Weekend Open Thread

Tahari by ASL Jose Surplus Sparkle Chiffon Party DressSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

6pm has a lot of party dresses on sale today — lots of ones marked 75% off, and lots of recognizable brands like Tahari, Donna Ricco, Suzi Chin, and more. I like this sparkle chiffon party dress from Tahari — looks like a great basic, and I like 70% off. A few notes about how it’s styled here: I think the tights are too dark for this dress — if I were wearing this to a party I’d go for sheers, fishnets, or maybe even a lacy tight. Second: I really hope it’s a bra issue and not a dress issue (maybe the model was wearing a strapless bra because she was modeling lots of party dresses that day, or no bra at all). Finally: do your hair a little bit (even a sock bun), and I would totally try to wear a brooch with this dress — either at the waist or on one of the straps, near the clavicle. It was originally $148, but is now marked to $44.99 at 6pm (lots of sizes left). Tahari by ASL Jose Surplus Sparkle Chiffon Party Dress


Psst: Check out more great deals at the Corporette Bargains page!


  1. Mountain Girl :

    It’s almost the weekend!

    If I’m between sizes on the JCrew Jackie cardigan should I size up or down?

    • Down. I’m normally an M or between S and M, but the Jackie Pullover fits me in an S. I think it looks more tailored that way and the crew fits snugly, so bibs and shorter statement necklaces are displayed better than the looser size.

      • Possible dissent – it depends on whether you wear your cardigans open or buttoned. And I thought the Jackie pullover ran bigger than the Jackie cardigan.

        I’m between a 4 and a 6 in Jcrew button front shirts and choose S Jackie cardigans to wear open (buttoned at the bottom only or unbuttoned). I’d need a medium to wear them fully buttoned as a top.

    • I’d say size down. I sized up for my first Jackie out of fear that it would be too tight buttoned up, but it ended up being way too baggy. I now always go for a S.

    • I’m another voice of dissent – I am usually a large in J. Crew sweaters but I need an XL Jackie to button it without gaps at the bust.

    • The Jackie runs slim through the arms, so I would size up if you are between sizes. If you wear your cardigans buttoned, then there is yet another reason to size up.

  2. I’m just seeing Fifty Shades of Miss Havisham in this dress. All it needs is cobwebs.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I’m seeing a sewing machine accident.

      Somebody pushed the pedal too hard and WHOOOAAAAHHHH, it’s pulled up one side of the dress. Oops!

  3. I am curious – how many of you ladies buy a new (or more) new dresses for the holidays and how many throw something together from what they have? Or is there even someone who has one or two staple holiday outfits that they recycle every season?

    My shopping list for the holidays: an ugly christmas jumper!

    • Try Etsy for the latter. Especially vintage. Trust me.

      • I still have lots of credit for the Buffalo Exchange, so that’s where I am headed this weekend. I wholeheartedly agree on the general theme of second hand for stuff like that! I saw some fake ugly Christmas sweater for 120$ online and I just wondered – who buys this stuff there?

        • My goodness. $120 for a tacky sweater you will wear twice a year boggles the mind. I shopped mine from the early 90s era of my mom’s closet, which worked extremely well.

    • I’m wondering this, too – for one thing, I haven’t gone to a “dress up” party (beyond wearing sparkly top with jeans or a skirt/black tights) in years!

    • I just don’t have that many holiday engagements. I did buy a sequin skirt that I am going to wear to every possible Christmas occasion though. Birthday brunch- check, Christmas lunch- check, Birthday drinks- check, around the house with ugg boots- check.

      • This site is really making me want a sequin skirt!

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Haha, did you get it yet? I got mine a few days ago and I really like it. It’s the tiniest bit too tight right now, but I have until February to return it so I’m planning to keep it until Christmas/NYE and if it still doesn’t fit then I’m going to return it. But I think it will fit perfectly by then!

        • Yep, got it from La Redoute yesterday. The fit isn’t perfect (weirdly baggy around the lower tummy area) but the price was right and with a longer shirt, it’ll be perfect. I like the jersey material, it feels less Geordie Shore and more hipster.

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            Geordie Shore? *giggle*

            I’m imagining a tackier version of Cheryl Cole…

      • TO Lawyer :

        Haha I tried on my new sequin skirt last night and refused to take it off until I went to bed so I was wearing a comfy zipup and a sequin skirt. Not quite sure that’s the best styling…

      • I got a full-on sequin dress (BCBG from Lord and Taylor’s black Friday sale). It’s so fabulous. But I don’t actually have anywhere to wear it yet. It screams New Year’s Eve, but I really hate going out for New Year’s! I have a wedding coming up, but I don’t thing I can be quite so bedazzled in a house of worship.

    • I have a limited amount of holiday parties so it’s not much of an issue. Most are work related and so it’s not really a party dress occasion anyway. But I get a lot of mileage out of a sparkly skirt! You can dress them down or make them more elegant, as need be, and you don’t feel like you’re wearing the same thing if you can switch out the top.

    • des-pairing :

      I have a couple of festive dresses that have seen a few holidays seasons. They’re LBDs or in neutral colors and classic shapes which can be accessorised to create a fresh look. Also I try to wear the same dress to multiple events with different groups of people. That dress that I wore to a Thanksgiving dinner with friends will be worn to the office party, etc.

      Party dresses have high cost per wear, so I only buy one every few years

    • Sadly, I don’t have that many fancy engagements these days, but do have a larger proportion of fancy clothes than I actually need in reality. No new dresses for me, I’m afraid. I did buy a sequinned top last year so will probably wear that sometime this season.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I never buy a new dress/outfit for the holidays.

      I expect to not buy a new dress/outfit for the holidays for about another 10yrs (age appropriateness issues) barring any major weight fluctuations.

      So much holiday dressing for non-work functions is about ruffles, bling, sequins, detailing and bold colors. I have a lot of cheap clothes that I accumulated over the years that have these very traits. Plus, some nice pretty dresses that I fell in love with and bought and then had nowhere to wear them.

      At this point, I’ll only really buy something good quality, chic, and work appropriate with the potential for a lot of use. But I still have an archive of pretty, super cheap, as well as expensive-and-gorgeous dressy clothes I can delve into for the holidays.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I don’t normally, but I wanted an excuse to buy a sequin skirt so ill be wearing it for Christmas dinner with my family and whatever I end up doing for NYE.

      • Which one did you get? I have a serious weakness for sequins.

        • No lie, I’m trying to restrain myself from purchasing a sequined backpack.

          • But why would you not want a sequined backpack!?!?

          • HOLD THE PHONE. There is such a thing as a sequined backpack??? Where does one find this magic? Link please.

          • Don’t say I didn’t warn you:


          • And for the more staid sequin lovers:


          • Divaliscious11 :

            SO MAD this is sold out… would totally be under the Christmas tree for my girl child…..

        • Sydney Bristow :

          I got the rose gold one from the Limited. It’s pretty and the sequins are a little smaller than I was imagining. I really like it!

          • I couldn’t find it on their website but rose gold sounds cute. I was actually really tempted to order a bunch of stuff but restrained myself. I haven’t been to a Limited in years – I need to make it to a store ASAP.

          • Sydney Bristow :

            Here you go! http://www.thelimited.com/Sequin-Pencil-Skirt/7303678,default,pd.html?dwvar_7303678_colorCode=687&start=4&ppid=c4&cgid=skirts

            It’s actually called bluish pink. I’ve been in a rose gold mode lately so that’s why I called it that.

            I’ve never really bought from them, but I’ve recently purchased some things that I like. Weirdly, I got a plain black short sleeve tee and I love it. It’s the perfect basic as far as I’m concerned, but I’m a little amused by the fact that I just always want to wear it more than anything else.

          • Ooh, I really like it.

          • Such a pretty skirt!

        • I bought a bunch of sequined Nine West heels during the 6pm sale this past week. Couldn’t resist.

      • And how will you style it? I have a navy, sequin mini that I plan to wear to a holiday party buy have no idea what top to wear! I think people have suggested a plain tee, but I am not sure about that.

        • Merabella :

          I think that a navy sequin mini would be cute with a plaid shirt and booties for juxtaposition of fancy and down home.

          It would also look good with just a single color blouse – teal, oxblood, white….

    • Rent The Runway is a lifesaver for this.

      So is borrowing from friends who are similar sizes – between a few of us, there’s a rotation of about 8/10 holiday dresses going around for different company & family holiday parties.

    • I solve this problem by not going to holiday things. Being Boring FTW! :o)

    • I buy a sparkly dress for the holidays every year. I wore it last weekend for BILs 40th bday party, my work Holiday party is this weekend, not sure if I’m gonna pull it out or go for the red Target Two-fer I got a while ago.
      I’ll wear the sparkly one again Christmas Eve. Its the one time of year I get to wear a fur coat (I inherited a white silver fox and a brown mink, I figure if I wear them at church no one will throw blood at me (: )

    • I haven’t bought anything new for the holidays in forever, but I probably will this year, since I didn’t think about party dresses when I was packing. And I know I’ll need something for New Year’s.

      I tried on a gorgeous dress today: http://www.zara.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product/us/en/zara-us-W2012/269185/1047564/DRESS%20WITH%20BRAIDED%20CORD. But unfortunately the S was too big, and my local store didn’t have an XS. Boo. So unfortunately, now that’s stuck in my head as The Perfect Dress. If I can’t track the right size down, I’ll probably get an embellished mini of some kind. I really like this one: http://www.zara.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product/us/en/zara-us-W2012/269188/1009505/JACQUARD%20MINI%20SKIRT

  4. One of my coworkers made me a Christmas mixed tape. Despite getting to feel like a 16 year old girl, it got me thinking about favorite holiday songs.

    Mine is feliz navidad, but as someone pointed out, it may only be because it is the only song that I can remember the words to.

    • Feliz Navidad and Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses are my favorites, along with the First Noel for religious songs. And, of course, the Heat and Cold Miser songs…

      • +1 for Heat Miser and Cold Miser

      • Oops. I forgot Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC, Last Christmas by Wham, Father Christmas by the Kinks, and U2’s version of Christmas, Baby Please Come Home.

        Can you tell I was a teenager during the 80’s?

        • Last Christmas is one of my favorites. I’m also a fan of White Christmas (which my students are singing in my school’s Christmas pageant…hopefully this will not destroy my love of the song) and Silent Night, for the religious ones.

    • nsync christmas cd. still listen to it every year

    • Rockin Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee. There is a Metro conductor that sounds just like Brenda Lee, but I don’t know if the conductor is a male or female. Terrible, horrible when it comes to applying managing speed/applying brakes on the train (just like all the other conductors).

    • guilty pleasure: all i want for christmas is yooooooooooooooooooouuuuu

      make me feel like a kid: andy williams in general – particularly happy holidays; julie andrews’ ding dong merrily on high

      religious: o holy night

    • Oh, I do like Mariah Carey’s christmas album – the one from the 90s. She also has the best MTV Cribs epsiode, EVER. I also like Mele Kalikimaka and Marshmallow World, but I am also known for having horrible taste in music.

    • I like the version All I Want for Christmas is You from Love Actually. And I’m partial to most of Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Album. And Ella Fitzgerald’s versions of Jingle Bells and Sleigh Ride.

      I’m a church singer so I have lots of sacred music favorites, but these are my pop choices.

      • Diana Barry :

        NOLA, which are your favorite carols? I basically hate all pop carols (except maybe White Christmas). Current favorites are Bethlehem Down, Tomorrow Shall Be My Dancing Day (the jazzy one, Gardner?), the Leighton Coventry Carol.

        • I love Tomorrow Shall Be My Dancing Day! Also The Angel Gabriel (most highly favored lady – which we call, in our choir, most highly flavored lady). The Harold Darke version of In the Bleak Midwinter. For traditional carols, Joy to the World, Once in Royal David’s City (with the magnificent soprano descant), and Hark the Herald Angels Sing (another one with a flashy descant).

          I grew up with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir albums. My mother (also a church singer), spent the entire month of December in the basement making Christmas presents and listening to her favorite Christmas albums (and yes, I mean vinyl records).

          • Oooh, I LOVE Tomorrow Shall be my Dancing Day! I also love Tavener’s The Lamb. And I always, without fail, cry when singing “O Come All Ye Faithful” and “O Come O Come Emmanuel”.

          • Charlotte :

            NOLA, I *love* Once in Royal David’s City! I’m in my church choir, too, and it gives me chills whenever we sing it, and our choir isn’t really all that good. My favorite Chistmas songs are O Holy Night and Silent Night. In fact, since last Christmas, I’ve had to sing Silent Night to my boys every night before they go to sleep.

          • One of the other soloists and I sang the duet version of O Holy Night every Christmas eve for so many years that I finally said I’d had enough. The minister and congregation loved it, though.

            We are lucky enough to have brass and big choir on Christmas eve so it’s awesome. We’re also singing the Christmas parts of the Messiah on Dec. 16th in place of Lessons & Carols.

          • Diana Barry :

            At my last church gig, we also used to do the Messiah every year, but it was an extra concert (in addition to carols!) and so kind of a PITA.

            My college choir director did a descant to Silent Night (2 sops) and I cannot STAND singing it without it.

          • King’s Choir has one of the best Christmas albums. I have the cd, but here is the DVD http://www.amazon.com/Carols-From-Kings-Stephen-Cleobury/dp/B001E181W8/ref=pd_sim_m_5

            Once in Royal David’s City is the best.

          • Oh, Most Highly Favored Lady…I love that. But I am super into the BVM.

            For true Christmas carols, “Noel Nouvelet” is my very favorite. There is an awesome setting of “Ave maris stella” to that tune as well.

      • Ooh, All I Want For Christmas! Forgot about that one. Looking it up on YouTube now.

      • My favorite is “O Come, O Come Immanuel”, although, because I am a liturgy nerd, I will note that it’s an Advent song, not a Christmas one.

        I was raised Moravian, and I love a lot of Moravian Christmas music, but no one knows any of it, sadly.

        • Liturgy Nerd :

          A family friend who is a minister converted from Methodist to Episcopalian (sp?) over this issue – the proverbial straw but I’m totally with you on this one.

    • Almost There :

      Fun! My favorites are “Christmas Cookies” by George Strait and “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey. Now I need to put my Christmas playlist on my ipod!

    • I’ve always loved Silent Night, it’s such a pretty calming song. Oh, and the entire Polar Express soundtrack (especially the Josh Groban songs *huge crush*).

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Definitely “Sleigh Ride.” Always gets me in a holiday mood.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I love love love Carol of Bells.

      • But do you like the South Park version? Ding dong m’kay

        • Sydney Bristow :

          I’ve never heard it. Actually, I’ve only seen 1 episode of South Park ever and that just happened a few months ago.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I’m not Christian, but I love Christmas carols and many Christmas songs.

      My favorite album is Jewel’s “Joy – A Holiday Collection.” Her “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” is adorable and fun.

    • You must have read my mind. I just thought about something similar this morning. I still listen to the awesome mix my boss in college made for the whole staff. Everybody put in a song request and it ended up being a totally wacky soundtrack that I still love.

    • Benjamin Britten’s “A Ceremony of Carols”. But I’m a nerd like that.

    • The entire album of George Winston’s December (including Carol of the Bells). Otherwise, John Lennon’s So This is Christmas is one of my favorites.

    • Nonny and Sydney Bristow, I’m right there with both of you. (I got mad at my mom when I was 10 and heard Ceremony of the Carols in a concert for the first time. She’d KNOWN about this piece for YEARS and hadn’t told me about it! I was a nerdy, nerdy kid.) I grew up in choirs and love all choral Christmas music. Tallis Scholars? Chanticleer? St. Martin in the Fields? I’m THERE.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s version of Carol of the Bells. Not exactly traditional christmas music, but awesome.

    • Equity's Darling :

      Given how much y’all love fondue, I’m shocked no one has mentioned Bieber’s Under the Mistletoe album…I’m not gonna lie, the song Mistletoe is super catchy.

    • Adam Sandler’s Hannukah Song.

      • +1. Given the fact that we supposedly control the entertainment industry, why aren’t there more popularized Hannukah songs?

        • SF Bay Associate :

          For reals, Jo. My favorite Hannukah song is the Maccabeats riff on Taio Cruz’s “Dynamite.”


          • Laura Holt :

            There’s also a Hanukkah song to the tune of Outkast’s Hey Ya:

    • What’s the one that goes “Simply….having……a wonderful Christmastime!”? Not that it’s my favorite, but that song always reminds me of spending Christmas on LI. (It’s probably called A Wonderful Christmastime, isn’t it?)

    • I love Love LOVE Christmas music, and it takes all my willpower to not start listening nonstop in October… That said, I try to start slowing with the Nutcracker Suite and the soundtrack to Home Alone. Then move into Josh Groban and Michael Buble, maybe some Rat Pack — generally keeping it classy. Finally, after Thanksgiving, I’m listening to Relient K, Mariah Carey, Burl Ives, whatever. It’s a big mish mash. I get so excited to hear Feliz Navidad for the first time every year.

    • Always a NYer :

      My favorite is Adeste Fidelis. Pop faves are A Baby Changes Everything by Faith Hill, Grownup Christmas List by Amy Grant, This Christmas all versions, and Do You Hear What I Hear by Kristin Chenoweth.

    • In addition to the aforementioned Mariah Christmas Album, which I still belt out in my shower, I also love Pavarotti’s Christmas album where he sings oh holy night.

    • SoCalAtty :

      “Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer”

    • My husband and I had a contest to develop the best CD-length Christmas music playlist a couple of years ago. Despite the fact that my husband is a musician and his selections were pretty intense, I won. (and he admitted I won)

      One of my secret weapons was “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer” by Jewel. I know nothing at all about Jewel, but her rendition is hella cute.

      I also really liked Santa Claus is coming to town, performed by Cyndi Lauper and Frank Sinatra (in one of those weird posthumous overdubbings, but it’s good)

      • here’s Jewel singing Rudolph with her mom (aww)


      • Oh, also Big Bad Voodoo Daddys rendition of Mr. Heat Miser.

        • +100 I’m playing xmas music now. My one-year-old nephew started dancing when that song came on.

    • I have a large collection of Christmas music, partly because it has to include things I listened to growing up.

      So, Christmas in our house is required to include
      * Statler Brother’s Christmas
      * Christmas with the Chipmunks (Vol 1 & 2)
      * Bing Crosby singing White Christmas

      My favorite traditional carol is What Child is This?
      My favorite new religious song is Mary, Did You Know?

      We have tons of Mannheim Steamroller, the Twisted Sister Christmas album, and a couple of Glad albums (acapella) as well as Kenny G and some local musicians (Edgar Cruz for guitar music and Robert Fasol on piano).

      I also get tempted by Christmas albums at Half-Priced books and buy them randomly throughout the year just because I always need more Christmas music.

      And Nutcracker music is almost its own category (my daughter danced in the Nutcracker 7 years).

      • For a minute I thought you were from Seattle…Kenny G was a college buddy of mine and fellow sax player at the UW.

    • My all-time favorite is Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, and I like the versions by Jane Monheit, James Taylor, Barbara Streisand and Diana Krall. Justin who? At Christmas I’m old school. (And, okay, I want the dress Diana wears on the cover of her Christmas album. For the fancy parties I don’t go to. Google it.)

      The Temptations’ version of Rudolph is really great. (If you’ve ever seen the Claymation Christmas, the version that the California Raisins do is basically the Temptations.) The Roches have a really interesting take on We Three Kings.

      We have a friend who is kind of obsessed with Good King Wenceslas, of all things, and gave us a CD with about 18 different versions. I think we loaded about 2 of them onto itunes.

    • I love all Christmas music but I don’t listen to it until after November. I buy a new album each year. Most recently I’ve purchased Michael Buble, the Glee Christmas soundtrack, and both Harry Connick Jr. albums. I honestly can’t think of a Christmas song/carol/hymn I DON’T like. Any song, any genre, I love it all.

      This reminds me that I need to get my Christmas playlist onto my phone so I can start listening again! Also, time to get out my Lego Christmas tree for my office. I get more comments on that Lego tree than anything else in my office!

      • Crimson Clover :

        Ahhh- Thanks for mentioning Glee x-mas songs! I was beginning to think I am the only one who belts out their “Last Christmas” cover in the car on the way to work (…most days) during the holiday season.

        Other than that, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” is second to none and everything else more traditional (Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, O Holy Night -Celine’s version can literally bring me to tears) is all up on my i-pod post Turkey Day!

      • Meg Murry :

        Lego Christmas tree?!? Did you make it out of a kit or just by constructing from green blocks? I think I need one of these! And of course, I can totally justify it by saying it’s for the 5 year old, but I think I would be more excited than him about it

      • onehsancare :

        I adore Christmas music! My son (now a musician) asked me when he was little, “Mom, do you like any music that ISN’T Christmas?” Years ago, I bought my husband (a jazz fan) a 50-CD changer. He’s long-ago moved to i-Pod, so it’s filled with Christmas music year round (not that I’m allowed to play it until December 1). We finally figured out a way for me to calmly choose what’s in it: We have an even-year play list and an odd-year playlist, and we’ll just take all 50 odd-year CDs out tonight and install all 50 even-year!

        I’ve only bought one so far this year, and I’ve only listened to half of it, but I love it: it’s just called “A French Christmas” and has traditional carols sung to an acoustic guitar in very clear French. I’m studying French, so it’s a real treat.

        As a favor, a friend filled an entire iPod for me with songs from my favorite CDs, but given the size of the project, didn’t use any discretion–just downloaded entire CDs, so it’s a little uneven, but much more portable than the entire stereo system!

        Any suggestions for new CDs this year??

    • I play traditional music from my homeland every Christmas Eve. My DH is very gracious about it since he does not understand the language.

    • Snoopy’s Christmas
      Anything from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, best Christmas movie ever.
      12 Pains of Christmas, because I’m the lights guy.
      Father Christmas by the Kinks.
      Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC because “It’s Christmas time in Hollis Queens mom’s cooking chicken and collard greens,” might just be the best line ever.

      • SV in House :

        I still love (portions of) the “A Very Special Christmas” that includes that, plus Sting’s version of “The Angel Gabriel” which I looooooove.

        • I have that album. Love the u2 Christmas, Baby Please Come Home version on it, too.

      • I LOVE Snoopy’s Christmas.

    • I lovelovelove the Pogues “Fairytale of New York” with Kirsty MacColl. And for the holiday cheer, I’m all about “Feliz Navidad” and Elvis doing a full-Vegas version of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland.”

    • holiday music :

      Wynton Marsalis’ Crescent City Christmas album – amazing! fave song (not on the CCC though) – the holly and the ivy. :)

    • Silver Bells

      • I love Carol of the Bells by the Bird and the Bee, Happy Christmas (war is over) by John Lennon, Sarah McLachlan’s christmas album, Bryan Setzer’s christmas albums, and so many of the others already mentioned.

    • Anonymous Poser :

      Alison Moyet’s version of the Coventry Carol is haunting…

  5. Equity's Darling :

    Two things:

    1) Nonny! I just ordered a chartreuse nailpolish, Def Defying from China Glaze, their Cirque du Soleil collection…I know you like polish, and chartreuse, so I figured I’d share my purchase

    2) How does everyone stay motivated to working out in the winter?

    I’m trying to keep up with running outside, but the weather is really putting a cramp in my motivation. Today it’s -20C with the windchill, and I honestly can’t stomach the idea of sweat freezing into icicles on my face…and I’m sort of afraid of getting frostbite/wind burn. I also usually walk to hot yoga, but it makes me feel sick going from a room that’s +38C to -20C. Is the only solution to work out in a gym? Any other tips?

    • 1) I was really liking the Deborah Lippmann set (cuticle remover, oil, primer, base, topcoat) but it made my nails peel even more and break. So, I can’t recommend it, which is too bad because the polish would last me a work week. I trimmed my nails back to let them recover. Sigh. Back to the search.

      2) I only work out in the gym or at home in the winter. It’s too cold, I can’t stand a runny nose, a sore throat, and numb, cold digits. When October rolls around, that’s when I go to the gym. Similarly, as soon as it gets nice in March, I try to get back outdoors. I’m not as hardcore as I used to be. Plus it gets dark too early and I don’t live in an area that developed for sharing the road.

    • You just gave me workout motivation for the winter: I should workout because Equity’s Darling would kill to have the balmy 40 degree DC weather I’m griping about!

      • Equity's Darling :

        Yes, I would love the 40F/4C weather! I’m jealous!

        I wear capris for anything above 0C or so when I run outside. I think my favourite temps for running are between 7C and 15C- not hot, but still cool enough that I need to move in order to stay warm.

        Urgh, it’s started snowing, and is apparently now -22C , I’m so not working out today.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      We’re you and NOLA the ones discussing top coat recently? I bought the Seche Vite and its incredible! I was shocked. I’ve been rocking Essie’s Bobbing for Baubles all week and they are perfectly smooth and only started chipping today, 7 days after I painted them in the first place.

      • Not me! I use Sally Hansen Insta-Dri (in the red bottle). Maybe I should try Seche Vite. Now that we have Ulta in N.O. I can probably find it.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Ack typos and I meant to write Nonny instead of NOLA. Obviously I’m still sad I couldn’t go to the meetup last night!

      • It was me. I did my nails again yesterday (with OPI’s “I’m With Brad”). The Seche Vite has changed my personal manicure life.

      • Seche Vite is great, but has a tendency to thicken with time, so you may need to replace your bottle before you use it up. I think most quick-dry topcoats do this.

      • Equity's Darling :

        SV’s top coat is the bomb. But it does smell like melting plastic. And thickens up quickly, so get the restore, unless you’re like me and go through top coats quickly enough for it not to matter.

        A friend of mine joked how I’m so obsessed with avoiding unnecessary chemicals in my life, EXCEPT when it comes to polish, where I firmly believe that acetone remover just works better, and I’m happy to slather on the SV top coat a couple times a week, which smells so chemically that I wouldn’t used it without proper ventilation.

        • Funny, Seche Vite is horrible for me — it makes my nail polish peel off in big flakes. Any ideas as to what I might be doing wrong?

          • Equity's Darling :

            If the entire nail polish coat is flaking, then the problem is with your base coat, or your nail having oils/lotions on it when you start painting. I’ve definitely had flaky problems before, but it’s always been because I used an older base, or because I had put lotion on my hands and forgotten to wipe off the nail before polishing.

            I’ve never had just the top coat flake….

          • Nail Polish :

            beauty brains I think had something about this recently – or somewhere else? It depends on what kind of nail polish you use under the SV, because some have a chemical that causes a bad reaction. Um, no, don’t remember what chemical it was though.

    • To question #1: Whee! I need to find that to match my new cardigan (which is apparently being delivered today).

      To question #2: I have no fricking idea. I am having the same problem and feel like a big lump right now because I haven’t worked out in two weeks. :-(

      • Equity's Darling :

        Yay! Chartreuse sweater! The polish purchase was obviously through nailpolishcanada dot com :P

        I think I may be the reason they’re in business.

    • I am a big runner, but I treat the winter as “off-season” like a baseball player would, and focus instead on strength training. I do P90X because I can do it in my apartment without having to bundle up to go somewhere. I’ll still do a little bit of easy running if it’s a nice day, but having an indoor exercise routine is such a treat in the winter.

      • Equity's Darling :

        I think my concern is that I’m new to running, and I don’t want to fall of the wagon…if I stop now, really, winter doesn’t let up until April here, and so my “season” would be May-October, which is not all that long, and I doubt enough that I would improve.

    • It’s insane to run outside when it’s below freezing! That’s what treadmills are for. It’s also nice if you have a gym that has treadmills and yoga classes. Yoga class after running is fantastic.

    • For anyone that does continue to run outside, I have two recommendations – Gore Tex trail shoes (even if its not snowy and wet, they are way warmer than regular running shoes) and this New Balance Jacket, which is $$, but the best money spent on runner gear hands down:


      Its so warm without being bulky. I can’t wear it unless it below 25F.

      • Do you have recommendations for running tights? I live somewhere warm but will be spending the holidays somewhere cold (sigh, why do I do this to myself?) and haven’t been able to commit to a pair of cold-weather running tights. I’m tall, so a 30- or 31-inch inseam isn’t going to work for me, and many of the tights of seen won’t be long enough. I usually wear capris but that won’t work in 20 F weather.

        • I have a ~35 inch inseam and the UnderArmour cold weather gear tights stretch enough that they are just fine (even though not a tall size). Athleta also carries some tall winter tights, but they are pricy and I am not sure re length IRL.

          • Thanks! I had looked at them but was concerned about the inseam. I’m going to order them based on your recommendation.

        • I can vouch for athleta tall sizes for the running tights. I love mine and they are a tad long on me (5’9″).

    • ED – I know exactly what you mean, being a relatively new runner (5 years or so) and only running outside (and living in the same city as you). My biggest worry is the ice on the sidewalks. In the past I’ve always stopped running in the winter because one of the things I like best about running is being able to get up & go right out my front door. I have a mini trampoline and so I did that as well as the Nike Training app on my iPhone. This year I’ve made more of an effort to run outside whenever I can by buying proper gear for running outside, but still not going if it’s too snowy or icy, and take advantage of any treadmills I may be visiting (hotel or my parent’s house). I also have about 10 free passes to the YMCA by my house that I may try using on the weekends. I’m an early morning runner, and I just can’t see how I can fit the gym into my schedule. I ran 2 10ks this year, and got my ‘regular’ runs up to about 7k (just the right length of time before work). I don’t want to lose too much of that, but I’m not sure how to totally prevent it.

      If you figure out anything let me know!

      • Seattle Freeze :

        Screw shoes! (Google it.) Some folks use YakTrax or similar traction-adding gadgets for running on snow & ice, or trail shoes as MB recommended, but screw shoes are really cheap and easy to make, as long as you have a spare pair of running shoes. I did this a few years ago when we got enough snow to shut the city down for about 2 weeks, and had no problem running even on bare ice.

      • Having run through 4 winters in Indiana and 3 in Boston before moving back home where it is 74 degrees today, :), I can safely say you can comfortably run in temps down to about 10 degrees. Below that, it’s tough. This, from someone who thinks it gets chilly below 80 degrees.

        The right gear is the answer. Hinds Arctic Drylete or UnderArmour cold weather gear is fabulous. (I ran back in law school in old thermal underwear under cotton sweats!) My new swear bys are 1) a “half buff” by Patagonia which I wear around my neck and pull over my ears if it gets too cold; and 2) merino wool running socks. The wool socks will help keep your feet warm without getting too sweaty.

        When you get to ice on teh sidewalks, slow down or walk! Snow gives good traction.

    • I have the cold from hell and it’s going on week 5. I haven’t worked out in at least that long. I need help or a whole new wardrobe.

    • Okay, I am an all-season runner, and I’ve done a lot of sub-freezing running. When it is REALLY cold, I wear fleece-lined New Balance tights, a long-sleeved heavyweight tech shirt, and a vest, as well as Smartwool running socks, gloves, and a cap. Oh! And a neckwarmer.

      I don’t really warm up quickly while running-I stay cold – so I have to put on a lot of clothes. Running on packed snow is easy, but ice is the real danger. You just have to be super, super alert and recognize that you’ll have to go slowly.

  6. Almost There :

    HAH ya’ll will love this: spanx + lady garden parties!

    I changed the e in S3x to a 3 in the link, so change it to paste.


    • OMG I’m dying but I think the author is a moron.

      I’ve been married 12 years and am an avid spanx wearer and just the other day was lazy about taking them off and DH said incrediously “Are you wearing Spanx?” Dude, they’ve been in regular rotation since my sister’s wedding in 2005!!!

      • Charlotte Peloux :

        I’m willing to give the author a pass just for her comment about being turned into “a sleek river otter, stuffed into a c*nd*m.” Too funny.

    • phillygirlruns :

      that is hysterical.

  7. That's me :

    Question to the hive about rental payment related to a family reunion. My extended family is having a family reunion this summer. There will be 7 families total, and each will pay about $1000 for rent. We are all excited to get together. This is our first time renting a house together (we ususally just pile up at someone’s house, but that’s no longer possible given the size of the group).

    My question is this: in the event that a family ends up dropping out due to some unforeseen circumstances, should they still obligated to pay or do the other families just take on that family’s share? I am curious what other families do. I proposed that the initial deposit (40% down) would be forfeited but that the family would not be responsible for the remaining 60% if there was a legitimate reason for cancelling. Legitimate = death in family, serious illness, etc. – not just that they have too much to do and can’t make it.

    DH disagrees and thinks that the family should be responsible for the total amount ($1000) because that’s the risk that people take when doing this sort of thing and that it is not fair to the other families to saddle them with the additional financial burden.

    Thoughts? I want to make sure that the family discusses this up front so that there are no hard feelings later, in the event that one of the families decides to back out.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I admit I’ve never bought travel insurance. But isn’t this the sort of situation (having to cancel at the last minute) that would prompt someone to buy travel insurance?

      Assuming that’s so, and if family X had to cancel, the travel insurance would cover their flight and rent for the place, right?

    • fluffy bunnies :

      I’m with your husband on this one because it leads to more predicability. Families know they’re signing on for $1000 and that it won’t turn into $1200. Plus, how is the difference between legitimate reason for dropping out and dropping out for convenience determined? It sounds like possible source of contention.

    • Not relevant to your question, but I’m curious what/where/for how long are you renting? Even in the crazy expensive Bay Area where I live, you can rent a REALLY nice house for an entire month for less than 7 grand.

    • We usually collect an upfront amount from each family, representing the likely total fixed cost of the holiday (rental, car rental, help, a small allocation for groceries – sometimes can’t be sure if a rented house comes adequately stocked w loo rolls or dish-cleaning liquid, any extras like museum passes, walking tours etc), usually within a month of having made the booking ie. well before we set off for the actual holiday. Leftover money is seldom a big amount but is returned first to any last-minute cancellations, otherwise returned to the families in the proportion of their original contribution.

      Our friends/ family are generally very ok with this approach because the alternative would be for the holiday organizer to make most of the upfront payments and/ or chase around multiple rounds of collection. The organizer usually puts in tonnes of work already so it seems only reasonable to make it easier for her on the collections front – it may take the sting out if you explain the upfront payments to your family in these terms ?

  8. im in desperate need of shopping help. i cant seem to find a purse to fit my needs.
    an everyday bag, sleek lines, shoulder straps, and a cross body option for bonus points, and non-leather. the kristin tote at banana republic would be ideal, but it is leather: http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=45433&vid=1&pid=230496032

    • E bags – baggallini Santiago Tote

      There are also a million similar totes. select tote/man-made material or fabric/ with strap

      • I love Baggallini – i think i have four – a wallet, a travel purse, a tote and a sightseeing bag.

    • GirlMeetsWorld :

      Melie Bianco! It’s on endless-amazon.

      • I need a new briefcase/work bag, and I’m always looking for nice non-leather items, so I just looked at this brand. Love it! Already adding to the wish list for Christmas. Thanks for positing it.

        (I do still like Aldo; I get more compliments on my $50 red/cognac/black cross-body bag — unfortunately no longer sold, apparently — than on almost anything else I own.)

        • GirlMeetsWorld :

          I’ve seen the “Angela” in the store and it looks like a nice/roomy/appropriate briefcase-esque bag. I like the dimensions on “Brianna” too for work.

    • Try aldo bags, on aldoshoes dot com or zappos. Here’s one:


  9. What do you do when a job posting asks that you state your salary requirements in the cover letter? I’m applying to a lot of non-profit jobs and want to aim high, but don’t want to be disqualified before I get into the interview room. Is it kosher to just say “I’m open to discussing salary?”

  10. Thoughts on these shoes: http://tinyurl.com/c763yxx
    Frumpy? Cute? Frumpy cute?
    They are $82 minus 20% off at L&T and I am thinking that maybe instead of looking for perfect gray suede pumps, I should just order these and enjoy their walkability. I feel like they would be super comfortable. Thoughts?

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Not frumpy. I don’t know about “cute” per se, but I’d certainly wear them with my pencil skirts.

      Nordstrom will price match L&T, and then you get its awesome customer service.

    • If those are frumpy, my whole wardrobe must be frumptastic (but then, I do live in DC, so…). Anyway, I love them!

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I love Geox for their breathability and comfort.

      Am not a fan of round-nosed pumps, not because I think they’re frumpy but because I just don’t like that shape, but if you have no objection to round-nosed pumps, they look fine.

    • Lady Harriet :

      I think they’re really cute, but my standards may be different than most since heels over 3″ almost always look odd to me. I have heard that Geox shoes are comfortable too, so they sound like a good bet!

    • S in Chicago :

      They seem like a more reasonably priced version of the lovely LK Bennets someone linked to yesterday. I bow to your master shopping skills.

      • Thanks, you guys! Shopping habit enabled – on the phone with Nordstrom ordering them right now for $65.99 :)

  11. I have to share the crazy. Senior partner in my office has stacked up boxes and folders on his computer credenza to lift his computer screen and keyboard so he can stand while he types, because…wait for it…he calculates he will burn an extra 312 calories a day this way. He is not overweight. At all.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I think that’s a great idea, honestly. All these studies coming out about how sitting all day is killing us, and how much healthier standing desks and better still treadmill desks are for us. Standing desks are super expensive, so why not improvise?


      • As a preface, I admit that I have not looked into this at all, and that is what is prompting my question.

        Wouldn’t just getting regular, daily exercise eliminate the need for funky work set-ups?

        I feel like I get more health benefits from my workouts than I would walking at a super slow pace while at my desk. Are there any studies that show that, even if you get regular, daily exercise, you still need to re-think your work environment or you risk longterm health consequences?

        • Yes. There was actually a study that showed that sitting more than I think 6 hrs a day shorted people’s lives by a few years, even if those people got plenty of exercise. http://news.yahoo.com/too-much-sitting-kill-study-suggests-200408243.html

        • How about anecdata? I exercise regularly, eat well, go to the field, roam around the office but years of sitting at my desk has taken a toll to the extent that I now need physical therapy for my back. I’m more concerned about my skeletal alignment and muscle condition than calories, tbh.

        • Yes. It’s not a calorie/exercise thing but an inflammation thing. Studies show that long periods of sitting puts you at a higher risk of death even if you work out after work to make up the calorie difference.

          • I wasn’t actually thinking about the calorie issue, but more of a strong muscles (esp core muscles) generally help to prevent or alleviate the aches and pains that can come with prolonged sitting. As anecdata, I have a strong core and very rarely have back pain despite sitting at work all day. When my core wasn’t as strong, my back didn’t feel nearly as good.

    • I want a tread desk really badly. Kinda the same idea. I’ll accept being crazy if I can get one.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        +1. I would TOTALLY use a tread desk a few hours a day. 312+ calories burned while I bill? YES PLEASE. That’s about 15% of my calories for the day.

        • I hate sitting on my a$$ all day. Hate it. My windowless office doesn’t help either.

          ::gripe-fest over::

          • I would straight up murder someone for a tread desk.

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            If you choose the right mode of killing, you could burn 312 calories. comicbook villain laugh

          • Another S :

            I too would kill for a tread desk! I’d probably be willing to maim someone for a standing desk. Sadly, the makeshift computer-on-boxes idea would not fly at my office.

      • anonone23 :

        I too covet a tread-desk. Standing as I type this.

      • I want a tread desk! How senior do you think you need to be to rock one of these while still being considered quirky-competent? 15-20 years experience?

      • Someone in my office has a treadmill in her office.

        I was considering getting something like this for under my desk: http://www.amazon.com/Sunny-Health-Fitness-Stepper-Resistance/dp/B0016BQFSS
        Or maybe a mini stationary bike … I am sure there are better models, but you get the basic idea.

    • I want to do this SO BADLY. My back and tail are beginning to develop serious pain from extended hours of sitting in this office chair.

    • The *literally* sounds like something Rob Lowe’s character from Parks & Rec would do.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I’ve done it.

    • I don’t think it’s crazy. I would love to have a standing desk, although I guess I’d have to give up the stilettos.

    • I think that is a great idea. I would love to be able to stand and work

    • A man at my office stands at his desk. He has a higher desk, rather than boxes stacked up though.

      • AMEN! for bostonites, WBUR did a story about treadmill desks- the mayo clinic pioneered this. I find I get nauseous typing long things and walking, but have switched to a standing set up at home. The toll sitting takes on us is real.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      I want a standing desk SO bad. My physical therapist recommends them as well. Sitting all day is terrible for your hips, thighs, core etc…

    • At my office all desks can be raised to standing height at the touch of a button, and a lot of people switch between working standing and sitting through the day. As far as I know, such desks are fairly common in Sweden.

    • I use a standing desk, and I am a huge evangelist for it. I started doing it to help with my sciatica (from running too much and sitting too much) and now I cannot imagine sitting all day. I have a shock-absorbing mat in from of the desk, which is key to taking the strain off your legs.

      I do think that it’s caused me to drop a bit of weight – not a ton, but some – just because I now stand for 8-10 hours per day.

      • nice ! how long did it take you to get used to it? I used a surf shelf on my treadmill for a while


        -they work!!-
        but found I had a lot of trouble writing longer things and just moving while I was typing. I am standing now mostly for recreational surfing, hope to ease back in.

    • Your aim seems to be to just make fun of him and it’s annoying.

  12. nightshowerer :

    for the lawyers – do any of you have gavels? dh is a first year associate and i thought it would be fun to get him a gavel with his nickname ingraved on the band. is that fun or lame?

    • I’d vote no. Judges have gavels, but not regular lawyers.

    • I’m not a lawyer, but if I had a gavel, I’d be tempted to use it on someone. And, I’m not even a violent person but I am having one.of.those.weeks.

    • I don’t have one but they’re definitely a thing. I think Mr. TBK has one, actually (law school graduation present from grandparents, I think), and lawyers in my firm often had them on their desks. Whether it’s fun or lame totally depends on your husband — some people enjoy tchotchkes on their desks while others abhor any “I’m a lawyer!” item. Is he the type to buy a nice frame and hang his diploma in his office? Go for it. Or is he the type who never opened the cardboard tube with the diploma in it and maybe it’s in the basement somewhere or maybe it was thrown out after the big flood in his parents’ basement three years ago? He’ll probably think it’s lame.

    • What about that “lawyered” stamp?

      • I want one! any idea where they sell them?

        • I just googled custom rubber stamps, picked one, and made stamps for my colleagues as part of their Christmas/holiday gifts. Great idea, ladies!

      • Sydney Bristow :

        I got one as a gift once and it’s awesome! I don’t know where she got it from though.

    • Yes – I have two. One is Waterford crystal and was a lawschool graduation gift (it currently sits on a bookshelf in my office). The other (plastic and much cheaper than the Waterford) is from the NBC website’s store and makes the Law & Order “dun dun” sound when you bang it. That one I bought for sh*ts and giggles and sits on my desk. Occassionally I bang it while people are in my office.

      • Paralegal :

        Thank you for the great idea! I’m getting that for my SO. I’m the bigger Law & Order fan, but he works for the DA’s office so I think it is appropriate :D

    • darjeeling :

      if he’s a real estate attorney who has to review surveys, one similar-in-tone thing that I bought for myself and is actually pretty useful is a nice big magnifying glass

    • I have one a group of people got me when I got into law school, and I still keep it in my office. It’s more to remind myself that I was once very excited for the opportunity to pursue my chosen profession, but it’s kinda fun to have in case someone needs to be gaveled.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      my BF has one his office gave him as a joke gift for something. Here’s the thing: when you have a gavel just sitting on your desk, it’s just begging for people to bang the gavel. All the time.

  13. More on work life balance, from the national security community:


  14. Am I being cheap? I’m trying to build up my “grown up” pajama wardrobe and I am aghast that nightgowns/longish sleep t-shirts are $30+. Is it unreasonable to expect cotton or modal or rayon knee length sleep dress to be under $25? Does anybody have any leads?

    • Oh goodnight. Is this another wardrobe I’m supposed to have? I’ve already been told I need a “bra wardrobe.” Now I can’t wear yoga pants and a fleece to bed either? No wonder I’m single…

      • No no nooooooooooooo. All of my ratty pajamas are literally rags now. I like to wander around the house pantsless (see tail issue above) so I’m trying to buy stuff to accommodate my wear-least-amount-of-clothing-possible-without-being-nekkid-and-freezing preference.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        All this talk of pajamas and sleepshirts is making me think of this New Yorker cover:


    • Comfy sleepwear :

      Yes! I just bought a bunch of Gilligan & O’Malley “fluid knit” sleepwear from Target. No links to avoid moderation but they have it both online and in-store. Options include long pants, capris, long sleeve tops, cap sleeve tops, long and cap sleeve nightgowns, etc. Super, super soft (even my SO commented!) and well-priced. I’ve only owned them for about 2 months but so far they are holding up well in the laundry (and I don’t baby my laundry).

      Key = get the “fluid knit” ones. The others I felt were not as soft. Also, for whatever reason, the grey color is not as soft as the other colors I got (black, burgundy, teal, black/grey floral). Still soft, just not as crazy soft.

      • Comfy sleepwear :

        Oh, and for pricing, I think the gowns were $20 but Target is always running some kind of sale. I believe right now it is 20% off all sleepwear plus free shipping past $50.

        • Ah, Target, why do I always forget about you? I think I must get these http://www.target.com/p/women-s-penguin-footie-black/-/A-14193939?reco=Rec|pdp|14193939|CategoryTopSellers|item_page.horizontal_1&lnk=Rec|pdp|CategoryTopSellers|item_page.horizontal_1

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            I have pink cheetah one from Sears for $10. It has feet with claws and a hood with a face and a tail. It is so warm and comfy and I love it and look ridiculous in it which makes me love it even more.

      • I was just going to 2nd this! The patterns actually reminded me of some I saw at JCrew– the pretty ones they take from those vintage scarf factories– anyway.. $40 for 2 sets. How can you go wrong?
        I love target & the price is such a plus to me.

    • I’m having the same problem (something about approaching winter makes me want to buy more PJs). You probably have to pay extra to get ones that can accommodate your tail, though.

    • Nick and Nora on sale at target is great! My nightgowns were probably about $15-20 on sale. Or, wait until VS after christmas sales.

    • I love getting PJs from places like Marshall’s and TJ Maxx, and they have cheaper starting price points.

      • This was going to be my comment, too: T. J. Maxx. Srs.

        • The TJMaxx’s and Marshall’s I’ve been to only have the shirt+pant combos, robes and old lady house coats. Maybe I need to visit other locations.

          • Also try Nordstrom Rack and NM Last Call – they often have amazing stuff, on super sale. In store selection varies but I just keep an eye out and pick up as it comes up. Online, they have some cute stuff, too, but it’s mostly lucky sizing. I have had good luck with PJ Salvage brand stuff – very soft. http://shop.nordstrom.com/c/rack-womens-sleepwear?scroll=323&origin=category

          • I should add that if you have a VS outlet near you – they often have great sleep shirts for under $10. I gave up on their bras years ago but they have some really nice basic lounge wear and it’s ridiculously cheap at their outlet stores.

    • Gap Body, on sale. Or hit after-Christmas sales. It’s really hard, I prefer to sleep in a plaid button up sleep shirt (super sexy I know) or a tank dress and the only luck I have had for ones that aren’t fleece or cheap feeling is gap or department stores in the sales.

    • Gap Body! There’s always a coupon code for 20-40% on the site somewhere.

    • Nordstrom Rack, and sale racks at Macys and L&T

    • Brooklyn, Esq. :

      Land’s End is always having some kind of sale (today it’s 40% off one item) and I like their stuff–since they started having a more “modern” edge, you can find some pretty un-frumpy stuff* that still has coverage, which I’m always looking for. Like, I really wanted a not-long (but not ridic short) nightgown but with long sleeves, and here you go:

      *You still have to navigate past a good deal of frump, though.

  15. I responded about the care package shipping on the original thread. Hope it helps!


    • Thanks for reminding me! I saw it this morning and forgot to email it to my friend. And thanks so much for the info.

  16. Yay! Weekend Thread’s!!!!!!!

    I have a big weekend planned with Myrna and Roberta!!!!! We are doing all the soup kitchen tomorrow morning, BUT we leave after lunch (1:00pm) and we are headeing up to ROBERTA’s house in Riverdell, where she is takeing us out to eat at a deli off BROADWAY, then we are goeing to some place called WAVE HILL and we are goeing to learn all about what it was like to live there in the 1800’s.

    Roberta used to be a DOCENT there, and she is goieing to get us all in for FREE, and we will learn all about HISTORY!!!!! Then she told me we are goieng to see Edgar Alan Poe’s house (spooky), and learn about him. I remember reading about him in HIGH SCHOOL! Yay! I just do NOT like his middle name. FOOEY!

    Then SUNDAY, I have to bill my NOVEMBER hour’s b/c FRANK wants to get as much cash in hand before the holiday party. It is goeing to cost the firm a MINT, the manageing partner says, but he says I have been “INSTUREMENTAL” in getting our billieng’s up this year! YAY!!!!

    And he is happy about my pledge, b/c I have NOT submited any reimburesment’s for NOVEMBER, and am NOT goieing to b/c I heard on the TODAY show that there are STILL peeople in BROOKLYN without light or power. FOOEY! (This is also why I I have no patient’s for peeople like David, who had power, but acted like a DOOSH!”

    Anyway, I wish the HIVE a better December then our NOVEMBER’s, and my dad agree’s that we should NOT have any more huricaine’s any time soon! DOUBEL FOOEY!

  17. recent grad :

    Any suggestions for a pencil sequin skirt? Preferably red or purple, but I’m open to suggestions. I’d like to wear it to a holiday party at a friend’s house. FWIW a size 2 in J.Crew’s No. 2 pencil skirt fits me like a glove. Thanks!

    • Not red or purple, but I love this blue one from Lands End.


      Seriously thinking about getting it for myself… I do not have the legs to pull off a mini, so IMHO, this is an adorable skirt that would be flattering and still fun.

      • If you happen to be petite (which I am decidedly not), I also love this one from TopShop at Nordstrom:


      • I’ve never had a sequin skirt, but I don’t see how you sit down without either knocking off or bending/smashing the sequins on the bottom area. Can you sit in them?

      • Jenna Rink :

        I love that one too! I keep looking at it and trying to rationalize styling it for work the way they do.

      • ChristinaMD :

        Just got the sequin version of The Skirt and am a big fan. I didn’t try on the actual Skirt so I can’t recommend how it sized in comparison. There is black and a not gold/not silver -they call it Taupe color.

  18. Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

    Lunch preparation fail — I didn’t bring enough food today.

    So, I’ve been eating junk food since 4pm when I got hungry again. I discovered Indian junkfood when I popped into a local Indian grocery to buy a few spices for a recipe I was trying. I buy the junkfood now and then in a moment of weakness/foodlust.

    Still, soan papdi is incredible with hot tea, and yeah, I ate too many cubes. Also, Haldiram’s Aloo Bhujia (spicy potato noodles) are addictive. I think I’ll try to get some exercise tonight. grrrrr.

    • I love Indian junk food. Love love love it. Now I need some.

    • GirlMeetsWorld :

      Alternatively, can I suggest Maggi noodles? They are just-add-hot-water instant noodles, come in wheat, have a decent amt of protein, and are spicy! :)

    • Tired Squared :

      Cubes of what? Does your store sell papdi in cubes? Because that would be SO much easier for traveling…

    • Have you discovered Chakkali / Murrudu yet? Love that stuff.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        Hmm. I might have had this once, but not from the grocery store.

        DH’s coworker had a Diwali party and brought lots of extra treats to the office in packets to give out to coworkers, which was super nice.

        But I think it was called Murukku (my spelling for Indian transliterated stuff is atrocious, sorry). Spiral fried things. They were crispy, savory, and garlicky and awesome.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I’ve been buying Haldiram’s Soan Papdi– it comes in a plastic tray, but is already pre-cut into cubes, so one can (with some difficulty) lift out a cube to pop in one’s mouth.

      The problem is, they’re tightly packed in the plastic container, so you’ll be clawing at the edges trying to lift the first cube.

  19. Wound tight :

    I can’t believe I’m even admitting that I have this problem, but is there anyone else who has trouble winding down and relaxing on the weekends? As soon as I pop out of bed Saturday morning, I’m running around like a madwoman trying to catch up on all the laundry, cleaning and household crap that I can’t seem to get done in the evenings. It’s terrible; I’ve noticed that I sacrifice fun playtime with DS and DH because I feel anxious about all the stuff that isn’t done.

    To combat this problem, I’ve tried doing more chores on Friday night (pathetic, but it works) or waking up early in the morning to get things done before DS and DH get up. It definitely helps, but then DH is grumpy that I’m not relaxing with him, and I get a wee bit resentful that he’s sleeping or relaxing while I’m doing things. I just want to be able to enjoy a lazy Saturday morning without worrying about stuff on my to-do list!

    I don’t know if I truly have too much stuff to do, or if I’m just having trouble getting out of deadline/how-high-can-I-jump mode when it’s time to slow down. Whatever the case, it’s making me nuts, and I’d appreciate any advice for turning off my hyped-up brain for awhile.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      Are the laundry and chores your share? Or is this for the entire household?

      If it’s for the entire household, can DH pick up the slack? It shouldn’t be you doing the majority of it.

      Also, how old is your DS? If he’s 10 or older, I’d press him into service for basic stuff like — folding towels/laundry, putting stuff away. He might enjoy “helping mommy and daddy” and, he’ll learn how to do stuff, too.

      • I agree but – 10? my kidlets have been folding towels and putting their own dishes/clothes/stuff away since they were 2 1/2. By 10 they don’t want to “help” anymore – gotta start ’em young :-)

        • Agree- my 3 y/o folds all of the towels (very well, she is quite OCD about getting them square) to earn pennies to “feed her piggie”. She likes to help out and thinks its fun. And the chores get done faster. She’s starting to learn to fold her own clothes and put them away, and to sweep the floors (though she isn’t very thorough with that yet). I remember standing on a chair to wash dishes when I was young… no reason they can’t help out in some way. Its part of learning to be a member of a household. Maybe if DS learns this now, he won’t be one of those guys we were discussing in the morning thread when he grows up :)

          • I might be your daughter’s aunt, except my niece is 5.

            OP – if you drink, maybe a bloody mary in the morning? Sometimes, for me, just recognizing an issue helps me relax/step back, etc.

        • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

          I’m seriously impressed with you and anon @ 5:36pm!

          I don’t have kids and didn’t want to be known as the evil child-labor (or toddler-labor) person on this site for suggesting that kids that young take part in the chores.

          But awesome that your kids can do these things this well— you’re raising ’em right! There is something lovely about their taking ownership and being part of the family in this way.

          • Dude, I have 3 sisters and in the summer/on weekends and I always made sure to get up early and look at the list my mom would post on the fridge to sign up for the easiest chores. And, I share your perspective. I don’t have kids, but I spend a lot of time with my sisters’ kids and I am exceedingly generous but also pretty no-nonsense when it comes to pitching in, no matter the age.

    • MaggieLizer :

      It might help to think of “family time” as an entry at the top of your to-do list. It’s important for DH and DS to have time with you and to know that they’re a priority. If you think of family time as a responsibility to your family and not just “fun” or being “lazy”, it might be easier to put it ahead of all the un-fun responsibilities.

    • I’m religious and a few years ago decided to institute a real sabbath rest for 24 hours each weekend. I’m casual about it – just pick 24 hours (usually Saturday night to Sunday night for me) and don’t do any “work” during it (cleaning, bill paying, worrying… even limit email/social media where I can) – only things that are enjoyable and/or spiritual. It’s been nice. I tend to be pretty tightly wound, but now I enjoy the rhythm of preparing for the sabbath on Saturday mornings and letting go Saturday night. Could you do something similar as a family? Where you all prepare and then relax together?

    • try a housekeeper who also does laundry?

    • Merabella :

      Fly Lady. For real, it changed my life. It is mostly breaking the cleaning/organizing up into smaller daily tasks so that you free up your weekend for family/fun time.

      She suggests that you do a load of laundry a day. My DH and I don’t accumulate enough laundry for once a day, but I try to get it in during the week, pop it in the washer while I’m making dinner, and then move it over to the dryer.

      I have found that this frees up the weekend a little bit more, and I don’t have that whole “Let’s spend 8 hours cleaning our house.”

  20. a regular but anon for this :

    for those who have cut their mothers out, how did you get to a relationship with siblings who respected you cutting out your mother, whom they did not cut out?

    I cut my mother out recently and my siblings are responding very poorly, feeling like I have to either let mother back in or abandon them, that it’s not fair to ask them to not report back or not tell our mother what they know about me if we have our own relationship.

    I don’t want to be held responsible for abandoning them but it seems really wrong to be expected to continue to let my mother into my life just to keep siblings happy, when it’d make me miserable.

    • MaggieLizer :

      I’m sorry you’re going through this. Did you ask your siblings not to talk to mom about you? I certainly agree that they shouldn’t, but I don’t think you can really tell them not to. Whatever relationship they choose to have with mom is between them and mom, and you trying to control what they say to mom is fruitless (because you can’t really do anything about it anyway) and will just cause tension (because you’re making your siblings choose between respecting your wishes to not talk to mom about you or respecting mom’s wishes to hear about you). If you’re asking them to stay out of your relationship with mom, then you kind of have to stay out of their relationship with mom. You’re totally within your rights, though, to ask them not to talk to you about mom, because that affects your relationship with your siblings. Good luck and hugs.

      • Merabella :

        I would say that you can maintain a relationship with your siblings. You have to be OK with the fact that they still have a relationship with your mom, and they are going to talk about you to her. You can ask them not to, but your mom will most likely still ask, and they will most likely still tell.

        One thing you can do however, is ask your siblings not to talk to you about your mom. You can limit the conversations you have on your end.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      You guys are all going to know way to much about me through my answers to questions like this, but I always feel compelled to answer.

      I was very lucky to have the support of my siblings from the beginning. They are still in touch with my mother, although I understand it is becoming far less frequent. They were younger when everything happened that led to my decision and didn’t experience the full brunt of it in the same way that I did, but they understood.

      Something you may need to get used to is the fact that your mother may still know what is going on in your life. That isn’t something that needs to affect you if you don’t have contact with her. If she doesn’t hear it from your siblings, if your family or city is anything like mine was, she will find out from others. I sort of had to become comfortable with that fact, which did take awhile. I never asked my siblings not to talk about me with my mother. The only thing I asked them to do was to never give her my contact information (I had changed my email address and phone number, so I already had a clean slate there). They agreed to do that for me. I don’t know what, if anything, they ever told her about me. I don’t even know if she is aware that I moved across the country, although I’m sure she is. We just don’t usually talk about it, although its not an off-limit topic by any means. We’ve been able to have a relationship without any connection to my mother.

      It’s a balance that hopefully you and your siblings will be able to find someday. It will take time though. If you want to maintain a relationship with them, then try to do so and after the initial time period where it will seem like this is all you ever talk about you all may be able to move past it as it just becomes a normal part of your life that they have a relationship with someone that you do not.

  21. Young Consultant :

    Christmas Gift TJ-

    I know you are all fabulous shoppers and I would like some advice. My younger sister loves the quilted, cross body, small Marc Jacobs bags. Those are a little out of my christmas price range. I have been searching e-bay for something under $150 that has the same feel, but I have been out of luck. Any ideas for a classy cross body bag under $150? She has a very simple, classic style.

    Thanks in Advance!

    • Have you considered getting the Marc Jacobs but giving as a shared gift with another sibling or parents? I do this with my dad often so mom gets a $300 gift rather than two or three smaller gifts chosen for price range purposes as opposed to the gift she really really wants.

  22. Posting from Japan: I can’t get into the Target.com website. Is it down because of the Neiman event or is it just overseas servers that can’t access the site?

    • kira kira :

      I can always access Target from here (also in Japan), so they’re probably having technical problems.

    • It is loading fine for me at 2032 EST

      • I’m still getting “temporarily unavailable”. Annoying. Oh well. Their loss.

    • Diana Barry :

      If you are trying to get the collaboration – try the NM site instead. I just nabbed the Lela Rose c-tail dress and the Marc Jacobs metallic clutch. Woohoo! :)

  23. Ok, seriously, Please do not take cell phone calls from the bathroom stall! Please, Please Do Not.

    Having strangers on the other end of your call be able to hear me p** is not my idea of a fun time.

    • Charlotte Peloux :

      This is so true. Even without the sounds of pooping, the people on the other end of the convo can probably hear all the toilets flushing!

      zora, I love your posts. You’re hilarious and awesome!

      • Aw, Charlotte, you are so sweet!!! Glad I could make *someone* laugh, since I am also having one. of. those. weeks. ;o)

  24. LA r e t t e s: any recommendations for boutiques with fantastic work clothes, preferably on the Westside? I just moved here and am overwhelmed by the options for shopping, and I need to upgrade my wardrobe after not buying clothes for four years. I like classic pieces with one unique element to them.

    • Main St. Santa Monica has a bunch of super cute boutiques. There is also a ton of overpriced stuff on Montana which runs through Brentwood and SM. Otherwise, I’m not sure how far you consider the westside to go, but you’ll have a lot more luck the further east you go. If you have a discerning eye and know how to avoid the crazy, Anthropologie can also be a spot for work essentials with a unique element to them (particularly tops and blazers).

  25. No longer waiting for a proposal :

    Ladies, I posted a few months ago about waiting for a proposal. That never happened. We pretty much broke up tonight. He was crying and I was okay. I got sick of it after 6 years of dating while living at least an hour away from each other, sometimes more depending on law school and jobs. He just cannot commit even though he tells me how much he loves me and doesn’t want anyone else. I’m 27 and haven’t been single since I was 21 and in college. I don’t know how to navigate this. Any advice or wisdom would be appreciated. I’m heartbroken.

    • Mountain Girl :

      I broke off a 7 year relationship when I was 25. We started dating the summer after my high school graduation, dated all through college and 2 years into my first career job. He wouldn’t commit so I ended things.

      9 months later I met my DH. 6 months after that we were married. That was 19 years ago and I continue to be incredibly thankful for this most wonderful man.

      I remember feeling incredibly displaced. I allowed myself time to heal and I got a dog (for real). I slowly eased myself into the friendships of my friends – married and single. I didn’t feel guilty if I stayed home and ate ice cream and watched Cheers, Full House and Murphy Brown. Even though you weren’t married this feels like a divorce. Allow yourself time to grieve. Take things slowly and don’t beat yourself up. You will be just fine!!

    • sdchicky619 :

      My heart goes out to you. I ended a similar type of relationship two years ago. It was an excruciatingly painful but defining time in my life. I am an advocate of the cold turkey approach – no contact after the breakup. We had a few minor slip-ups, but we couldn’t “be friends” and I had to just accept that this person was no longer a part of my life in any capacity (except my memories, some of which I can now look back on fondly).

      Advice: let yourself feel whatever you want to feel, for however long you want to feel it. Don’t beat yourself up when you are not “over it” in two months. In fact, don’t put a timeline on your healing at all. Don’t feel tempted to get back together just because you are lonely. Instead, fill your time with people who make you feel good about yourself. Pamper yourself. Don’t listen to sad songs when you are driving alone. Go easy on the alcohol – drunk dialing/texting is not your friend.

      Lastly, here are some gems from my favorite advice columns (Carolyn Hax, Cary Tennis, Dear Sugar, etc.):

      “Exploring the pain of separation is a much more worthy cause than ruminating on a flawed and doomed coupling.”

      “Let him go: break your heart, wrap it up and move on. Don’t let him waste your youth and beauty. Find someone who will jump in with both feet for you, is crazy about you and willing to go the distance to prove it. Find someone who adores your quirks and oddnesses and thinks you are a great catch, and is man enough to make that mean something.”

      “Whenever circumstances plant you somewhere you don’t want to be, it’s okay to have a poor-me moment–as long as you have the heck out of it, and then stop having it, and move on to the moment where you say: “Okay, what can I learn from this, get out of this or turn to my advantage?”

      “I can’t speak for you, obviously, but to go through life alongside someone who is perpetually one gesture away from giving me everything I’ve always wanted, but who never actually makes that gesture, sounds like a nightmare to me.”

      “You’ve already figured it out. When your desire to marry someone declines the more you get to know him, the only way the truth could make itself more obvious is if it headlined the Super Bowl halftime show.”

      (Dear Sugar on how to get over a breakup:) “You let time pass. That’s the cure. You survive the days. You float like a rabid ghost through the weeks. You cry and wallow and lament and scratch your way back up through the months. And then one day you find yourself alone on a bench in the sun and you close your eyes and lean your head back and you realize you’re okay.”

      Hope this helps. Take care of yourself. You’re doing the right thing.

      • This is basically everything I could have said.

        I ended a six-year relationship in January. There were lots of reasons but among them was that there was no proposal in sight. It was different for me because I was already past the heartbreak stage when I ended it. But it was definitely an adjustment getting used to being single again. OTOH this year has been FANTASTIC and I’ve been happier this year than I have been in a long time. It will get better; just give yourself time.

    • Lady Enginerd :

      Me too. Except we were engaged, and he dumped me. I am devastated. I keep hoping he’ll change his mind. There’s really nothing more for more for me to say here, just… me too.

      • Lady Enginerd, hugs. Hang in there. That’s all.

      • Whoa–I’m so sorry. Did this just, just happen? Actually, no need to post anything or answer questions if you’re not up for it. Just know you have support.

        • Lady Enginerd :

          Yes. As of 630 pm on Friday, I am single. We were quasi long distance and he made an unexpected trip up to dump me and get his things. Am now purging the apartment of his remaining things with a friend while drinking the bottle of (very) good wine we were saving for the wedding.

          If revenge is a dish best served cold, then breakups are best when allowed to breathe and mellow (the wine is a tasty Cabernet). Anyone in Southern California (central coast, but I’ll do LA) want to meet up and help me keep busy? I moved here for him and have only one good friend within a 4 hour drive.

          • That’s terrible. Unfortunately I am nowhere nearby, but I know others are–post again during the week to get the attention of more readers in your area?

            The only other thing I can say is that it’s a good thing that you already have your own space. I know that you probably wouldn’t even be in the state if not for him, but it’s still something that you don’t immediately have to move in addition to the adjustment of breaking up. Again, I am very sorry. I’m really glad your friend was able to come over.

          • Lady Enginerd :

            Thanks. I might repost during the week, but I might just try to compartmentalize during the workday when people post more actively. I’m truly heartbroken, and at 28 have had my first-ever dose of “what if I don’t meet someone in time to have biological children” panic (we met at 25). I can’t believe he wasn’t willing to even give it a shot at working it out with therapy or coming up with a plan together.

            On the bright side, I will never have to deal with his mother again.

          • I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I’m east of L.A. I’m not much good during the week but we could do something next weekend.

          • Just wanted to extend my sympathies as someone who just went through something similar (husband made a surprise trip on a weeknight to ask for a divorce, been living quasi long-distance for a while). It tanked me hard, but 2 months out I’m already feeling more human even though I’m definitely still on a long path to 100%. I’m so sorry.

          • Lady Enginerd :

            Scientist, I’d love to take you up on your offer. Maybe something cultural, like a museum. you can email me at quincely at rocketmail dot com

          • scientist :

            Great! I sent you an email!

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            I’m so sorry, hon. This sucks.

            *hugs* *tea & sympathy*

      • No longer waiting for a proposal :

        Ugh I’m so sorry! It’s terrible. Too bad we don’t live near each other. We both need lots of support and drinks right now. I also had a friend who was engaged and the fiance broke it off two days before the wedding.

        • Lady Enginerd :

          We could go to costco and split a case of kleenex! Though I bet when I make it thru the case I got yesterday, I’ll be ready to date again…

          • No longer waiting for a proposal :

            How about a case of wine? I only cry when he calls me or sends me text messages. I have so many reasons to be angry at him and that is what I focus on until he contacts me.

    • nonfornow :

      I haven’t been through this personally, but I want you to know that there’s hope. I know a guy who broke up with his girlfriend of 9 years at age 28 and didn’t know what to do because he’d never dated anyone else. 4 years later, that guy is my fiance :)

      • this was kind of cruel. your fiance is the bf that cant commit, how does that help the OP?

        OP, and Lady, time will heal a lot of your pain. Surround yorself with a support system and resist contact with the ex. sending out hugs to both

      • No, you are needlessly assuming gender roles – my fiance was dating someone for 9 years who couldn’t commit and finally cut it off, and met me a year later.

    • Charlotte Peloux :


      Oh honey, that’s awful. You did the right thing, though, breaking up.

    • No longer waiting for a proposal :

      He wants to talk more today. I have no idea what to do or what to say to him. Listening to him cry is terrible. He had me for 6 years and I took him back after I broke up with him a year and a half ago. It’s not like I want to be single and he makes this so difficult.

      • No longer waiting for a proposal: others will disagree with me, but don’t let him suck you back in. I assume you’ve already been through conversations over a protracted period of time about how you want to get married, etc. Assuming that’s true, he knew marriage was important to you but disregarded that. That’s huge. You shouldn’t have to be pushed to your breaking point to get what you need. But that’s what happened. If it happened with this, it’ll happen with other things, too. You deserve better.

        • e_pontellier :

          +1. Tell us what city you’re in and someone will surely buy you a drink (or coffee). Be strong!!!

        • I strenuously agree with Herbie. I don’t care what he has to say, and if you don’t want to listen to him cry honestly you don’t need to do that to yourself. He had 6 years. Even if he’s calling to immediately propose, it’s been at the cost of your heart over a long period of time, and I wouldn’t even feel comfortable believing that he knows what he wants since things had to get to this point in the first place. Thus, nothing productive comes out of this conversation, and it’s just a drain on you (yet another, I should say).

          For what it’s worth, marriage per se is not very important to me. However, it’s important to you, and he knew that, so you did the right thing and are making progress every day since–even when it doesn’t feel like it. Hugs

      • No longer waiting for a proposal :

        We just talked on the phone for over an hour. He was crying and it made me cry. I just couldn’t get over him not proposing. I am also Anon NJ and MD and I took the MD bar for him. He still couldn’t commit and I just kept distancing myself to protect myself. It just exploded. I just can’t imagine never seeing him again.

        • e_pontellier :

          {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} I’m so sorry.

        • I am so, so so sorry you’re going through this. All I can do is send you ALL the Internet hugs, and tell you that it WILL get better. One second, one minute, one hour, at a time, it WILL. And in the meantime, please be kind to yourself.

        • Senior Attorney :

          I’m just seeing this and want to add my interwebs hugz and support if you’re still reading. It WILL get better, and you are completely right not to settle for somebody who won’t commit, and +1,000,000 for “don’t talk to him any more because no good can come of it at this point.”

          I’m so sorry.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        Oh crikeys. Your bf mostly likely wants to make himself feel better and paint himself as less of a villain, and potentially woo you back just enough to waste more of your time.

        Enough with his blah blah blah. It’s less than useless, really.

  26. Visiting Houston :

    Any ladies out there from Houston? I’ll be traveling there later this month for a wedding and don’t know if I should rent a car or not. I’ll be staying at the Crowne Plaza River Oaks, which is apparently somewhere between the Galleria and downtown. I’ve heard public transportation isn’t so great in Houston, but is it the kind of city where you can get around on foot? What about cabs? And how is parking? I guess I don’t want to go to the expense of renting a car if I’ll be walking long distances anyway due to the parking situation (plus paying for parking). Most of the places we plan to go are within 5 miles of the hotel. Thanks!

    • Houston is not really a walking city, except in a few very small pockets. You can take cabs, although they’re not super convenient. Probably easy to get at the hotel, but not so easy elsewhere, although it will depend a lot on where exactly you’ll be going. The most expensive parking by far will likely be whatever your hotel charges–parking otherwise is mostly free, or tip-only valet.

      Someone who has visited Houston may have more insight on the cab situation. I have never used one here in all the time I’ve lived here, and I think that’s true for many Houstonians.

    • Anonymous :

      Houston is not a very walking-friendly city and the cabs can be pretty unreliable as well. I’d get a car – or at least try to share a rental car with someone else attending the wedding if you’ll be going many places other than the hotel. Parking is usually never a problem. It’s much easier to find a parking space than to get stuck walking because you can’t find a cab.

  27. AnonInfinity :

    Tragic series of events this morning.

    Wake up in a panic because responses to motions for summary judgment are due on Wednesday and still have about 80% of the work to do. Come to work panicked. See Chocolate Festival on work calendar (because why would I put that on my personal calendar so my phone would have reminded me this morning?). Get sad because it seems pointless to leave the office already just to eat some chocolate.

    • That is the MOST TRAGIC!! Missed Chocolate Opportunity is, like, waaayy up there on the list of tragic. I feel your pain. :o( Hope you can get SOME kind of chocolate tonight! Treat yo’self!

      • AnonInfinity :

        I know, right!!!

        Going to a friend’s house for a work break a bit later and considering one glass of eggnog. That can’t hurt too much, right?!

        • Can’t hurt at all ;o)

        • hey, here’s another idea for a substitute that might dull the pain: last night I made really rich hot cocoa, and added a splash of Jamesons to it. And eek encouraged me to have the cocoa BEFORE dinner, so it is eek approved. ;o)

          • I heard someone wants to be enabled!!!! I hope you drank the eggnog! Yummmmmmy.

  28. Boston & Vermont :

    I am a 2l at Iowa Law originally from VT and looking to relocate back to the east coast after law school. I will be in Boston from Dec. 16-22 and VT from Dec. 23-29. I would like to meet up for coffee with attorneys in the area. I am not sure what area of law I want to enter.

    • This is not how to go about it.

      • Why not? What is the harm in meeting new people and talking about career goals? The OP wasn’t asking for a job, just for opportunities to meet other ‘rettes in the area and learn about the market. How would you suggest the OP do this differently here?

        • I think reaching out here is perfectly appropriate, but tone matters — OP, I would suggest providing a little background, as you would in a specific networking email to a person you have met – how do we “know” you? Are you a regular poster going anon since this might out you? Are you a new poster but you’ve seen how awesome these ladies are and hope they could help you? What areas of law are you considering – are you leaning towards transactional but not sure as to specific practice area (e.g., corporate vs. employee benefits vs. real estate – that was me as a 2L) or totally open as to litigation as well? While obviously your ultimate goal is to land a job, what do you want to discuss over coffee – how the attorney chose her practice area?

          as “a lawyer” noted below, unfortunately your time off is just when attorneys tend to be scrambling around trying to balance the year-end deal crunch with, you know, actually getting our holiday shopping and family time in. So if you are sending some specific emails as well, I’d suggest very flexible times – for example, meeting the attorney at a Starbucks near her office when she’s on her way in at 7:45.

        • She actually didn’t ask for anything. She just said what she wanted. Her tone was obnoxious. Like, of course you want to meet with attorneys. it would be them doing you a big favor. act like it, and ask them for coffee. dont just say “hey I want this. dont know what I want to practice”

    • Unfortunately for your schedule, most attorneys are going to be extremely busy during the time you will be back east, trying to wrap things up before the holidays and then trying to have time with families. I doubt it is very realistic to try to schedule meetings with attorneys during this time, unless you have an inside contact with someone already: a family friend, a former mentor, etc.

      Assuming you went to undergrad school on the East coast, you might contact your alumni office/career office and ask for attorneys you might contact.

      Good luck.

  29. What do you all think? I got an invitation to the firm holiday party — I’m a 3L, summered there, got one of the 2 or 3 offers (out of 7), it’s a medium-big-ish regional firm. I feel really obligated to go (showing that yay, I’m excited to be part of the team! I’m so glad I got one of the few offers!) but it’s in finals time and, being an introvert, seems exhausting on top of finals. Does it look bad if I don’t go?

    • Chi Squared :

      I think it would be fine to plead finals and not go. You already have the offer, and shouldn’t have to jump through any more hoops until you actually start.

    • karenpadi :

      Unless you have a final in the morning the next day, I would make an appearance (assuming that the holiday party isn’t more than an hour away from you). You don’t have to stay for long.

      Here’s the thing: they hired you because they like you and they want to work with you. By going to the party, you show that you reciprocate those feelings. Depending on the niche, everyone at the party is facing year-end goals, budget crunches, tax deadlines, etc. They are all making an effort. The attorneys also know that because you have a job offer, your GPA (and your finals) don’t count for much this year. So why would you prioritize your finals over your career?

      Next year, when you start, you will be competing–from day 1–for work with the other 1st years. Who gets the work on day 1? The newbie they recognize from the holiday party. Who gets work from the anti-social-but-awesome-mentor on day 72 when everyone else is hoarding work to make their own hours? The 1st year who showed up at the party and hasn’t f*cked up yet.

      So no, it doesn’t look horribly bad if you don’t show (maybe it reflects poor prioritizing but that’s forgivable). But it does look really really good if you do go.

      • Karenpadi is right – go make an appearance. You don’t have to stay long.

        Also, as an aside, you obviously are a more responsible person than I was because I definitely didn’t care too much about finals my 3L year!

      • AnonInfinity :

        Agreed. You should totally go. I went to mine under similar circumstances, and it ended up being fun.

    • I feel your pain, as stress (such as finals) also pushes me firmly in the introvert camp, while normally I’m sort of borderline… but I think it is important to go, most offices look at their annual parties as part of the ‘team building’ process. Plus, you can renew some of your contacts you made over the summer, refresh your memory as to who is who, and that should (hopefully) help you be a little less stressed when you actually start!

      I wouldn’t worry about shopping for the perfect outfit, hopefully you have something in your closet that you feel confident in, so you don’t have to stress about what to wear. Go with the idea in your mind that you do not have to stay all night… stay an hour or two, sip one drink, make sure you greet each of the partners, then gracefully make an early exit with your perfect excuse, you have to study for finals!

      • yes, thanks all. karenpadi, those are the reasons i thought i should go — i mean, lawyers are certainly more busy, with more important stuff, than law students are.

        and re: outfit & L2fly’s comment: given that it’s on a weekday, in the afternoon/early evening, and at a biz cas firm, i’d be okay just wearing normal biz cas, no? do ppl dress differently (more festively) for a normal day’s work b/c there’s a firm party afterwards? (i guess this is prob a know your office thing… too bad i don’t know) unfortunately i don’t have anything remotely festive and professional.

        • e_pontellier :

          This is definitely a know-your-office thing, but if you have a conservative black dress, that would probably be fine. A sheath dress may work as well. In my old office, lawyers did dress more festively on the day of the firm party – men wore suits and ladies wore… dresses? mostly?

        • karenpadi :

          Glad to hear you are going! Based on the party being after work, biz casual is fine. I might contact a female mentor (e.g., a first year or second year now) and just double check the dress code. As always, it’s better to overdress than to underdress.

    • thanks for all your helpful input, y’all!

  30. Ok, real work/fashion question:

    I have to go to an official all-day meeting thing. This year the confirmation came with a notice that the venue has a dress code of “business attire: Jackets and ties for men, equivalent for women” Um, what does that mean?!

    Please tell me I don’t have to wear a full suit, but could do something like a dress with a jacket. Is a cardigan too casual? I really am not looking forward to sitting listening to people talk for 8 hours in an uncomfortable suit. :o(

    • AnonInfinity :

      Suit or the jacket/dress combo. Definitely no cardigan.

    • Anne Shirley :

      Sorry, I’d go suit, or at the most suit dress and blazer. Def. no cardigan.

    • Dress and jacket, or pants/skirt and jacket, or suit are all fine. Cardigan is not.

      • Siiiigh, I had a feeling that’s what you all would tell me. :o( Well, I think i’m going to try to pull off one of my ponte dresses with a jacket, because with the jacket over you can’t really tell it’s ponte, and yet I will be relatively comfy. I also plan to wear opaque black tights and knee high black boots, I hope that’s ok?

        Side note: WHY can people still not figure out how to explain dress codes for *women*?? what is this “equivalent for women” [email protected]?!? rawr

        • I wouldn’t do the knee-high boots- perhaps something more classic like ankle boots or pumps?

    • Diana Barry :

      How about a pantsuit with comfy knit top?

  31. Help! Need flats with arch support.

    I herniated a disc over Thanksgiving and am trying to find a pair of nice looking, preferably court or at least deposition appropriate, flats. I need good arch support and comfort. My go-to style is usually Cole Haan but I cannot seem to find any with good arch support. Size 6 needed. I’m sending 3 pairs back today, two Geoxx and one Aravon, which had a teeny heel. All were a little large and only the Aravon had any support.

    Thanks in advance.

  32. Fleece-lined Tights :

    Thanks to whoever suggested the lined tights from Walgreens!! I just stocked up. They are great quality and only $4 a pair! Wish they had more colors and patterns.

  33. Meg Murry :

    Ugh, if I ever hear a man complain about having to wear a suit &tie again, I’m going to stuff him in 2 pairs of spanx, thigh highs, a push up bra & heels. I looked good, but man, the price we women pay for beauty! Hate the gym, but starting to see it as the lesser evil when compared to spanx!

    • They make Man Spanx now. I am not making this up.

      • I saw that at Nordstrom and it made me feel all sorts of kind of weird. Like the MENS are taking over our territory and trade secrets.

    • Alanna of Trebond :

      I do not wear any of these things. Most of the time I do feel luckier than guys wearing suit and tie because I can wear a comfortable dress and throw a blazer on top.

  34. Target’s decision to develop and run its own shopping software must be one of the worst marketing decisions ever made. They’ve had almost two years to get the site to work as well as it did when Amazon ran it, but it’s still a mess. Yesterday, the site started blocking all international IP addresses. This includes hundreds of thousands of U.S. military and civilian personnel who have U.S. mailing addresses, not to mention folks overseas wanting things delivered in the U.S. or even shipped overseas, which Target does to many countries. I posted the problem on Target’s Facebook page, and the only response I got was that their IT people were “aware of the problem and are trying to fix it.” I know I can see the collaboration items on the Neiman page, but what I really want to order are some holiday decorations for my mom. It’s been 24 hours. Grrrr.

  35. It’s raining cats and dogs here and I’ve now realized I can’t find my hooded raincoat! Grr. I must have left it somewhere last spring at the end of the rain season.

    I only use the hooded raincoat on the weekends, when I’m with my kids and need my hands free. Otherwise, I’m a trench and umbrella girl.

    Any leads on a mid-thigh or longer, swing shaped, hooded raincoat are appreciated. I don’t see anything right at Land’s End or Nordstrom.

    • Have you looked at LL Bean? They have a lot of rain coats in mid-thigh and longer options with various linings (mesh/fleece/wool).

  36. I can’t BELEIVE I am already at work! My dad is right! I should be MARRIED b/c if I was, I would still be asleep, not billeing hours for Frank in this grungy office at 830 am! FOOEY!

    I did gave a great day with Myrna and Roberta and ate great deli in the Bronx! Who knew I could get great deli there? Yay! Roberta said the Stage deli is closeing! I was there’s couple times. The meat is OK but it is NOT kosher so it does not taste as good! FOOEY! Mabye that’s why they closed? Maybe they should go kosher? I will ask my dad.

    There were 2 guys in the Bronx that were very helpful to Myrna and I after Roberta dropped us off at the 4 stop. She wanted to drive us back to The City, but I said we could take the train from the Bronx. Well we got on but went the wrong way and took the train to the end, and we were STILL in the Bronx! These 2 nice Spanish guys told us we could just sit on the train and it would take us back into the city and they were right! Before you knew it, we were back in the city and the two guys got off with us at 86th street. They wanted to hang out with me and Myrna but I did not so Myrna and I went into the NYSC for a while, and then went home. Yay!

  37. I’m kinda excited, I think I just created my new years eve outfit on the H&M site!


    • I’m most excited by the sequin skirt as has become popular on this site lately.

    • Love this; particularly love the sequin skirt.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      Love it! If I had any legs whatsoever (I have legs like a kokeshi), I’d wear this look.

  38. Go West Young Woman :

    Lawyer relocating to Seattle. What’s salary scale there for mid-law? (i.e., not Perkins Coie or K&L Gates)

    • Varies widely – the market isn’t big enough to be standard and the tier below PC/DWT/KLG but above the boutique level is small. I’d say anywhere from $85-100k starting, but there’re only maybe 4-5 firms paying at that level.

      Some mid-law firms in Seattle also do a delayed comp thing, where you’re paid at a lower rate and then get trued up mid-year if you’re on track to make hours.

  39. does anyone have suggestions for slippers with very good arch support? Thank you!

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