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Barrister in the Bayou
I went to the optometrist today to get new contacts. It seems I have pretty significant dry eye with my contacts and rewetting drops don’t help all that much. I’m going to try Air Optix contacts and then dailies to see if it helps. But my optometrist also recommended looking into punctal/lacrimal plugs. Seattleite mentioned them a few weeks ago, but no one else discussed them. Has anyone else in the hive tried them? If so, to what result?
Also, I mentioned lasik surgery as a possible solution and my optometrist said I may not be a good candidate because I take daily allergy medication and because I’m considering allergy shots… any thoughts?
I really don’t want to wear glasses and would really prefer to stay in contacts (every single pair of glasses and sunglasses under the sun give me terrible headaches) or have the surgery as a last ditch effort.
PirateLawyer
Long time lurker, first time poster. I have severely dry eyes — to the point where I have had ulcers on the corneas of my eyes (ouch). I got the plugs about six months ago, and while I still get occasional eye irritation and I can’t wear contacts every day, they have been fantastic! My dryness was extreme, however, so you may have results that allow you to wear your contacts daily.
Because of the dry eyes and allergy meds, I’m not a candidate for lasik either. Unfortunate, but true. With a history of dry eyes, doctors are hesitate to perform the surgery for liability reasons.
anon
Did you dr mention restasis? Its daily drops that encourage the eye to produce tears. I’d try that before surgery. I was told I had the driest eyes my experienced eye dr had ever seen. Restasis and daily wear contacts mean I can wear contacts
PirateLawyer
There are two types of plugs — one is more invasive, one isn’t at all. I have the ones that are placed just inside the draingage duct of my eye — your eye doc just numbs the area of your eye near your tear duct and threads the plug in the drainage duct of your eye. I can’t think of a good analogy, but it’s sort of like putting in an ear plug. Easy. No muss, no fuss. It takes 10 minutes, and then you never notice them again.
anon
Interesting….I’m due for an eye dr appt and will ask about these. I don’t mind the restasis, a day at the computer results in dry eyes at the end of the day. Sometimes I wear a new pair of contacts if I have evening plans
PirateLawyer
I had to do the same thing for the longest time — or my contacts would be for special occasions only. It was maddening. There are temporary plugs your doc can put in so you can see if they help (they dissolve after 10 days) before he puts in the silicon ones (those last until they fall out, which tends to only happens if you rub your eyes quite a lot).
EC MD
My husband has chronic dry eye and had terrible vision. He was unable to tolerate contacts due to his dry eye. He ended up getting PRK rather than lasik for that reason. A couple of thoughts:
1) PRK is better for people with dry eye than lasik. The down side is the recovery is quite uncomfortable, if not painful (think 3-4 days on narcotics in a dark room). But he loves his ability to do outdoor activities (skiiing, running, biking) without glasses.
2) He had problems with dry eyes, was on restasis and eventually got plugs put in. The plugs bothered him for a day or two, then he forgot about them.
If you are interested, you should talk to an ophthalomologist who specializes in corrective vision surgery, not just lasik. My husband’s was great, very thorough and lovely. Though it was painful and a little bit scary (vision, and good vision, is an absolute requirement of his job) it turned out great and we were very happy.
Accountress
Did he get laser PRK? Because that’s what I had, and my surgeon said I was fine to do whatever I wanted the next day, as long as I took an OTC pain reliever when my eyes hurt and followed the eye-drop schedule.
I second your suggestion of talking to an ophthalmologist who specializes in refractive surgery. They cover the pros and cons of having procedures, not just the “Oh, you’ll have 20/20 vision” spiel that others may provide.
(On the “yay” side, though- I must say that my laser PRK was the best decision I have ever made. I encourage everyone who is interested in it to talk to their dr. about candidacy.)
Anonymous
Hmm, I take daily allergy meds (the +D kind) and have been on allergy shots for 7 years, and no one mentioned any potential problems when I was considering Lasik. My optometrist had told me for years that my problems with contacts were probably due to dry eyes, so I’m sure he was aware of it. So, I had Lasik done and with no real issues. I remember my eyes felt pretty scratchy and uncomfortable that day and I couldn’t really see clearly until the next morning, whereas my brother felt fine (or so his macho self claimed) and he could see clearly by 5pm after a morning surgery. My experience was what they had described as typical though, so I don’t think dryness made me have a worse time. He was just lucky and had a best-case experience.
Also, I think I had to use the rewetting drops for a few weeks longer than my brother and I still occasionally need to use OTC allergy drops on planes, but like I said, the surgery itself and vision correction were perfectly smooth. I actually had one correction about a year and a half later (included in the original fee) because I had it done in my early 20s and my eyes weren’t “settled” in their blindness. Had no problem with that surgery either.
Erin
I have severely dry eyes. My optometrist told me to use Systane Ultra eyedrops. They are amazing. I wear glasses, but you could put them in when your contacts are out. Systane also makes rewetting drops that work great when I do wear contacts.
Erin
I should add, though, that they’re amazing insofar as they allow me to live a normal life, but I still can’t wear contacts. So they may not be enough to help you.
Barrister in the Bayou
thanks for all the responses!
I guess I should add that I never had any dry eye issues until I started to wear contacts; I could probably count on one hand the number of times I had used eye drops before then. But I recently had a small corneal ulcer from the dryness and irritation.
Now that it has been mentioned, I’m actually somewhat surprised that my optometrist hasn’t mentioned Restasis. He just told me to consult with an ophthalmologist about the plugs because I told him that at this point I just don’t have the time to be in and out of the doctor’s office trying a billion things (sad, I know).
I did get a good ophthalmologist recommendation tho’, so I have to see if my insurance would cover the plugs (my medical insurance doesn’t cover eye exams or any kind of corrective surgery). I guess then I can begin the process of finding out what my options are.
Hopefully surgery isn’t permanently ruled out, I know it’s not the end of the world, but I’d hate to have to stick with the glasses and contacts.
BeBeLawyer
Talk to me about….NY character & fitness affidavits. Do I have to be at ALL worried about my nutjob clinic professor screwing me? Anyone run into any problems? Thanks!
Ade
Hey ladies, I’m a few months away from finishing a basic sciences Ph.D. and am looking at the consulting world as (one of many!) possible job options. I am a lot more interested in companies which have a focus on social responsibility, or to pull from ICF’s site, I’m “interested in having the power to impact society in a “for-profit” environment.”
Does anyone work at this type of firm or have any recommendations for places to look at? Any and all input greatly appreciated. Thank you!!
EM
I currently work in consulting in the sciences. Each company has a different culture. Some care about ethics more than others, even though they all say they do. I’d start attending industry meetings and join a professional association or two and listen for any scuttlebutt. Let’s face it, every consulting company is in business to make money. That said, no consultant wants their client to get fined for a violation, and the laws are in place to prevent harm, so consultants prevent harm by doing a good job.
I think smaller companies have more flexibility and tend to have less corporate “cog in a machine” type of attitudes, but being small doesn’t automatically make a company “good”. I worked for a small firm that has such a bad reputation that others only work with them because they have to. Not a place where one wants to work.
OneElle
Suggestions for inexpensive cardigans?
I have some nice sweaters, but I want to just bulk buy cardigans in multiple colors to match my outfits. I’m looking for a basic crew neck, long sleeve (or 3/4 sleeve) sweater with buttons. Something long enough so I can tuck it into skirts but also wear it with bootcut jeans w/o worrying about skin showing.
A lot of cheaper cardigans tend to fit weird, especially in the sleeve area. Would love to hear what’s worked for you guys!
Student budget here, so ~$20 would be ideal.
Thanks!
anonymiss
Try Nordstrom in the junior department. I think it’s the BP line that has a cotton cardigan that comes in tons of colors and is around your price range, and can often be found on sale for even cheaper.
anon
For $20, target comes to mind, these have great reviews: http://www.target.com/p/Merona-Women-s-Essentials-Cardigan-Sweater-Assorted-Colors/-/A-12952565
I’ve heard a lot of girls rave about the BP cardis from Nordstrom (http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/bp-long-sleeve-crewneck-cardigan-juniors/3226518?origin=related-3226518-0-0-1-1)
A little over your budget, but worth stalking for sale since those happen pretty frequently.
I’ve also had luck with Gap:
http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=8993&vid=1&pid=850499
And they are having a 30% off sale right now..
hth!
ahm
Agree with the Target suggestion! The Merona brand cardigans are around $20, have a great fit and hold up pretty well. I have them in almost every color.
Anonymous
Me too.
coco
I just ordered a bunch of the Heritage cardigan from Land’s End Canvas (they also have other versions). I haven’t received them yet but they’ve gotten great reviews. You could also check out regular Land’s End. And don’t forget to search for a coupon code; there is always one around.
Anonymous
Agree with the reviews. I have three and get complimented on them all the time. Far superior to Crew.
Lydia
Yup. I ordered 3 of them on sale after hearing reviews here on Corporette. They are great deals.
Erin
Lands End, or Lands End Canvas. If you stalk them for sales you can probably get them for around $20.
Anon
Ann Taylor Loft had all of their cardigans on sale for $25 last week – don’t know if the sale is still going on. But if it’s not, I think you can count on it coming back frequently.
HLA
Does anyone know where you can get a pair of classic, black and tan pumps, like the Chanel ones with a cap toe? Maybe this look is just “out” for now, but my searches aren’t leading to much, even on Zappos. (Or maybe I’m just a failure at navigating the endless annals of the internet).
notyourkindofgirl
I really need advice on whether or not I should break up with my best friend of 15 years. I apologize in advance for the drama-filled tirade that follows, and thank (in advance) anyone who has the patience to actually read the whole thing and give me much needed advice.
So, the bf and I are essentially polar opposites – she is very social, outgoing, and somewhat domineering; while I’m an introvert and a bit too passive. This status quo worked for us for many years, until about 9 months ago when two things changed – I started therapy, and she started dating her current boyfriend.
For a long time, she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to date this guy/whether she wanted to continue dating him. They fought (a lot) and she would spent a lot of time calling me for sympathy/advice. I did the whole supportive friend thing for a while, but then she started over involving me in their relationship (sending me emails that he sent her and im conversations – which was fine in college but by this point I’m not interested in parsing every word he said in a three page conversation, and I’m deeply uncomfortable being that involved in someone else’s relationship). Every conversation we had centered around their relationship, to the point where I couldn’t call her when I had a problem, because it would turn into her complaining about him.
So, I started avoiding her. She texted me in April, to ask me if I wouldn’t mind if her and her boyfriend, and me and a mutual friend of ours all went to my family’s beach house for her birthday in July. We normally all go around that time of year, so I said ok. Then she asked if I wouldn’t mind if his sister (who I had never met) came too. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I said yes because it was her birthday weekend and I thought it would be a nice thing to do for her.
In late June, she sent out an email saying how excited she was that we were all going to the beach – but she had somehow expanded the guest list by four additional people – three of whom I had never met, and one of whom I didn’t particularly care for. And she cc-d them all on the email. I called her, and spoke sternly to her, and told her to take care of it. We had literally not spoken in months before that email, and there was absolutely no way that she could have thought we discussed it. She called me a few days later – apologizing profusely, saying she was so upset, etc. She really wanted to see me, so would it be ok if just her, her boyfriend, and his sister came for a night. Since that was what I had originally agreed to, I said fine.
Weekend comes – they behave abhorrently. I spend all my time cooking and cleaning, they go out without me while I am doing the dishes, I barely get invited to brunch the next morning, they spend the entire time we are eating discussing bodily functions that should not be discussed at the dining table (no really – I tried to change the conversation several times, and they laughed about how uncomfortable and grossed out I looked). I had to kick them out of the house at five pm, so I can clean up and go home – I didn’t get home until 2 am.
She never says anything after that weekend. Two weeks later, I move across the country to take my amazing, amazing dream job. Since then, she has sent me two long chatty emails about everything that is going on in her life. I haven’t responded to either one. I am still angry, and I feel as if she used me (probably, you know, because she did). I don’t really think about it (or her) all that much, but I think I probably need to respond in some way to these emails. What should I say? I don’t want to get involved in the drama that is her life – I have too much going on myself, and i want to focus on and enjoy the amazing new job (which I love even more than I thought I would). I hesitate to have a conversation with her about my feelings about the whole situation – it’ll just turn into a conversation about her and her drama, and she enjoys those conversations and I don’t, and you know what they say about wrestling with a pig (you just get dirty and the pig enjoys it). I could just continue to ignore the emails, but I’m trying really hard not to be passive anymore. My plan had been to just learn from the experience and move on, but I get angry every time she emails me. What should I do? Do I just need to write the relationship off entirely?
Bella
It sounds like you feel she has really crossed the line at your family’s house. Seems like a really tiresome weekend :-(
I would not formally end it as it is not necessary with a friendship, especially as you have moved. She may contact you even more if you ‘break up’ rather than less.
2L
I agree w/ the poster above that it sounds like she really stepped over the line in your friendship and used you. If you feel that it would slow her emails, send her a short reply along the lines of “sorry I haven’t written but life is very busy, love my new job and home…”- just keep it short and upbeat, and not referencing her drama at all. I would definitely second the “slow pull away” idea as it seems like she would take a “break up” very dramatically and make it another big drama event. Take all my advice w/ a grain of salt, as I’ve been known to pull a disappearing act from time to time and literally never talk to certain people again- not the bravest approach to “breaking up” with friends.
Anonymous
I’ll respectfully disagree FWIW. Write her and explain why you’re ending the friendship and wish her well. She may learn from it (I doubt it though).
MelD
If you haven’t told her how mad you were at her, how would she know? It sounds like this new boyfriend is a jerk and now she’s completely clueless about how her actions are hurting others. Send her an email where you are as direct as possible. Tell her about how hurt you were that she acted so horribly that weekend and that at this point you have a lot on your plate and don’t really have as much time to devote to her boyfriend issues.
Hel-lo
MelD has the right advice on this one.
You’re going to drop your friend because of a time she behaved badly, and she will have no idea why?
You say you’re “trying not to be passive anymore.” So put on your big girl pants and let her know what’s making you upset. Use an email, use the phone, write a letter, whatever will make it the easiest for you to be honest and clear about the hurt that you feel. (Please don’t use a text message, obvi.)
If she’s a good friend, and a grown-up, she will say, “I’m really glad you told me. I had no idea this was bothering you. I’m *so* incredibly sorry and really don’t want this to ruin our friendship.”
T
I would also recommend the ‘slow pull away’ approach. I have also had good friends, and later realized that they often behaved appallingly to the point where I considered them acquaintances, and not friends. Confrontation would have led to more drama. But then again, I hate confrontation.
When I have house-guests, I “assign” chores. It may not seem like the polite thing to do – but reduces resentment in the longer term and in some cases, may be better for the friendship. Some of my best friends are not naturally inclined to cleanliness – but when visiting me, cheerfully pitch in at my request.
Makeup Junkie
I am a naturally confrontational person and I do not hesitate to tell people when they piss me off, but this “best friend” does not sound like someone who will be well-served with an email telling her what she’s done wrong. I can totally imagine a scenario where she forwards the email around, tells her boyfriend he’s the problem, etc. I doubt she’d take any sort of responsibility.
OP, if her emails anger you, put her on your blocked senders list. She has wasted enough of your time and energy thus far.
uberanon
Anyone else ever feel like her family thinks she’s a selfish career-b!tch who doesn’t have time for the “important things in life?”
mamabear
I had an ex mother in law who felt that way, and it gave me great pleasure just now to type the “ex”. :)
I think women get a lot of this crap while being driven is considered an admirable trait in men. Whether you work too hard or too many hours is no one’s business but your own.
T
Some of my more distant relatives, yes. It’s a terrible double standard. I’ve gotten flak for not going to numerous relatives’ weddings in India (expensive plane tickets + unpaid leave + resulting risk of managers thinking I don’t care about my job). They don’t realize I can’t just drop everything and spend so much cash on travel 3 times a year.
However, I’m the primary earner (my husband’s a student), and I don’t care any more. My career allows us to live a decent life and save for retirement. My parents are very supportive – this makes me feel better about not giving a s$%t about the other relatives.
Erin
Oy. My mom’s family definitely feels this way. They are ranchers and have zero interest in my life in the “big city”. Some just never ask me anything about my life, while others are openly hostile and make me feel like a b-tch because I’m interested in discussing politics and have never seen the TV shows they like to talk about. Whatever. I’m happier now than I ever was as the freakish nerd in a small town, and if they don’t care about my happiness, they can shove it.
uberanon
Yes! This! I can’t think of the last time someone asked me about my job. If I talk about it for more than a minute or two, eyes start glazing over or I just get talked over.
Anon
Yes! My sister has her MBA and had a great job at a company she always wanted to work for. She was moving up within the company and doing really well. And, it was an incredibly family-friendly company that allowed lots of flexibility with switching between full and part time, telecommuting, etc. Suddenly, she quit because she felt like she didn’t have time to be the mom she wanted to be. That’s great if that’s what works for her, but she now makes disparaging comments to me about my career, future family, etc.
I recently started my dream job…like my why I went to law school, can’t believe it actually happened, pinch me dream job! She hasn’t said a word about it to me. She talks down about the “rat race” and about people who don’t make their families and kids their #1 priority. The funny thing is that we grew up with parents who both had great careers, and I never once felt like I wasn’t their priority. So both my sister and I have seen that you can have both a successful career and a happy, healthy family.
So since having this stay-at-home revelation (all of like 2 months ago), she tells me all the time that once I have kids, I’ll regret going to law school, regret putting so much effort into my job, and leave it all behind to stay at home. I tell her this would never happen (#1, I love my career and believe I can do both, and #2, even if that’s what I wanted, my husband and I do not have the finanicial luxury of one of us staying at home). She preaches this to me constantly and tries to make me feel like I’m a bad person for having a career that I love. It’s so frustrating to have a family member who cannot understand why your choices might be different. When I have kids someday, they will be my #1 priority too, but that doesn’t mean I have to give up my career to have that. I hate to be judged by her, and I hate that she can’t be happy for what I’ve accomplished in my career. And I have a feeling this won’t be ending any time soon either.
I know that she and her husband, long ago, had wanted to move to the city where I currently live. She wanted a face-paced career in a big city. Then, they had a little pregnancy surprise and decided to stay where they were. I sometimes wonder if some of her preaching and lack of support for me comes from jealousy, but who knows. She’d never admit it if it did.
Uberanon, good luck with your family members. If your career makes you happy, that’s all that matters. People are allowed to have different priorities, and that doesn’t make yours any less valid or important. But that being said, I know it’s really difficult and frustrating to have family members judge you, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.
Anonymous
Proud of you. Sounds like your sister took someone else’s spot in B-school. Good luck to her, she sounds really unhappy and she’ll drive her kids nuts if she lives her life through them.
EM
In my experience, people who negatively judge others for making different choices are actually very insecure about the choices they’ve made. It’s as if they’re trying to convince themselves that they made the “right” or the “best” choice.
Anonymous
You’re so right! Without exception, EVERYONE who has pestered me about being single (or been downright condescending about not being married) has had serious problems in their own relationship. Every. Person.
uberanon
You should point that out to them. Say that if being in a relationship means being in one like theirs, you want nothing to do with it. ;)
uberanon
My issue is primarily a sister-issue, too. My husband and I both work in law/politics and love what we do, but we have very little free time (and often very little energy even when we do have free time). We may or may not have kids and, if we do, I doubt either one of us will stop working. My sister, however, is a stay-at-home mom. I love her to pieces, and her baby is awesome, but her baby is not MY baby. I cannot be at her house every day hanging out with her and the baby. I spend an afternoon with them twice a month or so, and email/FB/text regularly. This, apparently, is not enough, because I am getting flak for not taking enough interest in the baby.
To make matters worse, I don’t care for my sister’s husband and find spending time with him to be extremely unpleasant and stressful. I have a close family and most of us live in the same city, so there are often dinners and drinks and board game nights, etc. But my husband and I slowly stopped enjoying these things because of my brother-in-law’s presence (well, not his mere presence – more like his saying and doing things that I don’t need to get into here). Eventually, we stopped doing big group things and just see my parents for dinner a couple of times a month. I’m sad that my sister and I probably won’t ever enjoy fun double-dates and vacations with our husbands, but I’m at peace with it and want to focus on my relationship with her and her kid. She, however, insists that this is “unacceptable” and if I “really cared about my family,” I’d “make more of an effort.”
The personal conflict with my brother-in-law is probably the root of all the crap I’m getting, but so much of it is couched in this language of “family” that it’s driving me crazy. I’ve been told that I don’t understand because I “don’t have a family of my own.” As if not having a kid means I don’t have a family! I’ve had a family since I was born, last I checked. And I’ve been accused of spending more time with my friends than with my family, which I find ridiculous because I feel like I rarely have time for my friends, either. In any case, I don’t think I need to justify how I spend my free time to people. And I’ve been told that I’m too wrapped up in my work and that one day, I’ll wake up with my ovaries all shriveled into raisins and regret how I spent my fertile years. Ugh.
Whoa. Sorry for the venting. Thanks to everyone who replied and, by doing so, made me feel less freakish and alone. :)
Erin
Have you ever heard the term “mombie”? Coined by one of my favorite blogs, stfuparents dot com.
uberanon
Ha! I love it!
Anon
I have the opposite problem! I feel like I am the outsider because I care more about coming home to a family than coming home to an expensive house/driving a fancy car, etc.
Anon 123
Ditto! I get snide remarks and disbelieving looks when I say that I want to stay home with a hypothetical kid for a year or two.
Bella
I think it is important to make time for close relatives; parents, sibling, grandparents if you still have them. But for cousins I go by the rule that if I would not be interested in them as an acquaintance, I don’t spend much energy on them. It’s for you to decide what the important things/people in life really are, even if it differs from what society thinks they should be.
If you already have a husband and kids and could stand to spend more time with them, that is one thing, but I would not have much patience with people trying to guilt trip me over a future family that may never even exist.
You may never meet the one, you may be infertile or your prince charming may be a primary school teacher who is home when the kids get out of school. And if your husband has the means to support you and you feel the desire to stay at home later, why would that negate the career that makes you happy and useful today? That’s like telling people not to enjoy the sun and the beach because it will be winter a few months later.
Anonymous
Probably too late in the weekend, but-
Anyone have a spare Banana Republic coupon code?
Thanks.
JR
BRSALE25
JR
Found an even better one in another e-mail. BRSAVE30
JAS1
Hey ladies – I am wearing a dark grey cocktail dress with a portrait collar to my cousin’s wedding next weekend. Any suggestions on shape/color for a statement necklace? Or should I skip the necklace and go with chandelier earrings?
Also, I want to wear bright shoes – I have one pair in rich yellow and one in fushia. Thoughts?
Thanks! you guys always have such creative color pairing ideas!
Anonymous
Ooooh sounds gorgeous! I’d stick with the bare neckline (to make the most of the lovely collar) and go with the great earrings. And while either shoe choice sounds lovely, I like the idea of yellow if they are more golden than pale yellow because I love gray and yellow together!
Maddie Ross
Depending on the dress, I love a statement necklace that lays neatly above the neckline of a portrait collar. And maybe it’s just me, but I tend to prefer bigger necklaces over bigger earrings (with the exception of when wearing a turtleneck — I think because a turtleneck seems to raise all the attention up more towards your face/ears). J.Crew used to have a variety of necklaces that involved clusters of pearls on chains that would be a good option (not seeing anyone online now). I personally also prefer the fuschia shoes, but both sound like fun options!
Anonymous
Do the statement earrings. I love ruby-coloured stones with grey. Or even yellow gold if coloured stones are not your thing.
fx analyst
Hi Corporettes!
I’m a longtime lurker and first time commenter just saying hello and hope everyone had a lovely weekend!
Bella
Helo back :-)
Anon 123
Question for partially self-employed corporettes:
I know I’ve seen some commenters on here who have small side businesses (etsy and the like). I’ve started a side self-employed job, and I’m trying to figure out how the self-employment taxes work. Any good websites you can recommend?
Thanks!
Lola
See a CPA. Seriously, they’re absolutely worth it. I have been doing my own research for months, and an hour in a CPA’s office on Friday changed my approach drastically.
Self-employment taxes really suck.
Still runnin'
As a federal tax litigator, I second the rec that you go to a CPA for advice. I have seen a lot of people make mistakes and end up owing A LOT of money.
One piece of advice about running you own business after having dealt with so many that went under and the fallout- if it starts to go under, just shut it down and walk away. Don’t lose everything that you have trying to bail out a sinking ship. If you have employees and/or take a salary yourself- you must pay the government the withheld employment taxes first, before your other creditors. Even if you incorporate your business, the IRS can come after you personally for the unpaid employment taxes (it’s call a trust fund recovery penalty).
Anon for this one
A bit late to the open thread party, but I was just wondering – does anyone have any advice on how to deal with winks/emails on match.com from people that you have absolutely no interest in or are downright creepy?
I’ve been using the “no thanks” option for both, but I’m overwhelmed with having to deal with each wink/email in turn and (in some instances) feel bad about doing it. I’m not sure that ignoring the wink/email would be any better, though.
Ellen
I do NOT have direct expierence with that place, but have always found that the best thing to do is not to reply to peeple that I do NOT want to deal with. Why start a dilogue with some one that you do NOT want to talk to? I do this on the subway. I just do NOT respond.
Gem
Use the ‘no thanks’ option. If someone approached you in a bar (or wherever in the real world) you wouldn’t ignore them and hope they might go away; you’d politely tell them their interest was very flattering but not returned.
Jas
The consensus among my friends who use online dating seems to be that it’s ok to ignore attempts at contact if you’re not interested. I know I prefer that the men I initiate contact with just ignore my email if they aren’t interested rather than send an awkward “no thanks” email with fake excuses. I’d say that’s only true for the first email, though. If you’ve responded to them previously, ignoring them seems rude.
Anon for this one
Thanks for all the responses – I’ve decided to go with “no thanks” for those I DEFINITELY don’t want to speak to or are persistent, and just ignoring the rest.
I think the problem was really my hesitation over cutting off guys who might actually be really nice, etc. Oh well. When time and energy is short, decisiveness is necessary.
Herbie
Following up on the thread about the British woman who thinks she’s ridiculously, ridiculously good-looking– a man’s retort. Hilarious. http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/apr/04/samantha-brick-hated-good-looks?fb=native&CMP=FBCNETTXT9038
Www.Slideshare.Net
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