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Splurge Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Belted Stretch-Wool Flounce Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I hope everyone had a great long weekend and got some reprieve from the office! For this lovely day, I'm already thinking about fall, and this gorgeous dress from Carolina Herrera looks fabulous. I love the simple bodice and sleek look combined with that flouncy, kicky shirt — it looks very fun. Of course, because it's Carolina Herrera, it's expensive ($2,190), but it's a great statement piece if you're looking for one. The dress comes in sizes 4–16 at Neiman Marcus. Belted Stretch-Wool Flounce Dress Looking for something more affordable? There are tons of flouncy options in all size ranges here (and today they're all on sale). This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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325 Comments

  1. It has gotten very hard to find jeans that aren’t essentially jeggings. Can anyone recommend a good pair of jeans with low stretch and relatively thin denim (I don’t like super thick jeans)? I don’t want skinny jeans – I just want an ordinary pair of bootcut or similar jeans, something like you used to be able to find easily 5-10 years ago, and with a priority on comfort over flattering (both would be nice, of course). I’m a size 10 pear and have previously had problems with gaping at the waist. Some of the Levi’s jeans used to work for me, but they have so much stretch now that they get saggy after an hour. TIA!

    1. Try AG brand. They have skinny styles as well, but their straight and bootcut styles are thin denim that don’t sag out.

      1. Yes! Love AG, the prices are incredibly expensive but the quality is amazing. I guess you have to pay that much to get good jeans these days…

      1. I’m looking at the Paige website and it looks like those jeans are skintight jeggings with a straight leg opening. Can you comment on the fit?

        1. I understand what you’re saying – I’m not sure what’s at work but yes, they definitely look like second-skin pants. Real-feel is so much different.

          they’re very easy to get on (I’m 5’11 and have huge thighs, I’m not fighting to put pants on) and the amount of stretch in them is just enough that I feel comfortable, but not squeezed out by them or indecent butt hanging out. Straight leg shape is good for rolling up as well as stuffing into boots.

    3. I’d go the other direction and suggest Gap (will have a mix of stretch options, but has plenty of non-skinny styles), Lee Jeans (kohls) or even Wranglers (if you can find them).

    4. If you know your size, look for Madewell Rail Straight jeans on Poshmark or similar.

    5. Eddie Bauer. I searched all over for jeans a few months ago and that’s where I found the basics I was looking for.

    7. GAP. Went back to them for jeans about 2 years ago and haven’t looked back since. Also read an article the other day about how non-stretch jeans are coming back into fashion, so you may be seeing more options out there.

      1. Seconding! I’m a pear shape size 8 and love Gap’s real straight jeans — they definitely aren’t skinnies, but they still look great with a blousy top. Gap has a bunch of styles right now with no stretch, I think they’re calling them “vintage.”

      2. The Wall Street Journal’s weekend edition had that article on the resurgence of no-stretch jeans and the ones featured, including a pair at the Gap for $80, looked wide-legged and loose fitting.

    8. I think the thinner the jean, the more stretch. That said, as an 8-10 pear I really like the Levi’s 315 shaping bootcut and 314 shaping straight. Also, they have a 512 straight that is a little thicker. Agree with the Lee’s recommendation too, just didn’t find them as flattering.

    9. I love the Loft jeans. Inexpensive and the boot cut looks great (I hope? I think?) on my pear shaped body.

    10. I have the same issue. I look for jeans with 90% or higher cotton content. This will change by brand and also styles. So far for my shape, Madewell has been good. Their jeans are expensive but i’ve had luck funding them on sale at Nordstrom Rack.

    11. I am the same – skinny jeans look terrible on me, so I’ve always worn bootcut. I like Lands End a lot. I got my last pair for about $25 because they were on sale.

  2. How do you balance the desire to live in a safe neighborhood with the desire to live somewhere that is socioeconomically diverse? In my metro area, the nicest towns with the best schools are not very diverse (neither socioeconomically or racially, although a bit better on the latter), but the quality of life is so much better than what I have in my current neighborhood. The new areas we’re looking at have very low crime, community feel, much better opportunities to pursue my outdoor hobbies, great reputations for being kid-friendly, etc., while my current area struggles with a lot of crime as well as skyrocketing rents and other problems. I don’t want to live somewhere totally homogeneous, but I also want my home to be in a peaceful, enjoyable area. I’m happy to work wherever, but I need my home to feel like a place I want to come back to. We would also be able to rent a nicer place for slightly less money if we moved to the new area (we can’t afford to move to the nicest area within current, diverse city, and it would be inconvenient to work anyway). Thoughts on how to balance these priorities?

    And to note, obviously not all areas have the same dynamics as mine – I’m not suggesting that socioeconomically diverse areas are always less safe, or that everyone should prioritize kid-friendly areas over other things.

    1. This is something I’ve been thinking about loads. We live in an area with a high level of social deprivation and have experienced some of the best (we know our neighbours well because we’re all in close proximity) and worst (anti-social behaviour by teens and adults, police visits to the meth heads across the road, break-ins, neighbours experiencing racial abuse).

      We will want to move eventually as we’re in a smallish flat and I’d like another bedroom / a garden larger than a postage stamp but I do feel torn by the choice between staying in our area or the nicer, quieter neighbourhoods. I feel bad leaving because the schools are crap and the neighbourhood kids are obnoxious (because don’t people need to work together to make things better?) but also don’t want my kid to suffer.

    2. I live where I want, period. Right now that’s in an extremely diverse city in a 50% non-white building. But I live there because I genuinely like it.

      Looking further ahead, sure, it will be a factor. One of many.

    3. This has been discussed a few different times so do some site searches and you might find some great discussions in addition to whatever

      My priority was short commute time (5 minute drive/20 minute walk) to work so I would have more time with my kids (daycare at my work). That resulted in an older house in a more diverse neighborhood but I’m in a low crime city. I might have commuted further if our current neighborhood had serious issues like break ins or assaults/drug use.

      1. argh – redo of end of first sentence “in addition to whatever responses you get here.” Send coffee.

    4. I think you’re right that every area is different so I think it’s hard to discuss in a vacuum. I’m in NYC, which is expensive enough as it is, so good schools were very important because sending kids to private is just not an option. We ended up prioritizing that, along with reasonable commute to work and to visit our families. It’s not the most diverse or the coolest area and some sections of our neighborhood do make me cringe but I just don’t hang out there/with those people and in a city like NY it’s easy enough to ignore and to expose your kids to whatever you feel your neighborhood might be lacking. That may be harder in a more suburban environment.

    5. I live a Chicago suburb that is nice but not diverse and have found that I’m happy with that trade-off. I occasionally wonder if I am missing out on the diversity but I work in the city and visit less affluent and more diverse areas regularly. The ability to come home to a safe, quiet space makes a huge difference to me.

      I also grew up in a less affluent, more diverse community and worked in an area with lots of crime as a public defender.

      Finally, I don’t have kids – if I did, I would probably try to live in the less diverse neighborhood but send the child to public schools and engage in a weekly community service / volunteer opportunity in the less diverse neighborhoods nearby. I would certainly go out of my way to expose them to diversity on a regular basis.

      1. To the OP, it depends so much on the city to figure out options. We are also in Chicago. For us, we decided diversity and good schools and commute to work were are big three for us and our kids. It is quite hard to find this. For us, diversity means racial/economic/political etc.. ideally a bit of everything.

        So in our area, there are suburbs right on the edge of Chicago that fit the bill – Evanston and Oak Park, and we picked Oak Park because it worked best for our commute and was more affordable for us. Before this, we lived in a mix of city neighborhoods until kids were old enough that we really needed to find a public elementary school in an affordable location. We spent a long time looking, visiting, thinking..

      2. I was hoping some other Chicagoans would comment! I totally agree with Red that Oak Park is a good best of both worlds. I’m in a similar boat to the Chicago anonymous above.

        We ended up further west for a lot of reasons the OP mentioned (green & outdoor space, good schools, etc.), plus lower property taxes and relatively easy commute into the city, and the lack of diversity is at times kind of startling. I’m hoping we can continue to find diverse experiences for our kids even if our immediate area is not particularly diverse.

        1. Ace – I’m the Anon above and am now curious about where you live! I’m between LaGrange and Hinsdale.

          1. Same line, a little west! I’m in the DG/OB area.
            I don’t have an anonymous email address, but would be happy to connect if you are interested in doing so! :)

      3. Chicagoan here. I find that people often overlook some really great south side options that I feel can combine what everyone is looking for–Hyde Park, Bridgeport, Beverly in particular. Commutes are better than almost all suburbs, good public schools available in all 3, close to private schools if that’s your thing, diversity, pretty safe, great real estate options at fantastic prices compared to similar areas on the north side or in the burbs.

    6. I’m in Canada so much lower violent crime rate (although actually a higher property crime rate IIRC?) and there’s almost nowhere in my city I wouldn’t walk alone at night. That obviously colours my view.

      We (no kids yet) live in a very diverse up and coming area and are moving to another slightly less up and coming but very diverse area, racially and economically. I would never live in the suburbs because I’m not interested in a long commute or owning more than 1 vehicle. I would consider the “nicer” areas of the city equally close to downtown, but I don’t think the cost of homes in those areas really comes with a lot of benefits other than a confusing maze of tree-lined streets designed to keep the “riff-raff” out. I assume once I have kids I’ll prioritize even more the things I prioritize now – running across the street to the little fruit market, the old sandwich shop and the new hipster coffee shop. And I want them not to “experience diversity” on the weekends through volunteering but to understand that our friends and neighbours and schoolmates are diverse and that’s just the way it is.

      I do worry (and this is something that hasn’t come up) about being a gentrifier and the effect my choices to move to these areas have on the affordability of homes for those who have lived there for a long time. The artists studios in my current neighbourhood have all jacked up the rent and driven long time tenants out because condos and fancy breweries.

      1. Are you in Toronto? I feel like Toronto is very unique in how (racially) diverse it is… obviously some neighborhoods are different (and I can’t speak about the suburbs) but I regularly look around when I’m out and see all different types of people hanging out together and no one seems to notice.

        Homes are not affordable at all and its definitely pushing economically disadvantaged people out but quite frankly, I think that’s because there’s no where to go…

      2. I think I know the city and neighbourhood you live in. I am also from Canada but a different large city. My particular city has like 20ish murders a year, it also has a very high mean and median income and a dense income mode with small standard deviation, unlike Toronto which is bimodal with a high standard deviation. Anyways, my neighbourhood hasn’t had a murder in about 15 years, but the ‘bad’ neighbourhoods have about 5 murders a year each. I know that gentrification is detrimental and lots of people were pushed out when my neighbourhood gentrified about 20 years ago. Personally though I need to be able to run at night and walk home and get groceries at 10 pm so while I do feel guilty I value the safety. The worse that happens to me is teenagers cat calling me which is very non threatening. I also didn’t cause the gentrification here, it happened while I was in elementary school, I think I would feel worse if I was the gentrifier pushing people out.

    7. This was incredibly difficult for my family. I am white and my husband is from Africa. We lived in the heart of Washington DC (U street area) for ten years — until about 1.5 years ago. We have three kids under 4 and, frankly, my husband was a driving force in our move. I loved the city and thought it important to expose the kids to diversity (both racial and socio-economic), particularly because they are minorities! I imagined we would raise them there. We have enough money to send our kids to private schools, which my husband had previously insisted we do, and I thought that was a relatively fair compromise. But then things changed. My husband was not willing to send our children to area public schools — they are low performing schools and a few of them are not safe — but he decided he didn’t want the private schools in DC. He felt uncomfortable there (for a number of reasons) and thought our children would feel that way, too. So, we headed to the near-in suburbs (Clarendon). It is FAR less racially diverse than the city and we live in an affluent suburb, too, so it has less socio-economic diversity. My husband’s perspective drove a lot of our decisions. He immigrated here and lived in a very unsafe, poor neighborhood growing up. He now has several advanced degrees and we both earn very high salaries and finds it inconceivable that we would give our children any less than the very best we could buy. He is not interested in “bettering” our communities at the “expense” of our children. On the other hand, he is frequently uncomfortable with the very rich (typically white) families you find at many of the private schools in DC proper. So, we settled it by moving into a richer “suburban” neighborhood, but sending our kids to public school. I freely admit the public schools will trend richer in our area and more white (though they are more diverse than some of the outlying suburbs); however, it is the compromise we reached.
      Here’s the hard part. As much as I fought the move, I have settled so easily into our life in the suburbs. Everything is cleaner (my kids don’t pick up syringes in the park), the govt services run better (trash actually gets picked up!), we have a back yard, there is very, very little crime — it’s just easier in so many ways. Yet, I feel like we have lost something sometimes.
      All that is to say: it’s a hard decision. I’m not sure what the right answer is.

      1. What you have in your new place is what I crave – I’m tired of stepping over syringes, always checking outside before going out to make sure the sketchy guys aren’t hanging around at the corner to watch me leave, etc. I agree that it’s a tough calculus and I can appreciate that it was especially tough in your situation. My husband is an immigrant as well who has lived in some fairly rough neighborhoods in the U.S., but he’s even more adamant than me about wanting to move somewhere that just FEELS safe. Crime can happen anywhere, but there is no doubt in either of our minds that we are simply not at ease in our current home. Peace of mind feels elusive and valuable right now, and I just have to decide if it’s more valuable than overall town diversity.

    8. ARRRGH.
      I posted a LONG reply, but it got eaten. I hate that about this site.
      Here’s the sum up:
      I am white and my husband is African. We have three kids under four. We lived in DC proper (U Street) for 10 years, but moved almost two years ago to the near-in suburbs (clarendon). I struggle with this decision. I wanted to raise my kids in the city forever. They are minorities and I wanted diversity to be a foundation of their lives. But my husband disagreed. He immigrated here with his family and lived for years in a VERY poor/unsafe neighborhood. He now holds several advanced degrees and we both earn very high salaries. He absolutely refuses to “better” the community at the “expense” of our children. The area schools aren’t very good academically and some of them are unsafe. However, he felt very uncomfortable (for a number of reasons) in the DC private schools. He felt our children would feel uncomfortable there, too. So, we settled on near-in suburbs with less diversity (both racial and socio-economic), but our children will attend public schools Our area is not as homogenous as the farther out suburbs; however, it is much different than DC.
      Here’s the kicker. I see his point. Everything is cleaner and easier out here. we can still walk to a lot of shops, etc., but even those are nicer and cleaner and more efficient. the govt. services run better and my children aren’t picking up syringes in the local parks. I can see why people “sell out” once they have children. But I sometimes feel guilty that my white privilege (and my husband’s and my wealth) allows us to check out. My husband thinks I’m slightly ridiculous. He claims it is his immigrant mentality. Why would we choose “less” for our children if we could afford more.
      All of this to say: I don’t know the right answer. This is what works for my family for now. Only time will tell whether we made the right choice.

    9. I prioritize safety over mostly everything. When we were buying out house, we told the realtor we wanted a safe and quiet neighborhood. Of the safe and quiet neighborhoods we looked at, we ended up in a fairly diverse one. The neighborhood is older and has a wide range in prices and house size and condition.

      Our local (very racially and socioeconomically diverse) elementary school has been getting better, and because of that, the entire neighborhood is getting more expensive. People are buying and flipping houses. Prices are going up and nothing stays on the market for long.

      All that to say, you can pick one neighborhood and have it turn into something completely different with astonishing speed. We’ve been there for 5 years and I’m shocked at how much it’s already changed. The area of town we live right next to went from being a dangerous dump to a place where half a million dollar houses are common (this is in a LCOL, so that’s a really nice house) over the last 7-10 years because resources were pumped into those schools and then everyone who could afford it flocked to the area.

    10. It’s hard to give you a totally accurate answer without knowing where you live, but I’d say think really hard about what you mean when you refer to the “best” schools and the “nicest” towns. In some areas, yes, it is that clear-cut; you either live in an area that’s more diverse with unacceptably bad schools or a very homogeneous area with great schools. If that’s the case in your city, I think you need to do what you need to do to feel safe and like your kids are getting a good education. But in two cities I’ve lived in, Cleveland and DC, there are plenty of suburbs that are more diverse (in all ways) that are perfectly nice to live in and have high-quality schools, just not ones that make the US News Top Public Schools list or whatever. If you have a kid that is generally bright and doing well in school, he/she doesn’t need the “top” (whatever that means) schools – in fact, those schools can often have overly competitive environments, and your kid will be competing against more people to get into top colleges. Often these places have been coded as “best” overtime by people who really mean they are the whitest places to live. In sum, look around a little more to make sure you aren’t creating a false dichotomy with your choices.

      1. As it turns out, the schools in our city are good – it’s just the environment overall that isn’t safe. The high school is right downtown in what I consider a majorly sketchy area. I think my kids would be safe AT school, but I don’t like the idea of them walking around in the area after school or getting there early in the morning alone. There are cops around, but they don’t seem to deter a lot of the theft and other crime that is so prevalent in that area. I agree, though – I’m really trying to make sure I don’t equate “best” with “whitest” because that is certainly a huge problem.

      3. I agree with this so much. It is hard when the school report cards have the racial breakdown, the percentage of kids who are English Language Learners, the percentage of kids who qualify for free lunch, and then the test scores. I think we all know the complex factors that contribute to the white-affluent-high scoring correlation, but it doesn’t mean the more diverse schools are bad, or that a kid wouldn’t be well-served there.

        I have to admit, though, I looked at those racial breakdowns, and kind of ruled out any schools where “white” was below about 20%. I know I “shouldn’t” feel this way, and I know non-white people don’t have the luxury of angling to be part of a critical mass of people who look like them, but I just wasn’t comfortable with my kids going to a school where they would be in a small minority.

    11. Maybe this is obtuse, but house hunting is hard enough without putting this added pressure on yourself. My priorities are to live in a house I can afford, that’s a reasonable distance from work, and aesthetically appeals to me. I’m not even concerned about school districts and it took me almost 2 years to find my house.

      It would be lovely to live in a more diverse area. But I don’t have the time, patience, or emotional fortitude to wait for a house to come on the market in the couple of neighborhoods that might check that box, only to have the house bought out from under me by an all-cash, no-inspection buyer 2 days after it hit the market (true story). I guess my advice is to cast a broad net. If you’re lucky enough to have a couple of great options then by all means let the diversity of the neighborhood be your deciding factor.

      1. But do you have kids? If you were not concerned about school districts, I suspect the answer is no.

        The issue is more at the forefront when you are thinking about raising kids. Environment is so important. It is shockingly important. And the current political situation makes it strikingly so.

        There are several spoiled, sheltered children in my extended family.

        1. yeah… as someone that grew up in an extremely diverse area – its shaped who i am and my values (including those around me) for the better. This isnt something like – ‘i only want a house with a red door’ – this is life changing stuff that is important and worth trying to get…

        2. +1, spoken as a person without kids.

          I have the luxury of only caring about school district for resale value/what it might mean about my neighborhood generally. People who have children do not have that luxury, and it’s a very valid concern to have.

    12. We focused on commute and schools. I am just outside of DC and live in an established, family-friendly neighborhood with good public schools, easy highway access, and that is a short bike ride to the Metro station and the walk-able downtown district. My city writ-large is very diverse, but my neighborhood is probably 80% white and all single-family homes that sell from the mid 400s and up. It borders economically and ethnically more-diverse neighborhoods with denser housing, so the schools we’re zoned for are around 30/30/30/10 White/Black/Hispanic/Asian, and around 35% ESL and 25% free/reduced price lunch. I ruled out some school districts based on test scores and disciplinary incident reporting that also happened to be more minority-heavy, and I absolutely know there are problems with that, but it is what it is (just to be clear, I’m not equating discipline problems with diversity, but they happened to go hand in hand in my sample). There’s lots of petty theft in my neighborhood and the adjoining ones, but not much violent crime in our immediate area.

      I’m comfortable with all of this. I value diversity, but ultimately my priorities are staying with in a comfortable budget, maximizing my and my husband’s time with our family, and my kids being able to get a good education in a safe public school. Frankly, as someone who grew up in a very homogeneous Midwestern suburb, this is light years more diversity than I experienced as a kid.

  3. PhD submitted, 3 more days of work, and then maternity leave! Thanks to the community for pep talks along the way.

    Everything felt a bit anticlimactic, I dropped it off on Monday and then went to the office and got cracking on all the work I had been neglecting in favour of finishing the dissertation but planning some fun things for the first week of my leave, baby permitting.

    1. Congrats on all of the above! What fun things are you planning for the start of your leave?

      1. Thanks! I’ve got a fancy afternoon tea booked, a stack of novels, some visits with neglected friends, a much-needed haircut, yoga class, etc. I’m thinking about getting a day pass to a hotel with a pool and just going for a swim.

        I’m feeling really comfortable physically at the moment (37 weeks) but realise I could get uncomfortable quite quickly so trying to be flexible.

    2. Congratulations! I remember that anti-climactic feeling from turning in a thesis- I was on cloud 9 and wanted to run around screaming about my accomplishment, but I had to just go about the rest of my day as usual. Your fun plans sound great!

    4. Congrats! I’m leaving my job in a few weeks to work on my PhD full time. Any advice for someone just starting out?

    5. Congratulations! Fellow academic here, and I remember what a glorious relief it was to clear the PhD hurdle. Enjoy a few days of cocooning before motherhood.

    6. Congrats on getting it done! Hopefully you’ll get some relaxation before baby Cb arrives.

  4. Anybody have a LoveSac or any of the LoveSac dupes? I just moved and really want one to have as a cozy reading corner “chair” (we have chairs and couches, my friends has one of these and I love it) and I’m just wondering if there is any difference between the name brand and the “knockoffs” on Wayfair, etc.

      1. My friend has one and I adore it! I’ll get one of that brand if it makes the most sense, but figured I’d check around first.

    2. We have one of the giant ones and it’s awesome for our movie nook. It’s stuffed with furniture foam so not sure how that compares to a knockoff in terms of comfort. It does need to be fluffed every now and then but I like to think of it as a mini workout. Ha

    3. We have had ours for 7 years and it’s still as fluffy and cozy as the day we bought it.

  5. I could use a little life wisdom. I’m a 27-year-old paralegal with an associate degree related to my field. I come from a relatively uneducated blue collar family who never could have paid for college, and I thought I would be satisfied with a relatively low-pressure respectable job. A few years ago I realized that I wanted more, and I went back to school part time. I’m still (slowly) working toward a bachelors in accounting degree – I probably have 3 years left at the pace I’m going (many of my prior credits were not transferable). I plan to switch careers when I graduate, and begin to work toward the CPA exam. I’m working through school about as fast as I can while working full time and living a sane and healthy life. However, in the meantime, I’m growing increasingly bored and dissatisfied in my current job and field. I enjoy the work and the office culture and I really have nothing to complain about except plain old boredom. I’m busy and appreciated at work, but not challenged. I guess I’m looking for insight or advice as to how to stay sane in the waiting period, without killing my ambition or drive.

    1. Stop and remind yourself how far you’ve come and how much you have achieved! GO YOU!

      Would it make sense to try to find work in your intended field? Maybe speak to the accounting professors/career advisors available to you in your cpa program, and see what options may exist. You might be able to find work that will reinforce your studies and keep you excited about your trajectory.

      And, in case it wasn’t clear above, I am really proud of you for your hard work and path. You don’t know me, I don’t know you, but know that there are internet strangers out there rooting for you!

      1. Ah, thank you for the kind words – you made me tear up a tiny bit at my desk this morning! I may reach out to a professor about some career counselling – I’ve applied for a few jobs in the field I want to land in with no luck, but I’m keeping an eye out. Thanks again for the encouragement!

    2. How junior/senior are you in your current position? Can you ask at work about being staffed on more complex or higher level files? Or could you take on a mentoring role for younger paralegals? What about developing a lunch and learn session for summer associates with tips on how to work most effectively with paralegals? Law school isn’t great about teaching practice management and having an effective relationship with a paralegal is key.

      And congrats on how far you’ve come already!

      1. I’m in a small niche firm and I’m one of the most senior paralegals – I’ve already taken on all of the “extras” I can find, but the lunch and learn idea is a good one. Thanks!

        1. You’re doing great!

          Is there a regulatory body or professional association for paralegals? Maybe you could get involved in education or leadership activities there?

    3. Sometimes a different viewpoint can help a bit: It could be that one of the reasons you have energy to do your classwork after work is because your job is relatively undemanding — you still have mental energy left for studying. It sounds like your job, though a big dull, may be a good fit for you as a student.

      1. Could you ask to take on some of the firm finance work? My admin with a similar set of goals started doing spreadsheets for finance and then moved to a finance team position over time.

      2. This. Try doubling your efforts on learning your new field. Go on lots of informational interviews to hone in on exactly where you want to land when the education piece is finished and start building your network. I also went through a career change while working an easy job and it was a blessing to have a no-stress paycheck while I worked on all of the exploratory parts of finding the best new gig for the future.

        1. +1 Now’s a great time to network through informational interviews without having to actually leave your job.

          1. Great point, ladies. I need to step up my networking game, and I do have the mental energy to study and network and pave the way for an easy transition later. Thanks!

    4. I could have written this except that I am older than you are and dont have a well defined career change plan like you do although I do have a BA. You’ve gotten some great feedback but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It’s hard. Especially when you think you shouldn’t be unhappy because there isn’t anything objectively wrong.

      1. Thanks for commiserating. I keep reminding myself that very few people (maybe no one) is truly happy and content all the time, and occasional dissatisfaction is just going to be part of a normal life. It IS hard, and you do feel like a crybaby for complaining about sort of nothing. We’ll figure it out one day!

    5. Would it be possible to take on additional classes rather than additional work? I worked 40 hours a week in a low stress job while I was taking the classes I needed for the CPA exam. I usually took 4 classes per semester. I did almost all of my classes online through a real college (i.e. GA Tech, not U of Phoenix). Because the classes were online, I didn’t have to “waste time” in class and could dedicate more time to doing my assignments and getting though school as quickly as possible.

      I also temped with accountemps. I don’t know your situation, whether you’ll need benefits, and how much you need to live on, but I got some good experience doing that. I wasn’t done with school or the CPA exam when I started there. I think all you need is to be through Intro 101 and 102 or something? Also agree with talking to your professors. One of my accounting professors was instrumental in getting me my first “real” accounting job.

      1. The University of Phoenix is an accredited college. If it’s not “real,” then neither are any of the other accredited colleges in the central US.

    6. No advice, but congrats on everything so far. I’m from a similar background; my father dropped out of school in eighth grade, my mom has a high school education and has mostly been unemployed since she was 25, and the rest of my family are custodians, servers, ETC. I’m teaching full time while working on a Master’s in person and certificates online.

  6. Does anyone have a vacuum cleaner they can recommend? I don’t mind spending $ if it’s worth it. I have wood floors and no pets. Thx!

    1. I like my Electrolux canister-style. Idk the model since I got it in 2011, but it’s convenient for a small apartment (doesn’t take up much space), lightweight, moves easily, etc. I’ve used it once or twice a week for all those years and no complaints.

    2. Miele is top of the line and I definitely considered buying one when I purchased mine. However, they were 3-4x the price of the Kenmore canister vac I got from Sears. My vacuum is nice, it has all the attachments, it cleans well, and even if it’s not quite as nice, I can replace it many times over. If I didn’t have stairs, I probably would have gone for a Roomba. If you want something small, I have a cordless Dyson stick vacuum (the kind that mounts on the wall) that works surprisingly well. I think it can maybe even replace a regular vacuum.

      1. Miele hands down. If you don’t have pets, you don’t have to get a fancy one. (Still more expensive than others, but it may be your vacuum for at least 20 years.)

        1. I got a Miele for Christmas, and it’s my favorite vacuum I’ve ever owned. Vacuuming is still my least favorite chore, but with the Miele it takes 20-30 minutes, rather than the 45-60 it used to take because my old vacuum had no suction at all.

      1. I had the first generation Dyson and loved it. Got a new about 3 years ago and am so not impressed. At first I thought that my experience was different because I was expecting it to be amazing (my rugs seriously turned a different shade after I vacuumed with the first one) but I think they just aren’t as good anymore. After just 3 years I think I am in the market for a new one. I’m considering getting the Shark one that Sweethome recommends; a friend of mine has a different Shark model for pethair and loves it better than her old Dyson.

        1. My Dyson is over 10 years old and I have had it repaired a few times. I seriously think it’s the best, although a little heavy. Interesting about the new ones not being as good.

        2. I’ve heard this too about Dysons. I have a second generation (?Maybe? I bought it 7-8 years ago) and love it. We keep getting it repaired, exactly because my friends who bought more recently (usually because I sang the praises!) have not been as happy with theirs. I dread the day that ours is no longer repairable.

          1. My mom has a second generation one and it’s significantly better than mine. I finally gave up on my “expectations” explanation when I vacuumed something at her place recently.

      2. Also LOVE our Dyson. My mom is a clean freak and has a Miele and when I got the Dyson, I went over to visit her. We tested it out and my mom was astonished to see how much it had picked up on her carpets and floors, despite her Miele AND daily Roomba. I am a petite woman and love that I can vacuum with one hand easily back and forth, on rugs and hardwood. Cleanup is super easy, too; you just press a button and then it snaps back on.

        1. We did this with our Dyson too (vacuumed after Roomba). Then one day I vacuumed with the Dyson (not realizing husband vacuumed earlier also with the Dyson) and still picked up tons of dirt! I actually think that vacuuming twice is the culprit, not using a better vacuum. Just my 2 cents.

      3. We have a Dyson that we got about a year ago, and I love it! It’s pretty satisfying to dump out lots of pet hair and dirt and dust…I average using it once every day or every other day and EVERY time it finds lots of crap that I know for sure my old vacuum didn’t catch!

    5. We have Bissell hard floor expert and think it’s a pretty good value for the price (weren’t willing to drop $500+ on a vacuum). It’s super lightweight but powerful. The only annoying part is that the mesh filter needs cleaning more frequently than expected, but that also means it’s sucking up all the tiny grimy dusty particles sooooo… I’ll take it.

      1. Replaced my Dyson with a Bissell last year and have been impressed. Works better, half the price.

        I have pets and both hardwood and carpet. The Bissell does require that you manually adjust the brush height when switching surfaces, instead of doing it automatically like more expensive vacuums, but this minor inconvenience was worth the huge cost savings.

    6. We bought a Miele and it’s a game changer. We bought one in a special edition, last season color, so it was on deep sale (because who cares if our vacuum is hunter green???). It has incredible attachments, transitions from wood to rugs to tile easily — it has buttons you can operate by tapping with your foot. We hardly ever have to mop anymore, and we live pretty close to the beach and have a large, very fluffy dog.

    7. We have a Shark Navigator Lift Away and it is a fantastic vacuum for the price (around $150). Super strong suction, easy to clean, and the Lift Away feature is really nice for stairs and furniture. Shark just came out with a nifty-looking two beater system I’m itching to try based on the videos (duo-clean)

      1. We have this one too, and it’s a fine vacuum for the money….mostly hardwood with a few area rugs. I use the long hose extension for dusting a lot. Works great.

    8. We have a Miele and it is great but buying an Eufy robotic vacuum has been life changing. Even with regular vacuuming, the Eufy picks up so much dust and dirt.

    9. I love my Roomba so much. I have it set to run every morning. It doesn’t take the place of a regular vac for unexpected messes but it’s cut down my vacuuming time 99%

    10. I absolutely hate vacuuming to the point where I just won’t do it, so I got a Roomba. One of the best purchases I’ve ever made.

      1. Same. I can’t set it and leave, though, only because I have two dogs and I have long hair (lots of hearing that “doodly doo do dooo!” sound to come clean the hair off the brush haha), but it frees me up for so many other things. I run it in our bedroom and a small part of our living area, and sweep/dust mop the rest. So wonderful. This, plus a dust buster, and we don’t need anything else (two adults, no kids, small living space).

    11. We like our Oreck. It has a separate setting for wood floors, is very lightweight, and has bags so we don’t have to make a mess emptying the canister into the trash. With proper maintenance, they last a long time.

  7. I’m 10 weeks along and have a mid-year review coming up. When is the best time to tell my manager I am pregnant and will need maternity leave? I was going to bring it up at the end of my mid-year review, but now wondering if it should be a separate conversation? If separate conversation, should it be before or after my review?

    1. I would keep the conversation separate, and probably after your review. This is a total know-your-boss situation, though.

    2. Has your pregnancy affected your performance? If not, I think just tell them whenever you would otherwise? I made it known ahead of my review (I was a little farther along though) in part because I had had a couple months where I probably wasn’t a model employee due to feeling like sh*t the entire time, but mostly because I was starting to show. If you do want to discuss it at the review, I’d probably tell them ahead of time, so they are prepared for the discussion too. If you want to tell them at the review, maybe make a plan for two options. If the review does not go as well as expected, I would think it would be awkward to talk about it during the review.

    3. Are you expecting an awesome review? If so if do it beforehand. Keep the two totally separate (as they should be).

      If your review is expected to be bad, you may want to hold off announcing until after. I would not use the review to announce for sure in this scenario.

      Do you have weekly/regular 1:1s with your manager? Just do it then, or set one up. Say, “I have some exciting news- I’m pregnant and due in (month)!” Then just leave it.

      I’ve had 2 kids while working, and I’ve also managed a large team and had 4 of my team members go out on maternity (one twice in 2 years and she’s my star. I was of course happy for her and we *of course* managed, one was laid up on bedrest and could not work from 4 months on…). The more you present it as this awful burden to the company, the more it will seem.

      People go out on leave all the time. The world keeps spinning. If you work at a sane place, you’ll get a big smile and everyone will move on until the birth is closer and conversations about coverage start.

      I’d also suggest maybe around 5-6 months you proactively set up time to start conversations about coverage. The best employees I had pretty much came to me with a straw man coverage plan – listed out all the stuff on their plate, ranked it in their priority, and listed who they thought might cover. I reviewed it and called out things that should go on hold vs be covered, adjusted coverage names, and then talked to those people about the tasks.

      1. Oh- and I’m not trying to be flippant, I was terrified the first time I told my boss. But from the other side of the table, this is just another Thing That Happens at work.

  8. How long do you take care of a houseplant before it becomes yours? Not pets or children, just talking potted plants here.

    I’ve had them since Jan 2016, and returned them to the owner once, but she asked me to take them again a month later.

    I’m not out to steal them; if she asks I’ll return them again. But I ask because I would want to take cuttings and start growing some of my own…but not if I’ve already inherited a full house.

    1. Ask? I can’t imagine this is a touchy subject- or isn’t a cat :-)

      “Would you mind if I took some cuttings of your plants, I just love them so much! When would you like yours back? I’m happy to keep them if you’d like to offload them.”

      Is this person traveling internationally? How have you had plants for this long?!

    2. Ask the plant owner at this point if you can keep them or if you should get some cuttings going ahead of their departure since you like them so much. Not sure if you’re looking for a more nuanced or worldly piece of wisdom here but it seems like a simple conversation would suffice.

    3. Questions like this boggle my mind. You’ve had the plants for over a year. You could’ve asked about this a year ago. Just say “hey so and so- I wanted to discuss you taking your plants back. I’d be happy to keep them but wanted to clear that with you first. If you want them back this month would work great”

      1. Yup. “Hey, at this point I feel like I own these plants. I’ll take them off your hands if you want but I’m not plant sitting any more.”

    4. She is traveling, yes, and it’s an upsetting subject because she had no idea when she’ll be able to come home. I’m sticking with, “don’t worry about the plants at all, it’s no imposition”. If I asked, she would probably gift them all to me, but I don’t want to add stress over a very small thing.

      Mostly I just wondered if others here had been in the same situation and would laugh at the idea I’m ever going to give the plants back at this point. Folk wisdom, basically.

      1. It is an imposition. Your house is full of plants that aren’t yours keeping you from proposing your own. It’s been a year and a half.

        1. Sometimes we do kind things for friends and family, and sometimes it’s kind to pretend they are NBD.

    5. I would just continue as is. What’s the big deal? Just take cuttings later… if/when she returns and would like them back.

      Don’t tell her…. “they’re mine now!” Kinda… .Kindergarten behavior, yes?

      It is great that you have been caring for them all this time. But it sounds like you like them, no?

  9. I like this dress but at 36 I don’t think I am old enough to pull it off or young enough not to have it look frumpy.

      1. I think she’s always dressed beautifully, but often in a young-woman-who-has-to-dress-like-an-older-woman way. I can see her wearing this and that’s precisely why it doesn’t exactly feel right to me, TBH.

        1. +1. Kate is gorgeous but most of her outfits would work on an 80 year-old. I understand why she has to dress in a ‘mature’ way but I wouldn’t use her as an example of a 30something pulling this off.

    3. Oh I think this one is cuuuute and would work great for a 30-something. I’d tailor the sleeves to 3/4, add a long Stella & Dot pendant, and carry a fun patterned black and white bag. Dresses like this are my unicorn – if only I could afford this one!

      1. Agreed! The Rebel Pendant would work perfectly here…

        I feel like I saw something similar to this dress on Lark and Ro on Amazon.

  10. I need some hair coloring advice. I have dark brown hair (natural color) that is fairly long (mid-way down my back). Over the past year, my grays are really starting to show. I have them randomly throughout and then a fair amount at the front hairline, so that they show the most when i pull my hair up. But I don’t have full gray roots or anything. Even so, since my hair is so dark, there is a significant contrast and I’ve reached the point that I need to do something about them. The problem is that I like my hair color, which has a ton of natural highlights in it and I’ve never colored it, so I don’t know what I should do. What are my options? Blond highlights seem the easiest way to hide them, but I really don’t want to go blond. The other option seems to be to die my hair a similar shade of brown, but then i lose my natural highlights. Any thoughts or suggestions? TIA

    1. Have you tried a clear gloss? A friend has similar hair and issues and uses a gloss to make everything blend. I am starting to get my share of more than occasional grays and that’s my step 1 plan.

      1. Is there a product you can use at home with good results or is a salon visit necessary to get a good gloss?

        1. All I can say is that I tried the at-home John Frieda gloss once for the same reason, and it was awful beyond belief. This was the colored gloss. It made my hair limp and sticky, and didn’t touch the color of the grays at all.

          1. I’ve been happy with the Aveda salon gloss treatment, not sure if they make it for home use.

    3. I recommend Aveda color. My natural hair is a mahogany brunette with a fair bit of gray, and this brand has God gray coverage. It doesn’t have the flatness to the color that many others have, and variations in your natural hair will result in variations in the colored hair. Also, it leaves hair glossy and shiny and smooth. I get highlights and lowlights once or twice a year, and for the next appointment just color over them. The variation still comes through so that the color doesn’t look flat. I sound like a shill for Aveda, but it is that different from other color brands.

    4. When I had just a few grays I used an at-home semipermanent or demipermanent (the kind that lasts about a month) color a couple of shades darker than my natural color. It camouflaged the grays without messing with the natural highlights.

      1. +1 I use a semi-permanent color at home and it conceals the gray without drastically changing my hair color.

    5. In this situation, I added blond highlights. I just do like 15 foils around my hairline and part, and it helps to camouflage the gray without making me blond. I’ve gotten to the point that I’m also doing an all-over hair color because there’s enough gray and the roots get bad, but you don’t have to start with that of course.

    6. I used to have highlights/lowlights added every 6 weeks at the salon, but the $350 per visit was too much. I now do a semi-permanent color at home about every 4-5 weeks. The first time was stressful in trying to determine if I had the right color. Now, it’s just having the available time and the home treatment is much less time than going to the salon.

    7. What color are your natural highlights? If you want to cover the gray, I’d ask for partial highlights (foil or balyage, depending on placement and/or your stylist’s skill and comfort with highlighting techniques) in a shade to match the natural highlights. So if you have dark brown hair with chestnut highlights, add chestnut highlights in the areas with the most grays.

    8. I have the same issue and I’m obsessed with semi-permanent (or demi-permanent) gloss. It covers my grays, doesn’t change the rest of my hair color (which is dark brown with lots of natural highlights), and makes my hair super shiny and healthy looking. It’s kind of a mess to do on your own so I prefer to have it done at the salon.

  11. I’ll be doing some voluntary work for a non-profit–I get a small tax write off in return. Research on diversity/inclusion. I’m always hesitant to do this sort of work because it’s super important and I don’t want to be part of a ‘token’ sort of project. The person who asked me to do it is currently in an executive role and will be stepping down this year but still involved in the group and has said that this is important and will personally ensure it continues.. In the contract we agree on I’d like to have something that stipulates some sort of application of the research/recommendations. Also, how exacting should I be on my time commitment/how I get compensated et cetera. I research professionally but this is the first time in a voluntary capacity and given the subject I’m trying to make sure I’m covered and the work isn’t futile. Looking of all kinds of suggestions from the legal brains out here. Thanks!

    1. No I don’t think you can or should stipulate that they will implement your recommendations. That’s not how this works.

      If you are volunteering to do research, define the scope of the question to be answered and the format of the response.

      If you’re volunteering you don’t get compensated.

    2. I’m confused about how you are doing voluntary work but getting compensated. Do you mean you’re contracting?

          1. “Donating” your time at a certain rate. It’s just like donating things to charity, you get a slip for donating a couch you get a slip for donating skills.

          2. You cannot deduct your time spent volunteering at a charity, at least not in the US.

    3. I don’t think you can ensure the work isn’t futile. Implementing or making changes depends on other people, of whom you aren’t in charge.

    5. Also I don’t believe you can deduct the value of professional services you do for a nonprofit. If only…

      1. Thanks all. I know you’re right, I can’t have future control over the results. The ‘compensation’ should have been in quotations, they allegedly don’t have money (that’s a different bundle) but wanted to give me an ‘incentive’ ‘thanks’ with a tax receipt as donation of time.

  12. What opinions does the hive have about taking off shoes under your desk while at work? This is an unconscious habit for me, but I’m realizing that it may not be the most professional thing to do. My desk is set up facing the wall of a cubicle, so no one can see bare feet sticking out, and I slip my shoes back on whenever I get up. It’s not like I’m wandering around the office barefoot or propping dirty feet on the desk, I just tend to rest my bare feet next to my flats under the desk. I’m thinking I should try to break this habit- any thoughts?

    1. I do this and I also sit with my legs up on my chair (tucked under) but I have a closed door office. I’ve also walked around my office barefoot but again – closed door. Honestly, I would be very uncomfortable sitting with my shoes on so I think it’s fine but I’ll concede that it’s led to some embarrassing moments when someone’s knocked on my door and in my effort to quickly find my shoes I’ve ended up with a non-matching pair (I also have a veritable shoe store under my desk).

    2. For some reason, I always spot the women who take off their shoes. It tends to be mostly woemn, I only once saw a man do it and he was waring very colorful socks and walking bare foot in the office…
      Regardless of feet hygiene, there is always a smell, maybe not foul odor but you can tell.
      I never take off my shoes, I just do my best to wear comfortable ones even though I have several feet issues.

        1. Right. If my work shoes were flat-soled, cushy loafers that I could lace up and wear with socks, that didn’t smush my toes in or rub on my heels, I wouldn’t bother taking my shoes off at work either.

          1. Oh please. Nice men’s shoes can pinch and rub, too, and I certainly have my share of broken-in comfortable shoes that I’d never be tempted to take off at work.

    3. I take mine off all the time, but I also have a water bottle on my desk so I’m probably not the best person to take advice from. ;)

      My theory is that no one can see or smell, so who cares? People (read: people who work for me, not the reverse) are shocked to learn I have almost all of my shoes stored under my desk. If I’m comfortable, I can do more, better work which is what my firm actually cares about.

      FWIW, I had a biglaw boss who did this, and it was visible.

      1. “but I also have a water bottle on my desk so I’m probably not the best person to take advice from. ;)”

        Aw man, did I miss an entertaining thread on whether water bottles were unprofessional?

        1. Oh yes. Many moons ago. It’s part of c o r p o r e t t e lore and is now one of our archetypal ‘silly,’ over-thinky questions.

          1. Reading it now, while drinking out of my company water bottle. This must have been right before I started lurking around here.

            Don’t really get the anger in the comments though.

        3. This and diamonds and fancy purses (depending on who you are). Aw the good ole days.

          1. If I ever show up to a meetup, I’m wearing a DVF wrap dress that shows off my tuchus (h/t ellen) (haven’t heard anything about those in a while; maybe now that energy’s gone to MM LaFleur), FLEECE TIGHTS, and will be carrying my water bottle in my birkin bag.

            I’ve been coming here for too long.

    5. it never occurred to me this might not be a good idea! unless you have foot odor, I say go for it.

    6. I would very much like to do this. However, since I’m the idiot who posted a while back about only bringing one pair of dress shoes on an extended business trip in a hot area, it’s not possible unless I’d like to asphyxiate myself and those around me with the odor. Wish I were kidding.

  13. You guys, I need help waking up and not going insane
    I am in the team room at the client (MBB consulting). This is a flagship client, 30+ consultants onsite at an industrial site, crazy hours.
    I just joined for 2 weeks (probably 4 to be realistic) and my workstream is beyond slow; I am not challenged and I have no data to work on so just reading stuff.
    I can’t keep my eyes open. I tried drinking water, walked outside for 8 min, back to my desk I’m dosing off and everyone else seems busy.
    I’m literally going cross-eyed while trying to seem awake.
    No one is looking at my computer. we are 6 people dispersed in the big windowless team room at the basement.
    Help

    4. Print out whatever you’re reading and underline and make notes in the margins. Reading off a screen makes me very drowsy.

    5. I go to the bathroom and splash myself with cold water or do standing bathroom yoga. I work in an industry that is mostly men though, so the bathroom is like my own private area. I wouldn’t do that if there are customers coming in to use the bathroom.

    6. If it’s an industrial site, I take it you’re not in a city? Any chance you arrived in (your own) rental car? If so – 20 min car nap?

      If not, can you walk around the building and see if you can find an empty office/conference room/dark corner/closet and nap there? Be careful though – a conference room can be empty at 11 bc it’s being held open for an 11:30 meeting – so I have images of you lying there and people walking in. Maybe stay in the basement where you’re less likely to see the client? Or if there’s a receptionist, can you ask – is there an empty office/conference room you can have for 20 min for a call? That way you’re sure you’re getting one that will remain private.

  14. Any suggestions for lodgingbin Cambridge, MA, for the third weekend in October? Any reasonably-priced option is in Framingham/Nativk/Logan. Open to AirBnB if anyone used one that they enjoyed, or a bed and breakfast. Thanks!

    2. That is Head of the Charles weekend and places will be hard to come by. Are you committed to that weekend?

    3. that’s the head of the Charles weekend. There will be no reasonably priced lodging in Cambridge. You’ll be lucky to find a room at all.

      1. Ah, too bad – I was slowly resigning myself to a $400/ night room. I’m traveling specifically for the HOCR so… looks like I’ll be spending a pretty penny and better book it yesterday. Thanks!

        1. If you’re okay with 400-500/night, i like the Omni Parker House Hotel in Boston. Park Street T stop so it’s a straight shoot to Cambridge.

        1. A Yotel just opened in Seaport. It’s not in Cambridge of course, but it’s close to South Station and is a few stops into Cambridge on the Red Line. Roughly $250/night it looks like for that weekend. Could be an alternative.

          FYI: research Yotel before you book. Teeny-tiny rooms – that’s their shtick in exchange for a relatively cheap rate.

          1. The Yotel might be a perfect choice! I will look into it.
            I’m not absolutely committed to Cambridge and would consider other nearby areas. I just don’t want to be as far away as the MetroWest.

  15. Any tips? I’m pretty nervous about this. I am 4 months. I’m looking pretty clearly pregnant, although if you were not really looking you *might* not figure it out. Do I just not discuss it? Obviously, I assume they won’t bring it up if I don’t. I know someone who used to work in my office who is now employed at the place, so am planning on letting him know and seeing if he has thoughts on this (he has multiple kids and has let me know–before I applied and before I was pregnant–that the place is pretty family friendly).

    1. Of course you don’t discuss it. You don’t have to discuss it with your contact either – do you want him casually mentioning it to a hiring manager? It’s a 1st round interview – go in there, talk about your resume etc. If they call you back, go do that again in the 2nd round. If they make an offer and you want to accept THEN mention that you’re pregnant, would need maternity leave starting x month etc. and see how that goes.

      As for whether they can tell — are you sure they’ll even know? Can most men tell that early? I’m a woman (w/o kids) and can NEVER tell — I’m not saying it to be polite, every time a coworker or friend has announced it at month 3 or 4 I’ve been surprised. Is this the kind of thing that’s obvious if you’ve already had a baby?

      1. I think people are less observant than we think. I told my boss at 22 weeks and he didn’t have a clue. I told someone yesterday that I was starting my maternity leave and he was completely surprised.

      2. Some people are oblivious, but many are not. I’ve never been pregnant and can usually guess by the second month, based on physical changes alone. I’ve never been surprised when a friend announced at 12 weeks or more. Only one friend surprised me and she told me the day she got the positive test. I know some men who can tell too.
        If you’re obviously showing I think it makes sense to mention it.

        1. Even if you are showing I would NOT mention it. Not in a first round. What does that do besides distract from the interview? Plus it makes it awkward bc they can’t ask questions about it (how far along; how much leave would you take) bc it’s not legal — but sometimes people will ask questions bc they think they can bc you raised it. Besides these people don’t know you. How exactly would they know if you’re just fat or pregnant — it’s not like they’ve seen you before — for all they know, this is your natural body type and you’re bringing up an issue that they didn’t even realize was an issue.

        2. I think it’s different when it’s a friend vs a stranger. I’ve never been surprised with a friend. But how would you know with someone you’ve never met?

          My mother had me while she was in her 3rd year of medical school. She didn’t show that much and was on rounds and wearing scrubs and a lab coat. Every few weeks, she interacted with a different group of mostly men who didn’t pay that much attention to the medical students. Nobody in her school knew she was pregnant until she announced it the day after she gave birth (at 8 months, to be fair).

      3. True story, one of the groups in my office hired someone who was 7-8 months pregnant. They just thought she was overweight with an apple shape and had no idea. Amazing.

    2. I showed up to my daughters TBall practice (my husband was the coach) with a newborn and another mother said “you were pregnant?” People are absolute morons.

      1. Some people really do carry their weight in their belly. Yes, there are people who walk around looking kind of pregnant but they are not. I’ve learned over time to not make any assumptions about people and their body shape and to assume that people are not pregnant unless they are talking about it. In fact, I hired someone who was pregnant without knowing that she was pregnant (and I have multiple kids myself). I don’t think that makes me a “moron.”

    3. Thanks for the responses. It’s possible nobody will notice, but I’m a couple kids in, and my belly seems to be stretching remarkably fast, so I feel like I look closer to 6 months than 4 months. In any case, it seems the consensus is to not say anything in the interview. I feel like I won’t be able to help it when I see my former coworker, because he knows me and saw me pretty recently so will be unlikely to not realize… I guess my thought was that this might be for the best, because then it will be out in the open. I’m not actively trying to hide the pregnancy; I think I’m more trying to push back my impulse to lay it all out on the table and say, “yes, I’m pregnant, but I’m a hard worker and I am good at managing my kids and my career, etc., etc.!”, which is probably the opposite of what I should do.

  16. Can anyone recommend a really good detergent for hand washing clothes? I have Soak and love it, but I’d also like to have a more conventional liquid detergent on hand for when I wanna quickly wash a bunch of dresses one right after the other. I’ve been using some Tide variations, but I haven’t liked the smell of what I’ve been using, I’d like to get something a little nicer. Is Mrs. Meyer’s laundry detergent a good one to use?

    1. The only thing I handwash is my bras, and I use the unscented Nordstrom delicates soap for that. And, frankly, since I’ve been pregnant and had to size up (into bras I don’t love), I’ve been tossing them in a lingerie bag in my agitator free washer (set to no spin) with the same Nordstrom soap and it’s been working like a charm.

    2. I use Arm and Hammer for this reason. both for the machine and also because I can use it to handwash. There is one that is clear i.e. no colour and I find it works well and is not harsh on my hands.

    3. I use Woolite, both for the machine and for handwashing. Following the advice I got from Ask a Clean Person, I put my handwash in a bucket full of water with about a tablespoon of Woolite, swish it around, and then let it soak for 10-30 minutes depending on how much of a hurry I’m in. If the water is gray after, I dump and repeat with more detergent, and then just soak in clean water for five minutes, rinse, and call it a day.

      1. Just picked up a small bottle of Woolite for delicates to try it out, thanks!

    4. I’m obsessed with the Method lavendar and cedar detergent. I would use it to handwash.

  17. Good morning! How is the Wear Everything Challenge going for you?

    I have a big bag (probably two) to donate and I have also done a little shopping because it has helped me realize I have some holes in my wardrobe. But not a lot of shopping. My personal rule was that I would be willing to buy a top to go with a skirt or pants or jacket I already had and liked but wasn’t wearing because I didn’t have an outfit around it.

    Today I am wearing some blue separates that I usually think are too purplish/royal blue but I own them and they are pretty so onward!

    How about you?

    1. I’m working through my summer clothing (tiny closet), putting in the closet things that I’ve worn and picking clothing from the storage bins in the morning. Many more things are going in the donate pile as I work my way deeper into the bins.

    2. Now that I’m back to a real office job (hallelujah!) I’m trying to be intentional about my outfits. Definitely trying to keep track of the things I’m wearing, and what’s getting consistently skipped over. Small strange closet situation plus re-discovering my clothes has me really zoomed in on some areas of my wardrobe that are lacking (or bountiful…ahem shoes ahem).

      Winter white short sleeved ponte (heavy ponte; lined, too!) dress with proper short sleeves (Ellen Tracy), and a white/light blue corded blazer, navy flats, and small tasteful diamond drop earrings today. I forgot how much I love this dress!

    3. I spent some time this weekend going through my closet and I have a box of items to go to Goodwill, mostly stuff that I bought because it’s classic and recently realized I don’t want to wear because it never fit that well. Having cleared out some of the clutter has made me realize how much stuff I have that I legitimately like wearing and where the holes are in my wardrobe. And also, where the holes aren’t since I’m now better able to see what I have. I also identified some limbo items that I put with my off-season clothes and will re-evaluate whether to keep them come fall.

      Today I’m wearing a printed shift dress from Nordstrom that skews a bit casual but I have no meetings so I’m going to enjoy a casual Wednesday.

    4. In the process of doing this, I realize I need some advice on how to wear a chambray shirt. I typically only wear it with two things: over a maxi dress I have and tucked into an a-line skirt that i originally bought it with. Over the weekend, I tried wearing it with a pair of patterned shorts I have and I liked it. What are the other ways you wear any chambray shirts you have (or I have I found the majority of the ways to wear it?). I don’t know how I feel about the denim on denim look (too much Britney and Justin at the VMAs for my taste…)

      1. Probably dated looks, but with white jeans, and with bright pencil skirts.

        1. I’m nervous about white jeans, but I do have a more colorful straight line skirt that I can try it with.

          Thanks to both of the suggestions!

      3. Huh, I wouldn’t think it would be dated with white jeans. I was thinking about getting one to wear with black pants on casual Fridays. If it’s long enough, you could also wear it with leggings.

        1. In recent weeks I have learned here that many of my looks are circa 2010 so I’m hesitant to make suggestions! (which I am thankful to learn – not calling anyone out)

        2. I do wear it with leggings, but mostly when I’m hanging around the house or just running out for errands. Trying to think of ways I can wear it in a semi-casual work environment or other places without leggings.

          1. Since your workplace is semi-casual, how about wearing it over a tank dress or sheath dress as a very casual jacket?

            If your office is more business casual it’s trickier because chambray reads as very casual…. in that case maybe it’s just a weekend piece.

          2. It may be a little long for that, but I’ll try it on with one of my sheaths next time it’s clean. Thanks!

    5. I’m not following the challenge exactly, but I did just donate two large bags of clothes this morning!

    6. Might be too late but I’m wearing cream flats with a blue pattern from Zara, navy blue ponte ankle pants, and a blue/white striped collared shirt. It’s not a button down so it looks weird tucked in, but it looks a bit too casual not tucked in. Might have to relegate this shirt to the casual pile.

      On a related note, how do y’all organize your closets? I saw a previous tip here that separated work clothes to one side of the closet and casual clothes to the other. But many items (dresses and tops) are appropriate for work with a blazer or appropriate for casual wear so that didn’t work for me.

    7. Blue sheath dress, blue and blush jacket, blush pumps with laser cut lace trim. I usually don’t wear the pumps to work because they are too girlie, but WTF.

  18. So I’m usually a night owl — up until midnight or so (on a weekday) and then dragging myself out of bed by 9 to get to work at 10. Went away for 4 days – staying in my cousin’s 1 bedroom apt in NYC. She is the opposite – in bed by 10, wide awake at 7 am. Bc I was a guest and it was a small apartment, I tried to do the same (or went to bed as soon as I got home) bc I didn’t want to have the lights on or be moving around in a small apartment, disturbing her. Don’t know if it was just the exhaustion of walking all over NYC or what, but I was asleep every night by 10:45 pm and WIDE awake at 6:45 am. I know I wake up earlier on vacation – prob bc I’m eager and don’t have to go to work. But I’m kind of shocked this went on for 4 straight days and the 2 days I’ve been home – though in my own home the timing has been more 11 pm to 8 am.

    Is there something about the sleep cycle that when you go to bed earlier, you wake up more rested??

    1. Yes – you have probably trained yourself to stay up late, and to ignore how tired you are. It’s pretty easy to do that. And yes, by switching to a sleep schedule your body prefers, you can feel more rested in the morning with the same/even less sleep.

      I would probably try to stick to the earlier schedule. Take advantage of that early morning time now, if you don’t need to be at work until 10. Exercise/morning walk/fun time/jump start on hard work etc…

      For years I was a night owl like you. Then I realized I was actually a morning person. My mornings are the most productive by far, but only when I go to bed early and get up early.

    2. Yes absolutely. The earlier you go to bed the better the sleep, generally. It’s been studied extensively. Young children who go to bed earlier actually tend to sleep later and more soundly.

      1. Yep. The sleep you get earlier in the night has longer deep sleep portions, which is when you have the most restorative sleep, and shorter REM portions, which is when you sleep more lightly and wake more easily. Every single SO I ever had adamantly swore they were night owls and just naturally went to bed later, and then when they had to adjust to my preferred schedule for one reason or another, and get to bed by 11 and up by 6:30, they were more chipper and well-rested, but still refused to believe my schedule was the thing getting them better sleep. Shrug.

  19. How do I wash my ‘handwash only’ merino wool cardigans from Banana? I don’t handwash anything; total newbie here.

    Drafting off a thread from above that I’m seeing as I draft this question: woolite in a bucket, soak for 30 mins. Lay flat and stretch it occasionally? How do I avoid the wool getting really tight?

    1. I don’t handwash anything. Everything except very finicky items (silk and anything with lining) goes into the washing machine on delicate with woolite and then I shake the items out and air dry them. With cardigans, I usually button them before washing and then pull back into the right shape. If I’m only washing due to smell, then I turn the cardigan inside out.

    2. Eh, I put it in a lingere bag and throw in the washing machine (cold water, gentle/knit cycle) with a cashmere/wool shampoo (not Woolite, but that works if that’s what you have). Lay flat to dry.

      Aka, I don’t actually wash much handwash stuff by hand.

      If you do was by hand, you’re on the right track.
      1. Soap in bucket of cold water.
      2. Thoroughly soak garment and agitate/swish a bit
      3. Let soak for about 15-20 minutes
      4. Dump soapy water, rinse bucket and refill with clean water (no soap)
      5. Rinse garment (soak, squeeze water out – but don’t wring/twist)
      6. lay flat on towel, then roll up towel
      7. squeeze (don’t twist) towel to remove excess water from garment
      8. Lay flat to air dry. I usually stretch the sleeves a bit, maybe through the body of the sweater (just a gentle/firm tug)

    3. I fill up the bathtub with tepid to cool water, put the sweater in it, let it soak for a minute, gently swish it around. I usually avoid using soap, but if it’s particularly dirty, I will put a small amount of detergent in, gently swish, let it soak for five minutes, then drain the water and hold the sweater under the faucet to rinse out as much soap as possible. Then i’ll refill the bath with clean, non-soapy water, swish it to finish rinsing, then drain. I gently squeeze out the water and then I will put the sweater in a salad spinner and spin out some of the excess water or roll it up in a clean towel and press. Lay flat to dry. You want to avoid agitating or rubbing the garment as much as possible.

    4. Eucalan – so easy and you don’t have to rinse. The lanolin is good for the wool fibers.

  20. My thread on Monday went off on a tangent (an interesting tangent, and I very much appreciate the responses), but I’m reposting today, hoping to hear from others who might not have been on here Monday.

    I’m a 1st gen college student with a master’s degree, who has lived in one region on rural USA all my life, and at various times lived in poverty. My in-laws are all published PhDs, who’ve traveled all over the world, and experienced a level of financial comfort I can’t really imagine. They’re very welcoming, but I feel like I don’t fit in.

    Has anyone else experience imposter syndrome in their personal life? How did you get over it?

    1. I felt this way around my in-laws’ family at first, although for different reasons. The only thing that really helped was time and getting to know them and being there for the big events, holiday gatherings, inside jokes, etc. If you can spend time with family members in smaller groups instead of only in big gatherings, that helped me feel a lot less intimidated too.

    2. I don’t have experience, but I do have an observation. What strikes me is that you’re comparing academic achievement and bringing that into a family context. You mentioned in your other post how kind, welcoming, and friendly your in-laws are to you. Can you reframe this whole thing away from “I have to compare myself to them academically and socially and measure up to them” to “I get to love this new family for who they are and enjoy the life they want to share with me?”

      1. I hear what you’re saying, I really do. And 90% of the time, I love the new experiences I’ve gotten to hear about.

        But there it’s not possible to totally separate out context. Being family means looking at vacation pictures, and celebrating professional achievements, and sometimes even talking about politics. I’m lucky that we’re all on roughly the same side, politically, but different life experience make the conversations tense.

        1. What’s the tension? Are they getting testy with you about something? Are you feeling upset with them about something?

          1. I’m feeling a little left out and uninformed, because I don’t follow European or S. American politics to the same extent, and also isolated because I have identify more strongly with the underprivileged. Just feeling like I don’t fit in and I’m suddenly part of a family where I don’t belong.

          2. I agree that this is a tough situation and think you need to give it time. It soubds like you are relatively newly married or have only recently been seeing them more often.

            I occasionally feel this way with my much, much wealthier friends. My suggestion is to listen – as this will lower whatever stress you feel about having to ‘fit in’ or know more about the topic than you do. Just sit back and listen to the conversation, absorb and learn. If you have a question, ask and listen to the answer. If they are gracious and kind, as you say, they will teach you a little about each topic over time. You might also broaden your horizons by reading more international news, etc.

            Also remember that you bring a perspective to the family that they will learn about from your background. The other day, in the same conversation, my (very wealthy) friend taught me about cleats (as in yacht cleats) and how to tie up a boat and I taught him about Section 8 / affordable housing (because he didn’t know what it was). We each learned something, no one was preachy or insufferable, and we continued on with our day.

            You will eventually feel more comfortable, and you will need to since they are in-laws. Be gracious and kind, treat them like human beings, and you will be fine.

          3. Listening sounds like excellent advice. Of course, listening is pretty much always good advice :). Thank you.

        2. This sounds like a communication issue to some extent. My DH and his brother can argue like cats and dogs about politics (even though they are rough the same in their views) and then move on like nothing happened. My sister and I communicate in a totally totally different way.

          If they are welcoming of you, they should be accepting of your life experiences and validate the value that you bring to the discussion with those experiences. Hope you are being treated with kindness.

          And your achievements are remarkable – congrats!

          1. Thanks for the encouragement. They have been very kind and welcoming, it’s just still challenging sometimes.

    3. Why do you feel such a strong need to fit in?

      I don’t really fit in with my family or with my SO’s family. We have different political views and hobbies and have made very different life choices (I don’t want kids, they mostly have them. I live in a big city near the center of town, they have chosen the ‘burbs or small towns.). I think this is relatively normal? Lots of people don’t have that much in common with their families. And I’m not sure why it should cause tension?

      Unless of course the tension is coming from your expectations not matching with reality, which, honestly, it sounds like that might be the source of it. If the problem were just that you felt a little uninformed, you could just read about the topics you feel uninformed about and/or ask questions. Becoming more informed is easy. I think the problem might be more that you expect to feel close to your SO’s family the way you do your own and are uncomfortable because that has not happened. Over time, you might grow closer. But it also might not. Because you just might not have that much in common. I think that’s OK. Either way, I would try letting go of the pressure of expectation of your relationships with his family members.

  21. I’ve enlisted the help of a realtor who sold my home a few years ago to help me search for something to buy (in Manhattan). Totally stupid small question but as we’re hustling from one showing to another, he’s been paying for cabs, and I’ve been letting him, knowing that he’s due a big commission just for helping me search online. Is this the right approach?

    1. I wouldn’t be comfortable with this. Having been through this experience in Manhattan and having seen friends go through it -there is no guarantee you’ll find something to buy or that it will be with him. We ended up having to switch agents before finally finding a place and we’ve also given up the search at various points along the way, as have many of our friends. I suppose he already got a “big commission” from you when he sold your place, but going forward I’d pay for the cabs or split them. I’d feel terrible having taxi fares hanging over my head as I took the time searching for my apartment. The only time I let our broker pay for a taxi was on the way to the closing.

    2. Yes. Realtor pays for expenses like that — they’re part of the cost of doing business for realtors.

      2. +1 unless it’s a friend working at a reduced commission as a favor, definitely part of the cost of doing business, even if you don’t end up buying with them. Don’t worry about it.

        1. This sounds like the statement of someone who hasn’t worked on commission. It might be the cost of doing business but it adds up quickly and you don’t get reimbursed for it by your firm or anyone else. To me the cost of doing business is essentially working for free in exchange for potentially collecting a check at the end. If you take 2-3 taxis per open house day that can quickly add up to about $40- 50/Sunday, traffic depending. People can take months to find an apartment. Most brokers don’t make that much money. Some do, of course, but they are not the majority. If OP is buying a 1 bdrm in Manhattan for let’s say $500-600K, the broker’s cut of that will be $7500-9000. It may sound like a lot but let’s say that broker sells 10 similar apartments a year – that’s $75-90K, before taxes, which for an independent contractor will be sizeable, and that’s assuming that much; many would be lucky to make that. Of course, I don’t know OP’s broker or what she’s buying or what she sold. Maybe her budget is way above that and the world is her oyster and she’s definitely going to buy a place with this broker. Maybe she sold a super expensive place in two weeks and he already made a good chunk off of her. But most brokers are lucky if they have 5-6 good closings a year and I wouldn’t assume any of these things.

          1. I know how commissions work. Thanks.

            It’s my understanding that when a broker arranges back to back showings of multiple properties that standard NYC practice is to provide transportation between the showings. Taxi, rental car, own car, car and driver etc will depend on broker and properties shown. OP shouldn’t be paying for taxis because it’s not industry practice for clients to do so.

          2. Actually, no. Standard NYC practice is to schedule showings in such a way that you are not going from neighborhood to neighborhood with no time in between. Alternatively, where open houses are concerned, it’s fairly common practice for buyers to go on their own and for the broker to attend only follow-up or stand alone appointments. Where some very well to do clients are concerned, there are different practices but this is not the case in non-multimillion dollar listing situations.

          3. Have you ever bought before? Sometimes people look in more than one neighborhood. Scheduling back to back showings is an efficient use of buyer and agent’s time. Sometimes that will result in a schedule which doesn’t allow buyer and agent to walk X blocks to next showing.

            And OP didn’t reference open houses at all. Those are obviously different but might be included in a day of showing depending on time.

          4. Yes, I have, actually. I’ve also worked as a real estate agent in Manhattan. That’s why I know what I’m talking about. People do look in more than one neighborhood. Most good agents specialize in one neighborhood though. But that’s besides the point. You’re assuming a lot in your answers; I am too, but my assumptions are based on my experience. It is very uncommon to schedule a lot of back to back stand alone appointments in different areas. A skill that a good agent should have is managing these things and it just isn’t done. When people go to a bunch in one day that day is usually Sunday and those are open houses. Your comment sounds like it’s based on watching Million Dollar Listing – which is really not Manhattan real estate for most buyers or agents.

            OP can do whatever she wants and if her agent is willing to pay for cabs, good for her. I am just pointing out that it’s not a standard part of the service if you’re looking below a million. Part of an agent’s job is selling themselves as a successful person so many agents would not say anything but that doesn’t mean it’s right to not to pay for the cab once in a while.

          5. If you are an independent contractor, you get to deduct business expenses, such as transportation, no?

          6. @ELS – Yes, but deducting expenses doesn’t make them free. I’ve also worked in places that reimburse my expenses and it’s very different having your company pay you back for taking a client to lunch vs. itemizing that on a tax return.

      3. +1. And he’s deducting the costs from his taxes as a business expense, so he’s not paying the fare shown on the meter out of pocket.

    3. Try to pay for the next cab ride. If it’s a ‘cost of doing business’ in realtor’s eye, then realtor will insist on paying. If realtor lets you pay, then you have your answer.

      Personally, while I am in real estate but not resi real estate, in your scenario I would do everything in my power to pick up the cost of the cab rides so if you attempted to pay I would make it very clear that that was not an option.

      It’s a small cost relative to the pay off and establishing a relationship and reputation. Yes, the costs add up but so do the commission checks. I also do not undervalue the cost of future business. I spec a lot of time and a lot of costs before I hit on a deal, but that’s part of what I factor into my ‘net income’ (ie: not net income per taxes, but what I expect to live off of/truly take home) at the end of the year.

  22. Talk to me about painting walls. I bought a condo 4 years ago and had a tenant living in it until now. I’m finally moving in, and the walls look awful. Some of them just have a lot of scuff marks, but the living room and bedroom walls look like they’re painted several different colors on the same wall (he painted accent walls, painted them back, it doesn’t match and you can see brush strokes, and there are a lot of stray marks on the ceiling) It seems like this is a good time to just repaint all the interior walls. I’m fine with whatever the original color was- like a cream or eggshell or something. An accent wall would be nice.

    Anyway, I have no idea what I’m going here. Right now, the plan is to look at paint swatches and look into who I should hire to do it. Any advice?

    1. Painting is ridiculously simple, but painters charge an exorbitant amount. You don’t need a pro, I promise.

      Go to Lowe’s or Home Depot and pick up their store brand paint in the “paint and primer in one” formula. Lowe’s store brand is Valspar, Home Depot’s is Behr. The paint and primer in one formula will cover up all your tenant’s sins. You’ll need one gallon to do a bedroom. I needed 6 gallons to do my entire 900 sq ft condo. You can spend more on Sherwin Williams or Benjamin Moore, but you don’t need to.

      You’ll need to choose a sheen for your interior paint. From dull to shiny, they are: flat, eggshell, satin, gloss. (Some brands may have more sheens to choose from.) Flat scuffs easily; eggshell is always my choice. Satin and gloss are best reserved for trim. They make special bathroom paint that retards mold and mildew if that’s a concern for you.

      Any paint store can match any paint color. You like the Behr Premium Plus Ultra paint (my personal favorite), but fell in love with a Sherwin Williams color? They can match it for you.

      You don’t need tape to do the trim. In fact, taping is a pain in the neck and takes for-ev-er. Get a small angled brush – the Wooster shortcut 2″ is my favorite – and cut in by hand. After that, you just need a roller (get the one marked for drywall) and a pan.

      Every color has undertones, but they’re relative. By that I mean an off-white color may not show its pink undertones until you put it next an off-white color that looks a little green, then it jumps out at you. So to avoid accidentally ending up with pink or green or any other color you didn’t want on your walls, grab a million paint chips and tape them to your wall. Stand back and look at them. Any that you dislike, take down. Then, watch the remaining colors in different lights – morning, evening, artificial. You’ll be left with a handful that you like. Go get sample pots of those colors and paint a good sized square. Repeat in different lights.

      1. We also liked Behr Premium Plus Ultra from Home Depot. The ultra was worth the extra cost in my experience – we accidentally got one gallon of regular premium plus and it didn’t cover nearly as well.

    2. Here’s what I would do: go get paint swatches, pick two you like, get samples and test them on the walls to make sure you’re good with them.

      Crowd-source to get the name of a good painter who’s fully insured, etc. Get estimates and do the whole thing while nobody is living there (ideally). It’s also a good time to have the carpets cleaned or really deep clean the hardwood floors.

      If you’re into neutrals, I like Behr Perfect Taupe and Navajo White.

    3. Thanks. Here’s another question- is that level of terrible painting just considered normal wear and tear, or something that should come out of the deposit? The scuffs I understand. But where he painted over the accent wall (we agreed he could paint a wall if he painted it back when he moved out) it looks like several different colors of neutral, there are some texture issues with the walls- like a few large indentations that look like something got ripped off, plus the paint marks on the white ceiling and that the paint is just really uneven around outlets and the like- it looks terrible. On the one hand I understand that painting is a normal thing to do between tenants, but on the other, we agreed that he’d paint it back like before, not leave behind a total hack job.

      1. Oh I would definitely deduct it from his deposit. “Painting it back” means making it look like it was newly painted, not a leaving behind a mess that has to be corrected. Take pictures in good light that clearly show the issues to document the need for the repaint.

        1. Ok thanks. How do I know how much to deduct? do I need to get a quote from a painter first?

          1. Yes, I would. I would just get the quote for the whole place and then divide by square footage of the one hackjob wall.

        1. Well I wouldn’t be painting anyway. I decided to since I’ll be having to do these walls anyway.

        2. FWIW, when I moved out of my last place my landlord had the whole house repainted, and charged me for a portion of one hallway that my dog had damaged. I thought it was fair and he had the right to do that.

      3. I would deduct from the safety deposit. If the tenant’s repainting caused texture issues, I’d also hire someone to do the painting. If the paint is uneven now, it will still be uneven when you repaint and may have to be sanded down first.

    4. +1 to testing samples on the actual walls and to painting before you move in. Do the ceilings and the trim too, not just the walls. Trim and ceilings make a huge difference to how clean the place looks, and it’s difficult to go back and do them later. If there are brush marks, make sure the painter sands the walls before painting. Ask the painter about caulking the corners and the trim to avoid cracking. Make sure the paint is scrubbable and have two coats applied.

    5. If you want to do it yourself: Don’t use a paintbrush; a roller applies the paint much more smoothly. Applying a thinner coat and then a second coat if needed will cover better than trying to apply a thick coat. I wouldn’t skip taping the trim if you’re a novice. You’ll regret it. (Ask me how I know) I used Behr on my entire house, inside and out, and have been very pleased with the quality.

      If you want to hire someone, get on Nextdoor and ask for recommendations.

      1. If you are going to DIY, buy a book and/or attend one of the free classes at a home improvement center to learn about prep, cutting in, etc.

    6. You HAVE to put the colors on the wall and look at them in different lighting, different time of day, etc. I’ve screwed up a lot in the past because I didn’t do this and it costs more in the end to change it out. Spend the time money on putting up samples. Leave them up for as long as it takes to pick the right color. While the act of painting is simple, it’s a huge pain.

    7. Eh, even if painting is easy on the scale of home repair projects, you can find reasonable painters on Taskrabbit or Craigslist and I’d do that before I did it myself. I’ve found DIY jobs look sloppy unless you know what you’re doing and you’ve got a bit of a mess to undo. A pro will also be faster and will have all the equipment so you won’t have to buy a bunch of stuff you’ll never use again. Paint colors can be overwhelming, but I’ve found a good source is design blogs – they usually say what color they’re using and it’s a good place to start for picking samples.

    8. Buy the little test pots before you buy enough for the whole wall. Colors look different once they’re on a huge wall in the specific light in your room. You may avoid an expensive surprise.

  23. I have a major lifestyle and wardrobe overhaul coming and need help. Currently I’m in the suburbs of Los Angeles. I work full time and wear a dress or pencil skirt and blouse daily. Occasionally, slacks in the winter. On my own time, I’m in jeans and a tee. I’ve come to realize that other than the jeans and a few of the blouses, almost everything I own is black.

    We’re moving to a major city in Europe in a few months. I won’t be working. I need a new (small) wardrobe. I haven’t shopped in a couple of years, other than to replace my boots and running shoes as I knew this was coming. In all honesty, I don’t even know where to start. I know I want to look nice taking the kids to/from school and around the city. I’ll need something that works in a completely different climate. I know I don’t want a lot of pattern and I need to keep the wardrobe small due to lack of closet space. I need help.

    If it helps, I’m 5’10” about 155 pounds. I carry most my weight in my stomach. I tend to like a straight legged jean with a loser top -tee or long sleeved tee with a cape/loose sweater. The tee and jeans doesn’t look pulled together. The cape won’t work under the layers I imagine I’ll need.

    I have three wool coats that I’ll take with me. I also have a ton of jeans. Where do I start in creating a cool weather, casual wardrobe?

    2. If you need tall sizes in anything other than jeans, I would order that stuff in the US. Otherwise, you may as well shop after you move. There are some things like cashmere sweaters that are probably cheaper here – I imagine most winter stuff is not available right now, though. Maybe Everlane still has a few things.

    3. I’d actually buy nothing, bring a small part of your current wardrobe (4 or 5 outfits) and then shop upon arrival in your new location. You will have appropriate clothes in terms of style and weather in a way that you won’t be able to anticipate in LA.

      If you post a location, you might get suggestions of places to shop in your new town.

      Sounds like a lot of fun!

        1. Black is a perfect colour for London, to be honest. You need some stylish rainboots, a raincoat and an umbrella for sure!

        2. As a fellow LA to London expat, you will have plenty of shopping opportunities in the UK, and the July and January sales are killer.

          As a fellow Tall, know that Whistles, Hobbs, Jigsaw, LKBennett and Reiss to cut tall, even though they are not Tall. Boden is from the UK and carries tall. Next carries Talls. Dorothy Perkins carries talls. M&S does not carry many talls. I was about your size when I first moved to London and was right on the top end of regular size ranges.

          Also, consider checking out the Junior League of London’s guide to Living in London. It’s very helpful and available on their website. The JLL was a godsend for me to meet some non-banking, non-consulting, non-law cool expats. Loved it as a wonderful way to meet a lot of interesting, non-snotty folks.

          1. I find that Reiss is very short. I can’t even wear a blazer from there and I’m only 5’9″.

    4. Buy it when you get there and then you won’t have to pack them half way across the world with you.

  24. Ugh, you ever have days when nothing about your appearance seems to work? My pinned-up hairstyle is making my face look childish, my nails (gel) are the wrong color for this shirt, my face looks puffy, the proportions of this outfit seem frumpy although I’ve worn this exact outfit before, and I realized none of the three lipsticks I have on me look right with both the shirt and the nail color. Blerg.

    1. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t even realize that some people matched their lipstick, nail polish, and clothing. So far, nobody seems to have noticed :)

      1. Ha! It’s a pink shirt, red polish, coral or wine lipstick situation. They’re all wildly mismatched, and severely clashing. If I was Taylor Swift I might be able to pull off red makeup with a pink outfit, but I’m just not that cool.

    2. I’m in the middle of a day like this–my outfit feels bland and boring, I have a giant zit in the middle of my forehead, I’m barely wearing makeup even though I clearly stayed up too late for the holiday, my eyebrows are drifting into Wolfman territory, and my hair is in a not-stylishly-messy-just-plain-messy bun. And I was walking back to the office from lunch when a very well-dressed, hip young man told me that my outfit was great. Thank you, hip young man.

      All of which is to say, sometimes we are our own worst critics. Hope you feel better tomorrow, Baconpancakes.

  25. Suggestions on what to say to fire a cleaning person? We have a team of two that comes once/month. They previously said they could only do once/month, so we found a different team to come once/month. Now we want to have the second team start coming twice/month — they’re cheaper and do a better job.

    But the first team has cleaned our house for years, through a lot of difficult times. They cried with me when my dad died a few years ago, and are very nice people. But for the last year or so, every time we come home, things aren’t cleaned well (probably because one member of the team retired and her replacement isn’t as good). And we know that they are no longer doing the full two hours they’re supposed to do. It’s too late to talk with them and give them a chance to improve again — it’s just been too long with it being done poorly.

    So far my draft is
    “You’ve been great and helped us through some difficult times, but at this point we need more help than you’re able to give, so we’ve decided to hire someone who is able to come twice per month. Thank you for everything.” (It has to be via text — they don’t EVER answer their phones.) They don’t have keys or anything else I need to get back. But does that sound cold?

    Any suggestions?

    1. Don’t say you’re hiring someone else. “You’ve been great and helped us through some difficult times, but at this point we need to discontinue your services. [DATE] [will be / was] our last cleaning with you. Thank you for everything.”

      1. I kind of like this response. I had to fire 2 cleaning ladie’s b/c they took stuff of MINE without my saying they could. And I gave them alot of stuff that I did NOT want but I knew they liked, includeing my FRY boot’s, alot of pumps, some dresses that got to tight for me, and other nik-nak’s that I did NOT want to put in my office b/c they were tackey.

        So I just said I was “heading in a different direction”, took their key’s and said NOT to return. I even had to change my locks b/c I think the cleaneing lady gave key’s to her boyfreind, b/c I caught the two of them naked in my bedroom. And trust me, she might have been “cleaning” him out, but I was NOT paying her to do that kind of cleaneing. FOOEY!

    2. I think that sounds fine. Given their time with you, maybe give them the cost of one cleaning as a sort of severance?

    3. We had to let our cleaning lady go, years ago when DH lost his job. I was very to-the-point and grateful, basically saying “Linda, thank you for your hard work for the past two years. We’ve really enjoyed using your services. Unfortunately, due to a change in our circumstances, we won’t be able to keep having you come. Knowing this is sudden, I want to express my thanks and apologize for the abruptness. I won’t be scheduling beyond XYZ date.” The next time she came to clean–the last scheduled date–I left her a check for 2x the regular amount as a sort of severance.

      She was used by a few people I knew, so I wanted to keep her happy and keep the gossip from her (she was a chatter!) to a minimum.

    4. I wouldn’t say you were hiring someone else. What if they jump in and say they would now be happy to come twice a month? I would also give them a cost of one cleaning as “severance”.

  26. Posting late, but YAY I got good news! Final round interview “chat,” one-on-one with the CEO, for a job I really, really want. Am I correct in thinking I shouldn’t wear a black suit again? Perhaps a gray dress with cropped black suit jacket?

    1. Grey dress with black jacket sounds perfect. A black suit would be fine, too, though. Wear which ever makes you feel more comfortable and confident!

      For what it’s worth, I think “Chat” is code for: “You’ve got this!”

    2. If you’re meeting with the CEO, I would definitely wear a suit – I suppose this depends on your field, but unless it’s more of a creative or casual one, I think a suit is most appropriate.

      1. It’s actually a federal job (so it’d be the agency director), but it seems to be a very casual workplace— dark jeans/open toed sandals/sundresses on a weekday.

  27. Lady sideburns: what do you guys do about them, if anything? A few nights ago I wound up trying the Tinkle / facial shaving / dermaplaning thing for the first time and only then watched all these YouTube videos about how you shouldn’t use facial shaving on your sideburns. (No regrets so far on the general experience of facial shaving but very interested to see how things grow out.) Curious what the hive does about their sideburns, if anything… thanks!

    1. My upper lip and sideburns get the same treatment: Sally Hansen brush-on hair removal cream.

  28. Shopping PSA – Cole Haan’s sale items are marked down an additional 40% through today. I recommend the Tali wedges often enough here that you probably think I work there. (I don’t! But I swear they are my perfect shoe.) Branched out from my beloved Tali’s to order a pair of snake print Elsie’s today. Fingers crossed that I love them as much.

    1. I recently got those same ones – my first pair of CH so can’t compare but I hope you like them!

      1. Thanks! What colors do you wear them with? I’m willing to try snake print as a neutral…

        1. I have a pair of CH snake print pumps. I wear them with d*mn near everything. They look great with black or bright colors. Navy is a bit hit and miss (depends on the shade).

          1. Agree. I have snake open-toe slings that I wear with brights. Thus far, with the flats, only straight-leg jeans and a cream sweater, and then a navy sweater, then a black knit moto jacket. Not too inspired thus far for casual wear!

  29. Does anyone have good ideas for a gift for a first birthday for a little boy? Preferably one available on Amazon Prime that could be delivered by Saturday? Thanks in advance!

    1. I like sending a few board books for that age. Sandra Boynton books are all good. Everywhere Babies is another good one. If I’m not mistaken, I believe you can sort board books by age on Amazon…

      1. Melissa & Doug makes some good puzzle and soft toys for little ones. Or you could always go with clothes in the next size up.

    2. Kisoozie Fun Time Tractor is my go to. I’ve gifted it maybe 5 times for 1-year olds .. always a big hit.

      1. +1. My son got this for his 1st birthday and it was a huge hit. He still plays with it 3 years later. It has become my go-to gift for 1 year olds.

  30. I’m in my first trimester of pregnancy. So far I’ve been lucky not to have nausea or vomiting (although I know it could still be around the corner, since I’m not yet 8 weeks) but I regularly feel sort of dizzy and like I’m in a fog and it’s making it difficult to focus at work. Any tips? In hindsight I really wish I’d taken this week off, since our town allows people to shoot off consumer fireworks until next Sunday. Officially they have to stop at 11 pm, but people have regularly been shooting them off past midnight (and until 2 am yesterday) and I think the resulting sleep deprivation is making this problem way worse. I want to curl up under my desk and nap….

    1. I experienced something similar. I think it was just the increase in blood flow (although if you’re concerned obviously call your doctor). I found that avoiding caffeine was helpful (as much as I love coffee), and drinking tons of water.

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