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Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread |

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

When I did my mini-review of Betabrand’s Red Eye cardigan (I like it so much I have multiples!), I mentioned that this cardigan looked like a much more affordable dupe — and ordered it myself. For $15, I really like it — it reminds me of a jersey L.L.Bean cardigan readers had suggested years ago, but this one has pockets.

I may not have said this enough, but I’ve realized that one of my top preferences in “work from home attire” is pockets so I can keep my cell phone on me at at most times, as well as, occasionally, transport small items back to wherever they belong. (Not everything is great for pockets, obviously.) The cardigan washes incredibly easily because it’s really just a thick t-shirt material, and it has a nice tunic length that looks good with leggings, skinny jeans, and more. (As for how it compares to Betabrand’s cardigan — theirs is a thousand times softer, has thumbholes and nice big pockets, and is warmer as well — but for $15–$22 I really like this one too! Open-Front Cardigan Hoodies Contemporary Sweatshirt

Looking for other things to wear to work from home? These are some of our favorites… 

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This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:

  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
  • Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
  • Boden – Up to 50% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
  • Express – 40% off dresses & tops
  • J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
  • Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
  • Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Horse Crazy

    For those of you who have had bunion/foot surgery – what shoes did you find most comfortable when you were allowed to wear them again? I was planning on going shoe shopping once I was able to try them on, but I didn’t anticipate a global pandemic! I’m in the SF Bay Area – we are sheltering in place, so shoe/clothing stores are all closed. What brands would you all recommend looking at online?

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had several types of food surgeries through the years– bunionette surgery (outside of foot), hammer toe and removal of an entrapped nerve associated with plantar fasciitis (PF has come back every few years if I tax my feet in some way–tradeshow walking over several days in shoes without enough arch support, carrying heavy items in a move without enough arch support, etc. )More than brand is design of the shoe itself. For the bunionette recovery, I chose soft sided styles. First going from athletic sneakers to more traditional shoes made out of suede or very soft leather that had a lot of give. I am a huge fan of Vionic flip flops (I wear them around the house) as they give you the support of a traditional shoe without anything touching the side of your feet and loafers (some come in wide sizes , too, which you may find helpful as swelling takes a bit to go down.

    • Ellen

      Just get a pair of Green Nike Airs with a wide toe. That is what I bought Grandma Leyeh when she had bunions, and she still wears them. They are cute, cheap and durable. I had a pair myself, tho I had to give them away to my cleaning lady’s daughter Luz b/c I stepped in poopie and she said she could she could not scrape out all of the poopie.

    • AZCPA

      Do you mean immediately once you were able to wear shoes, or longer term? I had to wear sneakers (any soft knit ones were best – something like a Sketcher that won’t break the bank would work; you won’t be walking much) exclusively for several weeks, then added in some ugly orthopedic sandals). As far as cute shoes longer term, it was a good six months before I got there, and my feet were a different size by then, so I wouldn’t buy in advance.

    • Anonymous

      Once I was out of the walking boot, my surgeon recommended New Balance shoes. I was fitted for custom orthotics and those are in the shoes I use for walking. I also bought a pair of New Balance black tennis shoes for work. They were more flexible than rigid and were just ok. I’m now in a pair of Ziera shoes for work and they are amazingly comfortable. Unfortunately, the company is either going out of business or already out of business. One thing I was disappointed in after my surgeries was that my wide feet are still wide feet. That really limits the shoe options.

  2. Anonymous

    Besides this one, what other blogs/websites do you guys check daily? I read The Work Edit and Money Diaries on Refinery 29…looking for other ideas!

        • Anon

          not the person you’re responding to but I could waste my entire life on Am I The Assh0le (spelled with a real O)

          I also like all the cute kitten and puppy subs, and a bunch of cooking subs.

          • Housecounsel

            I have been reading AITA on Twitter. It’s getting a little exhausting, though. These people are nuts.

        • Anon

          SkincareAddiction, KoreanBeauty, and AsianBeauty if you want to spend hours researching crap to slather on your face.

          WritingPrompts for either inspiring your inner muse, or reading nifty blurbs from others.

          Astronomy and Space for learning cool stuff about the universe.

          UpliftingNews for when you need to hear about literally anything other than Corona.

        • Squid

          Your city’s thread, People Dying Inside, and if you’re a parent Daniel Tiger Conspiracy.

        • FormerlyLilly

          murderedbywords
          AnimalsBeingDerps
          NatureIsF$ckingLit (use the “u”)
          OldSchoolCool
          aww
          todayilearned
          RoomPorn
          CozyPlaces

    • Anon100

      Planet Money and currently, NASA’s Astronomy Picture of the Day to remind myself that the universe is bigger than this pandemic (also because photos of faraway galaxies are pretty!).

  3. SF in House

    I was in a minor car accident the week before last and dropped off my car for repair on Monday, just before San Francisco’s shelter in place went into effect. Yesterday I got the call that because my car is old(er) and expensive to repair (German SUV) they have deemed it a total loss. The payout is very fair or I can take it, do the repairs myself, get inspections from two authorities, and get a salvage title. I’m inclined to take the payout, but don’t know what to do from there. Can I even buy a car now with non-essential activities stopped? I’m not excited about buying a new car (if I even knew what I wanted) in these uncertain economic times. We’re a 1 car family of 4, so it does need to be replaced. Feeling very overwhelmed, although I recognize that this is hardly the largest problem related to COVID 19.

    • Anonymous

      If you’re open to a different kind of car-buying experience, I’ve heard of people who are happy with carvana.com. You won’t get a great deal on price, but the people I’ve known of who have used it have been satisfied with their cars. They lived in remote areas and didn’t have lots of capacity to go out to a bunch of dealerships, which is kind of the situation you’re in now. Read some reviews, and check around.

      • Lyssa

        I bought recently from Carvana and had a really good experience. I do think that I paid a little more, but I was able to be a lot more selective about my wants (rather than just hope to get lucky), and the process was very smooth and easy. We had to take it back a couple of times for some very minor repairs (cosmetic type things that I wouldn’t have bothered with if I’d had to pay) and found them very easy to work with on it, too.

        I did look for a make and model I’d owned before – I think it would be harder to drop money on a car with no test drive if I were less familiar with it (you’re not obligated to keep it, but you have to pay a few hundred to get it brought to you).

      • Be cautious

        My partner is currently waiting on a Carvana delivery in the Bay Area that has been delayed twice now due to the shutdowns. They’re supposed to be an essential service (and the car he bought is indeed essential) but I would be extremely wary of any delivery date they give you, especially around here. They haven’t told us they were cancelling delivery until either the day before, or until we called them, either. If the car, once delivered, is as promised, I might still rate the experience as a positive one, but right now I’m soured on the whole thing and would go the traditional dealer route if it were my choice.

    • Anon

      I feel like getting your car repaired is next to impossible right now so I’d lean toward taking the money and trying to buy a car from a private seller (craigslist?) maintaining a social distancing protocol while doing so. Mechanics shops are considered essential businesses so you should be able to get it checked out before you pull the trigger.

      • ItGetsBetter

        You mentioned that you think you got fair value for the car, but you may have a claim for diminished value too – it’s worth looking into

    • Berta

      Lots of dealers are doing ‘virtual showrooms’ and taking the entire car purchasing process online and over the phone. My husband manages a dealership and this is the way they have taken the business. If there is a particular make you’re interested in, I would call around to a few local dealers to inquire on it.

  4. Anon

    Are Tata Harper skincare products any good? I have light rosacea and am looking for a new cleanser and maybe moisturizer that is non-irritating.

    • Anonymous

      Tata Harper is good but I prefer youth to the people. I also have rosacea and I have very sensitive skin. I switched to youth to the people three months ago and have no regrets.

    • Beaglelover

      I did not enjoy my foray into this skincare line, my rosacea was a bit irritated. I highly recommend The Ordinary products, the squalane cleanser and azelaic acid have done wonders for my rosacea. I hope it works for you! Maelove is also very good, their moisturizers, especially the Night Renewer, are awesome. And a nice price point.

  5. Torn

    My state has only had coronavirus for a week but has shut down schools / bars / restaurants (to-go only) / businesses I frequent with my kids. I’m torn b/w going to the grocery store and (while they are still open) ordering to-go dinner and tipping generously. I commute by car. My daily contacts are pretty much just my family, the mailbox, inbound packages, possibly needing another ream of paper for my printer and possibly toner at some point in the future. I guess I could just donate to local relief efforts instead of buy dinner and some to-go beer, but I can feel the pleas to support these businesses as they are so clearly taking one for the team (my team).

    • anonymous

      I’ve gone to the grocery store but am pretty well stocked for now. I’ve still been getting carryout a few times, because I just haven’t had the motivation to cook. I’m worried about using my frozen food stash and then not being able to replenish it if stores are empty.

      My husband still has to go into work and has gone through the drive thru at McDonald’s and Wendys a couple of times.

  6. To buy or not to buy?

    I moved not that long ago, and to distract myself from panicking/freaking out I’ve been doing some online shopping (but not purchasing) for apartment stuff. What’s the latest on whether it’s helpful or harmful to be buying non-necessary consumer goods online right now? On one hand, seems like it would help stimulate the economy; on the other, it puts people out and about for delivery (plus everyone involved in the supply chain of making things). It’s just as easy for me to leave everything in my shopping cart and buy later… so which is better?
    Also, just want to say that I’m super thankful for this s*te this week more than ever. Hang in there, everyone. And to fellow single ladies… this has been an especially lonely week, but a friend reminded me yesterday: you may be physically alone, but you’re not *actually* alone. It seems kind of self-evident but I keep having to remind myself to affirmatively reach out to people… I spiraled out for hours on Monday before I thought to call a friend to calm down. Connections with other people will get us through this. <3

    • Anonymous

      My apartment building asked us to stop buying nonessentials. The volume of deliveries has been overwhelming the staff.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not ordering online anything non-essential. I figure alive and broke is better than dead. It’s bad for the economy but perhaps with fewer orders the warehouse workers can at least stay further away from each other and take reasonable breaks? A girl can dream. I wasn’t much of an online shopper (mostly for ethical reasons) before this though, so YMMV.

    • Anonymous

      Furniture is often a long lead time item, like 6 to 8 weeks. I have been chatting with someone at a local furniture store who is working from her home and we are going to place an order. I am not buying small things that would compete for space in a FedEx truck with someone’s essential items.

      Amazon is prioritizing groceries and health orders and pushing other orders back. Maybe we could emulate them?

  7. Vicky Austin

    Iceberg lettuce is the Red Delicious apple of vegetables. Feel free to share other opinions (produce-related or otherwise).

    • Anonymous

      I don’t understand how guys wear their pants hanging low. Or why. But mainly how.

      [As someone with chub rub, low-hanging pants are like all the drawbacks of pants without the main benefit.]

      • Housecounsel

        I don’t care what you do with kale. “Massaged” or not, it’s woody and I can barely get it down. It’s a texture thing, not taste. Kale salad? I might as well head to the nearest weed-infested highway median and bring my fork and a bottle of viniagrette.

        Peanut butter is amazing, especially with chocolate.

    • Anon

      Iceberg lettuce is all we can get so I’ve gained some appreciation for it. Crunch is nice. But it’s all about the dressing.

      Green beans can bite me tho.

    • anonymous

      Celery is completely useless.

      I’m probably in the minority, but I don’t like peanut butter. And peanut butter and chocolate is an absolute no-go for me.

      • Vicky Austin

        I also can’t do PB and chocolate together! Everyone I know thinks I’m nuts. I blame my parents – it was the “stash in the ski jacket pocket to toss to the kids in the backseat” candy of choice, but that plus the twisty turny mountain roads to our usual ski haunts ruined them forever for me.

        • Anon

          I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE. One colleague agreed with me on this, and I straight-up mourned when she left for another company.

          Everyone who finds out that I hate chocolate and peanut butter thinks I’m a serial killer. Peanut butter should be salty; sweet peanut butter is revolting.

      • The original Scarlett

        I’m meh on peanut butter, but the true sin is mint and chocolate together – yuck

    • Anon

      If you still have a cell phone contract with AT&T or Verizon, you’re throwing money down the drain. I read money diaries where people spend more than $100 for one person’s cell phone plan and I’m just baffled. MVNO all the way – I should total up how much it’s saved me since I got rid of AT&T in 2013.

      • SC

        I have Verizon, and it costs me $100 for 2 lines. No contract. Data is limited, but we rarely use it all.

        • Anonymous

          We have Verizon pay as you go, $60 for two lines with enough data for a teenager and a phone-addicted husband.

        • Anon

          I pay $30/month for Cricket, one line and 2GB limit. My husband is paying $120 for the year on some new MVNO (promo rate) with unlimited data. No contracts here and it’s much cheaper than Verizon.

      • Anonymous

        We live in an area with cell but no internet. Hotspots are the way we get TV and internet. Tried a MVNO for one week and never again – couldn’t maintain a connection for more than 20 minutes.

      • Anon

        Can you explain this? I pay $95/month through AT&T for my iPhone bill. How do I get an MVNO?

      • Anon

        In my rural area, AT&T is the only way to get reliable service. I’ve confirmed this with several people in fire fighting, EMS, etc.

        • Satabeth

          You just need an mvno that runs on the at&t network. Freedompop is one, and it’s dirt cheap. I pay about $50 per year.

      • Anon

        I’ll eat all your broccoli, but I’m getting increasingly perturbed that I have to read the frozen pizza box to ensure that it both HAS gluten and is absent of all cauliflower. I want my junk food junky, dammit!

    • RR

      Cauliflower should be cauliflower–not rice, or mashed potatoes, or pasta, or pizza crust or anything other nonsense. Cauliflower is lovely, but it needs to stay in its lane.

      • Anon

        Yesssss. I love cauliflower…as cauliflower. I cannot stand the proliferation of cauliflower masquerading as other delicious foods.

    • Anonymous

      Academia careers seem to be worse than hazing. So much schooling. The thought that you devote yourself to publishing things that no one will read. No real job prospects. Stringing together a life of hourly adjunct teaching gigs with no benefits to keep a roof over your head. I would sort of understand if anyone got NFL-type $ from this but there isn’t even that (at best, there is the life of an NYU dean). I totally do not understand.

      I have a neighbor who writes romance novels now under a pen name and while she can’t admit that b/c it is laughed at as intellectual garbage, it isn’t a bad living compared to being an assistant adjunct at 3 schools + working at Pottery Barn. She says more people read what she writes now even if it is the reading love that dare not speak its name.

    • Anonymous

      I wish every new report of “150 new cases” came with an asterisk saying “those 150 “new” cases were here yesterday and while we are reporting them as new, “new cases” =/= “rate of growth of cases”. It adds to the panic. Why not say, we were able to test X new people presenting with symptoms and Y of those were positive?

    • anonypotamus

      I think chocolate chip cookies are disgusting. Interestingly, chocolate chip cookie dough is one of my favorite things on the planet. Something about the cooking process totally ruins it for me. My whole family and all my friends think I am bonkers (or secretly adopted).

      • anonymouse

        I am with you! The dough is divine, while the end cookie product is too often not great (at least when I bake them).

  8. Anonymous

    Have we done the “level of lockdown” thing yet? I’m at a 4 (in Cleveland, 2 kids under 10 and hubs)

    How isolated is everyone right now?

    1: Living normal
    2: Being cautious, but still going out
    3: Going out as needed, mostly staying home, still seeing friends and family
    4: Very limited, only going out when unavoidable and very careful contact with people
    5: Full lockdown

    • Anonymous

      I feel that with working FT and having kids, then having school and activities cancelled, that my #4 (actual) has also now become #1. #5 scares me more than actual coronavirus.

      • Anonymous

        Really? You’re more afraid of staying home than dying of suffocation because your lungs are diseased and can’t breathe? Of your child dying alone because you aren’t permitted to be with them? Of your parents suffering a painful death because we’ve run out of ventilators and the elderly are left to die?

        That’s where we are headed if people don’t stop being selfish.

        • Anonymous

          How am I being selfish? I see my family and go to the store and the doctor. I don’t see how I could be more limited.

          But I do worry about civil unrest because so many people are out of work, worried about being out of work, without daycare, worried about losing their businesses, etc. Or our nerves and social fabric being beyond shot. Desperate people doing desperate things. Crime is not down with the start of all of this in my city. People are worried about feeding their children and even before this we see the shocking # of people who can’t feed their children under normal circumstances. We can’t grow our own food or hunt it where I live. Really — what will people do?

        • Anonymous

          I’m 4. And I’m afraid of 5 because my husband just had major surgery (colon resection and appendix removed) and has doctor appointments. I’m afraid of 5 because I’m worried we’ll run out of food (soonest I can get grocery delivery is Wednesday, and my mom two hours away from me hasn’t been able to get any delivery set-up because the site keeps crashing. I’m afraid of 5 because what if it means I’m going to have to put my dog with cancer down myself if they will no longer take him out of a car and into the vet facility. People matter more than pets. But he’s the dearest thing to me in this world.

          Can we try to be kinder to each other?

        • Anonymous

          That’s spinning a bunch of worst-case scenarios. There are others: food riots, desperate people living in a world crazier than outside the superdome post Katrina. Like you might die, horribly, but not from the disease.

          But the good news coming out of China is that things seem to have peaked and the death toll is <1% IIRC. South Korea also isn't living worst case scenarios. We'll have to see.

        • Anon

          This is incredibly flippant and privileged. Mental heath is also health and all this social isolation is going to take a huge toll on people. FWIW a lot of the research on longevity is that social connections are actually the biggest predictors of life span.

          Also I have a cozy job that lets me work from home. But I’m worried about all the people I know who can’t and are now going without a paycheck. Sure a virus that could wind up with 20% (high estimate) hospitalization is scary but I’m not sure that’s less scary than trying to figure out how you’re going to feed yourself and your kids for the next few months.

    • Anon

      4. My only trips are to go to grocery stores once a week. Will go to 5 eventually I’m sure (DH is a physician without much direct patient contact, but I’m sure he’ll be drafted to the front line of patient care at some point when the need arises, at which point he’ll get it). Currently doing little by little stocking each week so we have enough food to get by for a few weeks without leaving at all when that time comes.

    • Anon

      #4 is what is recommended here (Canada) so that’s what I’m doing. Even in “full lockdown” you can still leave the house for essentials (unless you are actively ill of course).

    • Anon

      Level 4, Houston, Texas. I have a child who will need surgery soon, so not taking any risks. I have groceries and supplies to last maybe a month? Month and a half? Maybe could last longer if I get creative.

      • Beaglelover

        HEB on Bunker Hill seems to restock every night, you have to get there very early in the morning for a good selection.

    • Horse Crazy

      3/4. I am still going to the grocery store and to medical appointments (necessary because I recently had surgery), but I am bringing hand sanitizer with me and being careful. I am trying to avoid contact with my high-risk mother while trying to help her with things, and not seeing other friends or family.

    • Anon

      Level 4 (by choice) here in Indiana as well. Only leaving the house for groceries and spending time outside. We have visits with my parents who are similarly self-isolating, but otherwise no contact with people who aren’t in our immediate family. 2 adults, 1 preschooler (who is SO sad about not going to school), 1 dog.

        • Anon

          I’m aware of that sad story (but I would emphasize that it’s in the news precisely because it’s so unusual and shocking). I believe it’s safer for us to be getting the groceries for the whole family than for my parents to go to the store themselves (delivery is not an option in their area). And ultimately they are adults who make their own choices, and seeing my family is important to them, and not something I’m going to deny them in the sunset of their lives. The mental health effects of total social isolation, especially in older adults, are real and not to be discounted. Nobody in our family is putting anyone else’s health at risk – we are all voluntarily staying home from work, daycare, restaurants and all travel and socialization, and what we choose to do among the five of us is our business.

          • Anon

            You are putting someone’s health at risk by continuing to visit your parents. It sucks, but we all have to stay home. And that includes family.

          • Trish

            Going to the doctor, grocery store, and to the home of relatives are all activities within the CDC guidelines. You aren’t slobbering drunk on the beach, right? These people yelling at you fail to realize that poverty is deadly and there will plenty of that going around. You know what else is deadly? Domestic Violence. I fully predict that the number of DV murders will go up during this quarantine. And lots of alcoholics are relapsing. Some of you all need to get off your soapboxes.

        • Ellen

          I want to alert the HIVE working on non-essential litigationrs in NYS that Cuomo ruled that if we handle non-essential cases, we don’t have to do anything on them until April 19. Officially, the full jibberish in the order applicable to us lawyers says:

          NOW, THEREFORE, I, Andrew M. Cuomo, Governor of the State of New York, by virtue of the authority vested in me by Section 29-a of Article 2-B of the Executive Law to temporarily suspend or modify any statute, local law, ordinance, order, rule, or regulation, or parts thereof, of any agency during a State disaster emergency, if compliance with such statute, local law, ordinance, order, rule, or regulation would prevent, hinder, or delay action necessary to cope with the disaster emergency or if necessary to assist or aid in coping with such disaster, I hereby temporarily suspend or modify, for the period from the date of this Executive Order through April 19, 2020 the following:
          In accordance with the directive of the Chief Judge of the State to limit court operations to essential matters during the pendency of the COVID-19 health crisis, any specific time limit for the commencement, filing, or service of any legal action, notice, motion, or other process or proceeding, as prescribed by the procedural laws of the state, including but not limited to the criminal procedure law, the family court act, the civil practice law and rules, the court of claims act, the surrogate’s court procedure act, and the uniform court acts, or by any other statute, local law, ordinance, order, rule, or regulation, or part thereof, is hereby tolled from the date of this executive order until April 19, 2020.

          https://www.governor.ny.gov/news/no-2028-continuing-temporary-suspension-and-modification-laws-relating-disaster-emergency
          ===================

          Dad says that I should just come home and hang with the family, and that is sounding better, b/c the creepy men I pass on Lex seem to be leering more at me then ever . Also, there is room for me and Myrna if she wants to come with me to LI. Right now, Dad has all groceries delivered and we can all watch Netflix together. Also, there is a new HBO Series Myrna likes based on a Philip Roth novel, so she can show that to the whole family. This will be like going to summer camp, texcept that Rosa will not be there b/c her kids are germ factories.

    • cat socks

      4 – I’m in Ohio. Been WFH full time starting this week. Have only left the house so far for grocery shopping and volunteering. My husband still has to go to work. I wouldn’t be surprised if we move to a shelter in place situation.

    • Panda Bear

      3.5, I guess? I am only going out for groceries/pharmacy items, so I guess that’s “as needed”, but definitely not getting together with anyone in person. Ok so more like a 4.

      • Anon

        This is me. I did get take-out from a local restaurant today and gave a $10 tip.

    • Anonymous

      4 We are not in lockdown (MA) but we are not having contact with other people. We haven’t gone to the grocery store yet as it’s been insane. I’ll probably go at 6am tmw or whenever they are open for non seniors.

    • SC

      #3. I’m still going in to work. I went grocery shopping and bought cat food today, and I’m hoping to limit grocery trips to once a week. DH is taking our son to individual occupational therapy and regular therapy appointments, although that may get shut down with a shelter-in-place order, depending on the exact rules for medical appointments. We are no longer seeing family or friends.

      • Anonymous

        I have a kid with ASD who needs social skills therapy and opportunities to practice said skills. She is going backwards each day and the eventual return to school will be rough. I am actually getting her a phone so she can text the couple of friends she has with phones just so she can interact with people. Right now, it’s just texting on an iPad but I want to help her so badly right now and it’s gadgets to enable the rescue.

        • Anonnn

          I’m having mixed feelings about this. As an adult with ASD, my quality of life and baseline happiness have improved dramatically over the last two weeks of working from home, despite the outright horror of the surrounding circumstances. I had no idea how draining practicing social skills had been for me. Even my health seems better. And my work is going better too. I used to be afraid of going too long without socializing out of fear of going backwards, but I’m doing so well currently that I am going to have to rethink what I want my future to look like when this is all over. My office is friendly and objectively easy to navigate socially, but it’s so much sacrifice for so little reward.

          • Anonymous

            I hear you. My kid still has to learn how to navigate life. And having behaviors that don’t get her socially shredded at school and help her not lose the friendships she has that are meaningful to her. I worry at this point that she will not be able to hold a job because she doesn’t have the skills to survive an interview or a business meal. She is bright, but not able to navigate socially with people who are much more advanced socially (which is to say, most people). I just want her to be able to pass when she needs to; right now she can’t.

          • Anonnn

            Yes, it’s hard. I definitely don’t want to lose my ability to pass from getting too comfortable. I’m also afraid I’ll just find everything overwhelming again. Part of me wants to use the extra time on my hands to look seriously into work that’s fully remote in normal times, and another part of me is afraid I’ll not be able to handle it the next time I’m in a crowded public space! I know it’s very easy to lose ground at any time. I hope the texting helps her get through. It’s going to be a weird time for her friends too, that’s for certain.

        • Never too many shoes...

          Being home with our ASD son is definitely the most challenging part of this – no school, no respite, no camp, no playgrounds, no pools and no therapy. We are using all the ABA techniques we know as I am so worried about regression. It is tough although he is managing pretty well so far. But we do see my mother, who does not live with us. It is just too much for the two of us otherwise and it gives my son somewhere to go and he loves a ride in the car.

      • NOLA

        Hey SC! Gosh, New Orleans is such a mess right now. I’m still going in to work every day but we shut down our building as of Wednesday and there are just a few of us here. I’m ready to be done with working at work, but there are still a few things to do here. My dude asked me the other morning if I was going to work and when I said yes, he asked how long I was going to keep doing that. I’ve been walking in Audubon Park every day by myself, keeping a good distance and waving when I see friends, although a good friend joined me for half a lap yesterday when she happened to see me from the parking lot. I dropped my kitty off at Medvet this morning (they’re doing a thing where they come out to your car to get your pet) and went to Dorignac’s. Yeesh, kind of a mess there. Limited meat and produce, although I still got most of what I needed. I still need cat food. I feel like I’m at a disadvantage because I live alone, my guy is still working long crazy hours doing engineering work at hospitals and neither of us has time to take care of the home stuff. I’m hoping we can mostly stay in this weekend and regroup.

    • Vicky Austin

      3.5ish. Not that we had a social life before, mind you. But our mayor has closed all nonessential places and I’m doing my level best to not go anywhere else unless we really need to, considering that we both work in a hospital (although not in patient care) and are probably carrying it. I docked half a point for the fact that I’m not being super careful about touching my face or staying 6 feet from people, but again, we don’t go anywhere but to work and everyone we work with is in the same boat we are, so.

    • Anon in Boston

      4. Grocery store, pharmacy. No sibblings/nieces/nephews. No grandparents. We’ll go for walks with the dog and toddler in the neighborhood but keeping a very healthy buffer between the next person. No playgrounds. We might go to the beach this weekend just for a change of scenery, about 30 mins from the house. We have done take out a few times.

      I don’t know why, but that’s one thing I don’t want to give up. Only getting it from our regular places who we desperately want to support, but as the tide of confirmed cases continues to rise in Boston I think we may pull the plug on that sometime next week.

    • LaurenB

      In Illinois. Lockdown to be announced shortly, but I’ve been living that way anyway, only going out for groceries or walks. H is healthcare so he’s frontline.

      • Anonymous

        Well, my job is critical infrastructure, so I’m pretty close to #1. I have social distance because everything else is empty, but that’s the point, isn’t it?

      • Casper

        I’m probably a 1 or maybe a 2. I’m still going to work because they open, won’t let staff work remotely, and I need the money. I’m pretty isolated otherwise but that isn’t much of a change for me. I already bought most things online, had groceries delivered, etc. I haven’t seen non coworker friends since last weekend (before our state closed bars and restaurants) but I didn’t see them all the time anyway.

    • Anonymous

      4, NYC (far outer borough). I sometimes have to go into work (covering an essential government function) but we’re on a rotating schedule. I had my turn earlier this week and I’m on call to come in in 2 weeks (I’m the backup person).
      I’m only going out for groceries (1-2x a week) and for walks in a nearby open-air nature-y type area where I can stay far away from others. I also have a balcony, which has been amazing for my mental health.

      We’re about to have a shelter in place order, though we aren’t calling it that (eyeroll), and I’m not sure it will be any different than what I’m currently doing.

    • Small Law Partner

      3.5 I guess. Would be a 4, except I go out every day to exercise (while maintaining major distance between others except my husband). Los Angeles.

    • Anon

      NH. 4. We are both work from home with no in-person meetings. I cancelled my own dentist and chiropractor appointments though I really could have used the chiropractor as I’ve just been getting better and need the next stretching exercise.

      We’ve been to the pharmacy, grocery store and for pet food but only one person goes in at a time. Because supplies have been low, we have gone to the store more than we would like because we only get a few days worth of stuff at a time. We have a stock of frozen food but we want to save that for if things get really bad and go out to buy fresh stuff while we still can at least weekly.

      My dog went to daycare this week and to her physical therapy appointment. I haven’t decided yet if I am keeping next week’s physical therapy appointment. It is not urgent but they have been pushing us not to cancel as it is a small shop and one family is allowed in at at time. We will see on that one.

      • Anonia

        No walks, hanging out in (freezing cold) yard, using the milk from the freezer rather than 1x/week grocery shopping. Basically house arrest. Luckily we are not there yet (really rural northern US). Because there really nothing to do and the weather is bad, we are at a 4.

      • Anonymous

        I think that #4 is #5 but you can also go to the office. With #5, no office.

        We are WFH but I may need to pick up some things depending on how long it lasts.

    • Squid

      4. I haven’t left the house except to take kiddo on walks. DH went to the grocery store midweek (he bought SIX bottles of wine, bless him). I have never seen as many people on walking trails as I did yesterday (we all stay 6 feet apart). A few of them were carrying adult beverages, which buoyed my spirits, for some odd reason.

    • The Good wife

      Number 5 and it’s so hard, particularly living in an apartment. I don’t live in the US and have been in a higher risk country – the UK – so when returning home I’ve been placed on government lockdown, basically you cannot leave your house in any circumstances apart from absolute emergency – ie the house is on fire. Emotionally, it’s very challenging, and it’s hard not have any fresh air or walks or anything… the countdown is real

    • Anonymous

      4, have only been out for groceries, walks, and to take the dog to the vet. I don’t want to move to 5 prematurely. Our fridge is small, and I’d rather keep shopping now before things get really bad than start eating through our stockpile prematurely and run out when infections are peaking.

    • Anon

      Wish we could do 5, but some unavoidable errands (related to medical conditions) are putting us in 4. We are wearing masks to go out (that we already owned from a household project; I looked up the science, and it’s better than wearing nothing at all).

    • Anonymous

      I am not understanding the people getting take out. I have avoided that because I don’t know what the people making the food have been exposed to!

      • Anon

        If you remove and discard the packaging appropriately, and reheat the food on your own plates/pans to a temp of at least 160 degrees, you are good to go.

      • Anon

        I stopped ordering takeout. If the delivery person has something, some many people will they infect as a result? I’m sure I’m just paranoid but still.

    • blueberries

      Bay Area, #4
      Not going out for anything except walks/playing outside and time in nature. Staying away from others when we go out.

      I am generally well stocked (earthquake country), stocked up more starting in January, and now if it can’t be delivered to my porch, I’ll do without.

    • Anonymous

      I am at a 2. Bars and restaurants closed for dine-in last night, so moving toward 3 at this point. Coming to work. My dog walker comes daily. Stop at the store when I need something. Ate takeout today and likely will tonight since I will have to work until midnight. Will go to the outdoor and indoor farmers markets on the weekend. But I am likely only going to socialize with my BF and co-workers (in the office) at this point since everyone is shut in.

      • Anon

        You’re not doing close to enough. No more socializing with coworkers, no farmers markets, no casual trips to the grocery store. You are part of the problem and you need to stop.

        • Anonymous

          Tell the federal courts to shut down so I don’t have to see my coworkers every day and eat lunch away from home, and so I have a chance to set up a home office. But I will absolutely support my local farmers in the meantime, with washed hands and purchases of pre-bagged, fresh food from a distance.

          • Anon

            It’s within your power to stop socializing at the office and it’s straight up reckless to go to farmers markets. Instead of getting defensive, please practice a bare minimum amount of social distancing. No one is asking you to go above and beyond here.

          • Anonymous

            The farmers market will be at a social distance and I was not saying I hang out in close proximity with co-workers for no reason. We are in the same office with doors closed and we pass each other or call each other. The performative isolation monitoring is going to be my least favorite part of this.

      • LaurenB

        Shame on you. Shame, shame. On behalf of my spouse, who just came from the hospital where he evaluated 2 possible COVID19 patients, and on behalf of all healthcare workers (as well as those providing other essential services such as food and utilities), it is INSANE for your office to be open unless you are part of an essential service, it is insane for you to go to farmers’ markets, and it’s completely irresponsible of whatever your town is to even allow farmers’ markets. You are absolutely part of the problem.

        • Anonymous

          Again, courts are open, so my office is open. Courts that require us to send paper documents by snail mail to 200+ recipients on a near daily basis. Courts that require us to meet major deadlines multiple times a day and appear telephonically (without barking dogs, whirring lawn mowers, and crying babies and uninvited neighbors knocking on the door making those things happen) before judges. And there isn’t a city I know of that has shut down grocery stores, so I am utterly baffled at the objection to farmers markets operating.
          Thank you for supporting.your husband’s work and thanks to him for the work he does..

        • Trish

          Please tell us what kind of office and what kind of firm isn’t letting you work from home? The vast majority are sending employees home with limited access to the office for paperwork. Of course, some legal jobs are essential. I went to a prison and to a jail in the last two weeks.

          • Anonymous

            It doesn’t matter whether you think my work is essential. The courts are continuing to operate and impose deadlines and mail service requirements. Unlike most of the obnoxious, privileged, self-important people on this site, I feel it is appropriate for me (a lawyer) to come in rather than requiring several staff members to do so. YMMV. Plus, I simply do not have the equipment or space to effectively work at home generally, though I am working to correct that when I am not meeting deadlines or shopping for essentials after hand washing and while socially distancing at deadly farmers markets that keep truly essential small businesses operating.

    • Anon

      3/4 Atlanta suburbs
      I’m 4, not going into work or anywhere else except for groceries and doctor. My housemates are 3 as they are in production so can’t wfh

    • DCR

      Somewhere between a three and four. I’m only going out to go to the grocery store as needed and to visit three friends who all live together. I know I should just stay at home, but I live alone and the absolute social isolation of that would be horrible for my mental health. The four of us have discussed it and are fine continue to see each other socially so long as we don’t interact with others.

      I would be able to for if I lived with somebody else. But I am an extrovert and think that it would absolutely push me into severe depression if I had no in-person human contact for weeks on end.

        • Anon

          But if they are isolating among themselves, how is that different than me being close to my husband and kids? Remove the variable of needing to stop for gas and let’s assume they’re in Single family homes and don’t have to touch elevator buttons or public hand rails..

    • Anonymous

      4. I’m in healthcare on the west coast and while we don’t have a lockdown we are acting as if we do. Limiting grocery store to 1-2 weeks, seeing no one except outdoors at a safe distance. Spending my day dealing with PPE shortages is incredibly motivating to stay home.

    • AnonATL

      I’m like a 4ish. We get takeout once a week from a local place. I still grocery shop once a week but I go first thing in the morning and get out ASAP . And I’ll go to target, Home Depot, or another store if I really need something. Both my husband and I wfh, and we don’t see local family currently. I’m pregnant so I’m extra cautious when I’m out not to touch my face and I sanitize before getting back in the car. Then when we get home from the store, all the doorknobs and touch points get wiped down and we thoroughly wash hands. It’s pretty exhausting, but I’m trying to get as far through this pregnancy as possible before any (confirmed) exposure. We go on walks around the neighborhood or to a local trail to walk/ bike but stay away from folks as much as possible. I know it sounds selfish but man I’m tired of it after only one week. We will of course continue our isolation as long as needed.
      Northern Atlanta Suburbs

    • Co

      We’re in Colorado and #4. We just go to the grocery store as needed (although trying to just order online but sometimes we can’t get delivery for days if at all) and I play with the kids in our yard (thank you, snowstorm – they love it!) and we go for walks but don’t have any direct contact with people.

    • Anonny

      My city (Canada, west coast) and province are somewhere between 3 and 4. Personally, I’m a 5 since I have shown some”symptoms”in the last week and have self quarantined as per the Provincial Health Officer’s orders. My symptoms are not nearly serious enough to warrant a doc visit via e-health – authorities have been crystal clear about keeping resources available for those who are having trouble breathing, losing consciousness, in a state of confusion, or having trouble waking up. A mild cough and some chills aren’t enough to trigger a COVID-19 test here. I’m going on day 4 of quarantine and already feeling back to normal but will be quarantined for several more days yet. Thankfully, the symptoms I’ve experienced were way, way lighter than a bad cold and MUCH shorter lived so I’m sort of questioning my own presumed case. That said, I know enough to realize that this could still be “IT” (some people can carry it and don’t even show symptoms) and I could still pass whatever IT is along if I leave the house. I’ve taken 2 sick days from work and will definitely be ship shape to return to work (from home) Monday.

      • Anon

        It’s concerning that resources are not available for patients with mild symptoms. I’ve read cases where the patient felt very mild symptoms, but the virus was already wrecking havoc in their lungs. There have also been patients who assumed they had recovered based on their symptoms, but who needed hospitalization later. This is where the fear of “reinfection” came from, since they tested positive after “recovery,” though the conclusion was that these patients had not been reinfected (thank god); they just couldn’t feel what was happening in their body. Canada must just be rationing tests, since testing could really help clarify things in patients with mild symptoms.

        • Manhattanite

          There aren’t resources for the seemingly mildly ill because those resources haven’t been developed/discovered/invented yet. They simply don’t exist. If symptoms can be managed at home, then that’s really the only option to avoid overburdening the medical personnel who need to manage the ICU patients.

          • Anon

            I guess I was mainly thinking of testing. Testing would help the mildly ill know what to expect (including whether they have the virus or not) and inform decisions about quarantine.

    • Housecounsel

      Full lockdown here, obviously, since we have a confirmed radioactive teenager here. In any event our governor has issued a stay home order starting tonight. My neighbors have been absolutely incredible. One brought us a full Italian takeout dinner last night, meat-free for my Catholic husband. I am blessed.

    • Anon

      4, voluntarily. The governor of my state is a flipping idiot and recommends 2, at most, and prayer. I am in a public service sector job and our office is open but manned by minimal staff on any given day, so I am going into work two or three times a week. I otherwise go nowhere as I have several risk factors. DH is doing all the grocery shopping for us, his parents, and my parents, once a week. MIL had to be informed that no, we are not going to go out on demand to get her “all I need is bread” today, and “I need cereal and milk” the very next day. Make a GD list, lady.

      • LaurenB

        I cannot tell you how much I want to tell those stupid red-state governors to f-off.

    • Anon

      3 – 3.5ish – I can’t fully work from home (engineering/construction related field with actual crucial outside field work that brings in the revenue) since we’re not set up for long-term remote work unless you’re upper management. (I don’t like this, but I need the money, as I’m single and I make about 50K a year in a HCOL.) I try to minimize interactions with coworkers, by staying a lot more in my cubicle. We’ve been using the office phone system a lot more instead of just dropping by a cube. However, I’ve only been going into work and coming home, with the occasional grocery store trip just once a week.

      I’m not doing any in-person social activities. My friends and I were originally going to have a dinner party on Saturday, but we moved that to an online chat session instead. Our state ordered all gyms and fitness facilities closed since last Monday so I’ve been doing workouts from PopSugar.

      Think I’m going to sit on my deck today and repot my plants. At least my plants can’t get infected.

    • techgirl

      UK – 4, prepared for 5. Going out for walks in our quiet area and rarely seeing anyone (and keeping 2m if we do come across anyone). Only going out to buy groceries once a week.
      If we move to 5 we’ll just spend more time in the garden, and we have groceries to see us through a couple of weeks.

  9. Cara Dune

    My husband has claimed our home office, so for the past week I’ve been working from the armchair in my bedroom with my computer on a lap desk. This is not nearly so comfortable as it sounds and is not conducive to productivity. A TV tray is too short. Any recommendations for a folding laptop desk or small table that can be easily moved that’s deep enough for the kickstand on a Surface and wide enough to allow for a mouse? I’ve found a few c-tables, but none wider than 10 inches.

    • Panda Bear

      No table suggestions, but what about setting up the kitchen or dining room table? And maybe getting your husband to share the home office.. he gets half the week, you get the other half.

    • Anonymous

      Are you subservient to him for any particular reason? It’s your turn for the office now.

      • Cara Dune

        I don’t really like the home office, so I was happy to let him have it. Dining room is not a good option because I work best in a room with a door.

    • Anon

      We switched off a couple hours each in our home office and are now just both working from the same desk. It’s L shaped and we each have a setup. Using two folding chairs so we both fit. It’s surprisingly working well after working out hiccups like music or no music. We take calls in another room.

    • Anon

      I find that the foldable Lifetime tables from Costco work best for this purpose.

    • Trish

      Get a folding utility table for a desk at the home depot. BEfore they close down!

  10. ProsecutorChick

    Guys. I CANNOT FOCUS. I’m an appellate attorney. I work at home twice a week during normal times, but obviously this is different. I cannot get into deep thinking mode. I almost wish I had a job where I could just cross things off a list every day but it doesn’t work like that. Does reading one case count as a list item?? I’m in state government and thankfully don’t have to worry about billing, but I still need to get work done. Help.

    • Panda Bear

      Headphones with instrumental music and a pomodoro timer app help me with this. I use focus keeper.

    • Anonymous

      The “Deep Focus” playlist on Spotify is helping me tune out my children and my nagging anxious thoughts somewhat. This is also what I listen to when I’m drafting documents late at night in normal times.

    • Ellen

      Please be calm. We are hear for you in the HIVE! As an appelate attorney, you should take comfort that the courts will likely delay any hearings on breifs b/c of the virus, so your deep thinking issue can be put on hold. You do need to focus, if not only on your health, also on your overall situation. It sounds like you are kind of alone, and are reaching out to the HIVE, so that is why I asked my Dad b/f responding. You should continue moving along on your cases, all be it more slowly, but that should not be to much of a problem b/c you said you work for the state, and they are hardly ever moving at a fast pace — I’ve worked in goverment in DC, and they were totaly inefficient. You also don’t have to worry about billing. Right there you’ve saved at least 20 hours a week. I work my tuchus off billing cleints, and then have to bill the time to them for doing so. FOOEY!

      In this state, govt employees only work 35 hours to begin with so consider yourself VERY lucky. If you have a significant other, get his advise and council, and don’t be afraid to huddle in with him if he is clean and fresh. Men can be a source of strength, particularly if we are flighty. However, you sound like you could use a man (so can I), but unforturnately, if you don’t have one now, you can’t get one since we are on lockdown. I would go out to social media and at least click around and talk virtually to some men, as that’s all you can do. Hopefully you will find a few to be good distractions until such time as you can go out and mingle in person with them! Good luck to you. You will get past all of this and I will too. YAY!

  11. Paging health care workers

    Drop a burner and let me send you a gift card for coffee? Selfishly, I need something to feel like I’m helping in some small way.

    • blueberries

      If you don’t get responses here, you might want to call the coffee shops/restaurants near your local hospital. One restaurant in my area has an “adopt and doc/nurse” program where you can pay to have food delivered to the departments that most need it.

    • DCR

      Can you donate to a local food bank? Or an organization set up to help restaurant workers? There are a lot of people out of work who will never get paid for these days off, and I would hate to be stressing about that on top of the state of the world right now

    • Anon

      Someone in the community sent the ICU my SO works at 14 pizzas for lunch this week. Believe me, it was appreciated.

    • Monday

      I really appreciate the offer! However, the effort could better go elsewhere. First off, I have a secure job while so many others don’t, and secondly, my coffee intake is actually down since anxiety has me revved up much of the time. Donate to a food bank, foster an animal, offer to do errands for health care workers in your life if possible.

  12. Madam CJ Walker on Netflix

    So I’m not sure how historically accurate it is, but if you want to be inspired by a bada** woman in this time of gloom, I highly suggest Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madam CJ Walker on Netflix.
    It’s only 4 episodes, and I already feel like I can conquer the world.

  13. Anon

    I like this cardigan but it’s basically sold out. I could get one color by April 23…..

  14. Hot date on a Friday night

    I’ve decided to make gumbo for the first time, with a proper roux. Apparently it requires 45 minutes of constant stirring to be a good roux, so that’s my hot date for a Friday night during a pandemic. I plan to have a glass of wine and trade stirring shifts with my husband and eat the BEST GUMBO EVER, DANGIT. Any tips for my first gumbo?

    • Similar Date Plans

      No tips but I’m planning to make The Best Ever Butternut Squash Risotto followed by The Best Ever Quiche with Homemade Crust Ever this weekend.

    • Anon

      You have fresh okra? File powder? Andouille or other spicy sausage? Shrimp?

      If so you’re all set, and I wish you could invite me over.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      You can make roux in the oven! Check out the Saveur article, works like a charm. Bon appétit!

    • Squid

      Tips: 1) Be really patient with the roux; it should be really dark – the color of maple syrup. It takes a long time but is so delectably worth it. 2) Use seafood if you have it! We made gumbo for Christmas and didn’t put seafood in it (a family member has shellfish allergy) but then we (ok, DH) made it a few weeks ago with seafood and it was 10/10 delicious. Cheers to you!

    • Anonymous

      When they say constant stirring, they mean it. And don’t be tempted to turn up the heat to make it faster.

    • Hot date on a Friday night

      Thanks for the tips! We have shrimp and sausage, so good to go on that front :) Alas, no okra or file powder… I also couldn’t get green onions because the store didn’t have them. But I randomly have cajun seasoning on hand? The wine-drinking has already started, roux prep begins soon!

    • Hot date on a Friday night

      Gumbo made! It’s delicious :) It is really heavy though, goodness. I ended up just using shrimp and sausage and I think I’m going to add the chicken next time to up the protein to sauce ratio. And I might add more chicken broth. So tasty, but it’s A LOT for dinner on a normal weeknight when we get back to living real life.

      I also made the chocolate chip snack cake from the BakeorBreak blog. I didn’t frost it because it’s delicious as-is, and it’s a super-simple recipe if you want some dessert (or breakfast, let’s be honest).

  15. Anon

    Any movie recs for this weekend? I’m in the mood for some kind of New England prep school drama or maybe something involving rich people in the countryside (Downton Abbey, but in movie form??). Bonus points if it includes horses. Does this exist? I’m less interested in a TV series.

    • Senior Attorney

      Well, Downton Abbey in movie form was pretty great! ;)

      Also I understand the new version of Emma will be available for streaming (for pay, I think) this weekend.

      • Anon

        Ugh, sadly I didn’t love the Downton Abbey movie. Of course it’s great for the outfits, setting, etc., but I liked the show much better.

    • Anon

      Sounds like you need to watch Love Story. Currently available for free if you have Prime.

  16. Anon

    Anyone have recent exes coming out of the woodwork suddenly? An interesting phenomenon.

    • Anonymous

      Tell us more! Kind of, one invited me on LI and I haven’t spoken to him since 1992.

    • OP

      No booty calls but just texting/emailing to see how I’m doing. I’m somewhere between — it’s nice that everyone is checking in with each other and — oooohhh suddenly now you want someone to have phone/FT gardening with, huh?

      I’ve heard from 3 so far. I’m either sending check-in-y update-y type responses (mentioning my new boyfriend) or ignoring, depending on the person.

      • Anon

        Maybe they’re confronting their own mortality and want to make sure they are forgiven for ways they wronged you.

        Or they’re just bored.

        No exes have contacted me recently, but I made it clear after their first I’m-drunk-let’s-hook-up contacts that they should never, ever contact me again.

      • NOLA

        My ex-husband emailed after he found out that a friend had passed away from coronavirus. He got chatty and I sent him a photo with my new guy.

  17. YoungandDumb

    Just wanted to share with anyone who feels like they have to keep up a strong face. My friend is currently ZOOMing (lol) for law school and her prof said, “The best lawyers are good human beings. People will turn to you because they’re scared. And if you’re not scared right now, you’re not human.”

    It’s okay, we’ll all be okay.

  18. annienomous

    Slack advice, please! My small law firm buried its head in the sand about needing to set up WFH procedures and now we’re about to be under a shelter in place order, and we’re scrambling to be ready for it (well, everyone else is… I switched to WFH today seeing the writing on the wall.)

    I’m in charge of presenting the idea of using Slack to the team this afternoon. We’d use mostly smaller teams within the larger office channel. Pros? Cons? Anyone else’s office using this for the first time in their new remote work lives? (I’ve personally used it before for other projects)

    • Anon

      I don’t really have any advice in mind, but Slack is best in show. To me, essential channels include some kind of #announcements or #bulletin channel, some kind of fun or off topic channel to keep chit chat out of workspaces, and then public or private channels for various teams and projects. People are more often overwhelmed when there’s a high volume chat channel (i.e, a channel hosting a lot of synchronous back and forth, vs. announcements) that is also regarded as important and which includes everyone as a member.

      A con would be that threading is clunky, and people may want to customize their notification settings (there are people who want email notifications of everything, but they know who they are). People who like things very, very organized sometimes need to accept that Slack relies on a good search feature. If you want to organize files in folders, put them on OneDrive or Drive or DropBox and use a Slack extension.

    • slack advice

      The bigger issue is the mindset shift around using chat. We use Slack at my office all the time, 100% essential to doing business in our office. We have team channels (4-8 people) and org channels (40-100 people) and office channels (over 500 people, in some cases). The team channels are required to get our jobs done, the org channels are helpful to know what adjacent teams are up to, and the office channels are handy but unnecessary. We do have an announcement channel that’s read-only, and that is where the information about office closures and whatnot ends up, so everyone is force-subscribed to that one. We also have 1:1 chats open at all times for people we’re working with regularly. Especially now that everyone is WFH, Slack is used the same way that you would swing by someone’s desk or office. Each team has their own norms about acceptable response times and updating your Slack status. For the most part, your dot should be green during business hours, but snoozing notifications, taking 1-3 hours to respond, etc. is acceptable.

      Some practical tips:
      – If you chat someone, don’t just say “hi” and wait for a response. Say the greeting and include your request so that you aren’t stuck waiting 30 minutes for them to reply “hi” as well. If you think of it like popping into someone’s office, you wouldn’t say “hi” to an empty room and just stand there until they returned to answer, you’d leave them a post-it note or something.

      – Have a meeting with your team/whoever you regularly work with to discuss norms around responses and status. Do you need to update your status with “in a meeting” every time? Set SLAs on response times (ie: please respond within 30 minutes of a ping, etc.)? After X messages back and forth, you start a video call? (for us, it’s usually ~5 messages, at that point, just have a quick conversation).

      – Integrate your video meeting system with Slack so you can easily just start a call. We have the Zoom integration, so for 1:1 conversations it’s really easy to just say, “Let me share my screen” and hit the Zoom call.

      – Don’t treat it like email! Slack is not for long missives and massive context, it’s for quick questions or dialogue about a thing. I use sentence fragments all the time, it’s not a place for proper letter-writing and long-form sentences. We have an intranet, so everything ends up on a page vs. an email. In some cases, I’ll tag someone on a page so they get a notification, but I’ll chat them on Slack to say give them the link and tell them it’s for our meeting this afternoon. Or, hey, I’m working on this thing and it’s early stages but wanted to give you a heads up that it’s coming, so don’t be alarmed when you see your name tagged on a task. Again, same way I’d give someone a heads up if I bumped into them in the hallway.

  19. Worried

    Hi…newbie first world question. For the last two years we have mutual funds…super low risk and conservative. We renewed them a few weeks ago, and now I’m freaking out because before, money was in a basic savings account aka under the mattress. Should we get out? I sound so inexperienced because I am. Used to saving and being frugal, so not in my wheelhouse. Siblings work in finance and are saying hold on, but I’m worried…see handle…in Canada if that makes a difference what would you do?

    • Anonymous

      What do you mean you “renewed” your mutual funds? You mean you bought more shares?

    • Anonymous

      Nope absolutely not. Leave your money where it is. You are investing for the long haul.

    • anon

      Huh? You don’t “renew” a mutual fund…?

      In any case, no, do not sell. That is the worst thing you can do. Assuming these are typical publicly-traded stock/bond funds and not something unusual.

    • Anonymous

      If you have a long lead time to retirement you will be fine. Just hang in there.

    • Anon

      Don’t log into your account and just forget it’s there. This will pass. The worst thing you can do is sell now.

    • anon

      no advice for you, but, personally, I’m holding what I have and buying as the market goes down. I have no reason to believe the markets will stay down for the decades until I retire.

    • Anon

      No, the time to get out was last month before things crashed. Right now you stay.

    • AFT

      Is this mostly retirement fund investments? Are you close to retirement? If no, tune everything out and assume things will be better in 30-40 years. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but (assuming society survives) this will likely be a small dip in the grand scheme of things when it comes to your retirement.

      • Worried

        Thank you all for the reality check. I am 49 and don’t plan to retire for a while…I am used to having a lump sum in my account, so this is just more anxiety than I am used to. I talked it over with DH and we are ok with this for now…moment of panic averted. Thanks all again.

        • Flats Only

          I’m glad everyone’s replies were helpful. However, please make sure you understand what you’ve invested in. You don’t need to “renew” mutual funds yearly. You own shares in the fund, and can hold onto them or sell them whenever you wish. I worry that you’re being misled by an investment adviser who may be taking advantage of your inexperience to charge you exaggerated fees, embezzle your funds, or worse.

          • Worried

            Thank you for mentioning this. I was nervous when I used the term ‘renew’— I was asking if the conservative mutual funds were worth hanging onto or selling.

  20. Senior Attorney

    I am going to rush home early so that I will be sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace and TV, cocktail in hand and hors d’oeuvres at the ready, to watch my very very favorite childhood TV show, which I have never seen in color because we only had black and white TV until I was in high school. Yay!

    https://www.playbill.com/article/join-playbill-march-20-for-a-movie-night-with-rodgers-hammersteins-cinderella-starring-lesley-ann-warren?fbclid=IwAR0kiU4soIWFVkfyObgIbeplATtsIODngFi8ZcnAmJ0CK-4tWI8Jq57fKMM

    Anybody else have fun weekend plans?

    • NOLA

      Sleep! We’ve been watching silly 70s movies on Netflix then falling into bed and passing out. I bought a bunch of groceries this morning, so maybe we’ll grill. I have stocked the dude with mint chip ice cream and Kitkat Duos and myself with wine. We were talking about trying to find Stripes. I think we need some Bill Murray!

    • Anonymous

      OMG I loved Cinderella when I was little. We watched it every year. I have not thought about that show in ages. Thanks for letting us know about it.

    • Marie

      Not until this very moment did I know that this Cinderella was in color. I’ve only seen it on a B&W TV, back in the mists of my 1960s early childhood! And I just clicked on the link and it’s still available. Thank you, Senior Attorney!

  21. Anonia

    I got temporarily laid off by my private school today, and while I have been doing a great job of saving, and I can cover my costs, I will still be filing for unemployment. This isn’t my fault, or the schools, but it still feels like I’ve failed somehow. I graduated college in 08, and only in the last three years or so have I felt like I was getting on top of things financially. And now this. Unemployment just seems like a huge setback, even though this is exactly what it’s there for, and I shouldn’t feel ashamed to need it. But I do. Lots of emotions today.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry. I’m also laid off, my last day is a week from today, but I saw it coming. Cheers to us. We will get though this.

    • CHL

      Feel what you need to feel – I got laid off in 2009 and even though it was so clear that the world was crashing down and it wasn’t about me, I still took it really hard and personally. I validate your sad feelings but implore you to please also realize you did not fail in anyway. It’s setback that has nothing to do with you. Nothing. You will need unemployment for a short period of time in the grand scheme of things – I used mine in 2009 and then just got back on my feet as the world returned to “normal.” We are here for you! Have a cocktail tonight and watch some light hearted TV and then figure out your “schedule” to keep sane in these coming days!

    • Anonymous

      I got laid off back in 2010, and it KILLED me to use unemployment, as if it was an embarrassing admission that I couldn’t handle life and couldn’t “succeed.” I wish wish wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself. I escalated the hardship of losing a job by how I responded to it all, and it didn’t have to be that hard. If you can, learn to relax about it, accept that you need it for now, and don’t take it all too seriously. Very, very, very professional and skilled people lose jobs and use unemployment benefits.

      Also, like the poster said, life does return to normal.

  22. Anon

    I had an appointment for car inspection next week, which is obviously cancelled. Really hope the cops are going to be lenient with out-of-spec cars for the next while.

    • Elegant Giraffe

      They extended the grace period for vehicle registration and license renewal in Texas – maybe yours will follow.

      • Co

        Same in Colorado! I had an appt at the DMV to get my drivers licence (only just became a resident) and they called to say it’s a trying time and there’s a grace period.

    • Anonymous

      TN has also been extended by Executive Order to June 15 (same with driver’s licenses). I’ll bet your state has done the same.

    • Senior Attorney

      Where I am they are not writing tickets for anything like that until further notice, not least of all because the traffic courts are closed.

  23. Elegant Giraffe

    I think our first case in my large Texas city was 3/10 or 3/11. So we were later than many large cities. It is because of the advice on this board that I bought a few extra canned goods, frozen veggies, Kleenex, Tylenol, etc. Every time I look in the bathroom closet, pantry, and freezer, I’m grateful for all of you!! I also took social distancing more seriously than many people here did in those first few days, again because of your advice and stories. So appreciated.

    • anonymouse

      Seconding this.
      I started stocking a few weeks ago and have what I need thanks to this site. I even found a way to get ebooks from the library during this time! TV hasn’t been working for me AT ALL, so having books on my phone makes being at home, and not having an open library branch so much more bearable.
      Thank you all.

  24. Anon

    For those stating that testing is not that important because disease management will be the same, please read this article. This is the same approach taken by China and South Korea – they were able to isolate vectors until they stopped shedding the virus. The other item to note here is that it takes 2 hours to disinfect a room after a presumed COVID patient (I know this because I have a hospital client that’s got ERs all over the Bay Area). When we treat every symptomatic patient as a COVID patient, it dramatically increases the strain on resources. A fast test can make the radiology room available for the next patient much sooner if the last patient was negative. The lack of testing is nearing criminal and puts a giant portion of the US population at risk when you take into account the general health of an average American.

    • Anonymous

      I totally agree that we need widespread testing. But with a sensitivity of just 71%, I would be horrified if disinfection procedures were less rigorous after a patent with symptoms who had tested negative. Also, if we’re talking about radiology, isn’t CT more reliable than PCR with Covid-19?

      • Anon

        OP here – We still count CT under “radiology”. I’m not talking about imaging tests though. I’m talking about swab testing. Any room (radiology or otherwise) for a pulmonary patient is currently treated as COVID and requires extensive decontamination protocols. If the patients were always swab-tested with results available before entering, it would reduce the strain on physical space resources.

        • Anonymous

          That is my point. Swab testing is not sensitive enough to make it safe to rely upon when deciding how to disinfect a room and equipment. It misses 30% of cases. CT is a more sensitive way to diagnose than swab testing (PCR).

          • Anon

            Sorry – I see what you are saying above and you are correct. The problem is that OUR PCR test is so inaccurate. South Korea’s PCR test is supposed to be as accurate as CT diagnostics (really, more, because it catches asymptomatic cases). If we had their testing availability/technology we could greatly cut down on the strain of resources.

    • Frustrated and Anxious Anon

      I don’t understand why COVID-19 testing takes so long in the US (never mind the botched test kits from CDC and blase responses from federal government in the beginning).

      According to news reports it takes 5 to 7 minutes to test in Korea and a day or two for potential patients to be notified of the results. Apparently Korea has a national healthcare system that is _not_ particularly better funded – on average – than hospitals or labs in the US because the government regulates the treatment fees that hospitals can charge, but last I heard the tests cost 150 dollars if you pay full price out of pockets (if you just want to get tested foe peace of mind without specific contact or symptoms), is free if you have symptoms or have come into contact, and you could get tested on the same day if you wanted to.

      SF and Seattle has a a large population of highly paid workers in Google, Microsoft, FB, Amazon, Boeing etc and the tax rate isn’t particularlt low either — many of my Seattle friends who are married and work in tech paid nearly six figures in income and property tax last year. I’m guessing more money isn’t the problem. So what is it going to take for the US to get up to speed??

    • Anon

      I really hate these articles. I don’t think the authors is wrong but I don’t really understand the point of this. I’m already social distancing, washing my hands, leaving the house only for solitary walks and groceries. There isn’t any suggested action items in the article. Just something to rile up anxiety.

    • Anon

      I read a Vox article (“Why we’re not overreacting to the coronavirus, in one chart”) that spent a little time explaining how the incubation period affects numbers.

      Whatever is happening, if as many people who can stay home, it should make a difference. This is what we’ve learned from past pandemics.

    • Co

      I think that most countries have a lot more cases than the numbers indicate. That would also explain the differences in death rate and in the percentage of how many people are considered to be critical

      It is too hard to get tested in the US to have an accurate idea of how many people have it here. The same applies for Australia – you need to have travelled to certain areas or been in contact with someone who has tested positive.

      I’m almost certain that my family has had it but we couldn’t get tested, even though one of our kids has a heart condition and was in ER. My husband had a fever and a cough for over a week and, whilst he’s almost back to normal now, the cough continues and he gets out of breath very easily – it’s been three weeks now. I, on the other hand, didn’t try to avoid him (I didn’t think much of it when our kids and he first got sick) have had no symptoms at all. It’s insane, several doctors wanted to test us but couldn’t find anyone who would do that. In the end, they didn’t even tell us to self-isolate and they took their masks etc off – it seemed like “if we can’t test you, we don’t believe you’ve got it”. There would be tons of other people in the same situation.

      Countries don’t try to contain the virus anymore, the focus is now on mitigation. Obviously, no one knows how many cases there are in the US but I’d bet that the number is at least 100k. In some way it is comforting because it suggests that the death rate and complications rate are actually much lower… but it raises the question whether everything that has happened in the market has been an overreaction and whether it could have been avoided.

    • Anon

      I think one of the few kind of reliable comparison markers we can use to gauge our curve vs other countries is the death count. My (maybe faulty? where are our math ladies?) logic here is that the cause of death is a hospital designation, outside of any federal channels, and all cases with acute suspected covid19 were the first to get tested. Now I don’t know if US deaths from covid are being mass mis-marked as pneumonia but hopefully not. That daily count puts us just around 13 days behind Italy (using worldometer daily deaths). They were around the same count on March 7th. Italy implemented social protocols on March 8th that are semi-equivalent to what we have now (implemented around Mar 16). So good for us, we have taken similar proactive measures a little earlier (in large part thanks to their warnings). The “good” news from Italy is that the curve is flattening (will link below), so despite an insane death toll the measures are working. I’m not saying the total case number doesn’t matter though – I’m saying it’s too difficult to get THAT number but the deaths seem to be semi-accurately tracked across nations and we could use this to extrapolate instead.

  27. Anonymous

    How are the criminal lawyers holding up?

    Starting next week courts are down to custodial matters only, but it feels like it’s a little late for that.

    • Anon

      We had that since last week — emergencies, arraignments and bail applications only. As of this week all of our statutory deadlines and statutory speedy trial time is suspended until mid April.

      It all sucks. The delay is unfair to both sides. But I don’t see any way around it. The courtrooms are a cesspool of germs on a good day and are absolutely deadly in a pandemic.

      I’m WFH mostly for the duration. Have to come in every 2-4 weeks, but my direct boss said he wants one person in the office every day. He’s asking for volunteers for now but if he decides to tell me to come in I’m saying no. It’s a pointless requirement.

  28. Sunny Day

    I need a bit of advice in an area of law with which I’m not familiar. Here’s the scenario. I have an HOA and make a monthly payment. I can only pay by mail or in person, no online option. Three times in the past 2 years the HOA has assessed a late fee on my account. I patiently write them with a summary of my payments, date mailed, check number, and date cleared by the bank and they remove the late fee. They did it again in December 2019 and despite my sending the same information I’ve sent in the past they have not removed the late fee. In February the HOA manager (Associa) sent me a print out of the account. I can’t make heads or tails of it. The dates don’t match my check dates or the bank clear dates. The monthly payment doesn’t appear anywhere, there are a number of small charges called “lock box” and “assessment”.

    I’m not paying the late fee, it is carrying forward on my account. I’ve emailed, no response. Left a voice message, no response. Is there some kind of debt collection statute that requires a creditor to be responsive or explain how they’ve determined a debt In plain terms? Is there an agency or department I can complain to? I’m in Arizona if that information is relevant. There’s no way I was every late based on my bank statements (literally never in over 10 years). Small issue, but very frustrating! Any help appreciated.

    • Savannah

      Every HOA has a board of directors. You should reach out to the board about the problem with the Managment company’s accounting.

  29. CostAccountant

    What do your supermarket shelves look like, empty or full? I arrived at the yogurt aisle 30 minutes after the store open and 97% of the yogurt was gone. 100% of the brand I normally buy was gone.

    • LaurenB

      There’s food, it just may not be your preferred brand / type / etc. Bread, basic cereals, eggs, milk, soup, and frozen pizza seem to be pretty gone. But there are other types of breads that don’t go as quickly (such as rye), other cereals, shelf-stable milks, soups in flavors that aren’t popular, etc.

    • Anon

      I just went to three groceries/supermarkets today and yesterday in search of ingredients to make a simple spaghetti sauce with ground meat. The stores I went to are Trader Joe’s, H-Mart (Korean supermarket), and Weis Market. Trader Joe’s and H-Mart were all out of ground meat of any sort, and had limited items of other cuts of meat. Both were also all out of basic dried pasta, except for one or two boxes of elbow macaroni. Weis Market surprisingly had plenty of ground beef, chicken, and pork along with other cuts of meat. Weis Market *also* had an almost full shelf of regular dried spaghetti, so I snagged two boxes. I’ll take Barilla in times like these, even if I usually prefer Trader Joe’s version.

      Weis Market and H-Mart had fully stocked fresh produce sections – even onions! Trader Joe’s was out of onions and loose tomatoes, but their bagged vegetables section was full. Weis Market was out of frozen vegetables and the frozen meals section was about 3/4 empty.

      I think part of the reason why Weis Market in my neighborhood still had an almost fully stocked meat section is because in my generally high-income county with stores like Costco, Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, Wegmans, a local organic market, several Korean supermarkets, this particular Weis Market is slightly hidden off the main roads and usually serves the lower-income community.

    • Never too many shoes...

      I went at 7:45 am today (mid town Toronto, opened at 7 am) and there was pretty much all food but very little in terms of cleaning products and literally zero paper products. There were signs limiting the amount of certain foods you could buy (eggs, milk, pasta, chicken, tuna).

    • Anonymous

      I’m in the GTA in Ontario. I was able to get everything we usually buy, with the exception of bagels (there were 4 packages left, neither the brand or type I usually buy so I left them.) Bagged milk (which is how I usually buy it) was low, but the cartonned milk section was full. Fresh chicken was low in the sense that there was less variety of cuts/products, but there was plenty of bone-in chicken breast or whole chickens, which I assume take less time to process and so are easier to get on the shelves. Disinfectant products and toilet paper are still low, but available. Everything else appeared completely normal to me.

  30. Anon

    Anyone trying new things in this new normal? Trying to get ideas to be productive personally and around the house when I am not WFH or cooking/cleaning.

    • Anon

      I’m growing out my eyebrows. They are victims of overtweezing over the years. I’m hoping a couple months of not caring will give me a good base to work with.

      • anon

        Same! I’m also trying to get in the habit of drinking collagen daily, and get out of the habit of having dessert nightly.

    • Anon

      I am faced with the monumental task of turning my junk room into a home office in two days, so I’m here procrastinating, of course. I don’t waaaaanna shred a knee-high stack of old bills, yo.

      I’ve also been researching purchases for the future, stuff I was always too busy to look into but will need eventually. Like a new dishwasher.

      • Anon

        Look for free shred days. A local bank has them quarterly in my city. And, hopefully, they still will! It’s drive through anyways…here’s hoping! Also, I think some UPS-type stores will take shredding off your hands for a price.

    • Flats Only

      I am trying to exercise every day, do a chore every day, and to avoid watching TV during the daytime. I have an enormous stack of books to read. I am WFH, but work is slow and I want to fill the time between occasional emails productively.

    • Anonymous

      Cleaning out my email, photos, etc. on all my eDevices. It’s very calming.

      Planning meals like I usually do, but with just the random stuff in my pantry.

      Learning a language with Duolingo.

      Planning a kitchen remodel, and researching specific items for it. Tile, anyone?

    • Anon

      I guess I’m going to grow out my hair? I have had a pixie cut for most of my life, but all the salons are closed. Or – maybe I will learn to cut my own hair, if that’s even possible.

      • Shaggy2

        Samesies sister! I went back to a pixie mid jan, bad timing! I did my bangs with clippers over comb, but it is not great. Probably transitioning to a buster brown shortie bob and then to a bob because I get hella shaggy after 3 weeks :(

    • Co

      Kayla Itsiness workout app (normally I’d go to the gym) – so far I quite like it!

      Might also try growing out my eyebrows like PP!

  31. Anon

    David Lat from Above the Law has had COVID-19 symptoms for a couple weeks, got a positive test a few days ago, and today he was downgraded to critical condition and put on a ventilator. He’s 44 and a marathoner. Please please please take this seriously. Don’t leave the house except for essentials, and don’t get together with anyone who doesn’t live in your house.

  32. So anon for this

    I’m in a really unhappy marriage. I have a toddler and am from a culture that does not support divorces except in cases of physical abuse. I gave myself permission to pursue a divorce once kiddo is off to college but that is 14 years away
    This isolation is driving me crazy and has me contemplating suicide several times a day because I cannot bear the thought of staying in this marriage, and know that no one in my circle would be supportive of divorce no matter how unhappy I am.

    • Anon

      First and foremost, please, find a way to get some professional help, and quickly–virtual if that’s the only option for you. I’d also strongly encourage medication ASAP. Call your PCP, find a psychiatrist and figure out how to get an appointment with them, and find a therapist. You don’t have to feel this bad. Life is TOUGH right now, for so many people, but being suicidal (while more common right now, I’m afraid) is still not acceptable. Please get some help. For what it’s worth, this internet stranger gives you permission to see a close friend in person (or FaceTime) who would be supportive of you in whatever way you need or can figure out.

    • LaurenB

      “I’m in a really unhappy marriage. I have a toddler and am from a culture that does not support divorces except in cases of physical abuse. I gave myself permission to pursue a divorce once kiddo is off to college but that is 14 years away”

      You’re in the US now. It does not matter what your home culture is; if you are better off divorced, then you’re better off divorced. Waiting 14 years is ridiculous. You’re worth more than that.

    • Anon

      I agree with the above poster that antidepressants (as depressing as it sounds, because it makes it seem like you need to fix yourself, which is NOT true) can be a huge help in this situation. ADs help you manage the internal dialogue, think more clearly and make better decisions. It does not make sense to have predecided that you’ll stay in a bad marriage until you child is in college. That’s just not rational. So think about getting yourself levelheaded enough to start making rational decisions that address more immediate needs. Also, feel free to complain about your husband here if you feel like it will help. And get yourself a different circle!

      • Anon

        Yes yes yes. Complain all you want about your husband here, please. We are here for you. We will support you as you go through difficult times, and will offer advice and commiseration as you request. You are not alone in this.

        Also –

        * emotional abuse trigger warning*

        I come from a culture where divorce was previously not supported (and still especially stigmatized for women). My mother was desperately unhappy because of her husband and his family who treated her like a servant because she was a woman, as far as I can tell. She did not divorce him because there was no way for her to make a living as a divorced woman in Korea in the 80s, and her broke family would not support her.

        She did not seek professional help, and instead poured out her misery to her child throughout my childhood. I grew up constantly and absolutely terrified that she would kill herself. I also have so much constant low-grade anxiety and depression and guilt because the message I got was that “she would be so much happier if it weren’t for me” “she would be able to divorce her husband if it weren’t for me” “I am the one keeping her in this unhappy state” “she is so tired and miserable because she has to take care of me.” According to her, I loved her too much. Of course I loved her — she was my entire world as a three-year-old child. The very worst thing for me was for her to die. It still is my greatest fear. I felt like I had to carry the burden of making my mother happy from a very young age.

        I had to keep my feelings in check because crying or whining or not wanting to go to bed – as a three year old – would result in my mother breaking down and my father shouting angrily. I wanted to die and disappear as a kid, and I carried that feeling into adulthood. It affected my relationships with friends, when I had any. I did not want to have a boyfriend or partner in life because the only relationship model I had was a life-threatening one. I was afraid to be vulnerable, and I am still terrified of my feelings. I would have given anything foe her to be happy. Please live your life, and allow your child to live theirs.

    • Anonymous

      Hugs to you. Please get professional help and call a crisis line ASAP. Stay connected and phone the people you care about. I’m calling my mom, sister and dad several times a day…for you it may be someone else. Please take care of yourself.

    • Anon

      I felt similarly when I was married with a toddler. No one had any idea that I was unhappy — on the outside, everything looked great.

      Now I’m divorced with a preschooler, and I’m so so much better. So much better. I couldn’t have even imagined how much better. And it’s only been two years!

      Listen to the other posters — get help, do what you need to do to get through this awful time, and figure out how to make a life outside your marriage. Anyone who doesn’t approve of your divorce doesn’t need to be in your life. A rule is not more important than your happiness, or your ability to be true to yourself.

      By the way — kid doesn’t remember when her dad and I were married anymore and is totally fine and happy.

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