Weekend Open Thread

117 Comments

1. I’m a freelancer with no spouse/kids/family. This has meant I’ve taken every gig that’s come along, since I know that there’s no financial safety net. I just realized that I’ve averaged about 75 hrs/week all of 2018 and that I’ve only taken 2 full days off (one of which was for a networking event so I was still kind of working and the other was due to a blinding horrific migraine). When I’ve been in a relationship, I’m great at balancing work and life but as a single person, I’m realizing that I stink at it. I’m so naturally introverted too that I enjoy being at home with my pets, however, being at home makes it easy to be available when a gig offer comes in and there I go again, working working working. Any tips or advice on how to take more time away from work and how to do it without spending the time feeling anxious about what if I never get offered another gig? (I’ve been doing this work for 4 yrs., there has always been work, but the anxiety can make it more stressful to not work than to just keep working.

   I want to do better in 2019 but I have no idea how!

   1. Consider framing it as: “I am in a relationship…with myself. We are going to go hang out with the work phone turned off and watch Netflix/hang out with our pets/bake/read/exercise/research underwater basket-weaving classes. If a gig drops into my inbox, I will get to it when I have fulfilled my obligation to myself.”

      I hear you – this isn’t easy! But you are just as much worth putting non-work time into as any relationship you might have. You got this!

   2. Schedule it. Whether it be exercise or meeting someone for lunch/coffee.

      Also, look for a volunteer opportunity. Because you work at home, you should have flexibility in scheduling this, but having a standing 1-2 hours a week somewhere to volunteer might help.

2. I’ve had a crush (pun intended) on a navy blue or a teal velvet blazer for a few years but the ones I’ve seen are super expensive and I wonder how often (if ever) I’d wear it or if it’s the sort of thing that’s so memorable that it’s tough to wear more than once without folks recalling having seen it before. Does anyone have such who could share how often they wear theirs? (I’m a short hourglass so finding the right length for sleeves and where it hits my body correctly could be tricky too, I know.)

   1. I want one too, but I don’t care who has seen it before. I don’t think anyone has the expectation that you will never repeat your outfits.

   2. JCrew’s navy velvet Going Out Blazer is on promo today, if that helps change your mind…

   3. I have had two velvet blazers. The fabric was stiff and uncomfortable, sort of like corduroy.

   4. I have a teal velvet blazer that I love–Talbots, classic cut, silk-rayon velvet (not at all stiff), purchased secondhand about three years ago. I wore it on Friday to a lunchtime holiday event. Several people, including one I had never met, complimented it.

      I do think it’s memorable, but surprisingly versatile. I probably wear it six or seven times most years, mostly around the holidays and through Valentine’s Day. It’s beautiful over a black ponte wrap dress (I wore this outfit with black tights, booties, and a sparkly necklace on Friday). I’ve worn it at least a few times on regular workdays–it’s nice with charcoal or dove gray. It also plays well with shades of berry and purple (often with oxblood heeled oxfords).

3. Sequins are definitely big this year. I suspect that sequined dresses would be difficult to tailor. Anyone have any experience with it?

   1. Not on tailoring, but I had a sequin dress & hated it because my long hair was constantly tangled in the sequins. I found the dress horribly annoying because of that & as a result, they’re totally off my list.

   2. The other problem is the sequins, if not sewn all around, tend to flip up in odd places when you sit or move and look strange.

   3. I’ve had plenty of sequinned clothing tailored without difficulty. In some cases I think I paid a surcharge – for example, shortening a dress with sequins scattered along the hem required the dress to be shortened from the waist which is more work than just taking up them hem – but the results were always good.

4. I got married in my late 30s. I didn’t change my name (already owned property, had various professional licenses, etc.). I told my husband that I wasn’t planning to change my name. It wasn’t his preference, but he also got that it wasn’t his choice.

   Now, in social situations, he seems to get some sort of anxiety attack when someone makes a reference to Mr. MyLastName. It’s like he has a verbal vomit of “well, she wouldn’t change her name” and then makes a joke that falls-flat “she’s headstrong that way” or the like. [Like why is it so d*mn hard to say “No, I’m Husband HisLastName”?] It’s like he opens his mouth and his brain shuts off.

   The next time, I may blurt out “I didn’t change my name so I wouldn’t be confused with your exwife.” [Not the reason, but a confusion I would never want.]

   Ugh.

   1. Ugh.

      Have you talked to him about it?

   2. Yeah…you guys definitely need to sort this one out, there’s likely more than just the name here based on how you are both reacting. Part of this may be that you “told” him, and made it clear that there was no discussion to be had on the point. That approach creates a very firm line/ boundary that he did not draw. Not sure how long you have been married or any other details, but if you view your relationship as a partnership of equals, then this likely warrants an open discussion. Not discussing is only exacerbating at this point and as you observe above–could mushroom quickly…

      1. Really, it’s her job to campaign for her right to choose her name? How is that a relationship of equals?

         Most couples have a talk when they engaged (if not before). And I think guys know that they just don’t get to dictate here. Especially if they are on wife #2 (or more).

         It seems here that someone is just being bitter and petty and needs to get over it.

         [FWIW, a woman I know worked as Carol H1Name for decades. Then she got divorced. And remarried. And she is still Carol H1Name. I’d like to meet H2 and have him do an intervention with some guys — this is not the hill you should ever die on (and if he can deal with Carol still using H1’s name; other men can deal with women keeping their birth name).

         1. +1. Of course she “told” him she wasn’t changing her name. It’s her name! He could equally have “told” her he wasn’t changing his name…though of course for men, that goes without saying. There’s no need for negotiation here.

            1. Right. A guy can have a preference. But it’s not their call. I prefer a man to wear boxers, not briefs, but it’s not my call.

               Honestly wondering: I assume when men marry each other they keep their names; is that true for lesbians, too? Now that it comes up in this context, I wonder if a gender raised with some inkling of changing (or not) a birth name is now confronting it in a very different way. I know one lesbian couple where my original friend kept her name and her wife hyphenated. My one set of gay men married friends each kept their names.

            2. In my experience, gay couples are much more likely to both hyphenate. But that’s anecdotal based off the couples I know personally.

            3. Or i’ve known some who just opted to take on a whole new last name for both. Which i briefly suggested to my now DH for us. He didn’t go for it, I still have my last name.

         2. I’m using H1’s name and I’m married to H3. Shockingly, his manhood is completely intact. He says he loves it when people call him Mr. H1 because that means it’s my credit card that’s on file! ;)

            And couldn’t agree more that this is not a topic for negotiation.

      2. Agreed, I mean he just “told” her that he was keeping his own name – actually, I’m sure he didn’t even say anything, he just assumed. He didn’t even solicit her opinion on whether he should keep his name vs. taking hers! He drew a very firm line that she had no say in! He definitely should’ve had an open discussion with her about whether he would take her name, if he wanted a partnership of equals.

      3. Yeah, no, she didn’t need to solicit his input about changing her name, although it sounds like he did use the conversation where she told him that she was keeping her name to express his preference that she change her name so there was an exchange of views. The fact that OP didn’t frame that conversation as “I’d like to keep my name, but what do you think?” is totally fine. It’s really not a decision that requires her husband’s input or blessing.

         An open discussion is required now though seeing as her husband obviously feels some kind of way about it. Personally, I don’t think I’d be up for helping my husband work through all his latent misogyny, so I’d keep the discussion practical: “look, I don’t know why you make a deal out of it when someone mistakenly calls you Mr. WifesLastName – is there a reason you can’t just say “actually, my name is Mr. HusbandsLastName”?”

   3. Use “he’s actually Mr. Lastname” before he says anything or talk to him about it – although if you’re posting here I sort of assume you tried that already.

      As a side note, my office is about 40% female. I’m one of only two female lawyers in my office that has a double name last from taking their husband’s name after marriage. One other changed her name. 3 of us all married in their mid-twenties before we established our legal careers. Everyone else kept their own names. Keeping your own name is pretty common in many places.

   4. I think all you need to do is give him a little script for when someone calls him Mr. Wife’s Last Name and it can be something as simple as “Actually, I’m First Name Husband’sLastName. Nice to meet you” will be easy to remember. Have him practice this a few times. Keep your discussion with him matter of fact.

      1. Yeah, it sounds like he just freezes and then gets weird. Giving him a simple script seems like the best way to go. No need to dig into his ambivalence about you not changing your name.

   5. Yikes, that’s not a great reaction from him. But you haven’t talked to him about it at all?

      1. OP here. Lordy, yes.

         All I can think of is that in a couple of instances he gets nervous and the verbal vomit just starts flowing.

         Whenever anyone calls me Mrs. HisName, I usually don’t say anything if it is a purely passing social context (“Welcome to the Sheraton, Mrs. HisName”). They’re not of ill will or trying to be mean (but what my husband is doing I think can make people uncomfortable, like they inadvertently opened a can of works b/w a man and his ego, and it just seems petty and mean-spirited).

         If someone made a mistake (like getting the name wrong on a plane ticket, I’d say simply, oh, my last name is Lastname, and not add the whole awkwardness that he does).

   6. This should not be such a big deal. If he cares to correct the person (my husband doesn’t if we’re checking into a hotel or something, in a social situation he would), I would say something light, like “It’s actually Mr. HisLast, I didn’t change my name when I got married.”

      1. This is hilarious.

      2. Yes, I love this!

      3. I also love this! My husband doesn’t bother correcting people unless we will be seeing/interacting with them in the future, and neither do I if someone calls me Mrs. HisLastName. The thing that REALLY gets me though is that his aunt still addresses our Christmas card every year as “Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName” even though she very much knows my actual name and preference to be called by it!

         1. Half my family does this. It drives me bonkers.

   7. It’s just evident that he was never ok with this and still isnt. Which, to be clear, is pretty lame, in my opinion. Still, have you talked with him about what exactly bugs him about this? Maybe there is a silly connotation in his mind about you keeping your name that you could help dismiss? Or at least come up with a better joke about it? My husband was asked once why I didn’t take his name and he joked that he forgot to offer it.

      Slightly related: someone asked me yesterday if my name was my maiden name and it kind of grosses me out that that’s still a term.

      1. Agree re “maiden name.” I resent that we don’t have another word for that (since evidently we still need one). I tend to say “it’s my original name, yes.” I have sometimes said “it’s my permanent name” since I don’t mind communicating my position on this. Or “birth name” would work?

         1. I think of it as my dad’s name. Which is unfortunate since he’s a POS. I should probably change it to something else, but it feels arbitrary to name oneself.

         2. I replied with “it’s my only name,” leading confusion regarding my marital status. Oh well.

         3. “Birth name”. As in “My husband and I both kept our birth names.”

   8. First: that’s really crummy. I’m sorry.

      Second: you may borrow my mantra for this (slightly modified for the “headstrong” nonsense). “I’m not ‘headstrong’ for believing that marriage does not erase my identity.” (My mantra is that marriage adds to my identiy; it does not erase it.)

   9. This is why I never agreed that I would change my name if I ever got married to my ex, Alan. He had a long name, and I preferred to keep mine b/c of my family history, and I was building up a clientel who knew me as Ellen Barshevsky, and the manageing partner did NOT want to have to get me new busness cards or letterhead. I agreed and was happy I did.

      In another issue, did the HIVE hear about the Prada exhibit that was taken away after there was a backlash that it was Black-face ( racist)? Here is a link:
      http://gothamist.com/2018/12/14/soho_prada_blackface.php#photo-1

      I think I agree. It looks like they must have been out to lunch, Dad says. We had a mailbox in LI that had a black horse jockey and we removed it years ago. That was the right thing to do b/c it was offensive. We replaced it with a mailbox that looked like a birdhouse, which was very cute. That was also replaced after it got dingey looking and now we have a big RED mailbox with a white chiminey on it. It is very cute and holds a lot of mail! I encourage the HIVE to consider other peeoples’ feelings when they get stuff for their homes or personal friends. I am up and working already b/c I need to ensure I get my full billeing’s in this month so the firm remains profitable. I hope to be elected full equity partner this month so I can become manageing partner in 2020! YAY!!!!!!

5. Is anyone tipping their mail people this season? I’m in the suburbs and feel like I should leave something outside for the UPS/FedEx dudes.

   1. I hear this in movies and on blogs only related to places like NY where there are service people for everything condo related that you have to tip. Tipping the mailman is just not something done in other places (in Houston for reference). Most of don’t know what his or her name is, what they look like, and have no interaction. It’s different people on different days, and the way most homes are laid out, the mail guy sticks mail in 20 little cubicles at the end of the street. Particularly for an “every now and then” service that likely has a different delivery person each time like UPS and FedEx, I’m going with a strong “No.”

      IME tipping delivery people like UPS or FedEx is only done in a business context, where the same guy brings and takes away large shipments or orders on a regular basis, and even then it’s a kindness not expected.

   2. For what its worth, my parents live in the Philly suburbs and usually leave a card and a tip for the mailman. But I don’t know of anyone who tips the FedEx/UPS guy.

      1. My dad is a mailman in the Philly suburbs and gets tips. Some gift cards, some boxes of chocolates, etc. He delivers to both homes and office buildings, has been on this route for probably 30 years and knows most of the people he delivers to. I don’t know my mailman but I think it’s so cool that my dad knows his customers. Our childhood swingset came from one family he delivers to, he’s bought me art from an artist he delivers to, etc etc.

   3. I’m in Chicago and the mail people for my building all leave us addressed envelopes for us to give them tips, along with a note about the maximum value they can accept (I think it’s $15 or $25 or something?) and with a holiday card. (Seriously.) I still don’t tip them.

      1. Yikes. I feel like they’d be better of just to leave a holiday card, so you know what their names are. Our mailman has holiday cards with a picture of him by our condo complex (it’s large), which I think is adorable. We give a $10 gc to starbucks & a small holiday-themed treat with a card.

   4. I’m thinking about getting a big box of those handwarmer packets and leaving them on the porch with a note. FedEx, UPS, pizza,mail carrier – if your hands are cold, help yourself.

   5. Emphatically not, because they are terrible. The neighbors all come home from work and start walking back and forth to exchange all the mistakes. I was told that we are a “learner’s route” due to the small size and easy grid layout.

   6. Probably. I have been singled out with a notice that I have to move my mailbox. I do not intend to move my mailbox, but I may leave a little something for the carrier this year to convince him/her not to fight me on this.

      1. I should leave them something. Never thought about it. I love my Usps guys, they are fantastic.

   7. I tip my mailmen (one weekday/one weekends) and my UPS driver. I live in the rural part of a large city and have a long driveway and Amazon delivers everything to me. They like to leave little obstacle courses for me on my porch with all my Amazon packages somedays. I got them each a $20 gift card. My BIL is a mailman in the country and he gets lots of gifts so many that he refuses to take off work on Christmas Eve and we are waiting all day long on him to do Christmas.

6. I keep looking at the Karen Kane sequined sweater dress and wish I had it for tonight, but oh well, I need to find something else to wear tonight!

7. Earlier this week I went to the gyno for a checkup/pap. When she asked me when my last period was I said 2008, because I have been on the pill since then.
   She said she could tell I take the sugar pills based on the way my prescription was written (apparently if you skip them they can write your prescription differently to cover the extra pack of pills). She said my last period would have been two weeks ago. How she thought a withdrawal bleed was a period is beyond me. I even clarified with her since I thought I might have misunderstood her question she was adamant that the withdrawal bleed of a pill and a natural period were the exact same thing. She got the nurse to tell me the same thing. I admit to skipping my checkups for a few years with her because life and law school and everything was busy but after my mom and aunts pushed me to do I decided to be more vigilant about going. I don’t remember her being so out of touch but there is no way I can continue to see people who think a natural period and a withdrawal bleed are the same thing. I’m floored that two women with advanced medical degrees don’t know the difference.

   1. Wow. I would have expected that at least she’d have acknowledged the difference when the confusion happened. But maybe there are women who don’t have withdrawal bleeding even if there on the pill? (Just trying to rationalize this…)

      1. *they’re, not there

      2. FWIW, I’m on the pill an have almost no bleeding ever. On occasion (2-3x a year) I get spotting in the 2nd week of my BC pack. I’ve brought this up to both GYNs I’ve seen since starting the pill. They both say they’ve never heard of it but it should be fine. I’m super single so don’t rely on the pill for BC purposes atm but it’s definitely weird.

   2. I mean, it’s not a real period, but that’s how gynecologists refer to it and what they’re asking about. I’m doing fertility treatments right now, which sometimes involve being on birth control pills for a short period of time, and the protocol to call on the first day of my period doesn’t change based on whether it’s a withdrawal bleed or not. It’s treated as a period.

   3. Ummm what? Obviously she just wants to know the last bleeding.

   4. Good lord — she is trying to see if you have signs of being pg, so “period”.

      No wonder people hate lawyers.

      1. I’m an attorney and agree.

         Not everything is a courtroom wherein you are questioning well-prepped witnesses. The doctor deals with people with a wide range of medical knowledge and is on a tight timeline. When asked the question about their last period, most everyone will answer with the information she is seeking.

         If you want to be overly technical, then at least give a precise answer. “I am on Day 9 of my pill pack and experienced bleeding for five days before I started this pack. As I’ve been on the Pill for ten years, the last time I menstruated was in 2008.”

      2. +1,000,000

   5. Technically it’s not the same as a regular period, but it’s a hormonal period and people refer to it as a period. Most people have a “period” during the sugar period week and would stop having that bleeding if they got pregnant on the pill. I think you are being a bit pedantic. It doesn’t mean she’s unqualified for her job.

   6. It’s commonly referred to as a period.’period’ isn’t exact medical terminology but it’s commonly used to refer to the last period of bleeding. I’ve seen three different GPs and two different OBGYNs and that’s been commonly used amongst all. No, it’s not technically the same as if you are not on the pill at all but I don’t see why this common terminology is an issue for you.

   7. I echo the other posters that you are being pedantic. She probably should have gotten on board once the confusion was clarified but to be honest, it sounds like you were the difficult one in this interaction. Also, regardless of whether it was “your fault” or theirs, I would get a new doctor–you don’t get along with this one and that’s okay!

   8. “How she thought a withdrawal bleed was a period is beyond me.”

      I doubt that she actually did. She’s just trying to figure out if you could be pregnant/where you are in your cycle. You’ve been to the gynecologist before, right? You know the drill. You’re being unreasonable and pedantic and sound like you want to take a bad mood out on someone else. I mean, good grief, you knew what she was asking, didn’t you? Or did you really think that she cared when your last “natural period” was v. your last “withdrawal bleed?” What material difference would that have made in your care? When you have s*x, do you say “oh, can’t this week, I’m having my withdrawal bleed”?

   9. Why were you spending your appointment fighting with her over this topic? Even if you are technically correct you were being bizarrely pedantic/argumentative/confrontational. You knew perfectly well what she meant when she asked initially — gyns ALWAYS start with that so they know where you are in your monthly cycle. Of course the gyn was confused when you said you hadn’t had a layman’s terms period since 2008 despite your prescription history showing you took the full 4 weeks’ worth of pills each cycle.

   10. This seems like a very strange argument to me. “Period” is not a medical term, and I have never heard anyone say “withdrawal bleed” in reference to their period while on the pill.

       1. +1

   11. I’m the OP of this post. I actually did ask her to clarify as I said because her previous questions before that one were all about the pill. After I realized what she was asking I did clarify that my last natural period was in 2008 and my last pill period or withdrawal bleed was indeed two weeks ago. Both her and the nurse said that there was no medical difference between a pill period and a natural period. She actually told me that a pill period is the exact same as a natural period. That’s why I’m side-eyeing them. I know the difference between the two but a natural period and a pill period are not the same or medically identical.

       1. You’re still being pedantic and argumentative.

       2. You sound like an insufferable a-hole. You knew what she was asking you and you made up this game of technicalities to catch her out, and then you posted on here to gloat.

          Find a new hobby.

       3. I think you got unneccessarily hard feedback here. I require medical professionals to be knowledgeable and to be able to discuss medical issues with me in an open and respectful way. It is quite disrespectful to “have the nurse” explain it to you as you didn’t understand the doctor. Would you continue paying a hairdresser who would have treated you like this? If you have other options, shop around.

   12. “Period” is a dumb euphemism for “periodic bleeding,” which a withdrawal bleed definitely is. I think “menstruation” is the word that would help clear things up.

       That said, I’ve seen some very wrong and confused gynecologists over the years, so who knows.

       1. This. Period literally just means periodic. If you’re on BC you still bleed periodically. Period isn’t a medical term. You’re over analyzing this way too much.

   13. My gyno absolutely knew the difference when I came to her with b.c. related spotting after I’d skipped my period using the sugar pills for quite some time. Feel free to find a better gyno: one who treats you like you’re smart and one who has a same philosophy regarding hormones and artificiality.

   14. Seriously, you all believe that a withdrawal bleed is your period? Wow. I didn’t expect so much ignorance from women who are intelligent and educated. I bet you think the pill regulates periods too (instead of suppressing it and replacing it with a fake cycle). There is so much misinformation but I didn’t expect it here.

       1. It’s not that we can’t appreciate the difference, it’s that we don’t think the difference MATTERED for purposes of the initial screening question by the gyn. Know when to pick your battles vs. being pedantic.
          Like if your natural period didn’t resume after taking the pill despite having pill-induced “periods” THEN this would be a distinction worth fighting about.

       2. What in this discussion made you think anyone here doesn’t know the difference? Almost every poster acknowledged that there is a difference but also pointed out that it was not a meaningful difference in this situation.

8. I’m 43 and within the last few months have started sweating a lot more when I exercise. It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing or the temperature outside if I’m running outside or in the gym.
   Yesterday I ran one mile on the treadmill in my gym and had sweating pouring down my face. I was running at 5.3 — so not fast. Sometimes I will exercise, shower and put on work clothes and start sweating again immediately and it’s noticeable to others — my husband commented one day that my make-up was sliding down my face after I’d showered and put on work clothes. (That’s another issue — I use Smashbox spray but maybe I should use something else?)
   Any suggestions or experiences with sudden excessive sweating? Please say there’s something other than menopause that could be causing this . . .

   1. No idea what might be causing it, but I am a generally heavy sweater whenever I do cardio. The only solution I’ve found is bringing down my core temp, and the fastest way to do that is stand under cold water in the shower for as long as I can bear it. I also delay putting on clothes (put on makeup/do hair in a lightweight robe or towel) as long as possible.

   2. I’m no help on the “what’s causing this front” because I’ve always sweat a lot and it takes forever for my body temp to come down. I can’t work out, shower, and get out the door in consecutive steps–I need a long cooling off period either before or after the shower but before I can do my makeup, hair, or put on clothes other than loose lounging clothes. Results in not being able to work out in the morning or at lunch unless I’m working from home.

   3. Sorry, but it’s probably peri-menopause. I started running a lot hotter in my mid-40s. It’s a pretty benign reason for hot flashes, though, so that’s good.

      Echo the advice for cold water and taking your time getting dressed and putting on make up. I’m not familiar with the primer you use, but if it’s a moisturizing primer, maybe you need one that’s not specifically moisturizing.

   4. makeup forever setting spray is the b0mb . com. Works incredibly well!

   5. 5.3 is fast for me :(

      I’m also 5’2″….

      I’m a pretty heavy sweater and I continue to sweat for a while after I finish my workout. I have to wait like 15 minutes, sometimes up to 30, before I take a shower or it’s just a waste. Drinking cold water helps me cool down a little faster. Anecdotal, but I think I sweat more when I’m dehydrated. Maybe you need to drink more water?

      1. I sweat alot when I walk for over 2 miles, but that is just me. I know Myrna sweats even more and she is only 33, so it’s not perimenepause, we just sweat alot! I know that I also sweat alot when I am with a man, mabye because I am nervous and mabye b/c I often anticipate getting an extra strong dose of pleasure which often does not ever materialize. I don’t know what this kind of letdown is called, but I still wind up getting very hot and sweaty, which is not the biggest turn on for me or the guys. I do not really think I can do much about it tho once I am married, I am sure I will NOT be nervous with my husband. I so look forward to that, and so should the HIVE! YAY!!!

   6. It’s probably perimemopause, which is not the same as menopause. You may not be in menopause for another decade. And also not sure why menopause is such a bad thing ..it’s a fact of life for 40-something women and the alternative is worse.

   7. Could you be having some heart issues? Excessive sweating upon exertion is a women’s heart attack symptom. They are different symptoms then men. Please see your doctor if it gets worse!

   8. Hahaha welcome to menopause. I will see you in ten years (and you’ll probably still be sweating)

      Signed, a 53 year old

      1. Agree. At age 44 I started to sweat more when exercising, moving around a lot like house cleaning, or when I was stressed. It was peri-menopause (or pre-menopause, as I refer to it). It’s basically the beginning of hot flashes.

   9. May be perimeno.
      Having said that, when people start working out more and start increasing their fitness, increasing their frequency of exercise, strenuity etc, they start sweating more. Your body knows it is working out, it knows the activity increases your body temperature, so it starts working on thermo regulation by sweating. Fit people actually start sweating sooner and more (in general) vs unfit people. There was a series of articles & researches into this. I certainly noticed this when I was in my running phase (running 40-50km/week) and weightlifting phase. After a hard workout, I would take a shower (warms followed by cold) and then continue chillin in a light bathrobe in a cool room to bring the core temperature down. Only then I would do my hair and makeup. This is my drill after spinning, running and hard weights workout.
      Now, you mentioned you ran 1mile, which can cause heavy sweating while running, but should not result into a prolonged sweating.

9. Professional Assistant Holiday Gift – Biglaw in 2ndary market. Hi! I’m used to giving my professional assistants Big BigLaw xmas checks (last year I think i gave $350), but I’ve moved to a 2d tier city and folks are telling me $100 is a lot for this market. Does that sound right?

   1. Go with or slightly above what is market. $100 sounds fine, although if the secretary covers 6 attorneys, it may make more sense that each person only gives $50 to $75 each, for a larger total. Also generally more $ is expected from more senior attorneys and partners.

   2. I work at a small lit boutique in a secondary market. We are paid less than BigLaw but still paid well. Associates normally give their assistants here $50-75.

   3. I’m in a secondary market and have received $100 from my boss. In addition to firm bonus, and food related gifts. I’ve also gotten things my boss knew I wanted, like tickets to a museum, or such.

10. Speaking of periods, has anyone found a reusable pantyliner they like? Amazon has so many it’s hard to choose…

    1. I have one, but I have only used it for withdrawal bleeds, so I cant speak to how it would function for a period.

       1. *snort*

       2. High five.

          1. High ten

    2. Thinx period panties are fantastic for this and more comfy (to me) than a limer.

    3. Check out “mamabear babywear” on etsy (sorry for the cheesy name, but I am a repeat customer of hers and she will work with you on colors/type of thread etc if you want).

11. How does one cancel COBRA? The Internet it telling me conflicting things, and the COBRA administrator people my husband talks to (COBRA is through his former employer’s provider) don’t give clear answers on much of anything, and particularly things like “how do we cancel? what is the deadline to cancel?”

    Our situation is that we just needed it for a month (December), and paid that month’s premium. We will have insurance through my work starting January 1. Do we call the COBRA administrator to request cancellation? Do we need a letter from my employer? Do we simply just not pay the next month’s premium and let the coverage lapse? I get this could vary based on administrator, but any anecdotal experience appreciated.

    1. The letter from your employer isn’t material unless this is a weird situation. You should be able to cancel by calling the COBRA admin or not paying the premium. I’d err on the side of calling them, just because it makes me nervous to let things lapse unless I’ve been told explicitly to proceed in that manner. There is probably no deadline to cancel because I *think* you can sign up again. COBRA has very generous retroactive rules when first signing up.

    2. I called the COBRA admin (the same place I called to sign up) to cancel.

    3. When I cancelled I called and was told “ok just don’t pay anymore and it will cancel” so feel free to call or not but it seems like not paying by the end of the month effectively cancels it. I mean if you make it to the end of December without needing it you could just not pay December either.

12. To add to my list of clumsy incidents this year due to always being in a sloppy rush, this morning I inhaled what I think must have been a cotton fiber from fraying towel. I think it went into my lungs. (How was this possible? I don’t know. I washed my face and somehow took a deep breath in while drying it. I’m kicking myself for it now.) I immediately got into a coughing, gagging fit although I could breathe fine, just my body reacting strongly (followed by lots of mucus, yay). Of course then I googled aspiration pneumonia and now I’m really annoyed with myself. Lungs feel better but a bit irritated and sore now and I’m not sure if the fiber is still in there but it feels like it might be. Still coughing a little. I can breathe fine. Do I really go to the doctor about this? Will my lungs be able to dissolve it if it’s still in there? How can I stop doing these things to myself (broken ankle due to rushing down steps, broken toe due to not paying attention, and the list goes on.)
    Is it the weekend yet?

    1. I’m sorry. I really hope you are ok and based on the amount of dust I have inhaled living in the desert, I think your lungs will probably be ok too. But this made me literally laugh out loud at my desk haha! You told the story in such a funny way!

       1. After being really uncomfortable all day, I got into a huge coughing fit in the office (I kid you not – tears and mucus flowing) and finally coughed up the fiber! *Cue angels singing*. I went home and poured myself a glass of wine after that. Hello, weekend.

          Also, our bodies are amazing and are capable of wondrous things.

          1. The way bodies attack and repel invaders is amazing! Glad you had a happy if mucus-y ending :)

    2. Ok so I have an autoimmune disease that can cause lung symptoms, so I have had very thorough CT scans, PET scans, MRI, you name it – of my lungs.

       These test show a couple of small solid areas in my lungs. I freaked out of course, but the doctors say they are probably calcified little things I inhaled at some point.

       We get more of these as we get older and have more chances to inhale things, and they are totally normal and typical.

       So don’t worry so much. Everyone inhales things.

13. Just frustrating. I can’t upload images to any platform with my laptop, like google photos or wordpress. My frustration is maxed. It has to be my laptop. Any ideas for things I haven’t tried, besides buying a new laptop?

    1. Why can’t you? (Not being facetious, but different issues will have different solutions). Are you connected to the Internet? Are you connected at work or otherwise on a strong WiFi or are you at a coffeeshop or using free WiFi? I would try: tethering from your phone to see if that helps; a different browser; using a smaller resolution of image; trying a different format of image (jpg v png for example); and the time-honoured res-starting your computer. If none of that works and it isn’t sensitive material, I’m at work and bored and could probably do it if you want to email me pics and your account info.

    2. We don’t know ideas for what you haven’t tried unless you describe the problem in more detail and tell us what you have already tried.

14. Tonight I went on a first date that seemed really promising. Unfortunately…he had horrible breath. Like a sewer.

    He seems interested in going on a second date. I am not (mainly for this reason but also there wasn’t a spark, although he was a nice guy).

    Trying to decide whether I should let him know about the breath issue…I am leaning pretty hard against it as obviously it’s not my problem, but in his place I honestly think I’d want to know so I could try to fix it (though I would probably feel amazingly bad to be told). Any thoughts? I’m assuming I shouldn’t say anything…

    1. Probably too late for you to see this, but…

       If you are not interested in seeing him again and sure you would decline a second date, then there’s no reason to bring up the breath issue. Unfortunately I think bad breath is more of a “we’ve been dating for a while and are comfortable with each other” issue than a first or second date issue.

15. Any tips on how to rotate jewellery use? I have a lot of nice pieces that just end up sitting in their boxes and I keep wearing the same stuff or none at all.

    1. I plan my outfits the night before and select the appropriate jewelry. I’m a wristwatch geek, so I choose that first – silver, gold, rose gold, and if silver, then dressy or casual. Then I coordinate the rest of my jewelry with that. This actually gave me an excuse to buy two pairs of rose gold earrings on sale, so my rose gold watch wouldn’t be lonely.

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