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– SheFinds compares YSL Glossy Stain with L'Oreal Colour Caresse Wet Shine Stain, since both are made by the same company.
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– Lucky rounds up some fun printed blazers for spring.
– Lots of commentary for us crazy working ladies this week: The Careerist reports on a flawed survey that “says” most Americans think women should work part-time. The NYT points out how the IRS favors households where only one parent works. And Above the Law's guest columnist, Legal Tease, has a hilarious take on this whole “marry men before you leave college” advice.
– Ask a Manager wonders if staying at the same job too long can hurt you.
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fired my babysitter this morning!
I’m the “anon for this” who posted earlier this week (Wed? Tues?) about needing to fire my babysitter because she lied about something involving my son’s health/safety. Just thought I’d follow up with you guys — we had planned to do it when she left at 12:30 today but we did it this morning instead. !!! We actually gave her more than 3 weeks severance (rounded up) and had an emotional conversation — I’m still not sure she gets why what she did was so horrible, or how horrible we felt having to fire her. (She guessed that we were firing her because she was 15 minutes late today.)
ANYWAY: Thanks to all you guys who gave great advice. Having a script to go in with helped us immensely and hearing everyone’s reactions that they would terminate her immediately helped me feel justified. I still feel horrible, but I think I’d be a horrible person if I didn’t feel horrible about firing someone.
Pest
You did the right thing. There is absolutely no need to feel horrible about it. That she did not even understand how what she did was a firing offense shows that she does not have the maturity to be doing that job in the first place. I know of someone who fired a babysitter because he saw on his security cameras that she left a child alone for ten minutes while she went into the kitchen to make a sandwich. He had the attitude that she was a nice person, but he had no choice. He just fired her on the spot.
Anonymous
I have definitely gone into another room to go to the bathroom or make the kid food while babysitting, while a child was camped out in front of the TV (or similar). If his kid was 4+, I think this sounds like helicopter parenting, to me.
That said, if his kid was a toddler in a non babyproofed room, I wouldn’t have done that. But in general, this idea that A CHILD SHOULD NEVER BE LEFT ALONE, NOT EVEN FOR AN INSTANT, AND SHOULD BE CONSTANTLY ENGAGED WITH is, IMO, not a necessary one. Kids can (and should) totally be left alone here and there in *safe* environments. Bubble wrapping your kids is just silly.
In this case, I would be troubled that babysitter lied at first about how the kid got hurt, and would be troubled that the kid had been left alone in an unsafe environment. But I wouldn’t have been troubled that the kid had been left alone, in and of itself.
Pest
Your views and parenting style may be different, but the parent I was referring to was entitled to be what you would call a “helicopter parent” if he wanted to be and to have his own expectations of what babysitterhe hired would do. The point is that OP need not feel bad about firing a babysitter that did not meet her, very reasonable, expectations.
Anonymous
Yes — you are *entitled* to fire someone for virtually any reason unless it has to do with them being a member of a protected class. It doesn’t make all firings rational and reasonable though.
He could have fired her for whatever reason. If he fired her because he was pissed she hadn’t shown up in pink stockings and a purple hat, he would have been completely entitled to do that — but that doesn’t mean that that is reasonable.
I don’t think OP should feel bad about firing the babysitter because in the end, you’ve got to decide what’s right for your family and your child. That said, if I were the babysitter in your friend’s case, I WOULD have left confused over what I did that was so very wrong (assuming those basic parameters I outlined that the child be in a safe environment were met). Of course, he would have been entitled to fire me, and no one could stop him but I probably wouldn’t feel that was a reasonable reason to fire someone.
Apple
Seriously? I’d leave a toddler alone in a nearby room no problem, especially if I could hear what was going on.
ELS
Me too.
In fact, I don’t know a parent that doesn’t do this. In fact, having a child in the kitchen where the caretaker is focusing on cooking and not the child, IMO, creates many more opportunities for danger than leaving him or her in the living room, engaged in an activity.
fired my babysitter this morning! (OP)
I think it’s debatable whether my caretaker should have left him alone in the room where she knew he could climb up to a windowsill by himself. Yes, it happens all the time to parents, but parents aren’t being paid to watch the kid at all times.
The reason we fired her was more because she lied about being in the room — when my son fell she told me a long story about how he slid from the armchair seat cushion down onto the floor and whacked his head. I made it clear that I would take him to the ER if he had fallen standing from the windowsill (which is about 3.5 feet off the ground) when she told me, but if he had just slid from the seat cushion like she demonstrated, I wasn’t too worried. Seven hours later (long after she’d gone home) she finally admitted that she wasn’t in the room when it happened and didn’t see it. Fortunately we didn’t believe her earlier story anyway (which in and of itself is a huge red flag — you should trust your caregiver) and had called the doctor anyway, and fortunately my son was ok.
Snarkster
I agree that OP needed to fire her babysitter but the guy you’re talking about sounds cray. I couldn’t get a single thing done if I didn’t leave the kids alone sometimes to shower or whatever
TBK
Congratulations! I’m sure you feel better not having to dread what your sitter was going to do next. I really don’t think you need to feel horrible about it. She wasn’t doing her job. And doing her job involved your son’s safety. *You* didn’t do anything. She did this to herself, even if she’s a nice person. It sounds like she’s not cut out for nannying.
Monday
I love the Legal Tease article, especially the bit about the tragic failure that is Elana Kagan. I was so offended during her hearings by all the talk about her not being married. One line etched in my memory forever, from press at the time: “Friends say she had boyfriends in college and law school.” Phew!!! Some history of heterosexuality, at least! Glad we drummed up a few witnesses on that point!