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Weekend Open Thread

light blue raincoat

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I've been poking around for a new spring coat and really love the look of this light blue one from Theory — gorgeous, but pricey, and nearly sold out!

I was looking for something a bit more affordable and found this pictured raincoat, which not only is much more affordable ($189) but also really, really highly rated!

I'm in a light blue mood at the moment (see yesterday's Coffee Break, ha) but this raincoat comes in 10 different colors in sizes 4-16 (34 FR-46 FR). There are other slightly different versions of this raincoat with different fabrics and hem lengths.

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Sales of note for 12.5

183 Comments

    1. What worries me is that things that should be obvious apparently aren’t. Why do we have to reiterate that it’s wrong to invoke blood libel or to imply that Jews control the media or that they’re all working in a powerful cabal? I’m honestly blown away by how frequent those kinds of references are among young progressives.

      1. And just to forestall that objection, I’m not referring to comments like “I don’t support Netanyahu.” I’m not seeing many of those.

        1. It was extremely offensive to get called a nazi this morning for not supporting Netanyahu’s policies. People who don’t like young progressives’ rhetoric ought to think about their own.

          1. The issue is that it’s not about Netanyahu when a student shows up to a Jew’s house like that. There’s all this “it’s not antisemitism to criticize the government” rhetoric but almost no one saying that is clarifying why Jews around the world are getting attacked and what they have to do with Netanyahu.

          2. @5:16 that is not what this morning’s poster said. I think the protestor student is a rude idiot and probably also antisemitic, but that is not the same as criticizing Israeli politics.

      2. I don’t think the young progressives are reading here, so you’re sort of shaking your fist into the wind.

        1. Right. They’re getting wound up on TikTok with the algorithm feeding more extremist content.

        2. I posted here previously calling it anti-semitism when a commenter’s colleague showed up at a work Halloween party in a Free Palestine shirt and fake blood. The majority of response commenters disagreed with me and said it was not anti-semitism on that and most hadn’t heard of blood libel. [I don’t know how to link comments but it is from the Nov 7 workwear report.]

          1. The student who accosted Chemerinsky also participated in creating the sign that showed dripping blood and denounced him as a Zionist. I believe the blood was removed from a later version.

        3. Right, lol. Young progressives don’t think anyone should be earning Big Law money so they’re hardly the target audience of this place.

      3. We have to reiterate it because it is not taught in school. So if we don’t tell people, they won’t know. (Setting aside the minority who know full well what, for example, a swastika is and use it anyway.)

        1. I have heard this idea that US schools “don’t teach about the Holocaust” often and I just don’t think it’s true. It is actually mandated by statute in about half the states. I think this concept was created by the people who drafted the model legislation that wound up getting passed in those states. There are not many other similar statutes.

          1. I’m not talking about Holocaust history. I’m talking about the basics of (1) the oldest Abrahamic religion/first monotheistic religion and (2) the stereotypes used to demean its believers, where they come from and why they are false and hurtful.

          3. I remember it was taught because I remember certain kids getting obsessed with it in the worst ways, sigh. I used to be so glad I wasn’t in grade school anymore, but sometimes social media feels like a reprise!

      4. I can’t think of ever being formally taught about anti-Semitic or other racist tropes in my public school education, and my guess is that is the common experience. People are generally taught about the Holocaust and other major global events as a history lesson but that is very different than understanding stereotypes, how they work, and being able to detect (and avoid) them.

        1. It’s just really tough to see progressives say “I’m just criticizing the Israeli government, that’s allowed” while holding signs showing hook-nosed figures with blood dripping down their faces or worse. This is 2024. I had hoped things would be better, and I also agree with analysts who have said that the level of antisemitism a society will tolerate is a bellwether for its level of extremism overall. I don’t know if those people were never educated about those tropes or if they very much were.

          1. Yeah. That last question is an important one. I really don’t think I or my classmates would have benefitted from being schooled on historic tropes and ways to discriminate against Jews that we were not otherwise being exposed to in our small town with a handful of Jews. I knew it was not appropriate to shun someone because they celebrate Hanukkah, that bar mitzvahs are an important cultural tradition to be respected and celebrated, and that the Holocaust was the worst event in all of human history, and that really was enough. The only antisemitism I was exposed to was own jokes among my Jewish friends in high school and they were pretty basic but also based on stereotypes I only learned from them. No one discussed ‘blood libel’ (just learned that in 2023) or a cabal controlling the monetary system or whatever. I also recognize that if a school sees something deeper going on, particularly due to this current conflict, it is appropriate to address anti-Semitism and Islamaphobia in a deeper way to head it off.

      5. It’s not only young progressives. Numerous right wing media stars (and I’m talking people who have millions of followers) have ventured into straight up n@zi rhetoric as of late, some of it coded and subtle unless you know the lingo, blaming Jews for everything from Covid to the war in Ukraine, suggesting Jews are pedophiles and “hate Christians,” and both-sides-ing the Holocaust.. Also using all the buzzwords that Hitler used, comparing Jews to Marxists, bolsheviks, etc. (do people not realize these are mein k@mpf excerpts? Down to “Jews are Marxists” tropes). And again these are right-wing figures whose posts get MILLIONS of views in a matter of hours. It’s terrifying and I feel like it gets sweet under the rug because the headlines are that young progressives are protesting Israel.

        2. So very true. It’s so easy to write those people off as “rare extremists who don’t reflect the common view” but at some point, especially if things are closing in from the left as well, extremism becomes the most common view. It’s chilling. The Holocaust wasn’t even 100 years ago.

  2. What is everyone having for dinner tonight? Salmon and pierogies here, hopefully some key lime pie if I’m feeling up to it…

    2. I’m on a girls trip to a spa resort so whatever sounds good on the restaurant menu. Even when I’m home we often eat out on Friday nights.

      1. ooh, tell me more so i can live vicariously through you – what treatments do you have planned? what’s the coolest thing about the resort so far?

    3. Oldest kiddo requested white pizza with broccoli so that’s likely going to be the route we go!

        1. I think we’ll get takeout, but they use garlic and olive oil, then top with mozzarella and fresh ricotta and broccoli and then a little parm.

    4. Hmm, maybe pork chops and red cabbage. I’ve been salad girl all week and I just want something substantial. Husband is originally midwestern and loves the pork chop-potatoes-red cabbage type meal, so I will be nice to him and cook it for him!

      1. I made a roast pork loin, rice pilaf, roast potatoes, and a green salad yesterday for dinner. It’s a simple meal and I felt a bit bad for not making something more interesting but everyone raved about it! Sometimes people just want comfort food :)

        1. That sounds great. Rice pilaf is my favorite. I could honestly eat it for every meal.

        2. And you know what, easy dinners like that are also pretty healthy, so wins all around. Nothing wrong with a roast.

    5. Friday night is pizza night at our house, we also serve chopped up veggies to try to at least make it slightly healthier.

      3. We were always a Friday is pizza night family when the kids were little! Sometimes we made our own (pizza stone, food processor pizza dough ala Julia Child) but we’ve gotten out of the habit now that the kids are older and have really independent schedules. I miss it! Pizza and a glass of red wine is hard to beat.

      4. Frozen pizza Fridays here too. I don’t even bother with extra fruit or vegetables (unless you count the grapes in a glass of wine).

    6. We are also observing Pizza Friday here (after a long Lent season where we were observant Catholics for once, and being at the in-laws’ last week). DH is so excited, ha.

      1. How is pizza on the forbidden list during Lent? I’m a fallen Catholic and I don’t understand this.

          1. Depends on what kind of pizza they usually eat. Pepperoni on Friday would be a no go. You don’t have to eat fish on Friday, though lots of people do. You could have veggie or cheese pizza.

            Source of my info is my childhood. Lots could have changed since then.

          2. You are correct ^ You don’t eat meat on Fridays during Lent. Pizza without meat is a great option, but some people really love it with meat so I can see the appeal of eating it after.

          3. When my Grandma used to come for her visits from Christmas through Easter and we all had to pretend like we were good Catholics, we’d all go to the newly opened Long John Silvers for Friday night dinner. She paid. My siblings and I were thrilled. I think my Grandma was too, because the only restaurant in her tiny Midwest town was the bowling alley cafe.

        2. Pizza is actually a pretty good option for Lent in the west where cheese is allowed, so long as there is no meat toppings. But Eastern Catholic Lent is vegan so cheese would be out too.

    7. Cleaning out the pantry and freezer before we move, so whole wheat spaghetti with chickpeas and roasted red pepper and sundried tomato pesto, vegan parm (hemp hearts and nutritional yeast), and toasted pine nuts. For dessert, blondies with the odds and ends of leftover Halloween candy, nuts, chocolate chips, coconut, etc. So much food we still need to eat!

      1. There is also pizza in our future, as we have a lot of flour, a few jars of pizza sauce, artichoke hearts, more roasted red peppers, and olives to be used up. That will be later this weekend, though.

    8. Headed to a barbecue place in our neighborhood! Pulled pork sandwich and a margarita, yes pleaseeee

    9. Bacon-wrapped filets, Mexican street corn and crescent rolls. I didn’t get my long rise/ low knead focaccia started this morning.

    10. We literally have pizza every Friday and have for 10 years straight. It is one fewer thing to think about! Usually we make our own — started when we were saving for our first house and had been in the habit of going out to eat both Fri and Sat, and continued through having kids because it’s easy to whip up, cheap, and the kids like it just as well as take out. Occasionally we break the mold and get takeout, or visit with grandparents who take us to a pizza restaurant to eat. I grew up with pizza Fridays and it’s been a learning curve to realize not every family does this

    12. I made Allison Roman’s curry chickpeas for the Nth time. So simple, so delicious

    14. Shabbat dinner, which is simple in my house. Two kinds of baked chicken (one plain with seasoning, one baked with jasmine rice), leftover quinoa, green salad, chicken soup with Israeli “crouton”, and whatever my husband bought for dessert. it’s the last Shabbat before we prep for Passover.

    15. PIcadillo and brown rice — trying out the NY Times recipe, but not cooking it in a slow cooker, just stove top. Plus cooking brown rice in my fabulous Dash rice cooker!

  3. I love the look of the Rothy square toe Maryjanes but the absence of foot support is painful. Any alternatives anyone would recommend?

    1. Vionic has some square toe ones! They’re not the absolute cutest ever but they’re comfy and fairly cute.

  4. Are there any hidden tricks for dealing with moths? I just had a sweater get a moth hole in it for the first time since I moved out of my childhood home (I’m 35), and other than throwing some moth balls in the drawers in my closet, I’m not sure what to do.

    1. It’s an ongoing problem. You can take everything out of your closet and vaccuum every crevice, but honestly they’re living on your clothing. Throw away anything with recent moth damage, I’m serious, the invisible eggs are probably still there. I wash all of my animal fiber sweaters in Euclan (lavendar scented, leaves lanolin behind) before I store them. Moths are attracted to your body oils left behind on your sweaters, or even little splashes of food/cooking oil that are on your garment. If you have room, you can throw your woolens into large ziplocs and store them in the freezer for 3 weeks or more so that when the eggs hatch the larvae die.

      I use Dr. Killian’s moth traps in my closet, but it’s not a 100% solution.

      Know that moths like dark, quiet, still environments, so you’re more likely to find moth damage on something in the back of your closet that you haven’t touched in ages.

      2. if you can quarantine the item for 3 weeks and then wash the moth-attracting oils, why would you throw everything out??

        1. Throw away anything with moth damage. The eggs are still there. The larvae are going to hatch and get on your other clothing. Yeah, you can freeze them, but believe me, I’ve been there. Nothing is 100%.

    2. Keep the garments clean (wash/dry clean if you’re unsure as to the last time they were cleaned).
      You can also fold them up into ziplocs and put them in the freezer for a few days.

    3. You have to kill all the eggs. The larvae are responsible for eating the fabric, not adult moths.

      You can kill with heat or cold. Heat is easier, you can bake at low temp in the oven. I set my oven to the lowest setting, I think it goes down to 175 but 150 is fine if you can get that. Then I place my natural fiber sweaters on baking trays and leave them for 45 minutes, rotating the stack about halfway through.

      I had a terrible moth infestation that took out 90% of my knitting yarn stash, including 5 gorgeous balls of cashmere i was saving for a sweater pattern. It was awful. The yarn was in plastic bags and stored in plastic tubs, so i thought i was safe.

      I now store my post-baked natural fiber sweaters in plastic ziplock bags inside WeatherProof tubs, and leave chunks of strongly scented dr bronner lavendar bar soap in each.

      You can also freeze items to kill the eggs, but it is more involved and you have to bring the items out of the freezer for a couple days to start the egg hatching cycle, then you put it back in the freezer to kill the larvae.

      It’s a project, but after finding half my yarn stash disintegrated and crawling with adult moths, I will always take the time.

    4. Rather than moth balls, which smell and can be toxic to pets, try the moth traps.

      Vacuum, clean, cedar.

  5. What is something you learned that is medical-related that you didn’t know and could save lives?

    I had ZERO idea that women in their 40s are the top risk category for gallbladder issues. I also did not know that gallbladder problems = stomach problems (but also other stuff).

    1. That more women than men have PTSD due to sexual violence, even though it’s thought of as a “soldiers’ disease.”

      That homicide is the leading cause of death in the U.S.

      2. Related, childhood abuse leaves the victim at a higher risk of cancer and heart disease, even when (trying to) account for lifestyle factors. Changes to brain chemistry cause spikes in adrenaline and cortisol, which could be a mechanism for the increased risk of heart disease.

    2. This is kind of gross, but if anyone (human, animal) is puking up their guts but nothing is ever really coming out the other end, that is hugely concerning for obstruction. Maybe this is obvious to others, but I had no idea.

      1. This seems totally normal? I’ve had lots of stomach bugs that involved violent puking but no diarrhea or at least not until much later.

        2. I’m not sure what the timeframe ought to be, but we learned the hard way that recurrent partial obstruction can present this way. More painful than a regular stomach bug though, more like a bad one (totally unable to work, not sick but WFH).

          1. Yeah I don’t doubt that it can be a sign of something serious, especially if it persists, but it can also be normal. That’s true of many symptoms.

    3. Many states offer free or OTC Narcan at pharmacies. I keep two on hand and have told my tween/teen where it is and that it is NEVER a bad idea to use it (it won’t hurt their friends like an unneeded epi-pen stick might).

      1. This!!! I’ve thought have having narcan on hand after losing two people to an overdose.

        1. I have it! It’s not hard to get.

          I don’t know anyone with an opioid problem, at least no one that would admit it. But it’s not hard to get and I might as well have some on hand.

          My colleage aged daughter really increased my awareness around Narcan, and I’ve worked on the statistical side/the costs of the opioid epidemic for 15 years.

          1. I’m wondering if I should get one for church. We’re in a city so we always have unhoused folks come for services. Today one fell asleep pretty soundly so it got me thinking.

      2. Unneeded epipen only causes problems if you have underlying conditions. For a healthy person, the reason you call the ambulance after injecting the epi is because the patient is at risk for biphasic anaphylaxis.

    4. Heart disease is the leading cause of death for women in the US. Not breast or other cancers and all the stuff that gets a lot of attention. Regular mammograms and OBGYN visits are important, but do not replace annual physicals and good care from a PCP. According to the NIH “About 80% of women ages 40 to 60 have one or more risk factors for coronary heart disease.”

      Don’t smoke, wear your sunscreen and get annual skin cancer checks, but don’t ignore your heart and blood pressure!

      1. I keep hearing that heart attacks look totally different in women – it isn’t like your arm goes numb, but rather “you just feel off.” It terrifies me that my mom or I will be having just a weird day and we’ll miss something.

        1. My mom had a heart attack in her late 40s due to a clot. She was a regular smoker, so that was certainly a risk factor. She had described feeling tired easily, and had switched to using her curling iron seated rather than standing. That’s all she could tell us. When the actual heart attack occurred one morning, she definitely knew something was very wrong and asked her partner to call an ambulance (which was very unlike her because she was such a minimizer) and her heart actually stopped in the ER & she was saved by a clot busting shot.

          She lived for a couple decades longer, but the permanent damage to her heart was a significant life limiting factor, especially when she finally developed full blown COPD due to smoking.

      2. Yes, and strokes fall under the category of heart disease. It’s not just heart attacks.

        1. Yep. Stroke survivor here. Ischemic / clot type stroke. Apparently random, no known cause.

          1. I assume you had all kinds of follow-up blood testing? Asking because my husband had a very unexpected ischemic stroke just after turning 50, and eventually it was determined that it was likely due to antiphospholipid syndrome, a fairly rare autoimmune condition. It seemed like his hematologist was pretty persistent and that this could have easily been missed.

          2. I have had every test under the sun. Normal cholesterol and blood pressure, clear arteries in neck, no evidence of a-fib, no evidence of any clotting issues (which I think includes what your husband has). I have a history of paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia, had that ablated ages ago, but it isn’t thought to be associated with stroke risk. I’m on all the drugs now – blood thinners, anti arrhythmia drugs, even a mild statin even though cholesterol wasn’t an issue. I feel great now, had brain fog for about a month, no paralysis.

          3. Glad you had a complete recovery and fingers crossed you never have another issue!

          4. @6:53 you made me look up all my blood tests. I was tested for Antiphospholipid Antibodies and my results were normal. Thanks for bringing it up!! (For anyone interested, I also tested negative for Factor V (Leiden) mutation, lupus anticoagulant w reflex, Factor II mutation, and a bunch of other tests… including heart tests like an echocardiogram with bubble, as well as diagnostic CT and MRI) Hold on to that health insurance, kids!

          6. Thanks, my husband recovered well from the stroke. He did have another clot last year, this time in his kidney, which was worrisome as he was already on the only real treatment for APS–warfarin. So now he’s taking that and aspirin and we hope for the best. Luckily we have very good insurance.

    5. The vast majority of breast cancer diagnoses have no known genetic component. Upwards of 80%.

    6. Veterinary palliative care options exist if you ask for them, though sometimes you have to ask. For cats, Zofran can be used for nausea, buprenorphine for pain (it’s a topical solution applied to the gums, so it works fine even if they’re off their food or bad at taking pills), and topical Mirataz can improve appetite (goes on their ear). This can sometimes make it possible to make good memories in hospice at the end of life, or bridge to the decision to give chemo a try after all (and veterinary chemo is very gentle compared to what humans endure — my one cat lived out a 3.5 year prognosis with good quality of life after diagnosis, and it wasn’t even very expensive).

      1. My dog got cancer at 10 and lived until 15 with oncology care. The first cancer was melanoma in his mouth–surgical removal with clean margins meant immunotherapy injections (a short series followed by one injection every six months). After three years, he was deemed recovered from that. A few months later, he developed lymphoma. We knew that would be terminal but he tolerated chemo really, really well. After two years or so, the oncologist told us when the protocol was no longer working, and at that point, we put him down. He had a whole other 1/3 of his life that was really high quality thanks to that care. I don’t think everyone appreciates there are so many differences based on different types of cancers and the stage and what chemo may or may not look like. I’m just so thankful we got to share that whole other part of his life and be so active and do so many things.

        1. Thanks for understanding; this was a revelation to me since there was a time when options were more limited. I’m so glad there’s more we can do now and that your dog had all those good years.

          I’m also watching the canine cancer vaccination study with a lot of interest (they developed a vaccine to alert the immune system to a variety of cancer unique targets, but now we are all waiting to see whether the vaccinated dogs evade cancer any better as a result). For cats, Felycin is going through the FDA approval process for HCM, and of course there’s hope that it will have the same cancer prevention effect in cats as it does in mice, though we really have no idea. At least they’re pretty sure it helps with HCM, which is something.

    7. Sudden, severe vertigo and vomiting can be signs of a stroke as well as the more common ones – face drooping, arm weakness, slurred speech, numbness on one side of the body, etc.

      1. I’m gonna add mine – I’m the stroke survivor above. Intense brain fog and the worst headache you’ve ever had. I passed all the in-office neuro exams, no balance issues or numbness, before taking myself to the ER on day 3 when I couldn’t figure out my email.

    8. They make pills now so you don’t have to drink anything gross to have a colonoscopy and you aren’t awake while it’s happening. I didn’t know it was way easier than I was expecting. And they caught my colon cancer at 46 (stage 2 just before it starts spreading and your odds are significantly lessened)–and I didn’t have any symptoms other than night sweats and anemia. The anemia was what pushed my primary to order the colonoscopy and I initially was going to brush it off.

      2. So glad you were under great care by a PCP who tested you and sent you for a colonoscopy! Good for you. Congrats on catching it early enough.

      3. I had to drink a gross drink but it was still way easier than I was expecting. Definitely don’t put it off over fear of the prep.
        Hope you’re doing well now!

        1. I mean, my colonoscopy prep was one of the worst experiences of my life (I have been fortunate!) but it was still absolutely worth it. The procedure was easy, and the nap afterwards was tremendous. It’s a hard day/night, but then it’s done.

          1. Oh see for me it was like a dental clean or Pap smear – not fun, but not miserable.

        2. My colonoscopy prep was tolerable — I brewed two quarts of unsweetened iced tea and dumped a bottle of Miralax into it and drank periodic glasses of iced tea the day before, and “ate” sugar-free lemon jello when I felt I needed something “solid” in my stomach. I checked with the doctor’s office, and they said coffee and tea were fine, without milk, just no jello or juice that is red or purple colored. I was under a sedative for the procedure. Not as inconvenient or scary as you might think!

    9. If your period “comes back” after menopause, that’s a huge red flag for ovarian cancer.

    10. If you see a little blood when you poop, don’t assume it’s an angry hemorrhoid. It might be a tumor. Get to the doctor and insist on a colonoscopy.

    11. Adding another one from a book I’m reading right now: having negative views of aging (that it’s a horrible, painful slog into irrelevance) will make you die sooner and with more brain deterioration than peers with a positive view of aging.

  6. Has anyone traveled to Turkey (Istanbul) with tweens/teens? We’re going to Prague (work trip) then Vienna to see family over the summer and the flights are surprisingly cheap if we tack on a trip to Turkey. I had a friend go with her husband and she raved about it but we don’t know anyone who’s gone as a family.

    1. I’m going next month! Our daughter is only 6 but she is SO excited. I think it would be an amazing place for tweens and teens. We’re booking a few kid friendly things like a cooking class and art class, but otherwise just hitting major tourist spots. We’re ending our trip with four days in a resort on the coast to unwind from all the sightseeing.

      I love Travel Babbo for family travel info in general and he’s done Turkey with his three kids who are tweens or teens.

      1. We’re looking at Turkey next year with elementary aged kids. I’d love to know more about your trip planning now and a followup after you go!

        1. I can definitely report back! We’re going for two weeks and spending 3-4 days in each of Istanbul, Cappadocia and Antalya.

          Istanbul – we’re doing a cooking class on the Asian side and art (ebru) class that I expect my kid to really enjoy. I’m doing a guided tour of Topkapi by myself since that seemed to be the museum that demanded the longest amount of time, and we’ll go as a family to the Blue Mosque, Hagia Sophia, Basilica Cistern, Bosphorous cruise and bazaars. My daughter and I are going to a hammam together – I found one with a minimum age of 6. We are both sooo excited for that. Apparently there are cats all over the city and I expect this to be a huge highlight for her — she loves cats and we can’t have one due to allergy.

          Cappadocia – I haven’t really planned (need to get on this), but will be hiking and hot air balloons. We’re staying in a cool cave hotel and will have a rental car.

          Antalya – we have an all inclusive resort at the beach and will spend one day doing a guided city tour but otherwise probably just beach/pool. This stop will probably be the highlight for kiddo so we deliberately put it last. :)

    2. I went to Turkey for my honeymoon. We met so many families with kids of all ages and they all seemed to be having a blast! We were along the Turkish Coast (Antalya through to Bodrum with stops in between), and the beaches and resorts were wonderful for couples, friend trips, and families alike. I’d highly recommend adding it on! The people there are so nice and welcoming, and the food was HEAVEN!

  7. People were talking up Charlotte the other day, weren’t they? What stuff would you recommend there for a weekend getaway?

      1. Depends what you’re into. I thought Asheville was so boring and the food scene was underwhelming compared to a lot of southeastern cities. I haven’t been to Charlotte but really like the Triangle.

        1. I agree that Asheville is boring but at least it’s in the mountains. Charlotte is even more boring and it’s just a city.

        2. This was my answer and I actually kind of agree, but I don’t necessarily mean the city itself, but more the mountain area around it, and the Biltmore is kind of cool if you like that sort of thing.

          I lived in CLT for five years and the best thing about it was how easy it was to get up to the mountains for the day or the ocean for the weekend, but I definitely wouldn’t go there for a weekend getaway unless I had another reason to be there, and even if I did, I’d still probably go elsewhere for the weekend, which is why I suggested Asheville.

    3. I know plenty of people who enjoy living in Charlotte, but it would never occur to me to go there for a weekend getaway.

      1. Yeah the things that make a city liveable don’t necessarily make it good for tourists. There may even be a reverse relationship.

        We went to Charlotte for a wedding a few years ago and had a nice time. It’s not a bad place to visit by any means. But I would put it behind Raleigh and Asheville, not to mention Nashville, Charleston, Savannah, NOLA etc.

      2. Yeah, I have a long time friend who moved there to have a nice house and raise her kids, but when I visit her, it’s not like there’s anything super memorable to do.

    4. @april.robson on Insta lives there and posts about fun things to do.

      TW: child loss, although these days she mostly posts about other topics

    6. CLT person here. What are you into?

      I joke that it is the opposite of NYC: easy to live in, not so obvious to do as a visitor. I am a NYC suburban transplant to CLT and am here to help guide you.

    7. Are you outdoorsy? Do you golf? Do you do white-water sports or trail run? Like flowers? Like live music? Testing it out for a live (in that case, I need age and budget to suggest areas to explore). Tell me more!

    8. I grew up in Charlotte and live there now as an adult after a brief stint in DC in my twenties, so I have decades of Charlotte experience. I’ll be honest – it’s pretty boring, but that’s what makes me enjoy living here. My family is here, everything is a 20 minute drive away (don’t let people tell you the traffic is bad here, that’s simply laughable compared to other cities), and I like having the mountains and beach fairly close by. The food is decent and we get a fair amount of musical/comedy acts that come through (something important to me). That said, Charlotte really doesn’t have much of an identity. I wouldn’t come here for a getaway trip. There’s absolutely nothing here that can’t be found in other cities that also have other things to offer (culture, arts, monuments, history).

    9. Went for a couple of days when nonessential travel first became possible during the Covid pandemic because it was a short non-stop flight from my town and I was going stir crazy.

    10. I also don’t really think of Charlotte as a weekend getaway kind of place unless we’re talking Carowinds, but since I have to go there sometimes, I always have a list of things to do. So these aren’t recommendations since I haven’t been there in a while, but my plan would at the moment be to check out any of the new trendy restaurants that appeal to me, get coffee in the morning at a cat cafe, try out the museum of illusions, and visit some parks and public gardens. Basically, the same kind of things I do where I live, but in Charlotte for some variety!

  8. Speaking of medicine, I know this site is not my doctor, but would you seek a doctor in this case (and if so, what kind)? I have a finger that has fairly severe on-and-off stiffness. I’m currently in a bout and it causes me pain to type – but it’s limited to a single knuckle. Perhaps from an old injury. Ibuprofen helps some. How much time would you give it to heal up? Or if you were inclined to seek medical attention, would you go to a hand specialist or a rheumatologist for possible arthritis?

    On one hand (ha) it’s only a finger. On the other… I use all of them every day!

    1. It should be osteoarthritis, so yes, I’d see a doctor. You only get one set of fingers and they are hard to fix when things go wrong.

    2. Yes. I guess I’d start by just complaining to my primary doctor. They’ll know what questions to ask to narrow down some possibilities and have an idea who to follow up with. They might also do some labs to see how your baseline health is doing, whether your ANA is normal, etc.

      I think it would also be fine to start with a hand specialist orthopedist though, especially if you have a specific old injury in mind as a potential cause. I think orthopedists often don’t require referrals anyway (around here they even have walk-in appts. since new injuries are a lot of their business!).

      1. +1 – I had some repetitive stress things and I went straight to an orthopedist, which was the gateway to a physical therapist. Some of the PT was how to maybe address an underlying cause, and some of it was just symptom management (heat, taping, etc).

  9. “Gala” poster from last week. This is def an after work event and people do come straight from work. Usually I wear a ‘nicer’ work dress but I’m feeling uninspired this year. Any ideas? Thanks!

  10. I often read comments here saying that you can have the same or better lifestyle in a LCOL area than you would have with double the household income in a HCOL area. Help me understand. I get that housing, utilities, food, dining out, entertainment, and services are more expensive in a HCOL area. But aren’t cars, clothes, appliances, furniture, travel the same wherever you live? And I was surprised by the recent Philly comment about private school tuition being $40-50k because that’s not that different from what it is in my VHCOL area. I am fortunate to have locked in housing prices years ago and have a payment that is comfortable to me. I cannot fathom that my lifestyle would be significantly better somewhere else (assuming my current salary were portable, which it is not).

    1. It definitely depends exactly what HCOL vs LCOL you’re talking about, and how you spend your money — but I think most people spend a much larger portion of their income on housing and services (medical, childcare, dining out, insurance, transportation, entertainment, repairs) that vary a lot by area than the kind of durable fixed cost goods (appliances, clothes from an online store) that don’t vary much or at all.

    2. This is just a math equation, not some great mystery. LCOL means all the things generally cost less. If your income is the same it obviously goes further than in a HCOL area. If your income is slightly less, it still goes further.

      Of course, your income could be so much less that the lower cost of living is a wash, but that’s why you research the market, the cost of living in that area, and negotiate your salary accordingly. LCOL areas may not have the same opportunities for spending as HCOL locations, so some of your expenses may not be cheaper. Be sure to factor those in those costs if those opportunities are important to you

      1. OP here. Yes, I’m not questioning that even on a lower income, you can have a better standard of living in a LCOL. But I’m pretty sure I’ve read comments on this site along the lines of you can have a BETTER standard of living on HALF the salary needed in a HCOL, and I guess my post is to probe how true that is. I also acknowledge that I’m fortunate to have fixed housing costs but I locked in my low mortgage rate only 4 years ago and presumably lots of readers here are mid and late career professionals so I’m not a unicorn. The good thing about living in a place with expensive housing is that it lowers the expectation to have a fancy house so I don’t feel self-conscious about having a modest home.

        1. I think it depends what the comparison is. Terms like HCOL and LCOL are kind of vague, and people define them differently. If you’re talking like Chicago vs DC, yeah I can see the argument that you’d be doing better in DC on twice the salary especially if you’re not someone who needs a huge house. But if you’re talking like Omaha vs SF there is no chance you wouldn’t be doing better in Omaha on $150k vs SF on $300k, especially if you have kids and kid-related expenses. Housing costs literally 10 times as much in SF. Maybe more. And a lot of kid stuff is probably at least twice as much. And don’t forget that the more you make the more you pay (percentage wise) in tax.

          1. The salary numbers also really matter. If you’re talking about doubling a salary, the change from $50k to $100k or even $100k to $200k is going to be a lot more significant than the change from $200k to $400k, because after a certain point money is gravy that all goes to luxuries.

            I’m in a LCOL area with HHI around $200k and (with kids in public school) we can buy almost literally everything we want. If our salaries magically doubled overnight I have no idea what I’d do with the money, other than fly first class more frequently which is obviously a huge luxury. On the other hand, if our salaries were cut to $100k we’d definitely feel the pinch, although you can certainly live a very comfortable life in our city on that income.

    3. It’s because the increase in housing costs from a LCOL area to a HCOL area can often be more than double, that’s BY FAR the biggest part of an average consumer’s budget, and one of the biggest influences on perceived lifestyle (given we spend so much time there, the neighborhood you live in is such a big influence on your life etc). To take housing out of the equation and opine on why the difference is a little disingenuous, which comparing your locked in historical payment no one else can now get is doing. The other items you mention don’t take up anywhere near a consumer’s budget and often don’t affect how they feel about their lifestyle as much as housing (ie I live in a nice house but could care less what car I drive or what my washing machine is).

      1. Ha, yes. I commented below but the only appliance I’ve bought in the last decade was a $600 dishwasher. $600 appliance vs $3M house… it’s really not hard to see that it’s not the same kind of impact on your budget.

    4. Housing is by far the biggest expense for most people though — I am one of the posters who says I feel rich in a small Midwest city on a low six figure salary, but would need three times that at least to live a similar lifestyle in a VHCOL city like SF or NY. In my area there are nice single family homes in good school districts for under $500k. We never had a massive mortgage payment and paid it off fully in our mid-30s. My friends in VHCOL cities who have bought in the last 5 years have spent between $1.5 and $5M on their homes and some of the people at the low end of that range only got a townhouse, not a SFH. They will eventually have a much higher net worth than me due to the value of their house, but for the next 20+ years they have a huge mortgage payment that severely constrains their disposable income and in some cases I think they’re even scrimping on retirement savings to afford the mortgage. Plus they need two incomes to afford their mortgage and could be faced with losing their house if one spouse lost their job and couldn’t find another one quickly. That’s kind of terrifying to me. Obviously it’s different if you brought property in one of these areas a long time ago and have a manageable mortgage payment, but that’s not the case for someone contemplating a move now.

      YMMV but we truly don’t spend a lot on cars, clothes, appliances, etc. We buy cars in cash and drive until they’re really old. We spent probably $5k furnishing our house when we bought it but haven’t spent any real money updating it. We’ve gone 10 years without needing to purchase any new appliances except a $600 dishwasher. I don’t shop for clothes often. These things just aren’t big expenses for us, and I think even if you like to shop more than I do, they still pale in comparison to multi-million dollar housing costs.

      Kid related costs (daycare, summer camps, even public college) also tend to be much higher in HCOL areas so that’s another big thing for a lot of people. Plus private K-12 school is much more of a thing in HCOL areas. We would definitely not feel rich if we were trying to pay $50k/year/kid private school tuition, but we don’t have to because the public schools are good and we’re not in this rat race of needing “fancy” schools for our kids.

    5. I don’t know about double the income, which I guess would depend a lot on both the income and the cities in question, but having lived in both LCOL and VVHCOL areas, there’s definitely a big difference in how far money goes. For one, you need to account for marginal tax rates. If you’re MFJ and contributing a lot to pretax retirement, FSAs, and health insurance, a good chunk of your income in a lot of states isn’t taxed that highly until you get above ~$160-170k. Then you jump from the 12% to 22% federal tax bracket and higher state brackets if you live in a state with a progressive income tax. That takes an additional 10-15% (and almost 40% total, when we lived in CA) of anything you make past that point, which I think is perfectly reasonable, but you do need to account for in your decisions. Then, as you said, lots of things cost more, and expectations are also generally higher in a HCOL area, which can force you to spend more money. There’s both a voluntary keeping up with the Jones aspect, and a more forced set of expected purchases if you have a certain job or spend time in certain social circles that may bump up spending. If you live in a LCOL area, it’s generally going to be easier to just not buy things you don’t really want or need, so you’re not necessarily going to spend as much on furniture or appliances (I personally couldn’t care less about having a “status” refrigerator, I just want it to be energy efficient). If you live somewhere where almost everyone sends their kids to the excellent public schools, you’re not going to feel bad about not spending 50k on private school. And then, as the other poster says, it’s housing. We just left CA because housing prices were so completely out of control. We simply couldn’t justify spending an extra $60-70k a year for even the cheapest, crappiest condo, which would require an extra $100k+ in income (see the tax rate discussion above), compared to a nice house in a nice neighborhood elsewhere.

      1. Just adding, I really don’t have a problem with taxes, it’s just part of the calculation you need to account for. I have lived in several truly LCOL and low tax states and don’t want to do that again. I would have happily stayed in CA if housing prices hadn’t skyrocketed the last few years. We ended up moving to a MCOL city in another high tax state (it’s my hometown, so there were also personal ties and family care obligations involved, but housing prices were the biggest factor among many we were weighing).

      2. I think the Keeping up with Joneses point is huge. Obviously housing costs are nuts in the Bay Area. But beyond that, my friends who live there spend so much money on fancy schools, shiny new cars, elaborate birthday parties, private tutors for kids who are doing fine in school because their kids have to be #1 in the class to have a chance of getting into a UC, etc etc.

        All of this costs an INSANE amount of money. My friends have attended toddler birthday parties that cost more than my wedding!! It’s all so foreign to me.

    6. Taxes is a big contributor to cost of living. What is the property tax, sales tax? In NYC clothing purchases are taxed 8.8%. Is there no state tax like Tennessee? California has a gas tax on average 77 cents per gallon. Florida has no gas tax.All these thing add up.

    7. Travel could be more in a LCOL area, having to take flights to get to a hub airport, for example. Gas for cars is usually cheaper in the hinterlands though

      1. It depends. Flights can definitely be more expensive if you’re super rural. But if you’re in or near a city with a decent sized airport you don’t normally pay more. I’m in a small Midwest city and often pay less to fly out of my home airport (with a layover) than I’d pay to fly from a hub like Chicago on a nonstop. Airlines charge a premium for nonstop flights.

    8. Kids. Care and activities for kids cost a ton in HCOL areas – probably at least double. As some examples, around me preschool for 10 hours a week (3 mornings) is about $4-5K — that includes the YMCA and church basement options.

      Swimming lessons are like $300 for four sessions. Dance/gymnastics/ninja courses are also like $300+ for a month/four sessions. Even cub scouts was going to be like $500 for the year when we factored in the uniform.

      I have a lot of kids for this board and we limit to one activity per kid per season (maybe two if there’s a strong reason, like swim + a week of camp or a sport). Even still I feel like kids activities are killing the budget.

      1. More than double — LCOL area here and we pay about 1/4 to 1/3 of these prices. Ninja gym is $99/month, swim lessons were $100 for 8 classes. Summer (day) camps here start around $150/week, and I know people who pay more than 5 times that much.

        It really adds up, particularly if you have two or more kids!

    9. Not the OP but have had the same questions too. The biggest expenses I will face in my lifetime by a mile will be my kids’ higher education costs and likely our healthcare costs in retirement. It’s not like those vary too much nationally. Yeah sure, my house is significantly more expensive than LCOL or MCOL areas, but those other two expenses will definitely eclipse it given pretty much every projection estimator I’ve seen. I’m paying more day to day for childcare and services and mortgage, but even so, we feel like we come out way ahead because the surplus we have on an absolute dollar basis to put away for college and retirement just wouldn’t be enough to hit our decades-away financial goals with lower salaries even if our savings rate was technically higher in another part of the country.

      1. I don’t think college typically exceeds housing costs. 4 years at our flagship State U including room and board is currently around $120k. You can’t really buy a house anywhere for that kind of money. Even if you have 3 kids that’s under $400k – hardly enough to buy a house in a HCOL area. Maybe it’s more comparable if you want to send them to fancy private colleges but that’s a choice that you don’t have to make. And people with lower salaries get more financial aid, since colleges primarily assess income not assets. We will have~$5M in retirement savings by the time our kids go to college but would be eligible for huge amounts of aid at elite private colleges because of our comparatively lower incomes. I don’t think that’s necessarily fair but it is how they do it.

      2. Maybe we need a range of salaries for a comparison like this. $100K in LCOL vs $200K in HCOL — there is no room for maxing out any savings vehicles or putting much away at all with the $200K. But if you’re talking $500K vs $1M, I can see how the $1M allows you lots of flexibility even in a VHCOL area. (But then again, so does the $500K in LCOL!)

        1. Yeah I think the numbers really matter. On $200k in a LCOL area we’re saving money hand over fist for retirement in a way I’m sure we would not be if we lived in San Francisco on $400k.

          It also depends if you can afford to buy property. If you buy a house in SF and pay off the mortgage before retirement you’ll be set for life even if you can’t save much cash. But if you can’t afford to buy and rent for a long time (which is common for all but the highest earners in HCOL areas) all that rent money adds zero value to your net worth age impacts your ability to save for retirement.

          Also worth noting that the vast majority of Americans can’t save the high seven or low eight figures that could potentially be needed for care at end of life. You spend down your money and go on Medicaid.

    10. You kind of already said it? You’re going to have a refrigerator, wear clothing, and spend money on transportation one way or another no matter where you live. But housing, utilities, food, dining out, entertainment, and services are all much more affordable in a LCOL area. So if you’d have to rent a small apartment and forego dining out, entertainment, and services in a VHCOL area, on the same salary you can own a house, eat out, and spend more on services in a LCOL area, which makes for a very different lifestyle.

      1. Don’t forget, though, that if you live in a state like Texas or Tennessee, you may pay less in taxes, but you also get less in services: less roadwork and other physical infrastructure (so more wear on your cars and bigger problems when there are weather events), less public health (obvious consequences), less public education (so lower-educated workforce), and on and on.

        1. I think this is more true of rural areas. Larger cities even in red states normally have excellent medical care and public education. Some of the best hospitals in the US are in Rochester, MN, Ann Arbor, Cleveland and Houston – these are not HCOL places and some of them are in red states. And I remember when I lived in Boston the roads were constantly torn up, so I’m not sure how much higher taxes actually help infrastructure.

        2. I see your point. But when taxes are higher and the physical infrastructure, public health, and public education still don’t meet needs, it can be a bit of a lose/lose.

          My blue city in a purple state is known for making its resources go pretty far.

        3. I’m not sure the insurance data bears this out. Living in a rural area outside of Boston, the main difference is not the road conditions but the lack of traffic. No fender benders means lower car insurance premiums and garages means cars don’t suffer from the weather and on-street parking dings and scratches. This would be true even if my rural area weren’t New England which, incidentally, invests heavily in public health in and public schools.

    11. I just love how the rich people pay themselves on the back for having been able to lock in lower housing costs while the rest of us were paying off our educations, saving up for down payments, paying all of our own expenses, etc. on normal people salaries while the rich folks were pulling in Biglaw or investment banking salaries while also being subsidized by their wealthy parents. It’s really clueless.

      1. OP here again. We are all anonymous here so I don’t really care but maybe think twice before accusing others of being clueless. My parents have not helped me financially since I became 18 (the financial support has actually gone the other way). I put myself through school with a good amount of need based grants but also student loans that took 15 years to pay off. I have never worked in big law or investment banking but did work my ass off, got good reviews and bonuses, and never quit a job without another lined up because I had no one else to provide me with a safety net. I clip coupons, always pack my lunch, and have never taken an international vacation. I know growing up UMC gives a lot of privileges (that I didn’t have) but don’t let that be an excuse not to use your own agency.

      2. I was a poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks, I was a 100% financial aid college student, and it took me 15 years to pay off my student loans.

        If you think everyone who managed to buy a house has life so much better than you, you are delusional. I worked my ass off to safe enough to buy a very small fixer upper that I lived in for 10 years and never fully fixed up. That’s how I got into the housing market.

      3. There is truth here, but it’s not cut and dried. My first salary was $25K a year in NYC in 2008. Even then I managed to save a little each month. I’m fortunate to not have had student loans (I fully admit this!) but did use my savings to pay off my husband’s remaining loans when we got married at 27yo. We continued to live in NYC, scrimped and saved, and bought our first tiny house in Westchester in 2015. We are fortunate we could sell and upgrade in the post-Covid boom, but we are definitely a little house poor now as we build back up. Never anything CLOSE to big law money for us (we are low six figures now). We have had advantages like stable childhoods and no unemployment, but I *am* going to take some credit for our financial planning.

  11. Anyone familiar with the quality and fit of Ming Wang or Misook knit separates? I would like a knit suit for business trips. I’d stick with solid neutrals, probably black. Also open to other brands with similar knit suiting (but not St. John which is $$$$).

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