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Velvet, as we've noted before, is huge this season. I think it can be a bit much for work –but this Sam Edelman pump looks gorgeous for holiday parties. I love the sangria velvet, and it's a fun way to get a pop of color. This shoe, which is $119 at Nordstrom (where it's getting good reviews), has a 3.75″ heel. It comes in many other colors including several suede versions, a snake print and an ikat print, and your basic black (in both suede and leather). The sizes still in stock are 5.5-11. Sam Edelman Hazel' Pointy Toe Pump
(L-all)
Psst: If you get a chance this weekend, don't forget to watch His Girl Friday — we'll be discussing it Tuesday for the next movie in our series of working girl movies. Here's a link to the Rotten Tomatoes page, where it has a 97% fresh rating.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Lo and Sons smartphone wristlet
Does anyone have the Lo and Sons smartphone wristlet? I’m looking for a wallet/wristlet that can hold two phones (my personal iPhone 5 and my work phone, an iPhone 6). Any thoughts on whether it will work, 94 other comments on whether you like or dislike the wristlet generally? Thanks!
Anonymous
i have the wristlet and life it, but i think two phones would be a stretch.
Leaving a cat alone
Beautiful shoe!
How long do you leave your cat alone? We’re going away for Thanksgiving and it will be the first time our cat has been left alone overnight (we’ll leave Thursday morning and come back Saturday night). Does that seem like a reasonable amount of time for her to be totally on her own with extra dry food and two litter boxes?
Gail the Goldfish
I think that’s fine. That’s about the outer limit of time we’ll leave our two alone (2 nights). The caveat is if your cat is still a kitten or prone to getting themselves into bad situations, in which case you might want to have someone just check in to make sure they haven’t done something stupid. (One of my cats has a knack for trouble and once managed to get stuck through a sephora bag. I was home and it wasn’t an issue, but it’s not something I would have wanted him running around multiple days with).
Anonymous
Yes. I’ve left my cat alone for 3 days with extra food, water, and litter before. I would have someone come check on him if it was for more than 3 days though.
Sydney Bristow
I’m able to leave my cat alone for 2 nights. She self-regulates her dry food anyway so I just make sure she has plenty and also leave out an extra large water bowl. She’s always done fine with that.
anon
I think it’s fine. I have an automatic feeder for my cats and have left them alone for long weekends many times. Do a careful walkthrough of your place in preparation, though. So check for those bags. Have a cat that likes to be on counters? Make sure they’re all cleaned off. Prop open any doors that need to stay open; close any to dangerous areas. I like the reservoir water bowls for time away so I know that won’t be a problem. I also always leave an extra day’s food out in case I get stuck returning.
LawDawg
I have left my cats alone for three days with no problem. And once, I went away for five days and had someone come in to care for two cats. When we got home, we found out that one of them had jumped in the linen closet before we left and had spent five days locked in there! The catsitter didn’t notice because someone was eating and using the litterbox each day. The locked up kitty, lived almost 10 years after that incident.
ml
So glad I’m not the only one who accidentally locked my cat in a closet for a long weekend. She was similarly fine. And soooooo glad to see us when we got home!
Cats are hardy. I ask someone to stop in if I’m gone more than 3 nights, so I think your trip sounds fine!
Kk
I took a job about 6 months ago, following a former manager of mine to a newer company. We were peers for the first 6 months, and she’s been promoted to be my manager again. I could not be more thrilled about this job- I finally feel like I’m using my talents well, and very little of it feels like drudge work. I’m also thrilled to be working with/for this person- she’s creative, inspiring, and a close friend.
I know she received a hefty bonus when I was hired, but I’d also like to give her something to acknowledge my appreciation for having this opportunity where we can both shine, congratulations on her promotion, and how happy I am that we’re continuing to work together. What’s an appropriate gift? Flowers? A gift certificate? Just a card?
Anonymous
The card will be most important to her, but you can also give flowers or something small, office-related, like a business card case.
ck
I’d say take her out to dinner, and give her at the end of the night a card where you express what you feel about her (to be opened later).
Gift certificate doesn’t seem appropriate.
And flowers…. eh? They seem like a really generic, and at times inconvenient, gift.
Anonymous
I think this is an exception to the “don’t gift up” rule. I would invite her out for dinner. Tell her in person how much you appreciate the opportunity, how much you’re enjoying your work, and how much she deserves her promotion.
Shopaholic
Does she drink? A card and champagne?
Anonymous
Please, please don’t gift up! She will LOVE a card/note of appreciation far more than anything material. If she received a big bonus with her promotion she will just feel guilty about ANY amount of money that you spend on her – exception maybe being something very tiny like a celebratory drink.
If you can’t stop yourself giving a gift, please make it inexpensive and personal, but please DO try to stop yourself. You sound like an amazing person to have as a friend and co-worker and I assure you that she is more appreciative of that than anything material you could ever buy for her.
Anonymous
My cousin did not vote for Donald Trump. He has a daughter. He emailed me this morning asking me what he can do to make things better for his daughter’s future. He is white, has no education past high school and he lives in the rust belt. He reminded me that not everyone is the stereotype. He was appalled by what happened and is scared for the future. I hate that this happened. I am still numb. But I am going to do everything that I can to make things better, irregardless of what Trump does.
Anonymous
I think he’s already doing the right thing – he’s aware and reaching out. Tell him to continue to surround his daughter with positive influences, to expose himself and his daughter to people from different backgrounds, and to remind his daughter that love always wins.
BabyShark
Good for your cousin! This is so great. I agree with the Anonymous at 2:42 and would also look for books to recommend that he read with her about strong women, encourage him to talk with her about what’s happening and never let her give up on her dreams.
AnonyMom
This is good advice. But he (and all of us) can do a lot more.
First and foremost we must all commit ourselves to actively and openly defending the dignity of every human being we interact with, standing up to bullying whenever we see it. This is by far the most destructive thing Trump has unleashed, regardless of whether he continues to use the rhetoric of hate. And don’t be fooled that only one side of the political spectrum is capable of being horrible.
Second, he is uniquely positioned to reach out to many of Trump’s voters and explain to them why his politics of hate is so frightening even if they otherwise agree with his policies. He can say it’s okay to disagree about how many immigrants we allow into our country and how best to secure our border. It is absolutely not okay to suggest the majority of people of Mexican descent are either violent criminals or, at best, unable to be objective professionals. It’s okay to discuss the connection between Islamism and terrorism. It’s not okay (and even counterproductive) to say that most muslims are terrorists. Civility is a fundamental American value that is in many ways enshrined in our First Amendment. If he is surrounded by Trump voters, he is in a position to discuss his concerns with them.
Third, depending on his politics, he is in the best position to organize with his neighbors and friends in order to ensure the people and policies he feels represent him win the next election.
Liberal Non-Elite
I’ve seen a lot of comments here about what the liberal “elites” should do moving forward. What about the liberal non-elites? The people who do shop at Walmart and eats at Applebees and probably have more in common in day to day living with “Trump voters”. The only difference being that we were able to benefit from this recovery and have well-paying (not elite) jobs (and we’re liberal).
Anon
Speak up. Google Trae Crowder for inspiration.
Walnut
I voted third party in this last election and my entire extended family voted Trump. Our archdiocese (we are all Catholic) is starting a new initiative to get the people out of the pews and into volunteer service roles as called for by Pope Francis. I am going to support the heck out of this initiative and help my extended family get their boots on the ground also. It will benefit all of us to connect with many of the minority groups threatened in this past election.
Anon
I straddle the divide. My grandparents and parents all went to college, but I shop at Wal-Mart because my post-law school income can’t support higher prices and student loans. Growing up, the money from my mall job sometimes went to help my single mother pay bills. I went to private school because the local public schools were atrocious, but I was on scholarship and clearly remember writing my annual thank you note to whatever donor had provided my tuition that year.
I’m liberal because I’ve been there, on that edge of needing help. And so, like Walnut, I’m “protesting” this election by living out my faith: volunteering, getting involved, serving others. By being the anti-Trump. And if, while I’m there, people get to know me and know my politics, so much the better.
Anonymous
This might be a silly question, but can you ask a contractor to delay a remodel (before construction has started)? We agreed upon a budget a couple of months ago that seemed reasonable at the time. But we’ve had some unexpected but necessary expenses lately and with construction looming at the end of this month, the budget just doesn’t feel comfortable anymore. I do not want to take out a loan and we’ll lose thousands of dollars in deposits if we cancel the project completely, but I’m thinking it might make sense to ask him if we could postpone construction a few months to let us rebuild our nest egg. I guess I should ask because the worst he can do is say no, but I’m feeling embarrassed and wondering if my request is totally unreasonable.
tesyaa
Having been in a similar situation, it’s quite possible that the price is not guaranteed beyond the original start time because future costs of materials etc. are unknown.
ck
+1 agree
It is definitely worth asking, but realize the price may change and their timeline may also change.
OP
It’s definitely not guaranteed, but we’ve worked with this guy several times before and he typically comes in right on budget. If something truly unexpected happens and we have to exceed the agreed upon budget significantly, we would cross that bridge at that point and probably get a loan. But I’ve worked with him enough and this remodel is straightforward enough that I see that as a fairly remote possibility.
tesyaa
Hmm, if you know him well then just ask him.
lawsuited
No harm in asking, but ask him as soon as possible so he can find another project for himself and his “guys” in the next 2 weeks. It’s hard for a contractor to attract and keep good labourers and subcontractors if he unexpectedly can’t provide them with the contract he promised them.
Kelsey
I have a mentor/sponsor who taught me almost everything I know in my field and put me up for partner this year, which I got (income partner, non-equity). He just announced that he is leaving to go to another firm and I am devastated. I felt like in my whole 15 year career, this was the only person who was willing to stick his neck out for me and while my other colleagues are great, I don’t think any of them would go to bat for me, take the time to answer any question I might have regardless of how busy they are, etc. The thing is that I don’t think it would be a good career move for me to go with this mentor because he is going to a firm that is smaller, less known, and might be more unstable. Plus, I don’t think they will bring me in as partner because they only have equity partners while my firm has a two-tier partnership. On top of that, I feel like I’m going to be thrown to the wolves, working with other senior partners more directly and not having someone who will consistently be a sounding board for me or give me insight on how to deal with some difficult personalities. Has anyone gone through this and have any advice for me?
ck
Can he still be a mentor, from afar? He certainly knows your firm structure/issues well.
And congrats on making partner! I hope you will become a mentor soon for a young woman attorney hoping to follow in your footsteps.
You can do it.
Kelsey
Yes, he will still be a mentor – working just down the street. But our firms are basically competing for the same clients so the dynamic won’t be the same, plus, there’s something so nice about being able to pop into someone’s office with random questions when you’re not sure about your answer or approach.
I like the idea of mentoring a new woman attorney and maybe that would be a good way for me to change my perspective on this. Thanks for the encouragement.
Anonymous
Congratulations on making partner!
Ask your mentor to help you identify other potential mentors/allies at your firm. Before he leaves ask him if he’ll make introductions or endorse you to his other senior partners he has good relationships with. Ask him for advice on how to navigate firm politics in his absence.
I’m in a similar situation where my career is being largely supported by one partner, and this is a good reminder that I need to work harder to get more people on my team instead of comfortably resting on the support of my mentor.
Anonymous
I did and it wasn’t easy. Points to you for being more on top of this issue than I was. Looking back things I wished I’d done – (1) had a candid conversation with my mentor about good feeder sources (for lack of a better way to put it); (2) actively cultivated those sources as soon as I knew he was leaving by going directly to them and making it known that I would have availability and that I would be more than happy to accept work (while my mentor was still around) even if meant that for the short term my plate would be overflowing; (3) spoken with my ED/Practice Group Leader (again, while my mentor was still around) to highlight the potential availability and ask for suggestions for other equity partners whom I could support. In all likelihood it will work itself out. Took about 9-12 months for me to fully ramp up after he left. But here’s the good part – I now have more work sources than virtually any other income partner in my firm. Good luck!
Kelsey
Thank you for your helpful pointers. Did you ever consider leaving to join your mentor or just to go elsewhere? I feel like a lot of my success (and happiness) at this firm has been tied to learning from this mentor and I know at some point I need to stand on my own, but I’m not quite ready to be “on my own.”
Ellen
Hug’s to you. I would be BESIDES myself if the manageing partner ever decided to go elsewhere. However, there is no other BOUTIQUE WC firm in Manhattan like us, so I do NOT know where he would even go, unless he was planning to start up a firm in the HAMTONS, where he has a summer place. Of course, there are NOT alot of busnesses out there that he could tap like we have here in Mannhattan. Good luck to you. And have a nice weekend, HIVE, I am goeing to be out with Myrna trying to find guy’s to marry us! YAY!!!!
Anon
My mentor/sponsor left our org in January. Going with him wasn’t an option. I’m not going to lie- it sucked. It still sucks. We work in the same area and I see him at events and we get coffee or lunch every 2-3 months, but not having him there for the day to day is HARD.
Things that help: Making sure to stay close with him. The dynamics change. But it’s so helpful to know he’s still just an email or call away. Still keep him in the loop- my mentor was one of the first people to know when I found out I got the job he helped me work towards, but also when we lost a case he and I worked together on. It takes more work to stay in contact. Still ask him for advice. Still send him interesting stuff you find. And try to find others you can lean on. Trying to mentor someone didn’t really work for me; finding another mentor at work helped.
At a loss
For the past 4 months I have been working with someone who can only be described as difficult. Situation: I am relatively new to the group; she has been with the group for 4+ years. I have more experience in this area, but she is a partner.
A typical situation that devolves: I’m told to make a chart showing X. I am handed a stack of agreements that go in the chart and given 1 minute of instruction about the purpose of said chart. I read the agreements; I read the prior analysis of the agreements; I have questions. I try to get partner to answer questions; no time. I try to get other partner to answer questions; no time. So I analyze the agreements the best I can and create chart. Radio silence.
Two days later: I get a series of emails asking “how could you possibly think that this is correct?” I identify the analysis upon which I relied. “I don’t see how you can read it this way. I thought you were spending the last 2 weeks taking a fresh look at these agreements.” No, no one asked me to do that; there were emails asking other people to do that; and when I tried to ask other partner these same questions, the response was “I don’t have time, this is a very simple task, just make a chart.” I reply to ask if we can speak because now I have conflicting instructions; the response is “not until you explain how you could analyze it this way and why you did this.” I continue to respond by email with my reasoning; all attempts to speak to said partner in person are avoided / rebuffed by her.
The hostile emails continue this morning: “Why did you put X in the chart?” “Because when I asked you about X, you told me it was an issue for these agreements.” “Well it’s not for this one person, and you know that.” No, I don’t, because I was not on any of the calls or emails in which X was discussed; I merely had a 5-second conversation about X. I have literally not spoken to her today even though she is in the office.
I’m at my wits’ end. Literally seeing an email from her causes my blood pressure to sky rocket. I’m out of the loop on 85% of the conversations on this matter; I can’t even get her to respond to emails asking her to prioritize projects. I know that on my part I should ask more questions when given projects because I am so out of the loop that it results in me delivering product that’s off the mark. But it seems bizarre to me that she would rather send me nasty emails than speak to me.
Thank you to all who read this epistle.
Anonymous
This sounds awful. I have no real advice than document everything, including all the facts you weren’t told and all your attempts to speak with her to get your questions answered. And look for a new job.
At a loss
I’m hopeful that working for other partners in the group will go far better, as they seem to like the partners with whom I worked at my old firm. But for now I’m stuck on this matter with her. My only other idea, besides looking for a new job, is to go to the head of the group and tell her about the communication difficulties — not blaming difficult partner, but saying that I’m really out of the loop and feel like I’m not part of the team which is also causing me to turn in work that isn’t what is needed. The head of the group recruited me here; I would hope she has some interest in keeping me. But I feel like that’s the nuclear option.
Anonymous
Keep your eyes and ears open for someone who reportedly works well with her in your capacity, and see what you can learn about technique. Chat up an admin for intel – to help your working relationship, if it steers toward complaining, move along.
lawsuited
+1 Butter up other associates who work well with her, and her clerk or assistant. If your charm doesn’t work on the partner, hopefully it will work on someone else who might have intel on the best way/time to approach her or on the actual matters you’re working on (clerks and assistants can be SO helpful with this).
Anonymous
I work with a partner like this. I have written her off as a lost cause. I only communicate with her by email and I very intentionally CC myself on all correspondence with her. I’m lucky that if this partner stopped wanting to work with me I’d still have plenty of other partners to work with, but I realize you may not be as fortunate. Continue to put your requests to speak/ask questions in writing, CC other partners as appropriate. Are there other associates you can talk to who can confirm this is a partner-issue and not a you-issue?
At a loss
The only associate who has worked with her is very junior. Their interactions are markedly different, and frankly far more cordial, but I think that’s largely a function of the seniority difference and the fact that the junior isn’t asked to do anything particularly substantive without a ton of oversight, whereas I’m the opposite — asked to do substantive work with almost no guidance or oversight.
It’s 3 p.m. and I still have not heard from her today (aside from morning nasty emails). Do I even bother trying to check in with her? Or just proceed according to the priorities that I told her I was working on?
Anonforthis
Are you in Southern California by any chance?
I used to work for someone just like this. It is a no win situation. My only advice is: (1) communicate by email as much as possible; (2) confirm all conversations about assignments by email; (3) start trying to get work from other partners; (4) start looking for another job. Also, if you start getting emails that do not seem to be in line with what she told you to do, reply to the email and point out “that was not my understanding”. DON’T just let it go.
Also google how to work with a narcissist.
At a loss
Thanks, to you and Anonymous below, for the advice and for making me feel NOT crazy. Email email email it is.
Anonymous
Also have worked with someone like this and it is very difficult. First, keep trying to do the best you can, CYA and document everything/save emails. Second, try to work as much as possible with other partners. Third, you need to broach the problem but in such a way that you ID the problem and are asking for advice. For example, you could talk to the head of the group or a managing partner or partner in charge of associate development and ask about the problem partner’s “style” and how to best work with it. You say that you and her are not communicating as effectively as you would like – any ideas? I would also continue to, in email, suggest or ask for one on one or team meetings. For things that you believe cause the priorities to shift, you should email and say that you will do x, y and z unless the partner would prefer something else. I’d also CC the second partner who says she/he has no time.. if they are on the matter, it’s fine to CC them. Good luck. If it’s not fixable, at some point after you’ve tried, you can make the case for not wanting to work with her and at least you’ll have a documented history of trying. If the firm still won’t accommodate your wishes, maybe time to exit.
Anon
I worked for someone who never kept his team informed of what was going on. So we would not know if priorities had shifted. Everyone supporting him got together and figured how to share information ourselves so we could prevent some of the chaos. I also sent work product to him with a prominent list of open items for him to respond to where he had been vague. Beyond that use your best judgment. Over time if you can try to get enough work from other partners that you are unfortunately too busy to help her.
DC party venue recs?
Any suggestions for a venue a low-key party venue in DC for about 25-50 people? This is for a co-ed pre-baby party for a couple who requested this type of event in lieu of a traditional baby shower. They really want something low key and fun and I think ideally would like to have it at someone’s home, but none of our friends have places big enough to host. There’s a potential for kids to be invited, but that’s unclear at this point – I’m thinking either a brunch thing (with kids) or evening cocktail party (no kids) makes the most sense. Any suggestions for affordable venues would be greatly appreciated!!!
Anon
We held our post-wedding brunch at Cava Mezze, and we were really happy with it for a large group. I believe the max group they can seat is 40. Their bottomless brunch is a great value with something for everyone, and their service is great. The only downside is that they don’t have a separate room for groups, but at their Eastern Market location they have two very large tables that feel somewhat secluded.
DC party venue recs?
Thank you!
Emmer
Try calling The Airedale, their upstairs room might do the trick for an evening party (though it’s more beer-focused than cocktail-focused). Sixth Engine might be good for brunch too.
BC in DC
If VA is a possibility, Hard Times Cafe in the City of Fairfax. I had my DH’s 50th there. They have a party room with bar and pool tables. We had an open bar and buffet for 32 people, with tip it came to $1,300. Best party I have ever hosted. Everyone really enjoyed themselves.
Anon in NYC
I just wanted to say thank all of you for the great discussions and empathy this week. I really needed it!
Anon in NYC
Ugh. Thank *you to* all of you.
Becca
Hugs. Today was my dads birthday. I was a bit down yesterday and let a guy stay over to cheer me up. We did stuff and now I think I’m embarrassed because I let my dad down. How can I forget what I did?
Fawn
The key is not to forget it happened but to learn from it and try not to repeat impulsive behavior that may, in the moment, be pleasurable but is inadvisable for all of us given the reality of STDs, unwanted pregnancy and the like. Whatever “stuff” you did is of no moment except of you did not practice safe sex. If not go right away to the CVS and speak with a pharmacist. Also call this man and get a read on his sexual history as you may need it. Finally, don’t worry about your dad. He is still proud of you as no one is perfect.
I hate makeup
Thanks to everyone who gave me mascara suggestions the other day. Turns out that tubing mascara – which I’d never previously heard of – is a game changer for me. I feel like I’m adulting properly now. Thanks!
TorontoNewbie
Wait, I missed this. What’s tubing mascara? google isn’t helping.
I hate makeup
Maybe google tube mascara? Blinc is the best known brand, I got L’Oreal Double Extend. Rather than coat your lashes in wax, it coats them in “tubes” that don’t smudge at all. At all. My highly scientific explanation. So my long lashes don’t get mascara on my brow bone and all over the place. They also don’t smudge when you work out, and you don’t need makeup remover to remove them, just warm water – the tubes expand and come off. Amazing.
TorontoNewbie
this sounds like sorcery.
New Tampanian
My jaw just dropped reading this…
I hate makeup
There’s MORE. They are safe for sensitive eyes (b/c no makeup remover near your eyes) and have made my eyes so much happier because of it. I think it probably is sorcery so I’m trying not to think too hard about it.
(Former) Clueless Summer
The downside for me is that it’s harder to apply – or trickier, I guess. It clumps easier and once you have a clump that dries, its hard to comb out. But I love tube mascara.
Anonymous
I just started with the Blinc stuff recently (because of recs here!), and it is actual magic.
Snick
Clinique has some good tubing mascaras. They don’t last long, though.
AIMS
Not sure if this has already been discussed, but i’d love some escapist book recommendations. Not ready to read Hillbilly Elegy. Just need something to distract myself with. Also – suggestions for TV that is not news adjacent? Especially for the morning, to replace flipping around the cable news shows, although that may be impossible.
Anon
Do you have Amazon Prime?
If so, Poldark.
emeralds
+ many for Poldark.
anon
I’m reading The Girl on the Train right now. It’s a quick read and interesting.
Anon
I am watching Fuller House on Netflix. I was watching West Wing but it is now too painful to watch.
Anonymous
I’m re-watching Gilmore Girls to prepare for the revival and that’s pretty escapist (although Rory loves Hillary and they reference her a few times :/)
Anonymous
Dark Matter by Blake Crouch
Sydney Bristow
Fiction: The Joe Tesla series by Rebecca Cantrell was fun, especially as someone living in NYC. The main character is an agoraphobic tech billionaire who lives in an old Victorian home underneath Grand Central that was built for the engineer when the station was built. They are fast paced and paint an interesting picture of the tunnels.
TV: Gilmore Girls on Netflix. Cozy Connecticut escapism.
Brunette Elle Woods
I just watched The American President with Michael Douglas on Amazon Prime Wednesday night. I just love the speech at the end.
Anonymous
I like Younger on TV Land. Sutton Foster plays a 40-something divorced mom who tries to go back to work to put her daughter through college but gets laughed out of interviews until she pretends to be 25 , and then she lands a job as an assistant to a marketing director at a publishing house. It’s sort of a silly premise, and Sutton Foster – while stunning – does not look 25, but the writing and clothes are great (it’s created by Darren Star and has a SATC vibe) and there’s great romantic tension between her character and the head of the publishing house (played by the uber dreamy Peter Hermann, aka Mr. Mariska Hargitay).
nylon girl
Yes to Younger! It’s my favorite (and only show) now that Good Wife is over.
TorontoNewbie
Authors I love that all have a very page-turner feel to them along with awesome female heroines / written by a women: Tamora Pierce (Alanna: The First Adventure), Django Wexler (The Thousand Names), Lois McMaster Bujold (Vorkosigan Saga + The Curse of Chalion), Robin McKinley (The Hero and the Crown), Jacqueline Carey (edgy steamy), Gu Gavriel Kay (The Lions of Al-rassan).
These are all either fantasy/sci fi or somewhere on that spectrum. But they’re great reads and I think perfect for happy escaping while still really enjoying the writing/plot/etc.
cbackson
Man, I’m not sure I’d recommend Guy Gavriel Kay broadly to someone who is looking for escapism. His books are amazing, but some of them are gut-wrenchingly sad (like, I can’t persuade anyone to read Tigana because I can’t talk about it without admitting that it is SO DAMN SAD). I think that Under Heaven is his only book that didn’t make me absolutely weep at any point. Maybe Ysabel.
TorontoNewbie
Ok, Tigana is depressing. AIMS, probably avoid that one. And maybe A Song for Arbonne.
cbackson – Do you find all of his works that sad? I’m thinking more of the Under Heaven and River of Stars variety. Maybe Fionavar Tapestry? They’re not Pollyanna but I find them really refreshing because you can plunge right in and, well, escape.
cbackson
So I love Fionavar Tapestry with a crazy passionate love, but there is (SPOILER ALERT)
(scroll down)
(more scroll)
both rape and major character death in that series. All totally story-appropriate, and maybe it’s more bittersweet than gut-wrenching, but it doesn’t quite fall into escapist territory for me. I do love, love, love his work – he writes SO beautifully. I haven’t read River of Stars yet – I have it at home.
Tigana, Christ, I cried like a child. It is a masterpiece, but it’s *hard*.
Pears
I love Tamora Pierce! Especially the Trickster & Alanna books. Some of her other series skew much younger (like 10 year olds). But all are feminist.
Emily L
Toronto Newbie, I love that you recommended Robin McKinley! Love her books!
Shortie
Outlander!!!!!! The books that is, I haven’t watched the tv show. I’m reading the John Grey series right now.
For tv, Miss Fishers Murder Mysteries. Last tango in Halifax.
Eleanor
Show is pretty great! The end of Season 1 was hard to watch (prison scenes), however.
Senior Attorney
We’re watching The West Wing from Season 1, Episode 1. So great although I understand if others find it too painful at the moment.
Reix
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice is my favorite, but any Jane Austen really
Anonymous
I always turn to YA fiction when I’m feeling down. Right now, Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I also like Cassandra Clare’s series. I stumbled on The Assassin’s Curse while looking for Cassandra Clare books (Cassandra Rose Clarke, instead) and it’s also decent.
AIMS
Thanks for all the great suggestions! Keep them coming of course. Right now I am catching up on Mindy on HULU. It’s helping.
Mindy
This weekend I decided I would try to read mainly women and more ethnically diverse authors for the next year if I can help it.
I picked up: Bridget Jones Baby and some Isabel Allende.
Highly recommend the Deborah Harkness trilogy (Book 1 – A Discovery of Witches) and the Outlander series.
Debating re-reading Harry Potter (you know, he who shall not be named and all).
Thanking HRC
I had a dream two nights ago that I worked for Hillary Clinton’s campaign and in the aftermath of what was losing I was desperately trying to find her to thank her for what she had done for women and for what she had taught me in her campaign.
Then I found this, which gives an address for me to do so IRL and I thought I’d share it in case anyone else wanted to show her your support.
Thanking HRC
Link:
https://www.bustle.com/articles/194348-how-to-send-hillary-clinton-a-thank-you-card-for-everything-shes-done
Brunette Elle Woods
I certainly plan on sending her a thank you note and donating more money to the organizations that help protect us. What else can we do to help? I don’t want to sit back or start getting involved only when Trump starts to fulfill his promises. We need to start now, well before he takes office.
Thanking HRC
In addition to the so many options people have been posting over the past few days, another one is vote.org, which is a nonprofit dedicated to increasing voter turnout (allows you to check your registration status, contacts voters to help them find their polling place, help voters order absentee ballots, allows you to register, etc.). Over 90 million eligible voters did not vote in this election!
nylon girl
Thank you! I’ve been looking for an address as well to thank her.
Anonymous
THANK YOU! I’m going to do it. I predict I will cry a lot while writing my letter, but hopefully it will be cathartic for me and hopefully she will be just overwhelmed with words of love and support.
AIMS
Someone I know did this with her daughters. All the girls wrote HRC a note; she said they really enjoyed it. It seems like a nice thing to do with your kids, especially if you are one of the many people who took them to vote with you. I plan on writing myself this weekend.
AIMS
And if you’re feeling so inclined – I suppose you can write a note to the Donald too, saying that even if you didn’t vote for him you hope he will be a good president and maybe reconsider some of his most divisive policies. He seems especially susceptible to flattery so who knows it may actually help. His address is easy to find online.
anon for this one
Let me vent for a moment? I live across the country from my sister and her best friend. I was supposed to be helping the friend throw a big birthday party for my sister- she said she had it under control and would let me know when she needed help. I just found out that we’re three weeks out and has done literally nothing- no invites, no venue, no plans, except a big pinterest board full of ideas. Should I take this over from her and plan the party on my own? I dont want to let her halfass it, because my sister will be disappointed.
Meg March
Yes, take it over. Get her on the phone tonight and get it moving. Ask her if she’s done anything concrete– contacted venues, even? But I think you should just do it, for your sister’s sake.
Although I don’t know what this “supposed to be” situation is. Did your sister assign the two of you to plan her birthday party? Because, well, that’s kinda selfish/not great and I might be less likely to help (or, more realistically, more like to grouch about helping).
PatsyStone
Take it over. If she was invested in planning it. . . she would have planned it.
Anonymous
See what preliminary communication has happened informally, but get those invites rolling. I am a dyed-in-the-wool introvert and neuro-atypical and sometimes I need a boost to bring me along when my anxiety is barking, or big-picture doesn’t coalesce into this-event…
As a friend it’s better for me to be a helper than a leader, so that might be why you are both on this.
Glad you got your vent out and hope you both synch up well for a great party.
Nancy Raygun
Having done something similar, I will add this: when you get in touch to see where the planning is, try really hard not to sound irritated. It goes a long way. My cousin was planning a birthday party for my aunt and then flaked out. I phrased it as “it seems like a lot for one person to handle and I know she’d really love a party. Mind if I take the reins?” My cousin ended up being a great helper and everyone was happy. Which, honestly is a surprise because I usually have trouble hiding my irritation.
Anon
Happy holiday thoughts! I throw a big Christmas party every year. Most years I hire someone – a college student, a friend of my housekeeper – to help me put out food, keep plates cleared, and wash dishes. (It’s a buffet, so no serving duties.)
I haven’t hired help in a couple years and I’m new to DC – any sense of how much I should pay someone for this? Would $15/hr be ok?
Scarlett
I’d post on taskrabbit and see what people will charge for that, in SF it’s closer to $20/hr
Anonymous
Yes, $15 would be fine. That’s the hourly wage for babysitting in DC.
Anonymous
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmCFY1oYDeM
John Legend’s new music video could not be more perfect in light of this week’s events.
Anon
So… I’m sure some of you remember my friend (of over 30 year) who stole money from me after I had lent her a large sum of money. Well, she called a few months ago to apologize and say that she realizes how wrong she was and wants to re-pay me because she doesn’t want to lose a lifelong friend over this. I was still very hurt over this, and I haven’t had time or the emotional energy to call her back yet. Well, I found out that she had to have emergency heart surgery and almost died this week! She is now out of surgery and is doing better. I am so thankful that she is doing ok, and I feel like I should reach out to her but I haven’t yet. I can’t really pinpoint my feelings on this, and I’m not sure why I’m still so hesitant to reach out. Anyone have any thoughts or advice?
Anonymous
Just because someone had to have a very serious surgery doesn’t mean they still aren’t a crappy person.
Anonymous
Do it. Life is short. Reach out and wish her well.
Anon
Ha! You both have hit the nail on the head of my feelings…
lawsuited
I think it can be more awkward to reach out to someone after a period of not speaking with them, so I get why you’re torn. But I think you should reach out – if not to be BFFs, just to say that you heard about her surgery and are so relieved that she is okay.
Anon
I’m not an attorney, I work in finance and live in the south. Today a memo was sent to all employees by the owner and management (four older, white men). It says that if any co-worker or client harasses or disrespects one of us because of skin color, gender, religion or orientation, who they assume we voted for or any other reason that we are to get one of them immediately and they will deal with that client and escort them out or call the offending co-worker into their office for a reprimand and/or dismissal. They also reminded us that they will not tolerate such behavior towards clients and that no one has to put up with it. I can’t imagine and have never seen my co-workers doing this but we have had issues with clients before. Getting that memo made my whole day better.
(I have already made a donation to planned parenthood in Trump’s name. I know he will probably hear of it but imagining him opening the envelope and finding out made me feel better today).
Anon
Probably *never* hear of it.
Anonymous
That’s wonderful to hear. The silver lining for me in this awful week was that I recently got a great new job and I no longer work at my ex-firm that was filled with old white men, many of whom were openly racist and sexist (nothing to do with the election, that’s just how they were). I couldn’t have gone in there on Nov. 9th. I would have phoned in my resignation.
Anonymous
After a terrible week and being devastated since Tuesday, I came to my neighbor’s kids sitting out on their balcony and the brother teaching his sister how to be sworn in as a president. Such a little thing but it made me feel like there is hope for the future. I hope everyone else here can find solace in something, even if it’s only for a moment.
Anonymous
Thanks for this!
Anonymous
Ha, when I donated to PP, I did it in Hillary’s name.
Vacation Ideas?
I find the travel advice on thissite to be pretty great usually. I am stumped on where to go for a February vacation. I have a week off and don’t mind long flights (we once went to Thailand for a week). Flying from NYC. Ideas? We are not really “sit on a beach” people and prefer walking around and seeing cultural things like interesting cities. We would prefer for it to be warmish (55+). Don’t care too much about cost. Thought this would be a great opportunity to travel to central America– we’ve been all over the South America because I’m from there. I would love to go to Malta but it’s colder there this time of year. Ideas?
Thanks!
Anon
I’d recommend Panama! We were there this summer and absolutely loved it. Panama City has opportunities for cultural things in the old town and of course the canal. We were there for a couple of days and then spent most of our time on the Caribbean side in Boas del Toro. In Bocas del Toro you can sit on the beach if you want to, but you can also see the rainforest, go on tons of hikes, ride horses, visit chocolate farms, indigenous villages, and tons more.
AIMS
+1 to panama!
Also: Hawaii?
Shenandoah
+1 Panama. Panama City is incredible, and there is plenty to see over a few days. Go to the canal, walk around Casco Viejo, grab ceviche from the fish market, drinks in El Cangrejo, etc. And then fly up to Bocas del Toro for some beach time and more outdoorsy activities. And although not really a big deal, added bonus of not having to deal with currency conversions.
Anne Elliott
Snorkel in the Maldives!
Godzilla
Morocco!
Anonymous
You meet a married couple at an event. Wife is not on Facebook, husband friend requests you on Facebook as you have mutual friends and a shared interest. Husband will be in your town for a conference and messages you for eating recommendations which are specific to a certain food preference. Husband then says if you’re around feel free to join at suggested restaurant. Inappropriate/weird or no?
Brunette Elle Woods
I think it’s fine. If he acts inappropriately, then it is cause for concern. Sometimes people just don’t want to go to a restaurant for dinner alone. I do it, but I always prefer company.
Anonymous
Thanks. I don’t want to assume that someone is hitting on me, but I also feel like women always get the blame in situations like this if they end up going to wrong way. I realize that’s idiotic because it is not my responsibility to make sure he behaves appropriately, but . . .
Anon
Not weird, but I would approach with caution until you get to know them better.
Anonymous
When you met the married couple did the husband give you any indication at all that he was anything other than friendly?
Anonymous
It feels a little weird to me. I have straight male friends and my husband has straight female friends but we have mostly met them in a professional context or through a hobby and the friendship has gradually evolved over time into something more personal. Asking you to have dinner one-on-one right off the bat feels a little date-ish to me. I definitely get dinner and drinks with male friends, but generally after already knowing them well from work or having met them several times in group settings. You do you, and you’re certainly not doing anything inappropriate by meeting him (as you noted, it’s on him to make sure he behaves), but I would be a little suspicious of his intentions, personally.
Anonymous
I would proceed with caution
ck
+1
I would bring another friend along. Why not?
lawsuited
+1 You’ll be able to sense really quickly if it’s a friendly thing or a would-be romantic thing. If it turns would-be romantic, just be prepared to make an excuse and leave.
Anonymous
Thanks everyone. I feel weird about it because I don’t really know his wife and after talking to a mutual friend, I feel even more uncomfortable. I have to shift my schedule to accommodate an event this week that I forgot about and now have a legitimate non-awkward excuse to not go.
Jeffiner
How do people feel about the petition to have the Electoral College go rogue and vote for Hillary? Is this a valid use of the Electoral College?
Sydney Bristow
My gut feeling is that I don’t like it. I think I heard talk that an elector somewhere in the Midwest refused to vote for HRC even if she won his state. I was really upset at the entire idea. Now that it is being talked about in reverse, I still don’t like it even though I might like the outcome.
On the other hand, I do think there needs to be a real discussion about keeping the Electoral College or passing an amendment to change our election system.
Anonymous
It was in Washington state and yes I was very p!ssed off at that guy too (of course he was a Bernie bro). And actually she did win his state, so he may very well follow through and not vote for her but of course it won’t matter. But at the same time…that is one of the purposes of the electoral college. To deliberately NOT directly elect the President because of fear of tyranny of the majority (or not-quite-plurality). So I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind at all if they elected Hillary or Mike Pence but it’s not going to happen.
Anonymous
We are due for an overhaul. The Electoral College balances out California’s interest on Rhode Island, etc. but we have a lot of modern ways to work with the popular vote AND there is the whole issue of Puerto Rico, Guam and other U.S. territories. I miss Melissa Harris Perry, she would have a panel of experts and some ideas that the public is likely ready for….
Anonymous
I think it’s a lovely fantasy.
ITDS
I think that’s when you’ll see armed mobs in the streets. Perception among those who voted for trump will be that an “elite” institution is subverting the process to keep the “establishment” in power. Much as I would have liked to see an HRC presidency, I don’t want to see if come about this way.
Anon
+1. That would be more of the elites trying to change the process so the rules don’t apply to them.
Research why the Electoral College exists – it’s designed to exactly allow this year’s results to happen. Now, should you argue that each state should have its own version of an Electoral College so we effectively have 3 layers instead of 2? Maybe. But getting rid of the Electoral College creates a hell of a lot more problems than having it does.
Anonymous
One of the purposes of the electoral college is to give a voice to people in rural states, which is exactly what happened this year, that’s true. But it’s also designed to prevent the people from electing directly so that if someone who was unfit to serve was chosen by the public, the electors could step in and exercise some control over the process. If the rural state thing was the only point, they would just automatically award electoral votes based on how each state’s population voted and there would be no need for human electors. So I see both sides of the argument. But it’s not going to happen, so it’s moot.
ml
I feel like the time for delegate voters to go rogue was at the Republican convention, not after the general election. I’d be very afraid what would happen if the electoral college actually did vote for HRC (I think the chance of this happening is vanishingly small).
AnonyMom
Let’s not be coy. The purpose of the electoral college, originally, was to give a voice to slaveholding states which were also rural states. The divide over slavery was critical to shaping the US Constitution, and we still live with its repercussions more than 150 years after the abolishment of that institution.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to subvert the election process. But I do think the Electoral College has racist origins that were designed to disenfranchise certain types of people. But I think the EC would be very difficult to reform. Far easier (though not easy) is to halt and reverse the voter suppression campaign that has been waged for the past several years since the SCOTUS repealed much of the Voting Rights Act. Several key states that Clinton lost had very active and public efforts to suppress minority voters (with Pennsylvania dispensing even with the pretense of preventing voter fraud). It won’t change this election, but it’ll at least help everyone feel their voices are heard next time around.
Jeffiner
These are all very good points, thank you. The “elitism” argument especially made me think, but I am going to sign the petition and write my Electoral College voters, because I think the EC is broken. A fractured EC may not elect Hillary, but hopefully it will lead to some reform.
1. The EC does give rural states a voice, and we NEED that. But it has also silenced the voice of solid states. I live in Texas. The wall is going up in my state, yet the most I saw from either candidate was one national commercial on TV. The EC leads candidates to spend all their time campaigning in swing states, ignoring the rest of us.
2. Forty-three percent of Texans voted for Hillary, yet Trump is getting 100% of Texas’ EC votes. I feel like my vote doesn’t count. Everyone I know voted, but we all said the same thing leading up to Election Day: “It doesn’t matter how I vote, Texas will be red anyway.” No one should feel that way prior to an election.
3. If the EC is just supposed to regurgitate the state’s popular vote, why do we have EC voters? Just say, “You won Texas, you get 38 points, the end.”
4. Trump only won my very red state by 10%. This year is certainly a crazy one for elections, but analysts predict Texas will be a swing state, and possibly even a blue state, in a generation. If CA, NY, and TX are all automatically blue, how will any Republican hope to win?
Anonymous
Re #4, they’ll find plenty of ways to gerrymander and suppress the minority vote. More people vote for Democratic congresspeople than Republicans every year but they have gerrymandered it so much that Dems have no chance of winning the House.
Lilly
Some of you may be interested in this:
The Southern Poverty Law Center has an online petition on their website, addressed to the president elect, calling out his denigration of people because of their race, their religion, their ethnicity, their gender, their disability, and more, and calling on him to renounce these positions. So far, there are only 20k signatures. I have signed it. For those who are not familiar with the SPLC, it’s not just about the south.
4th Year Associate Looking to Move?
When did you know it was the right time to move firms? I’m a 4th year biglaw litigator with a niche practice interest. The way my firm works is that we have a few senior experts (who tend to be former litigators but are now experts more than barristers or solicitors) in the niche group but all litigation work (and some corporate work) is farmed out to a few people in the general groups who have that specialty. There is not enough niche work to keep me busy – it’s probably 50% of my practice and the rest is commercial litigation. I love litigating but I do not love commercial litigation, particularly some of the files I am stuck on now. When I imagine my ideal career, I imagine 100% niche litigation, or even 75% niche litigation, 25% other non-litigation niche work. I don’t think that ideal career is open to me at this firm, simply because of the structure that exists now. However, I have some super cool things going on and some really strong and fantastic relationships with some of the partners I work for.
I got two calls this week from recruiters for a position at a less prestigious biglaw firm (but with a larger, slightly better regarded niche group). It would be for a full position in the niche group – so something like 75% niche litigation, 25% non-litigation niche work.
I’m considering applying but am finding myself paralyzed with fear. I like (and in some ways, love) where I am, plus it’s comfortable and known. But what if my career in the future could be what I want it to be if I moved? How does one weigh these issues and make a decision?
lawsuited
Unless you have concerns that the confidentiality of your application would be compromised and put your current job in jeopardy, you should apply. Keep your eyes wide open during the interviewing process, and don’t get caught up in the escapism of a new firm. My own experiences changing firms and the stories I hear from peers have taught me that finding an environment you like and people you like is not a given, so the fact that you already know you have those things in your current firm you be a huge pro for staying on your pro/con list.
Anonymous
In light of the election result I am going to be more active politically and socially and give and volunteer more to causes I believe in. My sister is also a lawyer. In the past she has made comments about how she doesn’t support either the ACLU or the SPLC. We aren’t white and she’s very active in social causes but I want to change her mind on this if I could. I just don’t know how to go about it. She finds them problematic based on things she has read on the internet.
Pears
This is how my friend explained it to me: no organization is perfect, but try to donate to plays that do much more good than bad.
Pears
*places.
Susan
I’m interested to hear what she’s read that she finds problematic? No judgment in that at all – genuinely curious for a jump start to my googling.
Anon
Personally, I find the ACLU’s stance on privacy and surveillance to be too libertarian for my taste. However, I highly admire their work toward reproductive justice and many many other social causes.
Anonymous
She is upset about the ACLU’s defence of Nazi groups and pedophile organizations and the SPLC applying the hate label too broadly (ie The Ben Carson incident)
Susan
Ahh. I see. Thank you!
cbackson
If she’s already active in social causes, why do you need to change her mind? Is it necessary for her to support the same organizations that you support?
ACLU
I gave them money once, back in the Bush administration (2004?). I still get mail from them at least once a month, despite having moved 4-5 times in multiple states since them. It might not be completely rational, but I’m so annoyed by the waste that I refuse to give them money again.
Peach Pye
Same things happened to me. I feel spammed. I refuse to donate again for that reason.
Jewels
My parents told me they want to give me a piece of jewelry for Christmas and asked me to pick it out. They gave me a budget of $1000. I’m excited (and quite appreciative) but don’t know where to begin. What should I choose?
I don’t think I want a necklace (I have a special one I wear almost every day). I believe I am, in Kat’s words, an “accepting unadorned.” I might like a pair of non-dangly earrings I could wear daily. But maybe this is an opportunity to do something fancier. Any suggestions?
Anonymous
I would get a beautiful wear every day watch!
Anonymous
+1!
4th Year Associate Looking to Move?
Diamond studs or a lovely strand of pearls if you don’t have one already.
lawsuited
+1 to diamond studs.
Anonymous
Agree. Invest in a good quality diamond in 18K gold.
Anonymous
Try wildfish gems (ethically sourced items, including from American mines) and pearl paradise (affordable high quality pearls)
Anne Elliott
I would get pearl earrings plus pendant. Maybe pale pink cultured pearls…..
Anon
You can get a gorgeous strand of pearls (not a pendant) and pearl earrings for that amount.
Pearl paradise (no affiliation) is a reputable pearl source and a much better deal than a department store or most jewelers not specializing in pearls.
Anon
I’d do David Yurman earrings.
Marion
Hi there,
I’m new & love this site & all the practical tips and articles found here. I wish I would’ve discovered this 10 years ago lol Anyway, I am currently trying to create a part time coaching business to ease out of my practice.
The hive mind here, is so energetic & intelligent, I thought I’d put a question out to you & glean your opinion.
I’d like to focus on wellness & personal transformation for women (mostly 50+) … I’d like the name to convey a sense of energy, peace of mind & good health & avoid anything too new-age/spa-like, or clinical
I like the following type of themes, but am sure others have good ideas – wellness – coach – mentor – transform – vibrant – life – living – path – journey – energy – joyful. For example, I tried to use vibrantlife.com, but that domain is taken (as many names seem to be now)
Thanks & hope you all have a wonderful weekend ! M.
Anonymous
I don’t know how to say this without seeming mean, but you need to work on your communication skills. Bad grammar is a huge turn off and it impacts your communication- in your whole post you never actually asked a question. I had to read it three times before I put together you wanted help with a name. The lack of punctuation and proper grammar doesn’t make you seem serious.
lawsuited
Come on, now. OP wouldn’t be the first person to fail to bring their A communication skills game to posting on an internet comment board.
Anonymous
Definitely not- but I think it is a higher standard when you are using the comment board to try to help launch a business. I didn’t mean it to be rough- the explanation that english isn’t the first language makes perfect sense.
Bathtime
Impact isn’t a verb!
Marion
Thank you for your reply & perhaps I should clarify the question. English is not my 1st language and I am not from the the United States. I have run a different successful business before. What I am having difficulty with, is in coming up with an appropriate name for a new business. Therefore, I thought I would ask, what adjectives people think of, for a wellness or personal transformation coaching business. If others could chime in with any words that resonate with them, I would appreciate that. Thanks.
Anonymous
Is there something in your other languages that speaks to you more? Play to your strengths
Blonde Lawyer
Tranquility?
anon anon armani
What about using/including the word “inner” … because you are focusing upon personal changes ? I like the term “vibrant” . “Strength” appeals to me yet there’s a chance you might be thought of as a personal athletic coach/trainer!
Please do check out the licesning laws in your areas. Many titles and words are “protected.” Meaning titles involving counselors therapists etc.
Also, there is an organization of trained and licensed (in some way) professional organizers and professional life coaches. So be sure you are in line or not over stepping to protect yourself and your hard work starting a business.
Been there … started my own business in 1990. Still going strong.
Kudos to you, M. All the best. As you know, you are never “off work,” but the rewards can be so personally wonderful, especially for the self actualized. Go get ’em.
Anonymous
I read a book entitled “Falling Upward” that was focused on second-half-of life transition from striving to claiming the fullness of life as it is – making gratitude a place of beginning rather than tied to activity. Bolen’s “Crossing to Avalon” likely has some concepts and phrases as well. I’m not coming up with much now – maybe talk with some of your family elders about that point in their life and see how they describe the better experiences once they have shifted.
If you want a laugh, I nixed Menopause & Andropause Semi-Anonymous…. ;)
Marion
Thanks to all of you, for some great ideas.
I am excited to have a business plan completed. However, I never realized how difficult, the actual naming process would be. The same problem likely happens for user-names these days, but those are not as important.
I like the idea of using the word “inner: and I will read “Falling Upward” for more phrases.
Please keep the names coming. if any come to mind : )) M.
Lillers
Not sure about the IP laws in your country (or if you were planning to open this business in the US) but definitely consider searching existing trademarks when naming your business. Just because a domain name is available doesn’t mean there isn’t a trademark on it. And when you decide on a name, you will want to protect your brand too.
I like the concept and best of luck with your new venture!
Hopeless Dater
I’ve been single for over a year now. I really feel ready for a new relationship but I’ve had a recurring problem since I started dating again (last year!). I always lose interest in guys or find silly reasons to end it. Does anyone know how I can work past this? I just always feel the urge to “run.”
I just started seeing a new really wonderful guy. And I basically had to force myself to get through date #2. I think he’s great. I think my anxiety just takes over and I feel overwhelmed. I don’t want to throw yet another great guy away when I know I’ll regret it in a month when I calm down and realize how great he was.
I never had this problem before my (baaaad) breakup. I think I may just be scared to put myself in a position where I could go through the breakup pain again *unless* I feel the guy is worth it. Given how this has happened with every single wonderful guy, I think I may be putting too much pressure on myself. Does anyone have any tips?
I know I’m late, but I’m supposed to see him again tomorrow. And I’m having a hard time confirming our date. Even though I know I would seriously regret cancelling.
Hopeless Dater
I meant I know I am late *for today’s post*
Anonymous
Maybe he’s setting off some of the trigger from your trauma with the breakup from the other relationship?
What are some of the things that calm you? Self-talk? Take things a date at a time.
And know that YOU are worthy of a healthy relationship and self-care to heal. You may be reacting to red flags – it’s tough to know with what you posted. Calling all of your exes wonderful sounds like it would be good for you to reach out to a licensed professional to get a more in-depth exchange going if this feels like it’s lingering too long.
Anon
Woah, you’re getting this feeling as early as the second date? I think it’s ok for you to call it quits that early if you’re not whole-heartedly interested. Most people will go on tons of first dates, lots of second dates, many third dates, etc. etc. in declining order until someone sticks. Not feeling it early on is totally normal and a good enough reason to stop. I was really expecting you to say you were getting the feeling after a month or two when the “commitment” conversation/general direction was starting to come up.
Anon
[deleted]
Anon
Late to the party, but just to let you know, this is how I finally found out that I’m not “just an anxious person”–I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. All of the irrational anxiety I felt while dating eventually escalated to the point that I couldn’t move forward in relationships (because I was paralyzed with anxiety), so I went to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. After getting help, I can now more clearly see how anxiety was ruling every facet of my life–relationships was just my biggest stressor out of many. Please, please consider getting professional treatment. Anxiety thoughts are irrational and sound true, but they aren’t. You can get better!
Anonymous
I’m so upset that the Obama’s are being replaced by the orange man child buffoon and his lying, illegal immigrant, former escort, mistress and porn star gold digging wife (who is ‘okay’ despite the man child hating everyone else who is all of those things)
Anonymous
Agree. The Obamas were so incredibly gracious yesterday and I felt such pride for eight years.
Anonnnn
Not sure this comment helps. Get involved in being the CHANGE AND SOLUTION instead of complaining about the orange man.
Signed,
someone who donated to several causes today and plans to volunteer at a shelter tomorrow morning
ck
His wife was a porn star? Escort? Really?
Anonymous
Yeah. I don’t know any facts that prove she was either of these things. The Daily Mail ran a story claiming she was an escort and retracted it. Nothing further ever came of it. She did nude photoshoots but I’ve never heard anyone say she was a porn star.
Anonymous
Slut shaming much?
Anonymous
Not really. As I stated in my original post, it’s hypocritical because the orange man child hates illegal immigrants and all those other things and he disparages those people, but somehow is wife is okay and different from all the other people who have done the same thing.
lawsuited
I think it is still slut-shaming if you include “escort” and “porn star” in your long list of insults in front of a woman’s name.
Anon
This isn’t “slut-shaming” (not a real thing), but misogyny. It’s always misogyny.
Anonymous
Personally I’m a lot more offended that Pres. Obama has to hand his position over to a man who had to wait for a public backlash before he could denounce the support of the KKK than that Michelle has to hand her position over to someone who used to model nude. But that’s just me.
AIMS
Yeah. Melania is the least of my problems with that man. Like seriously the very last on a very long list. She’s also unlikely to ever actually affect me whereas her husband… well…
a surprising number of women have said that to me though. I have one friend who seems almost more upset about melania being First Lady than trump being the POTUS. Which really makes me think that this is part of the larger problem we women have and why HRC lost certain female voters. Anne Marie Cox talked about it briefly on Bill Mayer – how women are socialized to compete agaisnst each other – I don’t know if it has to do with that, but it’s definitely a subject I need to read more about and I think we collectively need to understand better. But yeah – you can hate him without slut shaming her.
bridget
His wife was worth $15 million before she married Donald.
The way pretty women are denigrated as airheads – especially by Democrats – is disgusting.
Anonymous
Source? I have nothing against Melania, but it’s hard to make that kind of money modeling unless you’re Cindy Crawford/Karli Kloss level famous, which she was definitely not.
Anon
Yep hating on Melanie is just hate I think. She’s not the issue. I won’t buy any more Ivanka Trump though.
Hot-Weather Associate
Heading to Chicago later this weekend. How is the weather currently? I have checked the weather obviously, but I live in the South, so 50ish does not sound too bad, but I recognize 50 + wind might look significantly different.
Chicago chick
I’d go for layers. Booties. Jeans. Sweaters. A leather coat + scarf, or maybe a wool coat.
On windy days, it really helps to have a scarf, and maybe not a cropped/v. short coat.
Should be a great weekend!
Anon
Tips for a new wellness program my firm is rolling out? I am one of four members of a team to get this going. Firm already offers $200/annually as an incentive to reimburse gym membership, athletic equipment, etc. Looking for some fun, cheap and not super time consuming things to implement as strategies to improve our overall wellness. TIA!
Anonymous
Step challenges! Provide the trackers, or set it up so people can use their smartphones.
Bike/walk to work week if that’s geographically feasible.
Bonnie
Healthy cooking demonstrations?
Anon
Provide a subsidized healthy lunch.
Pesh
Have a nutritionalist come to the office for free/subsidized consultations (people can sign up for a time slot in advance)
Anon.
“I never had this problem before my (baaaad) breakup. I think I may just be scared to put myself in a position where I could go through the breakup pain again *unless* I feel the guy is worth it” … IMHO I think the problem is not that “you put pressure on yourself” but rather avoiding rejection. Unfortunately, part of being out there in the dating arena, means rejection is a given, whether form you or the man.
It sounds like you truly like this man, so if you go back for another date, thinking on a date by date basis, you won’t necessarily have to have to throw him under the bus in case he no longer calls. Dating is rough, but what has helped me is, to just accept dates & view it as an information seeking exercise, knowing that I always have the power to leave, but like-wise, if I am rejected, that this would not be the right man for me & I tell myself I dodged a bullet. This way I can retain my power & not take it personally. I have also had to stop myself from visualizing too far into the future. I like people, so instead of thinking he’s “the one” I tell myself, I am going out to meet a new friend which tends to take the pressure off things. Hope this helps (& hope youwill try a 3rd date if you like him : )) )
Anonymous
I just heard on the news that Trump won’t be taking a salary during his time as president because he wants to appear more credible and serious about the job…
Anonymous
He announced that plan when he was running. I think it’s nice actually, although he’s doing it so people will fawn over how selfless he is.
TV
He should seriously take the salary so that he doesn’t have to depend on income from his business enterprises, which creates the appearance of a conflict of interest.
This guy seems to have consistently bad instincts about what is proper and improper.
Anon
Yes, exactly my thought. Dear god, why would he even be allowed to forgo it?
Chicago chick
Absolutely. +1
Now that I hear he is supposed to be handing over his business control to his kids, yet is including them on his political advisors / transition team list, just…. ugh.
So much wrong here.
I’m wondering if he’ll spend one night/week/month in the White House before he and his wife move into his hotel down the street.
Anonymous
There was the whole clip about how he doesn’t understand what a blind trust is. He kept saying he would just give it to his children. its the biggest conflict of interest anyone has faced.
Chicago chick
And so little discussed, up to now.
Honestly, I always thought his presidential run was a wacky publicity stunt, gaining him tons of exposure/new contacts to promote his businesses. And I’m sure it has helped him.
And I predict he will make his greatest fortune being President.
Unbelievable.
Then again, I live in Chicago. Our Republican governor just reported his personal income of 188 million dollars for last year. It’s the American way.
AIMS
This doesn’t make sense. Bloomberg didn’t take a salary as mayor of NY. It was fine. He still got money from his business w/o being involved in it. Now maybe Trump won’t be able to stay uninvolved but it won’t have anything to do with whether he takes a $400k salary. There’s enough to criticize that we don’t need to jump on this – it just reads as insincere.
Tetra
Has anyone donated bone marrow? I just found out my mother’s doctors want me to be the donor for her, and I don’t have a lot of other information yet. Any advice?
Clare
How wonderful you can be a donor for your Mom. You can handle it. Not a big deal for you. HUGE deal for your Mom to have a close match donor in the family.
It will be a brief inconvenience, mild discomfort for you. But let me put it this way…. My group of friends used to donate bone marrow in grad school because we were so broke. If we could do it for $150, you can do it for Mom.
Hollis
You can get paid for donating bone marrow? I didn’t know that was possible/legal? My DH donated bone marrow through the Be the Match Registry and we got a free lunch and some nice snacks. He experienced discomfort throughout the week of the donation from the injections (for him, the 2nd day was the worst), but the extraction was fine and he was working the entire week. The technology has changed so it’s extracted from your veins and not from your hip, so it is way safer and easier than before, and does not require going under. You can do this.
Clare
I lived in a major research/hospital city, where the bone marrow was used for research purposes. There were many, many experiments going on that needed human volunteers, and I used to do a lot of these. Often there was a small (and some very small….) “stipend” given to the human volunteers. Or else… who the heck would do it?
Although, we should all be on the Registry list, and I have been meaning to formally join it for years.
Wildkitten
I’ve heard it’s FAR less painful than it used to be.
Anonymous
Not sure if I’m looking for advice or just commiseration. DH and I have been married for 2 years and have been TTC for 12 months now with no success. We have an appointment with a fertility doctor in December. We’re both 32, go for yearly physicals and have no known health issues. I was on the pill for 12 years and the last 6 of them I skipped the placebo week. I have been off the pill since we got married because we planned to start TTC after a year but since I went off the pill I have had my period less than 10 times. My OBGYN says it could be related to our lack of success at TTC but that there could also be other issues. I know she is right but I still feel so heartbroken and guilty.
Anonymous
In contrast: I’ve rarely been on birth control (fewer than 12 months total), am 34, and typically have about 10 periods over 12 months. I also have PCOS, diagnosed at 18, that’s well-controlled with the help of an excellent endocrinologist. It’s unlikely your birth control habits contributed to this. It’s more likely that your use of birth control masked the underlying issue of an irregular cycle. See the fertility doctor and go from there. Wishing you good luck!
Clare
+100
This is not your fault.
MDMom
Yes, this. Birth control just masked the irregular cycles. And skipping placebo week is irrelevant- those are fake periods anyway. It’s not your fault OP, but know that it’s normal to feel that way. Good luck.
Anonymous
Thank you for this. Before I went on the pill my period was always regular and after 2 physicals my doctor could not find any evidence of anything like PCOS and said that everything looks like it should, so the guilt is really getting to me even though I know it shouldn’t.
Hollis
I was in an eerily similar situation. Inconsistent and infrequent periods due to anovulation. In my case, my OB thought it was caused by stress or too much exercise (well, the latter was certainly not the case). DH and I decided to find less stressful jobs in a new, exciting city, I found the job, gave notice, stopped tracking everything and then became pregnant with twins right naturally before our appointment with a fertility doctor. I know this is just one person’s experience, but take heart that change could be right around the corner. Wishing you all the best!
Anonymous
Hey, this is about taking care of both of you, and it’s a tough path when the journey is long or complicated My twin nieces had help getting started and the people are fabulous. My sister was older, and found that a TTC support group that was run by a local hospital was full of women who could ease each other’s journey. Be a good friend to your body and yourself, no need to be hard on yourself. We know you made the best choices you could at each moment. You could hear anything at this point, and so could your DH, including everything is fine, just keep trying (!), you’re pregnant (!), oh, we just need to do this little thing here (!)..let some of this go and get back into cuddle & nurture space and do what soothes you. You are talking to the right people and making solid decisions on a journey that is tough to talk about. Hugs!
Just to say...
I was on the pill for 15 years plus, and we tried for almost 18 months with not so much as a false alarm. Then as we were getting ready to test H, I conceived and then gave birth to a baby girl. Funny thing was it was the one month where I was sure it wasn’t going to happen and we barely even made an effort. This is just to say that I know how much it sucks but you shouldn’t give up hope. I’ve always been on BC and convinced myself that the reason it ‘worked’ was because I was actually just barren. Go to the doctor, do what you can to help things along, but don’t lose hope or blame yourself.
cbackson
No, no, no. You didn’t cause this by taking the pill. Taking the pill likely masked underlying symptoms, but your “period” on the pill isn’t a real period (it’s more accurately called “withdrawal bleeding”) and so you didn’t cause anything by skipping it. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Neck Surgery
Any ideas for good tumblers with bendy straws? A family member is having neck surgery in a month and I’m trying to think of good and useful gifts for her would be. If you have any additional suggestions that would be lovely! I’m in another state, so making food is a little more difficult, but I will be there a couple weeks prior to the surgery so I could stock her up on soups and other food items!
lawsuited
My MIL recently had major surgery requiring 8 weeks convalescence (and I expect major neck surgery would require that too), and the best things we gave her were a huge stack of magazines and a list of good TV shows to stream. She said the post-operative pain medication affected her concentration, so magazine articles and short TV shows was all she could handle – no novels or Sodoku puzzles!
Anonymous
Tervis tumblers? Straws sold separately…
TV Probz
Ok I know this is not at all consequential but I feel like kind of a bad liberal. I’m watching season three of Transparent and I just cannot stand any member of this cast. Not the actors, their characters. Especially the three offspring. Lord, they are so self centered and smug and for gods sake do any of them work for a living? I know it’s supposed to be the greatest tv show ever and ZOMG So Brave but I find it hard to root for a single character on this show. No wonder middle America hates us. (Im a west coaster) not to mention all the seriously cringey gardening scenes.
Yeah. No big deal but when I’m stressed out I watch a lot of TV…
bettina
I agree; all the characters in that show are terrible. I don’t think it’s necessarily a problem with liberalism, though – it might just be a bad (and overhyped) show.
Anonymous
I hate Transparent. I only made it through a few episodes. Everyone is annoying as hell. -east coast liberal
MDMom
Me too. Only character I liked was the dad. The offspring were terrible- not just “flawed,” terrible. I don’t think we even finished the whole first season.
Clare
I thought the same as you when I started watching. But now I really love it. The characters are horribly flawed, self-involved, and initially annoyed the hell out of me…. but I admit, I am interested in them. They all screw up terribly, and relationships evolve. And there are some really powerful moments when they admit things/tell the truth that are just heartbreaking.
They do have jobs (or struggle to have them) that are part of their unstable identity. Of course, in a 30 minute TV show they are not going to show them at work. The upper middle class SAHM, the goal-less millenial (that eventually goes back to school), the sterotypical LA jobber (music industry), retired professor Dad.
They are apolitical. Self-absorbed. And yes…. there are a lot of people like them who didn’t bother to vote.
And not that many people are watching. Mostly a few critics. But it’s a really well made show.
Just the fact that it can inspire hate in a few here tells me that. But it takes time. I’ve watched it twice and it was better the second time.
TV Probz
I also have to admit I didn’t like most of the Bravermans
Anonymous
Noooooo! Bravermans forever!
TV Probz
Sorry no, I wanted to punch Adam (name? The oldest) and Crosby in the fact most of the time.
Favorite TV families – the Dunphys and The Hecks (is The Middle still on?)
Susan
Joel was the only decent human on that show.
State Court Clerkship?
Anyone have a minute to give some career advice to a young lawyer? I recently moved from smaller Southern California City to Largest City In California to accommodate my husband’s dream job in the bigger city. I left a small regional firm (which was a great job but also had its stresses). I have been practicing law for two years. I have a few competing job offers right now: two at law firms and one clerking for a state court judge. I am really interested in working for the judge even with the significant pay cut. Does anyone have any thoughts re whether clerking for 1-2 years after already practicing for two years would be detrimental to (possibly) returning to a law firm after the clerkship?
Of Counsel
I cannot speak as to “Big Law”, but I have worked for two AM 200 firms and both would view clerking for a local judge as a positive. It gives people insight into the court, court procedures and court rules that you do not really get anywhere else. I do have one caveat: look at the specific judge/court you would be working in. Criminal/family law clerking is not as valuable as civil.
Good luck!
State court clerkship?
Of Counsel: thank you! It is a civil position, which I am hoping that firms will see as valuable experience. Appreciate your thoughts and good wishes!
Angeleno litigator
Is it at least at the court of appeal level as opposed to being a research attorney in superior court? Or, if superior court, at least at CCW? A lot of attorneys here have an unfavorable opinion of most of lasc, so keep that in mind if you are considering a position with the superior court.
State court clerkship?
Angeleno Litigator, it is actually a law clerk position for a judge at one of the west side LASC courts. In your experience, what is the negative opinion of LASC based on? Not handling budget cuts well? Judges/clerks not reading the papers or making unfair decisions? My practice has been largely in SD so I am unfamiliar with LASC’s local rep… I appreciate your thoughts.
Anonymous
Candidly, among people I talk to, many of the judges are thought to be unintelligent, unprepared, and, often, with a poor judicial temperament. Obviously there are good judges who work hard, and the one you work for may be one of them, but I would proceed with caution. I personally would not look favorably at an LASC clerkship when hiring an associate unless they worked at CCW. In fact, I would probably look at it as a negative.
Angeleno litigator
Sorry, that was me.
State court clerkship?
I see, thank you.
Anon. This Saturday
How would you confident, organized, involved ladies solve this dilemma?
A friend has become increasingly “me-me-me” beyond my ability to tolerate. Scheduling times to spend together have become increasingly difficult. She won’t ever do the emotional work of suggesting a time and place, and, once we finally get plans on the calendar, she consistently needs to reschedule or shows up late and flustered.
This friend has in the past been a close friend. I have gently spoken with her on the matter, but her actions don’t change. It leaves me feeling frustrated and even when we finally get to hang out, just so drained.
I don’t want to be cruel or uptight, but at what point do I just accept that she doesn’t respect or value my time, despite her words to the contrary?
Anonymous
Was she always like this, or is there some sort of new stressor in her life?
For friends like this, I often stop planning, and leave it to inviting them for things with a group where the absence of their presence wont ruin your plans.
And then I leave it with them…. call me when you want to grab coffee.
Anon. This Saturday
She has always been like this, although I do think it has gotten worse over the past several months.
I used to put in more effort suggesting things to do and re-scheduling quickly. With her continued “something came up” needs to re-schedule, I have kept the door open to her but have not re-arranged my schedule to accommodate her, and I no longer try to squeeze in a get-together in the same week when my week is already committed in a balanced way.
Anon. This Saturday
I say ” committed in a balanced way” because I really have to make an effort not to overextend myself, and, my efforts for the past year or so at not overschedulong myself have been a wonderful success in reducing unnecessary stress in my life.
TV
You accept that now. By writing this you have accepted it. Do not arrange your schedule around getting together with her. Do you have friends in common? Only invite her along to group events and do NOT let her keep rearranging the date of the group events so that she can make it. It should be like, if you can come, great. If not, we hope to see you next time.
I have a friend who has had us twice rearrange our group Christmas get together around the one weekend she’s available and then she doesn’t show up. She’s lucky she’s still invited! But we no longer take her availability into consideration when planning the event. “It’s on the 17th, hope you can make it (b tch)”
I also never, ever plan 1:1s with this friend. I’ve been left sitting alone in bars and restaurants too many times. She thinks her chronic lateness and flakiness is cute. It ain’t.
Anon. This Saturday
Thank you. I know this deep down but needed to hear it from someone besides myself.
Sloan Sabbith
Friday was a holiday for us (I realize it’s not for everyone). I worked for about 3 hours anyway to catch up on some stuff after this really excellent week (on top of the election, I was out of the office on Friday, Monday, and, essentially, Thursday, all for work things). I’m trying to finish my timesheet for the past pay period (due Monday) and am not sure whether to just subtract the time I worked from the holiday hours (so, count it as 4 holiday hours and 3 regular hours) or as 7 holiday hours. Functionally, it doesn’t matter because I’m salaried- I’m thinking just saying 4 holiday hours, 3 regular hours, since they’re paid the same way and doing the same in our case management system. What do you all do?
Anon
At my firm, we would always put the holiday as he full holiday and then additional hours worked as such. So if 7 hours were a full day, I’d put 7 holiday and 3 billable. My firm tracked things where they would subtract “given” admin hours from the billable/admin percentages.