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This sleeved wrap dress from Vince Camuto looks amazing — I like the print, the sleeves, and the flattering wrap look. (It's also machine washable, yay!) It's also available in regular sizes, but alas, without sleeves. It's $99-$119 at Nordstrom. Vince Camuto Dot Print Three-Quarter Sleeve Wrap Dress
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(L-3)
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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Dream kitchen
Looking for a stainless steel countertop microwave (with feet, not over the range ones). Does anyone have one that they really love? Any recommendations? Probably want at least 1.1 cubic feet and 1000 watts
Anonymous
We got a Panasonic stainless steel one from Costco. Think the model number is NN-SN661S.
Senior Attorney
My reply got stuck in moderation or eaten, but I have a GE and I love it. Model No. GE JES1656SRSS
Sus
Check The Sweet Home’s review of microwaves. They’re sure to have a good idea for you.
Anonymous
Can I brag for a minute? I’ve always struggled with my weight. I’ve been doing a lot of strength training but the number on the scale hasn’t moved much and my belly is still stubbornly flopping about. I dread looking at pictures of myself, especially full body pictures. I get sick to my stomach even thinking about looking at pictures. I just went on a girls’ trip and a friend posted a bunch of pictures online. I still look fat and disgusting as always, but I couldn’t help but notice that d!mn do my shoulders and biceps look cut! It was the first time in a long time I’ve thought anything remotely positive about my body.
Anonymous
Happy you’re moving in a positive direction, but sad you still used “fat and disgusting” to describe yourself… I bet you look great! And toned arms and shoulders are the best accessory for summer :)
anon
Yay you! But please be kinder to yourself than “fat and disgusting.”
Anon
Doing a lot of strength training does not equal fat and disgusting. That takes a lot of strength and discipline.
Anonymous
Why did you want us to witness you going on record as being so cruel to yourself? It took up so much space on your post, almost drowning out the good news.
You can chose to be a bully to yourself (I hope you don’t), but pls leave me out of it. Like Gretchen Wilson, I am here for the party only and would be happy to celebrate your accomplishments.
KT
I think you need to work through some issues if you think of yourself as fat and disgusting. That’s not a normal reaction to have to your body.
Legally Brunette
Congrats to you on your strength training! That is hard work. Please check out Tanesha Aswathi’s blog if you haven’t already. She’s absolutely gorgeous and probably a size 16. Certainly not “disgusting”. I totally get how it’s easy to get into that mind set but I would look at some plus size bloggers to reevaluate your mind set a bit.
I’m not plus size and hers is probably the only fashion blog I frequent on a regular basis.
http://taneshaawasthi.com/
OP
To be clear, I don’t ever think *other* people are fat or disgusting. Physical beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. My favorite dress ever featured on A Practical Wedding is Lindy West’s – the dress is amazing, her body is banging, and her smile is brighter than the sun.
cbackson
Have you listened to this week’s “This American Life,” which features Lindy talking about “coming out” as a fat woman? There is a part in there where she talks about seeing herself as beautiful…it’s worth a listen. It makes me sad to see anyone describe her own body as “disgusting” (as a recovered ED patient who remembers what it feels like, and knows that it doesn’t have to be that way).
Anonymous
I loved that episode. It hit me right in the feels.
Anonymous
You do you, but I’m significantly overweight, out of shape, and I don’t get sick to my stomach about photos or think I look disgusting. I usually look happy, because I am smiling, and I look like me. A busy lawyer who kinda hates working out and really likes wine. And yeah losing weight would be nice, but not hating myself is also pretty great.
Blonde Lawyer
Yeah, I’m not usually one to jump on the troll train but I’m a little suspicious when one of the first posts of the day uses “fat and disgusting” when the attire featured is plus sized.
OP
I actually didn’t realize the model was plus sized but I apologize if I offended anyone.
ChiLaw
Oof, I’ve been there (in the bad body image place) and it’s tough. I am happy you can admire your muscles, though! I hope you get to a place where you see yourself and know you are wholly beautiful.
2 Cents
Thanks for the plus-size pick, Kat! I think it’s really cute.
Legally Brunette
I agree! Super cute.
Anonymous
Where is everyone this morning!?
Anonymous
Prob in moderation
Cat
ha!
Blonde Lawyer
Avoiding spoilers. This showed up on my twitter feed today:
A link from a local radio station that starts:
“It’s literally all anybody has been talking about since Sunday night. Cautiously, though, because we’re all good friends to each other and Game Of Thrones watchers aren’t a-holes to each other that spoil stuff (well, for the most part.)”
Made me think of yesterday’s drama and crack up.
Anonymous
I usually watch stuff late (within the week) to very late (within a month or two). So late that it would never dawn on me not to talk about what I’ve watched. [And I don’t mind spoilers. For reals.]
What is standard for wait-times? A week? A month?
I was in line behind people at lunch talking about a show they watch. I’m assuming that in public, one overhears what one overhears and you can’t shoosh people.
Betty
How many credit cards do you ladies have? We pay most of our expenses with credit cards, and pay each off every month. I currently have 3 (one brand specific, one personal and one shared with my husband). My husband has 2 (one personal and our shared). I don’t need more credit and never come close to maxing out any card, but am considering a travel rewards card so that we can travel more. Thoughts? Best travel rewards card?
Veronica Mars
2–One from my credit union and one from AMEX that I use more regularly because of its consumer protection/customer service. For travel cards, Southwest is pretty awesome. They regularly have cards where you get 2 free flights (worth of points) for signing up, and if you spend a certain amount, you can earn buddy/companion passes where a friend can fly for free with you!
Anon
I have 5 cards and we pay off the balance every month on all of them. I have an Amazon (Chase) card and a Bank of America card that I use for all our purchases based on which one gets the best rewards where. I also have a USAA card which my husband carries. The fourth one is a store card and the other one is an American Express I had to shop at Costco (with their switch to Visa it will be going in the safe since it is one of my oldest cards and I don’t want to cancel it). Other than the Amazon card, I’m not in love with any of them, but my BOA card has pretty good travel rewards.
Anon
You might want to check out the details on the Costco switch because my understanding is that the AMEX is no longer good anywhere (so it is sort of auto-cancelled)
mascot
+1 that it’s already cancelled. We ended up switching to another AMEX and the Costco visa was sent to us as well. We were told that we wouldn’t lose credit history, but I’m not sure that is how it will play out since the cards just got turned off/on this week.
Anon for this
Yup. Should have received the new Visa card.
We pay off all our cards every month. They are: 1 AA Citi card for most purchases, 1 Starwood Amex because we are “owners” in a Starwood vacation club, 1 Amex for another hotel chain because my husband works there, and a Costco Visa.
CherryScary
I checked last night, my entire Amex account rolled over to the new Visa, so I don’t think you need to do anything else. Still need to cut up the old card though.
Anon
Mine isn’t the Costco Amex. Just an Amex I had to shop at Costco.
Anonymous
We use the same system (everything on credit then pay it off 100% every month). We have one personal each plus one shared. All cards earn travel rewards. The best travel card for you will depend on where you want to travel. We travel to Europe every year so we use the one that allows us the most flights for the least points but I have no idea if it’s any good for points travel domestically. We have been thinking of switching to cash back cards as the taxes/fees on the rewards tickets are astronomical.
Betty
Interested in learning more re: taxes on the rewards tickets. Do mean that you pay the taxes out of pocket per ticket? Does that negate the savings of the rewards tickets?
Anonymous
I’m not Anon at 10:03 but this is why I don’t use travel rewards cards. For a domestic ticket, the taxes are pretty minimal. But for an international flight, they can be half the fare. E.g., I just went to Asia and the “fare” was $600 and the taxes and fees were $550. So I would have had to pay half the cost out of pocket, plus redeem a huge number of miles to buy the ticket with miles. Not worth it.
travel!
This depends a lot on your carrier. I used AA miles for JAL JFK-NRT and paid a pittance in taxes (~$20). To go to Europe on British Airways would cost me as much in taxes as the economy ticket out of pocket. Lots of info available about this online.
I just used AA miles on Cathay round trip business DCA-Hong Kong and paid less than $200 in taxes for a ticket valued at over $6k….
Sydney Bristow
You have to pay the taxes out of pocket per ticket. If I remember correctly, our Australia tickets were $1200 each but we only paid around $100 each for the taxes and our miles covered the rest.
Each country has its own tax situation. I’ve heard flying into or through London in particular can be expensive because of high taxes and fuel surcharges.
Anonymous
Yes, it depends on both the country and airline. For example, if you typically fly American and want to fly to Paris, they may show you flights with a Heathrow connection. If both connecting flights are on AA metal, the fees won’t be that bad. But if they’re codeshares on BA metal, the fees are outrageous–often $500 even on a one-way, which makes the miles not worth using at all.
travel!
Yep, this. I find great value on awards to Asia. Europe you have to be careful who you are flying, and even which airport you’re going out of.
AIMS
I have 2, but need to get a third joint card for baby expenses. If you do a lot of international travel (even once a year), I’d get a Capital One or some other card that doesn’t have foreign transaction fees. That 3 percent really adds up!
Jen
We technically have 2-3 but only use one. The other two we have from pre marriage and never bothered to cancel.
We are considering opening another, or starting to use a dormant one, for Husband’s corporate expenses since he’s at a company that no longer provides a corporate card and I’m getting increasingly annoyed having biz expenses on our family card (for organizational reasons).
Anonymous
I have three: Target credit card (used only for purchases at that store), Amazon Chase (used for pretty much everything, but especially Amazon purchases) and a CapitalOne VentureOne card which has no foreign transaction fee and which I use internationally. My DH has three also: his own Amazon Chase, a card on my Amazon Chase and a card on my CapitalOne. He almost never uses them. They’re there for emergencies and to build a good credit score (he had never had a credit card when he met me). All cards are paid in full every month.
My thoughts on travel cards is that if you’re incredibly loyal to a particular airline or hotel chain it may be worth getting a travel rewards card with that brand and paying a fee. Otherwise, it’s best to stick to no-fee cards and whether or not it’s labelled “travel” doesn’t really matter, because you’re basically going to redeem the rewards for cash or statement credit, which you can use for anything, including travel. I’ve never found the rewards conversion to miles to be very good and miles are also pretty hard to redeem on most airlines. My CapitalOne (1.25% back) beats my Amazon Chase (1%) except in the specific categories where I get 2 or 3% back (dining, gas, Amazon). But it’s not significant enough that I would pay a fee for it, and I tend to use the Chase for most domestic purchases because I’ve been really happy with their customer service.
CountC
I have an AMEX which is my daily card, two Visas through my bank (one for horse expenses only and one as a back-up for when merchants don’t take AMEX). I also have a Nordstrom card, but I very rarely use it. I pay all cards off on each pay day and all cards but the Nordstrom have cash back, which is the most benefial reward for me right now.
ALX emily
Between the two of us, probably about 15. Some of those are cards that we got for the sign-up bonuses (airline or hotel cards) that we’ll cancel after the first year when the annual fee is due. We each carry about 3-4 at a time so we can get the most cash back/rewards on every purchase. Mostly they are individual, not joint, cards but we pay all the bills from our joint checking account.
Sydney Bristow
I have the Starwood Amex, Chase Sapphire Preferred, 2 Chase Freedom cards (planning to switch one to the Freedom Unlimited), United MileagePlus, and the Jet Blue card. We use our travel rewards frequently. Our flights and most hotel nights on our Australian honeymoon were almost entirely on points. I’m taking a domestic Jet Blue flight on points next month. We have several Starwood nights saved and almost enough United miles for another Australia trip or hopefully Europe in business class.
When thinking about travel rewards, it’s important to think about your loyalty. If you live near an airline hub, it could be easy to go with them and get their card. Airline specific cards often have an annual fee, but that can be offset with free checked bags if you travel enough. When first getting into the rewards game, picking a card with transferable points can be the best way to go. I stick with the Sapphire Preferred (annual fee but you need it to directly transfer points) and Freedom (no annual fee) because the points transfer to a number of airlines and hotels, including United. I’m pretty loyal to United but not always so it’s nice to have options.
Some hotel cards with annual fees come with free nights each year. Aside from my Starwood card, which is really transferable points, we stick with hotels.com and aren’t really loyal toa hotel chain.
Generally, miles can be redeemed for the most value on international flights, particularly business and first class.
If you’re really interested, check out some frequent traveler blogs like The Points Guy, View from the Wing, and One Mile at a Time.
Anon 4 This
I have a family member who works in credit card rewards analysis (go figure). Navy Federal Credit Union is said to be one of the very best programs. He, someone who does this for a living, swears by it. It’s not open to everyone, but visit the webs!te to figure out if you qualify. I think it’s all military and not just navy.
Anonymous
1 for the dominant airline in my city
3 hotel cards covering the major chains (signed up to get the free nights initially, and they each have annual award certs that outweigh the annual fee, and I travel enough that I like having points in the various hotel chains since not every chain will have a great property in every city)
1 from my bank that I never use but helps me avoid the monthly checking account fee
2 store cards that I rarely use–they’re not Visa/MC cobranded so can only be used at those stores
Pay them off in full each month.
Anonymous
Two – an AmEx linked with Delta and a Visa linked with Southwest. And an old Capital One card where my credit limit is still like $1500 but I’m too lazy to close it. It only gets used in the most random situations (credit card machines in random parking lots usually, as those sketch me out and I figure that way I can easily track a card skimmer issue).
anon-oh-no
we have a bunch. each of us have united cards, I have a Marriott card, and we have an amex card. we also have a number of store-specific card.
As for stores, the Nordstrom card is great — I earn a few hundred bucks in Nordstrom gift cards each year.
The Marriott card is also good for earning free nights — I paid for an entire week in Paris at the Marriott Champs Elysees last summer using points. The going rate at that time of year for that location was $995 a night. And I already have enough for another week.
Gail the Goldfish
4, but really only use 1 or 2–I ended up with some I never use anymore when trying to maximize rewards and haven’t bothered closing the ones I don’t use anymore.
SC
We have 4 . Our travel cards are Chase Sapphire Preferred, the Merrill Lynch Signature, Amazon (Synchrony), and AmEx Blue Cash Preferred. In my opinion, the Chase Sapphire is a great travel card, although we use the ML for travel rewards too. In my opinion, airline-specific cards on worthwhile only if you live in a hub city or frequently make the same trip. We live in a non-hub city, and my preference for direct flights always trumps airline loyalty. The Amazon card gives us 5% cash back on Amazon purchases, which is at least $20/month for us, and much more around Christmas. I got the AmEx mostly because I needed one for Costco purchases but will probably close it soon. In my opinion, it’s not really worth the annual fee, and I have issues with AmEx’s website.
SC
I miss the edit feature – we use Chase and ML for travel, Amazon Synchrony for cash back, and AmEx for groceries, gas, and Costco (but now I don’t think it’s worth it). Multi-task fail.
Runner 5
I just have the one that I opened to improve my credit rating. When I start my new job in the autumn I’ll take out an M&S one so that hopefully I can gain some benefit from my stupidly high hosiery bills. (And then spend vouchers instead of real money when buying some of that hosiery!)
AAL
I opened an M&S card a couple of weeks ago and just spent my signing up voucher on a load of hosiery. Great minds think alike!
Amelia Earhart
Three. Bank of America Cash Rewards card because I have a long commute and get 3% cash back on gas, and when I have the cash back deposited to my BOA checking or savings, they give an additional 10%. I opened a Discover IT card for the miles and no foreign transaction fees. I use this like a debit card and pay it off since they are going to double my miles at the end of the year.
Then I opened a CapitalOne Venture card because research told me Discover/Diners Club had limited acceptance rates in countries I was traveling so I opened the Venture card that gave me a sizable credit limit, used it for a specific trip, paid off and now it’ll sit until I travel and Discover isn’t accepted again.
Senior Attorney
I have the new Citi Visa for Costco, which I will only use at Costco. I put almost everything else on my Citi Double Cash Back MasterCard. And I have a BarclayCard for international travel because it has no foreign transaction fee. Oh, and an Amazon Store Card because it gives 5% statement credit back on Amazon purchases, which is the only thing I use it for. And a Nordstrom card for Nordstom purchases.
I have a bunch of other cards but I never use them.
anon
You might want to consider the Costco Visa for gas (4% cash back) and dining/some travel (3% cash back) since those might be higher than the return for the citi. We just got this card too and are having to revisit what goes on which card to maximize our rewards.
AZCPA
Jinx!
AZCPA
You might consider using the Costco Visa at other places. I was actually going to cancel it, since any Visa can be used there and I already have one, but the cash back rewards are better than the cash back rewards on any of my other cards, other than the 5% promos Discover does periodically.
Anon
We have 3–an airline card, a Chase card, and then my husband has one other–I think it is a Discover card. We put just about everything on the airline card and pay it off in full every month. For us, the miles really add up and we are able to redeem it for a couple of tickets every year which helps since we are a family of 5 who love to travel.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
I have a Platinum AmEx and a basic Visa from my bank for back-up for when places don’t take Amex. I think my husband just has a Visa.
Kiki
We have only 1 that we use regularly.
But then we have probably 3 that are store specific (Macy’s, BR, j crew)
officer
Trivial question that feels important to me: I have to choose today whether I want to move offices (my boss is moving and I have the option of staying or going with him). I can’t decide!
+ It would be very convenient to stay close to my boss. We often work closely together (though could videochat instead if necessary)
+ My direct reports would get slightly nicer workspaces
+/- New office is slightly bigger but a more awkward shape so doesn’t necessarily read bigger
+/- New office is more out of the way and secluded
– Current office is totally adequate and set up how I like
– A previous resident of new office said it smelled like food during lunchtime due to a nearby kitchen. However, in all the times I’ve walked into this office previously, I’ve only smelled this once.
Bewitched
I’d go and sit near my boss. I think it’s really helpful for me as she often stops by to update me on events, solicit advice, etc. Additional benefit that your direct reports will get a nicer workspaces!
Shayla
This. I made the opposite decision once, and although it didn’t initially seem like a big deal, it was. Although it’s easy to know that *you* will make more of an effort to stop by boss’s office, boss won’t necessarily do that. I missed a lot of impromptu stops or gatherings with team members. I would walk their direction and see they’d been all gathered for a bit and I would join, no problem, but would then have no idea what was going on.
officer
Definitely true that my boss would make less of an effort to stop by than I would…excellent point.
Anonymous
Move to the new office. Proximity to boss and better accommodations for your reports are key.
Anonymous
I would move unless it negatively affects your commute – not sure how ‘out of the way and secluded’ it would be.
ace
Yeah, I couldn’t tell if you’re moving within the same building or not — if you are moving to a different buildings I’d factor in commute as well. If it’s just 7th floor vs 11th, that’s moot.
officer
Same actual office building, I should say–different personal office within the same workspace. Though the new one is closer to the entrance, so may involve shaving ~30 seconds off my commute. ;)
Thanks all for the comments so far!
Anonymous
If you’re prefnant or planning to be pregnant in the next 6 months, the smell thing might matter. Otherwise, there’s no downside to this move. Move offices.
Anonymous
*pregnant. Sorry.
SC
If you’re pregnant or planning to be pregnant soon, proximity to bathroom is most important. My office was pretty far away from the bathroom, and sometimes I had to go again by the time I got back to my office. Also, I had to leave early multiple times when walking that much was causing contractions, but that situation is pretty unlikely (I ended up on bedrest a week or so later).
RDC
Also if pregnant or TTC, might consider whether old or new office is more private (door that closes, glass walls/windows) and thus pumping-friendly.
Bonnie
Timely question as I had to decided today on a new office. I went with the smaller but better located one instead of the big but remote one.
Emily
We’re in the market to buy an apartment and a very dear family friend has been helping us with the search. She’s a real estate agent and basically volunteered herself for this, we didn’t reach out to her, but we went along when she offered because we weren’t working with anyone else. The problem is she doesn’t seem to be that effective and basically all she does is send us stuff to look at that we can find on our own with the internet anyway. This is a second career for her so she’s relatively new and there’s not a lot of guidance she can give us, and, more importantly, she doesn’t always follow up on things unless you remind her. Overall, I feel like we might be better of either on our own or with a more experienced agent. But I love this lady and not sure how I could possibly “break up” with her. We have some experience with real estate ourselves so some of the problems are a result of that – i.e., we can spot issues that maybe other clients wouldn’t notice. But on the other hand, she is pleasant to work with and isn’t pushy and certainly has our best interests at heart, which certainly can’t be said about many other agents. What would y’all do?
Veronica Mars
Get a new agent ASAP. You don’t want an agent who isn’t able to follow up without reminders. Gently tell her that you appreciate all her help, but you’ve decided that you need an agent who has years experience in X to help you with this purchase.
Anonymous
If you intend to actually purchase property/an apartment (as opposed to casually looking for fun), get a new agent NOW.
Emily
We do actually want to buy, but we’re in an unusual situation because we may want to wait a bit because DH is due to receive a significant bonus that will open up our options a bit in a few months by basically either letting us put more money down or letting renovate something in terrible shape that we buy at a discount. So we’re ready to buy now but also feel like we may have better options in the near future.
The lack of follow up has happened twice: once on a question I had about a development and once on a lead. I’m annoyed about the latter because I feel like I could have done a better job on my own with that and shouldn’t have to basically tell her what she should be doing to help us. OTH, I do feel really bad when I think about telling her that this isn’t working. Right now, I feel like I should give her one more chance and if it doesn’t work out, then I can say look we tried but clearly need to change course. Ugh – working with friends is the worst!
Daisy
Depending on the market you’re in and the demand for your friend’s professional services, she may be slow to respond because you’re perceived as not being a real buyer.
Having now bought a home, the way you describe yourself is how I would have described myself… when I was not in fact a “real” buyer – we thought we were, but looking back we totally weren’t. We were maybe waiting/maybe not for a bonus to come, when the reality of us and the market was that we weren’t going to be happy with anything without that bonus cash to bump us up another rung of price point.
Said differently, when it was real, it was REAL. Money was ready, pre approval letters were dated and current, weekends were booked with 4-5 open houses, and we had a pulse on the day-to-day market (vs, 30,000 foot market). We were in a super competitive price point in a HCOL area, so YMMV.
CountC
To address Daisy’s point, when I worked as an agent, I treated all of my clients equally because you never know who will want to put in an offer on something even if they were lukewarm the day before and referrals are your lifeline. Ignored clients and clients who do not feel like a priority go elsewhere and I didn’t want any clients taking their business to another agent!
CountC
GAH I miss edit. My point in giving you that as an example OP was to say that regardless of whether you are hot to trot now, your agent should be responding in a timely manner to all of your requests. If your friend is not, please find another agent.
Daisy
Certainly, the follow up issue you mention is concerning. But, to address another point of yours: my agent was a rock star to the core. That said, we never got one “inside” listing from her. We (nearly always?) saw online listings before her because she was out and about, and I was at a computer screen all day at work, refreshing Redfin like a mad woman.
Having an agent, at least in our market, =/= getting access to properties before they hit the market and showed up in MLS or on Redfin. A realtor’s role isn’t to get you inside or early info on houses that are about to hit the market… certainly nice if they can, but that is not what makes or breaks a “good” agent based on my experience.
CountC
Oh yes, I wasn’t talking about pocket listings, which are generally discouraged anyway. But in some markets a good, really experienced agent, can absolutely get you access to coming soons. The team I worked for had been in business for over 20 years and was notified of coming soons if the other agent knew we had a need. These days, there are also FBs dedicated to coming soons and buyer needs for agents that can give folks a heads-up.
I agree that is not what makes or breaks a good agent though – that to me has more to do with being responsive, listening, setting appropriate expectations, knowledge of the area, good negotiation skills, good contract writing skills, etc.
CountC
I agree that you need to find a new agent now, regardless of when you are planning to buy. If I were you, I would tell her that you appreciate all of her help thus far, but have decided to go with a full-time agent. That’s something that she objectively is not, versus trying to squeak around the subjective side of you aren’t really doing a great job by our metrics (or anyone’s as this would annoy me to).
Emily
I think it’s true that we’re not really “ready, ready, ready” buyers in the sense that we don’t have a deadline to buy and we can afford to wait for something better to come along. But that said we have all our financial ducks in a row, including preapprovals, and we made one offer with her already that we lost out on to a higher bidder. That apartment had some issues so we’re okay with the “loss” but I do wonder if we would have gotten our offer accepted under different circumstances.
The lack of follow up complaint isn’t so much about being timely, but more about following up on leads or getting any information that we can’t readily access. If I ask her to do something, she’s great about doing it, but I just feel I shouldn’t be asking her to do every single thing, y’know? Curious, for Daisy and others, what makes or breaks a “good” agent based on your experience??
Daisy
1. Responsiveness – in the heat of our making offers, same hour turn around. In our competitive price point and competitive market, that is what won us our deal.
2. Modern technology – can you do e-signatures on your documents? Does your agent text? Monitor email from his/her phone? That all was may-jah!
3. Ethics – Admittedly, this is hard to assess at the outset and isn’t something we considered when hiring her. But, our broker was not going to bend rules. I think we didn’t win a deal because she wouldn’t push on something that was grey. I lacked perspective in the moment, but in the end I was ok with that because we know she is a good, solid broker who will perform ethically for us when we turn and sell our home in 3-4 years. She also never pressured us on pricing – we’d ask her what to offer, and she’d turn it back on us, “That is up to you. Do the best you can for the house. It’s your budget” At times frustrating, it was also a solid, thoughtful and the right response from her.
For context, we made 9 offers, 5 got to “best and final” or was one of the final 2 (allegedly, per selling broker), 2 were accepted, walked away from 7th at inspection, and closed on the 9th. This was 7 mos ago.
Emily
Daisy, based on that criteria, our friend/agent is not bad.
She is responsive when you call her, she is good with email/texts, and she is not shady or pushy with us. I have dealt with other agents that were and that’s one thing I like about this person – she has our best interest at heart, all the way. Maybe I am unreasonable? I just feel like she should be doing something that I cannot easily do myself.
Anonymous
I think your expectations may be a little too high. It doesn’t sound like she’s doing a bad job.
Daisy
To be 100% honest, we felt the same way. I thought the broker was supposed to have access to some magical portal of properties that us lay people can’t see. NOPE. MLS feeds to Redfin, Zillow, etc. I’ve heard there might be a little delay on the feed from MLS to the others, but not by much (an hour, maybe at most?). Broker was also out of her office, not at a computer 75% of her day (…because she’s a good broker…) and not hunting listings like I was from my desk/office job all day. What made her excellent was when I sent her the house via text, she was on the phone with the selling broker confirming details, showings, etc, within 15 mins.
Also, my broker was friends with others in the market, so even if she got a heads up to something coming on the market, and even if she got us in the door pre-open house, the listing 100% of the time went to market for a full competitive process because that was in the best interest of the seller given market conditions.
This all being said, if you don’t like your broker, get a new one. You have to trust and have faith in your broker from start to finish. They are intimately involved in one of the biggest investments you’ll ever make in your life. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut.
Daisy
Grrr.. my reply is in moderation.
Short of it: you need to love your broker. If it’s not working, find a new one. But yes, your expectations may be too high as well. You’re new to this process, so cut yourself some slack, too.
Emily
So what’s the job of an agent then? To just call and make appointments? Because I feel like now that all the listing info is available online, you need to do something more like know what buildings are good to buy into, what will get you past a co-op board, follow up on leads so maybe your clients can get a heads up early, etc. But if all someone does is send me listings I see on my own first and make appointments with the selling agent, am I wrong to think we could do better negotiating this on our own so that at least listing agent then at least has an incentive to pick/push us over another buyer with an agent and the requisite commission split in a competitive market?
Daisy
I just want to acknowledge that my one home purchase does not an expert make. I’ve ignored so much work this morning because of this thread :) But I feel strongly about home buyers being in the know because it is SO EASY to be taken advantage of, particularly first-timers after my experience. But, here are my thoughts:
1. There is a growing faction of people who argue that because of the internet Realtors are becoming a thing of the past.
2. My realtor was a filter for us – kept us from making emotionally charged decisions. She was an excellent sounding board, too, as far as interpreting the inspection report, and other ancillary things.
3. Our realtor got us in to a few showings ahead of the open house, allowing us to see it a second time at the actual open house before offers were due later in the weekend. Selling broker would not have given a non-realtor the combo to the key box on these homes. IF you’re not in a competitive market and you have the luxury of seeing a house multiple times, this might not apply to you if the house is on the market for more than 2-3 days (not the case for my market).
4. If a selling broker picks you up because you submit an offer without a buyer broker, you need to know that the broker is not advocating for you. In fact, you have to sign a disclosure that, if there is a disagreement in closing, they are legally representing the seller’s interests before you, the buyer. Example: our appraisal came in light (it was a BAD appraisal – stale comps, etc). Quality aside, it was a problem because of our loan. Our broker went to bat for us, negotiating value down to appraised value – she went toe to toe with the selling broker, who initially threatened to go to the back up offer and walk from us. If we had the same broker as the seller, we would have been SOL. End result? We paid the appraised value and effectively walked into free equity in the home.
CountC
IMO the job of an agent should absolutely be more than calling and scheduling appointments. A good agent will follow-up on leads that you have given and report back in a timely manner. A good agent will listen to what you are looking for, set your searches appropriately, and educate you about other areas that you may not have mentioned but that would fit your criteria. A good agent will educate you on the process if you aren’t familiar. A good agent will reach out to the listing agent to follow up on any questions you have about the property that he or she can’t answer and respond to you in a timely manner. A good agent will know what the contract says, what it does, what market norms are in your area re: time frames on things like home inspection turnaround, contingencies etc. A good agent will know the quirksof your market (city vs. rural, wells/septic vs. public, etc.) and what that means for you as a buyer.
WestCoast Lawyer
Surprised no one else has mentioned it, but I think the most important job of an agent (and one that can’t easily be replaced by Redfin) is to help you with the actual offer and let you know what is a reasonable ask for a property. I’m a surprised by the broker who just told the client “do the best for you.” While no one should push you to offer more than you are comfortable with, they should absoutely give you a good sense of how compeititve a market is, what the reasonable comps are, how likely the house is to appraise for the amount you are offering etc. I’ve bought 2 houses with 2 different agents. The first offer I made, our agent encouraged us to make an offer for the max we could afford, becuase it would have been a good deal (although over asking) and to give us practice in the process, but correctly guessed that it would go for 10-15% over what we were offering. With both houses that we eventually bought, our realtors were critical in advising us on what to bid in a multiple offer situation and we were able to get the houses for only slightly over what the next highest bidder was willing to pay. In fact, with our current house our agent suggested we lower the amount we were originally planning to offer after assessing not only the house and the comps but based on his knowledge of the brokers representing the other potential buyers (no exchange of improper information, just these are solid professionals who aren’t going to encourage outrageous bids) and easily saved us $50K+.
Emily
@Westcoast – this is exactly what I want and expect in an agent! The problem with ours is she isn’t very experienced so she can’t give us this kind of info. She hasn’t been an agent long enough to have a good sense of the market or have these kinds of connections, etc., and sometimes I feel like I have a better head for these things than she does and that’s what I find frustrating. But before working with her, we tried working with another agent and he wasn’t helpful either and at least with this woman we know she has the best intentions vs. just closing the sale.
Anonymous
Honestly, I don’t think you can break up with her without seriously causing offense. These days she can probably find new listings a day before they’re released on the web (she’ll have some slightly more up to date information than what is sent to websites that consume MLS data), but unless you’re in a very hot market where properties get sold within hours of being put on the market it probably doesn’t matter. Anyone who is serious about selling something will put it in the MLS system. I would just keep working with her even though she doesn’t respond as fast as you would like.
Emily
This is my fear, too. I appreciate your honesty.
PBD
We had a somewhat similar situation where my aunt who is a real estate agent (and has been for many years) started helping us look in City when we were looking to buy a few years ago. However, Aunt has mainly bought and sold properties in Suburb, so she just didn’t know the City areas we were interested in very well. We ultimately ended up finding another agent who specialized in City to work with, but Aunt remained involved in the process by advising us on the side along the way (e.g., second opinion — quietly — on New Agent’s recommendations and course of action for properties). She actually confessed that helping us look in City was causing her a lot of stress and she was happy not to be involved in an official capacity anymore. Having her advise us separately ended up being super helpful to us since we were first time homebuyers and weren’t familiar with the process generally. We also ended up firing New Agent since he was being shady, which Aunt helped confirm for us, and hired New Agent #2. (We subsequently ended up firing New Agent #2 since he was being shady ALSO for completely different reasons, but had a fabulous experience with New Agent #3.)
Our experience taught us that finding a trustworthy, ethical agent can be very difficult! You do need someone who can be sufficiently aggressive and do followup for you though so if you’re not happy on that front you should let her know.
Emily
I love the happy ending to your story. Unfortunately, I think our family friend would be very discouraged if we terminated our relationship with her as our agent.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
What you describe is exactly why we didn’t use an agent. If you feel comfortable doing it on your own, or using something like Redfin, consider it. But if you feel more comfortable with a traditional agent, get a new one like other have suggested.
Emily
I am comfortable but don’t know how to say it to our agent since this is a person who will be in my life after all this.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
I see. This seems like it is going to be a combination of being as tactful as possible, and ripping of the Band-aid so to speak. It is obviously just my view, and I hate to seem callous, but I would never let worrying about upsetting someone get in the way of doing what is best for buying a home. It is one of the biggest investments you can make.
AnonforThis
Inadvertently put some unkind s*xual pressure on my SO this morning…
Some background – we generally, for years, have a wonderful s*x life. Varied, spontaneous, frequent, and fun. For the past month or so, we’e been intimate much less frequently. A LOT is going on – home reno, sick dog, work intensity, frequent travel – so we have both been stressed. Understandably, his drive has really dwindled. While I know logically that this doesn’t have to do with me, it can be hard not to take it a little personally. When we do make love, it’s been much less passionate – right before bed, in the dark, four minutes, like a chore. I miss our usual romping around, dirty texts, etc. We also are usually very communicative about this stuff, so I’ve tried to raise it gently.
This morning, we were both lounging around mostly naked, drinking coffee. I playfully said “Wanna f**k?” He enthusiastically said yes, but then looked at the clock and said he didn’t have time. He then proceeded to do a bunch of random unnecessary chores for about 20 minutes – he literally scrubbed the top of the refrigerator! He ended up being late for work anyway.
I got worked up and told him that this hurt my feelings – I’d rather have him decline my come-on than make up a false excuse. I then rambled on about how I miss our usual passion, that I feel undesirable, and that I worry he is depressed. He basically responded with “well, that’s a lot of pressure.” He’s right. It was. He was rushing out the door to work, and I chose the wrong time and the wrong language. I feel bad but don’t really want to bring it up again tonight with him. I know this waxing/waning of intimacy is really common in long-term relationships. Advice for how to make him feel less criticized and more supported? I really regret how bratty I acted. I want to apologize, but I feel like that will just make him feel even more pressured etc.
CPA Lady
Just say “Hey, I”m sorry about this morning, I know I got a little carried away.” Then drop it and talk about something else or go off into another room to do something. You don’t have to make it into some kind of Epic Talk.
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
“Hey, sorry I was pushy and mean. I love you, I love s$x with you, and I know we have a ton going on right now and it just wasn’t a good time.”
Anon
No, don’t say “I was pushy and mean” and then follow up with ego-stroking. Follow CPA Lady’s suggestion instead.
Anon
Apologize but also don’t be so hard on yourself – it is frustrating when something you’re used to changes and you responded poorly in the moment but he could have been honest with you.
My husband has issues with ASD, manifesting in ED and it took me awhile to realise that I couldn’t be sugar-coat the situation. Putting pressure on wasn’t helpful but repressing my own feelings about it wasn’t helpful either. Acknowledging that it is a crappy situation and figuring out a solution has been more helpful.
yes
ASD?
Anon
Sorry, acronym soup there. Autistic spectrum disorder – basically an Asperger’s diagnosis.
Anonymous
I don’t see how you were bratty here. There’s been a big change in your sex life and you deserve a better response than I don’t have time because I’m cleaning the fridge. I’ve been married for 16 years and yes the frequency changes, sometimes we are tired, sometimes my SO is in pain from his arthritis and any number of reasons, but there is still passion. You don’t have to be adversarial (and I don’t think you were), but SO needs to at least listen to your concerns and address them. Nothing wrong with asking for a conversation.
Barnacle
Speaking of credit cards, am I the only person who gets her credit card number stolen repeatedly? I’d estimate 10 times in the last 2-3 years? I don’t shop anywhere questionable. I use it at the grocery store, gas station, local restaurants, amazon, other mainstream online retailers. I’ve changed my bank password and my amazon password. Is this just the new normal, or is there something wrong with what I’m doing? None of my habits changed, and after having the same credit card for 10 years, all of a sudden my number kept being stolen over and over.
Anonymous
I’ve had this happen only once. Maybe try using different payment formats at different places to see if you can track where it is getting taken. Local restaurants would be my guess. Don’t let your card out of sight when paying.
Blonde Lawyer
Are you in the US? Most servers here don’t have the table side pay option. They have to take your credit card and run it on the machine in the back. You aren’t going to get to go back there with them. You can pay cash but I don’t know of a way to not let your card out of sight while paying. In Canada, that was certainly an option because they brought the machine to the table.
Anonymous
I’m in Canada but when I’m in the states, I usually ‘have to go to the washroom’ when server comes for payment and walk up with them to the machine. It’s a bit obvious and awkward but I’d rather deal with that vs. having to replace cards constantly.
Anonymous
That is crazy. Literally nobody in the US does and most people don’t have their cards stolen that much.
Noony
What do you do if the machine is nowhere near the bathroom?
Runner 5
Pay with cash ;)
Anonymous
That seems like a lot. I’ve been living independently and putting most of my expenses on my own credit card for nine years, and I now have a total of 3 cards, and I’ve had one incident where one card number was stolen.
ace
That seems like a lot. I’ve probably had a number stolen every 1-2 years in the last 5 (so maybe 3 times?) Is it the same card (or usually the same card?) Maybe call the issuing bank to ask about it?
Anonymous
I’ve had problems at gas stations. If you’ve been going to one regularly, maybe ditch it and try a new one?
Anon
+1 to gas stations. Also, in you live in a large city, like NYC, the metrocard machines are notorious for fraud. (Side note: I’m the Program Administrator for our Corporate Amex program).
MKB
I do think it’s happening more and more frequently, though that seems like a LOT. We’ve had it happen to our primary card maybe 3 times over the last five years, never prior to that. Do you use the card to shop online when you’re on wifi?
Anonymous
FWIW, I don’t think online retailers, grocery stores, or amazon are your problem. I think other commenters are right that it’s either restaurants or gas stations. Could you get a new card from a new company and only use it for gas and restaurants?
Betty
When you say “stolen” do you mean that someone took your credit card numbers and actually used it or that your credit card company replaced your credit card number as a result of a data breach (Target, etc.) or a combination? I have had my credit card numbers replaced numerous times over the last few years due to the data breaches, and I now see that as part of modern life. If someone is actually taking and using your numbers, then maybe it is time to examine behaviors and patterns more closely.
Anon in NYC
Yes, I had a period where one or two of my cards were replaced every month or so. Based on my purchase history, I figured out that the culprit was the deli across the street from my office. If this is your situation, you might be able to figure out the culprit.
Sydney Bristow
I’ve had mine stolen 3 times over the past 15 years. Are you getting a new card and number each time? You might want to keep that card open but quit using it except for once or twice a year to keep it active and get a new card from a new bank.
Is it possible credit card skimmers are a big problem in your city? Look those up and try to look closely when using your card at places like gas stations, where skimmers could easily be placed.
Anonymous
My card number has been getting stolen about twice a year. Sometimes the credit card company catches it, sometimes I do. I monitor pending and cleared charges daily. The unauthorized users almost always start with small charges (tacos, car wash, smoothies), presumably to determine whether the card is active before racking up big purchases. I travel frequently, shop on line, pay for gas at the pump, and shop at places that have had data breaches (Target, Home Depot), so there’s no telling who is stealing the number or how. To make account monitoring easier and prevent the thieves from accessing my checking account, I regularly use only one credit card and never, ever use my debit card.
SC
Funny story – when I was pregnant, our credit card kept getting frozen for fraud alerts. I had preterm labor and went to the hospital several times for contractions. While there late at night, DH would buy sodas from the vending machine. The next day, I would try to make a large purchase for nursery furniture or something baby-related. Apparently a classic fraud pattern.
Anonymous
Too funny!
I have stopped using my credit card at vending machines for this exact reason. Every time I use it in a vending machine, the next transaction is declined.
SC
Mine gets stolen pretty frequently, probably 2-3 times per year. We figured out someone at a local restaurant was doing it when my mom used a brand-new card at that restaurant, then had her card used for an online purchase a couple of hours later. We only get take-out from that restaurant, and sit at the bar in front of the register when we pay, so we don’t let it out of our sight. I assume there must be a skimmer or something on the register. Since we started paying cash for take-out from there (and going less frequently), the number on the card we use for restaurants hasn’t been stolen.
anon
Are you in NYC? It seems to (anecdotally) happen more frequently there. My SIL has had a couple of incidences with skimmers and now identity theft.
The skimmer she finally caught was at a Duane Reade.
plum
I used to use my Amazon Visa as my card for everything, and it got compromised multiple times a year. Annoyed, I decided as an experiment to switch to another card, and it hasn’t happened at all in the last 3 years since I switched. I don’t know if it’s related, but I wonder.
I am in NYC.
newbinlaw
Just a few days ago I heard a story I think on This American Life about a woman this happened to — it was her boyfriend all along. Not saying that is your issue, but it was a WILD story and you should listen!
ning
Try a different gas station. There’s pretty easy add-ons to gas station credit swipe machines that thieves can attach without much notice, and those machines usually aren’t constantly monitored by staff. My SO had his numbers stolen once this way (we’re pretty sure… it was the only time he used that particular card in that time frame).
As for restaurants… as a former restaurant worker, I’ve never seen anyone take numbers, there was never a culture of that, and most of the servers are too busy anyway. Not saying it can’t happen, or never has, but it would probably not be the top of my list of suspicious places.
christineispink
this kept happening to me with a debit card that i used SOLELY for food purchases (grocery and restaurant/takeout) but 90+% at restaurants in NYC/NJ. I wasn’t sure whether it was the merchants/restaurants or the company itself that had lax security (capital one brick and mortar) but capital one was actually REALLY great about calling me every time they thought they detected fraud (purchases in California when I’m in NY, etc. It just got to be a pain to keep waiting for a new debit card at least once every 4-6 weeks and not being able to use my food plan the way I meant to so i ended up closing the account.
anon
I’ve had this happen to me x2 in the last 2 years… same boat as you… weird
January
Um, wardrobe malfunction: I am wearing a sleeveless dress and a jacket. I am finding the jacket unexpectedly itchy. Is there anything I can do (other than stop wearing the jacket)? Thanks.
TravelBug
Does your office have a pill box where there are allergy meds? YMMV, but that often helps me with itchy clothes.
Q about vacation time.
I’m starting in a new industry soon and I’ll have 25 days (!!) of vacation (I’m in the US working for a US-based company, so this is a lot). This doesn’t include sick leave, paid holidays, etc. I’ve only ever worked in law firms before and have always officially had 15 days of vacation, but, barring my almost three-week wedding and honeymoon, have been very hard-pressed to take more than one one-week (five business day) vacation a year and maybe if I’m lucky a day or two off here and there to make a long weekend. I can’t imagine that even in my new industry taking five one-week vacations a year would be acceptable, but I’m wondering how I figure out how much I’m allowed to use. Do I have to take less than my boss? Try to roughly keep pace with my average co-workers? Use significantly less than I’m given but still more than I took when I was in law (maybe two or three one-week vacations per year?) Advice is appreciated.
Anonymous
It’s entirely possible that this is tied to local school calendars — maybe most people take 2 weeks in August/summer and 2 weeks for winter (xmas-new years), and then use the other 5 days randomly throughout the year. As a new employee, I would talk to others before booking vacations (but I haven’t taken a vacation in 2 years so I might not be the best person to give advice on this).
Anonymous
My workplace has the same set up. I budget 5 days/year for sick leave – I’d rather underestimate on this and roll forward days to use in the future if I ever have medical issues (check your roll- over rules – we have a max bring forward each year plus a total cap).
Most people take either two one week holidays or one two week holiday per year. A few people take one three week holiday per year but they are mostly visiting family out of country. Extra days are used up by taking a few days around Christmas/Easter/Summer long weekends. Being out of the office for longer than 2 weeks at a time is not encouraged.
e.g.: 3 days at Christmas + 4 day ski weekend (2 vacation days) + two week holiday + 3 long weekends in summer (super helpful with wedding season) + two days at Thanksgiving (Friday/Monday) + 5 days buffer for sick leave
Cat
I’m in this situation now. We can roll over a certain number of days and since I’m hoping to get pregnant, I’m saving those. BUT, people seem to take two “traditional” vacations of a week or 10 days, a smattering of 4-day weekends/personal days, and Xmas week.
AIMS
I have 22 days of vacation and I usually take one week in the summer, one week around the winter holidays and then I a day or two throughout the year to round out holiday weekends. E.g., the 4th of July is a Monday this year, so I will take the Friday off. I also do this around president’s day weekend or veteran’s day, which we get off, so I can have short little trip that’s minimally disruptive. I don’t use all of my time every year, but it rolls over and I would be paid for any unused days if I left, so that’s fine. I find it’s okay to use the time you get as long as it’s at times that are slow/non-disruptive and you give enough notice and manage your workload so your time off doesn’t affect others much.
Walnut
I’m at a conservative US company that recently switched to PTO from a vacation/sick leave bank allowing me 25 vacation days. This action was specifically taken to encourage employees to take time off though there’s still an unwritten rule that you don’t take time off during busy times.
It’s common in the company to take a bulk of time around winter holidays and then to take a week around one of the summer holidays. Long weekends are common and I also see a lot of folks take a half day rather than to duck out early for appointments and such.
Anonymous
We get 25 days combined sick leave and vacation leave per year. Most people come into the office when they are sick so they don’t use up their vacation days. Senior folks tend to take off at the school’s spring break and winter break, plus a two-week vacation or two one-week vacations during the summer.
Do not forfeit any of your vacation time–know the rollover rules and make sure you use up anything you can’t roll over. Nobody is going to give you extra credit for not using all your time and essentially working for free. If you are worried about the optics, it looks like you are taking less time if you take it in huge chunks than if you take a day or two off repeatedly throughout the year.
Q about vacation time.
Thanks all! The company actually closes for the week from Christmas to New Years so I’m not sure how much time I could use then… (an embarrassment of riches, I know). We can accumulate two years worth of vacation (and it pays out at separation) so it’s not an immediate issue and I’ll have some time to suss out what people do.
Londanon
Double check whether the time when the company’s closed comes out of your vacation allowance. It does in some places!
At my workplace we have to take at least one 2 week block per year which I think is to try to prevent fraud and crime
NYNY
In my industry, that’s a pretty normal amount of vacation. At my last job, you could roll over up to one year’s accrued time, and you were paid for it at the time of separation. Almost everyone had a year’s time banked within 3 years of starting, but then would use their time every year once that insurance was in place. When I left, I had about 30 days’ time, which was like getting an extra 2 paychecks.
My new organization does it differently: All your vacation is front-loaded at the start of the year, and is use it or lose it. Here, everyone really does use all their time, usually by taking 2-3 1-week vacations per year plus taking days off here and there.
In both places, sick time is separately accrued.
Senior Attorney
That’s how my organization is. I have 27 days front-loaded at the beginning of the year, use it or lose it. And people really do take it all. This year, believe it or not, I’m feeling crunched because I had a week-long vacation in February, a two-week vacation last month, my upcoming two-week honeymoon, and with wedding planning I would dearly love to take some days off here and there but it’s just not in the budget! #firstworldproblems
techgirl
UK here but I get 25 days + bank holidays, and the company allows us to buy or sell 5 additional days dependant on preference. I take every day of my annual leave, rolling over days is by manager discretion and we are encouraged to use all of them. I try to book half of my leave for the year by February, and the rest by June so I have peace of mind that something is booked in as well as something to look forward to.
I tend to book time in May and in October for holidays, any weekends where we have trips/activities booked, a couple of days end of November dedicated to Christmas shopping and anything left I use for Christmas break. We don’t have children so we pick dates as such.
Anne Elliott
Vacation time is part of your compensation. Why are you overthinking this?
Take leave when you want to!
favorite notebook?
Reposting for more responses. What are your favorite notebooks and why? Looking for something interesting, unique, and slim with a sleek profile.
Anonymous
Assuming paper notebook: Staples Arc with leather cover.
CherryScary
+1 to the Arc. I love that it’s refillable. Highly recommend getting the reinforced pages.
KT
+Arc, Leveneger, Rollabind. I adore them.
Runner 5
Paperblanks forever. I love their midi size.
Also – school exercise books bought in French supermarkets! The paper is generally fantastic in even the cheapest ones (I use a fountain pen so this is a consideration) and the Seyes ruling is great for taming my handwriting.
Paperchase does nice squared ring-bound notebooks too
Cb
I love the Moleskine with dotgrid but it looks like they may have stopped making them in pocketsized. French stationers are always good, as is Muji.
AG
Moleskine soft covers. Always and forever.
In-House Europe
As someone who now dreads leaving Europe because it would mean giving up my 6 weeks of paid vacation, let me tell you – you will get used to it quickly!! Things like taking off the time between Christmas and New Years (which is slow in my business anyway), one longer vacation (2-3 weeks) and a shorter one, and then a few personal days to get things done…
I would wait to see what your colleagues (not necessarily your boss, who may be busier/”more important” than you) do, and casually ask around after the first few weeks on the job. You should be able to get a good feel for what works.
Enjoy! And I wish you could share the name of this magical company, so I could apply when I am homesick for the U.S. ;)
Kindle Reader
Anyone else just get the best present ever from Amazon? Due to my ridiculous use of their e-book, I now have nearly $500 to spend on books over the next year.
Oh this is going to be so fun…
Cb
Holy mackeral, I was thrilled to get $11!
Anonymous
$98. Talk me out of buying a Kindle Oasis to upgrade my Kindle 1.0 model?
Anon
I got almost $180 (!!) from Barnes & Noble (historical nook user here) and a small pittance from Amazon.
X
I got about $275. I thought that was good. You must be a serious reader!
Anonymous
I got nothing! Even though I definitely purchased a few ebooks in the relevant time frame…
Anonymous
I got $75, which still felt like a nice windfall. Immediately put towards a spendy electronics item I’d been eyeing. Which I’m sure is exactly what Amazon wanted to have happen…
Anonymous
How do you know what you got?
Anonymous
I got an email to the account linked with my Kindle account from that time period. It then showed up when I logged on to Amazon.
Anon
Yes, where do you find whether or not you have a credit?
Gail the Goldfish
Wow! I’m still waiting on Barnes & Noble to tell me what I have.
Anonymous
I got $37 and I was SO EXCITED!
Runner 5
I don’t think we get the settlement in the UK :(
(But we do get national healthcare so it’s all good)
Anonymous
whaaaa?
SuziStockbroker
Same!
SC
Wow! I got $38 and was excited to have that!
Anonymous
I got $240. Nice surprise yesterday!
Sydney Bristow
I didn’t get anything. So sad. I guess the settlement period was my only using the library period. Enjoy it!
Kindle Reader
Yeah, I have over 1500 books on my Kindle, it is a little ridiculous. I actually made a NY resolution to not buy any new books this year but to re-read the ones I already had – its June and I’m still on B authors. Now however I get to “buy” books without paying for them for the next year so all restrictions are off. :)
Single flirty coworker
Based off the discussion the other day about spending time with a male coworker – how is this different if the opposite sex coworker is single? My BF has a new coworker who is cute, single, and flirty. She wants to do a common interest outdoors hobby with him. He does as well because he doesn’t have a lot of people to do this activity with (other than me and we don’t always have time off together). I really don’t want to be the jealous GF and I do trust him, but it just seems weird to have him doing something fun with an attractive and flirty woman. And is your response any different if it’s a few hours daytime activity vs. overnight camping trip? Because she also wants to do that – as does he but only as a platonic friend. Thoughts?
AIMS
Can you join?
Anonymous
I’d be ok with the day time activity provided BF was ok with me meeting her (at some point, not necessarily immediately) and the flirtiness isn’t inappropriate touching or blatant insinuation that she’d like to get together with him.
No way on overnight camping, even if she wasn’t single and flirty.
Anonymous
Oh hi yeah OBVI she is into him. In fact, she is already dating him. They aren’t doing romantic things but hanging out all the time doing a joint activity whilst flirting = basically dating. No. I’m gonna draw a line in the sand and say we just don’t do overnight trips with our coworker’s just for fun. If this girl is so great he can be in a relationship with her.
But note: I don’t think she is doing anything wrong. She is not in this relationship and she is not responsible for policing its boundaries. He is. And he sucks at it.
Never too many shoes
Um, that seems to be a bit of logical leap, no? The overnight thing might be a bit out of the comfort zone for most people but doing a joint activity + flirting = dating seems, to me, an extreme reaction. I also strongly disagree that OP’s boyfriend sucks at policing his boundaries because he is amenable to engaging in an activity he enjoys with a coworker. Seriously?
Kel
Yeah, this is phrased a little harshly but, WOW, NO. No boy-girl overnights. It doesn’t matter if it’s a campsite or a hotel room. Your boyfriend should only have sleepovers with you— and I don’t think that’s being controlling or unreasonable. It’s monogamy.
Frankly, I can’t imagine two working adults having enough time to hang out together and you know, be in a relationship doing dates and fun things, and ALSO have time to be making new opposite-sex friends and going on overnights with them. But that’s a different issue.
anon
I wouldn’t have a problem with this at all, including the overnight camping part, if she weren’t flirty. In this case, the flirty means nothing like overnight camping, and I’d be uneasy in general. The rest of it depends on how aware your BF is of the flirty and whether he’s enforcing boundaries and being respectful of you, or brushing off your concerns. I would also want to hang out with them at least a couple of times. If this were like a thing that just the two of them only ever do, she’s flirty, and he’s not enforcing boundaries, there are problems.
Ellen
I would DEFINITELEY have a probelem if my BF was goeing overnight with a flirty women who was cute. Men do NOT think thru their head’s, and in a tent with a pretty girl, thing’s can and DO happen. Even when I was in college, we went camping with some men, and I wound up in a tent with a guy with corn between his teeth. When I was trying to sleep, he unzipped my sleepeing bag and tried to crawl in. It was GROSS, so I told him I would NOT sleep with him. NOW if he looked like Brad PIT, I think I might have let him do stuff but it was a good thing he was GROSS. BTW, he still had the same corn in his teeth the next morning. FOOEY!
Anonymous
I’m all about having friends of the opposite sex. But it takes time to establish appropriate boundaries. I would have no problem with DH going on an overnight camping trip or even sharing his tiny backpacking tent with certain of his female friends because I know and trust both of them and their friendship. No amount of alcohol could ever make either of them think of each other romantically. That is not the case with a new friend. Doing date-type things with a new opposite-sex friend sets the wrong tone and sends the wrong message. You have to be real sure that you’re both on the same, platonic page before you start spending time together in a secluded location. There’s also the additional complicating factor of work here – you don’t want coworkers thinking something is going on when it isn’t. Avoid the appearance of impropriety.
The fact that your BF doesn’t see the difference is concerning – is he super oblivious or is he convincing himself this is totally cool because he’s starting an emotional affair?
Single flirty coworker
Thanks for the replies so far. They haven’t actually done anything yet outside of work and he said he won’t do anything that makes me uncomfortable. He would never spend time with her when he could spend it with me instead, he just wants something to do on his days off when I’m working. But I will try to schedule something where all 3 of us can go. He says he makes comments about me to her a lot as a way of setting boundaries – “she knows how happy I am with you”.
anon
This is all good, but part of setting good boundaries is disengaging from the friend ship if that person continues to cross the line. Has she said or done anything to indicate that she’s not really respecting boundaries, or is she just a flirty personality based on what we know now?
J
“She knows how happy I am with you” is setting off warnings to me. He knows she’s into him and he’s aware that THEIR behavior (I’m not going to just blame her) will probably upset you, but rather than valuing your relationship enough to put up real boundaries (like NOT hanging out with new girl alone) he’s decided to play with fire and go for it. Then again, he’s getting his ego stroked by two women so of course he’s going for it!
If you agree to this, you’re putting yourself in a situation where you’re always going to wonder what’s going on with them and it’s going to sap your happiness and confidence.
You have two choices: You can try to be the Cool Girl and act like it doesn’t bother you while you all go camping like a weird Bachelor episode, or you can stand up and say, “I want to be with a man who values our relationship so much that he would never gamble with it like you’re trying to do. Good luck to you, but I’m out.”
J
*Spoken as someone who’s husband had an affair with a co-worker, and it started very innocently as “friends” and quickly turned into an emotional affair, then a full blown affair. We survived it–but in the process we both read a ton of marriage and affair books and know how important it is to set up firm boundaries.
This is why I'm divorced
Anecdota: My ex-husband is a serious cyclist (like 60 miles on a typical Sunday) and I am not, so we were both happy when he became friends with a woman at our gym who wanted to ride with him. 60 mile rides turned into 5 mile rides to her house, s*x, and then a ride back home. Now I don’t want for a moment say that coupled men shouldn’t ever be friends with single women or vise versa, but the actual behavior is everything; I blew off the woman’s flirty behavior and my spouse’s acceptance of it but in fact it was a clear sign that the “friendship” should have been cut off.
Anon
+1M. The whole thing would make me uncomfortable, but that line pushes it over the edge. He should never HAVE to say that.
Anonymous
How much time does he have off when you’re working? What does he do with that time now?
Is he engaged with the local community for the activity? Can he participate in group events?
Who does she do the activity with now? Would he be doing the activity solo with her? Why not as a part of whatever group/friends she does it with already?
My spidey senses would be tingling on this one.
anonymous
Is she generally flirty or is she flirty with him?
Single flirty coworker
That’s what we haven’t figured out yet and I don’t want to jump to conclusions. He goes back and forth between thinking she’s flirting with him and she’s just being friendly. There’s no other age-appropriate, attractive men that work there so it’s hard to gauge.
Anonymous
Suggesting overnight activities before they’ve even hung out together outside of work is pretty flirty.
Follow your gut. BF should start by avoiding one on one situations that could be mistaken as a ‘date’ – like do the outdoor activity with other friends and invite her to tag along instead of setting something up just the two of them. Not necessary to invite her along every time when you do the activity with BF – you need couple time as well.
This situation is definitely different that BF hanging out with a long time female friend. Send her clear platonic messages. Another poster mentioned avoiding the appearance of impropriety at work to avoid things being awkward. Definitely avoid one on one overnight situations for now.
What is the activity?
OP
Paddleboarding and/or canoeing
cbackson
Erm, if HE thinks she might be flirting with him, then he definitely shouldn’t be hanging out with her. Spoken as someone with many opposite-sex friends, partnered and not.
H
I don’t know. Once you are in a committed relationship, it just doesn’t seem appropriate to spend time with the opposite sex one on one, even if they weren’t single, cute, and flirty. For some reason this feels particularly inappropriate if it is someone you just met. Personally, I tend to get along much better with guys than girls and I still wouldn’t hang out with a fun guy friend without my husband being there or it being a big group such as happy hour after work. Likewise, I wouldn’t necessarily want my husband spending one-on-one time with a girl he just met. This has also made it a big difficult to make friends in adulthood, but that’s another issue.
Anonymous
That’s so cray.
anon
yeah, I thought so too. But as long as H isn’t insisting that everyone has to live by those rules lest they be considered harlots or something, I guess it’s cool.
Anonymous
Yeah, this is absurd.
Single flirty coworker
I’ve had plenty of good guy friends, so I think this is going overboard and would be terribly hypocritical of me. However, my guy friends have almost always been in a relationship as well.
anon
I would probably be uncomfortable if she were a new friend who neither of us knew well. It takes time to establish boundaries and trust, and to make sure that neither person has that type of feelings toward each other. FWIW, I am married, and I have backed off on new friendships with male coworkers because things were too flirtatious and getting too messy in my own head. I’m still friends with those people, but I don’t spend time in their apartments alone, don’t go out to dinner or do date-like activities with just them, etc. I have another long-time male friend who both DH and I know well, and when visiting this friend’s city recently, there was nothing weird about me going out for dinner and drinks with friend and spending the night on friend’s air mattress.
Dulcinea
It sounds like you have a gut feeling about this. If you have been honest with yourself and examined these feelings, and you can feel confident that it’s about this particular person and not insecurity/jealousy on your part, then I think you could reasonably draw the line at daytime activities only unless you come along. You can say that you are just uncomfortable with the idea of them spending the night together even while acknowledging that you trust your husband. It doesn’t have to be about whether or not he would actually do anything inappropriate; it’s enough that you are uncomfortable.
Now, if you were constantly uncomfortable and monitoring his every move and constantly restricting his socializing, that would be a completely different story! I’m saying, if there’s just something about this particular situation and this particular person that seems off, then you don’t need to feel like the stereotypical jealous witch. Also, over time , you may change your mind about this person and that’s ok too.
AZCPA
I think the fact she is clearly flirty is what makes the difference – being single shouldn’t be a crime, or prevent them from sharing an activity. But in this case it really doesn’t seem appropriate to me.
bridget
Here’s my take: most of my friends are men (some single, some in relationships, some married). Several of these men are exes. I always invite the SO because I think it’s my job to make her comfortable, not her job to play the Cool Girlfriend. Oh, and shocking thing: when I care about my friends, I care about their relationships. I want their relationships to go well and would be ashamed of myself if I contributed to problems in them, and I also want to get to know the people who are important to my friends.
Is there a problem here with Flirty Girl? Maybe, maybe not. Among college kids, that would be one thing, but I also tend to think that grown adults shouldn’t behave in a way that the question even needs to be asked.
Anyway, you cannot police her and probably should not police him, but you can ask questions. The question I would ask him is why it is worthwhile to him to behave in this really ambiguous, “are they really just friends or is this an affair?” manner. Clearly, it is worthwhile for him to do it – he is doing it – but the question is what he is getting out of it emotionally.
MsM
This is a very sober comment on this whole situation. He is the one who should make it clear what their relationship in both word and deed.
Anne Elliott
I trust Mr Wentwoth totally, married 17 years. I wouldn’t care if the co worker was single or married.
Anne Elliott
No overnight trips though!
Subscriptions
Can we talk about subscription boxes like Birchbox? I’ve had Birchbox for a couple of months now and I’m not particularly pleased. They don’t seem to take my profile into account AT ALL in selecting my samples. For example, I’m the palest of the pale but I just got a medium shade CC cream. I understand if the lightest shade offered is still too dark for me, but they gave me 2 shades darker than the lightest! Clearly that’s not going to work! Customer service has been totally unhelpful. Has anyone had a better experience with any other service? Or are my expectations just too high?
Maddie Ross
Nope, no better experiences really. I’ve tried Birchbox, Glossybox and Ipsy. All were fun for about a month, and then I ended up with all sorts of unusable samples. I’ve cancelled them all and refuse to renew any.
Shopaholic
I think your expectations are too high TBH – Birchbox was the best of 3-4 services I tried.
Try Play by Sephora – it looks like they have better quality of samples.
OP
I’m on their waiting list! Hopefully a spot will open for me. Anyone have any experience with it?
Seattle Freeze
I’ve been getting the Allure Beauty box for a few months now, and have been pretty satisfied. About 6 items/month, usually one full-size iem, and I like/use most or all each month. For $15/month I feel it’s a pretty good value with fun things to try.
Anonymous
I don’t think Birchbox is really a personalized curation service. And I don’t think they market themselves that way. At least not that I’ve seen. I have 4 friends who all get Birchboxes and we seem to get about 80% of the same items each month. I’ve always looked at them as more of a general curation service. It’s the only make-up/personal products service I use, but I see it more as a way to get introduced to samples of things I wouldn’t otherwise be aware of or have experience with (as opposed to say, Stitchfix where I expect to get items tailored to my tastes based on the feedback I send them).
WestCoast Lawyer
I have tried more of these than I care to admit. I cancelled Birchbox when they started sending way too many single use pouches – not exactly my idea of a “deluxe” sample. I also thought the quality of the makeup that came with Ipsy was pretty cheap. Overall, I’ve been pretty happy with Allure and Play by Sephora (Allure seems to be more skincare and Play more makeup). I can’t say any of them feel especially “curated” to my taste but they are a fun little suprise once a month at a relatively low price point and I’ve found a few new products and built up a good supply of travel-size products that I don’t love enough to buy full size but are good enough to take with me on a trip.
LOFT Julie fit
Anyone have experience with LOFT Julie fit pants? Do they actaully work for curvy people? Are they lined?
PolyD
Yes and probably not. But still pretty good quality.
I stopped having to have the waist taken in on my pants when I found the Julie fit pants.
anon a mouse
They work for me, and I have an average waist but ample hips and thighs. The ones I have are unlined. They come in a variety of fabrics though – some are heavier than others. (and the selection also will vary seasonally.)
Mrs. Jones
Julie fit pants work on curvy me. I have a pair that’s lined, but I don’t think most are lined.
anon
In my experience LOFT pants are not lined. But I still love them anyways. I love my Marisa trousers (and I’m super curvy – more in the thighs than in the butt/hips).
Tech advice?
My new job will have me traveling with my laptop, which is supposed to be “for business purposes only.” To avoid schlepping two laptops through airports and such, I’m thinking of buying a tablet. I had an ipad years ago, which I would up gifting to my husband (as an android/pc user, I didnt find the apple interface useful). What’s a good option for non-apple products? Do I need 4g, or is wifi sufficient?
Runner 5
I have a Samsung Galaxy Tab S2 (the larger one) which I moved to from an iPad 2 last autumn. It’s the same aspect ratio as the iPad – so good for both watching films and for browsing the web. I love it.
My iPad had a cellular capability and I never used it in 5 years so going to Wifi only was not a problem!
Anon
I have the same tablet. I don’t know what OP’s purposes are with a tablet, so I don’t know if she’d want a more powerful one, but the Samsung has been great for me. I stream videos, read blogs, and do some writing in Microsoft Word. Wifi is all I need because I get wifi everywhere now: at home, at work, at airports, hotels, malls, coffee shops, libraries…
Gail the Goldfish
I have a Samsung Galaxy Tab S that I got a couple of years ago for this exact reason. It just has Wifi and that’s always been fine for me. I really like it. I think some of the reviews indicated the S2 is actually worse than the S in some ways, so look for those reviews. I seriously considered a Microsoft Surface Pro, but decided I was still going to want a laptop for the larger screen and couldn’t justify spending for a Surface Pro when I was still going to need a new laptop soon anyway.
H
I like my Lenovo tablet. The interface is similar to my Samsung phone, which is nice. I can’t speak to needing 4G as I primarily use it while I’m chilling on my couch so I just use wifi.
Cat
Wait, why do you think you can’t watch Netflix or check email/social media or whatever using your work laptop at night when you’re away? This is pretty standard for business travelers.
Runner 5
I can see why you’d want to separate the devices. If it has the same charger as your phone (which mine does) that’s barely any extra weight.
Cat
True, but the way the OP asked the question (not wanting to bring a second device bc she’s worried about using her work laptop for non work purposes, NOT bc of privacy concerns) made me think a reality check (of actual habits of business travelers) was appropriate.
Tech advice?
TBH, I’m new to this industry, function, and company, so I wasn’t sure what the boundaries of “appropriate” were for this. Our VPN does cut off access to some sites, but I don’t HAVE to use it all the time.
I’ve historically been pretty specific about keeping my most of my personal surfing on my personal devices, but this is also the first time I’ll have to travel regularly for my job.
anon in SV
My firm is about to install software that blocks email/social media if we are on VPN, docked at our desks, or using office wifi. The firm already blocks Pandora/Netflix/Hulu etc. We will have to bring in separate ipads or use our phones and not connect to wifi (i.e. use data) if we want access to our gmail while at work.
And so if I was traveling, I would have to disconnect from the VPN, and thus my work email and my shared drive, if I wanted to check my d@mn email or FB. So I will have to start bringing a tablet when I travel.
SO ANNOYED.
Anonymous
Ha, my firm tried that, blaming it on security concerns. They told everybody they were going to block email and social media and everyone LOST THEIR MINDS. They had to buy software (Silo) that allows us to check email and social media from our work computers.
anon in SV
Yes, citing security issues because some people are apparetly morons and don’t know not to open bad email. I am hoping that the partners lose their minds over this after it’s implemented and force the firm to reverse course. Obviously no fs given about associate discontent. I’m beyond infuriated.
Cat
my firm did this too. it was the total law of unintended consequences though — everyone started using their work email addresses for non-sensitive personal correspondence bc it was such a PITA to be on your phone dealing with it. The attitude was “if IT wants to know about my lunch plans or trader joe’s shopping list, go ahead and snoop.”
techgirl
I would go with wifi and you can always tether to your phone if in a crunch. I would pick out a couple that have the capabilities you are after and then compare weights. The iPad was given at work actually weighs more than my laptop, so I rarely use the iPad or take it around with me!
The Samsung Galaxy Tab S2 has some good solid reviews and is lightweight and comes in 8 inches and 9.7 inch models.
Paging Runner 5- Cb
I’m having kittens over here about the referendum tomorrow. Made worse by the fact that my husband just met a real life leave supporter – in Scotland! (Statistically I know they are out there, but still!)
Runner 5
Me too! I get my degree result on Friday too so it’s generally going to be a tense 48 hours.
Anonymous
Isn’t it a pretty close vote? I think on Last Week Tonight, John Oliver said it’s 44%-44%.
Cb
Yep, expected to be quite close but pretty big differences between the 4 constituent nations of the UK – so Scotland is likely to vote strongly for remain, England is very close. In Scotland, we’ve had a independence referendum, a UK general election where nearly all seats were taken by nationalists, a Scottish Parliamentary election, and now an EURef in 3 years – further amplifying differences between Scotland and the rest of the country.
Runner 5
At an aggregate level it’s close, but most areas seem to skew strongly one way or the other. Scotland is very pro EU.
Never too many shoes
I can only imagine the stress you are feeling. I went to University in Scotland (best 3.5 years ever, obvs) and my FB friends speak of little else. That being said, they are all voting to remain, although some are doing so reluctantly. I very much enjoyed Ruth Davidson’s smackdown of the Brexit arguments yesterday. I would never be a Tory (either in Scotland or Canada) but Ruth makes a lot of sense and is an *excellent* public speaker. I knew her in University and she is a super interesting and kind person, regardless of politics. Here’s hoping that the silent common-sense majority comes out to vote tomorrow. Best of luck.
Runner 5
I’ve heard some at Tory HQ are trying to work out how to bring Ruth south to Westminster to serve as party leader – glad to hear you think she’s a good egg.
Woods-comma-Elle
*waves”
Yup, I’m terrified too.
I’m an EU immigrant (non-naturalised) and have lived in the UK most of my life so I don’t even get to vote!
ezt
Does anyone have any ideas about a good place to get a small office side table/credenza type-thing? I think one of my problems is that I just can’t think of the right nomenclature. But one of those pieces of furniture that people often have to one side of their office with like a top surface and maybe a shelf beneath, kind of nice-looking rather than cabinet-y? Wow that’s a terrible description. TIA!
Anonymous
Try browsing Bob’s Furniture to figure out the right name for the furniture you’re looking for (because I have no idea, from that description).
CPA Lady
credenza?
CPA Lady
oh, you said that. that is what it is called.
anon
Try end table, accent table, occasional table, console table for searches.
ezt
Console! That’s it – thank you!! (CPA Lady – for some reason credenza was leading me only to things much bigger than what I was envisioning…)
Anonymous
Console! That’s it – thank you!! (CPA Lady – for some reason credenza was leading me only to things much bigger than what I was envisioning…)
Dulcinea
Also try “sideboard.” That’s usually styled as dining room furniture but actually a lot of sideboards are interchangable with office credenzas in my view.
Anony
I am fashion illiterate and need your help please! Does this outfit work? Links to pieces to follow this post.
V neck Ann Taylor sheath dress
Tan Ann Taylor 3 quarter length sleeve jacket
Black pumps
Simple gold earrings and necklace
It’s for somewhat of an informational interview. I usually don’t wear tan because I’m blonde with pretty fair skin but I do have a decent tan going right now. Will this look okay??
Anony
http://www.anntaylor.com/all-season-stretch-seamed-sheath-dress/393963?skuId=20211356&defaultColor=6600&colorExplode=false&catid=cata000012
Anony
http://www.anntaylor.com/textured-single-button-blazer/397172?skuId=20393175&defaultColor=9192&colorExplode=false&catid=cata000017
Mrs. Jones
I see nothing wrong with this outfit.
fashion advisor
Assuming the necklines look ok together (sometimes I think V necks can look funny with blazers–just depends on the specific items), it sounds great to me.
Anony
I normally wear silver jewelry but think I need to go with gold since the blazer has a gold button. Blondes can wear gold right?
fashion advisor
Sorry for the late reply; honestly, I’d try on both gold and silver and decide which you think looks better. I suspect your instincts are right and the gold will work better with a gold-button blazer, but you should be able to tell from a quick check. Remember you can also mix metals with your jewelry if that seem like it would be a good choice.
Lobbyist
Sounds great!
anon
I adore that blazer. I have it in Navy. I want another! You’ll look very classy. I always wear gold when I wear that blazer.
Anon
Need advice— I gave 4 weeks notice at my org. My boss (2nd in command) urged me to set up an exit interview with a board member and said this person was waiting for my call. When I talked to board member, I was asked if our ED knew about this. Asked my boss, who said no and said that doing an exit interview is entirely on me. So this is awkward, to say the least. How should I handle this? I can’t not reply to the board member; can’t reply to board member without talking to ED; and know that at this point anything I say will likely be denied or twisted by my boss. Help.
Anonymous
Why can’t you go to the ED and say, “as you may know, my last day at our company will be X. When I told Boss, he strongly urged me to set up an exit interview with Board Member. When I attempted to do so, Board Member asked whether you knew about this.” And then you know your org, so either ask permission to do the exit interview, or state that you’ll be doing it unless you’re told not to.
Anon
Is the question just whether the ED knows that you’re leaving or is there a bigger issue? Is there a problem with telling the ED that you’re leaving? Do you not want to do an exit interview?
I’d just reply to the board member and say that you haven’t had a chance to speak with the ED as of yet, but you are planning to let him/her know that you’re leaving.
pugsnbourbon
These are pretty, classic pieces – you’ll look great!