ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Croc-effect leather clutch

Victoria Beckham clutchI love these large envelope-style clutches — they seem so chic as well as functional, both for work, play and beyond. They look so much like a portfolio — perhaps it's the kid in me who loves new school supplies? Either way, this gorgeous green one from Victoria Beckham is fabulous. It's $750 at Net-a-Porter. Victoria Beckham Croc-effect leather clutch Here's a more affordable option in a black/white pattern. (L-3)   P.S. Admin Updates! I keep forgetting to update you guys on some of the admin stuff on the site.
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Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

146 Comments

  2. Going up to NYC next weekend; any good club or bar recommendations w/top 40 music and not too expensive covers? TIA!

    1. So, I haven’t been to these clubs myself but gave these same recommendations to another friend recently (and I got the recommendations from my friend who does hit up the club scene in New York frequently). Unfortunately I can’t speak to cover charges, but I have a feeling they might not have one at all, just be hard to get into/long waits: Provocateur, PHD (Dream Hotel), and Up & Down. But honestly, even if there is no cover charge, there probably might as well be one with what I imagine the prices are once you get inside.

  4. My only problem with clutches, in general, is I can easily see myself putting it down somewhere and forgetting it. I’m also a hand talker so holding on to one gets in my way. I LOVE the idea and style of them though.

    1. I just moved into my very first office yesterday… unfortunately part of the deal is the miscellaneous files that can’t be disposed of for a decade and the supplies for our grant funded staff came with me. Because i work in public sector I’m limited in what I can do with furnishings. Everything’s on open bookshelves, which makes my office look like a storage closet. I was wondering what the hive thinks of installing curtains over the shelves to hide the clutter that I can’t dispose of. Kinda like a full length version of this: https://sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.M9a5a06cf7c2d15dbf34d49401d659f43o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

      1. This wouldn’t work for my office but YMMV. I would suggest posting on today’s TPS to get more responses as most readers may not come back to this post today.

  5. Hi all, I am thinking ahead to Christmas and would like to get my boyfriend a weekend (maybe long weekend) in Napa. (I’d give it to him as a Christmas present but we probably wouldn’t go until Feb or March.)

    Does anyone have suggestions about great places to stay / areas to focus on? I have never been and neither has he. I’m looking to spend $500 or less per night on hotel. Also, I realize that early spring is the low season – has anyone been at that time?

    1. I’ve been to Napa 3 times over Easter weekend – very early April each time. The weather has been pretty different every time but still nice enough. We are in Virginia so sometimes it’s nice just to see the sun/some green growth that early in the season.

    2. I love Feb/March in Napa! The crowds are gone and the weather is usually very pleasant, especially the last few years with the CA drought. If you’re foodies, Yountville is the place to stay — you have about 10 outstanding restaurants within a few blocks of each other. It’s pricey, but at the time of year I think you can get a very nice hotel for under $500.

    3. Also, Calistoga – it’s a little more laid back than Yountville, but if you can afford the Indian Springs Resort there, it is amazing (hot springs pool, spa services, etc.)

    4. February/March in Napa is a great time to go – you miss a lot of the summer/fall crowds and the weather is generally pretty good.

      Yountville or downtown Napa are my favorite areas in stay in. Both have good restaurants and wine tasting rooms within walking distance. Yountville is generally pretty pricey but for the off season you should be able to find a nicer room for less than $500/night – try Hotel Yountville or Bardessono. For downtown Napa, look at the Inn on Randolp (an adorable remodeled B&B with cottages near the downtown area), the Westin Verasa Napa, or the Andaz Hotel.

    5. Solage all the way. https://www.solagecalistoga.com/ The pool is amazing. Bar amazing. It’s a short drive to other parts of Napa. And Calistoga is darling too.

      Late February/early March is beautiful in Napa. Usually the mustard is blooming, but it may come earlier due to El Nino. The cherry trees may be blooming too.

      If you are coming in the early part of March, in Sonoma, it’s Barrel Tasting, which is super-fun–check out Wine Road Sonoma (website) for more info.

      LMK if you want winery recs too, depending on what you like. Food & Wine this month has a great feature on the hot new places in Napa too.

    6. Mac Arthur Place in Sonoma is darling! I like Sonoma better than Napa because of the cute town square. You can walk to a bunch of stuff there, you can also get bikes at Mac Arthur Place and ride to some nearby wineries.

  7. This may be too narrow a question to ask here but what the heck. We’re looking to buy in NY and have fallen a bit for an apartment that is on the very high end of our budget. It’s an estate sale so it needs some work but it has so much potential and the condition doesn’t bother us as-is, it’s shabby but in a way we can live with and enjoy, fixing it up slowly. The one con is that the monthly carrying charges are on the high end. Not unreasonably high given the building and its amenities, but higher than we wanted to pay and the building is nicer than what we realistically need. But the price is a bit lower than it would otherwise be as a result, too. If we could take about 6.5% off the purchase price, I think it would be a good deal for us because our mortgage would decrease to a level we’re more comfortable with and I think it would be a good deal, all things considered. NYC real estate though is hardly that negotiable now. The broker for the apartment said the seller is looking for full ask and isn’t really negotiable on the price. My questions: 1) would you offer less anyway because broker could just be trying to make more money? 2) offer a little less than ask but more than what you want and be willing to go up to full ask? 3) just walk away because the monthly charges are always going to be high so why sign up for that?

    1. How much cushion do you have in your budget? That’s the key. Fixing up itself will take a lot, and if you get in over your head financially, it wll be harder to sell. Realtors don’t make a whole lot more on the incremental sale price but they are watching for their sellers’ interests. I’d offer what I can reasonably affrd.

      1. We think we can afford the payments at full asking but it would not be an easy few years until our income increases as expected. I think to some degree any purchase we make will be a tight squeeze and the one pro of this place is that it is large enough for us to grow into and presumably the payments will be more comfortable over time as our incomes grow. The other things we are seeing would be $500-700 less a month but have a definite limit on how long we could stay because of their size. This place we could live in for 30 years or more. In terms of fixing it up, it’s not in the kind of shape that we need to do a lot at once and we have a reasonable expectation that we will have a sizable cash bonus to put towards that in about a year. The problem is really that if the monthly charges go up much more, it will become too much at this point and we do not like to be stretched too thin.

    2. I don’t know NYC real estate, so I’m no help really there, but if you would be just as likely to walk away as offer less, why not offer less and see? You may not get a response, but you might get a counter. I think it’s worth a try. That said, definitely start that process with a firm idea in your head of what your max is and be firm with yourself. Everyone has a different comfort zone with what they are willing to pay. Just know what that is going in and be firm with yourself when you’ve reached that point. It becomes so easy to exceed it when negotiations get hot and you’re emotionally attached.

    3. Buy as much apartment as you can afford. Your incomes will go up and the payments will become easier on you, and you will not regret buying a place you really like. After all, in the long run it would be more expensive to buy a lesser place now, and then buy a nicer place when you can easily afford more as you would have to pay all the sunk costs of buying real estate twice. Plus, If you don’t buy this one, you will always wonder what if.

      If I were in your shoes in the very competitive NYC market, I would make my first offer as attractive as possible to the sellers – which means full price and easy closing terms.

      Don’t plan on any house repairs or remodels until you have lived there for a while. You may not have a Pinterest worthy place to show all your friends but you will have made a really good investment. I wish I could show you the kitchen (I should really put “kitchen” in quotes there) we lived with for 5 years before we could afford the remodel we wanted. But if we had budgeted for an immediate kitchen gut the minute we bought our house, we could never have afforded the house we’re in now.

      1. You’re echoing what my husband is saying. He’s of the mind that payments will become easier with time and we’ll grow into them. I think to some extent I am just concerned that a mortgage is something you pay off but a high maintenance, like high taxes, will be high forever. In other words, I’d be more comfortable with the same amount of monthly total payments if it was a bigger mortgage and a lower maintenance but I worry that the maintenance will keep increasing and we will always be struggling to be comfortable with it.

        1. I think Anon’s point is that your income will increase and thus the payments (mortgage + maintenance) will get easier. Not that you’re going to pay off your mortgage and so only those will be lower. I think this depends a lot on your income trajectory. We did basically what Anon is suggesting, and our monthly maintenance is pretty high, but we have very good amenities.

          1. Real life example:
            we were risk averse and bought the house we could afford. By the time we closed on the house, DH had gotten a promotion (+25k), then I got a much larger than normal bonus (extra $10k than expected), then I got a promotion 2 months after close (+15k) and now he got another promotion (+30k). So we are in a spot here we make almost 75k more annually than we did when we bought this house, which is not even a year ago. We don’t expect this to continue but we are wishing we stretched a little more now.

            All is not lost, we decided to squirrel our money a bit and buy a 2nd home and/or retire early if we keep this pace of income, and still be very comfortable with our mortgage.

        2. I’ll come from the other side – many/most people may have increasing salaries, but you may not. My spouse became unable to work due to a common autoimmune disease at 28 – fortunately, we were in a house that I alone could comfortably afford.

          It seems like you can physically make payments but would be quite stretched – for years! Given my own situation, I couldn’t recommend that you buy that expensive a property.

          1. Agreed. I would buy a house that is less than the max you can afford today so that you can continue to afford it if circumstances change. Future money is never a certainty and you want some breathing room. You also don’t want to be an indentured servant to your house.

          2. I agree with this. Being house poor isn’t fun. I was in a job I thought was very secure when we bought our last house, but bought it using only my income as DH’s income has been much less secure than mine. A month after we moved in I was laid off and the next job I got was 10% less salary, closer to 25% counting benefits. Were SO thankful we were smart about what we could afford when house hunting. You never really know what might happen in the future, and I don’t advocate living in fear, but when looking at a long term commitment like a mortgage and real estate it’s not bad to at least consider the worst case scenario.

          3. +1. We unexpectedly had to rely on only my income for a while. I was very relieved that we had not bought the more expensive home.

            Thanks for the improvements Kat

        3. Wanted to add that it’s really about how risk averse you are. You’re somewhat betting on the fact that your salaries will go up, which is a totally logical thing to do, but not everyone is comfortable with that.

          1. I think that’s the problem. I am very risk averse! But I do have a reasonable basis to believe that my salary will gradually increase simply because of the pay scale where I am, and his should go up as well based on history and where he is career wise. Agree that it’s still a gamble and that if something happened health wise we’d be scr*wed!

          2. THIS. Many people will have steady income increases, but especially in NYC, what if there is another harsh recession? What if one of you is laid off? What if one of you has an accident or becomes ill?

            Pushing yourself where it would be a stretch is way too risky for me. Being house poor and stressing about payments is extremely difficult.

          3. @ KT: but what’s the alternative? Any apartment we buy here now will be subject to these issues. NYC real estate is insane. Looking in the burbs isn’t an option for various reasons and is also not really cheaper. Having a 2 hour commute isn’t a reasonable trade off. We could continue renting and throwing money away every month while the market seems to increase from year to year, but it’s not like rent in NYC is cheap. So I guess that leaves moving to another state altogether, but we have no guarantee of comparable income there and we’d be leaving our families and much-loved city behind.
            I appreciate all these perspectives, by the way. I don’t mean to sound defensive. This is all super helpful for me to get out of my own head with this debate. But I guess our choices are: rent a too small apartment while prices increase and rates rise and hope for a crash to make buying more affordable, buy this place and hope it works out over time because even though it’s going to be hard the first few years we can actually grow old here, or buy an interim apartment that we’ll have to move from in 3-5 years time and that will still be a stretch but a slightly smaller one.

          4. Those really are the options. . . your third option is exactly what a “starter home” is. On your question to KT, that’s where renting helps. . . you’re paying for flexibility. A mortgage is a 30 year commitment (or being subject to a third party’s desire to buy what you are selling).

          5. Thirty years ago we bought a house that was less than we could afford but perfectly sized for our needs. Now it’s paid off and we have money in the bank for our soon to happen retirement. Don’t be house poor.

        4. Are you homeowners now? Have you looked at this on an after-tax basis?

          I’m nearly 50 and a risk averse type at heart but I also live in a high cost of living area (SF) and I have never regretted stretching myself a little on real estate, even if the first couple of years are difficult and slightly outside my comfort zone.

          Remember that in a competitive market like NYC or SF, real estate is very nearly a liquid asset. If the worst happens to your incomes and you truly can’t afford it, it wouldn’t take you long to sell.

          1. Thanks for this perspective. We rent now. We would realize substantial savings on our taxes from this.

          2. Totally agree with this. I also wouldn’t bid under in a competive market. As someone in SF where everything goes over, getting a place at asking sounds amazing.

        5. I think that’s a very real concern – that the maintenance will go up higher than your comfort level. If the maintenance is high enough that it gives you pause, it could also affect future buyers if you need to sell the place.

          But, I would recommend putting in an offer at what you’re comfortable with. If that’s 6.5% off, do that. What do you have to lose? So much depends on other factors – time on market, seller motivation, etc. You could also consider offering full price but asking for the seller to cover, say, a year’s worth of maintenance fees.

          1. Ask about the maintenance history. How often is the payment increased? Why is it higher than comparable buildings? Does the building have a reserve fund?

        6. Have your real estate agent ask for the history of maintenance charges for at least the past 10 years.

      2. Ehhh, this is so risky to me. So many things can happen. You could get laid off. You could burn out and need to transition to a much lower-paying job. The idea of buying at the very top of your price-range, where you have to stay in a job with an ever-increasing salary in order to make the payments is terrifying to me. I realize that may be the only way for most people to buy in a super HCOL area but that’s why I packed up and moved. I have a 10-year mortgage that we could afford on either my husband’s or my salary alone and I feel incredibly “house poor.” There are sooo many unexpected expenses that come up when you buy a house (probably more relevant when you buy a house vs an apartment and since our house is way cheaper than yours something like a kitchen reno is a much larger fraction of the purchase price for us than you….but still.)

        1. +1. Housing is a fixed cost, so if you ever had to reduce your expenses, this would be a hard one to adjust, which is why locking in the top of your range is typically not a good idea. And as much as you’d like to think your income will always go up, I wouldn’t plan a budget around it. What if raises take longer, or business revenues go down and bonuses aren’t as big as expected? One of you has an unexpected illness that inhibits your ability to work? You don’t know what the next 5 years will bring, much less the next 30 years – but chances are there will be another opportunity like this when you are in a better position to take advantage of it.

          If you are set on this particular purchase – be realistic about your ability to meet the new budget. Are you both really committed to the cuts it would take to afford the property? What is your contingency if you lose some of your income? Are you going to up your emergency fund contributions to compensate for your higher cost of living?

          Buy what you need and can comfortably afford now and sell when you get to a place where you need/can comfortably afford (as opposed to a stretch to afford) something bigger.

          1. All good points. Illness we can’t account for. I don’t anticipate burning out at my job as it’s not very high stress, but obviously things happen. But the alternatives are not really going to solve these issues. We’d still be taking on more than either of us can handle on one salary at this point. Anything we buy that we could live in for the next 5 years would be uncomfortable, budget wise. Staying in a tiny rental also doesn’t work because of other reasons. I suppose we could just leave NY altogether but then our salaries would not be the same as well.
            FWIW, the mortgage plus monthly charges, not counting other expenses like utilities, would be about 30% of a conservative estimate of our net annual income.

          2. I will say, at 30% of net (especially), this should be a comfortable mortgage amount in theory – the typical bank limit on monthly mortgage payments is about 28 percent of your gross monthly income. Therefore, the bank thinks you can devote up to 28 percent of your household income to your mortgage payment and expenses (including taxes, insurance and association dues). (Source: US News & World report).

            Do you have other expenses that could use right sizing?

          3. @ anon at 4:44 – sorry, I meant to say gross. It’s probably less that that because I tend to count down so probably about 25-28% of gross. Gross is the one that doesn’t count taxes and etc., right? Our other big expense that eats up money is student loans. Also, we try to max retirement contributions, etc.

      3. I’m on team “buy it.” I think it sounds like you would regret not doing so.

    4. I haven’t bought in NY, but my experience with real estate is that they’re always “looking for full ask” and unless they tell you they already have offers, it isn’t a situation where you have to go full ask right off the bat. We got in a multiple offer situation with our house and offered about 10% over ask to ensure we got it – we did, but I felt kind of stupid when I looked at the comps for our neighborhood six months later and saw that all the other houses in our neighborhood also sold in 1 day, over ask, but usually only about 2-3% over ask, so I feel like we way overpaid.

      1. Percentage over ask isn’t relevant. Your house could have been priced low/others high. Price per square foot is more useful.

        1. And even price per square foot depends on what is actually inside the place, bedrooms, fixtures, upgrades, how the space is laid out, etc. It’s important to figure out what the house is worth in your mind before making an offer.

        2. The people that bought our house bought way over the comps….and we laughed at them and took their money and felt slightly bad knowing that it was worth about $10=20k less than they paid (we had 4 other offers, theirs was 20k over the price we had talked with our agent about feeling OK to sell at). However, that was only 5 months ago and according to zillow the house is now worth more than they paid for it.

          8 years ago when we bought it, we were in the same spot where we felt like we had overpaid slightly…but we ended up in a great spot when we went to sell.

    5. Regarding the price, you’re probably getting a property that will fit you a long time and are getting a property with a lot of up-side potential. That’s the good news and a reason to pay the asking price.

      Going above your comfort level and counting on future salary increases/bonuses is riskier. That was one of the causes of the 2008 housing bubble (the other causes were many and varied on the market/lenders’ side) so if it’s a stretch for you be cognizant that you should be conservative in other areas and build up things like emergency funds, life and disability insurance as much as possible. And as you noted, you can save the expensive remodeling/rehab work until your income catches up.

      1. I own a co-op in NYC. When I bought, the monthly co-op maintenance appeared somewhat high, but manageable. Fast forward 10 years. My monthly maintenance is now 30% higher than my mortgage payment, and it’s killing me.

        Your mortgage is fixed, but your co-op maintenance may go up way above inflation, and not in a predictable way. The city decides to raise property taxes by double digits, your building’s staff is all unionized and they win a big increase in salaries/healthcare/benefits in contract negotiations, your co-op board decides building a gym will raise the value of our apartments. All these things have happened to us.

        I like my building, but if I had it to do over again, I’d buy a similar size apartment in a building with fewer amenities and staff, to keep charges down.

  8. Anyone want to go shopping for me? I’ve whittled down my all ready sparse wardrobe even further by weight gain. I don’t really even have an key pieces that I’d particularly be able to build off of.

    I’m in a business casual environment, in Florida (weather related). If you were going to build a wardrobe and had to start with $500 what would you buy? I’m petite, plus size, blessed with a chest. I’d like to look a little more pulled together and am interested in the idea of a capsule style wardrobe.

    1. I couldn’t manage a whole capsule wardrobe with $500, but maybe enough items for 2-4 outfits? I think I’d do:

      – A black ankle pants (http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1011765&vid=1&pid=113103002)
      – A black sheath dress with sleeves (http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-short-sleeve-ponte-sheath-dress/id_289898?sku_0=::BLA)
      – A grey blazer (https://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi35620&defaultColor=0684&N=10588+10229&selectedConcept=)
      – A coloured cardigan (http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/womens-apparel/sale-one-day-fast-fab-cashmere-sweaters-womens/basic-crewneck-cashmere-cardigan)
      – 2-3 blouses

      All the stores linked to above have frequent sales, so I’d wait for those to stretch my money further.

      1. My blouses rec didn’t link above for some reason. I’d probably get this blouse in all 4 colours. I have silk shells from Talbots that I’ve been wearing for 5 years and they’re still going strong, and the design of this blouse is nicer than the shells I have: https://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi36005&defaultColor=7574&N=4294966550+10157&No=24&selectedConcept=Woman&_=1444334726914&Nrpp=24&Nr=AND(OR(product.siteId%3ATalbotsSite)%2COR(product.catalogId%3Acatalog20002))

    2. I would start with the base pieces like skirts, trousers or sheath dresses and build from there. Decide on a color scheme – mine is black and charcoal for these items, in a warmer climate I might do taupe or a lighter gray – and buy the foundational pieces at the best quality level you can find. Invest in tailoring for a perfect fit. I’d also buy a well made pair of shoes that coordinates with these items.

      Then over time you can add blouses, sweaters and casual jackets that pick up the colors of your basics. You probably have tops that you could wear now and more gradually replace with capsule-worthy items.

    3. Allow me to introduce you to my patented (not really) weight gain capsule wardrobe for working women:

      1. 2 pencil skirts in neutral colors (I’d go with gray and navy, but that’s my color profile preference)
      2. 1 pair black pants
      3. 1 simple black sheath dress
      4. 1 neutral blazer (any color that matches black/gray/navy and isn’t overly distinctive)
      5. 2 cardigans (I like olive and gray, since they both match all three of your bottom colors)
      6. 6 shell tops

      I know it sounds like a lot for $500, but it’s doable with sales – I’m also petite, and I was able to do it all at Macy’s. (I’ll post links to each item in reply to this comment so you can see the math.)

      1. 1. Pencil skirts ($29 each) – http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/style-co.-pull-on-ponte-knit-pencil-skirt?ID=1620807&CategoryID=131#fn=sp%3D1%26spc%3D668%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D11

        2. Pants ($40) – http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/alfani-two-button-curvy-fit-pants-only-at-macys?ID=656431&CategoryID=157&tdp=cm_app~zMCOM-NAVAPP~xcm_zone~zPDP_ZONE_A~xcm_choiceId~zcid630011-f538e80a-a109-4d47-9186-d37cb939fbdd%40H7%40customers%2Balso%2Bshopped%24157%24656431~xcm_srcCatID~z157~xcm_pos~zPos1

        3. Sheath dress ($32) – http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/ny-collection-petite-three-quarter-sleeve-b-slim-dress?ID=1666087&CategoryID=55596&tdp=cm_app~zMCOM-NAVAPP~xcm_zone~zPDP_ZONE_A~xcm_choiceId~zcid630011-fd2e42d4-81b6-448e-959e-749e7353a949%40H7%40customers%2Balso%2Bshopped%2455596%241666087~xcm_srcCatID~z55596~xcm_pos~zPos1

        4. Blazer ($43) – http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/style-co.-solid-knit-fitted-blazer-only-at-macys?ID=2280662&CategoryID=120&tdp=cm_app~zMCOM-NAVAPP~xcm_zone~zPDP_ZONE_A~xcm_choiceId~zcid630011-ecd6341c-6e02-401d-a380-597b9376b3b7%40H7%40customers%2Balso%2Bshopped%2455600%242280662~xcm_srcCatID~z55600~xcm_pos~zPos3

        5. Cardigans ($30 each) – http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/jm-collection-ribbed-flyaway-cardigan-only-at-macys?ID=2236987&CategoryID=260&LinkType=#fn=PRICE%3D0.0|49.99%26SWEATER_STYLE%3DCardigan%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D301%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D25 For an even more cost-effective option, I’ve been liking the cardigans at Old Navy and Target lately, although they’re more disposable-quality than some people are comfortable with.

        6. Shell tops – I actually won’t link, because there’s too much variation in what people like. For maximum versatility, you’d probably want a mix of short-sleeve tops, so they can be worn without a cardigan/blazer, although personally I always wear a cardigan or blazer to work so I typically end up buying sleeveless tops only. Regardless, it shouldn’t be too hard to find a range of options for $30 or less, putting your shirt budget at around $180, max.

        Grand total, the whole wardrobe shouldn’t run you more than $370, leaving you another $130 for extra pieces, or great new shoes, or fun accessories! (Personally, I like scarves – if you wear something really basic like black pants + solid shirt + solid cardigan, you can repeat the outfit pretty frequently if you just change up the scarf you wear with it.)

      2. Okay, so I can’t tell whether my post with links was lost to the void or is just stuck in moderation, but at any rate, I was able to find the entire listed wardrobe at Macy’s for around $370, which would leave you a bit of room to get new shoes or accessories (or additional pieces) if you felt so inclined. Personally, I love scarves, because they can do a lot to jazz up super-basic outfits, and as long as you swap out the scarf it seems like no one ever notices that I wear the same 15 things over and over again.

  9. My partner and I have an upcoming occasion and have decided to buy each other really nice gifts for the first time. I’m planning on getting him a watch – any recommendations for a watch in the +/-1500 range? I’ve let him know I want jewelry, probably a right hand ring, because I like to be able to look at it. I honestly don’t really know jewelry stores other than Tiffany’s and mall brands. I haven’t liked anything at the likes of Kay, Jared, etc., and I feel a little strange buying fine jewelry online. Any suggestions for locations? LA or NY stores would work…

    1. Please post links to things you like! I want to ogle at some sparkly things today!

      1. http://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/rings/tiffany-victoria-mixed-cluster-band-ring-GRP08683?fromGrid=1&search_params=p+1-n+10000-c+287466-s+5-r+-t+-ni+1-x+-lr+-hr+-ri+-mi+-pp+798+6&search=0&origin=browse&searchkeyword=&trackpdp=bg&fromcid=287466

        http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/royale-bleu-by-effy-sapphire-3-4-ct.-t.w.-diamond-1-5-ct.-t.w.-band-in-14k-white-gold?ID=1886874&CategoryID=21176&LinkType=#fn=STONE%3DSapphire%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D201%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D6

        http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/royale-bleu-by-effy-sapphire-1-3-4-ct.-t.w.-diamond-1-2-ct.-t.w.-leaf-ring-in-14k-white-gold?ID=1886876&CategoryID=21176&LinkType=#fn=STONE%3DSapphire%26PAGEINDEX%3D2%26sp%3D2%26spc%3D201%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D50

        http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/effy-sapphire-3-1-8-ct.-t.w.-diamond-1-4-ct.-t.w.-ring-in-14k-white-gold?ID=2102036&CategoryID=21176&LinkType=#fn=STONE%3DSapphire%26PAGEINDEX%3D4%26sp%3D4%26spc%3D201%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D137

        http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/wrapped-in-love-diamond-ring-14k-white-gold-diamond-pave-knot-ring-1-ct.-t.w.?ID=571533&CategoryID=21176&LinkType=#fn=STONE%3DDiamond%26PAGEINDEX%3D4%26sp%3D4%26spc%3D1572%26ruleId%3D%26slotId%3D150

        needless to say the obscenely expensive tiffany is my favorite…

    2. Either nice local jewelry stores or honestly a department store like Macy’s could probably help with what you’re looking for for him. There are some Tag Heuers and Movados in that range, depending on his style.

    3. I haven’t looked at the men’s versions but I loooooove my Raymond Weil watch and it was $1500.

    4. Believe it or not, they have some really great jewelry at Costco. Watches, too.

      1. Agree on the costco! My parent’s always get me nice jewelry for big life events & they almost always get it from costco & it’s always gorgeous.
        They also have a bunch of super pricey watches– even some 10-20k rolex’s. The online stock & store to store stock vary, so keep your eyes open.

    5. Get a ring made! I did this for my wedding ring and was shocked at how easy it was to do and how reasonable too. Added bonus is I got exactly what I wanted.

      1. I definitely recommend this. We had my husband’s wedding ring custom made and it turned out perfectly. The whole process was super easy, quick, he got exactly what he wanted, and it was nice to support a local artist.

    6. You could get a Tag Heuer watch in that price range. Or a pre owned Rolex, maybe. ( stainless steel) for on line. Jewelry: Blue Nile or Ross Simons.

  10. Do you have work “friends”? People you lunch with, laugh with? Peers? Is it appropriate to socialize with people who are not at your level?

    I am in my mid-20s and have a new role as a VP at a bank. Everyone at my level is much older – 40sish – and I feel like I have no peers. Sure, I eat lunch with teammates or go to happy hour, but I never feel like I’m among peers. Socially, I have nothing in common with these people.

    Via network groups etc, I have met a bunch of other people around my age. Everyone I’ve met in my age group, however, is at a much lower level – intern/analyst/etc. (I guess this sounds like a humble brag – I just got promoted quickly). Is it inappropriate for me to “hang out” as a peer with these people, even though they are technically well below me? I’m not managing anyone, and these people aren’t even in my department.

    Obviously I keep all work relationships, even friendships, professional. But it would be nice to talk to someone beyond the weather.

    1. Go outside your organization 1st. Lots of workplace talk devolves into griping or oversharing.

    2. Yes, it’s completely appropriate. At banks, the title of VP works differently than at other corporations. You’re kind of like a level 3 employee vs level 1 or 2, right? I suppose it depends on the bank, but where I’ve worked a VP is still in the regular worker bee group, just not a newbie. It would get more distant when you’re more like a Director or Managing Director role.

      1. Also, congrats on the job! I didn’t mean to diminish your promotion, that is a great accomplishment.

    3. I don’t really. I have a few coworkers who I share some life updates with occasionally and we go out to lunch maybe 1X monthly, but that’s about it.

      At my office, we also dont mix via title. Attorneys hang out with attorneys, etc.

    4. Are you absolutely sure you have nothing in common with the 40-somethings? Have you given them a chance? I am in my mid-50s and have friends (professional and just personal) who are in their mid-20s and we always manage to find plenty to talk about. They may seem ancient to you but I guarantee you they still feel young and would be happy to chit chat with you about goings on in your respective lives.

      Give it a try!

      1. I love your attitude on this. I’m in my mid 20s, and I really appreciate the perspective (and company in general) of my friends who are your age. I often find that much older people than me assume I’m an immature kid they don’t want anything to do with.

      2. I started at my firm as a lawyer at just shy of 26 years old (single, no kids). Made wonderful work friends- and to some degree they’ve become outside of work friends– with three paralegals who are in their 40s, married and with kids. We can’t relate on every thing of course, but there’s SO MUCH that we can. The inter-generational differences are sources of lots of fun jokes, and it’s really interesting and helpful to me to have older peers with more life experience that I can be candid with/ aren’t my parents. Our friendship makes work so much more fun. Some of the older male attys think its weird to mix outside of your “title,” to this I say pshaw. It makes it easier that I don’t directly supervise these paralegals and that we’re all women. But the reality of the situation is that friendly support staff are a great resource and I hate the idea of excluding a person from my life simply because we don’t have the same title.

    5. This is forever a rough topic for me. I work in an industry and company that in many ways encourages extremely close personal relationships through socials, travel, long hours, and an emphasis on “team dynamic”. However, I am prepping for an early promotion in the next 6 months into a “level 3” role and a strong emphasis for my development for this has been put on leadership ability and what I would basically call managerial presence. I feel like it has been implied that this is related to being more distant with the team, not sharing personal details, basically keeping my relationships with my many peer aged coworkers fairly surface level. This has been really hard for me and something I continue to struggle with. However, I do think it’s somewhat important because after my first promotion I struggled with people I considered close friends not really performing at work the way they should, and I wished I was less close with them because this became extremely awkward. Anyways, no advice really just commiseration.

    6. I usually have lunch/happy hour with the people I started my job with about 4 yrs ago– they aren’t as aggressive as I am with their careers, are younger, and don’t have the grad degree I have– and so I have moved up much quicker than them now (basically, I head a dept & they would be equiv to the people I supervise– and I even have supervised some of them in the past). I love hanging out with them & consider them close friends. I am careful to give them their space. I usually wait to be invited & try not to barge in & invite myself as to give them space to bitch about work among themselves without feeling self conscious.
      A couple times a week though, I get lunch with people on the same level as me. Usually if we have a meeting right before lunch, I’ll ask them if they want to go grab something. If I am late at work with the other people at my level, I’ll stop by and chat for a few minutes– if they are super busy then I ask them if they want to go for a 10 minute walk sometime (my work is BIG on walk breaks). For people higher up in the chain than me, I have a list and at least 1x a month, I try and ask someone I would consider a mentor to get lunch or coffee or a walk with me. I ask them for advice and talk about work goals & stuff. I keep a list on my outlook calendar (as a private Mon morning even) of the people I enjoy being with or would like to get to know and when I last reached out to each of them– and I try to make sure that I don’t go too long without some sort of touching base, even if it’s just a quick email to say congrats on something or hello. I’m a VERY introverted person (not really shy, but I like to build friendships over time) and this sort of structure seems to not only work really well for me, but it’s made it so that I have made some really excellent friends over the years that I trust to go to for advice, and who often ask me for advice.

      1. I think the poster above me gave a good personal example of what I was going to say. I don’t think it’s a problem if you spend time with people your age that are in lesser roles than you, but I would be wary of exclusively socializing with them. As unfortunate as it is, I just think you won’t be taken as seriously as you probably want to be unless you also spent some time with people on your same career level and distance yourself just slightly from people that are (several) levels lower than you.

    7. I have one. It’s always nice to have someone to talk to outside of work and even vent every now and then but I make a conscious effort so that my network (all 8 of them haha) are not colleagues.

  11. Does anyone have experience with the brand Mynt 1792? I’m a little intrigued by some of their plus sized clothes at Nordstrom, but have never seen the clothes in person.

    1. I’ve tried them through Gwynnie Bee and have found them to be just okay. Quality is on par with Avenue or Ashley Stewart.

  12. Guessing most on this s i t e are high achievers and many are high earners. How do you maintain a sense of perspective when everyone you know makes near or well over six figures?

    For example, I know it’s not typical to travel internationally multiple times a year, buy a new wardrobe every season, have regular highlights done, or shop for all-organic food. But when everyone in your social circle is doing this, it becomes the new normal.

    Ways I try to maintain perspective: donating to favorite charities regularly, staying up on news so I am well aware of how good I have it and how much others need my help, volunteering whenever I can in my community. But it still doesn’t feel like enough. Curious if others have felt this way and how you deal with it.

      1. To this end – remember what your life was like as a student, or at least before you had this sort of life? Presumably you haven’t had this lifestyle all your life, so there was a time where you had to watch your spending, make do with Great Clips for haircuts, ate ramen for dinner occasionally, bought a used car (and were excited about it because you had a car!).

        Maybe once a week/month, think about the things you are grateful to have so you don’t take them for granted?

    2. I think a lot of it probably depends on who you hang out with? High-earning does not necessarily translate to big spenders. Most of my friends make $100K+ but don’t do any of the things you described, except maybe shop organic (and that’s more about priorities than spending — someone who earns $50K a year but really wants to buy organic can). My friends are more tech people (“regular” engineers not startup billionaires) so maybe lawyers are different, but honestly none of the associates at my law firm travel internationally multiple times a year or replaced their wardrobe every year – nice clothes, cars & vacations, yes, but not something you’d see on Real Housewives or Rich Kids of Instagram or something like that. I also think it’s easier not to get wrapped up in this stuff if you live in a more traditionally modest place (like the Midwest for example) versus somewhere that’s very “keeping up with the Joneses” like I imagine, say, Orange County CA is.

      1. +1. Me and my husband make around $250,000 per year and the only thing we do in the list OP described is buy organic food. Buying organic food is due to more of a concern for our health and health of the planet. We take two vacations per year. One of them is a trip to India because all our family is there and it is very important for us to spend time with our parents. When we go to India, we just stay at home with our parents, eat home cooked meals, take them to their doctor appointments etc and nothing fancy. Other vacation is a four day vacation within the US (taking one day off along with a long weekend). That’s it..

    3. My friends are very good at keeping out hanging out affordable. So, sure, they’re going to Europe three times a year, and I’m not, but when we hang out it’s $10 bottles of wine at home so everyone can join in.

    4. +1 with Anonymous at 4:12pm

      Although there is a correlation between how much you earn and how much you spend, I really don’t think you need to follow that model. I also know a lot of people who make good money and they don’t do any of the things the OP mentioned (maybe here and there but rarely). I live in Los Angeles and make 6 figures but I still shop for clothes at Target and Ross. A lot of people compliment my clothes and taste but I honestly tell them that most of the things I own are less then $25 each. It also depends on who you hang out with. Most of my friends are pretty modest and live a humble lifestyle so I can see how someone would feel pressured if they had a different set of friends.

      To respond to the OP’s question about how to stay grounded…I disconnect my spending from my bank account and my job title. Just because I have money in my account and people address me as Dr. so and so, I still do exactly what I did when I wasn’t this person. When I was a regular staff (or working student) I always helped set up and cleaned up after every meeting (well…I had to). When I became Dr. so and so, I still go to the meetings early to help the admin staff set up and I stay after to help them clean up.

    5. I think about this frequently. My husband and I spent about 3 years comparatively poor. Like, two people living off $25,000 poor. I remember one time I made this dish for a church potluck that had wild rice in it. I had no idea how expensive wild rice was, and I borrowed a few cups of it from a neighbor. When I went to the store to get a replacement, I almost cried because it was like $30 worth of rice, and that was half of what we typically spent on groceries in a week.

      My husband and I now make about six times what we were living off of during the lean times. Our tax bill this year was about the same as my annual salary where I worked when we were so poor. Today I spend $30 on a meal and think nothing of it. But every time I walk by the wild rice in the grocery store I still feel a little bit sick. Sometimes I think about buying a tiny jar of wild rice to remind myself of where I was then, and how grateful I am to be where I am now.

      I try to maintain perspective by living in a solidly middle class neighborhood. The Syria refugee crisis has helped me really put my life/privilege into perspective recently, too.

      1. Mine was squeezable jelly :) I remember thinking that when I had made it, I would stop buying generic brand jars of jelly and would go crazy on squeezable namebrand jelly.

        Now peanut butter and jelly sandwiches aren’t on the menu anymore, but I do have a squeezable jelly can in the pantry to remind myself when I gripe about “wants” how far I’ve come and it helps keep me in check and stops lifestyle inflation from creeping

        1. For me, it was underwear without holes. Being able to afford to replace my underwear as soon as they got even a little in not-great shape, rather than having to wear them until they were rags, and then know that we were probably going to be short on the grocery budget for a couple weeks while we made up the difference.

          I spent the winter after our wedding (I turned 21 in March, graduated in May & got married in June, but it was another year before my husband graduated) eating lunches of 3 slices of summer sausage and a slide of wedding cake, because it was what was available that didn’t cost anything. The night he got the news that he’d gotten a full time job, we celebrated by buying (very small) steaks & potatoes to bake. Now, steak is a fairly regular part of our diet, but over 20 years later I don’t forget when it was a major splurge for us.

          1. mine was a scented candle from anthropologie. I made 26k/year and worked retail at the mall part time on the weekends on top of that. on a break i wandered in and antrho had this candle that was liek $18 and it just smelled SO GOOD. I hemmed and hawed over it for no fewer than 2 weeks, looked to see if i could find it cheaper or find something that smelled better, didn’t, and then bought it (actually bought it online,with amazon points, but still $20). I LOVED that candle, and it made me so happy — and i’m not at all a candle person. What a luxury.

            Now I make more than that annual salary as my bonus– in a bad year. my husband and I make almost 13x that amount now…the last promotion/bonus cycle we just looked at eachother and felt kind of mutually sick.

      2. For me, it’s money to travel. When we got married, the only honeymoon we could take was one by car, and we stayed in the cheapest motels we could find. The first time we stayed in a hotel that had interior doors and room service (that we could afford!) that we booked and paid for ourselves was a bit thrilling. We often talk about going back to the city where we honeymooned and staying at a truly nice hotel and getting a nice dinner out. Think we may try and do that for our 15th anniversary, just to remind ourselves how far we’ve come.

      3. Wait, where on earth is wild rice $30 for a few cups?! It’s definitely more expensive than white rice, but WOAH. Does Chicago just have really inexpensive wild rice?

        1. I’d like to know this too. I mean I cringe paying the like 6 a bag when white is 2, but its still not totally outrageous.

        2. A quick google shows 2 cups can be $12 – easily $30 for a five pound bag. So if she borrowed a few cups and went to get a bag for her neighbor… add some hyperbole, but I see where she gets that.

    6. Agree with the above suggestions about remembering what it was like as a student, distinguishing between wants and needs, and living modestly. We donate 10% of our income, and that helps remind me that there are other things more important than trips I want to take or things I want to buy.

      I’ve also tried to adopt a more minimalist lifestyle. For example, I haven’t been able to limit myself to a “capsule” wardrobe (I like all my clothes too much!), but I make sure I only buy pieces that will last, that fit my self-described “style,” and that I can wear in more than one environment (a cardigan I can wear to work and on the weekend, or a dress I can wear to work and to a dinner event). Before, I might have bought a slouchy patterned sweater because I thought it looked “fun,” but now I realize I can’t wear that to work (or really anywhere I go other than a casual dinner or movie) and that I don’t want to spend needlessly on an item that will just take up space in my closet. I do the same thing with minimal housewares (fewer throw pillows and knicknacks; only truly special things with meaning are displayed, etc), not keeping “extras” of things (why do I have two can openers? Donate the extraneous one), and other small ways to limit spending and retention.

      Another thing I’ve tried is prohibiting impulse purchases. If I see an item I think I want (handbag, jacket, etc) I think about it for a week. If I’m still thinking about the jacket next week and have thought of enough ways to wear it that it’s a justified purchase, I figure it’s worth buying. But I don’t let myself hear about, say, a Kate Spade online sale and buy a bag from the sale that same day. (Not that I was tempted to do that today or anything.)

      This modified minimalist approach helps me remember that I don’t need so much “stuff” and can be content with the things I do have. I’ve actually found that this simplification makes me happier, and I make fewer decisions (Where do I store all these things? Or, do I wear the round toe black flats or the pointy toe black flats? No more decision– only one pair of black flats now). Being able to afford things doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll be happier if we buy them, and I try to remind myself of that.

    7. You say you donate to charity regularly. Have you thought about picking a charity or two and becoming a major donor? I have a couple of charities to which I donate at a level that honestly stings a little, and I like that feeling. Plus it gives me an opportunity to get to know the workings of the organizations a lot better than if I were just a casual donor.

      And also, “everybody” is not doing “all the things.” Some people are doing a lot of travel, and some people are buying new wardrobes every year, and some people are at the salon every week. And some people are doing several of those things. But as Anon Here noted above, the travelers may be shopping at Target, or the organic food fanatics may be camping instead of staying at the Ritz.

      I think the best thing is to remember to be grateful for what you have, every single day.

    8. Just out of curiosity, did those of you who put thought and effort into maintaining perspective grow up in middle class households, or at least where you didn’t want for anything major, like necessities? I grew up literally in poverty and now am very wealthy, especially relative to my age, and I feel like being “grounded” or having that kind of perspective or whatever you want to call it is so much a part of me that I’d never need to think about what’s normal or keeping things in perspective.

      1. I didn’t want for anything major growing up, but there were certainly financial issues. But I’m with you, I have no trouble at all remembering how fortunate I am.

      2. Yes, same here. Literally every day I walk into my lovely house, I think about how lucky I am. Same every time I go on vacation, eat nice food, etc. My husband and I talk regularly about how crazy it is that we’ve got all this stuff and how we get to do so much when we came from so little.

      3. I did not grow up in a middle class family; I think it was lower than middle class but not poverty. I didn’t feel poor and felt that I got what I wanted but in retrospect, I never wanted much. I owned one barbie my entire life (Great Shape Barbie!) and one teddy bear which I still have until this day. I think I am just used to living the way I’ve always lived and never really adjusted with my income. I don’t shop at Nordstorms or Saks because I’ve never shopped there and thus never developed a habit for it. I live a modest lifestyle out of habit and by choice, I guess, which I am grateful for since some people live a modest lifestyle out of necessity.

      4. Agreed — it isn’t hard for me to keep perspective because I didn’t grow up with any money. No matter how much easier life is now, I don’t forget that I am in an extraordinary position compared to the vast majority of the earth’s inhabitants.

        Besides my childhood, the other factor is that I interact daily with people who don’t have the same background. Yes, many of my friends went to law school with me, and my work peers are generally well off, but that is not the sum total of my social or professional interactions. It may be worth exploring whether you want to think about broadening the people you know if you are worried about perspective.

    9. Remember what it had been like.

      Enjoy saving money and realize that many people cannot do so.

      Surely, some of your high school and college friends haven’t “made it” yet, took a pay cut to do more interesting work, are scrimping to save for their kids’ college, or enjoy living below their means.

      If you want kids, consider how you want to raise them. My parents gave me a tremendous gift in living below their means – I just don’t mind shopping sales and driving my old car, because that’s how life always was.

      Also consider the value of what you are spending money on. Depreciating assets (hair, clothes, cars, etc) are, well, depreciating assets.

    10. To echo some of the comments above, make sure that you are interacting with people outside your economic group. And by interacting, I mean on a peer level. We have our baby in a nonprofit daycare that provides very high-quality daycare with a sliding scale for tuition. The daycare therefore serves children and families from a variety of economic backgrounds.

      I also have friends all over the economic spectrum. My husband is in the nonprofit world, and many of his coworkers make significantly less money than the lawyers I work with.

    11. uh, I earn 6 figures, as does my husband. We do none of those things. We pay for expensive daycare, our mortgage, our cars (not really that fancy), and throw money at retirement and student loans. every once in a while we’ll pay full price at the children’s museum or eat out on a weekday and feel pretty darn luxurious.

  13. Vicarious shopping challenge: I am looking for somewhat comfortable high heel boots to wear under boot cute or semi-flared jeans for walking around NYC for dinners/drinks out. Thoughts?

      1. Thank you for reminding me I had a mini twix hiding in my purse! I recommend always taking candy from the candy jar and hiding it for later. What a lovely surprise!

      1. Full size. But I only ate one! (And a fun-sized Three Musketeers bar. It’s been a rough day).

        1. In October, there’s special dispensation for candy consumption.

          Also, don’t Reese’s full-size come two or three to a pack? You showed enormous restraint.

          1. In my household we have a strict rule that the bags of candy don’t get opened until October 31. Otherwise I would eat all the candy and there would be none left for the trick-or-treaters. Special dispensation for candy consumption is from November 1 through Thanksgiving.

            And yes, OP did show enormous restraint. I bought a pack of Reese’s today (see above re. Halloween candy in the pantry) and ate both of them.

        2. Wait, one isn’t even a full package! That’s not enough to justify guilt at all!

        3. Lady let me tell you about the time I ate an entire bag of full sized ones I got on sale after Halloween, in my bed, during 1L, over the course of approx 1 week. I lived to tell the tale. YOLO.

      4. When there are bowls of candy, I always eat a piece and, swear to god, consider it uneaten. Like– because it was free, available, and made of chocolate, it has no calories. So yea, guilt over ONE peanut butter cup isn’t registering with me!

    1. Easy in what sense? Like, easy to buy, or easy to make, or easy to make with just what you already have in your closet?

      1. FWIW, our best “couples” costume was the year my husband bought a replica DeadMau5 head and wore it with regular clothes, and I spent about $20 on parachute pants on Amazon, sprayed some colored hair spray into my hair, and went as his groupie. The DeadMau5 head wasn’t exactly cheap, but it did resell on eBay for full purchase price, so it ended up not costing anything.

      2. Ah, easy in the “can wear it and sit down/ move around easily sense”. Don’t mind buying something but from the closet would be fantastic.

        1. This is sort of random, but I saw a woman downtown today dressed like a domino (but also, not wearing a domino costume. Just wearing an outfit that looked astoundingly like a domino). After seeing her, I keep thinking about how easy a domino costume would be – black clothes with white circles taped on (or vice versa). Probably better with more than two people, but super easy.

    2. John Travolta and Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. We did it a few years ago and it was totally easy. It did involve a wig for me and the tie thing for him, but everything else we had on hand.

    3. Last year we were axl and slash. It required a wig for my husband but was otherwise easy. We were a hit at the party!

    4. BuzzFeed did a post recently on couples costumes, and many of them were cute and easy.

      One year, we did Mary Poppins and Burt (the chimney sweep) and it was a total hit– we won best costume at a party of like 200 people. All I had to buy was a black hat and some fake flowers to glue to it, as well as a red bow-tie, and I wore a white button down, knee-length A-line skirt, black hose and low-heeled booties I own, and carried an umbrella. He wore a white button down, gray cotton pants, a vest, and we burnt the end of a cork and rubbed it all over his face for soot. It was awesome.

  17. Louisiana bar results come out tomorrow. I can’t seem to focus on work at all today–how do I get through 2 more hours of work tonight?!

    1. Not Golden Tote, but I’m randomly into LeTote–kinda like Netflix for clothes/accessories or being back in college where there’s 45 closets to draw from. I especially like it for accessories or trying on new weekend styles. You can buy things you like, too!

  19. Linen sheet/duvet recs? I’ve been so in to this idea. Was scoping them out at West Elm the other day.

    Have a gift card for Williams Sonoma burning a hole in my pocket! (Which I believe is good for pottery barn/west elm/etc too) but I’ll take feedback or recommendations for anywhere.

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