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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 172 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Silk Tie Neck Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Wyatt Peacock Silk Tie Neck Blouse | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Silk blouses are classic items for a working wardrobe, and I'm liking these affordable tie neck ones from Wyatt. The ties actually look good in a bow (as pictured); I've often tied them like a men's tie as well. Lots of colors and sizes left — the blouse was $160, but is $49.50. Wyatt Tie Neck Blouse Psst: Here's a plus-size alternative. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    I’d like to get an older woman friend (she’s 68) a gift card to an apparel store. I’m not sure what the right brand is for her/where to get the gift card to. She has a very classic style – very age appropriate but well tailored — but it’s definitely “older” and she tends to go for a step up from Talbots pricing-wise. Suggestions on stores?

  2. History buff

    What is in b/w Talbots and something like Akris (other than Akris Punto)?

    I like Pendleton. The quality is there, but sometimes it feels a bit older to me (44). That said, their sheath dresses are fantastic (I have them altered b/c I am a pear, but it is one of the few brands that I consider it to be work the money and hassle).

  3. CountC

    I like this, although I wish it was longer because I would want to tuck it in. The biggest disappointment for me was loving what I thought was the black and white cuff detail . . . only to find out those are bracelets!!!

    • HSAL

      That’s funny, because I was actually relieved when I realized it wasn’t part of the shirt. I’m considering this one – I realize I’ve never had an actual silk blouse before. Worth it?

      • A Clark

        Yes. You also get what you pay for.

        I got Pink on sale in 2011–still going strong. Uniqlo in June 2014 –has given out at all the seams.

      • Aurora

        I actually own this exact blouse in this exact color and I ADORE it. It is incredibly comfortable and the color, while maybe a little bit darker than the picture, is pretty spot on. I wear it whenever I’m in for a long day at work since it’s loose enough to hid all manner of sins while still making me feel polished and put together. I also like that it’s on the “cheaper” end for silk since that means I can wear it regularly and not feel like I’m abusing a “nice” top.

  4. Kathryn

    Silly question– how would you go about changing your nickname on thissite? Obviously, I could just start using a new name, but I’m thinking of using, for about a week or so: New Name (formerly Kathryn)…

    Thoughts?

    • Ellen

      Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this silk blouse! And it is not even expensive, tho the bow is dangerous to me b/c Frank would LOVE to peer in to see what my boobie’s look like. FOOEY! I am so tired of him askeing about my boobie’s. I think it is time’s like this that part of me want’s to just show him other women with different boobies, like this one I found on the Huffington P’ost, so that he stop’s stareing at me!

      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/22/woman-gets-third-boob-jasmine-tridevil_n_5862184.html

      As for the OP, why would you change your name? If peeople know you as Kathryn (which is a nice name — I once roomed with her in college), what is the point? You must be proud of your name b/c you grew up with it and all of your teacher’s and boyfreind’s know you as Kathryn. Also, very important peeople have been named Kathryn–includeing Kathryn Hepbern, Kathryn of Aragon and probabley other’s that I do NOT know of.

      Yesterday, David came over and told me he would date me if I agreed that we would be exclusive. I told him he should stop lookeing at other women’s tuchusses, and mabye I would consider it. Last year, his dad told him to date me, and my dad said I should date him, but he was constantley lookeing at other women’s tuchusses, includeing the watresses when they walked by. I found that very unbecomeing of a guy who is supposed to be lookeing at ME and MY tuchus. What does the hive think?

      Anyway, to please dad, I told him I would let him take me out this weekend, but I am goieng to watch what he does VERY CARFULLY b/c if I even suspect him lookeing at other tuchusses, that will be it for him. I also do NOT know what else he has been doeing with ladies the past year, so I will NOT do anything with him sexueally until he is tested. That is something that is NOT any time soon anyway. YAY!

      Myrna is comeing over tonite anyway. We are goieng to watch some new TV program’s, includeing Madame Secretary, which the manageing partner’s brother recomends. He will be there also, b/c they are getting close to finisheing his apartement. With Myrna there, I should be safe from any wardrobe malfunctions comeing from him. FOOEY!

      • Anne

        Great link, but not sure I would want to surgically implant a third boob, just to get attention or a man. 2 are enough for me, thank you very much!

    • Sundae Funday

      I personally don’t get the point of that. It will link regular readers to your new name and will permanently connect them in their heads. Assuming you want to change your name for anonymity reasons (which is smart) just change it. I change my name every two months or so personally. Yes, it keeps me from being a recognized regular but I am more comfortable this way.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      I would just put a new name. I have former in my handle because I’d like to make it clear (for advice giving purposes) that I’m quite a few years away from being a clueless summer associate, but I started posting when I was one.

    • Kathryn

      OK, thanks for your perspectives. I probably haven’t been posting long/often enough to need to keep my “reputation” anyways :)

    • Meg Murry

      Just do a quick google search with s i t e : corpor3tt3.com and the name you are thinking of using to make sure you aren’t picking a name a current or recently former person is using, especially if you are going to something like your initials. If nothing comes up, you have a new name – use it. I think you might go into moderation the first time you use your new name, but I could be wrong.

    • AIMS

      People have done this before. You would just do New Name (f/k/a Kathryn) or whatever variation.

    • Kim

      Do you think people remember “Kathryn” to the point where it’s worth explaining the connection?

  5. TGIF

    Calling skinny calf ladies! Help – I’m looking for tall boots that actually fit well (without leaving a big gap at the top of my leg). Does anyone have any go-to boots or brands they love? I’m hoping to stay in the under $200 range. I’m very open to style, heel height, and brand…just looking for that ideal calf fit.

    Thanks for any suggestions!

    • Sparrow

      I like the brand Impo, from DSW. I have three pairs of tall boots from them in black, brown and gray. They have a moderate heel and pointy-ish toe. I wear them all the time the fall and winter.

      • Anon For This

        I have a pair of Franco Sarto that have a 13.5 inch circumference I believe, perfect for size 4 me.

    • Flower

      Zappos and I believe Nordstrom’s let you search by calf size. Granted, those are all reported by the companies themselves, but it can be a good starting point.

    • WJM-TV

      My calves are pretty small and I’m also pretty short, so most boots would come up too high for my liking and be too big. And I need shoes in 6W. Not a lot of options! I got a pair of David Tate Tampa boots, which lace up the back. To wear them, I tightened the laces as far as they can go. Still haven’t decided whether or not to keep them, but they seem pretty comfortable.

    • Working Girl

      I have a pair of Frye boots that look just fine with skinny jeans. I am not sure how skinny your calves are though. Mine are pretty skinny and these work for me.

    • AIMS

      Look into stretchy boots – the kind with either elastic on part of the boot (say, the back) or that come in a stretchy leather (CH usually makes a pair every season). That’s probably the most reliable way to go.

    • Anita

      My calves are about 12.5″ in circumference. Brands that make boots that tend to fit me well without gaping are Aquatalia, La Canadienne, and Marc Jacobs. You’re unlikely to find a pair under $200 from these 3, though. I did once find a pair of Calvin Klein boots with a narrow calf and they were around $125.

      • NOLA Lady II

        Second La Canadienne, purchased through Zappos, love the search by calf size.

      • HnH

        Second Aquatalia. But will have to pay 300-400 even on sale. I tried to find a cheaper alternative too, but just threw in the towel after seasons of unsuccessful search.

        • Carrie

          Agree with La Canadienne and Aquitalia. I have searched all brands for narrow calf, and these two have worked best for me, but you have to check each style carefully for circumference as there is variation within the brand.

          I have also had good luck with Stuart Weitzmans – some beautiful ones… but as I live in a snowy area I decided that if I am investing this amount of $$ in boots I want them to last and the Weitzman’s are not weather hearty like La Canadienne/Aquitalia.

          That being said, I am still contemplating a pair of Weitzman black suede… for indoor use only…

  6. Red Beagle

    I like this shirt but long sleeves on a silk shirt don’t work for me, even in petite, with my short arms and rolling up silk sleeves is rarely successful for me as they unroll. A 3/4 sleeve would be perfect!
    And I do like to tuck in my silk shirts so longer is better, I agree.

  7. Traditionalist

    Calling all ladies who leave pumps/other shoes at the office to avoid commuting in them! How do you ever motivate yourself to bring shoes that are cuter/more interesting/etc. when you know you have a pair that will do waiting under your desk?

    I don’t know exactly what I’m asking here, haha. Do you toss shoes in your purse? Separate bag? Keep 15 pairs of shoes at work? I just feel like I’ve gotten in a rut of wearing the same black or grey or cognac pumps when I have far more interesting ones in my closet at home that I’m too lazy to bring because I’m already carrying a purse, lunch, and sometimes gym clothes and/or a laptop.

    Thoughts?

    • Cat

      I just counted and am a little ashamed to admit that I have 14 pairs at work. Regular pumps in black (leather, patent and suede), gray (patent and suede), dark brown, nude for me, and wine. Black wedges. Black booties. Flats in black (patent and leather), brown and nude for me.

      I have two or three pairs of “fun” heels that I keep at home, but I’ll carry in my tote occasionally if I’m feeling like I need a pop of foot color at work. On weekends I mostly wear flats, sneakers, flip flops or boots, so there’s little overlap of Office vs Home.

    • Red Beagle

      I have a similar but also oppos*te issue. I keep 3-4 pairs of flats in the office for offs*te meetings and wear my heels in (car or short bus trip). The flats are in stacking shoeboxes in my cupboard. I usually just wear the black flats when I need flats, though… And if I need flats before I get to the office, they are in a shoebag in my purse…

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      All potential work shoes live at work and then I throw them in my purse to bring home if I need my nude or black pumps on the weekend, for instance. The only shoes that live at home are boots, running shoes/boat shoes, going out heels and sandals.

    • Ginjury

      On this note, do you all just wear skirts every day? If not, how do you commute with pants hemmed for heels?

      • Anon

        I don’t wear heels higher than about 2 inches, so I wear thick soled commuting shoes and don’t have any issues.

      • Amy H.

        I commute in commuter shoes and commuter pants — usually black yoga pants — if I’m planning to wear heeled shoes that day at the office. Carry in my work trousers in my tote.

        (And nearly all my heeled shoes are at the office — exception is the one pair of black patent peeptoe slingbacks that are my “evening” heel.)

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        In the summer, platform flip flops (juvenile looking, but they do the job). In the fall/spring, Rockport wedges (really comfortable). In the winter, I just tuck my pants into my boots.

    • LilyB

      I keep all my pumps at work- but I also don’t wear pumps to non-work occasions so it’s never been an issue. Maybe keep all your pumps at work (interesting ones included) but remember to take stock on Fridays and take any with you that you will need over the weekend? And then try to bring them back on Monday. Shoe bags are a must (or you can go the plastic grocery-bag route hah) or you can just use an old canvas tote.

    • NYtoCO

      I do the same as most other commenters here. However, I do usually have an extra bag for my lunch/gym stuff, so I will throw shoes in there if I need to switch out.

    • Lady Tetra

      Oh boy, I just counted and I have 8 pairs of shoes in my office (6 pairs of heels and two pairs of flats). I mostly commute in flat boots in the winter and Sperrys-type shoes in the summer and change at the office. I still haven’t figured out the pants-hemmed-for-heels issue — I’ve basically stopped wearing pants that don’t look like they’re supposed to be a little short, like slim-leg ones, and I mostly wear dresses or skirts. I have been meaning to check out the zakkers people keep recommending here.

    • Traditionalist

      Thanks, everyone. Sounds like I should just bring in most of my shoes and find a place to put them. All 25 pairs of them. :/ And maybe stop buying shoes.

      Now to solve the pants-hemmed-for-heels commute issue.

    • Unicorn

      Where do you ladies keep all these shoes at the office – just under your desk, or do you have an actual storage place for them or what? I’d like to keep more at the office (mainly to save closet space at home, hah) but I don’t know where to put them!

        • Wildkitten

          I keep two pairs under my desk and the rest in a file drawer that is filled with only shoes…

          • National_Anthem

            I have a file drawer full of shoes as well… plus there are a bunch just hanging out under my desk. I call it the shoe garden.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        Theoretically in a filing cabinet, but usually I just stick them under my desk and forget about them. We’re basically paperless now, which means I’ve got a filing cabinet in my office with nothing in it. If I didn’t have a filing cabinet or a desk that you couldn’t see under from the front, I’d probably just throw them in an empty banker’s box.

    • lucy stone

      I currently only have a few pairs at work (black pumps, black wedges, burgundy wedges, snow boots) but in the winter, I usually keep about 10 pairs at work. I try to swap them every month or so.

  8. paging migraine sufferer

    You might also want to keep a food/activity journal in addition to a headache journal. A lot of times they will make you do this anyways to see if there is a correlation.

    • Migraines!

      Thanks! I’ve been doing this for a few weeks now. Fingers crossed I find some kind of pattern.

  9. Looking for a new work bag

    I’m going on a work trip soon and need (want?) a new bag. I want something I can use for the trip and then for every day to work. It needs to be big enough to hold a computer, a file or two, an ipad, and some random stuff (wallet, lunch, ect.) I’m thinking nylon, so that it is not too heavy with the computer in it. I want it to have a zipper top. I know I’ve seen good recommendations here before, but I can’t remember any of them right now. Ideally, I would like to stay under $250, but am willing to spend more for the perfect bag.

    Oh, and I’m not a big fan of longchamp. I’m sure they are great bags, but everyone carried them in law school. Since they remind me of law school (always a bad thing), they seem too casual for the office to me.

    Any recommendations

    • Oldest Bag

      I think that things have changed since I was in law school. Longchamp still seems so expensive for a bag. I had a giant and brightly colored LLBean backpack — those books were heavy and I always seemed to have 3 of them plus a stack of paper to carry around all day. I loved the padded straps and the balanced load on my back (not to mention: the many pockets). I got a new one recently.

      Am I just hopelessly woodsy? Or is this more of a city law school thing? My law school was in a college-town sort of setting so it didn’t stick out.

      • Scully

        Longchamp totes retail at about $140, right? I think LL Bean backpacks are $90-100. If you have a coupon or a sale, they are not that much more, so I’m not surprised when students or teenagers have them.

        I dislike them for other reasons (no dividers, look worn/shapeless quickly), but they were very popular in my mixed income bracket law school because they held pretty much everything. Most people kept their books in their lockers and only took home what they were reading that night. Some people cut up their books and only carried sections.

        OP, have you looked at Tumi? They are pricey, but you can stalk certain bags to get a better deal.

        • Oldest Bag

          Funny — I have had the LLBean card for a while, so I had almost forgotten that you can pay for them (I think I had coupons for the eventual replacement, but I loved that the backpack lasted through undergrad and law school). I had a boat & tote bag for when I wanted something fancy.

          But seriously, when I carry a heavy load on one shoulder I feel all wrecked later (that and bad computer posture and heavy mouse usage = everything is torqued). I have an OG, but use it only on top of my wheelie bag. Otherwise, I try never to transport computers around (so: highly recommend one for home if it all possible so to leave computer transit for travel only).

    • A Nonny Moose

      Lo and Sons is having a sale right now, so some of their styles that would meet your criteria are now <$250.

      • Anon in NYC

        For my two cents, I have the OG and while I think it’s great for travel, it’s too big for me to carry every day.

        • Parfait

          I like my OMG mostly, but after carrying it for a year it’s looking kind of limp. The weight of the laptop on one side has given it a permanent slant, so it doesn’t always sit upright nicely. The laptop pocket and the one in front of it that i slide my notebooks/kindle into have gotten so floppy that it’s no longer so easy to insert rectangular objects.

          Also the handles are fraying; all that rubbery spline over the seams is coming off.

          for what it cost, I wish it was more durable.

      • BB

        If your laptop is small (15″), I highly recommend the Brookline. It looks as chic as a Longchamp-style tote, and I regularly fit all those things you mentioned into it daily with no issue + I take it on business trips as my small carry-on. The OG is much larger, but you’ll need it if your laptop is larger than 15″.

      • anne-on

        I have the Brookline which i love for travel and everyday, its not a work bag that you can also pack in, but for a laptop/files/phone/magazines/shoes/etc. it works just fine. Its also much smaller/lighter/sleeker than the OG/OMG for everyday use.

      • Anon

        Seconding the recommendation for Lo & Sons. I have the TT which is taller bag (i.e. much taller than it is wide) and it’s been great for traveling and everyday with my laptop plus a few files plus some personal items. Plus it slips over your rolling suitcase which is great for traveling. I’ve been using for a little under a year now and it’s been a great fit. It’s smaller than the OG and the OMG (both of which i considered) and a little roomier (i think) than the brookline.

    • Sonnet

      I was recently given a gray Moshi Urbana Briefcase, which might work for you. I’m planning to use mine for academic job interviews, and it’s sleek and polished enough for that. It might be a touch small for carrying everything you want to carry (i.e. lunch), but take a look. Link to follow.

    • rachel

      I’m planning on snagging the Rebecca Minkoff MAB Tote. It’s available online at several websites, including Nordstrom and Zappo’s.

      • christineispink

        FYI: I was super in love with the RM MAB Tote until I saw it in person and it was SO HEAVY.

    • J

      I have a tumi voyageur Q-tote. It fits everything you listed above and has practical pockets. they have a waxed nylon version that has a bit more structure than the plain nylon.

  10. Working Girl

    I can’t wear silk because I am a profuse sweater. I would stain that shirt so fast!

    • Parfait

      Same reason I never wear silk blouses anymore. Although actually now that I think about it, I perspire a lot less now than I did when I was younger, for some reason. Might be worth another go.

  11. St Louis

    Spouse has a possible relocation opportunity in St. Louis, MO. We currently live in a city on the East Coast – I’ve never even set foot in the state. Any thoughts about the city in general you’d be willing to share? We have three kids, and I’m a BigLaw litigator (mid-level). I wouldn’t need to jump back into work immediately, but am curious about the legal market. I would hope to find something a little more family friendly while we got used to the city, but would be open to anything.

    • St Louisan

      I’m a St. Louis native and I used to work somewhere where I was one of the few people who had not relocated to St. Louis. My transplant-coworkers’ experiences varied a lot based on where they lived. One thing I would caution – it seems like a lot of corporate relocation companies stick transplants in certain areas of the suburbs – and they end up finding it boring. There are a wide variety of places to live, depending on the type of neighborhood you like and your school choices. Be sure to look around the whole area (city, suburbs (AKA “the county”), Clayton, University City, etc., if you have a chance to visit. There is a lot to love about St. Louis – great culture, food, etc., for a city this size with relatively low COL. Good luck with your decision!

      • St Louis

        Interesting. Is is a fairly active or outdoorsy city? I don’t really have a good feel for the area at all, but if we end up relocating, I would like to find a place that is geared towards outdoors, sports, etc. Does it have more of a west-coast active feel (denver?) or is it more midwest (chicago, cleveland?)? Thanks for answering. We’ll visit soon, but it’s hard to get an idea of the city from one weekend.

        • anon

          Midwest definitely. St Louis used to be largely industrial, so think Cleveland or Detroit. It has had a massive population decrease in the last 50 years like those cities, but might have urban resurrection in some places also. Not outdoorsy like Denver, but there are nice areas close by.

        • St Louisan

          Generally, I’d classify St. Louis more with Chicago and Cleveland in terms of attitiudes, architecture, etc. However, outdoor things like cycling, running, Crossfit, locavore, etc. have exploded here (along with the rest of the country, I guess.) My husband is a huge cycling enthusiast (he rode to work today and will be far from alone doing that) and does lots of mountain biking locally on the weekends (mountains= extreme hills.) There are a lot of state parks, etc., nearby and it’s only a 30-45 minute drive from downtown to some good trails (so maybe 20 minutes from the majority of the residential areas.)

          It is also a big sports town – people love their Cardinals – kids’ sports are a big part of the lifestyle.

          • St Louis

            Thanks Anon and St. Louisan. Lots of good stuff to think about. I think it would be a huge adjustment for our family (me most of all, haha), and a decision to really think over. We have a great network of friends here, but it’s a great opportunity for my husband’s career.

        • stuck in midwest

          I can’t not speak up: don’t do it. The Midwest is a miserable place. Outdoorsy? Ha! Not with this shtty weather. St Louis is a very insular place. You will be asked over and over again where you went to high school. Your tastebuds will be assaulted with a bizarre slimy “cheese”-like product called Provel. People are not progressive in any sense of the word. You will be completely car dependent. Your flights will rarely be direct.

          • Mpls

            Whoa – St. Louis is IN the Midwest, but isn’t THE Midwest. We have lots of other nice places :)

            But, on the insular note – if it’s anything like Minneapolis/Minnesota, that can be an issue. It’s not so much that they don’t like new people, it’s just that all their friends from high school (or elementary school) still live in town, so they don’t need any new ones. They’ve never had to make friends as adults, so they don’t know how and don’t have any room in their social life for it anyway. It which case, you need to find the other transplants to the area in order to make friends, or find someway to connect with the local crowd. It can be a tough nut to crack.

          • Leo the Lion

            Second to @Mpls. Insularity is a function much more of place than region. I lived on Long Island for years and had a tough time breaking in socially. I think a lot depends on whether the region is growing or shrinking.

          • Anon for this

            Thirded @Mpls. It can take YEARS to break in socially, but having children helps, as it’s a family-friendly area. Many people do not understand what it is like to be new to an area, so they are less likely to reach out to invite you and your family to a Labor Day cookout, for example. In other words, people are friendly and polite, but they’re unlikely to let you in socially if they’re not a transplant. It also helps if you belong to the dominant ethnic and religious group.

            @ stuck in the Midwest:

            I was in your place for several years. Have you checked out South Grand or Cherokee? Those are more progressive parts of town. Also, I lived there without a car for several years. It’s challenging, but possible.

    • Platinomad

      I spent large amounts of time working/living in stl over the past few years (think like 6-10 months on and off) and I was not excited about it initially and ended up being extremely impressed. I’ve lived in major cities on both coasts, and while St Louis, to me, is not going to compare favorably to San Francisco or New York on most measures of a city, it has a lot to recommend it (besides being much more affordable than aforementioned cities).

      – Awesome, huge public parks scattered across the city. Forrest Park is obviously a highlight, but I also love the Botanical Gardens and some of the other parks. While I wouldn’t say it has a west coast vibe, biking is becoming increasingly popular and people seem to like to get outside and into the parks. There is also some really good hiking and kayaking outside the city.

      -As a native midwesterner, I have to say it has a lot of good and bad Midwest traits. More conservative/religious than the coasts, more likelihood for casual racism (and this has sort of been intensified with recent events..), considerably friendlier and more down to earth people on average than either coast, slower pace of life/work.

      -It has more of a small town (everyone knows everyone, not too much traffic) feel than Chicago, with the added benefits of having a lot of the perks of a city (nice museums, public works, surprisingly great restaurant/breweries/bars, public events like arts fairs/comedy shows/theater events, nice zoo). It is also a lot more diverse population than most places in the midwest (not including Chicago in this).

      – The airport does not have great flight options generally although it has been improving due to Southwest, but it St Louis does have a world class (one of the best in the country) Hospital in Barnes Jewish/Washington University. Public transit is not great, but it is growing and goes to the airport. These are a few things that often matter to me, so I thought I’d mention them.

      I generally enjoy Clayton and Central West End, they are both pleasant, safe, with plenty to do. I’m sure there are other cool areas, but I don’t get out sooo much. If I were going to move back to the Midwest, St Louis would absolutely be on my short list.

      • St Louis

        Really, really helpful. Thanks for the input. I have a feeling that it’s not a city I would pick, all things being equal, but I’m attracted to the slower pace of life that we could offer to our family/kids while they are young. I just don’t want that overwhelming suburban feel that I grew up with (nicer suburb of Detroit), and would love to keep the active lifestyle/participate heavily in outdoor sports/hiking, etc. with my kids. I know those things exist in the suburb where I grew up, but the vast majority of the population seemed so removed from it, unlike where we are now.

        • NYC to STL

          I moved to St. Louis from NYC. Hated it at first. Kept comparing it to NYC. Then I realized that’s no way to live, stopped comparing and started really liking it here. At this point (10 years and 2 kids later) I have no desire to ever leave. You are correct that it’s a slower pace of life and that there’s a lot her to offer your kids, both in increased family time and what the community has to offer.

          My one suggestion is to do as much research as possible before picking where exactly in St. Louis you want to live. There is the City of St. Louis which may or not be the best place for your family (probably not)… and then there are tons of small suburban towns surrounding the city. The young, active, outdoorsy, professional families who don’t want long commutes tend to settle around the Clayton area.

          Oh, and while you will find nice hikes in the area, you may need to rethink what constitutes a hike.

        • Terry

          Consider Chicago! (Full disclosure: it’s my hometown.) If you’re coming from NYC you’ll find it much cheaper (like $1 in NYC = $2 in Chicago). Depending on the age of your kids they may be eligible to test into a good school, or if your budget allows you may be able to swing a place in a good Chicago school district (downtown or near north side generally). Alternately, the inner ring suburbs (Skokie, Oak Park) can be nice, and accessible by train.

    • Moving

      Just moved back to St. Louis with my family including small kids – fantastic for kids! So much to do every weekend, schools (public, county) are wonderful, and things are very accessible, free. I would sum life here as easy. St. Louis transplants is an org that helps new people get settled – you might see if your husbands company would get you a membership as part of relo.

  12. annoyed poster FKA rachelellen

    So today I am “posting comments too quickly. Slow down.” But it’s my first in about 24 hours. The tech glitches on this site are really hard to handle, Kat.
    Here is the stupid comment I’ve been trying to make for the last 5 minutes…
    I’d never heard of this brand but some of their things on Bluefly are nice…and the prices are manageable. Anyone have any experience with it?

    • Anonymous

      Posting too quickly has nothing to do with you personally. It’s about overall volume.

      • annoyed poster FKA rachelellen

        Sorry if I sounded like I was personally offended, which is silly, but this site seems to have a lot of technical glitches which frustrate me, since I have so little time I can spend engaging in the discussion.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, but it leads people to leave the site or not participate. Doesn’t need to be personal to be irritating.

    • Aurora

      I posted above (and am also getting the “posting too quickly” error…)–I own 2 blouses by this brand (this one and an oxblood & black silk button down) and I love them both. I think they feel “silkier” than the silk tops that I have from BR and Anne Taylor, I like that the price point means I don’t have to worry about ruining them if I wear them often, and they’ve held up well in the past 3 months that I’ve had them. That said, I’m not an expert on silk or anything so I’m not sure how they’d compare to fancier silk tops.

  13. AIMS

    Paging the poster who was looking for info on alternative marriage arrangements. I just read an article about a new book called The New ‘I Do’ – Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels, by a therapist named Susan Pease Gadoua. The basic premise is that different models work for different people, and the book seeks to detail some of the many ways one can structure a marriage; she includes a chapter on open marriages.
    Just an FYI. I hope you find the arrangement that works for you and your family.

    • Anon for this

      I am not the poster from before, but my boyfriend and I recently read “S*x at Dawn” which is sort of a anthropological study on why s*xual monogamy doesn’t really work. We are monogamous now, and at this point we are still super enthused about sleeping with eachother, but we realize this may not last forever and that doesnt mean our emotional/social/life bond has to end. “S_x at Dawn” basically describes why it doesnt work, but doesnt give practical solutions. Interested in this box for sure, thank you!!

  14. Vicarious shopping help

    If anyone is in the mood for online shopping! I’m looking for a pendant necklace, on the long side, under $85, ideally with an interesting stone or something similar (i.e., not just metal). The catch is I would like something silver-toned, and everything I am finding is gold. I’d be interested in druzy, agate, any color.

    Thanks in advance! On to perusing….

  15. Anonymous

    Ladies, I really need some advice here. First, the long back story about my career situation. I started at a big firm in Southern California in September of last year. I was a law clerk for this firm my 3L year working long crazy hours. When I failed the California bar by 5 points, the firm let me go in January. I took the bar again in February and got passing results in May. I have been looking for a job ever since. It has been a rough road. Most firms would not even give me a chance because I was only working in big law for a short period of time post graduation even though I have substantial experience running deals as a junior associate. I just recently got an offer at a midsize firm with about 155 attorneys. The starting salary is 50k below market, which was not what I expected because a recruiter has once told me that the firm would pay more. I read on here all the time that I should negotiate but I am hesistant to do so given my situation. What would you do in my situation? I cannot find what is market for a midsize firm, in Southern California, doing corporate transactions. TIA!!!

    • Wildkitten

      Negotiate the salary – worst case scenario you wind up with their current offer. Best case scenario you get more money. I wouldn’t ask for $50k more, but you can definitely ask for something more. But I’d also look at this job as a way to get back into the market, and plan to look for a job at market rate once you’re more established.

      • Toffee

        No, worst case is they withdraw the offer. My current group did that to someone before me who tried to negotiate.

          • Toffee

            The firm thought they made a reasonable offer (within market range) and he countered aggressively.

        • anon

          Also recently happened to a (male) friend of mine. He countered for a fairly small increase (think 5-10%, closer to what the potential firm knew his current firm was paying him). They then informed him they were going to meet with more candidates.

        • anon

          This is where “soft” negotiations can work – instead of asking for a different number, pick up the phone & talk to the decisionmaker and see if there’s anything that can move – salary/signing bonus/vacation days/parking/title, etc. but be sure to convey you’re interested, you want the job, just want to see if there’s anything can make the deal a little better and be prepared to accept the job if the answer is no. I think a hard-ball approach is what people think they have to do to “negotiate” and that’s where you can run into issues.

    • Simsi

      Market for midsized firms in California is kind of hard to pin down. Assuming you graduated from a good school with decent grades, at a firm with 155 attorneys, I’d think a first year associate would make between 110-150k/year. For that large of a firm (which presumably likes to say it competes with biglaw and has biglaw caliber attorneys) I’d expect on the higher side of that range. Definitely say something if you think it is too low, but also consider benefits (which IMO have an even greater range than salary for mid-sized firms) and culture. Also, follow up with your recruiter about this, she’s probably paid a portion of your salary and would want you to get the highest one possible. It may be worth it to follow up with your school’s career services in case they have data about alumni going to that specific firm, or general data about the market.

      Edit: If you don’t have a recruiter for this, go back and ask the one who told you in the first place.

    • Mavis

      First of all, your former law firm sucks – there are tons of very intelligent, extremely successful people who failed the bar on their first try – Kathleen Sullivan, Hillary Clinton, myself (ha, I will never again be in the same sentence as these amazing women) – and I can’t believe that they were so short sighted to let you go for that reason.

      I’ve been in the legal world for a lot longer than you (I”m on my 4th law firm now), and I have also had my share of down-luck, and have taken multiple pay cuts in my career. I would advise that you go in and try and negotiate for a little more, maybe a small signing bonus, and then accept and be happy for your good fortune and move on. One concession you may ask for is that they reevaluate your salary level within 6 months and make an adjustment if the quality of your work exceeds their expectations.

      Really, work is not all about money – being able to use your skills, grow as a professional, work with good people and derive satisfaction from all of the above is so vital to you, and from my experience, this is a gift because mid-size law firms generally are more stable (not as many mergers), have fewer prima donnas, and have better work-life balance than biglaw firms.

      Also, don’t let the pay thing take away from being proud of your achievement. Landing a firm job in this economy is really hard, and you rose up to the challenge. Good luck and congratulations!

    • OCAssociate

      Have you checked out Robert Half for general market salary guidance, and checked if Glassdoor has any salary info for the firm? That might at least give you more concrete info before negotiating. I agree with Simsi on the general mid-size So Cal firm range for first years – $110 to $150 sounds about right (possibly even lower, depending on location).

    • Maddie Ross

      Honestly, no offense, but if you do negotiate, I might downplay the “substantial experience running deals as a junior associate” during your third year of law school. It’s definitely experience and it’s definitely relevant, but with only six months of work as an actual post-grad associate, and none yet with a license, you’re pretty much a newby to them. Good luck though!

      • AnonLawMom

        Agree with this comment. No junior associate has substantial experience running deals. You may have had lots of work for 6 months assisting in deals, but you did not run them. Especially if you weren’t even an attorney at the time. If a junior said this to me in negotiations, I’d consider pulling the offer.

        Keep in mind that at this point you really need to just get your foot back in the door. It is unfair that you were let go for failing the bar. Most firms would not do that and realize how short sighted it is. But it happened and your best bet is to start getting some experience at a firm. The lateral market keeps picking up. In a year you would be getting recruiter calls for bigger firms and you can interview to get a position that pays you more.

        My former mid size firm in SoCal is hiring new attorneys from a very good school but who aren’t top of class for 1 year post-school “internships” at $70K/year without any promise of employment. The regular associates get market. I’d honestly consider yourself fairly lucky.

  16. AttiredAttorney

    In the spirit of frugal Friday, I’m loving the $20something dress I just got in my most recent Target order. It’s the “Women’s Ponte Fit & Flare Dress,” regularly $27.99 but running buy-one-get-one-50%- off right now (link to follow in reply to avoid moderation). I ordered a couple of the other ponte dresses Target has right now, but they were all too short on my 5’8 frame and a little to va-va-voom with the v-neckline. This one is perfect- hits right above the knee, nice mid-weight ponte material. I think I saw someone on here recommend it, so thank you!

  18. Emm

    Am I the only one who doesn’t look good in flowy shirts like this? Tucking doesn’t look good as it adds emphasis to my mid-section that I don’t want, and leaving it untucked they look too long/boxy. I need structured shirts (not button-downs, but blouse that can be left untucked and look professional, not too long), but everything I’ve seen lately are more like this shirt. Anyone have any recommendations?

    • EduStudent

      No suggestions, unfortunately, but I wanted to say that I have this problem too! You’re not the only one!

      Mostly what I have to do is get high quality but boxy shirts tailored at the waist.

  19. Not sure

    Hi guys,

    Reposting from yest:

    Would love some good advice! I am a biglaw 1st year in NY and I absolutely hate my job. I’m in a specialty that I enjoy on some level, but don’t enjoy “practicing biglaw in”. I don’t think there are great exit options generally in-house but maybe if I spent another 4/5 years here (which I cannot do). Everything good about the workplace when I visited/summered (social, friendly, informal) has turned into a huge negative (passive aggressive, unprofessional, unstructured with no interest in development or training) since I got here. There are no senior women here. The culture is very sarcastic and passive aggressive and there are a non negligible number of screamers. I’m so demotivated that I feel like I’m getting worse and worse at my job and losing confidence, which then leads me to make more mistakes.

    I’ve started talking to a recruiter but am very nervous that making the leap, I will just end up somewhere worse. I’m so jealous of normal people who get to work in normal offices where people come and go and have ideas and gain a variety of skills and work on projects and achieve things (!) instead of being trapped in the endless thankless grind that is catching typos for a bunch of spoiled pedantic man-children. I can’t speak to other associates because in my dept they are all loyal to the Capitol (Panem today! Panem tomorrow! Panem forever!) Serious question: how valuable are law degrees in just a normal job? Like consulting or project management?

    • Mavis

      There are many ways you can go here, but if you leave the law, coming back to the law will be an uphill battle. It sounds like you are okay with legal work itself, but your law firm environment is toxic. In that case, do your research and find out which firms have a fair number of senior women and actually seem to care about developing associates and try making a lateral move to another biglaw or midlaw firm. In your case, having had only 1 year of experience, I would not use a recruiter but would simply write letters directly to heads of your practice area at different law firms. That way, the firm won’t have to pay for recruiting fees, and there is no harm in bringing you in for an initial interview. There can be any number of reasons you can give for wanting to make the move – wanting to do more X type of work, wanting to work for Y person (person is a bigshot in the field), wanting to be at a bigger/smaller group.

      Just a small warning on perspective though – everyone has to do crap work at some point in their careers, and then build trust in order to get more responsibility and bigger projects – if you have an issue with doing stuff that doesn’t seem meaningful, you should just know that even partners have to do doc review and review for grammar and typos; nobody just wakes up one day and runs deals.

    • Wildkitten

      1st year big law – how long have you been there? I don’t think anyone likes their first year, but are you only in your first month?

      • Anonymous

        This x1000. I’m now a 7th year who loves my job, but 1st year was hard. Really really hard.

        My advice is to stick it out for a year or so, at least – it gets better, I promise. And if you still want to leave, you will have a much better sense of what kind of job you want and how to find it.

    • Not sure

      Thanks for the responses

      Mavis – That’s part of it. I’m in a really detail driven practice area and there is NO autonomy at all. It’s not like in a corporate transaction where as a junior, you even get to have some control over where all the docs are kept and have something that is “yours”. In my dept, it’s just years of grunt work. I don’t even really want the autonomy at this point because I don’t want to work closer with any partners. I can’t work out whether it’s just that the field isn’t for me. I’ll try to explain. The dept handles a really wide variety of detailed matters so a lot of things only occur maybe once or twice a year. Nothing is written down or agreed upon (even style conventions) and so each partner has a radically different way of doing things, and then changes their mind on a whim what this way is. Partners conveniently forget the instructions they gave you 5 min ago and will even argue against recent precedent they gave you. People here WILL NOT admit they made a mistake. It HAS to be your fault. In typical organizations you can CYA with email backup but here people give you the cold shoulder or make passive aggressive comments and blame you anyway. I can’t get away with working with them as my dept is small. Honestly, it’s organization wide. I think law firms lack the turnover of other large organizations at the senior level so it gets too insular and petty and small.

      Wildkitten – I’ve been here 11.5 months.

      I don’t think I like lawyers very much tbh.

      • Toffee

        I can’t stand senior associates who utterly lack business skills. Basic people and project management skills need to be taught/learned. A simple please and thank you go a long ways. And acting like everyone below you doesn’t have a life that matters is not going to motivate them to go the extra mile for you.

    • LH

      Definitely try another firm before giving up on law entirely. It’s very difficult to come back into law after leaving for a non-legal career. Your firm sounds unusually bad. There are certainly places you can go where you won’t have to work with screamers. And although you’re never going to get away from mundane tasks like proofreading, by the end of your first year you should certainly be doing a lot of substantive work as well. One thing to keep in mind is that in my (admittedly limited) experience, there’s a somewhat inverse relationship between firms with good, friendly, collaborative cultures and firms that really pride themselves on having associates take on huge responsibility early. The places where you get so much responsibility from day one tend to be a bit more cutthroat, competitive and high pressure, whereas the friendlier firms bring their associates along more slowly ( although of course they do substantive work from the beginning). So I’m not saying don’t look for both a good culture and tons of responsibility, just know that you may have to prioritize one in the end.

      • Lorelai Gilmore

        Not always. I work for a firm that give associates tons of responsibility (blessing and a curse!) but also prizes collaboration and collegiality.

    • Lorelai Gilmore

      I’d start by switching firms. There’s an enormous range of NY BigLaw, and there really are great firms out there. You just have to find them. Talk to everyone you know to see if they like their firm, look for senior women in the practice, look at diversity numbers, look at how they structure their compensation, look at training programs.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I recently escaped NYC law for the suburbs (I did NYC Biglaw to NYC Small-law – which was zero percent better), and it has changed my life and renewed my appreciation for and interest in what I do. Another Biglaw associate colleague of mine just fled to a major city in Texas and is similarly delighted with the improvement in her life.

      The practice of law in NYC is a suckhole of misery at the vast majority of firms, of all sizes. Flee Manhattan, is my advice.

  20. Batgirl

    Has anyone ever successfully stretched out the toe box of Frye boots (Melissa button fwiw)? Mine are just a LITTLE too snug. Thanks!

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Yes. I just stuck the front part of BF’s shoe tree (as his foot is obviously bigger than mine) in them for a couple of days and that worked.

    • hoola hoopa

      I haven’t done it specifically with that brand, but a cobbler can do it for you. Most shoe stores IME can, too, although I find the salesperson may not be as skilled.

  21. Sarabeth

    My fiance and I are going to Australia and New Zealand in November for our honeymoon! We’re flying into Sydney (6 days), then heading to Cairns/Great Barrier Reef (2-3 days–though other Great Barrier Reef destinations welcome!), and then spending three days in Auckland.

    Any suggestions for sites, itineraries, hotels, or just general tips would be VERY welcome as we’re way behind in booking things!

    • AN

      If you have a total of 12 days, I would pick either Australia or NZ, but try to avoid splitting time between them. For my money, I much prefer NZ. I would fly in to Sydney, and spend 2 days there, then 3 days for Great Barrier Reef, and the balance 5-6 days would either be in Australia ( hunter valley, Alice springs, Melbourne, etc) or entirely spent in NZ’ s South Island.

  22. Anon

    Help please. If you’re divorced, how did you know it was time for a separation? And if you initiated it, how did you bring it up with your spouse? After 2 years of unhappiness and 1.5 years of marriage counseling, I think I am finally ready to move out — before I was always too scared of making the wrong decision, but I think I’m there now. But I’m still terrified and it would help me to hear about other experiences.

      • Anon

        I could bring it up at our next session. I was worried about blindsiding him in front of a third person, and whether the timing of our session is the right time of day, etc., but I guess there’s probably no ideal moment. It would mean pretending things are ok for another week, though, and so far that’s been difficult. I cringe when the future is brought up and feel like I’m bring dishonest holding it in. Each day that passes I become more and more resolved that separation is the right thing to do.

        • Anon

          I think you’re right in that this is one of those things where there is no “good” time to deliver the news. There are certainly times that would be worse than others (right before his big interview/presentation/grandmother’s funeral/etc), but barring one of those, just pull off the bandaid.

    • cbackson

      Does your spouse know that you’ve been considering it? If your marriage counseling is joint, that can be a good situation in which to bring it up, so that there is a neutral party there to help you both start the process of figuring out what that means for the rest of your life.

      If it will be a surprise to your spouse (even if it’s only a surprise because your spouse is in denial – which I was, when my ex-h asked for a divorce), then the best advice I can give you is to choose a time when you’ll both be able to talk it through without external pressures (i.e., the kids aren’t going to walk in, it isn’t an hour before you’re supposed to meet another couple for dinner, etc.), and not to beat around the bush. Understand that your spouse may feel a range of emotions all at once (anger, denial, frustration, even relief). Try not to lash out, even if s/he does – it’s easy to say things during this time that will do lasting damage and while you can’t control his/her reaction, you can control your own (even if it’s hard). (For example, I know someone who asked for a divorce and his wife immediately stated that if they divorced, she’d move back to her faraway hometown with their children. They’re still married, but he hates her and will likely never trust her again.)

      • Anon

        This is good advice. I’ve mentioned it before after particularly draining or upsetting fights when I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore, but then things were eventually resolved with both of us convincing ourselves things would change. They haven’t, not in the important ways. This will be the first time I am calmly bringing it up after having reflected on it for a period of time, and not just in the context of the latest fight.

    • Anonymous

      If you know you are ready but are still terrefied, then you know that you are ready. No one makes this sort of decision without being terrefied.

    • Parfait

      (a) People here always recommend this book, but I found it extremely helpful in laying out the pros and cons, and seeing just how big the con pile was: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum

      (b) I was so terrified I couldn’t pull the plug. My husband did it. I was bereft at the time, but now, ten years later, I am SO grateful to him for having the guts. We are both far better off separately than we were together.

  23. Window washing

    There are window washers on the building across from my office (30 floors up or so). It is amazing to watch. I am pretty sure that I could not do that.

  24. Sarabeth

    Ugh stuck in moderation.

    My fiance and I are going to Australia and New Zealand in November for our honeymoon! We’re flying into Sydney (6 days), then heading to Cairns/Great Barrier Reef (2-3 days–though other Great Barrier Reef destinations welcome!), and then spending three days in Auckland.

    Any suggestions for s1tes, itineraries, hotels, or just general tips would be VERY welcome as we’re way behind in booking things!

  25. gifts for kids

    Help. I need to buy two small gifts for my nephews (age 3 and 1) and need to have them in two weeks. I know people have mentioned a few $ites before, but I need something ASAP and not too expensive. No clue what to give them at this age, plus they have a LOT of stuff. Asking SIL is out…

    • Anon

      Anything from Melissa and Doug is always a hit with my kids, my son has always loved playing with cars, so some of the bigger ones (chuck and friends) would be good for both ages. Art supplies (colorwonder too) always goes over well. And Books!

      • mascot

        Stomp Rockets are fun. (I wouldn’t worry about the jr. vs the regular, they are pretty similar). The light up rockets are pretty cool too. Easy enough for little kids to figure out.

      • hijkmnop

        I second savvy auntie! I just went on there yesterday to get ideas for my niece’s first birthday next week, and am pretty excited about the alphabet abacus I ordered. (Plus a few block books off Amazon because I couldn’t resist.)

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