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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: 9-to-5 Stretch Work Dress

9-to-5 Stretch Work Dress Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I don't think we've featured this work dress from Eloquii before, or at least not for its own workwear report — but I really like the elbow length sleeves, as well as the waist details and general seaming. It's like the dress takes a lesson from all those flattering but Star Trek-y colorblock dresses — and then removes the Star Trek element. (My hubs is a huge TNG fan, so no shade to Trekkies!) For $55 it strikes me as a really reasonable, good deal to know about. Reviews on the site are great for the dress, and it comes in four basic colors. It's available in sizes 14-28, and you can take an additional 15% off when you buy 3+ items or 10% off when you buy two. 9-to-5 Stretch Work Dress Looking for some classic sheath dresses for work? See our full roundup, with tons of best-sellers and reader favorites in all size ranges. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.  

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294 Comments

    3. I know it’s not what you asked, but mentioning in case it’s helpful: insoles never helped my plantar fasciitis. The only thing that did was wearing a night boot (purchased a cheap one on Amazon), and that was like a miracle cure. I only wear it for like a week at a time whenever it flares up (although that hasn’t happened in a few years).

      1. My husband had the same experience – the only thing that works is the “magic” night boot from Amazon. He hardly ever has to wear it anymore.

    5. Please go to a podiatrist!
      What helped my PF (aka as heel spur) was sleeping with a brace on AND custom orthotics that yes cost $400 and are not covered by insurance but they make SUCH A DIFFERENCE.
      OTC is NOT going to cut it, sorry. Good luck.

      1. I had another foot issue and got orthodics. You can use flex spending $ for them even if they aren’t covered.

      2. What?? Plantar fasciitis isn’t the same as a heel spur. One is the inflammation of a ligament, the other is a calcium deposit on your bone.

        1. A heel spur can cause inflammation of the ligament. My podiatrist said she finds a spur in 50% of PF cases, but there’s not a good way to tell whether the spur caused it.

          I’m not the person who you’re responding to by the way. Just another PF sufferer.

    6. Vionic and Birkenstock. It probably depends on your arch, though. I had tried a few other brands but the arches weren’t high enough for me.

      1. Try a store like “The Walking Company” – they’ll sell a better quality insole than a regular shoe store and can make a recommendation. Orthotics and cortisone shots were what worked for me, but stretching, anti-inflammatories, and OTC inserts for your slippers so you’re never without some kind of support/cushion can help.

    7. Vionic. The relief ones are the best. I prefer them over both sets of custom orthotics podiatrists have made for me (FWIW, I remember paying around $300 for the custom orthotics. Chicago-based MD for reference)

    8. If you’re in pain and have to deal for a day, Dr. Scholl’s makes some drugstore heel cups that make it bearable to walk. But if you really want to heal, you need arch support. The arch support relaxes your crazy upset muscles. Thus, vionics, or add arch support stick-ons to every pair of shoe you have. Second wearing overnight help–there are little nylon-like arch supports you can buy at Walgreens that are comfy to wear overnight that help. A short, high-dose course of advil can be clutch. Reducing walking is clutch too. You have to be patient, but once you get good support, massive change.

    9. 1) go to a podiatrist
      2) never go barefoot. Wear a supportive slipper around the house. I like Birkenstock clogs. My husband likes the crocs rx slippers
      3) a custom orthotic is best but a drugstore orthotic is better than no orthotic
      4) you can buy elastic socks that leave your toes open but apply support/pressure to your arch on amazon. Sleep with this on for 2 weeks to see if it helps
      5) next step is a night brace. The problem with buying your own and not seeing a podiatrist is that most people over tighten them. You don’t want your foot at more than a 90 degree angle to your shin
      6) some people experience relief by wearing shoes that don’t flex. That means clogs like dansko and other rocker-sole shoes like Jambu

      Good luck. I have been battling PF for the better part of a year, including 3 steroid shots. I’ve had bouts of it prior to this, but this time is the worst ever.

      2. Here’s the splint. You’re looking for a dorsal splint

        Cramer Dorsal Night Splint for Effective Relief From Plantar Fasciitis Pain, Arch Foot Pain, Slip Resistant Sleep Support, Comfortable Alternative to Posterior Splint for Plantar Fascia Relief – 13620 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00591X1ZQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_70GqCbEKDG57M

        You’re not supposed to walk in these so they are strictly for sleeping or lounging (like wear it while you’re watching TV) only

  2. Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and for plus size people, this is a good deal @ $55! I will show Madeline, as she needs a refresh to her wardrobe and she is a size 20. Great pick, Kat!

    I hope the HIVE is prepareing for the snow storm; I told Dad I would NOT be walking on Sunday. Instead, I will be going with Myrna out to LI and will walk around the mall on Sunday, then watch football with the family, and we will have WINGS! Yummy! Dad says his friend may bring his 35 year old nephew over to watch who is a college coach at SUNY. Dad also insists he was a big athelete in college, but mom says the closest thing he was to an athelete was having “athelete’s foot”. FOOEY! I think Dad sometimes likes to tell stories that no one can rebut.
    I encourage the entire HIVE to stay warm and safe this weekend. YAY!!!

  3. After a period of unemployment, I am about to start my dream job on Tuesday. I am as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof. I also, mysteriously, have nothing to wear. Don’t know what to bring for lunch. What if I have car trouble? What if I get there and forget how to do everything my resume says I can do?

    Happy Friday!

    1. first of all, congrats on landing your dream job! Ask a Manager recently addressed this – main takeaway: breathe and listen!

    2. Agree on the advice to listen. I spent my first week at my own dream job just listening to people. In fact, I spoke very little. I could tell people really appreciated it because they had an opportunity to tell their story and explain their needs. It was very helpful for me too.

    3. My advice: wear layers. My first job out of undergrad, I wore some thick trousers and a turtleneck sweater. The office was a gazillion degrees. I was standing there watching my supervisor show me some stuff on the computer system and got so overheated that I thought I was going to vomit. I had to excuse myself to the restroom for a bit to recover.

      1. Haha- my current job, I got overheated and DID throw up during first day of intensive training with my dotted-line supervisor.
        He was very kind about it. Two years later, we’re still working together, he’s still very kind to me, and I’ve learned a huge amount about a new technical field and internal politics.

    4. My new-job-ritual is to bring a bunch of contained snacks and a peanut butter sandwich in my bag/purse – something that can go a whole day without being in a fridge.

      I *assume* that most of the time, bosses will take me out — but just to be prepared I do have food. Then you’re ready if there’s no where close by to eat, or if you discover that office culture is everyone bringing their lunches, etc.

      also, I am a hungry hippo and I have to eat snacks all day anyway! so I always think about new job lunch situation :)

  4. I have a bit of a potbelly even though I’m otherwise small. It’s a shape that doesn’t work well with atheisure dresses (which I prefer to tunics but both have the same challenge). My tummy is just more prominent than I’d like it to be and many items highlight this. [Sizing up hasn’t worked — I’m short and have no shoulders and going to a large for a medium just looks like a sack.]

    Are there any athleisure / weekend dress brands that are good for my shape?

    I’ve tried Athleta (which I Iove generally, but this year’s offerings haven’t worked for me) and Title 9 (skirts work great but no luck with a couple of dress shapes) with no luck yet.

    2. Try a fit and flare or an a-line silhouette. All of the Athleta dresses I’ve tries on have been loose up top and way tight on the hips, which is not flattering for my stomach. Maybe Prana has some styles like that? I’d check out REI’s dress section. You could also try to look for junior clothes, like the junior’s section in Nordstrom sometimes has casual dresses like that.

    3. Princess seems (like in todays dress) are your best friend. Look for dresses that flair out about 4 inches from your bra band. They will camouflage! I found a great knit dress at forever 21 years ago and I still wear it all the time for this purpose.

      That being said, what are your favorite pants? I have the same shape issue and I have only one pair of pants that I like and they are going to fall apart one of these days.

      1. OP here — the only pants that work for me are: suiting pants — BR Logan fit; others — Loft Julie or curvy cut; jeans — Levis curvy cut (hard to find now, glad I hoarded).

        Otherwise, pants do not fit me.

    5. Have you tried athletic skorts? I know it’s not a dress, but I golf a lot and actually wear my skorts all the time outside the course. You can find a flattering way to handle the top – leave it unticked, half tucked, tuck it totally in or blouse it out a little bit over the waistband. It might be a nice way to camouflage around your middle by breaking up the line, and also still super comfortable.

  5. Anyone have experience working in the Title IX space for a college/university? Position is JD preferred; I’d be switching from in-house practice at a (c)(3). Especially curious about the transition from practicing to not. Thanks!

    1. I know someone who did it after being a prosecutor for a time. The big transferable skill was being able to manage investigations.

    2. I’m on the faculty oversight committee that liases with these people at my university. Looking from the outside, there are some serious challenges in the role. Government guidance is very much in flux. You need to conduct investigations that satisfy a range of stakeholders, but one or more of the people you are investigating is often a student, who generally has an expectation of a non-confrontational relationship with the university. It is hard to satisfy everyone, and in the multiple universities I’ve been affiliated with, Title IX investigations are regularly the target of student protests – this is where students often focus their general anger about the prevalence of harassment and assault on campus. Higher level admin’s primary concern is minimizing bad publicity and litigation risk. There is pressure from lots of directions.

      I don’t say this to dissuade you – we need good people in these jobs, and it is a very valuable role within the university. But honestly, it’s not something I’d be eager to do myself.

  6. I want to sincerely thank everyone who chimed in yesterday on me looking for a way to get some temporary relief for some severe anxiety/panic. Thanks to you ladies, I was able to look for and find a mental health urgent care that was WONDERFUL. With a new tentative medication plan, some “as needed” drugs to help get me through, and a new list of therapists and techniques to try, I’m starting to feel like I can get through this.
    Follow up question to this – with medication changes and regular therapy, there’s going to be some periods where I’m not available or may not be totally “with it” (Paxil tapering can be nasty, I hear). How much of this do I explain to my boss? What do I say? My boss is wonderful and understanding, but this is understandably not something I necessarily WANT to discuss. Do I talk to him? Do I talk to HR and get some temporary provisions in place? I want to make sure I deal with this appropriately.

    1. I think you wait and see. You dong know for sure you’ll have any problems! You might just need a couple sick days.

    2. Paxil withdrawal is hard, but are you starting a new medication at the same time? That will help. I tapered from Paxil while starting a new medication and I probably only had a few days where I was totally out of it.

    3. I am so happy to hear this!! I would actually spend your preparation/anticipation time on getting home stuff ready, whatever that means to you…stocking the fridge, making a Netflix list, maybe even cleaning up if that makes you feel more in control. You don’t need to address your boss about it except to say you’re sick that day (if you need to). People’s productivity at work fluctuates naturally all the time.

    4. I’m so happy you were able to find someone who could provide immediate treatment! That is wonderful to hear for your sake, and it’s also great to know such places exist. Thanks for reporting back.
      I echo everyone else–just wait and see how you feel. If you need to take a sick day (or several), take one (or several). Your boss doesn’t need specifics.

  7. I watched a documentary on the Weather Channel on the evacuation of Tulane Hospital during Katrina last night. I feel like there are so many good people doing such important and needed work in this world (doctors, nurses, people who can string up generators, helicopter pilots). I, on the other hand, sit at a desk and read/argue about words. I did start tutoring an elementary student in math, but I feel like I’m just here and not making the world any better. And that the world needs more help and I’m not giving it any.

    1. Everyone has different strengths, weaknesses and abilitites. Find a way to contribute to your community that works for you – it sounds like you already have – Tutoring a student is great!
      As Daniel Tiger says ‘Everyone’s job is important, everyone helps in different ways.” You don’t have to save the world, or feel guilty that you’re not directly responsible for keeping people alive, but you are part of building a helpful caring society by giving assistance to another person and that matters.

    2. Maybe this is a good moment to do some research and see if there are any charities you would like to make a monthly donation to? Especially for disaster relief, money is the best way for most of us to contribute (rather than showing up in person to help).

    3. There’s a fantastic book by an anthropologist called Bullsh!t Jobs. I recommend it highly for making sense of this feeling and perhaps, from there, thinking about what you might want to do.

    4. When I was a kid/idealistic teen/ambitious early 20s, I thought my job was to “save the world” in a specific way.
      But I definitely don’t think that’s the goal – the goal is to have a positive impact.
      I am not sure if you’re religious. But the rabbis teach, “If you have saved one life, it is as if you have saved the entire world.” And… “It is not your duty to complete the work (of repairing the world), but, neither are you free to desist from it.”
      So yeah, pick away – money, teaching, activism, support, awareness – pick a cause – race relations, wealth distribution, peace, LGBTQ+, education, diversity, – and find out where you interests and abilities intersect with need and comfort.
      There are so, so many ways to make a difference in the world, and in your community. Sounds like you’re of to a great start!

      1. I do a ton of pro bono, give generously, do a ton of community service through my church, the Jr. League, and other local organizations. I also mentor immigrant women, like myself, so that they can have some of the same opportunities I had. Without my fancy lawyer job, I wouldn’t be able to do it in the same scale.

    6. I appreciate your sentiment, but the evacuation of Tulane Hospital had shocking levels of incompetence and endangered patients and their families beyond the inherent danger in the situation. There are good people in the world, including people involved in that evacuation, but I hope the documentary didn’t paint that event in a rosy light. Keep doing your part in your community, and remember that sometimes TV is just TV.

    7. Not knowing what you do, it’s hard to say where you might be able to find your niche in becoming a helper. For me, it’s a focus on affordability for students and volunteering with/donating to both the school’s food pantry and my church’s. I have become so aware of student food insecurity issues, especially at the end of the semester, and have worked with my colleagues to protect student safety and provide food during a really vulnerable time.

    8. As the mom of a 10th grader who considers math and science her thing, I feel something akin to true love for good math teachers. Honestly, it is so important that my sentiment goes beyond deep appreciation. You are my hero for tutoring math. I have this theory that one of the key obstacles to upper elementary and middle school math is that many children do not know their multiplication tables well enough.

      1. OP here –yes — I agree

        Our city paper highlighted how many low SES schools don’t offer advanced middle school math b/c so few students are ready for it. In my kids’ high SES school, 25% of the kids are on free/reduced lunch and there are achievement gaps that largely track that.

        Math is cumulative, so if you start behind, it’s hard to overcome that.

      3. As a former math tutor, I agree with your last point. I would also add that they don’t understand place value or how fractions work. If they don’t understand fractions well, pre-algebra is so much more difficult.

    9. I do not know your age but some of this could be age related. For me, I was finishing school, studying for professional licenses, getting married, working towards a promotion then there was this sort of lull around 37 after all those things happened where I thought “oh, wait. The Today show has not called to schedule my interview. There’s been some sort of mistake bc I haven’t really done anything interview worthy!” I’m 49 now and better appreciate the smaller ways I make a difference but it took about 5 years. :)

      1. This is how I feel currently. I have a career in music that I love, but I am just now accepting that when I go see a Broadway show I am not, in fact, going to follow in the footsteps of the lead and be the next Elpheba. I am just now accepting that when I go see a big concert, I don’t need to practice how I would take selfies with the fans because I’m never going to be an arena-sellout performer. It can sometimes make me feel like my job is not enough. But my job is lovely, and I really enjoy it. I also volunteer to help with the what-am-i-doing-here feelings.

    10. I’m gonna put in a pitch for checking out your local Rotary Club. 30 years ago there were 350,000 new cases of polio every year in 125 countries. Rotary International decided to take on the massive project of eradicating polio. Last year there were just 31 cases in two countries: Pakistan and Afghanistan. Read about it here: https://www.endpolio.org/rotary-and-the-fight-against-polio

      Yeah, we Rotarians have lunch meetings and do small service projects in our communties. But we do big, big things, too. It’s pretty thrilling to think I’ll have been part of it when we cross the polio-eradication finish line.

  8. Any advice for how to buckle down and frontload billable hours early in the year? I have a fair amount of work but it isn’t urgent so it is easy to leave shortly after 5, relax at home. But I know I might kick myself later if work either dries up or when its summer and I want to be outside. I have no idea how people who bill 2200 hrs schedule their days/months, but I’m nowhere close.

    1. I aim for 45 billable hours a week. Aiming for that gives me a couple weeks worth of vacation or sick time to take without stressing about hours. If I don’t want to work much on weekends that means staying past 5 during the week. Post kids I tend to leave close to 5 and work from home in the evening more after they are in bed versus pre-kids when I stayed and went home for a late dinner. I also work during nap times on the weekends. DH and I have a work date night on Fridays (jammies, yummy snacks and both working at the dining room table for 2-3 hours) and an actual date night on Saturdays.

      If you’re not hitting 45 billable hours a week, and you have billable work to do, I’d definitely work more whether than means staying later or WFH in the evenings depends on your specific situation.

      1. My husband and I have spent many, many hours working at the dining room table, coffee shops on weekends, etc over the years. If one of us doesn’t have pending tasks, then we’ll knock out other tasks like prepping our taxes, vacation planning, photo books, etc. Just something that keeps us busy at the same time. It’s beneficial in that we’re both working to knock out some hours and we also develop an appreciation for each others jobs and the hours we need to put in.

        Friday evenings working is much more enjoyable with a beverage, good snacks and a significant other or friend knocking out their tasks on the other side of the table.

        1. What a lovely idea (both of you) – have struggled with how to incorporate my work/life balance as I date. Thanks!

    2. The time in my practice when I was most effective about that was when I maintained an Excel chart tracking my goal hours for the day/week, as against my yearly target. I put in my hours every day and could see how I was tracking. The formula was built it to assume I would take a full 4 weeks vacation, even though that never happened. So I had to hit around 48 hours/ week to stay on track. Work permitting, I wouldn’t leave until this was done on Friday. Because I liked being able to leave at 5 on Fridays, that motivated me to do the work earlier in the week. (This started because at that firm, my secretary would input my hours for the prior week every Monday and sending her a week’s worth in Excel form was the best practice.) This was before I had kids–it would be much tougher to stick with now that I have kids, where I work more at home.

      1. +1. I had a 2,000 billable requirement (or ~41 hours/week assuming 3 weeks’ worth of days off between vacations and holidays). I kept an Excel weekly spreadsheet of where I should be to be on pace for a 2,000-hour-year, and every week would type in my actual hours to date. Watching what I called my “cushion” build was highly motivating.
        I would typically put in a few hours on Sunday afternoon to get a jump on the week, especially if there were unbillable-but-time-consuming networking activities upcoming.

      2. Any interest in sharing your spreadsheet/formula? It sounds incredible, but I can’t quite make sense of it in the abstract. (ADD, so visual processor.)

        1. I wish I brought it with me when I changed firms, but I didn’t and haven’t recreated it. Sorry!

        2. I created mine very simply and probably laughably to anyone who really knows how to use Excel. I literally divided 2,000 by 52 and typed the incremental numbers into Excel in Column A. Each week, I ran the “show me my billables to date” feature in the time software, and typed in that total in Column B next to the corresponding row.

          Column C I pre-programmed to be Column B minus Column A. So, a positive number was the then-current “cushion” I had for days off or slow days. A negative number was a deficit that I had to overcome.

          1. As a nice gimmick that you could add, I highly recommend to use conditional formatting. Both excel and google sheets have this button, in the home tab or in the format menu, respectively. You can apply two rules to your column that compares billed vs. target, and a cushion will automatically show up green, while a deficit goes red.

    3. Check your time entry software. Ours has a feature that allows us to track where we need to be on a daily basis against the end of year goal. Seeing those numbers, and especially when slacking is eating into the cushion I built up is normally a good reality check. It’s one thing to know, I’m behind 40 hours, then the next day see now I’m behind 42 hours.

    4. This may be obvious but I’ve billed an insane amount in January, and while I am working my buns off, it is not as backbreaking one would think if they looked at my time entries. Here’s what I’ve been doing. Every morning first thing I email myself my billing total, so I can see where I’m at and gauge where I need be by the end of the day/week/month. Whenever I feel like I’m done for the day, I force myself to stay one more hour, that sometimes turns into longer. I’m saving work that can be done somewhat mindlessly for doing at home while vegging. For me this is reviewing medical records. I do this pretty much from after I eat dinner until I go to bed. I have been working full days on the weekend. NOTE- this is not sustainable, and I only plan on doing it for a few more weeks. But it will be so worth it when the weather is better and I want to coast.

  9. Is there a website or some easy way of collecting mailing addresses from dozens of people without compromising privacy? I am coordinating an event where I will be responsible for collecting 100 mailing addresses or so, these people are all former colleagues but not necessarily everyone knows one another. I was originally thinking of just creating a Google docs spreadsheet and provide a link to everyone to fill out their contact information but someone pointed out they would be uncomfortable doing this due to privacy concerns. Is there a website or some other easy means of doing this? I really do not want 100 emails back with mailing addresses that I then have to manually input into a spreadsheet. I’m trying to figure out a way to streamline this as much as possible. Thanks!

    1. You could create a google form instead, which will funnel the responses into a spreadsheet that only you will have access to. I do this a lot when planning big events at work.

      2. 2nding google forms- it’s super easy and we used it for our wedding rsvp– but include your email for older or technically incompetent people.

    2. I’d question whether you need them at all. I refuse to give mine out – I don’t want junk mail. Email spam is bad enough. If you need to send me something, I’ll know and approve of it by giving you my address then. Home address, never though.

      1. Everyone knows what this is so far and is on board giving a mailing address. This is for a major national event.

    3. I think PaperlessPost has an option for this. Meant for managing wedding save the dates but you could see if it meets your needs and use a non descript “save the date” invite.

    4. Mailchimp – you can set up a form for people sign up for your mailing list. Only the admin can see the info.

    5. Use EventBrite to set up a free event. Send your guests a link to “register” and EventBrite will have a report you can pull of the folks that register.

    7. I used Greenvelope for my wedding save the dates; there is a space to enter mailing addresses, and the only person who can see it is the one you invited.

    8. Google Form or Postable – I’ve used both and I like Postable better. Both are free.

  10. Can anyone recommend an adoption agency that handles intl adoptions from India? The two agencies that I was strongly considering, Children of the World and Wacap, are no longer excepting new applicants for the India program. We live in the bay area but are open to an agency anywhere in the US because my understanding is that most of this is all handled over the phone. Just looking for an agency that is thorough and responsive. Thank you!

    1. I know a couple where the Husband was Indian, moved to US, married a (white) American woman, and they were trying to adopt from an Indian orphanage (through an agency) and it was really really really difficult, and only possible because of the husband’s Indian heritage. This was in 2012 – they basically moved from US to South India (a large city, but not one internationally known, but where my husband and I were for his work and where I met them) in order to support the (legit, aboveboard) orphanage and to see their toddler’s daughter case through the courts. There is a lot of corruption in the Indian adoption ‘system’- a lot of bribes, perhaps birth parents not wanting to give up babies, selling of children, promises to American agencies and families that weren’t kept, corrupt administrators – and one way the Indian government at the national and state/province level has responded is to very much reduce the number of agencies allowed to facilitate international adoptions and to very much limit the number of children allowed to be adopted. I hope that my information and experience is outdated and useless to you, but I am afraid it may not be. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful and I wish you luck.

      1. This is becoming increasingly common for many countries. It is getting very hard to adopt internationally.

    2. An acquaintance recently adopted a child from India using Lifeline Children Services. They seem to be heavily Christian-focused, though, so that may or may not be what you’re looking for. I think it was a difficult process, but I’m not sure it was any more difficult than any other international adoption, just from stories I’ve heard.

    3. FYI – not what you asked and just my two cents, but The Hubs and I looked seriously at both international and domestic adoption and decided on domestic for a variety of reasons. YMMV and you may have reasons behind your choice that we did not, but if you want input, I am happy to provide offline.

  11. I’ve struggled with my body image for as long as I can remember. In high school, college, and afterwards, I always felt fat even though my weight was in a healthy range and all of my stats (blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.) were good. A few years ago, I really started working on my changing my perception of my body and I got to a place where I’m comfortable in my own skin. There’s just one problem- now I’m overweight! While I was working on body positivity I stopped punishing myself with crash diets and focused more on how I felt than what I ate. When I got weighed recently at a doctor’s appointment, I got a little talking-to about how my weight has increased and I’m in danger of becoming obese. For my health, I now need to lose weight. But I don’t want to fall back in my old patterns of hating my body. Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you lose weight for your health without returning to unhealthy weightloss habits and negative body image?

    1. I struggle with the same thing. I’m technically obese by BMI standards and my doctor has given me the same warning. As much as I’d objectively like to have a body like a celebrity, I’m honestly fine with my body. I struggled with an eating disorder in high school and hated myself. I don’t know the answer. I’d rather be fat and happy, tbh.

      1. Are you me? This perfectly sums up my feelings and experience. Thanks for putting words around it. <3

      2. Similar boat—just crept over the line from overweight to obese. As much as I’d love to be thin for vanity purposes, I’m happy with my body and really don’t want to go back to the insecurity I had as a kid (largely due to family saying bad stuff to me).

        I’m hoping that maybe by focusing only on health, I can get healthier without losing that contentment I have with my body.

    2. Your weight is one data point, not a binary indicator of healthy versus unhealthy. Focus on healthy habits, including exercise, and keep an eye on other indicators (blood pressure, glucose level). It’s not worth starving yourself (which won’t work anyway) to slightly decrease your risk of cancer and other health problems. Your risk is not dramatically increased by being slightly overweight. Your life is worth more than spending it in diet misery. I know mine is and my BMI is 26.

    3. Honestly – find a better doctor. They should be evaluating your health on more than just your weight.

      1. Agree with this- weight bias is real. I know I’m overweight already, but I’m A LOT healthier with my habits as an overweight person than I was when I was skinny– if a dr harped on it more than just mentioning it, I’d change drs 100%.

      2. Someone told me that it’s an insurance/billing requirement that doctors say something if your weight is in that range. After that I noticed my doctor always said the exact same thing, like the same words. It helps me not feel criticized when she says it, gives me some perspective, and lets me assume that she is treating me as a whole person (how I usually feel) instead of as just a single number.

        1. Yep. I’m 190 lbs at 5’5″ and a size ~8. I can deadlift ~400 lbs. I get this talk everytime I go to the doctor. I offer to show them my food and exercise logs.

          I’m working my way to 175 – 180 (vanity ab goals) but the only time I’ve been under 150 lbs since high school (the healthy weight upper limit for my height) was being totally inactive / zero resistance training. I’m not willing to completely stop doing resistance training in order to hit BMI requirements.

    4. Therapy may help but I’ve also found being active a great way to change my relationship with my body. Maybe start wtih a Couch to 5K program. Are there activities you’re interested in but you’ve never tried? Take adult lessons! Adult ballet, ice skating , belly dancing, indoor rock climbing, roller blading, tap dancing, running, cycling, swimming, etc. I actually have an activity bucket list going and I aim to try a new activity every year. This year is swimming lessons because we have a two week beach vacation coming up and I want to feel confident when swimming with my kids and not stressed when the water is over my head.

      Activity gives you different metrics for how to think about your body other than the scale. I grew up in a sedentary home and I learned this perspective from my DH. DH rarely knows exactly what he weighs but he can tell you about how many push ups he can do or his fastest 5K time or the hardest rock climbing wall he’s done.

      1. I think me and another poster always pipe up about barbell sports, but it changed my life! I went from being a super disordered eating teen to a super incredibly confident human by starting a barbell sport (by way of Couch to 5k, then going to group fitness classes, then learning to lift weights, then lifting barbells) and it is life changing. I think activity overall is important, but I think finding something that has a component of you feeling strong/accomplished and having goals (a competition, a faster time, more weight on the bar) that are not related at all to your body type or weight makes you see your body in a completely new way.

        My outlook is starkly contrasted when I hang out with friends from other walks of life, who do not train for similar goals. I hear a lot about Spanx, and rolls, and not looking good, and hating a picture of themselves, etc. These are brilliant, high achieving women. Once I learned the incredible things I could do, like squat more than most men I work with, I didn’t care about what I looked like and new that fueling my body to perform was the most important part!

        The nice thing about barbell sports and weight training is that your body ends up looking very nice too (like an athlete’s) and you get to hang out with a bunch of girls who think that traps and quads and butts getting bigger mean you’re about to put a 15 lb. personal record on your squat and where not fitting into old jeans is awesome. And no, this is not “bulking” like a fitness model, this is just muscle showing off your hard work.

        We recently had a new girl join our gym and she is probably 40 lbs. heavier than me. We happened to be squatting that day and I was so jealous when I first saw her because I immediately thought, “Oh my gosh, her legs. She could probably squat a house.” So, my advice is to find those rare corners of the world where strong women (whatever the sport) live and hang out with them. You’ll fall in love with your body and stay healthy!

    5. This might sound weird, but think of exercise like you’re a dog. Dogs need walks. They’re not always begging for a walk because they wish they were hot and skinny, but because the need to run and play is part of being a dog. If someone didn’t walk their dog, it’d be horrible and the dog would be unhealthy mentally and physically. It’s like that for humans, you need to get out and run around (in some form) and move to be healthy. It’s like playing as a kid at recess. You’re not doing it to lose weight or count calories, it’s just one part of health. Same with diet – you don’t have to restrict calories, but I bet you could make your meals healthier without focusing on restricting elsewhere. Maybe you’re not eating enough vegetables and fiber and now you want to plan your meals to include those things. Perhaps adopting healthier habits will change your weight, maybe it won’t, but it’ll still make you healthier which is your goal.

      1. This.

        If you are healthy AND overweight, then activity and good fuels are part of good daily maintenance.

        And if you lose weight (just some, not hurculean amounts, which I feel are unsustainable), it is less wear and tear on your joints, which will be helpful because you will live not just better but longer.

        FWIW, my grandmother had to go into assisted living when her husband was no longer able to lift her when she fell (and she was so large she could not manage herself due to many issues that had she been more active in her 40s and beyond, wouldn’t have led to chronic health issues). Had she been smaller and more nimble, she wouldn’t have had to give up.

      3. Yes! If you want to be healthier, doing things to help yourself be healthier is great! I tell my daughter (she gripes every time I leave to the gym) that I want to be able to pick her up and carry her for years and years and years. [flex emoji] And it helps my mental health, which will also lengthen my life and increase its quality…

        TBH, my body remains like, the same size, whether I’m drinking beerz and having ice cream and lazing around vs drinking water and eating veggies and exercising… but I physically feel better when I mostly do the latter (and sometimes do the former because otherwise what is the point of life?) AND I emotionally feel better, like when my doc says something about my weight, and I can tell her (or remind myself) that I actually DO have a mostly healthy lifestyle.

    6. You love your body by taking care of it. That doesn’t mean you can’t love your body unless it’s perfect; it means that part of loving your body is to put healthy food into it and to exercise.

      This is about inputs, not outputs.

    7. Hi, are you me? I also struggled with poor self image and disordered eating/thinking when I was younger, then learned to love my body, and now that I’m actually overweight it’s worse than ever! I can’t help but worry that people think I’m gross and stupid and worthless because of my size. My doctor isn’t worried, my boyfriend loves my body for exactly what it is, but still, I feel like I need to lose the weight in order to be respected. I’ve been cutting calories and exercising, I’m so sick of people explaining CICO when I didn’t even ask for their input, and then they say it’s such a simple concept and it’s like cool, if it’s so simple and obvious why did you feel the need to butt into my conversation to educate me about it? I didn’t tell you about my diet or ask for pointers, I didn’t mention looking for any sort of alternatives or shortcuts or “magic bullets,” all I said was I was trying to lose weight, which I really only say so people won’t think I’m some gross person who doesn’t care about her health.
      But I don’t think I’m gross, if that makes sense. I just hate that others see me that way. I actually look at myself in the mirror, sometimes nude, sometimes in my underwear, and think “dang, I look good today!” before putting on my size 10 dress. I feel like a goddess sometimes, and then I feel guilty, because it doesn’t seem like that’s allowed when your BMI says you’re overweight.
      Sorry, I’m venting, which probably isn’t helping, but I wanted you to know you weren’t alone, and this stuff has been eating at me for weeks (pun only kind of intended). This is frustrating as heck sometimes. I don’t have a lot of advice, except that finding fitness classes I really love has helped me feel good, and helped me take pride in what my body can do despite this stupid belly.

      1. You are not gross. You are perfect the way you are, and you have value at a size 2 or 10 or 20.

    8. Sorry this comment is late – I think the body positive movement is BS, only in the sense that it leaves a lot of room for excuses for bad behavior when people consider their overall health. The confidence and acceptance part is not BS, so I think “body neutral” is where it’s at. I can look at myself in the mirror and think, I’m ok with myself. My body is not perfect but I’m serving it and it’s working for me. I am actively making healthy choices, nurturing my body, listening to it’s responses, putting good nutrition into it, and working out so I can live the active lifestyle I want to live. It’s OK if I have a burger on the weekend, that’s one meal out of 21. If I’m aiming for 80/20, I’m still ahead of the game. Intermittent fasting is working for me (I’m not counting carbs or limiting any particular food), and lately I’ve been tracking my calories on MyFitnessPal – not as a way to think of deprivation or limitation, but it’s a good reminder when I’m bored and thinking about cookies that I’ve given my body great nutrition today, it don’t need a cookie, but if I want a treat I should have a cup of tea. No food is off the table, but you have to consider that diet and nutrition are over a lifetime, it doesn’t start tomorrow. I’m an active, fit but still “overweight” person. My doctor is OK with my weight because she knows about my exercise schedule, the events I train for and compete in, and all of my other stats are stellar. Activity determines shape, diet determines weight.
      At the end of the day, if I lose weight doing what I’m doing, that’s fine. But I measure my success differently: I’d rather be able to hike for an entire day (always low-key training for and applying yearly for the permit to go up Half-Dome), complete regular 75 mile bike rides, climb all of the stairs on vacation, add speed to my golf swing. I want to go into the doctor and get great stats for cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. I want to avoid things like Type 2 diabetes. I don’t think it’s possible for my body to be a size 2/4 but I can be a super-fit 12/14. I want to be golfing/cycling and generally active when I’m 75. There aren’t any quick fixes, it’s everything added up over years, and you need to be kind to yourself but also find positive ways to be your healthiest you.

  12. Obsessed with the new podcast “10 Things that Scare Me” each episode is around 7 minutes long and the person. just lists 10 things that scare them. It sounds super simple and not that interesting but it totally is addictive. What are 10 things that scare you?

    1. Especially after the recession, the possibility that I may be proved right that outside of the one niche high-paying field I’m in now, I am only fit to go back to being a retail cashier. And I would probably be awful at it now b/c standing on hard surfaces for even an hour kills my feet (never mind 8 hours). #BreadLines

      1. This — that if I lose my well-paying job, in a recession, I’d be lucky at my age to get hired into any hourly job that is not completely sedentary. I can type decent WPM but not compete with a real admin. I can’t work standing for long periods of time b/c bad feet / not in my 20s anymore.

        1. I think there are such laws in other countries. There certainly are such practices in other countries.

        2. There are laws. I grew up in Europe and of course cashiers would always sit – who in their right mind would make people stand up needlessly for a job that can be done sitting down? Seeing cashiers in North America stand up just for the pleasure of customers shocked me and I find it as appalling today as I did on day one all those years ago. (Yes, that is why they are not allowed to sit – I remember researching and coming to articles that explained how customers apparently perceived the cashier was serving them better if standing and that’s why they have to stand now).

    2. On a macro level…the death of my parents, being arrested for something I didn’t do/not my fault, my apartment being robbed, being raped, being hit by a car crossing the street, flying, falling, cramped spaces, heights (in case you’re wondering, yes I do have an anxiety problem).

      On a micro level: spiders, snakes, BEDBUGS.

    3. Interesting! I’ll play.

      Roaches (pretty sure I have a true phobia)
      Being a burden to my family when I’m old
      Being desperately poor when I’m old
      Getting pregnant
      Making a serious, high-profile mistake at work
      Having the not-really-treatable cancer that killed my Dad
      My mom dying
      Being in a plane crash
      Hitting someone in my car
      Having Alzheimer’s, ALS or some other long-acting degenerative illness

    4. 1) Bedbugs/mice/cockroaches/rats/moths – anything that will take over my house. I am fine with all things outside but once they start coming inside the house and make living hard for me – like unclean, destroy clothing/destroy food etc. Thats when I have an issue.

      2) That my spouse who is my best friend will die early or leave me. We have really healthy friend networks, separate hobbies, good balance between work / career etc but I have known him basically my entire life and he is truly my other half and it just scares me that one day he might not be a part of my life.

      3) That I will be a bad parent.

      4) That my child will have a mental health disorder or autism or something that will prevent them from being truly happy or prevent them from being self sufficient. The idea of trusting caregivers with care of them if they would need it after I am gone is really scary.

      5) Dying in a way that involves not being able to breathe – why I hate the idea of scuba diving or climbing Everest or submarines or fire.

      6) Having my autoimmune disorder/other health issues become so bad that I can’t care for my family the way I would want to or be involved in the world around me the way I want to.

      7) Global warming. When will others care?

      8) Having to read/spell something out loud in front of a group of people and mispronouncing/misspelling things. I had tons of speech therapy as a kid and still stumble and always am very aware of it.

      9) That I won’t take the time to record my parents memories – names for old photos, stories behind family heirlooms before they die and that history will be lost.

      10) That my procrastination will truly catch up with me some day.

      1. I’m living the combo of #4 and #6 right now. Which is really ramping up #2, completely unfairly to my partner…

    5. 1-dementia. This is by far my greatest fear, well above all others.
      2-cancer
      3-snakes. Totally irrational guy level
      4-when my elderly father dies my childhood nuclear family will be gone from my life and I’m not sure I’m going to deal with that very well
      5-flying
      6-deserted parking garages or lots, which I think are a likely place to be a victim of crime
      7-tornado weather. I was in a tornado, as in right through the middle of it. Tornado weather makes me shake.
      8-losing my job and hanging to start over
      9-people with extreme values who want to impose their values on others
      10-that, in my opinion, the American democracy is being disassembled. I’m not trying to take this post political, but I genuinely believe that this is happening, and that terrifies me.

    6. 1) Climate change
      2) What will happen to climate refugees
      3) Climate change related disease
      4) Degredation of democracy in the US and abroad
      5) Increasing income inequality in the US
      6) Rising entho-nationalism in the US and abroad
      7) Terrorism
      8) That my children will have a much lower standard of living as adults than we currently enjoy
      9) That it’s becoming increasingly difficult to discern the truth, including technology that creates false audio and video
      10) Government and corporate surveillance including via “smart home” devices

    7. Interesting!
      -Losing my husband.
      -Losing a hypothetical child. Interestingly this nightmare never takes the form of infant loss, even though stories of infant loss always make me devastatingly sad. It’s always a vision of an older child of mine being involved in an accident.
      -My sister doesn’t want to have a relationship with me.
      -That my parents’ increasing negative attitude towards life won’t go away when they retire as they seem to so firmly believe it will.
      -That my parents, dad especially, haven’t cared enough about their health that they’ll live to see my kids.
      -My dad dying. (Can you tell I’m worried about my parents?)
      -Being involved in a car accident, either my own fault or somebody else’s.
      -The future of America, as others have mentioned.
      -MOTHS.
      I can’t think of a tenth one. I guess that’s a good thing.

    8. -Spouse dying
      -Family dying
      -Getting into a car accident
      -The future of the world (climate change)
      -Having a sociopathic child (not kidding)
      -Having a child with severe special needs requiring lifelong care and not finding out in time for an abortion
      -Getting bit by a rattlesnake while backpacking in remote areas
      -Getting trapped in an avalanche while skiing
      – The Big One (earthquake) hitting
      -Gender-neutral bathrooms (this is not a commentary on transwomen using women’s bathrooms – I just feel unsafe in the increasingly common multi-stall -bathrooms that both men and women use together)
      – Walking in the Bay Area alone at night (most neighborhoods I frequent)

      1. Forgot to add a huge one causing me a lot of fear right now – the rise of autocratic leaders in the United States and globally/the threat of living in a totalitarian society and the way people seem utterly ignorant or apathetic as things worsen.

      2. “-Having a sociopathic child (not kidding)”

        I fear that, too, mostly because I have an older sibling who is violent and psychotic.

    9. 1. Getting Pregnant
      2. Being without my husband (either through death or divorce)
      3. Climate Change
      4. Being unable to live according to my morals
      5. A bad political climate (I am not from the US)
      6. Being unable to find fulfilling work
      7. Death of my pets

      That’s all I can really think of.

    10. Our family motto is anything that’s not death can’t be that bad, so:
      1- my daughter dying
      2- my husband dying
      3- my mom dying
      4-6- any of those people being severely disabled to the point of not being able to enjoy life
      7- the holocaust, or similar type situation, reoccurring
      8- alien abduction (thanks movie I watched on my 6th bday that was ‘based on a true story’)
      9- being buried alive
      10- being tortured

    11. 1. Rats
      2. Cancer
      3. Being poor
      4. A child dying
      5. ALS or other degenerative disease
      6. Getting injured and not being able to exercise
      7. My children getting bullied or having major mental health issues
      8. Screwing up my daughters’ body images
      9. Looking older than I am
      10. Getting pregnant

    12. 1. Dying alone and poor (my husband is a lot older than me and I have no kids so I think of this all the time)
      2. Ebola or some other pandemic that would result in a lot of widespread vomit and death–the vomit part is about equal freak out for me. I have a huge phobia of seeing vomit
      3. Seeing animals in need of help in some way and not being able to do anything (I have nightmares like this all of the time–like I need to put a bunny in a cage and can’t find one)
      4. Loss of career and ending up a cashier (I’m glad I’m not the only one!)
      5. Dying of the same rare lung disease my dad had–it was seriously the most agonizing way to go
      6. Forgetting something major-like suddenly I find out my 401K was never real because of a form I missed or the dog I adopted has to go back because I didn’t complete paperwork or something
      7. Spiders or worse, spiders hatching a bunch of baby spiders
      8. Being stuck in an elevator or somewhere else with someone who is giving birth (I literally get anxious around pregnant people)
      9. Having to go to the bathroom in front of people (again, elevator getting stuck comes to mind–maybe I need to spend less time in elevtors?
      10. Seeing someone fall off a big height (Those 911 images. And I once saw a video of a performer who died when falling out of box above the crowd. Just makes me sweat thinking of it.

    14. 1. My husband dying
      2. My dog dying (I mean in know shes mortal and has a lifespan but this is still in my top fears)
      3. My parents dying
      4. My sister dying
      5. My body failing me as I age (as I’ve seen happening to my grandparents)
      6. My husbands body failing him as he ages
      7. Becoming truly isolated (I’m an introvert and really bad at maintaining friendships)
      8. Giving birth
      9. Becoming a mother and then realizing I hate being a mother and am full of regret
      10. My marriage failing

    15. This is such an interesting question. I am not scared of much, which I think is a reflection of my privilege (white, middle class), my experiences (accidents, rape & sexual assault, unemployment, life-threatening injuries, surgeries, multiple biopsies, suicide attempt, I’ve been arrested, etc.), and not having kids or a spouse.

      I think the factors that contribute to people’s fears is a fascinating topic.

    16. 1. My job going belly up, especially at my age.
      2. Cancer
      3. Violent crime against me
      4. Hurricanes/evacuation/loss of home
      5. Alzheimer’s
      6. Fire

      Can’t think of anything else for now. I’ve already lost both parents and been divorced and have gotten pregnant accidentally and, while that was all pretty awful, I lived through all of it.

    17. In no particular order:
      1. A fire in my house or car
      2. Dementia (runs in my family)
      3. Death of family members and close friends
      4. Being thrown in jail in a foreign country and at the mercy of that country’s court system and bizarre laws
      5. My alopecia areata worsening and starting to fall out in more obvious places
      6. Remaining single forever
      7. Never having children as a result of never finding someone to have children with
      8. Being tortured with physical pain (related to #4)
      9. The effects of climate change and the fact that some people deny it exists and will fail to do anything about it before it’s too late
      10. Outliving my money and not having anyone to take me in (see also #7)

      1. 4 is a big one for me. I saw Brokedown Palace at a very impressionable age and it put the fear of god into me.

    18. In no particular order:

      1. Riding my bike on a steep downhill
      2. Skiing
      3. Driving on high bridges/overpasses ((do you see a pattern here?)
      4. Gaining back all the weight I lost after weight loss surgery
      5. My son failing to launch (although at this point I feel like I can finally exhale)
      6. My parents outliving their money
      7. My sweet husband dying or becoming disabled
      8. Not having enough money
      9. For sure the future of America
      10. Making some terrible faux pas and being internet shamed

    19. 1 – holes, like in those horrible seedpods that people put in floral arrangements (ugh I don’t even like TYPING about it, gives me the shivers)
      2 – being poisoned, and knowing i’ve been poisoned
      3 – my ex
      4 – anything happening to my baby (ugh it’s unthinkable)
      5 – getting really depressed and crazy again
      6 – what the planet and our country will look like as my kiddo grows up, and that i won’t be able to do enough to help
      7 – [ha deleted this one because maybe i need to talk about it with my therapist]
      8 – angry men
      9 – tumors
      10 – being stuck/confined, physically, especially around my shoulders

      1. The small holes thing is: Trypophobia and you are not the only person I have known with this!

        1. I didn’t know the name “seedpod” but I knew exactly what you were describing. Ew. I am Trypophobic.

          1. For a long time, I thought it was how everyone felt. Like, I was so confused why anyone would put something so obviously gross in a bouquet of dried flowers. You wouldn’t put a taxidermied tarantula in a bouquet, so why this? But it turns out only *some* people find them horrifying.

            (I can never remember exactly how to spell the name, but I can’t google it because the image search suggestions freak me out too much.)

    20. In no particular order:
      – My husband dying
      – Losing my job
      – Going through TTC, pregnancy, childbirth, etc. and figuring out on maternity leave that I hate being a mother
      – A global pandemic, ala Station Eleven or Contagion
      – My husband losing his job and never finding another one, which is kind of absurd given he makes less than 1/7th my salary, so I’m already the breadwinner, but it’s very much a real fear that’s tied up in resentment and anxiety around my parents and upbringing.
      – Having an angry, violent (maybe sociopathic) child and being scared to exist in my own home, especially if it’s a boy who’s taller and stronger than I am.
      – My home smelling or being below some social-contract-agreed-upon “level” of cleanliness, but I don’t know because I live there and am used to it/nose blind, and people talk about my gross AF house behind my back.
      – Never making another close friend as an adult and drifting from my three closest girlfriends as more folks get married, pregnant, etc.
      – Drowning, or my husband or kid(s) drowning
      – Procrastination catching up to me in a huge way, like that cost me my home or my entire 401(k) because I didn’t mail something on time of docusign the right form.

      This was pretty cathartic, actually!

  13. Thoughts on buying a home before your student loans are paid off? I’m in Big Law, have already paid off a sizable portion, and my husband and I have enough to get into our very competitive market in our HCOL area. We’d like to TTC in 12-18 months and these are some of our pre-baby goals, but it’s so hard to try to figure out how to do all of this!!! Appreciate any thoughts from your own experience. ALSO yesterday’s poster who has two kids in BigLaw 20 months apart- PLEASE share your secrets!!!

    1. How high are your student loan interest rates? Mine were 6.8 and 7.9, so for me it didn’t make sense to dedicate a lot of money to a down payment versus loans. If you’re at 3% that math changes.

    2. Not impossible or unusual, especially if your student loans are low-interest. Just don’t buy more house than you can comfortably afford if you leave Biglaw and take an associated salary cut. When we were house-hunting our realtor was taken very aback that we didn’t want to spend more 1-1.5x our joint income for a house when we were approved for a mortgage that was more like 2-2.5x our joint income.

    3. I bought a home 5 years ago and have 2 kids and still haven’t paid off all my law school student loans. The ones that are remaining are a very low interest rate (under 3% when we bought our house), so it wasn’t worth it to pay them off only to take on more debt on our house. We were pretty conservative about buying a house that we could comfortably afford. I’m glad we went for it then because we would probably have to pay at least $200K more than we did 5 years ago for the same (small) house if we were buying now. I’d love to be able to say that I’ve paid off all my student loans, but it really just didn’t make sense given the rates and our other goals. I have enough now in my kids’ 529s to pay off my student loans, so it’s a question of where to put the money given our goals. My hope is that the gains that we can realize from investing early in their accounts will be worth more than the small interest amounts that we are paying on the remaining loan balance.

    4. I’m not the original poster, but I’m in the same situation. I’ve been aggressively paying loans that are at 5% and only have $15,000 left. My husband, however has about $35,000 left at rates of 4-8% and he’s tackling largest interest rate first and then snowballing. HHI is about $280k and we’re maxing out retirement but aren’t sure if it’s better to put our leftover money each month towards loans or a house. We’re in a HCOL area (but live in the burbs) and the houses we’d be looking at are in the $500-$600 range. The kicker is we’d like to have kids in 1.5-2 years and aren’t sure if we should prioritize buying a house before having our first kid either. Thoughts/advice much appreciated.

    5. The dilemma is, we could use our current down payment savings to substantially pay down the loans (left with less than 50k). Current loans average 6%, but a lot are 5% and below (I didn’t consolidate). Then we’d be able to save at an even higher rate and ultimately be able to put ourselves in a better financial position. BUT home prices could soar in that time (possible since were in NoVA) and we could be screwed. OR we could get into the market now, and probably struggle to payoff the loans on the timeline we’d like. I don’t even know how to limit our home price to 1.5x our incomes given this real estate market.

      1. With the caveat that I’m in a similar could pay off my loans but also could save for a down payment, aren’t house prices about to shoot way up in NoVa with Amazon coming to town? I’m sure there are people here with better advice on this point than I have, but my guess is that home prices are gonna be drastically different in a year or two. I’m biased because my husband and I will likely buy a house a year or two before my loans are paid off (and will be using my salary to essentially pay off his loans once he graduates residency and our HHI goes way up), while we are homeowners – but I think its worth considering buying before your loans are paid off (caveat: my rate is lower 4.5%).

        1. Not the OP, but I don’t think Amazon’s gonna have a big impact immediately (if ever). The number of employees starting in the near future is relatively small, just a fraction of the number who are generally added to the area in a given year. Given that the office is going to ramp up over 10 years, there’s not any big impact in any one year. The area already adds so many employees each year that I find it hard to believe Amazon will have some drastic impact on housing places. Also NoVa is a huge area – the vast majority of it would have absolutely no impact for and would not really be commutable to Amazon’s new office.

          1. I agree — I do think that will put even more of a premium on everything inside the Beltway.

            IIRC, Arlington County is a total demographic outlier (something like 10 taxpayers for ever household with school-aged kids, tons of business tax ratables), so I wonder if that will make it more like McLean/Potomac in terms of demographics (esp. compared to other places people have gone to for Happy Suburbia with Good Schools (e.g., Falls Church city, Fairfax).

            Compare to Prince William — bad traffic, overcrowded schools, and not enough business ratables so taxes will go up and traffic/commutes will become demonic.

      2. I thought that the sane advice was to have a home at 2x income (so 1.5 is great).

        At any rate, I didn’t pay off my loans before buying a house (as a single childless person who was tired of living in a highrise at Courthouse with “grad” students who did nothing but party and come home LOUD in the overnight hours when I had a BigLaw job to go to during the day).

        I still had loans when I had kids (about what you have now). Then I had to replace my paid-off beater car with a safe car with airbags (mine had been in a crash previously). And daycare for 2. At any rate, they did eventually go away.

        While I bought primarily to save my sanity and literally sleep at night, it was in a good-enough school district that it has been the one stable things.

    6. I did but I was down to an amount I knew would be paid off in less than a year and my interest rate was about 4%. I had planned to wait but then mortgage rates started jumping and I changed my mind when they hit the same rate as my loans.

    7. We bought a house before I had paid off even a small portion of my student loans, and I have no regrets. I will say that a substantial part of our down payment was savings from my husband pre-marriage and that he also had some sort of program through his company that allowed him to sell stock to get down payment money… However, the reason why we bought when we did is that rental prices in our area were so outrageous that it made no sense to keep renting. We also were concerned that if we waited longer, we would be priced out of the market. Our mortgage is not that much more than what our rent was, and we have a house twice the size that is brand new instead of falling apart. Our house has also appreciated 20% since we bought it. Absolutely no regrets.

      1. This is similar to why I bought a house (and I’ve still got who knows how long left on my loans). The mortgage is waaayy less than renting and my home is waaayy nicer than any apartment in my area. I also locked into a 3.5% interest rate on my mortgage, so I feel good about buying when I did.

    8. So we went through this (we lived in SF for 6 yrs in big law)– we would have made a killing had we bought a house, but that was pure luck, I’m not sure that many markets that haven’t already boomed will boom THAT MUCH.
      I will tell you that big-law time if finite for most people, and you may be asked to leave on terms that are not your own- it was at this point in our careers (6 yrs in, of course w/in 30 day of me giving birth to my 1st child) that I was SO glad we had prioritized paying off our loans and having a 1 yr nest egg, and did not have a 7k/mo nortgage. We didn’t have to take less than the perfect job, and we were free to move for the right job that ended up coming along. After we settled down into our new normal, we were able to buy a house we felt comfortable at w/in our new salary range.

      1. This — I am a BigLaw partner and still don’t feel right with the idea of a 7K/mo mortgage. Even as a partner, I can get sacked or have my comp reduced to zero and we may or may not be instituting a retirement policy (and my kids won’t be done with college until I am in my 60s).

        The fear is real.

        1. This. I’m a BigLaw partner in SF. I live in a one-bathroom house. I have no desire to spend more money on a mortgage than I already am.

    9. My husband a I have bought twice now without paying off loans. At least in our experience, both times the mortgage companies have taken into account the loan payments when determining how much you are qualified for.

    10. We bought a house before incurring my law school loans. It only worked out because we are in an MCOL area, we didn’t have kids yet, we DIY’d all the necessary improvements and were willing to live without furniture for years, and we never did any major renovations. When my law school scholarship ended up being a bait and switch (tuition rose by more than 60%, scholarship remained constant) and we had to borrow much more than anticipated, the law school loans were a factor in our decision not to upgrade our cr@ppy starter house.

    11. I did it. For me it was a matter of paying more money up front to save in the long run. My monthly rent had become unreasonable and the rental market in my area is terrible. Buying my house saved me over $500/mo, not counting the tax deduction or the fact that I now have an (appreciating, if slowly) asset. The house is newish (15 years) and (knock on wood) I haven’t had to dump too much money into repairs. Even if I walked away from closing with $0 (which I don’t think would happen) I’ve still saved money by buying instead of renting over the time I’ve owned the place. So no regrets here!

  14. Recommendations for Japan?
    Going for two weeks in February, but I am not a skiier so its likely we’ll spend time in Tokyo, Kansai region (Kyoto) and then go to the south – thinking about Beppu for the hot springs. Anything we must do or shouldn’t miss? TIA!

    1. If you’re into Disney, Tokyo Disneyland and DisneySea are supposed to be the best Disney parks in the world. Can’t wait to go there myself one day!

    4. Outside of the obvious attractions like temples, castles, hot springs, what have you, what I really like in Japan are the everyday things like conbini (convenience stores ala 7-11), vending machines with hot drinks, local markets, hole-in-the-wall eateries etc.
      Don’t know how mobbed February will be but I went in May and basically avoided tourists by going to sites before 8am. I leave the afternoon for shopping.

    5. Generally, I want to put in a plug for guides from http://www.toursbylocals.com. I used them in Hiroshima and Osaka and had great experiences both times. And if you have time I definitely recommend a visit to the Peace Park in Hiroshima, and while you’re there a day trip to Miyajima Island.

    6. Rent the wifi pod from the airport so that you will be able to use internet (MAPS) everywhere you go

  15. I just finished reading My Dear Hamilton, and really enjoyed it. Any advice for similar historical fiction books or authors (not necessarily from that period of time)?

    1. Sarah Dunant’s books about medieval Italy are beautiful – I recently read her Borgia family books and they were stunning.
      If you like war books, please consider The Alice Network.
      The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo is lighter and more glam-Hollywood – takes place 1950s-early 2000s, I guess.
      There are so many! What did you like about My Dear Hamilton – The women’s perspective, the American Revolution, the wife of someone famous, the role of other famous people?
      Historical fiction is my favorite genre, but I’ve read some bad historical fiction, too.

      1. Thanks! I really liked the women / wife perspective of it. I enjoy the revolutionary period, but enjoy most historical periods as well. I recently went on a spree of reading a bunch of WWI and WWII books, so I’d like to flip to other periods, especially pre-1900s.

        Will definitely check out the ones you noted above – the Borgia ones sound right up my alley. Thanks!

        1. From the women’s perspective (these are all historical but range in how much “fiction” is involved), I liked the Schuyler Sisters trio from Beatriz Williams (not about the sisters from Hamilton, but really fun books), Circling the Sun (Paula McClain), Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald (Therese Anne Fowler), American Wife (Curtis Sittenfeld), and The Aviator’s Wife (Melanie Benjamin).

  16. Shopping help please!
    Hello Ladies, have been on the hunt for vegan/non-leather wedges for a long time, and have yet to find a good pair. Basically, trying to avoid leather/suede etc, be comfortable, able to wear all day at work (black or beige) look like pumps (so can wear with dresses) and have a wedge heel (like to stand and work). Any suggestions. Looked up all the brands mentioned in the vegan hunt thread here, and have yet to come across what I am looking for. Size is 5.5
    Thanks!

    2. I assume you’re looking for something more expensive but sometimes payless has great vegan options.

        1. Realized I linked to amazon- they are obviously available on the payless site too.

    3. matt & Nat? sydney brown shoes are lovely but expensive (and vegan) — sort of high minimalist fashion. they’re having a sale now…zappos has a sort by vegan option I think, or mooshoes only sells vegan brands.

    4. I haven’t purchased any shoes from there, but I recently got a vegan leather weekender from Sole Society and I was very impressed with the quality.

  17. My husband and I have a longstanding disagreement about how to store lightly worn clothes. While many items I wash every time I wear, there are others (jeans, sweaters, dry clean items) that can be worn multiple times before getting cleaned. (I realize others may feel differently, but this is my approach – don’t think it’s good for clothes be washed too much if not needed.)

    My husband thinks that these should go back in the dresser, then in the laundry basket when ready to wash, but I don’t want to put clothes I’ve worn back in my dresser with clothes that are truly clean. I also don’t want to put clothes I’m going to wear again in the laundry basket with truly dirty clothes. I end up draping clothes on the end of the bed, and my husband is perennially displeased with this state.

    Curious how others handle lightly worn clothes – any ideas/solutions appreciated!

    1. This is what a bedroom chair is for. I wouldn’t want them on my bed either. I air them out on the chair overnight and then hang them back up.

      1. +1 million on the bedroom chair.

        We’re renovating the master bedroom and I think I’m actually going to include some kind of wall hook or section in the walk in closet for airing out overnight prior to getting hung back up. Maybe try pinterest for ideas?

      2. Lol also a fan of the ‘bedroom chair’ but hate how messy it looks. I recently cleaned out my dresser and have the top drawer for clothes that have been worn but aren’t yet ‘dirty.’
        My mom has a section of her hanging closet dedicated to these clothes.

    2. I have a basket in our bedroom where I keep folded lightly worn clothes – I take your approach and also don’t like to intermix. My clothing flow is closet, lightly worn basket, laundry basket.

      1. PS – I do put hanging blouses back in the closet, but they get their own section.

    4. jeans just end up on the floor in my closet. Work clothes are hung in a section of the closet I have designated for repeat wears. This works because husband and I have separate closets.

    5. A few ways I have dealt with this:
      I have a nice looking basket or felt bin that I make as my temporary holding place for clothes that I have worn once but aren’t 100% clean but not ready to be washed.

      I hung a half chair on the wall, kind of like this image: https://www.guideastuces.com/images_bestof/0b784b359e682938aabddaa96c747b20/179f2c6ddd6884764defb82273994088.jpg) and used that as my clothing spot

      I put hooks inside my closet door that I hang my once worn clothes on so they visually are out of sight most of the time but not all the time.

      For me the big thing is that I know I won’t hang up the stuff again on hangers and I don’t want to put them in the drawers again but don’t visually want them distracting me or getting more dirty (like on the floor with dustbunnies) or damaged and so I needed to come up with a solution that floor or taking over another surface (chair, bed, dresser top) I am okay with creating a middle holding place. I do have a “rule” that once a week when I change my bed linens I go through the basket/hook pile and get it put away so it doesn’t just keep growing.

    6. Hung up overnight on the hanger on the back of my bedroom door to air out, then the hanger gets moved back into the closet the next morning. Or the next day.

    7. Wall hooks behind the door for things that don’t need attention before wearing again, and hangers on an over-the-door hook in the laundry room for items that need steamed or ironed before another wear. I do not put folded things back in the dresser without laundering them although I do hang steamed or ironed items back in the closet.

    8. I have a shelf in my closet that I use for lightly worn clothes that normally go in the dresser. I hang up lightly worn work pants and blouses in a particular spot in my closet. Before I had a decent-sized closet, I draped everything I took off over a chair and sorted it on the weekend, but it was a mess.

    9. I put “half-dirty” casual items on top of a dresser in the closet. Half-dirty work clothes get hung up with the hanger facing backwards so I know they aren’t 100% clean.

    10. I rehang things like blazers or sweaters that were worn over something. I never re-wear shirts, so those just go in the hamper. I do re-wear skirts and those get hung back up. I also re-wear pants and those get hung up or folded and put on a specific shelf in my closet that is for re-wearing. If I hang something, I also hang it in a specific area of my closet that is separate from truly clean clothes.

    11. My husband and I have the same situation but its the opposite. It drives me bonkers because clutter/things not being put away make me feel anxious (you should see our apartment- I am VERY anxious). Anyway, I hang my “real clothes” in the closet, so if they’re worn but not ready to be washed, I spritz them with vodka and put them in the closet. Only my sweats, tshirts, and pajamas are in the dresser, so I don’t really care about “mixing”.

    12. I keep a single padded hanger around for just this purpose. I wear a sweater most days to work. When I get home, I hang it on the padded hanger to air out (use the doorframe of the closet for this), in the process folding and putting away the hanger’s current occupant. So each sweater airs out for 24 hours before being put back in the drawer.

      I keep track of which sweaters have/have not been worn since last cleaning with the dry cleaning tags. I only remove the tag once I’m actually going to wear the sweater.

    13. Totally clean clothes go in the walk in closet, and my most-worn clothes also get a few clean drawers in the dresser. I have a shelf in the dresser for worn-once non-sweaty workout clothes, a shelf for folded lightly-worn pants, and a drawer for lightly-worn bras, t-shirts, shapewear, etc. PJs get stuffed behind pillow. I might not keep clean and dirty in same dresser if I were riding public transportation but for my life this is fine.

    14. I hang them in hooks in my closet, not in the rod. I use a hanger (drape jeans over the bar of the hanger, a top on the hanger the normal way) so that they don’t get creased or stretched out weird from the hooks.

      We also have a cabinet at the foot of our bed that is kind of the dumping ground for things like this. Like bras and pajamas that I’ve worn but am not ready to put in the laundry yet.

    15. Right now, I’ll admit I’m just tossing stuff on a box in the corner of my room. This has to change. I’ve been meaning to get some sort of rack that’s specifically for draping things over, and I think a freestanding towel rack is my best bet, but there’s some old clothes meant for donation and recycling I need to clear out to make room for such a thing. I’m with you, not only do I not want my half dirty clothes coming into contact with my clean clothes, I also don’t want to forget these items when it is laundry day, because then nearly every half dirty item gets washed as long as there’s room in the loads.

    16. End of his bed is really rude and lazy. This is what hooks or a bedroom chair are for.

    17. We are the opposite! I put mine back with the “truly clean” clothes without hesitation. DH leaves his jeans with belt threaded laid out on the floor as if the man inside has evaporated.

    18. I wouldn’t want them on my bed either. If clothes are still clean enough to be worn again before washing, I put them back in the drawer or hang them in the closet. I also have a specific place in my closet to stack clothes that need to be washed soon but that I might want to wear again before washing. They’re in a very visible spot in closet to remind me to wear them again when I get dressed, but in the closet (so out of sight) but if I do laundry first, I’ll just grab everything in the stack and throw it in the wash.

  18. We have new neighbors. We live in an apartment building. There are three of them that share a “two” bedroom apartment. Really its more of a one bedroom apartment. 800 sq feet. Before they moved in there have been two sets of couples living there (not at the same time) and we never heard a peep out of them. So the walls aren’t that thin.

    One of them who is in the bedroom that shares our bedroom wall snores really really loud. We got a white noise machine to help mask it right when they moved in and I can still hear the person snoring over the white noise machine. With the machine running its not enough to wake me up but if I am up already its enough to annoy me that I can’t fall back asleep right away.

    They also play their TV really loud (Like I can tell you what scene of Amelie they are on in the movie), their Alexa is loud enough to turn on our Alexa, and they smoke pot occasionally which smells up our bedroom. They are young – just out of college and I don’t think they realize their behavior is impacting us the way it is. This is I think their first apartment ever. Like the people below them had to ask them to stop wearing shoes in the house which is kind of apartment 101.

    What would you say to them? How would you bring it up? Its honestly the snoring that gets to me the most but I realize thats the one they have the least control over. I am also worried about their health! This person needs a cpap machine! We have no relationship to them other than saying hi waving on the stairwell. Building has 8 apartments total – 2 on each floor. Additional info: we are about to have a baby in a month so we will be creating our own noise very soon. The pot smell I realize won’t have medical implications but its not great. I probably should just invest in a good air filter. My husband is suggesting we buy them a white noise machine to kick off the convo.

    1. I think you can bring up specific sound related grievances that directly impact you very politely, like, would you mind turning down your Alexa – it’s turning on ours. Do not worry about their health. Do not bring up snoring. Wear earplugs. If they don’t have any rugs and look really young/clueless, you might let them know that they make a big difference in absorbing sound.

      1. Yeah, totally agree. If someone said something about my snoring (no real control over this…) and then had a crying baby really soon (also no real control over this, but from the other side), I’d be really upset.

        1. And if they complain about the crying baby you can tell them that the snoring wakes the baby. That you used earplugs but the baby is too young for that.

    2. Do not buy them a white noise machine. That is not a great first social impression to make. I hope that is a joke.

    3. I’d tell them about the loud noise from Alexa and the TV and raise the pot smell issue (especially if you show up in person looking pregnant). Agreed that snoring is an issue that the person is challenged to resolve on their own, so might not be worth raising. I would recommend ear plugs for yourself and do not purchase a white noise machine for them. They can manage the sound on their own.

    4. No suggestions on what to say to them or how to bring it up, but I think you need to keep in mind that, no matter how nicely you say it, how true it is, or how well intentioned you’re being, they are likely to be offended. Clearly from your post they are not being good neighbors and I think you should say something.

    5. I’d also check your lease for a no-smoking policy. Even if pot is legal in your state, most states do not permit smoking pot in multi-unit apartment buildings. I know, I know…good luck on this actually working, but I’d check, and then raise it with the landlord, because it’s likely that there is a similar clause in your neighbors’ lease. There are health implications to all secondhand smoke, even pot smoke. Sorry.

      I had a complete stoner downstairs neighbor and I would come home to my entire apt being hotboxed–all my clothes reeked. I worked at a law firm, and it was not tenable. I went straight to the no-smoking clause and my LL was very sympathetic and took steps to evict after the full-on all-day hotboxing did not relent.

    6. You need to accept that some of this is apartment living. If you can hear snoring your walls are thin, despite your denial, and that is not the fault of the person snoring. You’re within your rights to ask them to turn down the tv or smoke outside but you can’t do anything about normal living stuff like talking, snoring, etc.

    7. Use your words and be polite about it? They probably have no idea how loud they’re being and they’re not psychic. They’re not going to know they’re bothering you unless you tell them. Trust me, passive aggressiveness doesn’t work. You have to be direct. Be polite, too, but don’t hide from confrontation.

    8. Not wearing shoes is apartment 101? I lived in apartments for seven years and definitely gave no thought to whether I was wearing shoes or not. We were friends with the people below us in a couple buildings and they never mentioned anything.

    9. It’s possible that you are hearing the snoring because the bed is on the shared wall between the two apartments. It is possible that moving the bed to the opposite side of the room could help with the noise. How you go about politely asking for this I have no idea.

      If you are going to put the baby in a room that shares a wall with a neighbor, it would cut down on the noise if you do not put the crib on the shared wall.

      Also–not all snoring is caused by sleep apnea. Allergies can cause snoring and can be difficult to get under control.

      1. Thanks everyone for your ideas.

        We know we need to talk to them but have put it off a bit because we were giving them time to settle and hoping that they just needed some time to purchase rugs and curtains to help dampen the noise. It seems like they aren’t going to make those purchases. Our rental agreement does state that 80% of the floor must be covered in rugs and I doubt they are following this so this is a way that we can proceed. I guess I was just looking for ideas on how to make this not such an attack. I can do ear plugs now but am hesitant to do that with a new baby and the new baby can’t do that.

        The white noise machine was more a gift for them in case our baby’s crying was annoying but I realize it could come across as passive aggressive – but wasn’t meant that way at all. Our walls are actually not that thin – they just are really loud. Our neighbor had their tv against that same wall and we never heard it in the one year they lived there.

        For the person who was confused about apartment 101 and shoes you should check out the Roz Chast book Going into Town a Love letter to New York that talks about rules to living in an apartment. Also if you have tons of rugs this is less of a deal. If you don’t have tons of rugs – taking off ones shoes makes a huge difference. Sidenote: no clue where you had apartments for 7 years but when you see what is on New York sidewalks and subways- so many mysterious puddles – you want those shoes off as soon as possible and not tracking through your living place.

        Our bed is not on the wall that is shared with them and the moses basket will be next to our bed. I have no idea where the person’s bed is in relationship to the wall. The crib is a mini crib and is in the bathroom so hopefully that will damper some of the noise

        Wish us luck!

        1. Uh, good luck having a completely normal interaction with your neighbors? I think you’re making this into way more of A Thing than it should really be.

    10. You’re talking like this is a neighbors problem when this is a poor building construction problem.

  19. Any recommendation for a simple and elegant floor lamp for my lawyer’s office? Reasonably priced.

    1. I found a nice floor lamp for my home at Home Depot and their selection far exceeded my expectations.

  20. Anyone have a good recommendation for treating hormonal acne? (other than going back on the pill, we are TTC-ing soon). Like clockwork I break out on my chin during a certain time of my cycle, and it’s getting annoying. Always had perfectly clear skin (thanks birth control) so I have no experience with all those cleansers and OTC things. I’ve researched online but it’s hard to tell which articles are legit and which are sponsored by companies promoting their wares. Thanks!

    2. I struggled with hormonal acne for years before birth control. Honestly I would go to a derm. There are so many drugstore and higher end skincare options but trying them and seeing if they actually work takes a lot of time, like it took years before I found a routine that I like.
      FWIW, I use Simple micellar water as a cleanser, Drunk Elephant TLC Framboos glycolic night serum as my exfoliator, and Cera Ve PM moisturizing cream.

      1. Also, the skincare addiction subreddit has a ton of information like tips on how to put together routines, and reviews of products. Could start there for product recommendations.

    3. Cutting out dairy helped me a lot with that for a while. Also, the Mario Badescu buffering lotion is a good spot treatment if these are cystic acne spots. I put it on at night, wait a little bit, then cover with a CosRx patch. The patches are similar to colloidal bandaids and work some magic that helps to heal my skin.

    4. Spirolactone helps with my hormonal acne, but if you can’t take that while TTC I’d set up a good routine with the following – spearmint capsules (help curb androgen production), low PH cleanser so you’re not irritating your skin more, sulfur ointment (JUST on the acne, it is very drying), CosRx patches to dry out zits, and then a light moisturizer and spf to protect your skin. My doctor would not ok retinols or acids during pregnancy, yours may. If they do, I’d also add a retinol too (bha + aha if you can tolerate both) on those areas to help kill bacteria the week or so before/after your period (and moisturize gently too – it will help with hyper pigmentation from the spots).

    5. Also just want to put it out there- I struggled with acne my entire life- from basically age 9 to my early 30s (like 2 cycles of accutane and it still came back bad)…. getting pregnant is the thing that ended up somehow clearing my acne entirely and I have barely had a pimple for the last 4 years.
      Also- if you are using makeup- maybe stop or use a brand intended for acne, this made a big difference for me (clinique has a line for acne prone skin- mac made my cystic acne flare like no other).

        1. My gyn explained my acne as my body’s way of telling me to have a baby. It was unhelpful as a single 30-something with no plans to ever have kids (and my derm was startled that a medical provider said it), but since I never did have a kid, and I still have acne in my 40s, it’s possible she was right. No advice here, though — the things that have been effective (Accutane, BCP, spironolactone) are no-gos for TTC.

    6. The thing that helps me most is chemical exfoliation, glycolic acid or mandelic acid. I like Stratia’s line of products.

  21. Could anyone use an Athleta coupon code? 20% off one regular priced item, expires today:

    BZJ4KLXNLKNB

  22. I want to start freezing some meals, so I’ll have better options for those days that are busy and hopefully order less takeout. What do you freeze food in? I normally use tupperware to store leftovers, but I can’t imagine it’s good to freeze the plastic. And any recommendations for things that freeze well?

    2. I’ve had no trouble freezing in plastic. I also freeze in glass Pyrex. Make sure it thaws fully before heating it (Pyrex can’t go freezer to oven. I’m not sure if anything can). For freezing stuff that goes into the slow cooker, I’ve been using Ziplock freezer bags, but I recently bought some reusable silicone ones from Target I’m anxious to try.

      1. Aluminum pans can go from freezer to oven which works for baked pastas and similar. We freeze in glass, plastic, & vacuum sealed bags. Soups/stews freeze well.

      2. Pyrex and other brands make special glass containers that are supposedly safe from the freezer to the oven. I’ve never used one because they’re twice as much money as regular glass dishes, but I’m curious to see what others do.

        We either use Ziplocks or vacuum seal bags for most of the leftovers that we freeze.

        1. I’ve had multiple different people tell me about their Pyrex dishes exploding and subsequent bad customer service, so I’m skeptical about the brand

          1. They only explode if they are heated up unevenly. Like if half a lasagna container is put on a hot stove and half on the counter and yah it will explode. Or I wouldn’t put it in the hot oven after being frozen in a freezer because thats a huge heat difference.

            I have had my pyrex set since 2007 and have no complaints. I daily use them for lunch storage, put them in the fridge with left overs, use them in the microwave, clean them in the dishwasher, use them in the oven etc.

          2. I think, like so many other brands, there was a recent decline in quality of Pyrex. So, if you have older Pyrex you’re probably fine but the newer stuff isn’t as good. Thanks to our capitalist system that cares only about returns to shareholders!

          3. It’s also typical for glass (Pyrex is just glass with a special formula) to shatter under a stress that it should withstand, when it has a small chip or crack already that you didn’t notice.

          4. Pyrex is no longer a special formula. Pyrex used to be borosilicate glass which is designed to resist thermal shock. They switched to regular, cheaper glass under the same brand name. The new glass explodes under conditions that the old glass withstood. And the customer service has indeed been terrible (their policy is that technically “glass cannot explode”).

    4. This is my solution:
      -For soup/broth/sauces: Reditainer Extreme Freeze Deli Food Containers with Lids. These are BPA free. They are dishwasher safe, freezer safe, microwave save (I usually don’t microwave in them, because I find it makes them stain and so I usually just run hot water over the container until I can pop it out and then transfer it to a pyrex to microwave it). I have had my set since 2015 and its going great. The only time I had problems is when I dropped one full of frozen broth and then it cracked. I use painter’s tape to label what is inside with the date.I make sure i put these in the fridge first before the freezer if the contents were warm originally to cool them down so I get less ice crystals on top.
      -I use silicone freezer bags for other things like potstickers, cookie dough balls, bananas, chicken breasts. For things like potstickers and cookies I pre – freeze them on cookie sheets with parchment paper and once they are frozen all the way through I transfer them to the bag. I do this so they don’t stick together. Again painters tape to label with date and contents. These bags can go through the dishwasher!
      -I use ice cube trays for left over wine, tomato paste, tomato sauce, etc. My trays have a lid and I put pieces of painter tape on the lid so I know what is inside each cube.
      -I own one silicone tray of cubes ( i think it was originally to bake brownies in?) to freeze cubes of sweet potato, pasta sauce, shredded meat etc then once its frozen I pop them out and put them in a one of the above freezer bags. With things like shredded meat I always try to put a bit of the sauce on the very top to help prevent freezer burn.
      – I use pyrex for my fridge storage but don’t use this for freezer
      -For packing my lunches I use pyrex or lunch bots or reusable fabric pouches for lunches.
      Hope this helps!

    5. I freeze in plastic tupperware and also Ziploc bags that say for the freezer.
      Why wouldn’t it be ok to freeze in plastic?
      Please don’t say “chemicals”.

      2. Not the OP, but I imagine the freeze/thaw/heat cycle can be hard on the plastic and cause it to degrade a bit. Which means you throw it out sooner, which means more waste.

    6. I use canning jars (with the full plastic lid, rather than the ring and canning lid). Won’t be freezer to microwave (I’d probably let it thaw on the counter or in the fridge first). But are relatively cheap, dishwasher safe, reusable for other things.

      I got mine at Target.

      1. I also use canning jars. For freezing sizes over 1 cup I recommend the wide mouth. You want jars that are straight up and down and dont curve in at the top. This way you can put the frozen jar into a bowl of warm water to melt the sides a little, then the frozen nugget of soup or whatever will slide right out.

    7. For soups and purees, I use empty plastic gelato containers (the kind with a screw top). I know they are intended for the freezer. Of course I don’t reheat in them, though. I also use mason jars without a pinched lip.

  23. I have a big presentation this afternoon and I am full of nervous, buzzy energy. I worked out this morning but it didn’t really take the edge off. I can feel my heart thumping. Do any of you have any tips for grounding/calming yourself before a big presentation?

    1. Power stance, which is cheesy but it works. I also like taking a brisk walk while listening to some music that gets me pumped up and reflecting on times I’ve succeeded. you’ve got this!

      2. Power pose for me too! And listening to ‘I will survive’ by aretha franklin- sub in your fave power song. :)

    2. My mom taught me about pushing against a wall. Straight your arms and PUSH against a wall – it won’t move and you get your tension out, like you’re doing a pushup against the wall.
      I taught it to my kid. He loves it.

  24. My brother’s girlfriend is having a hysterectomy on Monday. I’d like to put together a care package for her. I’m going to bring her some homemade soup. Any other ideas that come to mind?

    1. I really like plug-in heating pads anytime its winter and I am not feeling too well, you can get them from Walgreens and Target.

      1. I really like plug-in heating pads anytime its winter and I am not feeling too well, you can get them from Walgreens and Target.

    2. Inexpensive:
      -Magazines
      -Depending on her personality: a crossword book, jigsaw puzzle, coloring book etc
      – list of great podcasts/good shows/good movies to watch
      – tea if she likes it
      – healthy snacks that are easy to keep near her bed
      -Mason Jars of overnight oats or other things that she could easily mix up

      Moderately more priced:
      – cute pjs / lounging clothes /robe
      – one of the those microwavable heat pack stuffed animals
      – Gift card to kindle or audible

      Expensive but totally useful:
      – Gift card to food delivery service
      – Gift card to cleaning service
      – real splurge would be Barefoot Dreams cardigans

    3. One of my favorite care packages was from an out-of-town friend and was just a box of shelf-stable snacks. Otherwise, I think flowers are great (and almost always welcome, know your audience) and participating in a meal train is also really nice. If there isn’t a meal train, maybe just offer to bring over dinner one night for the two of them. Super fluffy socks are usually welcome too, and maybe some nice lotion.

  25. Hi all — I was injured this week, fracturing a bone in my knee. I’ve been on crutches, can’t bear any weight, and need surgery next week to repair it. I’ve managed to make it to my 40s without ever hurting a leg and finding it incredibly difficult to get around and manage basic things. Everyone here has so many good life hacks. I feel like there must be good hacks for life on crutches – like ways to hold myself up or be able to carry things while also holding the crutches. Anyone got anything for me?

    1. After I had foot surgery I finally realized how to use crutches: they should be adjusted so that the top is actually a few inches below your armpits. The weight should actually be placed on the hand grips, not on the tops of the crutches. Also, I used bags around my neck to carry things since both hands were needed to walk with crutches.

      1. Bag around the neck is genius! I keep trying to find hoodies with bigger pockets. Thank you!

    2. Do you have a rolling chair? It was a saving grace when I broke an ankle and had a cast up to my thigh for a four or five days before I could get surgery. (Knee scooters are also amazing, but probably not an option for you.) Shower seats make a significant difference, as do hand-held shower heads. Do not bother making your bed! I spent an hour trying to make mine one day and ended up in tears. My sister (roommate at the time) took over after that because she knew it mattered to me. When you come home, they make ice packs/gel packs specifically for certain body parts…they are expensive, but investing in one was well worth it for me. Finally, don’t wait too long to get to PT. They are great at offering OT/daily living tips and skill development. Oh, and, ask for help! I am quite bossy (especially to my siblings) but had the hardest time asking for help with things that I was normally able to do myself. Just suck it up and ask for someone to refill your water glass so you don’t have to leave the couch (for example). Good luck! It will heal in time, I promise!

      1. Definitely ask about therapy/home health consult. Staying safe during recovery and not falling are really important and they can give some practical tips/workarounds.

      2. Thanks you! Will look into home health consults and rolling chairs, and I just ordered a knee ice pack. Really appreciate the tips!

    3. Yes! Get rid of the traditional crutches (which are painful/awful/terrible for you long term) and buy a pair of forearm crutches. Walkeasy is the affordable and good quality brand/website. Buy a pair in pink! They are ergonomically designed. The pressure is on your hands instead of just your shoulder. A pair of cheap cycling gloves make it even more comfortable. Try to get a prescription for them, but your insurance may not pay for them – they often only want to pay for the terrible crutches unless you are permanently disabled. Regardless, they are worth the $$, and safer for navigating a winter world. Also, ask the doctor for a script for a few sessions with a physical therapist or occupational therapist to give you a BUNCH of life hacks to help. They know this stuff. They can also give you pointers on using the new kind of crutches. But go to a PT/OT at a major hospital or rehab center – not at a small private clinic. Also, could you be eligible for one of those little knee “scooters” folks use when they must be very mobile and 100% off of an injured knee?

      But yes, it is challenging to navigate the world on crutches. There aren’t many hacks that don’t cost $$.

      For carrying things – use a backpack. Otherwise, my family member has to use a wheelchair.
      Bathroom safety is the most important. Shower benches, maybe a temporary grab bar or two for help getting off the toilet etc…

    4. I fractured my knee and used a rolling chair to get around too. It was really helpful. I also moved in with my parents so I wasn’t alone (maybe there is someone who can stay with you and help?). I had to let things go…I couldn’t stand long enough to do my hair or cook, so there was a lot of takeout and looking like a hot mess. It will get better. Enjoy the pain meds.

    5. I had a “bruised foot” and could not put any weight on the foot for a few weeks. I started using a backpack as my work bag to keep things balanced. It was so much better than carrying a tote. I ended up having to go to court and several places that were walking distance to my office in that time period. (It was awful.) Two recommendations:
      (1) wear tennis shoes or something comparable as much as you can to work. Everyone gets you’re injured.
      (2) Wear the brace/ham up your injury as much as you can. People tend to think that once you’re in recovery and you can do things like go to the bathroom without the brace that you are better and can do everything without it. I wore the brace longer than I needed to bc I was trying to not get pushed into straining my injury. I also found the brace was helpful to kind of give people “notice” that I was injured to not step on me.

    6. Lots of good advice here.

      I have a family member that uses crutches full time.

      Backpacks and fanny packs are the way to go. Be careful of hanging too much around your neck as it can cause neck pain/headaches over time.

      Totally agree with a rolling desk chair around the apartment. Or even look in Freecycle or craigslist or buy a cheap wheelchair. Then put things in your lap. Be extremely careful about carrying hot food/drinks in your lap. Borrow a tray and put a non-slip piece of rubber/plastic under whatever you put on the tray.etc…

      Shower bench. Often for free on Craigslist or Freecycle. Maybe adding a removable grab bar or two in the bathroom or have assistance nearby.

      If you will be recovering for a long time, I would pick up a pair of forearm crutches. Much more ergonomic, more comfortable. Walk easy is the brand with good quality and a fair price. And ask your doc if you can get one of those cute knee scooters. You can probably even rent one from a medical supply store or your insurance may pay for it if th doc prescribes.

      Definitely agree with a few sessions of PT or OT as soon as possible to give you pointers. They know all the tricks.

    7. Sorry for the late reply – hopefully you will see this. I was on crutches, completely non-weight-bearing for ten weeks. The most useful things were (1) what I called my “crutch purse” – it’s a bag that attaches to your crutches. It can’t hold a lot but it can fit a wallet or a drink (I found transporting drinks to be one of the most difficult things about being on crutches). I’ve posted a link to one at the end of this comment. (2) Hand pads for crutches. Get one of the pads with gel or memory foam. Do not get the furry ones – they are useless. (3) A shower bench also was crucial. If you end up getting a cast, I highly recommend purchasing one of those shower bags that fits very tightly above the cast and prevents water from getting in.

      The person who posted about the correct height for crutches is correct – the portion that goes under your armpit should be several inches below, so the pressure is on your palms. The good news is that you will have amazing triceps when you are done. Also, if you’re up for it go out to restaurants – I got the best seats and wonderful service when I was on crutches. (This was literally one of the only benefits of being on crutches.)

      Good luck!

      https://www.amazon.com/Crutch-Caps-ABAGBRNDR-Brown-Pocket/dp/B00GLZZC42/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=purse+crutches&qid=1548103378&sr=8-6

  26. What delicious but not too time consuming should I make for husband’s family b-day dinner tomorrow? Considerations: husband likes good food, we have three kids 6 and under. I am a pretty good cook but can’t handle making something too sophisticated this weekend (see: three kids 6 and under)

    1. Do a roast of some expensive cut of meat, like a tenderloin or a lamb leg. It’ll take you ~30 minutes of prep, then you can let it sit in the oven for 2-4 hours and it comes out perfect.

    2. Does he have a favorite dish? Or ask him? Birthday person chooses the menu in my family (within reason… no one’s assembling lobster thermidor). For my last birthday I requested quiche, salad, and champagne :)

      1. I would recommend something like lasagna – a lot of time consuming upfront, but then let it bake for awhile.
        My husband’s favorite is chicken pot pie.
        Conversely, you could make something simple, like chicken breasts or fish, but then also consider making a slightly-more-complex sauce, side dish or condiment, like potatoes au gratin, or something yummy like that.
        Or, something delicious, like soup, and then buy something for the side, like really good bread.
        Taco and chili bars take a lot of prep work for cutting everything up so unless the kids or hubs help you with it, I’d avoid those.

        1. I am a fan of the huge and delicious Costco chicken pot pie for winter family gatherings like this. I would make a salad, roasted root vegetables and a desert.

    7. Seared filet mignon over creamy (loose) polenta with a red wine reduction pan sauce with green beans almondine. (In spring I’d recommend asparagus with balsamic butter.)

  27. So, as I’ve gotten into my late 20’s, I’ve decided that I just do not want to drink. I’ve never been a big drinker, but alcohol affects me much worse than most people. For example, I drank literally half a beer last night over the course of an 1.5 hours (purely because I felt like I *had* to), and I felt gross right away. Dry mouth, hiccups, bloating. I couldn’t sleep. Today I feel sluggish, low energy, kind of achey, very bloated. My stomach feels acidic. So basically I can’t drink at all. The problem is I like going to happy hour with coworkers, clients, etc and don’t want to stand out. Does anyone have any advice for how to explain? (And we order in front of each other so a mocktail that looks like a real drink won’t fool anyone)

    1. I have several friends who don’t drink, and they just order what they want. I’ve never heard of anyone giving them grief. Some just don’t like it, some don’t want to have even a drop and then drive, some are in recovery. When asked why, they usually give a short answer, “I just haven’t ever really liked it,” and everyone tends to move on.

    3. Not sure if you’re still reading but if you get those symptoms from 1/2 a beer, perhaps you have celiac disease. Those symptoms are classic for celiac and many celiacs react particually poorly to beer for some reason. If you get the symptoms from other alcohol (e.g. plain wine) than this would not be as likely.

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