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Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here. I am always a fan of the little black dress, and this seriously marked down Susana Monaco dress looks perfect for most social outings. It was $246, but is now marked to $97 at Piperlime. Huzzah! Final sale only, alas. Susana Monaco V Drape Dress (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

373 Comments

  1. This is a perfect little black dress!

    Threadjack: As a large size 4, I sometimes am a little self-conscious trying to wear my own little black dress, especially since mine is cut low in the back. I can not see if this one is, but I need to lose about 5 lbs before I can wear mine out this summer. I have a beautiful set of black pumps that go so well with mine, but until I can wear the dress, I am out of luck.

    Now my boyfriend is getting on my case to lose weight now, even to the point he will tell me what to eat and not eat at dinner.

    How can I tell him to lay off on this and give me time — at least until July 4 to lose the 5 pounds? It is getting very annoying. Help!

    1. Ditch the boyfriend now and you’ll lose weight super fast and in quantities beyond your wildest dreams: 160-220+ ugly pounds in one fell swoop.

      You deserve better than being treated like a child. DTMFA.

    2. Every time he tells you what you can/can’t eat for dinner, punch him. Awesome back/shoulder workout, which will make you look fabulous in the dress. :-)

      *Kidding, of course – beating up people isn’t cool. But I agree with the poster above ^^.

      1. Can we please stop assuming people are trolls and give them the benefit of the doubt for awhile.

      2. I thought troll too. I kind of felt we were all ignoring the OP’s question because it sounded insincere.

    4. You are better then him.

      I AGREE you should tell him to stop and if he does not stop, loose him.

      There are men that do not care. Being 5 pounds over is NOT a big deal.

      Fooey on him!

    5. anyone calling themselves a “large” size 4, with a boyfriend who cares about 5 pounds, is either a troll or needs a serious wake up call.

      1. I think you may be in a abusive relationship so I hope the flippant comments don’t turn you off. Does this man put you down in other ways? Does he discount your ideas? Please get help if he is psychologically hurting you.

      2. Isn’t a large size 4 a 6? Cuz I’d like to start calling myself a large size 4 (just 4 sizes larger :)

        In all seriousness, there is a reply to your second post down below that was good. My boyfriend has commented on what I have eaten before after I spent a week complaining about how fat I felt and then was eating ice cream out of the quart container. He did the “don’t kill me but.. if you are feeling self conscious, maybe you need to be more conscious about what you eat.” If he is upset about the five pounds, he really is overstepping his bounds.

  2. Any ideas for a three-night girls’ getaway? A friend’s job ends in July, and we’re trying to plan something for her to look forward to after she walks out of her office for the last time (she’s been at the company for 15 years, so this is a big change). Here’s our wish list: tranquil, by a body of water, access to a spa somewhere nearby. Unfortunately, budget is an issue, so a cottage with a loch view in Scotland is out of the picture this year. :( We’re thinking the first week of August, which means really hot weather in the Caribbean and southern states, but we’re open to suggestions. Thanks in advance!

    1. Portland, Maine! So beautiful in summer, the beaches are great, and by August the water is actually bearable. The city has plenty of spas, but you can stay a little outside in a cute B&B if quiet is your priority.

      1. Thanks, Monday! I was thinking about Maine but had no idea where to begin. Time to check out TripAdvisor and VRBO.

      2. If you can go further, what about Mount Desert Island? You could go to Acadia, and I think there are some hotels with spas. Harder to get to than Portland, although you can fly commercially from Boston to Bar Harbor/Trenton.

    3. I spend every weekend of the summer on the Cape. I’m headed there in a few hours.

      I’m in the Falmouth area, where there are several nice spas. But Hyannis, Provincetown, Chatham, etc. are all good spots, too.

    4. South Lake Tahoe? It will be *gorgeous* up there in August.

      I think the corporettes will be better able to offer budget-friendly suggestions if we know where you are! Tahoe is not budget friendly if you are coming from Boston, for example :).

      1. Good point! There are 3 of us getting together from Missouri, Indiana and NY, and we’re thinking of including friends from California. So getting there might be pricey for some of us, but I’m hoping to make the staying there reasonable for all of us.

        1. Don’t laugh, but if budget is a priority, what about one of the many little towns along Lake Michigan? For the Hoosier, that could be driveable, depending on where she lives as Indianapolis is only about 3-4 hours away, depending on which little town you choose. The others could fly to Chicago (usually budget friendly flights are options) . I went to one of those towns for the first part of my honeymoon, although right now I can’t remember which one. The spa might be more difficult, but again, it probably depends on what you are looking for–I’m sure there’s something.

          Obviously, not as exciting as Tahoe, Maine or Cape Cod, but it sounds like you are coming from all over the country. Good luck and what a great thing to do for your friend!

          2. Ah google is my friend. The town we stayed in was South Haven and it is about an hour away from South Bend, IN (which is about 2 hours from Chicago, depending on traffic.) The b&B we stayed in was http://www.marthasvy.com/ Really great breakfasts ( 8 years ago) and the nearby towns were really cute. They were able to schedule a massage therapist to come to our room if that’s something you’d want to arrange. Weather in August should be good.

          3. Let me tell you, goirishkj, every time I see those commercials for Michigan, I truly want to get on a plane and head for a lake in Michigan. It makes me want to hop in a canoe, though I think I haven’t been in a canoe since I was in elementary school. While those of us in the south hunker down for our 100+ degree summers, Michigan looks so beautiful and pleasant. The tourism commercials apparently work. :)

          4. TX Attny–I know! I miss the lake and the dunes, which is not helped by those commercials with their pretty lakes and cute lighthouses! I’ve moved away into what I grew up calling the Great Plains region but that considers itself “Midwest”. I still think of “Midwest” as Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, etc. Funny how different regions think of themselves!

          5. This post made me think of Door County, WI. My sig other and I went there for spring break during law school, and it was very tranquil and the wineries were fun–I’m sure there would be much more going on in the summer. We stayed at the White Lace Inn, and it was lovely.

          6. The Pure Michigan commercials are some of the most convincing commercials I have ever heard/seen. They make me want to drop everything and head for Michigan. I honestly don’t know how they do it.

          8. My mom grew up in Traverse City, so I definitely second the Michigan recommendations (my husband, dog, and I drive 14 hours up to the family cabin from DC every summer – it’s THAT worth it!). If you are looking for something quieter than Traverse City, on the water, with plenty of charm and more local boutiques/spas/restaurants than TC, check B&Bs and cabin rentals around Suttons Bay, Northport, and Glen Arbor.

            You will probably have to fly into Traverse City and rent a car, but as long as you don’t fly during the Cherry Festival (July 4, I believe), you can usually find better fares.

            Good luck, and enjoy! Those commercials don’t lie; Northern Michigan is just amazing!

    5. My girlfriends and I went on a cheap long weekend in August to Miami. It was hot but it wasn’t bad since we were by the pool or in the ocean during the day and there was generally a nice breeze. Because it was the off-season, we were able to get a great rate on a really nice hotel in South Beach further down the strip away from the craziness. There are usually great specials on flights to Miami as well.

      1. So glad to hear from someone who has done Miami in August. I’ve always wanted to visit. Thanks for the suggestion.

    6. Santa Barbara, CA. Body of water: Pacific Ocean, check. Spas, check. You’re also not far from the Santa Ynez valley, which has some great wineries. It’s a perfect ladies trip. Plus, Santa Barbara is beautiful, laid back, and only a puddle jumper flight from LA.

      1. Missed the water. If you are going to do Michigan, try Saugatuck. Another option is Lake Geneva, WI

        1. Second and third South Haven or Saugatuck! You will LOVE it and the drive from Chicago isn’t bad at all (South Bend, IN or Grand Rapids, MI will be even shorter). I find its relatively easy to fly cheaply to CHI from lots of corners of the country.

          Lake Geneva WI is also good and you may find better spas there than the other two spots. Accessible from Chicago or Milwaukee.

          Door County is gorgeous too but has more driving involved and I’d think you’d have to fly to MKE to get there in a reasonable amount of time. Let us know where you end up!

    8. If you’re anywhere near the West Coast, consider something like Diamond Lake in southern Oregon. You can fly into Medford or Ashland and drive up. It’s close to Crater Lake and about an hour from some very magical hot springs. I don’t think there’s a spa, but if you like nature, there’s really nothing better. Plus, Oregon is heaven on earth in August.

    9. I would recommend Mexico despite the August weather. If you’re looking for something budget-friendly, I’d really recommend going to Isla Mujeres, which is a 30 min ferry ride away from Cancun. You can get lots of cheap(ish) flights to Cancun and then hop on a ferry to Isla Mujeres. It’s way more low key and sort of hacky-sackish (if you know what I mean) than Cancun. Very small island, but the beaches are gorgeous and not nearly as over run as other areas in Mexico. You can stay at one of the little luxury hotels (Hotel Secreto is nice, but pricier) or you can rent an apartment for a week or so (or less time) for reasonable prices (go to morningsinmexico.com for some places). This is the perfect place for a 3-4 day stay.

      You could also go to Playa del Carmen, which is about an hour from Cancun and is really lovely, through more touristy and expensive. Depends on your budget.

      As for the heat, I hate suffering through hot days, but I wouldn’t rule out Isla Mujeres or Playa del Carmen for this reason alone– just plan your days around it a bit. It was hot, but not terrible–just wake up early, go to the beach, pay the $14 to rent an umbrella for the day, take lots of water breaks, and drink a lot of water (and margaritas!). I would just make sure to take breaks and not try to sizzle in the sun at 2pm.

  3. I like this dress.

    But I’m jacking this thread to vent…

    This week I travelled with the boss on business. I don’t travel much usually and neither does he. We were on the trip because I needed to train our users on our new reporting system. Honestly, I was stunned by his behavior.

    I think he’s mostly just oblivious to othe people and sort of clueless, but it was really embarrassing and annoying.

    First of all, he brought no cash so I had to loan him money on the trip down. We get to the rental car place and he only brought a debit card so I have to use my credit card.

    We get a little lost the next day and even though he’s driving and using a GPS, he blames me.

    I’m on my feet all day in a skirt and heels, while he sits at the back of the room. I led 6 training sessions the first day and 2 the next. Everywhere we went, I carried my bag, my laptop, and a large box full of training materials. He carried nothing and never offered to help. Instead, he complained a couple of times about how slowly I was moving.

    His presence wasn’t necessary but he said he wanted to come so he could meet the users. But he didn’t introduce himself to anyone.

    At the hotel, he calls as soon as I get into the room to meet for dinner. I’m exhausted and dying to shower.

    He never tips so I ended up tipping for both of us. On the return train, he stole seats from another business traveller group. The train was actually crowded so I had hoped to get a seat away from him, but no such luck. Mid-trip he tells me to go get him a soda. Our seatmates were appalled.

    And he was just grumpy and pissy the whole time. I’m working from home today and finally enjoying some space.

    Sorry for the long post. I just really needed to vent.

    1. That is AWFUL. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL!!! I hope you get reimbursed for the money he borrowed from you and the tips you had to pay. That “go get me a soda” is especially insulting – I wouldn’t dream to ever ask my assistant to get me a soda since that is not her job. Ugh.

      I guess the best thing to do for your sanity is assume that he has something else going on in his personal life (maybe his wife is mad he’s taking a business trip, who knows), and he’s taking out his stress and frustration on you regardless of your skill and professionalism. Unless he is the Top Boss, I would imagine that he’s not going to get to go to the client site again – the clients will rave about you, and say nothing about him.

      I encourage you to get a collapsible dolly – they are the best for hauling around a box all day and keeping up with the Jerk with you who won’t carry anything. And to say no to dinner – thanks for the offer, but sorry boss, I need to take care of a few things, see you in the morning bright and early for breakfast! Hopefully, you can create a few boundaries.

      1. He’s not married (surprising, right?) and I’m not his assistant.

        When he told me to go get the soda, the people sitting in our same little area (4 seats plus table) stared at him. He then said “Oh, it’s okay. We work together.”

    2. There’s a saying in Islam, which says (paraphrased), “You don’t truly know someone unless he’s your neighbor, you’ve done business with him or you’ve traveled with him.” I’m sorry your trip with your boss was so trying.

      When I’m with my socially oblivious coworkers, I just instruct them on what they need to do for me, “Oh would you hold that door? I’m kind of carrying three boxes.” “Would you take my laptop while I carry these materials? Thanks.” And if I were going to get blamed for getting lost, I may as well be behind the wheel. Whenever I notice that my coworkers aren’t up for driving, I offer to drive and oftentimes, we do switch. Sometimes, we do have to manage our managers.

    3. Wow, just flabbergasted by the rudeness of your boss. Seems like a jerk, but as someone else said, maybe he’s dealing with personal issues that affected his behavior. I’m not sure I could have refrained from a retort along the lines of “Are your legs broken?” when he told you to get him a soda, which is my standard response when my teen-age son asks me to get something for him.

    5. This sounds horrible! Horrible! Nothing excuses this boorish behaviour. You have my sympathies. This doesn’t do anything to compensate for his behaviour, but – Claim Everything.

    8. People like that should not be allowed to interact with the rest of society! But please tell me you did not get him the soda. And why was he driving if you put the car on your card? And why didn’t you say no to dinner? And why didn’t you simply hand him the large box to carry? I understand that he’s the boss, and I’ve also been put in the position of tipping and paying for people who don’t carry cash. But for most of these insults, it’s reasonable to politely refuse be treated that way. And while I always try to consider what another person may be going through, the fact is, we all are going through stuff. And we all have to rise to a certain minimum level of decency to live in a civilized society. We shouldn’t have to accomodate boors and clueless jerks.

      1. I have a boss/co-counsel who acts like that. He procrastinates and then expects babysitting at the last minute. He dumps witnesses on me just prior to a depo. I do the writing and editing and he will barely even proofread but then I have to mail the document and do the cover letters, too. He never wants to stop to eat, and he is a cheapo. Oh, and he gets sloppy drunk on business trips. For the longest time, I took it. But, now I call him on his crap as he is not the big boss and I have been around long enough that my value to the office is not questioned. You have to find a way to be direct with him about his behavior without sounding insubordinate. Easier said than done.

      2. I’ve only been with the company for 8 months. I realize I probably should have put my foot down a bit, but I wasn’t sure what to do.

        Regarding the soda, my response was “What am I? Your sherpa.” He then said that he just meant I should get him a drink when I got one because he was sitting on the inside. I ended up waiting a half hour and then getting him his soda and a beer for the awesome guy sitting next to me (MIT professor).

        1. Sorry. This was me. I logged in from a different computer and forgot to put my moniker in.

    9. Terrible. I once had a partner ask me to carry his brief bag back to the office because he was detouring somewhere after the pitch. I made a smart remark but did it anyway as I was a midlevel. When he returned to the office he sheepishly apologized. I honestly believe he was just clueless.

      But another time as a junior, junior associate I had the experience of juggling multiple boxes and my purse and putting it all in a cab and the arrogant partner who couldn’t wrinkle himself watched as I struggled to put it all in the trunk and when I was heaving the last of it in, he instructed the cab driver to help me. And then he got out of the cab for me to pay.

      Now that I am more senior – I always pay for anyone below me and when I travel with my boss I joke with my secretary that I feel like the kid because I rarely have any receipts since she pays for everything.

      1. My boss once asked me to carry a stack of binders up to my chin back to the office after a hearing – while I was 7 months pregnant. Ugh. Some men are so insensitive.

    10. You know, I used to work for a guy just like this. I kept looking for a reason he was such a jerk – his marriage was falling apart, his mother was an alcoholic, he missed “don’t be a jerk” day in kindergarten, etc. What I finally figured out is that he’s just a jerk and I could make all the excuses for him, but there wasn’t really any explanation and he wasn’t going to change. I’d say get away from this guy as soon as you possibly can. If you are under him, get out. If you are equal to him, then disassociate. If he acts that way around you, he likely acts that way around others, and you don’t want to be associated with a guy like that.

    11. Claim every expense (including tips) for reimbursement. If you can’t, then email him and say, “by the way, you owe me X for the car, your lunch, and all the tips.” In the email, just write it with a tone that implies you assumed all along he’d be paying you back; be sort of breezy about it.

      It kind of sounds like he has aspergers. Otherwise, there’s no excuse for his behavior.

        2. Yeah – I have a friend with Aspergers, and he engages in a lot of the types of behavior you mentioned. I have to tell him if I need something because he won’t pick up on it otherwise – he won’t hold doors if my hands are full, he’ll sit awkwardly on the sidelines of a social event, etc. But he’s a friend, not a boss. It’s hard to ask your boss to carry a box for you, or prod him to talk to people. Without knowing the culture of your company, it’s hard to tell you how to proceed. If your company has a strict hierarchy, you don’t want to be viewed as being insubordinate.

          But no matter what, you should get your darn money back! It is never acceptable to be made to pay for your boss.

    12. Does anyone think Bunkster should print out this thread and give it to him?

      1. If he’s not America it’s entirely possible that it’s not on his radar. As a Brit I only tip for exceptional service unless I’m in a country where I know tips are the only wages the people I interact with will get.

    14. Holy cow, Bunkster, that’s a bad one. I’ve had horrible business travel companions before, and it’s so wearing and exhausting just to keep up a game face. Have some nice wine on your Cape trip.
      For your entertainment/cheer, a vignette (forgive the EllenCAPS): I once traveled for business with someone who was unbelievably cranky and rude, and for some reason my (inane but authentic) reaction to that was to become ridiculously Pollyanna about everything. Apparently this is what my introvert personality does when confronted by evil.
      Her: “This hotel is un. acceptable. Can you believe they put us on the 2nd floor?”
      Me: “OH, did you see they have a BREAKFAST BUFFET?? That will be NICE!”
      Her (with true rage in her voice): “I can NOT believe the manager didn’t drive us and we had to rent a car.”
      Me (smiling adoringly at the floor): “I LOVE this carpet. I wonder where they got it.”
      (later, she drives while I read directions) Her: “You are confusing EVERYONE. You need to stop telling me which exits to take.”
      Me: “The Black Eyed Peas are so popular now! Do you like them? This song is really catchy! Boom boom pow!”
      …and on and on for a week.

      1. Hahaha! This reminds me so much of myself. Whenever I’m confronted with people who are constantly negative, I become so positive about everything.

      2. I do this too! I have a co-worker who is a total Debbie Downer, and she always calls me out and teases me whenever I start focusing on all the positives. But hey, I figure there are worse reactions…

    15. Wow, I guess I’m not the only one who’s worked for a jerk like this. I literally started looking for a new job 6 months after I started and finally succeded securing a new position a year and a half after I started looking. *sigh* (I was very picky and now work in an awesome place!)

      Anyhow, I know my former boss doesn’t have Asperger’s syndrome because (and there’s no nice way to say this) he’s just not that smart. If there’s a chance your boss may be on the Spectrum, and he’s a good person, you might have to decide that there’s a certain amount of managing up you have to do to do your job. In my case, my former boss is just a selfish jerk, and I was unwilling to deal with all the crap that went along with working for him.

    16. This guy is a DICK.

      I will NOT complain about the manageing partner next to this guy.

      Hopefuly you have a nicer home then work life. Fooey on this looser!

  4. I wasn’t the OP, but thank you SO MUCH to whoever suggested Dan Savage’s video on how to remain friends with your ex. It was exactly what I needed to hear!

    I then proceeded to marathon-watch most of his videos on relationships, and found this gem, on “the price of admission” for love. it’s pretty NSFW (he was speaking in front of a college audience and being explicit is his shtick), but it’s really good.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ziIqCRlqHE

    hope this helps some other Corporettes too! (I wish I could show this to my mom, but it’s too full of cursing for her.)

  5. Reposting for weekend reading and response help.

    Threadjack on a hot, dry weekend in Texas! Even here, where oil is refined into gasoline just a quick freeway drive away, grocery prices are climbing up.

    Which online manufacturer grocery item coupon site do you trust?

    Most of all, which is reliable, doesn’t overload your inbox, and has coupons which you can use?

    With internet security concerns, I am still reluctant.

    What’s the inevitable catch or cost?

    Thanks to all the money-wise Corporettes!

    Happy weekend to all.

    1. You can print coupons from Red Plum, Smart Source, Coupons.com, Target, and many grocery stores nowadays allow you to load your store card with coupons. You might check out WeUseCoupons.com if you are interested in learning more about how to use coupons effectively. It’s run by one of the guys that was on Extreme Couponing (but don’t let that turn you off). It’s got a ton of valuable information. You can go to the State section and find local tips on your area as well as store specific information.

      1. And since I hit submit before I fully answered the question .. many coupon sites will ask you to install some widget. It’s generally harmless. You can unsubscribe from any email you want. There is no cost for most places. There are some places like Grocery Game which charge you a monthly fee but they do the “work” for you in showing you which coupons you need for which deals at your local stores. But on the whole, free and not too intrusive is the way most work. P&G is another great resource that I didn’t mention above, that is where you’ll get your coupons on paper goods, detergents, etc.

        One thing to remember is that many people use coupons and sales to stock up on things like household bath/beauty/cleaning supplies which then leaves them more money to spend on fresh items (meats, veg, etc). Most fresh food won’t have coupons though you can monitor the sales (they are cyclical). Most coupons for food are for packaged food. If you don’t eat it, just keep on saving on the non-food items that you use and use your savings on your food.

        And no, you do not need to stockpile/hoard to use coupons even though most extreme couponers do so. ;)

    2. Keep in mind, that many of the coupons available these days are for highly processed, unhealthy foods. There’s a reason the people on the couponing show have stock rooms full of cereal, crackers and chips. To save money on groceries, your best bet may be to just patrol your sales circulars and stock up when things go on sale. You can buy meat in bulk and freeze what you can’t use right away. 5dollardinners.com has good advice on cheap meals and cutting your grocery budget without sacrificing the good food.

      1. OP here.

        Thanks for the guidance. We already do stock up on meats and especially vegetables … blanching, cooking, freezing corn, peppers, onions, etc. Just want to have some relief from condiments, paper goods, cleaning supplies, and cereal! We live in a small mcm home which barely has room for our small side by side freezer/fridge and one little bitty chest freezer (think dorm room size fridge in capacity) so we can’t stock up on sales much at all. It’s way too hot to put any sort of traditional, separate freezer in our garage … would lose all savings with the electricity running it night and day. Hence, the coupon idea for the other items.

        Thanks!

  6. Any advice corporettes? My SO and I have been invited by his grandparents to visit their home in the Philippines. I have no idea what to pack, it will be hot and we will be staying in their farm. They are fairly conservative (separate bedrooms) but I have been told they are understanding of dress. I’ve been told I’d be meeting extended family that I have never met(I have previously met his grandparents).Any idea of what to pack? I don’t want to die from heat and humidity, and it is a casual trip. Any help would be amazing.

    1. Flowy linen-y kurta-y long blouse and skirt combos, tunics and palazos– coverd up but loose. You’ll be able to shop for pretty embroidered things there, but in packing, think Subcontinental theme spa breezey dressing. Boden has pretty tops, and cool ethnic shops in your city will be great.

    2. Agree with Anonymous re covered up but loose. But also – no heels. If you are staying on a farm, flat sandals should suffice, and even in town, sidewalks are likely to be uneven. However, you may also want to bring some closed-toe shoes like Keds. This might be counterintuitive when it is hot and humid, but you don’t want to step on anything nasty and there are lots of biting ants and snakes in the Southeast Asian countryside. Trust me, I’ve met them.

    3. Sunblock, sunglasses, and hats. The sun is really strong, especially if you are on the islands nearer to the equator. Try to stay in the shade around noon. I went in August and it was hot and humid, but no more than the worst summer days I’ve felt when visiting the Southern US.

      I wore the same summer clothes I usually wear in the US (shorts, tank tops, etc) and didn’t feel uncomfortable. Bring a nice dress with sleeves or skirt and shirt if you are attending mass.

      Have fun and eat tons of food! Yum, lechon…

    4. I used to live in the Philippines! You can’t go wrong w/ summer dresses and skirts w/ t-shirts. Things may have changed since I lived there, but shorts were mostly for around the house and garden, and women wore big tee shirts over their swimming suits at the beach. This didn’t apply to tourists, but I’m thinking that since this is a family vs a tourist trip, you may be wanting to blend in a little more.

      Have a great time!

    5. Plan to go without a hair dryer, or get a very low-voltage one. I buy them in-country instead of bringing mine from the US (so much simpler), and even then, when I blow-dry my hair I blow the fuse on my in-laws house (in Asia) all the time, and they have a newer place in a big city. The only way to avoid that at their house is to go around turning off other stuff first. Probably especially difficult to use any electric stuff in a rural area.

      It may be good to have one or two outfits that are dressier: nicer sundress + cardigan to cover shoulders, with pretty sandals and good jewelry, etc. In my experience as a foreign significant other, when we visit my husband’s family, my husband will often say oh no big deal, what you are wearing (super casual) is totally fine for dinner at that restaurant…and then it turns out everyone else is really dressed up. Now I ignore him and dress up more. :)

      Also, one thing to keep in mind: they are very excited and likely very anxious to have you visit their house. And they will probably be doing everything they can to make you comfortable, and they will pay lots of attention to your responses to things. If you are not comfortable eating something, it’s best if your SO explains that. It’s best if he is paying attention to things and brings that up before your reaction: not you turning to him saying what the heck is this and everyone seeing that, but him saying “oh yummy, sea slugs! She probably won’t like those because western people aren’t used to them, but that’s more for us!”

      And definitely bring presents!!

  7. Ladies!

    Tell me about your tattoos. How big, where, what is it of, any special meaning, how old were you when you got it, any regrets? Most importantly, is it visible in any work related contexts (incl. “mandatory fun” pool parties, etc) and if so, has it had any influence on your career or your career decisions?

    1. I have a funny non-meaningful tattoo the size of a silver dollar below my pelvic bone. I guess that answers all the other questions.

    2. I am not a lawyer, but in my experience visible tattoos (especially on women) are a negative in the workplace. I know they impact my impression of people, and I’ve heard many, many negative comments from others. I’d say if you have a tattoo, rock it. If you don’t have a tattoo, don’t get one. I almost got one in my 20s and couldn’t be happier that the tattoo place was closed that day and I lost the urge!!!

      Just this morning I noticed one on a woman’s ankle at work and thought “ick.” She’s frustrated and wants a promotion – and I doubt she will ever get one, with her multitude of tattoos (entire back, and she wears tank tops to the office) at least partly to blame. She could improve her professionalism, etc., but the tattoos are always going to hold her back from a leadership position in our company.

      1. FWIW, I think that visable tats on a man are looked down at professionally just as much, there are just a lot more places that a man can have them without them being visable.

      2. Sounds like her tattoos are the least of her concerns. Visible tattoos haven’t held many of my colleagues back from promotions.

    3. I have 2 (one for almost 10 years) and have never regretted either. One is very small (on my foot) and is sometimes visible at work. It has never been an issue for me at work (likely because it is so small). The other one is not visible and significantly larger but we don’t have mandatory work fun outings that involve swimwear so it is never seen by coworkers.

    4. I have one on the inside of each ankle. They’re larger than I intended for them to be, but I can wear pantsuits and it’s fine. And if they’re making me go to a pool party, they can deal with whatever that reveals!

    5. I’m in marketing, not law, but I have two tattoos. Both are roughly the size of my fist: one on my left rib cage, one on my back between my shoulders. Both are easily covered by office-appropriate clothing, and were strategically placed for just that reason. Yes, they would be visible in a bathing suit, but I’m a terrible swimmer and swim anyway, therefore wouldn’t take off a cute cover up anyway!
      No one at work, in this office or my past ones, has known I have them. I got both in college because I moved to the same town as an artist I really admired, after planning and saving for almost 10 years (the planning lasted that long, not the saving). So far they haven’t hurt my career, and as long as I don’t run around the office in a bikini they never will.

    6. I have two. A butterfly on my shoulder blade that I got when I was 18. No special meaning really, just wanted a tattoo, haha! The other is a classic tattoo-style hearts and rose with a banner that says Eternal Love on my back. My husband has the same one on his chest. We got them together on our first wedding anniversary (five years ago!)

      Neither are visible, unless swimming I guess, but I have never had a work function involve a swimming pool (thankfully!). I would like something to represent my kids, but haven’t decided what yet.

    7. I have two, one on my back (never visible at work) and one of a saint who has particular religious significance to me on my left shoulder. I’m not a lawyer, work in a business-casual setting, do sometimes wear sleeveless dresses or shirts, and have not found it to be a problem.

      If you’re thinking of getting one, I’d recommend a place that you can keep the tattoo concealed easily – shoulder, back, etc. Feet and legs always seem a little risky to me as they narrow your options for coverage especially in hot weather.

      I love my tattoos and will get more.

    8. I have a small rose & heart tattoo on the outside of my ankle (no special meaning, I think I was 22 when I got it) and a sunrise on my lower back (25th birthday gift to myself). The back one is never visible unless I wear low rise pants and a too short top together – which at my age would be a bad fashion accident NOT on purpose. The ankle one is visible if I am wearing a skirt, but I have had people work with me for months before they notice it. I currently work in manufacturing so even if they were visible it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I am in law school so we will see what happens in my future. I will either be wearing pants for interviews or I might try some tattoo cover up, to see if that actually works – has anyone tried that?

      I do not regret either and I am considering getting another one on my back, I’m thinking a dragon with some type of flowers in the background to represent my kids.

    9. I have two, both hidden by 99% of my clothing choices, and 100% of office (or office social event) clothing. I’m SO glad as a dumb 18 year old who got a tattoo just cuz I thought I was cool, and now fully regret it (it is something so silly and childish), that I had the forethought to not have it visible (on my back). I tend to opt for tankinis over bikinis, so it hasn’t been an issue even poolside. I do like my second tat, but again glad it is hidden. I have a nose ring, however, and I will occasionally wear an actual stud in it to my big law midwestern office. no one seems to care (no court, no clients, generally casual Friday wear!). Most days I wear a clear stud so I can still rock my funky nose jewelry on the weekends.

      I’m willing to bet if we surveyed our co-workers, we’d be surprised at the number of hidden tats folks have.

    10. I have two, and they’re both pretty meaningful to me. One on the left side of my rib cage; I wouldn’t wish that pain on an enemy. The other one is on my right hip/upper thigh and it is about the size of my hand. Neither of them show for work. I have worn some dresses that let the first one peek out; it is in the bra strap area. The second one can be covered by a boy short bathing suit. I don’t regret them, I’m just afraid of what they’ll look like when I get older. Especially because I don’t really want to retouch them. So I try to take care of them as much as possible. Whenever I’m in a swim suit I religiously apply sunscreen to keep them from fading and I’ve managed to maintain the same weight since high school (about a size 6). I guess only time will tell ;-)

    11. One on my back, one on my upper arm. Arm one is visible in any setting it’s appropriate to wear sleeveless tops. Back one would only be visible in a swimsuit or camisole, so never ever in the office. It’s never been a problem, even during my appellate clerkship. They’re fairly innocuous designs and a lot of other lawyers have tattoos.

      I’d be hesitant to get a tattoo that can’t be covered in a conservative professional setting, or a design that would be inappropriate. Otherwise, I think in modern professional workplaces, tattoos are just fine.

      1. Oh, and I’ve had my first tattoo for half my life now, and my second for more than 10 years. Honestly, I barely notice them. No one ever remarks on them even when they’re visible. They’re just a part of my body that I’ve gotten used to, and rather like.

    12. I have a tattoo beneath my right shoulder blade that says “brother” in Irish Gaelic. It’s maybe 1.5″x4″. I need to get the one on the other side that says “sister;” my siblings have tats to match. I have no regrets and have at least one more planned that also has personal meaning; none would be visible in any sort of work-appropriate clothing and all could likely even be covered by a conservative bathing suit.

    13. I have a tiny one on my hip, the size of a quarter, that I got on my 18th birthday on a whim with my best friend, who got a matching one. I love it, even though it’s kind of weird looking, because getting a tattoo on a whim is so out of character for me. I’m definitely a planner, not very spontaneous, so everyone I’ve told about it has been shocked!

      It’s in a place that I can’t imagine anyone besides my husband seeing, unless I wore a quite skimpy bathing suit, which I would never do. I don’t think I would personally get a tattoo in a visible place, though I think tattoos can look really beautiful on other ladies.

    14. I once thought about getting a tatoo, a little heart above my Ankel, but my father said no b/c he said I would regret it.

      So I did NOT get it, even though my friend Linda got one.

      She got married, and I did not, so I am NOT sure I would have regretted it. I never asked any boyfriend what they thought, but would NOT want to be like Angelina Jolie when she broke up with Billy Bob Thorton.

  8. Kat, I’m curious to get your take on maternity clothing. You put up some really stylish (if pricey) clothing for women in general, but I can’t remember you addressing how to dress while visibly pregnant, especially since maternity clothing is pretty limited in styles.

    1. Do a search for pregnant, its been a topic at least 2 or 3 times in the past, and Kat mentioned she is coming out with a maternity newsletter

    2. pregnantfashionista.com
      No, it’s not mine, but the author is a mother of 4, I think. I loved reading her reviews of maternity clothing during both of my pregnancies–a lot of it was out of my price range, but she certainly featured lots of work-appropriate options and some great basics.

  9. Can anyone tell me about the quality of Matt & Nat bags? I’ve almost bought the Santogold online several times over the past year but always chicken out since I haven’t seen anything from the brand in person and am on a bit of a budget. They are on Rue La La today for the lowest price I’ve seen in awhile and am debating taking the plunge and buying one, but am hesitating because I’m not sure about the quality.

    Also, any opinions on whether this bag would be OK to carry to work? I’m interviewing for jobs now, but will most likely be working in marketing function in the Midwest and most of the offices are business casual. The bag has exposed zippers on the flap and some of the models have embellishments and some don’t. Here’s one example – http://bit.ly/kE86b9

    1. I think that something like that would be perfectly fine to carry in biz-cas. I’m of the option that, since you don’t carry the bag all of the time, it can be a lot more flamboyant then the rest of the outfit. I’m not big on gold, but I like the flair on that one.

    2. That bag isn’t quite my style, but I don’t think it’s inappropriate, esp. if you work in a more creative field like marketing. Although I might not wear it to an actual job interview.

      One thing about this brand is that it is a veggie-friendly brand, i.e., no leather is used. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but just in case you’re not aware, thought I would point it out. It’s not bad quality at all, but if you’re used to real leather bags, it’s a bit of a change.

      1. Thanks for the input. I have a standard conservative bag that I take to interviews so this would be more of a fun bag to add to the rotation.

        My bags have always been leather or fabric, but the veggie-friendly material is intriguing to me since I’m a former veggie and current pseudo-veggie. I just don’t want to get something that looks cheap in person or makes weird noises since I’m on a pretty limited budget right now.

    3. I’ve seen the brand in person (an amazing bag at Nordstrom Rack that I still regret not purchasing). I was really impressed with the material used. The particular bag I was looking at seemed like very supple and soft coated leather (Kooba does a treatment that was similar)–I had no idea they were veggie friendly and it wasn’t real leather until reading about the brand somewhere much later. It definitely didn’t look like pleather.

    4. I have a Matt & Nat wristlet. I was a little nervous at first to order it online because I do like and generally carry real leather. I like it a lot, actually. The material is very nice, it is well-constructed. Based on my experience with the wallet, I’ll definitely consider buying more things from them.

    1. How exciting. All of those young and eager kids who don’t yet know how hard it is to be an adult. Ah, to be back in college.

  11. OK, ladies, yesterday’s (facinating) discussion on pregnancy got me thinking about how I’ve been thinking about, well, you know. Anyway, I’m the sort who has to read everything there is to read before I jump into something, and I’ve had it in my head to start researching everything about pregnancy.

    I’m going to borrow a copy of “What to Expect . . .”, but I’d really like to start following some blogs and things like that, I just don’t know where to start. I’ve looked before, but what I find tends to not really fit my needs, I think. I’m pretty knowledgable about the medical aspects, so whenever I visit the health-site message boards, I find that the questions and advice seem pretty silly to me. (I know that they’re not, to the people asking them, but I don’t want to read them.) Any mommy-blogs that I’ve run accross seem to be written by people that I just couldn’t really connect with- I want to know what I’m getting into, not just read cute stories and stuff like that. I want controversy and discussions and collaboration by smart, driven people (like we see here!).

    Any recommendations for blogs/other sites that I can get into? (I’m open to other resources, i.e., books, etc., as well.)

    2. Do you want info on the pregnancy stage or the having a child part?

      I don’t have any recs on parenting resources, but am interested to see what others recommend. As for pregnancy resources, I’ve heard pretty negative things about What to Expect. I picked up Our Bodies Ourselves pregnancy edition and the mayo clinic book, which is pretty clinical. I have not found any great online resources, and nothing close to the corporette community. Although this blog has a pretty amusing weekly account of pregnancy: http://alphamom.com/pregnancy-calendar-overview/

      1. Both, but probably more the earlier stuff now. I’ve heard some negative things about What to Expect, too, but it’s the standard, so I wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t read it. I’m not sure that the Mayo book would interest me; I’m familiar with the basic stages- more looking for the human interest, trials and tribulations sort of things, I guess, but not in a cutsie way, if that makes any sense.

      2. I started reading that AlphaMom Calendar and was instantly hooked- read the entire 40 weeks in a day. I only wished that it continued, in that calendar format, for the post-partum period. Thanks so much for the recommendation! I’ll be exploring the rest of the site.

      3. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over two years (with meds now). I am so convinced that this month “took” . . . I almost passed out the day after I ovulated and have been ridiculously tired/worn down ever since.

        I cannot tell a living soul – so I have to share with my fellow Corporettes!

        Has anyone else had these types of symptoms “immediately” after conception – i.e. before any skipping of the monthly cycle?

    3. Lise Eliot, “What’s Going on in There.” She writes as if her audience were actually intelligent and capable of understanding a scientific study.

    4. Subscribing out of sheer curiosity (and admittedly, slight panic after all the discussion of post-35 pregnancies being high-risk, which I knew before, but which I try hard to ignore)….

    5. I’ve found babycenter.com and WebMD’s pregnancy site to be helpful for the medical/emotional side of things. I’m a runner and used to dealing with pain, but since I’ve been pregnant the slightest abnormality takes on a whole new meaning. Not to mention the fact that pregnancy does a number on your horomones and usual even-tempered disposition.

      As far as real life stories, talk to your friends/family/coworkers. I find my friends’ facebook posts about their kids to be very instructive as to what I can expect, even though they’re just short snippets of life.

      And one more thing, regardless of how prepared you are, the moment the doctor confirms your pregnant, you will have a moment of sheer terror anyway.

      1. Second babycenter dot com. I’m 27 weeks along with our first and have gotten a lot of information on that site on things like what you should or shouldn’t eat, what to buy or register for, and weekly updates on how the baby is developing and what changes I’m likely seeing. I’m not sure how helpful this would be before getting pregnant, but I’ve found it very helpful along the way. And I totally agree with Diane – every weird feeling, pain, or newly discovered abnormality makes me wonder if it’s just a fluke or pregnancy/baby related. Very strange!

    6. I personally hated the What to Expect books. Every month should have been titled, “Here are Several Things That Can Go Horribly, Horribly Wrong This Month.”

      And the What to Eat book could have been called, “Just Don’t Eat Anything.”

      The Girlfriend books cracked me up, though.

      In terms of new baby books, I really like the American Academy of Pediatricians’ Birth to Age Five book.

  12. Can anyone recommend a good sangria recipe? I am on the hook for providing the sangria for a shower tomorrow but I have no idea how to make it!

    1. Try the Food Network’s website (foodnetwork.com)- they have a lot of great recipes for drinks. I also like epicurious.com, which is the website for Bon Appetite magazine (and the now-defunct Gourmet).

      Hmm, maybe I’ll stop at the grocery on the way home and pick up stuff to make my hubby and I some . . .

    3. Don’t laugh – my secret weapon for awesome sangria? Carlo Rossi Sangria. I’m serious – it’s shockingly good. Pour it in a pitcher or punch bowl with some sliced fruit and a little bit of Sprite, and it will be just as tasty as sangria at a high end tapas restaurant.

      I know it sounds silly but it’s honestly really good!

      1. Co-sign. I’ve done this, too, and it’s pretty darn good. I would also advise staying away from any recipe for sangria that involves a lot of brandy. It can make it way too strong and, in my opinion, mar the flavor.

    4. If I remember right, the latest issue of Everyday Food (the MS magazine) has a billion different yummy looking Sangria recipes in it.

      You should make it tonight, whatever you make, so it has time to sit and marinate. If nothing else, an easy way to do it is to take cheap wine (red or white or one of each; in a box is fine), a bit of orange juice, and some sprite; mix and add sliced fruit (apples, oranges, and a few berries are a good combo; mellon or kiwi can also be good). In terms of proportions, just taste as you go along. I would say more sprite than you might expect, not too much OJ.
      More traditional recipes call for seltzer or club soda, but then you have to add sugar. Sprite sort of does the job of both. Good luck!

    5. I use cheap red wine, captain morgan’s rum (for spice) and orangina to lighten/sweeten it up. Generally 4 bottles of wine (or one box), a cup or more of the rum and a liter of the orangina. (I make this in multiples and bottle it in green glass seltzer bottles for parties.) I add fruit just before serving b/c that’s what I noticed all the restaurants do, and I don’t feel like the marinating actually adds much flavor. I used to add a bit of juice, seltzer and simple sugar, but the orangina has the perfect balance and is a lot easier.

    6. The key to great sangria is….brandy!

      The rest you can play with. You want a dry red wine, lots of fruit (apples hold up well), and some bubbles right before you serve it (sparkling water, gingerale, or sprite, depending on how sweet you want it).

    7. For white sangria, I usually use about a bottle and a half of sauvignon blanc, and put whatever fruit looks good to me at the store. Usually an orange sliced into thin slices and then cut in half, some cherries (pitted and halved), and a peach cut up into bite sized pieces. Depending on how sweet the wine is, I add about 1/4 to 1/3 c of sugar. You can serve it right away, but it is definitely better the next day.

  13. Confidential to a former biglaw colleague of mine whom I really admire respect and who is still holding out for partnership and hoping to change offices within the firm…with the caveat that this is none of my business and that I am not close enough to you personally to contact you out of the blue about this issue… Leave the firm, please. They don’t respect or value you nearly enough for your great work, judgment, and reliability. They are passively pushing you out and you don’t deserve it. You don’t owe them loyalty that they haven’t shown you. I hear you have another offer at a good firm in the city you’re relocating to. Take it and say goodbye to the ungrateful firm who has broken a lot of promises to you while happily accepting everything you’ve contributed. Like all of us, you want to believe that it’s a meritocracy. You’ve never not succeeded at anything, and you’ve always been top of your class. But in this case (and I can speak only for our firm), you know that it works differently—partners get made for all sorts of reasons. When the best people are promoted, it’s a coincidence, not the rule of thumb. You have options, which says a lot about how good you are. Don’t let your pride or a misplaced sense of loyalty keep you toiling away for an employer who won’t ever appreciate your talent. If you pass up an opportunity now, I’m afraid you’ll really regret it when they screw you again next year. I wish you all the best.

    1. you should totally get an anon email address and send this. unless you know she reads Corporette routinely.

    2. I really hope she reads this. I have a colleague, who while he/she hasn’t been very nice to me, needs a similar email, in that he/she has so rubbed our bosses the wrong way that it isn’t really recoverable…..

  14. Question for Chicago ladies and anyone else familiar with the UK brand LK Bennett. I am seriously in love with some of their shoes & bags, based on their website. But it’s so hard to tell what something will actually be like in person. For those that have some experience with this brand, what are your impressions?

    I see that there is a store in Chicago, and then the website says that their goods are also sold at Bloomingdales in NY and NJ, but I have never seen anything in the NY Bloomies. Shipping from the website (from UK) is close to $90 US, so that’s not happening. . . . Is anyone aware of somewhere in the US that sells their stuff online, or a store in a NY-accessible location? If I am going to be (sort of) near the Chicago area, is it worth a special trip?! TIA!

    1. I don’t know if there is anywhere in the US that sells LK Bennett online, but I can speak to the quality. Both LK Bennett and another UK brand, Hobbs, are fantastic for work clothes and very good quality. I have both on my list for my next trip to the UK (sadly, Hobbs, which is my favourite, doesn’t ship overseas at all). My experience with UK brands in general is also that they are sized for real people with actual hips – yay. As a sizing guide, I am generally a US 6 and am a pretty consistent UK 10 at both stores.

    2. Ooh, I’m interested in this too. I’m in love with the “Maddox” wedge (aka the reissued design of the black wedges Kate Middleton wore the day after the wedding), though for summer I’m more a fan of the taupe color. At £165, they’re already pushing the boundaries of my price range, so the shipping makes it definitely out.

    3. Love LK Bennett (and Hobbs, as Nonny recommended). Both very high quality, lovely work-appropriate stuff. I’d offer to mail things to you, but that might be a bit weird, as I’m an internet stranger!

    4. If Bloomingdales carries the brand, could you call Bloomingdale’s and ask them to order what you want and ship it to you?

      1. Don’t have any suggestions for where to find LK Bennett stateside, but just have to chime in…I spent some time in London for work last year and unexpectedly needed a nice dress (rather than the suits I normally wear) for an evening work social event. And on short notice. Without alterations. In a country where the sizes didn’t exactly jive with what I was used to.

        I was dreading that shopping trip but ended up finding not one, but two, perfect dresses at LK Bennett. Really high quality, professional and polished but not matronly, just perfect. It’s on my list for every trip back now. It’s a bit of a higher price point than I normally spend in the US, but well worth it to me. I really wish they’d make their way across the pond and open more of them here (though I didn’t realize that there’s one in Chicago — that’s a start!).

        I had no idea Hobbs is related – I will have to check that out, too.

    5. I used to live in the UK, and lived right down the street from the Notting Hill LK Bennett. (There are many in London.) The quality is very, very good. The best tip for them is that they follow a European sale schedule, so BIG BIG markdowns in July and late December into January. Their sizing is very true Euro sizing (and less UK boxy). If you know your European size (36, 28, 40, etc.) then feel free to order. I have some truly lovely clothes and shoes from there that have lasted years and years. Just gorgeous. Also, I will say that their shoes are made on a European last, so they are a bit small/narrow/snug. But they do carry 42s, which is great for bigfoots like me.

      Another poster mentioned Hobbs. There used to be a Hobbs at my work (Liverpool St in the City) and I did not love their clothes as much. They are cut larger/boxier than LK Bennett. They reminded me of (at the time) a slightly hipper version of Talbots. Nowadays, Talbots is more hip, FWIW.

      I have not reliably found a cheap way to get LK Bennett clothes, other than visiting the UK during their sale periods.

      Enjoy!!!!

      1. I think that Bongo will be providing EU addresses from the start of July. This should get around the high shipping costs (if you ship to a Bongo address in the UK and then on to the States) but you will still get stung for customs duty. LK Bennett is absolutely amazing! I love its dresses and the shoes are always amazingly comfortable (I get the shiloh shoe in a different colour each season.) In terms of sizing, I would say that a size 6 in this label is probably a US 0. Hope this helps!

    6. Just wanted to say a thanks to everyone who chimed in! So glad to hear that the brand is so awesome (and to learn about Hobbs, too)! Now it makes me want to get to London that much more! I am truly inspired to try figure this out now . . . I will be near Chicago this summer, and will definitely have to plan a trip to the US flagship. Thanks all!

  15. I don’t love the breastplate on this dress. Nice price for a brand I like, though.

    Does anyone have experience moving into a house that you like but is not quite what you wanted? We’re considering making an offer on a house because it’s a good deal for the area, has enough space for our family, and is pretty well-maintained although has seen its better days— and frankly, because it’s available, we’ve been looking forever, and we’d love to move before the school year gets underway. I think I’d like the house OK, but there’s nothing I love about it (except perhaps location), and I would like to be a bit more excited about something that’s such a big investment and will obviously be with us for a while. (If it helps, we plan to own for about 5 years before relocating.)

    I guess my question is, should we hold out for “the one”? TIV.

      1. and I misspell again. Not my day at all, I guess. Better than in a brief, though. I hope it’s clear I meant thanks in advance…TIA. OK, snack time. Hope my spazzing doesn’t keep you from weighing in.

      1. We’ve done the math and, up to a certain purchase price, buying and holding for at least 5 years is more economical than renting the space we need in our school district for that amount of time. Beyond a certain price, no. We would rent if we found a place that makes sense. One part of the consideration is that we’re selling our condo at a loss, and this is slightly less painful if we get a deal on the buying end. If we rent, it’s a fairly substantial kiss-off of those dollars.

        1. Have you done the math and accounted for the possibility the house loses value over the next five years?

    3. I think buying a house is kind of like dating. Have a list of qualities you can’t sacrifice (e.g. location) and be more flexible on your wants. Will small improvements like painting make you like the house more? We bought our house during the sellers market so had to deal with a lot of competition. I loved the location but didn’t love the home. Now, after renovations and decorating, I can’t imagine living anywhere else.

      1. In order for me to buy a house, I have to get “THE FEELING.” It may not be perfect, but the house has to have the qualities that are important to me — nice front and backyard with green grass (that I can see my kids playing in), sunny and well-lit, developed trees (a neighborhood with only spindly, just-planted ones give me the heebie jeebies), tidy and well-kept kitchen and bathrooms. I’ve gotten THE FEELING with a 1300sq ft house and a 5,000sq ft house. Irrespective of size, THE FEELING was identical. That is all.

    4. I bought a house I was only planning to live in for 4 years (but ended up there for 6). While I understand what you mean about “the one” feeling, I never had it about this house. I knew it was going to be a rental property eventually, so I looked for qualities I wouldn’t necessarily want in my long term house. I was able to do enough with the place that I was satisfied living there, and my only real complaint day-to-day was the location ended up being inconvenient. Overall I’m happy I made the decision to buy it.

      I’m hunting again soon and I will focus on location, which I can already see will result in some sacrifices in other areas. I’m prepared to settle for something I feel good about, but not necessarily The One, because it will again only be a medium term home. I treat the decision fairly unemotionally and always have in the back of my head that it’s not my “real” house, so I don’t feel bad it isn’t The One.

      I’d advise differently if you were picking a place to live for 10+ years, but I would say go for it if it fits all your criteria at a reasonable price. You can always add features that make you fall more in love with it.

    5. I was living in a rented condo when a coworker asked me to rent out her home that she couldn’t sell for the same price. I looked at the home and it was nice, in a nice neighborhood, nice view, deck, etc. but I just wasn’t sure if the move was worth the hassle. I couldn’t get excited about it. I jumped on it and did it anyway and now I LOVE the place. The coworker/landlord did some landscaping and we decorated it great. The prior owners’ had 4 kids and did a really crappy job decorating. When we toured it, it was full of toys and crap and hard to picture what it would look like with our stuff in there. I’m really glad I took the leap.

    6. Absolutely. Here in our competitive market, we knew we weren’t going to get everything we wanted.

      We bought the house for location knowing as a shortlist that we: hated the external color, hated the internal color of 75% of the walls, needed to fully replace the 1970s style art deco bathroom–including moving plumbing, needed to rip out the kitchen to replace cheap granite, needed to replace ugly laminate flooring in two large rooms, and would need to live with only a single closet for 3 BD since it’s a Victorian. It was also listed for 75K over the tippy top of our budget so we knew we’d have to stretch and couldn’t do all the remodeling we wanted. I spent the first week crying because the kitchen had such shallow cabinets and poor storage in comparison to the rental we came from.

      4 years on, we love the house, have made no changes save painting one room, and don’t see ourselves moving soon. The location is 10 min. walking distance to all the major services we need, and houses in this neighborhood with this amount of space come up very infrequently, and not in our price range.

      Our perception of what we ‘need’ with regards to ripping out parts of the house have also changed as we’ve learned to live with it, and added our art and furniture (no solution for the lack of closets though :-( )

      Given that you have kids that need to live in a certain area, and your only other alternative is renting, and you’ve mentioned that houses will appreciate in your area, I’d say go for it.

      You can move walls, put in windows, add rooms, change paint, landscape–in short do lots of things to make the house more livable and exciting. You can’t get money back that you’ve spent on rent and as any real estate agent would say ‘you can’t move location’.

    7. In my experience, the good-enough house will grow on you, provided most of what you want is already there.

      Because you don’t plan on staying in the house forever, I think you should approach the decision logically. Think about what needs to be fixed/changed for you to be comfortable in the house, and add those costs into your equation. Also think about the money and stress you probably save by buying before the school year begins, and take that into account, but don’t feel rushed if it’s truly the wrong house. I’d also think about what will happen five years from now when you want to move, and take those considerations into account. If this neighborhood holds its value really well or is set to appreciate, I think buying a house there at a good price is a much better idea than buying THE house for more money. The old real estate trope is really true, if a little dramatic for your situation- “it’s better to own the worst house in the best neighborhood than the best house in the worst neighborhood”.

    9. I was in the same situation… and you know what they say- the one thing that cant be changed is location. We bought the house and tore down a few walls to make it more of an open floor plan. Also did a bit of cosmetic changes. Love it now. Needs a bit of landscaping and one bathroom still. There are a ton of ways to update/make it your own. As long as the location is good and it has the space you need.

  16. Sorry ladies, boring question here. Does anyone have recommendations for water filters? I’m not so concerned with pollutants, but our city water is pretty funky-smelling and -tasting. I’m more interested in faucet-mounted kinds because I’m renting, but I suppose I could install an under-the-sink unit as long as I can easily uninstall it when I move out.

    1. We use the Brita pitchers. I think they are better than faucet mount and you can always use pitchers of water.

      1. Ditto. I switched from pitchers to faucet mount and back to pitchers. I far prefer the pitchers. I live in DC and the unfiltered tap water here is totally gross.

    2. I have a brita one that attaches to the sink. It was not expensive ($20-30?) , was easy to install, and it does the job. The only frustration with it is that when you put it on “filter” it makes the water come out very, very slowly. But I guess that’s inevitable if you are having the water filtered that way.

      1. Interesting. I didn’t know there were countertop styles. Does it stay cold? And does it plug in?

        1. It plugs in and has buttons for room temperature and cold water. I think there’s one that has a hot water setting too.

  17. Anyone have any thoughts on Vibram Five Fingers? I’m not a runner; would wear them for walking, sometimes upwards of 3 miles on city sidewalks. Would especially like input on the various styles. Thanks!

    1. I love my Vibram’s. I have the Classics. IF you are doing heavy pavement walking you’ll probably want to look into the Trek style. It’s more heavy duty. Many of them have the thinner soles which feel great and are light but wear quickly with city walking/running. They take getting used to. Do not wear them for a 3 mile walk on your first trip. You will be angry with yourself later if you do! :)

    3. No, no, no. Five-fingers and other minimalist (and the new shoe marketing term “minimist”) shoes are for toe-running toe-runners. Literally. If you aren’t a toe-runner, don’t wear them for running. And if you aren’t running, don’t wear them. If you’re a toe-running toe-runner, rock on and “Born to Run” to your heart’s content, on appropriate surfaces (not conrete– oy!, your knees), building your way up from short runs to longer distances as you strengthen your toe-running muscles and your foot surfaces. Not for traditional runners, not for city-strolling. So many cute and safe options for both of those. Five-fingers and minimist shoes are specific products for specific athletes.

      1. agreed – walking and running are really different as far as biomechanics go and I’ve been told by avid vibram fans that walking in them is no good since walking a heel strike movement as opposed to the toe-strike as indicated by Anonymous. Lots of other comfortable and minimalist shoe/sandal options for walking.

      2. Really? Vibram has a number of styles of shoes, only some of which are indicated for running. They have other styles indicated for other activities, inclduing walking.

    4. Love my Vibrams for short distance running. I have the basic running style (not the trek, but I can’t recall the style name at the moment). For me personally, anything over a few miles and my feet start to hurt too much. It’s a different work out and exercises the muscles differently, in my opinion. You have to be conscientious about how your feet hit the ground; too much heel strike and you risk foot injury, too much toe and your calves will BURN for DAYS. To the point of not being able to walk normally – said from experience. I imagine it is the same concept with walking, just think carefully about how your foot is hitting the ground until you are used to them. I think the little toe slots are comfy, and it does give you a bit of that carefree, barefoot, summery feeling.

    5. I love my Vibrams. I have one of the styles for running, but I wear them to walk in as well. I credit them for alleviating my knee problems. HOWEVER- I also give them credit for building up my calf muscles to a less desirable extent. Most of my jeans are now snug in my calfs but loose in the thighs. Ridiculous. :)

    6. I am on my second pair of Vibrams and I adore them. I recommend the bikila, the upper is softer (the KSO upper cut into my feet oddly) and they have *some* more midfoot cushioning. I used to be a heel-striker, and when I got vibrams I focused on changing my running form, so for the first several months I never ran more than 1/1.5 miles in them. No matter what your natural running form is, do start out with a short run, the sore calves are not a joke.
      I also just got a pair a New Balance Minimus trail runners (I do not like vibrams for running on rocky trails/mountains), and they make a road running model too. They are definitely more normal looking, and might be an easier transition from traditional running shoes to minimalist running shoes.

  18. Awkward workplace performance threadjack:

    I am coming up on my two-year anniversary of having an assistant-level position in a small company. I was hired right out of college, and it’s safe to say that I have thrived here. I work hard, and I’m both good at what I do and respected by my colleagues–this is handy, because I love my job.

    I have a counterpart with the same title, who started the same day I did. We have the same job responsibilities, and though we report to different people in our own department, our output is delivered to the same people in another department. Her immediate supervisor is also the manager of our entire department.

    Yesterday, my colleagues in the other department informed me that my counterpart is driving them crazy because she is inconsistent, sloppy, and unorganized. She asks questions to which she should already know the answers and she turns in work with the same errors that were corrected in earlier projects. The manager of Other Department has apparently twice spoken to my department’s manager, without achieving a satisfying result. My colleagues apologized profusely for burdening me with the information that my counterpart is not up to snuff, but they presented it as a request for my help: “You’ve been here just as long and you have it all figured out. Can you help her? Can you figure out why she’s still not up to speed?”

    I realize that I really, really should not have been told this, but I’m trying to find a way to gracefully and constructively be useful both to my counterpart and my crazed colleagues without taking on the fulltime role of Answerer of Inane Questions. Neither the counterpart nor her supervisor know that I’m privy to this information, and I’d rather not let them know–I’m looking for a way to be supportive from the sidelines without propping her up. Any ideas?

    1. Since you really, really, should not have been told this, you really, really, should not get involved.

      Not your role, not your business. To get involved here, even out of the purest intentions, is the very definition of meddling.

      I’m guess it was not the Other Department’s manager who brought you into this. (If it was, bad management decision.) Your Other Dept. colleagues were just trying to get the pain to stop, not realizing what the disastrous ramifications – for you – could be. Tell OD colleagues that you feel their pain, and you wish you could help, but unless the request comes from your own manager you think it’s best to stay out of internal issues.

      1. Totally agree with this advice. It’s tempting to try and help, but it could lead to trouble down the road. Don’t take this on as your own problem.

      1. I like the idea of a pop of color, but I want to avoid looking like its just a random, strange pop. I have a bright pink patent leather shoe (Kate Spade, peep toe), but I’m scared that the black, blue and pink will be too much.

    3. Black would work if you want to play it safe
      So would dark red, or maybe a rich purple. Also, maybe some bright unexpected color, like fuschia or even the right shade of orange, could be fun.
      I would not do silver. I think silver would make this dress look fussy and old fashioned, when it should look a little funky and fun, given the style.

    5. I’d probably do a closed-toe black patent pump with a highish heel, maybe introduce a color contrast in the clutch. Cute dress!

        1. Those are gorgeous, but dang. For that price I’d get some loubies to have some fun with the red sole.

          Green satin clutch is perfect!

    6. black or any neutral metallic… i think a matte nude-for-you closed-toe or peep-toe pump would be almost too sedate for such a fun dress, but maybe a nude-for you strappy sandal.

    8. If the dress were one color, I think the pop of color of the nude shoe would work.

      But since it is two colors, navy and black, I think you have to pick one of those or it will just look accidental. Of the two, I think black would look better. Hopefully you can find some black shoes that are summery – strappy and a bit bare.

  20. I just wanted to say thanks to all who weighed in during the week for my posts (some anon) regarding how to postpone responding to job offers and negotiate benefits.

    The executive team at my current employer used the time between when I told them about the opportunity and the deadline to respond to create a new position for me that incorporated some skills I was looking for and upped me three pay grades –FWIW, the new employer did not budge even an inch on vacation/sick.

    So here I sit, with a MUCH better salary, new title, some exciting new roles, a stockpile of accrued 60 days sick time/23 vacation days, and I’m still getting to work with all the amazing people I love and continuing to enjoy unbelievable job flexibility. With no need to commute on my work-at-home day today, I took the dog to the dog park and then practically giggled as I came back to the house and saw everyone heading for the train. Nothing better than sitting in sweats while I turned down the offer. I truly feel like the luckiest girl in the world today. Thank you all for your great advice. And even to those who didn’t respond directly. I can’t say enough how helpful this community has been throughout this process, from everything on what color shoes to wear with a navy interview suit to the best ways to hold your posture to demonstrate confidence. Corporettes Rule!

    6. So happy for you. Given what you said about the new position’s inflexibility, it sounds like you made a great decision. I bet it feels great to know they value you so highly (and rightly so)!

  21. Happy almost weekend everyone! Just wanted to share that I’m going to see the Go-Gos and the B-52s tonight and couldn’t be more excited!!!

    1. My bro saw the B-52’s a couple years ago–said it was the BEST concert he’d ever seen. The energy is fantastic. Have fun!!

  22. I am getting caught up in moderation!

    This is a perfect little black dress!

    Threadjack: As a large size 4, I sometimes am a little self-conscious trying to wear my own little black dress, especially since mine is cut low in the back. I can not see if this one is, but I need to lose about 5 lbs before I can wear mine out this summer. I have a beautiful set of black pumps that go so well with mine, but until I can wear the dress, I am out of luck.

    Now my boyfriend is getting on my case to lose weight now, even to the point he will tell me what to eat and not eat at dinner.

    How can I tell him to lay off on this and give me time — at least until July 4 to lose the 5 pounds? It is getting very annoying. Help!

    Read more: https://corporette.com/2011/06/17/weekend-open-thread-89/#ixzz1PZJEJQng

    1. Is the ‘not fitting into my LBD’ stopping you from doing certain things that your BF wants to do – parties, great new restaurant, whatever? Are you whining ad nauseum about that last five pounds? If the answer to both those questions is “No,” then IMO your boyfriend is out of line.

      He’s trying to turn you into a skinny/ier girl. You’re trying to turn him into not-a-jack@ss.

      If the answer to either of my questions is ‘yes’ I suspect that he’s on your case (yes, a boundary violation) because he is tired of the way your weight is affecting his life.

      “Boyfriend, my weight is my own affair to manage. Please allow me to arrange and live my life as I see fit.”

      Adults don’t get to try to make other adults change their behaviors. They get to state their objections to those behaviors, watch to see whether and how the other responds, and proceed accordingly.

  23. I’m hoping you guys can recommend a bathing suits (or bathing cut) that are flattering to a woman who has heavy thighs. It can be one-piece or bikini. Thanks!

    1. High cut legs are your friend. And I tell myself my thighs are luscious and juicy :)

  24. Just wanted to say how impressed I am with any of you ladies who work in Corporate/Tax areas. That’s the current topic for bar review and I have absolutely no idea what is going on … which means that you all must be especially brilliant!!

  25. One other recommendation question: I’ve been trying to find some unique statement necklaces in Jade and also another one in a Coral shade of orange. Have any of your purchased jewelry from etsy? If so, could you please send me the name of the seller? Thanks again!

      1. FWIW I really like some of Amrita Singh’s stuff but their customer service could use some work. For instance, they received my return 2 1/2 weeks ago and I am still waiting for them to refund my account. I’ve called twice and each time they’ve said they’re ‘backed up’ and that it would be refunded by the end of the week, then the middle of next week, and so on. Maybe some people aren’t such sticklers, but I find this more than a little annoying.

    2. FWIW, I recently purchased several very beautiful necklaces for next to nothing at an antique store, including a gorgeous jade necklace and a five-stranded real pearl choker. Vintage pieces would be very unique, and you can find them on Etsy as well.

    3. Just purchased from Geegaws and Gimcracks (name of store on etsy). EVERY piece I rec’d was stunning and I’ve gotten major compliments. Cannot recommend highly enough (and, of course, I found them from a little ad on Corporette!). Love ya, Corporette!

  26. Any advice to a first time bar exam taker? I am taking BarBri, but we are about 3.5 weeks in and I am starting to feel overwhelmed. How can I tell if I am doing okay?

    Another stress is that I have a big family function only 9 days before the bar exam out of state that I would like to go to but I am not sure if I will be able to get to a place where I feel comfortable enough with the material that I will feel comfortable going to the event.

    Any Advice/Tips/Words of Encouragement? :)

    1. You’re doing okay! As long as you’re going to class, taking notes, and doing some of what barbri tells you to do, you’re fine.

    2. To avoid getting overwhelmed, remember that it is impossible to know every single thing that could be on the exam. Focus your energy on the Barbri outline book (particularly the highlights that are covered in the lectures), not the huge extra books that some students get (I think they were PMBR- it’s been since 2005 for me) or every minor detail in the Barbri outlines. Remember, this isn’t like a lawschool exam where you want to get the best grade possible. All you need to do is pass. If before the bar exam you feel like “Well, there isn’t any major testable topic for which I know absolutely nothing,” you will be in good shape and most likely will pass unless a disaster strikes (i.e. you freeze up in the test or fail to complete more than one essay at all). Good luck! The finish line is in sight.

    3. Set a schedule for yourself and stick to it. This includes scheduling time for relaxing and not studying.

      Don’t let other people distract you from your schedule. Don’t let any of them guilt trip you. As one of the BarBri profs said: “Travel lightly.” This was some of the best advice ever — don’t let things get to you (friends drama, family drama, etc.); don’t make any major changes to the primary relationship in your life (eg, don’t break up with your sig other even if you know it isn’t going to last); just don’t sweat the small stuff.

      How far out of state is the family event? Is it cross-country, or just a short flight? I think that 9 days before the exam you probably aren’t going to be cramming, if you’ve followed BarBri up to that point. If you can set boundaries for yourself while taking this trip — study on the plane, at night before you go to bed, etc. — then there’s no reason you can’t go.

      Good luck! Hang in there — you are doing all the right things.

    4. No advice/tips, just letting you know that your fellow bar studiers are overwhelmed too!

      1. Ugh. Amen! I was keeping up with the barbri schedule really well until this week when I decided to do some fun stuff in the evenings. Now I feel like there’s no way I’ll be able to catch up.

        I’m trying to remain calm and just pick up with today’s assignment (i.e. not go back and freak out about “making up” a lot of the stuff I missed).

    5. Took two bar exams (NJ in July, Fla in Feb – passed both first try). Something things that helped me:

      The first was to separate the knowledge I needed to memorize (i.e. essay questions) from the knowledge I just needed to recognize (i.e. mbe questions). Once I realized half of the exam (depending on your state) is just recognizing the right answer instead of applying legal elements, I stopped feeling so overwhelmed.

      The second is not to waste your time studying stuff you know. If you get something wrong, or it’s the first time you’re learning it, focus on it . . . but if it’s something you know in your sleep (duty, breach, cause, injury) then why waste your time. If I got a question wrong, I wrote myself a little note about where I went wrong. I periodically reviewed those little notes and found I stopped making the same mistakes later on. If I got something right (provided it wasn’t a lucky guess) I just moved on.

      Watch all the videos, do practice questions and essays and TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF! I went to two weddings, lots of family picnics (almost every Sunday) and worked full-time until the beginning of July last year and still passed. This Feb. I took Fla, I worked full-time while studying, with taking only one day off to travel to Florida for the exam. If you stay focused, you can work in personal things with studying. But…

      To study, I used non-law school people to help me study (husband, mom, brothers, mother-in-law, dad, etc). I asked them to listen to me explain difficult things to them, and I found that I learned it better and quicker by speaking it aloud. I did this in the car, by the pool, visiting my dad in the hospital – I also had them quiz me, and test me on the mnemonics. Studying for the bar became a family event. Often I would study in the car as my husband was driving, or I would sneak away for an hour or two during family picnics last summer to study.

      Kaplan has a free app for the iPhone/iTouch with a bunch of flash cards on the MBE subjects. It was my life saver since I used that to study without lugging my books around.

      Stay focused – take care of yourself – and remember, it’s a test of minimum competency – you need to PASS, you’re not vying for an A. Good LUCK!!!

    6. Don’t let BarBri psych you out! I swear the worst part of studying for the bar was how much BarBri made me feel I was always behind. Stick to a regular study schedule that leaves time for exercise downtime etc. and just accept that you won’t do all of your hw and practice tests and it will be okay.

    7. First, you are feeling normal! Second, breathe and pace yourself. If you decide to go to the event, carve out time for study. If your study plan is for 8 hours a day, can you get up and do 4 hours in the am, and then 4 hours in the evening? I’ve taken a couple bar exams and my advice is treat it like a job, on’t let it consume you. (You’ll have life as a hi iOS associate for that but at least you’ll be paid for some of the time).

    8. As a bar exam taker myself, there is no way I would make any travel plans 9 days before the bar exam.

      So far I think I have had a pretty good balance of class 9-1 (Barbri) lunch and gym and studying again from 2-7 (or on occasion, later) and taking most of Sunday afternoon/evening off.

      The way I see it, come 9 days before the exam, whether I like it or not, my mind will be swimming with bar knowledge and I will be completely worthless at a family function. I’m hoping by that time I am not a complete stress case!! I really don’t think the traveling worth the stress B.E.B.

      1. Be careful with that thought process. Family events generally happen once. the bar is an exercise in malpractice that you can d over and over again, if necessary. Develop a study plan but don’t let it consume you….kind of like work….

    9. Thank you so much for all of the advice and encouragement! This seriously kept me from a complete panic this weekend. I am now feeling much more centered and think that I may be able to handle all this. :)

      I haven’t decided whether to go to the family event yet (which is out of State) but I will keep you all posted on what I decided to do and how the Bar Exam goes!

      Thanks again!

      1. Just wanted to chime in and say that my best friend got married about 9 days before the bar exam and I was a nervous wreck. Of course, I still went. I had planned to go down for 4 days (out of state) and ended up only going for two though. She understood. I passed the exam, (california) and I know I would always have regretted missing her wedding, whereas if I failed, I don’t think I would have regretted going to the wedding.

        Try your best not to let Barbri psyche you out. Like other people said, just focus on the big stuff (i.e. the boiler plate essay sentence for each topic). One of my professor’s in law school would always say about law school exams: make sure to pick the low hanging fruit first. The same is true, even more so, for the bar exam. focus on the areas where you can pick up the most points (topics that show up on MBE and essay). Don’t sweat the smaller points as much- if you don’t know the rule against perpetuties as this point, it’s fine, you still have plenty of time to learn. If you don’t know it two days before the exam, that’s fine too, don’t sweat it. It will be a couple of MBE questions maybe, and you will still have the opportunity to guess and maybe get it right. Best of luck!

  27. Thank you, Corporettes! I desperately needed to update the bra situation, so I went to Nordstroms to get fitted per the suggestions of many Corporettes. The woman who helped me was *fabulous*. It was a little awkward when she came in the dressing room with me, but I decided to suck it up. Boobs are just boobs, and it’s not like mine belong in a VS catalog. The reason I liked the sales person so much is that she explained to me exactly how a bra should fit, what to look for, and basically put her foot down when I insisted that I needed a larger band size (and explained why I was wrong). I was really pleased with my experience. Thank you!

    1. Yay! Can you please tell me what she said to make you give in on the band size? I’m having this problem with my mom (“But it’s COMFY when it’s BIGGER!” “COMFY MEANS UNSUPPORTIVE” etc.) and we’re at an impasse.

  28. Does anyone have recommendations for a hair salon in DC? I’m here for the summer and do not have a car, so metro-accessible is preferable. Thanks!

      2. Roberto is not good with curly hair. I’ve been to him twice and the second time he cut my hair unevenly, so it was about an inch longer on one side. The salon staff were a pain in the neck when I came back to get it fixed (having called first; not just showing up), so I will never go back there.

        1. I have tried a few with subpar results, but I recently got a great cut and color from Lauren at Blondie’s.

    2. I’ve had good luck with the PR Partners salons. I went to the one on K street recently and a got a decent haircut, somebody who knew what she was doing, and a chance to try out nice hair products for about $50. I also had good luck with the one in Old Town Alexandria and that one was even cheaper. PR seems to be good for an average to good haircut, without the horiffic prices that so many salons charge for the same thing. I have come to the conclusion that 95% of haircuts are probably going to be mediocre and so I’d rather pay as cheap a price as possible. PR is the best at fitting that bill, and I’ve not found a place that does ‘a decent haircut for a cheaper price’ better than they do.

  29. Hi Ladies!

    I am a rising 3L working at a law firm for the summer. I absolutely LOVE the people at the firm and the work I’m doing, but I am so incredibly exhausted. I’ve only been working for two weeks, and I’ve already had a few work days over 14 hours. Generally I’m in the office for 11 or 12 hours a day, and all the summer associates are working just as hard.

    I have a medical condition that means I tend to get more easily tired than those of normal health, and I don’t know how I am going to last the entire summer.

    Any tips for staying excited all summer/hiding my exhaustion? Thanks in advance!

    1. As a SA from last year who loves sleep (and needs a lot of it), here are my tips:
      (1) be meticulous about your sleep and other self-care on the 9-11 hour days. Eat well, go to the gym….
      (2) don’t pig out at the fancy lunches: my best bet was:
      app: mixed greens (skip if no one else is having apps, obvi)
      entree: fish and veggies
      dessert: cappuccino (skip if no one else is having dessert)
      bevs: iced tea

      Obviously, have treats now and again at amazing places, but over-eating and rich foods make the days SO much harder

      Finally, you don’t need to be the last to leave night events. I rarely went to after-parties and would usually leave a drink or two after most of the partners. And I never got really drunk at those things either, which made mornings a lot easier! I was kinda older than most of my class (30) and have a partner, so I got a little leeway on not being a hard partier. But seriously, you just need to be personable and nice, not the hit of the party.

      Good luck!

    2. I work in big law and have a condition that tends to cause tiredness as well (and I was an S.A.).

      (1) I second all that was said by BarStudying 3L — especially the giant lunches.
      (2) Try to make decisions about which of the after work activities you have to attend — there may be a few you could skip.
      (3) Take evenings and weekends to really get plenty of rest, don’t pack activities in there.
      (4) If you are doing an task that requires a lot of carrying of boxes or walking around — wear flats and see if the firm has a hand cart you can use.
      (5) Give it a little time, you will get used to it and it will get easier. Use this as a chance to eye what the other people at the firm are doing; at my firm, a lot of people work from home in the evenings. Will that be a possibility for you? When you have a medical condition, flexible work schedule is important no matter what.
      (6) Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

      Good luck!

    3. I have a chronic health condition that causes exhaustion too. Realistically, after my first year of practice I realized I cannot work more than 40-45 hours per week and still take care of my health. My current job requires 37.5 hours/week and I normally work around 45 and I’m still exhausted all. the. time and struggle to exercise daily (another thing that’s essential to my health). I don’t know what your condition is and you should consult your doctor, not just the internets, but it’s probably going to be an uphill battle for you to work an hours-intensive job and you should consider another type of practice.

    4. Don’t forget, part of the exhaustion you are feeling is the emotional toll of being in a new place with new people, unfamiliar schedule, etc. I think all of these things make me incredibly tired in the first two weeks of anything, until I establish a routine. Also, it may be an important thing to realize, that you aren’t able to go at that pace due to your chronic health condition. That is really frustrating if you have the desire but not the physical strength. It’s okay to mourn that loss, but you may need to seriously consider whether it will be smart for you to embark in a position that is so demanding. It’s not weakness, it’s strength to accept that. Best of luck.

      1. I hated recognizing this, but it’s true – I can’t work 60 hour weeks without making myself really ill, and I’ll always have the odd day I can’t make it out of bed. No point denying all that, and I now have a job that won’t make me drop dead from exhaustion, even if it has meant sacrificing a fair bit of earning potential.

  30. Threadjack! I’d love to get everyone’s opinions on a chocolate brown suit for a conservative DC law firm. Is brown conservative enough? Thanks!

    1. If you have women partners at the top, you may safely emulate them. If the highest levels of the firm are still mainly men, do they wear brown? If not, don’t. “Never brown in town” is one of the rules old guys live by and most likely judge others by.

      1. I thought “never brown in town” was an old rule from England about men’s shoes. I’ve seen plenty of women wearing chocolate brown suits in federal court in Philadelphia and New Jersey, and I own one myself. I can’t imagine DC is very different.

    4. I just had a conversation about this issue this week with a friend (while I was wearing a brown suit, of course). He had a senior partner tell him a variation of the “no brown in town” line, but obviously directed at men’s suits and we were both totally surprised by that. It was my conclusion in the end though that it only applies to men. IIRC, there’s also an old conservative idea that men cannot wear black suits for businesswear (only formalwear should be black, etc.) but obviously a black suit for a woman is the most conservative and appropriate looks you can get for the office. I assume brown is similar…but you can see my name, and take that with a grain of salt!

    5. It would help if you posted a link to the suit but I wouldn’t bar it based on the color. A suit can be conservative even if it’s not black, navy blue or gray. :)

    6. I have two chocolate brown suits – one pants and one pin-striped skirt suit – love them. I live in DC.

    7. Honestly I would worry more about the cut/style of the suit than the color. Any neutral color is generally going to be conservative enough, especially in the summer when due to the weather, light suits are perfectly appropriate. But, all too often I have seen people wearing the most ill-fitting, frumpy suits because they make the color the end all be all rather than the overall fit, quality, and style, as if just because suit is brown/blazk/navy that it magically makes it look good/makes it okay to wear.

  31. Corporettes,

    I’d love some help from the wonderful community here. I’m thinking about starting a relationship with an incredible, talented, smart, funny, caring, charming man. We’ve known each other for a year and I know that he’s absolutely the type of person I want to be with long-term. I’m 31, for context, and was dating someone else the entire past year, which is why a relationship with this guy has never come up. But in the past few weeks it’s become clear that we’re both interested.

    The (slight, possible) problem is: I’m not madly attracted to him. Note: this is not (I think) like the poster a few weeks ago who lamented the fact that she was dating someone that she didn’t think was attractive enough for her. Someone (Eponine?) smartly told her to break up with him, because he could do much better. I wholeheartedly agreed with the advice. But in my case, it’s not that I can’t see myself dating a less than conventionally attractive guy (this guy falls in that category). I’ve dated plenty of guys that weren’t objectively good-looking, but who I was madly attracted to.

    Just to clarify, it’s not like he repulses me, I’m just not physically on fire every time I think about him or catch his eye, and I don’t get distracted from doc review by fantasies about kissing him. When I think about him, it’s more like a warm glow. The physical part of a relationship has always been relatively important to me in the past, but as I get older and want to settle down I’m realizing that choosing relationships based on sexual chemistry isn’t really the best way to get there. And I love spending time with this guy, and know that he would be an incredible long-term partner.

    So I guess my question is: have any of you grown into an attraction for someone? Alternately, if the sexual attraction is always just a slow, steady burn that never bursts into flames, is that a dealbreaker in the greater scheme of spending a life together? From another perspective, am I not being fair to him if I feel this way- i.e. does he deserve to be with someone that wants to rip his clothes off? I think the answer may be to just go for it and see what happens, but I thought I’d sound out this group to hear about other’s experiences. Thanks in advance for any responses!

    1. Be CARFUL about your feelings. You may THINK a person is getting feelings for another, you have to disstinguish that from sexual feelings where you just are Looking for raw sex.

      My ex, Alan, always wanted to have sex with me, but I think he also had feelings too, when he was not drinking alchohol. So I think you can have attraction of all kinds and you HAVE to be able to understand what you are having.

    2. I wouldn’t discount the possibility that actual *contact* will increase your attraction to him. :) If I’m reading you right, you haven’t actually made a move. Could be he’s great in that arena – you won’t know until you give him a chance.

    3. I’d say go for it. A warm burn that lasts a long time/ forever is better than a short term fireball.

    4. In my experience, that warm glow feeling is love, whereas that madly-attracted feeling is lust. Usually the lust either fades completely, or turns into that warm glow feeling for me. So, give it a chance. Besides, if you haven’t been intimate yet, once you are it may change the way you feel.

    5. I’ve faced this decision twice, both times decided, “no” and am very grateful I made that choice.

      If I have to talk myself into a relationship, it’s not right for me.

    6. My (quite long-term) bf and I basically felt this way about each other at the beginning. We grew into an attraction that was more substantial, I think (e.g. I initally thought, he’s cute, I suppose, and now I think HE IS SO CUTE I’M GONNA DIE–I believe he feels similarly).

    7. My comment got stuck in moderation, but IMHO you shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being in a relationship.

      The times I’ve been faced with this decision, I’ve never regretted NOT getting involved with the guy. YMMV.

      1. I actually DO regret having passed on the guy when I was in your situation. So there are no right answers here, unfortunately. :)

        You know yourself best. You might think about whether your strong initial physical attractions have worked out well for you in the past and why or why not (e.g., are you normally strongly attracted to men with whom you’re not otherwise compatible?)

        But for my two cents, I think that to some degree, you never really know unless you try. You could wait for a bit to see if your feelings change in either direction. But if you do want to pursue something with him, maybe it would help to think in terms of getting to know him better instead of “OMG, we’re starting a RELATIONSHIP.”

        Good luck!

    8. My best friend faced this issue when we were in college. She pretty much said to me what you wrote here. For what its worth, they fell in love, got married, and have 2 kids. She told me that she quickly found him very attractive once they started dating.

    9. I have been in a similar situation. I was very good friends with a guy who was kind, funny, interesting and a great friend but I couldn’t imagine having sex with him so I decided that it wasn’t meant to be. He started seriously dating someone else and I moved away and dated other people. Over the years, I ended up really regretting not getting involved with him when I had the chance.
      After he split with his girlfriend, he contacted to me and we started dating. I was so worried how the sex was going to be since I didn’t feel like we’d ever have throw-down. I kept trying to imagine what it would be like and I couldn’t even picture it. When we finally did it, it was amazing. I don’t feel like I will ever want to rip his clothes off in the same way I have with previous boyfriends. But I honestly think what we have is better than rip-your-clothes-off sex; it’s really honest, passionate, compassionate and just fun! I think you can grow into an attraction for someone for sure. I would go for it!

    10. OFCOL, you’re not going to marry the guy, you’re just gonna date. Ask us this question in a year, when he’s asked you to marry him and you still feel the same way.

    11. I went through something similar with my SO and we’ve now been married 4 years.
      The fact that it’s worrying you may mean that’s not really the best for you, though.
      Perhaps my Asian background had something to do with it…
      Good Luck either way!

    12. I’d go for it. See how you feel once you’ve given it a chance. I don’t think people should talk themselves into relationships at all, but I also think that you shouldn’t talk yourself out of one, either, if you haven’t given it a chance.

      I have also, several times, in fact, not been all that physically attracted/drawn to someone until things got started and then it was on fire–you just never know. That said, if you’ve started being physical with one another and you’re just not feeling it in that regard, be honest with yourself.

      I’ve had the same conversation with myself “is attraction more important than real affection toward one another?” The answer is, I think, maybe. But that doesn’t mean it’ll feel that way. You definitely deserve to be with someone you’re attracted to–just give it a bit of time to see if you are, though.

    13. I was in a similar situation- we became close friends, enjoyed each others’ company. He was ok being friends, but really wanted a relationship, and finally the only thing holding me back was that. I finally decided his other qualities were so special, I should at least give him a chance. We’ve been married now for five years.

      As for the attraction issue, it did develop as we started dating. There was never a huge flames phase, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, and I don’t think he should have held out for someone more passionately attracted to him. It seems really rare for someone’s dramatic, passionate fling to turn into a stable long-term relationship.

      I was on the young side when we started dating (early 20s), so I was a little worried about “settling” as things got more serious. But I look back now and am so happy I chose to stay with him- it’s harder than I realized at that age to find the right person to spend your life with.

      I’d say go for it. If things never move beyond lukewarm affection, you might want to just stay friends. But it’s hard to find the right person, and if there’s any possibility he’s a good match, you should at least try it and see what happens.

    14. I’ve had the same question and feeling with both of my long-term relationships. At the start, the guy isn’t repulsive, but not overwhelmingly attractive, but I feel warm, small tingly-ies. After a few weeks, the gentleman becomes more and more attractive. That’s how I know it’s love–he keeps getting cuter.

    15. Ladies, OP here, just sitting down to read these after a crazy weekend working on a brief and WOW! Thank you for the thoughtful responses. Even one from Ellen- I feel honored.

  32. Do any of you young laywer corporettes work in offices where there is no respect from the female assistants? In my office, if we neglect to do an adminstrative task or haven’t gotten around to it, they will tell the managing attorney before they tell us. Often if we want something done, an assistant will say that’s a paralegal task and try to get out of it. If you don’t follow procedure exactly, they will call you out on it. Do other young lawyers have to deal with this type behavior? If so, how do you ladies handle it in an appropriate manner?

    1. It would be helpful if you gave more context. You say “we” — is it you more than others, is it only certain associates (e.g., the women)? Is it all the assistants or just some? Are associates in your office considered “temporary”? I haven’t dealt with this directly (thankfully), as the support staff in my group is great, but I’ve heard from other associates that split a secretary with a partner that their secretaries are very upfront about the fact that the work for a partner will always come first and that work for associates will get fit in if there is time. Yay, heirarchy. One thing I worked hard at, though, when I started out, was establishing a team relationship with the staff I worked with. Hell, these women had more experience than I did as a newbie! I let them know I valued their input and guidance where I was unsure, how much I appreciated their help and the work they did for me, what I relied on them to handle, and generally let them know that they were important to me. I am also never rude or dismissive even when I think they’ve missed the boat on something. Hope things improve!

  33. What are you all doing to me? I used to be content with a timbuk2 bag to cart things back in forth to work.

    This spring I bought myself a cole haan tote…a few weeks later I purchased this:

    http://tinyurl.com/3kqow2j

    I’m afraid this is turning into a habit….

    2. I love those Le Pliage bags, particularly for traveling. They fold up to nothing in your luggage and then can be used as a tote during the trip or a carry-on for the trip home, if you come home with more than you left with.

      1. I got the navy because Nordstroms only had white and navy (not pink) and I know myself too well to get a white bag. I love the navy — it’s pretty but not too out there.

        I used it both days this weekend as a purse/shopping tote/holder of sippy and extra clothes for a 2 year old and loved it! The bag is so light that carting all the stuff around is easier and its totally cute. My son now calls it “his bird bag” but I’m sold. I think it’ll be my weekend bag/gym bag during the week. It seems durable yet light, which is great.

  34. I just wanted to report back in on some purchases from the Talbot’s sale:

    I had high hopes for these silk shells:
    http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi26538&rootCategory=cat90030&catId=cat120042&sortKey=Default&section=Sale&conceptIdUnderSale=cat90030
    http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi25923&rootCategory=cat90030&rootCatId=cat90030&hideHeaders=true&section=Sale&omnitureMerCat=SALE%3ASale%3AApparel%3ATops%3AShort+Sleeve&conceptIdUnderSale=&isViewAll=

    But unfortunately they were both too thin and wear basically see-through. Back they go.

    I got this in the brown:
    http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?zoomImage=11018165&id=prdi26472&catId=cat80022&rootCategory=cat90030&sortKey=Default&conceptIdUnderSale=cat90030&section=Sale

    which I’ll be keeping. It’s a good, heavy fabric. it does have a seam down the front and two pockets on the back with sort of a tab-style button that makes it a little more casual-looking, but overall I liked it.

    And finally, these pants:
    http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi26018&rootCategory=cat90030&catId=cat80022&sortKey=Default&section=Sale&conceptIdUnderSale=cat90030

    It turns out they’re unlined, but I liked the fit, so they’re staying as well.

  35. I have a mentorship question for you ladies:

    I work in a close-mouthed, hard-to-break-into field. A few months ago, I was visiting a friend who teaches at a local college, and I happened to meet a few of his students, including one who we’ll call “Jenny.” Jenny was taking a class on recent developments in my field, and she got really excited when I told her where I worked. She told me about a paper she was writing; it turned out that one of my colleagues was an expert on that topic.

    Brimming with warm, mentor-y thoughts, I gave her my card and told her she could email me and I’d put her in touch with my colleague. She did, and I did. I admit that I didn’t give Jenny any specific instructions on how to use my colleague and me as a resource, but I imagined she’d have done a fair amount of research and would just ask my colleague about a few points, understanding that he’s a busy professional with other things to do. So we were both a bit shocked when Jenny’s next email asked us to write down for her everything we knew about her topic. My colleague suggested that she come up with a few specific questions for him, and then neither of us heard from Jenny for a month. Near the end of the semester, she emailed us again, telling us that her paper was due next week and she hadn’t started, and could we please just write down everything we knew about her topic and send it to her ASAP. I cringed when I read this. My colleague was not pleased.

    I’m wondering what I should do differently the next time I’m in this kind of situation. I want to help young women like Jenny, but her obliviousness left a bad taste in my mouth. Ideas?

    1. How old is Jenny and how far along in post-secondary is she? That sort of response (“tell me everything you know”) smacks of first or second year undergrads who aren’t yet practiced at researching – a relative of mine is a librarian at a university and she gets the “it’s due tomorrow, I haven’t started, can you do my research for me” sort of question a lot from the students in their first couple of years. If Jenny is just starting out in her studies, maybe you could send her an email that gently points out that this was not the approach to take if she was looking for help or connections in the biz?

      If, on the other hand, she’s further along in her studies, that’s pretty bad … (especially the second request for information, after being informed that more specific questions were requried). As a student, I’d hate to think that you wouldn’t want to offer mentorship and contacts the next time around because of this one experience. Hopefully next time you extend a helping hand the person will respond with courtesy and thoughtfulness. But if you are afraid it will happen again, particularly with younger students, I’d maybe try to give more explicit instructions on what you/your colleague would be able to offer them so that the boundaries are more clearly delineated in advance?

      1. Agree. I think you did your best, and Jenny is immature and doesn’t know how to do research. Oh well. It’s not your job to explain it to her. You could let your friend who teaches at the local college know what happens – perhaps he can give his students more specific instructions on how to use professionals as information sources when conducting research, or something.

    2. Can your friend the professor speak to her (is that a betrayal of confidence of some sort? I don’t think so, but I guess it could be sticky.) It seems like professors should, to some degree, offer guidance about what not to do in these sorts of circumstances and why she was wrong here.

      As for what you could do differently, I’m not sure- I probably wouldn’t offer someone else’s resources anymore (particularly not that colleague’s any more), but I think at some point, you just have to expect people to be reasonable and use common sense, even though this one didn’t. You could say something to the nature of “If you have a *few*, *specific* suggestions, contact me/us”, but, quite honestly, if someone’s not considerate enough to get that in the first place, I’m not sure that she’d take the hint.

    3. I have been approached along the years by students who write papers for classes that I do not teach (i.e. social workers interested in disabilities and the law). I usually give them 1 or 2 articles or cases (when they have no legal background ) and tell them to write back with specific questions instructing them to go to references mentioned in the articles. Involving collegues can be tricky. I did it recently and she ended doing research for the student and complained to me… so I feel for you.

      1. Buy your colleague a cup of coffee, and apologize for providing the contact information. Ignore Jenny.

  36. I’m a law student and I only own one suit – it’s a plain black interview suit. I would like to buy a second suit, probably gray, maybe pinstripes.

    I’m thinking Banana Republic or J. Crew – which would you recommend? Any specific suit? I’m 5’5″ and around a size 2-4 (a 2 on top, very narrow shoulders, a very small waist; a 4 on the bottom, my butt is, um, round).

    I’m open to suggestions of any brand. I’ll probably buy the jacket, pants, and skirt. Less expensive is better, but I expect to wear this suit for many years, so quality is very important.

    1. I also have a round butt, and I have not had great luck with J. Crew. I do also have hips and thighs, though. I’m a 2 on top and a 6 on bottom.

      My go-to is Ann Taylor, usually. I find their pants and skirts fit my bottom half much better than other bands. Sometimes I also have luck with Banana.

      Are you going to order online and try on? When I was buying my first suits, I spent a whole day going to every store in the mall that had suits (not a huge amount in my city), tried on basically every suit that I thoguth I could stand, and then at the end of the day, went back to the respective stores and bought my favorite items.

    2. I personally find J Crew quality to be much better than Banana or AT, particularly the stretch wool (I find the 120s to be a bit too linty and shiny). My J Crew stretch wool suits are the ones I always reach for and am always happy to be wearing, pretty much any time of year (they breathe really well in the summer). Theory may work for you also…don’t pay full price though, check sales or outlets. J Crew is 15% off with student ID…if they go on sale, you can get sale price + 15% off + free shipping, and that is generally an awesome deal.

        1. Banana Republic and J. Crew offer a 15% off student discount, depending on which sales associate you get.

    3. my last Banana Republic suit managed to shrink when I took it to the cleaners, which is annoying because it was my favorite in terms of fit (it was a lightweight wool from last year), whereas my J.Crew suits have held up perfectly fine, so I’m going to suggest J.Crew. I have both their Super 120s and Stretch wool. I think the stretch wool fits me a little better, and I’m basically the same size as you, though lately I have noticed some of the spandex threads coming out of the jacket (little white strands), which is not a problem with the super 120s (and may not be a problem in a non-black stretch wool). I would order both and just return whichever one doesn’t fit as well.

      I also have some suits from Ann Taylor that have held up well. Fit varies a lot on their suits, though, so I just have to try them on. Surprisingly, my suits that have held up the longest are from Ann Taylor Loft, but I don’t think they even sell wool suits anymore (these are from years and years ago)

      1. Ugh – that shrinking happened to both of the skirts from my BR lightweight wool suits too. Obnoxious, isn’t it? Glad to know I’m not the only one.

    4. I actually like department store suits better – especially Tahari. At your size, you might fit well into Theory suits, which tend to fit petite women well.

      If you shop at a chain store like J.Crew or Ann Taylor, be sure to ask if they offer a student discount. Many do.

    5. I own a few suits- two black (one Ann Taylor tropical wool, one Banana Republic tropical wool), one gray (Banana Republic lightweight wool), and one navy (J Crew wool gabardine). I am an hourglass/pear. I love all of my suits, but the Ann Taylor one is the most comfortable. The wool seems to have more give than the others, which makes it much more comfortable than the others. The J Crew one seems to be the least forgiving to my posterior.

      Price: J Crew’s suits don’t seem to go on sale very often (although I purchased mine on sale + 30% off sale price). Banana Republic has frequent sales (right now, 30% off your entire purchase). Ann Taylor has promotions going on constantly. Around July 4th, they will probably offer 30-40% the entire store (they did last year). Sign up for store emails so you know when there are good sales.

      Sizing: Ann Taylor runs true to size, but sometimes you can even size down. Banana Republic’s skirts work really well if you have a narrow waist, but you might need to size up. The jacket will depend on your b*st- if you have a large chest for your size, you will need to size up. J Crew’s sizing is similar to Ann Taylor’s, but you might need to size up to accommodate your rear.

    6. I know that some commenters here see it as a “lower” brand, but I’ve been really happy with my suits from The Limited- they’re not usually lined or fancy, and sometimes it’s harder to find a “classic” style (they go through stages where they all seem to be frilled up- it depends on the season), but I have several that are still looking fresh at 3 years down the line, and they specifically make them non-wrinkle, which is very helpful. Shop the sales (they often have a “buy the pants, get 1/2 off a skirt” or something like that) and get a credit card (pay it off right away!!!), which will get you some great coupons. If you’re careful, you can easily get a 3-piece (jacket, pants, and skirt) for $150-200.

      1. Agreed–I have a Limited suit I like. I wouldn’t wear it to interviews because it’s not wool, but apparently they now have a wool suit line that looks nice online. Sadly I no longer live near a Limited, so I haven’t seen it in person to vouch for it.

    7. I am almost the exact same size and shape as you, and I am a 2010 grad, so was very recently in a similar position. I found that Calvin Klein, on sale at Macys, Marshalls, or Ross, has been the best fit for my body and is very good quality for a reasonable price. I’ve also had really good luck with Tahari, also at Macy’s. I also own an Ann Taylor suit and have tried on JCrew and Banana suits but none fit me as well as CK and Tahari.

  37. Two questions.

    1) I am looking for a summer-weight blazer that would work with black, charcoal, gray pinstripe, and navy pinstripe skirts. I’m thinking pink is my best bet; however, my online search for a pink jacket is coming up with supremely fugly options. I’m not 80 years old, and I do want to convey a look that says, “yes I’m wearing a girly color, but you can take me seriously.” Any ideas?

    2) A nude-for-me shoe is brown. Not beige, not taupe, just simple dark brown. I should never wear a nude-for-me shoe with navy, right? I have a pair of basic black pumps (Rockport) and a pair of patent oxblood peeptoes (Sofft) but would like something that feels more summery and can survive a walking commute. I’m not a huge fan of metallics or bright red.

    1. Someone asked what color shoe to wear with navy on Friday (or maybe Thursday), and the consensus seemed to be that nude-for-you is one of the best options. For one, I definitely think that brown shoes like you’re describing will look good with navy.

      1. Ah yeah. Saw on that thread black and burgundy as popular choices — which I already use, so good validation there. I feel like when people think nude, they’re thinking of pinkier/creamier neutrals. I’ll try my brown pumps again, though. I thought they clashed with the navy, but maybe I should find an orange-tinted brown like cognac. Still looking for a good summery heel, especially a versatile color that would work with the grays as well (trying to think of a travel-friendly wardrobe that minimizes shoes and full suits I have to pack). I just ordered a canary yellow slingback (Cole Haan), but that might be a bit over the top.

        1. Ooh, canary yellow shoes with navy sounds gorgeous! Maybe not the most conservative option, but not crazy either!

        2. I have also been on the hunt for some comfortable heels that are not quite so wintery looking. I wound up with these, which my sister says are “very stylish” with a hint of “that’s weird,” and others have raved about. I’ve never worn this brand before and I don’t do really well with high heels, but these are in the moderate height and supremely comfortable, both with and without pantyhose:

          http://www.zappos.com/tsubo-boleyn-burnt-ochre-military-olive

          They only come in the tannish, light brown color and black, unfortunately.

    2. As far as your jacket inquiry, my first instinct is pale gray. Maybe white. But I have a very versatile pale gray blazer that I love and wear all summer. (Mine was from J Crew.)

      I think you can wear a brown shoe (even if nude-for-you) with navy. I actually really love brown with navy–my eye sees brown as a very dark orange, so to me, they’re complimentary. You might also want to try a paler brown–cognac, tan, taupe, beige. I think these colors can look incredibly striking on darker skin. I would also suggest a medium or paler gray or a slate-y blue.

    3. Nude shoes with navy are fine. I don’t think you need to stick to nude-for-you shoes if you want something summery, though – it’s fine to wear a lighter color, like beige, or a bright, like yellow.

      No idea on the pink blazer :). White would look nice with all of those colors too – someone posted a cute one from WHBM recently.

    4. What about a cream-colored blazer? Pink can be pretty loud, and you may have better luck accessorizing with it instead.

    5. Forgot to add:

      If you are looking for jackets, here are some options.

      In pink: http://www.pendleton-usa.com/product/Women/BLAZERS-JACKETS/BLAZERS-JACKETS/NOUVEAU-TWEED-LAPEL-JACKET/168127/sc/1692/sc/1692/c/1692/pc/1815.uts

      In cream, taupe or yellow: http://www.pendleton-usa.com/product/Women/SALE-BLAZERS-JACKETS/NEW-FIT-SEASONLESS-WOOL-SUIT-JACKET/167646/sc/1715/c/1815/pc/0/fs/true.uts

      Brown/taupe: http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi26753&rootCategory=cat70008&catId=cat80008&sortKey=Default&section=Regular&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70008

      Pink: http://www.zara.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product/us/en/zara-S2011/61136/199104/PIQUE%2BBLAZER

      Purple: http://www.zara.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product/us/en/zara-S2011/61136/389112

      Light pink: http://www.zara.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product/us/en/zara-S2011/61136/293010/FINE%2BTWILL%2BBLAZER

      Hope that helps!

      1. Ooh thanks for all the links. I’ve never heard of Pendleton, but it looks like there’s a store a few miles from me. I’d also never considered Talbots because their stores always looked too ladies-wh0-lunch-in-pastels, but the website has some cute things. Do you think this is too casual?

        Jackie Fit Pintuck Twill Jacket
        http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi26593&rootCategory=cat70010&catId=cat80008&sortKey=Default&section=Regular&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70010

        Good call on the white. I don’t own a single white item of clothing because it’s too hard to keep clean, but maybe it’s time to branch out a bit. No to pale gray, though — looks horrible on me.

        1. That jacket is on the casual side because it’s not collared, but it’d be fine for my office. I find that round-neck jackets are hard to style, though. They have to line up just so with the shirt underneath. If you buy it, make sure you try it on with a few different tops before you cut the tags off.

        2. Lucky on Pendleton being close to you! It’s classic clothing that will really last forever.

          Talbots also has some great classic clothing too. That jacket is beautiful, though it’s not exactly a blazer. I agree with Duckie, just know your office and what’s appropriate.

          I just bought a beautiful white Calvin Klein linen blazer from Marshall’s, and I don’t know what I did before white! It really does go with anything.

  38. No real ideas for you, especially since you handled it well! I don’t think every or most student would be as oblivious as this one and you can’t be bullied by someone’s overstep into doing their work for them. Sounds like you and your colleague were fine on not letting her push you around.

    I recently had a similar situation where a friend’s husband flat-out insisted over 4 phone calls and 3 emails (during finals, graduation, and the beginning of my bar course) that I give him specific names/ contact information from a job I’d worked at before law school. I don’t particularly trust this man’s professionalism and I don’t really want him bothering my friends/colleagues or using my name. I tried telling him in the first communications (by email) that I just didn’t know anyone with hiring authority/ power, and then by the end I had to say, “I left ages ago and my closer friends/ colleagues have all moved on too. There’s really no one I can connect you with.” He never even wrote back to that email to say thanks and hasn’t been in touch since.

    So I guess this is to say that some people are just completely clueless, and the challenge is to not give in to them bc it’s easier or be rude back to them!

  39. So. Ladies. Who here has gone from private practice to work in-house? On friday I got a very surprising phone call from a client telling me that they had recently acquired another company, that they’re restructuring, and that they want me to come in and be in-house counsel.

    They did not give me more information than that, except to say that I will be the only in-house attorney at this company and that they will match my current salary + bonus. I will not be practicing law in this position; it would be management and supervisory only, and I would be supervising outside attorneys.

    I am only 30. I’ve been in practice for five years, and I’m on the partner track at my small firm. I feel incredibly guilty for considering taking this job because we have a bunch of important appeals going on this summer and I would probably have to leave before those are drafted. I feel like it’s my responsibility to see them through. At the same time, I feel like this is a once in a lifetime offer to some extent, and I would be forging my own path at this company.

    So, I am interested in hearing from those of you who made the switch. What did you consider? Was it the right change for you, in the end?

    1. Not in-house so I have no advice, but congrats and that is awesome that they’ll match your current salary. I have heard that a lot of people take cuts to go in house.

      I know the poster Divalicious often posts about being an in-house counsel. If she doesn’t see this, try to track her down in a weekday thread :).

    2. I’m on the extreme end for experience (because mine was awful), but I made the leap in-house to a huge company with a gigantic legal department and it was absolutely the wrong thing for me. I hated it and transitioned out and back to private practice as soon as I could. In private practice I loved being an expert in my field, and suddenly I had to farm all that out to outside counsel and it made me so sad. I disliked the managing side as well as having to track all the budgeting and other metrics. Also, in my case, corporate was so much more rigid in terms of face time and core hours and people were constantly adding meetings to my calendar (which, even if I’d gotten to still do legal work first-hand, I would have never had time for).

      One of the other things I realized I didn’t like was how suddenly I was expected to know everything and make the final decision. As outside counsel, I could try to “get in the head” of my clients as much as possible and present them with best options and recommendations, but at the end of the day, if there was some consideration to tip the scale I knew the client would know it better than me. I admit I preferred the ultimate decision/responsibility to lay with the client and I was uncomfortable being in that position/not very supported by others.

      The fact that I didn’t have to bill hours any more were cancelled out by face time, budgeting, metrics, meetings etc. It was a “devil you know” swap. I also found myself working harder and more hours than at my BigLaw job, and the BlackBerry tether was shorter. Shocking, but true.

      Bottom line, I’m one of those people who discovered I prefer practicing law to helping run a business first-hand. I prefer being a valued service-provider.

      Since it’s a client, find out as much about the culture as you can. You might be surprised what you find out beyond the key people you interface with as an outside attorney (I was). Is there any way you could second there for a period of time to test it out/help during the restructuring? That could be an inviting proposal for them as well as your firm and help you ultimately decide.

      1. this is so true!! I love being in-house but I miss the purely legal work, and I don’t always like having to make the ultimate decisions.

        It comes down to what you want to do – in-house and law firm work are vastly different!!

      2. I left an AmLaw 200 firm about a year after becoming a litigation partner (extremely rare as a woman at that firm). I am now in-house at a large government agency that has a very small legal department (two lawyers, including me).

        My thoughts, in no particular order:

        1. Had I left before becoming a partner, I think I would always have regretted it.

        2. Had I left before learning enough “client relations/judgment/this isn’t a purely legal question, but people are expecting me to help them make a good decision” experience, I would have done so only if I went to a large legal department where I would continue to be mentored by more senior lawyers.

        3. I am very active in my local in-house counsel bar association and I speak regularly with other in-house counsel FAR MORE than I ever spoke with lawyers from other firms because:

        a. You never know where your next job is coming from when you are in-house (whereas in private practice, I would have just stayed at my firm forever), and

        b. I want a broad range of influences and mentoring, which I can’t get from just one other lawyer in my office.

        4. It is very rewarding doing more “counseling” and “business partnering” than when I was outside trial counsel.

        5. But I do miss “field trips” that really make you feel like a lawyer (depositions, court appearances, trial).

        6. I do not miss timesheets.

        7. I do not miss billing 3,000 hours/year.

        I would be happy to talk to you live/direct if you want. Not sure how to do that. You could post your email and I can contact you offline. If you don’t want to do that, maybe Kat can put us in contact? Not sure.

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