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Suit of the Week: Boss

stylish striped skirt suit from Boss PLUS details on the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale 2017For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Such an odd week this week — it's a Wednesday but feels like a Monday. I spent a bit of time this weekend putting together a guide to the upcoming 2017 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale — readers LOVE this sale as a great way to get discounts on new fall merchandise, so if you're unfamiliar with it you definitely want to check our guide out. (You can even still get a $20 Note if you sign up for a Nordstrom Rewards card by July 9 — they also have a credit card option. Cardholders get early access to the sale by more than a week, so they get the first dibs on all the good stuff.) In any event: we've seen a lot of horizontally striped suits, and I always feel a moment of sadness that there are so few suits with vertical stripes, which are much more flattering. So huzzah to Boss for making a stylish striped skirt suit with vertical stripes! I love the contrast at the bottom of the skirt, as well as the fringe detail. Lovely. The jacket (Komina Stripe Bouclé Suit Jacket) is $495, and the skirt (Vemala Stripe Bouclé Suit Skirt) is $335. Looking for something more affordable? Check out this suit. Did you guys check out the sale catalog for the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale? What were your thoughts?striped skirt suit And, would you ever wear a striped skirt suit to work?  This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.5

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297 Comments

  1. Hi all – anyone have experience with wedding room block discounts? DF and I are getting married at a boutique (non chain) hotel next year and they are giving us a block of five rooms (that increases by five each time five are reserved) and offering 5% off. A standard room is $300 – so that’s $15 off. Is this typical?

    Our wedding guests will probably end up reserving about 25 out of 40 total rooms. If it matters, when all is said and done we will be paying the hotel about $35k for the wedding itself (including food, beverages, and the space). A 5% discount on rooms feels low to me, but maybe I’m off base.

    1. I suspect this depends entirely on your area and how popular the hotel is otherwise. We got our room paid for plus 15% off for guests but that was their standard wedding package at a larger hotel.

    2. Maybe call other hotels in the area and ask what their standard discount is for a block of rooms and see if it’s comparable? You can then always let your hotel know that their number is so far below norm in your area (if it is) that you are reconsidering and see if they offer more?

      1. Yes, it depends on the area, but in a city, you can reserve blocks up to a certain amount and not be charged for unused rooms (although the rooms get released about a month before the date). We had some 5 hotels booked nearby and most of the rates were comparable but if possible, you should call and ask around. Keep in mind that if there are other hotels nearby, people may use their points at them or book airbnb or similar accomodations, so don’t guarantee more than you need to.

    3. That seems low to me as well but I agree it would depend on the season and how full they might otherwise be regardless of your wedding. That being said, you can always try to negotiate a better deal and definitely I would ask for a suite for yourselves as a bonus.

    4. Our room block was 10% off, and we didn’t get a suite for ourselves (well, we did, but we had to pay for it). 5% feels low, but not wildly off base. But keep in mind that the total $$ cost matters much more to your guests than the percentage discount. Even in a major city like NY or Chicago, $300 is pretty high for a hotel room. I would reserve some rooms there and then also reserve a block of cheaper rooms at a nearby hotel to give your guests some choice (obviously they can get their own hotel independent of you, but offering two official options at different price points is really nice).

    5. It is completely dependent on too many factors to name here, but you can definitely attempt to negotiate. Just be prepared to offer up a higher minimum F&B spend on your end, though.

    6. I called a ton of Boston hotels for our June wedding, and there was very little in the way of discounts available. It turns out, they don’t need wedding guests to fill hotels in downtown Boston in June. If your wedding is in a popular destination and the hotel rooms typically fill up, you may not have too much success negotiating the rate down. Always worth a shot, though.

      1. We didn’t get any discounts for our Newport, RI wedding next year – we only got a super low number of guaranteed spots! Definitely depends on locale, season, and demand. My brother got about $70 off for his Midwestern wedding this summer for 40 rooms at a large hotel.

  2. I’m helping to plan a conference for a group of young professionals (ages around 27-37). There will be about 50 or so individuals at the meet and greet kick off event. I’m looking for an idea for an icebreaker activity as a way to get people interacting with each other. In a previous year, we did people bingo and it worked surprisingly well. I’m looking for a similar type of activity to encourage people to go up and talk to other people they don’t know. For a lot of people attending this will be the first time they are attending this type of conference. Have any of you gone to a conference or other event where you really thought the icebreaker activity was great? Any suggestions? [Any no, saying icebreakers are lame and we shouldn’t do one is not helpful.]

    2. I was at one conference where they split the room down the middle, had everyone write their middle name, their favorite song, and something they hoped to get out of the conference on a post-it and then stick it one side of the room. Then you had to go to the other wall, pick a post-it and find that person during the conference. I don’t remember if they announced if anyone had, but on Twitter, you’d see people posting images of their post-it with the conference hashtag.

    4. You could have everyone stand, then call out something random but specific and then give 5 minutes to talk about something before doing it again…

      For example, “find at least 4 people wearing the same color shirt/top you’re wearing for the next 5 minutes, say your name, where you work (or whatever would be helpful) and share your favorite flavor ice cream” …okay, now find at least 4 people with the same eye color and for the next 5 minutes, share your favorite vacation spot and why” etc.

      This way groups can be larger so no one’s left out, they’re based on something random so no one feels singled out, and there’s no wrong answer to any question so no one is put on the spot or feels stupid for not knowing something.

      1. I went to a conference which had a similar activity although every participant was given a sheet of paper with 10-15 random statements (e.g. find a person who played a competitive sport in college, find a person whose been to Bali, find a person who rock climbs, etc.). We had to find a person who fit that descriptor and have them sign their name or initials by the statement. The person who completed their worksheet the fastest got a small prize.

        I’ve also been to an event where the organizer would give a hypothetical scenario like: my favorite thing to do on vacation is a) eat/drink b) relax c) sight see d) other and then have all the A’s meet in one corner of the room, all the B’s in another corner, etc. I liked this because it was fun to find other folks you have something in common with. There were about 5 hypo scenarios on a variety of fun topics.

        1. So I typically hate icebreakers (and I’m an extrovert!), but the idea of a hypothetical scenario and standing in a corner with people who would answer the same – that’s actually not terrible.

          I also hate the ones like “find someone with your same birthday month” because it gets so chaotic. But “same eye color” or “same shirt” sounds like it could organize itself really quickly and be totally visual without an in-depth convo with every single person til you find the match. I’m usually the person who goes “what was your favorite childhood game? me too!” and just agrees with the first person I talk to, so it can be over.

        2. I like this one because it would give me a few moments of standing around and chatting with people I have something in common with and exchanging stories about the scenario — which would make it easier to chat with them later in the conference.

    5. I’ve seen people bingo be even more wildly successful when you get a few specific details ahead of time from the group.

      For a recent ice breaker for a similar demographic an email was sent out two weeks ahead asking for any unique facts about people. We got some awesome ones like “went cage diving with sharks off South Africa” or “started a brewery in his apartment in college”. Those were mixed in with the generic “plays an instrument” and other ones common to lots of people.

      At the end of the event the organizer gave out a prize for bingo and then read out the boxes and had people stand up when it applied. I loved it!

    6. I was at a recent small conference where we were split into small groups for a competitive activity against other groups. I really liked that I got to meet and interact well with a small group of people first thing and then branch out and meet other people slowly over the rest of the conference.

    7. If the group is young, and supple, I recommend TWISTER. You can get to know someone very quickly, and as long as you do NOT pass any wind, you will be abel to meet peeople quickley. In college we played Twister, and some of my freinds met their husband’s that way! YAY!!!!

  3. I know this has been asked before, but I’ll ask again to see if any new answers pop up. I’m going on vacation and I need new reads!! Anyone have any books they’ve read that they just absolutely loved? My two main genres are sci fi/fantasy and romance, but I’ll read just about anything.

    1. I just finished All You Need in the Need You series by Lorelei James. Steamy and so good. I have the two earlier books on hold in the library now!

      1. Me again. I really liked two of Opal Carew’s books: His to Posses and His to Claim. They are very steamy/erotic and go into the risque category so they are not for everyone. I’m not into some of the things she writes about but she wrote the scenes well and had actual characters I could relate to.

    2. Anything by Julia James (contemporary romance, set in Chicago). Nalini Singh if you want a paranormal romance series.

      Vokosigian Saga by Bujold for sci-fi

      (assuming you haven’t read any/all of those already)

      1. +1 for Courtney Milan. From her, I discovered other great romance writers – Tessa Dare, Sherry Thomas, Caroline Linden, Loretta Chase, to name a few of a historical romance writers. Courtney Milan has written mostly historical romance, but she also has a contemporary romance series out too.

        1. Add Eloisa James, Sarah MacLean for historicals, Jennifer Crusie for contemporaries.

          JD Robb (Nora Roberts) for her In Death series (start at the beginning!)

    4. These are my genres too – I just finished The Rise and Fall of D.O.D.O which would be a perfect beach read, I think.

      And seconding the Bujold recommendation (re-reading A Civil Campaign, which has the perfect blend of sci-fi and romance, is an annual event for me).

    5. I liked Eligible, by Curtis Sittenfeld. It was a fun read, great for vacation, IMO.

      1. Read reviews before reading Eligible. I hated it. Pride and Prejudice is charming, Eligible is caustic.

    6. A Court of Thornes and Roses by Sarah J. Maas. First book is pretty good, second book is amazing.

      1. +1. Fabulous series. I haven’t read the third, but am eagerly awaiting it at the library.

    7. Just discovered the Psy-Changeling series by Nalini Singh a few weeks ago when I was on vacation and subsequently plowed through 12 of the novels out of the 16 or 17 that are currently out. It’s a mix of futuristic/speculative fiction, romance, and maybe paranormal romance.

      By the way, I discovered Nalini Singh in an anthology that also had stories from Ilona Andrews and Lisa Shearin, so check out those authors too.

      I didn’t like A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas, but I do like her other series, Throne of Glass.

      Speaking of sci-fi, I also really like the Cinder series by Marissa Meyer. It’s a YA series, but very well written with the fairytales set in the future.

      1. I also really liked Throne of Glass. Along the Scifi route, I also really like Illuminae and Gemina (the third book isn’t out yet, I don’t think). And the Red Rising series is a scifi YA book.

        For book recommendations, I like to look up book subscription boxes and then look through their past boxes on instagram. I’ve been stealing past romance book ideas from Ever After Box. My father has really enjoyed his scifi subscription to BookCase.Club

        https://www.everafterbox.com/past-boxes/
        http://boxes.mysubscriptionaddiction.com/box/bookcase-club

    8. For scifi – The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet and A Closed & Common Orbit, both by Becky Chambers. For fantasy – Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo and The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison.

    9. Have you read any Sherman Alexie? Blasph3my and The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian are EXCELLENT.

      (the first title does not have a number in it, but I’m stuck in mod)

      1. Seconded. I also loved Indian K i l l e r (trying to avoid mod) and his short stories in War Dances. Apparently Alexie is kind of a jerk in person but his writing is excellent.

      2. Sherman Alexie is an amazing author but not exactly light reading. BUT everyone should still read her anyway.

        2. I think the topics in his books are more serious, but they’re written in that easy to read, fun YA way.

    10. I just finished “The Mermaid’s Sister” by Carrie Anne Noble and I enjoyed it; it’s a perfect vacation book.

    11. Somehow I can’t get my comment past moderation. Read Sherman Alexie is all I’m trying to say!

    12. I recently started reading the Amos Decker and John Puller series of books by David Baldacci. They are mystery/suspense.

      Some others:

      Big Little Lies and The Husband’s Secret from Liane Moriarty.
      Me Before You and The Girl You Left Behind by JoJo Moyes.

    14. Dragonriders of Pern! For the first time if you haven’t read it yet, or as a re-read (it’s been ages for me, so I totally would)

    15. I’ve been gorging on Jo Graham’s Numinous World series this month — there’s a series of connected stand-alone novels set in ancient times (fall of Troy, Egypt after Alexander, Egypt under Cleopatra) and then a trilogy about a bisexual cross-dressing courtesan-spy in Napoleonic France, based on the real life Ida Saint-Elme. There’s a strong fantasy element of reborn souls who can sometimes connect with their past lives, and the courtesan-spy trilogy can get pretty steamy, but my strongest recommendation would be for the way it basically blew my mind to read France under Napoleon as a beacon of liberty and law (something you certainly don’t get from English Regency novels set during the same time period). Off to read up on the Napoleonic Code now…

  4. I like my job, the work I do, and the people I work with. I’ve been here for about a year, and have been learning a ton. I just recently started to feel like I’ve gotten my sea legs here – getting more responsibility and trust from members of my team.

    On Monday I was offered a similar position at a different, larger company for a more than 50% raise. hours would be more (approx 10hours per week more) and some weekends. I’m nervous about starting over at a new place when I finally feel like I found my place in my current company and I didn’t think i wanted to leave my job but the raise would be amazing.

    What would you do?

    1. I would find out as much as possible about the potential new company to find out what life would be like if I worked for them. Although money is awesome, there are some places I’ve worked where they couldn’t pay me enough to go back… micromanagement, lack of support, rudeness, catty colleagues, etc. etc. I’d have taken less money to avoid that and work in a place I felt comfortable and supported in.

      That said, if it weren’t for the money, would you consider leaving where you are now? Why is this new company paying so much more for not much more hours/work? Are you being underpaid where you are or is there some reason new company pays so much more?

      1. Thanks for your reply. If I weren’t for the money, I wouldn’t have been considering a move. I’m very underpaid for my position (but making a salary that’s enough to support myself on, so not struggling in that way). Other people have had to leave my company because they’ve been turned down for raises beyond COL.

        I already work long hours (approx 50-55 hours per week) so an extra 10 hours a week is a lot, in my view anyway.

        1. “I already work long hours (approx 50-55 hours per week) so an extra 10 hours a week is a lot, in my view anyway”

          Agreed, here. Going from 8-9 hours a day may not be so bad. But it gets worse and worse. I’ve been in your shoes before and looked at it not as how many hours I had to work (“what’s one more?”) but what percentage of my spare time I was losing. If you’re working 11 hour days already, pretend that gives you 2 hours/day to do what you want/need to do. Are you willing to give up half of that time?

          I’d spend time investigating why this position is available. If they’re willing to pay you 50% more, then what’s the catch? Is it just the hours, or something else? What is different about their company/business model that allows them to pay you more than what you’re making now? I.e., are the clients paying higher rates and thus much, much more demanding? Will you be expected to drop everything to meet expectations, or deal with jerks? Maybe it is just that you’re very underpaid at your current position, but I’d be wary of any job that seems like *such* an improvement.

          1. oh my gosh you articulated something I’m always trying to figure out how to explain. I help with recruiting at my firm and I think it is so important to communicate to law students that the difference between 2100 and 2300 (for example) might seem like a measly 200 hours spread out over a whole year, but when you are working super long days already, those hours divided throughout your day take away from the little life you have. the hours in the day are scarce!

        2. I think this changes things. If you were decently paid, then I think the other factors would be important. But underpaid in a company that consistently pays poorly? that bodes poorly for the long term, and I’d definitely seriously consider the new job.

    2. I’d stay. You like the work and the people? And the hours? Working with good people is an amazing thing that money can’t replace. I get recruiter offers all the time for new opportunities (not job offers, but come apply for this position offers), but I’m like you – feel like I’m finally getting the hang of this position and the work and the organization structure (I’ve been here 2 yrs) and really don’t want to have start over somewhere new.

      If you calculate a rough hourly rate for the current job vs the new job (don’t forget to factor in weekends), does the new rate still go up?

    3. I’d tell current company about the job offer and ask if they are willing to do something to try to keep you. If they don’t offer you a significant raise, take the offer.

    4. A lateral for 50% more money for maybe 20% more work, assuming that other benefits were the same (collateral medical, pension, commute)? Definitely.

    5. I second the suggestions to find out as much as you can about the new company–the people, the culture, the management style, etc. Can you gauge whether it’s really 10 hours per week more, and not 20, or 10-hours-except-during-the-6-month-long-busy-season-when-it’s-30?

      If it seems like a good place to work, and it’s really only 10 hours/week more work, benefits are comparable, and the commute isn’t terrible, I would leave. I’m not a big fan of presenting offers from competitors to current employers–I’ve seen several people get burned down the road. Keep in mind, it’s not just a 50% raise now. Future raises are likely to be based on previous ones. So if you stay in your current company at your current salary and get 10% raises every year or two for 5 years, you’ll be in a much different place than if you get (or take) a 50% increase and get similar raises from there.

    6. I like all these people who apparently have all the money they need laughing off a potential 50% salary increase. That’s a big deal. I would definitely take the opportunity.

      Perhaps your current company will counter (though conventional wisdom says don’t take the counter) but either way, staying put and working 50-55 hours a week while being 30-50% underpaid by industry standards is doormat territory, no matter how nice your coworker’s are.

    7. To me, it’s not about money or hours, but – is this job the logical next step on your path? Will it help get you where you ultimately want to go? Will you be able to do substantive work and learn new things that will help you in your career, long-term?

      There are jobs that pay more money but are steps backward, career-wise, and that hurts you in the long run. There are also nice, comfy jobs that allow you to stagnate, which isn’t good either. Nice co-workers are always a plus, and I say that from a situation where my current coworkers are generally terrible. But I can also say, having moved into a job where I’m only making 20% more than I did at my last job, more money actually does soothe a lot of pain points. I’m saving like crazy, which will lead to me being in a better place financially when this situation has run its course and it’s time to do something else.

      Most importantly for me, though, this job was the necessary next step towards getting where I ultimately want to go, career-wise. When I’m ready to make a move, I’ll have great experience and a salary history that will hopefully lead to the kind of job I want, making the kind of money I want to make. So if the new job is, for you, going to lead to a similar good place – go for it. If not, wait it out. Usually one offer leads to others, and one of those will end up being the right thing.

  5. What do you do when you’re in that familiar space of “bored but not so bored that I want to do something new”?

    1. I usually do a variation of a familiar thing. I’m bored with my usual shows – watch something different than I would usually pick. Bored with the video games – I grab something from BFs list to try out. Bored with food – I try a different flavor combination on the same cooking method. Bored at work – change the music I’m listening to, or work on a different part of an assignment.
      I think it works for me because it changes things up without pushing me out of my comfort zone.

  6. I’m in government, and have more immediate supervisors than is necessary (but that’s how things go here). Many of these supervisors are my age and have the same amount of experience. And notably, they are all men. And in some instances, I have more experience than they do, but I was never offered a supervisory position (these were not advertised openings and these men were just promoted from within. No one ever came to me to gauge my interest). As someone who is looking to move my career along, this is incredibly frustrating, and I can’t help but feel that I was never offered the position because I’ve had 2 maternity leaves (none more than 3 months long –hurray government) in the last 3 years. These men are also fathers, but well, you know how these things go.

    These supervisors and I have worked together for over five years. I’d like to think that I’ve become ax expert in my particular subject area, but any time that I’m asked a question, these supervisors respond either directly to me or on the chain with a (Yes, and…). Usually, they are either restating what I said in a different way or adding something small and unimportant. In other words, I feel that they are responding as an attempt to undermine me (either intentionally or unintentionally, although in one person’s case — the man with less experience that was most recently promoted– I do think it is intentional.)

    Needless to say, I don’t think my particular section is a good fit for me, and I’ve been looking to transfer within my organization. But, what do I do in the meantime? Is there anything I could possibly say or will it just come across as me being bitter and insubordinate? FWIW, I did note to the higher ups that I was disappointed not to have been considered for the promotion and asked what I can do to show that I am supervisor material (I was told to take more training — somethink I know that Jr supervisor wasn’t “required” to do. Plus, the training is geared to those who are already manager.)

    Any advice on how to hold my head high? Are there some good comeback lines when they uncessarily mansplain (calling it mansplaining here, but I’m not sure if that’s the right way to describe it )?

    1. Not clear if you mean these interactions are happening via email or in person.

      Currently reading Feminist Fight Club which talks through lots of different scenarios – highly recommend.

      1. OP here — nine times out of 10, these interactions are ocurring via e-mail. There are actually very few interactions in person usually because the non-supervisors aren’t invited to meetings, etc. There are very few opportunities for non-supervisors to prove themselves. Thanks for the book recommendation — that’s exactly what I was looking for.

        And to add some context, I’m in my mid-thirties. I’m hitting the point in my career where I should be seeing some promotions, and I think that I’m entitled to them based on the work I have done (in others words, I don’t see it as a matter of right).

    2. doesn’t sound like mansplaining, just that you are seen as less valuable in the bigger picture… they know your value individually since they go to you, but then report the info to each other rather than crediting you. If there’s an HR or another high ranking woman, maybe you can meet with her and discuss whether there might be some mentorship or training programs? Not much you can say otherwise that won’t sound whiny, even though it comes from a good place (both because there’s no way to really comment and because you clearly aren’t understood or supported there in general so anything negative seems pointless). I mean, I guess you could give wrong advice to individuals and then, when they speak that advice in a group setting, correct them with the right info, but that’d get figured out pretty fast.

      Otherwise, start looking for new work now, try to find any opportunity to build skills where you are currently, and hold your head high knowing that this isn’t forever and that, when you leave, they’ll have to figure out life for themselves.

      Hugs!

      1. Thanks, I didn’t think it was quite mansplaining, although I doubt that they would treat a male, subordinate colleague this way. I figured that the only way through this is to put my head down and work harder. But I already have that Feminist Fight Club book requested from the library. Looking forward to reading it.

    3. One of the things that helped me was to have regular “career” meetings with my manager, maybe once a month, to communicate my interest in particular areas I wanted to move into, identify potential stretch assignments, training opportunities, etc. You have to make it known that you want these things regularly and get people on your side — do it in a likeable, friendly way. Do you have a mentor? This is something you could ask your manager about, who could maybe help you grow your career.

  7. Are online degrees from accredited universities the way of the future or do they indicate a laziness in our nation that didn’t exist when we had to get out of bed and show up for class at a set time?

    Have the crummy fake schools like tr$mp university ruined our view of online schools as a whole or do you think the accredited ones will someday be seen as just as legitimate as brick and mortar schools?

    1. Well, my brother got an online Masters from BU while deployed to Iraq, for some people it is bc they legitimately can’t make in-person classes.

      1. I got a mostly-online degree in the military too. My deployments were cushier, so they had some classes offered on base. All the upper level coursework was online, though.

        I prefer in-person classes, and they are much better suited to my learning style for some subjects (math and science, mostly), but my undergrad degree was in poli sci (minor in English), and reading books, having forum-based discussions about them, and writing papers was perfectly fine to do online.

        My husband has an online masters degree in Information Security (which he completed while working full time) – he set up his own “lab” environment, and had to do coordinated exercises with a group of classmates. If anything, that would have been much easier to do in a brick-and-mortar school, with access to university equipment and no worries about different time zones.

    2. Online classes are not a sign of laziness – they allow people who otherwise couldn’t take classes (like parents with small children, people who live too far from a physical university, etc) to advance themselves. Traditional schools had an expectation that you had to be able to not work during school which was definitely geared to younger students and excluded tons of people who wanted to learn. All schools should be evaluated before a student signs up, but since so many traditional schools (including the well-ranked public universities in my state) offer degrees online, they are a legitimate option.

    3. Wow, how open-minded of you to classify a whole group of people as lazy. I’d venture to guess that most people doing online degrees are fitting them into already busy work and family schedules. But sure, they’re lazy.

    4. Diploma mill schools exist in both online and bricks and mortar forms. In part, they are caused by the idea that everyone needs a college degree and the growing student loan mess.
      But, I wouldn’t paint all distance learning with the same broad brush. A lot of non-traditional students and working folks can only pursue these degrees through distance learning and there are plenty of legitimate options for doing so. It’s not laziness – it’s that they are at work already and can’t make a 10am class. Nor would I say that it is a new idea. My grandfather took “correspondence classes” from a highly regarding engineering school to augment his skills and advance his job prospects. He lived in a rural community and was supporting a family- going away to college wasn’t an option.

    5. Considering that putting on pants and going to a classroom are a lot easier than doing coursework or finding the money to pay for tuition, no, I don’t think it’s *laziness.* I think the people seeking these degrees have actual time/geographical constraints that make physical attendance in a classroom a barrier to education.

      I think I’m extremely lucky that I could go to college and law school full time, during the day, with full control over my schedule, and spend 7 years focusing on my education without working or being responsible for childcare/family care.

    6. I’m taking two online classes this summer through an accredited program. These classes aren’t available locally unless I want to pay $1200/credit vs $46/credit.

      I don’t like online classes. I am the kind of student who learns a lot in a classroom, asks questions during lecture, and likes to interact with other students. I am still learning the material but it’s. so. hard. to motivate and concentrate. This may be generational: the young adults (early 20s) in my in-person classes are disappointed if they can’t take a class online.

      Even in in-person classes, the new educational thinking is that students should be able to listen to recorded lectures before class and spend class time on interactive tasks to further review, analyze and learn the material. So a lot of the online tools will be used for in-person classes too.

      Arizona State University has online lab classes. The student watches a video of the TA doing the experiment. The student records data and writes up a report. This I disagree with. Having just taken a microbiology class, there is a huge learning curve in doing even very simple things like focusing a microscope under oil immersion and properly doing a gram stain (a very common stain done to ID bacteria). I don’t know that I would want to hire a grad to work in a bio lab who had never personally done a gram stain.

      I think online classes complement a program but don’t replace programs, especially at the undergraduate level. At the master’s level, I’m a little more open to considering online-only programs.

      1. +1 to online labs being dumb. You can’t learn proper technique from watching – you need the doing (and lots of it!) to get comfortable. Gen chem? maybe. Anything beyond that, no way.

      2. This is hilarious. I had no idea online labs were a thing! I literally changed majors because I assumed I couldn’t get a biology degree online. I’ve subsequently taken a lot of lab science classes toward a career change, and while I would have appreciated the ability to fast-forward through some lengthy organic chemistry labs, or not having purple fingers from gram staining, I can’t imagine I would have gotten much out of them.

    7. I think they are the way of the future. Brick and mortar schools have made themselves unaffordable. They are inflexible and don’t accommodate their consumers. I think increasingly lower quality brick and mortar schools will fail and online will be a real alternative. It won’t replace Harvard but FloridaCostal, sure.

      1. it also shifts a lot of the infrastructure costs (having internet, computer access) to the students, instead of needing to offer physical classroom space.

        1. +1!!! I wish I had realized that going into my online degree, even though it wouldn’t have ultimately changed any of my choices.

    8. I think that some people still turn up their noses when you have a degree from an online-only school (whether this snobbery is justified is a separate issue) so it’s definitely a concern, but I think that there are online programs that are perfectly legit. I prefer to do online programs with a school that has an established brick-and-mortar reputation so I can avoid the issue. I’m doing this now, and I say “I’m working on a degree from State University,” and then explain that my degree is through a distance program if people ask. However, because State University isn’t the state I live in, they typically get the picture.

    9. Neither? Established research universities and good liberal arts colleges are never going to stop traditional classes and degrees. But I also think there are lots of valid reasons for taking classes or earning a degree online that have nothing to do with laziness. A few examples are people who are working full-time and taking classes for professional development, people who are in the military, people with young children at home you can’t attend traditional classes, etc.

    10. Trump “University” was never a thing that issued real degrees and was never a real school in anyone’s opinion, and is in no way comparable to getting an online degree. I think you confusing it with actual accredited universities. It’s an apples and oranges thing and not worthy of discussion when you’re talking about online degrees.

    11. I know there are very academically reputable online high schools (including one run by Stanford). There are also highly regarded programs that offer subjects (such as languages) that aren’t otherwise widely available. There is no reason why online schools need to be inferior at teaching skills that are mostly performed in a library or alone at a computer anyway (=many academic skills). College preparatory online high schools are sending students to traditional residential colleges, so this doesn’t speak directly to the potential of online university courses. But since these students transition to college well, I’m not sure why a student of online higher education courses could not transition well to whatever comes next. Many successful online high schools schedule course times, require live participation, and provide opportunities for students to develop relationships with their instructors and classmates. I think higher ed could borrow more of these features, since many programs seem to be modeled on traditional distance education and correspondence courses instead.

    12. You must not be a sci-fi fan? Do you think bodies in seats will be the future mode? It’s doubtful.

      I agree with your concerns, but you don’t seem to have thought about the ‘whys’ much. And, not everyone is privileged enough to go to college the old-fashioned way.

    14. This is such a t r o l l comment.

      I got an online degree from an accredited school because by the time I went back to graduate school, I had a husband, a 4-year-old child and a mortgage and I needed to keep working full-time. Not everyone has a rich mommy and daddy who will pay our bills for us. What I’ve found is that all anyone cares about is the degree, not how I got it. But mine is from a well-regarded state school; maybe that’s the difference.

      Princess, let me clue you in on a few things:

      – Not everyone is rich
      – Not everyone loves on the East Coast (or would ever want to)
      – Some people take pride in doing things on their own, without mommy and daddy’s help
      – You’re not nearly as cool as you think you are, and the only person who’s really impressed with you is you.

      Start from there, and then maybe you’ll be able to say something interesting enough to warrant a genuine conversation.

  8. Not clear if you mean these interactions are happening via email or in person.

    Currently reading Feminist Fight Club which talks through lots of different scenarios – highly recommend.

  9. A request to the ever-helpful hive: I am headed to a conference in a week or so and need a good pair of shoes Here’s the catch: I broke my pinky toe two weeks ago. There’s nothing to be done as far as a cast or splint — it will just heal on its own, the doc says. But it’s still too swollen to fit in a proper shoe without significant pain. While I can get away with flip-flops in the office (thank goodness for sympathetic mid-law colleagues), I need a better solution for the conference. I wear a 9.5 regular or 9W depending on the shoe, and already have a wide toe box so anything that cuts across the toe is going to hurt, I fear. Also don’t want to spend a fortune on shoes that I won’t need for more than a few weeks. Thoughts?

    1. Try dexflex comfort at payless. Try a 9.5 wide. They are cheap enough that you can buy one pair to fit your regular foot and one pair for swollen foot/toe.

    2. I know this sounds weird, but try Torrid. Their shoes are super wide (to the point where I have bought a full size smaller than my normal size).

    3. It might just be easier to have a boot on and normal flat on the other foot. That way people will know you are wearing flat shoes because of a medical issue (you broke your toe, after all!) and you won’t have to worry about shoes that look weird or buying ones for a couple of weeks that might still bother you. Can you ask your doctor for some kind of boot?

    4. It will require spending money, but the leather in Gentle Souls shoes is super soft and probably won’t bother your toe. I’m usually a wide and can wear their M sizes just fine.

    5. Lucky Brand Emmie flats are made of extremely soft leather and come in wide sizes. Maybe a 9.5W would be comfortable enough? Because they are slightly elasticized, I imagine you could get away with wearing a slightly bigger size even after the injury heals.

  10. Please post links or titles below (many are available on the TED website and/or y0utube)

    1. Anything by Simon Sinek. I just finished his book, Leaders Eat Last. His ideas are very thought provoking!

      1. That book depressed me immensely- I gave up after a few chapters. My office is…not like that.

          1. It’s so odd: I cannot for the life of me find the comment bubble online, but on my phone it was readily available.

  12. Is anyone else following this? It’s amazing how many news channels are misgendering this child, even though Donal has been very clear about name/gender identity. It’s also interesting how many of the right side stations aren’t covering this story at all, though it’s big news on other networks in the same region. I hope it brings some light to the issues of violence and the tr@ns community (not sure if the word would otherwise get me caught in m0deration). 15 tr@ns people have been murdered this year, so far. Every year, people argue about the number of other groups who die violently, yet this is such a huge number when considering the number in the population.

    I’m hoping his daughter is found safe and that this is causing education and info-sharing throughout.

    3. Yes I saw this! I was amazed at how many people were seemingly taunting the issue by calling her his “son” or “son/daughter” in a sort of mocking way and completely desensitized that this is a missing child.

    4. Me too – the articles I’d seen before today all referred to Jade as his daughter – I didn’t realize she was trans until another story today. Yes to all your statements – hope she is found safe and soon!

    1. I won’t wear Ivanka Trump because of who she is (even though I love the styles). That’s it for me.

      1. Yep. Same. Probably forever because no amount of time will be enough to forget what I’ve learned about her.

        1. Sadle, me too. Which is a bunmer because the shoes and clothes are pretty nice.

      2. I never bought any Ivanka because it’s more than I would normally spend, but I 100% will never buy it now because of her support for her father.
        I’ve tried to decrease my shopping at Amazon after learning more about their shady treatment of employees but I still buy stuff from there occasionally so I wouldn’t call it a boycott.

        1. I’ve pretty much stopped all shopping on Amazon, but mostly because I don’t want it to take over the world. It is killing retail, and along with it, millions of jobs. So I try to buy in person first (even if it is at a chain, but preferably local) and then if I buy online, I buy anywhere but Amazon (just bought at Derm Store today even though it’ll take longer to get my products – I usually don’t need them right away). The other benefit to trying to buy in person is that I buy a lot less!

    2. I was never a big LE shopper but stopped getting stuff there (mostly, gifts) after their Gloria Steinem fiasco.
      I refuse to buy Ivanka Trump stuff, but again I’ve had maybe two pairs of her shoes to start over however many years. I suppose I would “boycott” any Trump product but his products have never been to my taste to begin with.
      I generally don’t “boycott” businesses, so much as when possible I try to vote with my dollars by, e.g., buying eggs from humanely raised hens. I think it still has the desired outcome but I find it an easier way to live my life.

    3. I will never wear Ivanka Trump or shop at Hobby Lobby. I used to avoid Chick-Fil-A, but then I became the parent and the facts that (a) it serves actual chicken and (b) the kid will actually eat said chicken suddenly trumped my moral objections.

        1. As Cat has explained, the edit feature clogs the back end and makes the page buggy and slow to load. Just move on. No need to make these minor corrections!

      2. I will never buy anything from Ivanka Trump or Hobby Lobby, but tbh I didn’t before their awfulness was exposed, either.

        I don’t use Uber because I don’t really like the concept compared to a regular cab. I *do* shop at Amazon all the time, because I think the labor practices thing is a bit overblown and because it is so d@mn convenient and I need that simplicity in my life right now.

      2. I should have been clearer: I won’t even *step foot inside* either one of these stores. I’ve waited in the car while my dad goes in, and he just rolls his eyes. They just make me so angry, for all the reasons stated by a poster or two below.

    7. I boycott Walmart, and always have, even though it’s very difficult where I live. Don’t like their labor practices or the fact that they undercut prices to create monopolies.
      As a side note, Modcloth was recently bought out by Walmart. So no more modcloth for me either

      1. I also refuse to shop at Walmart. In addition to your points, our tax dollars subsidize tax breaks for the company along with state and federal benefits for low paid employees. I don’t see why my tax dollars should be going to one of the richest companies, and families in the world.

    8. still won’t do anything trump related. still won’t ride uber (i live in SF soo i just use lyft instead).

    9. I don’t know if this counts as a “boycott” (the likelihood of any economic influence on behavior is near zero; it’s a just a matter of values), but I try my hardest not to purchase cosmetics, toiletries, and cleaning products that have ingredients tested on animals.

      I have in the past tried to boycott clothing / shoe companies that exploit child labor (I boycotted Nike for years, for example), but there is a real information deficit and I just don’t know how to be consistent on this. Also, the overseas labor markets are messed up in so many other ways (abominable conditions, non-liveable wages), it seems hopeless to practice a logically consistent boycott. (Any ideas other than avoiding fast fashion?) Not to mention the practices are so widespread!

    10. I don’t buy from Lands End, Ivanka Trump/Trump anything, or Amazon (labor practices).

      A fun variation on this thread would be for people to recommend where they try to shop – my two are H&M Conscious line or Princess Awesome/Svanha for kids clothes and Costco for other stuff.

    11. I don’t officially boycott, but I find that often, I am not in the customer base for stores that I might consider boycotting. I prefer Target and Costco to Walmart and Sam’s Club. I don’t particularly like Ivanka Trump products and have never bought them. I don’t shop a lot at Land’s End, although I still like a few bathing suits I purchased from them before the Gloria Steinem thing. I do love Chic-Fil-A though, so there’s that.

      1. Yeah I don’t shop at Walmart because I’m rich, hobby lobby because I don’t craft, and chick fil a because we don’t have one.

        1. I definitely don’t craft. I suppose I’d choose Michael’s over Hobby Lobby if I needed to go to a craft store, but I’ve only been to Michael’s twice. So that “boycott” is not very effective.

      2. The only things I’d really consider boycotting are Trump and Uber, and Ivanka’s clothing line isn’t my style/preferred price and I don’t really use ride-sharing services to begin with (I take cabs very rarely and when I need one I’m more comfortable with a yellow cab that’s licensed by the government for safety reasons). I’m not enthusiastic about Walmart’s business practices, but not outraged enough to boycott it and I prefer Target anyway. I did refuse to let my daughter skate in the Central Park ice rink on our annual vacation to my in-laws in NYC when I learned it was owned by the Trump org.
        I love Chick-Fil-A and although I tried to cut back when I learned of the owners’ bigoted beliefs, I haven’t been able to go cold turkey because it’s too dang good. I don’t go there very often, but probably more for health reasons more than political ones.

      3. Yeah I always wonder how many people “boycotting” either didn’t shop there to begin with, or have other options that are only mildly inconvenient.

        Not to pick on other people upthread, but not shopping at Walmart probably is a lot easier when it’s not another 30 miles to the next-closest big box store. And when half your town works there, you’re pretty aware that while Walmart has its problems, it’s also paying someone you love’s paycheck this week.

        I question the efficacy of boycotts and the cynical side of me thinks it’s just a way for rich people to feel better and talk a good game to their friends but not actually change anything – the equivalent of clicking “like” on a FB page for Syria.

        1. When you do live in a place with nothing but Walmart for 50 miles in any direction, the real Catch-22 is that boycotting Walmart basically forces you into the arms of Amazon. Still haven’t figured out quite what to do about that. I have to buy household goods somewhere…

          1. I live in rural America and face this issue, too.

            I’ve been able to work around it decently in my situation because another option is usually available in the town where I work (before it was about 25 miles from my town, with the new job it’s 25-30, depending on what end of town).

            I’m lucky that I have the time and resources (and geographical ability) to deal with adding a Costco or Target run at the end of the work day. I realize that the issue is much more nuanced for a lot of people in rural America.

    12. Walmart – basically forever.

      Hobby Lobby – since the ACA Court case.

      Numerous local restaurants that have been found to violate of the FLSA (if you don’t pay your workers I don’t pay you).

      Yuengling – since shortly before the 2016 Presidential election.

    13. Yes, several that I used to shop at/buy. Chik fil a, Hobby Lobby, anything owned by a Trump, Papa Johns, Uber, Walmart (unless I’m really in a pinch)

    14. Uber/Lyft bc I don’t want to drive can companies out of business. Amazon bc I don’t want another retail store to close. None for political reasons though I’ve never bought Ivanka clothing or stayed in a Trump hotel due to lack of interest. Could not possibly care less about gay rights so I’m fine with CFA, Hobby Lobby, bakeries that’ll only provide cakes for man-woman weddings etc.

      1. Could not possibly care less about gay rights? That’s lovely. Just wonderful. You seem like a peach.

        1. Yeah, wow. I can’t believe that you said that you “could not possibly care less” about thousands of people’s lives. I hope you do some self-reflection to figure out why you’re okay with expressing such casual hatred for and disrespect of other human beings.

          1. I don’t hate gays – I just don’t care enough to lobby for them or change my consumer behaviors. I don’t have any gay friends – nor am I seeking out any given my lack of comfort re their lives – so I’m not personally connected the same way you may not connect to the plight of sub Saharan Africans or Icelanders or whatever. Doesn’t mean I hate them.

          2. Lol what on earth is “the plight of Icelanders”? That country has better healthcare, education, equality, etc. than the vast majority of developed nations including the US. And it’s absolutely beautiful. I’d move there in a heartbeat if it weren’t so far from aging parents and in-laws.

          3. I feel really sorry for you. You’re trapped in a prison inside your own mind, and don’t even realize it. I hope you leave this community and never come back, because we really don’t need people like you here. Maybe start hanging out on Reddit TheDonald or something, those people seem to be more your type.

          4. I’m almost as disgusted at a false equivalency between the issues of Iceland and Sub-Saharan Africa. Wow.

        3. I know you’re giving random examples, but:

          1) What’s the plight of Icelanders, pray tell? Their better-than-American lifestyles, their considering healthcare a right and all?
          2) Quickly! Name 5 Sub-Saharan countries in plight, now, without doing any external research.

          Facepalm.

          1. No idea bc I’m not connected with them and don’t particularly care personally re Iceland or Africa – same as the gays.

      2. Well, the Hobby Lobby case was more about employers being able to cut off insurance coverage for birth control based on owner’s religious beliefs. So…not gay rights….

      3. Aren’t you charming.

        While the Hobby Lobby ruling is another arrow in the anti-gay mob’s quiver, please be aware that that ruling primarily relates to women’s healthcare and the ability of your employer to impose its “religious beliefs” upon you. Obviously. But I guess I’m not surprised that someone who couldn’t care less about other people’s human rights would post a simple-minded comment on the subject.

      4. Not wanting to drive cab companies out of business is a pretty dumb reason, but I guess so is the rest of your reasoning here.

        1. I don’t think it’s a dumb reason at all. With respect to cab companies that is. I purposefully take yellow cabs over Uber and similar companies in NY. I feel more comfortable in a yellow cab for many reasons. Cabbies have really suffered as a result of these companies. You can be okay with that but I can see why someone would want to support them.

        2. No it isn’t a dumb reason. Just because you disagree doesn’t make it dumb.

        3. My reasoning is that cab companies need to get with the times. If they had apps where you could hail cabs, then fine, I’d use them. But they don’t and when I call for a cab, one doesn’t always show up.

    15. Everything? I have really high ethical standards. I only buy slow fashion. Get all veggies, starches, and pulses from local sources (and freeze/can for winter). Local wine and all soap/shampoo/detergent etc. Its a really good way to live but I know it isnt for everyone. This basically means no Walmart/fast food/fast fashion. I am very much a crazy hippy disguised in a suit. (I also live in a small apartment and make not a lot of money, because someone always says that my lifestyle must be expensive or space intensive)

      1. I think this is great, but I am amazed that you found a slow-fashion suit on a not-a-lot-of-money budget. Say more!

        1. I’m “sample size” so twice a year the nearest fashion hub to me does warehouse clearances. I also do a fair bit of consignment and making my own garments

          1. Thanks for following up. I feel like I would be more at peace if I lived my values to a greater extent.

          2. Do it! I’d be glad to answer any questions you have about sourcing products. It really brings me a lot of peace knowing I’m doing everything I can.

      2. Standing ovation! I lack the time to sew my own clothes but dream about it given what’s often available in my taste & price preferences.

        I do what I can to avoid fragrances (family allergies), animal testing, and some but not all animal products. I recycle as much as possible without making myself crazy. We also live in multi-unit housing which is not ideal but gives a smaller carbon footprint. I don’t exclusively do local or handmade (by myself or others). I support my local independent bookseller. Life is what’s possible.

    17. -Hobby Lobby. The whole “we unapologetically imported looted antiques from Iraq” thing is just one more reason in a list of about a thousand reasons why I won’t shop there.

      – I generally avoid Wal-Mart but will confess to buying underwear there during an emergency situation while on vacation a few years ago.

      – I don’t eat a Chick-fil-A or shop at Urban Outfitters/Anthropologie because of the repugnant politics of their C-suite executives.

      Places I will buy from because I love (most of) their ethics:
      REI
      Patagonia
      Warby Parker
      TOMS
      Costco
      Target

      1. Oh, and I won’t use Uber. I don’t really have a need for a ridesharing service most of the time, but when I do need one I use Lyft.

  14. Where should I start with watching Star Trek? A particular tv series? Some of the movies?

    1. Next Generation. Because Patrick Stewart is amazing. The 1st (or maybe it’s 1st and 2nd?) episode is weird though.

      1. Man, the first SEASON is weird! But I still second The Next Generation.

        Personally I did TNG, DS9, then TOS, and have seen some TNG movies along the way (and some of the new ones, too). I tried Voyager and hated it after 3 episodes. Not sure if it gets better.

        1. Liked Next Generation, loved Voyager, hated DS9, and can barely tolerate the original. So … you can expect to have your own response — I’d start sampling and see which series sticks for you.

    2. Depending on how into sci-fi you are generally, I’d say Voyager – its a little less stiff than Next Gen (which I adore, I just think its harder to get into) and has some amazing characters, including a female captain lead.

      1. +1. If you’ve never seen any, start with Voyager, then do DS9, then TNG. (which is backwards, chronologically). Then, you can move to TOS if you want (I never have) and the movies.

        The old movies (1-6?) take place after TOS and before TNG, then the next 4 are TNG based. The newest movies use TOS characters, but are outside of the timeline of the TV series.

        1. Though, the TOS characters make cameos in the TNG, and there’s at least one DS9 and Voyager episode that involve TOS/Movie references. Its not a dealbreaker if you haven’t seen/know of the previous episodes/material, but it helps.

        2. For what it’s worth, I grew up watching TNG. Season 3 is where it gets good, but I’d still recommend watching from the beginning (as painful as it is).

          1. Yes, season 3 is definitely where it gets good. I would advise starting with TNG season 3, then going back and watching seasons 1-2, then DS9, then Voyager, then TOS if you can stand it. There were some things I liked about Voyager but I found parts of it pretty hokey, especially the aliens who were always trying to steal the crew’s body parts. DS9 started off strong but then got silly towards the end too. I always thought TNG was the smartest of the series–many of the episodes deal with real-life social issues the way TOS did, but without the ridiculous campiness.

            What do people think of Enterprise? I haven’t even seen it.

          2. Also, I can’t stand any of the movies except for IV and VI, and I only sort of like VI. You will only like IV if you can deal with the total 80’s-ness of it all.

          3. I didn’t like Enterprise. I tried, because I love Trek, but it didn’t seem fresh and new and whatever. It felt stale and boring and it was back to mostly white dudes at the forefront.

            Also, I hated the theme song. A lot.

          4. I always get to S3(? the one where they change the instrumentation on the theme song, but not the actual words) of Enterprise and never get back to it…It’s this whole time-travel/alternate timeline thing that just gets annoying. And I usually get fed up with Scott Bakula’s line delivery by then.

            I totally sing along with the theme song everytime I hear it, though :)

    4. I love the Original Series, but it can definitely, at times, be a little, uh, campy. It’s fun and has some really outstanding episodes, but you have to be prepared for that cheesy, bright, 60’s style. That said, it depends on how much you enjoy sci-fi.

      If you’re not into the nitty-gritty, BSG-type stuff, I think the Next Generation is a good place to start. While TNG will seem dated now,the stories I think more or less still resonate. It really gets good from about the 3rd season on, but don’t skip the pilot. It’s not really exciting, but you get introduced to all the characters, including a recurring one who is important later-on.

      If darker, edgier, more serialized is your style, try Deep Space Nine. TOS might be my favorite, but DS9 is definitely the best of Trek. It gets ambiguous and political, but still has fun. There are TNG characters that show up, but I don’t think you really need to have seen TNG to appreciate DS9. There’s less of the exploration and boldy going stuff; it focuses on life aboard a space station.

      I wouldn’t start with Voyager. Once you get a good idea about the Star Trek universe, then check it out. It’s about being lost in space, so it’s very different from the others in that sense.

      I’ll stop rambling. I love Star Trek, so happy watching!

    7. I am a completionist but couldn’t bring myself to watch all of TOS after starting the first episode and cringing the entire way through. I compromised and watched the “recommended” TOS episodes per multiple blogs, which gave me enough of the great source material (Trouble with Tribbles, etc) to understand everything that was going on in TNG.

      TNG is the best. DS9 is what I grew up on, though. Agree with Cookbooks that it’s the best, although Jean-Luc will always be the best captain and will always have my heart.

  16. I’m really totally unfocused at work today so just giving up… Can someone explain to me why pineapple prints are so f’ing popular this summer? I swear every single retailer has at least one pineapple item. I’ve seen cherry prints come and go, the occasional lemon here and there, but this sort of ubiquity is unprecedented!

    Other topics of discussion:

    – what do y’all think of Magnum P.I. shirts being back in for men?

    – at what age are “fun prints” no longer appropriate? I’m mid-thirties and recently noticed that I feel a bit twee in some of my larger polka dots and other “fun” prints like my button down with tiny abstract cats. But then Reese Witherspoon looks totally great in them? Is it just more her style than mine?

    – has the election/state of the world changed the way you dress? Seems like a frivolous question but I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately. I feel like the Obama years trended very 50s’ + 60s’ nostalgia but now the mood is decidedly more anti-establishment? Maybe it no longer feels appropriate to play dress up in super feminine clothes when it feels like women’s rights are actually regressing?

    1. I don’t have good answers to your questions, but I am totally kicking myself for not jumping on this amazing vintage toucan print skirt that my local high-end consignment store put up on Etsy the other night. UGH, it’s amazing.

      I have noticed that I have been shying away from my polka-dots, but I am not sure why TBH. Could be the twee factor subconsciously affecting my decisions?

      I do wear the hell out of my kelly green and navy horse print sheer blouse, my sleeveless teal, white, and hot pink parrot print shell, and a very loud floral print blouse though! I also bought that kiss/xoxo shirt that CapHillStyle featured around Valentine’s day and I wear it occasionally on date night to torture my bf because he hates it. He may hate it with good reason, I mean it is a kiss and xoxo shirt, but I love it for all of it’s ridiculousness.

    2. Magnum PI shirts are in??? Like, Hawaiian print button-downs? These have always been in for the older generation, right, or am I off?

      Prints – I have a few “whimsical” prints but they are subtle. I did give up florals because I do feel really twee, and honestly they never looked right on me.

      You may be on to something; maybe others will weigh in. Melania is very pretty but I haven’t been obsessed with her outfits the way I was with Michelle (and am with Kate M.)

      1. Totally in! Look at JCrew, Bonobos, Old Navy… Everyone’s doing it, including in pineapple!

        And vis a vis Melania, even she is doing a lot of military looks. It feels more of the moment. Not entirely my own theory, someone recently wrote an article about how one of the reasons JCrew might be failing, beyond the quality issues, is that its hyper-preppie aesthetic just feels tone deaf somehow, which got me thinking about my own post election wardrobe feelings.

    3. If you feel you’ve outgrown something, you’ve outgrown it. I probably wouldn’t judge someone in her mid 30’s for wearing a “fun” print, but it may depend on context – where she wears it, what she wears it with, and how she acts in it (maybe).

      I’m 28, not feeling prints these days, except maybe polka dots, but who knows, maybe in two years I’ll be dying for a cherry print dress!

    4. To your last question, yes. Definitely opting for more pant suits and in general, less “feminine” clothes. Although, I don’t like that “feminine” reads less powerful, I’m in a F-the-patriarchy mood

      1. You know, I didn’t even make the connection but I’ve definitely been wearing pants more in the last six months than ever before.

      2. That is such an interesting notion to me…because the fewer f*cks I give about the patriarchy, the more overtly femme my style seems to become. Like I just wear what I like and do not worry about what “the man” might think.

        Big poufy skirt and extra high heels to just sit in my office? Absolutely.

        1. This has been me. I am wearing pants for the second time this year today, and it was because I just didn’t plan ahead (dress I wanted to wear was at the cleaner, had a ridiculous morning, so I’m wearing black pants and a top).

          I like the way I feel in dresses. I think they’re more comfortable. I think I look better in them (me personally, not women in general). So I’m gonna do what I want and not care about what the “right” thing to wear is.

          1. I friggin’ love dresses, and cute skirt/plain t-shirt combos. I wear them to work, I wear them on dates, I wear them to run errands, I wear them around the apartment when I clean. Pants are a pain in the bum to shop for.

        2. Me too. I thought this was a function of getting older, though, but maybe there is an eff the patriarchy element to it too. I don’t do frilly or poofy, but I am done with dress pants, suits of all varieties, and anything with a collar. I look best in sheath dresses and they make me feel like a bad@$$, so that’s what I’m wearing.

    5. Interesting. I always thought the 50s-60s trend was a result of the popularity of Mad Men. I never related it to the Obama years.

      1. That’s kinda what I was thinking, since that’s definitely one of the reasons why I got into mid-Century stuff. Well, that and the game Bioshock, but I think my love of the former fueled my love for the latter, since the aesthetics in that game didn’t appeal to me that much when I first played it.

        But I just ordered a super awesome navy pencil dress from Unique Vintage that I CANNOT wait to wear to work, because it’s retro but also classy and professional, which is not an easy balance to strike.

      2. I think there’s probably overlap. But you have to also ask yourself why did Mad Men resonate with so many people when it did? Would it have been as popular if it premiered in 2001? Fashion is reactionary. I’d say right now all that 50s/60s stuff feels stale and what feels fresh is a more 70s counterculture vibe along with some 90s minimalism and a touch of 80s power dressing. I get that talking about rehashed old trends as being “fresh” is sort of silly, but there you go.

        I also think sometimes you just want something different. Skinny jeans followed bootlegs and are now followed by “mom” jeans … I’ve always tended to prefer skirts because I find good pants harder to find but lately I’ve been wearing more pants, though who knows if I’m just sick of skirts or it’s something deeper.

      3. Agree. There was Mad Men and also a general mid century modern design thing going on. I don’t see a connection to the Obamas.

    6. I’m 34 and currently wearing a dress with horses all over it. No regrets. Link to follow.

  17. Has anyone used trim (dot) com before? I saw it recommended elsewhere as a site that will help cancel unwanted subscriptions, watch for price drops, and negotiate discounts, but I’m unfamiliar with it and would love some reviews if anyone has used it.

  18. What kind of mistakes are normal for a first year? What kind of mistakes did you make? Especially interested in those of you in smaller firms. I’m curious the amount of independence I’m given to try and fail (emphasis on FAIL) is normal/good….

    1. Need more information. What kind of latitude are you being given? I am six years out and a government attorney now, but started at a smallish firm (about 15 attorneys), and would be glad to let you know if what you’re experiencing is normal.

      1. Well, none of the more senior attorneys will really review my motions or pleadings. They say they do, but everything just gets rubber-stamped, and then I find out after the fact that (real examples) there was a counterclaim I was supposed to include but didn’t because I had no idea, or there was an affidavit I was supposed to include but didn’t because I had no idea, or I was supposed to include X exhibit and I didn’t… I learn, but always from my opposing counsel and judges pointing out my mistakes when it’s too late. Not from my bosses.

        1. I think those are totally normal mistakes to make as a first year, but honestly it sounds like you aren’t getting the support you need internally. Not bringing a counterclaim is a big deal. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad at all – I’m saying it because it’s a red flag to me that your bosses missed it. I’ve been out of law school for 4 years and work at a small firm and the partners still review almost everything of substance that leaves the office.

        2. Honestly, these are pretty big mistakes that are understandable for a first year attorney, but you need more supervision. You say you’re in a small firm, but is there anyone less senior that you can check in with before filing? I did that as a first year, and as a mid-level, I answered the first-years’ questions.

          1. I absolutely need more supervision. I posted a few weeks ago about my situation, how its just partners and first year attorneys, and everyone who responded told me to find a new job ASAP. I am heeding the advice, and searching. In the meantime, this is horrible.

          2. Agreed with the above posters. These are normal mistakes, but your firm is not managing you appropriately.

            I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this.

        3. I am part of a small law firm and was given too much autonomy in my first few years. Makes for great experience/ learning the law fast, but I understand your frustration. Luckily, I had a good friend who was at a similar situation in a different law firm. We would swap (to be publicly filed) motions and give each other feedback and also share the mistakes/ what we learned along the way. Helped me see what was normal mistakes. Not ideal to be “co-mentored” by another associate, but really, finding another job is going to be a long-term solution and not immediate. I also went through the law firm’s old files and found similar motions done by the partners to see examples and found a mentor outside the firm for my general sanity. This mentor didn’t review my motions, etc but was a solid source of general client management advice, etc. She was also in the public sector in an area of law that I would never be a part of.

    2. +1 yes please would love to hear how to better cope moving through first year life. I am still writing pleadings/letters/etc for my boss’ signature and I am capital-S Struggling to get down the tone and diction that he wants.

      not a mind reader.

      1. TBH I would feel much better submitting things with my boss’ signature. I am using my own and it’s very uncomfortable bc I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m not confident in my work product at all!

      2. Spend time looking through old files to read the partner’s voice. Also, accept that some partners will never like someone else’s work and will always have comments and corrections, no matter what.

    3. My first year, around a holiday time when every partner was out, I received an e-mail request to file something with the court. I proofed and printed everything, then asked a paralegal to file it. Checked back in later – did this get filed? Yes? Good.

      Two weeks later the partner finds out that *nothing* was filed and comes into my office screaming. Turns out the paralegal thought I meant ‘file’ in the paper file folder in the back, not file with the Court.

      Not to scare you, I never quite recovered from that and left for a new job about a year later.

      1. This kind of situation was literally my worst nightmare at the firm I was at my first year. I was also not managed well, and ended up doing a lot of CYA stuff that I shouldn’t have had to do because of that, but that has made me a better lawyer since.

      2. OMG. As a new attorney, I was once left with instructions to get something filed that needed to be filed in hard copy with the court. Gave it to the messenger to be delivered (with plenty of time) and left for the day without thinking much more about it. Showed up at work the next morning with the documents all sitting on my chair because the messenger somehow got to court late and they had locked the doors. He hadn’t thought to call or say anything to anyone so I didn’t find out until I was greeted in the morning by the documents that were supposed to be filed. I nearly burst into tears. It ended up being fine, but I was beyond horrified.

    4. I was a horrible first year and made every mistake you could think of. Including citing to an overturned case in a major brief that was filed. Thank god I didn’t get fired, because I’m a stellar senior associate. Shrug.

      1. This is super late, but as a senior attorney, my recommendation is that you never leave the office without confirmation that anything critical has been filed. Messengers routinely run into issues, especially with some state court clerks.

  19. I noticed in an earlier thread the mention of Ask a Clean Person, which I’d never heard of. Googled and realized it’s a podcast that I would probably enjoy… are there other great podcasts out there that you love? I’m typically interested in politics/current events so I have a few I like in that space, along with the Ellevate podcast. Other suggestions from the hive?

    2. Freakanomics is my favorite. Based on your interests, I might also suggest Planet Money. Not current events or politics, but the Sporkful, Being, Women of the Hour, and Stuff You Missed in History Class are also fun.

  20. Wondering what others have as their seemingly-silly dealbreakers…

    For example, I’ll never date anyone with the same 1st name as my deadbeat father, I once dated a guy who lived in specific type/print of shirts and he was horrible to me, which is likely why I find myself swiping left when I see a photo of a dude in a similar shirt, and I can’t bear to swipe right on a guy with a stupidly spelled first name (sorry Johnothon, Corriey, and Jaxper).

    1. So Aziz Ansarri talks about this in connection with his relationship book, I think. But basically one of the reasons it’s so much harder to date online even though it would seemingly be easier is that we write people off very quickly for things like having a stupidly spelled name whereas if you met the same Johnathon in a bar, you might get to know him, like him, and then go out with him in spite of the name because a connection has already been established.

      My dumb deal breakers would be fake tans and bad mixed drinks. Also I don’t think I could be with someone who liked their meat well done or wore sports jerseys or referred to women as “females.”

      1. Referring to women as “females” and a poverty-porn picture of a smiling white dude surrounded by children of color from his super-meaningful, life-changing week in Africa/Latin America/etc were my two fastest online dating dealbreakers.

      2. anyone referring to women as females has been listening to too many Ferengi episodes of Star Trek. (Hu-man!)

    2. What’s the issue with females? I never say it or hear anyone say it so I’m curious what the connotation is.

      1. Isn’t this a military thing? Military women aren’t women, they’re females.

        1. It’s not a military thing, it’s an MRA-type thing. It’s dehumanizing. (Not to mention grammatically incorrect — it’s not a noun.)

        2. Yes, it is definitely a military thing. My careeer-Army feminist brother refers to women as females.

          1. As a female military veteran, I can vouch for this. I have a vivid memory of my marching technique being corrected with, “cup your d@mn hands, female!” in basic training. But it persists out of boot camp. My biggest pet peeves was that people felt it necessary to say “female soldier/sailor/airman/marine” but would just refer to males as whatever the service form of address was.

            I don’t think individuals do it to be intentionally demeaning, but it’s a military culture thing they’ve picked up that has that effect.

      2. It’s dehumanizing. We have a word for female human. It is “woman.” “Female” is a description, not a human centric noun. I usually hear it in ways I find demeaning and find it repugnant.

      3. Almost every person that I’ve heard refer to women as “females” has also said or implied some pretty regressive things about women. “Females always do well in a divorce”… “I told my son, ‘you have to watch what you say around females or they’ll sue you'” … “females are so emotional” … “females are crazy!” I’ve heard women use it too but, again, always in way that was off putting.

      4. Is it ok to use it as an adjective, e.g., “this scholarship is open to female students”?
        “Women students” sounds wrong to me, and just saying “women” omits the information that they must also be students.

    3. Likes vacationing in the carribean. I hate sand. I hate sun. I hate hot weather. I hate all inclusive resorts. Silly maybe but just not for me!

    4. Teetotaler, and not into food/fussy eater. Not into LGPs. Not into the outdoors/willing to try to like it. All of which, incidentally, describe my ex…

      On the other side of this, going out for drinks and awesome food is a solid 50% of my delightful relationship. We’re currently planning a food vacation to Oaxaca just to eat everything. Sometimes sharing a hobby really is a foundational part of a relationship.

      2. The last guy I dated was such a picky eater and there were so many places I wanted to go to but stopped suggesting, because he was just no fun to eat with. That was not the reason we broke up, and honestly I’ve always been a little picky, but this was a whole new level. There is almost nothing that turns me off faster than watching a grown man pick basil off his pizza because “he doesn’t like vegetables.” I am definitely adding that to the list of things that matter (but I didn’t think did).

        1. My best friend briefly dated a guy who only ordered fried chicken… chicken tenders, chicken parmesan, general’s chicken, chicken tempura. Also, his all-time favorite restaurant was Bennigan’s.

          1. On our second date, he called me “adventurous” for ordering mussels at a French restaurant. I should have taken that as a sign…

          2. I know a grown man who only eats chicken fingers, French fries cheese pizza, plain pasta (butter only, no sauce) and grilled cheese sandwiches. He won’t even eat equally plain variations on those things like chicken parmesan or baked potatoes. He is married and his wife caters to those insane demands! I would never.

          3. That kind of pickiness/kid-style eating was a hard no for me, when I was dating. Weirdly-spelled name, okay. Questionable fashion taste, I’ll give it a shot. Picky eater, NOPE. The door’s over there, buddy. Life’s too short.

            Deal breakers for me:
            -Living with parents after age 30 with no real reason given (layoff, divorce, sick parent needing care) and no real plans to change the situation.
            – Filthy (please understand: not just messy or disorganized, but actually filthy) apartment/house or car. If you don’t know how to keep things clean by age 30, you’re not going to learn that on my time. Also, I have a theory that guys like that get so used to living in filth that it’s hard for them to come back from it.
            – Getting sh-tfaced drunk within the first three dates. Especially if he gets drunk on each of the first three dates. Pal, you don’t need a girlfriend, you need AA.
            – Guys that have season tickets for three different sports teams and are very invested in the satellite packages they have for watching sports. I don’t like sports, so someone like that and me are not going to be a good match.

        1. There are tons! I’ve dated a couple. Or, they enjoy what they get out of it but not contributing anything to their partner’s enjoyment.

    5. I refused to date anyone who wore those bowling striped shirts (the kind with two stripes down the front). I have an irrational hatred of them. Also, people who talk about drama. I remember talking to one guy who was telling me that he was going on a cruise with some friends and he expected there to be a lot of drama because “you know how it is.” No thanks.

    6. Show offs/guys who feel I ought to be impressed by their money. So online they post pics w them standing in front of their BMW. IRL they talk about said BMW. Also guys who are judgmental from the start/counting others’ money – ie the type that says so-and-so doesn’t make much; how well can they be doing, they still rent etc.

    7. Any comment, action, or body language hinting that the guy is a manchild:

      “I like a having a girlfriend because then I don’t have to worry about laundry.”
      “So how do you go about actually buying furniture? Do they deliver it or something?”
      “My dad had it so good…my mom stayed at home and did everything. I want that.”

      Yep, all true.

    8. Any kind of patronizing behavior in the first few messages. Was messaging with some self-proclaimed Silicon Valley hotshot on Tinder and I made some comment about his curling photo (which is what made me swipe right in the first place – curling looks hilarious!) and he said “wow, I’m impressed you know that it’s called curling”. Uh?

      1. Really?

        I think the vast vast majority of people don’t know what curling is.

        I have a random hobby like that, and the very rare times someone knows what it is I am truly impressed they know what it is called. I could have said that….

        1. +1. I said something just like this the other day to my coworker when he recognized my obscure hobby from a photo. I hope he didn’t think I was being patronizing. I was genuinely impressed! Very few people know my hobby (and it’s more mainstream than curling I think!).

      2. Eh I wouldn’t really call that patronizing. I think the majority of Americans don’t know what curling is and couldn’t identify it from a photo. This is a case where I’d assume best intentions unless there were other red flags.

      3. Ha, I guess that makes me Judgy McJudgerson then. And perhaps there was more to the tone of his messages that made them read patronizing to me. But I really thought everyone recognized curling!

        On a side note, trying curling needs to go on my bucket list for this winter.

        1. It is fun but *really* hard. The sliders make it so easy to lose your balance, even if you know how to skate well.

    9. When I was single, my “silly” deal breaker was taking me on a first date to a restaurant that didn’t have cloth napkins. If a man is into me, then he’ll want to impress me. At least on the first date…not to be confused with the first “meet up” for a drink/coffee, but the first real date. I didn’t want a man with lukewarm interest in me.

      1. Gahhhh this is so snobby and judgmental. I met my husband when he was making $20k in grad school and trying to pay off undergrad loans. I’d have felt awful if he took me to a cloth napkin restaurant because I knew he couldn’t afford it.
        I totally understand wanting a partner who puts effort into planning dates, but there are so many different ways to do that other than spending $$$. I think a super fancy restaurant for a second or third date is actually kind of a lazy way out for a guy who wants to impress a date with very little effort.
        And there is SO much amazing food (especially ethnic food) to be found at hole-in-the-wall places that aren’t fancy, fwiw. We can afford the fancy places now and still go to casual restaurants all the time because they have great food.

        1. This initial question was silly deal breakers right? Is it silly? Yes and I recognize that but it’s still my deal breaker. I’m in my 30s and date men in their late 30s-40s, we’re not broke college kids anymore. It’s time to level up.

          Also, you’re assuming that cloth napkins means 5 star, $40 apps restaurant. That’s a negative. There’s plenty of budget friendly restaurants (including ethnic ones) where I live in Miami. Relax.

    10. Only selfies in your profile. Not having anything written in your profile. Shirtless pics where you’re shirtless just for the sake of being shirtless.

    11. Don’t care how hot he is, if he has the (semi-common) same name as my abusive ex, it isn’t gonna happen. It would freak me out too much because there’s one nickname for his name and I have huge, stressful associations with that nickname- like, begging him to stop screaming or calm down or not hit me. I also won’t swipe right on someone who makes some judgey comment like “must care about being healthy” because its body shaming in a way I’m not okay with.

      1. That’s so funny because my adored and beloved husband has the same first name as my abusive ex. We refer to adored and beloved husband as Firstname and ex (on the rare occasions when we refer to him) as Mr. Lastname.

        I tell myself it’s like those stories of twins who were separated at birth and met up again as adults and they were both married to women named Betty Marie and had dogs named Spike and were both firefighters: I was destined to be with a man with that name but I missed the mark on the first try!

  21. Any Berlin ladies here?
    I’m going to be moving there soon (from San Francisco area) for husband’s job and looking for tips and advice on moving internationally, looking for a job as a non-german speaker, childcare etc

  22. Someone who is really into watching sports on TV. I love playing sports. Sitting around for hours watching other people being active on TV though…

    1. Yes, I don’t understand watching other people play sports over. Sure a game or two a year is fine, but who needs to watch like 200 baseball games a year? I’m so glad my husband isn’t into that.

      1. My mom adores baseball, and easily watches that many. My dad watches most of them with her. No, you don’t need to be into it, but that doesn’t mean that someone else is lesser because they enjoy it.

      2. I’m not into sports at all but I’m a huge introvert who needs a lot of time to myself for reading, watching TV, etc. I’ve always been really compatible with guys who watch a lot of sports or play a lot of video games, because it gives me the time to myself I need. If they’re being obnoxious and yelling at the TV that’s different but most guys I’ve dated watch pretty quietly.

    2. To each there own, but do you listen to music? I think it’s the same thing. I enjoy watching other people play sports because I appreciate the skill, the art, the talent. It is the same reason I enjoy reading other people’s writing or listening to other people’s music.

  23. Help for a corporette newbie, please! I’m a soon-to-be first year law student, coming from ten years in the academic world. This week there is a mixer hosted by an alum of my law school who is a Big Law partner. Invitation said business attire. Does this mean strictly suits? Or are suiting separates (tailored suiting slacks, blouse, blazer) acceptable? Thanks!

    1. Wear a suit. If you don’t have one, this is a good reason to buy one because you’ll need it anyway.

      1. I do have several suits, all with skirts. My legs are pretty bruised up from moving furniture (and lacking basic coordination) and I’m kind of self conscious about how it looks. I’d be more comfortable in pants until the bruising clears up, but not if it’s really taboo.

  24. One vote for suit and one for separates… hopefully some more voices will chime in. Thanks!

      1. Thanks! Should I just embrace my super bruised legs? I’m in south Florida, so opaque tights in July are pretty much out of the question.

        1. Got an email today about directions, parking, etc — and noted that attire is Biz Cazh, not Biz as the original invite said. Crisis averted, pants it is.

          Thanks all for chiming in.

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