Weekend Open Thread
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I was unfamiliar with the “huarache” style until recently, but it seems like the perfect, comfy but feminine thing to wear on the weekend with everything from casual summer dresses to shorts to linen trousers. I like that these highly-rated Cole Haan flats have a teensy bit of a wedge, and Nike Air technology. They're $99.99, marked down from $140. Cole Haan Air Bria Huarache OT
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
My eyes, my eyes! Lordly lord that is one ugly orthopedic looking monstronsity of a shoe.
I love them and just bought them.
+1
I just bought them too — you really think they are ugly??? I thought cute for summer and my office is very casual.
Here is a cute version at Target that is actually worthy of the name “huarache”:
http://www.target.com/p/women-s-mossimo-supply-co-shauna-huarache-sandal-assorted-colors/-/A-14826900
Those are fantastic.
Ah, I had no idea what the “huarache” style was because I didn’t recognize the style of these at all.
Those would cut my feet to ribbons and offer no support for a full day’s walking. The posted shoes may not be super cute, but they look like I’ll be able to do anything I want in them.
I love CH but, yikes. I would never, ever wear these.
I thought these shoes were cute for casual wear, and I bought them a year or so ago when they were on deep discount on the Neiman Marcus web site. They were nice looking in person (the brown color) but were horribly mis-sized, at least one size too long and also way too wide for the width I ordered.
These might be the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen.
I wouldn’t quite that far, but yeah, not a fan. Especially not with the rubber on the side and the nike air cutout on the heel. I probably wouldn’t wear them even if they were free.
LOL, yeah these are heinous. The upper part of the shoe is such a mis-match with the sole.
I agree. These shoes are disgusting, and should be put out of their misery!
The white pair pictured on the Zappos site is even worse.
I can’t decide. I’d want to see them in person but there’s a hint of a vintage vibe I might like.
A friend’s husband is taking their son on a high school graduation trip to DC and NYC, and they asked me for recommendations on what to do/where to visit/tips, etc. I don’t have many, as I’ve only been to each place once. What would you ladies suggest? I plan to tell them I don’t have many recommendations, but I wanted to give them at least something.
Depends on their interests… for instance, do they enjoy art museums, or history, or science/technical stuff? Are they music lovers? How long are they staying in each city? Are they adventurous eaters or prefer to stick to old staples? Are they on a tight budget?
One unique place in DC area is the Netherlands Carillon. It has live concerts every Saturday night in summer.
http://www.nps.gov/gwmp/planyourvisit/carillon_concerts.htm
What are their interests? I’m guessing they’re coming in the next month or so?
They’ll be there at the end of this month. I really have no idea why they asked me, as I don’t know either of them well enough to suggest many things of interest. Is there anything you can recommend that someone visiting absolutely shouldn’t miss? Or something that is way over priced/over blown that they should skip?
Hmm… Dc things that come to mind that I’d (stereotypically) recommend for guys are: a nats game– tickets are inexpensive and it’s right on the metro), the spy museum (not inexpensive, go to Pi after for pizza), air and space museum (free and on the Mall), see if they can get White House tour tickets (call your congressman and/or senators), tour the Capitol, kayak the Georgetown waterfront. I’ll think on this more but those are the first things to come to mind.
+1 for Nats game and air and space museum.
Yay! Open thread’s! I love Open thread’s! I must agree with alot of the OPs that these shoe’s are gross! I would NOT wear open toed shoe’s at work, but also not for weekend’s b/c if I walked on the sidewalk, I have stepped in dog poop, and there is NOTHING worse, trust me, then steppeing into a fresh pile of dog poop with open toe’d shoes or sandels! TRIPEL FOOEY!
As for this OP, I am an expert, haveing lived in DC and NYC. I second the motion’s that in DC you take the kids to the air and space museum, and up the washington monument, and also to the old p’ost office on Pennsylvania. Also, go to the Capital rotunda and the Lincoln and Jeffereson, and if you have time, go see the hope diamond. Wow!
When in NYC, you can do the circle line FERRY, and go to the empire State and top of the rock, and mabye to Radio City. Food is great all over, try Crumbs for great cookie’s and cake’s. and the Second Ave Deli for great meat’s! YUMMY!
This weekend, Myrna’s uncle is coming to NYC, so I will take my own advise and go to some of these places with him. He onley is 35, so he is NOT an old guy at all. Yesterday, one of the supermarket guy’s figured out that Myrna was NOT an intern so the manageing partner will NOT be abel to bill her back to them. They did like our approach, so we have started the billeing. I have 3 form document’s that I am copying for almost all of their case’s, so just today, I have been abel to bill a total of 30 hour’s already! And I still have another hour to go, so that could mean another 7 billeable hours for me if I am luckey! YAY!!!!!!!!
You go, Gurl!!! But be careful of this guy. Myrna’s uncle may make a play for you, and he is only 35 so he still has active hormones!
I visited both with my parents when I was not much older. This is what I enjoyed the most:
— DC mall. It’s all I was interested in seeing (for better or worse), and there was so much to see. Monuments, museums, important buildings. We only had one day; I easily could have spent two: one day to walk, the other to spend more time in smithsonians.
— Pizza in NY. We ate in some place in Greenwich Village that had been recommended and it was amazing. Definitely a highlight.
— Empire state building. Pretty building inside and out, view, classic tourist thing that I can say I did. Coming from a small town, it was mostly a good reason to walk around the big city. We also saw Rockefeller Plaza and Times Square, which felt more like checkboxes than interesting.
— Ellis Island and Statue of Liberty. It was really an amazing experience, from the ferry ride to the immigration museum.
— Our visit to Central Park felt like a flop. We were short on time, weather took a turn for the worse, and we didn’t really know where to go exactly. We sort of walked through a corner and left. So a suggestion for a specific sight or activity could be helpful.
— I would have liked to have seen a musical on Broadway, but we didn’t have the time.
I should mention that I was a teen who liked museums. Obviously, another teen may be more interested in shopping, sports, etc.
We went up the Rockefeller tower instead of Empire State – it was good because you could actually see the latter!
In Central Park I like going to the Belvedere Castle. It’s a nice place to sit for a bit. Like Lily student, I also did Rockfeller instead of Empire State. Would recommend Top of the Rock.
I took a similar aged male relative to the intrepid museum in NYC (aircraft carrier, military planes, etc) and it was a big hit with him. Not sure of your friend’s son’s interests but it might work. Other hits when I am playing tour guide — take the staten island ferry for free past the Statute of Liberty on a nice day. Have soup dumplings in Chinatown then walk across the Brooklyn bridge. While I hate Times Square with a passion, a kid that age might think its cool.
+1 to Ellis Island- my favorite thing I’ve done in NYC.
In DC – the Holocaust Museum. I visited both cities with school when I was 17 (in 2011) and that was the thing which stuck with me most.
The Newseum in DC is amazing.
Yesyesyyes. Take tissues though.
+1. My then 18-y-o son went to the Newseum last fall with his girlfriend, who had interned there, and loved it.
In NY last summer, for some reason I insisted on Top of the Rock (maybe the most touristy thing DH and I have ever done) and we regretted it — the view was amazing, and we had a great time while we were actual at the top, but the long lines and waiting time were a huge drag.
Do free Staten Island Ferry ride in New York. If you leave around sunset you catch dusk on the way out to Staten Island and you get an incredible night view of the Statue of Liberty and the Manhattan skyline on the way back in.
The ferry runs every 1/2 hour and takes about 30 minutes. Sit on the right hand side on the way out and sit on the left hand side on the way back for the best views.
I did this with my parents and it was really fun. Plus, again, free! Best tourist deal in NYC.
Do this, and then stop in Chinatown for browsing/food afterwards. I prefer dim sum to dumplings but its really personal preference. NY Mag just ran their annual cheap eats guide and its still available online to check out.
In DC: Definitely tour the Capitol; they should call their Congressman’s office and see if they give staff tours and if so, do that instead of the tours through the Capitol Visitor’s Center because it’s a much smaller group. The caveat on staff-led tours is the facts the staffer is telling you may not necessarily be true… (quality and training of staff tours varies wildly. Some offices quit offering them once they opened the Visitor’s center, too). If they want to tour the White House, they should call their congressman ASAP as I think those tickets, if available, have to be requested at least 3 weeks in advance due to background check requirements. I think the Dulles annex of the Air and Space museum is cooler than the main museum on the mall, but you need a car to get there. The American History museum is my favorite of the museums on the Mall. The Spy Museum is also fun.
In NYC: I think the Met Museum is the one thing that can’t be missed. Staten Island ferry for a good free view of the statute of liberty. In the summer, I love Governor’s Island, but that might not be as fun if you’re just visiting NYC (the novelty of Governor’s Island if you live in NYC is it’s a nice, quiet park without the massive crowds of central park in the summer. If you are used to quiet places, it’s probably not as interesting). it does, however, have a nice view of the Statute of Liberty and Ellis Island. Unless you have tickets to climb to the crown, I think you can actually skip Liberty Island since you can get a good view of the statue elsewhere. Ellis Island is interesting, though (they should check if it’s all reopened-it was closed for a long time after Sandy. I think they reopened part of it, but maybe not all, a few months ago)
For NYC:
Intrepid Museum if they’re at all into battleships and space stuff. If they happen to be here on 6/28, Intrepid will be screening Jaws on the deck of the ship – super fun. Museum of Natural History is cool, too and they can hit up Shake Shack afterwards (on Columbus, behind museum).
Walk over Brooklyn Bridge and get pizza at Grimaldi’s. Or since there’s often a line there, just go to Rubirosa or Motorino or one of those places.
In terms of Empire State Building vs Rockefeller Center – ESB is more iconic but RC has less crowds and you can see a bit better in that it has clear glass on the ledge vs. ESB’s railings.
Chinatown, definitely. They can do a great lunch pretty much anywhere there. If you need specific recs., I am happy to post.
Maybe catch a Yankee game? Double check but there used to be a free river ferry that took you to Yankee Stadium on game day from the Seaport.
sorry but that’s a horrible take on a huarache sandal…
+1. Where’s the “what do you think is frumpy” thread when you need it. I’m sure the cushioning is comfy, but… no.
Holy cow, that’s a hideous shoe. Possibly the ugliest I’ve ever seen.
The shoe looks very comfortable, at least.
I’m curious about the Hive’s thoughts on friends at the office. I’m getting to be a senior associate in my satellite biglaw office, and have gone through two cycles of all of my good friends leaving. I am now the only female left in my section, which I can handle, but I miss the comraderie and having someone I can just pop in their office when I’m having a bad day, or a great day for that matter. I assume this is just how it is as females get higher up in organizations, but I was curious if anyone has any advice or thoughts on the situation.
Are you me? :) I’ve only gone through one cycle, but all of my friends have moved to other offices for lifestyle reasons. No advice, just commiseration.
You can still do that with the guys. At least, that’s what I do. All the people at my level in my office are guys, and I do exactly what you’re describing with them, and they do the same with me.
+1!
Almost everyone I have this kind of rapport with is male (I’m in data science). I promise you, they won’t bite, and they can be pretty darn sensitive too.
Fair point. I do talk to the guys, but they’re all either partners (so several years or more more senior) or really junior, so maybe it’s just as much about not having people around my level. But even if I hang with the guys, it’s just not always the same.
I am in a similar situation. The men don’t hang out with the women in my office, in fact they exclude us. We have a female lawyer on staff who has become my best office friend. We only work in the same building 2 days a week. Even on days I don’t get a chance to talk to her I like knowing she is there.
Sadly, I don’t think she’ll stay long.
You can and should have this kind of relationship with guys close enough to your level at work. The search for a great (female) friend of the let-it-all-hang-out variety should be saved for life outside the office. Work is not life, and nobody’s presence will change that!
I feel you. I lateralled and was bumped to senior associate with the move (have been at current firm 6+years). I am the only woman in my age/seniority group (and slightly younger/less senior) women seldom go out to eat).
I ended up going out a lot with my male colleagues, all of whom have been made partner in the last 2-3 years. I still go out to lunch with them and since I knew them as associates, I can still vent to them regarding *certain* issues. However, b****ing about “the bosses” can’t be done anymore. It’s the only thing I miss, but my go-to people/friends at this office have always been men.
I have two other associates. One is more senior than me and works all the time and the other is a male who I get the impression is not allowed to speak to females other than his wife. It’s lonely and I cannot wait to leave.
I don’t think they’re awful. I think my mom would like these. And I’m saying that in a not-at-all snarky way. She has to go for comfort because of various foot/joint issues, but she still wants something that is sort of cute.
I checked them out on zappos – the ivory color IS hideous. But looking at all of the different angles for the brown color, I could see her wearing them with shorts while she’s going grocery shopping.
Just feeling like being a bit anonymous today, not sure why. I have a few questions for you all:
1. I’m starting a new job soon. What tips and tricks do you all have for ‘befriending’ coworkers? In the sense of getting to know them, establishing rapport/trust/confidence, etc. Not in the sense of ‘let’s be best friends outside work.’
2. Anyone have suggestions for cropped blazers/cardigans to pair with an off-white dress with navy polka dots and a flared skirt? The flared skirt is why I want a cropped jacket – when I pair a regular navy blazer with it, I just look huge because I’m big on top and neither the skirt nor the blazer is fitted (whereas the top of the dress is).
3. I just bought this dress at the Ann Taylor sale (in next post to avoid getting this post stuck) and am curious how you all would style it. I’m afraid that a navy blazer/cardigan and navy/nude-for-me heels might look too nautical for work? And I may or may not wear the belt – I’m not huge on belts and it’s already fitted throughout the bodice.
Whew. Sorry for so many questions in one post!
Dress for #3: http://www.anntaylor.com/charter-stripe-knit-dress/328682?colorExplode=false&skuId=16342392&catid=cata000012&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=9192
I think a white blazer and navy heels would look cute; for some reason I agree a navy blazer would be a bit too much. Red heels/flats would also look super cute, or a red bag.
on #3:
-Navy cardigan or blazer, but statement-color heels to avoid the nautical. Or, add a colorful necklace but keep the original styling you suggested.
-Almost any color cardigan works with navy and white – some of my favorites are mint, lavender, green, pink and light orange. Nude or light gray (my new favorite neutral) heels with any of them.
For #1, I believe building rapport happens best at a natural pace. Don’t force it or be overly chatty, people get annoyed by that. Make small talk in the kitchen/break room, ask people questions about themselves and let things progress from there.
As far as building people’s trust & confidence in your work, the only way to accomplish that is to do good work.
+1. Do not underestimate the power of asking someone about weekend plans on a Friday, remembering their answer, and asking about those plans specifically on Monday.
This is great advice.
#1–I agree with Orangerie. It can’t help to bring in some kind of treat sometime during your first week or so. Donuts & coffee, but that’s kind of a know your office thing. It would totally go over well here, but we’re local govt with only 30 people in our building.
#3: Lemon yellow blazer. I think it would also look great with a more navy/less white patterned blazer or cardigan–like tiny white dots on navy, or a subtle paisley. Kelly green, coral, bright pink are also great combos with navy. And not nautical. Secondly, I would wear a contrast belt with it (like the navy, or another bright) because otherwise, I think that your waist would get lost in the horizontal stripes. I think it needs the belt to help define the waist. If it were a solid color, or a more random print, it might be different.
and by “it can’t help” I mean “it can’t hurt”. Yeesh. Glad it’s friday.
Thanks to everyone who’s commented on #1 and #3 so far. I’ll definitely try those suggestions! If anyone has ideas for #2, I’d love to hear. FYI the dress is a lightweight, summery material.
#2 http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-supima-34-sleeve-dress-cardigan-sweater/id_250075
Going on my longest business trip yet – usually I’m just away for a day or two and usually just one night. This time, I’m going for 2 weeks, with a weekend break in the middle where I’m coming home.
Any suggestions? I’m really dreading having to spend that much time with my boss and not being able to unwind either with my friends or at home like normal.
First things first – reframe this in your mind. You aren’t taking a two-week trip. You are taking two four/five day trips. That should sound a lot less intense :)
Take this with a grain of salt b/c my longest trips are typically 3 days/nights, but I make an effort to do a few things that keep me feeling “normal”. I bring exercise clothes and workout in the morning before the day starts. I bring my favorite teas and fix myself a cup or two in the evening to unwind. I watch some of my favorite shows on my iPad before bed, even if I only have a few minutes.
Context: I used to do this schedule for months at a time (so only home on the weekends for 6 months or even longer, so my views might be skewed. I’m now in a job where I do maybe a week every 2-3 months, much more manageable. One thing that really helps is to give yourself at least 1 night/week away from your colleagues. Either be direct and say “I can’t have dinner with you guys tonight, sorry” or just do some little white lie “I’m meeting a friend”, “I have a personal call” etc. It will keep you sane, seriously.
One other thing I do, which might not be possible with your work schedule, is that I never have breakfast with colleagues if I can avoid it. If it’s a working breakfast, that’s one thing, but I go out of my way to go to breakfast early to avoid them. Again, keeps me sane!
+1 to avoid dinner with your colleagues when you can.
I have been on business trips where I would be with my colleagues for a month or so working 12+ hours a day and working half days during the weekends. First week, every one would go out together every where…by second week every one wanted a break from long dinners after 12 hour days. People were frank about it. They just wanted to go to their room, order room service dinner, watch TV and sleep…Nobody used to get offended either..
I’ve been on the road a lot and have found I get more value out of the trips where I’m not working 24/7 if I add a personal networking commitment to the trip, like catching up with a school or business contact.
Just wanted to say thank you to all who helped out with my wedding dress question. I’m going to stop feeling bratty and just pick a dress from rent the runway that covers my shoulders. I think I was feeling bratty because I just don’t like any dresses available and I don’t want to have to wear something I don’t like, but it’s not about me. It’s a wedding for someone I care about and I need to wear an appropriate uniform. Thanks for making me realize it.
By the way, if you wanted to buy a dress; I’ve seen this in person and it’s very flattering. Plus Macy’s is having 25% off! They have similar dresses on nordstrom rack lately too.
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/jbs-illusion-lace-faux-wrap-gown?ID=1495883&CategoryID=5449&LinkType=#fn=PRICE%3D50.0|100.0%26SPECIAL_OCCASIONS%3DFormal%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D19%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D10
I knew there would be hate on these sandals, but goodness… the vitriol! As a large-footed lady, may I say that these look incredibly comfortable, and don’t appear to add significant bulk to the foot. That is something that few shoes seem able to accomplish. I have recently made a resolution to stop torturing my feet by wearing shoes that pinch and bind, but it is incredibly difficult to find good, comfortable, well-fitting flats that don’t make the feet look enormous. I think these would look very neat and conservative with a variety of outfits, and it’s important to consider that the sneaker sole will be viewed mostly from above, so won’t show nearly as much as it appears to in the photo.
Maybe shoes like this would get more appreciation if we didn’t have an “arms race” to have the sleekest, daintiest-looking foot. I wore shoes that were half a size too small, for years, because I wasn’t willing to undergo the loss in selection from being a large half-size. I wanted to be able to buy all the adorable, foot-slimming styles. It was fear of being labeled frumpy by people like the ‘rettes that induced me to do this. Now, I’m trying to fix the bunions and misshapen toes that this decision cost me, and alas, I’m wearing shoes that look not dissimilar to Lisa’s pick. The other day, I looked wryly at my flats and thought, “well, I feel too old to choose to be less comfortable than this.”
Thanks for your practical suggestion, Lisa.
I would wear these everywhere including work as I work in a causal workplace. I didn’t like the white one but brown is totally okay. I have wide feet too and I have tried to fit into the pointy toe shoe. But unfortunately my toe nails came off due to constant pressure on them and my feet use to hurt at the end of the day (and endless criticism from DH for wearing shoes that were unhealthy for me). Now, I am back to the shoes and sandals specifically marked as wide.
For what it’s worth, I’ve tried Cole Haan shoes in wide and definitely would not consider them to be wide.
I feel your pain on the wide foot and toe pain. My fiance thinks that his sister who works in the fashion industry and I should design a line of comfortable wide shoes that look nice… nevermind the fact that neither of us has the skills to do that!
I second the Cole Haan not being good for wide feet. I’d be horrified by the nails falling out, but consider yourself lucky you stopped before you got one of those painful neuromas under the balls, a common side effect of wearing too-narrow shoes. And let’s not even get into the knee damage from walking funny in painful shoes.
Huaraches in general are not just comfortable, they’re a good solution for work in hot places as they generally cover the toes but can be worn without socks and promote breatheability. They’re actually a pretty classic European summer footwear for those stuck at work, remaining popular for decades in Italy for instance. This CH model is better on the soles but a bit lacking in style, that doesn’t make the whole category as awful/hideous/inappropriate as everyone here seems to think..
I’m glad you like these, but I think they are awful. And it has nothing to do with needing a dainty foot.
My mother had a strange shame complex about the size of her feet too. I never have.
I actually think these shoes would look okay on a few people, but not most.
STFU wrote:
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because anybody who attempts sincerity gets derailed or criticized or called names by anonymous commenters? ”
So you repeat them, deride, demean and belittle them, to what end? Make yourself feel better?
You consider yourself an educated woman, and claim you were flamed off this blog. You assert that you are better than everyone here, and yet you spend your time publishing a hate blog.
A hate blog.
omg enough. I dont like that blog please dont make me defend but seriously everyone needs to get over it. Half her posts don’t even make sense because she doesn’t add commentary. Its really not that serious that we need to complain about her every other day.
+1. She stopped making any sense so stop reading her!
I love Corporette, and I also love STFU Corporette. Corporette is a cool community, and we are sometimes self involved and ridiculous (just like i am as a person), and it helps to laugh at yourself a little.
Every time I read it I just lol and lol. It does not effect my enjoyment of Corporette, or the fact that I too make comments/have thoughts that other people find absurd. This is life.
I like these a lot and just might buy them!
I thought I’d bring my question here to you intelligent ladies. Can you please advise me on how to deal with this situation or whether to just continue to ignore it?
The director of my department is a 50 year old, white, divorced 20 years ago man. He acts like a catty 16 year old girl. He talks badly about co-workers, strangers, the waitress, you name it. Following are some recent examples:
– We’re out at lunch with another co-worker, he interrupts me and says “oh my god, did you see that, that girl should not be wearing leggings. They shouldn’t even make leggings in that size. Gross!”.
– “For as much as she works out you would think her a*ss wouldn’t be so flabby” – about co-workers wife.
– Co-worker was in the bathroom, we were waiting for her to leave for a meeting. He says “Da*mn, what’s taking her so long, she’s had 3 kids, shouldn’t everything just fall out….”
– “When I call the Dept. of Revenue and I hear those big, fat, black women talking and I can’t understand what they’re saying it just pisses me off. Just the sound of their voices piss me off”.
– “She might as well just come into the office in her pajamas, it would look better than what she typically wears”.
– “I don’t know why anyone would want any nasty little poop machines. I’ll never understand why people in this office continue to ruin their lives”.
My husband’s advice was to simply turn and walk away while he’s saying something mid-sentence. But what about when I’m sitting at a lunch table with him and all he wants to do is trash talk people? I don’t give my opinions but I do nod my head and then change the conversation….then the conversation is back to trashing people.
Gah. That sounds horrible.
I like the walking away advice.
This may be cheesy, but it might work. Tell him you are doing a no-complaining project yourself (see http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org) and you are afraid if you listen to that stuff it will derail your project. Just make up a big story and tell him your book club or service club or Bunco club or church group or whatever is all doing it together, and it’s a contest, and you are determined to win, and if he is a bad influence you will kick his a$$. Make a huge deal out of it and then you will have license to call him on his bad behavior any time you want, and it will be about you, not about him.
That’s what I’d do. It’s kind of high risk but the reward could be pretty big. And it gives a reason for you to make this an issue all of a sudden, out of the blue.
Oh, and I think you do have to be willing to leave the lunch table. Give him fair warning, and do it laughingly and all in fun, but do it if necessary.
It really gets me down, people who never have anything nice to say, not to mention embarrassing to be around if you (as a group) are overheard. I gave this some thought and I think the way I would handle this is a big, deliberate, sarcastic “ANYWAY…” and move the conversation in another direction. After a few ‘anyways’ he might get the point. This may also be too subtle, but perhaps not a bad place to start.
I like this idea!
Snark would be tempting: “Why is it your wife left you, again?”
Um. Those are not the words of a catty 16 year old. Those are the words of a racist misogynist.
Right? He can’t deal with talking to black women? Report him to HR.
Totally agree, especially when his comments are directed at co-workers or their family. If you’re not ready to report him to HR yet, at least keep a diary of his most egregious lapses, with dates and witnesses. With luck, that’ll come in handy some day. And really, stop going to lunch with him! Plead diet, busyness, whatever you have to but don’t subject yourself to this stream of abuse.
Can anyone recommend any good resources (blogs, books, etc) for learning a bit about graphic design basics? I have some creative stuff that I’m working on and would like to be able to try and do it myself.
Anything by Ellen Lupton is fabulous.
Thanks!
I have a question for you biglaw/lawyer ‘r e t t e s. How bad is it supposed to be? I’m a junior associate and regularly work for a partner that can be awful. As in, zero respect for life outside of work, gets angry and mean when anyone is not available at his whim, complains directly to me about the (reasonable) actions of my senior associates, is very passive aggressive, and very demanding. I understand that partners can be difficult, and that law is demanding, but is this normal? At the end of the day, is it worth it lateral, or will I just be in a new place with the same problems?
I would consider a lateral move. This behavior isn’t uncommon in big law firms, but it’s also unreasonable and there are plenty of partners who have learned how to treat associates with respect. If you don’t want to lateral, are there other partners in your practice group who you like and can align yourself with? I’ve successfully done this before, by indicating that I wanted to get some more experience in an industry that the better partners represented and in which the unreasonable partner had very few contacts.
Thank you all for the responses. Unfortunately, at this firm I am very much stuck with this partner. It seems that the benefit of lateraling may be providing more options/a bigger practice group to navigate.
Some people might think that this is normal, but it shouldn’t be.
I am lucky to work in a firm/practice group in NY big law where I genuinely like, respect, and even enjoy my colleagues. They may have taken a bit of getting used to at first, and there are a few people who are not my absolute favorites, but at the end of the day, they treat me like a human being. This is not to say that I haven’t had to learn to manage certain personalities, and not everyone works in a style that is perfectly compatible with my preferences. Obviously sometimes weekends get ruined, or I mess up and someone has to let me know they’re not happy, but it’s so much easier to get through the bad times when I know we’re on the same team and I respect the work that my superiors are doing (and how they are doing it).
I think that a basic recognition of your humanity is the least you can ask for. I know people who work for a toxic personality and ultimately, I think that relationship can really poison the well. (The well, in this case, being the satisfaction and pride you get from your job — or at least, the tolerance you have for it).
Short answer: no, its not how its supposed to be. Longer answer: this behavior is fairly common at large law firms. It’s unlikely you’ll be able to lateral to a firm that doesn’t have any partners like this (unless you move to a much smaller place), and you may even have to work with them some. But I think you can get away from doing the majority of your work for people like this. Everyone in Big Law is inherently very demanding, its the nature of the job. And getting someone who respects work-life balance will also be hard. Unless someone in your immediately family dies, you’re getting married or giving birth to a child, work just comes first (is the attitude of Big Law). But the other things you mention (angry and mean, passive aggressive) are much less common and I think you can still be in Big Law and find partners to work for who don’t have those traits. If you can’t transition to working for other partners in your firm, I’d definitely consider a lateral move.
I think I worked for this guy when I was an associate…. If your firm has rigid ‘pod’ assignments and frowns on movement, look outside it. Otherwise, actively seek opportunities to work with other partners and over time find yourself too busy to take on his next project.
It is not supposed to be like that. I work in BigLaw and while I’ve had my share of miseries, this guy seems awful. I’d seriously consider switching practice groups or lateralling.
I thought I’d bring my question here to you intelligent ladies. Can you please advise me on how to deal with this situation or whether to just continue to ignore it?
The director of my department is a 50 year old, white, divorced 20 years ago man. He acts like a catty 16 year old girl. He talks badly about co-workers, strangers, the waitress, you name it. Following are some recent examples:
– We’re out at lunch with another co-worker, he interrupts me and says “oh my god, did you see that, that girl should not be wearing leggings. They shouldn’t even make leggings in that size. Gross!”.
– “For as much as she works out you would think her a** wouldn’t be so flabby” – about co-workers wife.
– Co-worker was in the bathroom, we were waiting for her to leave for a meeting. He says “D*mn, what’s taking her so long, she’s had 3 kids, shouldn’t everything just fall out….”
– “When I call the Dept. of Revenue and I hear those big, fat, black women talking and I can’t understand what they’re saying it just pisses me off. Just the sound of their voices piss me off”.
– “She might as well just come into the office in her pajamas, it would look better than what she typically wears”.
– “I don’t know why anyone would want any nasty little poop machines. I’ll never understand why people in this office continue to ruin their lives”.
My husband’s advice was to simply turn and walk away while he’s saying something mid-sentence. But what about when I’m sitting at a lunch table with him and all he wants to do is trash talk people? I don’t give my opinions but I do nod my head and then change the conversation….then the conversation is back to trashing people.
When your post doesn’t appear instantly, it means it’s in moderation. Which is usually fast, but don’t re-post, making even more work for the moderator.. It won’t get you any more answers.
After years toiling away at my current job and interviewing up a storm, I’ve finally received an offer for a new job at an accounting firm I’ve been hoping to work at for years! I would be thrilled but I’m actually quite anxious about the timing. I am committed to a particular project at my current job through mid-August. This responsibility was given to me after I first interviewed for the new position, so the new employer does not know about it yet. The HR recruiter at my new employer will be sending the compensation report and offer letter today. Which leaves me with many questions:
(1) At what point do I tell the HR recruiter at my new employer about my current commitment through August? I will receive my official offer letter after I verbally accept.
(2) Is it even reasonable to ask that I be allowed to honor my current commitments at my current employer for two months before starting the new job? I would be filling a role that was left vacant in May, and I know that they are looking for the new hire to start as soon as possible.
(3) Will the fact that I did not tell the HR recruiter about this commitment before I received an offer and the offer letter itself be viewed negatively? I didn’t intentionally conceal this fact, but I also didn’t want it to negatively effect my evaluation for the role.
Any insight any of you wise people could provide would be much appreciated!
Thanks!
When you say commitment, what does that mean? A written agreement? A verbal agreement? I think that if it’s legally binding that really changes the question.
Agreed. Absent a contract, I’d just give 2-3 weeks notice and pick a start date w the new employer that works for you (I like a little time off between jobs). I don’t see any ongoing obligation to your current employer – there’s always going to be a project and that’s their problem to figure out. You seriously risk new employer rescinding if you try to start so many months from now.
That’s my question. No such thing as “committed to a project” unless there’s some kind of project. They would fire you in a red-hot second if it suited their purposes, so don’t hang around your old place out of some misplaced sense of loyalty.
Ugh… unless there’s some kind of CONTRACT.
OP here. No contract on this project I’ve committed to. However, it’s a fairly high profile role and I fear the fallout from leaving mid-project would damage my reputation in what can be a fairly small community for what I do.
And oops. That was supposed to be in reply to Senior Attorney above, not its own post. It’s so very clearly Friday afternoon.
In that case, you are in a bit of a jam. It will not reflect all that well on you that you didn’t disclose this to the new place. I’d be honest with both places and say you didn’t expect things to move so quickly, and maybe see if you can get some kind of accommodation from both places. Maybe sit the difference and see if you can leave the old place a month early and start at the new place a month late? If that’s not possible you’ll have to decide who you’d rather have mad at you.
Split the difference. Friday afternoon, for sure.
SA is wise. I’d try to work out a one-month notice period with the new firm and hope that the old firm thinks that one month is better than two weeks.
If the project were actually that important they could have given you a contract for it. I’d still quit and give 2 weeks notice. I don’t think new employer would view 2 months waiting as at all reasonable.
I agree. You can try to negotiate a bit more time than 2 weeks with new employer, explaining that you got this assignment after you talked to them. They can’t expect you to put your life on hold waiting to see whether they’d hire you, and they should also be happy you’re trying to be responsible. But don’t drag this out till August. A month would give you plenty of time to pass the project on to someone else, even 2 weeks really if it’s necessary. You can also see whether old employer would be willing to have you consult on the project to help out the new person (very cautiously, as this can really mess up your adaptation to the new job).
But no matter what your old employer would not hesitate to throw you out on your ear if it suited them – you don’t owe them anything. Although you’re free to tell them how grateful you are to have been picked for this project and how important it is to you to make sure it ends well etc etc :-). Still, be sure that your new employer’s desires weigh much more in the balance of what you decide to do.
Agreed.
Need to rant about happy hour and subtle sexual harassment in the workplace. The boss loves his Friday happy hour buddies which includes a number (mostly) junior lawyers who then seem to always be “in-the-know” on policy decisions and first in line for conferences. It is not my thing to go to happy hour and I don’t want to play the game.
Unless you aren’t being invited/aren’t welcome there, this is not sexual harassment. If their happy hour venue of choice was a gentleman’s club, maybe, but this has nothing to do with harassment. If you don’t like them being in the know more than you are, just go to happy hour.
Yep. If you don’t want to play the game, that’s fine. But if you don’t play the game you won’t win the prizes.
Yeah, I don’t really want to use my boobies to win the prizes the way the younger women do. Is that how you became senior?
And remember – going to happy hour doesn’t have to mean playing flip cup and doing shots of tequila. I’m an avid drinker but the folks who come to happy hour to have a diet coke and share sweet potato fries can be just as fun as the ones who split pitchers.
I’m sorry but not being invited also is not harassment.
Are you an idiot? The women who are going are the ones who are being harassed. DUH. They go because they don’t feel they can say no.
So you don’t want to play the game, but you expect to win it? That’s not how it works. Why, other than “it is not my thing”, can’t you go?
Because I have a family and a life and I am not 25. My boss likes the lawyers who are half his age.
This isn’t any sort of harassment.
Its embarrassing that you are calling this harassment. Sexual harassment is a very real problem and this totally trivializes it.
I think you’re all being harsh. I can imagine a million ways in which this is, in fact, a hostile work environment. If the boss is explicitly encouraging/soliciting other men to come to happy hour, and discouraging the poster from doing so, that’s a real problem. Trisha, I think you have every right to be perturbed about this.
If I were in your shoes, I’d find other similarly-minded colleagues, both women and men, and band together to crash the happy hour regular party. Find people who will share the sweet potato fries and who can be your allies. It’s hard to join this kind of a group on your own, but easier if you have some back-up.
Good luck.
I think you’re reading in facts that I just don’t see in her post. There is nothing here that said she wasn’t invited, didn’t feel comfortable, etc. She just said she didn’t want to go. And that isn’t harassment or even hostile environment without more (negative) facts.
I was ranting. Sorry if I didn’t convince you that I have more of a reason to think it is negative. But when young women tell me that they are uncomfortable with the constant texts by the boss as to where they are and why they didn’t go to happy hour, but they go anyway, and then they get favors, it is a game that pits women against each other.
Trisha, you’ve asked a valid question and I don’t think it’s right to flame you. But unless there is overt harassment, what you’re experiencing is the old-boys network. It’s not going to go away, so if you can’t beat them, join them.
I’m in finance and long ago I was a newly promoted division manager – the only woman – and all the guys (my peers), the male analysts and the big boss plus the CFO would all go to dim sum for lunch on Fridays. A few months after being promoted I decided to invite myself to lunch and went regularly from that point on. In the beginning there were a few off-color/borderline comments (such as talking about “big melons” as a non sequitor) which I either ignored or made a comment like “Bob, why do you think that’s an acceptable comment?” It really benefited me to be there. – I was plugged in and knew what was going on better than I had before. Acceptance wasn’t immediate but it did come and eventually word got out to women analysts, and I got them invited too.
Others have good advice – go, invite others to go with you or don’t go. But if you’re not there, you can’t benefit from the networking/camaraderie. Good luck.
Thought this was the place where we could rant. Sorry, My bad.
My husband and I are spending a week in NYC coming up, and staying at the smyth in Tribeca. Any suggestions of good places to eat / things to do nearby? We’ve been to NYC a few times and have done all the touristy stuff already, we’re just looking to have a relaxing trip and check out a new (to us) area of the city. Thanks!
Kitchenette, Edwards, or Bubby’s for brunch. There’s also Sarabeth’s but I haven’t been to the Tribeca location. La Petite Abeille is also good for lunch/brunch (great croque madame & belgian beer selection), next door to Edward’s. They also have special nights (check out website) for lobster or all you can eat mussels (so good).
Sole di Capri on Church for absolutely amazing authentic italian – it’s tiny and doesn’t look like much when you walk by, but it’s one of my favorites. Everything is made in house, including mozzarella and their cannolis.
Tamarind for upscale but really great Indian (the space is gorgeous) – feels very Mad Men somehow.
Kori for fresh, super good Korean – I esp. like it for lunch b/c they have good specials.
If you’re into sushi, check out Sushi of Gari. Order the Omakase.
If you want to grab some good sandwiches and go hang out in a park somewhere – Cafe Clementine, Pecan, and Amish Market are all great options. Alleva’s, too, though it’s a bit further afield in Little Italy (but oh the cheese….). I’d get them to go and go down to the water all the way on the west side. If you go down a bit further south from where you will be, there’s a marina and you can watch the boats go by. But the whole area is great…
Ward III on Reade St. has really great c*cktails.
You should also take one day and wander over to Chinatown (so close) and have some Chinese food. Xi’An Famous Foods on Bayard is a good option, but there are tons of others.
If you like Vietnamese, Xe Lua, also in Chinatown, is fantastic for lunch (and so cheap). I always get no. 65 on the menu, but everything is good.
Bassanova Ramen is also fantastic and not to miss if you are at all into ramen. Top 5 in the city, for sure.
Also google around – I think the food hall planned for the new Freedom Tower is open/opening. In which case go for lunch – Eataly, Fette Sau — all not to miss.
You could also go to the 9-11 museum. I haven’t been but I hear it is very moving.
If you want to take in a Broadway show while you’re in town, walk over to the TKTS booth in the seaport around lunch (there’s rarely a long line, unlike the one in Times Sq), and see what they have for that night/next day matinee. There’s a free app too if you want to see your options before walking over.
And of course Century 21 if you want to do some shopping. It can be overwhelming, but the shoes and bags alone are worth browsing. Just don’t go either between 12:30 and 2, when everyone is there on their lunch break, or immediately after work ends (5-6).
Enjoy!
What a great Tribeca summary! I will also add a few other restaurants that I enjoy: Tiny’s, Khe-Yo, Telepan Local and Smith & Mills.
Enjoy your trip!
I stayed at the Smyth last month and loved it. AIMS’ list is great, but just wanted to add that we had a fantastic dinner at Marc Forgione a few blocks down from the hotel. If you go, get the chicken!
Does anyone have experience with Aveda make up products? My make up style is natural, and I don’t use a lot, but I’m looking for good products I can use for my wedding day and I was thinking of getting a make over there. I’m hoping they can give me a little lesson so I can apply it myself before my wedding because I’m nervous if someone else does it, I wont’ look like myself. Let me know if you’ve had any experiences with their products/make overs. Thanks!
I’ve used aveda tinted moisturizer for a while and definitely recommend it. Their eye pencils were great too. I think a natural makeover from them would fit your needs well.
Whatever you do, make sure you are vocal about getting what you want – you may have to try a lot of lipsticks/eye shadows etc to find the one you are comfortable wearing.
Hi all. I have a bit of a weird situation and am not sure what to do. I’m on Match and live in a suburb of a large city. I’m a runner and run a few different routes multiple mornings a week. This guy must have come across my profile who lives very close to me, and he emailed me saying “Hi! I see you running almost every morning! I live behind XYZ. I’m always impressed when I see you…etc.” I was a little weirded out at first, because it means he’s been checking me out pretty intensely to recognize me from my profile pictures (which do include a couple running shots). I looked at his profile, and while he seems perfectly nice, he’s not someone I would want to engage in emails with or go out with. I did recognize his dog in one of the pictures and now can remember seeing this guy with his dog on my runs.
I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to/can’t really change my running route – there simply aren’t enough places to run near me. Should I respond and say no thanks? (I would normally just not respond to those I have no interest in.)Not respond? I’m going to feel weird now whenever I see this guy while running, which is the one period of time during the day when I really don’t want to deal with anyone else.
Thoughts? Thanks ladies.
Politely decline his advances and carry pepper spray when you run from now on.
Thanks for the reply. I guess I should politely decline, but I’m not carrying pepper spray. It’s a very residential neighborhood loop and there are always other runners/walkers/dog people outside. It’s always light when I run. If I see him again I’ll just ignore and keep moving.
I have been followed home before, and if it weren’t for my lovely superintendent (in a very upscale neighbourhood) I would have been in big trouble.
That’s your choice to make, and is fine. Yikes made a very reasonable suggestion – I couldn’t think of one myself – that would keep you safe without having to change your running patterns – if you felt unsafe. It’s also a good suggestion to keep in mind in case dude doesn’t respond well to your declining politely.
So I’ve had a similar experience – on two occasions, a dating site matched me with someone (two different someones) that I know in real life. On one occasion, the guy said nothing. On the other, he did – but he said it in real life, not online. Frankly, that’s less awkward, in my opinion, because it lets you read body language and get a better sense of the response, but I recognize that others might actually find it less comfortable.
I feel like it’s a bit socially inept to approach you the way that he did – it would have been better if, having realized that you were single, he sought out a natural opportunity to run into you and see if there was chemistry. That said, nothing about this signals “danger” to me – it would feel hellaciously awkward to me, but not scary. And from your email, it seems to me like that’s the vibe you’re feeling as well. Given that, I think you’re free to simply ignore the message and just carry on with your normal routine, as if nothing had happened.
However, if you have even the slightest inkling of wrong-ness, then respect that – your subconscious tells you things that the conscious mind doesn’t.
Yes, it feels more awkward than dangerous at this point. He does sound a bit socially inept from his profile, but most likely harmless. That said, I will absolutely trust my instincts, and if I do feel unsafe at any point, I will have to do something about it. I just hate the idea of carrying pepper spray. I don’t like carrying anything when I run, and the whole idea of it just bothers me. Thanks for the suggestions.
I am all for being cautious, but nothing about what you said sounds like it warrants pepper spray. Be careful, stay vigilant, if this guy starts being creepy reevaluate but there’s no need to brand him a sociopath quite yet.
Business casual for a teen boy?
My son was recently picked for an internship with a large national company. He wore a shirt and tie for the interviewing stages. He (and dh and I) have been invited to a dinner. It says dress is business casual. Is he ok in Khakis and a polo shirt or should he be in a button down shirt? Dh works from home and so doesn’t dress for work, I’m hoping khakis and a polo are good for him as well.
Khakis and a polo are not business casual. Business casual for men, especially at an event like this, should be dress pants and a button down shirt.
Depends on the company. If it’s a major manufacturing techy company, khakis and a polo are business casual. If it’s a national bank, not so much.
That being said, I think your son should wear a button down shirt and khakis/dress pants–because it’s dinner and presumably he’d like a job offer at the end of the summer, so it doesn’t hurt even if he’s overdressed a tad.
I would wear a tie on account of being so young – younger people have to dress up more to look professional, especially since he’ll be meeting new people and wanting to make a good impression.
They were told khakis and polos for the days they are at the workplace for the internship, but he’ll do button down and tie for the dinner.
I work in Government so my view of what men wear to the office is very skewed.
I agree. Button down shirt, for sure! Of course, in my view nobody should ever wear a polo shirt for any occasion, ever. ;) (Other than actually playing polo, I guess…)
Hoping someone has dealt with something similar…
I recently switched jobs – it was a step up, and I thought it would be a very good fit.
One thing that I keep bumping up against is how different the workplace culture is at my job compared to my old one or any of the ones before it.
My old job’s culture was a lot more, for lack of a better word, intense. Very fast paced, very high expectations, very organized. Internal politics were also rather brutal.
Problem is, my new job is a lot more relaxed, slower paced, less intense, a bit disorganized, and expectations are a lot lower organization wide.
I keep bumping up against problem where my expectations for how fast things will happen, how fast people will do things, and the room for error people expect are very much off. Similarly, I think I’m projecting internal political problems that aren’t there, just because of what I’m more used to?
I think some of it is just a bad fit, but I need to adjust and stick it out for at least the rest of the year. Any tips for making that kind of adjustment?
I think you need to prioritize these issues so you can figure out what matters and where you can give. When I made a similar move, I decided that the lowered expectations were unacceptable for my projects – mistakes or work product that was not sufficiently thought out or was sloppy seemed to get a pass at my new workplace more often than was comfortable for me. So I spent time training my team and discussing my expectations with the other departments on which I rely. In return, I had to relax my own expectation for a fast-paced environment. At my old job, everything had to be done quickly and perfectly. Now, I strive for perfect and within a reasonable time. And to be honest, my definition of “perfect” has changed a little bit, in part because “perfect” at my old job sometimes meant, “to the exact specifications of boss, including use of Y font at X spacing, etc.” Silly things took on more importance than they deserved.
As for internal politics, until people prove you otherwise, try to assume everyone is coming to the table with best intentions.
I think it’s important to realize the new job is a new place, and to bite your tongue when wanting to compare it to your old job. You don’t want to be the kid who comes back from study abroad and compares every single little thing to “Oh when I was in LONDON the beer was like THIS.”
Please e-mail DTLA r e t t e at Gmail if you’re interested in joining the next one, in early July!
Thanks for coordinating, DTLA!! And it was SO FUN to meet some ‘r3tt3s in person!!
I am purchasing these items to put together as an outfit:
http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=26497&vid=1&pid=969290002
http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?vid=1&pid=950771002
I work in a hospital and often do a lot of walking. I also have somewhat wide feet (thanks to a bunion) and don’t do well with stilleto heels at work for very long. Do you recommend any comfortable shoes for this outfit? I prefer comfortable kitten heels or wedges. Maybe navy in color since dress is navy w/ polka dots? No open toed shoes since I work in hospital. Thanks!!
Does anyone know how difficult it is to move armholes in a suit jacket? I recently ordered a suit online to take advantage of a memorial day sale, and its beautiful….. except the arm holes are too far back for my natural stance. Does anyone have experience getting this fixed at a tailor? I’m only considering this because I got the suit at such a deep discount, I might be able to do the extra tailoring and still come out ahead. Am I nuts for considering? Should I just return it? Thanks in advance-
I don’t think armholes can be moved in a suit jacket at all. The primary rule about tailoring is to find a jacket that fits in the shoulders and then tailor the bust/waist/hips.
While armholes cannot be moved, there might be an opportunity to have the jacket let out along seams in the back, which would essentially move the armholes forwards. Keep in mind that if the jacket is lined, this alteration can quickly become expensive, so it might not be worth it.
Will agree with the previous two posters. Armholes are a really tough alteration to make. I guess I’m not quite sure what you mean about the the armholes being to far back – usually it’s too far up or down. Maybe the back is too narrow? Which, unless there is a seam down the back of the jacket, it’s going to be really hard to fix
A tailor will be able to give you your options, but, yeah – armholes are going to be a really tough change.
Any suggestions on how to wear this shirt to work, if possible? Dress code is business casual in a hospital. Thanks!
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/tommy-hilfiger-long-sleeve-chambray-shirt?ID=1268880&PartnerID=LINKSHARE&cm_mmc=LINKSHARE-_-4-_-32-_-MP432&LinkshareID=J84DHJLQkR4-pQGbfHgAKzqHLpxoAEAc3Q
Pencil skirt or pants (black, gray, navy) & rich brown belt and shoes.
I love chambray with a pencil skirt in a bright or rich color. It also looks great with a strong black-and-white print or black-and-white stripes.