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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I heart this top. The neckline seems classic but with a vintage vibe, and I like that it isn’t a direct peplum top (but just, you know, a flared hem). The top is wool and cotton, and fully lined… lovely. I’d wear it with a turtleneck beneath it on a really cold day, or by itself in fall and spring — I’d have to see how different blazers and cardigans look with the curve of the neckline. It was $350, but is now 60% off at ShopBop, bringing it down to $140. L’Agence Square Neck Top Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)Workwear sales of note for 3.28.24
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Anon
I like the cut of this top, but $350? Yikes. Plus, whenever a product gets that steep a mark-down, I wonder how much it was marked up to begin with.
Lyssa
ITA. I like it, and it looks like something that you could get a lot of use out of, but over $100 for a fairly nondescript short-sleeved top is somewhat outrageous IMO. Over $300 is just insane.
tesyaa
It’s got wool in it and it’s lined, which jacks up the price, but I agree that the price point is outrageous.
Mpls
Eight hem to bust darts (2 each side front and back), standup collar, unusual neckline, set in sleeves and a zipper(?) in the back. Plus it’s lined and made out of wool? There is a fair amount of design work built into that. I definitely wouldn’t call it nondescript. Price…high side definitely, sure. Outrageous, maybe, but I’m not completely sold. Totally wouldn’t spend that much – but I might try to reverse engineer it.
Bonnie
$350 is outrageous to me but I am not offended by $140 for a well-made, classic garment that fits well.
cbackson
It looks unflatteringly short to me, although that might be the pants.
KC
The model might also have a longer torso. But I agree that the proportions don’t look right as styled.
Anon
I hope you are feeling better cbackson!
cbackson
Thank you! I am feeling on a more even keel emotionally, although I’m still in the middle of several weeks of tests to try to get to the bottom of this issue. I did switch to a new doctor (one who was more attentive and slightly less alarmist – she walked me through the same parade of horribles, but then she also said, “Or, you know, you could just be perfectly healthy, with a system that’s just a bit out of the norm.” Which was remarkably reassuring.
Anon
Glad to hear it!
Sydney Bristow
Glad to hear you got a new doctor you like better! Thinking good thoughts for you!
zora
oh, sounds like a much better doctor!! I’m so glad, it really makes a huge difference when you are talking about serious stuff. I’m thinking about you all the time and sending internet hugs and lots of rawrs, hope things get figured out sooner than later!
Monday
I’d like to display some quotations on the wall of my office. (This will be appropriate in context and I’m not putting up anything that will be controversial.) Does anyone have ideas for how to do this in a flexible, inexpensive way that still looks nice? Thanks…
Sydney Bristow
That’s a nice idea. I sometimes put a post it note on my computer with a quote that speaks to me at the time but that’s not the answer you’re looking for! I’m interested to see the responses.
Have you picked the quotes already? If so, would you share some of them?
Monday
I have a large bank of quotes in a journal at home! I’ve been collecting for years. I was thinking I’d pick some timely favorites to start out and maybe switch them up once in a while. It’s partly for myself, but mostly for my students. I think it would help set the tone in my office, and I also find that people’s reactions to quotes are great conversation-starters.
I will try to post a few if I can…
Sydney Bristow
Me too! I keep a constantly updated set of reading notes, quotes, etc on index cards for all sorts of topics. It’s so interesting to come across an old one and be taken back to the time when I wrote it down and realize how my reaction to it may have changed over time.
Ginjury
You could do vinyl, but since you want to change them frequently, I really like the look of quotes on simple cardstock/paper in interesting fonts, set in simple frames. Obviously it depends on your preferences, but I’ve seen a lot of really nice ones on Pinterest and Etsy. I imagine you could either DIY it or get an Etsy artist to create a few for you.
Cb
If you wanted to do it yourself, maybe try canva? I’ve been using it to make cute little notes for friends.
CKB
This. I’ve done a quote in my digital scrapbooking software, then had it printed at Costco & framed it as a gift for my mom. If you have Photoshop, this would be super easy to do (I’d guess – I use different software but Photoshop is more well known). There’s probably some free software out there that would do it fairly easily too. If you don’t want to pay someone on Etsy to do it.
Kanye East
I have a little framed card on a side table that says “Suck it up, crybaby” in flowery pastel script. It comes in handy.
Monday
I had a high school teacher who would just hand over a box of tissues whenever a student was complaining about a grade. I don’t think that would play as well in a tuition-based setting, alas.
PolyD
I have a card that says, “I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it,” pinned up in a place that I can see, but is not noticeable to people coming into my office.
PHX
You are my new hero.
PolyD
You just made my day. Not enough corruption coming my way lately.
KC
I’ll post the link separately, but there are frames that open on a hinge so you can change out the contents. They’re often suggested for displaying kid’s artwork. Maybe you could print up some of your favorites on nice paper (even going so far to mat them with a contrasting paper if you’d like). Then you could keep them in your desk and rotate them out.
KC
http://www.target.com/p/room-essentials-artwork-display-frame-12×16-black/-/A-10871027?ref=tgt_adv_XSB10001&AFID=shopzilla_df&LNM=|10871027&CPNG=Unassigned&ci_src=10043468&ci_sku=10871027&szredirectid=13897979799202278430510040301008005
In the Pink
I used to have a clear acrylic stand on an end table…I could switch out the printed piece of paper, cardstock, whatever…whenever I felt the mood. I believe I used nice papers from Paper Direct and might have gotten the “stand” from them as well … or an art supply place. The paper slips between two pieces of acrylic, so it is nice and not floppy.
AIMS
What about getting a chalkboard or some other kind of bulletin board? Or doing a couple of smaller ones in an arrangement?
Lots of ideas here: http://www.pinterest.com/amattson/chalkboards-bulletin-boards/
KLG
On Pinterest there are people who have framed a piece of paper or fabric (plain or scrapbook paper type stuff) and then use a dry erase marker to write on the glass.
MU JD
I have a small Ikea curtain wire with clips that I use to hang little 4×6 quote cards on near my desk. I also have a few random pictures and some of my kids artwork on it.
Something like this: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/77827899780495275/
Car Talk
Are you framing “JSFAMO”? If so you have my full support.
January
+1
AttiredAttorney
Etsy has lots of adorable quote prints. If any are more well known, you might try there to buy matching, type set/illustrated ones. Additionally, some of the artists do custom work, so if you find one you like, you can always get the lesser known quotes custom printed.
anon
Just my opinion, but I think even “uncontroversial” quotes are unprofessional. “Inspirational” quotes come off as really childlike to me, and I’d probably judge someone a little bit for having them. To put it in perspective, I can’t imagine a male partner at my firm using quotes to decorate their office.
just Karen
I think that Monday’s idea of using them as a jumping off point for conversations with her students is great, and what is professional or not depends on your profession and the way your office is used.
Opal
She mentioned that the quotations were for her, and for her students. Sounds like she knows her office and it’s not a law firm.
KLG
Clearly you don’t work with male partners who attended UVA because I swear every single one at my old firm had The Honor Men poem on their wall. In contrast only one female partner had that in her office.
Anon Other School in VA
OMG — there are a ton of UVA people on my street. Maybe their lots had deeded UVA flags that came with them? But they are kinda cut from the same cloth (100% male alumni, so possible outlier sample).
tidewater
This made me laugh out loud. I keep The Honor Men in my guest bedroom, not in my office. And my UVA yard flag is of the smaller, garden size.
AN
Love this! I don’t know that I’d wear it with a turtleneck though. I would think this top would look lovely with a pencil skirt too….
Susie
Yes I agree, but I dislike wearing turtlenecks in general or blouses under dresses/other blouses.
hellskitchen
Especially because of the sleeves on this top… wouldn’t layering a turtleneck look odd with those cap sleeves jutting out? Unless it’s a sleeveless turtleneck.
marketingchic
Yeah, “put a turtleneck under that” is what my mom ordered me to do with any remotely s*xy top I tried to wear in the 80’s. (How To Ruin a “Flashdance” Sweatshirt 101.)
A
Shopping help needed: I’m looking for black fleece lined tights (to wear with dresses, pencil skirts etc to my pretty conservative office in a cold north east location) in size M (5’5, 128lbs). Absolutely everywhere I look online seems to be sold out. Any suggestions?
Killer Kitten Heels
I found lots of options on Amazon, all around $20 or less. I went for footless leggings, so I can’t recommend a specific brand for tights, but there were plenty of footed-tight options when I last looked.
Anon
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=27918507
A
Sadly they don’t seem to come in black
BMBG
I like the Noble (something) ones on Amazon. Even better than the Plush ones, which just don’t fit me.
A
I’ve got lots of recommendations for those. Which is probably why they are sold out in black!
Annon
There are tons of them, both tights and leggings, at T.J. Maxx and Marshall’s. Not sure if this helps since you’re looking online, but if you can get to a store they run about $5.99 there.
Baconpancakes
I’ve also been unlucky in finding them. The leggings, I can find everywhere, but the tights elude me. I’ve scoured the local TJ Maxx and Marshall’s and Target to no avail, so I’m also interested in brand reviews and resources.
anonosaurus
For what it’s worth, I actually prefer the leggings to the tights–not to be TMI, but because the tights don’t breathe much (or at all), if your feet perspire at all during the course of the day, they wind up quite chilly.
walgreens
under $10 I believe and really warm!
Des
Burlington coat factory! $4! They had footless ones too when I went. Warm and perfect!
Alice
TJ re Charlottesville, VA recs…
My dad is visiting DC for the week! We’re taking a day trip on Sunday to go to Monticello, and I’d love restaurant/activity recommendations. Interested in history/art/food/wine/walking and hiking. Not so much in shopping. Right now, I’m thinking:
– leave DC at the crack of dawn
– Monticello
– brunch or lunch
– Ash Lawn-Highland or the Rotunda and the Kluge-Ruhe Art Collection (recommended by the NY Times), or both
– either dinner in Charlottesville or wine tasting nearby, or wine tasting on the way back to DC
Thanks!
kjoirishlastname
It’s been years since I have been “out” in Cville, but there are TONS of things nearby. Starr Hill brewery is near Charlottesville in Crozet. If you’re looking for really good steaks / American, the Aberdeen Barn can’t be beat. Also, the Boar’s Head Inn is fantastic, and very swanky.
If you want to venture a little further, you can hit Devil’s Backbone Brewery in Nellysford, in Nelson County, Wintergreen Winery (pretty much right across the street from DBB) and the Bold Rock Hard Cidery also in Nellysford.
If you just need really good, really cheap, really good (did I mention Really Good) barbecue, you MUST go to Blue Ridge Pig–also in Nellysford. Total hole-in-the-wall–you’d likely drive past it (but the big, fading plaster pig on the pole sign is harder to miss), but receives incredible reviews from the Washington Post, Bon Appetite, Food & Wine, Bourdain…
Washingtonian & WP are going to have some pretty good reviews/ideas for day trips, as it is pretty popular with the DC crowd. Also see if you can find a copy of The Hook, which is the local Cville entertainment/news weekly news magazine
That area is really awesome–my aunt & uncle have a weekend cabin in Nelson, and while we don’t go to Cville much, we do occasionally. My big sister went to UVA, but that was eons ago…
There is lots of hiking to be had in the area–Old Rag is a favorite, not sure its distance/elevation. If you get a chance, you might want to get on the Blue Ridge Parkway/Skyline Drive (Shenandoah NP–requires a fee, but the BRP does not). That’s a little further west than you’d probably be, so a good alternate for lovely drive would be US Route 29. Goes through the horse country, very pretty once you get north of Ruckersville. (29 between Ruckersville & Cville is a bit of a nightmare, but if you’re from DC, it’s probably a walk in the park). You could also use 340 through Waynesboro, Elkton & Luray.
Maddie Ross
Second the recs for the wineries and breweries outside of town. Google the Nelson 151 or Route 151 wine trail for a full list and suggestions. There are more breweries than stoplights in Nelson County, VA!
Anon
LOVE CVILLE.
Humpback rocks is a classic local hike and fairly easy to get to, you can grab sandwiches (amazing amazing sandwiches) at the Bel Air Market on the way out! And there are a ton of vineyards/breweries (veritas and barboursville being two of my old faves) worth checking out. If the weather is nice, Blue Mountain brewery is a nice spot to stop and enjoy the view for lunch to/from hiking instead. Calvino has my favorite coffee in town. Mas Tapas is delicious for dinner.
EB0220
I second Blue Mountain Brewery. Devil’s Backbone has better beer, but Blue Mountain is closer to Cville and has a fantastic deck if the weather is nice!
emeralds
Cville native and current resident. Here’s what I’d do, organized for optimum efficiency in terms of driving back and forth, because your current itinerary doesn’t really optimize your out-of-the-car time, IMHO.
-Leave DC at the crack of dawn
-Park anywhere on Grounds; most of it’s free on the weekends, so no need to pay for a garage. It should be clearly signed if you can’t park there on Sundays.
-Rotunda and walk around the UVA Grounds, including the Gardens and the Lawn. This is really not to be missed; Ash Lawn is nice, and Kluge-Ruhe is supposed to be cool, but you can’t come to Charlottesville and not walk around Grounds!
-Brunch/lunch options: cheap local favorite—Bodo’s Bagels on the Corner (you can walk from Grounds easily), no booze options unfortunately; mid-priced excellent diner food, with local ingredients—Blue Moon Diner on West Main, booze if you like; upscale, also with local ingredients (haven’t tried this myself yet, because $$, but reputable sources say it’s to die for)—Brookville on the Downtown Mall.
(-Stroll Downtown Mall if you opt for Brookville)
-Head to Monticello. There are also some decent walking trails in the vicinity, if you like; follow the boardwalks by the Visitor Center.
-If you want to hit another sight, do Ash Lawn
-Wine tasting! There are quite a few within a 5-10 minute range of the Monticello/Ash Lawn area. My personal favorite is Jefferson Vineyards, followed by Blenheim and then Trump.
-Dinner in Charlottesville on the way back, if you have the time and/or desire. You could try someplace on the Downtown Mall (personal favorites: Ten for sushi; Citizen for burgers; Eppie’s for more homestyle cooking) or in Belmont, which is kind of the “it” food area (Tavola for upscale Italian, which would be my pick; Mas for tapas; or the Local for classic American)
But most of all, enjoy! I love Charlottesville so much, and let me know if you need any more suggestions :)
emeralds
Also, everyone else has some great suggestions, but a lot of them are a further drive out of Charlottesville proper (and most of them are south and west, not in any DC-ward direction, except for Old Rag and some of the driving parkways…and Old Rag is a pretty difficult nine miles, so not really appropriate for a quick add-on). If you’re only going to be in Cville for a day, I wouldn’t recommend tacking on the extra 90 minutes round trip of driving to get out to the Nellysford/Western Albemarle breweries/vineyards/fun stuff. (In a weekend, definitely!)
emeralds
Oops, didn’t see that you were also interested in art! UVA has an art museum on Grounds, and there’s the McGuffey Art Center downtown, which hosts a number of local artists’ studios; it’s open to the public, so you can just walk in and chat with them, in addition to seeing the more gallery-type displays. #lovemyhometown
KLG
My favorite CVille area winery is Veritas in Nelson county (near Blue Ridge Pig, which someone else recommended and I also recommend).
Anonymous
Pollak Vineyards is the best!! It’s small and has very very good wine. It’s lesser known, but down the road from Starr Hill
Alice
These responses have been really, really helpful. I think I’ll adopt emeralds’ general schedule and make a list of alternatives for my dad based on these recs. Will continue to monitor — thank you!
(Also, looking up menus is making me hungry. I have already finished my lunch at my desk.)
Anon
Not sure if you’ll see this, but OMG BLUE MOON. SERIOUSLY. Get a Calvino coffee if you’ve got a wait for a table but SO WORTH IT. This UVA alumna is salivating at the thought.
E
Threadjack: anyone else think Kate Spade Saturday totally copied the Lo & Sons OG and OMG bags?
http://www.katespade.com/The-Weekender-Bag/4IRU0008,en_US,pd.html
http://www.katespade.com/The-Custom-Small-Weekender-Bag/4IRU0066-p,en_US,pd.html
jc
Shape is a little different, but otherwise I agree that they are very similar.
Parfait
I like how they did the shoe compartment better, actually.
Lady Tetra
Along the same lines as Alice’s post, does anyone have a recommendation for a bed and breakfast in Charlottesville or surroundings? Thanks!
kjoirishlastname
I can’t speak for B&B in Cville, but I do know a lot of the inns in Nelson County. The Mark Addy is probably one of the most well-known in Nellysford/the area. Also Afton Mountain B&B, the Farmhouse at Veritas (winery). Wintergreen Resort also has a bunch of different lodging options–houses, condos or the lodge. Also, Boar’s Head and Keswick are incredibly fancy-pants.
emeralds
The Dinsmore House, Clifton Inn. +1 to Boar’s Head and Keswick.
Anonymous
Foxfield Inn is great. The wife is a fantastic chef.
a.k.
We stayed at 200 South Street Inn last year and it was very cute, and walkable to the pedestrian mall.
tidewater
The Clifton Inn for more classic Virginia; the Mark Addy Inn for more quirky b&b experience (and it is dog-friendly and has a resident dog).
NOLA
Sending good thoughts to anon-oh-no, wherever you are today. I hope you made it to see your mom.
I know most of us don’t know each other IRL but that really affected me and I’ve been thinking about her all night and this morning.
BMBG
Seconding the good thoughts — last night I just kept thinking “I hope she made it …”
MU JD
Also sending good thoughts. Losing a parent is so difficult, I hope you had a chance to say goodbye.
PHX
Same here. HUGS.
amelia earhart
Also sending good thoughts to you, anon-oh-no. Hugs!
hoola hoopa
I’ve been sending lots of hope as well.
What to wear to a basketball game?
Advice needed. I am going to an NBA game stright after work tomorrow. What should I wear? It’s a business casual office, team colours are black & white, I do not own a team jersey/shirt/hat.
TO Lawyer
It might depend on the city you live in but I tend to find sporting events after work tend to be full of “suits” and so whatever you wear to work is usually appropriate unless you feel like changing! I might wear white and black to work tomorrow and just make sure you have flats or comfy boots for the game.
This is assuming it’s not a work event?
Killer Kitten Heels
I’d probably wear comfy black trousers in a less formal fabric (like ponte) and a nice t-shirt, with a blazer or cardigan, maybe in a “fun” color.
Since you’re going straight from work, I don’t think you need to feel obligated to wear “team” gear, and I’d guess you’ll see plenty of folks around you in business or business casual attire, as well.
Senior Attorney
Just make sure the “fun” color isn’t the other team’s color.l (Ask me how I know this…)
Killer Kitten Heels
Haha. Good point!
What to wear to a basketball game?
Thanks, very helpful! It’s not a work event.
preg anon
GO Spurs GO!
Just a guess. :)
First Year Anon
Yay! A Spurs fan! That was my guess as well :)
First Year Anon
or Brooklyn? That actually makes more sense (Spurs and Silver/Black).
Career w/ Management Degree
TJ here for my boyfriend’s career. If anyone has an idea of a better forum for this than e t t e, please let me know!
My boyfriend got a management degree a year ago. He worked at a large grocery store through college and was close to management level there (but could not get the title without his degree). He moved to where I live, DC area, after college and started work at a big-box store. He’s worked as an assistant manager at a big box store for 1 year at this point. He works in overnight logistics and leads a team of ~20 people each night.
My question – he doesn’t like the big box store – the environment is hostile and the stress is insanely high (bosses screaming and cursing at each other). What are his options from here? I worry that he doesn’t have a trade or profession – his skill is leading people and manual labor. All I can see right now is either commission-based sales or retail management. I appreciate any and all suggestions!
Miss Behaved
Are you saying he has an MBA or he graduated from college where he majored in management?
Career w/ Management Degree
Graduated from college with a management bachelors degree. Believe me, if we had been together when he decided on his major I would’ve tried to steer him towards something else… He was a first gen college grad in his family and didn’t really know that management is a tough major to place in a career.
anonk
My husband is similar — similar degree, similar skillset. I’ve often thought it might be nice for us to buy a franchise for him to manage some day — would certainly rather put money towards that than a new degree. Maybe look at franchisenet.com (or at the back of Inc magazine)?
Career w/ Management Degree
I’ve thought about that for in the wayy future, but right now we are still trying to get on our feet. Maybe some day!
Ellen
Yay! The new guy actualy got something right in the office. He know’s how to look thing’s up on WESTLAW! That’s alot better then the manageing partner who does NOT even like to touch the computer’s! FOOEY!
As to the OP, If you are in DC, why dont you have him look into workeing for the GOVERMENT? There are alot of position’s where he can manage other thing’s like loading dock’s or peeople who work on Capital Hill need logistic’s manager’s. If you know peeople on the hill, give them his resume, and do NOT forget that he could alway’s ask to work near you, as an office mainteneance manager or supervisor. I miss DC, tho not the guy’s who always hit on me there. FOOEY on them. I still get call’s from 2 law school professor’s who wanted to date me even tho they were 30+ year’s older then me. DOUBEL FOOEY!
zora
Ellen’s advice is actually really good.. there are lots of logistics and operations positions on the hill and for various agencies. ;o)
Lyssa
My husband has a similar background, but without the degree. It was a challenge, particularly because retail work hours are so incompatible with most of life.
Might there be something he could do that is related to the expertise that he’s gained by working in that store? (for example, husband was managing a tech-oriented store, and then was able to get an installation job with a tech company due to his experience and knowledge in tech). Otherwise, while no retail store is perfect, I think that he should definitely look at other stores in related businesses – I don’t get the impression that they’re all hostile like that.
But in the long run, I know it’s tough. My guy is a SAHD now, which is largely ideal and what we wanted, but the fact that it was hard to translate his skill set to anything outside of retail/service definitely played a role.
Career w/ Management Degree
I’d be interested in careers based on logistics. His work is so broad right now that it’s hard to find a technical skill related to it, besides managing large numbers of people. He moves a huge amount of product each night and hardly knows what the store sells – he just knows barcodes and where they need to go.
mascot
He’s at the start of his career so there is plenty of time to learn new skills. I’d suggest logistics jobs as well. Shipping companies, warehousing, freight forwarding, etc.
Sadie
Can he get on at a grocery store as an assistant manager? My dad worked in the grocery biz my whole life, and my mom worked at a big box store. The environment AND the pay were MUCH better at the grocery stores.If he’s good at management he could likely move up quickly in grocery, and there are options in district/regional management and such that way as well.
Career w/ Management Degree
This is an interesting suggestion. He did enjoy grocery MUCH more, but he wonders if it was because of the different location – he did grocery in a southern rural area and now is big box in DC area. It’s nice to hear that your parents had the same experience w/ grocery vs big box.
Anon
DC area has Wegmans. If he can get in at Wegmans – even if it’s as a night-shift freezer stocker to start with – you guys will probably be a lot happier in the long run. They take care of their people and it’s a good environment.
Anonymous
+1 Wegmans is consistently on Forbes best places to work list. They are an excellent employer and there’s lots of room for growth.
Killer Kitten Heels
Costco also ends up on a lot of “best place to work” lists – technically it’s big box, but they pay all employees a living wage, have a solid union, and provide really good benefits. Friends have worked there and had nothing but good things to say, even as part-time workers.
Career w/ Management Degree
Thank you for the recommendations – any more are welcome and I’m starring them all on our short list (Costco and wegmans were already on there).
Costco question – any tips on how to apply to assistant managing positions? From what I can find online, he would have to start at the very bottom to move into management. I understand their strategy behind this, but living on $12/hr is pretty challenging in the DC area.
Killer Kitten Heels
Siblings-in-law have both been in retail management for 15+ years apiece, and the company makes ALL the difference in the world as far as working goes – if he enjoys his *actual* job tasks and is just unhappy with the big box store environment, he could try looking for similar positions at smaller places (also, big but higher-end places tend to have somewhat better working environments – at least, in the SILs’ experiences). He could also apply to one-step-higher jobs at smaller places, which gives him an easy answer to “why are you looking to change companies” that doesn’t involve “I flipping hate my coworkers.” Both of my SILs have mostly attained “higher level” roles by switching companies, not through internal promotion.
Career w/ Management Degree
Thank you for the validation that maybe it’s his store, not the industry! Any suggestions for good companies based on your SIL’s experiences?
Killer Kitten Heels
SIL has worked for mostly higher-end stores (think Dooney & Bourke/Tory Burch/Michael Kors), and has had mixed experiences – basically, she says the trick is to find a company that’s big enough to have established policies (HR policies, paid leave, health benefits, etc.), but not so big that it becomes anonymous. She also really focuses on who she meets during interviews – if there’s even one person who rubs her the wrong way, she doesn’t take the job, because her experience is that if you’re meeting a bad apple during the interview process, the place is lousy with bad apples.
BIL, on the other hand, has worked at larger chains (think Macy’s/Kohl’s). His experience at Kohl’s has been the best on the benefits/coworkers front, but he has a harder time dealing with the customers there than he expected when he first took the job. That said, Kohl’s has been pretty flexible with him and helped him to move into a less front-facing role, so he’s appreciated their willingness to work with him to improve his experience.
Also, frankly, it’s almost definitely your b/f’s store (maybe his company), not the whole industry. Attitude comes from the leaders – if his store manager/district manager is a jerk, everyone else will be a jerk too.
Career w/ Management Degree
Thank you! It’s definitely from the store. The big box market also is so competitive with price cutting that he is clearly just a number to them. The toughest part on him has been seeing his employees have their hours cut to the point where they can’t afford basic necessities…
Ebro fin
There is a huge ecosystem of companies that sell products or services to retailers. National and local companies have to manage detailed logistics of getting perishables, soda pop, and bread to stores. Food brokers represent manufacturers, but they provide services to retailers, so your husband’s knowledge would be very valuable. There are also companies that provide demonstrations in stores, and they need managers.
I suggest he expands his search beyond retail stores to companies that are part of the overall retail supply chain and go to market, which can fulfill his liking for being part of the retail industry but with better hours and likely better pay.
Anonymous
+1
Especially since he has management and grocery experience, it sounds like he would be a great fit with an outside DSD vendor company. I currently work as management for one of these companies and he has the experience that we look for in sales and on the logistics side. Coming from retail, it’s generally better hours, better pay and plenty of opportunity to move around in the company. It’s also pretty stable work as well. I would suggest if he enjoyed the grocery business, have him take a look at careersinfood.com or cpgjobs.com for idea of what he’s looking for.
Godzilla
http://www.collectorsweekly.com/articles/selling-shame-40-outrageous-vintage-ads-any-woman-would-find-offensive/
Senior Attorney
Gah! Lysol as a douche??
TBK
Clearly someone hasn’t been watching Boardwalk Empire. But yeah, I had the same response when I saw it on the show.
S in Chicago
And a contraceptive apparently. Good heavens.
bday etiquette TJ
We have this group of friends (most have kids) that we do dinners with on a pretty regular basis. We haven’t hosted at our house in a while, but we’re not averse.
This seems odd to me, but maybe it’s totally acceptable. Can I basically organize my own birthday “party”? I would LOVE to get this group together (sans kids) on my bday (which happens to be a saturday, so, perfect), but it just seems presumptuous to say, “hey, let’s do dinner for my birthday”
Thoughts?
SMSS
Not presumptuous at all! This is how the vast majority of birthday events get organized in my group of friends.
Anon
This is how birthdays get organized in my group also. It is even understood amoung all of us that we will pay for our own dinner and contribute to the birthday person’s dinner also.
KLG
Not at all presumptuous in my group of friends either. That’s how we organize birthday events.
Carrie Preston
Absolutely yes! I have organized and hosted my own birthday parties for years. The key is to host, as in pay for the whole thing and not expect a group to take you out. I’ve found it’s a fantastic way to guarantee that I have fun and see people I love on my birthday. Oh, I also specify “no gifts” too.
Anon for this--The art of conversation?
I think it’s less odd (actually totally acceptable) if (i) your spouse issues the invite like he’s throwing a little shindig for you or (ii) you invite folks over but not mention it’s “for my birthday.”
Anon
One word of warning, I did the “invite people to dinner but not tell them it’s my birthday” mostly because my fiancee had to work out of town on my birthday and I didn’t feel like eating alone but didn’t want to make a big deal of it being my birthday. Well then they found out it was my birthday and it was suuuuuper awkward. So personally I would advise against this.
Jessica Glitter
I think that is absolutely fine. I think you just tell them the plan, I would throw in “no gifts” but YMMV.
bananagram
Yes yes yes! I like this 10x more than going out on someone’s birthday. I enjoy treating my friends, but it’s become a regular thing to show up, have one slice of pizza, and be told my share is $20 because we’re splitting it evenly and other guests had a few drinks.
LizNYC
We used to have that problem in our group of friends, until the guy who always divvied up the check (accountant) started figuring the food and drink separately. This is especially after we had a couple of always-non-drinkers join the group. So it would be like $10 for food for everyone, but people who had drinks all had to pitch in $15 a piece. Or whatever.
Romey
That’s totally fine!! I wouldn’t see anything wrong with it at all.
zora
My friends do this all the time! i feel like it’s the perfect adult way to celebrate birthdays, having ‘birthday parties’ seems weird for grownups ;o)
The way my friends normally do it is just send out a group invite: “I’d love to go to this restaurant for my birthday this year, and for you to join me!’ We all mostly just assume it’s pay your own way and we all split the birthday person so they don’t have to pay, but you could specify whether you are hosting or whether it’s pay your own way. We’re all grownups now, people shouldn’t be offended by being up front about the plan for paying. You could say something like: “I’d love to have your company at this dinner in lieu of gifts.” maybe?? I don’t know. But I say do it and maybe it will become a new tradition with your friends ;o)
Men's Resale Suggestions
DH just started an (unpaid!) internship at a hospital and learned that he’s going to be expected to wear a sports coat to work. He has a nice black suit, but no sports coats. The budget right now doesn’t even allow for an “inexpensive” sports coat.
Does anyone have any suggestions for men’s consignment/resale in the Austin, Texas area? Obv. there’s ebay, but I’m a little hesitant.
Thanks in advance!
Sadie
I don’t know about consignment, but I’ve always been surprised at how many nice business clothes I’ve been able to get, for hubs and myself, at Goodwill (or similar thrift). Look for church thrifts too, they often have really good stuff.
ATX Lawyer
I have particularly heard good things about the Goodwill near Westlake. Have not checked it out myself though.
Anon in ATX
+1 – never been there myself but have been told it is great as well
new york associate
I bought a Harris tweed sportscoat on eBay for my husband and was really happy with it, for whatever that’s worth. Good luck finding something!
Anon
Late but here goes:
The Goodwill in Bee Cave, off of 620, is good but a bit far out. The Goodwill on Slaughter and Brodie is good for work wear. I’ve had good luck at the Savers on both the south location (S. Lamar and Ben White) and the north location (Burnet and 51st-ish). Also, I’ve found great things at the Thrift Town at Stassney and Manchaca.
Hope this helps!
Anon for this--The art of conversation?
TJ: A post yesterday (about how to make a sister a better listener) plus some of the responses got me thinking that I’m not the only person in the world who needs help in the art of conversation–particularly when a sensitive subject is at hand. When younger, I had a terrible habit of saying (sympathetically but still): “Oh you must be joking” when someone would tell me horrible news, like that s0-and-so had passed away. That was just one of those phrases in my head that I used often–it’s not like I really thought the person was literally joking. But as I realized how inappopriate this sounded, I tried to think of alternative phrases, like: “Oh, how terrible/awful/sad.”
I’ve since had cause to come up with other responses. I can’t tell you how many inappropriate things ran through my head when a colleague told me he had cancer because I was so shocked (like, “Are you dying?” “Is it terminal?”) or another colleague told me her dad was passing (“He’s had a good, long life.” “It’s for the best”). Knowing this is a weak spot, I’ve tried to think of alternatives.
I think something like: “I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” Is kind of nice because then I don’t feel like I’m prying for details the person may not want to share but am also being appropriately empathetic. Other phrases I like are: “How are you handling [or coping]?” or simply, “How are you feeling?” because you’re just inquiring about the person’s welbeing.
Am I the only person who thinks about these things? I’d be glad to hear what others do to express empathy or even just engage in good conversation. For instance, what are you favorite alternatives to “What do you do for a living” which may be presumptuous if the person you’re talking to doesn’t work outside the home (personally, I like “what keeps you busy these days” or “do you have any trips coming up?).
Famouscait
I’m the OP from yesterday’s sister-conversation thread, and I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the thoughtful and thought-provoking responses. I walked away with some good tips and am trying to work on some things myself. I appreciate this community of intelligent, insightful ladies.
In response to this post, I try to make my first response to any big news (from “I’m pregnant” to “My dad is dying”) a rather neutral one. As in, “Oh my goodness!” which can be an exclamation of joy or surprise or commiseration, etc. Then I try to follow the person’s lead for tone – sadness or shock or delight or whatever it may be. I think asking “How are you feeling” is a great way to express compassion without prying.
I also have been using the “What keeps you busy?” line and I like it. I modify it to ask, “So what keeps you busy when you’re not attending the theatre/whatever activity we’re currently doing” as I think it gives the right amount of context to people who may not understand the simpler version, or didn’t quite catch the question, etc.
Killer Kitten Heels
Just wanted to second the recommendation for neutral-ish responses. Unless it’s clearly bad (or good) news (i.e. person is jumping for joy/sobbing when relaying the information), I tend to stick with “Wow! How are you doing with that/feeling about that?”
Gail the Goldfish
I got a job offer (yay!) and am (assuming I pass the background and conflicts check) moving to Raleigh in the next month or two. Does anyone in North Carolina have suggestions on places to live, either neighborhoods generally or specific apartment complexes? I’m looking for a one or two bedroom apartment to rent. The office is in downtown Raleigh, so I’d like somewhere that’s about a 20-25 minute commute or less.
Sydney Bristow
Congratulations!!
PHX
Congrats!
EB0220
What type of neighborhood do you like?
DCR
Congrats!!!
NOLA
Congratulations! I know this has been in the works for awhile so it’s GREAT that it happened. So, I’ll be nosy – is Gary the Grouper moving with you or joining you later?
Gail the Goldfish
Thanks:-) We aren’t sure yet-he’s going to wait until after I pass all the background checks and officially accept and then see if he can work remotely for his current job. If not, he’ll join later.
NCer
There is a lot of new building going on in downtown itself, although I’m not sure how much of that is condos for sale versus for rent. The new(ish) North Hills area is also very nice — it’s now called “midtown.” Both those options would be pricey, though, and about as urban as you can get in Raleigh. For more space and lower costs, there are any number of large apartment complexes in Raleigh or Cary that are 20-25 min to downtown.
NCer
Also, congrats on the job!!
Welcome to Raleigh!
Congratulations! Is there a particular type of setting you want to live? 20-25 minutes into downtown returns a *big* area of land.
Gail the Goldfish
Thanks everyone! I would prefer something that’s not too far from stores/shops, walkable if possible (though I imagine that rules out a lot of the area except the immediate downtown area, which looks like it might be a little pricey). I’d prefer to stay way from the areas heavily populated by college students. I’m in my late 20s, so I guess neighborhoods good for young professionals. What’s the traffic like? I’ve got some friends that are in an apartment complex in Cary (I’m blanking on the name and where exactly in Cary), so I thought I might find something near them, at least for the first year or so until I meet more people, but I’m not sure I believe google maps when it tells me it’s an 18 minute drive since I recall traffic on 40 can get pretty thick.
Welcome to Raleigh!
Cary would be a great option for you. Unfortunately, not much in Raleigh is “walkable” unless you live in some of the new retail+living combo spaces like North Hills, Brier Creek or Cameron Village, which are pretty pricey.
From what I’ve read of traffic discussions on this site, Raleigh will be piece of cake compared to major cities. It is possible to get from Cary to Raleigh in 18 minutes, though YMMV depending on where in Cary you are coming from.
Anon
North Hill is a great option. If you live in the apartments there (as I did a few years ago), it’s walkable to grocery, dry cleaning, Target, movies, etc. Covered parking and a gym. About 15 minutes to downtown, even at rush hour. Near Crabtree, and a pretty easy shot onto 40 for going other places. Whether it’s pricey will depend on your comparisons– I was coming from NYC and so it seemed stupid-cheap, but YMMV.
Gail the Goldfish
Thanks! I’m also coming from NYC, so by NYC prices, everything seems cheap:-) But I feel like I should get something reasonably priced for the area, especially when there are so many options.
Anon from 3.13
I would definitely take a look at North Hills, then. It really helped me have a soft landing (that I then threw over to move back to more urban areas). It’s not (wasn’t) unreasonable, just not $300/mo, either. But that means going back to a shared space, even in Raleigh. There are also some apartments along Glenwood between downtown and North Hills that might have a similar feel.
One other option is downtown, which is definitely on the upswing. I can’t point you to specific places, but there is a fair bit of housing around, with some concentration of reused industrial spaces if that’s your aesthetic. That would put you in walking distance of some good art and restaurants, but fewer of the “real life” amenities of grocery, etc.
kjoirishlastname
way congrats! Had a friend who lived in Durham while her husband did his PhD. They loved it but I can’t remember what kind of commute it is between Durham & Raleigh.
NC
I have friends who are/were very happy in North Hills (very start of North raleigh), Brier Creek (between Durham and Raleigh on US 70), or the little pocket of Raleigh that backs up to the Crossroads shopping center in Cary (the Asheboro apt. complex is nice).
Security clearances
If you don’t pass a security clearance, do you typically lose your job? I’m interviewing for a contractor position that may require a confidential clearance, but because my spouse is foreign-born (among other factors), I’m worried I wouldn’t pass it if I were to get the job and undergo the process.
Anon
If your job is dependent on it, yes. However, at big companies they’re more likely to shuffle you around, depending on why you lost it. Lots of people fail polygraphs and don’t get fired. I think confidential is just public trust (?), so it’s probably not like it’s for DoD or somewhere that would really care about foreign connections, I don’t even think they interview anyone. Those are more like a credit check than anything.
aw
I don’t know about the other factors that you mentioned. But it I don’t think it would be a big deal at all if he’s foreign born. My SO had security clearance in a DOD department and he was born in a foreign country.
Ringgg
+1. I have several friends with higher level clearances with foreign born parents and/or spouses. In terms of losing your job, I think it will depend on the contractor. It’s expensive for them to finance the clearance process. The company may not want to fire you after having invested that money, but could try to shift you to a different project or department.
PolyD
I have a friend who is Iranian-born, lived there until she was 8, has a father who spends about half the year there, and she herself visited 2 years ago. Her security clearance for going into sensitive areas of airports (she’s an architect) and ability to work on federal government contracts was unaffected.
Just thought I’d throw a little more anecdata out there.
Leigh
If you can’t obtain a clearance and it’s a requirement for the job, then yes, you can lose your job. But there are many more factors that affect it than just an immediate family member from a foreign country, especially if they have US citizenship now; that being said, unless you have a specific reason to think you’ll be denied (the big thing that gets people is failing to disclose stuff, really), then you may well be be worrying unnecessarily. I would talk with your SSO or other point of contact if you have concerns.
TBK
Your husband’s place of birth doesn’t matter; what they care about is his citizenship. Is he a US citizen? Even if he’s not, just the fact of being a foreign citizen probably won’t matter. They might probe a little further if he’s a citizen of certain countries (places where we have shaky or bad relations). But I wouldn’t worry too much about a confidential clearance.
Security clearances
He’s a US citizen now, but I imagine the country where he holds dual citizenship is considered “shaky” as TBK says. He also still has family there.
The other factor would be usage of substances in the somewhat recent past (sorry for the super lame euphemism). Even if that kind of “usage” is now legal in some states, I’m guessing it could be a big problem…
Anon
Re: usage of substances, the key here is (1) that it should be in the past (however recent) and that (2) you are 100% honest about it. 100%. Getting denied because you used it is far more uncommon than getting denied because you weren’t forthcoming about it.
TBK
+1 If they denied everyone who’s ever smoked up, there would be no one to run the country. But, yeah, you can’t be doing that anymore (or be around people while they’re doing it) and you need to be 100% honest about it.
Jules
+ 2. And, if asked, don’t even suggest that you might partake again in Washington or Colorado or somewhere else where the state or locality has legalized it, since the feds consider it illegal everywhere.
Leigh
Just stop using it and disclose, disclose, disclose!
Security clearances
That’s the problem – I have stopped my usage (which was really short-term anyway) and will continue to abstain, which I don’t find difficult at all. The problem is that husband continues to use. Wouldn’t that be potential grounds for failure if the person I live with continues to use something I personally don’t use any longer? It has really helped him with anxiety and stress and I have no problem with his actions, but I also don’t want to put my own potential career in jeopardy.
DC Anon
That could be tricky. People I know with security clearances won’t be in the same room with someone using (because then they would have actual knowledge that the person is using) and typically prefer not to know that homes they visit have anything illegal in them. Would your husband be willing to only smoke away from home and not tell you he’s doing it? And agree not to keep any in the house? Even if he came home smelling like it, you wouldn’t KNOW he had smoked. You’d only know he smelled like it.
anon
That’s tough. My husband is in law enforcement and he made very clear to me from the start that any drug use on my part would be a dealbreaker. Not because he really thinks all drugs are evil, but because he’s just not willing to jeoparize his career. (We do not live in a state where it is legal).
Security clearances
So does that mean I would definitely be asked about his usage? I was envisioning a scenario where they would ask me when/with whom I had done it and then I’d have to say it was with my spouse. Ideally, I’d like to keep him out of it because I am positive I won’t use it myself, no matter what he does. I also don’t think it would really work for him to only agree to use it elsewhere – if he mysteriously doesn’t come home until late on those nights, wouldn’t I “know” anyway?
Anon
I don’t think it’ll come up. They’ll ask you about your drug use, probably not his. Don’t bring it up.
anon for this
When I was getting a federal security clearance, they asked about usage, and when I disclosed minimal college encounters, they asked who was present during said usage (ostensibly for blackmail purposes?). It might come up. They may not ask if he still uses, but since you guys are married, it would not surprise me if they did.
Bette
My former college roommate has family that are active in a dissident group in his country of origin. He now works for one of the big govt secret spy agencies with a high level security clearance. It took them much longer than average to complete the background check but he got it and has worked there for many years without an issue.
Obviously, he can’t really talk about his job but i get the impression that it’s a plus in his current job that he has such great language/regional political awareness.
PinkKeyboard
The foreign born shouldn’t be an issue, you would declare him as a person “with whom you share bonds of affection or obligation”. They will ask you about said people as they expect you to have foreign contacts. I believe he can have dual citizenship but you cannot, if you have it you would have to give up your other citizenship to be considered (at least at the DOD where I work). Also PAST use of said substance will not deny you your clearance, I know my coworker passed for confidential and said he used it in the past. It will draw greater scrutiny though.
PinkKeyboard
They didn’t ask me about my husband’s use but if there is ever a police issue you would lose your clearance (and job) if you were implicated in any way.
Fashion blogs/inspiration
I’ve been looking for good fashion inspiration blogs because I’m pretty much hopelessly uncreative when it comes to clothes. The problem is that most fashion blogs I see are not quite in my size or price range. I like Extra Petite, but I’m 5’8″, size 12 with a very athletic build, so things that look great on her look awful on me (and I’m bad at telling what will look good/bad on me). I also tend to favor a higher price range than blogs I see (like J. Crew would be the low end).
Does anyone have any suggestions for fashion blogs or even famous people that I can follow for inspiration?
Senior Attorney
Have you tried Pinterest? I swear, I wear something I copied from Pinterest at least 2 days a week!
Fashion blogs/inspiration
This is a dumb question, but how do I even start with this? I only ever see Pintrest boards when they’re linked from something or already mentioned in someone’s blog. Are there certain boards that are good for this?
Romey
Do you have a pinterest account? All you do is create an account and then you can view pins under certain categories. “Women’s Fashion” or something along those lines is a category you can pick so that you’re not viewing specific boards but you’re viewing all pins in that category.
Ginjury
Generally, you follow people who frequently post things you like. If you don’t have any friends with similar style, you can look at Women’s Fashion and it’ll show everything that’s been pinned in that category. From there, you can follow any pinners who post outfits you like and find blogs you like by clicking on the pictures. This can be frustrating though because so many images are posted from tumblrs that 1) make it impossible to find the image you liked and 2) don’t give credit to the actual bloggers who originally posted the image. It is kind of time intensive, but it really is the most effective way to find people with similar styles/body shapes.
Senior Attorney
You can start by just selecting “women’s fashion” in the menu at the top of the page and seeing what comes up, then you can click on the boards of the people whose pins appeal to you. And you can search for, for example, “plus size fashion” or “plus size outfits” or similar. Just go on and play around for a while.
Warning, though. It’s a gigantic rabbit hole of a time suck!!
Signed,
Copied Today’s Outfit From Pinterest, As a Matter of Fact
Blair Waldorf
Here are two options for you.
cupcakesandcashmere.com – higher end (mostly), but generally not work wear.
theclassycubicle.com – almost all work-related, higher price point.
big dipper
I’d recommend Franish!I like that she’s average sized. I feel like I only ever find fashion blogs for women who are a tall, leggy size 0/2 (the majority), tiny, super petite size 0 or plus sized (the rest). I’m 5’4 and a pear shaped size 6 so none of those work for me.
Ginjury
I really like Fran. Her price range lower than yours though. I’d focus on finding blogs with similar style and body type to you and just find similar items in your price range.
Sparrow
Here are some fashion blogs I follow. They are a mix of sizes, styles, prices, but you might also find links to other blogs from these.
26 and Counting
Corporate Catwalk
Curves and Confidence
Economy of Style
Mix and Match Fashion
Outfit Posts
Putting Me Together
Wardrobe Oxygen
Sparrow
Forgot to mention You Look Fab. I haven’t been to the forums in a while, but I believe the members post outfit pics there.
Senior Attorney
+1,000,000 for YLF
CKB
I used to love YLF, but it almost seems like most of her posts are ‘buy this from Nordstrom’ posts, and less informational than they used to be. Maybe it’s just me. And I haven’t been active in the forums for a few years, but they were awesome back then. Hopefully that’s still the case.
Fashion blogs/inspiration
Yay! Thanks for all the recs, everyone! There goes my evening…or maybe I can sneak in a bit of blog reading during work. :)
Maggie
In addition to the suggestions above, many fashion blogs have links to other blogs that are similar or that the blogger herself follows and wants to help promote. If you find ones you like you might be able to expand the list that way.
I am a banana.
I like CapHillStyle and Penny Pincher Fashion.
Really Rosie
Hello- long time lurker first time poster here. I have a few questions I’m hoping you all can help me with regarding business meeting attire.
I work at a VERY casual office (think jeans every day), but am going to a meeting at a colleague’s office where they are a bit more formal (according to my colleague: “business casual, but more on the casual end”. I unfortunately suffer from allmypantsarejeans-itis (although hopefully this should be remedied shortly thanks to an online shopping spree at LOFT) and I’m struggling to find an appropriate outfit.
Right now what I’m thinking is this dress: http://www.6pm.com/vince-camuto-sleeveless-a-line-abstract-dress-rich-black with a black cardigan over it to dress it down a bit., paired with these shoes: http://www.shoes.com/en-US/Product/EC1317549-5109257/KENNETH+COLE+REACTION/Bark+Patent/Womens+Slip+On+By.aspx?campaign=KENNETH+COLE+REACTION&CMP=KNC-adwordspla&cpc=adwordspla&gclid=CLOQvvXMgLwCFdOVfgodCi4ASA&partnerid=adwordspla
Does that strike you all as appropriate? Would you had tights or anything like that? (I’m in the Bay Area so not 100% necessary for warmth). TIA for any advice!!!
anon
I’d buy more of an office workhorse. That dress seems fine, but a bit on the edge of party dress rather than classic office. Why not just by a basic black or grey sheath dress and wear it with a cardigan?
Really Rosie
Thanks for your insight! I was trying to go with something I already had in my closet.
I also have a dress similar to this one (same pattern different cut I think) https://dtpmhvbsmffsz.cloudfront.net/posts/2013/08/09/5204da259bfb391fa400ce89/s_5204da2c9bfb391fa400ce8b.jpg
Do you think that might be more appropriate?
hoola hoopa
I work in an office that sounds similar to the one you will be visiting. Either dress would be appropriate with tights and cardigan, but you shouldn’t consider either a staple because they are so distinctive. If you will be buying to fill a gap, do get something much more generic and flexible.
kjoirishlastname
I agree–if there’s any chance that you’ll be frequenting this office (or others like it), it makes more sense to buy a staple rather than something quite as “fancy” as that–although I can see it being a very versatile dress.
Your office is very similar to mine, and I only dress up when I have to, (or want to!), but by and large, I wear jeans most days of the week. But I mix it up with dress trousers, the occasional skirt and the even less-frequent dress.
dual-citizenship
Does anyone know about how to apply for dual-citizenship? My DH is the first generation on his mother’s side, and only second generation on his father’s side to be born a US citizen. His mother is German, and his father is Irish. His paternal grandfather came over from Ireland. His dad met his mom in Germany when he was stationed there, and he was actually born in Germany.
I seem to remember reading that this level of generational-separation is acceptable for Irish citizenship. Does anyone know about this, or how to go about it? Or even if it’s worth it?
Anon0321
Google has the answer. :)
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/moving_country/irish_citizenship/irish_citizenship_through_birth_or_descent.html
Anon0321
FWIW, I’m a dualy by birth and it is nice to have it because 1. you can get through customs lines quickly, which I like. 2. You have a bit more flexibility if you want to travel to countries not friendly with the states and 3. It’s nice to know if something ever happened here, you’d be able to move & work with very little hassle.
But for my every day life… it doesn’t really do anything.
Woods-comma-Elle
This also reminded me about another thing which I found out recently, which is that if you are in your other country of citizenship, the other country will not be able to offer you diplomatic assistance (as my friend of dual British/Russian nationality found out while visiting Russia!)
Moonstone
This link also has info on renewing an Irish passport, which I need to do, so thanks for posting.
And I agree with Anon0321 that having dual citizenship has little impact on one’s daily life but I like to dream that I could pick up and move to the EU anytime. Coincidentally since people up-thread were talking about security clearances, I have heard that pursuing dual citizenship can complicate your security clearance but I can’t confirm the accuracy of that rumor.
Leigh
You cannot hold a US security clearance and be a citizen of another country. If you are a dual citizen already, you have to renounce it to even be eligible for a clearance. There are instances where foreign citizens may be allowed access to certain classified information, but that would be pursuant to agreements between the USG and their respective government.
Anne Shirley
This is not, in my experience, true.
zora
It might depend on the clearance. There are different kinds of clearances and different levels.
Anon0321
Also not true in my experience. I have clearance & I have dual citizenship.
Bonnie
I was not forced to renounce the citizenship of the country where I was born but told that I would lose my clearance if I ever sought to get a passport or ID from that country.
Anonymous
Really? I know a lot of things vary by level and agency, but for some reason I didn’t expect that to be one of them. We had it drilled into us that that was non-negotiable.
Leigh
It helps if I fill in all the fields, I suppose.
Woods-comma-Elle
My ex-flatmate applied for Irish citizenship on a similar basis, though I believe her dad was actually born in Ireland, rather than just grandparents. It was relatively straightforward and didn’t take very long, but he would likely need original documents (birth certificates etc).
As for actually having it (and this is anecdotal), I believe if you have two passports, in some countries you have to arrive and leave on the same passport, so you can’t necessarily benefit from going in the local line at immigration.
Anon0321
About the coming & going w/ the same passport. I’ve only ever had 2 people (1 in France, 1 in England– & I travel a lot internationally) comment on my lack of matching stamp and as soon as I said I have 2 nationalities & passports they were fine with it.
anon not to out
I have US and two EU passports (EU by birth, US by naturalization) and the thing about leaving on the same passport is absolutely true! I have been stopped multiple times (particularly when flying through Canada) for a mis-match in passports for entry-exit. Since many countries (like US and Canada) now use computerized entry/exit tracking (and not stamps), I think places are more aware of this problem (its complicated by the fact I that what I usually want to do is exit the US on my US passport (so that I can re-enter the US upon return) but enter the EU countries on my EU passport and I sometimes forget which one I used…
dual-citizenship
Thanks for the help, ladies. We don’t do much (any) international traveling at this point, so that’s not really the issue.
However, the idea of picking up and moving overseas if the sh!t hits the fan is a nice option.
And thanks for the google link–the chart in there is perfect. So, it doesn’t look like it would afford us much benefit, especially since our kids are already 3 and 5, and therefore not eligible for citizenship, since DH hasn’t done it yet. But, the biggest benefits that I see are medical care & university.
Away Game
Ask the embassies or local consulates for the countries you’re interested in; this is part of their regular duties. At the very least (and if you don’t live near DC/NY/SF/consulate/embassie locations) google the embassies’ websites and look for a tab on acquiring citizenship. The most up-to-date and accurate information will be there, rather than on a chart compiled by a third party. You are looking for the Embassy of Ireland or Embassy of Germany in the United States.
anon not to out
Note that citizenship is usually not enough for full benefits (like in the UK) you need residency. So you might not be eligible for benefits for university or health care without residing in the country for a period of time.
Marilla
Alert for fellow Canadians – Nordstrom is coming to Toronto’s Eaton Centre in fall 2016!
TO Lawyer
Yay but that is SO far away!
Maybe the opening of the first store in the fall of 2014 will at least make online shopping at Nordstrom easier for us in the great white north? (That is probably wishful thinking!)
Marilla
That’s what I’m hoping too! They’re opening this year at Sherway Gardens and out west, right?
Equity's Darling
Ours opens this fall, I’m so excited. So excited.
amelia earhart
I will shamelessly come from Buffalo.
Anon0321
TJ, sorry.
I’m in a pickle & I was hoping ya’ll could give me some advice.
I like visiting hub’s parents cross-country every few months and I had arranged our vacations to match up with his brother’s (& brother’s fiance’s) wedding events that are all on that coast and our caseloads and everything seemed like it was going to work out brilliantly. Before booking the flights,I emailed fiance to check that the dates worked and she said (in a nice way) “you can come if you must, but you aren’t invited”. Very awkward, so I told MIL we decided the trip just didn’t work with our schedule. I thought the problem was solved, but then my husband said MIL keeps making passive aggressive jks about us not visiting.
Anyway, this weekend, fiance is having a bachelorette party & invited me & MIL & we are both going. I know MIL is not going to give this not visiting thing up & she is already trying to problem solve our “it doesn’t work with our schedule” excuse. MIL is also paying for the party & I know it will really piss her off if she knows that fiance told me I wasn’t welcome. Also, MIL & fiance already have some weirdness and I’d rather not be involved or stir the pot more. But, I’d also like to not be cast as “the wife who doesn’t let her husband visit his family” when I try very hard to involve all of them in our lives despite the distance.
I like everyone generally, but weddings make people crazy. What should I do!?!?!?! I have to spend this entire 3 day weekend holed up in a cabin with all of these women with no husband to run interference!
LilyB
what events were you not invited to? seems strange you’re invited to the bachelor*tte party and not other events…
Anon0321
I am not invited to a shower. It is weird, that’s why I assumed I was invited to the shower. She’s kind of a stranger person.
LilyB
unless the person who is throwing her the shower is on a very tight budget and restricted how many people she can invite, that seems totally thoughtless and cruel to me to specifically tell you you are not invited. and even if such a person did ask her to restrict the guest list, you are soon to be her sister-in-law and should get priority (assuming there aren’t any conflicts between the two of you currently, and it sounds like there aren’t…)
I honestly don’t understand where people get their ideas of what’s socially appropriate and kind.
Anon0321
The person throwing the shower, my mother in law, WANTS me to come. The shower throwee, my future SIL, does not want me to come.
It is kind of mean and I’m pretty pissed off at her for a variety of reasons atm, but I feel like if I tell my MIL it will make things worse & not better.
Killer Kitten Heels
So you planned a trip to coincide with the shower and she told you that you weren’t invited to the shower? Why not just tell MIL that? (Or have H tell MIL that?) Whether fiancée’s actions piss off your MIL or not, it’s really not your job to manage that, and it’s absurd to create problems for you and H with MIL out of some misguided attempt to “protect” fiancee.
Anon0321
That is kind of were I’m at right now. My only issue is I have to be with both of these women this weekend w/out my husband and their discomfort will become my discomfort.
Killer Kitten Heels
Are you the only three people going on this trip? If there are other people, just stay with the other people and don’t get involved if they start having drama with each other. I feel like you’re making this entire situation needlessly complicated by taking on responsibility for their feelings toward each other, which really (a) aren’t your problem and (b) aren’t your business.
Killer Kitten Heels
I’m completely confused – are *you* not invited to the wedding, or are *you and H* not invited to the wedding, or are you not invited to some other thing that you planned your vacation around that you’ve now cancelled?
I’m just really confused about why you’d be invited to the bachelorette but not the wedding. And also why you wouldn’t be invited to the wedding when your husband is. The way I’m reading your post, the entire situation sounds bizarre.
sweet as soda pop
Wait? You aren’t invited to your brother-in-law’s wedding? Your husband is invited, but not you? Does your MIL know that you aren’t invited to the wedding?
I have no solutions to your problem, but I am absolutely baffled by this.
Anon0321
No ok, sorry guys I think I said this in a very complicated way.
I am invited to the wedding, east coast.
Invited to the bachelorette party, west coast.
Not invited to the shower, east coast.
Anonymous
Why in the world would you be taking the blame for not visiting. But- it seems weird that you cancelled the whole trip when you were planning the trip anyway to see his parents.
Anon0321
I cancelled because I thought it would seem rude to be staying at their house but not go to the party at their house, and even more rude to go to a party I’m not invited to.
But you guys are probably right, I think my options are to 1. just deal with my MIL’s passive aggressive comments or 2. Just tell her that it’s better I not go to the party and leave it at that.
LilyB
or 3. tell her the fiancee didn’t want you to come.
tk1
Or option 3. Go on vacation with husband as planned (since you already worked everything out perfectly) and book a day at the best spa in town during the shower. When MIL questions why you did that, say SIL said I was not invited and I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone. Just kidding. Kind of.
P
Or when MIL is passive aggressive about the visiting issue, be upfront:
We planned to visit, but then got the impression we weren’t invited to the shower that would be occurring at the house during our visit, and didn’t want to intrude.
Killer Kitten Heels
I’m completely perplexed about your utter resistance to telling MIL the truth.
Bewitched
I’m completely perplexed as to how you are not invited to a shower that MIL is throwing. I understand fiancee “generally” controls the guest list for wedding events, but if MIL is throwing the shower and wants you there, she’s sure to invite you!
TBK
Your husband should tell his mother that you cancelled the trip because the fiancee said you were not invited to the shower and so felt it would be impolite to intrude. There, done. If MIL then insists you come, you or husband say that it’s just too late now and you wish you’d known you were actually invited, but you’ll be thrilled to see everyone at the wedding. And send a small shower gift (it’ll cost less than a trip, right? and you’ll look like sweetness and roses for being so thoughtful).
Anon0321
Killer Kitten Heels- I am conflict averse and was hoping you guys would have a magic solution that would make everyone happy, because sometimes you guys just say the most amazing things that I would never have thought of myself. I tend to be the type of person that has trouble speaking on the go as well and am worried I would just make a mess of it. Also, if friends were doing this, I’d probably just step back & give everyone space (slash end the friendship), but I can’t get out of dealing with in laws in the long term. And yes, this did seal the deal on our week in Cabo ALONE haha.
zora
once again: TBK is a genius.
Do exactly everything she said.
Also, as they always say on Captain Awkard: YOU are not the one making things uncomfortable, the fiancee is the one who made it awkward by being rude and awkward. So, you/your husband telling your MIL what happened is NOT *making* problems, the fiancee made the problem you are just responding.
But again: do exactly what TBK said. And THEN: enjoy your romantic couple week in Cabo!!! ;o)
LizNYC
This is no time to spare MIL’s feelings. Just be straightforward. “When I checked with future SIL about the dates for the upcoming trip, she mentioned I wasn’t invited to the shower. I didn’t want to intrude, so I’ve made other arrangements.” Said neutrally, a la Carolyn Hax. MIL can make her own conclusions. And if she scoffs and invites you, you have your answer. If SIL makes any motion that you’re less than invited to a shower being thrown FOR her (not BY her), then you know exactly how courteous and gracious she is.
jc
Your soon-to-be SIL sounds like a real peach. That’s honestly one of the rudest things I’ve heard in a long time for her to straight up tell you aren’t invited. I’m wondering why your husband hasn’t gotten involved at all considering it’s his family. If he didn’t want to say anything, I would certainly tell your MIL that you aren’t coming because soon-to-be SIL said you were not invited. I would also tell SIL that you canceled your plans to visit. Someone should make her feel bad!
Anon0321
He doesn’t want me to tell his mom I’m not invited because his entire family dislikes her and has for a long time (because obviously she is pretty rude at times) and he doesn’t want me to make things even worse because the result is that his brother distances himself from the rest of the family. Trust me when I say this is the tip of the iceberg.
On the one hand, like I said above, I am non-confrontational but I do like being direct & my instinct is just to say something like LizNYC said and just end it there and not opening up the discussion into gossip about how weird fiance can be. On the other, I see my husband’s point and do not want to make the family situation worse.
Thanks guys, talking this out is helping immensely.
zora
:( Ok, I’m sorry, but this is really not fair of your husband. It is his family/his mother, and like i said above: Fiancee started it, not you. And he should really be dealing with his family and standing up for YOU, not for his brother’s fiancee. :o( I’m sorry, because I don’t think this is fair to you at all. Hugs.
Killer Kitten Heels
Read Captain Awkward.
Then read more Captain Awkward.
Then, specifically, read this post at Captain Awkward (it’s directed to dealing with an unlikeable guy, but the basic principles are the same): http://captainawkward.com/2013/08/02/497-keeping-the-peace-with-an-unlikeable-mansplainer/ . Have H do the same.
You two are NOT the source of the discomfort here – don’t bear the burden of cleaning up after someone else’s bad behavior – people misbehave the way fiancee does in life precisely *because* people like you and H will bend over backwards to cover for her rudeness in the name of avoiding conflict.
zora
Ha, KKH I love you! Wanna start the Captain Awkward fan club with me? ;o)
Anon0321
So true, sooooooooooooooooo true. Were you the poster of Captain Awkward last week? I became addicted and that same sentiment really stuck with when I was reading it last week with that other poster’s conundrum.
Killer Kitten Heels
Absolutely! :-)
jc
Just to be clear, I feel bad that you’re in this position and that your SIL is openly rude and disrespectful to you. I hope it gets better!
Romey
I agree with what most others have said. Why would you jeopardize your relationship with your MIL to “protect” the relationship between b*tch fiancee and your MIL? There’s no way that anyone could be mad at you for telling the MIL that fiance did not want you to come to shower. And if fiance is mad at you – then that’s her problem and it sounds like she doesn’t like you anyways so it’s not like it’s any worse than the status quo! You are being almost too nice in this situation and I fear that it will cause more problems than just being honest.
2 week vacation?
Thoughts on taking a two week vacation? In your workplace is it completely acceptable, never acceptable or only acceptable for your honeymoon? For context, I’m talking about once every year or two, not multiple times per year and checking email/responding to real emergencies while away.
Ginjury
If you have vacation time accrued and it’s not during a terrible time, why not? Obviously it depends on your office, but it’s not terribly rare in mine, especially for overseas travel.
Anon
Do you mean 14 work days off or 10 workdays?
On that note, when a place advertises two weeks of vacation as part of a benefits package, does that usually mean 14 or 10? I’m realizing I’ve never really known what the standard is…
Back Home
At my company (IT consulting). a week of vacation means a work week = 5 days.
Brant
two workweeks of vacation (10 days).
kjoirishlastname
Totally acceptable, but it’s probably a know-your-office scenario. If it’s a small office, where you’re a specialized player, maybe not. If you have a counterpart who can pick up your tasks while you’re out–go for it.
FWIW, when traveling (actual traveling, not just “going to the beach”), we find that anything less than 5 days isn’t worth it. A week is good, but in some destinations (or a long road trip, for example), 2 weeks would be ideal. 2 weeks in one location gives you time to settle in, see EVERYTHING you want to, while allowing for downtime too.
S in Chicago
In some ways, taking it like that is actually easier to work around. My employer has a very generous vacation structure and many folks have been with the company a long time (meaning constantly out). I would much rather work around someone who is out for two weeks (with advance notice that can be planned around) than someone who seems to be gone a few days for vacation time fairly regularly.
Romey
As long as you hit whatever your hour requirements are (coming from an attorney’s perspective) I think it’s fine!
Sparrow
Totally acceptable. At my workplace, the majority of the people are from India. Many people take 2 or 3 weeks to travel back home.
PolyD
Oh yeah, I worked at a biotech company with many people from India or China. They’d save up their vacation, then leave for India/China at Thanksgiving and not come back until after the new year. We were closed the week between Christmas and New Year’s.
I think a new manager put an end to most of that. I have mixed feelings – it’s a long time to be gone, but on the other hand, these employees would do this once every 2 years at most and not take any other vacation time during those 2 years.
Here in the federal government, we can accrue up to 6 weeks of vacation, leading to many people taking a lot of time off at the end of the year as we all try to use up anything over that amount (use or lose). No one really seems to care.
kjoirishlastname
Oh yeah, and thanks to you guys, I had purchased my first blazers not too long ago. I had asked how to wear them (teal velvet, navy pinstripe), and got some great advice.
I’m wearing the teal one today, with a black ribbed turtleneck, trouser jeans & black booties. TONS of compliments. So, thanks–I’d never have had the courage to pick it up prior to reading about everyone’s style.
Y’all are definitely helping me to step outside my comfort zone.
Susie
Your outfit sounds awesome!
Anonynony
How do you get over the hurt of being rejected for a job you really wanted, had 5 interviews for, and were part of the final 2? I can’t stand my current job anymore and this was my opportunity to leave (no real other bites yet). I feel like bawling in my office right now.
Anon
I’m sorry :( That sounds so awful. I’ve had similar experiences where my ONE lead resulted in nothing, but I’ve never had it as bad as five interviews/final 2. I’m also stuck in a bad current job. I’d say don’t worry, you’ll find something, but I have not found it helpful when people have said that to me. Ugh – hang in there and distract yourself with some bad TV, a friend, an exercise session, or whatever you can until you want to start applying for other stuff again.
WJM-TV
Last time that happened to me, I asked to leave work because I was crying. Hugs for you! It was really tough. For me, something even better came along and I hope the same for you.
wildkitten
Can you wait 4 hours and cry when you go home? If not, cry in a bathroom or get sick and go home early to cry. It’s totally valid to need to mourn that.
TBK
Do you mean hurt or disappointed? Disappointed is totally, 100% fine and I agree with the other posters that getting away to have a good cry is a great idea. If you’re feeling hurt, then just realize that YOU were not actually rejected. In fact, you got a long way along, which means they really, really liked you, thought you had the skills for the job, and were overall impressed with you. Ultimately, though, if they have only one opening, the other person might just have had some little thing that they picked as more useful to them. Or you’re a real go getter and this office happens to be very laid back, so they figured the other person would just be happier in that environment. Or the boss is from Wisconsin and the other candidate’s also from Wisconsin and they just clicked over that. This is actually a win for you because it shows how competitive you are for this type of position. When you feel up to it, and if you haven’t already, email your main contact there, say you really enjoyed meeting everyone, were very impressed with what you saw, and are sorry it didn’t work out. Ask him/her to keep you in mind for future positions and also consider asking the person for other contacts in the industry (something like “if you can think of anyone else in [industry] I should talk to, please let me know. I’m still in the process of looking for the next step in my career, and I would love to hear any thoughts you might have.”). If that seems weird (asking for help from someone who rejected you) think of it this way — you’ve already been thoroughly vetted by them, they liked you, and they probably wish they could have hired you both. Now you’re giving them a chance to be helpful to you, and to a colleague in another company who might love to be referred to a candidate like you.
hoola hoopa
+1
Plus wine and cookies.
Bette
Wine and cookies for dinner tonight.
Miss Behaved
I’m sorry. I had this happen a couple of years ago. It sucks because I took so much time off from work (sick days, vacation days, etc) and because I really thought I had it. But now I’m in an awesome job that I wouldn’t have if I’d gotten that job. I’ve been here for a year and a half and I love it.
So hopefully, something even better will come along. Hang in there and by all means, console yourself with wine and cookies.
kjoirishlastname
I’m sorry to hear that. It definitely sucks, but you can look at it from a different perspective. If you had been laid off, YOU know your talents & skills, you can certainly say to yourself (and believe it, too) “They don’t know what they’re missing” YOu could also consider it a blessing–maybe the rest of the folks who work there are @ssholes. You never know!
I also truly truly believe that everything happens for a reason: I was laid off from a job that I liked, was good at, and had a good reputation. It was purely financial–it was the beginning of the recession. After 3 months of collecting unemployment, dabbling in a floral shop doing flower arranging (FUN!), and being sick as a dog because I was newly pregnant, I landed my current job, which, I would never have known, really is my dream job.
Don’t go into reasons you might not have gotten that job–just buckle down and continue to put yourself out there. TBK lends some really great advice about what having gone this far really does mean for your skills, and office climate/personality might have had a lot to do with it. It’s anyone’s guess, and you’d kill yourself speculating about it.
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