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This sweater caught my eye last week, when it wasn't even on sale yet, and now that it's marked down to $35 I'm seriously tempted — and by multiple colors!! I'm never a stripey top girl, but the navy, the yellow, the lighter “palace” blue are all great.
The sweater is available in 7 color options, sizes XS-XXL, for $35.
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Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Wax burn help
I’ve gotten very efficient aka lazy during covid and now only get my upper lip waxed for big social events. Super annoyingly, every time I get it waxed these days, I get a burn too — which confirms both that I have a mustache and that I’m removing it incompetently. Any tips for avoiding burns (besides telling the aesthetician to be careful, which doesn’t seem to help, and threading, which I f-ing hate)?
NeglectedHeels
I shave my whole face approximately 1-2x per month and love it. Granted I have fine blonde/light brown facial hair. I do my WHOLE face, cheeks, forehead, etc and finds it removes the little fuzzy baby hairs and my make-up goes on smoother and my skin feels soft afterwards, like a mini-expholiation. I just use a regular leg shaving razor with care, after a couple uses on my face I relegate it to the shower and use it on my legs.
ELS
I do this, too, and it was a game-changer for me.
Anonymous
Cold wax
Anon
It’s easy to DIY with microwave wax. Get the kind without strips that you microwave. Just don’t heat it up to a temp that would burn you – it’s crazy that a salon would give you burns.
Anonymous
I did laser hair removal off a Groupon. Awesome (dark hair, olive to light skin). Now, 7 years out, I could use a touch up laser or small amount of electrolysis. But because of Covid, I tweeze a couple a week.
Anon
I thread at home. No irritation, no whiteheads, costs a fraction of a penny (a spool of thread lasts a decade).
Anon
Holy cow I only saw your last line as I hit enter. Read, girl, read…
Anyhow, in that case, I agree about shaving (or dermaplaning if you’re feeling fancy, it’s the same thing).
Anon
Tinkle razors all the way. As a tretinoin user, I’ve learned the hard way I can neither wax nor thread.
boots
+1
Love to Tinkle.
Anon
+2.
Allie
+3 game changer.
MND
Do you use retinol or tret or other medicine on your face? My aesthetician explained that those medicines can cause your skin to peel from the inside so that wax is more likely to burn. As a result, I don’t use the medications on my forehead for about a week before an eyebrow wax appt.
OP
Omg, I bet this is exactly the issue. Thanks for the tip! (And I shave the rest of my “beard” area regularly, just haven’t found a way to do it well above the lip — maybe I will try again using the above tips.)
Thanks to all the posters!
j
I use a little electric hair trimmer I got at CVS to shave – it’s super fast, cheap and not painful at all!
Anom
You could use drug store bleach. Or depilatory.
Anonymous
Does anyone else not really like traveling? I have enjoyed trips within the US but absolutely hate flying (I get sick) and find the stress of figuring out where to go, what to do, etc., rarely outweighs the joy of seeing something different. I’ve been to Europe twice and I sort of feel guilty about not particularly wanting to go back or see any other countries.
Senior Attorney
I love traveling, but my husband’s late wife was afraid to fly so they stuck to car trips in the U.S. and had a perfectly fine time. I think guilt is a wasted emotion — do what you enjoy! (Although I will say a good travel agent can be a godsend when it comes to the “figuring out” part.)
bbb
I get so annoyed when people act like traveling is some sort of moral achievement. Stamps on your passports equals more intelligent, empathetic, etc. So people who can’t afford to travel will never be as enlightened as you? Barf.
Personally, I like to travel, but it has nothing to do with morality.
(This was a bit off topic but such a pet peeve of mine!)
Anom
+1. Thank you for throwing that out there. Seems like travel is as much of as a status symbol as it ever was.
Anonymous
I think it was always a status symbol for the rich but really you only knew about it if you moved in those country club circles three decades ago. But now that it’s become accessible to the UMC/MC esp due to points + there is a place to flaunt it via Insta – yeah it’s become an insufferable competition.
Anon
Yes! As a scholarship kid at an expensive private college, I felt so defensive about never having been to Europe. My parents had a camper on a pickup truck and we went all over the US but flying was out of the question financially.
Culture is not limited to world capitals. I’m sure my wealthy fellow students had never seen how most of the US lives.
Anon
Well, yes and no. Travel can be many things. Maybe you’re staying at the Ritz or some midprice hotel for a week. Maybe you go for a month and really get a feel for a community. Or maybe you’re me, who has a relatively low paying job but it requires travel and so I’ve been able to see so many places which has without question wildly expanded my understanding of what it means to be human, to be in this world now. It actually HAS changed my moral understanding of the world because I have much more contextualized understanding of how our economies, societies, etc link together or not. Don’t totally knock travel just because rich people also do it; they do it VERY differently. People can be “enlightened” through different experiences and travel is one of them so don’t knock it just because you don’t value it.
I don’t think it is sufficient to say that people who don’t travel still can *get it* because they can’t, it’s not part of their lived experience. That’s the point of travel… the lived experience somewhere else.
Anon
Just entirely yuck to this response. You’re missing the point. A low salaried job is one at an Amazon warehouse or in the day labor trades. You’re not in that group of people if you have a professional job that pays for you to travel all over the world. But ooh lived experience. Aren’t you fancy?
Anonymous
Ick. You really don’t “get it” as much as you think.
Anon
I think travel CAN help people expand their worldviews, but I don’t think people must travel for that to happen, and I don’t think that people who travel necessarily have their worlds expanded.
You’re right that someone who hasn’t traveled to Belize or wherever hasn’t had the lived experience of traveling to Belize, but you’re very very very wrong that traveling or not traveling to Belize implies ANYTHING about a person, morally. It just doesn’t. Some of the kindest people I know have never left my home state, and some of the most obnoxious and narcissistic people I know have a bunch of passport stamps.
Anon
While I agree that travel and staying in a country can be enriching:
1) Depends in how you do it (going to an all-inclusive beach resort and never leaving that compound or drinking all day/night-long on the beach is hardly horizon-broadening experience)
2) You gain skills during the actual travel as well (negotiating deals, route planning, claims process with airlines)
3) You do not need to travel to get a perspective, form an opinion, understand interdepencies. E.g. I don’t need to go to Auschwitz to form an opinion on holocaust and how it impacted society/economy.
4) If someone doesn’t like travel, no point in forcing it. Same as I am not forcing myself to go to cinemas or play/watch soccer. OP live your life in a way that makes you happy and fulfilled.
Ellen
I think you may be overstating things a bit. I hate to travel (the act of traveling itself, that is) but love being in those places that I have to travel to, if that makes any sense. Getting there and back is the problem, with me at least. If I could invent a tele-porter that actually worked, I’d be there in a flash. However, given that I have to travel even to get to my office each day, you can see why the idea of going on an overseas trip is so difficult for me to comprehend, let alone doo. Even if I had a boyfreind to coax me through the airflight, I would still be queezy about going into a strange hotel where I think there are people stareing at me through the holes in the ceeling. FOOEY!
Horse Crazy
I read that as your late husband’s wife, and was really confused…
Senior Attorney
Haha I bet!
Anon
I get very stressed by scheduled traveling, meaning having to keep to times dictated by planes, hotel checkout, etc. My favorite vacations have involved just getting in the car and leaving, figuring it out as we go. That’s much easier to do in one’s native country, but you might make it work with a longer trip to the EU if you gave yourself time to decompress from the flight and then rented a car for an extended period of time.
No Face
Nothing wrong with sticking to road trips! You might be a good candidate for more structured trips that someone else plans too.
But also, you don’t have to travel. Plenty of people don’t. If spending a week off from work in your own home sounds better, then do it.
Anonymous
I love being in other places and thus far I have found it more than worthwhile to get a change of scenery, expand my horizons, and give my brain a big shake up, but I am becoming increasingly stressed by flying (a developing anxiety issue unrelated to the pandemic or safety of travel) and I really hate driving so I am worried I may get to the place you are. I am considering seeking intervention because, though I travel very infrequently because of restraints on both money and time, I think it is crucial to a healthy life to do so on occasion.
Vicky Austin
I actually posted about this here once upon a time (possibly pre-Covid, can’t remember). You are not alone! I don’t like the idea of traveling just to tick off the box of a country or attraction, and the idea of international flights exhausts me. And I studied abroad in college!
Anon
The idea of ticking off countries and attractions reminds me of a few people I know who engage in Competitive Traveling. I’m very not into that.
I enjoy traveling, but I like road trips the most. I hate the planning part.
Shelle
Traveling can be hard work! I like that aspect of it: researching what to see, even the stuff like figuring out how to get around on a mass transit system. It’s stressful, and some of my favorite funny stories come from when things go mildly wrong and I have to scramble. I typically need a relaxing day or two after I get home. My mom isn’t into the planning aspect so she travels through all inclusive packages that arrange the flights, meals, hotels, and agenda. Even then, she comes back feeling pretty exhausted. I think it’s impressive you saw Europe twice! It seems like you gave this hobby a good shot and can confirm it’s not your thing.
Anon
Me! I actually do like travel in theory, but I get sick every single time I fly, it’s so frustrating. I also have a chronic illness that I manage in part by making sure I get plenty of regular sleep, eat well on a regular schedule, and avoid triggers like bright lights, extreme temperatures, and strong scents. It’s really hard to do that while traveling, so it’s pretty much guaranteed that travel will make me feel bad, often for weeks after I return. I also sometimes have bad motion sickness, so travel itself can be pretty unpleasant. I do try to get around locally when I can (I live in CA, so mountains, ocean, desert, forests and major cities are all within easy driving distance) and settle for exploring the rest of the world though books and movies and interactions with international friends and colleagues (I work with a lot of people who grew up in other countries). I definitely don’t feel like some sort of cultural Philistine because I’ve only been outside the country a few times. I’ve been to every state but one and have actually lived in every major region of the country (NE, SE, Midwest, and West), so I feel like I have a much better sense of how people live around this country than lots of people who spout off about how people must travel to experience life.
Wheels
This is me too, right down to the reaction to strong scents.
Travelling with a chronic illness (especially in a wheelchair) involves so much planning, preparation and extra costs that it strips a lot of the joy out of it.
I was lucky enough to travel to amazing places for work and with my partner’s work so I’ll just have to live in the past!
Anon
I find travel exhausting and honestly, DH and I do not travel well together. We will fly somewhere for a trip at his suggestion and then he mostly just wants to hang out in the hotel room and read. Drives me crazy!
Anonymous
This would be infuriating to me but I would react by going off by myself and doing exactly what I wanted when I wanted.
anon
My husband needs a lot more downtime than I do, and I 100% leave him in the hotel room to sleep in or hang out. I don’t necessarily do a big sight-seeing activity without him, but I’ll go out for a walk, sit on the beach, or find a coffee shop or bookstore or farmers’ market. DH will join me for museums or hikes or whatever we’re there to do, plus restaurants.
Anonymous
The wanting to sit in the hotel room drives me nuts. We spent a gazillion dollars to get here and now you are too lazy and cheap to go to the museum?
Anon
I love planning trips. I’d happily do it for others but I think that mainly works when you have connections to discounts, etc., which I don’t.
Anonymous
Can you start a business please? I don’t care if you don’t have discounts. I want to travel but don’t have all the time in the world to figure out every detail and I’m happiest on trips that are like business trips – laid out step by step so anywhere I am I know where the closest hotels are where I can jump into a taxi line etc. I know there are travel agents but the few I’ve talked to seem like nowadays they only provide services if you want an exotic African safari for two weeks, not a mere five days in London; nor are they telling you where the closest taxi line or grocery store is going to be. I know you can google along the way and I do but I don’t even want to have to do that if I can have a list with me.
Anon
Ah if there’s a real demand for this I would seriously consider it! Thanks for the feedback.
Anonymous
I would pay for this too. I get overwhelmed trying to figure out restaurants/hotel/activity selection and it sucks the joy out of travel for me. I don’t want to have to deal with logistics on vacation, when I have to do it for work.
Anon
Guys, this is called a travel agent and they already exist.
Senior Attorney
Yes they are great!
NYCer
Lol I was going to say the same thing! This is exactly what a travel agent does.
Anonymous
They don’t offer what people are seeking – see above at 3:24.
Anon
Travel agents can absolutely do everything the poster above asked for. Its true that people most often reach out to them for big, exotic trips like African safari, but any travel agent worth their salt is capable of putting together an itinerary for five days in London and if you request info about where the closest grocery store is, they will provide it. Like with any service provider, there are good ones and bad ones and you may need to try several to find one you find really competent. But nothing written above is at all out of the jurisdiction of a travel agent.
Anon
Same, I LOVE planning and do it pro bono for a bunch of friends and family members. I even looked into getting a travel agent certification, because that gets you discounts and comped trips. I’ll probably do it after I retire.
Anonymous
You’re not required to travel despite the fact that it’s our generation’s way to show off their money and culture and get the perfect IG pics? [Sorry I know tons of people will chime in about how that’s not true – and it may not be for YOU but I know TONS of people IRL who fly across the world for 4 days and could careless about the place so long as they get the pic in front of x attraction].
There are tons of things to explore in the US if you want to. I personally only like short trips – 4 or so days – which isn’t super amenable to Europe unless you want to be jet lagged the whole time; I prefer 2-3 hour flights so I basically stay on the east coast. And I like NOT having to deal with logistics/figuring stuff out – esp given that in my family they arrive somewhere and expect me to be the tour guide even though I haven’t been there either and then complain if things aren’t perfect or they’re bored but can’t be bothered planning a day or activity. So no thanks. My favorite thing has become going back to the same handful of US places over and over. It’s a rotation so I don’t go to the same place yearly – but every 2-3 yrs I’ll go back to x location – I get the benefit of knowing where to do a quick grocery run etc., what restaurants I liked, what’s walkable, and lots of touristy places/or places in high growth areas change so there are often new places to go too plus new hotels [LOVE luxury hotels so staying in a new place makes it a new adventure for me].
Cat
if you don’t like it, you don’t like it! But you might try experimenting with other travel “styles” to see if you just haven’t liked the prior approach. If your only travel experience abroad is trying to do All The Tourist Sightseeing Things On An Efficient Schedule, don’t write it off without trying a trip with minimal obligations – nothing like a few unscheduled days spent eating and drinking your way around cafes in Paris to cure what ails you :)
anon
+1 I really like planning and traveling and seeing and eating but that’s just me. It’s okay to not want what others do.
Is it Friday yet?
This! I book a hotel, a few things I definitely want to see but no real schedule, and just meander around otherwise. I love just posting up at a bistro/cocktail bar/cafe/biergarten (country dependent) with a book and people watching for a few hours.
Anonymous
+1. We pick a single destination or two destinations an easy train ride apart, book meals for any Friday and Saturday nights, and a spa day, and otherwise wait until we get to the destination to figure out what else we want to do. Then we look for suggestions. Concierges, taxi drivers, local papers and the inevitable guidebook in the room all provide ideas that we would not have surfaced by research in advance.
Anon
This. Also whenever someone says “5 (or whatever number) days is too long in X place” I just SMH as I love just going to one spot and “living” there as long as I can get away with it.
Anon
+1
My ideal travel scenario would basically be a semester researching or teaching abroad, like academics do, or like studying abroad as a student.
Anonymous
Kind of me? I get stressed on beach vacations because I could’ve spent the time/$ exploring a city – but then I get stressed planning a big city/attractions trip.
Anonymous
The travel obsession will pass once we hit a recession and you won’t have to feel guilty. It’s just the “in” thing right now. Then something else will be in.
Anonymous
LOL. IDK if that’s true because instagram isn’t going away but I totally get what you’re saying.
Anon
I disagree. Travel has been “big” since well before the 2008 recession. I think it’s basically just been increasing steadily since the 1980s or so. Also really depends on your socioeconomic status, but in affluent circles it’s been a big thing since forever. Growing up in the Midwest in the 1990s, my family took half a dozen international trips, plus some Caribbean cruises and lots of domestic travel involving planes. I was the only person I knew who’d ever been out of North America and probably half my high school graduating class had never even been on a plane. Then I went to a fancy college on the east coast and every single person I met had traveled as much or more than me growing up – and this was over two decades ago now.
Senior Attorney
I think travel has been a status symbol for the middle class since at least the 1960s. There was a movie in 1969 called “If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium” that satirized the popularity of multi-country international tours. And Arthur Frommer came out with “Europe on $5 a Day” as early as 1957.
Senior Attorney
The above refers to people in the U.S. traveling abroad.
PLB
I like traveling and seeing new places but I don’t want to be the planner or the time keeper/people herder/administrator/problem solver/leader once we are at our destination. That’s the exhausting part for me.
anon for this
I love the travel itself but the prep makes me crazy. We’ve had terrible luck with petsitters and I’m anxious to go off and leave our old dog with someone new (and he would not do well at a kennel or somewhere away from home). I want to make sure the house is ready for a longer absence with things like clean gutters. And I want to clean the inside so that I can come home to a sparkling home. Once I get on the plane, I can take a deep breath in the knowledge that it’s out of my hands, but there’s a lot to do in prep.
anon
I like being in a new place, but I don’t enjoy the planning. So many moving parts and pieces. And this is coming from someone who is organized. But what I hate the most is returning. It takes me at least twice as long to get back into my routine as I was away.
My dirty secret is that I don’t feel a strong pull to travel internationally. It’s more of a once or twice in a lifetime thing, not something I have any desire to do even semi-regularly.
And I agree with an above poster that travel has totally become a status symbol. It’s kind of gross.
Anon
I don’t mind traveling, but for me I don’t personally feel rested when I have time off work unless I have time at home to unplug and do nothing and sleep in my own bed. So I find it stressful when I have time off and it’s taken up by a trip.
anon
Whenever I can, I try to build in some time at home at the very end of the trip, before I go back to work. It makes a big difference.
Anon
I never used to do this, but now that we have a kid we do, because it’s just too tough to send a young kid to school early the next morning after getting home late in the evening, especially if the trip involved crossing many time zones. And I have to admit it’s actually kind of nice.
Anon
I love (and always have loved) pretty much everything about traveling (even waiting in the airport and flying), but my parents/siblings do not enjoy it at all. My parents co-own a beach house ~2 hours away and spend as much time there in the summer and occasionally go to Florida for a long weekend to “thaw out” in the winter and that’s it.
On the other hand, I do all sorts of travel – my favorites are hiking trips in national parks and budget (but not hostel) travel that’s slightly off the beaten path (like the Balkans). I don’t have a ton of money and I don’t enjoy planning, so I travel cheaply and spontaneously. I know I miss out on things I’d enjoy because I don’t plan much, but that’s fine with me.
Anon
I love the adventure, but hate the planning. One of these days, post-COVID, I want to book a trip with Pack Up and Go or a similar service where you give them a price range, activities you enjoy and any place you definitely don’t want to go, and they take care of the rest (and don’t tell you where you’re going beyond a general packing guide – bring a coat, swimsuit or whatever – until it’s time to leave). That sounds like a ton of fun, but I love surprises and hate the research/booking process.
Anon
Oh one of my friends did a trip with Pack Up and Go and said it was super fun. I would never do it, because planning is 90% of the fun for me, but I do get the appeal for people who don’t like to plan.
anon in brooklyn
For me, travel is about the remembering self. It is more effort for than just being at home. But trips are such important memories for me, sometimes from years that I don’t remember much else. I remember so much of a trip I took to India
eight years ago, but I don’t remember much of what I did at home that year. Even though that trip had a lot of discomfort—a long flight, rough jet lag, food poisoning, etc.—I’m still so glad I went.
Anonymous
I hear you. I love sleeping in my own bed with my dog snuggled next to me. I never need to go anywhere else ever again. If it weren’t for my husband who enjoys it I wouldn’t do it.
Monday
Paging the commenter who was trying to get her money back from Morgan Stanley…. We’d love an update.
Anonymous
+1!!
boots
+2!!!
Super Anon?
Just wanted to check in on Super Anon to see how things are going. Your message really struck a chord with me. As someone who has experienced infidelity in a marriage, I’m here for you and sending you lots of love!
Anonymous Canadian
+1 thinking of you with love.
Notagirl
Because of all the talk recently of how the first pancake is always a dud… I just wanted to share: when I make them, I always eat the first pancake. Right there at the stove. My family have been firmly trained to believe it’s always a dud. I don’t disilusion them.
That’s all really. Happy weekend everyone. I know what I’ll be making for breakfast tomorrow.
Curious
Hahaha I eat them too!
Anon
I eat it too and I don’t think it’s a dud if you pre heat the pan and mix the batter well so it’s not lumpy. But I like the saying and I think it’s often true about being the first post-divorce GF.
Anon
I eat it too even if it is a dud!
Senior Attorney
Haha very clever!!
In other news, we had chili and cornbread for dinner the other night and I’m planning to make French toast out of the leftover cornbread tomorrow morning. I am unreasonably excited about it.
Curious
Um, yum. Plz share recipe and report back.
Anon
That is making lemonade from lemons. Good for you.
MagicUnicorn
My family considers the first one off the griddle the “sampler” pancake! It gets torn into equal pieces and split between everyone.
anonypotamus
So I actually like the first pancake because it often ends up being the toastiest/darkest for whatever reason. Those ones are always my favorite. And not limited to pancakes either – the extra toasted pretzels, slightly overbaked crackers. I am the target audience for those boxes of just extra toasted Cheez-its!
Anonymous
This is 100% me.
Vicky Austin
Hey gang, I’ve got an idea for a fun Friday thread inspired by wanting to nudge my mom into having more interests besides complaining about her job (#LOLsigholdestdaughtersunite). Here’s the idea – comment a book you loved; then go around replying to others’ titles with “If you loved _____ then you might like _____.”
I’ll start – my mom LOVED Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr. What can I recommend to her that might have similar vibes? (I’ve read it but it’s not what I usually read so I’m coming up blank.)
Lydia
ooh, fun! I loved “We Ride Upon Sticks” by Quan Berry (teen girl field hockey in the 80s, with some Salem witchiness). What should I read now??
Vicky Austin
Did you like the 80s field hockey or the Salem witchiness more? Because I recently read Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth and it was super fun spooky atmospheric all-girl boarding school vibes, but no field hockey (that I remember…).
MND
My Best Friend’s Exorcism for 80s supernatural goodness.
Anonymous
Long shot, but mahybe The Wisteria Society – it’s delightfully bananas (pirates and flying houses) set in regency england. romance book.
Curious
What. Downloading from the library now.
Anon
There’s a second book, The League of Gentlewoman Witches.
amberwitch
If you like those, the Gail Carriger series might be good – start with The Parasol Protectorate
Curious
Those are fun :)
Anon
Try the Ex Hex by Erin Sterling for witchy-but-funny.
Anonymous
If you loved Cloud Cuckoo Land, you might like “The History of Bees: a novel” by Maja Lunde.
I loved Haruki Murakami’s IQ84, what would you recommend with a similar language style and complexity?
anon a mouse
You might try the Three Body Problem by Liu Cixian. They reminded me of each other.
Curious
I loooved the Broken Earth trilogy by N.K. Jemison and have read just about everything written by Octavia Butler, Madeleine L’Engle, and Brandon Sanderson already, as well as some Ursula K Le Guin. What should I read next?
Anon
Try Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie, or if you’re willing to revisit an author, The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by Jemisin.
Curious
Oh hold!
Anonymous
The Poppy War series by RF Kuan
Curious
Also on hold. Vicky, I love this thread.
Vicky Austin
Ooh, my BFF was recently looking for a series she loved that was not Jemisin, Sanderson, Le Guin or L’Engle (even though that’s basically her favorite author list). Check back and I’ll try to find the name of it!
Curious
Sounds good!
Vicky Austin
It was the Court of Thorns and Roses series which is everywhere right now. Not sure I’d class them in the same arena as Sanderson, Le Guin, L’Engle my beloved. But they’re not bad and definitely absorbing – maybe if you need something fluffy to occupy your mind!
Curious
They are excellent and I love Sarah J Maas :) They feel fluffy, but the character development is pretty good, including her treatment of sexual trauma. Not as intricate as Broken Earth but still well done.
Curious
And now I see that you basically said that. Also, are you desperately waiting for the next Way of Kings book? Talk about character development. I really like Sanderson’s refusal to take the easy way out (no “the reason I am the way I am is because I was orphaned early”) and his commentary recently on how Amazon screwed this up with the Wheel of Time TV adaptation. Anyway.
Anonymous
Bear and the Nightingale trilogy, the Scholomance series
Curious
Bear and nightingale so good. Scholomance new to me! Cool!
edj3
You might also look at the Murderbot books. They have a different tone than Broken Earth and the Ancillary books but are quite good.
Vicky Austin
A friend of mine is LOVING those lately.
Curious
Also on hold now.
Anonymous
Have you read Margaret Atwood’s MaddAddam trilogy?
Curious
I have disliked everything by Atwood I’ve read other than The Handmaid’s Tale as somewhat plodding and harsh. How do these feel?
Anon
Blindsight is my favorite science fiction novel currently.
Velma
Bone Ships–i.e., the Tide Child trilogy. Darker Shade of Magic, VE Schwab. Daevabad Trilogy, SA Chakraborty.
Curious
Thank you!
Anon
I am a huge fan of Ursula Le Guin and Octavia Butler also, I like Jemisin as well. I second the reco for Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie which is fabulous. Also loved A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine.
Anonymous
I loved Gone Girl – what should I read now?
Monday
The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty. That author is probably a good bet for you in general.
Anon
Nah Liane Moriarity is waaaay lighter and less scary than Gillian Flynn. I enjoy both but they’re very different. I would say Ruth Ware, Mary Kubica, Lucy Foley.
Vicky Austin
Paula Hawkins, maybe – the Girl in the Water? (Not 100% sure on the author’s name but definitely on the title.)
Anon
Yeah Girl on the Train was definitely billed as the next Gone Girl. I hated it personally though.
Anonymous
If you loved Gone Girl, you might like Blue Monday (Frieda Klein) by Nicci French.
You might also like The Girl on the Train.
Anonymous
If you like thriller/suspense then Riley Sager
Anonymous
Something in the Water, although it’s not as good as Gone Girl. But what is, honestly. Who Is Maud Dixon was also great.
Anonymous
His & Hers by alice Feeney
We Are All the Same in the Dark by Julia Heaberlin
Panda Bear
Gillian Flynn’s other books (I loved Dark Places and Sharp Objects). Pieces of Her by Karin Slaughter had a similar vibe for me as well, though be warned if you are squeamish. A great plot though.
Anan
What about The Secret Patient or Northern Spy or The Wife Upstairs?
Fill disclosure- I kinda hated Gone Girl, but I totally see the appeal.
Anonymous
Sadie by Courtney Summers
amberwitch
Try C J Tudor – I liked The Chalk Man (https://www.librarything.com/work/19953676)
all about eevee
The Last House on Needless Street
Tracey
I absolutely loved Anthony Doerr’s “All the Light We Cannot See”, so she might like that one, and now I need to read the one your mom liked! She also might like “The Book Thief” by Markus Zusak, which is a memorable and enjoyable book despite a dark setting.
Vicky Austin
She loves The Book Thief actually! Good call. Maybe I’ll lean into that direction a bit more.
Curious
And if she can accept some fantasy, I really liked The Golem and the Jinni. Somehow it has the same… luminosity? … to me as The Book Thief, though they aren’t too similar on the surface.
Curious
And All the Light We Cannot See is beautiful.
Anon
Two possible answers for Cloud Cuckoo Land. If she liked it because it had lots of overlapping stories around a common object, then Station Eleven. If she liked the historical aspects, I liked Pat Barker’s books Silence of the Girls and Women of Troy, which are a female perspective on the Trojan War. I also thought that Cloud Cuckoo Land reminded me a bit of Bewilderment, by Richard Powers, in that they both involve a troubled boy and environmental issues, but I HATED Bewilderment, despite loving earlier books by Richard Powers. Lots of other people liked Bewilderment and it was nominated for a lot of major prizes, so not sure how reliable my judgement of it is, but I found it ableist in way that just left me feeling a little icky, YMMV.
Vicky Austin
Good stuff to consider, thank you!
anonshmanon
I loved the Rose Code and The Alice Network! Would love more historical fiction that feels real.
Vicky Austin
Have you read The Nightingale? Lilac Girls? Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet?
Curious
Oh I love Jamie Ford and Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet.
Vicky Austin
Just finished it the other day and I had tears!
Curious
His other books are just as good.
Anonymous
If you like the setting of first world war, the Maisy Dobbs series by Maisie Dobbs by Jaqueline Winspear is interesting. Book two is one of my favorites, but would read in order.
For real-feeling and complex historical fiction, I really enjoyed Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall trilogy set to the time of Henry VIII.
cat socks
+1 to the Maisie Dobbs series.
Anon
For another WWI-era choice, what about Dorothy Sayers’ Lord Peter Wimsey series?
Curious
Oh I loved Wolf Hall! It’s a trilogy?!
anon
If you loved the Rose Code and The Alice Network, you may love Our Woman in Moscow by Beatriz Williams or Transcription by Kate Atkinson.
Vicky Austin
oh god I love Beatriz Williams. I think Secret Life of Violet Grant is my favorite.
cat socks
Love her books. I think I’ve read almost all of them. I also like Fiona Davis.
Is it Friday yet?
Code Name Verity is great one about female pilots in WWII.
anonypotamus
+1, came here to recommend this one. The audiobook is fantastic, if that is your sort of thing.
amberwitch
Gone to Soldiers by Marge Piercy also has a plotline on female pilots in WWII. But beware, other plotlines are very dark.
Anon
Beneath a Scarlet Sky
MND
Code Name Helene – historical fiction about WWII women doing impressive stuff with a STRONG historical element (based on a real person’s life).
Anon
For Cloud Cuckoo Land, what about The Ten Thousand Doors of January?
anonshmanon
and, just continuing on, for Ten Thousand Doors of January, I found Piranesi to have a similar vibe.
Anonymous
And The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue.
Vicky Austin
Ooh, great call!
anon
For a fan of Cloud Cuckoo Land, I’d recommend:
Captivating multi-generational novels: Pachinko; Saints for All Occasions
Great reads with a theme about transformative power of education/literature: Stoner by John Williams; Educated by Tara Westover (non-fiction); Book of Ages by Jill Lepore (non-fiction); The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Vicky Austin
I think she would LOVE Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, and I’ve never heard of Saints for All Occasions. Thank you!
anonshmanon
so interesting to go this web of recommendations in different directions! Sounds like I absolutely need to be reading Cloud Cuckoo Land, lol!
Anon
Ooh fun! I have two.
1. If you like Maeve Binchy, try Graham Norton. I recommended him to my Binchy-loving mom based on something I read in another forum, and she loved all his books.
2. If you like Sally Rooney, try Intimacies by Katie Kitamura. It felt very Rooney-ish to me. Except less depressing.
Anon
I love all of Kate Quinn’s books, especially the Rose Code
Anon
I liked Nothing Fancy by Alison Roman (cookbook.) Her artichoke recipe has changed artichokes for me and finally made them worth the effort. What else would I like?
Another anon
Good question! And for my mom: if you loved the Amor Towles books, what next?
Anon
I think Great Circle ticks some of the same boxes as Gentleman in Moscow and Rules of Civility: beautifully written historical fiction spanning many decades that vividly transports you to different place and times.
Another anon
Thank you!
Anonymous
Hope people don’t mind this question but I’ve been thinking about serious things lately and am curious but can’t ask IRL — do you feel your practice your faith [any faith doesn’t matter which]: 1- traditionally – meaning services, reading religious text, praying, and/or believing a higher power controls what happens to your or not; or 2 – in your own way – meaning maybe you’re spiritual but not religious, you think faith means being a good person or connected with nature so you prioritize giving to food pantries or hiking to connect with nature; or 3 – not at all – like it would never occur to you to ask a higher power for something to happen or not; holidays are about family and friends and food and presents but nothing else etc.
More importantly – could you say your age, location, and if something made your go from less religious to more or vice versa AND do you think your friends/colleagues are the same categories as you or do you feel like the odd one out? I’m going to post mine below.
Anon
I think I lean #1 on this spectrum? I do not like for anybody to tell me what’s true/what to believe, and I don’t think religious authorities just know better than me about things (or just know better than other religions), but traditions and values are important to me. I value religious ceremonies for life events (births, weddings, funerals). I don’t think the values of my religion are just equivalent to being a good person, but they are important to me (for example, how dead loved ones are remembered and commemorated).
Xillennial, USA (and hate it here), friends are all over the place, but colleagues seem to be mostly 2 or 3 or adamant atheists.
Anonymous
41. DC. Traditional. Definitely the odd one out amongst all my friends/coworkers etc. Now maybe someone somewhere is secretly very practicing and IDK, that could be, because it’s not like I go around professing my faith in front of anyone either. But I’ve heard from many just in general conversation about life etc. that they don’t believe; think faith is for the weak; or they won’t say that but they’ll “mock” someone for thinking holiday x is SUCH a big deal even though per religious text it IS a big deal, they don’t think it is etc. Honestly I think this is par for the course for the east coast white collar professionals who lean liberal unless you are SO religious that most of your friends are from your same religious community.
As for me I’ve always been traditional but I will say until age 32ish I wasn’t deep into faith -it was just going thru the motions because I was raised in a home where they did that; but I didn’t know that much about it – because it was also a home where you couldn’t ask questions, you were just lectured [yelled at] on believing or they’d answer your question with the same two sentence non response over and over instead of saying they didn’t know/looking into it. 32 I started getting into it myself because I started reading the texts and seeking the answers and not relying on my family and started to understand why I wanted to believe outside of just being born into it.
Anon
I’m early 40s, currently in a large SEUS city but have lived all over the US, married with 3 kids. I am very much 1 – attend mass at least once a week, weeknight Bible study, pray multiple times daily, etc. I want to live a life that is shaped by my faith, and that means I try to take it into account in all of my choices.
I was pretty religious when young, then less so in my 20s and early 30s. A serious accident in my early 30s, which almost killed me, brought me back to my faith and I’ve become more observant and more traditional as I’ve gotten older. My friends outside my church community are mostly 3.
anon
I probably align most with #1, because I do attend church services, pray regularly and practice the religious aspects of major holidays. But I don’t believe that a higher power “controls” what happens to me; that’s not my particular theology at all.
My friends are all over the map, in terms of being religious. I think most of my colleagues fall into categories #2 and #3.
I’m a Xennial living in the Midwest. I was raised in the church, fell away from it as a young adult, and came back to it after adult life started kicking my butt. To be really honest, having kids was a motivator to start attending services again, even though my faith came back prior to that point. I wanted them to at least have the background and foundation to be able to choose for themselves one day. If you’re not raised in a religious family, it seems most people go the route of being atheist/agnostic (which is fine!) OR hardcore fundamentalist, which has a loooot of problems, from my standpoint. If my kids turn out to not to be religious as an adult, I will be sad but not devastated. There are a lot of ways to find truth and meaning.
Anon
None of the above? I don’t believe in G-d and never pray, but I’m culturally Jewish and it’s pretty important to me. We celebrate holidays with religious traditions, my kid goes to Sunday school, etc. These categories of you’re either devout or you only celebrate holidays for the presents feels kind of Christian-centric to me. I know many Jews and members of other minority religions who don’t have actual religious beliefs but identify strongly with religious traditions and rituals. It’s just different when you’re only 1-2% of the population.
Anonymous
Muslim here and I get what you’re saying. Same in my community. TONS of people are culturally Muslim, celebrate the holidays, eat the food, tell their kids the religious stories or Sunday school does BUT they don’t pray 5 times a day or at all or fast or do the myriad of other things the religion requires. Sorry but to me that’s not religious – that’s being tied to culture; I’m not criticizing – I’m in that category. But religious to me is the people who sit and read the book regularly, praying, doing the things the book tells you to do [and let’s be honest it’s a LOT of stuff and time consuming to live that way] – NOT just eating the right food on the right holiday, which religious texts tend not to require. I mean to say I don’t believe BUT. . . – um that’s a stretch, I think you just enjoy a particular community and its traditions and want to stay involved in said traditions. No different than hikers who enjoy the hiking community or bikers in the biking community. Again I am NOT criticizing as I live the same way as you as do many Muslims my age group and IDK if this is a thing in the Jewish community – if we didn’t at least live this way our parents/grandparents would be beside themselves. They’re already disappointed that we don’t pray five times/day etc. but at least we celebrate the holidays and traditions so to them at least it carries on in that way.
Anonymous
Culturally Jewish [or Catholic or Muslim or anything] isn’t religious though and really it isn’t any different than celebrating Christmas just for presents. I don’t think the faith requires us to eat kugel, but it DOES require us to believe and pray and you say you don’t. Sounds like you’re cultural but not religious despite how you’ve convinced yourself.
Anon
I think participating in expressly religious rituals like Shabbat or Seder (which do include the recitation of prayers, FYI) is quite different than secular traditions like celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah with presents and a tree or menorah. I’m not offended at being called a cultural Jew, that’s how I generally identify, but I read OP’s group #3 as people who are basically non-practicing, not affiliated with any church/synagogue/etc and only celebrate the more secular aspects of popular holidays. I certainly know plenty of people like that, but it doesn’t feel like an accurate description of me or many others I know, for whom religious rituals are important despite not having a personal belief in G-d.
It just seems like many people out there have some elements of several different categories and trying to assign everyone to a single category loses a lot of nuance. If the question is just “do you believe in G-d Y/N” then, sure, my answer is no, but I don’t think that’s really what she was trying to capture.
Senior Attorney
OMG get off your high horse. That is literally exactly what Anon at 3:29 said.
Senior Attorney
And Anon at 4:37, you are far more gracious than I. :)
Anon
Thanks SA :)
Anonymous
Uh 3:29 said she doesn’t believe but because she says the words on Sabbath or Seder when everyone else is saying them, now she’s religious. LOL. Ok.
Senior Attorney
Uh she literally did not say that.
And OMG this whole policing of other people’s practices and beliefs is one of the things that drove me away from religion.
Anon
I actually never said I consider myself “religious” – that’s your word. I literally said that I identify as a cultural Jew! But I don’t feel like I fit in OP’s category of people who “practice [their] faith…not at all” because I actively practice the religious traditions of my ancestry, and it is important to me and they bring me comfort in difficult times.
I’m genuinely curious why this has gotten under your skin so much. Do you think people have to believe to participate in certain religious traditions? To attend a church or synagogue? Because my Reform rabbi def knows I’m a non-believer and doesn’t care one bit, and I assure you that I’m far from the only person in our congregation in that situation. Apparently you think some level of secular celebration is permissible for non-believers, so where do you draw the line? Because I gotta say, you – an apparent non-Jew – policing how I relate to my religion and telling me that I’m permitted to eat kugel but not make Kiddush is really offensive and feels like it’s bordering on antisemitism.
Anon
Hahah no. Atheist raised catholic here. Celebrating Christmas is more pagan than Christian. Look it up. Christians co-opted pagan traditions to eliminate the completion.
You’re the kind of Christian that makes people dislike Christians.
Anon
Catholic here, is there really all that much that Catholics are “required” to believe beyond just the Nicene creed? And not believing even basic doctrines mostly means we are just expected to keep our mouths shut about it and not try to start a new religious movement.
When people get too focused on what we believe in our minds, it always feels like a Protestant attitude creeping in and trying to make other religions propositional too.
anon for this
1.5, 61, upper Midwest (now)
I grew up in and was the driving force behind my H and I raising our only child in the Lutheran church. Church every Sunday, serving on church council, being a lay leader in the church. I believe there is a higher power, but believe he/she is in my life and in the world, but does not control my life and knows that, being human, I will screw up and I am loved and forgiven despite this. After my only child left for college 15+ years ago, I found it unbearable and too emotional for me to be in services and at church without my child there as a part of the family (I actually was fine with the empty nest part of this phase and wasn’t emotional about it otherwise). We also moved at this time and despite looking at a few other churches, never really went back. I feel my spirituality when I am in nature and that’s where I draw my strength.
Most friends and colleagues are similar in basic beliefs, and like many of my generation, have fallen away from a regular practice of our beliefs.
anon
#3. Large Midwestern city, Boomer. I have a couple friends who attend church but that’s all.
I was never religious (although went to Sunday School; got confirmed), and now I’m vehemently anti-religion. Maybe — you didn’t ask this — 50% because of their anti-female postures and maybe 50% for all the damage it’s done/is doing in the world.
Anonymous
46, midwest but lived all over. raised catholic. now #2/#3. tried to get into going to mass when my daughter was taking 1st communion classes — i walked out when the priest started going off about a late-term abortion law because “then women who are 38 weeks get into a fight with papi and go abort.” um, no. walked out like the place was on fire, haven’t been back since.
i do the sign of the cross when i see an emergency vehicle with sirens blazing.
Curious
Yeahhh every time I try to go to mass something like that happens. The worst is the prayers of the faithful about “sanctity of marriage between a MAN and WOMAN” and life “from CONCEPTION to NATURAL DEATH”. :( It makes me sad.
Duckles
2 or 3, moved from a large liberal city to a blue-ish southern city and even knowing what I was getting into, the number of “1’s” in the dating pool has made it really, really small. (Not being a “1” is a dealbreaker for me).
Anonymous
#3. I was apparently created without the God gene, and find all religions bizarre.
amberwitch
Agree – I wouldn’t call myself an atheist either because I don’t think about religion as anything but a bizarrw cultural construct. I actually find organised religion misplaced in modern society, although I recognise its role in bringing about our current set-up.
LaurenB
3 – not at all. The concept of praying to a higher power for something to happen or not makes no sense to me — what, like God is a music request hotline or something? Or the concept of “prayer warriors” — what, like it’s a popularity contest and God rewards those who have more friends? I don’t even like to say “I’ll keep you in my prayers” to someone going through a hard time (though I’ve said it on occasion when I think the person would get comfort and it’s no skin off my back and I’m not precious about “lying” like that when I don’t intend to pray). And yes, to me, holidays are about family, friends, food, presents, etc. There’s very little spiritual meaning in any of it to me. Mid-fifties, snowbird between a major midwestern city and Florida, and I’m just very skeptical about religion in general. I was raised by non-practicing parents who were of different faiths from their families of origin (Catholic/Jewish) so I escaped Sunday school/Hebrew school/any of that, and I don’t feel I missed out on a thing TBH.
Anonymous
If you don’t believe that’s up to you but do you need to be rude about it?
Anonymous
because LB’s not happy unless she’s being sanctimonious.
Curious
Y’all I thought we had stopped harping on LaurenB. Okay to call out rudeness but let’s not with the ad hominems?
Anonymous
Hahahahaha. No one is more rude about what other people believe than the religious.
Bonnie Kate
I was raised totally #1, spent my twenties as solidly #3, and now am #2 in my thirties. I’m very much of the relativist you-do-you beliefs. I’m not interested in claiming or using the word “faith” and I am averse to thinking there is a “right” or one way to live. I am pretty deliberate about choosing my beliefs, and currently am very in love with the idea reincarnation a la Brian Weiss’ books. I read a lot of alternative spiritual books like The Seat of the Soul and Untethered Soul and Derek Chopek and Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, etc. I have crystals all over that I like to think mean something because they mean something for me rather than any kind of natural power, if that makes sense. I actually think most of things are like that – the spiritual thing/practice/beliefs does mean something because it means something to you, not that there’s any type of inherent universal power to it.
My biggest spiritual practice is meditating daily. In the summer I do prioritize time outside (gardening, hiking, reading in my hammock in our woods) but I don’t necessarily connect them with a spiritual practice but I suppose it’s all connected.
Due to so much overexposure growing up, I’m extremely allergic to big organized groups. Even being part of civic organizations that have a lot of hierarchy and layers makes me twitchy. I just realized that I’ve always worked in small companies and am fiercely a fan of them. :) While I don’t feel particularly traumatized or victimized by the religion I grew up in (Mormons, may ex-mormons feel bitter but I really don’t), I obviously do have some lingering effects.
Bonnie Kate
Forgot this part – I’m 34, small town in rural upper midwestern. Randomly, now that I think of it, none of my colleagues are regular church attendees. I bet about 2/3 of them would describe themselves as #1 though. The two most religious have become less Sunday-attendees in the past two years (randomly I actually just had a conversation with one colleague about this) so covid is an interesting factor.
My parents are super #1, my grandparents are/were all super #1 (not all in the same religion though). One of my sisters/her family is #1 and the other is probably #3. I have a very large extended family (the mormon side) and it’s super interesting to see more and more of my cousins leaving the church – I bet we’re solidly half non-mormon now.
I specifically left the church when I was 17-18/went to college. The driving factor was the church’s absolute insistence on “one right” way of living. I believe in a more unconditional type of love. I was terrified I’d lose my relationships with my grandparents and parents and I spent half of my first year of college in campus counseling and the first two years figuring out a different way of thinking in philosophy classes. Luckily, my parents and grandparents are good people and I didn’t lose those relationships. A big factor has been that I continue to respect their beliefs while forming my own, and I don’t necessarily expect them to respect or accept my beliefs as right – their religious beliefs are that theirs are the one true path. As long as they respect me as a person and treat me well and love me, I’m okay with them privately praying for me/doing whatever – that’s part of how they love me.
Vicky Austin
You took a tremendously brave step and I applaud you! I’m not Mormon, but I’m from very Mormon country and have a few Mormon branches of my family tree, and I know so many LDS members for whom even voicing doubt was such a scarlet letter. Go you.
Bonnie Kate
Thanks Vicky! It wasn’t easy but I’m really grateful that I did it when I did it (at 18). I also got lucky that my bf (who I’m now happily married to) was really great. I think my Mormon family felt I was choosing him over them, but I’ve thought a lot of that and I know I was choosing me. My family and friends who have left in their later adulthood have such a harder time, especially when they’re married to a spouse who doesn’t want to leave the church. That is an impossible situation.
Anonymous
1 and as I’ve grown more strongly into being a 1, I find I have less in common with 2-3s; I mean it’s not like I talk about my faith so we can hang out as normal but I don’t deeply feel the same commonalities with them. Yes this makes me the odd one out amongst my well to do professional friends age 40+ in N. Va., and I don’t have friends from my religious community here though may need to start seeking them out post pandemic.
Notagirl
May I ask gently, why are you assuming those are the only three options for people? Especially your idea of what a “spiritual” person is and does?
I am a definite athesit (as in, I do not believe even with one fibre of my being in any deity or higher power or anyhting supernatural, at all). I am deeply connected to nature, try to be a good person and regularly give to charities (just quoting your own examples but you get the idea) to pracrice my humanity, not practice a faith.
Senior Attorney
Thank you, Notagirl! And might I venture to say that there is an argument that being a good person in the absence of the prospect of supernatural rewards and punishments might be considered more laudable than the other?
boots
I’ve always thought similarly.
Anonymous
I don’t think of it as supernatural SA. I think of it more as Karma. If I a behave in a kind, generous and honorable way, that’s the world I create for myself. Goodness will come back to me in life and maybe after death if that does exist.
Notagirl
Forgot to answer part two of your question – 45, Canada, but born and raised in Eastern Europe. Even as a kid, when I ran into superstitions (ex. Star signs) I quickly saw them for what they were, and never saw religion as very different from them. I joke that I am a natural-born, “wildlife” atheist. I didn’t grow up in the church and leave it.
anon
+1 this is also me, so I guess 2 but also a bit of 3 bc we celebrate Christmas in my family but not Easter or any other Christian holiday. Early 40s, mid-Atlantic area, grew up in a non-religious household but they would have supported whatever we wanted to believe.
My friends and colleagues are a mix of all three options.
Anonymous
The way I see it religions have rules. Lots of them. Lots of things you must do too. If you aren’t doing those things or constantly striving to do more and more of those things, you’re not practicing in the traditional sense as you are SUPPOSED TO per the rules. And that’s fine – I’m not saying I am either or that anyone should. But all this other stuff of oh “spiritual but not religious,” “cultural but not religious,” I’m a good person, I give to the poor, I go hiking and appreciate beaches. That’s nice but I’m pretty sure the rules of your religion don’t “count” any of those things [besides giving to the poor most likely]. Live how you want to live but IDK why people are so fearful of saying “nope not religious.” I don’t know why it’s become a thing to be like — I practice my faith the way I want to and that’s what the faith says is ok. Um no it generally doesn’t; what the faith says is ok was decided thousands of years ago and you personally can’t just change it. Just say you aren’t religious and/or can’t live life with so much obligation/rules and get on with it.
Senior Attorney
I feel like this is very insightful. I went through a VERY VERY religious phase for about 10 years starting in my late 30s and the rules were probably the main attraction. Like, “if I’m following the rules then I must be a good person.” Ultimately, though, the judgment from within the community as well as the cognitive dissonance of checking my common sense at the door did me in.
Anon
I don’t agree. To me the rules are things made up by clerics that they always wanted to get people to do, and never were able to get them to do. There would be no clerics without the rest of us, so why give them that kind of power? To me it seems like some kind of fundamentalist move to look back at history and find the biggest theology nerd who wrote stuff down and say “yes, this, this defines this religion” and not the centuries of practice by ordinary people.
LaurenB
“Um no it generally doesn’t; what the faith says is ok was decided thousands of years ago and you personally can’t just change it.”
This tells me you have no familiarity with Reform Judaism, which continually reinvents and is not bound by thousands-of-years-ago rules.
Anon
1.5 I guess? Catholic, don’t do all the things (e.g., don’t read the bible at home, don’t attend on all holy days of obligation) but definitely do the “standard” things (e.g., close to weekly mass, believe in the theology). My practices probably look closer to 2, but I’m definitely a believer and a believer in my religion not other religions, and would call myself religious not spiritual.
Millennial, Boston, most close friends are almost exactly same on this spectrum as me, but definitely have friends in all categories and most coworkers are probably 3s.
Anon
This was me once. I was really struggling with Catholic culture wars stuff before the pandemic. Since the pandemic, I honestly feel utterly abandoned and discarded by a community that seems more worried about not being told what to do than about saving lives. I feel like I might as well not exist as a high risk patient who has been advised to continue isolating as far as the church is concerned. I hope things are better in Boston.
London (formerly NY) CPA
Same except I’m lazy about attending weekly mass, especially post-COVID. There are times when I go weekly or almost weekly, and times when I don’t. I’m proud of my faith though, and it brings a lot of personal meaning and comfort into my life.
Millenial. NYC but currently living in London for work.
Curious
Same except I’m lazy about attending weekly mass, especially post-COVID. There are times when I go weekly or almost weekly, and times when I don’t. I’m proud of my faith though, and it brings a lot of personal meaning and comfort into my life.
Millenial. NYC but currently living in London for work.
Curious
Millennial, Seattle originally Chicago.
Anonymous
Are you gay yourself or did you leave out of disagreement with how gay people were treated even though it didn’t affect your personally? Just curious.
Curious
I’m boring vanilla straight… Maybe very very slightly bi if we accept that sexuality is a spectrum? I think many women with short hair are sexy, but I don’t think I’d want to kiss one. But once I realized how many people I loved were gay or bi or whatever, I couldn’t do Catholicism anymore. It happened gradually at Masses (with a very liberal priest!) over the course of college until one day I just couldn’t go back.
Curious
And forgive me, “or whatever” is dismissive. Gay, lesbian, and bi really were the main identities I leaned about in that time period; I didn’t hear many trans voices until later, didn’t know people who embraced the label queer, and still am pretty ignorant on asex/intersex identities.
Bonnie Kate
It wasn’t why I left, the treatment of people who are gay is one of the reasons I would never ever consider going back to the Mormon church. I’m boring vanilla straight and don’t even have that many LGBQT friends (byproduct of living in rural area) but I don’t need to be in close proximity to see that the teachings are fundamentally very harmful and very wrong.
Curious
Thank you :)
anonypotamus
You sound like a good candidate for the Episcopal Church (if you are ever interested in finding a new “home”). Raised Episcopalian, attended Catholic school most of my life, and found many similarities in the rituals and services, but definitely found Episcopal dogma aligned much more with my social values, esp w/r/t LGBTQ+ and women. I don’t attend services very often these days (sometimes Christmas, sometimes Easter), but find listening to the evening prayer service, Compline, very soothing and meditative. They broadcast it on KingFM from St. Marks on Sunday evenings if you ever want to give it a listen!
Curious
Thanks! It turns out I also stopped believing in God a while after, so now I feel dishonest attending services of religions that believe in one, but I do like Episcopalian services better :).
Anon
3 but I actually think about it a lot! Religion (Catholicism) was actively harmful to my mom and I’m full of resentment.
Anon
38. Southwest USA. I live in a predominately Catholic area and was raised Catholic. However, by the time I was in high school, I found myself questioning my faith. As I went through college and met my husband (who was also raised Catholic, but had already renounced the church), I decided to leave the church. I loved the ritual of mass and some of the teachings of the church, but could not support it as an institution any more. We did not get married in the church or baptize our children–to the horror of our families. We do not practice religion anymore, but do try and be good people, instill those values in our children, connect with nature, etc. Some of our friends are still practicing Catholics and we feel some judgment from them. Most of my co-workers seem to be either not religious or part of more liberal churches.
Anon
2 for sure. I don’t believe in any religion but for sure believe it’s vital to be a good person and believe in some way, what goes around comes around. I prayed to *something* last week for a bird that flew into our window just in case *something* was listening. I prioritize animal charities because they are more helpless than humans. My parents don’t belong to any religion- grandparents vaguely baptist/methodists and my parents are 1960’s hippies. I’m 55 yo…I think my friends are mostly this way. SE US.
Oops, didn't mean to write an essay...
Scandinavia, Xennial. I would say culturally Lutheran, personally agnostic.
I live in a country that’s very secular, but the few religious traditions or customs I do meet and am familiar with are overwhelmingly Lutheran, and that dominates society, and the society I’ve grown up in is part of me, which is why I consider myself culturally Lutheran.
When I say my country is both secular and overwhelmingly Lutheran, some of the numbers behind this is that while about 80 percent of the population is a member some sort of faith/religious group, only 47 percent consider themselves religious. In contrast, 60 percent of the population do volunteer work of some sort. Here you would never assume that anybody you meet is a practicing member of a Church society, like in the US. You would not hear people recommending joining a Church of any kind to get to know people, or do charitable work – you’d tell people to join a local sports team or hiking group.
Almost 7 out of every 10 people are members of the main (previously state) Lutheran group. Then 7 percent are other Christian groups (Catholics, Orthodox, Methodist, Pentecostal, non-main Lutheran etc.), 3 percent Muslim, 1.5 Humanist, and then very small groups, just a few thousand or hundred members.
The majority is massive, but not particularly religious. So I do feel that I’m part of cultural majority, and that that defines my experience. I think from OPs perspective I would be a 3 with 2 actions as part of normal life.
Anonymous
32. #2. Iowa.
I grew up very/extreme traditional- Protestant, in the church building multiple times per week, “saved” experiences, Bible memorization competitions. The biggest exception is I was never told or pressured into marriage or even the idea – and I’m still single, no kids, as always planned. What made me change, frankly, is a) moving all the time and b) finding out that the vast majority of my close friends I’ve made as an adult suffered horrible abuse as children. I believe I emulate a lot of the “doing” values in religion and occasionally pray (not just panic pray) but I hate how politics and religion warped the last few years and at this point in my life, I can’t make peace or accept a world and god that permits so much harm to so many children. And – I’m not really trying. I do believe in a higher power and in wonderful miraculous things but I haven’t felt as close or as at peace lately as I process and consider the scope (and depth) of the lived experiences of people I care about.
My friends are a broad range from atheist to very involved and religious. Lots like me but I’d say majority go to church 3-5 times a month. My colleagues mostly “meh” – probably don’t believe – but there are a few with their religious texts in their offices. (I’m at a law firm)
Anon
36, upper Midwest, Unitarian Universalist so a mix of 1-3. I volunteer at church and my kids go to religious education but it’s a very exploratory religion. I don’t pray or do readings. I don’t believe in god. I have gotten more religious as I age. I hated growing up UU and going to church. Now I am very involved and a huge proponent of moral education that often comes (formally) through church.
Seventh Sister
1.5 – I go and participate but I am not much of a believer.
Gen X, live in a large West Coast city, a couple of older kids and husband, fairly involved Episcopal church member (less so during the pandemic).
Grew up in a rural/exurban area Back East in the mainline Protestant family in a sea of Catholics and Baptists. Went to Sunday School, church camp, Vacation Bible School, did kids’ choir, was in the youth group, went on youth group mission trips (mostly rehabbing houses in Appalachia). Didn’t really doubt any portion of the Nicene Creed, but didn’t have the passionate, “personal testimony” that was the stated goal of church membership. Thought I was a bad person, and disliked youth group so much that I only attended the church services once I hit high school. Didn’t like the denomination’s attitude towards gay people, or that women could be clergy but were mostly youth pastors or assistant clergy. Also strongly pro-choice, so the early 1990s evangelically-flavored “life begins at conception” stuff that crept in didn’t go over well with me or my parents.
Had zero desire to attend church in college, despite a beautiful campus chapel because 1) gay people and 2) all of the Christian groups were either evangelicals or Catholics and none of them were gay-friendly. Felt the same way in law school, tried out a few churches because I like old-fashioned church music and holidays. Started dating a guy that went to an Episcopal church, joined him for some services and kept going back. Didn’t join the church for about a year after I started attending, got married there, still go there. Don’t really care if my kids “believe,” but do care that they some familiarity with being part of a religious community and pay enough attention in Sunday School to pick up literary references in AP English.
Basically, I’m just happy to have found a place where if someone asked me, “Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior,” they wouldn’t get mad when I said, “Sure, why not?”
Curious
Pants help please. I want to buy a pair that is (1) relatively inexpensive (under $70?), (2) forgiving to weight fluctuations, and (3) relatively versatile in terms of matching things. This is for being at home or short walks so it doesn’t need to be professional, unlike my water bottle. I also don’t need to be super warm, just about on par with jeans. I think this might put me in black jogger territory, but I’m 5’8″ and concerned they might be too short. Ponte pants? I’m a 10-12 ishhhhh with 40-41″ hips and a waist that varies between 32 and 36″ right now depending on the day. Any suggestions?
anon
I’m about your size and I prefer stretchy jeggings and joggers. I’m the outlier who hates ponte. The fabric feels SO gross to me and doesn’t breathe. Makes my skin crawl.
Really not sure what to do about the constant waistline fluctuations. It’s super annoying. In my case, it’s usually caused by hormones and endo flares. I’ve been sizing up to a 14 lately because I can’t deal with the tightness around my belly.
Anonymous
Black joggers for sure, from a Tall range, or from the men’s range.
Get some with a waist tie and and buy your larger size to sit on hips a little baggy at smallest size days, and at waist for larger size days.
Curious
Would you just do like Old Navy?
Anonymous
Yeah, Old Navy, Gap, Land’s end, places like that.
For Old Navy: Mid-Rise Vintage Street Jogger Sweatpants look great. 31.5 inch inseam in tall, and a cuff rather than an elastic sewed in, which would allow you to turn the cuff in if you need to have them look a little more like pants quickly.
Also the Gender-Neutral Sweatpants for Adults at Old Navy – there’s a 31 inch inseam in tall, but not a cuff.
Curious
Awesome! Thank you so much for shopping for me :).
Anon
Lululemon align leggings? They definitely accommodate weight fluctuations. The same pair fit me as a size 10 and as a size bigger than that while 9 months pregnant.
Curious
Will look at these too!
Anon
I’m 5’7″ and a size 8, with a 10 inch difference between waist and hip measurements. Highly recommend TRIBAL Fia Straight Trouser (sold by StitchFix) – These are stretchy with a soft waistband. Extremely comfy and extremely versatile. They can pass as dress pants but they are comfy enough to lounge around in. Love them!
Curious
This could be the trick! I do have a stitch fix login
Curious
Uf, 27″ inseam might be a bit cold! But I love the purple.
Anon
Check out Duluth Trading Company’s NoGa pants.
Anon
I have these (Duluth Noga) in both a narrower and wider leg and love them. They are generously sized but have a stretchy, wide waist, not exactly a waistband. Easy care nd wear like iron.
Curious
Ooh thank you.
Anon
Lands End has the best cotton elastic waist pants, with pockets, for under $20! I bought them a couple weeks ago after browsing Lands End to find something else linked here, and I love the comfort. They are generously sized (size down), natural fibre, and work very well for 5’4″ WFH me. If a top is long enough to cover the elastic waistband and you size smaller so the pants aren’t too baggy (they are still quite baggy on me despite going down in size), it could pass for work pants.
Suits?
For those ladies that still wear suits for work, where are you buying them right now? I’m a litigator, but due to Covid, I’ve not been wearing many full suits over the last couple years. In a few months, however, I have an out of town, multi-week federal jury trial on the calendar, and I could use 2-3 more suit sets in the rotation to get me through.
I already have suits, of course, but the ones that still fit are looking a little tired and outdated. I don’t want to spend a fortune on replacing them since I rarely wear full suits anymore, but my former “go to” stores for affordable suiting — e.g., Banana Republic, J.Crew, etc. — have very limited selection in terms of styles and sizing. Any ideas for other places to check in that general price point? I might be willing to spend a bit more for something that is terrific or could be broken up and used for other outfits. I also prefer skirt/dress suits over pants. Thanks!!!
test run
I just ordered two suits from J. Crew (after thinking they had discontinued suiting altogether?) and I think if you prefer skirts/dresses they could still be a good option (the pants styles being exclusively cropped do not work for me) – I got a black wool and a navy cotton option with matching skirts that fit well and seem like decent quality. To your point, I also tried to look at BR and they were sold out of so many sizes it was just frustrating. A little more expensive, but I just found out that you can order Theory Outlet stuff online – same issue with digging for sizes, but gets you closer to that J. Crew price point.
Anonymous
Its been a couple of years (pre-Covid) but my most recent suits were from Ann Taylor. They had a decent selection online, but very little in stores even at that point.
More expensive but I also really love the Hugo Boss suits I have from Nordstrom.
Anonymous
calvin klein suits on amazon or at macy’s
the old standards like kasper and le suit sell as separates now too.
anon
I have yet to buy, but the suits on Talbots’ website look suitable.
Anon
+1 for Talbots and also Pendleton seasonless wool.
kitten
Recently, I’ve gotten good deals on Hugo Boss on Nordstrom Rack’s website.
Anonymous
Does anyone know anything about how hospital rooms are cleaned – now or even pre pandemic? I have to imagine they wipe down EVERYTHING – like the handles on the beds, the remotes now used for everything from TV to calling nurses etc. because they can’t know if a person was leaning heavily on the handles to get out of bed or if they were never touched. I have a relative claiming – nah it’s like hotel rooms that are pretty dirty. I’ve seen those studies on hotel rooms that the major touch points are really bad since so many people don’t wash hands after the bathroom or arrive straight from airports etc. and touch the thermostat, lamps, door knobs, remote etc. Yet a hospital IDK isn’t infection control going to be a priority? IDK where this is coming from exactly and feel like I’m crazy for expecting clean. This is a major university health system FWIW.
Vicky Austin
In the small rural hospital that I worked in during the first 15 months of the pandemic, we had UV disinfecting robots, believe it or not.
Anonymous
Wow – didn’t realize there even were robots for that. Your relative is right re hotels – known to be gross; that’s why some people arrive in hotels with Lysol wipes even pre pandemic and wipe down remotes, lamp switches, door handles etc. They weren’t doing it for respiratory viruses so much as the general grossness of people not washing hands AND hotel housekeeping cleans to make things look not dusty, not necessarily sanitizing. Hospitals OTOH – it ALWAYS takes time to get hospital rooms etc. like to be admitted and a large part of that is because it takes time to clean them between people; and I don’t think they rush that process. I never had the impression that they could turn over a hospital room in 5-10 min because I think they spend a decent amount of timing wiping it all down; and now I’ve heard some hospitals also have portable HEPA units that must run for x minutes between patients.
Curious
That’s what UW is using, too.
Anon
Are you in a hospital room or are you going to be in a hospital room? Obviously the answer is to ask the hospital where you might be staying in a room because there’s not going to be a universally correct answer to your question.
FormerlyPhilly
There’s some stuff that’s hard to “clean” like isn’t that how legionnaires’ is transmitted?
anonshmanon
leggionnaires doesn’t transmit from person to person. It occurs in hotels and hospitals because they often bring the two main factors you need: a body of water where the bacteria can fester (hot water reservoir not set to high enough temp, or puddle somewhere in the AC system), and a way to expose lots of people to contaminated water droplets(AC again). Swimming pools are a good place to look also, in the shower area, where the water is often not chlorinated.
Anon
Note, this is potentially a concern anywhere water isn’t run regularly. I actually run the shower in our second bathroom for several minutes every week to get a fresh supply of chlorinated water through the pipes, as it would otherwise just sit for months.
boots
Honestly, most hospitals haven’t changed their cleaning techniques for COVID. There are many worse/nastier/highly resistant organisms that have spread in hospitals for years, so they really didn’t need to change cleaning techniques.
I take care of a family member who is immunocompromised. When he gets admitted, we bring disinfecting wipes with us. As soon as we get to the hospital room, we grab the super toxic cleaning wipes that they usually keep in the rooms already and gloves and wipe down everything we can, and save our own less toxic wipes for surfaces that may touch our skin. Every surface that gets traditionally touched gets cleaned. I promise you that the cleaning folks. do not clean everything every time. I am particularly careful about everything near the patient…. railings/buttons on the hospital bed, all edges of the bed, all the buttons the nurses touch behind the bed on the wall, all the switches, all the door knobs etc.. It actually does not take long. And we do it every day at the end of the day, and we wipe down after someone (RN/Doctor/transport person) enters the room and touches things.
This was actually recommended by multiple people, including doctors. The number of infections that are spread room to room in the hospital is shocking. Never ever pick up things off the floor, if possible. Wipe down your bags that you put down on surfaces etc..
Anon
Yes, if hospitals followed the science, they would invest a lot more in cleaning. Good custodians save lives, but too many hospitals treat them like they’re just totally expendable.
But there’s not much evidence that fomite transmission contributes all that much to the spread of COVID-19, so the reasons they should do better are all the other things people catch in hospitals (e.g., c. difficile, MRSA, etc.).
Joggers
Yes.
We always make an effort to say hello to and thank the person who comes to the hospital room every day. I tell them their job is so important to our safety and health and tell them how grateful I am for their care. They are always so pleased and then go out of their way to clean well while we are there.
And when we bring donuts for the nurses, we always bring more for the maintenance team.
Joggers
…thank the person who comes to CLEAN the hospital room…..
Anon
Dumb bratty vent. I’m shopping for a home desk. Why does “black” mean “the legs and surface are solid black” and “white” means “the legs are solid white and the surface is wood” or “the legs are some bizarre color and the surface is solid white”? Wayfair and Azn both do this. I swear I will spray paint the GD thing if I have to!
Senior Attorney
If you’re looking for white, try places like PB Teen. I find that furniture made for teens often comes in white and I’ve bought from PB Teen and been happy with the quality.
Senior Attorney
https://www.pbteen.com/search/results.html?words=white%20desk
Anon
I use my daughter’ PB teen or kids’ desk all the time. It’s great! And all white!
Vicky Austin
I am in the same boat, and SOLIDARITY!
Anonymous
Might be late in the day but the weather reminded me – I live in N. Va right now in an apartment. I’d like to buy a house in a year or two – probably a townhouse so I’m starting to look. I’d prefer something with a garage though who knows but that’s my preference. My guess is that with snow you are responsible for dealing with your driveway and also your sidewalks but the HOA would deal with any extra parking areas/community areas etc. Problem for me is – I have a heart issue [and am single/live alone] so I don’t see shoveling beyond like a dusting; I can do it now but as I get older I expect I wouldn’t. What would someone like me do? My parents – live up north, immigrants from a hot country, hate snow – have had non stop drama about this for my entire child and adulthood. They basically don’t shovel and play the whole “oh the sun will melt it” game bc they try to save money; so ours was the shabby looking houses days/weeks after snow fell and obviously sunny 35 degree weather does nothing. Only time theirs gets shoveled is like if it’s FEET of snow and then they call in some random guy.
Thing is N. Va people tend to be VERY type A rule followers and I can totally see an HOA on your back if you act this way – and I’m not interested in my neighbors hating me.
Is there any such thing like a snow service – like a landscaping service? Or would the HOA allow you to use their snow cleaning service for your driveway + sidewalk if you paid them separately? Surely there must be a solution here as elderly etc. can’t shovel and let’s be real in lots of well to do areas, teens don’t go around shoveling to try to make money anymore because they have money already.
MND
We have a plow service for a large driveway in the Chicago suburbs. We sign a contract at the beginning of the year that they’ll come up and plow (and shovel our short front walk) every time a certain amount of snow (1/2 an inch maybe?) falls for $X per visit. Some contracts are set up as a per season rate.
You said “like a landscaping service” and that’s actually the “other seasons” job of a lot of the plow companies near me, since they’ll often have pickup trucks or other vehicles that would work for this activity and don’t have work to do over the winter.
Anon
You hire somebody.
Anonymous
+1. Our snow remover is the husband of our housekeeper. He works construction most of the year, but the work slows down in winter and he clears properties. You will be able to find someone by word of mouth.
Anon
“teens don’t go around shoveling to try to make money anymore because they have money already“
This is absurd.
Anonymous
I mean OP is right – they don’t in my neighborhood and my coworkers all say the same.
Anon
They do in my neighborhood. Midwest college town. Quite a few neighborhood teens advertising every winter for snow shoveling work and every summer for lawn mowing work.
boots
+1
The Lone Ranger
I’m in a DC outer burb and teens shovel for money. They don’t necessarily go door to door but they post in the neighborhood FB group and ask people to text them. If you post that you need someone to shovel you generally get a bunch of parents responding that are tagging their teens. I’ve gotten shovelers for my MIL several times this way.
Anon
If you have a place with a garage, you’ll have a place to store a snowblower. There are battery operated ones now, so you don’t have to deal with gas, pull start, etc.
Cat
There are companies you pay to do this – it is baffling to me that an adult would never have heard of such a thing but perhaps you’ve never been further north in winter??
Anon
This is not necessary. Did you have a bad week? Sheesh!!
Anonymous
Uh not everyone lives in snowy areas? Also apartment dwellers don’t look to see what house related services are available.
Anon
I guess I would think this service probably exists if I were ever inclined to think about such things, but I’m an adult who has never heard of a snow-clearing company because I’ve never lived anywhere with significant snow.
This seems like the type of thing people typically learn about when they need it or they’re going to need it, right? Which is what the OP is going through?
Anon
Fun fact: all the snow blowing companies in my small Midwest city have gone out of business in the last few years because climate change and warmer weather have led to less snow. You can still find a teenager or a task rabbit type person to do it piecemeal, but at least in my city you can no longer have what my parents had when I was growing up: a contract with a business where you pay a monthly fee and they come to your house automatically every time it snows. My husband and I just shovel our driveway ourselves because it’s easier than finding a teenager each time. We’ve only had like two major snowstorms in the last five years. It’s so different than how it was when I was growing up. Climate change is a trip.
Anon
We used to shovel the snow as kids but my parents still live in my childhood home and can’t shovel anymore. They have a service that comes.
Anon
Many HOAs for townhouses include all of the areas on the property in their contract. More expensive fees, but I’m happy to never have to think about snow. Haven’t owned a shovel yet
Anonymous
Ummm. You hire someone.
Celia
Sounds like there are some options from other people’s comments. I have never lived anyplace snowy, but a friend of mine who lives in the Midwest recently posted a pic of his neighbor’s driveway – his neighbor has A HEATED DRIVEWAY and was able to just drive off after it snowed. I have no idea how expensive or environmentally sound those are but…..I guess it’s a thing!
Anon
Whoaaaa I live in the Midwest (though not a super snowy part) and had no idea this was a thing. I’ve heard of heated bathroom floors but not this! I’m totally going to keep this in mind when it comes time to replace our driveway.
Anonymous
Yes, this is becoming more common in ski areas.
Anon
For our N. Va. condo building with very little sidewalk/driveway area, we hired the landscapers to also come shovel when it snows. They get paid on a per-snowfall basis. We couldn’t find vendors who did ONLY snow, but the landscapers all offered this service.
Anon
It doesn’t have to be a teen. In some areas adults (men generally) go door to door looking to shovel. I assume some of them are seasonal workers who do landscaping in summer and get laid off in the winter. Or the heated driveway suggestion is promising too. My mother is 87, lives alone, and she doesn’t worry about shoveling because she has someone lined up. It’s not as if she could do it herself, and nor was my late father able to do it for the last 25 years of his life. There are lots of things to worry about, but some problems are solvable with money. It’s unfortunate that your parents couldn’t afford it and/or nickel and dimed on this issue and gave you this particular anxiety.
Anonymous
I’m in Chicago suburbs. The landscaping services near me “moonlight” during off months doing the plowing (and shoveling the areas that can’t be plowed). Call landscaping services near you and I guarantee you’ll get someone willing to do snow removal. (For what it’s worth, our landscaper has also been a great connection for finding folks able to do odd jobs like reseal the deck or clean the gutters.)
Anonymous
I’m on the MD side of the river, but you have 2 options easily solved by money: 1) hire someone – as many others have said, it’s usually a word of mouth thing in neighborhoods so you’ll have to ask around; or 2) buy a small electric snowblower for about $200-$250. Could even do both, it won’t hurt use the snowblower in case the snow removal people are digging out multiple households and take a while to get to yours.
Anonymous
Has anyone seen deep purple corduroys anywhere this season? Maybe flared or boot? TIA!
kitten
idk if they have deep purple but Free People has a lot of corduroys right now
Lily
Check Kut from the kloth brand at nordies
Anonymous
If you’d consider velvet as well, Gap has some deep purple ones with a wide leg.
Durango, CO Recs?
Please share your Durango, CO in March tips! Especially where to stay, must go restaurants, fave ski areas for competent but not excellent skiers, and whether we realistically need a car. DH, our 16 yo and I are headed up for a week over spring break. Only our teen is interested in skiing but his dad will join him. I want to relax, maybe hike, spa, etc. Never been skiing in CO and have a slight preference for a nice ski resort with amenities and easy access to ski opportunities vs an Airbnb. Based on my initial looking, Durango seems more rustic than like a Telluride. What does the hive think?
London (formerly NY) CPA
I went in the summer for a family member’s wedding so can’t speak to most of your winter-related questions, but we stayed at the DoubleTree and it was great. Convenient and we had a lovely view with a riverview room.
Mesa Verde national park was cool and definitely worth seeing. I didn’t do the tour that takes you up into the cliff dwellings, but family members did and thought it was great. Not sure if that would be available in March though.
Liz
Anybody have experience changing from a pension/vested to employment without that? After 20 years in public education, school admin currently, my health and life needs a change. I don’t know what that change/job is yet, hard to decide, but the retirement piece is a concern. Thank you
Notagirl
I have no advice but you might want to copy-paste your question on the Monday morning thread. The weekend thread doesn’t get many replies after Friday evening.
Liz
Thank you
Anon
Hi, no input, but am in the same boat. I’m currently a school counselor, and after 10 years want out. I’m exploring a transition to higher education at a public university to still be able to be part of the pension system. Otherwise, I had zero Social Security, so would have to somehow command a high salary to do some aggressive retirement savings or somewhere greatly reduce my budget to up retirement contributions. What career paths are you considering for your next career phase?
Anon
Are you sure you’d maintain a pension in higher ed? I work for a state university and we don’t have any pension system, even though K-12 teachers in my state have them. I thought that was pretty common. I do have a generous employer 403b contribution (10% of my salary) but I thought pensions were generally way better than 401k/403b plans. My dad has a pension and gets like 70% of his salary until he dies and then my mom gets 50% of his salary or something like that until she dies.. it seems like an amazing deal.
Anon
Yes, the state university I’m looking at participates in the state retirement plan. I’m in New England so maybe it is region specific?
Anon
If the university is a state university, the law of specific state would be determine whether there is a defined benefit pension plan, a defined contribution plan such as a 403(b), or a choice between DB/DC plans.
Anon
So if you have 20 years in, you can figure out exactly what you would get at various ages of retirement if you left employment now. Your pension plan likely has an interactive website that will do exactly this. Also, figure out any type of health subsidy you would get upon retirement. This will help inform any decisions you make.