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Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- Favorite comfy pants for an overnight plane ride?
- I’ve got a nasty case of tech neck…
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What’s the best commuter backpack?
- I’m early 40s and worry my career arc is ending…
- I canNOT figure out the proportions in this current season of fashion…
- How is everyone wearing scarves in 2023?
- What shoes are people wearing to work between boot and sandal season?
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
BigHTown
Let’s talk Halloween for a bit, ok?
What’s the hive mind about appropriate attire for greeting all the trick-o-treaters at one’s door? Used to be (back in the day, way back) a person also dressed in costume. Seems out of date…thoughts? Plans? One’s own costume when accompaying your own ghoul-ettes around?
Anon13
I love to dress up to pass out candy. Some of my neighbors have rather elaborate set-ups, but I’m too busy to do much more than throw on a witch’s hat or some fairy wings and sit in a lawn chair with a bowl full of candy bars. (And a thermos full of mulled wine!)
AIMS
There are so many rules for so many things, I don’t think we should add more. If you’re going to stay home to dole out candy, it’s totally a matter of personal preference whether you dress up at all, put on some devil horns and call it a day, or go all out. FWIW, when I went trick or treating many moons ago, I don’t recall people being dressed up much to just stay home. As far as going trick or treating with wee ones, I think its also a matter of preference, though I do think it is more fun for the kids to have the grown up dress up with them.
PS: Love these pants!!!
PPS: Anyone want to share their costumes for this weekend?
V
I’m going to a party as Where’s Waldo. And that’s regular Where’s Waldo, not sexy Where’s Waldo a la Girl’s Costume Wherehouse, thankyouverymuch. (I have a personal little crusade to protect “fun halloween” from “sexy halloween.”)
BigHTown
This.
Anon
I totally read this as “a la Girl’s Costume Whorehouse” at first glance. Ha!
Ellie
So did I :)
Miriam
That would probably be an accurate reading!
V
ugh, I meant Warehouse. I shouldn’t type before coffee. Whorehouse is probably more accurate though, Anon!
AnonThisTime
Agree about deslutifying Halloween. I am going as a TMNT this year. I usually make my own costume, but was feeling lazy and decided to see if there was something available for purchase. If you’re in the mood for a laugh, google “adult teenage mutant ninja turtle costume” — wow, just wow. Full disclosure, though: once upon a time when I was young and single (and a student), I was less discriminatory in my costume choices. So I try to keep that in mind and not judge others too harshly.
I think whether you dress up or not to trick or treat with the kiddos or to hand out candy is totally personal preference. If it’s fun for you, go ahead and dress up. If it’s more of a chore, skip it.
anon
Okay, I googled it, Sexy Donatello? OMG, I can’t stop laughing!
Bonnie
That is hilarious. I’m not dressing up to hand out candy. In my neighborhood, half of the kids probably won’t be wearing costumes.
Nonny
They won’t dress up to go trick-or-treating? In my view, if you don’t dress up, you don’t get candy. If they are going to ask me for candy, they can at least make an effort.
Yes, I appear to be getting curmudgeonly in my old age.
AnonThisTime
Glad to share the sexy-TMNT hilarity! (Needless to say, I am once again making my own costume… although I haven’t actually started yet, so I should probably get to it.)
Jodie
AMEN!!
SF Bay Associate
Word. Jezebel did a post recently on the most ridiculous costumes for slutoween, including a slutty nemo the clown fish, and a slutty watermelon slice. GAH. The other day, I was doing some doc review and came across a ton of personal pictures that the custodian saved to her work computer (DO NOT DO THAT!), including pics of her in slutoween gear with her tween daughter while they were trick or treating. I wanted to call her up and be like WTF are you thinking???
Batgirl
Me, too! I’m going as Pinocchio!
Anonamouse
I’m proudly slutting it up for one last Halloween before we TTC. My costume, a belly dancer, covers all but my (can I be vain and say awesome?) abs. While I’m a bit weary of all the super short- skirted costumes available in the stores, I kind of like having one night when I can dress in an outrageous fashion and no one will notice because everyone else is sluttier than me :) FWIW, I’m 31 and sure to be outslutted by the 20-somethings in my college town.
V
More power to you Anonamouse. I want to amend my earlier comment to add that I have no problem with people who choose to rock sexy costumes, I just hate that there are virtually no non-sexy premade costumes for women who want them (on a practical level) and the message that sends (on a sociological level).
Anonamouse
V, I agree with you on both points!
Batgirl
They tend to offend me just because they’re uncreative!
AIMS
Oh my god, yes. Belly Dancer costumes presume a bare belly (and good for you, Anonamouse!) .. It’s the Sexy Leonardo or, worse, Sexy Referee, costumes that are so awful. You want to be wear something “hot”? By all means, pick a sexy costume. But why ruin fairy tales by being a Skanky Snow White? I think the worst part is that it’s all actually the SAME slutty short dress, just done in different colors… So uncreative!
Batgirl
I wrote my comment a bit too quickly–I’m not opposed to looking sexy in a costume, I’m opposed to “sexy costumes” as a thing. I view the holiday as a way to showcase playful creativity and kind of think it lacks imagination to use it as an opportunity to be a sexy smurf or what have you. That said, I think there are plenty of ways to be creative and sexy if that’s your priority. Belly dancer is a good example–slutty cop not so much. Yes, I realize I’ve got a limited view on Halloween, but not as limited as the “all women should be half-naked on Halloween” view!
SF Bay Associate
Anonamouse – I echo AIMS. To me, being anti-slutoween does not mean one must dress like the Amish. It means that costumes that are not supposed to be tight, short, and low cut should not be skanked up, such as slutty Nemo or slutty Cinderella. Or that scene in Mean Girls where Regina announces she’s dressed as a cat.
In contrast, a belly dancer is *supposed* to have a bare belly. Real belly dancers have bare abs. That’s not a slutty costume. Rock on with your hot self. I bet you look fabulous.
Anon
For Halloween parties this weekend, I’ll be going as a Band-wagon baseball fan (the hometown team is in the World Series). Oversized team shirt (added embellishments), jeggings, boots and as much bling-y costume jewelry as I can scrounge. Can you guess which city I’m from?
For handing out candy, it’ll probably be Halloween shirt and witch’s hat while I sit on the front porch. (The thermos of mulled wine idea is fantastic!)
b23
I lloooooovee that!!!! As someone who can guess which city you’re from, and who is from a rival city, I seriously love it!
SS
Husband and I are going as Archer and Lana – the costume is a teeensy slutty but made up for by the fact that I get to yell DANGER ZONE.
Anon until I think of a Name
I have read Corporette for ages, but have never commented – but your costume leaves me no option: This may be favorite show on TV right now (not sure what that says about me), and am always so (irrationally) excited to find others who watch it, too. I am now jealous that my SO and I didn’t think of this. Rock on with “The Heart of Archness”!
lyla
My fiance and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Archer. We often have long discussions over drinks as to who would play each character in real life (while we secretly wish there would be a full-length movie based on it).
Sydney Bristow
I came across a picture of a model with her makeup done all pixelated like the girl in the Roy Lichtenstein comic. If I can manage to pull an outfit together, that is what I’m going as. If not, my backup plan is to go as a non-sexy cat.
Batgirl
This. Is. Amazing.
LinLondon
I’m going to be the Queen of Hearts. I have about a £20, budget, which has forced me into a cheap dress, which is on the short side, so I’ve inadvertently become the Sexy Queen of Hearts. Red lace dress, gold cuffs for wrists, giant red stone ring, tiara, axe, white facepaint with cupid’s bow lipstick. Might try to fashion a cape out of something.
Rawr
I think it’s also my last year of slutting it up. Sigh. I wanted to do a play on the “sexy [fill in the blank]” and came up with Sexy Abraham Lincoln (BABE-raham Lincoln!). It should be epic. I’ll let you all know how it goes over.
Praxidike
Our friends hold an annual Halloween party that we’re attending, costumes mandatory. I’m going as Carmen Sandiego, and my husband is going as Where’s Waldo. We’re going to be the couple that no one can find! When we duck out early, we can just explain that people weren’t looking hard enough for us.
Lyssa
I’m a complete geek for Halloween, and I love to dress up to hand out candy. But I keep it simple- I have a witch hat (the cute ones with long black & purple pigtails attached), and I usually wear a black top, skirt, tights, and shoes. Last year I “upgraded” to a pair of tights that the dog had gotten ahold of, for a shredded look. (I also put a ridiculous plastic cape on the dog. Yeah, I’m that person.)
Alas, I can’t get excited about Halloween this year. We recently moved from a great subdivision with lots of kids to an apartment, and I’m feeling down about the whole thing, and don’t really know how the apartment people do things. Plus, there’s a professional event (a meet and greet for the new young attorneys in town, of which I am one) that several people have told me that I definitely should go to, scheduled for Halloween evening, so I’ll be at that for at least part of the prime trick or treat time. I haven’t even bothered to put up decorations or get a pumpkin this year, and usually you have to beg me not to start doing that stuff as soon as back to school shopping is over. Sigh.
MelD
On a related front, do people work at offices where people dress up? I am really not into it and am going as a covert operative. There is some event on Halloween and I guess people are supposed to dress up. It’s fun if you work at a school or someplace a little more creative, but here? No thanks.
Bunkster
Totally annoyed to discover my company actively encourages it. So the department wants each cube aisle to be decorated. Apparently, the theme is Boston-area sports teams and my section of the department is the Red Sox.
I’m one of those people who hates costumes and tries not to be home on Halloween. My apartment building has a deal where you put a special indicator on your door that lets kids know that you have treats.
My plan this year is to go make dinner (found an awesome pumpkin fondue recipe) for my brother and his wife because they just had a baby on Friday. They can hand out candy and I’ll snuggle with the baby.
But, unfortunately, I’ll have to wear some sort of Red Sox themed outfit to work that day.
Noner
Why not just wear red socks that day (like knee high soccer socks) and call it a costume. I mean…you are technically fulfilling the requirement.
Bunkster
Heh. I like this idea, but I think I’m just going to wear my one Red Sox item (red and white striped tank with the B insignia that I usually wear to bed), a cardigan, and my new jeans. We don’t get to wear jeans much so I’m going to take advantage of that.
R in Boston
Does a link exist to pumpkin fondue? That sounds divine.
Bunkster
Here you go: http://threemanycooks.com/recipes/strictly-vegetarian/roasted-sugar-pumpkins-with-cheese-fondue/
Anon
I really don’t understand how telling people what to dress up in (even a theme) constites Hallowween. That is not what the holiday is about at all. That’s ridiculous and weird. I’m sorry.
PHX
It’s *Bunkster’s* workplace — should any of us be surprised? ;)
Argie
My default work costume is the periodic table. Its a t-shirt with the periodic table printed on the front (the radioactive elements glow in the dark). I usually wear a long-sleeved black t-shirt underneath and these orange pants (that I only really wear for Halloween). My office is on the casual side, though.
AgencyCounsel
My office is dressing up, at least those who don’t have client meetings. We’re planning on ordering out for pizza too. I’m going as a cowgirl specifically so I can wear jeans to the office.
eaopm3
I never dress up to pass out candy. I got a little soured on dressing up a few years ago when I realized that every Halloween I spent like $100 to buy/make a costume. (I get super detail oriented and can’t help myself.) The last time H & I dressed up, he was the creepy Burger King guy and I dressed as Dairy Queen – jeans, DQ shirt, DQ tiara and an scepter with a soft serve cone on the top. The temperature plummeted that day, so in an effort to bundle myself up for the Halloween party, I put a pair of full length Spanx under my jeans. A few hours later, my legs began to ache so badly that I could barely walk – turns out, I put on my sister’s Spanx (one size down) accidentally and no longer had sufficient circulation to my legs. Scary. Painful. Embarrassing when H had to go into the bathroom with me to cut them off. Face-palm.
Lucy
Oh, this made me laugh in sympathy. Glad you figured it out!
Amelia Bedelia
I laughed out loud — thank you for the great morning story!
Alex
I agree with all, do whatever you like to pass out candy. I think a little dressing up can be fun (but I never do it). What is the rule if you aren’t home to pass out candy — just all lights off, right?
My all female except one male bocce team has playoffs that night (bocce is fun!). We are going as pac-man (he) and the ghosts (us). My teammates are making the dresses. (Hello to you if any of you read Corporette!)
b23
Like! And they are made in the US, which always makes me happy.
Diana Barry
Nice pants.
I just ordered 2 maternity suits from Figure 8 maternity. The site is okay, not great (no photos of a person for many of the items), but they have a special with $20 off every $100 you spend. So the 2 suits (3 pieces each) were $469 total. Better than buying the Theory maternity suit (I want!) from Pea in the Pod – 2 pieces for $660!
Anon
Do you – or anyone else – have recommendations for maternity wear online retailers that might have under-belly skinny trousers (i.e., work pants)? I’m thinking of a skinny trouser/longer blazer look for work as a go-to for the next month or two. I don’t want anything over my belly yet, and I would like to avoid baggy/wide-legged pants . . . . this dressing for pregnancy thing is tougher than I thought it would be!
Diana Barry
The site above has some underbelly pants. Also, if you look at pregnantfashionista dot com, she has lots of high-end retailers that she mentions, some of which have underbelly pants. I think Gap and Old Navy also have some (my budget is not the high end stores!).
Anne-on
I’d suggest Rosie Pope. Pricey, I know, but their trousers looks fabulous, and their dresses are amazing quality. For more reasonable prices, I’ve liked the gap “front panel” work pants. Not terribly thick, but decent enough quality, and I’ve gotten them on sale for $35-$45. They do seem to run 1-2 sizes large though.
And don’t laugh, for ‘fun’ clothes, I’ve been living in my old navy mid-panel jeggings. Yes, jeggings. Non-pregnant me is cringing in horror as I type this.
Bursting out
I have some narrow Jules and Jim work pants from Belly Dance Maternity (online & bricks-n-mortar in Chicago) that look nice. However, at 5 mos., I still need a belly band to hold them up. (Forgot it one day, and was peeved all day by constantly yanking my pants up!)
Gap has some (haven’t tried them, but liking their mat. jeans), as does Loft.
Totally agree: dressing professionally (and not too expensively!) as a pregnant lady is TOUGH!
Thanks for pointing out Figure 8, Diana Barry, good stuff there.
Tika55
PSA: I borrowed some maternity clothes from my SIL, and the Gap Maternity clothes were the only ones that seemed to be decent quality. (Although she only had Gap, Old Navy, and Motherhood). I just bought a bunch of stuff from the Gap (6 tops, pants and a skirt) for $158. Woo! Use the coupon code GAPNEW for 35% off sale products and 25% off new reg price products.
Tika55
This site is great! Thanks for mentioning it! Anon- I agree, dressing for pregnancy is much harder than I expected!
Holly
Yes! Does anyone else know of other good USA-made workwear? Or at the very least, stuff that’s not made in countries with horrible human and labor rights records? I’ve noticed Anthropologie carries a lot of indie labels that are made in the USA, and I have a fairly easy time finding boots and jeans that are ethically manufactured. Suits and dressy things, not so much.
Bee
I’ve been looking for US made shoe brands. So far my list is short: Munro, Magdesians, and some New Balance.
AIMS
Some Brooks Brothers stuff is still made in the US, though certainly not all.
a passion for fashion
trina turk! made in california.
CPA to be
LL Bean makes their “Bean Boots” in Maine. I have a pair of the shearling lined ones for winter, and they’re awesome!
eh230
I was just looking at these this morning. Do you mind giving a review?
J
Best boots EVER. I love my duck boots.
CPA to be
Sure thing– I got them to replace my uggs (which, yes, I know they’re an abomination, but they are so warm!), and I am really happy I got them. I have small feet– size 6, and LL Bean boots run really large, about an entire size large, and they don’t come in half sizes. They run large because they are meant to be worn with big wooly socks. The smallest size they have is a six, so I bit the bullet, got a six, and they are big on me. I just wear them with big socks, and I lace them up my leg fairly tightly, and I’ve never had an issue with them being too big (no rubbing or chafing). I would recommend the shearling lined ones over the non shearling lined ones, since I think their main virtue is how sturdy and water proof they are, rather than how warm they are. I’ve worn them in snow, slush, etc. and my feet have stayed perfectly dry. I highly highly recommend them.
CPA to be
* I think the non-lined ones’ main virtue is how sturdy and water proof they are…
Just realized that wasn’t very clear.
The shearling lined ones= sturdy, waterproof and warm
Non-lined ones= sturdy and waterproof.
At least for my constantly freezing feet.
mamabear
Karen Kane is US made. I don’t know if it’s workwear though.
clueless summer associate
Threadjack:
I know there has been some conversations on here before about dealing with a SO’s depression. I’m hoping those ladies who are dealing/have dealt with this will be able to provide some input for me.
I have recently gotten back together with an ex-boyfriend of 2.5 years. For me, the breakup came out of nowhere as I wanted and assumed we would get married one day. We had talked for a long time about a future and he had come to live i the city where I go to law school/work.
While we were broken up, we continued to talk and see each other and one night he confessed to me that he had been depressed and suicidal during our last year together and believed he had broken up with me due to the depression. I had no idea he felt that way at the time…I knew he wasn’t happy, but I believed that was as a result of not being happy with his Masters program. Obviously…I feel horrible now for not realizing or recognizing any of the signs that in retrospect were clearly there, but that’s not something I can fix now. He says he tried to hide it from me most of all.
At this point, we’re back together and he has started seeing a therapist at my insistence. The therapist, in consultation with his family doctor, wants to put him on antidepressants. I haven’t said anything…but this terrifies me. What if they don’t work…or what if they make things worse? What if they change his personality? It seems as though last year was really the crisis point for him and he has been doing a bit better recently…which is what really concerns me about the medication. If anyone could share any thoughts/stories/personal experiences or SO’s experiences about getting treatment for depression and medicating, I would really appreciate it. This is a difficult time for me and an even more difficult time for him and I want to be both knowledgeable and strong for him.
Anon
Regular poster, anon for this.
The antidepressants may be very, very helpful to him. If not, he can stop taking them (with his doctor’s supervision.) Maybe you can ask him and his therapist if you could come to a session to talk about your concerns and ask questions.
Good luck with this, and good luck to him.
A
Well, what happens if he doesn’t go on the antidepressants and he gets more depressed or acts on suicidal tendencies? I mean, I hate to be the downer here, but you absolutely need to support his decision. There are ups and downs to depression. What if he’s going up and then comes crashing down?
Do some research about antidepressants. They’re serious medicine, sure, but it’s not this scary thing that’s going to turn him into a monster. Some people don’t get on well with some types, but there are lots out there. I’d also wager that a handful of your friends and family have been/are on them, and you don’t even know.
L
My mom has been on antidepressants for about 8 years. She got severely depressed when my youngest brother left for college and it was about a year later that she finally stabilized on her medication. Honestly, it makes her act much *more* like herself. When she went off the meds, we could see “real” mom retreating into her depressed shell. She is much better off ON them than off.
Purgatory
I’ll just share my experience with you and you can take from it what you will. I’ve been married for 11 years and have three beautiful, smart, nearly-perfect children. My husband has chronic depression. It is usually kind of a low-grade thing (there’s a technical name that I can’t remember right now) that is always there. However, there are flare ups every 6 months to 18 months that last for weeks to months. The flare ups are unpredictable, and things are much worse during those times. He/we have been in counseling/therapy with four different providers. He’s tried three different medications. He recently switched medications again, which has helped some, but not completely.
I also have had my own issues with depression (before I ever met my husband), but I managed to find a med that works for me (after three tries) and, most importantly, developed very effective coping strategies. For whatever reason – genetics, his life experiences – he has not been able to deal with his issues in any meaningful way.
A few things bother me about your situation. (1) Your ex hid his depression from you, (2) you seem to feel guilty for not recognizing the signs because you think you could have “fixed” it, (3) he’s seeing a therapist at your “insistence.” His lack of openness and your feeling that you can make him better is worrisome. You can help him, but he’s the person who has to want to get better. Taking any steps to get better is a hard thing to do when you are depressed, but no one can do the actual work figuring things out for you.
As far as medications, you need to know that they can take a while to work (6 weeks to months) and he will likely need to try more than one to find something that works for him. It can be a very long process. Also, sometimes therapy is enough, sometimes medication is enough, and sometimes people need a combination of both. As far as concern about medication changing his personality – if he really is depressed, I hope his personality would change on meds! My husband off medications is not a person I want to be around, while the recent medication that seems to work better and allow him to be a more pleasant person. I guess it’s not so much of a personality change, as it is letting his true personality actually shine through. Similarly, I am really not “myself” when I am depressed.
I’m not sure what I would do if I had to do it all over again. My children are so precious to me. On the other hand, I feel chained to their father, and I’m not sure he’ll ever really get a handle on his condition. His depression and how it affects me and my family is the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with – and that includes my own depression.
Annnon
Agree with what was said here, particularly about the red flags. Good luck to the OP, as it is a hard and amorphous battle to deal with depression.
Anne-on
Ditto what you just said. I had a partner with moderate to severe depression and the kicker for me was that he just refused to see a therapist or discuss his issues with a primary care physician. If you had to force your boyfriend to see someone to deal with this (very real) issue, I’m not sure it bodes well for the future.
Being supportive is wonderful, but he’s also got to take responsibility for his own health issues. After 3+ years of playing cheerleader I realized all the support in the world couldn’t force someone to take care of themselves. Getting out of that relationship was hard, but so very worth it.
BigHTown
Dysthymia? chronic, low grade, like the grey sock in the laundry ads…
clueless summer associate
Thank you for your honesty about your own experiences with this…I appreciate it very much and will give thought to what you’ve said.
Kanon
Although I agree with the general tenor of Purgatory’s response, I disagree with several points.
I am bi-polar and have dealt with (and continue to deal with) depression for the last few decades. I tried to commit (unsuccessfully) suicide when I was 18. Yet, I kept my history from my bf (now husband) for 4-5 years. I’m not proud of it, but (1) he often said we weren’t serious and (2) I thought it would be a deal-breaker once he knew. The lack of disclosure is not a “red flag”, its just one more indication of how bad the stigma associated with mental illness is. I think it is very promising that your bf has now confided his condition to you and that he had actually started therapy, even if it is at your insistence. Even after my attempt, I was a fairly belligerent patient for several months, because it was honestly embarrassing to me that I couldn’t get my own sh*& together.
You mention that the therapist wants to put your bf on medication – but not if your bf is actually considering it. If he is, I would say that it is a marked change in his acceptance of his illness and what he needs to do to treat it. As others have said, anti-depressants don’t so much change your personality as lift the fog that had been covering your personality.
Good luck to you.
A
Thanks so much for sharing this.
I, too, have a depressed husband. I love him to pieces and can’t fathom life without him. Part of what I love about him is that he generally is a cooperative patient, tries hard in therapy, takes the meds the docs prescribe (he has been through numerous med changes in the 10 years we’ve been married). Of course, really bad bouts of depression make this a bit less likely, but on the whole, I feel like he has learned to be clued into my thoughts about how he’s doing.
This is not to say that it has been an easy road. It hasn’t. He has had multiple medical leaves of absence from work and even a hospitalization for a suicide attempt during our marriage.
But, it’s an illness. I know there’s only so much he can do, and I have frequently thought that the fact that he seems fully committed to getting better about 99% of the time is what has kept me hanging in there. I can only imagine how difficult it would be if he weren’t like this…
Seattleite
Purgatory,
You posted about your situation several weeks ago. I just wanted you to know that I’ve been worrying about you and keeping a good thought for you. I wish you peace and safety.
Latina
I was put on a mild dose of an antidepressant (generic Celexa) on Sept 1st. It has almost been two months. It has worked and my side effects have been minimal and lasted about 2-4 weeks (nausea, loss of appetite..). I have to say that I am feeling like myself again. I was going through a rough patch, which began this past May. I couldn’t take the crying, anxiety, and general loss of interest in the things I always enjoyed b/c it was starting to effect my job and my relationships. Don’t make the mistake of googling the medication and obsessing on the crazy blogs out there .. I did at first. I then made an appoint. with my doc to discuss my concerns about some of the things I had read about. She ensured me that each person is different and many people are misdiagnosed or not properly taking the medication. She also said that I will not be “addicted” or on it forever. I have an appoint with her every month and I will most likely bein to wean off it this Spring.
I understand your concerns. I have kept the situation private b/c there is such a stigma with medications. Everyone has ups and downs. Sometimes you just hit a rough patch and need a little help getting through it. Your SO is luck to have your support!
I am curious for any responses.
anon
i used to be pretty anti anti-depressants and classified them with other ‘mood-enhancing’ chemicals as unnecessary scourges of modern life.
then my mom got ill, cycled through various stages of crap, and to make a long story short …. anti-depressants, when used and administered properly, are a very good thing. trust your SO and his doctors (but verify, e.g. do your own research, make sure he’s in good medical hands) and let him try them out.
until you do that, your fears and your ignorance of the issue are dictating your decisions, which isn’t fair to anyone.
good luck to you.
anon
BTW i didn’t mean to use the word “let” … not sure what your relationship is like, but didn’t want to imply that you need each other’s permission – or not – to make medical decisions.
Mella
Trying to keep this short: I’ve been on short (less than six months) courses of Prozac twice, ten years apart. Both times, the meds got me from absolutely non-functional to at least functioning enough to do other things that helped. For me, the feeling /nothing/ during a depressive episode is worse than the terrible, terrible sadness – for me, they’re two different feeling states.
I’ve never heard of antidepressants changing someone’s personality; I /have/ heard of people who felt like themselves again. I’ve heard another depressive get asked “but doesn’t it bother you to have to take Prozac every day for the rest of your life?” and the depressive replied “Well duh. If I can take one pill every day and be happy rather than take no pill and wish I were dead? I have NO problem with that at all!”
Prozac does take a couple of weeks to work, which was the last thing I wanted to hear at suicidal age 22 – but it did work.
Lastly: circumstances were different ten years later, and I ended up with a psychiatrist (the prescriber of the Prozac) who was a jerk, which drove certain decisions I made about my health care – but at least I was functional enough to MAKE those decisions. It sounds like your S/O is functional now, but that his docs think there are ways his biochemistry could still be helped.
I wish you both well, and I hope he has a good relationship with his health care providers.
regular poster
When I was depressed, I didn’t feel like “me.” I didn’t realize how much I didn’t feel like “me” until I went on an antidepressant and got my self back. Among depression’s many symptoms (or is it causes??) is an actual chemical imbalance in the brain. The antidepressants help fix this chemical imbalance. People with regular depression (not a chronic condition) also can need the support of medication to make therapy effective. Depression caused me to not be able to think right… buying the wrong brand of cereal really felt like the End Of The World, and a therapist telling me that it wasn’t didn’t help because it still *felt* that way.
Setting aside the question of whether this is a good relationship for you, if his doctor suggests an antidepressant will help him, you need to get on board with that and be supportive. You’re not the doctor, his doctor is, so don’t add to the stigmas against antidepressants and mental illness by freaking out about him taking an antidepressant when his doctor recommended it. It may be the chemical support he needs to get better.
Anon for this
I have struggled with depression for most of the last 15 years. Through college and my early 20s, it killed relationships, took a toll on my job, but I was very anti- anti-depressants. I tried to deal with it the best I could using a therapist, but even my therapist suggested I consider medication.
I found a doctor I liked and trusted, and who really listened to my concerns. It was not an easy road. I had to try several before I found one that worked. I have had my depression under control for several years now and I can tell you that I finally feel like myself! I no longer avoid social situations, or worry about putting on a strong face at work.
I have tried to go off of them a few times, but I have always fallen back into depression. I understand that this is not the case for everyone, but it is for me. I have come to terms with my depression and will gladly take my celexa if it means I can lead a normal life.
Anon101
Not sure if this would be helpful to you, but I went through a bout of depression while in school. I was really concerned about the side effects of antidepressants so instead I opted to see a naturopathic doctor (also licensed as an MD) who was able to suggest some natural remedies. Not sure if it was a placebo effect or not, but they did work over time without any side effects.
Ultimately your bf has to WANT to fix his depression, and it’s really hard when you’re depressed to find the energy to do that– even making the call to schedule a doc appt can be completely overwhelming. I’m guessing that being in a relationship with a depressed person can be very difficult, but it’s up to you to decide whether his redeeming qualities make it worthwhile. Just don’t try to “save” him.
clueless summer associate
Thank you all so much. I do think my boyfriend has the desire to deal with his own depression at this point…certainly he didn’t last year, but telling me (the first person he had told) was somewhat of a catalyst. I did have to insist he see someone…but now that he is, he is glad he did. He even made the doctors appt himself…which I’m glad about. I certainly wouldn’t have gotten back together with him if I didn’t see in him a desire to deal with these issues.
Hearing all of your stories about meds has helped calm some of my fears, definitely, which is why I came here instead of to him with the fears. I am not anti medication for depression…I do know some friends who have been helped by it immensely. I just worry it will be an up and down process while he finds the right type and I want to be able to understand what’s going on with that.
Anon for this
Several years ago, after years and years of pockets of depression I got tired of trying to tough it out on my own or dealing with it through talk therapy and went on antidepressants (Lexapro, Cymbalta). I was on them for about 2 years. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I didn’t realize how bad my depression was until I went on them. If I even got close to that now I would be back on them in a heartbeat.
anon
Regular poster anon for this as well.
My fiance took antidepressants for almost a year. It changed his life for the better. He got up the courage to quit his shitty job and start his own business, which is thriving. He became the man I fell in love with again and not the shell of himself he was.
Even after seeing that, I didn’t have the courage to take them myself when I needed them. My doctor gave me a natural remedy and now I take 11 pills a day. I am definitely doing better but he got better much faster and I wish I would have at least tried them.
Julie
PSA – Sale at Neiman Marcus online for Cole Haan shoes and bags. 40% off one item, 50% off two or more. Seems like sizes are kind of limited though.
Anon for this
I read the comments late yesterday and wanted to add two responses to yesterdays discussions for the OP’s –
1.) B23 -I have always been plagued by issues with “that time” to the point where I was using sick days because of it monthly. First it happened while on birth control and going off of it made the issue more or less go away. Then 4 or so years later it came back with a vengance. I went back on birth control and it went away again. My doc (who is a bit of a hippy so take this with a grain of salt) said sometimes we just need to “reset” our hormones. In other words, if you are off bc go on and if you are on go off and then go back on again if need be. It has worked for me more or less.
2.) For I LOVE TINA – this was on the working with pigs thread. You were trying to weed out racists from your jury pool. I had a mentor suggest I ask “what bumper stickers are on your car” as a voir dire question. You learn all kinds of interesting things about people. My favorites were “if you can’t feed ’em, don’t breed ’em” and “@ss, gas, or grass, nobody rides for free.” Things like that are quite telling of what kind of juror you have. You also learn political leaning, religious preferences, etc. If they have a “thin blue line” sticker because their great uncle is a police officer than they are more likely to think rules can be bent for some people. If they have the “baby on board” sticker you know they are probably going to be tough on a reckless driver.
Tika55
Hmm, interesting. Does a lack of bumper stickers also say something? What do stickers from various Colorado breweries and kayak companies say about my husband? :)
Em
Probably says something about your socioeconomic class (albeit just vaguely)! I’m fascinated by this bumper sticker voir dire idea.
Anon for this
I mulled this question over at the chiropractor. No bumper sticker could mean open minded or less likely to try to get everyone to agree to their opinion. Breweries and Kayak companies to me sound outdoorsy, in good shape, fun, has friends, etc. I would want him if I was doing a land use or environmental case pro land/environment. I would not want him if I was defending someone for polluting a local stream.
Another funny answer my mentor once received was a “no on one” sticker. The sticker was really old and had to do with whether a local ordinance would be passed. The case involved violating said (now long passed) ordinance.
Kady
No bumper sticker could mean a mixed marriage (one is conservative and the other is liberal).
SF Bay Associate
I don’t think it means anything where I live. Nice cars (as in, less than 5 years old) rarely have bumper stickers on them, and it’s not that common to have bumper stickers on older cars either. I’d be surprised if even 25% of the cars out here had bumper stickers. Is it more common elsewhere? We just don’t have a bumper sticker culture out here, I guess. I wouldn’t take it as a sign that we are open minded or in politically mixed marriages.
I love Tina
It is a rural mostly white county. I would say probably very different from San Fran on almost every political and social (and religious…) issue… I have no bumper stickers on my car and it is about 8 years old.
Bunkster
Yeah, there aren’t that many bumper stickers in the Boston area either. But yesterday I was behind an old Corolla with a “Hottie” sticker on it. I have to say neither of the young (college-age, maybe) guys qualified. Maybe, it belonged to an older sister first…
Nevadan
I think this bumper sticker idea for voir dire is very clever! Of course the absence of a bumper sticker does not mean anything.
I love Tina
Thank you so much for the input and laughs. I will definitely be asking that question.
GRA
Fabulous advice … and thank you for the good laugh!
Anonymous
When I was externing at a local court during law school, it was a standard voir dire question that all judges asked all jurors – name, occupation, bumper stickers. Guess it was such a common question, they just decided to make it part of the drill.
Barrister in the Bayou
Thanks for all your responses yesterday! I went and got the allergy testing done and found out that I’m allergic to dust, a whole bunch of pollens, mold, grass, cat and dog dander (the latter was a total surprise because I’ve never gotten symptoms after exposure to a dog), and roaches. As soon as all the scratches were done, my back felt as if it was on fire! The doctor even had a good chuckle when he saw how the cat dander spot reacted. I had a really good experience with my doctor and decided to start allergy shots… So add that to the already long list of stuff that needs to get done.
Kady
Isn’t everyone allergic to roaches? (yuck! *shiver*) I can’t believe that’s an actual allergy test.
Anon for this
Get a HEPA filter for the bedroom and leave it running all the time. I have a short round honeywell one and it makes a world of difference. I will try to get more through flex spending since I read that yesterday.
I have about the same allergies plus a few trees and minus the roaches. Pillow covers and mattress covers also helped but I didn’t know to write off on flex spending.
The shots are worth it. I cannot deal with the sleepy feeling the pills give me and they all make me feel like that.
Finally, my doctor told me that even if your body doesn’t produce symptoms, if you are allergic to something it is constantly producing extra antibodies in anticipation for some type of harm. So even if your dog (and my cats growing up) did not make me itchy or sneezy, it still can make you tired because your body is going overtime.
Genny
I love the wide-leg of these trousers! However, last night I was going through my closet and realized that I have eight pairs of black trousers … and they all fit me fine. I probably don’t need another pair right now.
anon
I’m kind of the opposite, I have probably 10 pairs of black trousers, but none of them fit me just right. Some are a little tight, some a little loose (lost a lot of weight, gained a little back). Many seem to fit fine when I put them on, but by the end of the day, the seat is stretched out and I have “baggy drawers.” I hate that, may have something to do with my FBS. I’m always looking for a pair that fits perfectly, but never quite finding it.
Frustration
I need some advice on how to deal with frustration in the workplace related to favoritism. It’s pretty blatant and I try to stay above it, but at times it’s really hard for me not to get angry. This is a person who was hired on at a higher level than would typically be allowed and doesn’t really produce much of anything I’d associate with that level position. I know at some point the time will come, but it seems like most of those tasks get passed onto me while this person just skates by. I know others at my office are frustrated as well and we try not get worked up, but it is so hard.
What have others done to help them work through this issue?
AnonOne
I’m dealing with a similar issue right now. Someone was recently hired above her experience level and the rest of us are having to train her (impossible) and help carry her weight, while she skates by completely oblivious to the eye rolling every time she opens her mouth in meetings. At the moment, I am just complaining to a dear friend and confidant to release the frustration.
DC
I used to work somewhere with this issue – my boss favored one of my direct reports (this is at a non-profit, not a law office). I actually said something to my boss about it, and she didn’t get why everyone thought she favored this person. She didn’t really care. It remained a problem.
When i left the organization and had an exit interview, I told HR about it and gave lots of examples. They have followed-up on it after I left (am friends with people who still are in that department, which is how I know). I am not sure if it was resolved or not, but I do now that my former boss has been called to the carpet on it.
So…my suggestion is to speak with HR. First, you can explain you’re angry about this and give examples. Say you don’t want to be a trouble maker and don’t want to react with anger, and do they have suggestions on how you can broach this with who is doing the favoring (NOT the favorite…it most likely is not the favorite’s fault) or strategies to help you see things in a different light, etc. Implement their suggestions and if they don’t work, then go back to HR again with an update. Then perhaps HR could get involved.
Good luck!
SCS
Hair help! Can anyone recommend a good demi-permanent at home hair color to go from blond to brown? I’ve read bad things about the new Clarol formula.
I am trying to get my hair back to my normal color (medium, light brown) from the current wanna be blond that looks gold and gross. I went to a salon where they put on a demi-permanent brown, which looked great until it washed out. I really can’t afford to go back every 6 weeks for more brown color and I figure it’s gotta be pretty easy to do at home since it’s all one color (not highlights). Only question is which brand of hair color to buy. Thanks!
Mella
My friends and I like Féria, though lately I’ve been using Clairol Perfect 10 – I love how much easier it is to use their comb vs Féria’s pointy squeeze bottle. I only use color to bring my Asian-black hair up a shade though, so I’ll be interested to see what others say as far as re-darkening hair.
yeshy
I recommend Garnier Nutrisse. I was in a similar situation — going from blonde to brown, not wanting to spend $100 at the hair salon every so often. This worked great. I got the Medium Cool color because I’m pale.
PE Esq
Feria and Clairol Perfect 10 are permanent, I would use a demi or semi permanent for going darker/getting back to your natural shade. You don’t want to put permanent color over the highlights/bleached hair.
I used to love L’oreal Colorspa, but they discontinued that and replaced it with sublime mousse or something. So I would look into whatever semi-permanent dye Loreal currently has. Myself and other haven’t had good luck with Natural Instincts.
If you’re more adventurous you can buy toner and dye at sallys (better than box not as good as the salon) or buy matrix/redken etc dye on ebay (I don’t use box dye anymore now that I figured this out.) These places offer much better shade selection so you can get something that really flatters your skin tone. You can buy any color dye (permanent or semi) and use it with a 10 volume developer to make it a semi-perm. 10 volume means you’re only depositing color on top of your hair. Higher volumes penetrate to remove some current color and deposit new color.
Most permanent box dyes have 20 volume developer, which can lift 1-2 levels, feria uses 30 volume which lifts 2-3 levels.
Also, depending on your goal and how much grey you have, the ratio of developer to dye is between 1:2. You can look up recommendations online for whatever brand you’re using if the dye didn’t come with an info packet.
Can you tell I’m a frustrated hair dresser? I <3 conducting chemistry experiments in my bathroom.
PE Esq
oh my favorite brands are 1) Redken, 2) Matrix, 3) the Loreal professional stuff available at sally’s
Tired Squared
Henna would work for you … it colors light hair in a great red/brown color. I use it on my own hair since it’s healthier than a lot of the commercial dyes.
PE Esq
Do you know if you can use a regular dye after you’ve used Henna? I thought I heard you couldn’t, but I don’t know if that’s an old wive’s tale. I’ve always found the stuff they sell at LUSH intriguing!
Niktaw
I don’t use chemical dyes, but I have read in many places that no, you cannot use then over henna.
Lush henna sells in (hard!) bricks that you need to break down before use. Henna from ethnic stores, on the other hand, is mostly sold as a powder and so is a lot easier to mix. I highly recommend the latter.
You can get something else at Lush… their solid shampoos are very practical for travel.
PE Esq
Thanks! I’ll stick to chemical dyes bc my hair is naturally dark brown and I like to do more than just add a red tint. I did want to try the Lush solid shampoo after reading the “packing a gym bag” post.
Mella
Agreed twice… I adore Lush’s solid shampoo. I also tried their block henna, and it was a gigantic gigantic pain trying to break up the henna bar. Most of it is probably still sitting under my sink.
Kanye East
I think natural-looking browns are very hard to achieve, even with professional colorists. It’s been a long time since I used at-home (or any, really) color, permanent or temporary. But have you tried any shampoos specifically for color-treated hair? Bumble & Bumble Color Support comes in a few different shades of brown (as well as other colors) and gives you a gradual, natural looking boost in-between treatments.
Also, I can’t vouch for them personally, but I’ve heard good things about the henna-based coloring products from Lush.
SCS
Thanks for all the suggestions! I’ll color this weekend and try to remember to report back. Fortunately, I’m not in love with my hair so if the color isn’t perfect, it won’t be the first time my hair has lived in a ponytail/bun for long periods of time!
viclawstudent
Did the salon demi-permanent completely wash out after 6 weeks? I have mousy light brown hair (naturally); got a heavy dose of blonde highlights done, which I eventually realized were a bad colour match for my skin tone and were aging me; I went to the salon and got a brown demi-permanent (note, however, that it was a very dark shade of brown when it first got put in) and I didn’t go back for four months and it still hadn’t completely disappeared. I think for better coverage I’d prefer to go back every 8-10 weeks, but if you only got 6 weeks I’d consider:
a) going darker on the demi in the first place so that the “wash-out” effect still takes a long time to get back to your regular colour
b) asking the colourist for “colour maintenance” tips – the ones I know are: non-colour stripping shampoo/conditioner or even one of the colour-maintenance shampoos; don’t wash your hair so often (just shower w/o doing hair, if you have the type of hair that can get away w/ it); shower with colder water, as hot water strips colour much much faster (or at least hit your hair with a blast of cold at the end of the shower, which apparently helps “lock in” the colour, although I know nothing about the scientific veracity of this claim).
I get the desire to do it with the cheap home kits, but my experience has been that they are much worse for your hair.
PE Esq
I wouldn’t go more than 2 shades darker than the color of your hair now (dyed or natural). My hair is naturally very dark, and last time i went from blond to blackish I first covered the blond with a 6 (light brown), then 4 (dark brown) then 3 (black). It’s better to gradually darken with demi/semi dye every few weeks than try to drastically change it in one application.
Anonymous
Redken Shades EQ is the bomb for darkening blonder hair. I’m using it now for that reason. I buy the processing solution and the colored hair gloss on ebay, mix them in my bathroom, and kabang — check out my shiny glossy darker hair. I do it every month because it is demi. I started with Butterscotch gloss color, which turns out darker than it looks on the color chart.
Andrea @ Imwaytoobusy
These look perfect! I love a flattering flattering wide-leg trouser. I think they look fabulous on everyone.
sadie
Threadjack for a styling question. I’m going to a cocktail-attire-wedding this weekend — the first opportunity I’ve had to dress up since I had my baby a year ago. I’m planning to wear a brown cocktail dress — this isn’t quite it, but it’s close: http://www.bluefly.com/Tadashi-Shoji-chocolate-ombr-shutter-pleated-square-neck-dress/cat20114/309395802/detail.fly?referer=ca_bing&cm_mmc=ca_bing-_-na-_-womens_dresses_evening-_-309395802&partner=Gate_CSE_bing_TadashiShoji_Short&mr:referralID=b2d99fee-ffe3-11e0-9aae-001b2166c62d.
Any suggestions for how to style it? Shoes? Jewelry? Gold? Bronze? I really am at a loss. I love this dress, but it’s been so long since I dressed up that I think I’ve forgotten how.
Anonymous
I’d deck yourself out in gold or bronze jewelry. Such a simple piece does well with lots of sparkles. You could wear nude shoes or pull other colors into your outfit (like, i don’t know, blood-colored shoes and orange pashmina for some fall fun)… really with this dress you can do anything.
anonymiss
I wouldn’t go with bronze jewelry as it seems a bit matchy-matchy. Maybe a statement shoe and then jewelry that either echos or compliments the shoe color? Maybe red pumps (but not too dark so that they are neutral) and cerulean jewelry in a bronzy setting (but less hardware, more stone)?
I’m sorry; I never wear brown and am bad at thinking of colors it goes with!
JG in LV
Jewel-tone accessories (shoes/bag) could really make this dress pop. Think purple, teal, emerald green, bright/deep pink (this one is more tricky-pale pink might make you look too childish, and too much of a hot-pink will make you look too teen-agey). Gold jewelry always works with browns as well. Good luck and have fun!
Always a NYer
I’d go with lots of gold jewelry and burgundy shoes, maybe accenting it with a similar color clutch.
Bursting out
How about bright blue for shoes & necklace, and a complementary blue, like turquoise, for a wrap?
PE Esq
I agree! colbolt blue or turquoise!
Ru
I’m so excited to see all the various colors everyone’s suggesting but I’m going to deviate from my standard MO and suggest black. Black jewelry, whether it’s onyx or black beads or stones or whatever. Sometimes, black and brown look really nice together. Luxe satin-y black peep toes, clutch, fantastic statement necklace and a simple bangle or ring – gold or silver, depending on your coloring and/or preference. If you don’t like necklaces, do the huge earrings/simple chain combo (with or without a pendant).
Kanye East
Ooh ooh! Victorian mourning jewelry! WIN!
Ru
YES. I should consult with you before I post, because you actually have the vocabulary words for what’s in my head.
Kanye East
I am on such a rampage for Whitby jet lately; you have *no* idea!
sadie
Thanks all — so many good ideas! I was totally stuck. I am going to play around with the emerald, black, and burgandy suggestions (though not together!) and see what works best. Such good inspiration, y’all!
R in Boston
Has anyone gotten clothes made by the Tom James company? Apparently my new firm has a rep that comes around. I think at this point it’s a little out of my price range, but I’m wondering about the service, quality, and generally whether people have had good experiences.
For what it’s worth, I am short, size 14 or 16, and quite busty, so I get every single piece of work clothing I buy tailored anyway.
another anon
I will be interested to hear what others say, because I just met with them recently, and they seemed pretty pricey to me. I think it was $600 or $700 for their *lowest* priced package, which is just way more than I want to spend, especially since I only wear suits once or twice a month. And all their packages have button front shirts with them, and I don’t really like button front shirts. I also have a hard time believing that the quality is *that* much better than say, something you would get at Brooks Brothers (and I think BB will do the tailoring for free if you pay full price for the suit).
Me
Yes, I had a terrible experience with them. They made a suit for me that looked like a man-suit, just with a skirt instead of slacks. It was really fugly. The rep came back to my office 2-3 times and tried to make it work but even he agreed, in the end, that it was fugly and we agreed I wouldn’t have to pay for it. I did end up paying for a pair of pants, though, that looked like man-pants, complete with front pleats and everything. Again, very ugly, and very expensive. Unless they have radically changed their styling so women’s suits are actually flattering on women, I wouldn’t waste your time.
Margaret
I listened in on a conversation two of the female partners in my office had about Tom James last year, and their joint opinion was that the quality is not nearly worth the price. They used to use the company/tried it once and do not go back.
Anon for this
My males bosses use them. I was the only one not solicited personally. The sales women kept leaving me voicemails instead even though I would see them when they came to meet with the guys. I was considerably annoyed because the sales people were always women but did not use a personal approach with me, but always used one with the men. One boss told me that it was way too expensive but he still caved because this girl did everything short of giving him and HJ under the table, and he is not the pig type from yesterday’s feed.
Anyway I avoid them like the plague. I am on the same level as those men. I was treated differently by you – women. They even MAILED me a card, with a woman on the front. Then treated me 100% different, even though I have the same amount to spend.
I heard the quality was no different than the other 2 companies we use that I liked (also too busty for regular button downs). I won’t mention the other companies but the suits were $500-$600 and the button downs were not mandatory with the suit, but are about 125-130 depending on sewn initials option.
MissJackson
I’d actually like to hear the name of those other companies, if you don’t mind terribly.
MelD- For Batgirl
Did that guy ever text back?
Batgirl
Haha, I love that someone followed up!
So my text was about something that was completely unrelated (well, as far as texting someone you went on a date with can be unrelated to that date) to the date–it was about a costume he was going to borrow from a friend of mine. I just wrote saying it wasn’t available in a humorous way. He responded (hours later) asking how the progress on my costume was going. I responded in a lighthearted way what I was going to be–but I deliberately did not ask any questions or push it forward. No response as of yet and I don’t expect one.
In the end, I’m really glad I sent the text because I wanted to know that it wasn’t just a matter of mixed signals or shyness. I also hate being the one left waiting. So this way, I know where things stand and don’t really have any hard feelings (how can you after one date?).
I am also glad he didn’t ask me out again under these circumstances because I do agree that if a guy is really interested in you, he typically lets you know pretty quickly. I don’t want to convince a guy that he should go out with me again!
Next! :)
MelD
I don’t think it’s the case that all guys will ask you out quickly if they really are interested. There are some guys who are just shy in that respect, and that’s even the case when a guy is otherwise really outgoing. I tend to have more male friends and see this a lot with them- they’ll really like a girl but will be afraid to seem too eager. As a result, I’m a non-traditional girl who has no problem making the first move, but I also know that most women are still not like that.
MelD
That said I do think that if you sent him a text and he didn’t ask you out again, there’s no reason to push the issue. At this point you’ve shown him you’re interested enough to text first, at which point he should get the point.
happily engaged
I used to wonder about the shyness syndrome as an excuse for a guy not initiating, but then I started thinking that shyness is not a quality that would work for me in an SO. My fiance is anything but shy– in fact sometimes he says really ballsy things– but I prefer it that way because he’s really good at expressing himself and I know that he will never be afraid to speak out if he finds that someone has crossed a line (ie made a really bigoted comment). I find those qualities really attractive in him. Not saying that a shy man wouldn’t be a great fit for someone else– just not me.
Miriam
I completely agree with this!
MaggieLizer
So, so this. I’m a pretty assertive person and I tend to say what’s on my mind (sometimes a little TOO much, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue). In the past, I’ve had no problem with being the first to follow up after a date or let a guy know I’m interested. This has led me to date guys that are either 1) really good guys but are super passive and not assertive at.all., which is incredibly frustrating for me, or 2) not that interested in me but continue to hang out with me because it’s convenient. So, I think I need to start requiring more of guys, and part of that is having the initiative and interest to text me after a date.
Anonymous
Glad you found out what you needed to know.
In response to your “how can you [have hard feelings] after one date, though,” LET ME TELL YOU:
Last year I went on a date with this guy who I’d met online. His online profile said he was 6’1 and “athletic,” while in reality he was 5’6 and “skinny like a telephone pole.” (Nothing against short/skinny guys … I just prefer them to be at least my height and preferably somewhere closer to my body weight.)
He spent the entire time staring at me in this weird way and telling tons of racist jokes. When he called the next day, I nicely said thanks but I hadn’t really felt a connection. He took that to mean that I was calling him “calling him ugly,” treating him “like a rapist,” and pushing him “close to suicide.”
… and yes, those are all quotes from the actual text message conversation that is now seared into my brain.
AK
There is really no limit on crazy. I went on one date with an older guy many years ago (met through mutual friends); afterwards I knew it wasn’t going to work, so I gently told him as much when he asked me out again. I see him at social events every couple of years, and as much as FIVE years after said single date, he still berates me for turning him down. Unbelievable.
Anonymous
“There is really no limit on crazy.” *Love*
Ambushed
I found out I was on a date with a guy after the fact. This was a guy I’d known for about 9 years as part of a couple. I was friends with both even after the divorce. He asked me out on a date, I told him I would really like to go out in a group with our friend X instead, because I lived out of town and X was pestering me to get together as well. I kept on him and he swore he’d get in touch with her, but when I showed up that night he said she’d backed out.
The day after our “date,” I emailed X to tell her I missed her and she told me he’d called her a lazy, depressed bum because she had been unemployed for a while (this was at the beginning of the recession) and she was too annoyed with him at that point to spend any time. He had also told her he really didn’t want her to come along because it was actually a date with me.
I was completely appalled and expressed my discontent to a few other mutual friends. He explained to them all that I was crazy and sent me an email telling me I was delusional and must be going through some breakdown. Several of those friends refused to speak to me for 6-12 months. I think X stopped speaking to this guy a few months after I did and I really came to understand what the ex-wife must have gone through being married for this crackpot for almost 10 years.
Batgirl
I think that shy guys exist for sure–but I think that once you’ve already made the move (as I did) and gone on a date, they usually aren’t SO shy that they don’t follow up at all. He could have texted and been like “hope you got home safely” or anything like that.
I actually don’t mind at all, though, that he didn’t–I don’t think we were really cut out for one another so no hard feelings. You can’t marry every guy you meet!
Susan
I think you’re right– that shy guys really do exist, but they may feel less shy to followup once they realize you are interested.
Glad you don’t mind about the outcome, and ITA about not leaving things hanging but also not being overly pushy. Love your healthy attitude about dating and meeting folks!
MissJackson
This, completely.
My now-husband is slightly shy, and was definitely shy about asking me out (a mutual friend “helped” by inviting us both on a trip that was a you-can’t-turn-this-down kind of deal). But after the first date (also orchastrated by the mutal friend while we were on the trip), it was always crystal clear that he was interested. (Shortly after we started dating, he told me that he’d like to be exclusive, wanted to hang out with my constantly, etc.)
The shyness was a barrier to the initial getting to know one another, but it was not a factor at all in the follow-up.
Terry
Good for you. I’m demographically in the same boat you are. Hopefully we’ll both meet someone at Halloween parties this weekend.
just Karen
I met my fiance at a Halloween party four years ago and we started dating a year later after heavy flirting at a Halloween party – good luck!
Batgirl
Well, I should add that I was quite bummed about it all over the weekend, but mostly just because I’d love to have had a great date with someone I liked a lot who liked me back a lot–not because he was that guy.
Dating in NYC can just be very disheartening sometimes.
Future Tax Attny
Hello Tax Lawyer Corporettes, I have a few questions for y’all:
(1) Tax LLM- worth it or not in terms of long term career potential? I am finishing up my JD in a law school that offers the LLM, so I can take LLM classes now as a JD student. I’m trying to decide whether to take as many tax classes as possible now and then graduate and call it good, or finish the LLM degree sometime next year.
(2) Accounting firm vs. law firm- I get the impression that working as a tax lawyer in an accounting firm (Big 4, etc) is just like working as an accountant and will put me in a different career track than working in a law firm. If I wanted to be an accountant, I could have just gotten a 1-year Masters in Accounting instead of going to law school, right? Everyone talks about the “Great Opportunities” that come with a Big 4 line on your resume, but I’m guessing these are primarily accounting opportunities, not law opportunities– am I totally off?
(3) OTOH, tax and accounting are very interrelated– right? So maybe it’s good to have accounting experience in order to be a credible tax lawyer?
Thanks in advance!
Tax Attny
(1) Only if its NYU’s LLM. Also, many biglaw firms will pay for you to get your tax LLM (if you are a tax associate). Take your tax classes now, especially if you hope to get hired into a tax department – they tend to be picky.
(2) The tax lawyers in an accounting firm don’t generally do the same things as the accountants – they can, but there is a separate track for JD holders. They do more research-y work (as opposed to filing work, which is what the accountants do). I know several tax partners at small/mid law that worked as tax lawyers in the Big 4 before going to a law firm.
(3) No, if you don’t have a CPA, you can’t do “accounting work” – like law, you need to be credentialed first.
Anon for this
Also looking for career advice on the subject of tax LLMs…I graduated in May from a T-15 school in the top 5-10% of my law school class and am currently unemployed. I took five tax classes and was interested in the subject but decided not to do the LLM (aka take on more debt) right after graduation and instead try to find a job. The search has been unsuccessful so far. I suspect I’ll be able to find something after I find out my bar results, but am still thinking of doing the NYU LLM next year. Any advice on what employers will think of my inability to find a desirable job for the year in between law school and the LLM?
Or, any advice on current prospects of graduating with the NYU LLM?
Tax Attny
I’m sorry to hear about your situation – man, this recession has been tough. I really really have my fingers crossed that you can find a position after you learn about your bar results, but if not, the NYU LLM tends to be a reasonable bet for those who are actually committed to being tax attorneys (I know a few NYU LLMs who have gotten jobs ITE in the past 2(?) graduating classes). If you can continue to be top 5-10% of your LLM class, you will be a very attractive candidate to biglaw firms, regardless of your year off in between. But this is all hugely caveated by (1) you can’t know that you will do as well in the LLM as you did as a JD, (2) the economy could get worse again, and (3) it is another huge (HUGE) load of debt you are taking on.
PE Esq
I didn’t even get any interviews until I had bar results (granted I still don’t have a legal job yet either). Did you just take the bar in July? If you did you should get the results soon.
I wouldn’t jump into the LLM and more debt. If after the bar results you still don’t have any job leads go to a tax CLE and try to make contacts there. I did get an interview with a speaker after attending a niche CLE, granted they didn’t have an opening and never made an offer, but now that I’ve interviewed with other firms they would not be my first choice anyway.
Stay current on tax law issues and maybe work on writing a small piece to get published in a Young Bar Association publication or something.
Margaret
Yes, do the LLM! I didn’t, but I’m one of the few who haven’t, and I know no one who regrets having done it. Get as many classes in as you can now, then you can either finish up in a semester (you’ll get a year’s credit for the LLM at a firm), or take a few night classes over the course of two years, and finish it up (no bump in class year this way, as far as I know).
I’ve been at two big firms, never an acctg firm, so take this with a grain of salt, but … the general consensus among my colleagues is that the accountants get less interesting work in general than the firms do, and then they staff cases more heavily in general and top-heavy specifically, so that the work you get is more interesting at a firm. I know a number of people who’ve gone from law firm to acctg firm, but only one who’s come the other way, and it is definitely rarer. So I would start at a firm if you can.
Margaret
Tax Attny has a good point about the quality of the LLM. But NYU is not the only good one. Here in DC, a Georgetown LLM in tax is just as highly valued. And I would imagine in regional markets, some regional tax LLM would also be useful. But, she is right that a regional LLM that you try to transport to NY or DC is not going to be helpful.
Yeah Tax
I got my LLM at NYU. The advantage to getting a tax LLM is that when you interview during OCI the employers are all looking for tax people (and thus you are not interviewing with a litigator).
During the NYU/Georgetown career fair about five years ago, I noticed that there was definitely a preference for the NYU LLM (unless someone had done the employee benefits track at Georgetown).
Pay is substantially better at a law firm and you get your own office- instead of a cubicle. I had an undergraduate accounting degree and interned at one of the Big Firms (in a section with lots of lawyers). The lawyers tended to do more research, but they also had to do compliance.
You can always go to an accounting firm, but I think it is generally more difficult to make the transition from accounting firm to law firm.
Future Tax Attny
Thanks for the responses so far, please keep them coming!
To clarify, I am not at NYU, but I’m at the best/only regional LLM program in my part of the country. I plan to stay here and so I’m not concerned about getting jobs in NY or DC where the NYU degree would be necessary. At this point I’m leaning towards trying to get a job in a law firm. Time to start spamming people with requests to meet for coffee/networking– wish me luck! It would be TOTALLY AWESOME if a firm paid for my tax LLM– but that seems like it would be too good to be true at this point… I need to generate some opportunities first.
Future Tax Attny
sorry if this posts 2x, my comment is stuck in moderation.
Hello Tax Lawyers, I have a few questions for y’all:
(1) Tax LLM- worth it or not in terms of long term career potential? I am finishing up my JD in a law school that offers the LLM, so I can take LLM classes now as a JD student. I’m trying to decide whether to take as many tax classes as possible now and then graduate and call it good, or finish the LLM degree sometime next year.
(2) Accounting firm vs. law firm- I get the impression that working as a tax lawyer in an accounting firm (Big 4, etc) is just like working as an accountant and will put me in a different career track than working in a law firm. If I wanted to be an accountant, I could have just gotten a 1-year Masters in Accounting instead of going to law school, right? Everyone talks about the “Great Opportunities” that come with a Big 4 line on your resume, but I’m guessing these are primarily accounting opportunities, not law opportunities– am I totally off?
(3) OTOH, tax and accounting are very interrelated– right? So maybe it’s good to have accounting experience in order to be a credible tax lawyer?
Thanks in advance!
Read more: https://corporette.com/2011/10/26/wednesdays-tps-report-work-trousers/#ixzz1buEvsHfI
Future Tax Attny
also, no idea why my comment linked to this thread?
fx analyst
dear corporette runners,
I’ve decided to start training to run a 5k in February, maybe mid January if all goes well. I’ve never been a serious runner before, only for warm ups and during field hockey. Any advice? Also, I live in a cold climate, so January/February temps will run around 20-35f, will that make a difference for someone who hasn’t run in that kind of cold before?
TIA!
Bonnie
Check out the couch to 5K program. A lot of people rave about it. I’d be careful running outside in January/February. You can always wear more layers to beat the cold. Thin gloves help a lot. The bigger concern is ice. Can you run on a treadmill?
fx analyst
The couch to 5k is what I’m going to use, I think. There are a couple well-reviewed ipod apps that time you and everything, which I think will be helpful. I do have access to treadmills at my gym, which is probably where I’ll do the majority of my running.
Nonny
I just did Couch to 5k and can’t recommend it highly enough. If I did it, believe me, you can too.
MeliaraofTlanth
I’m 3 weeks into couch to 5k. I’m using the NHS’s podcasts, because the woman’s polite British accent is somehow more motivating, and I liked the music better than the other ones I looked at.
PE Esq
I agree with Bonnie, try to find a treadmill for the winter and wear thin gloves. You may end up taking the gloves off once you get going. I find in the winter I can run faster and further on the treadmill than I can outside.
The running nose while running in the cold is annoying, but I’m gross and would just wipe it on my sleeves.
I ran outside in college at lot in the winter and bought a fleece balaclava that covered my neck and throat too. I’d wear it under a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up. Unless it’s really cold, I find just a fleece ear band is fine, and half the time once i get going I take it off.
In general your body stays pretty warm without heavy layers, but keep your extremities covered.
Bonnie
My running gloves actually have a soft side intended for wiping your nose.
PE Esq
really?!?! where did you get them?
i’m also looking for one of those 80s-esque zipper pouches you velcro on to your wrist to put my car key in when I wear stuff without pockets, or to put ID/drinking money/chapstick in for races.
Bonnie
They’re similar to these: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0030D12MY/ref=asc_df_B0030D12MY1757222?smid=A3NWHXTQ4EBCZS&tag=pgmp-337-17-20&linkCode=asn&creative=395109&creativeASIN=B0030D12MY
They’re very thin but very warm. I can’t help you on the wrist pouch. I carry this watter bottle with a zipper compartment: http://www.amazon.com/Nathan-Quickdraw-Handheld-22-Ounce-Carrier/dp/B001Q5ROKC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319650098&sr=8-1
AK
Try the neoprene cases from Amphipod — I have the one that hangs inside your pants/shorts and clips onto the waistband, and it’s great for carrying keys and money. Just make sure to put any bills in a little plastic baggie or else you’ll end up with sweaty change :-)
Makeup Junkie
Here are some I’ve bookmarked on etsy for when I’m ready to ditch my fanny pack
http://www.etsy.com/shop/POUTfits?ref=seller_info
http://www.etsy.com/listing/75413505/marsupium-small-marigold-yellow-on-brown?ref=sr_gallery_4&ga_search_submit=&ga_ref=auto&ga_search_query=arm+band+with+pockets&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
Anon-Y.
I’ve used the Big Banjee wrist wallet from http://www.sprigs.com/ (fits an iPhone on one side and misc ID, cash, keys in the zippered pocket. It might bounce around a little if you carry alot inside it, though.
If you don’t mind a belt, Spibelts are great IMO, and allow you to carry a little more on race days.
PE Esq
Thank you! both the spigs wrist wallet and the spibelt look good. i was originally against a belt, but it says it doesn’t bounce/slide.
MaggieLizer
I’ve heard running on a treadmill is easier than running outside. Do you find that increasing the incline to, say, 1% makes it more comparable?
PE Esq
yeah I never run on the treadmill without an incline. a trainer at the gym said running on less than 1% is bad for your knees too, but I forget the reason why. for running i’ll use a 1-5% incline and for walking 7-8% (years ago i heard halle berry walks on a treadmill at 10% for 30 minutes or something for her workout).
but i’m one of those people who tries to go out and do hill repeats if i’m seriously training for a race. For normal running/jogging i’d def do a 1-2% incline on the treadmill.
JLG
Increasing the incline does help; I never use the treadmill without one (have been running for 15+ years). I’d suggest at least training a couple of times outside if you plan on racing in Jan/Feb. While you can get a good workout on the treadmill, it’s definitely different than running outside.
AK
I don’t think there’s any need to stick to the treadmill provided you have a safe (i.e. car- and ice-free) place to run. I grew up in the South and, dressed properly, had no trouble adapting to running in the Northeast winters. You’ll have to figure out by trial and error how many layers you need (and will learn to check the weather obsessively), but know that you will need far fewer layers than you do when just walking around. Key elements are: running tights (spandex, made by most brands but also available on the cheap from places like Target); gloves (I like the merino wool ones from SmartWool) or mitts; a hat (fleece is fine, but merino will stay warm when sweaty); a windbreaker (this will keep you warmer than you think); and long-sleeve top underneath it. My only consistent struggle is with cold fingers, and I’ve found that bundling up my core — with an extra sleeveless tank underneath, or a fleece vest when it’s really cold — helps more than piling on the thick gloves. Good luck and happy running!
Maddie Ross
This. I hate (hate hate) treadmills and will only use them if it is actively sleeting (not snowing — I love running in snow — but actually icing while I’ve scheduled my run). You do need to be careful of the ice and dress appropriately (AK’s list is good — I cannot stress the importance of a hat) but I wouldn’t eschew all outdoor running in the winter. That said, definitely start your training now if you can so you can build up to the cold weather. While my winter runs are some of my best (my body just generally feels better and I can go longer in the cold), you’ll feel better if your lungs acclimate gradual to the cold and you have some lung capacity built up already.
SCS
Get a really good bra!! I have gone on and on about this in prior posts, but I am amazed how many women I see running without sufficient support (and not just women who are particularly blessed). Strap ’em down, tie ’em up, crush ’em to your ribs. Whatever you have to do to make your breasts not bounce around. Buying two good running bras now is cheaper than getting a breast lift later.
A lot of women have commented here about which bras they like best. I’m a 32D/34C and have worn the New Balance Bonita Run Crop for years (as does my sis-in-law who is probably a 36D). It’s not particularly expensive.
I want to file a class action lawsuit against the makers of most “running bras” on behalf of all sagging women…
PE Esq
Thanks! i recently gained a little weight and am now a 34D, I think i’m going to invest in the new balance model!
PE Esq
PSA it’s on sale at sierra trading post
http://tinyurl.com/3quge4z
do you know how the sizing runs?
SCS
My bra size is a 32D/34C and I buy the small in the new balance. It is very tight and kinda a pain to get in and out of, but nothing moves while I run. The side straps really make it easier to get into/out of while providing support during the run.
SCS
Thanks for the tip on Sierra Trading Post!!
I bought 4 bras for just over $90. If you spend over $100 (which the order originally was) and enter code SITEWOW1011, you get 25% off your order.
PE Esq
Thanks for the code! Now I have find $60 or so worth of stuff i “need”
Kanye East
I suggest a pair of Yaktrax. All it takes is one nasty spill on hidden ice to ruin winter running for you forever.
Anon
I use trail shoes in the winter, but I also live in a city, so icy patches are here and there and I can mostly avoid those patches.
Tika55
Nice! I actually love running outside in the cold. I do a year-round outdoor workout program that involves both running and doing sit-ups, pushups, etc. on cold or snowy ground! So I have had a lot of opportunity to figure out my cold-weather workout gear! Running tights are the best for the bottom. The compression is great, and there are no flapping pant legs to distract you. On my feet, I wear mid-weight wool-blend socks that will not slide around and give me blisters (I like Teko’s midweight cycling socks) or Smartwools if it’s really cold. On top, I wear a moisture-wicking short-sleeve top. Then a long underwear top, and a fleece vest. If it’s really cold, I’ll add a very thin fleece, or replace the vest with the fleece. I wear thin fleece gloves and almost always a headband ear-warmer (I have a thin one and a thick one). You may need a hat – I live in VA and rarely need a hat, even in the dead of winter. My rule is that you should be pretty darn cold in your running clothes before you start. You will heat up nicely once you start running. The rule I’ve heard is to dress as if the weather were 20 degrees warmer. Also, if you are going to run on snow or ice, you may want to check out YakTrax. I have heard that these are the best, but I have no experience with them myself!
Anon
Check out the Beginner Forum on Runners World dot com (spelled out to avoid moderation). Lots of great advice there.
I run outside all winter. I love it. Its so peaceful. And 20-35F is great training weather. Just get outfitted appropriately (dress about 20 degrees warmer than it is outside) and you’ll be great. I never ran seriously before a couple years ago. Just ran a marathon. Its a great way to unwind, decompress AND stay in shape.
Snow and Ice
I grew up in southern California and moved to the northeast for college and after. When you start running in the snow and ice, you can greatly reduce your chances of slipping and falling by putting your foot up and down and not forward and backward on the ground. It feels awkward. But not as awkward as falling. I learned from experience.
LadyoftheLake
If you’re going to be running outside, by yourself, seriously consider getting a RoadID or something similar. It’s a small metal plate with several lines engraved with whatever basic emergency contact info or medical info you can fit in the space. You can get it as a bracelet, necklace, small strap that goes through the laces on your shoe, etc. There’s also a shoe version that is a very small pouch with room for a key or hotel key card, ID, a little cash. I have the shoe version (not the pouch) and don’t even notice it’s there. Not to be a pessimist, chances are you’ll never need it, but lots of people run with no ID and if something happens to you (even just falling on ice) at least the EMTs know whom to call and whether you have drug allergies.
ks
And running during the winter often means running in the dark in many parts of the country. Please be safe and be visible! I have a wonderful reflective vest that has a zip pocket in it that holds my i phone, keys, kleenex, etc.; is adjustable so it fits over any outerwear I’m using, whether I’m running or just out walking the dog. http://www.amphipod.com/products/visibility/reflective-vests/full-visibility-reflective
RoadID
Even if you run with a friend, it is helpful to have next of kin info right there so the friend can call your spouse/parents/sibling/next of kin right away if you get hurt. I don’t run, but I wear a RoadID when I go hiking, camping, climbing, and backcountry skiing.
Lee B
This!
LowTech
Low tech solution: buy a reflective hazard orange vest and write your name and phone number on it with a Sharpie. In the winter, you will likely be running in the dark anyway.
Runner
The only thing you absolutely, positively must do is buy the correct pair of running shoes. I’ve seen more people’s running plans ruined by injuries than just about anything else! The correct shoe will help compensate for any structural or stride issues you might have. A local running store (read: they should primarily market themselves as a runner’s destination and will employ almost entirely runners) will be able to fit you properly. Spending more money on new shoes probably means you won’t need to be visiting your local physical therapist.
Annoyed
Two times in the past two weeks male adversaries have told me something to the effect of their being disappointed in me, are taking it as a personal attack on them that I am not consenting to what they are asking for and that hey will no longer be friends with me/like me or my firm if I do not consent. Meanwhile I have never met either of these men.
Am I the only one that has it happen? I find it so strange and unprofessional. These are business transactions. I cannot imagine any of the male attorneys in my office being spoken to in this manner by an adversary.
Argh. Ok rant over.
AEK
I’ve had similar encounters with opposing counsel. I always try to be reasonable and accommodating to the other side, but not to the point of compromising my client’s position or angering a judge. I once had a guy ask me to drop a motion to dismiss because he had a special-needs child who required a lot of appointments. I told him I’d gladly agree to an extension of time for his response, and he reacted by telling me I was taking advantage of his personal situation by not withdrawing the motion. He seemed actually, personally, offended.
Anon
So glad to hear I’m not the only one this happens to!
Anon for this one
I’ve had an male adversary considerably more junior than I am ask whether I had ever done a transaction of this nature and whether I knew how it worked – not in a “how do we get this done” way, but in a “gawd, how incredibly stupid/inexperienced you must be” sort of tone.
I’m angry, but I figure it’s not my job to educate him. I’ll just let him run into someone else who won’t let things go as easily or even think of giving him a second chance.
IT Advice
Anyone here have an iPhone (mine is 3GS) that you synch with Microsoft Outlook calendar?
How can I create a calendar entry in Outlook on my iPhone and mark it private, so that others who have access to my Outlook calendar at the office can’t read it? (I know how to do it when I create the entry in Outlook on my computer. )
Many thanks in advance.
another anon
No, but I would love to know too. And also, if anyone knows how to set an alarm for say 10 or 12 hours ahead of the appointment when you’re in the iPhone calendar, that would be great. I hate that the only options on the phone are something like 5 minutes before, 15 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours, or 1 day, etc. If I have an early morning appointment, I really need to be reminded about half a day before, and there is no option for that!
EM
I have a Google calendar that I synch to my Outlook via a Google utility. The appointments that are created on my Google calendar are automatically marked private when they are imported to Outlook. I have integrated Google calendar with the software on my phone, so I can access all of my appointments, both personal and business on my work computer, on my phone, and at home (or really any computer). It’s actually quite elegant.
Related iPhone/emergency contact Question
I have an ICE (in case of emergency) contact in the iPhone contacts in case I am in an accident etc. I also have a password lock on my iPhone which locks the phone after 20 minutes of inactivity.
So how will anyone be able to access my ICE and reach my family if I am dying if they don’t know my password?
another anon
I really think that your iphone isn’t your best option for this purpose. I guess you could set your wallpaper to have your emergency contact info, but what then what if you forget your phone one day and something happens?
I have a road ID that attaches to my shoe, and one of the reasons I love it is because I can be pretty sure that I am not going to walk out the door to go running without my running shoes.
PE Esq
really good point about having it on the shoes. everyone time i get a roadID flyer in a race goody bag i tell myself i should get one bc I have a NSAID and penicillin allergy, but i always thought of the bracelet and not the shoe version! I almost never take my cell phone running with me.
PE Esq
ummm now that i’m on the Road ID site, I think i need a firefly for winter night running!