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If you're someone who's started working remotely due to coronavirus precautions and is pondering what to wear to work from home, comfy leggings are always a good bet — and on video calls, no one will be the wiser. You can find some recs in our posts on whether you can wear leggings to work and the best leggings to wear to work with skirts, and today we've got another good option.
A couple of years ago, I bought a pair of black Nordstrom-brand leggings, and they've held up really well through frequent washing and tumble-drying. Sometimes I wear them for lounging around and sometimes for working out, and they're great for both. Nordstrom's current offerings include full-length, capri-length, and cropped leggings (all high-waisted styles), and they're very reasonably priced at $25–$35. They are only available in basic colors (black, white, gray), but they come in both regular and plus sizes. Nordstrom High-Waist Leggings
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Best Netflix comedies you’ve seen lately that are 90 mins or less? It’s supposed to rain this weekend and I’m holed up anyway – time for something uplifting that has nothing to do with current events.
Anonymous
I’m currently enjoying Schitt’s creek. You can get 3 episodes in under 90 minutes.
Ellen
I love Schitt’s Creek! It was so funny yesterday on the Today Show when Hoda Copy said to Savannah Guthrey that she also loved Schitt’s Creek, and Dad said they kept repeating the word “Schitt’s” b/c they could get away with it b/c it was the name of a TV show, not a 4 letter word that they can NOT say on TV. So they kept repeating it and laughing! It was funny but obvious to me and Dad that they were doing it for that one reason alone! To prove the point, Dad reminded me that one of the Main Characters on the show is that guy with the dirty long blond hair, and his name is “Roland Schitt” (a/k/a rolled in schitt!) I do love the show, it is on POP TV in NYC on FIOS, in case your looking for it! YAY!!!
cat socks
I don’t know if it’s still on Netflix, but I used to watch 30 Rock.
Anon
On Hulu now but great rec!
anon
The Office is an oldie but goodie!
Anonymous
Everyone seems to be obsessed with “love is blind!”
Home for the Holidays (Dutch) was hilarious but has subtitles
Anonymous
Home for Christmas (Netflix dubs)
Celia
I was just wondering recently about our esteemed contributor Ellen. I guess the virus revived her or something.
Anonymous
i don’t have movie suggestions but my favorite distraction tv comedies are: schitts creek, community, parks and rec, brooklyn nine nine, superstore
Anonymous
heres a different wfh question: I look extremely red in my video chat! when I check myself in my phone camera I do not look red. Is this my lighting, my face, or my laptop?
Anon
Probably your laptop and/or its camera.
kk
Face yourself (and the back of your laptop) toward a diffuse light source- either a window or a nice bright lamp with a shade. This will minimize shadows on your face from overhead light, and will provide the truest coloring when your laptop camera picks up your face.
Digital Camera Sensors Love To Pick Up Red
If you can find a settings panel see if it will let you set either the white balance or the saturation. Webcams tend to over saturate color and use excessively warm white balances. It’s usually an easy fix if the camera has the right settings. If it doesn’t, try having a lot of white in your background so it knows what to adjust its white balance off of automatically (or hold up a piece of paper to the camera lens for a few seconds to let it adjust then take it down and see if it keeps the same settings).
Fluff -- suede shoes
Stores have been pushing suede shoes for > 1 year now. I keep mine at the office b/c I ruin shoes just walking out to lunch in them (never mind driving, grocery store, etc.). I think that my light colored ones look a bit scuffed / unfresh in the toe area, even on round-toe shoes. The black ones have a bit of dust? fading? something going on where the toe area looks a bit lighter / dusty black and there are some blemishes on the suede of the heel. I think they are fine for daily wear, but not for anything where I need to look very sharp or formal (client meetings, etc.). I wish leather would be more prevalent (looking at you Sarah Flint — I can tolerate this on ~100 shoes, but not on pricey ones). I love the look of *new* suede shoes, but that tends to fade in a week.
What have y’all found on durability / looks of your suede shoes?
anne-on
Do you have a suede care kit? That and waterproofing spray (ubiquitous thanks to Uggs) really helps a ton and makes them much more wearable. The suede brush I got as part of a kit managed to brush out some nasty mud stains I got on a new pair of pink suede shoes. And a regular brushing helps get the dust/dirt off the other areas.
Anonymous
I tried that once using the in-kit suede brush. Maybe my shoes were cheap, but the suede didn’t stand up to a gentle brushing. It shredded off. :(
Prior to this, I had read somewhere that suede was more durable than leather and now I think of it as totally delicate. Like never going to buy a purse made with it. And it sort of makes sense — people use leather for upholstry in houses and cars. Not suede.
It is so pretty though.
Mpls
well, suede IS leather, it’s just a different finishing technique. It’s also not considered as durable as full grain leather, so you should expect to baby it a little. But you can probably also end up with spectrum of suede – nicer stuff will probably last longer than the cheap stuff, but won’t last as long as full-grain leather.
Anonymous
Waterproof.
EM84
I posted fee days back on basic leather shoe care. For suede, I would also recommend buying a few quality shoecare products (I myself prefer Saphir MDOC): suede brush, suede shampoo, waterproofing spray (clear or with pigment). First, you gently brush the shoes to get dirt and dust off, then you mix the suede shampoo and thoroughly clean the suede using a small brush (usually part of the shampoo kit) and rinse with clean water (it is ok if your shoes will be completely wet). Let them dry out (over night), I usually put shoe trees in to maintain shape. Next morning, spray waterproofing spray in several light layers. I managed to restore most of my shoes this way. There is plenty of YT videos kn how to take care of suede shoes. It is worth the effort.
Mel
Waterproof them. I don’t baby my things but I immediately waterproof all suede shoes. It makes them last so much longer.
Lobby-est
For my black suede shoes – I hear you on the fading. A thick black sharpie makes mine look much better.
anon
The real reason I went into the office today wasn’t because I work better in the office or anything; it was to steal diet coke. I went to two grocery stores last night and neither had any. I can’t go a whole weekend without diet coke.
Anonymous
Ha! My admin was asking us what supplies we would need for WFH. I said “three cases of grapefruit La Croix from the kitchen”
ugh
Sharing this article. Very sad and scary particularly because they are/were both only 29.
Two Women Fell Sick From the Coronavirus. One Survived.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/03/13/world/asia/coronavirus-death-life.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage
Anon
It is sad but something to remember is that healthcare workers are way more likely to get severely ill and die because they’re exposed to a much higher viral load than you would get from, say, shaking an infected person’s hand. It is definitely tragic, not trying to minimize the sadness of it, but doesn’t mean that the average 29 year old needs to be panicking.
Anonymous
This freaked me out!
Anonymous
it really freaked me out too! especially because both didnt’ really have any underlying health issues and were young and healthy :/
Anonymous
Wise hive! Could anyone recommend food delivery services in the greater Philadelphia (specifically Bryn Mawr) and Houston areas that do gift cards? Two dear friends are having babies soon, and for family + financial reasons I wasn’t able to attend their showers, but I’d still like to send a little something. One friend has Crohn’s, but other than that, no known dietary restrictions. Or perhaps generic Grubhub / UberEats gift cards would be better? Thanks in advance!
anon
UberEats and DoorDash are both widely available in Houston. Houston also has HEB which has good prepared foods and also a really good section of meals where you put the foil dish in the oven as is and it comes out fully cooked and seasoned with a main and a side. HEB also has delivery or curbside pickup for those people who don’t want to get out of the house or their car.
Lise
Caviar has gotten really popular in the Philadelphia area, and I see a lot of good options on their app when I plug in Bryn Mawr (I used to work right by there so I know a lot of these restaurants). DoorDash and UberEATS are widely used too.
Anonymous
Let’s start a thread. Where are you, are schools open, and what is your business doing?
Columbus
Schools closed until 4/3 at least
Already work from home now rest of office remote also
Anon
Tennessee
Schools are mostly closed and I expect the rest to close soon.
The court system is closed for in person proceedings statewide except for certain exceptions. My office is open but there are only a few of us and we do not have much physical contact or proximity with each other or with visitors.
Anonymous
Dallas-Fort Worth. Schools are closed until March 30 at least. Remarkably (and thankfully) my daycare is open. WFH is not really doable for most of my job, but my boss is trying to get a few of us set up to respond to emergencies from home if needed. The company has said that if a shut down occurs, we’ll be paid. I’m very lucky.
Response
Bay Area, Ca
– Most schools closed through early-mid April
– Company has been WFH this week for all offices, WFH to continue for the foreseeable future, extensive internal communications with recs from CDC/WHO, recommendations on remote work productivity/culture, etc. Removed limitations on sick leave, removed limitations on change fees/cancellation/costs for getting back home if you’re traveling on business, “do whatever you need to do and we’ll figure it out, your health comes first” guidance on travel/WFH
– Non-essential services/gatherings are starting to cancel. I do musical theater and almost all local theaters have cancelled or postponed performances and auditions.
Anon
Midwest state that has <20 confirmed cases currently.
Public schools are closed for the next 3 weeks (one week of regular spring break, one week of bonus spring break, one week of e-learning) and then will make a decision at that point. Everyone expects them to be e-learning to finish out the semester.
The university I work at has gone online-only for classes for the semester and canceled all non-essential business travel, but staff are still expected to report to work…we keep getting near-daily emails reminding us that we MUST be at our desks unless we're ill. Fortunately, my manager doesn't care where I work from so I'm ~80% teleworking and going in the office only once a week or so.
Daycare (on campus) is still open but I expect that to change very soon.
Anon
Update: daycare is officially closed.
Diana Barry
Boston area (far out suburb)
Schools closed for 2 weeks. My office (law firm) is on remote work only for that same time frame, with a few staff coming in each day to check mail etc.
Anon
Seattle, ie COVID-19 Central.
All closed in the state through April 24th, at least.
My office is allowing- but not encouraging- employees in the 3 most affected counties to work from home. This may increase to the whole state now that schools have closed.
I’ve been working from home for over a week now and the only one who is enjoying this is my dog.
Mel
Idaho
Schools are open but colleges are moving to online classes
Work is pretty normal. Some people are panicking, but for the most part we’re trucking along. No one is really working from home yet. The state just declared an emergency on Friday and I got notices of basically all upcoming events being canceled. It seems like everything is gradually shifting to staying home.
NOLA
New Orleans
The university where I work is moving online as of Monday. Classes were canceled on Thursday and Friday to prepare.
I’ve been working on an ever-changing landscape for the past week. It’s exhausting. Our students are sad, faculty are freaked out. My closest staff person had a mild stroke on Wednesday with all of the stress so I have even more work.
While most of our faculty are WFH, our staff are hybrid, as some of their work can only be done at the office. Because of my administrative duties, I plan to mostly be at work. We plan to close our building to the public on Monday, so that will be a little easier.
Spending most of the weekend resting at the dude’s and letting him cook for me and just sleeping. Our choir is not convening so my second job is on hiatus. First time in years that I can sleep in on a Sunday morning.
Velma
+1 Your life sounds shockingly much like mine, including the university staff role and choir on hiatus. Our students should be mostly gone now (classes abruptly canceled late Friday–long break, then online instruction), but the university is maintaining a “still open” stance. We’re poised for remote work. I feel like we’re all in limbo.
Velma
P.S. I’m in communications at a major East Coast university.
Anon
Velma, I am faculty/administration, but my administrative role means that I need to be physically present most of the time. I’m trying to look out for my staff and make good decisions administratively while everything changes constantly. Some things happened at the end of the day on Friday and over the weekend that I will have to deal with tomorrow morning. Luckily, my boss and I are on the same page about this stuff.
FWIW, it was *amazing* to be able to sleep in on a Sunday morning and have my guy cook breakfast for me and just lounge until I needed to come home and do laundry and cook and take care of kitties, while he went and cleaned out his truck. His truck doesn’t fit in his French Quarter garage, so I had lovely garage parking for the weekend! We had a soloist (one of my young colleagues) for church today but it sounds like we may not be having church after this week. I’ve tried to take advantage of the break and sleep and not even answer emails this weekend. Last week made me feel so physically vulnerable. I needed the rest!
Anonymous
Connecticut. Schools are closed through next Friday. I work for a company providing critical infrastructure nationally, so still going to work everyday and will continue to do so.
Anon
Pasadena CA
I think schools are closed (no kids, no SO)
I’m self-employed, but I hope my clients can keep their money flowing enough to keep paying me. I think two or three of them will very quickly feel the impact.
Senior Attorney
I’m in Pasadena, too! Yes, schools are closed through April 5.
I work in government and we are open but trying to keep the public away by offering phone services and extending deadlines and so on. We had two social engagements this weekend and canceled them both.
We should have a drink when this is all over! seniorattorney1 at gmail.
Senior Attorney
Oh, and all gatherings of 250 or more have been canceled in LA County. Also the City of Pasadena has canceled all “non essential” City events.
Anon
When I tried to get in touch with you a few years ago, when I was going through a very rough time, you ignored my email. Maybe further down the road.
Senior Attorney
Wow. It is my practice respond to all emails from here so I can only presume yours went astray. But feel free to impute bad motives to someone trying to reach out and be a friend now.
Lobby-est
What a nice offer! SA, thanks for all you do to keep our sense of community going. Wishing you and yours all the best –
Ladyofthelake
Cincinnati
Schools are closed for next 3 weeks
WFH is encouraged. My job requires frequent in person customer interaction and we have been encouraged to use Hangouts/Skype, email and conference calls for all non-essential field customer communication until informed otherwise. I work in healthcare and many partner facilities are limiting vendor interactions similarly until further notice.
Anonymous
In Phoenix. Many school districts are closing but no mandate to close from state or local officials. I work at a court and we are business as usual with the direction to wash ours hands often.
Anon
Alaska
Spring break extended for an additional week (both k-12 and university); university classes moving online-only for possibly the rest of the semester. I am a student, so this part impacts me the most. Husband works in healthcare and things are normal so far. We are hoping that he is able to keep working (and keep getting paid) while this thing resolves itself. All large conferences and gatherings through the end of April have been cancelled. A few months ago we organized and paid for a trip to Cabo in early May…trying to decide whether or not we should scrap those plans or wait until the end of the month before we make a decision.
Selfishly, I was really looking forward to going somewhere warm and sunny at the end of the school year, but we don’t want to risk getting sick and infecting others.
Michigan anon
Michigan
Current count is 25 presumed positive cases across the state, with no deaths.
Colleges are almost entirely opting to go online only for the rest of the semester and students who can go home have been told to do so.
K-12 schools in my county are closed until April 5, which is followed by a week of spring break, then they will decide what to do. Online learning is spotty and seems to be school by school or even class by class, since many students have no internet access at home.
No gatherings of 250 people or more allowed, stores are struggling to keep up with people panic buying, and restaurants are empty. Gas is cheap.
My boss is being stupid and trying to claim all of our jobs are “essential” so says the office will remain open and all employees are expected to be present for the duration unless we are ill or have known exposure to someone who has COVID-19. I know we are all capable of and equipped for working from home, and so I plan to do so regardless of what the company line is. My boss can fire me if that’s a problem.
Anon
Philly (Center City). Office is mandatory WFH for the next month, K-12 schools are closed for 2+ weeks (colleges have sent everyone home), events in general being cancelled.
I’m hopeful that enough people will act responsibly to curtail the spread. But based on the makeshift Erin Express I saw (the “official” one was cancelled), I don’t trust the 22yo demographic to keep it in check…
Anonymous
Portland, OR
everyone in my house is WFH for work, schools closed until April.
I’ve been upset at how complacent most people seem since we are so close to WA, have confirmed community cases, and it’s reached a VA senior care facility in the area. hospital beds at > 60% capacity already. Luckily we had snow this weekend so I hope that helps with containment efforts. My household (2 adults + 1 adult roommate) are all trying to avoid groups/contact when possible and taking it very seriously. 1 of us has an autoimmune disease so we are all trying to be careful
Never too many shoes...
Toronto. All schools and daycare closed
For next three weeks as well as therapy centres and respite care centres. Basically all cultural centres closed – museum, art gallery, etc. All touristy things closed. All plays cancelled to April 12 (lost my Hamilton tickets). Community centres, swimming pools, indoor play places all closed. A lot of offices allowing g to work from home. Everyone to self isolate for 14 days if they leave the country.
AIMS
NYC. School is open. Work is open. It’s sort of insane. I went into work every day last week. Hoping the power that be come to their senses soon.
AFT
Illinois: All schools will shortly* be closed unil at least the end of the month – my district to 4/6 since the month ends during spring break. (* Most closed as of Friday, but Chicago Public Schools will close on Tuesday as they’re still putting into place food and other options for the students). Private employers encouraged to allow WFH as much as possible (varying degrees of compliance). Today, bars/restaurants were closed for all sit-down eating – I think takeout/delivery still permitted.
AFT
As of Friday, the government banned gatherings of 1000+ and strongly discouraged gatherings of 250+.
Anon
Central Coast of CA. Schools are closed, just for next week, but I would be shocked if they didn’t extend it. I work for the State Legislature and have not been told to work from home yet. They have no idea what to do.
WFH resources
Regular reader, semi-frequent commenter, anon-ish for this: My company just went full WFH for all global offices. One part of our business has been 100% remote for years, and most of us have been working in a distributed way for a while, so this was a much easier transition for us. I know a bunch of other posters on this board are in the same boat and looking for resources. So, full-on shameless plug to check out the free guides from us ;) No email required, no product purchase required, just suggestions to make it easier to work remotely. /end pitch
https://www.atlassian.com/blog/search/remote+work?
https://info.trello.com/embrace-remote-work-ultimate-guide
Anon
No Amazon Fresh delivery windows available in Seattle. You?
AFT
Chicago suburbs – no AF windows available when I’ve checked in the last 2 days, except I saw one open when I checked my phone early this morning. I plan to keep checking back in case they open up unexpectedly again.
Anonymous
This article sums up my fears about the courts’ response to COVID-19.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/13/opinion/coronavirus-courts-jails.html
Senior Attorney
I agree
—
Yep. FWIW, in NY at least, the courts did issue some limitations since that article was posted. All new jury trials are suspended indefinitely, all motions are on submission, and conferences are supposed to be by phone or Skype when possible. But the courts are still open which means all the people that work there are commuting.
LittleBigLaw
Staring down the barrel of several weeks at home alone with a 5 y/o and 2 y/o while trying to keep up with BigLaw billable hours. Does anyone have a WFH schedule you’d care to share? Copious amounts of screen time is only going to get me so far, and I’ve got to find a way to get some work done while actually caring for my kiddos. Thank goodness neither is old enough to add the homeschooling responsibilities I know others are facing right now. I just can’t imagine how this is all going to work.
Anonymous
Hire an older kid or two who are also stuck at home to hang out with them. There is no way online schooling is going to take much time for those kids.
Anon
This defeats the point of social-distancing. It sucks but with up to two weeks of asymptomatic incubation, there’s no way to know who is and isn’t carrying the “c word” so we’ve just got to prevent unintentional spread as much as possible.
Go for it
Way back in the day when I WFH with 2 (same ages as yours) I found they were most self contained in mornings. I could set them up with blocks, or watercolor paints, or giant sheets of paper & markers, or a slew of wooden puzzles, a bin of big preschool LEGO~type blocks) and was able to get in a chunk of work. Break for snacks, resume play for them (with different items), work another hour. Lunch. Then 2yr old napped, older one watched cartoons. Rinse & repeat after 2yr old woke from nap. Sometimes I had older one read stories to younger one, or I’d make s quick sheet fort and they bring in the stuffed animals and play. It was a slog some days, I won’t lie. My experience was that the less tv they saw the better they became at self occupying. I’m not sure why, but it was an interesting thing to observe.
Repost on Monday~after this first confined weekend I’m sure other parents came up with inventions!
Hang in there!
Anonymous
2 things I want to vent about… one, business leaders and politicians are reacting daily to the new number of diagnosed COVID-19 cases and changing policies accordingly… but 1. Obviously, there is a severe lack of testing, and 2. Doesn’t it take days to get results? So when they assess that there are X # of new cases and therefore Y step should be taken, those tests were done days ago, and in reality an exponentially larger number of people are now infected. Politicians are talking about the lack of testing but not the lag. They do not have current info, but they are treating it as such. Second, I’m in my 20’s and SOOO many of my peers aren’t taking this seriously. They are all out at bars celebrating St. Patrick’s day and making jokes about it. I literally want to scream at them. So selfish.
Anon
Agreed, but the ~48 hour testing lag is trivial compared to the 10-14 day incubation period. There are so many people right now who are infected and spreading but not symptomatic. I fear we’ve already passed the point of no return as far as overloading hospital systems goes.
OP
yup! I am so anxious. I am not worried about myself getting sick but so many at risk people for whom this nightmare should be preventable, but won’t be. My large national company that employs thousands and thousands and thousands of people still hasn’t implemented WFH.
MagicUnicorn
Regarding the pandemic, Medium has a really good, short read that explains where things stand, what we need to do immediately, and why. It even does so without being alarmist. Link to follow in a second.
MagicUnicorn
https://medium.com/@ariadnelabs/social-distancing-this-is-not-a-snow-day-ac21d7fa78b4
Anonymous
This is very bougie but the constant extended hand washing is much more pleasant with fancy soap. Currently using Aesop that I received as a gift, love it.
Silly questions
Husband had bought me tickets to something. Imagine like box tickets to opening night of the ballet or something. Like very expensive specific tickets.
Apparently his plan was we would go together (so he basically bought himself a present). And he expected me to arrange and pay for childcare. (I didn’t like the present and liked if even less when I discovered these conditions)
Basically, this was my only Christmas present and I didn’t want to go to this thing or pay an extra $60 for it (childcare). I figured I would buy a nice bottle of wine instead and stay home and have a bath. I gave tickets to a single mom I know with a kid and the kid was so excited to go to this event. I didn’t bother telling the husband.
Anyway now the event is cancelled. Husband gets the refund sooner or later. Husband doesn’t know I gave tickets away. He has not suggested buying me anything else or giving me the refund lol.
Do I owe this very disappointed kid anything?
I have no idea how to bring it up or make it up.
ArenKay
You told the single-mom it was a re-gift, right? If that’s the case, then no, you do not owe the kid anything other than your sincere expression of regret.
But I also hope you talk to your husband about this; it sounds to me like you’re really storing up resentment, and that you two do not communicate, in a way that seems not great for a marriage. Small things can become big, especially when we are all cooped up together.
Go for it
+1 for sure. On the topic of resentments, they are always our problem. Whilst the other person is happy and free, we are seething and honestly not present in the relationship, be it with a spouse, a child, a boss;etc, . It is our responsibility to ourself and the relationship to unpack it before it seeps too deep. Been there myself, I understand. You are worth more than seething in silence, or getting withdrawn or snappish.
I suggest googling “how to unpack a resentment”, IME it has been life changing.
Keep us posted.
Friendly voice from your future
Um, what was your plan for when it came time to leave for the event and husband came in, dressed appropriately, and said hey let’s go, why aren’t you ready? You: I gave the tickets away weeks ago. Him: What? I’ve been really looking forward to this! You: Yeah well me not so much, I never wanted to go in the first place and friend and kid will enjoy it a lot more. Him: [blindsided] At some point you were going to have to tell him you gave away the tickets. Circumstances have change so that you don’t have to do that, but wow. I’ve been married for 25 years to a person who would have done (will still do) what your husband did, giving a gift that wasn’t really for you with the kicker of expecting you to figure out the details of making it work. I get it! But worrying about how the KID feels about not being able to go is rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It would appear that you and your husband have checked out on thinking about each other’s needs.
Anon
^ This. Holy miscommunication issues batman! I’m not near as good at communication as I should be but even I would have seen no other option than to have a discussion about obligations and how this was not a good gift for the reasons OP listed to avoid having it happen again in the future. Talk to your partners about things! It’s necessary.
Senior Attorney
Right? Good grief I can well imagine how resentful you must feel, having been in an awful marriage myself for years. But yikes! Take this as a sign from the universe to either really work on your marriage or pull the plug and put you and your husband out of your the misery that is this marriage.
Anonymous
I think this is a repeat poster who has a lot of contempt for her husband and his family and has a special-needs child whom she also resents. If this is the same person, she needs to talk to someone in real life to get some perspective and plan her next steps.
Never too many shoes...
Right??? He gave you tickets and said they were for you two to use together and then you just casually gave them away without even offering him the chance to use the spare ticket and you did not tell him…and your concern is how the kid that got them is going to feel? I am not one to jump on the DTMFA train but it sounds like your marriage relationship could really use some work.
OP
Husband was not looking forward to this.
He bought it for me on Christmas Day at like 8 AM and emailed it to me. He had completely forgotten about the tickets before getting the email about the cancellation. If it hadn’t been cancelled I wouldn’t have brought it up. It was an expensive gift but he put zero thought into it.
Friendly voice from your future
Okay, your post said that “he basically bought himself a present,” so one would infer that this was something that he wanted to do, not that he was indifferent. No, you don’t owe the child anything because life happens and everybody gets disappointed sometimes. You don’t have a responsibility to protect the child from that. My husband also sucks at gift giving. You should tell him that you want the refund and get yourself something lovely. My husband didn’t get me anything for our 25th wedding anniversary this year, or for Christmas, so I got myself the watch I have always wanted. Your husband is not going to change. I understand that it can be really hurtful and it seems like he doesn’t “see” you. Either you accept it and make the best of it (trying not to dwell on other people’s spouses who are really thoughtful, which can be very hard), or you will build up resentment. You should think about whether he acts like a narcissist in other ways. It’s very sad, I know. If he is a narcissist, you should look at how his actions impact your children and how you can mitigate that. I wish that I had had more insight into that dynamic when my children were young.
Anon
Did you present it to the kid like this was a gift you selected for an occasion you normally exchange gifts for (like a birthday) or was it just like “I got some tickets I can’t use – maybe you can use them?” If it’s the former, I think it would be nice to reach out, tell them you’re sorry and send a replacement gift (since the kid’s mom presumably assumed you got the refund for the event, and thus haven’t actually sent a gift for this birthday). But either way, yes, communication in your marriage is clearly the bigger issue here.
OP
I forgot about them, the other mom mentioned entering a contest to win tickets and I offered them to her.
Christmas was three months ago and there’s a good chance both of us would have completely forgot these tickets existed. 3 months is a long time when you have kids.
This would have been super fun and something we would have done ten years ago but I just didn’t want to go get a babysitter.
I know it’s dumb but sometimes you get sick of having to do something and just decide to quit doing it. Hiring the babysitter is mine.
Plus I like my kids haha. We do a lot of LEGO in the evenings and it’s a good time.