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If you have some holiday office parties coming up, you may be on the hunt for party shoes — and these Kate Spade ones are not only adorable, but highly rated at both Nordstrom and Zappos. (Nice: Amazon has some lucky sizes and colors for under $100 today.) The heels are available in black, gold, silver, and a “multi sparkle glitter” with hot pink heels. At $325, these may seem like a bit of a splurge, but I'll bet the fashion math works out: if you wear them a few times a year for the next 10 years, get compliments every time you wear them, and feel joyful whenever you wear them — then really, $325 seems downright reasonable. Kate Spade New York Charm Heel
If you're on the hunt for more of a glittery boot, readers were talking about this one (nice!); I've also been eyeing this glittery Chelsea boot (whoa, down to $40 in some styles). If slingbacks aren't your thing, this similar heel is a d'Orsay style (and on sale too).
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Koala
Hive, I’m in Australia and need some workwear assistance. What were your go-to work pieces this past summer? Specifically dresses / blouses / etc? I’m happy to buy from US retailers for something a bit different!
christina
Honestly, I’ve been on a bit of a British kick lately! I’m a big fan of all in 1 dresses – where all you need is to add a slip, at the most, rather than a cardigan plus a blazer, or all the accessories.
Some brands that are on my radar:
MM.LaFleur
The Fold – they have this great intricately folded top that I had copied in a much lighter fabric that I love
Cecily
The one piece dress, long or elbow sleeve, unlined (so I can wear my own slip), that’s my go-to for everything. Bare legs in the summer, tights and ankle boots in the winter.
Lillers
I love The Fold so much.
Koala
ooh I forgot about the fold. I’ll have another look. I found the dale v-neck sheath (catherine malandrino) at Nordstrom but it doesn’t get great reviews.
MM La Fleur doesn’t ship to Australia :(. It’s not really economical to use a forwarding service.
Any other great sheath short-sleeved dresses you loved this past summer? Specific recs would be amazing! Thanks
Anonymous
I wish they didn’t love the exposed zipper so much
Diana B.
This is helpful but I’d like to read what Ellen has to say on this. Has she been excommunicated from the blog? I miss her!
Kelsey
I don’t miss her at all. I hope you are joking.
Ginni
No yoke Kelsey! She’s cool and not a stick in the mud. Bring her back!
Anise
I agree. Bring her back!
Sloan Sabbith
Um. What? She’s crazy and this being Ellen-free makes me want to read it more.
Anonymous
This is not going to be very helpful but I’m Australian and imo the workwear selection for women is terrible. My go-tos are Saba and Veronika Maine for suiting (including dresses from both that I’ve bought recently), and blouses from pretty much anywhere (mostly Review, rhodes & beckett, Cue, or cheap brands from the iconic). If Leona Edmiston is appropriate the dresses are great for hot days, have sleeves, and often on deep sale at Myer.
Koala
Thanks Anon – I find saba pretty badly cut, but will try again. This is pretty:
http://www.saba.com.au/contour-print-dress-9321143944046.html
I don’t need to be terribly formal, more biz cas, but still pretty smart.
Veronika Maine – I’ve actually got the stretch suit pencil dress and it’s great. Looking for more of the same!
https://www.veronikamaine.com.au/Products/Stretch-Suit-Pencil-Dress-M90541-S16/175999
I love this but it’s pretty pricey plus they don’t ship to Oz so I’d need to pay for a forwarding company etc.
https://mmlafleur.com/shop/dresses/masha-2-0-black
I’ve always wondered if there were other aussie readers here!
Aussie
Another Aussie here, and I agree about our poor range of choices for work wear. I second review, cue, Leona edmiston, also basque at myer and Jacqui e.
Anonymous
Why do people act ashamed that they watch or read their local news, or make excuses as to why they watched or read it and act ashamed that they did? Why all the hate for the local news everywhere and people saying they would never watch it or questioning anyone who does? I don’t get it.
Anon
Is this a thing? I was saying whenever I go to a new city, I always try to watch the 11 pm local news at least once if not more. I find it gives me a flavor of the place — i.e. crime level; economy; positive/neg things happening in the community etc.
Diana B.
It is because so many millenials like to consider themselves too worldly to be local. Who cares about Dubuque Iowa when you can boast you’ve groped a dude’s jewels in Budapest.
Anonymous
Depending on where you live, local news can be poor quality journalism. If there’s not much going on, the reporters can be inflammatory about what is happening so as to get ratings.
Anon
This. On the plus side, you will see what is going on in local politics, crime, community, etc. On the negative side, you may get a 5 minute segment on the woman who taught her cat to eat with a fork.
Anonymous
I can’t see this as a negative. It’s part of local flavor.
Anonymous
But it’s not *news*
Sydney Bristow
My cat and dog were on the local news when I was a kid. They were best friends and one day my stepmom went to get coffee one day and brought the dog with her but didn’t realize the cat jumped in the car too. While waiting for her coffee, our local news anchor was waiting for his and saw the cat and dog sitting on the front seat together and thought it made a cute feel-good story.
Bonnie
LOL. This is why I DVR the local news and fast forward through it. I like having an idea of what is happening in my community.
Anonymous
I live in Houston. The top 5 stories typically consist of something like: Murder, fire, JJ Watt does something nice for a child/elderly person, murder, and water-skiing squirrel. Then we flip to the extremely attractive traffic and weather “girls” and back to stories about fires and murder. Our local news channels are little more than Buzzfeed or TMZ.
Anonymous
OMG agree. We really do not have a high crime rate. Houston is a safe city. But my mother watches the local news and is convinced she’s about to be murdered and/or robbed at all times. It’s so out of proportion.
Though, that warehouse fire back in May was insane and I’m not ashamed to have watched the live video of it for like 10 minutes at work.
LostInTranslation
Anonymous at 3:00 pm thanks for the laugh! I also live in H-Town and when I read the question, I was truly baffled as to why anyone would NOT be ashamed to say they watch local news. Your answer says it all.
Anonymous
Same!
Anonymous
Ha, you’re welcome! I’m always blown away by the network news in, this, the 4th largest city in America.
I wish I could remember what the lead-in story was last night on 13, but I do remember my husband and I looking at each other and going “Really??”
Annie
Love this!
Sloan Sabbith
Support your local newspapers, though! Local TV news can be very meh, but local newspapers are a dying industry!
Anonymous
+1
I never watch the local news but I have a subscription to my local paper. They do the actual investigative journalism work in my area.
KM
+1000 So much important investigative journalism happens at this level
ToS
Me too on helping journalism continue – there are more standards in play. I’m between DC and Baltimore, so the Post and the Sun are fun to contrast with the small-town newspaper from my Dad’s midwestern town. When I was slightly north, I gave the local paper feedback that there was more news that should make the front page than what came from the police blotter – it was scaring my mom!
ponte python's flying circus
+1000000. As a recovering journalist I can practically guarantee your local print journalists are underpaid, overworked, and still attempting to do actual investigative work.
Diana B.
Agreed but not The NY Times. They bash Trump every day and that is not fair. He is our next president and should be respected.
EM
The Office of the President should be respected. But a person needs to earn respect and he has spent the last 40 years being an a$$hole and bully. No respect for the person.
Diana B.
No offense, but he WAS elected and this IS a democracy. We must respect the will of the people who elected him even if we don’t agree with everything he says. I did not agree with some things that Bush did, but I did respect him. The same for presidents before them. I even respected Nixon, though I was way too young to vote then. I say when one is the President, we must band together and stick up for him, or else we will be taken over by Putin or Iran or China.
No unearned respect
Trump is not due any more respect today than he was back when the “grab her by the pussy” story broke. In fact, his conduct since the election has only lessened the respect he is due. If he wants the respect due a President, he should start acting like one.
EM
+1
ponte python's flying circus
+1. (Frankly, this is how I approach people I work with, too, and I expect that I would have to earn others’ respect. You know, by being professional and competent.)
Anon
People earn respect by their deeds.
Yup
Because the story after the Wisconsin recount one was about how a local high school “tide end” was signed to a nearby college. The caption said tide end. It’s entertaining just not really a news source.
anon
I wasn’t really aware of the anti-local news slant. I live in Berkeley. We get the SF Chronicle and watch Frank Somervile and Julie Haener on the 10 o’clock news. I also listen to NPR during my commute and read the NY Times online. I appreciate all four news sources equally.
Anon
As much as I am not a Trump fan (and I’m not esp being a minority female), I will say I am pleased with his choices for Treasury and Commerce and his plan to tap CEOs of GM; Walmart; JPM etc for economic advice. And the market is liking him/the prospect of his more de regulated presidency. I’m a finance person ultimately though I work in law — so the prospect of a decent market is actually exciting. Now if he doesn’t take us to war . . . I’ll be able to live with him.
EM
The best I’ll say is that I’ll be able to ignore him.
Anon
This is where I am. I am not ignoring the things that will violate other’s rights, and have already donated to PP (and plan to continue to donate to various organizations such as the ACLU, etc.), am upping/expanding my volunteering, contacted my representatives, etc., but on the day-to-day stuff (like most of his Twitter rants), I am checking out in order to maintain my sanity.
Anonymous
So to counter Donald Trump you are donating to an organization that supports neo-nazi groups and fought to allow them to be able to spread their hate? Or a pedophile group also?
Anonymous
Supports neo-nazis, or defended neo-nazis rights to things like free speech? Because those are the same thing.
Anon
+1. I’m Jewish and lost family in the Holocaust and both myself and my brother were s*x*ally abused as children. I can’t support the ACLU knowing that they have defended Nazi’s and pedophiles. There are other causes that help people without that baggage and stupidity.
Blonde Lawyer
They are literally the civil liberties union. Their job is to protect our rights, even when those rights cause results we don’t like.
Diana B.
You are a lawyer. Get real. Do we want Nazis burning flags? Get it? No Nazis on my watch.
Anonymous
So, you think that defense lawyers support criminals and crime because we defend the accuse? Logic fail.
Anon
As a person who was focused on public interest law and graduated in 2008 with an inability to compete against the free labor offered by deferrred associates, I took note of organizations that were looking to hire deferred associates only, like the ACLU, and choose to donate elsewhere.
Anon
It’s become more important than ever to me to defend EVERYONE’s right to free speech, even when they say hateful, deplorable things. We won’t have any freedom ever without that. I’m sorry for what happened to your family.
Anonymous
Really? I certainly don’t feel comfortable ‘living’ with Bannon or DeVos or Pence.
I am economically privileged like you but I have a lot of sympathy for those who are very worried about their healthcare and access to service once Obamacare is dismantled or PP defunded.
Marshmallow
I just had a conversation last night in which my Muslim best friend detailed her Plan B, in which she and her family spent their Thanksgiving deciding exactly which red flags would cause them to leave the country, what they would do with their assets, where they would go, etc. I was in public so I spent half of it trying not to cry.
So no, I can’t live with any of this.
anon
This is so true. I cried on election night and in an effort to comfort me, my SO said “We will be OK.” And I said to him “I know we will, but a huge part of that is because we are white. And that isn’t OK with me.” And then he was sad, too.
ELS
We had a very similar conversation in our house.
Marshmallow
Yep. DH’s family are not Voldemort supporters but they are fairly apathetic about the whole thing. SIL told us that we shouldn’t be worried because we are white and make good money. Uh, what happened to caring about others?
Anonymous
Calling him Voldemort is so mature and doesn’t make you look like a moron at all. I’m not a supporter but that’s really childish.
Anon
+100. I have a hard time taking anyone who tries to be cute and use nicknames.
Anon
+100. I have a hard time taking seriously anyone who tries to be cute and use nicknames.
Marshmallow
Ha, it’s my effort not to feed his search engine results and to be light-hearted about something terrible. I’ve seen a lot of folks doing this actually, thought it would be an accepted shorthand here too. Guess not.
Anonymous
One or two people not saying his name won’t have any affect on his search engine results
Anonymous
I think it’s great Marshmallow! I don’t want to say his name or give him free publicity either.
Anonymous
If it’s not acceptable to give a name to one politician, it’s not acceptable to do it to others. Not saying his name isn’t going to accomplish anything. I agree with the person who said it was childish.
Anon
Really? Free publicity? He’s the president elect. The whole world knows who he is.
Sam
I agree with the sentiment and avoiding use of his name Marshmallow!
Marshmallow
Thanks! I didn’t come up with the idea but I like it. Sometimes I slip and use his name, other times I use PEOTUS.
Anon y mous
And HRC supporters call Trump supporters immature. Pot meet kettle.
Brunette Elle Woods
Comparing him to a character in a beloved, widely popular novel series is not immature. It is a pop culture reference.
Ugh it’s Friday night, I need a drink!
Anonymous
If people who support Trump were calling Clinton names like Cruella de Vil or the Wicked Witch of the West everyone here would be up in arms and telling them to grow up.
EM
Agree with Brunette Elle.
Note: He called her “Crooked Hillary,” Sen Warren “Pochohontas,” and many more too numerous to name. Evidently his supporters weren’t concerned when he calls people names.
Anonymous
And many people here and many HRC supporters had reactions from rolling their eyes to outright calling on him to stop. But it’s for them to do the same thing? Both sides need to stop acting like children.
anon
I’m Jewish, and a granddaughter of Holocaust survivors. Husband is a first generation immigrant, but from Western Europe and US citizen with an imperceptible accent. He thinks money will save us but the rest of my bio family has a plan to get out. The idea that he is now part of a family that is considering how and when to leave (and where to go) is terrifying to him and he doesn’t understand that what just sounds mean and hateful to him is a threat to us, and I think that until my dad sat him down at Thanksgiving and told him exactly what I had been saying, he thought I was just being dramatic. It’s been fun. I commiserate with everyone who feels threatened for any reason.
Anon1
So where would you go? And when — upon what red flags? Are plans being made for just your nuclear family, or is this something where all siblings, bro/sister in laws, parents, inlaws would come? What if people disagree on this?
I’m Muslim and while I should think about this, I just don’t.
Anonymous
I’m Jewish, and my grandparents-in-law were Holocaust survivors and I think this is a little crazy. I totally understand why *Muslims* are making plans to leave and protect their assets, but Trump has said nothing that suggests his administration will discriminate against Jews in any way, and he has a Jewish daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. I get that he fanned the flames of anti-Semitism when he ran and he’s totally willing to exploit whomever to get what he wants, but there’s zero evidence he’s going to specifically target Jews.
Anon
Isn’t this a little over dramatic? What do you think he will do to Jews that you need an exit plan? Frankly even Muslims who are citizens — sure I can see why some are wondering why they came here and dreaming about how much “better” life would be back “home,” but come on — if “home” was so great, would you have come here? I don’t know a single immigrant family (mine included) that was living like kings back home bc if we were, we wouldn’t have come to America. Why are Muslims even planning to leave instead of taking the approach of — I’m a citizen, you try to get rid of me?? If you’re a Muslim who is trying to come into the country (i.e. your visa is pending) or if you are here as a H1B, forget about it you won’t be staying in the U.S. But if you were born here or already naturalized or are a greencard holder who can quickly file for citizenship in the next few months, don’t even give people the satisfaction of thinking you’d jus leave.
anon
My grandma survived because her family got out early. Having a plan doesn’t mean you will use it, it just means that you have an option. I’d rather have an unused option than the alternative.
Anon1-I think many in my family are having similar conversations. I think the group I would leave with would be my parents, siblings (all unpartenered as of today), and my husband. In-laws moved back to Europe many years ago (husband came here as a kid, left with his family, and then came back for college/grad school) but are not in a country that I would feel particularly comfortable moving to because they have their own ish going on.
Anonymous
Why would a Jewish person in particular need an exit plan? That is such a weird thing to say. Also, all Jews can automatically emigrate to Israel. The biggest problem in the early years of the Holocaust wasn’t that Jews couldn’t get out of Germany, but that no country would take them (including, sadly, the US). If you know there’s a country that will take you, I’m not sure why you need a plan beyond that.
anon
To the anon 4:43–just a point of clarification, not all Jews can emigrate to Israel. You have to be Jewish in the eyes of the Rabbinate, so if you have a female conversion in your line it has to be the “right” conversion, or if you are a Reform Jew through your father’s line, you aren’t actually Jewish to them. In both instances you would have a hard time making aliyah. Perhaps, in a time of global crisis the Rabbinate will change its mind, but that isn’t a given.
Anonymous
That’s interesting, I didn’t know that about Israel. I still don’t understand why American Jews would feel like they need an exit plan anymore than anyone else in the US. Trump is going to do horrible things to the economy and to the planet and probably to civil liberties in general, but I don’t understand why you feel he will target Jews specifically.
Anonymous
Ivanka Trump herself would not be automatically allowed to emigrate to Israel, despite having converted to Judaism for her husband. Apparently the Rabbinate is undecided about whether her conversion qualifies.
Anonymous
To Anon at 4:54. I am not Jewish, but I suspect it’s because any time someone with a lot of power starts scapegoating minority groups and using “us” v “them” rhetoric, it makes people who have been historically on the “losing” side of that equation extremely uneasy.
Fires typically don’t rage from the first spark. They grow in strength and severity as they get fueled.
Blonde Lawyer
I was really impressed with my (white) husband. He was upset with the results and said something like “I know I’ll be okay but you (meaning women generally) and friend (meaning Muslims)” and just shook his head. It means a lot to see people thinking about others. Even now, I try not to worry too much just to get all my other crap done but at the same time I realize what a luxury that is.
Marshmallow
Yes, my husband has this same attitude and it just makes me love him more. I have several white male friends who are equally worried and it does mean a lot.
Ellen
I am not sure why there is all this hysterica over where this country is goeing. I am NOT seeing any issues even tho there are a few peeople in the new administration that I would NOT have chosen if I were Trump. This is AMERICA, not some weird Eastern European country full of a single peeople that hates others. We are a melting pot, and we have ALWAYS had crazies floating around, so what is new? Do we have to be reminded that we have interracial marrages, same sex marrages, LGBT marriages and freedom of religion and freedom of speech, all written into the constitution. Sure the crazie’s want to do away with abortion (b/c it is not in the constituion), but guess what, we will figure out how to deal with that. We also have the most diverse population in the world — everyone lives here, from Ethopian’s to Indonesian’s. We all get along, especialy in NYC. So calm down, do NOT get your passports and stop worrying about this. We need to come TOGETHER, not split apart. YAY!!!!
Anon
I was speaking about the market specifically. Not sure what that has to do with the secretary of education? Or a closing of Planned Parenthood? Or Muslim issues (which I get, being Muslim myself). All I’m saying is Goldman Sachs and Rothschild at the head of Treasury and Commerce could be a good thing. I feared he’d bring in Bannon and Palin types into the economic roles as well — though he’s a businessman who wants to make sure his own investments do well so maybe his self interest helps the rest of us.
Marshmallow
I just can’t separate the market from human rights in my mind. I can’t “live with” Trump even if he eliminates my taxes and brings unemployment to 0, if that means hate crimes keep soaring, health care collapses, and public schools suffer.
ELS
You said you could “live with” Trump because of these two appointments.
You don’t see how everyone else took that to mean that you were like, “Well, it looks like the market is gonna be fine, so crisis averted”?
Because that’s totally how that sounded.
Anon
OP here — I don’t think crisis averted, but I think crisis improved. Sorry I disagree with you all. To me finances/market is hugely more important than abortions or supreme court justices or gay marriage.
Anonymous
It’s almost refreshing in its awfulness honestly. It’s rare you see someone just straight out be like yeah I would have been ok with the holocaust- my family is not Jewish.
Marshmallow
Wow, good thing your money is so much more important than other people’s lives and human rights. Enjoy those investment returns while poor women and AIDS patients die.
nutella
Then you are extremely lucky, OP, because all the money in the world still can’t buy you civil rights.
(SO and I are finance and law, too.)
AnonyMom
Speaking purely in terms of economic issues, I don’t think putting Wall Street executives in charge of Treasury and, especially, Commerce is a good thing for our economy. You could make an argument for Treasury, but I really don’t think you can for Commerce. Fundamentally, bankers are not like other businessman…so even if you thought Commerce should be run by a businessperson, a banker is not that person. Also, Commerce as an agency does a lot of things that support commerce without regulating it specifically. This includes things like the National Weather Service and the National Institute of Standards and Technology (the organization that does mundane things like set standards for satellite communications and how to classify the reflectivity of paint that is used on road signs and dividing strips). Being a banker says nothing to me about your qualifications to lead an organization that does those things.
All of that said, Commerce has always been a funny agency so who knows how much the Cabinet picks will matter. But I’m pretty wealthy, and it’s still not reassuring to me having bankers run these agencies.
Get ready for another crash
There will be another big asset bubble that will pop in 2-4 years. You and I will make good money and then it will be 2007/2008 all over again, except perhaps worse.
This is agreed by all my friends with graduate degrees in businss/law/tax/etc.
Anonymous
Yup, this.
Anon
Don’t disagree with you that a bubble will pop but knowing that I think you just don’t do the lifetime buy and hold in discretionary accounts. Make your money and get out.
Anonymous
What does “make your money and then get out” mean when you might lose your job in a recession? I’m not trying to be snarky, I just don’t understand what you think people should do. Do you think people in their 30s can make enough to retire on before the bubble pops? I don’t see how that’s possible…
Anonymous
I think she means make your money and get out of the market before the bubble pops, not make a ton of money and quit your job?
January
Even assuming no worst-case scenario, what do you do with the money once you’ve gotten out of the market? Buy land? The point of lifetime holds is that the market fluctuates over time.
Marshmallow
Yes. I will likely get a tax break but I doubt it will matter in the end if/when there’s another recession.
Anon
Do you also think that Trump will follow through on campaign promises to remove financial restraints and market protections, so that when it pops the crash will be much worse than 2008/9? Thats what I imagine.
Get ready for another crash
Yes I do think that. Social unrest will be at a peak.
Anonymous
Besides the human rights stuff, that whole “denying climate change” thing is something I’m not sure I can live with. If he really yanks all the funding for that (earth science is a huge part of what NASA does and he has said he only wants them to do space) and pulls us out of the Paris Agreement, the world will burn and even if we get a Democratic president in 2020 it may very well be too late to do anything about it.
Anonymous
As much as you’re not a fan, you apparently totes are if it means more money for you. How do those thirty silver coins feel?
nutella
You are giving a Romney argument in a Trump time, which is why you are coming off as so tone-deaf right now.
As of today, Trump is set to inherit the strongest job market in a generation. And as someone with a finance background, you know that markets are a reflection of people’s confidence and anxieties, so it isn’t really synonymous with the overall health of the economy. I believe that Trump’s lack of governing experience and lack of intellectual curiosity means that he will do things with his best interests at heart (given his considerable conflicts of interest or just as someone who for 70 years has always lived as a rich man and only really knows how to benefit himself), or as many who have met with him suggest, believes whoever he hears last or whoever flatters him. This is problematic because the power a President appoints that not only peters out into laws but can last decades. Laws enacted by a Congress that is his party and will want to help him so that they can get a traditional Republican agenda passed (it’s pretty clear that no Republican is able to rein him in, so flattery and compromise are the name of the game) and laws enforced by people he appoints – the Justice Department, the IRS, the NLRB, etc. as well as enacted by the Supreme Court justices that will sit on the best for an average of 30 years enacting law in line with his views (on average, each president gets 2-3 picks). These have longer term effects than the markets. After all, not *everybody* lost millions when the market collapsed — you know that some people made millions. We do not live in a purely capitalistic society; we have government structures to step in to help our most vulnerable. Do you like roads? Do you like knowing that you can trust what the news reports? Do you like rules against a corporation poisoning the water of a downstream town? Do you like knowing that your court system is fair and neutral and not won by bribery?
You are making a Romney argument in that “well, at least markets are ok, so it will be ok” because you assume the social steps back aren’t that big, which likely would have been true if Romney won in 2012 or if Jeb Bush or Marco Rubio won this time around. The problem is, though, that Trump is not a traditional candidate and has zero interest in helping anyone but himself. He is an egomaniac who does not understand how to govern and has shown little initiative to want to learn how. And if you think the scenarios I painted above would never happen today, I beg you to check out Turkey or Russia or the Philippines to see JUST WHAT A FINE LINE THIS IS, even in 2016.
People often think that the social components of a candidate of our own lives are ancillary to the financial ones, but they aren’t. We have never seen an American candidate that shows such a complete disregard for these basic social rights. They go hand-in-hand, which is why up until now no Republican/conservative President has str!pped our civil rights and freedoms and why no Democratic/liberal President has tanked the economy. We have always been the richest and most ‘free’ country in the world. Presidents have understood they go together and you can’t have economic success without a foundation of human rights and freedoms. Even the richest Jews were not protected from the Holocaust (in fact, it was their success that made them scapegoats for the economic frustrations borne out after WWI). Of course, Trump hasn’t done anything as President yet — it’s only been talk… for the last 18 months — but it’s not hard to understand why people are worried – rhetoric can quickly devolve into terrible actions (why speech isn’t protected when it incites violence) and some dangerous groups that DO terrible things consider Trump their best mouthpiece and tool for getting their political agenda passed.
Marshmallow
Kudos for having far more patience than I do and typing all of this out. +100
X
+ 1 million
Mountain Mgr
You are excited for GS, JPM, general Wall Street influence? Where were you in 2008? The moon?
Anon
So 2008 was bad. Where were you pre-2007 or from 2009 onward – the moon? Do you remember the 20% S&P increase in 2013? Do you realize the market must go through downturns and there must be recessions — that’s how the economy cycles? I don’t get what smart people here have against makig money. Must EVERYTHING be about civil rights and gay marriage AT ALL TIMES?? There are other relevant issues.
EM
You know what? I love money. I love what money can buy. I love my designer handbags.
But you know what I love MORE than money? I love my freedom. My freedom to get an abortion. My freedom to do cartwheels in the street. My freedom to not be racially or ethnically profiled. My freedom to be treated equally, to all American citizens. My freedom to argue these things.
I love my freedom and my civil rights much more than money. I would rather have my freedom and civil right over money.
But I’m weird, I guess.
Marshmallow
@EM same. I simply cannot prioritize abstract financial gains over somebody’s very real human rights.
I think a fundamental disconnect here might be in whether certain of us see abortion rights, LGBTQ equality, freedom from sexism, the right to not be racially or ethnically profiled, as true human rights at all. People who see those things as wedge issues or identity politics are going to prioritize money, because they don’t define those things as human rights. And they can tell themselves they are not r@cist or s3xist and they’re just good Americans because they care about civil rights, but those “identity politics” aren’t actually rights. Those of us who understand these issues as true human rights issues have a different worldview.
Really though, this isn’t even about what some segments may see as identity or wedge issues. PEOTUS has seriously threatened First Amendment rights: “opening up” the libel laws to permit POTUS to sue critics, railing against the press for reporting facts, Conway (shall I call her Wormtail? ;) ) saying people should “be careful” what they say about him. This isn’t an identity politics issue in any way. It’s fundamental to our democracy. Everyone, especially conservatives who claim to love the Constitution, should be terrified by this rhetoric and be speaking out against it.
So yeah, making money is great. I love money. But I really love the Bill of Rights more.
EM
+1
You know what it is…I make money to live. But I don’t live to make money.
Anonymous
So the market was up. Explain to me how that affected the vast majority of Americans. Until very recently- as in the last 18-24 months- this has been viewed as a jobless recovery. My personal wealth has surged because I remained emloyed post crash and had investments and a house that nearly doubled in value due to the Feds slashing interest rates, but I’m an extreme minority. Measuring the country’s economy and economic health by the performance of the stock market is absurdly myopic.
Jury duty?
Random question I was wondering about…
I’ve never done jury duty before, and from what I understand, they select you from the voter rolls? I am still registered to vote in 2 states where I no longer live (one from high school, one from grad school). Am I breaking some law by “ignoring” summons? The high school one (CA) might be going to my parents’ address but no idea who lives at my grad school address.
Emmy See
Are you sure you’re still registered in your old states? I’m pretty sure that when you re-register in a new state, they’re supposed to contact your old state and un-register you.
Jury duty?
Hmm…do they really do that? Or is it more of a “they’d like to do it, but due to bureaucracy and systems and what not it never happens?” If they do it, then my question is, I’m NOT registered in my current state, so I’d still be registered in my grad school state.
Emmy See
Well…they’re supposed to. But they don’t always. Can you call your old states’ offices and find out?
Anonymous
Have you received a summons? If you have, you can’t ignore it. Contact the states to confirm that you were removed from the voter roles. If you have received a summons, you may not need to actually appear in court, you may just be able to provide sufficient proof that you are no longer resident in the state and have the summons vacated. But don’t ignore it.
Jury duty?
Haven’t received anything that I know of. Not sure if it’s mail my parents would keep, but obviously would not have received the grad school ones. I think I remember calling up CA when I moved and the process involved actually writing a letter, so college-aged me was like “ugh, no way”!
Anonymous
I was called for jury duty in my hometown when I was living in another part of state for college. My parents told me about it and took care of it. Apparently, the summons come with a form where you can state that you are not currently residing in the county. This was Wisconsin.
FWIW, I had a similar “opt-out” form in California when I was summoned. I think the reasons you could give were that you were no longer residing in the county or were a primary caretaker of a dependent child/adult. I think there was info to call the court if, say, you were going to be traveling during your summons (to reschedule, I presume).
If you don’t receive the summons because you no longer reside there, I wouldn’t spend time worrying about it. I had 8 addresses in the last 13 years and never thought to even worry about it.
Scarlett
I don’t think so. Every summons I’ve gotten has said something about not needing to appear if you don’t live in the county.
Cat
Reporting back on yesterday’s Anthro post since I went to the store today in Philly…
– Saw the hand/green base thing in person (there were 6 or so on the shelf). Unfortunately the photo online looked way better than the in-person merch, which was rather gaudily green.
– Tried on the knit jacket. This piece varied WILDLY by item — the first S I tried on fit nicely in the body and arms except the arms were about 6 inches too long. Second S arms were the correct length but apparently the manufacturer relocated the extra fabric into the shoulder seams, which were super wonky. Then I tried a M which oddly fit smaller in the waist than the S did. That said, if I’d found the unicorn fit, I would have bought it (it is definitely a “chunky” more informal knit and I’d save it for casual Fridays in Biglaw), but order online at your peril….
– There were lots of simple candlesticks, trays, glassware, mugs, etc. if you’re in need of a cute Secret Santa for a female coworker.
Samantha
Thank you! I was on the fence buying both (and am still interested in the knit jacket, level of formality is not an issue for my workplace) but after reading your review I am talking myself out of it. Too much trouble to go return if fit doesn’t work out.
Anonymous poster for this
My boyfriend broke up with me. He broke up with me because he said my anxiety and obsessive compulsions don’t mean I get to control him. He said he could take it anyone and that I was too much of a control freak. We were together for a year and I really saw a future with him. It was so hurtful when he said those things. When I tried his phone number the next day it was out of service, I get an undeliverable notice when I try to email him and he moved out of his apartment. I have no idea where he is or how to contact him. I go back and forth between missing him and being upset because he hurt me by saying he was controlling.
Anonymous
I’m so sorry.
This is devastating.
Are you in therapy now for your anxiety? Increase your visits. You need to stop trying to contact him, and address this head on with your therapist. You may need to adjust your meds.
His behavior is very telling, and while heartbreaking, it is extreme. You need to talk this through with your therapist, you knows you better than us.
Anon
How was it extreme? They didn’t live together and OP didn’t mention kids, so there is no reason they need to stay in contact. I have gone no contact with every ex I’ve ever had and so have the majority of people I know (unless they have kids together or something like that). If he felt she was controlling it’s reasonable for him to want nothing more to do with her.
OPEN I’m so sorry. I wish you well. Remember that you matter and self care is important at a time like this.
Anonymous
+1 for this. I don’t have contact with any of my ex-boyfriend’s. If the relationship is over there isn’t any need and I would take steps to go no contact.
Anonymous
I meant it is bit extreme to cut off your phone/email/move away secretly. This is not typical. It makes me worry a bit about the OPs behavior that led SO to essentially go into hiding.
Blonde Lawyer
I think it is disrespectful to your ex. You had a life together. You should be able to handle some winding down/wrapping up. Part of that is processing emotions and having some post-break up chats about what went wrong and no you can’t back together and all of that. How would you feel if your best friend just disappeared from the face of the earth? That’s what it is like for the recipient. As adults we sometimes have to have hard conversations that we would rather not have. That includes a brief period of time talking to an ex – absent abuse.
Cc
I’m so sorry-breakups like this are so hard. Are you in therapy for your obsessive compulsions? Do any center on contact with him- is it possible he was trying to help you in a way? For people who haven’t lived with or lived with someone who has them it might be hard to understand – my husbands bad period nearly ruined us and it was the hardest thing I’ve personally ever had to deal with. hope you are getting help for them- I know it can feel impossible but my husband went from tortured (both of us cleaning and having to help his rituals for 3-4 hours a night on a good night) to completely happy and healthy 2 years out. Therapy and medication (for a year, he is off now) helped immensely
Anonymous poster for this
I’m glad it helped your husband but therapy and medication did help me. I was meditating and keeping a diary and that helped me to cope immensely. The break up came out of nowhere, it blindsided me.
Anonymous
Would you tell a woman who left a controlling relationship that she needed to keep in contact with her ex? I mean no disrespect to OP and her struggles with her mental illness but he is allowed to take whatever measures he feels is necessary.
Anonymous
+! f the ex felt OP was controlling, then cutting off all contact makes sense from his POV. It doesn’t make it easier to take, but it’s not out of the realm of reasonable.
Sadie
Yeah, +1 here too. I’m very sorry, OP, that you are upset but I would say you definitely should speak with your therapist. His behavior suggests he’s literally afraid of what you would do if you found him – to actually move? It is extreme, and the extremity indicates frankly that you scare him. I agree if the genders were reversed the reactions would likely be different.
I did the same thing as he did once, and that’s because I *knew* that he was not going to ‘let’ me break up with him, and would stalk me. And I was right, because 2 years later when I forgot to re-up the block on my phone (I didn’t change my number I just blocked him but the block had to be redone every 6 months) I had a voicemail from him. TWO YEARS LATER.
Bonnie
As much as this sucks, maybe the silver lining will be that you address your anxiety issues. Hugs.
Anonymous poster for this
Sorry. Ugh. He said he couldn’t take it anymore. And that last sentence should be he said that I was controlling.
Anonymous
That’s a hard thing to hear. I think now is the time to focus on you- are you controlling? Do you need more help managing your anxiety? Are you fabulous and just picked a bad dude. Only you know.
Anon
OP have you posted about this before? I recall a poster with the exact same circumstances earlier this year. If it’s not you, that thread might have additional responses. If it is you, I’d say its a been a while and therapy will help process all of this. I know it must be so hard to move forward from something like this.
ORD
I remember the same question coming before, also.
Emmy See
Do you have a mutual friend whom you could ask for their read on the situation? As much as it sucks to hear this, it’s possible that you were being controlling. Like Sadie said, disappearing so thoroughly (moving is a pain!) indicates that he really really needs to get away from you.
I used to have a friend who was having mental health issues (possibly anxiety) and she used them as leverage to control me. She wasn’t trying to be manipulative; she just thought all her friends should bend themselves around her and her feelings because she was the Traumatized One. It was very sad, but it was also terrible and toxic, and I had to cut her out of my life. I didn’t go as far as your bf, but if she had been a boyfriend instead of just a friend, I would have gone farther.
I really think you have to take your boyfriend’s disappearance as serious feedback, and it might help to get a third-party opinion.
Anon
My contract just ended, so I’m looking for a new job. I’ve never had this much unstructured free time, and it’s unsettling. I’m definitely the kind of person that likes to have a lot going on. Any tips for not going crazy during times like this? My husband travels a lot for work and my friends are all extremely busy right now with grad school finals/work travel, so I’m a bit worried about feeling isolated/lonely.
Anonymous
Sounds like you do well with structure…. So make a schedule for yourself, like….
Start exercising every morning.
Have scheduled time every 9am to 11:30am for doing job searching, where your mind is sharp early in the day.
Make a healthy lunch, and then complete an errand that gets you outside, or a cleaning task where you are up an active.
Do something you enjoy from ?2-4pm, like reading/knitting+Netflix/learning something/internet. Or on a good day… More job searching!
Do simple shopping for fresh veg for that nights dinner.
Cook a great new recipe from your favorite cookbook, which you are going through one recipe at a time.
Make a plan in the evening for visit with friend or with SO.
Been there
Think of this time as a sabbatical when you can grow in new ways, personally or professionally. When I was unemployed, I felt like the only thing that mattered was finding a job, but that’s not healthy or realistic. Try to take the bigger view and look at other daily accomplishments as meaningful, whether it’s unloading the dishwasher, going for a walk, calling a friend — it all counts! You don’t have to be in a rush now. Enjoy it.
In terms of unstructured time, plan to go to an exercise class regularly where you have to sign up ahead of time. Meet a friend for lunch each week, or think of a goal you’d like to accomplish, like redecorating a room or taking up a hobby. Something you can focus on that’s positive, meaningful, and enjoyable.
Gift for postal carrier
The mail carrier who delivers to my home is excellent at her job and very friendly, so I’d really like get her something thoughtful as part of the end-of-year tip-o-rama. Does anyone have any ideas of what to get in the $20 range for a near-total stranger in her late thirties? I have a sense that mail carriers, like teachers, often get sort of useless gifts.
Anonymous
Gift card or cash. No question. Officially they aren’t supposed to accept them, but we do it anyway, and know our awesome carrier very well.
Anonymous
My Mom is a mail carrier, and yes, they definitely get a lot of useless gifts. The best ones are food, like a small box of fancy chocolates, homemade cookies/candy, or a canister of mixed nuts. Mom’s never without something for company or if she needs a small gift for someone else, it may get passed along. Gift cards to the local coffee shop are also great.
ollie
Cash or gift card for sure. My SO’s mom is a mail carrier and that is always her preference
Mountain Mgr
No cash! Federal employees can’t take cash. They can accept a give worth less than $20. (I’m a federal manager.)
https://about.usps.com/postal-bulletin/2012/pb22349/html/cover_025.htm
Ethical Fed
As a fellow Fed, I’m always appalled at this time of year how many people want their mail carriers to abandon their ethics.
Alyanumbers
A couple of years ago, I baked my mail carrier cookies and decorated them. She seemed very pleased!
numbersmouse
A couple of years ago, I baked my mail carrier cookies and decorated them. She seemed very pleased!
Emmy See
Mail carriers are not allowed to accept money. Please don’t give them money. You can give them cookies or something like that, if it’s worth less than $20. Our mail carriers have always really appreciated getting something home-baked, with a card telling them how much we appreciate them.
anon
I’m usually in the “each of us manage our own family” camp, but I’m reconsidering right now. DH is from a foreign country and has divorced parents, who both still work. His mom is a preschool teacher and can only take vacation during school breaks. About 6 months ago, my parents invited my siblings, me, and our SOs to go away for President’s Day weekend. I asked DH and he said “great, really looking forward to it.” Flash forward to about 3 days ago, and he said that he doesn’t think he’s going to be able to come anymore because he had told his mom 3 months ago that he was going to come to visit her during her vacation in February (which his mom really likes so that they can do something or just hang out more each day), and did I want to come. Dates for school vacations are known 3 years in advance, so it wasn’t a surprise, and he could have looked over the summer when I asked if that worked for him if he thought it was a possibility. I said that we already had these plans that we had bought tickets for, and I probably couldn’t come unless I just sat in his mom’s apartment and worked since I don’t have that much PTO. He thought I was being inflexible and since we live in the same country as my parents “it just isn’t something I can understand” and I thought he was being a jerk for double booking plans. I think he should have to be the one to tell my parents that he isn’t going to come, not me. Is this unreasonable in light of the each manage your own family rule? (FWIW, I think him going to see his parents regularly is important, and he knows that. I’m annoyed here because of the clear lack of planning and disregard for other’s plans. If that week was truly the only week it would work, fine, but it’s just him accommodating his mom.)
OP
To be fair to him, he feels bad that it happened like this and knows he should have looked at the calendar over the summer and doesn’t want to miss the trip, but it didn’t stop him from essentially promising his mom he’d come.
EM
I would just tell my family that Hubby didn’t plan properly and it turns out he can’t come after all. The end. I wouldn’t ask him to do it, as it seems…like he’s being hauled to the principal’s office. I would run mild interference and let him preserve his pride. And be annoyed over his clear lack of planning and disregard for other’s plans.
Anonymous
+1
And if your parents or you are out the cost of his ticket, he should cover that loss. And he should apologize to his Mom for you not coming, and admit his error. You should not cancel with your family.
And from now on I would make a point of double checking his availability with his mother in mind.
Anonymous
Right. Don’t try and punish him.
Anon
TL but why can’t you go on your parents’ vacation and he goes to visit his mom? Would either of you not go to your parents’ without your spouse?
Anonymous
I think she’s upset that he won’t go on the vacation with her parents.
OP
That’s what’s going to happen, I wasn’t clear on that. I’m going to go with my sibs and their families, he’s going to go to see his mom. He had wanted me to fly to that country on the Tuesday after President’s Day so that I could be there Weds-Sun, and then after she went back to work we could go on vacation ourselves, or just fly back since I have so little PTO.
I don’t think I have to manage his mom’s calendar, and I don’t think I should make my plans with her in mind. She has apparently asked my husband to plan our baby’s birth around her vacations. He’s an only child and she’s long time divorced with no partner, so I get that she’s lonely, but at a certain point it’s truly not my problem.
Anonymous
If you mean that she told him it would be nice if he tried to time the baby for the summer, since she can’t visit from Sept-May, I don’t think that’s that weird. My teacher parents told me the same thing, and many of my academic and teacher friends try to have babies over the summer (emphasis on TRY because of course there are no guarantees). And I’m not saying you guys should necessarily try to follow her request. But grandparents love to meddle about all sorts of things and wanting the baby to be born when she can visit isn’t that cray.
OP
No, the request, as he told it to me, was more along the lines of “my mom wants you to have the baby when she’s there, so if you could make it happen at the beginning of her 2 week trip that would be great.” I laughed, said no, I don’t plan on having a scheduled c section, and since we’re not TTC, what baby?
Anonymous
Oh ok, that’s crazy. But it also sounds like you have some communication issues with your husband, if he’s seriously telling you to time a hypothetical baby to the beginning of a hypothetical trip .
OP
Sometimes I read threads here and am like jeez if you gave detail at the beginning or don’t open the can of worms with a tangent it would have been way more productive of a conversation and now I feel like I’m in one. :) He doesn’t want me to schedule a c section and thought it was a crazy request, but told me about it anyway. We laughed. All is well. No more extraneous detail from me!
Tutti
Eeeeeeh. I don’t know. The birth thing is ridiculous, so I’m just going to bypass that comment. But, your MIL is family. You know she has a limited schedule, and not to mention she’s abroad – that’s not insignificant. You booked a vacation for a time that is, at least where I’m from, year after year the school vacation week. I don’t think asking your husband to double check his mom’s calendar is so burdensome for you that you can’t help him to remember to check with his mom (in a perfect world his answer would be, “yup, already on it.”). Yes, he should have remembered himself, but… where’s the partnership? The team between you? Toss the guy a bone and just mention it next time.
It sounds like you have some way deeper seeded issues with his mom and this is an easy thing to just say “meh, she’s not my problem”
anon
Devil’s advocate-sh. I get this. My hubby and I have jointly acknowledged that I do all the emotional labor and that he should pick some of it up, especially as it pertains to his family and friends. If I were in this situation, I’d be a little annoyed that it was my responsibility to think about his mom’s plans, and what he might want to do about them, when he can’t even think about them himself.
Grateful
Sometimes I’m relieved I am single, and will never have kids…. or daughter’s in law.
Relax, my dear. Your distain for your MIL is jumping off the page, while it is your SO that messed up here.
It can really suck to be a woman, divorced, aging alone, in a different country.
Maybe ask your husband not to share things with you that his mother says that might upset you.
Marie
Help! Gift ideas for my dad and his wife? They got married in August. They are both really into fitness and healthy eating, travel, and going to theater performances. She is pretty girly and likes jewelry, etc. (I got her some earrings in her birthstone last year that she seems to like) My dad is sentimental and was happy about an album of family photos I made for him last year. They don’t like cooking and she doesn’t drink alcohol or coffee. Both in their late 50s.
Marie
ETA they also live in a small condo and don’t want a lot of “stuff.”
anon
Date night- Gift certificate to restaurant near theater (assuming you have one that attracts the majority of shows ) and gift certificate for tickets.
anon a mouse
With a suggestion to check local theater specifics — sometimes there are special events like cast discussions after certain shows, if they might be into that.
EM
Season tickets to a local theater. Mail service that delivers healthy food/meals. Some sort of day trip involving sweat (a hike, mountain climbing, etc.)
sweetknee
Fitbits? Personal trainer sessions?
Senior Attorney
For our wedding somebody gave us a gift card to the theatre venue where we have season tickets. We could use it to renew our subscription or for extra tickets or to eat at onsite venues. It was great.
Advisor role
In one of the businesses I own, we have a long-time employee (32 years) who has worked his way up from the bottom to a top supervisor. He planned to retire at the end of this year but is still in great health, actively engaged in the work and is a wealth of knowledge. He has agreed to transition to a “senior advisor” role for 6 mos in a part-time capacity before fully retiring in June.
I only purchased the business 18 mos ago and have already learned a lot from him (I’m new to the industry and market) but need to really take full advantage of this next 6 mos to put myself and the company in the best possible position.
Have any of you made a similar transition, or seen one done? He will be relieved of all daily responsibilities he is used to doing and is expected to help with training his counterparts (both of whom he has worked cooperatively in the past), ensuring smooth hand off of his accounts, developing training for other positions he’s held in the company and most importantly, teaching me about the business and the industry.
I’m struggling with how to structure the specifics of his role and how his time will be spent – he’s very accustomed to task-based expectations. Any suggestions or experience to share?
ToS
Is there a cycle to work year? Could he draft a calendar of What-to-Expect?
Also – how are the procedures for the once-a-year, quarterly and monthly processes, if not day-to-day – that could create a task as well.
Any cycles with client interactions?
How are upcoming changes in the industry expected to impact the business? How will they be tracked and communicated by remaining employees?
That’s off the top of my head. Ask a Manager may be another
Frozen Peach
Create some ability to call and ask him questions after the six months, even if it’s an hourly “consultant” fee or retainer. I CANNOT SUGGEST THIS STRONGLY ENOUGH.
Signed, someone whose job it used to be to track this person down. Ain’t no substitute for institutional history/knowledge of where the bodies are buried.
PL
Question semi-related to SD’s Kate Spade question on the morning thread. What upscale-ISH brands are good quality and not “played out”? I’m asking specifically for purses. I want something classic and good quality with minimal to no visible labels. I’m not sure I’ve really nailed down the size and look and I want, but maybe seeing different brands’ collections will offer some guidance.
I received the Rebecca Minkoff MAB last night (a black Friday online purchase) and it’s just not right for me. Looking for something in the $150-300 range, and it seems like everything is Kate Spade, Coach and the like.
Anonymous
Tumi
I’m more functional/good quality than a labels girl
Anonymous
Tumi has a logo on the bag too. I mean, pretty much all bags do. I don’t really see a distinction between Tumi/Coach/Kate Spade etc. All are a similar price point and all make some nice leather bags with subtle but present logos.
Hold up
Tumi =/= Coach, KS, Michael Kors, etc.
Anonymous
Why? It’s everywhere now (I’d go so far as to say the Q-Tote is the new Le Pliage), and has a logo that’s just as visible as theirs.
Wildkitten
Why? Cuz it’s even more expensive?
Anonymous
My Tumi bag only has a discreet logo on the hardware.
I think the difference is that Coach and Kate spade are designing to appeal to people who want to be like a celeb, and Tumi is designing for people who want to be professional. The second market is inherently smaller, and makes it less likely to get that played out vibe.
Wildkitten
So you like it because it’s even snobbier? Got it.
Anonymous
There is a reason men buy a Tumi laptop bag and don’t think about a work bag for another 5 years. I do the same except it’s a Tumi tote. That’s the sort of vibe Tumi has… if that’s snobby, fine, call me a snob. I maintain that it’s a vibe that lacks broad appeal and makes the brand less likely to be played out over time.
Anonymous
“Want to be a like a celeb.” What does this even mean?
Anonymous
fwiw, Coach has plain leather bags with that are much less recognizable than the Kate Spade & Michael Kors bags that are everywhere. They’re more expensive than the “C” bags and very high quality. I really don’t think the entire brand is “played out,” just certain bags. But I also still carry Kate Spade and MK bags so…shrug.
sg
+1
I have a coach leather bag that does not have really visible logos. It has a little keychain that says Coach, but you can take the keychain off. The only other markings on the bag are tiny engraved “coach” words on some of the metal parts but the print is tiny. It is plain black leather and doesn’t have logo markings on the bulk of the bag at all. I like it a lot and it’s held up over the last four years. I still use it often.
Sydney Bristow
My plain leather Coach bag is perfect. I got it almost exactly a year ago and it still looks almost brand new. I actually joked to my husband that the only flaw with my bag was that it’s holding up too well to easily justify getting something new.
Shopaholic
What are you looking for? I’m lusting over a Rebecca Minkoff tote right now. I have the MAB and love it but sometimes the shape doesn’t necessarily work for me so I get that it may not be ideal.
I have several Rebecca Minkoff bags and I like that you can’t tell its an RM bag unless you know what you’re looking for.
Anonymous
Check out Tumi or MZ Wallace. I have plenty of leather purses, but I love how light my nylon purses are, and love the pockets and organization of these two brands.
nutella
To truly check all the boxes (no obvious labels, good quality, and not played-out), check etsy.
Anonymous
If you are looking for work then I would definitely say Tumi. They are designed to be professional, not trendy, which separates them from Coach, Kate Spade, etc.
If you are not looking for work bags, I’d consider Milly, Botkier, or Elizabeth and James.
JTX
Cuyana
Everlane
In the past (2-3 years ago), I was pleased with the quality of bags I purchased from J. Crew and Madewell, but I haven’t looked at their current offerings.
Ai
+ 1
Hermione
Radley does this for me. Some of their aesthetic doesn’t suit me (and I can’t stand the little dogs, too cutesy) but the bags are well made (and the design is great, my daily work bag has pockets which suit me perfectly) and the branding is very subtle.
CatToo
I like Brahmin. The leather is distinctive but the logo isn’t.
Beans
Henri Bendel, LK Bennett.
Bonnie
I like Marc Jacobs bags and you can get them at the Rack in that price range.
anon
I’m a Tumi fan as well, but you might check out Jack Georges for bags that are of back-in-the-day Coach quality but without obnoxious logo-ing.
I have been carrying a saddle- colored Patricia Nash tote lately and I like it. It’s not an “in” brand and it has kind of a western look (which I like) but it’s not the most sleek, professional looking bag I’ve ever carried.
Kiki
What about Cuyana?
DC Anon
What about Cuyana?
Kiki
Or JW Hulme
Workplace bullying
Does anyone have advice or commiseration on dealing with a workplace bully? I wrote a few weeks ago about the supervisor who has communication issues and then criticizes me for failing to deliver what the person supposedly wants. It’s only gotten worse, and everything I’ve read has “bully” written all over the behavior — isolating people, limiting communications, refusing to communicate, baseless or excessive (and personal) criticism, mood swings. I’m already actively looking for a new job, but I’m honestly not sure I can hang on here until I find one — I’m popping Ativan and/or crying at work on a weekly, sometimes daily basis.
Anonymous
I think I responded to you to say that I had a similar issue with a partner I work for. I ended up finding a new job and giving notice was the most satisfying moment of my time there.
Take care of yourself, check out a little bit, and focus your energy on finding something else. The time is going to pass either way, so take comfort in knowing you’re working to get out.
Workplace bullying
Yes, you did. And thank you for responding again. It helps to know I’m not alone. Honestly, reading about the bullying made me feel better because it made me feel like I’m not crazy; this behavior is just not right.
ToS
Sometimes updating your resume is empowering. Is there a reputable headhunter firm in your area? That would give you a live person that checks in from time-to-time. Chances are the supervisor is a known quantity with a lot of turnover. This is temporary, you are getting out.
You can also talk to HR, or use an Employee Assistance Program to get grounded. Best wishes on your way through to a happier work environment
sweetknee
I had this happen to me early in my career. My biggest fear was quitting the job and not having enough saved in case it was hard to find another job. Can you find a side or weekend gig to supplement your income so that if you have to say “FU”, there is a cushion?
I also took every single minute of vacation time that I was allowed to take in order to keep myself sane. If you can take a day every other week to make it bearable, do that. Since you reference Ativan, I assume you have a doctor helping you with this. Discuss this situation with them and see if there is any tweaking to your medication that might help.
Hugs to you. I know how hard this is.
OP
Thanks, sweetknee, for the hugs.
I have enough money to quit. I’m just terrified of looking for a job without having a job. But knowing that I could quit gives me strength.
Anon
Can you plan a vacation or take some extra days off and spend the time doing something positive? I find this helps much more than I expect it to.
Anonymous
The book ‘Hostage at the Table’ was very enlightening for me.
I’m not going to lie, the and may be too leave. But the book helps the frame actions and options.
Grateful pear
Thanks to whomever recommended Loft for pants for curvy pears. I bought their skinny ankle pants in Julie cut and they are awesome. 50% off on Black Friday. I will go back this weekend to see if my local has anymore of my size, which are no longer available online.
anon anon armani
Been successful with Talbots curvy pants but they don’t stock them in the stores. Shame on them. But I’m happy with them.
Anonymous
Shoot… I went to Loft to buy more, but they are now on sale 40% off but only online. So annoying!!! My size isn’t available online, but it is in the store….. for full price.
I can’t ever spend full price.
pugsnbourbon
Not sure if you’re still getting responses, but my daily sale email from Loft says that all pants are $39.50.
Sales at Loft are like weather in the Midwest … if you don’t like it, wait 15 minutes. :)
Anonymous
Has anyone replaced hardwood floors in a small condo while living there? I would be looking to replace the hardwood in my kitchen, living room, dining room and small office with new pre-finished hardwoods. I currently live in the condo, and it is furnished. The existing floor is pre finished hardwood as well, and would need to be removed. Other than the rooms with the hardwood, there is an additional, small office space, small hallway and one bedroom (as well as the bathroom). I would need to have all of the furniture moved into the carpeted spaces and then have the floors installed (hopefully in one day). I would like to hear from anyone who has done something similar. Is this possible? Is it reasonable to expect that I could have this done in one day?
anon
We did the whole first floor of our house while living there and it took 2ish days I think. Will the furniture already be moved out of the way and can you live with where it is in case you need to wait before moving it back (depends on the floor adhesive)? Also, the wood will need to acclimate to our house’s temperature/humidity for a couple of days before install so you’ll need to have space for the opened boxes to sit.
ToS
Our was two days, but we also had additional work like removing a half-wall and moving an air-intake duct. The floor itself was installed by a team, so that part was fairly seamless. Get a few quotes.
anon
We didn’t have new floors put in but we ripped up carpet and had the old hardwood underneath replaced in our bedrooms and hallway connecting the bedrooms. We had to move out. Our daughter was an infant at the time and we didn’t want her breathing any of the fumes, plus all of our bedroom furniture was in the living room and dining room and it would have been basically impossible to sleep in there. We decided to rent a house at the beach and take a vacation. It was lovely. I had control freak issues with not being on-site for the work but it all came out fine.
anon
*refinished, not replaced
Anonymous
Why replace them if they can be refinished?
Anonymous
pre finished hardwood is different from solid hardwood. solid hardwood can be refinished (which requires sanding) multiple times. pre finished hardwood is much thinner and can only be sanded and refinished once or twice during the lifetime of the wood. also, the process of refinishing existing floors is extensive (as mentioned above), does usually take at least a few weeks, and requires the owners to be living elsewhere due to the fumes and dust. that is part of the benefit of pre-finished–they are finished at the factory, and come to you ready to be installed (after the acclimation period).
Anonymous
Interesting, thanks. Our floors are nearly 200 year old heart pine and they’re the only wood floors I have real experience with.
anon a mouse
Office white elephant gift ideas? Our price limit is $10. I’d rather not do lottery tickets or starbucks cards, since I expect a few other people to do them. I have a little bit of time so open to etsy or online ideas.
ToS
I just picked up a shark laser pointer from ThinkGeek for this very reason.
Lillers
Exploding Kittens! I bought it on Amazon during a sale for around $10 I think.
Other gender neutral gifts
– box of designer chocolate truffles or similar (Etsy has a ton of cute candy “shops”)
– Moscow mule set (copper mug, mini airplane bottle of alcohol)
– cocktail recipe book
– Kinetic sand
I always like food so would appreciate candy, spice mixes, popcorn, etc.
Anonymous
My go-to is giant styrofoam cowboy hat
Bonnie
My go-to is giant styrofoam cowboy hat
New Tampanian
Francescas had cute little holiday themed wine charm type things but they were tutus. So cute.
Anonymous
Nose hair trimmer can be had for about $10 at TJ Maxx, Tuesday Morning and the like. It is kinda useful for some, and at the same time hilarious.
anon
Chia pet. Never disappoints. I like the ones that are heads. The last one I gave was an Obama head but now I’d look for a trump (I wonder how you comb over chia sprouts…)
SF in House
I have an older version of this shoe for holiday parties and it is great: http://www.payless.com/womens-lively-low-heel/78046.html?dwvar_78046_color=gold#start=16
Anonymous
Looking for opinions on nursing past infancy…
I am still nursing my 17 month old – before bed, in the middle of the night if needed, and right when he wakes up. I wasn’t really planning on nursing this long, but a number of factors have made it easier to keep going than to quit, so here we are. And I feel like a LOT of women in my life (other mothers included) act weirded out by this when it comes up (I don’t volunteer it, but with close friends and family, I don’t withhold it if it naturally comes up when talking about how my son is sleeping, etc.).
Full disclosure: My pre-mom self was a little weirded out by a friend who nursed her kiddo until age 2.5, but I wasn’t really that judgy, just mildly uncomfortable the first time I was around it (it was initially odd to see a walking, talking little person walk over to her mom, tug on her shirt and essentially ask for a quick drink). And I tried very hard to not let my friend feel my discomfort, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t.
Now that I’m on the other end of it, I feel like I frequently get looks of shock and mild disapproval from some of my not-so-subtle relatives and friends (BTW – these looks/comments are only happening at the mention of the ongoing nursing; I haven’t actually nursed in public since my kiddo was tiny). I’m sure there’s an element of insecurity and/or overanalysis on my part, but I know some of what I’m perceiving is reality. So I guess I’m just wondering if anyone can tell me if you are weirded out by it, or generally don’t approve of toddlers still nursing, what is it about it specifically that bothers you? I guess I feel some need to understand what the judgment is about so I know what I’m up against. Anyone care to share their thoughts on this?
Anonymous
If you want really honest feedback, I do have an initial reaction of “Man, that’s weird” probably pretty similar to the reaction you had with your friend who nursed her 2 1/2 year old. But if I give it any further thought at all, I quickly realize I have no real issues with it. If mom and toddler are both healthy and happy, who am I to have a problem with that? But yes, my kind of instinctual reaction is to go “Huh, weird.” But, frankly, that’s my problem, not yours.
Anonymous
I get weirded out by extended breastfeeding, but my opinion is biased because my cousin breastfed both of her kids until their sixth birthday and it was unsettling. And I don’t mean as a one off, I mean before every meal and first thing in the morning and before bed. I think my feelings stem from that. She would openly do it in public and post videos and pictures on social media, I had to stop following her. I don’t think what you are doing is weird because she isn’t 2 yet and you doing it in privately (not taking your shirt off in a crowded restaurant like my cousin did). You sound like you are doing what is best for you and your child. I don’t think that is a bad thing.
anonymity
OMG – 6? I can’t imagine anyone sane b-feeding until 6. Taking her shirt off in public? I can’t even…
Up to 3, I’m not weirded out but my personal threshold would be 2 or 2.5.
OP, keep doing it as long as you feel comfortable.
EM
I was on a crowded DC bus when a mother, her toddler, a few diaper bags and stroller all boarded and sat on the last empty seat next to me. At one point the toddler sat on her lap and the mother began to nurse her. The toddler’s leg was in my lap and the aisle was blocked with the stroller, which tipped over.
I was totally weirded out because, among other things, toddlers don’t NEED to eat whenever the mood strikes them.
Jules
17 months doesn’t seem beyond the pale, but I remember thinking it was odd (just personal reaction, I admit) when an acquaintance was bf-ing her 2-1/2 year old.
But all of this reminds of the skit when Dave Chappelle was on SNL last month . . .
Anonymous
I haven’t watched the Dave Chappelle skit, so don’t follow the reference… care to elaborate?
Anonymous
Search on YouTube for it seems easy enough to do.
Anonymous
Okay. I spent 11 minutes watching it, and all I can conclude is that you’re possibly calling me a hypocrite?
Another anonymous judge
If you have made a parenting decision that you think is right for you and your baby, there is no point in trying to see why other people might be “weirded out” by it. It’s nobody else’s business and I don’t think it is productive or helpful for you to be spending your precious parenting energy trying to wrestle through that logic puzzle in your head.
Over the time you mother this little being, many people are going to have different views than you do – some of them very judgemental ones – and many of them will feel it is their right to share them or try to impose them on you. Understanding WHY they feel the way they do is not going to help you change their minds, or even really deal with them in any positive way.
I honestly think it is best for you to decide now that you will do what’s right for you and your babe in any given situation, and just do your best to shrug off other people’s misinformed negative opinions.
And, for what it is worth – 17 months is NOT a long time to be nursing. Enjoy this time because seriously before you know it this baby will be 17 YEARS old with a girlfriend and driving your car, and the worries you had about whether you nursed too long or not will pale into insignificance at the other challenges ahead, even with the best possible kid. I say, “Go, Mummy” – you bond with that baby as much as you can!
anon
Ha ha, same! I posted about my teen son below….. I totally feel you.
OfCounsel
+100 I nursed my daughter to 2 1/2 (although not in public past around 12 months). She is now a teenager: driving, dating and looking at colleges. Enjoy this stage while it lasts and do what works for you and your child.
And if it makes you feel better (or if you need something to say to people who are critical), the WHO recommends nursing “up to two years or beyond.” 17 months is really not that long except in the USA!
Anon
Sorry but you asked — I’d be completely grossed out by it and do not want to hear about it; I’d be thankful it’s not something you do in public. But I feel this way about all breastfeeding past 1-2 months max — do what you do, but don’t talk to me about it bc if you do, you will see the look of disgust on my face. And if you’re going on and on about it, I will make a comment about whether they sell formula/milk where you shop.
Anonymous
Wow. This viewpoint seems extreme. Can you provide any explanation as to what specifically grosses you out about it?
Anonymous
Lol. Girl get a grip on your own crazy.
anon
Lol what? You feel grossed out by breastfeeding past one to two months max? Too bad almost all doctors recommend 12 months. I don’t know why that would seem strange to you.
Anonymous
Yeah. Doctors recommend doing it for a year if you can. Suggesting it’s weird after one or two months is crazy.
Anonymous
Anon at 5:50 pm: are you bulimic? I am trying to figure out if something about mammals getting nourishment is gross or just baby mammals? The WHO recommends breast feeding from 6 -24 months. I think you should spend the morning reading about the benefits of great feeding. And see a therapist for your issues with food.
SoCalAtty
Haha you have to be a troll. My son wouldn’t even take a bottle until he was like 4 months old. Doctors and the World Health Organization recommend nursing until 1, and beyond if possible. I think you may need to consult a therapist about why feeding a tiny baby upsets you so.
Samantha
I was in a similar boat. Stopped nursing #1 (it was only 1x or 2x a day since I was working full time and did not pump) at 19 or 20 months and stopped with #2 similarly at 18 months. In both cases, my mom and best friends thought it was a bit strange and urged me to stop before they embarrass me in public pulling up my shirt etc. My mom went further and said that by the time they can ask for it (in so many words) you know they need to stop!
That (public embarrassment) never happened since we only nursed at bedtime and it’s not like I took my babies to professional situations.
In both cases, I wanted to ease out of nursing rather than force a stop, so I followed the path of least resistance which was – “don’t offer, don’t refuse”. I never wanted to refuse them and have them cry it out etc. but at the same time, if they were distracted, I didn’t bother to get them to nurse. It naturally tapered off using this approach and one day, we stopped. It was also easiest on me (mood swings, drying up etc.).
TL, DR – Stop worrying about what other people think, and do what is easiest for you and baby. Very soon (in a matter of months if not weeks) it will become a non-issue if you don’t push it.
Anonymous
I am a mom of 2 and breastfed both for about 6 months.
What you are doing is by no means extreme, but since you are bothered by how others react to talking about – don’t talk about it. Problem solved.
FWIW, past the stages of establishing the process with a newborn and the active phase of feeding/pumping/freezing (since it’s so time-consuming), I don’t see how this topic would come up in conversations regularly. There is just no “there” there.
Blueberries
If you’re looking for support, WHO recommends nursing until at least two.
Anonymous
This. America is alone in the recommendation to nurse until age 1. It’s not considered ‘extended breastfeeding’ in Canada or Europe until you’re past age two. After a year, most nursing is just morning and evening anyway. I’d be surprised about a 4 year old nursing but nursing under age 2 is basically standard.
Anonymous
My cousin breastfed both of her sons until they were 6, before every meal and both before bed and in the morning. There was no special needs or medical issues. It was really weird and unsettling.
Anonymous
I have never heard of anyone nursing past age 4 but the frequency ther is really strange and surprising. Like most 1 year olds don’t nurse that frequently.
Scarlett
Okay I feel like I’m stepping into a minefield here. I think there’s way too much pressure on mothers to breastfeed and that it’s a really limiting thing for women (pretty tough to travel/work at max capacity etc when you have to deal w pumping and feeding) so I’ve felt a combo of sad/sorry for/upset by the restrictions for the mom who feels that pressure especially well past the early months. I just chafe against all the super-mother pressure I feel is a huge part of urban mothering and get a little upset by seeing people totally buy into it. That said, I know everyone is different and some moms genuinely want to do these things.
Anonymous
I actually find that there’s a lot of pressure to complain about how hard it is. I fully recognize that I’m lucky but BF went well for me, no issues and both baby and I enjoyed it. Pumped at work until 10 months and nursed morning and night for another 5. Was sad when baby decided she was done.
anon
Hmm, I kind of hear where you’re coming from, and I totally agree that there’s WAY too much pressure on moms, and women in general, to be some socially-accepted version of perfect.
But breastfeeding is easier in many ways than formula feeding. I know it doesn’t work for everyone – my own sister just could not make it work, and I agreed with her when she quit trying after two bouts of mastitis – but for those of us who can do it quite easily (after the first week, which sucks for everyone), it’s so much easier to pull the baby into bed at night for a feed rather than getting up to mix and warm a bottle of formula with a squalling, hungry baby. It’s easier to stay kind-of-asleep and nurse your baby.
It can be hard to go back to work and pump and keep your milk up, but those are battles worth fighting, in my opinion. My 15 year old daughter was the reason my office put together its first nursing room, which many nursing mothers have used since. I’m happy to have pushed that and made the way for women after me.
Most of us who pump and work in the long term end up feeding our babies some combination of formula and breastmilk. Another area where perfect is the enemy of good. I was able to pump twice a day until they were about 6 months old, once a day until 9 months, and then my milk supply was well enough established that I could not pump at all, but still breastfeed when I was home. The babies got formula in place of the skipped pumping and they were fine.
I guess my main reaction to your post is that I would not discourage women from trying to breastfeed because you perceive it as too difficult. I think everyone should at least give it a shot unless there’s some medical reason you can’t. I know one person who chose not to breastfeed because she thinks of breasts as sexual and breastfeeding as gross, and I just feel kind of sorry for her. (and the babies)
Anonymous
No, it is true. We are judged for breast feeding, we are judged for not breastfeeding.
anon
I have a 14 and 15 year old. I nursed them until they were about a year old. I actually weaned my daughter because I was pregnant with my son, and my son really weaned himself, though I didn’t fight him too hard.
Looking back, I wish I hadn’t been in such a hurry to wean. 17 months is still very much a baby! My 14 year old son is 6′ tall, 185 lb, and wears a size 12 shoe. In hindsight, I wouldn’t have minded stretching out the baby days just a little longer. :)
Enjoy nursing. I always loved it.
And without even reading the other comments, I need to say – breasts are not sexual. That’s our culture but please remind yourself of their primary purpose before getting “grossed out” by someone else’s breastfeeding.
MA
You do you! You are the mom in charge; you will do what is best/easiest for you & your kids. My grandmother breastfed my father until he was 4. I breastfed my first child until the second one came along, around 2. The second one weaned himself at 1. It’s such a normal, natural thing. We have imposed these artificial limits for no reason. Toddlers are difficult little people with all sorts of crazy emotions and tantrums; if this helps, go for it. This is what we, as mammals, are designed to do. My kids are teenagers now, and I too miss those days of holding them close in a rocking chair.
SF in House
Any tips for surviving 4-6 weeks on crutches? I went to the bank at lunch and never realized how far 2 blocks is!
ToS
Oooh, you will work it out. New muscles & all. Gel bike gloves will help with your hands, and there are pads that help with armpit achiness. Also, if you have medical-grade crutches, there are replacement tips (maybe called rain boots?) that may them grippier for rain and water.
Other strategies are asking people to meet you, using technology or the mail and phone to get things done, and flat-out postponing the non-essential while you heal. People understand, just give them enough information. (I’m using crutches for the next __ week, and my mobility is limited. What are the options?)
Knee carts can be an asset for people with good balance. Larger places, like a zoo, have options like rentable mobility supports
anon
Yes, I’m all about you asking for help from your friends and colleagues. I’m sure most of them would be all too happy to give you a hand. Work that temporary diva status!!!
Marshmallow
I was on crutches for a couple months and it was awful! Get a backpack, 100%. Trying to carry a regular purse with crutches is a nightmare. Plan lots of extra time to get everywhere. Wrap something soft around the top of the crutches if they start hurting your pits. Good luck and feel better!
anonymous
Backpack for work stuff but a cross body as well (or jacket with pockets) is helpful for accessing phone, wallet, keys without having to take off your backpack which is hard with the crutches. I would make sure you have a water resistant jacket with a hood because an umbrella is near impossible. If you ned to ice and elevate, ask for a footrest at work and bring ice packs. And yes, make your “commuting” as short as possible. Crutches are really taxing on the rest of the body.
sweetknee
Can you rent one of those knee scooter things? It is like a tricycle where you rest one knee on a pad and “push” with the good foot? A friend broke her foot and was non weight bearing for 6 weeks, and that really helped her get around.
Ai
Buy a cheap fanny pack for at home. Sounds weird but it’s great to be able to put little things (TV remote etc.) in it and carry them somewhere else in the apt.
Anonymous
Get your doctor or physical therapist to write a script for “forearm crutches”… also called Canadian crutches. They are the ones you see President Clinton using after he had his heart surgery. You can buy them in black, which looks sleeker… almost like walking sticks.
The Forearm crutches (ideally with the ergonomic grip choice) are much, much, much for efficient for walking, and cause less pain/skin irritation.
WalkEasy makes an affordable pair. I think you can even get hot pink colored ones, if you want… I wouldn’t get a folding pair. If I was you, I would pay out of pocket for them even if your insurance doesn’t cover it. If you aren’t sure what pair to get, call WalkEasy and ask them for advice.
Bonnie
Honestly, limit movement where you can. E-bank, grocery delivery, etc. I was on crutches for a shorter time and it was just exhausting trying to live life as normal.
Anonymous
My response seems to have disappeared, but the answer is…..
Walkeasy crutches. Ergonomic. Much easier. Get a script from your doc, buy them yourself, submit a claim. But still worth it if you pay out of pocket.
They are forearm crutches, like what President Clinton used after his heart surgery. Much, much better.
Anonymous
How do you handle when something embarrassing happens at work in front of your colleagues? I have always been overweight but I’ve gained quite a bit in the last 18 months and I just broke a chair for the second time. Both times it happened in front of people. I’m so mortified and ashamed.
Anon
Um – think about where you’re sitting before you sit?
Anonymous
Not the OP, but this is totally unhelpful and rude.
I don’t have any great advice, but I just want to say I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you can put it behind you – there’s definitely no need to feel ashamed.
Anonymous
Um- crawl in a hole and die?
OP try not to fret. The other 99.9% of the world just feels bad that something embarrassing happened to you.
Brunette Elle Woods
I’m so sorry that happened to you. As far as embarrassing things at work, it happens to everyone. It usually takes me a week to get over a mistake or embarrassment.
Samantha
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Don’t view it as others judging you – they are probably feeling bad for you as well. And they’ve surely all been in other, different but equally embarrassing, situations. Life is the great equalizer. Continue to do great work and be kind and this will all be a thing of the past!
Anonymous
it didn’t happen “to” her…it happened because of her. Physics, people.
anonypotamus
I’m so sorry this happened. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I know when something embarrassing happens to me, it feels like the biggest deal, but most people have probably already forgotten about it. I would encourage you to be kind to yourself – these things happen.
I really like this article and revisit it when I need a reminder: http://www.rookiemag.com/2015/08/getting-over-embarrassment/
My favorite parts:
“On a social level, we feel embarrassment because we feel empathy…We feel this kind of embarrassment because we know this kind of embarrassment—anyone with half a heart has been there, in some way or another, and we can recognize how icky and painful it feels for others.
But it’s hard, at times, to show that kind of empathy to ourselves. Instead of allowing the creepy feelings to run their course and move on, some of us tend to dwell on our embarrassing moments to the point where things spin out of control. Suddenly it’s not just the wrong answer we gave in class that’s embarrassing—it’s our entire being…
The only way to get out of that kind of spin is to immediately forgive yourself. Start by taking a deep breath, imagining all of the icky feelings leaving your body as you exhale. Then try to put things into perspective: You did something embarrassing, but you still exist. You are still here, you survived. Extend yourself some kindness, and accept that you have two choices: spinning miserably around the incident or moving on, leaving it behind, and opening yourself up to possibility of making better memories to fill that lovely brain of yours.”
Anonymous
This happened to a co-worker of mine and I asked if he was ok (he said yes just suffering a bruised ego :)), and felt bad that he was embarrassed but really it wasn’t a big deal. I know it feels like it is for you, but I think it’s something your colleagues will have forgotten by the next day. And I broke a seat in college- I’m 5’8 125 lbs, I blame the chair :)! Don’t worry about it ;)
anon
Aww, I’m sorry. I’m sure people will forget about it way faster than you will. And FWIW, It probably wasn’t you at all. I’m barely 100 lbs, and I’ve broken a couple of chairs myself.
anonymity
Don’t be ashamed. Put it out of your mind. It will be old news in a short time.
I must be getting old cause I’ve seen it all. In my 45 working years, I’ve seen people have urine and f*ces accidents (they were in the restroom cleaning up before going home), vomit in public, wardrobe malfunctions (ripped pants/skirts with underwear visible), broken furniture, fainting, pregnant woman’s water breaking, and sadly, a miscarriage. I know that I wasn’t the only one who knew who had had a miscarriage in the restroom before I called maintenance to clean the restroom. And last week, an epileptic seizure resulting in a 200+lb, 6’1″ man from the company next to us falling in the lobby. I myself fell getting off an elevator onto a hard concrete/terrazzo floor- splat, flat on my face in front of people I knew.
Anonymous
I have a personality where I laugh at myself first. I would probably tell people who DIDN’T see it what happened. Give yourself a break.
Wildkitten
I’m not especially overweight and I’ve broken chairs. It happens. Chairs break.
DC Anon
Yup, I have also had a chair break under me. Happens.
Anonymous
Donald Trump… our President-Elect… has started blocking people on Twitter.
I’m not a constitutional law expert, but does a politician blocking people on Twitter have any First Amendment implications? It’s almost viewpoint-discrimination? Depriving constituents of access to a public message on the basis of their disagreement with it?
Any thoughts?
Walnut
Someone needs to get rid of that damned Twitter account.
Anonymous
Log out of Twitter when you want to read his tweets. It’s not a private account so it will be visible without having to log in. Don’t complain and give him the satisfaction.
Anonymous
Oh, yea! I actually have him blocked on my Twitter account because his sponsored tweets kept catching me off-guard during the campaign season. But good point!
Anonymous
I blocked him on mine too. I despise him but I think he gets off on people complaining. I 100% agree that someone needs to get rid of his Twitter but until that happens it’s best to try and ignore him like you would a toddler throwing a tantrum (ignore him over stuff like blocking people on Twitter, not major things like him saying hateful stuff or appointing a judge who is against Roe v. Wade)
Anonymous
Yeah, given that he’s said himself that he uses it as an official platform to get his message out and communicate with the public, I think it’s pretty horrifying to block people on it. I have to ask…did he block you!?! If so, #herostatus!
Anonymous
Of course not. He does enough actually problematic stuff. He can block whoever he wants. Your right to petition doesn’t include unfettered access to every possible avenue of communication.
Sydney Bristow
I don’t know for sure one way or another, but I would assume that most politicians have had to block people on twitter. There are just way too many trolls in our online world.
Wildkitten
I mean, the President doesn’t answer phone calls from random people. We are allowed to yell into the ether but he doesn’t have to listen. (And I am very very very anti-Trump.)
EM
DJT the man can block whomever he wants. The account belonging to POTUS, however, is another story. That is a government account, I believe.
DJT the man had better be careful that his twitter rants don’t lead his cabinet and Congress to conclude that he is seriously mentally unstable. And if they can be interpreted as inciting violence or racial tension or broadcasting false information (ie the election was rigged) there are additional grounds for impeachment.
Former Town Lawyer
I’ve got a bunch of double negatives for you. If his blocking you does not result in others not being able to read your speech than it is probably fine. If he blocked you on FB, however, which would result in his followers not seeing your post, that would be an issue. At least that is how we advised our towns that wanted to embark on social media. You are providing a platform for public speech. You can’t restrict it based on it’s content unless it is offensive as defined by law. No swearing, no threatening, etc. Even the no swearing is a fine line. A local business man won the right to have @$$hole and BS (spelled out) on his billboard.
EM
My comment on the toddler is stuck in perpetual moderation. I’m going to try here:
I was on a crowded DC bus when a mother, toddler, stroller, and several diaper bags boarded and sat on the last empty seat, next to me. At some point the toddler sat on her mother’s lap and the mother began nursing her. I was totally weirded out because, among other things, toddlers don’t NEED to eat whenever the mood strikes them.
Brunette Elle Woods
I don’t understand why you care. It’s not like a she was nursing a teenager.
Kiki
Why would you care? It’s not like she tried to nurse you. Are you offended by boobs? My goodness.
EM
No, I was offended by the fact that the bus was so crowded–it was standing room only–that her elbow wound up in my ribs and the kid’s dirty shoes in my lap.
Ses
Last week I asked for (and received) a good raise. It will begin in the new year, and I want to get myself something with most of the first month’s extra take-home pay.
I’m trying to think of something that I’ll use or wear to work or on (frequent) overseas work trips. My budget is up to 800 USD.
In this case I want an item rather than an experience, because I’d like to see it and be reminded of being rewarded for all the hard work I’ve done this year.
Any suggestions?
Bonnie
Congrats. I’d get a nice watch with multiple time zone settings or a giant Burberry plaid scarf to keep warm and chic on planes. You can get them cheaper at the duty free. :-)
Ses
Thanks Bonnie :) Loving the scarf idea. I’m taken by this one, although it’s beyond the budget. https://us.burberry.com/contrast-border-horseferry-check-cashmere-scarf-p40095031
And now I’m hunting for watches, as the old Skagen *is* looking a bit beat up.
Bonnie
I love the look of the Philip Stein dual time zone watches. :-)
Anonymous
A bunch of ideas… Depending on what you may already have.
– A really nice rollaboard
– nice coat (although this depends on your travel destinations… So no if India)
– Hermes stole or belt
– nice bracelet (I find I lose rings and earrings while traveling because I sometimes get the urge to take ten if on the plane)
– Bose noise cancelling headphones… But save for a 2nd pair if you lose the first
– really nice pair of flats for travel days
Ses
These are great! The Bose headphones are calling me…on my latest flight there were not one but *two* crying babies nearby. I think at one point their howls created some kind of mutually amplifying frequency vortex.
Senior Attorney
Yes, the Bose headphones are amazing. I scoffed at them until LH got me a pair and OMG they are truly game-changing!
Anonymous
I need help dressing for a non-work holiday party. Specifically, it’s billed as an “80’s Sweater Christmas Party,” and the dress code is “your favorite 80’s sweater or outfit.” This sounds more like the dress code for a Halloween party to me, but, in any case, I have no 80’s clothes. Does anyone think it sounds fun to 80’s shop for me? I have no idea where to begin. This party is being thrown by friends and I’m game to go all in, if I can figure out what to get – I don’t have much of an eye for fashion. TIA!
Bonnie
I’d wear a loose off the shoulder sweater with leggings, patent pumps, round hoop earrings and bangles.
Nancy Raygun
Because it’s called an 80’s sweater party, I’m assuming you’re expected to wear an ugly Christmas sweater that could’ve been popular in the 80s. This type of party is so popular now that regular stores now carry ugly outdated sweaters. Get one of those and make your hair look big.
Ekaterin Nile
I need gift help for my aunt. She’s a huge foodie and a wonderful cook, but she is also extremely particular about appliances, home decor, etc. She and her husband have literally installed the same kitchen (sink, counters, fridge) in their last three houses. I’d like to get her a nice gift (not a gift card) from a store like Williams Sonoma, but I don’t cook. I was thinking some kind of fancy salt, olive oil, something like that… Any suggestions?
PEN
I recommend a gift set from Penzys.
lawsuited
A Le Crueset French press with a gift receipt?
ck
A gourmet finishing salt set from The Meadow.
The jars with the cork plugs are the cutest.
http://themeadow.com/collections/salt-sets
Anon.
If you’re still there – look at the Food 52 online holiday store. LOTS of amazing ideas.
Frozen Peach
Savannah Bee Company honey products.
Anon
the clog saga…..
I posted a few days ago about looking for another pair of shoes for my 16 year old daughter who wears Birkenstocks and Blundstone boots. (And forgot to mention rainbow flip flops, which she wears 75% of the time when it’s not cold or raining – we are on the west coast)
You all gave me lots of good suggestions but I decided I couldn’t do this as a surprise. I enlisted her help and we looked online. She chose Dansko professional closed-back clogs in brown.
She also convinced me she needed them right away so I gave in and bought them for her at a neighborhood shop.
She wore them to school yesterday and is ecstatic. All of her friends loved them (despite one friend saying, “now you have the same shoes as my mom”) and several of her friends have decided to get the same clogs. She says other girls on campus wear them too.
I’m glad all of her shoe choices are good for her feet (excepting the flip flops, I guess) but I just scratch my head. I wouldn’t have been caught dead in Dansko clogs at her age. I happened to read an article on this yesterday and I guess clogs are kind of back in style, though not as much as Birkenstocks, as part of the “norm core” trend.
Despite my misgivings, she looks cute in them. She wore them with leggings and handknit (by me) socks yesterday and I actually thought that if I were as thin as she is, I might try that look myself. (yes, I have also lost the “leggings are not pants” battle)
Thanks for all your input, and wear your clogs with pride!
Anonymous
You reminded me that I still have a classic black leather professional pair that I wore every single day as a medical resident. And then never again.
Blonde Lawyer
Tell her to be careful she doesn’t roll an ankle while getting used to them. I have a pair from years ago and tend to roll my ankle in them.
anon
I have an Eileen Fisher silk top that seems to have turned a lighter color where my bra band is. I don’t think it’s super noticeable, but I can’t figure out what happened to it. I washed it once and laid it out to dry, but the discoloration is still there. Anyone know what this is or how I can get it out? I had only worn it once before.
Anon
I would guess sweat from your bra band discolored it. But I wouldn’t try to get it out. I would contact Eileen Fisher. The dye should be set better than that. You can ask them to repair or replace it. They repaired one of my favorite sweaters for me, good as new. It took a while but I was pleased with the end result.