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Holiday Weekend Open Thread

slip-on sneakers have mesh upper and teal-purple gradient bottom

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Oooh: If you've been waiting to try Allbirds, you may want to take a look at the Nordstrom Winter Sale — there are a bunch on sale for 40% off. Many are down to lucky sizes and colors (if you have small feet, you're likely in luck) — but this pretty slip-on sneaker has a ton of sizes left.

(Here's Kate's review of the brand's ballet flats, as well as Ann's review of the lounger slip-ons — those are both on sale but in limited sizes. A lot of readers also noted that they loved their Allbirds as some of the best sneakers for work outfits.)

Reviewers extol the comfort of the shoes, and like a lot of Allbirds products, they meet a lot of sustainability standards. Nordstrom notes that they are

  • Forest Stewardship Council® (FSC) certified, ensuring forest management that preserves biological diversity and benefits the lives of local people and workers
  • This product meets Nordstrom Sustainably Sourced Materials criteria: contains at least 50% sustainably sourced materials

Nice!

The shoes were $135 but are marked down to $80.

(There also seems to be a lot of great deals on MAC makeup products in the sale — I'll poke around and note if anything else is a great deal.)

My Quick Thoughts on the Nordstrom Winter Sale

There are in fact a bunch of nice deals! Big sales on Zella, Bare Necessities, CeCe, Madewell, lingerie (including Natori, True&Co), bags (Tumi, Kate Spade), shoes (Sam Edelman, Allbirds), makeup (MAC, mascara) and more!

In terms of specific purchases, I love:

You can also take an extra 20% off designer clearance, including McQueen, Aquazzura, Akris, Lafayette 148 New York, Max Mara, Mulberry, and The Row.

(And: great news, readers, the hot pink D&G suit that everyone loved a few weeks ago is on major discount — lucky sizes only, of course.)

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.10

189 Comments

    1. Thank you, this brightened up a dull afternoon. I love the guest list shade. Now I want to read a dishy tell-all from a celebrity wedding planner, haha

    2. As someone who has planned multiple large events I would rather walk over coals than EVER plan a personal event again. Stakeholders are bad enough at wrenches in things at business events, I can only imagine how much worse it is with your own money and lots of feelings/opinions volved (very very bad based on my own wedding planning experience and the bad behavior by parents/siblings on both sides).
      Also, anyone else not shocked that the billionaire father is a liar, bully, and yet has totally thin skin when someone doesn’t take his bait?

      1. Oh my gosh, yeah. I want to give that poor woman a medal for standing up to him even the tiniest bit.

        I have a cousin who has a wedding planning business she built from scratch in a smaller metro area, and I respect the hell out of her for it. The emotional stakes are high enough with regular people; a pissed bully-billionaire is the stuff of nightmares.

    3. I had never heard of Nicola Peltz until right now (and only know Brooklyn because of his parents) but YIKES! Nicola and her entourage seem awful. I ended up reading the entire exhibits in the lawsuit and so entitled!!

    4. Wow. Good for the wedding planner for standing up to this bully. Not surprised that Nicola can’t pause to learn how to read a spreadsheet.

    5. Wow. Good for the wedding planner for standing up to this bully. Not surprised that Nicola can’t pause to learn how to read a spreadsheet.

  2. The post this morning about feeling unmotivated and uninspired at work really struck a chord. I find myself looking at people who seem so engaged/ invested and appear to roll out of bed motivated to work and contribute and wondering if we’re just wired differently.

    I am also 20 yrs into my career and anticipate another 15-20 to go. I have no idea what to do. It’s also complicated by the fact that I’ve taken some career risks to do work I thought would be more meaningful or exciting, and in both cases I ended up in terrible work environments.

    My current workplace is very good. I have no complaints. The issue isn’t them, it’s me! I guess I don’t care that much. I don’t know what else I would care about more, though…

    How many of you are passionate about what you do?

    1. The only people I know who love their work are university professors and there are a lot of them in my family and friend circle. Being a tenured prof is a fairly cushy gig, but getting there is such a time-consuming, arduous career path that I think a lot of the people who aren’t obsessed with research find a different career at some point.

      I know a lot of people who find their work tolerable or even enjoy it, but no one with Passion with a capital P except professors.

      1. This is so interesting! I was in academics before my current career, and everyone was miserable, including tenured profs. In fact, they would be the first to start yelling if someone described their job as “cushy.”

        I now work in health care, and I am passionate about it. It’s been a lot easier to tap into that passion since I opened my own practice though! Dealing with hospital systems and management was far more difficult than working with patients, with none of the reward.

        1. Lol yeah, academia demands passion and returns misery. Also, if you aren’t passionate *enough* all the time, it will eat you up even faster, and you will never get to tenure.

      2. Family members who are doctors seem to love it. They work until late in life and don’t feel like this about it. Of course there are difficulties in every field, but it seems like there is passion there.

        I think my dad did have passion for his fairly normal corporate job until recently. He really liked the industry and it was related to his PhD. But now in his 60s he doesn’t necessarily want to retire but is definitely less interested in it.

        1. Ha. I spent a lot of time behind the scenes with doctors, and so many of them seem so very miserable about the system. So much burnout.

          1. I mean the people I’m talking about do actually like it. Yes there is chaos behind the scenes but overall they like their career and are proud to be doctors and not in a hurry to retire.

          2. +1 all the doctors I know are miserable. Especially post-pandemic but even before.

        2. I feel like “doctors” is too vague here. Like, if your family are e.g. dermatologists this doesn’t really conflict with my impression, but I do have the impression that a lot of doctors are unhappy or very stressed lately.

        3. 60% of doctors report feeling burned out and we have one of the highest suicide rates of any profession. It’s not good.

          I will say, I think the vast majority of physicians still love the actual work we do (taking care of patients) and hate the moral injuries associated with working within our healthcare system.

          1. I know more nurses than doctors, but this tracks with what they’re saying as well – they love caring for patients but this system is a disaster. Along with massive understaffing issues.

      3. I absolutely love my job as a JAG lawyer. I honestly can’t believe I get to do what I do. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. I think it can be very important, meaningful work. BUT it doesn’t define me, I don’t want to be promoted and am happy practicing at the working rank until I retire in 11 years.

    2. I am passionate about my job but I’ve also learned that there are roles that I won’t be passionate about, regardless of the organizations overall “mission” (and I’m speaking as someone who has worked my whole career in gov/nonprofit work). I am really motivated by building and supporting a great team – I know other people are motivated by solving complex technical problems, or starting new things.

    3. I spoken with several colleagues and for the most part, we work to live and that’s it. We work because we are getting paid to work and produce for our clients (Consulting,not law). My passions are elsewhere and my job allows me to pay my bills and enjoy my hobbies. I like my colleagues and my job overall and I’m paid decently with upward mobility. That’s all I want from a job. There’s no real purpose or passion involved. I want to do a good job and get promoted and not hate my job.

      1. +1 I’m in house counsel and I plan to keeping working as little as I can for as much money as they will pay me. I do a good job, got a high performer rating last year (the highest available), but I am not passionate about my job. It’s just a job.

    4. Government employee here. Truly, deeply believe in my Agency’s mission and appreciate the trust placed in me. Which is not to say there aren’t days when it’s hard to get motivated to do the nitty-gritty stuff. There are.

    5. I used to be very focused on working on climate change, both through the lens of for-profits and NFPs. I spent 10+ years in a variety of bad situations with crummy people. 4 years ago I got scooped up by big tech, largely because I needed the mat leave and benefits. While ultimately, I’d love to get back to something climate-related, the past 4 years have been great, and I’ve been feeling if not passionate, then very engaged in my work:
      – I work with a bunch of super smart, great people (I guess tech pays well enough that it gets good talent in even random business functions)
      – I’m able to dive into meaty problems, which I find really interesting
      – I’m supported and no longer have to stress about money

      On the other hand, I could get laid off next week, so take it all with a grain of salt.

    6. I’m passionate in the sense that I don’t dread going to work, I’m invested in our mission and actively try to make my workplace better (whether that’s productivity or diversity and inclusion), and I try to produce excellent work.
      On the other hand, I almost never work over 40 hours a week, I protect my personal time, I don’t accept being underpaid or strung along on short term contracts in the name of passion. And there are task I have to do that are stupid, but so far, the percentage of things I like is still higher.

    7. not me. But I’m good at it. I used to be passionate about working, not necessarily the work, but I loved working. I was self motivated, worked 60-hour weeks in house, now I’m in private practice and make more working less than half as much. I have lots of days since 2020 when I’m slugging around instead of raring to go. I used to volunteer for everything and now I’m doing way less, enjoying moments at home.

    8. I am a lawyer and am very passionate about what I do – my work involves novel and difficult issues with high stakes. But a big part of what allows me to sustain that passion is that my job gives me a lot of day-to-day flexibility in when and where I do my work, coworkers respect my vacation time, and my hours are high but not excessive so I can have a happy marriage and family life and friendships. I could not live on mission alone without my job letting me have a good life overall.

      And yes, I do think people are wired differently. My best friend is super smart and engaged in life generally but just doesn’t like working-she’d much prefer to be traveling, doing sports, etc.

    9. I worked in a museum for eight years and up until the last couple years I considered myself a “lifer.” My first job there I worked on the floor, interacting directly with visitors and it was so much fun. There was the general bullsh!t that comes from working with the public, sure, but I felt genuine happiness walking through the door every morning. Unfortunately that role paid pennies, no benefits, etc. I worked a few other roles there and eventually burned out working for a boss I just could not satisfy.

  3. I effed up and I need the wisdom of the hive for what to do next. I just realized that the email I’ve been avoiding isn’t my long-ago ex being overly friendly again, it’s her letting me know her mom passed away at the end of December. I didn’t know her mom super well, but obv Ex is hurting and I want to be a normal decent person and respond with condolences.

    But … she sent the email Jan 30, and now I am struggling with what to say. I think I’d struggle anyway, given I am not especially good at expressing emotions through written words, but the delay makes it even harder.

    It’s also a hard to navigate bc I put her emails on a slow-roll for a reason. Ex & I don’t have a super close relationship now, and most of the time I wait to respond to her emails for a week or two, bc that keeps us at the “we’re friendly but that’s it level.” If I respond more quickly, she reacts like I’m saying “oohhh if you give me more attention mayyybbbbeee I’d be interested!” Which is NOT the case. Over the past ~2 years we’ve gotten to the place where if we keep correspondence to an email every 2-3 months, it stays in the “we have interesting conversations about wonky international relations stuff” and out of the emotional hazard zone.

    We’d exchanged emails over the holidays and so when I saw another email from her in January, I threw the brakes on and archived it sight unseen, with a plan that I’d get back to her in a couple weeks. But if I’d realized what it was about I would have handled it waaaayyyyy differently. Also, I knew that her mom had cancer but from previous emails she seemed stable, so I think this was somewhat unexpected for Ex.

    Ugh I feel like such a glassbowl. Halp?

    1. I think you’re over-thinking this. Your behavior is pretty normal and understandable. No one I know expects a quick response to an email. If you need to get ahold of someone urgently, you text or call. Also she took a month after the death to email you, so clearly was not expecting you to be her closest support person in the immediate aftermath.

      Just respond with condolences now. You don’t need to say more than a few sentences. Say you’re very sorry to hear this and you’re sorry for her loss. If you have any positive memories of her mom you could share, that would be nice. But really, a simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” is enough. Don’t agonize over what to send to the point that you don’t send anything. It’s much worse to ignore this type of email than to respond with something basic.

    2. I don’t think this is that bad. It’s been about 2 weeks since she emailed, and you had understandable reasons for not opening it right away. As a not-often-in-touch ex, you’re not one of her primary support people, and you have boundaries in place that you want to keep. In your position, I’d begin my reply with an apology for not seeing the email sooner, and then move on to condolences and whatever support you’re comfortable giving.

    3. Send her a handwritten condolence card in the mail. Appropriate. Respectful. Formal.

    4. I understand why you feel bad but you really didn’t know and it sounds like there are good reasons you’ve delayed looking at these in the past. I think send her a note with condolences and a fond memory of her mother and leave it at that.

    5. Team you didn’t eff up; just write back and say you’re sorry to hear about her loss. Don’t go further than that; you don’t want to upset the emotional status quo by saying you’re here for her if she needs to talk. (Unless you’re genuinely worried that she has no one else and might harm herself. But don’t undo the distancing work you’ve already done otherwise.)

    6. “I just read your email today, I’m so sorry for your loss.” Maybe a sentence or two saying how much you admired her mom. That’s it. No lengthy apology or offering to help if she needs anything.

      You say you broke up 2+ years ago and want to keep your distance yet you correspond several times per year. That’s a lot! This internet stranger wants you to know that after this condolence email you’re not obligated to continue communicating with her. If it’s been two years and she takes a timely response as a signal of romantic interest then you need to reduce contact.

      1. +1, and I hope the commenter who wanted to reach out to her ex to share news of a friend passing sees this post. Not the exact same situation, but similar.

      2. Oh we broke up over 15 years ago. We dated just after undergrad, and we were friends before that. We were out of contact for like 10 years but actually ran into each other at a professional conference just before COVID. I think during normal times we would have gotten back to normal levels of interaction and balance more quickly, but somehow pandemic times made things weird.

    7. You’ve told us responding to her emails gives her false hope. Your ex has others to support and encourage her. Release her so she can move on from this relationship and find happiness with someone else.

  4. Any at home teeth whitening worth the time and money? My teeth are moderately yellowish, and they don’t get whiter after a dental cleaning so I don’t think it’s surface staining.

    2. FYI, I just learned, after many years of using it, that the green ACT fluoride rinse can stain your teeth! So I switched to a version that is clear/colorless.

  5. I’ve seen so many helpful thoughts in this group re:sleep this week so I wanted to ask about my specific issue. Since I got COVID last year, I’ve been having so many sleep issues. Specifically I seem to wake up at the end of all my REM cycles – I have vivid dreams and jolt awake, sweating, hot and with a high heart rate at the end of the dream and then have a really hard time going back to sleep. Some nights I can – and then I wake up 2-3 more times. Some nights I wake up at 3-4 am and just can’t get back to sleep. Prior to getting COVID I had no issues sleeping through the night (33F, previously healthy). Does anyone have any suggestions for things to try?

    I have tried: CBD gummies, magnesium melatonin, journaling, a bed wind down routine, no screens 2 hours before bed, eye mask, ear plugs. Many of the things seem to help me fall asleep easier/quiet the mind but I am still jolting away multiple times each night :( thank you all!

    1. This sounds like a thing to bring up with a doctor! How did you deduce that it’s at the end of your REM cycles?

    2. COVID makes things complicated, but have you considered the possibility of fasting hypoglycemia, histamine dumps, or some kind of autonomic condition that’s triggered while lying down? (Yes, they don’t all prefer lying down to being upright…)

      Replacing some carbs with proteins and fats at dinner and eating some protein right before bed is sometimes advised to help prevent hypos.

      Taking allergy meds right before bed is sometimes advised for histamine dumps.

      I know less about autonomic stuff but for me, I was actually getting syncope spells while sleeping (I guess from low blood volume from dilated blood vessels), and my body was pumping out the adrenaline to fight that.

      1. thank you for the suggestions! I’m managing my blood sugar using glucose goddess hacks but can try to improve that even more for dinner and see how that helps. will also try an allergy med – for the long covid I was dealing with, that was a popular suggestion but haven’t tried it in some time. That’s really interesting about the syncope spells and I hope that it has improved for you!

    3. OP here – let me add that I did bring this up with my PCP who referred me to a sleep clinic, but my appointment (soonest I could get) is still 3 months away!

    4. I’m not sure if this would help with your situation, but the best thing I ever did for my sleep was to get the Chili Pad, a mattress pad that lets you control the temp. I didn’t realize how often I was waking up due to overheating on our foam mattress (seems to be a post-partum side effect that never went away?) but now I crank this puppy down to like 65 degrees at night and sleep so much better. Well, until recently – currently in the late stages of another pregnancy and I am also struggling with 3-4 pm wakeups… I force myself to count slowly to a hundred (to keep the invasive thoughts out) and if that doesn’t work, then I get out of bed and drink a cup of hot milk. Sometimes I have to read something soothing (lately the Modern Love column) on a red screen for ~30 minutes and then I’m ready to go back to sleep. Good luck – insomnia is the worst!!

      1. thank you for all the suggestions! We’re also TTC so part of me is like oh boy will pregnancy be even harder with sleep?? I’ll try the technique of counting to keep the invasive thoughts out. I do try box breathing/meditating sometimes. Intriguing re: chilipad- I’m not sure I’m ready to spend quite that much yet but am getting closer by the day…

    5. Have you tried cutting out all caffeine and alcohol? Both mess with sleep cycles/depth.

      1. thanks for the suggestion! yes – already no caffeine and alcohol (as the COVID gave me some GI issues too and those were the first to go). GI issues now better but I feel good without the caffeine and alcohol and so have been continuing that

    7. What you’re describing is what sleep apnea often feels like on waking, so it’s good you’ve got the sleep study. Age and weight and snoring aren’t the only contributors to apnea. That’s obstructive sleep apnea. There is also a type that is related to neurological change—that’s central sleep apnea. Inflammation can sometimes be a trigger. Can you see if anyone can get you in sooner?

      1. Her story does not sound like sleep apnea at all, which does not correlate with dreams and is not a typical cause of difficulty falling asleep in the middle of the night after waking up. Central sleep apnea is a much rarer subtype, usually associated with more serious neurologic/medical disorders and/or heavy duty drugs. Her story doesn’t sound like central sleep apnea either.

        Are you on any new medications? Any other life changes / correlations with this sudden change? New stressors/behavioral changes? Does anyone say you are acting out your dreams while you are still asleep?

        1. When I wake up because I absolutely cannot breathe, it’s usually accompanied by a nightmare. Often I think I see someone suffocating or strangling me, but I can’t move. When I finally, finally, finally become able to take a breath, I’m always gasping for air and have a bad headache and can’t sleep for a long time.

          Is that not some kind of apnea? The worst part of it is not being able to breathe. I don’t sleep walk but people say I do talk nonsense sometimes while I’m sleeping.

          1. Well, now you are describing something very different from your OP so…?. So you should just see your doctor, ideally a sleep specialist if you are going to have a sleep study. A primary care doctor is not the best doctor to help with your complaints, and even if they order the sleep study, they will not understand the results well enough to help you. Make an appointment now if you can, because sleep specialists can be booked up many months in advance.

          2. I saw the sleep specialists. I didn’t experience one of these episodes the night of the sleep study, so that was that. Seems like they’re useless if a sleep issue doesn’t happen during the sleep study.

          3. So, that’s great! You don’t have sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is characterized by numerous episodes of stopping breathing every single night My Dad has sleep apnea, and on his sleep study he stopped breathing 40 times a night. If the sleep study did not record a single episode of anything abnormal, that is great. You don’t have any of the serious sleep disorders. And even if you feel short of breath when you wake up suddenly after a nightmare, this is not a variant of sleep apnea.

            But that doesn’t mean that your complaints aren’t real! It doesn’t mean your sleep isn’t disrupted! And you have been doing a great job and trying to troubleshoot on your own. And we know that sleep problems are just awful to deal with and totally disruptive of your life/mood/health.

            At a minimum, it sounds like you have new onset vivid dreams/nightmares, which can be very unpleasant, and you can absolutely wake up wired/terrified/maybe even short or breath with this. And once you wake up, you have a hard time going back to sleep. A very common and very disruptive sleep problem…

            So what did the sleep doctor actually recommend? Did you go back for a follow-up appointment after the sleep study to get a diagnosis/advice? Sleep doctors don’t usually reject you if your sleep study is normal. They talk through your problem and try to come up with a diagnosis and solution, and keep seeing you until it is better.

            Also wondering – what correlates with this sudden change in your sleep? It sounds like your anxiety level is pretty high – has this gotten worse lately? Any new medicine changes? Any other changes in your routine? Did the sleep doctor go through every aspect of sleep hygiene to see if you can optimize anything?

            I’m a little confused by your posts. Looking back at your OP you said you don’t have a sleep clinic appointment for 3 months and you act like you haven’t had a sleep study yet. Then you say you have had a sleep study, and it was normal and that the sleep doctors…. recommended nothing?!?! I’m not sure what’s going on with you, but there are sleep specialists…. either pulmonologists or neurologists or psychologists who can all be great sources for working through your problem. If you have an appointment in ?3 months for a second opinion with one of these, then that’s great. Just get on the cancellation list if you’d like to be seen sooner. And give the clinic a call once or twice a week to see if they have a last minute cancellation if you’d still want to push to get in earlier.

            Meanwhile, since you are falling asleep fine, start looking for online advice from a reputable sleep website for what to do when you wake up in the night to help you fall back asleep. Relaxation exercises/breathing exercises/mindfulness/body scans/turn on radio or white noise station/even get out of bed and read in another room until you start to get tired/write down your dream when you wake up (get it out of you…)… many things to try and you didn’t mention trying any of them.

            And if there is ANYTHING you started taking/doing just before this started… stop it. Especially if you are taking some unusual herb/supplement/vitamin that you decided to take on your own. Anything from meds for mood to allergy meds to statins etc.. can cause vivid dreams. Even sleep medicines can cause bad dreams, so maybe cut down on the benadryl or ambien if you have been trying them. And talk to your PCP if one of your other meds could be contributing – but never suddenly stop taking a prescription medicine on your own without talking to your doctor.

            And start working on anything that might help both decrease anxiety (the most common cause of middle of the night insomnia) and improve sleep. Regular exercise, daytime mindfulness medication/yoga/gratitude journaling/anxiety workbook/counseling.

            https://www.thensf.org/

          4. I’m not the OP. I just didn’t understand what about OP’s presentation was so inconsistent with sleep disruptions caused by apnea.

            For me this isn’t a new problem. I’ve had these episodes at least since I was five or six. I don’t “feel short of breath”; I’m actually physically unable to breathe until finally I’m able to wake up and move again. Maybe that’s not sleep apnea, but it’s some kind of apnea if I’m physically not breathing! It feels exactly like holding one’s breath for far too long, like when going underwater and pushing it too far, except I can’t control it.

            I don’t believe there’s any connection to anxiety for me. The only thing I’ve noticed as a risk factor is jet leg (I get way more episodes if I’m jet lagged) or when the time changes (I’m dreading daylight savings coming up this spring). The sleep specialists did a follow up with sleep hygiene advice and said that daylight savings and jet lag are really bad for people with poor sleep transitions, which I guess I already knew.

    8. I have the insomnia and walking up at night issue in addition to a host of long COVID symptoms after my first breakthrough infection.

      FWIW I recently started trialing B12 injections at the recommendation of some people (here and on Body Politic Long Covid Slack channel), which my rheumatologist ok’ed, and feel more tired after the shot (which means I was deficient and body is now going into repair mode) + actually started sleeping through the nights after a week of every other day injections. Still on loading doses as I have neuropathy as one of my symptoms, but couldn’t hurt to try if you have a Reviv clinic nearby or a PCP who is willing to trial it? If you do, be mindful of co factors (5mg folic acid/day + lots of potassium high natural foods like banana and coconut water, dark chocolate, spinach before and after the injection. The Pernicious Anemia and B12 Deficiency Support Group on Facebook is a good resource if you want to have a read on the research backing this, where to get your injections, etc.

      1. Adding that even though I sometimes wake up middle of the night, I actually feel way more refreshed in the morning even after 6 hours of sleep. Might be placebo ofc but it’s a first in 6 months since I had COVID— I’m not questioning it.

  6. Oof, I just got Invisalign yesterday and the acclimation period is worse than I thought. Everything hurts – my teeth, cheeks and jaws. And they’re much more visible than I thought, which in combination with a new lisp I have when trying to speak with them in, is making me super self conscious. I was hoping to start dating again soon but I don’t feel super excited about it with the Invisaligns in. Does it get better? Do you really stop noticing them after a while? I have the rubber bands too, and those are super fiddly. Not looking forward to a whole year of this.

    2. It will get better- the lisp goes away pretty fast (a few days at most) and you do get used to the feeling of the aligners after a while. I had invisalign for about two years including rubber bands. Of course it was not fun, but I am so glad now that I did it. The result is worth it. There’s a site for adults with braces that you might want to look at
      https://www.archwired.com/

    3. I promise it gets better. The first few days after Invisalign I thought I made a big mistake because of the same things you report. I got used to it after a few weeks and it wasn’t so bad after that. I had the lisp too but it went away. The year seems long but when you are on the other side it will be so worth it! I did mine about 8 years ago and I’m still thankful. Hang in there!

    4. It gets slightly better but I still sometimes lisp on the first day or so of a new tray. Tbh I don’t put them in when I’m going to be at in-person events. If that means I extend the time I’m being treated so be it – the whole take them out/rinse/put them back in thing in the office is a HUGE pita.

    5. It gets so much better! I’m about 6 months in. I go to court with them in and argue cases. No issues at all with the lisp anymore. It still hurts when I switch to new trays, but even that gets better after a couple days. Stick with it, and good luck!

    6. I’m on tray 4 of mine, and it definitely does get better (for me it took until some time in the third week, fwiw). I have a lot of attachments, and they are more visible than I was expecting, but my teeth are already starting to visibly straighten so that’s keeping me feeling positive about them.

    7. It will get better. My ortho sold me this vibrating appliance … you bite down on the mouth guard part, it vibrates gently and it’s supposed to help with the adjustment/discomfort. It helped me, for sure. See how it goes the next few days, but that could be an option. (It could have also been a completely useless overpriced scam, but I didn’t experience any discomfort with new trays)

    8. My husband has had them for going on 2 years now. Like getting your braces tightened the new trays always hurt for a day or two.

      The lisp goes away, I can’t ever tell if he had them in anymore. As long as you keep them clean they are not at all noticeable to others.

      If you are self conscious on dates, just take them out :).

  7. For those who’ve been to Scotland, how would you split your time between Edinburgh and Glasgow? Likes include walkable cities, exploring cities, architecture, stopping to get coffee or at shopping areas though don’t need to do any real shopping, and luxury hotels. Very much prefer being in places that are not packed so I can explore without feeling like people are pushing me out of the way to get their IG pic or are coughing on me – given the never ending pandemic.

    Am I right in thinking Glasgow is more of a work city while Edinburgh draws tourists? Recently learned that my grandfather graduated university from Glasgow which coming from Asia in the 1940s was no small thing so I’d love to see his university which is why I’d go to Glasgow. Just not sure what else to go there though.

    1. Stay in Edinburgh, go through to Glasgow for the day. I love Glasgow, my husband thinks it’s because the grid system appeals to my North American brain, but there’s not a whole lot to do. Strathcylde or Glasgow Uni? Glasgow campus is very pretty – but they didn’t give me a job so I’m salty :) I would get in touch with the uni (either alumni relations or the uni museum) and tell them about your grandfather though, they might do a special tour, etc.

    2. I love both cities. Edinburgh is prettier and more touristy.
      Glasgow is friendlier and more laid back.

      I love both, but I love Glasgow more, and feel more at home. Both are walkable, both have fantastic museums and food, both have great architecture, both are convenient for side trips (Dundee from Edinburgh, Oban from Glasgow, as examples). Glasgow is better for music. Edinburgh maybe for theatre/ballet.

      Glasgow has a less affluent background, and had a renaissance quite recently (less than 40 years). Edinburgh is the snooty old dame that you love.

      The train between the two cities is just a short trip, and you can’t go wrong either way. You can easily split your time.
      In Glasgow, the Kelvingrove museum is amazing, you must go. Mackintosh tea rooms is another must see. The art school and the art museum are both nice. If you or anybody you travel with like transport history there’s a fab museum.Lots of concerts and live bands, if you like that. I would try a walking tour, to get the contrasts between the old (early industrial commerce), the regenerated and the cutting edge.

      1. Anecdotally, I’ve found that ballet tickets in other countries are often cheaper (with better seats!) than comparable tickets in the US. I don’t know if it’s the government funding or what, but it is so fun to see these theaters I’ve read about my whole life and the ticket feels like a bargain in comparison to the US prices.

    3. I think 1.5 days in Glasgow would be fine, spend a day in the westend and visit Kelvingrove Museum and walk along Byres Road, Finneston and around Partick plus Glasgow Uni. Then ann afternoon in the town centre to go round the shops and the Merchant City. You might like Glasgow Green and the Necropolis. Personally I think Edinburgh doesn’t need too long either, I’d look at a day trip to St Andrews.

  8. Sleep issue post above reminded me – I take melatonin every night. Has been a thing since work became stressful a couple months ago. Do you think it’s an issue? Should I find a way to wean out? I have slept so well that I am scared to go without.

    1. There were articles in the NYtimes about how it’s not intended for daily use. I’d replace with something like chamomile tea or magnesium or gaba.

    2. I think this is a doctor question (I’m pretty sure melatonin is prescription in some places!). If it’s for something like jet lag or sleep onset insomnia or daylight savings, I think it’s usually for short term use.

      But I think some people may be low on melatonin to begin with and just feel better on it. And I thought it could help with some hormonal issues like for PCOS. So it’s helping for months on end, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of a reason for that, but definitely disclose supplements to doctors.

    3. I see a neuroendocrinologist, and his opinion is that quality sleep is extremely important and if you need sleep aids to get good sleep, melatonin is the best choice. Obviously, getting good “natural” sleep is the best solution, but that isn’t an option for everyone, and he feels melatonin is safer than both chronic insomnia and other sleep aids. There’s also lots of evidence that older people have naturally low levels of melatonin and can benefit from supplementation, and I believe for women the levels start dropping around the time you begin perimenopause so that’s something to think about if you’re late 30s or older. But yes, if you’re taking it daily, I would discuss it with a doctor.

      1. +1
        Yes, of course discuss with a doctor, but daily melatonin is the recommended treatment for several sleep disorders.

        Melatonin is a hormone that your body produces – in sufficient doses at the right time, or not. Maybe it would help for you to think of it like the hormonal birth control of sleep. :)

        1. +1

          I have a relative that has to take it for life for a sleep phase shift disorder. You only need like 1mg in the published studies to be effective, so that’s what his doctor tells him to take. But since it is arbitrarily labeled as a supplement instead of a typical pharmaceutical medication it is totally unregulated and who knows why manufacturers make it in all sorts of doses. And since it isn’t regulated you honestly have no idea if you are taking what the bottle actually says it is. It could be mostly sawdust. Ideally your doctor can guide you on which brands they trust.

          So my relative was told to buy it from Costco, which often sells supplements that are better screened. I look for things like USP on the labels when I get vitamins/supplements.

  9. what is your favorite home exercise equipment? i really like my adjustable dumbells but wondering about a squat rack or treadmill maybe for more LISS.

    2. Honestly it is the simple stuff. Hand weights, therabands, a step, a ball. I am trying to do mostly bodyweight exercises.

      One of my friends has a Body by Jake, which is actually kind of useful. I think a recumbent stationary bike is great. We have a lot of progressive osteoarthritis in my family, and my knees started bothering me in my 30s and definitely running is not great for joints and I hate it too so there’s that. lol

    3. While probably not technically home equipment, I love my bicycle.
      Other than that, I have some weights and do predominately bodyweight exercises.

    4. I work out at home and have equipment that fits my type of workouts: a great spin bike (bought from a gym who bought 20 of them for an event), 10kg bar and a set of weights that allow me to squat 50kg, small 3kg dumbbells, elastic resistance band that goes around thighs and elastic resistance band with handles and a step/bench. I also have a yoga mat, yoga cork block and a belt.
      I do spinning, lift weights, do yoga and Lea Mills trainings (strength, core, bike).
      I would say – buy what fits your workout needs.
      I have never regretted purchase of the bike and weights. And have had then for ages.

    5. I have a sunny spin bike that I added a wahoo cadence measure to and I use it for peloton. I also have a weight set from Costco. I love both. When I did beach body I used resistance bands but I prefer the peloton app.

    6. I love love love my Concept2 rowing machine. When we moved that was my priority – I needed space for the rower!
      When we had a garage we had a whole setup with a platform and squat rack. It was great! We got a package from Again Faster and some extra plates from a local sports resale shop.

  10. Any readers here tried micro needling with PRP? I have a rare week coming up where I don’t have to see anyone and thinking it’s a good chance to recover from a session. However, I don’t know when I will have a similar opportunity for follow-up treatment. Everything I read suggests it takes 3 sessions to see results. is it worth getting one even if it may be several months or never for the next session? Me: late 30s with good skin but a little bit of melasma and large pores.

    1. Yes, I’m obsessed with it. I’m pretty sure I saw results after the first time, but it’s been a few years. The recovery isn’t that bad for me…the redness goes away in a couple days and then I look pretty normal unless you get close enough to notice the dryness/flaking. It’s nice to be able to stay home though because then you can completely avoid sun exposure and it’s better to not wear makeup for a few days.

      You might find that the recovery is easier than expected, which would make it easier to plan follow-up sessions.

    2. Doesn’t that cost a small fortune? Why did you jump to that rather than the numerous other options? It is my understanding that PRP is one of dozens of invasive interventions that beauty dermatologists love because it is “new” makes $$$ and once you start you feel committed to keep going since it is unclear how many treatments you might need, how much it might help, and then you have to repeat them forever.

      I mean, why bother to do one session when you wont even follow the “recommended” course, so you will likely just be throwing your money away? There are tons of other things you can do for your issues, which are minor.

  11. Dress code for a reception/dinner is “business attire”. This follows a day of meetings where the dress code is business casual. The event involves attendees from across the country. Is a suit the only possibility here? It’s so hard to find decent suiting these days.

    1. Not at all – I’d read the invitation as “keep your business casual clothes on for dinner.”

      I’d go for a monotone pants and sweater look… or a dress.

      1. This is exactly what this dress code means. Just wear whatever you were wearing all day.

    2. More info needed to advise. And I wouldn’t think a suit is the default here at all.

        1. In that case, I’d go sheath dress for evening. I’ve been to a few conferences like that and most women were wearing something in the business dress family.

          1. +1. Sheath work-to-evening dress and jacket, ditch the jacket at cloakroom if everyone else is.

    3. I would wear an outfit you could put a jacket on for dinner. Think a sheath dress with a cardigan for the day. Business attire doesn’t mean ‘matching suit’ for women IMHO.

      1. Ditto–I’d choose something like a sheath with 3/4 sleeves. I’d wear the dress all day. If staying in the conference hotel, I’d run up to my room to drop off my laptop bag, maybe put on flashier earrings and lipstick, and grab a small purse (with shoulder strap to leave hands free for appetizers and drink). I’d stick with comfortable shoes, but heels might be nice in the evening if that’s your jam.

  12. Any other posters feel differently about their romantic partner based on time of the month? I am mid 30s, with the same partner 3 years, and don’t want kiddos. Not on any hormonal BC. Most of the time I want to be with my partner. It seems that for 3-4 days every month around my ovulation time, I want to be single, I don’t want to be in a relationship, I think we should break up, ugh. He handles it pretty well, I rarely say these things but do get quieter and am less connected. So about 4-5 days a month I super love him, about 3-4 days a month I want to be single, and the rest of the time is neutral to good/like being with him. Gardening is fine, not mind blowing, but no real specific complaints. Is this normal? Anything I can do during the predictable times to reset my brain?

    1. I think this is pretty much normal. Earlier in our relationship (like, maybe the first 5 years?) I did get doubts like you described. Now It’s mellowed out, I guess. I’m definitely a bit short and less patient with people all around, and DH annoys the heck out of me during those days. It’s been helpful for me to recognize the mood may be connected with my cycle, and bite my tongue a little for those days. If it’s still a Problem after I get my period, I can always speak up then.

    2. Yes, definitely. It’s extremely normal that the shifts in our hormones fuel physical and emotional changes, and that our thoughts and actions during those times spill out on the people closest to us. Start to notice those days and where they fall. Once you get a good feel for them, put a note to yourself on your calendar reminding yourself you’re about to head into this time. Then make a pact with yourself that you will not discuss or talk about relationship stuff during these days because you know that you have this hormonal overlay going on that can exacerbate your thinking. You can deal with anything that comes up after your hormones have leveled out a bit.

      Question: it’s interesting to me that you’re talking of this in terms of “I want to be single” and not “I dislike him” or “am angry at him.” is it that during these days you start to dislike people in general and want to be alone? Is it that in these days you start to feel ___ and want to get away from people/things/him? Or are you feeling keyed up and antsy and want to be single so you can date other people? If you are aware of what form this takes, you know what to watch for. Especially whether this hormonal swing is making you keyed up, anxious, intense, passionate, irritable . . . or sad, dejected, teary, withdrawn, sullen, critical, etc.

    3. Totally normal. As I’m sure you know, the menstrual cycle is 24/7/365 and the hormones that regulate that cycle and affect everything from acne to body odor also affect moods and even how we feel toward other people at any given time. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship is or whether you want kids, it’s all about your hormones.
      The only thing you can do is realize why it’s happening and regulate your reactions to them until they pass.

    4. Hormones can definitely transiently affect how I feel about “all men” including my partner. So I can believe that hormones are capable of this anyway.

      It is kind of interesting that you do not want children and also hate your partner around ovulation, since that seems kind of consistent!

    5. Read up on how women (and men) react around ovulation. It’s a time when women are statistically more inclined to cheat (**please do not read anything about women in general or you or whatever into that statement**). Men find themselves more attracted to women during that time.

      I find it interesting that the gardening is “not mind blowing.” (No judge – it’s seriously bad with my husband.) I find myself veerrry cranky with him when I ovulate – I think my body wants amazing, mind blowing gardening and knows that it isn’t happening with him.

  14. Does anyone know a place in nyc or Chicago where you can try on k-beauty stuff?

  15. I’m watching the Big Day show about Indian weddings: did I hear correctly that someone had 4,000 guests?! I’m in shock. My sister had 250 and that was massive. I honestly don’t know how they fit in one space.

    1. The Indian weddings I’ve been to had 500-1,000 guests, but those weddings were all in the US. I think weddings in India are bigger.

    2. My SIL married a man from Laos, and there were 400 people at the wedding. It was incredible and overwhelming and very fun!

  16. My SIL married a man from Laos, and there were 400 people at the wedding. It was incredible and overwhelming and very fun!

    1. Thank you. Very sweet to think of me. The memorial and dinner yesterday went well. And I liked what I wore, always a bonus.

  17. How much of your career success would you attribute to hard work vs. “intelligence” vs. networking/people skills?

    I was having a very candid conversation with someone who everyone, including them, agrees is much better at the people skills part than anything else. They were saying that constant networking, and who you know, and being nice to the right people, and schmoozing were essential.
    I’m not good at managing up but people who have worked with or under me have generally had very good things to say about me. My technical skills are strong, and people see and comment on that. I’ve gotten jobs and interviews and contracting work on the basis of the quality of my work + essentially being easy to work with.
    I’m sure its a combination of all of the above, but something about insisting that “schmoozing”-type networking is required rubs me the wrong way.

    1. I’m sure it varies by industry but to me feel like it gets more essential as you get more senior.

      1. +1 completely agree with this. Early on in my career, my credentials and SME in a niche area were enough to move me forward. Now that I’m mid career, I’m realizing I got passed up for leadership roles (and may forever be stuck as an IC) because I neglected this schmoozing/networking component for advancement. I think it’s essential in pretty much all workplaces, sadly (I’ve done gov’t, firms, and am now in house). I’m trying to be a little more deliberate about it, but in the end, I know that I can only be myself, and I’m never going to be one of those people who excels at it, so it is what it is.

    2. I feel like the intelligence gets you in the door/early stages, but combined with hard work it helps you succeed at the early levels. But to get to the highest levels in most industries, you need more. Absolutely social skills/networking/being the person others want to work with/promoting yourself are critical at that level. I know many people who launch to the top level who are not the hardest workers or the most intelligent.

      1. Totally agree. The more you need to work with people (which have personalities, egos, issues, chips on their back, irrational thoughts, you name it) in your role, the more people skills will matter, even if the business centers around some technical work. And it’s more than schmoozing or being nice to the right people, it’s building relationships, being a capable leader, tact, understanding or anticipating what others need even if they don’t say it outright, and so many other people skills. At the end of the day, you can delegate and parcel up the technical work more easily than the management work, so it makes sense to have strong leaders in management positions even if their reports have stronger (often more up to date) technical skills.

    3. Definitely the former. I’m a young BigLaw partner and I know I made it because my work is good and because partners I work with like me – I work hard, I really do my best to make our teams work well and pleasantly together, i spend time and effort creating relationships in my office, and associates and staff are vocal that they like being on my cases. That said I’m not great at external networking. I have a solid but small network because I’m good at building a friendship but not good at getting to know a lot of people or making connections at functions, and I also have family and small kids I already have a hard time spending enough time with given the insane demands of my job so I only go to evening or weekend events on rare occasions. It causes me a little bit of stress because I know not being a rainmaker means I may be expendable one day, but not a ton because I do think my skills are needed and because I don’t really care about being higher on the ladder within the partnership. I do often think I’d be happier in government but AUSA jobs are few and far between in my city.

      1. I found articles on rainmaking for introverts really helpful. I was a successful rainmaker but I had to build my practice my way, through one on ones and giving seminars, not through cocktail parties.

    4. None of those really capture it – you need some technical competence but you don’t need to be the best, you absolutely need people skills but in the sense of you need to be able to influence people, and you need to be intelligent but not the smartest person in the room. Having a high EQ and general competence is the main recipe for climbing high. If that’s your aim, definitely work in managing up, too.

      1. +1 Also I don’t think the people skills component is a separate category from intelligence and hard work. You need to be smart and work hard to be good at people skills, too.

  18. I just got an IG ad for quince and… they totally ripped off the anthro Sommerset dress! Is this just what they do? I haven’t been paying attention enough, everything seemed so boring.

    1. It’s what they all do. Fast fashion is about copying others, both modern and vintage pieces.

      2. is Quince “fast fashion” though? it’s not like they’re SheIn or something.

        2. Yeah it’s not just fast fashion brands. Marc Jacobs is notorious for copying designer styles and isn’t what I would call fast fashion either.

  19. Looking for a solid white/ivory long sleeve or elbow sleeve top (crew or v-neck preferred, can be cotton or a thin sweater) to wear under blazers for work (business casual attire – such as this tweed sweater jacket: https://www.loft.com/clothing/jacket-blazers/catl000018/34175897.html). I found this one at Ann Taylor but it has mediocre reviews that won’t let me read them: https://www.anntaylor.com/clothing/tops-and-blouses/cata000010/573551.html?dwvar_573551_color=9000&priceSort=DES

    I know others have been discussed/reviewed on here, but even those tend to have mixed reviews. What is your favorite? Thanks in advance!

        1. I would say true to size but form fitting. I sized up but my younger, 6-pk abs friend took her usual size. The long sleeve, dual neckline version is also great.

  20. Hopefully some people are around here today, but if not I’ll post again tomorrow.

    What are your favorite snacks to pack in your lunch? I’ve been doing baby carrots and a string cheese for a while now and would like to change it up a bit!

    2. Single serving cups of guacamole, Greek yogurt with almonds, cheese stick with pretzels

    3. Sadly yes, I am working today, so I’ll reply. Apple slices and peanut butter, hummus and baby carrots, string cheese, kind bars, and the single serving guacomole cups with pita chips. I have the itty bitty little dressing containers (kat featured them on here recently, don’t recall the brand) that i use to put hummus and peanut butter in.

    4. Aren’t most people working today? Outside of academia, government, and banks, I’m not sure who takes the day off. A quick search says that most people work today, between 60% and 75%.

      1. I used to work for banks and had most federal holidays off. I think your impression of the number of people who have off is skewed by industry.

      4. Academia doesn’t typically have this day off. I’ve worked at four different universities and never had it as a holiday.

        1. I have two kids in college, both public institutions. One has it off, one doesn’t!

          1. Staff normally have to work even when students are off though. That’s what I’m saying – it’s not a holiday for staff.

          2. Depends on what you mean by staff. Everything is closed on his campus – down to one dining hall and no other campus services available.

      5. I work in academia and government (public higher eduction) and today is a normal work day for us. So much for the stereotypes.

    5. On a recommendation here, I got one of those dedicated egg steamers and have no regrets. My favorite snack now is not-so-hard boiled eggs prepared exactly the way I like them.

        1. My son used ours for poached eggs this morning and they came out great. I’d never used the little trays before. Be sure to butter/oil/pam the tray.

    6. I love snacks! Lately: Soy marinated eggs, Brami Lupini Beans (I like the balsamic rosemary the best), cut up cucumbers sprinkled with furikake or everything seasoning, fruit, trail mix (I combine roasted unsalted nuts with dried cherries and pretzel bits and chocolate chips), Bobos Oat muffins.

  21. What can I do with children (elementary school) on a Sunday morning in Des Moines, Iowa? We have to go there next weekend for a wake. We fly in Friday night, family events all Saturday, we don’t fly out until late afternoon Sunday. My kids wake up at 5a.m., they eat the same breakfast every day so a restaurant outing is doubtful, and I can’t imagine keeping them occupied in a hotel from 5a-lunch. It looks like there is a science center and some trampoline parks but they all open late morning or not until noon. Ideas?

    1. Does the hotel have a pool? It may not be open right at 5, but you could spend a bit of time snuggling with cartoons or whatever and then let them wear themselves out.

    2. I’m sorry for your loss. I grew up in central Iowa. The science center is great and according to the internet opens at 9 am on Sunday. I don’t think you’re going to find much in the way of non-restaurant businesses open much before 9 on Sunday. That’s not an Iowa thing, that’s the case pretty much everywhere. I second the hotel pool if it’s open, but I’m also confused why you can’t take your kids to a coffee shop or brunch place. I have picky eaters and we eat out all the time.

    3. I suspect the answer for many people is “church”, which makes your quest tricky. Will they allow you to bundle them up and have them run around outdoors? Does it need to be indoors?

      1. Brainstorming without Googling based on generic Midwest cities: Indoor mini golf, ice skating rink, laser tag, bowling, reading in a Barnes & Noble, the mall.

          2. Maybe a big box store (Walmart, Target) and go down every aisle playing I Spy or something?

      1. We typically go hiking or to a park, or to little tykes hour at an indoor facility (often open earlier for under 8s). but Iowa is so much colder than home, I’m not sure a hike or park will be fun.

        1. Des Moines weather is actually supposed to be pretty decent this weekend — high 40s. If you’re coming from the south or California I guess it will be cold for you, but for Midwesterners this is very pleasant as far as February goes, and it’s totally possible to get outside if you have enough clothing.

          A friend of a friend runs desmoinesparent.com. You might ask there for suggestions.

        2. Since you/your kids like hiking, consider visiting the Neal Smith National Wildlife Refuge. It is in Prairie City, which is about a 30 min drive from Des Moines. Great walking paths and you’ll get to see bison! The visitor center may not be open Sundays in the winter, but it is a special place.

          If you prefer to stay near downtown, you can walk around the Pappajohn Sculpture Park. I don’t think it will fill hours of time, but I have watched friends’ kids be amused for at least an hour at a time.

    5. It looks like the science centre opens at 9 am on Sundays, so don’t rule that one out.

      Cartoons in bed, breakfast, watching some ducks in park or reading, fun snack, science centre?

    6. Hotels are good places to play with messy items. Can you grab a slime-making kit or a playdough play set or one of those TreasureX or gemstone dig type toys and surprise them with it Sunday morning?

      2. I’m guessing the housekeeping staff would disagree.
        Yikes. I can’t even imagine this mindset…

      3. Hotels are not at all a good place for messy items. Most are carpeted. And when you ruin the carpet, you get to pay.

        (And what an entitled attitude anyway when you’re not the low-wage worker on a schedule doing the cleaning. Gross.)

    7. What about reaching out to friends/family in the area and heading over for an early morning breakfast visit?

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