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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
We’ve certainly featured M.M.LaFleur jardigans before (in fact, the Sant Ambroeus Jardigan is also in our Workwear Hall of Fame), but I feel compelled to alert everyone to the fact that the Woolf Jardigan (a slightly longer version of the Sant Ambroeus) is available in a bunch of really pretty new colors.
The ruby red is beautiful, but I could also see the regent blue or taupe versions being a great addition to any wardrobe. I own the Woolf in black, and I like it because I’m long-torsoed and I find it hits at a better spot than the Sant Ambroeus. I wear it primarily over dresses and find it to be much more comfortable than a traditional blazer, although not quite as formal-looking.
The jardigan is $195 and available in several neutral colors as well as a few seasonal colors. Although . The ruby red color is only available in sizes XS–XXL, but if you're plus-sized and open to thrifting, note that they previously did make plus sizes up to 3X. Note that both Nordstrom and Zappos carry the sweater jacket in the more neutral colors.
Curious about other reader favorites at MMLF?
Reader favorites include the jardigans, these pointy-toed flats (so many colors!), and the Aditi dress and the Etsuko dress.
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Hunting for more great sweater jackets for the office? These are some of our latest favorites…
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected].
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Does anyone else find it so annoying that it’s dry clean only? It seems like they could easily make a washable version.
Murz
Yes! But I feel like this about a lot of MMLF stuff. I have two dresses I’m waiting for machine washable versions. Fingers crossed!
Anonymous
There is no planet on which a viscose nylon blend is dry clean only, it also shouldn’t be $195.
Anonymous
This!
Anon
Yes! Mine also got snags super easily, and it looked weird on with non-MM LaFleur dresses. (I got it for $50 on Poshmark and sold for the same amount but still not a fan.)
anne-on
100%. I have yet to find any MM LaFleur dresses that seem to be a good value for the quality. Especially considering I can buy the Fold on sale for roughly the same price, which is easily 5x better quality/fit.
Ellen
This is to bad, b/c I look great in red and I would have bought this, even for $195. But I do NOT like dry clean only. FOOEY!
Ribena
Looking at the fibre mix, unless there’s serious scaffolding in there, I can’t see why you couldn’t hand wash this? I have a lot of dry clean only clothes and hand wash most of them
BB
You probably could. I think hand washing is fine for pretty much everything except silk where the water really changes the fabric. On the other hand, I am way more likely to remember to send something to the dry cleaner than remember to hand wash something on the weekend.
Anon Lawyer
I’ve even accidentally run it through the washer and dryer and it was fine.
Anonymous
Misook and Min Wang have washable jackets.
shortperson
i handwash mine. also i’m very short and i still prefer the woolf. i’ve ordered a bunch of different colors but i’ve returned all of them for looking weird other than the black.
Anon
I’m looking for fashion inspo to develop a sleek, moto style wardrobe. Can anyone recommend bloggers, insta, etc., to follow? Both weekend and 9-to-5 looks are welcome. Much obliged!
Anonymous
Not sure exactly what you mean, but Fashion Jackson immediately came to mind as she’s always in a moto jacket.
...
+1. On a similar vein: miamiamine, brooklynblonde, and fashionedchicstyling on IG.
Gigi
9to5Chic!
Anonymous
Alterations Needed
Rainbow Hair
I’m about to sew my first moto jacket, hopefully to wear for work! This is not a helpful comment but I’m really excited to sew it up! And one of my 2020 goals is to sew clothes I can wear to work, so hopefully it’s all gonna come together.
Anonymous
Check out The Mom Edit for weekend wear – Laura and Shana are two of the writers there who capture that style.
In-House in Houston
I’ve started to notice small vertical lines above my upper lip, like smokers lines, even though I’ve never smoked. Has anyone had any treatment for them that worked? Facebook has an add that keeps coming up with a product/strip that you put on your face but it’s only temporary. I really hate them. TIA
Anon
Do you use straws? I quit using them in my desk water bottle because they mimic the act of smoking and can lead to those lines.
In-House in Houston
Yes, and I’ve stopped. But the lines are still there. Looking for treatment options.
Anon
Depending what you’re drinking, using straws is better for your teeth, both from the standpoint of decay and appearance (staining). If you’re drinking water it’s ok not to use a straw.
Anon
I still use draws but just consciously don’t purse my lips to drink from them. Your lips create a liquid seal when you close them whether pursed or not. I kind of…anchor the straw with my teeth and close my lips over the straw in a neutral expression. Only my cheeks move when I suck up the liquid. Seems to work.
Housecounsel
Lip filler will work, but wow, does it hurt.
Anon
Not if you get a dental block before having it done! Makes you numb for a few hours, but SO worth it.
Friday, Please
I have these, from using straws. I do fillers 1x a year for it, and it definitely helps. It doesn’t make them go away completely, but it does smooth them out so they are less/not noticeable. I probably should get them done 2x year, but I do find that 1x year works really well.
In-House in Houston
Thanks Friday. Could you give me some more info? Who does it, a dermatologist? Any down time? Can I get it on a Thursday and go back to work on Friday w/o it being too noticeable? Cost? I’d appreciate any more intel. Thanks!
Anonymous
Go to a plastic surgeon they have much better aim. There is bruising after.
Beaglelover
I like Dr. Michael Streitman for this kind of work. He’s downtown on Caroline.
Housecounsel
Taking Arnica helps limit bruising but swelling and brusing it is pretty noticeable for a few days, at least on me.
Friday, Please
I go to a doctor’s office (derm) and while it is more expensive, it is worth it because I tried to go cheaper and it was not good (they used too much, the shots were not placed as well). You can definitely go to work the next day. I had very little bruising, very little swelling, and could easily cover anything up with a little makeup. I find that putting Arnica gel on it, and using ice packs right after helped a lot. I wouldn’t get it done and go back to work, as you are a little red. Also, know that when they do the upper lip to get at those lines, it also affects your lips, so you will have some in your lips. I don’t mind that at all, since as we age that upper lip gets thinner anyway, and a good doctor can make sure your lips are not crazy big (and you tell them you don’t want that, unless you do!).
I had some other areas done as the same time – my forehead, between the eyes (the “1” or “11” lines) and the “marionette lines” (at edges of mouth, going down), plus my upper lip lines. That costs about $1,000 (LCOL area), maybe a little more. As I said, I do it 1x a year, and while it doesn’t last all year, it looks good for about a year. And I am in my 50’s!
It does hurt, but it’s quick and to put it in perspective, dental work hurts more (and takes longer).
Anon
+1 exactly.
Backpacks
I’m tired of dragging a wheelie suitcase behind me when I travel for 3-day conferences. Tell me your favorite, professional-looking travel backpacks! I need something that can fit a few changes of clothes, toiletries, etc.
Ribena
A colleague of mine uses a plain navy CabinZero backpack and it works well for him. I have a plain black backpack a family member was given at a conference – I like that the laptop section is accessed separately to the main compartment and also that the front compartment is big enough for everything that would usually go in my handbag, so there’s no danger of dirty washing coming out with my computer! The backpack has Nike branding but I haven’t seen that model on public sale. Anything dark coloured, plain, and utilitarian should do the job.
Cb
I use an Eastpak Tranzpak one. It has a laptop compartment and easily squishes under the seat if necessary. I can get 4-5 days of clothes and if I need/want to check it, it’s very sturdy. I’ve abandoned my roller in favor of that.
AnonATL
I travel with a Gregory Boone 40L pack, which seems to be discontinued but the Tribute 40 looks similar.
I can wedge a week’s worth of casual clothes in there, and it has a laptop sleeve as well as small pockets for pens, cords, etc.
My pack has removable waist and chest straps so it can look like just a normal backpack and less like a hiking pack.
embees
Have you looked at Tom Bihn? I can do 3-4 days in my Western Flyer (the heavy “Ballistics” nylon, not the casual-looking “halcyon” nylon ripstop); the Tri-Star is a step bigger but still carry-on size. Neither have a built-in laptop compartment but I prefer a sleeve (which I then use independently). They are … not cheap, but I’ve had mine for several years with little sign of wear; it’s my go-to for personal travel (up to a week, assuming warm weather) or work trips of 3-4 days.
https://www.tombihn.com/collections/one-bag-travel-bags/products/western-flyer?variant=18182442823
Anon
The ebag mother load weekender. I’m petite so I use the junior size. I’ve traveled with it to Europe on multiple occasions. Not for hiking, but works perfectly fine for between airports/hotels/train stations. It has a laptop compartment. The main compartment opens all the way like a suitcase. The straps can be stored away when you don’t need them.
Anonymous
My husband just got this one and likes it – https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/121105?page=carryall-travel-pack&bc=50&feat=backpack-SR0&csp=f&searchTerm=backpack
Senior Attorney
I’m not sure how you define “professional,” but I love my Rick Steves backpack: https://store.ricksteves.com/shop/p/carry-on-backpack
Backpacks
Wow, thanks everyone! Hopefully ordering one today.
Anon
Fjallraven travel backpack.
Clam opening, laptop compartment, TSA liquids compartment.
I have the small (20L) version, which is great for 1-2 nights, but for longer trips the normal (35L) would be great.
In the small I can get 1 pair shoes, toiletries, creature comforts (snacks, headphones, water bottle), pyjamas and 2 outfits.
Vicky Austin
When I say my favorite color is red, this is what I mean.
On the edge
What do you do when you are absolutely about to LOSE IT at work? A client sent an email pointing out an error that my company introduced, I wrote back, acknowledging and giving some further information; she responded, saying the info was beside the point, and that the company was in the wrong. I almost wrote back saying “you’re right of course, as you always are. Company is entirely in the wrong, and we apologize profusely for this grave, grave error.”
Of course this would not go over well, as it’s a small error and my snark would be immediately detected, but I am AT THE END at work and can barely rein myself in. Every little thing sets me off. I am searching for a new job, but it’s slow going, and in the meantime I am honestly scared I’m going to blow up at someone, internally or externally. Have you been there? How did you deal with it?
Anonymous
My outgoing email has a 3 minute delay before sending. This is useful for catching errors, but could also be handy for avoiding loosing it.
Anon
Oooh, this could be useful. How do you set up a delay?
Anonymous
I did with a “rule” in outlook
Aie
Yes. This is me when I’m burnt out, and that includes being burnt out by completely unreasonable and unappreciative people throwing me under the bus, nitpicking over every little point or comment, and generally being a*holes, etc. Have you checked Kat’s post on Burnout yesterday? No real advice but commiseration.
I’ve tried a combination of meditation, therapy, yoga, going away on vacation, eating a lot of good food, and zinc + magnesium + vitamin B+C+D tablets. And silently (or loudly if you have your own office) cursing whoever is being a pain in the a* and sticking pins into a voodoo doll with their name on it (joking…or am I?) when all else fails.
anon
Get up from your desk and take a walk to somewhere else for 5-10 minutes.
Do not respond to the email for 24 hours.
Go get some water and drink it.
Go out for lunch or sit near a window far from your desk.
Ask yourself if you really need to further engage with this person today and if you do, how do you do so succinctly, professionally, and in a way that allows you to move forward with the task? I don’t think you have to placate everyone and in this situation you may not even have to acknowledge their PoV other than a quick “copy that!” We’ll get this fixed and move on with X,Y,Z….”
Body movement and trying to get into a different space: take yourself out of the fighting ring.
pugsnbourbon
These are great tips. I know it’s not always possible to wait a full 24hrs before responding to an email, but give it at least a couple hours before answering.
Can you plan a day or half-day off in the near future? Sometimes knowing that a break is coming up can take the edge off.
Anon
Yes to all of these.
I also have a trusted colleague snark-check any emails I’m not sure about before sending.
When it comes to job-hunting, prepare your scripts. I watched our top candidate for a position completely self-destruct in his interview and I really feel it was mostly his burnout talking.
Equestrian Attorney
I’m with you – I have a ridiculously snarky client and it’s taking all my professionalism to deal with him without snapping back. No advice, except every time he sends me an email, I take a walk around the block/vent to a colleague/do whatever I need to get it out my system. And then I draft a very polite email about the file next steps, while completely ignoring his snarky commentary about lawyers being a huge waste of his time, etc.
Anonymous
This may sound weird, but if it’s a particular awful like truly horrible person rather than EVERYTHING, I will sometimes pretend that he or she is going senile or is dealing with some other horrible tragic disease.Or I’ll pretend they have a zombie “rage” virus simmering in them. It helps me be more gracious and patient with them, even though the truth is they’re probably just a jerk. This has saved me at a few meetings where I’ve needed to appear calm or not “take the bait” with someone who is argumentative.
Anon
This may sound weird, but if it’s a particular awful like truly horrible person rather than EVERYTHING, I will sometimes pretend that he or she is going senile or is dealing with some other horrible tragic disease.Or I’ll pretend they have a zombie “rage” virus simmering in them. It helps me be more gracious and patient with them, even though the truth is they’re probably just a jerk. This has saved me at a few meetings where I’ve needed to appear calm or not “take the bait” with someone who is argumentative.
Anon
My therapist tells me to imagine if this person takes on an animal identity, what would they be? And then starts to imagine that animal doing the talking whenever the human talks to you. It helps.
Anon
That also works when you’re beating yourself up. Next time you want to say something like “I’m such an idiot,” try it in a ridiculous animal voice. It helps you see how absurd it is.
Anonymous
My senior colleague told me to take the Nordstrom approach, which is that the client is always right. So write back and thank her for her attention to detail and express your appreciation for the opportunity to work with them on this matter.
Anonymous
Lol. I can hide snark behind this
Rainbow Hair
Something that helps me reset — I hate that this works, but it does — is a hard workout. If I’m physically exhausting myself, I *have* to hit pause on the fuming because I’m too worn out to think. And endorphins blah blah. It’s a temporary solution, unfortunately, but at least it’s something.
Anonymous
After a water bottle leaking all over me this weekend, I’m looking for recommendations for a new water bottle that I can throw in my bag without worrying about spillage. Thanks!
Anonymous
Hydroflask or yeti with the screw top. Avoid straw/sipper tops — they’re bound to leak eventually.
Laura B
I very much love my hydroflask.
busybee
I like my good old fashioned Nalgene
Anon
+100
Mallory
The Zojirushi mug can be used for cols beverages as well as hot, never leaks:
https://www.amazon.com/Zojirushi-SM-SD60NM-Stainless-Steel-20-Ounce/dp/B074PQXQTF?ref_=ast_bbp_dp&th=1&psc=1
Anonymous
If you’re not particular about keeping your water cold, I’ve never had my Klean Kanteen leak.
anon
I use insulated klean kanteen bottles, and they are leak-proof as well.
Anon
Negotiating the contract on a new construction home. Any advice? There are only 3 lots left so the builder is motivated to close out and we aren’t using a realtor so we want to argue for some discounted upgrades. What’s a reasonable ask?
Anonymous
What do you want? You can negotiate just because you have leverage, but it’s more effective to negotiate for things you really want.
Angela
You might ask for landscaping or fencing to be paid for, or expanded/upgraded for free, that was something we got on ours. Also we got a wider-than-standard driveway so two cars could park side-by-side, maybe see if they’ll expand it for free. Try to think of something that doesn’t add to their ACTUAL costs that they might be willing to throw in even though they’d usually charge.
anon
Besides sunscreen and maintaining some physical activity, what are the best things that older ladies here have done to forestall aging, either from an aesthetic perspective or a functional one (e.g., not having achey joints, generally feeling like you have energy). I’m in my early 30s but have started to notice that I’m ever so slightly not as I once was on these dimensions and would like to slow that down as much as possible
Anonymous
Try new things. I’m 39, so not a lot older but I’ve made an effort to try more new activities (physical and creative). Doing so always makes me feel younger and more vibrant which I feel like transfers into how I present to others.
anon
51 year old health nut here…lots of exercise – outside and in the gym, cardio and weightlifting, clean healthy diet, little alcohol, good sleep hygiene
anon
Can you tell me more about your exercise? How much and what kinds of things do you do?
anon
yes, I have worked out my entire life and I would say that I have increased my level of activity in past 10 years. I lift weights – total body workout 3 times a week at the gym. For cardio, I run, road biking, walking, skiing in season. I also to HIIT sprint workouts and HIIT in they gym on the elliptical. Hope this helps….
anon
thanks. How did you increase your level of activity- like was it spending more time actually working out or just getting more activity in different ways (like walking instead of driving)? If the latter, what were your favorite ways of doing that?
Thanks for this and sorry for the barrage of questions!
anon
Hi, I am replying to Anon at 10:57 (somehow the reply button wasn’t available. I’ve always been very active but I increased my focus on weightlifting. Since I have been active my entire life, I didn’t have to make lifestyle changes, but increased the quantity of workouts and focused on building strength, in addition to cardio. Hope this helps and happy to answer any questions.
Anon
+1 for road cycling. I regularly get my butt handed to me by guys in their 70’s and 80’s. That plus regular light/moderate strength training seems to be a really effective exercise as folks get older.
I think it’ll be interesting to see how women who came of age post Title IX age as compared to our parents. While I have many friends who are physically active at a high level into 70’s and 80’s, all but a couple of of my female friends had exercise-limiting injuries by their 60’s.
Anonymous
People underestimate how bad alcohol is for you. Everyone that I know who is still very active into their 60s and 70s cut out alcohol at some point.
Anon
I’ve been amazed by academics that seem to be exceptions to this rule sometimes (active into 70s and 80s, daily drinkers). But there are probably other aspects of their lifestyles that are protective, and who knows how well they’d be doing without the drinks.
Anon
I think academics are generally 1) surrounded by young people (students) and 2) incredibly passionate about what they do and using their brain a ton until 70+ and those things keep them young. I also don’t think daily drinking is that common, at least on the STEM side of it.
Anon
That makes sense. I’m sure there’s a selection effect too. I was definitely thinking of humanities professors and not STEM.
Anon
A lot of this is genetics, but I just want yo say, don’t neglect dental care. Floss every single day.
Vicky Austin
Ack, seriously. I think there was a thread recently about someone’s husband who refused to take care of his teeth. The heart disease horror story rabbit hole that sent me down was enough to scare me straight. No more slacking!
Anonymous
OMG — can anyone post a link? I need to get religion re this.
Anon
Just google – the link between poor dental health and heart disease is well established. But regular dental cleanings are much more important than flossing. Flossing has at best unproven benefits.
Anon
I am personally very skeptical of the claim that flossing doesn’t have benefits that I’ve seen on this site before. I tried googling it and found a couple of studies that claimed this, but also found articles about why those studies weren’t robust. Meanwhile, my dentist and my kid’s dentist still stress flossing, and frankly I personally feel like you can find an article on the internet to argue for anything you probably want within reason. Also, I am not a dentist so I probably shouldn’t go this far but it just makes logical sense to me that flossing helps…it makes logical sense to me that the longer food scraps sit on your teeth, the more likely they will decay, and when I floss I do often pull out tiny food scraps that I wouldn’t have felt on my own or gotten out with just brushing, at least right away.
Long winded way of saying, I’d be curious to see the articles/proof you are referring to when saying the benefits aren’t proven.
Anon
My understanding is that flossing hasn’t been studied in high quality trials. That’s partly because no one in dentistry is comfortable telling some people not to floss!
I personally have not noticed a strong correlation between flossing and gum disease in my body. I’ve flossed as instructed and had gum problems, and quit flossing (for dumb reasons) and had no problems at my next teeth cleaning. (Obviously I didn’t just leave things between my teeth, but I didn’t floss as instructed just to clean the teeth either.) I have medical conditions that I think track more predictably with my dental health personally. I do notice a lot less plaque at cleanings when I use my electric tooth brush.
Anonymous
Eating a plant based diet, my husband and I as well as our plant based couple friends are leaps and bounds beyond our peers. It’s truly amazing to see the difference it has on health outcomes.
Anonymous
This recommendation that can have amazing negative impacts on your health outcomes. Make plants the bulk and base of your diet, but we need to consume animal products for our health — you cannot completely remove animal products and expect to thrive long-term. Not sorry, not arguing.
Anon
Then why comment at all if you’re going to ignore solid scientific evidence?
Anon
Serious question, what are vegans doing regarding vitamin B deficiencies? You can’t get all of your nutritional needs met with a vegan diet. Are you supplementing?
Anonymous
Thinking you can be 100% thriving for the rest of your life on a plant-based diet is ignoring solid scientific evidence.
PolyD
Thinking you can be 100% thriving for the rest of your life on a plant-based diet is ignoring solid scientific evidence.
Anon
PolyD, whole populations actually do suffer a lot if they truly eat no animal products at all and don’t supplement, even if they get enough calories. There is a lot of research on this.
PolyD
Anon at 2:31, could you post a link to this research? I am interested in the Jain community in India – they eat NO animal products – and really would like to see some work showing that they are suffering severe nutritional deficits.
Anon
PolyD, I don’t know any studies that focus on the Jain community in particular, but B12 deficiency is a concern in India. There’s a 2014 literature review titled “The prevalence of cobalamin deficiency among vegetarians assessed by serum vitamin B12.” There are other studies on elevated homocysteine and MMA, which are more sensitive tests of deficiency.
The Vegan Society (vegansociety.com) has a good write up explaining why they continue to recommend supplementation. As far as I know, Jain communities also advise supplementation for those who eat no animal products at all (as far as I know, some communities do eat dairy, which should be enough).
It’s my understanding that the problem with humans is that the bacteria that can convert the B12 analogues found in plant foods live in our large intestine, but we only absorb B12 in the ileum of the small intestine. I am aware of some exotic theories that the right kind of SIBO could make it possible to activate the B12 analogues “in time” to absorb them, but this really hasn’t been demonstrated (and SIBO is generally considered harmful for nutritional absorption).
Anon
I know there are environmental concerns, but is there really any evidence that fish, eggs, and poultry are bad for health? I feel like you could get the majority of the benefits of this diet by simply avoiding red meat and highly processed meat, which is much easier for most people than going vegan.
Anonymous
They’re are many studies on the impacts of cholesterol especially to coronary health. Cholesterol is not limited to red meat, it’s all animal products, and heart disease is a huge concern for women’s health
Anon
It’s a myth that dietary cholesterol turns to cholesterol in the blood. Sugary and starchy foods (which a lot of vegans rely on) are now thought to be the bigger drivers of “bad” cholesterol.
Anon
The idea that dietary cholesterol is linked to unhealthy levels of cholesterol in the human body has been thoroughly debunked. That was why everyone told you to avoid eggs in the 1990s, but now eggs are considered very healthy.
Anon
Yeah, eating cholesterol does not cause high LDL, and there’s even doubt about whether or not high LDL actually causes heart disease – some big studies have indicated otherwise. My doctor told me he is more concerned when he sees people with high triglycerides and low HDL than when he sees independent high LDL. People who eat a lot of grains and sugar tend to end up with high triglycerides.
There are also people who end up with high LDL because of genetics, independent of what they eat. My dad is one of them. He’s eaten a mostly plant-based low-sugar diet for 20 years, exercises regularly, etc. and his cholesterol is still in the 300s; he has to be on statins.
Anon
Yes, SO much of it is genetics. My dad is the opposite of your dad – terrible diet, extremely obese, and has a variety of health problems (high blood pressure, GERD) but has been blessed with low cholesterol due entirely to genetics. My BFF’s dad is a much healthier eater than anyone in my family, and his habits became even healthier when he was diagnosed with high cholesterol. Eating a great diet and getting lots of exercise did not move his cholesterol numbers even a smidge and he’s on medicine for life. His doctor told him lifestyle changes only help 5% of people, the other 95% need medicine.
Anon
Studies come out on both sides. From what I’ve seen everything comes out to – everything in moderation. Obviously eating a plant based diet won’t harm you, unless you eat deficiently nutrient wise (eyeing all my vegetarian friends whose diet consists mostly of bread and sugar), but eating modest amounts of well sourced (i.e. avoiding factory farm and hormone injected) fish, eggs, and poultry isn’t going to magically make you much healthier than a peer who only eats plants.
Anonymous
+1
Most of my vegan friends are malnourished, and a few have dysfunctional eating. One developed severe osteoporosis at a young age (miracle it was found…) and 2 became severely B12 deficient with neurologic complications and (as did the infant daughter she was nursing). I also have a vegan friend who is obese and not healthy.
With everything … moderation.
Anon
“(eyeing all my vegetarian friends whose diet consists mostly of bread and sugar)”
Sorry, but this. I was like this as a vegetarian and most vegetarians I know live on cereal, granola bars, pasta and bread. The paleo/keto people I know eat more vegetables and a wider array of healthy foods than the vegetarians (and the vegans seem to mostly live on processed food – frozen dinners, bars, etc). Sorry, but a meatless frozen meal that contains 25 ingredients you can’t pronounce is not “healthier” than a meal with some meat in it that I make at home from whole foods. And given what it takes to produce all those food additives and ship them around, plus the packaging for all that? I question whether the environmental impact of the meatless meal is less.
Anon
Only eating plants will leave you B12 deficient eventually. Humans cannot source B12 from any plant food; we have relevantly different digestive systems from animals that can eat plants exclusively (including other primates).
Anon
I’ve been moving away from “everything in moderation.” My partner and I are both prediabetic, and this diagnosis seems to be common in our previously healthy friend group as we all hit our mid-thirties. The two of us thought our diet was okay until we started actually checking our blood glucose. Diet and lifestyle change does seem to have been enough to normalize blood sugars and A1Cs, but I was surprised at how big the dietary changes needed to be (I was expecting “smaller portions of healthier foods” not “if you eat that perfectly healthy whole food at all, your blood sugar will spike out of range”). And that’s without being actually diabetic yet.
Anon
“Sorry, but this. I was like this as a vegetarian and most vegetarians I know live on cereal, granola bars, pasta and bread.”
My breakfast was a smoothie made with Greek yogurt and fresh fruit. My lunch will be eggs and vegetables. Dinner is a vegetable and chickpea curry. Not all of us rely on carbs. In fact, I would guess that the people who focused on healthy eating when they ate meat are also healthy as vegetarians, and people who are not healthy when they eat meat don’t make healthy vegetarians.
Anon
Yes – check out the China Study. Also I recommend following Danielle Belardo MD on the gram and via her Nutrition Rounds podcast. She is a cardiologist and continuously posts the research results that demonstrate how healthy plant based eating is. She is not preachy and encourages people to make even small shifts in their diet to begin with.
Anon
I will mention that she, and many of the other doctors she profiles, are encouraging whole food plant based diets and not the junk food veganism that many of the above comments are concerned with.
Anonymous
Yeah, the China Study has been debunked, so…
Housecounsel
Botox. I’m 50, and I don’t have crow’s feet or orehead wrinkles. Also, I have a child born when I was almost 40, so I forced to be out and about with younger parents.
Anonymous
Yes, have younger friends! it is so good to have different perspective on things.
Anon
Honestly, a lot. Physically, I see a personal trainer 2x a week and take classes another 3-4 days a week. I also have seen a nutritionist before when I was really starting to see my metabolism slow down. Was very helpful. I try to generally stay active and do lots of outdoor activities.
Aesthetically? Botox & Fillers, I’ve also had a tummy tuck & a breast lift post kids. I see a stellar dermatologist and get laser treatments and medical grade facials regularly. I also devote a lot of money to skin products. I spend significantly more on clothing – higher end labels with more tailoring, and I have a personal shopper at Nordstrom I work with who has been a godsend for keeping my wardrobe appropriate and current. I spend way more on haircuts & color than I used to – grey touch up (very dark hair) every 3 weeks, highlights every 6 with a cut. I’m in a very visible field, so it’s worth it to me, but it might not be worth it to you. It’s a lot – of time and money.
Anonymous
+1
To remain looking young, it helps to have excellent genetics (what does your mother/grandmothers look like? What has helped them) and to be wealthy (both $ and time wise) for maintenance.
Also, the skinnier you are, the more fat loss in your face, which also ages you. Unless you want to be injecting your butt fat back into your face/other fillers, don’t diet too much.
If you are not wealthy, agree with other posters that the best things for me have been good basic skin care (ponds cold cream, retin A, sunscreen), plenty of sleep (not enough sleep ages me by a decade, eating a decent diet, stress reduction techniques (meditation, happy lights, social support system, brisk walk mid day), exercise) and keep learning/trying new things. Agree that a carefully curated, well fitting wardrobe of classics and the occasional fashionable update really helps.
THE big variable for me has been…. hair. I started going grey young and dyed when I was in my 30’s. I don’t dye now (late 40’s)… I would need to every 3 weeks and it costs a bloody fortune for what my hair needs to look right. So I stopped. And people mistake me for someone 10-20 years older. Not gonna lie. People (especially men) just see hair color. Not my skin. Not my clothes. Not my energy. May be different for you though.
Anon
This is good insight, but also telling that you’ve had to spend tens of thousands of dollars and hours and hours of time to look as good as you do. Of all that you do to “maintain”, what (other than surgery) do you find the most crucial – for those of us with less time and less financial resources?
For me personally, laser hair removal, regular use of retinol, and microblading have done a lot to keep looking put together (tbh the laser and microblading were mostly to save time and money – less makeup and razor products needed).
Anon
Botox, good skincare, and hair, for sure. If I had more time, I could definitely get my clothing spending down, but I don’t, so I throw money at it. Fillers too, are nice, but unnecessary. To be fair, I had twins, so I had severe abdominal separation, which motivated the tummy tuck. For someone with better genetics, or a different pregnancy, might not be necessary.
But yeah, it costs a TON of money. I could totally see if I had a different career deciding it wasn’t worth it. To each their own.
Anon
I mean…good for you? But you’ve probably spent what my kid’s college education will cost on your looks. If you have it like that, and feel okay about spending your money that way, I guess I don’t have much to say about it. But personally I couldn’t do it, regardless of how “visible” a field I was in. I would think constantly about how the money I was spending on myself could be benefiting others.
Anon
Yes but…she very well may be making more money or advancing in her career because she looks so put together. I mean the race to…well, this money could be better spent on charitable giving…is endless.
Anon
Holy sanctimony.
Anon
I mean, it’s not untrue though. It’s okay to be critical of spending tens of thousands on cosmetic procedures. That’s a valid opinion to have and it likely is at least the cost of a college education for one.
Anon
“I would think constantly about how the money I was spending on myself could be benefiting others.”
This is the most self righteous nonsense I have read in a long time. What a selfless saint you must be.
Anon
“This is the most self righteous nonsense I have read in a long time. What a selfless saint you must be.”
Oh, sorry I hit a nerve, precious. If it made you mad, you reacted to it emotionally for a reason – think about that.
The “others” I was thinking of in that context are my family and friends. If I had spent $50-$100k on plastic surgery, Botox and clothes and later in life wasn’t making as much money and my son wanted to buy a house, or I had a grandchild and wanted to set up a college fund, or my mom needed nursing care she couldn’t pay for? I would have regrets about having spent all that money on myself just to look good. Because no matter how good you look it doesn’t guarantee you won’t get laid off, your husband won’t dump you, etc. Which is what a lot of women who spend five or six figures maintaining their looks use as justification for their spending. Unless you’re J.Lo? That kind of money spent on looks maintenance is not an investment.
anon
Why do you assume her visible role is not one helping other people? Perhaps she’s Melinda Gates! Even if not, she’s probably helping other women who want to rise in her field simply by being in her role.
Anon
I feel more okay with this if I’m honest. In general, I think anti-aging research could benefit everyone if we invested enough in it. A lot of the research is medicine adjacent. Even when the interventions arguably sacrifice health for looks, we learn from what happens (though it’s regrettable if a job effectively requires harmful procedures). And the money is going to someone (aestheticians, surgeons, etc.). There are plastic surgeons who make a living on cosmetic work but are available when someone needs work done after a burn or an injury. I think it’s all more complicated than “this is shallow, selfish looksism” (though I wouldn’t defend myself from the charge of just liking pretty people and pretty things).
Anon
Then you do you, sweetheart!
LaurenB
Perhaps the money you are using for your kid’s college education would be better spent enabling 10 kids to go to community college? Please don’t play the “if only you spent your money differently” game.
HFB
This!
Anon
I would push back on the assumption that you “need” to do these things if you’re in visible field. It’s still a choice, not a need, and you can make a name for yourself and accomplish great things when you don’t wear make-up or buy into the exploding skincare industry. Even if you perceive that you’re treated better by others when you do all those things, it doesn’t mean it’s reality – you could be treated better because you look confident or you’ve gotten to be a skilled public speaker or anything else.
BabyAssociate
Where did she say she “needs” to do any of these things? She said it’s worth it to her, but might not be to others…seems reasonable.
Anon
She knows her field better than we do, and I would rather assume that the poster is a rational person (and therefore, in one of the few fields that demands make-up, nice clothes, a current hair style, etc.) than assume that I know her life better than she does.
Anon
It’s really just being very consistent about diet and exercise. The people who cruise into their 60s looking great are the ones who maintained a healthy weight, did not crash diet or gain a bunch of weight, and have done a variety of exercises throughout life. They kept their alcohol consumption to a moderate level.
I’ve seen bad diets, too much alcohol consumption, or a lack of actual exercise render great genetics completely moot. (If you aren’t breaking a sweat for 30 minutes, reconsider whether or not it’s exercise.)
You can start a good diet at any time, but you can’t necessarily get into shape at any time. If your knees go out or you have a heart problem, or even if you’re young and you get pregnant, your previous lack of physical fitness will limit what you can now do.
Anon
The preachy tone of this is really off-putting. I’m glad I don’t know you in real life.
Anon
I didn’t get a preachy tone from that at all.
Anon
It’s matter-of-fact, not preachy, and your need to insult me is your own problem.
Anon
It’s not preachy. Someone must have peed in her Cheerios this morning. Looks like the same Anon who keeps popping up to make hateful, judgmental comments. Sucks to be her.
Anon
Ahhahahha like you can tell who anyone is here? I LOVE when people pull that card. You’re talking out of your you-know-what. You have no idea who anyone is; what’s more, you’re probably one of the people who regularly contributes nasty comments yourself. And just for the record? It most decidedly does not suck to be me.
Anon
Anon at 2:30, have a snack, take a walk, and step away from this s-te for the day.
Anon
I did not find this at all preachy. ? It was a question about what to do and she’s saying what she thinks one should generally do, and she’s probably not wrong.
Anon
There’s nothing preachy about that! Her observations very much reflect my own. I’m watching a dear friends’ adult life’s worth of poor diet/exercise choices catch up to her rapidly and it’s heartbreaking, to be honest.
Anon
Do a sport you can do your whole life, ideally one with a social component. I just got back from a ski weekend and I loved seeing all the seniors out there having a great day. I’ve known one person who skied into his 90s and I’ve heard of others skiing into their 80s.
Senior Attorney
This is such great advice. My husband is a serious cyclist and he is in great shape and has cycling friends of all ages and he’s 70.
Anon
Dancing is another one that I’ve seen really work out for people who keep it up.
Anon
43 years old and super healthy so far. I added barre classes to my workout routine a year ago and I think it’s been a big boost to my health. Core strength is very important as we age to prevent falls and hip fractures. A bad fall can set off a cascade of serious health issues in an otherwise healthy senior – immobility increases the risk of blood clots and pneumonia, for example. Hospital and rehab stays increase exposure to pathogens that are not as common in the community. It doesn’t have to be barre – but don’t neglect your core.
Anon
The most noticeable difference occurred when I cut out sugar. I still eat a lot of fructose (especially berries) but I avoid HFCS and cane sugar except as a very occasional treat, like holiday dessert. My skin heals faster and looks less puffy, my sleep is easier to regulate, my energy levels stay consistent, the random aches go away. (Like, why did my index finger sometimes randomly throb? It doesn’t anymore.)
Second for me is focusing on gentle, ergonomic exercise. I swim and use my elliptical machine. Friends who run, ski, play tennis, etc. have worn their joints to pieces and are now facing medical intervention and rehab.
Anon
Could you share which elliptical machine you have? I’m looking into this now (and debating elliptical vs. peloton).
Anon
It’s a Proform, bought at Sears in the early aughts. None of the new models look similar to what I have; mine is simple with a battery-operated black-and-white timer screen and no “smart” anything. It has worn like iron; I would definitely rebuy from the brand.
Anon
YMMV, but I’d sooner die than skip skiing and other fun sports to pound away on the elliptical. Pleasure in activity is really important to me though.
Anon
LOL definitely YMMV. Zoning out on the elliptical to a sci-fi show is my zen time. Risking fractures and spending a fortune to fall down a mountain does not appeal to me.
Anon
Fair enough. For some reason though I just CANNOT with the elliptical. I can do the treadmill, bike, or even the rowing machine and be fine, but put me on an elliptical, even with Netflix, and every second feels like a thousand years.
Anon
@Anon I totally get it, treadmills are the same to me. Weird how one type of stride is okay and another is infuriating!
Texan In Exile
For psychological health, maintain your friendships. The older you get, the harder it is to make new friends. (At least, that has been my experience.) And even new friends probably won’t have the level of intimacy you share with your older friends. Call, email, text,, visit. Keep in touch with people.
Senior Attorney
Also, have younger friends. My husband and I make it a point to have friends who are much younger than we are and it really helps keep us young! Some of our favorite “couples friends” are young enough to be our kids!
Rainbow Hair
I have a meme screenshotted on my phone: “Be brave enough to suck at something new today.”*
*I mentally modify this to include “or to continue sucking at something!”
Senior Attorney
Yes, I always say “anything worth doing is worth doing badly” (Iooking at you, tap dancing!).
Coach Laura
Read the book Younger Next Year for Women. It has a whole panoply of things to do including working out 6-7 days a week, good diet, mental outlook, friendship. It is a roadmap for the next 40 years.
BettyBeth
I recently bought the Lo & Sons OMG (original), and found it didn’t really meet my needs. It felt a little too tight, and I realized I just don’t love the style. Does anyone have another recommendation for a bag that slides on your roller bag and closes with a zipper?
Ribena
I have the Nomad Lane bento bag which might meet your needs?
BabyAssociate
Tumi backpack (I have the Voyageur Carson)
kk
I really like the new Lo and Sons Rowledge backpack – much more than my OMG, which I used for 5+ years! It zips down a little lower on each side so its easier to get at the contents, it’s narrower (and looks less like a diaper bag), and has a similar organization system.
anon
I am still having trouble with my diva cup. I really really want it to work! But I just went to the bathroom and was wearing it and dripped into the toilet just as if I was wearing nothing. I’ve adjusted it and that still happens! What the heck am I doing wrong?
Anonymous
Diva cups didn’t work for me, but I ended up with a skoon cup and it works beautifully. You may just need to try another brand.
anon
Was that hte problem you had with teh diva? It didn’t catch everything?
Anonymous
It didn’t catch anything! I was never able to get it situated properly. I had no problems at all once I switched brands. One of my friends had the same thing happen to her – she was the one who suggested I switch. That being said, it can be a bit of a guessing game as to what brand fits your anatomy.
Anon
It sounds like you don’t have a seal. Are you hearing a little pop when you get it into place? I know that if I don’t hear the pop/feel a slight suction movement, it’s not truly sealed. I wear mine a bit higher than it recommends and that seems to work better for me.
anon
No, I don’t. How do I get that? I take it out and redo it and still don’t get it. Also, there is always a small pucker on the side, so I bought the smaller size, and it is still there.
Anon
What I do is put it in most of the way, but then pull it back out a bit, let it fill with air/have all the sides be not puckered, and then put it back in “fully inflated.” See if that works for you! Good luck.
BB
If you reach back up there and the cup doesn’t feel fully back to its non-folded shape, it will leak. I’ve had one for over 15 years now and love it, but there are definitely times I can’t get it to re-inflate. What works for me is turning it a bit, giggling it up and down slightly. Or honestly, sometimes it’s just getting up and walking around a bit until I feel a bit of an awkward pop.
H13
I also try turning my a little once it is in. I think it helps seal. It took me a few months to get the hang of it but it has truly changed my life. You might also want to try another brand to see if it fits better.
Anon
I found the Diva really uncomfortable and LOVED the Saalt.
anon
I use a different brand than diva, but for sealing:
– when you put it in, did it open, or is it still squished?
– I like to pull mine a little a do a little turn after it has opened, and pulling and turning makes the seal.
There’s a really, really great page with comparisons of the different brands – I’ll see if I can find it.
anon
Here it is:
https://putacupinit.com/
Murz
Looking for new dishware and wondering if anyone has a set they love? I love plates that look more like pottery with texture and tonal differences, but I care most about finding something that’s durable for everyday use. TIA!
Anokha
I don’t have these but friends swear by Heath ceramics.
Cb
We have Denby, just the boring blue ones but I was eyeing up their new pottery style ones. They are very very sturdy and dishwasher safe.
The original Scarlett
I’ve been happy with Year and Day – knock off heath, and a fraction of the price (think a whole set almost for the cost of a plate). They’re cheap enough that I’m not worried about being hard on them.
nuqotw
I’ve been very happy with my Noritake Zoom tableware. It’s discontinued but I think the colorwave is basically the same thing (with different colors).
Anonymous
We have Heath and they are really sturdy and look great.
Senior Attorney
I love my white Fiestaware. Absolutely indestructible.
Texan In Exile
We got orange Fiestaware. It makes me happy every time I see it.
Anonymous
Villeroy and Boch wears like iron. They have some modern patterns that could provide the vibe you are looking for. It’s lasted twice as long as my Fiesta Wear.
Annon
We’ve had our Heath dishes for 20 years. Some of the bowls are losing their glazing and therefore stain (blueberries, tomato sauce) and they are so, so heavy. We’re considering replacing with a simple white set that can be bought less expensively and that are lighter in weight.
January
I wish they’d included any photos where the model has her arms down so I could see how this item hangs when you’re standing or sitting normally! I actually don’t usually dance around much while wearing business attire.
Anonymous
Ha! I agree.
anon
Agree! For this particular item if you click some of the other colors they have more reasonable poses.
ElisaR
thanks for making me lol – you’re right! (i do actually have this item and it hangs quite nicely but does show a lot of the underneath layer.
Anon
I feel like I have seen this addressed multiple times on this site before but I can no longer find the comments… After struggling with infertility I am newly pregnant. I am only 5 weeks along (I know this is very early) and I am in the final rounds of an interview process for a job I have been very excited about. I know that if I were to receive an offer I would want to accept. My question is, this would likely be around 8 – 9 weeks along, and I would likely be starting the job at the end of my first trimester or beginning of my second. If I were to receive an offer, does it make sense to disclose my pregnancy so that I can negotiate maternity leave and also start from a place of trust? I am worried that if I wait until I have just started I will have less bargaining power and it will also feel like I was intentionally not sharing this during the interview process. I know there are still a lot of things that need to happen and go well before this is something I need to address but I have been thinking about this a lot and am hoping some advice will help me have a clearer idea of what I would do, and ease my anxiety.
Anon
Yes. If you get an offer, disclose and negotiate maternity leave. Even if you are not worried about harming their trust in you (which I agree could happen), do it because you will not be entitled to FMLA coverage and want to ensure that you can take a maternity leave.
Anon
Yes, you should disclose and negotiate maternity leave once they make you an offer, for both sides’ benefit. You probably know this, but since you won’t have been there a year you’re not FMLA eligible, so you need to make sure they will give you *some* maternity leave. I assume you wouldn’t want to accept the job if they will make you take all your vacation days and return at 2 weeks postpartum…
Congrats!
Anon
I would tell them, but also let them know how early it is. That gives you loads of time to ramp up before going on leave. I would also be sure to stress that you aren’t comfortable with your new colleagues knowing yet since it is so early (assuming you aren’t comfortable telling strangers yet).
You’re going to be needing to go to the doctor regularly for check ups so not only would it look bad to spring the “I need maternity leave” on them but also disappearing once a month for a couple hours with little explanation.
Welcome to the club! I’m 15w with my first and it has been a nerve-wracking but mostly exciting process so far. Best wishes for a happy healthy pregnancy :)
Anon
Yes, but only to negotiate maternity leave. Tbh I’d fib that you’re only a few weeks along and didn’t know or expect this while interviewing but really want the position. They’ll get 7 months of acclimating you into the workplace, if a two or three month hiatus will make them reconsider you for the position, you don’t want to work there anyway.
Anon
Not sure why she would need to fib; if she’s 5 weeks along and in the final rounds of interviews, she hadn’t even conceived when she applied for the job and started the interview process. If she feels the need to explain, “I’ve been infertile for 5 years and truly did not expect to get pregnant during the interview process” is fine.
anon
Heading to Portugal in May for a week with my mom (fit and active 60s). Currently planning on skipping the Algarve and focusing on Porto and Lisbon. Anyone have thoughts on this/hints/fave hotels/activities/can’t miss things. I know this has been talked about before but I don’t know how to find it.
Anonymous
SeaMe in Lisbon is extraordinary
Cb
Someone posted them when I requested this and I emailed them to myself. Sadly I didn’t include the username to give due credit. We loved Portugal – so much so that my parents just bought a cottage there to retire to…
Porto:
– Day trip to the Douro Valley (they have some boat trips I think, though we took a train and stayed 2 nights in Pinhao) – the scenery here is just gorgeous! if you spend any real time out in this area and do the wineries, I would recommend Quinta da Corte and Quinta do Tedo which are very small producers, but the tastings were fun and delicious! (And not pretentious, which is my biggest pet peeve!)
– In Porto, go to the wineries across the river from the city (we took a water taxi across rather than walking) – Taylor’s and Croft were both very good, but there are plenty to choose from.
– Muu Steakhouse – make a reservation, but it was really my favorite meal, and probably the best service I’ve had in my life.
– Impar – another great restaurant
– You have to try the francesinha which is their typical dish there. Our AirBNB host told us to go to Alfandega Douro for the best one, and we did. I have to say it was pretty tasty. (Note – Their address recently changed, and they are now on the second or third floor of a place called the World of Discoveries, but google maps did not have the new address so we showed up at the wrong place first.)
Lisbon:
– Go to the Principe Real and/or Rato area. We stayed in Chiado and it felt very much like the tourist district whereas the Principe Real and Rato seemed more like the trendy uptown area for locals. It was more my speed than Chiado, to be honest. Check out a bar called Pavilhao Chines, very quirky and fun place to grab a cocktail.
– You must do Sintra – it is unbelievable! (We did Quinta da Regaleira, Monserrate and Pena and loved them all.)
– Cervejaria Ramiro for seafood – very very good!
– We also ended up loving piri piri chicken from a place called Churrasquinho do Barrio (we went twice, it was so good!) This is a tiny restaurant with only two tables to dine-in and many people do takeout, but we sat both times and ate and people watched. It is also connected to a large market hall place (Mercado de Campo de Ourique) which we went to both times. There are various stalls with roasted nuts, gelato, tempura (very good!), sangria, etc. This is more in a residential area so it was more local people, and we enjoyed it a lot.
I hope you enjoy your trip as much as we did! It was a really great place to visit.
– In Porto, we did a tile workshop from a place called Gazete Azulejos. I was worried it would be cheesy, but it was so fun, and even my husband loved it. We learned a ton about the tiles that you see all over Portugal, and have a new appreciation for them when we would see them on the rest of the trip. We also got to paint our own tiles to take home as a souvenir, and they turned out beautiful. Bonus – proceeds from the class go toward supporting an archive/catalog of all the tiles in Porto. If you book straight through their site rather than a third-party site, it is only 25 Euros.
– In Lisbon, the Jeronimos Monastery is a must-see. I was skeptical because I was like eh, it is a monastery, how interesting could it be?! But it was fabulous! (Also we had many, many pasteis de nata and the ones at Pasteis de Belem really were the best!)
Anon
Cb, did you take your toddler? Or was this pre-kid? Not OP but am considering a trip there with our toddler this summer.
Anonymous
I’m not CB but went with my almost-4 and almost-2 year old this past summer. We had a blast but honestly, I would only do Lisbon with a kid you can babywear all day, or an older kid who can walk around themselves. The (double) stroller + narrow, cobblestoned sidewalks + giant hills was kind of a nightmare. My husband ended up pushing the entire trip and thankfully he does Crossfit, but he was still completely wiped by the end of the day. We spent several days at a beach town outside of Lisbon and that was much more enjoyable– glad we were only in Lisbon for a couple days.
Anon
Thanks! I’ve heard similar from other people. We don’t babywear and our 2 year old (understandably) can’t walk long distances so I think it will be more fun in a few years.
Edge
I brought my 3 yr old twins and used a hiking backpack to haul them around. Less glamorous, but convenient and a great workout!
Generally found Portugal kid friendly and there are specific family hotels that make it easy, but we did a road trip and standard hotels were accommodating too
Cb
We did Porto with our two year old and it was great. but we skipped Lisbon. My blonde haired baby got so much love from the old folks.
BabyAssociate
Cervejaria Ramiro is one of the best meals I’ve ever had. There will be a wait, I promise it’s worth it. Absolutely go to Sintra, really easy to get to and there’s soooo much to see!
KL
I’ve heard that Ramiro has gotten really touristy since Anthony Bourdain went. Was that your experience or was it still good?
BabyAssociate
It was REALLY busy when I went (fall 2017), but I think it was also a Friday or Saturday night. Absolutely worth it, some of the best seafood I’ve ever had.
Never too many shoes...
I completely agree that Sintra is amazing (wear solid shoes and do the nature walk up to the top of the mountain).
I loved Ramiro’s (a recommendation from here) and do not skip the “dessert” of a steak sandwich with homemade hot sauce. Clube de Journalistos is also a great restaurant in an old house – a bit off the beaten track but totally worth it.
We stayed at the Pousade de Lisboa on the Praca do Comercio – one of the small luxury hotels of the world. It was fantastic and really well located. There is a bar on the square that serves champagne sangria and is an awesome place for people watching (Can the Can).
I absolutely do not agree that Belem has the best tarts though – Manteigaria in the Chiado are better for me. Definitely try them out for yourself!
anon
thank you so much!!
Anonymous
I’m more familiar with the Algarve, but if you’re religious and up near Lisbon, you might consider a side trip to Fatima. It’s a moving place.
Food-wise, eat all the bacalhau (the unofficial national dish) and check out a religious festival if you have an option.
Shopaholic
There’s an amazing restaurant called Flow in Porto that is probably one of the best restaurants I have been to?
Washing Wool Suits
Can I wash my Banana Republic black suiting skirt and pants in the washer? And can I dry them in the driet?
They are not the machine washable version, but I am getting tired of shelling out $ for dry cleaning that doesn’t really seem to get the stains out.
Anonymous
If it says ‘dry clean’ and not ‘dry clean only’, it’s likely fine on a cold handwash cycle. Hang or lay flat to dry as soon as the load finishes.
DO NOT put in the dryer.
Mallory
If you wanted to try it, I think your best bet would be cold water only, gentlest cycle possible, and hang to dry. Then maybe you can steam out wrinkles. But, as I have no idea the exact makeup of your suit, it may be a risk! But definitely cold water, for sure, when dealing with wool.
Ribena
Use the hand wash or silk cycle on your machine, and don’t put them anywhere near a tumble dryer.
Anonymous
Switch dry cleaners. If they are changing the cleaning solution frequently enough this should not happen.
Anon
I can take classes at an online university for free through my employer. I’ve taken a couple classes in one area and really enjoyed them. I’m thinking about doing a master’s in that area. The thing is the master’s degree has nothing to do with my current work, and I don’t think I’m up for a career change (I’m in my mid-30s and already on my second career…starting a third career at this age just feels ridiculous and anyway I don’t think there would be many job opportunities in this field without a geographic move, which is impossible). On the one hand, I think I should go for it, since there’s no financial cost and I think I would enjoy the process of getting the degree. But it’s weird to get a degree just for fun, right? Any thoughts?
Veronica Mars
I’d do it if it’s free and your employer is on board. You never know when the things you learn will come in handy. Steve Jobs randomly took a typography / calligraphy course at Reed College, and credits it to one of the things that made apple so special at launch. So I wouldn’t discount something just because you don’t see a direct line yet.
Angela
Not weird at all, it’s awesome! Just take it one step/class at the time. Not everything in life has to be for a specific purpose beyond the enjoyment of it.
Anon
+1.
Anom
+1
Anon
Agree!
DCR
I would totally do it if it was free. This is something you find interesting and enjoy. Nothing wrong with continuing to learn even if you don’t plan to use it professionally. But my answer would be totally different if you were going to have to pay.
Anon
It’s free, so go for it! You may or may not end up needing the in the future but it opens up your options for what you can do if you decide you’re over your current career and want a change.
Anon
Go for it! You don’t have to put it on your resume, and you don’t have to use it.
I am a big believer in developing skills in many areas: it helps you to think about things in different ways and create solutions that people in your area tend to not think of.
Senior Attorney
Some years ago I enrolled in a master’s program for fun. Dropped out halfway through when it stopped being fun due to faculty changes, but I have zero regrets. I say go for it!
Anonymous
Why on earth would it be weird to learn something you want to learn, and accomplish something (getting a master’s) while you do it?
Anony
I just finished a 2nd master’s degree, M.Eng in Cyber Security Policy & Compliance. Literally the only reason that I started it was because my employer would pay 100% if I got a B or better AND I truly enjoy learning. While it definitely expanded my knowledge and is somewhat applicable to my day job (and ideally future job), it really was because I was interested. I say go for it!
Anon
I’m feeling especially sad, frustrated, disappointed, and lots of other emotions right now about being single in my early thirties. I’m trying to plan a weekend full of good things with friends and by myself to turn this into a good weekend. What would you plan for a weekend like this?
Anonymous
If it were me, I’d probably do brunch, a mani-pedi, going shopping and treating myself to something nice (within reason), dinner and drinks with friends, maybe going to see some standup comedy, and finishing the weekend by making my favorite dinner just for me and having a night in on Sunday to recharge before the workweek.
I might also consider a road trip to somewhere local that I like to visit but haven’t gone to in a while, staying in a hotel, and making a weekend of it.
January
These are all great suggestions, and I would especially recommend the road trip if you can manage it on short notice.
Anon
I’m a single in my thirties as well and I’m not sure what would specifically help with the disappointment. The feeling ebbs and flows and doesn’t completely go away so you have my commiseration. But I enjoy dinner or simply hanging out/catching up with friends. I schedule a spa session for myself. I plan future trips because traveling gives me something to look forward to. Sign up for lessons in something I’d always wanted to learn but didn’t have a chance to as a kid (music? art?)
Anonymous
Can you go skiing? Go to an axe throwing bar? Bowling? I’m trying to think of things that aren’t likely to be couple-filled or Valentine’s themed and that could take you out of your day to day. Is there a weird roadside attraction within day trip distance of you? Any minor league or college sports teams in nearby cities you could turn into a mini road trip with friends?
Anon
Question about therapy (sorry for the length.). Does anyone schedule therapy sessions when they aren’t dealing with something major but just feel like they need to talk to someone? I’ve seen a therapist on and off for a few years for general anxiety and depression issues. I went to maybe ten sessions when I first started and found it helpful in dealing with a career/life decision. Since then, I’ve gone back in a couple of spurts of two to three sessions whenever I felt like I was tired of handling my emotions by myself (usually related to being unhappily single or spikes in anxiety.) I didn’t find those sessions as helpful, maybe because a couple of sessions isn’t a lot of time to make progress, but it was still nice to get my feelings out. I’m feeling especially sad about being single and have been feeling extra anxious lately and am thinking about scheduling an appointment. Is scheduling therapy sessions in short spurts like this okay? Do other people do this? Is there a way to make short spurts of therapy or once-a-month sessions effective? I can’t afford therapy on a regular basis and don’t think I need that much help right now. I’m trying to figure a way out of my current feelings other than continuing to sit with them and hoping they pass. Thanks for any input.
Anon
My threshold for going to the therapist: Go when you feel you need to go. There are no rules. And yes, booking one off sessions is normal and common.
anon
Isn’t this what people talk to friends and family about? I don’t think it makes a ton of sense to pay money just to talk about perfectly normal feelings.
Anon
Therapy generation. Every 3rd person feels they need to be in therapy and if they have no reason for it, they make one up. Good for therapists, they must be making $$$.
pugsnbourbon
You’re coming off as really dismissive, Anon at 12:20. Not sure if that was your intent.
OP, it sounds like your current feelings are troublesome enough to need help. Part of my therapist’s role is to be a calm, neutral person I can really talk through my issues with. If cost/scheduling are an issue, have you looked at some of the online-based therapy platforms? I don’t have experience in those myself, but I think there have been some threads about them in the past.
Vicky Austin
Yo – currently using BetterHelp. It’s a lot slower-paced than traditional FTF therapy and it does come with a price. I didn’t even try to get it covered by insurance. But it’s been 100% worth it, even as it was slow to get off the ground.
Anon
Oh they absolutely mean to be dismissive. But who cares, if she doesn’t want to go to therapy, she doesn’t have to. Don’t see how other people going affects her life in any way at all.
The Original ...
Nope, not only is this dismissive, it’s factually inaccurate. Mental health is like physical health; while some lack access to either and others only go when there’s an emergency, it is recommended to get check-ups on a regular basis in order to catch problems early and for preventative care.
Stigmatizing mental healthcare, especially within a community mostly identifying as women, is not only rude and not helpful, it’s dangerous.
OP, go whenever you need and can afford… and yay to you for recognizing your needs and for prioritizing them! :)
LaurenB
Anon at 12:20, maybe you should talk to someone about your anger.
Anon
Lol. This is how my parents’ generation views therapy, and instead of working through their feelings with professionals, they are just miserable people who offload their negativity and poor coping mechanisms onto their “loved ones”. Sounds like they have something in common with this poster!
Anon
Anon at 2:06, this is so true. I honestly haven’t had a lot of positive experiences with therapy, but at least I was talking to someone who gets paid to listen and not damaging a relationship I can’t walk away from.
Seventh Sister
My mom is allll about SSRIs, but thinks talk therapy is useless because it’s just “complaining about your parents.” My MIL, a (blessedly retired) psychologist, also thinks talk therapy is useless because she tried it once and found out she was entirely normal in every way! Needless to say, both of these women feature prominently in my discussions with my therapist. I resisted getting help for years and years, but am so glad I finally went for it.
I view it as something that I could probably “get along” without if I couldn’t pay for it, but I find very useful and helpful.
Anonymous
These are the kind of things my friends and family and BF come to me about. But I am regularly told “you should be a therapist,” and because of that I’ve actually casually looked into it (but more school doesn’t mix with law school loans). I guess my friends/family are just lucky to have a free listener and would need a professional if I weren’t around. Of course I would send (and have sent) them along to a pro for more serious issues.
anon
Yes, absolutely. I’ve definitely gone for being sad about being single and feeling generally anxious. I’d really recommend considering a longer run, though, because you’ll have the opportunity to really dig deep. I’m not saying months or years, but more than 2 or 3 sessions. You might be very surprised at what you learn about yourself! I think of therapy as a tool to learn about yourself and your thought and behavior patterns that may not be serving you (that you may not even consciously be aware of), rather than just an opportunity to get your feelings out. (Although of course that’s valuable.)
Anonymous
I do something similar. I went to therapy every week or two when I was dealing with something big, now I just go on occasion when I feel like I need a tune-up.
Anonymous
As has been said: go when you feel you need to go. I was scheduled to go every other week, but due to holidays/schedules it’s usually once a month… and this is perfect for me. A month is long enough for me to run into something– a snag in my goals, a thought I can’t get out of my head– that I’d like to discuss with a professional. Going more often would feel frustrating to me.
anon
I would lead toward Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which has “homework” / activities you can direct at home, and be direct with your therapist about what you would like. I recently added meditation to my therapy lineup (I subscribed to the “Headspace” app, but there are free guided meditations on youtube) and I have found it to reduce my anxiety (took a few weeks of 5-10 minutes a day).
Horse Crazy
I posted yesterday afternoon about doing a ln interview with a leg cast on. I’m thinking of wearing a royal blue sheath dress – what color shoes and blazer would you wear with it?
AnonTechie
charcoal grey? maybe a burgundy
Anon
Black. You’re way overthinking this :)
Anonymous
Agreed. You’ll have a large visible cast. No one will care.
Anon
Yeah agreed. Literally no one is going to notice your shoes or outfit when you have a huge cast on. Take it as a small silver lining to your situation.
Anonymous
You’re way overthinking this. People will understand you’re on the mend.
I broke my ankle, had surgery, and was on crutches for a couple weeks and a walking boot cast for 2 months. No one at my business formal firm cared that I wore dresses with blazers, tights, and a sneaker on my other foot. I needed a taller shoe to make me more even. Focus on nailing the interview and getting better, not what you’re wearing on your other foot!
Anonymous
I interviewed with a boot. Wore a black skirt suit with a grey backpack.
Horse Crazy
Thank you all! I’m definitely overthinking this.
Anon
Has anyone here had a Bartholin’s cyst? I had one drained in the doctor’s office last week — not sure what hurt worse, the cyst or having it lanced — but I still have a lump there. How long does it take for that lump to go away? Does that mean the cyst is still actually there? I do not want to do a round two with this.
Anonymous
I had one and having it lanced was one of the more painful things I’ve experienced. I cursed so loudly I got funny looks from some of the staff when I left the room. I think I had some swelling for a day or two after, did sitz baths regularly and it went away pretty quickly.
Anon
Oh god I did. It was the worst. I had to have a marsupialization under anesthesia — sounds like you didn’t. Mine took a while to heal, like several weeks, but has been problem free since then. I definitely felt something down there while it healed but I thought it was stitches and some swelling. Did the doctor have you schedule a follow up?
Anon
No follow-up scheduled, but if it doesn’t seem any smaller tomorrow morning, I think I’m going to call to find out if this is normal or not. I definitely do not want to deal with this coming back. Good God, I’ve never experienced anything that hurt so wickedly bad.
Anonymous
Sits baths. Ibuprofen. Avoid gardening down there until it heals. Lump will go away with time. Can take up to 4-6 weeks depending on size.
Ellen
Ouch! According to WebMD, “Doctors aren’t sure why the glands sometimes become blocked. In rare cases, it may be due to a sexually transmitted infection (STI) like gonorrhea or chlamydia. and that about two out of 10 women can expect to get a Bartholin’s gland cyst at some point. It typically happens in your 20s. They’re less likely to develop as you age.” I am not sure if I had this, but it was after I was dating my ex, I got something like this and I had to use a zitz bath for a month b/f it went away. I now think he gave it to me. FOOEY!