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I was reviewing some of the data on which products people are buying most in the NAS — there aren't a ton of surprises, at least for the ones with the highest numbers: people love to stock up on basics!!
I know I myself am guilty of this also — I almost always order another pair of Wit & Wisdom denim. It's stretchy, it's comfortable, and it comes in petite sizes, long sizes, and plus — all for under $60. (KUT from the Cloth denim also comes in petite sizes, but isn't quite so stretchy.)
Other big sellers among the readers: the lingerie (I've got a handy widget so I'll stick it below), the Caslon t-shirts (I also ordered at least one), Nordstrom's Moonlight pajamas (SO SOFT!) and these soft and stretchy trousers (Elizabeth's favorites) (available in regular, plus, and petite).
How about you guys — did you get the sizes and colors of basics you wanted this year? Do you have your eye on anything in case it comes back in stock? (I noticed that the Transport Tote was back in stock yesterday, for what it's worth, but is out again today. Note that if you can add something to your Wishlist, you'll get an email when it comes back in stock — I'm not sure of any other way to find out other than that.)
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
anon
Can we start a book rec thread? Im going on vacation next week and would love some reds – i dont necessarily need something light. I love memoirs/autobiographies but open to anything, just cant wait to have my nose in a book all week and you all have the best recs.
Senior Attorney
I loved How the Word is Passed by Clint Smith. Not exactly a memoir but not exactly not, either. Oh! Anything by Ruth Reichl — Save Me the Plums, Tender at the Bone, Garlic and Sapphires… really any of her books are fantastic.
Anon
Let Love Rule by Lenny Kravitz
Note: It only covers the first 25 years or so of his life, but it’s a good read nonetheless.
Anony
I read about 100 books a year, and this year I think “The Covenant of Water” will be my favorite this year! It is so rich! I read it while on vacation earlier this month and couldn’t wait to get to bed at night to read it!
Anon
So rich, so well written, and so, so sad.
Anon
This is a review! Just downloaded it based on this alone.
I just read Pineapple Street and loved it, adding to the recommendations list.
Anony
I liked Pineapple Street too! A lot of reviews complained that nothing really happened, but I didn’t care because I just love family drama books.
Anon in Arlington
Fiction:
Small Things Like These – Claire Keegan
Foster – Claire Keegan
The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
A Concise Chinese – English Dictionary for Lovers – Xiaolu Guo
Brooklyn – Colm Tóibín
Non-fiction:
The Ghost Map: The Story of London’s Most Terrifying Epidemic—and How It Changed Science, Cities, and the Modern World – Steven Johnson
All the Beauty in the World: The Metropolitan Museum of Art and Me – Patrick Bringley
My Mess Is a Bit of a Life: Adventures in Anxiety – Georgia Pritchett
Outwitting History: The Amazing Adventures of a Man Who Rescued a Million Yiddish Books – Aaron Lansky
Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI – David Grann
Anon8
Claire Keegan hive!!!! I finished Foster and immediately re-read it. Literally perfect book.
anon
I haven’t read Killers of the Flower Moon yet, but David Grann is an incredible writer who covers interesting topics. I really enjoyed The Wager and The Lost City of Z.
AnonSatOfc
Ghost Map + Flower Moon are two of my favorite nonfiction reads!
Anon
Fiction: Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver.
Memoir: Educated by Tara Westover
Anonymous
Wild swans
Anon
I read a ton, and here are my less-well-known picks:
Nonfiction –
The Last Cowboys, John Branch – I’m obsessed with this book and never meet anyone else who’s read it. This is just one of ~those~ books that sucks you in and doesn’t let go. The Wright family in southern Utah has something like 5 adult sons who are all professional saddle bronc riders. They are on the road 200 nights a year to compete in rodeos, constantly getting injured, sometimes barely scraping together any money, sometimes winning 100k at nationals.
Fiction
The Summer Book, Tove Jansson – Lovely, quiet book about a grandmother and granddaughter living on a small island off the coast of Finland. Tiny short chapters that are each a little vignette of their summer; this format makes it really easy to pick up and put down a lot if you don’t have a long stretch to read in.
Happy Hour – Marlowe Granados – The absolutely perfect summer read IMO. Two young, broke girls trying to make it in NYC in the summer. Nothing very consequential happens; they go to a lot of parties and meet a bunch of interesting people, but it doesn’t feel predictable or tired. SO well-written, each sentence is like biting into a juicy peach.
Seventh Sister
Jane Harper’s The Dry. It was also a recent-ish movie (Eric Bana plays the lead). A murder mystery, but slightly more deep and well-written than most of its kind.
non
Fiction- Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zeverin
non fiction- Catch and Kill by Ronan Farrow,
Anon
If you need a taste of winter and napping in a snowdrift sounds like the way to beat the heat right about now –
The Bear and the Nightingale Katherine Arden
An.On.
Bad Blood, by Carreyou
Anne-on
Fun! My favorites recently (all fiction, not a big non-fiction reader)
Black Cake, Hello Beautiful, Marriage Portrait, and Babel. For lighter reading, Hotel Nantucket, Pineapple Street, Happy Place, Same Time Next Summer (which I preferred to Happy Place fwiw), and Golden Girl.
Anonymous
Non-fiction
Ultra-processed people – a non-judgemental (in terms of food resources, deserts, choices) book about ultra processed «food». It’s a little bit annoying, but very good. The writer is a medical doctor, scientist and is often on BBC with his identical twin.
Consumed by Aja Barber – why fast fashion is an extension of colonialism and why we need a more sustainable way to act.
To Dye For – how toxic fashion is making us sick by Alden Wicker. US book about the total lack of legislation on clothes and safety, both for worker and consumer. One thing to learn: only buy clothes made for the EU market and legislation if you want safe clothes.
AIMS
The author of To Dye For was on Fresh Air recently and it was a fascinating interview. Highly recommend to anyone buying clothes in this century! So many people I know have the same health issues that the author talks about – from fertility to hair loss to thyroid problems – and I never thought about the connection to synthetic and/or cheap clothing being to blame yet once you hear it all and consider the number it does get hard to discount something in our modern environment being to blame. I honestly don’t know what to make of all of this yet but it’s interesting and somewhat horrifying to consider all these issues.
Anon
My best 2023 reads so far have been Rebecca Makkai’s I Have Some Questions for You (recent) and Anthony Marra’s Constellation of Vital Phenomena (old) but neither of them is remotely light.
For lighter books I really liked Romantic Comedy and The Bodyguard which are pretty similar (average girl + famous guy)
For non-fiction, I really enjoyed Watergate: A New History by Garrett Graff. I have American Prometheus on my list after seeing Oppenheimer.
Anonymous
I’ve been really interested in the fashion industry lately, so here are some I’ve enjoyed…
1) Fashionopolis: Why what we wear matters by Dana Thomas.
2)Secondhand: Travels in the new global garage sale by Adam Minter
3) Overdressed: The shockingly high cost of cheap fashion by Elizabelth L. Cline
4)The Conscious Closet: The revolutionary guide to looking good while doing good by Elizabeth L Cline
5) Loved Clothes Last: How the joy of rewearing and repairing your clothes can be a revolutionary act by Orsola de Castro
DanceItOut
This years best books for me were:
Translation State by Ann Leckie (science fiction)
The peripheral and Agency by William Gibson (Science fiction)
The Goblin King by Katherine Addison (Fantasy)
Spinning silver by Naomi Novak (Fantasy)
A wizards guide to defensive baking by T Kingfisher (Fantasy)
How big things get done by Bent Flyvbjerg (Non fiction)
Right now I am reading Invisible women by Caroline Criado-Perez. And it is really interesting, but I get so mad every time I read in it, so it is a bit slow going.
Anon
I didn’t order all that much from NAS this year. In 2014 (maybe? somewhere around then ) I remember making an appointment with a personal shopper and revamping my wardrobe for fall – my excuse was a promotion into a new role. Everything was so beautiful and well-made, I still have some of those pieces in my regular rotation.
Looking online at this year’s sale I was just like blah. I bought a couple of fragrances, my daughter needed a couple of sweaters so I bought those for her, and that was about it. I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s Nordstrom, but I just don’t find it exciting anymore. I’ve lost that lovin’ feeling!
Anonymous
I look at NAS to see if there are any interesting colors in the mix for Fall, but I don’t buy anything there other than discounted Kiehl’s.
Cat
Same. I got my serum (a legit discount), replenished my ankle socks, and looked at my fave undies but the colors I prefer weren’t the sale colors. I recognized one pair of jeans as literally the same pair I purchased 6 years ago (AG distressed skinnies) so like — not all the merch is exactly hot off the runway.
Tbh by the time it’s cool enough to wear these items, they’ll be more heavily discounted to make way for holiday pieces anyway, so I added a few things to my wish list to keep an eye on the price.
Anon
Same. A lot of the current sale items are cheaper designers or their house brand that are normally under $150 anyway. There used to be discounts on nicer brands. I felt like I was getting great quality items that I couldn’t afford otherwise.
I’m not stoked about the current trends regardless. Square necklines that don’t work with a bra, juvenile clothing that looks like toddler’s outfit, pants that make anyone past their teen years look wide…I long for the days of skinny jeans and basic sweaters.
Anonymous
Same. A few years ago I would see cute boots or sweaters or really great deals. Feels like the same stuff the past few years. I used to stock up on cashmere wraps or designer sunglasses or that sort of thing. Things on sale weren’t nearly as nice as ones that weren’t, so I wouldn’t justify the savings now. I bought a small sampler of perfume but probably should have just skipped it.
Anon
I got a screaming deal on Coola sunscreen, which is one of the reef-safe brands for Hawaii. And two camisoles.
I’m really, really not into where fashion is right now. And so much of what Nordy’s is selling looks cheap or bad fabrics or just…not even worth the sale price to me.
Anon
I discovered NAS when I was maybe 5 years out of school on a business trip to the west coast, before Nordstrom had stores in the east. The clothes I purchased were silk, cashmere, merino wool, beautifully made and styled. Now? Polyester, acrylic, modal, nylon. That is not the way to get my dollars.
Anon
It used to be good for inspiration, but it really isn’t now. But Nordstrom in general no longer seems to have a stylistic point of view.
Anonymous
Anon for this – 43rd birthday was this week and I find myself sad. Question if this was your life and you had to make changes – how would you go about doing it? I feel so old and stuck. FWIW yes I have seen a dr and am on meds and therapy and that has helped but ultimately I and my therapist think that some life changes are needed.
Grew up type A like so many here – ivy leagues, law school, biglaw, and in doing all that I feel like I forgot to live. Never partnered up when I was young so now no husband or kids. Somehow I naively thought working hard and money would make me happy and a spouse or kids would hold me back. Well the biglaw thing didn’t work out, so I ended up not rich.
Right now it feels like everything. I have no one to even talk to. I only have 2 real friends and one is busy with two toddlers while the other had pretty bad long covid so she’s really only up for ever texting about very light things like weather. I end up fighting with my parents when we speak – just dealing with the elderly. I am dating but it’s not like I can just force someone to marry me.
I am really unhappy with the job – just unmotivated and bored, but my group doesn’t allow people to leave even if you get another internal offer because they don’t have the budget to hire a new person. I really want to not be a lawyer at all anymore. I feel like I still live in a dorm – tiny apartment, haven’t bought a house though I really want one though now there’s never anything on the market.
I don’t even know how to make a change or what I need. And every change affects every other one – buy a house, well suddenly I’m locked in and if a new job comes along at a lower salary or far away, I can’t take it. If I take a job at a lower salary, now I may not be able to comfortably afford a house. I assume a new job outside of law will be at a lower salary at least initially. Do I take off for a while and travel? Part of me also feels like I want to jump on a flight and go see my extended family a half a world away – I don’t even know them so IDK why that sounds appealing besides just escape. WWYD?
Anon
I’ve been there. First up, reframe things a bit. 43 isn’t old at all, you’ve still got plenty of time to get the life you want. It’s great you’re dating and keep at that, it just takes one. In the meantime, one thing at a time. I’d start with a vacation, a hair cut and color and some new clothes for an immediate refresh and mood boost. I’d get a dog (they’re just magic and especially so when you’re in the pits). Then start looking for a new job, as a lawyer with your background other in-house jobs will be open to you. Refresh your resume and go on coffee dates with your network and put it out there that you’re open to something new. The TL/DR, take some little steps for big improvements.
Anonymous
Please don’t get a dog unless you are ready for a 15 year commitment. They are magical (my first pooch ever is almost 5) and a dog opens up a whole new world ( I have a new very good friend because of the pooch), I get outside everyday, have an easy topic of conversation with my mom (she loves the dog more than the rest unofficial us ), etc. At the same time he is a lot of responsibility. I am single and 10 years older than the OP – so I did all the training, have to make sure he is fed, walked, etc. I don’t regret my decision at all – it s just one that needs to be made eyes wide open.
Anne-on
+1 to seriously thinking before commiting to a dog. If you really want a pet what about an older cat so you know the type of personality you’re getting? I love my doofy dog but she’s 9 and it’s getting seriously expensive to care for her with the boarding/grooming/meds/preventative supplements for her joints and she’s also starting to have bathroom issues. When she passes I’ve already told my family we’re not getting another one because I’m the primary care giver and ready to just have my (relatively!) easy 2 cats.
Anon
+2 a dog is a LOT of work. A puppy is like a newborn baby in a lot of ways. And even house-trained rescue dogs can be a lot of work, especially when you’re integrating them into the family and at the end of their lives.
Like anne-on I have told my family we’re not replacing our neurotic small dog when she passes.
Anon
Yea I really want a dog but they are a lot of responsibility, especially if you’re single and can’t share the responsibility with someone. They can also be incredibly expensive!!
Anon
I made the original comment and still maintain it’s one of the best things you can do for yourself, especially in OPs shoes. Of course it’s a lot of responsibility but everything about OP screams responsible and she sounds like she’s got the financial resources to manage it too. They bring so much joy that’s so much better than any man or drug out there.
Anon
Nah, get a cat. Get 2.
BringItBack
Maybe wait a little with these large life changing decisions, and start by thinking about ways you can add some play and joy into your life in small increments.
Colourful pillows? Pretty puzzles? Weekend hikes? Dance lessons? Join a choir?
Anon
I check most of the same boxes as you, but have long since made my peace with it. When I’ve found myself googling “How to join the Peace Corps” mid workday, it’s generally been a sign I need to find a new job, as soul-sucking as job hunting can be. It sounds like you live relatively cheaply, so would taking a lower salary really be that bad if it got you out of your current work situation? The beauty of being 40s, single and living cheaply is that it makes mobility easier – I can tell my boss to shove it a lot easier than someone living the married/2 kids/big house/SUV dream.
In the near-term, yes, it’s hot as f*ck right now, but go for a walk. Get outside. Sweat. Do some actual physical labor work and get some of the frustration out of your system.
Anon
Since you asked for life changes, here’s what I would do:
1) Date like mad until you find someone you like and want to commit to. Be on the apps, talk to lots of people, take your feelings out of it. Interview for the position of boyfriend (and eventually husband). Find someone solid, kind, smart, reliable, who you enjoy spending time with. Invest in a relationship with them and showing up as your best self. Within a year, you could easily be in a long-term relationship.
2) Job: I would find something that pays better and has a better work-life balance. If you’ve been in Big Law, I think there are likely a lot of avenues you could take. In-house law in tech pays very well, with a great work-life balance comparatively. Network, sign up for career coaching if you can afford it, apply for everything under the sun, cast a wide net and be really strategic.
3) Take up hobbies to make day to day life more enjoyable. I like hiking, yoga, reading, running. Anything physical would be a good start for endorphins.
4) This may just be me, but I’d invest in my physical appearance. I just feel better when I look good. Focuses are: haircare, skincare, personal style, fitness, eyebrows, teeth. Can also make you feel more confident.
You can have anything you want, and being relentless about getting it (both in terms of job search and romantic partner) is a small price for the long-term value.
NW Islander
I was going to type a comment that is basically this. I have been actively implementing all but #2 since turning 42.
I met a lovely man about 8 months ago. He is a parent, and while I wasn’t looking to date a parent I am enjoying the recent presence of kids in my life. If we go the distance I could become a step-mom to a couple adorable kids. That is wild to me, since I figured COVID ended my dating life right as my “start a family” window was closing.
Anon
I love this and I’d also say date like crazy and take inspiration here to imagine a different kind of life when you’re dating. Focus on finding a quality humane but be open to things like someone with kids already or from a different religious tradition or whatever your dealbreakers have been if they’re just different life choices. When you open up to new possibilities there’s potentially so much more out there. And hang in there, like Charlotte from the original SATC, I dated from 16-40 and finally met the right person right after I’d decided it was “all over.”
Anon
I would, short term, take a vacation ASAP. You sound, understandably, burned out.
Longer term I would job hunt and see what is out there. Where do you want to live? Where you are now or somewhere else? I’d concentrate on that at first and look for a job that fits that. Then look for a house, etc. Just my thoughts if you want to make a change. Make one choice that others flow from.
Senior Attorney
I think this is all great advice, and I’d just add that when I was your age I was newly married to my second husband and that turned out to be a mistake of epic proportions and since that time I’ve found a new career, gotten divorced, gotten remarried, bought and sold houses, and basically changed everything about my life at least once. Oh, and I was dead broke, too. All of which is to say that at 43 you haven’t “ended up” anything yet!
thanks, SA.
Senior Attorney, you are just the best. I hope you know how many lives you’ve touched of women whom you have never even met. I remind myself that “the only way out is through,” all the time. I picked that up from you here.
Anon
Second this in praise of Senior Attorney.
Senior Attorney
Aw, now you’re making me all misty! Thanks for the kind words!
Anon
+3 SA!
anon
+4 SA, I also picked up “the only way out is through” from you and it got me through a very difficult time. I still think of it now when I’m facing what feels like insurmountable obstacles.
Anonymous
+5 age 45 here, still going through a painful time and on tough days remind myself SA did this and I will too. SA you’re my imaginary friend!
Anon
+6 I had an episode recently when my daughter was in the hospital and going through a painful procedure and I told her (and myself) “the only way out is through” and we got through it!
Thank you SA and everyone here. I was stronger than I thought I could be, and you all have helped me get there!
Anon
So this will only change when you change it. I am not sure I agree with the “start intensively dating” advice because I don’t know that trying to find a partner ASAP is the right move. I think that everything you’ve written above makes me think that you’re not in touch enough with who you are, and what you want, to make forging a long-term connection with another person a great goal right now.
I’m gonna bottom line it for you – If you want your life to change, you have to stop focusing so much on work and your career. And that includes spending far less time working than you are right now, and reserving time and mental space for other things so that you don’t put so much into your job that you have no gas in the tank left for outside activities. If you have not gotten where you want to be and work is making you miserable, and yet the amount of time/energy you spend on work is holding you back from the life you want, the one simple answer there is: stop working so much. Stop making your career the center of your life. Spend some time figuring out who you are and what you want to do, separate from your job. Join a gym or exercise meetup group; take some arts and crafts classes (learn to sew, make pottery, knit, paint, sculpt, etc.) and find out what you like, and what you might have a talent for. Go see movies and concerts; go get a beer at your neighborhood taproom on Friday night; go to the farmer’s market and Art in the Park and other community events. Join a book group at your local library. Take some nature walks, or take up an outdoor sport or activity. Go on solo trips or go on some trips with tour groups aimed at single people. Get out of the house more after work and on the weekends.
What I have seen many times is that when people do these things, it naturally 1. Lowers their stress. 2. Allows them to focus on something besides work and become a more interesting person, with a broader range of interests. 3. Enlarges their social circle and 4. Allows for them to meet potential partners they really connect with in an organic way, that’s not driven from a place of “I guess you’ll do because I’m lonely and I feel like time is running out.” They don’t have to work as hard at meeting or connecting with people, because the connections naturally come. And because they’re not just talking about work all the time – they have other legitimate interests – the connections are more likely to turn into long-term friendships or partnerships.
The great news is – you are so young! You have so much time to figure out what you really want to hook into! There’s tons of time. I would not worry about getting a new job, buying a house or finding a partner right now. Those are external things that will be the equivalent of moving someplace new and expecting it to solve all your life problems. Spend some time with yourself – out of the house – and see where it leads you. See what it feels like to have more rounded interests. This may sound weird but – take six months and just have fun, say yes to things, and get out there. My experience is – the rest of the “life problems” you’re talking about kind of solve themselves once you do the inner work.
Anon
I agree with this 100%, as a 40 something single woman who was sooooo career focused for so long and who didn’t really start living living until her late 30s. Late late 30s lol. I love my life now. I actually still have a very well paying job, but my silent boundary for work is 45 hrs a week (when not traveling) and I still get raises and am thought of highly at work. I have a robust life outside of work – tons of hobbies, great friends, I take real vacations twice a year and use every last minute of my PTO (I’m on a long weekend driving trip right now), etc. I date when I feel like it and when I want to, not because I feel like I have to. I am a GREAT catch bc of all of the above. And I know it and that makes such a huge difference in who I will spend time with in my life.
I think you don’t value yourself high enough to be in a healthy relationship right now, OP, but you can absolutely get there and be a great partner and have a great life. I promise. But you do have to be the one to take the reins and drive it. No one came to save me, I had to save myself.
Anon
Strongly second this!
She put it better than I would have, but I’d like to say, if there’s one thing you start with it’s this:
Find a hobby or passion you enjoy and get out there and do it in a group! Go early, stay late, and chat with the folks you meet there. Build social connections, get your endorphins flowing and engage deeply with something that interests you.
Then slowly, start to think about your life and shaping it into the way you’d like it to grow.
Anon
Two close friends is great! I have very few close friends myself. You have two people who love and care about you – let them know that you are struggling. I can’t speak for your long Covid friend but I’m your same age with two toddlers. It’s hard for me to get together but I can and would make time for a friend who is feeling stuck and sad and burned out like you are.
Anon
When big changes seem difficulty
or overwhelming, I find it can be helpful to start with smaller, easy changes. For example, maybe do a spring clean/redecorate your apartment. Just because it’s small doesn’t mean it can’t be wonderful and cozy and stylish! Having a fresh space to live in can make a big difference, even if it’s just smaller changes like new bed linens or something.
You might also find it beneficial to join some kind of hobby group. Book club, sports team, whatever floats your boat. Even if you don’t find best friends there, it might be refreshing to just get out and meet new people.
Anon
I’ll be 43 this Fall and I’m biglaw too so I know. I would absolutely find a gyno certified by the North American Menopause Society bc you sound perimenopausal/hormonal to me and your therapist will not be able to help with that. You can be loosing estrogen or having crazy hormone swings that are leaving you depressed anxious and lacking motivation. My perimeno has been that absolute worst (depression, anxiety, anger, no motivation, bad sleep), but my Doc has been so, so great. I wouldn’t make any crazy life changes until you get what sounds like a medical situation resolved and get your mojo back. You’ve worked long and hard – don’t throw it away but leave on your own terms if you want a change but make sure you’ve got your drive and motivation for life back first!
Anon
Random thoughts based off the way I’m reading what your wrote:
– it sounds like the biggest thing you want is more social connection. Friends, a partner. I can’t tell- maybe kids/step-kids? I’d definitely lean into that. Try new hobbies, join Meetup groups, online date, look into a singles group tour vacation etc. Are all of these things super awkward? Yes! Are they also how I found my friends and husband? Yes.
– do you love your current city? If not, it doesn’t seem like anything’s keeping you there so why not job hunt and move and totally revamp your life?
– why do you want a house? Could you upgrade to a nicer rental and keep the flexibility but gain whatever you’re searching for?
Anon-Y
These threads are why I keep coming back to Corporette. I am 40 and felt much the way that you do i.e. focused on work so never partnered up, biglaw didn’t quite work out so I’m not where my peers are, never did get round to buying a house, relatively small friend circle, dealing with elderly parents, saw therapist and got meds etc but didn’t feel it necessary changed much. I will say that our circumstances may differ in that: (a) I may not love my workplace but there are still things I love about my job and (b) a particular skillset does allow me to push back on some of the things I dislike about my workplace (c) I am really ambivalent about dating and whether it would actually improve my life in any way.
You haven’t mentioned anything about appearance and general health so it might not be a concern for you – but I did find that doing appearance and health-related things (hiring a stylist, changing up my beauty routine, finding a good aesthetics doctor, starting a new exercise routine, trying new things on classpass) did get me out of my original headspace and helped me see that my life could be very different.
I did decide to step back from work and rest more – yes, my performance at work wasn’t what it was, but I figure that enough rest and better mood would probably improve my overall performance in the long run and would be worth it. I think this was also a big help in getting myself in a better space to consider what I wanted to do.
I too thought of an escape (be it a new job or taking a break) but on balance I felt it would simply place me in a worse position in terms of having to start over etc etc with a lower salary, while tired and sad and burnt out. So I decided to stay in this job, which in all fairness offers a decent salary and good benefits, and is at least predictable enough for me to take on change in other parts of my life. I did also bite the bullet and bought a place – which made me feel very much more settled, and less behind.
These are just the choices I personally have made, and of course YMMV – just wanted to offer a different perspective. But I hope whatever you choose makes you feel better.
JK
I think there is a lot of great advice above!
I agree exercise is a great because movement is good, and there are many opportunities to socialize from it. It’s hard to make friends in your 40s, but the friends I have made in my 40s have come from exercise, specifically a masters swim team. Find something you enjoy.
My second piece of advice would be to look for volunteer opportunities in your community. Everyone is different, but I have found that volunteering helps my mental health. It allows me to put my mental energy to something else. It also an opportunity to socialize!
I think both of these things could help you find a partner, too. There was just an engagement on my swim team (second marriages for people in their late 40s), and my now husband and I had a shared volunteer interest.
Good luck! I wish you peace and happiness!
Restaurants rec for Boston & Cape Cod
I am looking for restaurant recommendations for Boston & Cape Cod (South Yarmouth). I will be with my 8 years old twins and my husband and we are looking for fresh food (seafood, Italian, American, etc) on the somewhat healthy side. No budget constraint. My kids eat everything and prefer to share an adult entree than having something on the kid’s menu. Bonus point if there is a patio/terrasse so we can eat outside.
wicked smaaaat
For on-the-go food, I love Clover Food Lab. All vegetarian. Order on the app or eat in. We don’t have Clover on the West Coast, so it’s a treat.
Don’t miss Legal Seafood.
Durgan Park for clam chowder
Anon
with all due respect to the poster above, these recommendations are very touristy. Would not be on my list of recommended places. Clover is a fast casual chain, and very polarizing, but just know you are not getting a sit down restaurant. If you like Clover, you would likely also like Life Alive or Beatnic.
Can’t help with the Cape but in Boston, it depends a little where you’re staying, here are a few ideas mostly centered around Back Bay.
very pricy, even by Boston standards: Sorellina, Contessa (great view, apps/sides/desserts/drinks are really good though the entrees are solid but a bit over priced; if you go, go for dinner not brunch)
Other faves: Mida, Krasi, Ilona, Petit Robert Bistro, Faccia a Faccia is fine but wouldn’t rate above others on this list. Anoushella for a more casual option/takeout. Row 34 for seafood.
My experience has been that it’s pretty easy to eat healthy while eating out in Boston, so unless you have significant dietary considerations, I think most of the above will have robust veg, salad, non-heavy options!
Anon
Legal is touristy but still worth a visit IMO. I lived in Boston for 10 years and it’s one of the restaurants I miss the most. The clam chowder is to die for.
AIMS
I would skip Legal Seafood, which I don’t think has very good sea food anymore. We ordered steam lobster last time, which is pretty hard to mess up, and yet it just wasn’t very good.
I do think Giacamo’s is fun, esp. if you walk over for a cannoli at Mike’s Pastry after (or pick your own cannoli favorite).
Anon
Before Mike’s, The Daily Catch. Both on Hanover in the North End. Tip: cannoli can be taken in a box on the plane. Chocolate covered shells travel better because they don’t get soggy. You’re welcome.
Trixie
I am not familiar with the food in the central part of Cape Cod. But, it is totally worth a trip to Provincetown for a day: whale watching, strolling Commercial Street, and then a great dinner. You could eat at Ross’s Grill that overlooks the harbor, or at Pepe’s that is also on the water, or Victor’s for small plates that are fabulous. Ptown is very gay, fabulous, spirited, lots of fun, and very warm and friendly.
Anonymous
Full fat greek yogurt mixed with juicy summer peaches and blueberries. Perfection. I gorge on this every summer.
And to be more precise, it must be Trader Joe’s greek whole milk yogurt in the light blue tub. Creamy and not too sour.
Anon
I’d recommend Leonessa in Yarmouth Port. Enjoy!
Anonymous
Does anyone here eat plain yogurt?
IDK if it’s placebo or whatever but I feel like it’s good for probiotic effects and I’ve never felt that way about the fruit flavored yogurts. Maybe because those have extra ingredients and sugar?
How do you dress up plain yogurt? It gets kind of boring plain though I’m ok with the tanginess of it.
Anon
A little bit of maple syrup or chopped fruit.
Anon
There are also probiotic pills you can take. They’ve helped me.
Anonymous
I do – with berries, chia seeds and nuts (currently slivered almonds and pecan pieces for some crunch)
Emma
I have plain yogurt every morning, but I eat it with chopped up fruit, a spoonful of maple syrup and a sprinkle of granola. I switch up the fruit and sometimes add nuts but otherwise I’m totally fine eating it every day and kind of miss it when I go on vacation and it’s not available. I don’t like fruity yogurt at all.
Liz
I prefer plain yogurt. I add honey sometimes, chia seeds, flax seed, or berries with their juice. You could add banana with granola on top for a healthy banana pudding alternative.
Anon8
I add it to a smoothie.
Anon
I love plain yogurt because you can get it full fat and all of the flavored yogurts out there are usually full of sugar and no fat. That doesn’t keep me full! But I can’t do straight plain yogurt. I will put a little bit of honey or jam in and pumpkin and chia seeds and fruit in the summer.
Anon
I generally prefer it savory- mixed with tahini as a dressing or sauce, or mixed with herbs or pureed spinach as dip for veggies or crackers/pitas.
Anon
Raita or tzaziki if you’re tired of sweet treatments of it.
If you have an ice cream maker, frozen yogurt is one of the easiest things you can do with it and a really tasty dessert.
Anon
I sometimes eat full fat yogurt with fruit and nuts on top, maybe some honey. Sometimes I add a drop or two of vanilla extract. It also makes a good dip if you mix it with some crushed garlic and fresh herbs, like dill and chives.
Anon
I use it in recipes or to make a sauce like raita. But sitting down to enjoy a big bowl of tart plain yogurt just isn’t gonna happen around here. I find it unpalatable.
Anon
Granola or muesli.
Honey and figs.
Stevia and True Lemon crystals.
Or go savory (shredded cucumbers, garlic, and salt). Sometimes this is better if you drain it first.
Anon
I only eat plain regular or greek yogurt. Can’t handle the ‘additives are here’ taste in flavored yogurt. I add any combination of fresh fruit (esp blueberries, strawberries, mango), granola (bought or homemade), honey, jam, dried fruit, nuts (esp walnuts), chia and oats for overnight oats + fruit, or muesli and finely chopped/grated apple to make bircher muesli. Sometimes i mix in a little kefir for added probiotics. Sometimes I add a little vanilla protein powder with some combo of the above if yogurt is my lunch.
Senior Attorney
I love a tiny bit of honey in plain Greek yogurt. And if I’m feeling fancy and/or ambitious I add half a chopped up apple and/or a handful of chopped walnuts. DELICIOUS!
Anonymous
Yes! And/or cinnamon
HFB
mix in some salsa and fresh herbs if you have them, maybe a little hot sauce, for a tasty savory dish! eat as a dip on chips or just right from the bowl. or garlic, sliced cukes, and lemon juice. basically tzatziki sauce, but you can just eat it from the bowl the same way people do when adding sweet fruit and berries.
Tea/Coffee
I love plain yogurt! I tend to mix up the mix-ins to keep it fresh. Also, I run out of things :-(
Berries and fresh fruit (cherries, sliced peaches right now omg
nuts (sliced almonds, chopped pecans, etc)
Honey (try varietals… buckwheat honey is super dark and intense)
Maple syrup
Granola or muesli
Chia seeds
every now and then I’ll mix in some vanilla protein powder
Also,yogurt cream. For those times when plain yogurt is just too healthy lol
https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/food-cooking/recipes/a9684/yogurt-cream-and-berries/
Runcible Spoon
Yes, but ONLY Greek yogurt (Fage brand, preferably):
— With fruit: sliced banana, drizzle of honey, sliced almonds (tastes like a banana split, without the ice cream!); blueberries topped with yogurt; sliced strawberries topped with yogurt; raspberries topped with yogurt; sliced peach topped with yogurt; etc.
— as a substitute/supplement for mayonnaise or sour cream: instead of full mayo with tuna or chicken salad, split the portion 50-50 Greek yogurt and mayonnaise. You may need to add some salt for flavor. Sometimes it can be used instead of sour cream in baked casseroles, but sometimes it “breaks,” or semi-curdles, so you would need to experiment with whatever Greek yogurt you use.
— as a spread, when mixed with hummus: for a turkey sandwich, instead of spreading mayonnaise on the bread, spread a 50-50 mix of hummus and Greek yogurt
— as a dollop: add a dollop of Greek yogurt to black bean or split pea soup, or to a bowl of chili instead of sour cream (along with shredded cheese and chopped onions and so forth)
Anonymous
I like Fage because it is less tart than many yogurets (different cultures taste different) and I add about 1 tsp of sugar to it and often fruit, or use it in a smoothie.
Horse Crazy
I make this syrup (link in reply) for vanilla lattes at home, and sometimes I add a teaspoon or so to a bowl of yogurt. Makes it more like vanilla yogurt, but way less sugar. Then add berries and sometime granola.
Horse Crazy
https://www.mybakingaddiction.com/homemade-vanilla-coffee-syrup/
Anonymous
I eat only plain yogurt, never fat reduced or sweetened.
I add berries, dried fruits, seeds, honey, oats, olive oil, chia seeds, lots or different options but I also love it plain with nothing.
I think flavored yogurts taste awful and ridiculously sweet, but to each their own.
AIMS
Greek yogurt, full fat or 2%, with fruit/berries and Purely Elizabeth granola.
Anon
Secolari’s lemon ginger jam (google it). Heavenly and you don’t need much. Delish with fresh berries.
Anon
This sounds weird, but it’s so easy and so yummy: I microwave any type of frozen fruit (Strawberries? Peaches? Blueberries?) until they’re warm, then add plain yogurt, stir, and eat for breakfast.
Sometimes I add things (sliced apple, banana, sliced almonds, maybe museli) if I have time and feel like it.
Formerly Lilly
Berries and a drizzle of honey for breakfast. On a summer day where it feels too hot to eat, one of my favorites is what I fondly refer to as “glop”. Nice, I know. It’s one third plain Greek yogurt, one third blueberries and/or blackberries, and one third granola, all stirred together. Remarkably filling without being heavy.
Formerly Lilly
For supper or lunch.
Liz
Anybody live in Salt Lake City area? I’m in the middle of an interview for a job. I really don’t want to sell my house in Idaho, almost paid off. I’m wondering about best websites to see apartments, condos, rentals? It would just be one bed or studio, as I can go home on the weekends. Any tips on best areas? I was thinking between Ogden and Salt Lake on I-15- easy public transport to Salt Lake and for freeway access. Thank you.
Anon SLC
SLC currently, former renter now homeowner. I used Rentler, but that was in 2019. You can try KSL (KSL is the Utah Craigslist and also a newspaper). If your job is in SLC, you probably want to live in SLC. The traffic to commute in on I-15 into the city is bad, and accidents occur frequently, even in the summer. I do the reverse commute (work is in Ogden) and I still get hit by accident-related traffic. Buy an ExpressPass for I-15 or consider taking the train if it makes sense for your commute.
Anon318
Can anyone share their experience with double red blood cell/red cell apheresis donation?
I’m a regular whole blood donor and have naturally very high hemoglobin levels. This morning a phlebotomist remarked that I’m a good candidate for double red donation given my high hemoglobin and blood type. If you’ve done it, how does the recovery compare to whole blood donation? I lift weights and am a recreational cyclist and always experience a bit of a performance dip after whole blood donation, but I’m not competing so it doesn’t really bother me. Anything else I’m not thinking of? Thanks in advance!
Anon
Are you heavy enough? There is a minimum weight (150?). IIRC, it is better if you weigh close to 200 because it just literally takes a lot out of you. If you are 151, it may just feel very (literally also) draining. I give whole blood every other month but wouldn’t do doubles even if I were at the weight limit.
Anon318
This is perfect feedback – this morning I weighed in at 151.
Anon
In case it helps: I have lower blood pressure and I was also a slow and rotten platelet donor, but it may well work for you. I just do well with regular units of whole blood.
Anonymous
I’m a petite woman with normal BMI. I’ve done double RBC donation before while I was in a lifting phase. It didn’t affect me any differently than whole blood donation that I noticed. For me the weirdest thing is getting really cold when they push the saline. I say go for it! If you don’t like it, at least you tried.
Anonymous
I have done this many times now, specifically because I got the same feedback from a phlebotomist, and was, like you, a terrible platelet donor but a gold star regular donor (high hemoglobin, baby’s blood, no negative reaction at all after donation). I don’t know if there is a minimum weight, but I’d easily clear it if there is. I do know the Red Cross requires you to be at least 5’5″, which I am exactly. I do not feel any post-donation weakness or tiredness and, in fact, the process is less dehydrating so many people feel less effect than regular donation. I have noticed that in my workout the day after a double red donation, I feel winded from the cardio portion; I don’t notice a marked difference in the strength portion. This makes sense, since the red blood cells carry oxygen. But like you, I’m not competing, and one day of slightly lower performance in my workout is literally irrelevant, particularly given the lifesaving gift of donation. I’d also be fine just skipping the gym the next day. I like being able to give less often, which makes ensuring I get my 6 units in every year less inconvenient. I think you should try it! You can always go back to regular donation.
Anon
Dang — I am not a competitive person EXCEPT for donating blood. I am too short to do this. Too short!!! I also get salty when I periodically fail the iron test, but I can at least fix that.
Elle
I’ve donated platelets. it takes a couple hours and I felt very tired later in the day. no other drawbacks. FWIW, I weigh under 150 and don’t remember anything about a baseline weight requirement.
Anonymous
Donating platelets is awesome. Thank you for doing it! But it is not the same as double red donation. No less valuable whatsoever, just pointing out that the process and effect on the body is completely different. Keep donating, please. I feel like blood and platelet donation is one of the easiest but most valuable ways to contribute to our fellow humans. These days, the Red Cross tracks donations so carefully that I get notified when my donation is used.
Chl
I think this is the same as what Red Cross calls ‘power red?’ If so I actually prefer it because you end up less dehydrated because they put your liquid back in you. I also like that it’s less frequent.
Anonymous
What’s your favorite period underwear? I’m ready to make the plunge.
Anon
I really dislike all the ones I’ve tried. I feel that they don’t every get truly clean and are more likely to be a breeding ground for bacteria. I don’t struggle with discomfort down there except when I wear them.
Anonymous
I wear Knix. But I am post menopausal, so bought them to replace wearing a panty liner daily. I really like them.
Anonymous
+1 – I’ve tried thinx, dear Kate’s, uniqlo, aerie, saalt, Amazon crap – almost all are best for the days before your period when it might come, or the day it almost finishes – the days of the period I prefer to switch pads or whatever more often than I switch undies.
Anonymous
I feel like the Knix just don’t work for anything more than the lightest spotting.
Anonny
Never tried any brands of full-on period underwear but I’ve been using GladRags for years. They snap into your regular underwear. The flannel cleans up well and there are many cute patterns to sort of hide the fading and stains. There are a couple different sizes and inserts to adjust to how heavy your flow is that day. The fabric holds up for literally a decade until I feel they look worn enough to replace.
GladRags Anon
Yo, I’ve had my GladRags so long, I’m surprised they haven’t put themselves out of business. Over 20 years now!
Anon
That’s really interesting. I love my period underwear (Modi Bodi) but never considered snap ins. Thanks for the info.
Anon8
Conversely to the other poster I have both Thinx and period underwear from Aerie am obsessed with them both. I don’t think the brand matters as much as the concept itself. I’ve never liked tampons, don’t have a heavy flow and they have been lifechanging.
Anon
+ 1 to life changing, except I have a very heavy flow and use a menstrual cup with them on the first three days.
Anon
I love the Period Company’s ones. They fit well, dont leak, come in a wide variety of sizes and styles, and dont use the problematic compounds that some other companies do.
I’m very happy to have an alternative to disposable period products that works for me (the menstrual cups don’t work for me).
Anon
I’ve been using Thinx for years. No idea how the compare to others though, as they are the only ones I have used.
No Face
Same. I wear the high waist and French cut ones. I love the sleep shorts too.
No Face
Might as well mention that I love a flex ring and Thinx panty combo.
Waffles
I am also menopausal now so not using these as much any more, but I was using Knix. I like them as a backup, but I have to say that even with light flow they are not ideal as your primary period method. For me, I really missed the opportunity to toss the used pad/tampon and replace with a fresh and clean one. By the end of a workday, the period panties felt well-worn and were a bit smelly.
Also, Knix is a great brand for size inclusivity but I didn’t find the size range extended small enough for me for the panties to be really comfortable, especially the thongs. Ironically, gaining weight during menopause has made me fit them better.
Highly recommend the knix sleep shorts. I still wear those as pyjamas.
Anan
I have Thinx and Bambody and Goat Union. The Thinx are my least favorite because I like a high rise underwear. I will say that they all leak- I need pads with wings and period underwear just doesn’t have that aspect covered. Having said that, I do like wearing them while hanging around the house. They’re not the most convenient for a day in the office.
Anon
Find a brand that fits you, I’ve been using for nearly 10 years and never had a leak.
Anon
I also have never had a leak so YMMV
Anon
I love Modi Bodi. I use them with a Juju cup so honestly during the day they are just back up but at night (I have reasonably heavy periods) they make the biggest difference for me. I sleep so much better knowing there’s no chance I’ll leak into sheets/pjs and so much more comfortable that tampon & pad combo.
I also like not having to deal with so much period waste (tip the JuJu cup contents down the toilet) so it’s less work and no plastic rubbish. It’s also worked out to be so much cheaper and you never need to remember to buy tampons/pads.
They stand up to regular washing machine cycles so it’s easy to throw them into the machine.
Anon
Knix, but I’m light flow and use them as backup to a cup.
Anon
I love Knix. I use them as backup to tampons during the day on my heavier days (usually two days) and then I wear them on their own for the rest of my cycle. I also wear the sleep shorts on their own overnight and have never had an issue with leaking. I find them comfortable and I don’t get any VPLs.
Anonymous
Marks & Spencer is my preferred.
Please research the Thinkx PFAS toxic lawsuit and your chosen brand before you commit to buying.
Elle
I’ve donated platelets. it takes a couple hours and I felt very tired later in the day. no other drawbacks. FWIW, I weigh under 150 and don’t remember anything about a baseline weight requirement.