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Wedges are big for the summer (aren't they always, though?) and I like the curved, slenderish heel on this one. It's available in black, silver, and gold; I love the gold the most. The shoes are $59.99 at Amazon. Aerosoles Women's Bronze Age Wedge Sandal
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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meme
Reposting from late in the morning thread in hopes of getting a few opinions:
JCrew is having a 20% off sale now through the 21st. Do they usually have better sales around Memorial Day, or should I go for it now if I’ve had my eye on something? Also, has anyone here purchased the Telegraph pencil skirt in Super 120s (available online only)? I love the wool No. 2 pencil skirts, and I’d like an alternative for summer, but I hear the cotton No. 2s are way too wrinkly. And I like the idea of the extra length in the Telegraph skirt. Thanks!
jcb
I have a couple of the Telegraph skirts and really like them! The fabric has a thinner weave than the No. 2 skirts (and I completely agree that the cotton ones are a wrinkly mess – I sadly have some of those, too) and drapes nicely. I like the wider waistband on the Telegraph, it’s pretty flattering.
Monica
I was looking at purchasing one myself, but I am wary of the cut. I am rather curvy with a bit of a tummy. Should I stay away from the Telegraph?
jcb
Well, I just wrote out a long response for you and the site crashed (second time in the past few minutes). Basically – I have curves, too – 10-inch difference between hips and waist. I bought the right size for my hips/butt, and then had the waist taken in a little. I actually think it’s an especially flattering style for curves because of the wide waistband emphasizing the smallest part of you. And, the fabric/cut are not butt-hugging (like the No. 2 pencil can be), just falls nicely in the back.
AIMS
Why not purchase whatever you have in mind now and if there is a better sale for MD, either see about a price adjustment or return and re-purchase (assuming the difference will be worth the effort)?
Pancakes
Not the OP, but: unfortunately, J.Crew only does price adjustments for markdowns, not % offs. Although the return/repurchase would work.
Boardroom Belles - Posey
I just had this happen to me where they wouldn’t adjust a % off and the sales person suggested I return and repurchase.
MJ
Dissenting view-0I purchased one of the No. 2 cotton pencil skirts about a month ago (they had a secret 25% sale in-store) and I love it–it’s not a wrinkly mess. On the other hand, I abhor their Super 120s, and the telegraph skirt was VERY unflattering on me–it showed every lump, bump, line, curve–not because it was too small–but because the fabric was just too thin. Not a fan. I am short-waisted and curvy, with long legs…the telegraph skirt was like a too-thin, ill-fitting sack on me, and it emphasized everything I didn’t want to emphasize. Also, as a point of reference, I adore the No. 2 wool pencil skirts…just not the Super 120s. Hope this helps.
E
J Crew vs. J Crew Factory-
What do you think, hive?
2013
JCrew Factory doesn’t seem to be particularly cheaper, but they always have a sale, and I really like the things I’ve bought that are work appropriate. Lately it seems like regular JCrew is all “SPRING BREAK!” and Factory actually has better stuff for working in an office.
30th birthday present
Ladies of the hive, I need your help finding a good 30th birthday present for my lovely husband. We’ll be attending a destination wedding in a lovely tropical place on the actual day of his birthday, so he’s telling me that he doesn’t want anything else because the trip is the gift. Obviously I can’t let a milestone birthday be ignored this way. What ideas do you have for a great and memorable (whether because it’s an object he’ll treasure for a long time or an activity he’ll never forget) 30th birthday? A little about my hubby: he loves sports, especially basketball and soccer, he’s got great fashion sense and always looks really well put together (he’s got a bit of a preppy vibe going), he loves to travel and learn about other cultures, and wants to learn to speak lots of languages, he’s going to grad school in the fall, he loves music.
He always gets me really thoughtful gifts, but I’m terrible at getting presents and I want this one to be a good one.
anon
Could you go on a snorkeling trip or ziplining or something like that while on your vacation? Those are both active and a good way to explore the area on your trip.
OP
This is a great idea, I think maybe I’ll plan a hike for the morning of and maybe a picnic after.
scarf lady
Ooh, how exciting! Whatever you choose to do, I would make sure that it does not overshadow the wedding that you will be attending (e.g., no big surprise party at the wedding). I would get him something that reflected his interests–amazing/sick seats to a playoff basketball game (if his favorite team is still in it), or season tickets for next year. The World Cup is coming up in Brazil, is he thinking about going? I would look into submitting to the lottery for that for your husband. Does he play in any adult leagues? Maybe he needs new cleats or other accessories for his pick-up games. I’ve seen people charter a yacht for a day cruise with friends and family, or do something crazy like sky diving. You could get him something that he could use at the wedding destination–scuba diving lessons maybe?
OP
Good point about not overshadowing the wedding. I think I’ll give him his gift during the day before the wedding (it’s an evening wedding). He reallllly wants to go to the World Cup, but because he’ll be in school he’s worried it’ll conflict with a summer job. I think the season tickets is probably the best bet for the sports-themed gift.
Meg Murry
Can you plan some kind of excursion in the lovely tropical place, maybe the day before if his birthday is the actual day of the wedding? Something exciting like swimming with sharks or parasailing, or something unique like taking a cooking class on local cuisine.
Also, he may be telling you not to do something because he doesn’t like the idea of going from his 20s to 30s. I was a little freaked out by it (oh no, I’m old, my youth is gone, I haven’t accomplished my life goals, I’m going to be stuck in this crappy job I hate forever, why am I living in this crummy place and broke, etc – it was a low point in my life that the birthday did not help) and didn’t want to acknowledge the milestone at the time. So you may want to be sensitive to the milestone part of it and just celebrate it as his birthday, not his BIIIIIG milestone birthday.
Meg Murry
Or if you want to get him an actual thing as opposed to an experience, what about a nice watch, a new wallet or business card case or a nice high quality messenger/laptop bag for grad school? I’ve always loved the bags from Levenger (especially the Bomber and Cambridge, they look kind of preppy) and wish my husband carried a bag often enough to be worth it for him – http://www.levenger.com/Bags-11/Men-s-Bags-994/Tech-Bags-996.aspx
Or a tablet/e-reader if he doesn’t already have one that you can give to him in advance to use on the flight?
Or a nice camera (maybe one that can go underwater or a case for one to go underwater? – I’m always jealous when people come back from tropical vacations with pictures they took while snorkling of the beautiful tropical fish).
Will there be a wedding photographer at the destination wedding? Could you ask the couple if you could arrange to get pictures of the 2 of you taken at the reception or early in the morning of the wedding (something that won’t interfere with the couple’s wedding photos, of course) and then get some nice picture frames to put the photos in? At my cousin’s wedding recently, the photographer offered to take family photos for anyone who came between time x and y – it worked out well since we were all dressed up and together.
If he loves other sports and is a good swimmer, what about looking into scuba lessons at your local pools before the trip, then you could do a scuba excursion during your trip? I’ve heard the excursions are a lot more fun if you already know the basics of scuba before you go, so you can just spend the time on the excursion exploring, not figuring out the basics of the equipment).
Gem
For his 30th my OH and I were in London. I bought him a compass there.
Lynnet
Could you maybe get him one (or more, depending on your budget) Rosetta stone language programs, along with travel guides/travel books for that country? My husband’s family gives a lot of travel books , even for places that people aren’t going to go, as presents, and at first I thought it was kind of dumb, but I’ve come to really enjoy looking through our collection of travel books when I’m feeling like I’m stuck in a rut.
If he’s interested in China- Peter Hessler’s books are absolutely amazing. If Mongolia- Hearing Birds Fly is really good.
Beth
Anyone have strong opinions on whether you can wear peep toes to a deposition? I have a pair of Cole Haan Air Tali wedges, which are sooo comfortable, but I’m worried I’ll cross a line.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/cole-haan-air-tali-wedge/3470113?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=&resultback=894&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-searchresults-_-1_3_C
Ellen
YAY!!!! OPEN THREAD’s!!!! I love Open thread’s!!!! And another great pick by Kat with these wedge’s!!! Cute and inexpensive, though DAD says I am far to squat to wear wedge’s, Rosa Can!!!!
As for the OP, absoleutely NOT!!!! NO open toe’s to depo”s or to court. You do NOT want to be a distraction, the manageing partner say’s. He says peeople should be lookeing at your face, not your toe’s. And I agree, b/c in the City, there is a lot of schumutz in the street that if you are weareing OPEN toes, you will step into. FOOEY! So stick to closed toe’s.
As for me, while waitng for Philip to confirm dinner for next week, Myrna and I are goieng to the Beach this weekend, but ONLEY to sit on the Boardwalk. We do NOT want to go in the water yet b/c it is to cold (BRRRRR!!!! says Myrna), even tho she is a tryathlete and I am NOT. Myrna says she know’s a guy who want’s to get married, but he is both bald and fat. One or the other I can take if I have to but NOT both. There are so many bald fat guy’s that want me to date them that I think I am on a special planet for them. I do NOT want to be cruel, but I do NOT want bald children. DOUBEL FOOEY!
So I am meeting Grandma Leyeh in the Bronx Sunday to cook the Chicken at her place. My oven I am NOT sure it even work’s, b/c I use maineley the microwave for warmeing up take out. Grandma Leyeh will also be teacheing me alot of cookeing tip’s that I can share with Philip so that he thinks I am goieing to be a good homemaker. YAY!!!!! Once we are married, I will probabley cook a little, mabye once or twice a month, but I do NOT intend to be a TV MOM like Mrs. Bradey from the Bradey Bunch. FOOEY! I do NOT want 6 kid’s either. 2 is more then enough for me, and I could NOT imageing haveing Philip for 6 consecutetive kid’s. That would be alot of bedroom activitie’s with an elf. I probabely would not mind if he turned out to have a bank account like the Goldman guy Lloyd Blankfine, but he will NOT so FOOEY on him trying to be makeing so many babie’s with me.
Jules
My office is business casual, but even for more formal offices I’ve never understood the no-peep-toe rule. But why couldn’t you wear these to a deposition? There’s no judge or jury to impress (or be, well, judgey) and as long as you’re suited up so you look like The Lawyer to your client and/or the deponent, you’re fine.
anon
It really depends on where you are. I’ve seen male attorneys show up for depositions in jeans and button downs in some of the smaller counties. I have worn peep-toes to some depositions in the summer (large mid-western city). But if a client will be there, I dress up more, and would wear pumps.
Anon
+ 1
Jay
Depends on the depo. Are you taking or defending? If you’re taking, do you want to look friendly and approachable or do you need to look authoritative? If you’re defending, is it the CEO or a more junior person? Your feet are going to be invisible most of the time, so unless this is something like the key expert witness in a billion dollar case, I think you’re fine not being 100% formal.
TO Lawyer
Yay its Friday and the weekend! Anyone have any fun plans this weekend?
I’m just so happy it’s a long weekend here…
CKB
Our local amusement park opens this weekend, and my brother & his family are coming from 2 hours away to go with my family. No plans for Sunday or Monday (yay long weekend!), and it’s our last weekend with nothing else going on until mid July, so I need to relax while I have a chance!
Sydney Bristow
Heading to Washington DC shortly to meet one of my boyfriend’s friends. She is pretty much the only one left that I’ve never met. I’m sure it will be tons of fun and I haven’t been to DC in nearly 10 years, but I have a teeny tiny piece of me that is nervous even though I get along great with all of his other friends. Yay weekend!
AIMS
You’re awesome and charming and she is going to love you. Have a great time!
Sydney Bristow
Aw, thanks! Luckily we clicked right away so now it’s all about a fun weekend in DC!
Nonny
Recovering from this lousy cold that has been kicking my b*tt for the past couple of days.
That, and learning about algae. Really.
Lynnet
Housewarming party at our place tonight (and my husband was off today, so I don’t even have to clean!); barbequing tomorrow; and going to see my friend in his first appearance with his new band on Sunday. I think I’ll be glad when Monday rolls around and I have time to relax!
Matilda
Roller derby! We have home bouts and a scrimmage, so lots and lots of roller derby. (Come to think of it, that’s become my usual weekend plan these days.)
What is this long weekend of which everyone speaks? Why don’t I get a long weekend?
Mpls
I’m going to a school bus road-eo. Basically precision driving in a school bus – including one event where everyone tries to stop with the front tire on a dollar (that’s been taped to the ground).
Nonny
That actually sounds super fun!
Herbie
It’s the freakin’ weekend, and I’m ready to have me some fun. Meeting Mr. Herbie’s parents for the first time, partying at the Byron Nelson, and brunching this weekend. Should be a nice little time.
Orangerie
And now I have R. Kelly stuck in my head! Haha.
anonypomatus
Me too! Thanks Herbie! I was wondering why I was humming that song as I was drafting documents. :)
Finally!
Graduating law school! Sooo pumped.
LH
Congratulations!!
Plan B
Congratulations!
NOLA
After last weekend, when I had to be places way too early both days, I can happily say I have nothing planned. Then again, I just got back from lunch with a friend/colleague from another dept. where we complained about everything and drank fabulous c*cktails. I’m ready for a nap!
DAR
Lucky Canadians with a long weekend!
SoCalTraffic
Sat is work + car maintenance then picnic with my love.
Sun will be cut/trim my hair (haven’t decided yet) and then MAD MEN HAPPY HOUR at the Library Bar!!!!! Very excited :D
Miss Behaved
Heading to the Cape to celebrate my brother’s birthday tomorrow. He’s had some medical problems recently so we’re happy he’s doing okay. I’m making brownies with peanut butter frosting and I may even try to make peanut butter cups, if I have leftover frosting. We all love pb.
Lady Harriet
My church young adult group is having a cookout at the beach Saturday night, so I’m going to that with some of my friends. Despite living within an hour of the Gulf, I haven’t been since last August! The last few days have been really hectic, so it’ll be great to unwind a bit. I also plan to sleep more and clean moldy produce out of the refrigerator. (Ew, but it has to be done!)
Cb
End of the weekend here, had a lazy Saturday with loads of cooking, lazing about, and Doctor Who and then took my students on a trip to the zoo today. Suspect I’m coming down with a cold so tea and a hot shower for me this evening.
Anonymous
Reposting from late in the morning thread — does anyone have any recommendations for a Cambridge (specifically Harvard Square, but anyone in Cambridge might be able to help) rental realtor?
Anonymous
I don’t, but I’m jealous that you need one.
Anon
Very frankly, they’re all pretty much the same. I think I ended up meeting with 4-5 different companies, saw everything they had to offer (there are a few listings that are shared, but some aren’t) and then just went with the best place.
Anonymous
Immediate TJ because I just need to have a mini temper tantrum.
We are going on vacation next week for the first time in three years. We will both work through Thursday and leave Thursday night. My boss just scheduled a performance review with me for Thursday at 3pm. At another job I might be mildly annoyed, but no big deal. This job, however, has been such a disaster from day 1 and performance reviews from my wackadoo boss are incredibly stressful. At the last one, I was insulted and humiliated for close to an hour for no real reason. I won’t go into details, but it was horrible and I went back to my office and bawled. Not a few tears. Outright bawling. I can’t help but feel that the timing of this review is partly intentional. This will not be a good meeting and this is not how I want to start our much-needed vacation.
Serle
I might let him know next Thursday at noon that something has come up — call/mtg. with client, or have last-minute medical appt. you can’t cancel, or something comparable that can’t really be challenged — and you won’t be able to do a 3 p.m. review, but you’re available at dates/times X, Y, and Z following your return from vacation (ideally a Friday, so you have a weekend to recover). That said, I don’t think much of my company’s annual review process, and I would have zero qualms about doing something like this. Others may see more of an ethical issue.
Island girl
I would rather get it over with before my vacation. Rip off the bandage and get it over with quickly.
I’m a total worry-wart; I’d be so nervous and anxious during the vacation, I wouldn’t be able to relax. If your review is not pleasant, at least you’ll know.
And, if the review is bad, you can plot your response/moves/revenge/strategy while on your trip. I really hate to put off bad news . . . but that’s just me. Often the worrying is so much worse than the reality. (Okay, often but not always.)
However it goes, we are all here supporting you. Good luck.
TBK
Are the kind of person who can say “whatever, my boss is insane. If s/he wants to rant at me for an hour, so what? I know it has nothing to do with my actual ability.” and then go order a big, froofy cocktail at the airport? If not, that’s okay. Some people are more sensitive to demeanor and tone. If that’s you, then does it help going into it to say “okay, so this is going to be sucky and then I’m going to go cry in my office, and then VACATION!!” Crying in your office is not a terrible thing if it purges all the bad feelings out of your system so you can leave them behind when you walk out of the office. (Meanwhile, spend this weekend pulling together all your contacts and setting up lunches or coffee next week — sounds like you need a new job. Just knowing you’re planning your exist may make the boss’s insanity easier to take.)
TBK
Shoot. Stuck in mod for the c-word.
Are the kind of person who can say “whatever, my boss is insane. If s/he wants to rant at me for an hour, so what? I know it has nothing to do with my actual ability.” and then go order a big, froofy c-tail at the airport? If not, that’s okay. Some people are more sensitive to demeanor and tone. If that’s you, then does it help going into it to say “okay, so this is going to be sucky and then I’m going to go cry in my office, and then VACATION!!” Crying in your office is not a terrible thing if it purges all the bad feelings out of your system so you can leave them behind when you walk out of the office. (Meanwhile, spend this weekend pulling together all your contacts and setting up lunches or coffee next week — sounds like you need a new job. Just knowing you’re planning your exist may make the boss’s insanity easier to take.)
Anonymous
Thanks for the advice. I have never been the kind of person that handles crazy well. I have been trying really hard not to bring too much of the work drama home with me, which I can be so bad about. It was all we would talk about some nights. I do tell my husband what goes on at work, I just don’t start ranting and raving like I used to. And yes, I have been planning my exit but of course it never happens as quickly as we would like.
serle
Sorry if my response appears twice — I posted it once, got the posting-too-quickly message, then I reposted and it never showed up. Basically, I would just cancel your review a few hours before on the day of — tell your boss you have a meeting/client call or visit, or you have a last-minute appointment that you can’t cancel (hint-hint medical issue), etc. Give him a few times/dates you’d be available when you’re back from vacation, preferably on a Friday so you have the weekend to recover.
Anon in NYC
I’m sorry – that sounds awful. But, I think you can actually put a positive spin on it. You know it’s going to be a terrible review, so you don’t have any hopeful expectations. And then guess what? You don’t have to see him for a few days. Right after your review, you can leave the office, bawl at home, and then get on a plane (or whatever) and then forget that you have a job for a while. And while you’re on vacation, you and your SO should make plans to find you a new job asap.
Anonymous
Yes! Good that toure getting it over with /dont have to come back to it. You might even be able to joke about it on the first day or two of vacy, before you just put it away for good and are deep into fun.
Anon for this
I was blind sided by a sucky review right after the vacation and it was the WORST. I felt I couldn’t just take a few days off because I had just been away but the last thing I wanted to do was face the jerks that gave me the lame review. It was so awkward being in the office.
If I ever again had to take a lousy miserable review, I would want it right before my vacation so I didn’t have to face the jerks until I got back and by then could be a little more over it and could keep pretending it didn’t happen until I found a new job (which I did).
This might be a blessing in disguise.
MB
I was thinking this also. I was blindsided by a bad review once on a Tuesday, and it was really hard to go into work for the next few days and face my horrible boss. I actually contemplated taking vacation just so I wouldn’t have to deal. If it’s terrible, at least you have some decompression time afterwards. Maybe you could say to yourself, I will take 30 minutes after the review to write down all the things I couldn’t say in the review, and create an action plan for finding a new job, and then I will put the plan in my luggage and move on and have a good time for the rest of my vacation. Sometimes stuff like that works for me.
Bonnie
It’s going to be awful any way you do it. So just get the review over with so you can relax on your trip. If you delay it until your return, you’ll keep thinking about it during your vacation and dreading the return.
Plan B
This. I would want to get it over with, then get the h*ll out of there for my vacation! I hope it isn’t too bad either way.
Anonymous
I was once blindsided by a bad performance review in the week before I went on vacation. I probably can never go back to one particular beach in Costa Rica where I took a long, angry walk by myself the morning after we arrived and thought about all of the things I should have said during the review meeting, but the timing was actually kind of a blessing because I could get away from the office and spend time with my husband. The vacation left me recharged and ready to look for a new job. (I hadn’t lost my job, but the way the review was handled made me determined to move on.)
anon
Don’t try to move or skip it. If you do, you’ll spend the whole vacation fretting about how bad it’s going to be when you get back. The devil you know…
jcb
Hi, I’m planning a trip in a couple of weeks to Tel Aviv and then the Wadi Rum and Petra areas of Jordan. Has anyone been? I’d like to pack light, but I’m having trouble figuring out how to do that. I’ll be shopping in Tel Aviv and touring around Jerusalem for a few days, and then flying down to the Eilat/Aqaba crossing, spending the next few days touring around the desert, sleeping out in a Bedouin camp, and then hiking around Petra and staying in a nice hotel near its entrance.
I’m a very fair-skinned redhead – so I’ve bought a sun hat and white, vented safari shirt with SPF 50. I have some lululemon capris that go just beneath the knee (I’ve read that I need to keep my legs down to my knees covered, and my chest and shoulders as well). I have a couple of wicking fabric type short-sleeved shirts from Patagonia that also have a 50 SPF rating. So, what else? What do I wear in Israel? What kind of footwear? It is going to be really hot – like 90+ degrees (but low humidity).
Has anyone been? Any recommendations for packing or things I must see? Anyone stayed in a Wadi Rum camp? Trying to decide which one would be best. I’m traveling alone for the Jordan part, FWIW.
Eleanor
I’ve never been to Wadi Rum, but I’ve been to Petra and various places in Israel. I wore knee-length skirts and t-shirts when I was there and was fine (I am also very fair-skinned, so I wore a ton of sunblock). I would pack a couple of ankle-length skirts and a couple of knee-length, and a pair of those knee-length shorts if you’re going to be doing serious hiking. If by ‘hiking’ you just mean walking around Petra, then there’s no need for the shorts; it’s not like mountaineering. I’ve no idea about the Bedouin camp, though.
Most of Israel, particularly Tel Aviv, is the same as a western country. Just dress modestly in religous areas or holy sites, as you would anywhere else. As I remember, it did feel more European in that people did not wear exercise clothes for daily clothing like we Americans tend to do, so lululemon capris might look out of place, depending on what fabric and cut they are, and depending if you care.
As to footwear, people here might not like to hear this, but I wore Birkenstock sandals for all activities (I was much younger and didn’t realize how ugly they are, but they were really comfortable). People here have talked about good walking flats for traveling that aren’t as ugly; try searching previous threads for ‘travel shoes’ or something like that.
Anon
Tel Aviv is very causal and you can pretty much wear whatever you want. It can get very humid in Tel Aviv in the summer – it’s sort of like Miami. When you go to Jerusalem, wear a top that covers your upper arms. Short sleeves are fine, but not cap sleeves. You may want 3/4.
Blonde Lawyer
My redhead brother did a semester in Jordan and then toured other places that you will be visiting. His semester abroad program was co-ed and I recall him telling me about some issues the ladies on the trip encountered, one major, while traveling at Petra I believe. He also did the Bedouin stay and found the girls had different experiences from the boys. Nothing dangerous there, just cultural differences. If you would like to email with him, I’ll put you two in contact. Post an anon email.
Ginger
I studied abroad in Israel two years ago and spent a few days in Petra. Tel Aviv will be in the 80s at least, humid and disgusting, but you can wear whatever you want. Jerusalem will be in the 80s but less humid, and it will cool down at night. If you are going to holy sites, wear a skirt that is at least knee-length, and have your shoulders covered. (You can carry around a light wrap-around skirt and shawl with you and improvise as needed.) You don’t need ankle-length skirts at all unless you’re planning on lingering in ultra-orthodox neighborhoods. Shorts are not as common in Israel. I think this is a European view, that it’s okay to show cleavage but not thigh. So you may want to wear loose pants or flowy skirts + tank tops or thin t-shirts in order not to stand out too much but not to get too hot. Birkenstocks are totally fine, as are really anything…as my flatmate observed, Israeli girls are hot from the ankles up, i.e., they have really bad taste in shoes. I think the Jerusalem rules apply to Petra as well. Wear shoes that you will be comfortable walking in.
AIMS
Bring or buy in Tel Aviv (Israel has fantastic shopping – I would buy every pair of leather sandals there if I could) some kind of big silk scarf/shawl. It will come in handy for the random temperature changes, will keep you cool in the heat and warm at night and will be super essential for visiting the religious places (you have to cover your head but a hat isn’t always appropriate).
Avodah
Ankle-length, cotton skirt (maxi skirt), Teva sandals and a 3/4 length , crewneck shirt that covers your elbows. Some religious sites will make a big fuss and kick out if you are not dressed appropriately.
My suggestion? Wear shorts under the skirt, and when you leave the Kotel, the Dome of the Rock, Church of the Holy Sepulcher, then you can remove your skirt, et voila! Shorts and a shirt. A big floppy hat is good too.
I ‘m serious about the modest dress though. I have seen women feel really embarrassed being kicked out of a synagogue or religious site because they wore, I’m not kidding, biking shorts and a tank top.
s
Hopefully it’s not too late for you to see this! I did almost this exact trip last year, right around the same time. I flew into Jordan, did Dana Nature Reserve and Petra, went to Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, and then to Bethlehem and on to Egypt. I had a big pack, and for bottoms just brought one maxi dress, one maxi skirt, travel capris, and jeans. Definitely go modest for the religious sites. In Petra, it was so hot I actually wore a tank top and regular work out shorts and I think they see so many tourists there it’s not a big deal. I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I started in Petra at 6am and we were hiking there until around 3 or 4 (sneakers). I highly recommending going in and enjoying the area and doing all the hikes, don’t just go in, see the monastery, and leave. It is VERY hot, and there is very little shade so you will want to start your day as early as possible. I’m assuming you’re driving from Petra to Wadi Rum? I loved getting a rental car and driving along the dead sea highway. We only spent one day in Tel Aviv, which was our beach / relaxation day in the midst of some hectic traveling, but it seemed very Western to me. And get sabich! So delicious.
Sabrasortof
If packing light is a priority, I think that you’ll get a lot of mileage out of the “big safari shirt” you mentioned. You can wear tank tops or whatever you’d like during the day, and then throw it on for going into religious sites, etc. Tel Aviv, though, is very Western and trend-oriented. Check out Yale Sloma’s blog, The Streets Walker, to get a sense of things, especially if you have shopping plans… In Jerusalem, as wonderful as the historical sites in the Old City are, I love the neighborhoods in and around Machane Yehuda Market, especially Nachla’ot and Nachalat Shiva. They are full of lots of tiny courtyards with shops and cafes tucked into corners, and make for more relaxed wandering than the Old City.
Wadi Rum and Petra are both beautiful, and it’s great that you’re taking your time with that portion of the trip. Petra has a pretty good tourist infrastructure, but Wadi Rum, from what I remember, is lacking. Make sure to check with your camp to see what meals they provide. If you’ll need to be responsible for your own lunches, for example, make sure to bring food in with you, because you won’t be able to buy things once you’re out in the desert. It’s amazing, though–have so much fun!
jcb
Thanks for all the responses! I’m going to have this page open while I pack. I am probably getting more worked up about it than need be, but better to be prepared!
Famouscait
Has anyone ever tried Arturo Chiang “Lori” ballet flats? I’m considering buying them online from Lord & Taylor but there’s no reviews there as to fit. Thanks for any input!
http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/lori-ballet-flats
efk
I think I tried those on during the last L&T shoe sale. They fit me comfortably- my feet are wide at the front but my heel is slightly narrow. The color was a little off- I felt is was a bit peachier than I wanted and they seemed just a little cheap. That being said, I have other Arturo Chiang shoes that I LOVE and these weren’t uncomfortable.
Famouscait
Thank you!!
Pancakes
EFK, what other shoes do you like? My foot sounds the same as yours! Wider forefoot, slightly narrow heel.
EmilyD
I have the same problem and eagerly await your reply! I really don’t have any brand that I love — I just try stretching the toes and hoping for the best, or I get slingbacks or something that has some kind of strap that holds the shoe on the foot.
efk
Sorry, just saw these replies! I have a hard time finding shoes that work.. but in general the following brands tend to be good or have styles that work- Anne Klein, Nine West, Franco Sarto, Kors Michael Kors, Circa Joan & David.
In fact, I just got the most amazing Kors pumps- they are literally the first pumps I’ve ever found that stay on my feet- the Ghita pump. I’m kind of cheap about shoes and try not to spend over $100 on them, but these were worth the splurge. I need to look into more Mary-Jane styles since I think that helps too. I tend to stick to flats or boots.
Rita
How do you sync your work and personal calendars? At work we use outlook, and for personal stuff I use google. I’d like my outlook appointments to be sent to my google calendar (but not vice versa, since I don’t want the work calendar to have all my personal information, or a bunch of private appointments). Thanks!
L
Search google for outlook to google app. The app will work and allow for a one way or two way sync. It can be funky sometimes so you’ll end up with the same work appointment twice, but I’d rather have it listed twice then not at all.
HS grad present?
Any advice for a high school graduation gift for my brother in law? I’m at a loss because he really is the boy who has everything!
Bewitched
My son is graduating this year too. We’ll probably give him a computer (boring), but last year, we gave my oldest son a longboard-huge hit. Another option is sweatshirt/sweatpants from the college bookstore. I work on campus and trust me, one or two logo items is not enough. Or, how about a mini fridge for his dorm? I think we paid about $100 for one at Christmas. A wireless keyboard for his ipad? Or even a gift card to Starbucks if they have one on campus, or the equivalent. Last, if he has everything, he probably has a nice set of over the ear earphones, but if he does not, my son loves his Soul by Ludacis noise cancelling headphones, and my other son has a pair of V-Moda headphones (sold on Amazon) and those are awesome too. Both run around $200 -not sure what your budget is.
Jules
I agree on the headphones suggestion. We got our 18-year-old son these not-very-pricey ones for his birthday and he loves them.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004GTCQQC/ref=wms_ohs_product?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Also, even kids who have everything love cash or the equivalent, so a gift card to Starbucks or another coffee shop (all the kids in our town go to Tim Horton’s because it stays open all night), or his favorite food joint would be a good idea. Or a card for i-tunes/the app store. Or just, well, cash.
HS grad present?
Thanks for the suggestions. Headphones sounds like a good idea. Agree that cash would be the most appreciated – and I might default into that – but was trying to think of something (anything!) that would be really useful/fun for him.
CKB
My niece is graduating this weekend. We’ll be seeing her next weekend & our gift will be a cookbook (some kind of basic how to cook everything for one or two people) and a gift card or two to somewhere. Cookbook is our traditional high school graduation gift.
midwestern mom
My daughter just graduated from High School last week… YIPPEE. Headed off to State College in August. She is a total Starbucks addict… so she was excited to get some gift cards there. Plus there is a Target in her college town…. she got several cards there… nice to use when you need food and deodorant, etc. She had hoped to get a Keurig… she may still.. my inlaws haven’t gotten her anything yet.
Hel-lo
I love a cookbook called, “Help, May Apartment Has a Kitchen!” Its very easy to digest and has healthy, light recipes. I got it when I had my first apartment, and still use it all these years later.
I also love “How to Cook Everything” by Mark Bittman, but it can be overwhelming if you’re really starting with no knowledge at all.
ABr
Towels. We’ve done them for several graduations and they’ve always been a hit. We normally do three different colored towels (so they know which one is dirty) and get them monogrammed (so they can keep track of the towels). Pottery Barn normally has a fairly quick turn around and decent quality towels.
Someone did it for me when I graduated from high school and I really appreciated it when I got to school.
Lady Harriet
What about a Netflix or Spotify membership? If he has a smartphone, Spotify will let him listen to all the music he wants streaming on his phone, and I think it even works when you’re not connected to the internet. Netflix is great when he wants to watch movies with his friends.
Anonymous
I’d like to get a steam iron for my nephew. They were all the rage on here for a while, but I don’t know if the models people referred to then are still the ones to get.
AnonOP
Sorry if this post has TMI, but has anyone had their period messed up by removing the paragard IUD? It’s the non-hormonal IUD, so I don’t get why it would have any impact, but I’m late by about 10 days (never happened in my life – I’m usually like a clockwork). Much as secretly would love for this to be a surprise pregnancy, that would be something of a miracle since last time I had a LGP was in early April, when I still had the IUD + using c*ndoms, and I’ve had a period since.
meme
Hmmmm. I had my paraguard removed on the first day of my period (cervix more open – easier to remove), and I never had a period for 21 months after until I finished nursing my baby.
Merabella
Could totally be stress pushed your ovulation back and so you aren’t late, you just ovulated late and therefore your period is later than usual.
Anonymous
In need of a pep talk. I need to call and withdraw from a job I interviewed for this week, which, frankly, is probably someone else’s “dream job”. I’m not really sure what to say to them – great position, great group of people, but just not for me. My gut is saying no. And I need to do it this afternoon, just in case they are making offers today or Monday.
First world problems, I know, but I’m skeered and dreading it.
TBK
Just call and say you don’t think it’s a good fit. They’re grown-ups. You’re not going to hurt their feelings.
Anonymous
I think it’s fine to send an email just saying, “Hi Jane, I really enjoyed meeting you and the team on Thursday. Unfortunately, after we talked through the details of the position, I don’t think the fit is right for me at this time. Best of luck with your candidate search” and let it be.
Remember – they are interviewing you but you are also interviewing them! If it’s a job you don’t want to do, or a place you don’t want to work, there’s no shame in saying no to it.
Anon in NYC
I actually think a call is best for this situation. But I agree, OP, it’s uncomfortable.
TBK
I don’t get it. Why is it uncomfortable? It’s not personal. You’re doing them a favor by not wasting their time. It’s just a business thing. This happens all the time.
To OP, you say you’re scared. What are you afraid of? I’m not being snarky. I don’t get it. What’s scary about this? Is it just general phone anxiety? Or is it about this call?
Julep
Agreed. Why would this be uncomfortable? Unless maybe you had aggressively pursued this position with the hiring manager for years or something…
Remember to keep the door open for future opportunities with the organization/individuals involved. Make it clear that the opportunity isn’t a good fit *at this time*.
Anonymous
OP here. I’m really just a people pleaser at heart and hate telling people no, even when it’s for the best. See also: I hated break-up’s, even when the guys were jerks.
Anonymous
Also, I was told they were only interviewing two candidates and these were “final interviews” (albeit only the second round).
Anon in NYC
It’s uncomfortable to tell someone that you’re just not that into them. It’s not like it’s bad, and it is just business, but it’s still uncomfortable to have that convo.
TBK
Only if you let it be. Telling that to a person you’re dating is one thing, but telling it to a potential employer is totally different. I promise that not one person at the company will put 1% of the emotional weight on this conversation that OP has already put on it.
MB
Yes to the email drafted above. I’ve sent the “thanks but no thanks” email several times and to my knowledge, have never burned a bridge with it. I have had several people thank me for withdrawing before the process got much farther down the road.
anon
I like these shoes. They’re cheaper on Shoebuy. I got them for $47.99 and free shipping with code GRAD13.
Famouscait
I’m not sure if this is a vent or a random musing or whatever….
Just received an email from my division’s senior vice president regarding the appointment of his interim chief of staff.
The woman who is leaving = classy, smart, no nonsense kind of lady. Looks and acts put together.
Her replacement = a woman who’s title has “Coordinator” in it, and regularly shows up to work in wide-wale corduroy overalls. Overall demeanor says, “Hi ya! Happy Friday!!! =)”
What the hell. Clearly the foot-pinching, tummy-sucking, I’ve-got-my-ducks-in-a-row type outfits and outlook aren’t what they’re looking for sometimes.
Perhaps I should invest(?) in overalls instead.
testing
umm what? Maybe they are looking for someone is who good at the job? Why are you wearing foot-pinching, tummy sucking outfits? Maybe that crosses into your demeanor. You can look put together and be comfortable. And it may help you feel better so you are less condescending
MB
+1000
Lynnet
I know this is a kind of crazy idea here, but maybe they make their hiring and promotion decisions based on some other metric like, for example, actual ability to do the job, rather than sartorial choices.
Jill
Yep. And you can ask someone to change their style of clothing for work (odds are, if wearing business/business casual is required for this position, she’s smart enough to figure out that whatever was accepted in her previous job as coordinator isn’t acceptable any more). You can’t ask or expect them to become smarter or more capable.
Julep
Shocker.
Bonnie
I am really tempted by these sandals. You can get them for about $48 (with free shipping) at shoebuy with code grad13 http://www.shoebuy.com/aerosoles-bronze-age/615712/1264352?cm_mmc=googleproductads_pla-_-none-_-none-_-{keyword}
The black ones are 39 at aerosoles.com and they have a silver pair too.
AIMS
I got something very similar from a prior Kat recommendation here (showing my vintage – it was maybe 2 years ago?), and I really love them. I can’t find a link but they go with some many things.
Kanye East
I love Aerosoles.
Je ne regrette rien.
Anonymous
Is there a delicate way to ask a co-worker to stop spraying air freshener all the time? Normally, I would just say “Susie, I am really sensitive to perfume and they cause headaches, would you mind using a little less,” but she is a special snowflake.
testing
Why does the special snowflake change anything? I would say exactly what you wrote out
MJ
If she’s a special snowflake, couch it as a health issue.
If you have HR at your company, have them take up your cause and stay out of it. If you don’t have HR, put on your big girl panties and be polite, but firm and say that you would greatly, greatly appreciate if there were no more air fresheners, perfumes or otherwise airborne chemicals due to your [asthma, migraine sensitivity, allergies, etc.] And don’t say, “would you mind?” She might mind. Just say, as politely as you can, that you need it to please stop.
goldribbons
The most round-about, “delicate” way to do this is to do so gradually, over the course of a week or two. Begin discussing headaches with her, ask her if she has any experience with headaches as these seem to be “new” to you. See if she can “diagnose” you with headaches from the air freshener.
Kanye East
I’m not sure how delicate you can be without compromising effectiveness. I think if you say exactly this in a nice tone of voice, that’s your best shot. Anything else and you risk being passive-aggressive or indulging the specialness of this particular snowflake.
Julep
Do you know why she frequently sprays air freshener? Looking at the underlying cause may help with the solution.
I like the idea of letting her ‘diagnose’ the cause of your headaches. This is a variation of a tactic that I frequently use to get the result that I want — let someone think that your idea was actually thier idea, and then praise ‘their’ idea profusely. This works very well with people who have large egos and is shockingly easy to do.
Anon
“Looking at the underlying cause may help with the solution” – on other words – do your feet smell? Does your lunch smell?
Stephanie
Is there ever an excuse to ask someone NOT to contact your former direct supervisor? We had such an acrimonious relationship, and I would prefer to use coworkers instead of said direct supervisor as references…
Anonymous
Not sure if this will work in your situation, but you might try to give the person contact information for your former colleagues instead of your former supervisor and circumvent the problem altogether. Don’t misrepresent the relationship you had with the person you’re directing people to, but don’t go out of your way to advertise your former supervisor either, if possible.
TBK
Ask a Manager has counseled against this. She says it raises red flags about why you wouldn’t list your supervisor. But do you absolutely need that supervisor as a reference?
Blogs similar to Cap Hill Style?
Can anyone recommend any blogs that are similar to Cap Hill Style? I knowthere’s a good bit of controversy around it, but I really identify with Belle’s style aesthetic. I really like her outfit suggestions and advice so if any of you can think bloggers with similar style, I’d love it.
goldribbons
Have you checked out Pink Peonies?
OP
I have, but her clothes have become less work appropriate and she seems a little too privileged, little, rich girl to me. I really like that Belle focuses mainly on clothing for work and has a more conservative/classic style. At this point though, that’s the only blog I’ve found like that and I’d like to have a few more go-tos.
mascot
I recently saw in my rss that Forbes Woman is running some style pieces on their website. “Belle” fromCap Hill Style is a featured contributor.
anon
Just curious, why is Cap Hill Style controversial? I’ve read it a few times but don’t know a lot about it.
OP
From what I understand, she’s a lobbyist for the NRA. She doesn’t talk about it on the blog (that I’ve seen), but, especially with the recent shootings, a lot of people have decided not to frequent her blog on principle.
anon
Interesting! Never would have guessed. Thanks for filling me in.
M-C
Well, it was pretty clear she was a hard-core Republican. Thanks for the NRA info though, which I hadn’t caught on to. In retrospect, her posts about her darling Daddy are a good hint that it’s very likely to be true..
LH
Just curious, what do posts about her father have to do with her possible NRA affiliation?
Pancakes
Have you visited 9 to 5 Chic?
Boardroom Belles
Check out our blog!!! Also the Forbes Style File is a recently launched style website dedicated to office appropriate wear that features a variety of bloggers (full disclosure: we write for them too).
Anonymous
I really like http://www.extrapetite.com/ . Her style is classic and professional and incorporates a mix of high end and low-end pieces.
anon
I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I watch this show, but does anyone else watch The Vampire Diaries? That show is so much better with Alaric on it!
Gail the Goldfish
Yes, and yes:-) It’s been discussed at some point, and turns out there are quite a few people who watch it, so no need to be embarrassed (or if there is, we can all be embarrassed together that apparently we’re watching shows that probably have a target demographic of college-age and under)
CKB
I watch too, and I was so happy to see ghost Alaric on the last episode! I miss him. At least the pre-crazy Alaric, anyway.
TCFKAG
Yeah – you are definitely not alone. We have discussed WAY more shameful tv than TVD on here.
Potentially Awkward Situation
So, BIL was about to leave my sister in the winter for his GF (fine, whatever). But he was very mean to her in the process of announcing this (not cool). Then he decided not to bolt but has been largely hot and cold. It seems that he has curtailed it with the GF, but they cross paths at work, so who knows.
NOW THEY ARE COMING TO VISIT (AND BRINGING THE CHILDREN, WHO KNOW WHAT”S UP). AND SO ARE MY PARENTS.
Time for me to be “busy at work”?
I am planning on the don’t-ask-don’t-tell-don’t pursue-don’t engage, but am thinking that this is likely to go horribly wrong. Any advice?
Lynnet
A secret stash of vodka?
MB
Yikes.
I honestly would have such a hard time holding my tongue in front of this guy, and not blurting out something like, “So, X, are you really over being such a d – bag to my sister or is this just a temporary reprieve?” that it would honestly be better for me to be “busy at work.”
Is there a way you can engineer gatherings so you can meet with your sister and her kids without the husband, and your parents without the sister/husband/kids? Or will there be an expectation of lots of “family together time”?
And P.S. I’m sorry, and P.P.S. I hope your sister eventually realizes she deserves so much better.
eek
Wow. I think for your sister’s sake (and the kids), you have to support her and her decision. I can’t even think about the rest. Seems really arrogant of him to make an appearance – he should really take a self-imposed time out.
Ditto the P.S. and P.P.S.
M-C
May I suggest a copy of “why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft? Slipped discreetly to your sister of course. She may have a lot of re-evaluating to do, and may be too beaten down by this manipulator to see the patterns of his behavior clearly. At least then if she stays it won’t be because she’s confused. You may also want to read it yourself, so you’re in a better position to support her, no matter which way the wind blows in the future. And your parents may need some information too, because alas many parents are more into maintaining the varnish of respectability than into providing help to someone who needs to get out..
I’d definitely plan on something good for yourself at the end of this stay, whether it means a nice new pair of silver wedges or some serious chocolate..
Anon
Don’t bail on your sister now. Marriage is tough, kids make it tougher, and people are rarely all good or all bad. BIL did a terrible thing and was a real jerk. But apparently, your sister and he have decided the hard work of forgiving and rebuilding is a better option than starting over. Be there. Support them both. Don’t bug out just bc it’s an easier option. (And I’ll just say — obviously, your sister deserves better. She deserved someone who didn’t cheat on her and wasn’t a db. But that shop has sailed — what’s done is done. In this case, better” may not be splitting up and dealing with the fallout of divorce. Sometimes, your options are “crappy” and “worse” and you make a calculated decision to do the est you can with what you’ve got. Support them as they try to turn things around.)
Allison
So I recently got fired because I couldn’t contain my disdain for my boss’s micromanagement any longer. And while it’s entirely possible he felt the need to treat me like a child in those last couple months because my numbers were unsatisfactory (although he denied that that was the case), I wonder if my clothing choices affected his management style toward me as well.
I did wear blazers and slacks and conventional work clothes, but I also took risks with feminine, vintage-style clothing – polka dots, pink, lacey headbands, and even bows sometimes – although I started wearing them less often after a while. At the time I thought it would just get me a few weird looks from the more fashion-forward co-workers, but nothing major. After all, girls sported all kinds of fashions in the office. But in hindsight, I wonder if there was a connection between how I looked and how my manager treated me.
Ginjury
This may sound harsh, but I’d be more concerned with my less-than-professional attitude if I were you.
cc
No I don’t think you were fired for headbands. I don’t think anyone has ever been fired for polka dots. I think it was the disdain for your boss that you state you were showing. But if you had a general attitude of unprofessionalism, than it may have played a small role
anon
I think bows might not stand out in the best way in a professional environment, but it makes me sad to think that your style could have made people dislike you. I don’t know anything about your situation, but I wish you the best of luck moving forward. I’m sure it was a blow.
SDOfCounsel
The reality is that people will judge you based on how you present yourself. It may not be right, or good, or fair, but that is the way the world works. Also, first impressions count. If you started out dressed a certain way, it is very hard to undo the attitudes that people form.
In your specific case, did the way you dressed cause your boss to micromanage you? It is impossible to know. You can only assume that maybe it did and act accordingly at your next job. That does not mean you have to be a clone, just that you might want to have your reputation established before you start with the quirky fashion.
Allison
I vaguely recall making a decent first impression when I started with the company (and a different manager). But I didn’t think to try to make another good first impression when I started working with this particular manager who didn’t know me very well.
And I do know that how I look shapes people’s impression of me, hence why I thought this may have been the case or at least part of it. I’m not trying to deflect blame, I’ll admit I wasn’t exactly a joy to work with in my last month or so.
Senior Attorney
Let’s put it this way — if you are disdainful of your manager and you are not making your numbers, it’s probably not the best idea to ALSO dress in a not-very-professional style. I think nontraditional wardrobe choices are best left to those whose performance is above reproach.
Young Consultant
+1
TCFKAG
I’ll come in on a slightly different tact – I think a “non-traditional” wardrobe can, at times, exude a sense of confidence in self that is very compelling in the workplace. *But* as others have said, it has to be backed up by performance. So whatever the issue you were having at your job, whether it was interpersonal with your boss, or that the job was not a good fit, or that you simply weren’t prepared for the job, those are the issues you should be concentrating on fixing for your next job.
And in the future, I’d try to use the quirkier elements in your wardrobe purposefully as power pieces – something that says that you are confident in yourself and your identity. But never as a simple after thought.
Does that make sense? I’m not entirely sure.
anon
I love this response.
Hel-lo
It sounds like the OP could benefit from reading a this-site classic, “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconsious Mistakes Women Make that Sabotage Their Careers” by Dr Lois Frankel. (I may have the subtitle wording slightly off.)
MB
“I couldn’t contain my disdain for my boss’s micromanagement any longer.”
This is why you got fired. It had nothing to do with your wardrobe, I assure you. It’s really positive that you recognize there was a problem, so you can avoid making similar mistakes again. But, the underperformance and the attitude problem are what resulted in your termination, not polka-dots and headbands. You might think about getting some life or career coaching to figure out how not to repeat the negative patterns again.
Allison
No, you misread my commet, I didn’t suggest that my clothes got me fired. I was wondering if my boss micromanaged me because my clothes lead him to see me as a chid, thus feeling the need to manage me that way.
MB
Having managed many people in my day, I can say for myself that the only reason I have ever felt the need to micromanage anyone is that I felt like they were not performing in their job, and I saw clear indicators that time was being wasted at work on unimportant or non-work-related activities. YMMV.
Lawstudent
What are the top firms in NYC for estate planning work? I know that a few big firms have T & E departments but it obviously isn’t their bread and butter. Would it be better to go do T & E at a big firm or are their boutiques that are considered as highly if you’re in the field?
I have absolutely loved my trusts and estates, estate and gift tax, and estate planning classes in law school. I think the component of working with families could be a really good fit for me. I came across some of this kind of work in an internship and really enjoyed it. I’m top of my class (top 1% of my top 20 law school) and I interview well. I just can’t figure out what the first step is for this kind of career.
My school’s career services isn’t all that helpful and is mostly geared toward big firm corporate work, big firm litigation, or government work. Any advice would be really appreciated!
Anon in NYC
Carter Ledyard. See also this article: http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2013/02/05/debevoise-plimpton-drops-trusts-and-estates-practice/
Rose in Bloom
I do T&E at a mid-sized firm in ATL. I agree with Anon in NYC that you should really think about what was discussed in the DealBook article. Even many of the ATL offices of BigLaw firms have gotten rid of their T&E practices due to the fact that they don’t bring in as much money as other practice groups. Many of those attorneys have gone on to form their own boutiques. That said, it is a great practice area, and I love it. I am happy to answer any specific questions you may have, although I do not know much about the NYC market.
Amelia Bedelia
So, I just discovered (i.e., a younger associate told me) this tumblr.
http://lifeinbiglaw.tumblr.com/
seriously. cannot. stop. laughing. Wasted at least two hours of billable time going through the archives.
awesomeness.
TCFKAG
Depending how senior you are – you might also enjoy “Bros at the Bar” and “What should we call me” (whose webmaster is a lawyer so sometimes makes lawyer jokes.) But yeah, lifeinbiglaw is fabulous.
LH
It’s so great.
TCFKAG
Hey – this is late in the thread but I wanted to let you all know that I’m home from the hospital (yay!) – though it may impact my blogging productivity (nothing like hospital boredom to encourage on-line shopping). Special thanks to those who recommended Netflix shows, I’m working my way through Dance Academy and I started the BBC version of Being Human. Parks and Rec is definitely next on the list as well.
Anyway, you all are awesome and this community can be truly fabulous sometimes.
eek
Congratulations and welcome home – I hope you are feeling better, are comfortable, and are well looked after :)
Silvercurls
Glad you are well enough to go home, and +1 to everything eek said.
M-C
Yeah! Congratulations on creeping back towards normal :-). Being home goes a long way towards making you feel that way, doesn’t it?
I’ve been hooked on a couple netflix series lately. The Eagle is a Danish mystery thing, very stylish and high-tech and modern, and rather feminist to boot. Then the IT crowd from the BBC has become the special treat. You’d think a long-retired office person, an old gardener no-tech hippie and a curmudgeonly geek wouldn’t enjoy it, would you? But instead of just reminding us of bad jobs past, it’s having us fall off the couch in stitches. Beware, depending on where your stitches are :-). Then there’s also Black Books from the BBC, in a bookstore this time, very cynical and fun.
Plan B
Welcome home, hope you are feeling better!
Dulcinea
Thinking of heading out to the movies tonight. Anyone have any recommendations?
Susie
Sorry this is too late, but I’m replying anyways. There are lots of good movies out! I saw Iron Man 3 – it was not as good as the first two (a bit darker/more introspective) but still worth seeing. I will probably see Star Trek this weekend, I’ve only seen a few random episodes of the show but I liked the first movie. I also want to see Oblivion and Gatsby but likely won’t get around to it until they are out on video. What did you end up going with?
Dulcinea
My boyfriend picked and we saw 42 (about Jackie Robinson). It was decent, but a little schlocky. A lot of good actors though ( I never remember their names but I recognized them as people I liked from other shows).
TCFKAG
I want to see Iron Man 3 and Star Trek soo bad. I’ve heard mostly good things about Great Gatsby (somewhat surprisingly) and if you’re into animation, people were raving about the Croods when it came out. Not sure what indie options near you – but I’ve heard decent things about both Mud (the movie Matthew McConaughey lost all that weight for) and okay things about The Reluctant Fundamentalist.
Confused 1st Yr
For those of you who have to bill your time, I’m hoping you can answer my question. Let’s say I’m working on 5 transactions for a senior attorney. I’m really not doing much with these transactions, but I’m copied on every… single… email… and there are a million emails each day. I don’t really read them all, just skim to see if they mention some part of the transaction I’m involved in (and then I do read those emails). But doing this skimming and dropping emails into appropriate folders does take up a chunk of time (in this hypo, let’s say an hour). How would you bill for this? Divide the time spent (1 hour) among the number of transactions (5) and consider it close enough (so 20 min per transaction)? Would “Review email correspondence from various parties” be an adequate time entry? Or would you just consider this to be lost non-billable administrative time since I’m not really doing any “work”. Thanks!
anonypomatus
I hope someone responds, because I am curious about this as well. It might depend on your firm too – I know we have to be uber-specific in our billing descriptions, and I am still trying to figure out good langugae to use for that sort of thing. Is there a more senior associate or partner you would feel comfortable asking about this?
AnonInfinity
This is something I’d ask a senior associate or partner because each person handles this a little differently.
From your description, I would generally divide the time into equal chunks and write something like “Review e-mail correspondence with defense team re: [case status, deposition strategy, etc.]” For the subject matter, I pick the most discussed topic. If there is one email I spend a lot more time with (an article is attached, or whatever), I’ll write that one down separately.
M-C
Very little should be wasted on filing correspondence into folders. Use automatic filing, and maintain it as new subjects/people come up.
Susie
Thanks everyone for your kind words and condolences about my pet passing, it really helped cheer me up. RIP Dee, glad you are free from pain and I will always remember and love you!
Anonymous
Does anyone know if I can take button-downs to the cleaner ONLY to be pressed? I don’t want to have them launder my clothes, because I think they’d be harsher than my washing machine, but the thought of ironing (or steaming) the 8 shirts I have hanging here makes me want to cry (probably, why they’ve been hanging wrinkled for about a month….)!
Sweet knee
Yes ! I do it all the time.
rosie
Another yes vote. I have done it before and should probably do it more often.
Mediterranean party (for recent grad)
Hey recent grad,
Since you asked for more details about a party at which a build-your-own rice pudding bar featured for dessert, here’s the full menu from last night:
Assorted Mezze, served with pita
+Roasted Red Pepper and Feta Spread
+Hummus
+Skordalia (seriously the best thing ever)
+Baba Ganoush
+Chopped Sardines with Parsley
+Olives
Slow-Cooked Bone-In Leg of Lamb with a Yogurt and Mint Sauce
Fennel and Beet Salad with Red Onion, Pine Nuts, and Feta
For dessert, we got a tray of very good baklava from an excellent bakery in the city, and the aforementioned rice pudding bar, which featured chopped pistachios, sugared mint leaves, candied lemon rind, stewed apricots (thanks, AIMS!), and honey. (The rice pudding had been cooked with heavy amounts of cinnamon and star anise, so it was already pretty flavorful.)
It was all delicious. And there are leftovers. :)
L
Yum!! I’m drooling and looking at my blah hummus and want to try sugared mint leaves now. Where did you find them?
Mediterranean party
Oh, we made them, but they’re super easy–just brush peppermint leaves with egg white and then dredge them in sugar. I wouldn’t try to candy them (with the whole business of boiling water and simple syrup) because they are probably too delicate.
Recent grad
That sounds yummy! Thanks for sharing.
Parfait
That sounded so good I got some rice pudding at Whole Foods last night. Alas, theirs was bland. Need to make some.
Anonymous
Need some advice – I’ve had the same discussion with my bf a number of times now, after each time I feel like he makes an effort, but then it reverts back and I get upset again. Basically, every time there’s something that I want to do (hang out with my friends, go to a show etc.) where it normally wouldn’t be something that he would go to (not a show he would watch, or it’s my friends vs his friends), he’ll refuse to come with me or be non-committal. If I push a little further as to why, he’ll come up with some stupid excuse (I’m too tired, I have watch a sports game etc.). I feel like I’m always accommodating to his plans and make an effort to hang out with his friends and get to know them etc., when he wont do the same for my friends. It makes it really difficult for me to plan things with my friends, like when they want to get a headcount beforehand, and I can’t tell them whether or not my bf will join. And I’m so tired of having the same discussion with him about why he won’t make an effort to do stuff that I want to do. Any thoughts on how I can address this? I dont think we need to do everything together, but it would be nice if he could accompany me sometimes.
goldribbons
This might sound harsh, but move on. Just start doing things and making plans without him. Have you ever babysat a toddler? As soon as something is no big deal, they want in on it. Men aren’t very different. As soon as you stop letting your bf limit your life, he’ll see how much fun you’re having and he’ll want to hop on the bandwagon. Alternatively, he’ll get annoyed that you’re so interesting and want someone more boring, but it sounds like this is a lopsided match. Have fun with your friends – it’s too easy to lose them.
Fleur
The problem with this approach is that I don’t think it will work if there’s a real underlying issue of lack of investment in the OP’s life. If and when she’s in a position to try, “My life is so fabulous, I’m jaunting off to visit my grandma in hospice! Doesn’t your toddler’s sense of excitement wish you could come along?” she will likely wish she had just been honest about being hurt, and/or had a partner who would come along purely because he understood that she wanted his company. Even when there WAS something more fun he could have been doing.
M-C
I couldn’t agree more with goldribbons.
I’d add that this is a 2-way street. Stop wasting your time and hanging out with his friends, or at least cut back drastically. He may not like it, but you’ll be a lot happier hanging out with -your- own friends in the long term.
Fleur
It sounds like you need to have a meta-talk–a discussion about the process of you inviting him out with your friends and the way he tends to respond. Hopefully you can be honest about why and how you’re hurt, and also why it’s frustrating to repeat the same process every time. The only thing you know right now is that it isn’t working! You may be able to point out the discrepancy between your relationship to his friends vs. his to yours without sounding attacking if you can be as gentle and objective as possible, and ask if there’s something you’ve missed or whether he sees it differently. Who knows what may come out if it isn’t a fight-type conversation.
If the fact is that he simply doesn’t want to spend any time with your friends ever, and he just hasn’t had the heart (or self-awareness) to say so, then this is the chance to evaluate what message that sends and whether it’s worth it to him to keep opting out. If he sticks to it, one option is for you to stop going out of your way to see his friends, so at least you’re not paying some kind of dues that he doesn’t equally pay. It’s ok when couples aren’t crazy about each other’s friends and mostly socialize with others on their own, if that works for them. However, if it really turns out that he doesn’t care about your dearest people and yet expects you to care about his…thumbs down.
Anonymous Poser
+1 to Fleur
I like her approach–have a conversation about it. But then I do tend to be direct with my dh. Saves time in the long run.
Olivia Pope
I agree with Fleur. Have a direct conversation about what you want. Do you want to be the couple who has all the same friends? Are you comfortable having separate friends, and just need him to be honest about whether he wants to join you for particular events? Figure out what you want, and then tell him directly. If you two don’t want the same things, then you’ll have to figure out if that’s a dealbreaker or not.
I will add that it is very possible that he just does not like your friends. My husband does not enjoy the company of some of my friends, so I just see them without him. I have zero problem with that. Could you be comfortable with that arrangement?
If you are seeing his friends just because you feel like that’s what an SO “should” do,and then stop and spend more time with your own. If you spend time with his friends, do it because you actually want to spend time with them. Don’t give yourself relationship bonus points for seeing his friends, and penalize him for scoring lower. Scorekeeping doesn’t help anyone really.
Anon
Hmmm, I’d be concerned. It sounds like he’s just not that into you (to quote the book). If you’re not too deep in this one I might reconsider the relationship entirely. Totally agree with the two way street comments.
salt
I’m a 4th year litigation associate in a “big firm” in a relatively small city (second biggest city in my state) in the midwest. As far as law firms go, I’m sure it’s fine–make great money for the area, work with nice people, etc. But lately we have been having a huge “marketing” push in the firm, where it is becoming obvious that you’re not making partner if you don’t have significant connections built up. I moved to this city (very insular) to take this job, and I’m frankly not sure that I can make those types of connections in time. I have zero client contact (mostly in writing/research) and am constantly baffled t how far back some of these social circles go. I also don’t really want to be a partner.
I have a joint degree/MBA, and would like to do something less destructive than litigation. I want to work on the business side. Problem is that I graduated into a recession and the litigation job was what was available–no solid “business” experience. I feel like people don’t understand what attorneys “do,” and I am having a hard time spinning myself as someone with transferrable skills. Has anyone else made this type of jump? Tips?
Plan B
When you say you want to work on the “business side”, do you mean in-house practice, or not practicing law? I would think it would be difficult to make a transition directly from a firm litigation position to a business role in a company, but in-house positions often want someone with some litigation background, and as a 4th year you are at a good time to move in-house. From there you may have opportunities to transition from the law department to a business role, if that is what you want to do.
NYNY
I can’t remember if I went anonymous for a previous thread or not, but with screen names, it’s all pretty anonymous anyway, so I’m updating under my “name.”
I posted2-3 weeks ago about having been approached by the head of another department within my organization about a new position, and how I was looking into it, but had also previously spoken with my boss about a promotion and was working on making that a reality. I interviewed for the new position about 2 weeks ago, and am scheduled for a second interview this week. The second interviews are the final round, and I’m one of three finalists. This has definitely made the leadership in my department more serious about retaining me, so I wrote up a proposal for my promotion and have talked raise in general, but very favorable, terms.
Still don’t know what’s happening next, but I’m feeling better than when I first posted. My initial feeling was that I had to jump on opportunity as it came up, but the whole thing was making me anxious. Now I feel like I’m riding it better. If I get the new position, it’s an interesting opportunity, because it’s a newly-created role, so I would be able to define it. If I get the promotion, I get new challenges, recognition from the people I’ve worked for the last 3 years, and expand my department’s scope significantly. Of course, there’s the chance of neither happening, in which case I’ll need to look elsewhere for advancement, but at least my resume is up-to-date, right?
Susie
Sounds like a win-win! It also sounds like you are very well-regarded at your organization and the promotion is well earned. Good luck!
Plan B
Sounds promising! Hope everything works out the way you want.
Stephanie
I’m in need of recommendations for black patent pumps with a wider toe box.
My toes are always squished up in the pumps I have now and leave the tiny bone on my pinky toe in a lot of pain. The shoes aren’t too small because I usually have a problem with the heels slipping off.
I bought a pair of Naturalizer Lennox pumps due to the high rating but they hurt my feet as well.
Anonymous
The Comfort Plus heels at Payless are the most comfortable heels you will ever put on your feet, and they are fairly roomy in the toes. Specifically, the Karmen style comes in patent. I switched to this brand this year after hearing rave reviews from coworkers, and I am never going back to the more expensive brands of pumps I used to wear. Such a difference!
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
Awesome, thanks for the tip! I would have never thought about Payless. I was starting to think I was having this problem because I wasn’t spending enough money on my shoes.
Anonymous
I used to think the same thing, but at this point even my fashion-conscious friends have switched over to the Comfort Plus shoes. Even if they aren’t brand name, they’re work appropriate. And it’s such a huge QOL improvement to come home after a day in heels without sore feet!
anon
How is Payless’ customer service? I don’t have one too close to me, so I’d have to order online and return if they don’t fit. Do they include a shipping label or do I have to go to fed ex/UPS, etc. on my own? Thanks!
cbackson
Has anyone here had a PFO closed? I recently learned that PFO and migraine with aura are related, and that in some cases having the PFO closed reduces or eliminates the frequency of aura – that would be huge for me, but I’m a little nervous about the whole surgery-on-the-heart thing. Anyone here done it?
EC MD
I hope you see this though I know it’s late in the evening…
According to my husband (the cardiologist) the evidence about PFO closure changing migraine is anecdotal and not born out by larger randomized studies. He also says that in one of the big trials there were accusations about data tampering.
As someone who suffers from migraine and doesn’t tolerate the triptans, I would love to have a permanent solution to migraine. The data is really shaky on it though, and you may be incurring risk without proven benefit.
cbackson
Sigh. Thanks. You know how it is – any thought that there might be something out there that would help is so exciting. I have only aura, so the treatment options are limited (my doctor didn’t think triptans would help) . Plus, the doctors I’ve seen about this tend to think it’s not a big deal because I don’t get the headache. I do think it would be worse if I also had the headache, but the aura is pretty debilitating (I typically have aphasia as well, and become really dizzy/unsteady) and it tends to come on with very little warning, which is problematic when I’m in the middle of a meeting/driving/etc.
Hitgirl
I had a PFO closed in 2008 after I threw a clot and had a stroke. I didn’t know I had a PFO until then. I was very fortunate to survive and not have significant cognitive damage.
I have suffered from migraines with aura for years. The frequency or duration of my migraines and aura did not lessen with the PFO closure. I wish you the best of luck in finding a solution that works for you.
Jules
This may be late in the thread, but here goes anyway…
When do you think it is beneficial to consult a financial adviser (fee-based)? I feel like I don’t make enough $ to do so and that if I were to try to set something up I’d be laughed out of there, but then again my net household income is over $200k a year. I am interested in consulting one because I feel like my finances are out of control. I owe in the six-figures in student loan debt, plus a mortgage, and two (relatively modest) car payments. We live comfortably but I can’t seem to wrap my head around the balance of paying down our debts and simultaneously saving for retirement. My husband works for a family business and therefore has no 401k, my 401k does not match. I don’t know how much to contribute to it, or if I should just set up an IRA instead but I don’t know what to look for in one. We also have essentially no emergency fund to speak of. Basically I am so confused and feel so behind the 8 ball in all this and like the idea of consulting an adviser but since I don’t have much free cash to invest, I feel like they won’t want to work with me. Is it worth it to sign up for the initial consultation? I guess I just feel embarrassed because I feel like they usually work with more of a high roller clientele. Thoughts?
Stephanie
I would take the money you would spend on a financial adviser and invest that into some good personal finance books. My favorite book (ignore the scammy title) is “I Will Teach You To Be Rich”. I was always overwhelmed about the right way to invest/save money until I read that book. The author focuses more on investing/saving rather than paying down debts.
I 100% recommend Charles Schwab. I use them for my checking and Roth IRA. I also use ING Direct (just changed to Capital One 360) as my savings account.
I also think it’s important to set budgets and goals for yourself. One of our goals is to have $15,000 in a savings account for a new car in 2 years. So every month, $417 is auto drafted into our savings account, I don’t even have to think about it. We also set aside $500 every month for going to get dinner/drinks and use Mint.com to track our spending. If I’m approaching that $500 threshold, I get an alert telling me to slow my roll.
KansasAnalyst
You should google Mr. Money mustache… He talks about savings, how to get started in investing and how to optimize your spending habits. He is also funny so it makes the advice go down easier. Good luck!
Jules
Mr. Money Mustache gives me hives. I was reading his article about how much you need to have saved by different ages for retirement and basically wanted to cry. I’m not prepared to live quite as austerely as Mr. Money Mustache and he makes me feel like a failure at life. :-(
I’ve been reading books, blogs etc., but nothing seems to fit my situation. And it feels like everything is saying to do it all at the same time – get an emergency savings fund, save for retirement, and pay down your high rate loans … but how do you do it all simultaneously? And with respect to retirement, the general advice always seems to be contribute to your 401k up to matching but if your employer doesn’t match … do you just not contribute at all and get an IRA instead? How do you pick one? And how much do you contribute? …. I feel like I need to go back to college and get a degree in personal finance. Why does no one really talk about finances, let alone teach it in schools? It is very overwhelming.
Em
Check out Elizabeth Warren’s book All Your Worth. She lays out some pretty simple principles and systems without the moralizing you get from people like Mr. Money Mustache. I really like it.
Anonymous
I guess I’ve been reading his blog and taking small steps like driving a little less, really focusing on my spending habits, and realizing how much the conveniences I have cost me in the long run. I can understand how he might come across as hive inducing :) he’s very blunt but I happen to need that kind of in your face tough love.
I'm Just Me
A few sessions with a fee-based manager sound like what you need. There is no need to be embarrassed about what you don’t know about money management. Check out the Garrett Network or napfa dot org. They will ask you lots of questions, and use your answers to get things set up for you.
css
In-house lawyer packing for a week-long internal conference, where I will present. Weather at conference will be 80s-90s. Office is typically on the casual side of business casual with Friday jeans days. Conference billed as casual – “jeans ok, shorts ok, no jean shorts.” (lol that jean shorts were even mentioned; no shorts for me at a conference) Do I pack anything besides jeans and tan cotton JCrew cafe capris to pair with blouses?
NYNY
My go-to for casual warm weather wear is skirts and dresses. I have a denim pencil skirt that feels more polished than jeans, but the fabric makes it appropriate for events where others may be wearing shorts or jeans (or even jorts!). I also have several dresses which can easily go from casual to a bit more business or a bit more dressy depending on accessories.
Also, I’d be sure to bring a blazer and/or cardigan(s) to wear in the air-conditioned indoors. You can bet that if the temp outside is 80-90, inside will be freezing.
I'm Just Me
Dress tip for the frugal among us … Kohl’s apt 9 faux wrap dresses. They are marked down to $20 and there are some 30% and 20% codes out there. Yes, you have to pay shipping if you order, but not if you go to the store and order from the kiosk.
Links to follow.
I'm Just Me
http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1320010/apt-9-floral-faux-wrap-dress.jsp
http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1254194/apt-9-animal-faux-wrap-dress.jsp
http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1319998/apt-9-floral-faux-wrap-dress.jsp
http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1258531/apt-9-surplice-faux-wrap-dress.jsp
The jersey is light weight, but the dress hangs well.
I'm Just Me
Meant to add that I ordered the Snake Turquoise from the animal print one and got it yesterday. I will definitely wear it to work this weekend with a grey cardigan and nude heels.
Parfait
Nice! I love the blue color in the floral.