happy with what looks like a good life to outsiders.

    • Lorelei Gilmore

      A friend was initially diagnosed with PPD for dads, which is a real thing. But when he got in front of a better doctor, the actual diagnosis is a variation of bipolar, which explained the bouts of depression. Bipolar doesn’t require the kind of manic episodes we used to think it did.

      Another friend was just plain old depressed after his first child was born. He later said it was like he thought he should feel joy but never did.

      Either way, I strongly encourage you to drag your husband to see a competent mental health pro. But it is very hard to do that. I really empathize with you and send you support.

  11. Ready to Move

    I’ve lived in dc my whole life but I’m thinking it might be time for a change. I’m tired of the same people, growing apart from many, and just feel kind of stale 4 years out of undergrad (and yes, I’m talking to a therapist about it, which has been really helpful). Anyone else lived in the same area their whole life then decide to move? What was it like?

    I don’t know how far I would want to go but I feel ready for some sort of change. I still have some friends in the area, am trying to make an effort to meet new people but I feel like I’m ready to leave and experience something new, I’m just worried if that’s the “easy way out” and I don’t really know anyone who has moved away for more than a few months that I can really speak to this other than my best friend who moved to the west coast who is obviously very supportive of this.

    • Anonymous

      Lots of my friends have tried this, and realized that real estate isn’t a cure for depression and dissatisfaction, and knowing no one is really lonely.

      I see it work for the handful who really had a reason to move- family, lifestyle, job.

      Be moving to something not away from something.

      • CountC

        Yes, this. IMO a change of scenery because you are bored/frustrated/[insert adjective here] without something else involved (relationship, job, school) may leave you with the same feelings, just in a different place where you may not know anyone. Of course, it depends on what type of person you are and how quickly you make new friends, get involved in new activities, what industry you work in/size of company/how easy is it to make work friends. DC has so many things going on that if you wanted to make new friends, try new activities, even more to a different neighborhood to see what the scene is like there, you could absolutely do so without the commitment of moving somewhere totally new.

        FWIW, I grew up in NoVA, moved to a southern state for school, moved back up to the DMV area after that, moved to PA to law school three years later not knowing a soul, moved back down to NoVA for two years (I ran away from my problems), and then ended up back in PA because NoVA was unsustainable for me for a variety of reasons and everything I loved is in PA.

    • anon

      I have moved for a change of pace before, and I loved it. I really needed it too. I think you need to figure out what exactly the problem is and whether moving will fix it. Wanting something new, yeah. Feeling lonely or growing apart from friends, not so much.

      • TravelAnon

        +1!

        Depression didn’t leave when I moved to Seattle . But *everything* else is a better fit out here — I find it much easier to find friends; I like the city better; my job is much more challenging and fulfilling; I have much more convenient and lower-cost access to medical care. Sure makes the depression easier to tackle!

    • Ems

      I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad idea. I remember thinking 2 years out from college that I was done with the city and tired of the same old same old (being poor, young, partying at the same places), and remember that being a difficult age because everybody is going through a flux and trying to figure it out (quarterlife crisis, it’s a thing). Moving to a foreign country while I worked towards my long term plan (applying to professional school) was what I did, and now, my second time being in the city, I don’t have the same “get me out of here” feelings.

      Go on an adventure!

    • Care

      I’m in a similar situation – I have always lived in the same city (except for 4 years of undergrad) and it bothers me that I haven’t really started a completely new life anywhere. But I own a house and love my job, so moving isn’t really an option. I’m always reminding myself that I really appreciate that I live close to family for the times when I need them and/or they need me. I still get that lonely feeling of being stuck and the very best thing I’ve done for is to take a long trip somewhere completely different (used to be by myself and now with my DH). It usually meets my need for a change, but then serves as a great reminder of how much I love home. Maybe could you take some time for yourself to travel? Sometimes you just need to take a break from your life (even if you just go somewhere that isn’t too far away (but that you haven’t been before!) for a long weekend)

      • Meara

        That’s why I moved from DC several years after college there–loved it, had good friends, but didn’t want it to be the only place I’d lived as an adult. Then I got laid off, so I strategically applied for jobs in cities I thought I’d enjoy. And reminded myself if I hated it, I could always move back. And I’m still on the west coast eight years later! There are things I miss (my BFF!) and things that moving didn’t change at all, but I decided I like it here. (Better weather, more laid back)

    • Scarlett

      I felt exactly that way at exactly that age and I moved across the country to go to grad school. Best decision ever. The benefit for me was the move, not the school part (that all worked out, but I’m not suggesting it’s the only way to move). I’d definitely do it and recommend doing it.

    • Meg Murry

      I moved away from the area I grew up in for college, and then again for a few years after I was first married. Now I’m back in my hometown, and I have to say that there is a huge difference in the feeling between “I went out and saw other places but now I’m back because we chose this as the place we wanted to live” vs some people I grew up with that feel like “I’m here and just never left and I feel stuck”

      I agree with others that you shouldn’t leave just for the sake of leaving, but finding a place to go TO, that you are excited about, could be excellent for you – even if it only turns out to be a couple of years and then you find your way back “home”. Could you apply for jobs in the area your friend moved to? Does your company have branches/offices anywhere else that you could transfer to? Or could you even do something kind of crazy like one of those “go teach English in Japan/Thailand/Europe/etc for a year or two” programs or join the Peace Corp or similar? Going off to do a program makes it far more likely that you’ll meet people in the same situation, and more likely to make friends. One of my close friends did the “teach English for a year” thing, and she loves that she took the time to do that when she could in her 20s, even though now she’s also back in our hometown area. Not going to lie, it’s hard to get back on track careerwise if you decide you want to come back to your hometown(I basically had to re-start at the bottom to get my foot in the door, and we had a lot of help with housing and finances from our families when we came back “home”), but I have always felt like the times I spent living elsewhere make me a much more well-rounded person, give me good perspective on other parts of the country (I lived in a few major urban areas, then the southwest and now back in a small town/rural area), and like I said, I think it makes a huge difference to my happiness knowing that I “chose” to come back here.

  12. Out of Place Engineer

    The WSJ tells me that Nov 6 is Love Your Lawyer Day.

    “Lawyers throughout the nation,” it said, “are urged to celebrate ‘Love Your Lawyer Day’ to help promote a positive and more respected image of lawyers and their contributions to society.”

    Validity of this holiday aside, I just wanted to thank you for taking time out of your crazy schedules to cultivate this community. I’ve learned so much from you all!

    • NashDJ

      Thank you! We all learn from each other here, and as someone who is basically constantly surrounded by lawyers, I find the engineers, accountants, academics, stay-at-home moms, and all the other perspectives we have here to be really valuable for helping me see things through another lens!

  13. Anonymous

    Can you reassure me? I hate all my jeans because they squeeze my waist a create a muffin top. I am willing to go to Nordies and spend $100+. My concern is that I’m a size 14 and I carry weight in my stomach (not post-baby; post-law school and ongoing ice cream love affair) and it seems like all jeans will fit the same terrible way. Is this a problem Nordstrom/the right jeans in the right size can solve? Thanks.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, absolutely. I have your body type and Kut From the Kloth and NYDJ and Mavi are all great options available at Nordstrom.

    • Midwest Mama

      Absolutely the right size and cut of jeans will make you feel comfortable and look great. Maybe try a higher rise? There are a ton of mid-rise jeans out now that don’t look like the old “mom” jeans.

      • Baconpancakes

        I know it’s late, but YES. I bought my first pair of higher rise jeans recently and they are amazing. I love wearing them. And half-tuck shirts look so much better with high rise pants.

    • Anonymous

      Try some J Brand high rise skinnies at Saks Off Fifth. Super comfortable and no muffin top.

    • jeans

      I’m the same as you. I wear NYDJ from Nordstrom and Real Straight or Resolution from Gap.

    • KT

      Try on NYDJ. Love your body.

      You’re welcome.

      (no but seriously, they are magical and life-changing)

    • Meg Murry

      I’d suggest trying on a size up as well, or possibly even looking at a 14W instead of 14 if you can find jeans sized that way. That may not help with an apple shape, but I know it makes a huge difference to me to get the W size instead of straight size.

      After all, size is just a number on the tag. Don’t squash into jeans that don’t fit just to stick to that number.

    • KittyKat

      I am convinced that jeans are bad for everyone regardless of size they will always dig or sag in some regard. If you are really determined you can buy jeans that are *close* and get them tailored.

    • Are you me?

      Are you me? Same problem. Just ordered a bunch of NYDJ; was also wondering If I should try 14W. (Or I could just lose 10 pounds, but I keep seeming to say NAH to that idea.)

  14. Batgirl

    This is an embarrassing problem, but my feet sweat all the time (hot or cold). I am looking for a solution for flats — your typical “odor eater” type insert doesn’t really do it for me (they just feel gross) but I also haven’t had a lot of luck finding the right “footie socks” to work (always showing or always falling off). Other inserts you’d recommend? Or a good “footie sock” recommendation? Thank you!

    • mascot

      Have you tried applying something to your feet themselves? I swore by Certain-Dri for underarms. They may have a foot product too.

      • Mpls

        You could just use underarm anti-perspirant on feet :)

        Also, consider talking to your doctor about Botox – treatment of hyperhidrosis was the original intended use.

        • Batgirl

          I actually did that for my underarm area for a few years (that’s where the main issue has been) but I’ve heard it’s very painful on your feet (I found it painful on my underarms). (And I’m pregnant now so I’m avoiding meds for it–Robinul also worked well for me as an alternative.) I haven’t really tried antiperspirants with much success but Certain Dri is a good idea.

          Thanks!

    • Midwest Mama

      I have extremely sweaty hands and feet (hyperhydrosis, actually) and love Summer Soles inserts. They are great at absorbing sweat and preventing my feet from sliding around in my shoes.

    • Anonymous

      No synthetic materials lining the shoes.

      For me, I tried everything. Anti-persp rolled on feet, odor eaters, baking soda in shoes/anti-fungal spray…. but it only stopped (magically) when I was started on spironlactone for cystic acne.

      Sprinolactone (which is probably blocking my higher than average testosterone levels?) cleared up my skin, stopped my stinky feet, slowed a lot of the male pattern hair growth on my body. So many nice things that I had not expected!

    • commiserate

      just came here to say that i have this problem too and all my shoes smell and its embarrassing hahaha

  15. anon

    I’m a student planning to go into finance, and I have a small nose stud. Will I need to take this out for interviews/work in general? Does it make a difference that I’m South Asian?

    • Wildkitten

      Take it out for interviews and then assess the workplace after you start to see if you can put it back in for work.

    • Anonymous

      I think it does make a huge difference that you’re south Asian. For interviews, maybe. For regular work, probably not.

  16. Wildkitten

    My boyfriend writes literary fiction and I only like to read non-fiction and smut. Are we doomed? (This is a semi-serious question.)

    • Wildkitten

      Like – I support what he is doing but I’m never going to be his number one fan.

      • emeralds

        I have a ton of friends in creative fields and this does not matter for any of them. As long as you can be supportive of what he’s doing, you should be fine. You are a girlfriend (and sometimes cheerleader), not an editor.

        • Wildkitten

          Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I read too many books where the acknowledgments are all about how the author’s SO is their number one editor and that’s just never going to be me.

          • CountC

            I wouldn’t read too much into that. My boyfriend is an author and even when his ex-wife was the least supportive person on the planet and their life was hell he thanked her in the acknowledgements because it looks weird not to thank your wife and kids for their support.

      • CountC

        It depends. Does he need you to be his number one fan to feel like he matters in a relationship or does he just need to you be supportive and interested?

      • Anonymous

        No not doomed. I mean my husband is not a lawyer, it doesn’t mean he needs to know and understand everything i do day to day. Read his big stuff and give him enthusastic truthful compliments about what you liked.

      • Anonymous

        You read smut? I could barely read Jackie Collins (who I adored as a person, but if anyone inspired me to be a writer, it would have been her). Subject / verb (verb is usaully F or some other verb of that sort).

        If it is doomed to fail, it is b/c you are OK with the horrid writing of smut genre. It’s like the person bugged by the ampersand above. I would have concerns (and mixing nonfiction with smut really is a head-scratcher. How on earth does your head not explode?).

        • cbackson

          …this is why she’s worried about it. The disdain of lit-fic people for genre fiction people is ridiculous. Jackie Collins is in no fashion representative of romance writing today. Trying reading some Courtney Milan, or Mary Balogh, or Ilona Andrews before you paint the genere as being characterized by “horrid writing.”

          Signed,
          A creative writing major who loves romance but still manages to comprehend both contemporary literary fiction AND non-fiction without her poor little head exploding.

          • Mpls

            +1 – any writer who has me so emotionally invested in the characters that I am crying halfway through the book (*cough* Courtney Milan *cough*) is at least as good (if not better?) than some lit-fic writer who can’t get me invested in the story after 3 chapters.

            Romance novels were why I was able to help my English-major roommate when she had vocab questions and why I understand what fee-entail was even before property class 1L year.

            Reading is reading. The only losers are those that judge a book by where it’s shelved in the bookstore/library.

        • Romance Reader

          Uh – how can you judge the quality of an entire genre you admit to never having read?

          Smut – which, depending on the person defining it, can include romance, erotica, steamy romance, etc. – has some uber talented (and well-credentialed) writers that provide well-written characters, settings and plots. Yes, it has some groaners, as does any other literary genre out there, but don’t you dare equate smut (or romance) with stupid.

          Take your assumptions and shove them, please.

          • Anonymous

            I love to read all sorts of genres. Non-fiction, sci-fi, YA, spiritual AND smut. Sometimes I just want some junk food reading. Just because I like caviar doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy cheetos once in a while.

            Agree with above, no need for your uninformed judgment.

          • Meg Murry

            Yes, I read a lot of “smut” too – or more often, what I think of as “fluff”. In my case, I look at it as “some people like to veg out on sitcoms or TV drama or TV scifi, this is my veg out escape”.

            I only think it is doomed if he looks down on you for your reading taste, views his lit-fic as “better” than your choices, or can’t deal with dating someone who doesn’t want to read his work. Or if all his friends feel that way. Basically, it’s only a problem if he decides to make it one.

    • Different interests

      My mom loves this quote (by Paul Newman):

      I’ve repeatedly said that for people as little in common as Joanne and myself, we have an uncommonly good marriage. We are actors, we make pictures — and that’s about all we have in common. Maybe that’s enough. Wives shouldn’t feel obligated to accompany their husbands to a ball game, husbands do look a bit silly attending morning coffee breaks with the neighbourhood wives when most men are out at work. Husbands and wives should have separate interests, cultivate different sets of friends — and not impose one upon the other.

    • fenanae

      Absolutely not! (At night, my husband and I relax in bed while he reads comic books and I read “The Mill and the Floss” for my bookclub.) I firmly believe the best partner in life complements us and is not a carbon copy of us.

  17. Lady Who Luncheons

    I’m invited to a charity luncheon this month, something that is really not my normal scene. Large mid-western city – what would you wear?

    • JJ

      This calls for the non-interview suit that’s not navy, black, or charcoal. Or a sheath dress with a blazer with some fun jewelry.

    • Anonymous

      In my large-ish mid-western city I would wear the sheath dress (probably no blazer or at least be ready to take it off), a statement necklace and unprofessional shoes (booties or fun heels). You could do a fit and flare dress too. If you’re coming from work and returning to work, just do a statement necklace with whatever you’re wearing.

  18. SC

    I’ve been making a lot of really stupid mistakes at work lately. I’m pretty organized in one sense — my files are organized, my desk is pretty neat, my calendar is up to date. But I am mentally scattered, and that’s led to things like letting emails slip, forgetting to do small tasks, adding the wrong attachment to emails, and mixing up papers (yes, all that happened this week). Things are busier than usual, at work and at home, but this is very unlike me and very frustrating. Does anyone have any tips for developing systems or being more careful when you’re frazzled? Assume that “be less frazzled” is a long-term plan but not a workable short-term solution.

    • NOLA

      I’ve had similar problems lately and I’m normally really together and organized, so it was surprising.

      A couple ideas:
      -For emails, make sure they don’t slip down in your inbox. Can you flag things that you need to respond to later? Definitely don’t save them to a folder until you’ve dealt with them. I have mistakenly deleted an email a couple times, but at least they stay in trash for a while.
      -For attachments, proofread the email and check everything once again (sent to the right person? makes sense? correct attachment?) before you press send. If you’re normally really organized, you just do things quickly and don’t take a minute to re-check. Do that!
      -For small tasks, I have a cute little photograph clip on my desk, and I write down those little tasks on a square card and clip them into the holder so I see that every time I look down from my computer.

      Of course, “be less frazzled” is a goal! But don’t beat yourself up until you can figure that out.

      • SC

        I definitely am tired. The time change isn’t helping, but I would probably be tired from everything that’s been going on anyways. I’m just not sure I can do anything about it in the near future. So really I’m asking for tips on how to stay organized and on top of the small things while tired, frazzled, etc. Normally, I’m good enough at keeping it all in my head that I don’t need systems. But apparently I need systems.

  19. holiday parties???

    It seems early, but I have been invited to two December parties already, one of which is dressy though not specifically black tie. And I kind of want to buy a new, fun dress. Historically I have played it safe but am feeling like maybe flaunting a bit this year (historically I’ve always played it super safe and tasteful/classic.) Any ideas from the hive for fun/blingy/sparkly/holiday dresses???

    • Wildkitten

      I saw some fun glittery stuff at H&M yesterday. Might be worth checking out, especially since you don’t need awesome quality for a dress you’ll only wear a few times.

  20. Josie Pye

    I’m an academic scientist, and our grants manager just helped me with a really complicated grant submission. I’d like to get her something in the $25 range to thank her. I know it’s her job, but I really appreciate how quickly and painlessly everything got done. Suggestions on what to get her? I don’t know her too well, but I don’t think she’s a coffee drinker, and I do know that she has a dog. Would a gift card to a cool independent pet store be weird? Thanks!

    • cbackson

      An email of thanks to her manager explaining what a great job she did would be the best thanks you could give her.

    • NYC tech

      If you insist on getting something, please don’t get a gift card. Gift cards are too close to cash, which send this subconscious message of “I’m paying you $25 for the great work you did for me.” Which obviously undervalues her work. What you want is something that sends the message of “This is a token that represents my appreciation” which means a physical object. I suggest a box of very nice chocolates (if she doesn’t eat them, she can share them with the office).

  21. Anon0321

    What’s a good gift for a 1 yr old’s birthday? Would like to spend <$100. They live in a snowy climate. :)

  22. hmm.

    I need a paranoia check, please: we’re planning to break our lease–moving out of state–and find a subletter for our current apartment. I’m not worried about that part of the process–I know others who have done the same thing with the same landlord and not had trouble–but I’m obsessing over how much notice to give. We’re still nailing down the details of our move and will close on our new house at the end of the month. Do I wait until we close and finalize our moving date? Or is it better to give as much notice as possible?

    FWIW, we are planning to offer to find a subletter ourselves and have no problem paying rent through the end of the year at the least–maybe through January if more convenient for the subletter.

    • Anon

      I think it depends on who your LL is. I used to rent out a place, it was my only rental & as annoyed as I would be by a T breaking the lease, I knew there was nothing I really could do & I would have appreciate a lot of notice just to be able to plan. Also, I might not have wanted a subletter in there – I might have preferred to get a new tenant myself. Again, this advice if you have a small-time LL. For a bigger building, I don’t know what’s better.

    • CountC

      What does your lease say? Closings can get pushed back, so if you give 30 days notice and then your closing doesn’t happen until 45 days after, you’re screwed.. I would wait until your move date is finalized.

  23. Marise

    Deal alert–Brooks Brothers is having a 70% off sale. I just bought two suits!

  24. Are you me? / afterdinner drinks

    Speaking of losing weight — I’m trying to cut my desire to “relax” with a glass of wine or whiskey after a long, trying day. I’m thinking of trying to make myself some yummy dessert-type drinks — think butterscotch and whipped cream as an ideal, but also possibly just decaf coffee with caramel-flavored creamer or something.

    Does anyone have any good nonalcoholic recipes, or a similar nighttime treat/ritual to share? Or if you often drink decaf coffee in the evenings, what do you drink it with? (I’ve tried about 15 types of tea and have yet to find one I like.)

    • CountC

      I know you said you already tried tea, but I drink a spiced chai with a hint of sweetener and half and half that does the trick for me.

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