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Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Black Label Cashmere-Blend Dress

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Many thanks to this week's TPS guest poster, Road Warriorette! Black Label Cashmere-Blend DressTwo things are important to me when deciding on a splurge: How fabulous is it? And, can I wear it until I wear it out? I think this cashmere sweater dress from Ralph Lauren Black Label answers a resounding “Yes!” to both questions. It is so, so fabulous in a classic, timeless way. Sweater dresses in general are very easy to travel with, as they are super comfy and pack well. And what could be cuddlier during rainy fall weather? This grey dress would look spectacular with a statement necklace and colored heels, maybe teal or cognac, or even boots. (Top it with a boyfriend blazer if you’re concerned about cling.) As a bonus, this particular dress is designed in a way that could be worn under a skirt for a sleek tucked in look. Note: I would size up to avoid the va-voom factor. It’s $855, available in Grey Melange and Navy, in sizes XS-XL. Black Label Cashmere-Blend Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail editor@corporette.com with “TPS” in the subject line. (L-0)

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

160 Comments

    1. Yes, but I’ve never had a sweater dress that didn’t pill in the seat area, stretch out where I move, or otherwise end up looking worn and drab way too quickly.

    1. Ditto – “oh hai, I’m just wearing my sunglasses during this photo shoot for no reason…”

      I always like the idea of sweater dresses, but then whenever I try one, I get all sweaty under the arms right away and am uncomfortable for the rest of the day. Anyone else have this problem? It is unique to sweater dresses and long-sleeved silk blouses, for me.

      1. I have this issue too: I started wearing thin microfiber undershirts and refresh a bit at midday. So far it works

      2. You’re probably sweating no matter what you wear, but other fabrics wick the moisture away and don’t get as visibly sweaty.

        1. I agree. What kind of a name is TRUNK anyways?

          I think that we should make the MOST of our JD degrees, not bash them!

          I like the dress alot, but it is to expensive.

          1. Totally agree, Ellen. Especially since she chose her own name. Like, why would you pick TRUNK?

            If I were to pick my name, I think I might go with DANGER.

          2. Boden has something similar but in a lighter (I think) fabric and of course much cheaper. A bit more style to the Boden dress, too, as it has some scuptural detal around the hem, a nice touch.

    2. I don’t care for her blog at all, but in that article those are actually good points.

      1. Take the title out of the article out, and you are left with these points

        1. Law Schools rely on test scores and grades to get in, and most fail to develop skills such as sales, speaking, etc, that are vital to some lawyers careers.

        2. The debt is crushing, most people desire to work in a non profit or place where they feel they are significantly contributing to the world or to people, but end up in either biglaw and aren’t a good fit, or just anyjob because choices are lost when debt is that high.

        3. Tons of people go to law school because they don’t know what else to do. I think this was true of 60% of my class at a T-14.

        4. The statement “you can do a lot with a law degree” is completely false. A lot of people who have law degrees went on to do other things (connection to point 3…) You can be a lawyer with a law degree. It is not a liberal arts degree. At most, if you don’t use it for law or law related job, it makes you a more informed citizen. not worth 150k. She says “don’t go to law school if you don’t want to be a lawyer” I would add don’t go if you think you belong in law and order, go to acting school.

        5. People read the articles about how terrible it is, and are still going despite points 2,3,4. The NY times article recently about the “lost generation” talks about a girl who graduated from Ivy and became a paralegal, has crushing debt and doesn’t know what she wants to do or when she will have a career job. Her plan? go to law school.

        1. One thing I hate is that it assumes people must go into biglaw to pay off the debt. The government offers a lot of options today and the reality of the matter is that the median household income is only around $50K. There is this skewed sense that somehow you must need $100K survive because you have $1000-1500 worth of loans payments each month. If you go in with the attitude that you’re going to live on $40K a year when you start out (as the average person does), then you’ll be fine with the debt.

          1. The problem with this though is that many of us want to work for the government and went to law school hoping to work for the government. With some firms laying off large numbers of people or just not hiring as much, many who would normally go into private practice then turned to government. There are quite a few of us who would love to just get A job out of law school but it is extremely difficult. If you can get a job then yes, you can handle the debt if you live smartly. Many of us would just like to have that option.

          2. I do agree though that biglaw isn’t the only way to go in general to pay the debt off (stupid me hitting submit before I was done!)

          3. For law school, no undergrad debt, I owe 2,400 a month. I don’t need 100k but its going to be really tough on 40,000. That would be about 1,200 a paycheck, so 2,400 take home a month. Oh look at that, they are equal. There’s things I can do, like deferment or hardship, but no, a person cannot live on 40k with 200k debt without a lot of hardship.

          4. Also not to be all over this thread but even if I only owed 1,500 a month, 2400-1500=900 a month to live on. I live in dc with my bf in a really bad apartment and pay 700. I think the minimum you could pay in dc with roommates and everything is 600. That’s 300 a month for food and bills. That’s pretty brutal.

          5. @ Prentiss- To clarify, I meant live off $40K after loan payments are made. Obviously you’re going to have to do some consolidation/IBR in order to get the payments down to start with. I am on IBR now making about that much and it’s manageable, but barely. I know I would be fine if I did not have the loans to deal with on my salary.

          6. Yes, but the average household income calculates places like Kansas. A lot of lawyers live in NY, Chicago, DC, SF, LA and the like. With 40K in those places, you’d be living at the poverty level.

      2. I think she does make good points (esp the last point) but I can’t get over the first sentence: “Law schools rely on the LSA and school grades to determine who will get into the program.”

        I took the LSAT. I don’t know what this “LSA” thing is.

        (Yes I know I’m being a stickler, but when the point of your blog is to tell people that they’re wrong, you should, at the very least, make sure that all the important words are spelled correctly)

    3. She’s really negative and I think she makes a lot of incorrect assumptions about people. What a pill.

      1. I think that’s the part that makes me dislike her the most – she is REALLY negative about everything she writes about!

    4. ahhhh!!! *headdesk*

      So, I recently posted a thread asking if people were miserable in their law jobs. Most of the people who wrote in indicated that they were. Or had been for a significant amount of time. And pointed to stats showing that lawyers as a profession were pretty unhappy. It drives me crazy that responses are so inconsistent – the cognitive dissonance is so strong! Here is someone telling people not to go to law school for poor reasons and everyone’s response is to get butthurt. If you actually read what she says (as Prentiss laid out) none of it is objectionable or even very controversial.

      Law is a profession with great sales. Everyone thinks it is glamorous, well paid and amazing. Most lawyers know that not to be the case. When people communicate this to the wider world… lawyers get mad?

      1. I am all about honesty, and I do think that prospective law students should know that career as a lawyer is not like Law & Order, not glamorous, not as lucrative as people seem to think, and all the other valid critiques.

        I think that my problem with some of these articles and some people’s statements concerning legal careers is that it makes it sound as if every lawyer out there is unhappy or should be. There are those of us who love our jobs, are proud of what we do, and who have worked hard to get where we are. Most (though not all) of these articles have an undertone of, “All people who go to law school are stupid and delusional,” and that just isn’t the case.

      2. Concerning this article in particular — I read any article written by Penelope Trunk with a very heavy presumption (slightly rebuttable) that the article is going to be ridiculous. Most of her posts are hyperbolic and incendiary just to get page views, though she does sometimes make some good points buried down in there. I will agree that she makes some good points in this one, and it’s much, much tamer than a lot of her other pieces.

        1. Yep, I find her so annoying that I’m disinclined to listen to anything she has to say. Petty but true.

      3. As with anything else, more people who take the time to comment about anything will complain. I remember a long time ago when I was in customer service, we were told that one unhappy person would tell 10 people, while one happy person would probably tell 1-2 people max. There’s also the reality that most people really aren’t happy in their jobs generally. I think some people think if they are going to be unhappy regardless, they might as well make more money.

      4. I don’t think there’s cognitive dissonance. I think that, as in any profession, many lawyers are unhappy and many lawyers are happy. Perhaps more unhappy lawyers responded to your thread, while more happy lawyers are responding here.

      5. Maybe I’m recalling the wrong thread — but didn’t you specifically ask about BigLaw? I think the number of people who dislike law, generally, and the number of people who dislike BigLaw are drastically different.

        1. I thought it was about BigLaw too. I went the government route and am happy with my job.

  4. Threadjack!

    I’m looking for a brown bootie with a 1-2 inch wedge, preferably waterproof, for commuting. Any ideas from the hivemind?

    1. No particular recommendation, but I’ve had good luck with Kiwi’s water-proofing spray to make leather shoes waterproof. You have to retreat the shoes every 1-2x they get wet. Treatment is using a spray can on shoes and letting them dry for ~30 minutes, so it’s pretty easy. If you have some shoes you like this might be a way to get wet-weather use out of them.

      1. I use water-proofing spray on all of my boots, but doing so is no match for heavy rain and/or snow (especially NYC slush-puddles). If you don’t walk far outside, or aren’t looking for a nasty-weather shoe, then weatherproofing leather is fine for lighter rain. If you want serious protection, then you need to look for a boot that is designed to be waterproof from the get-go.

        I did see an equestrian-style boot at Banana Republic this weekend that looked like leather, but was made entirely of rubber like a wellie. Interested to hear if anyone has tried it!

    2. hmmm, I’ve been trying to figure out the point of LBean Signature’s Ducktrap Boot, but maybe it’d work for commuting?

      http: // tinyurl [dot] com/3mvedyj

      1. I love my duck boots, but that is just hilarious to look at. I guess it keeps your hemmed-for-heels pants dry in the rain?

        1. That’s something I hadn’t thought of.

          I’m as confused by them as I was by the knee-high, lace-up, stiletto-heeled boots Timberland was pushing half a decade ago.

          1. OMG, I just laughed out loud AND snorted at the same time. Those things were dreadful.

      2. OMG – those are awesome (in the same way that you can fit a dozen clowns into a VW beetle is awesome).

      3. One of the reviews is cracking me up: “They take a moment to style, but after you figure out what works, they are great. I really, really recommend them, as I am someone who wanted something nice to wear out in NYC during fowl weather and that would be manageable on my bike.” Does it rain chickens in NYC?

  5. “As a bonus, this particular dress is designed in a way that could be worn under a skirt for a sleek tucked in look.”

    I’m interested in this idea. Has anyone ever tried wearing a dress under a skirt?

      1. I was perplexed by this suggestion, too. For starters, I’d be worried that the sweater dress would be peaking out of the bottom of my skirt all day. And ditto what Kanye East said about overheating. Seems like more trouble than it’s worth.

    3. Ummm… Not that I watch this show or anything, but someone was wearing a skirt over a dress in a recent episode of “Millionaire Matchmaker.” I had no idea it was a dress (thought it was just a shirt) until the woman took the skirt off. So, it looked good, I just imagine it would be hot.

      1. Huh. It looks nice, but I’m filing this into the category of “way too complicated for me to pull off correctly.”

    5. Bee over at Atlantic-Pacific blog did this, but with pants instead of a skirt. Cool idea, but in reality it bunched up and looked like an adult diaper.

    6. I think it would work with a really thin knit or silk, but I can’t imagine doing it with cashmere. With a thinner fabric it’s equivalent to wearing a skip or something similar, but it seems like you’d have a lot of trouble getting a skirt to hang right with cashmere under it.

    7. I do it all the time, especially with dresses that have an interesting neck detail, but are too short to wear to work. You don’t get as hot as you would think, but sometimes I have to deal with the dress riding up.

    8. Oy, I was also curious about how something knit and long like this sweater dress could be tucked into a skirt. Thanks, Erin for the link love, but every time I’ve tried the dress-as-skirt it’s been very uncomfortable/fussy. Will leave it up to the Blairs : )

    9. I wear a dress over a dress sometimes. I have a wrap dress that is a bit low for me, and a bit short, too. So I wear a thin-knit sheath dress underneath. As it happens, my wrap is solid color and the sheath dress is print. I got this idea from Audi at fashion for nerds. She does this a lot.

  6. Zappos has a ton of wedge booties – many of them leather that you could waterproof. Type in “wedge boots” in the search.

  7. Hair update: I finally did the big chop on Friday.
    Everybody at the hair salon loved it.. strangers were touching my hair (I felt like a poodle).
    Next say, I hated it, I thought it was too short (didn’t feel feminine with my head shape).
    Today, I took the time to style my hair, work on curl definition, wear a thin copper-colored headband. I put on make up and wore a foolproof dress/ cardigan/pump combo.
    I went to work and everybody loved my hair, the compliments were pouring (we had an all-staff meeting) and the most-dreaded reaction from my boss was VERY positive.
    I am free.
    Now I can rock my natural curls and go to gym everyday and not inflict harsh chemical treatments to my hair. All of this while looking professional.

    I have finally achieved a corporate look that corresponds to my personality.
    Thanks corporettes for the encouragement along the way.

    P.S. Eponine, I did a deep conditioning with olive oil and it was amazing!

    3. Yay, Houda! I just did a big haircut this weekend, too… I also have very curly hair. I chickened out of wearing it down today, but you’ve inspired me! I’m wearing it down tomorrow! So glad everyone loved your hair!

      1. Rock your curls, I have never been happier. It is a relief beyond the aesthetics of it. It is more feeling that my corporate personae is finally matching the real me (outside the office).
        Wear your hair down proudly!

    4. Way to go! I’m transitioning with kinky twists and letting my perm grow out rather than a big chop. I envy your confidence.

    5. Way to go Houda! You’re giving me total inspiration right now. I did it a few years back (big chop), but still haven’t had guts to wear it out. The most I’ve done is a wash and go ‘bun’. I’m getting there though!

    6. You are living my dream. I want to do the big chop too, I’m just think that my head is too big to look good with really short hair. But the freedom…sigh.

  8. Okay, ladies. I’ve got 2 face-to-face meetings for 2 different opportunities today. Wish me luck!

    5. best of luck bunkster , you deserve the best. And I would be happy to know the reaction of your current boss when you leave!

    6. Oh I know how miserable your situation is, best of luck (in surgery, we say we’d rather be lucky than good, so even though I’m sure you’re great, I’ll wish you luck anyway!!)

    10. Good luck! Your dedication to getting out of the current situation is going to make great things happen for you. I have faith!

    11. Hurray, Bunkster! You will totally rock them both. Please let us know how they go — we’re all pulling for you to get the eff outta that job already!

  9. This is pretty. I tried on a very similar dress from RL Black Label last spring in camel. It was something like 80% off and ridiculously soft and lux feeling. Without exaggerating, I felt like a million bucks in it. I didn’t get it mainly because of the color, it sort of washed me out and I generally don’t find head to toe camel, esp. in a sweater dress material, to be that flattering on me personally. But if I ran into this color version of it at a similar discount, I’d definitely snap it up.

  10. SF ladies – I am looking forward to hearing how the meet-up went!

    Have a chocolate turtleneck sweater dress that I love and want to wear to work – unfort. gained about 10 lbs since purchased, and they went straight to the “this is now inappropriately clingy” areas. Time to get back on the mindful eating wagon!

    2. It was great fun! Thank everyone again for coming out!

      I’ve had 2 or 3 requests for another meetup from people who couldn’t make this one. I’m thinking maybe January/February (after the holidays).

  12. ACK! I lost the back to a stud earring. Any way I can rig a back using common office supplies?

    5. Rubber Band. Use a moderately thick one and cut a square out, and then stick it on like a back.

    7. I am trying the eraser trick. It was harder to slide on than the back was this morning, so I have high hopes that it will hold.

      Thanks!

  13. Would greatly appreciate recommendations re: accounts in the NY area, preferably with some experience with real estate issues.

        1. He’s at —
          Shine & Company LLP
          9 East 40th Street
          New York, NY, 10016
          Phone: (212)679-2120
          Fax: (212)213-6332

          You could probably go to any CPA there.

          1. Thanks — much appreciated. Trying to work out a real/estate mess….

  14. How does the hivemind feel about penny loafers? I’m seeing them everywhere, including Banana Republic and J.Crew. As a person who prefers wearing flat-ish shoes most days of the week, I’m tempted to buy a few pairs to wear with pants. What’s the secret to pulling them off without looking frumpy or schoolmarmish?

    1. I’ve been thinking about penny loafers. I think the key is to wear them in unexpected ways and to make sure the rest of your outfit is current. I’m cringing thinking of them with classic camel pants (too staid). But I think they could be adorable with ankle pants.

      1. I agree. I got some loafers (though not penny loafers) recently. Yesterday I wore them with skinny jeans and thought they looked great. Today I’m wearing them with a boring suit, and I feel like I look boring and dated.

    2. I’ve been on the hunt for a pointed toe pair to make them a little more dressy, since I’m concerned they round toe kind would look rather frumpy on me. In general though, I like them.

    3. The trick is to make sure they are “feminine” pennies. This can be done with a slightly sleeker or more modern vamp (longer line on top) or a not-so-rounded toe. If they look just like men’s Bass loafers, you’re going to look mannish. If they look more like Tod’s or Gucci loafers, you’ll look better. Another trick is that the heel should be more delicate than men’s pennies. Look at JCrew’s Biella loafers to get a good sense of this.

    4. I just pulled my faragamo loafers out of the closet this weekend after seeing them all over the place again. That said, I think its a more casual look and hard to pull off for work w/o looking frumpy. I work them this weekend with a cute pair of capri jeans w/ a cuff and an loose modern sweater.

    5. I like wearing loafers, for me at least they feel more supportive and comfortable than ballet-style flats. I agree with the other responses about wearing them in unexpected ways, and picking ones with more interesting or feminine details. Like if the shape is more classic, go with a more interesting or rich color like a bright navy or hunter green. I’d say a maroon loafer, though maybe that’s too much like men’s oxblood dress shoes?
      Like MJ said, too, lower vamps are much more modern. Make sure the rest of your suit is polished and modern (say a wide trouser leg, or straight cut slacks, depending on body type), and go with a top in a lighter version of the shoe color. In my mind a gray suit (straight leg for me) +navy loafers+cornflower blue blouse looks sharp, yet feminine in the details.

    6. Speaking of loafers popping up in stores, has anyone tried on the Darby loafer at J Crew? I’ve had my eye on the ‘Nut’ colored ones ever since they were shown in a J Crew email flyer.

  15. PSA–Lands End has long sleeve tee shirts with a cowl neck that look to be perfect “under suit” alternatives. In the catalog they’re 29.90 but on line 16.99 with 25% off til 9/27 and free shipping. Good luck.

  16. Corporettes,

    I just started a new job a couple of months ago in a small firm. Out of the blue, I reconnected with an in-house counsel that I had previously interviewed with. He asked if he could keep me in mind for any future opportunities, and within a week, I received a call about a new position that is pretty much my dream job! I know it isn’t very classy to be interviewing so soon after starting a new job, but I want to at least learn more.

    I have a lunch interview with the in-house legal team this week. I’m a fairly new attorney and have never worked in a corporation. Happy thoughts and advice are greatly appreciated!

    1. At the end of the day, you have to do what is right for your career, so I think while it is not ideal that you have only been at your current job for a few months, you should definitely check it out. I would definitely ask about what kind of training and support you would get at the in-house job. Generally, I think law firms are better at training junior attorneys. I remember one associate I worked with when I was at a firm did not have a good experience going in-house straight from law school because she was pretty much on her own and did not have someone help her with her training and development. Not that this would be the case with your position – but something to keep in mind.

  17. After a tough few weeks I’ve decided to make an appointment with a psychologist. I’m at the point where I can cry at the drop of a pin; but I also feel like I have some serious/anger and rage issues that I need to deal with (last night I had to resort to screaming into a pillow to vent some of it).

    To sum it up: I’ve grown increasingly frustrated at the holding pattern my life has been in for the past year or so. My boyfriend (an attorney) lost his job over a year ago, has yet to find a new one, and has sunk into a pretty deep depression. He’s not the type to go get help and he doesn’t seem to be looking for a job anymore because he feels that no one will even bother to give him a chance. I love him dearly, but the toll that his problems are taking on me are becoming unbearable. I feel like I’m starting to sink as well and its driving me up a wall. I always pictured that we would be married by now (been together for close to 4 years – but he refuses to move in with me before marriage), but I know that a proposal/engagement/wedding is totally out of the picture. I get down on myself for feeling selfish… but I can’t help wanting what I want. I need to talk through some things and figure out a way to communicate my feelings to him without making it all about ME. I’m not the ultimatum type, but my entire family lives out of state and I dream about going back home… I just feel so lost, but I can’t talk to friends or family because they all keep telling me to either abandon him and move back home or set an ultimatum.

    Sorry for being a Debbie Downer… but since this is relatively anon and I have seen a lot of comforting words and advice on this blog I just wanted to put this out there to see if I can get some of this weight off of my shoulders.

    1. Sorry for the double post this was supposed to go to you: You might find this and the comments helpful: http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/relationships/blog/ Especially this part “You said it best: “I have never ever insisted on being taken care of, but I do expect to be a team.” Your guy doesn’t want to be a team. He wants to be helped. I understand that life has been rough for him, but some guys would have gone out of their way to rally after tragedy and to make sure that you weren’t sacrificing too much. Again, your guy just sat there.”

      It sounds like you are frusterated by your friends telling you to get out of there, but it is time for it to be “all about you” at the very least, at least equally about you! If you were in a boat that was sinking, would you stay put? No you would radio for help and get in a lifeboat. You can’t keep a boat up by yourself, there is a big hole in it! Talk to your boyfriend about getting help. You say he isn’t the type to get help, but to go with the analogy, he is the boat, and he knows exactly where the tools are to fix the boat, but he wont unlock them and wont tell you where they are. That’s being selfish. Talk to him, tell him you’ll help him radio for help, but dont just sit there in the boat looking at the island that is your family and friends (and the analogy comes full circle! :) wishing you the best

      1. You need to understand though….if he really is depressed, he is not just choosing to sit and mope. Depression is an illness. It’s alot like wanting to get up and do something when you have the flu. You may get up and move if you have to, but it’s very hard to find the strength.

        1. Good point. I guess I took issue with “not the type to get help” that sounds like something that was true before the depression, not as a result of the depression.

      2. Hang in there! I’d recommend giving counseling some time to work. Make sure you like the person you’re seeing but also realize that it might take more than one or two sessions to feel like you’re getting the help you need. I’d recommend focusing on you a bit – the counseling is a great start. What about gym/spa/getting dinner with good friends?

    2. Do make and keep that appointment. Having someone to talk to, someone who can help you understand your feelings and think things through, will help.

    3. Congrats on making the appointment. I finally did the same about six months ago–and then wondered why it took me so long to do it. If you don’t already have a psychologist as well, I recommend you find one (your doctor may be able to give you some names). The two professionals offer different things and I’ve read that people who do both start feeling better sooner and are less likely to have more problems later in life (I’ve certainly learned to cope better with work, life disappointments, etc.). By getting on antidepressants and seeing a therapist, I made a lot of progress. I hope you have the same experience. Good luck to you! Glad you’re making yourself a priority.

    4. I dealt with something similar. My lawyer-husband was unemployed for a long time, and he was definitely depressed. I was super-stressed. I worried about our finances with only one income. I worried about what would happen if I lost my job. I felt like a jerk for being upset about not having money to afford to buy new shoes or to add to my wardrobe. Of course, all this worry/stress actually led to decreased performance at my job, which started a nasty downward spiral. My husband’s family would always say things like, “we’re really worried about [Mr.Jackson]” and suggest that I needed to do more to make sure that he was okay. Which was correct, except that I felt like no one seemed to notice or care that I was not okay! I couldn’t help him because I was not in a good place myself.

      This is why I think your plan to speak to a professional is a good one. You didn’t say so one way or another, but is your boyfriend (pre-depression) “the one”? If so, or even maybe, it’s worth it to try to help yourself (and help him).

      One thing I know that I did was to lose my faith in Mr.Jackson. He wasn’t successful in finding a job, but I started to feel like he wasn’t even really trying. There is no doubt in my mind that he sensed my loss of faith. I think that sort of started a downward spiral for him. I expected that he would not find a job, he expected that no one would ever give him a chance, and *surprise* that’s exactly what happened.

      Anyway, my point is that how you’re feeling and reacting to all of this absolutely has an impact. I don’t say that to make you feel bad! I say it because it underlines how important it is for you to be in a “good place” — otherwise, you can’t help him (and he needs help).

      One caveat: this all worked out great for me in the end. The fog lifted for me, and then eventually for Mr.Jackson. So while I’ll encourage you to try to help him, I must also acknowledge that some people do not want to be helped, or cannot be helped. Once you’ve tried working through these issues with a professional — if nothing changes, you will have to give yourself permission to let him go.

    5. I would try to talk to him and explain how you feel. Does he have family you can talk to for advice? I know you want to be there for him, but there is a point where you need to put yourself first. If he will not get help or do anything to try to improve the situation, you might want to think about your options. Maybe if you do leave him he will shape up, realize what he is doing, and try to win you back. If he doesn’t then there is really nothing anyone can do. He has to fix this problem.

    6. Good for you for making the appointment. Sounds like you need to talk this through and get some perspective. And, I’m sure others will think I’m sexist for saying so, but youth is more valuable to women than to men. So you need to know where things are going and you are not being selfish for thinking of yourself in this situation. One last thought . . . your friends and family have your best interests at heart. If they are all urging you to leave him, then there is a reason for that. (Not that it means you should leave him, but you should think things through carefully and be able to honestly articulate to yourself the good reasons why it makes sense to go against their advice.)

    7. Thanks for all the kind words and suggestions. CFM a lot of the things from the article and your comments make sense; I will chew on them for a bit and see what I come up with.

      When I commented that he isn’t the type to get help, I mean that he doesn’t think much of the process and doesn’t see the point to talking it out with a therapist.

      To the other commenters: the sad thing is that he doesn’t have anyone he can talk to about his issues or to even inquire as to the state of his mental health. His mother died shortly after I met him from cancer. He doesn’t have a spill your guts type of relationship with his father or brothers (one of which he lost to a drunk driver about 10 years ago) and he says that guys “don’t talk about that kind of stuff” with each other. My family absolutely loves him, but there are language barriers to their communication, so even talking to them is out of the question. But I do think he is the one, and want to see if we can work things out. I have to see what I can do for myself so that I don’t take some pretty negative emotions out on him unnecessarily.

      1. Sounds like you both need some *friends.*

        Counselors are good, but if you don’t have friends to vent to, both of you, then you’re missing a huge part of life.

  18. I think we’ve discussed this before, but how do you address a thank you note to a judge and her husband when you call the husband by his first name? Both the envelope and the note.

    1. For the envelope, I’d just use formal address:

      Judge Jane and Mr. John Smith
      123 Street
      Town, ST 12345

      For the actual card, wow, that’s a doozy. I’d probably skip the salutation altogether just to avoid awkwardness. This is a lot easier to do if you’re using a pre-printed (like Hallmark) card that already has a thank-you message inside – then underneath the pre-printed message you can just add a little personal message and sign your name.

  19. You might find this and the comments helpful: http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/relationships/blog/ Especially this part “You said it best: “I have never ever insisted on being taken care of, but I do expect to be a team.” Your guy doesn’t want to be a team. He wants to be helped. I understand that life has been rough for him, but some guys would have gone out of their way to rally after tragedy and to make sure that you weren’t sacrificing too much. Again, your guy just sat there.”

    It sounds like you are frusterated by your friends telling you to get out of there, but it is time for it to be “all about you” at the very least, at least equally about you! If you were in a boat that was sinking, would you stay put? No you would radio for help and get in a lifeboat. You can’t keep a boat up by yourself, there is a big hole in it! Talk to your boyfriend about getting help. You say he isn’t the type to get help, but to go with the analogy, he is the boat, and he knows exactly where the tools are to fix the boat, but he wont unlock them and wont tell you where they are. That’s being selfish. Talk to him, tell him you’ll help him radio for help, but dont just sit there in the boat looking at the island that is your family and friends (and the analogy comes full circle! :) wishing you the best

  20. gah! stuck in moderation…

    I just started a new job a couple of months ago in a small firm. Out of the blue, I reconnected with an in-house counsel that I had previously interviewed with. He asked if he could keep me in mind for any future opportunities, and within a week, I received a call about a new position that is pretty much my dream job! I know it isn’t very classy to be interviewing so soon after starting a new job, but I want to at least learn more.

    I have a lunch interview with the in-house team this week. I’m a fairly new attorney and have never worked in a corporation. Happy thoughts and advice are greatly appreciated!

  21. So . . . I bought the Hunter wellies, yea!
    I have a problem, though. I tried them on barefoot and wore them around the house to make sure they fit. Everything was great. Then I went to take them off.

    oh. dear.god. I could NOT get them off. seriously. it was like my foot was swollen inside and glued. it seriously took my husband and i 5-6 minutes of tugging to rip those suckers off! Obviously I cannot do this in the office . . .

    Here’s my question: will this be remedied by wearing socks or tights? I am scared to try. I know, stupid question, but there it is . . .

    1. I have not experienced this with those boots in particular, but I have with other boots. Socks or even the ever-stylish knee high nylons made a world of difference. Don’t know why but they do.

    3. I would think so. Rubber shoes and bare feet seem like a bad combo. I always wear socks with wellies even if I go bare-legged. I would try this at home first — you’ll get out of them eventually :)

    4. I just wear athletic/short socks with my rain boots and that seems to keep them from sticking to my feet.

    5. Yes, wear knee high socks or tights and they will be super easy to take off (I had the same problem!)

    6. I (almost) always wear a pair of socks with my Hunter boots and have never had a problem getting them off. The one time I didn’t, my feel got really sweaty and it did take a while to pry them off my feet. Lesson learned.

    7. This happened to me when I was trying on wellies. They were on sale at Nordstrom Rack (i.e. almost 50% off). I had no socks so I just stuck my feet in. Fit great, felt comfortable but could not get them off without looking like a dope. So I left the boots at the rack. :( Next time, I will try them with socks.

    8. whew – thank you everyone!!!
      I badly need them and got them on sale at Gilt . . . I was distressed that I might have to return!
      problem solved!
      and yes, I realize I am way too excited about this and distressed too easily and all of the above about stupid boots. it’s the simple things in life!

      1. I had the same problem when I tried them on the other day! I was limping around the house in a panic with a boot stuck to my foot and getting more painful by the second.

        And now I feel like a dummy for paying full price on zappos. Wish I had seen them on gilt!

    9. Everyone in Alaska wears a type of knee-high rubber boots called Xtra-Tuffs. If you have seen Deadliest Catch, you have seen these boots. They are brown with a yellow-ish stripe at the top, and yellow on the sides of the soles.

      I got a pair for my father for Christmas. He had visited me in Alaska, and mentioned that he wanted some.

      I sent him a pair, and later asked if he liked them. He said yes, but “definitely not without socks!”

      Well, duh. What Alaskan would wear boots without socks?

    10. I think Hunter actually makes some socks that are specifically to go with the boots.

      1. they do! they make fleecie boot liners that fold over the tops of the boots. you can get them at nordstrom. i have a pair of white fleeces ones with a cable knit detail that is visible over the boot. they are INCREDIBLE and life changing.

    12. Yes yes yes you will be fine. The bare feet and rubber boots somehow create some kind of a suction effect–I’m thinking of this weekend’s discussion of the logistics of the Diva Cup–that will be totally negated by wearing socks or tights.

  22. So, I got this “neck/face toning gel” in my loose button box this month (it’s like a birch box…but Canadian), and I love this gel:

    http://www.mereadesso.com/#/facecream

    BUT, the sample only lasted about 10 days of every day use and I loved it the entire time, except it usually takes me about a month to have a negative reaction to a product. So, I’m wary of spending $120 on a face gel, to just have it be un-useable in 6 weeks. Plus, I’d like to know if it actually tones the skin.

    Anyone else use this brand? Any comments? Concerns?

    I checked on Beautypedia, but the brand isn’t on there.

    1. Haven’t heard of this brand, but makeupalley.com has two reviews for the cleanser and they both love it. sears.ca also has two reviews of the toning gel, both 5 stars. I’ve also found a few overwhelmingly positive reviews via Google.

  23. PSA.

    My mailer from eBay today tells me that they are having a big Lafayette 148 sale (up to 70% off). Go to fashionvault (dot) ebay (dot) com. Hoping to avoid moderation by not putting in the actual link.

  24. I have to admit, I’m a little jealous of all of the other Corporette meet-ups; anyone interested in a Denver meet-up?

  25. Hi all,

    I just have to share: I woke up this morning with two huge white heads on my chin. Ugh! I dealt with it by putting on a cute, pulled together outfit and wearing my hair down, hoping it would somewhat conceal. Of course, today is the day I have to do a mini-presentation to my supervisor and three other people. :(

    1. Ugh! My chin is definitely my breakout zone as well – I think from a combination of phone grossness, leaning on my hand whilst staring at my computer screen, and sleeping with my hands tucked up under my chin. Best tip I’ve discovered: wear a bolder lipstick than you normally would. It makes your lips, not your zits, the brightly colored red thing on the bottom half of your face, and also detracts attention from the less than perfect concealer job (you may not need the latter, but I am concealer/foundation impaired and rarely can strike the balance between effective and gloppy).

      I am sure you look fantastic!

    2. toothpaste makes the zit smaller and will prevent you from touching it. Don’t forget to wash it off before the meeting though!

    3. I read somewhere that dabbing Visene on the area is supposed to eliminate at least some of the redness.

    4. Aw, thanks all! As it turned out, the meeting was somewhat disastrous for totally unrelated reasons. The upshot thought is that I have much bigger problems to worry about, haha. When (if?) I get home tonight I’m planning to slather on the zit cream and hopefully tomorrow it’s better! :)

  26. Mini rant… To those who have applied to my firm’s legal assistant position: When I call you to set up an interview for the job you applied for, at least fake some interest and excitement. Being short with me isn’t going to win any points with me and in fact, I may even cancel your interview. If you can’t be pleasant to me on the phone, I doubt you will be pleasant to my clients, opposing counsel and the court.

    1. We just had a girl spam every attorney in our 40+ attorney office individually with a [really terrible] resume (think, colored font, all italicized, etc). Our HR director sent her own [curt] e-mail back to all of the attorneys, asking us to stop forwarding the candidate’s e-mail/resume to her.

      I feel kind of bad for this girl, but pretty frustrated that the career services place wherever she went to school didn’t give her some insight into directing a resume, not using colored fonts, etc. etc. etc. I almost want to fix it and sent it back to her.

  28. I’m a government attorney presenting at a seminar for public utility accounting and customer service people this week. What should I wear? I attended this conference last year wearing a blazer, sweater, jeans, and heels and felt overdressed as an attendee – most were wearing jeans and polos.

    1. I’m not in law but I always expect a lawyer to be dressed more formally then the entire crowd. Maybe a knit blazer/jacket and flats to tone down the look a little?

    2. Presenters are usually more dressed up than attendees. If most people are wearing jeans, yes, wear flats.

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