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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 311 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Boss Henryke Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Black Belted Dress: BOSS Henryke DressOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Oooh: love this dress (which also comes in a light green over at the Boss website). The mesh insets on the skirt are what caught my eye first — I'm such a sucker for that look — but I love the casual draping at the waist, the sleeves, and the simple neckline. The dress is $445, available in sizes 0-14. Boss Henryke Dress Here's a lower-priced alternative and a plus-size option. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Commuting boots

    Hi y’all. Any recommendations for commuting boots? I wear ankle pants even in the winter, so I’m looking for a high ankle boot to cover the hem of my pants. I live in Toronto, so I need some tread to deal with ice and snow. As always, the less fugly the better. Thanks!

      • Anonymous

        I have 2 pair of the sorel boots that have a wedge — which allows them to work with longer pants as well. They are super comfy; I can walk in them all day. they are sorels, so they have good tread, though not as great as the traditional flat ones.

      • Mpls

        +1 to Sorel. The Major and Toronto boots have multiple styles without the clomp-y duck boot sole. The Torontos run pretty narrow – I have the Toronto lace-ups in black and I actually just wear them all day (boy, they are warm!), but I also have a pretty casual office. Don’t know about the fit on the Majors.

      • emeralds

        I need some new winter commuting boots because my Sorel knockoffs from two years ago are dying, so I looked at Sorel’s website–FYI they have a lot on sale right now! Will probably pull the trigger on a pair today.

  2. Booties

    LA Canadienne. Scour the sales now. Warm, waterproof, excellent quality, comfortable. I need to wear them all day and they are as work appropriate as snow worthy booties can get.

  3. Anonymous

    I’m going to NYC for fun this weekend and it’s supposed to snow! Would Hunters with warm socks work for traipsing around? I am from the south, so that’s the best I’ve got.

    • lsw

      I recommend SmartWool socks. They keep my feet warmest and wick away any sweat you might get from walking a lot (which then turns freezing after you stop walking).

    • NYNY

      Right now, they’re saying 5-8 inches of snow on Saturday. (Of course last year, there was the *Snowpocalypse* which never happened, so that could be an overstatement.) You may want to stop by a DSW before you come for some real snowboots.

    • Cat

      Yep, and a +1 to lsw’s suggestion for specific socks. I use my Hunters as my snow boots with this approach too — because the biggest threat is icy puddles-of-unknown-depth at the corners, more so than needing to tromp through snow.

    • KP

      It will work fine. It won’t be ideal, but I doubt you want to spend $100 for some good winter boots you are only going to wear for the weekend. Buy the thickest Smartwool socks you can find! All the walking around will help warm you up anyhow.

    • Anonymous

      Yup, lots of people wear Hunters in the snow, with the fleece liners. I wouldn’t bother buying them though – warm socks should be perfectly fine. I would bring other, more comfortable boots that you spray first, in case the snow doesn’t pan out. Hunters are not very comfortable.

      • Anonymous

        I live in Chicago and wear my hunters with the fleece liners most of the time.

    • Anon

      Yes. I pair my Le Chameau rain boots with SmartWool PhD Snowboard socks and that keeps me warm and dry.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      To add to the sock recommendations, I wear Uniqlo’s Heat Tech wool socks and have found them to be as warm as, if not warmer than, my SmartWool socks, at a lower price.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Also, if you do decide you need snow boots, I’ve found Totes (you can get them online at all the usual places, at Sears, and at Kohls) to be very waterproof and relatively warm for the price point (you can usually find them for under $50). I’d still pair them with warm wool socks, but my Totes + Heat Tech socks combo has been keeping me warm and dry for a couple of winters now, and I live in the Northeast.

    • Bonnie

      Be careful on ice though. Hunters don’t have the best grip but will keep you warm.

  4. Weird?

    I just started attending a meetup group for moms and I would like to invite 2-3 of them (and their kiddos) to my son’s first birthday next month. I’ve only met them once (maybe twice by the time of the party). Is this weird? FWIW, the party will be big with lots of activities for the kids (my big fat indian birthday!) and will be at my parents home (local).

    • Weird?

      Meant to post on he moms’ site!

      But will take responses if you have them :)

      • Cb

        Not a mom but I think that’s a nice idea! I had a party a few years back and was pretty generous with my guest list – it was open house, very casual and I think people appreciated the opportunity to meet new people.

    • moss

      I don’t think that’s weird at all and have done something similar. Met a mom, she was cool, invited her children to my son’s birthday party, no issues.

    • Anon

      I met most of my current friends from a 20-somethings meetup group (some of us are now in our 30’s). What I found is that a lot of moving the friendship forward with these groups is someone taking a big leap and planning a dinner, inviting people to a show/party, whatever. So is it weird? Probably a little, but it’s also probably a “good” weird. Making new friends can be awkward, but it often pays off.

    • Idea

      For my son’s 1st birthday I called it “invite everyone we know because WE (I) freaking got through this year!”
      DEFINITELY invite!
      Congrats!

      • anon prof

        We called the 1st birthday “Parent Survival Day” because we were celebrating us surviving the first year.

  5. Anonymous

    Hunters are not at all warm. Maybe with thick socks, but if you’ll be out and about all day (and not just walking from a taxi/uber into a hotel) I’d personally buy a pair of proper winter boots. Something waterproof, since as Cat noted, you may need to step into “puddles of uncertainty.”

  6. Anonymous

    Skincare advice, please.

    I’m in my late 20s and it seems like my skin has just been getting worse. I’m breaking out on my chin and forehead often, and cheeks occasionally, which never even happened in my teens. Based on timing, I suspect hormones have something to do with it. I’ve tried to take more care with OTC products including better makeup removal and masks a couple times a week, but no real improvement.

    I was thinking I should go to a dermatologist for this plus a mole check, but I don’t have any I’d go about that. Is this a thing dermatologists treat? How do I find a basic dermatologist? Does anyone have a recommendation for someone in DC? Thanks!

    • KT

      Yes, this is absolutely something a dermatologist will treat. I had beautiful skin until I turned 25, then BOOM, cystic acne all over my face and back. All the OTC products in the world couldn’t help.

      I went to a dermatologist and he got me on products with prescription-strength RetinaA (and one injection at its worst, I forget what that is), and my skin started clearing up within 3 days. Now I occasionally got 1 or 2 small zits, but for the most part my skin is smooth and clear.

      I just searched for “Top Docs of [enter city here”-most areas will do a roundup of the best doctors in the area.

    • Anon

      I go to a dermatologist every year exactly for this – to control my acne and for an annual skin/mole check. I asked around for references to find my dermatologist (sorry, I’m not in DC so can’t help with recommendations). There are prescription products they can give you to help control the acne that work a lot better than OTC stuff (my acne is also horrible at 29, and is often hormonal).

    • emeralds

      YES GO TO A DERMATOLOGIST. Can’t recommend this enough. I’d only ever been to one for a mole check, but my skin started flipping out over the summer. I never even had acne as a teenager and kept thinking it would clear up, then I started trying OTC stuff and made it worse, so I finally caved and went to a derm. I have a prescription-strength RetinA and a spot treatment, and I can’t even remember the last time my skin looked this good! I think my exact words on the phone to set up my appointment were “My skin is freaking out and I don’t know what to do about it,” lest you think there is some fancy lingo involved.

      • Anonymous

        Thank you all for the advice! I will definitely look into the doctors you mentioned and go ahead and make an appointment. I needed the push. It seems minor, but bugs me every time I look in a mirror.

    • Allison

      I support going to the dermatologist, but find someone who really takes the time to examine your skin and take into account your skin type and acne type, and gives you prescriptions tailored to them. Too many doctors just go “yup, that’s acne all right” and prescribe the same, random benzoyl peroxide cream they prescribe for everyone else. Especially if OTC stuff isn’t working, it may be because BP doesn’t actually work for you.

      Also, I’ve found that tea tree oil is amazing for treating breakouts. Once I’d been using prescriptions for a couple years and had gotten the acne more or less under control, I switched to tea tree oil products from The Body Shop and they worked pretty well for spot-treating the occasional zit.

      The important thing is not to over-treat. Don’t use masks and scrubs. If you’re using harsh creams, use a gentle cleanser and face lotion. Make sure you’re swapping out your face towels and pillow cases often, and keep your scarves and hats clean.

      • Anon

        I commented above about how I go to a dermatologist for the same issues you are having, and Allison made a really good point about finding a good one. I had to try 3 over the course of a couple years, because the first two kept trying to put me on Accutane, which I thought was overkill for my mild-to-moderate adult acne. They told me there were no other options, but my current dermatologist (who is actually a PA) was able to prescribe two prescription creams that worked great.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, seriously. Plus, you can get most of that benzoyl peroxide stuff OTC. You know what cured my acne, which years of dermatologist visits and two courses of Accutane did not? Birth control. If it’s an option for you to get on (or change) your pill, it can make your skin crystal clear from hormonal acne. The main benefit in my eyes from visiting a derm is getting Retin-A, which is great for anti-aging.

        • Anonymous

          Thanks! I’ll look into tea tree oil and benzoyl peroxide. I appreciate the warning about working to find the right dermatologist for my situation and not to just go overboard.

    • JEB

      I see Dr. Gonzales at Integrated Dermatology of 19th Street (Farragut Square area) – I highly recommend her!

    • JBB

      Highly recommend seeing a Derm. I put it off for years, with acne along jaw line getting worse into my mid-30’s. I was prescribed spironolactone for hormonal acne. I will sing its praises to anyone who’s willing to hear. What a difference in how I feel about my appearance. Go!

    • pugsnbourbon

      In a similar boat – I’ve dealt with moderate acne since I was 12, but at 29 it’s the worst it’s ever been. Going to my GP next week for a prescription and/or referral. I really shouldn’t have put it off as long as I did – so go!

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for the derm recommendation and the advice! Glad to hear from so many people to go ahead and just find a doctor.

  7. Anonymous

    Can someone please reassure me that a cold sore is not as horrifying as it seems? I’m in the first kith of my new job and just want to call in sick the rest of the week. I cried this morning and used Orajel but now I just need to suck it up and hope not everyone is noticing it as much as it feels like

      • Idea

        Oh, I thought this was either a foreign phrase or a phrase from a science-fiction novel I was supposed to know, like “kything” from the Madeleine L’Engle novels!

    • Cat

      oh I am sure it is way more noticeable to you, who knows it’s there, than it is to anyone else in your office. and if they DO notice, they will know what it is and that it happens to everyone occasionally!

      • Anonymous

        Thank you cat! I just needed a little pep talk- it’s hard meeting people for the first time when you feel like you have something to be self conscious about

    • Anonymous

      Why are you crying over a cold sore? Is there something I don’t know about them? Would you not think someone crying about a pimple was insane?

      • Anonymous

        It is very painful- not like I cried in front of anyone. But no I wouldn’t think they were insane if they were upset about a huge pimple that was on their face. It’s hard making a first impression like that.

      • JJ

        I got pink eye from my kids during third week of my current job. I get it. It’s stressful.

      • Allison

        Because it’s not a pimple, it’s oral herpes, and while you can get it many, many ways, it unfortunately carries a stigma.

        • Anonymous

          Does it really carry a stigma? What stigma? It’s just a virus that happens to have a visible presentation. Just like a pimple is a visible presentation of an infected/clogged hair duct/pore.

          • anon

            Yes, herpes really carries a stigma.* This is not news. But then again, a lot of people don’t connect the dots that cold sores are oral herpes and that oral herpes is herpes.

            PSA, people! about 50% of new herpes cases that present genitally are caused by HSV1, which is the virus that typically causes cold sores! You can give someone genital herpes when you have a cold sore.

            *It shouldn’t, but it does. The stigma is that you had s3x and that s3x is dirty and that you are dirty and that you’re promiscuous because you had s3x and because you got a “disease!1” from it. It’s BS.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t think it carries a stigma. The only people that probably think about cold sores are people who’ve had one and googled it, in which case no one is going to judge you for it.

          • Allison

            Back in college I was dating someone new, and at one point I told him I might be getting a cold sore and we probably shouldn’t kiss until we’re “safe,” and he had no idea what he was talking about so I explained that cold sores are caused by the herpes virus, and he absolutely freaked out. He was furious that I didn’t tell him at the start of things, that I’d put his health in jeopardy, and that I was stupid, reckless, selfish, immature. That relationship didn’t last.

      • padi

        There should be no stigma. Many people get oral Herpes from their parents as babies. For a long time, parents weren’t educated to avoid kissing their babies when they had a cold sore.

        Second, most, if not all, people have been exposed to the oral Herpes virus but about half of the population with oral Herpes will never have a cold sore. So if you’ve never had a cold sore, it doesn’t mean you haven’t been exposed to the virus.

    • Jennifer

      They are never as bad as you think they are! Plus, everyone who gets them understands that stress can be a trigger, so they won’t care.

      I have personally had a lot of luck taking Lysine to deal with cold sores, but it is usually most effective if you start at the first tingle rather than when it breaks the skin.

      • Anon0321

        Don’t get cold sores, but lysine works wonders for canker sores too, which I get regularly.

    • CHJ

      One thing that really helps is to ice it. It will reduce the swelling and redness quite a lot.

    • Scandia

      Hi Jennifer,
      I get it!. I have one rigth now and it hurts.
      But when I see other poeple with them, I really do not think very much about it.

    • Anonymous

      Abreva really really helps me – cuts healing down to 2-3 days from previously a week plus. They suck! I’m sorry!

  8. anon for this

    I am having trouble getting past a comment my boyfriend’s SIL made to him about me. She asked him what he was doing with “an overweight mother of 2” (both of those are true statements, but still hurtful in that context). He unsuccessfully tried keeping this from me, probably for the better because it opened up some important conversations. However it still is painful and I do not know if/how I should respond the next time I see her.

    • Bewitched

      I’m so sorry you learned of this hurtful remark. I don’t know how I would deal with it either, but the first thing that comes to mind is that you are not the sum total of your weight plus number of kids. I’m sure you bring many other attributes to the relationship….e.g. you are caring, you are thoughtful, you are a good friend, you have a good job, you are raising two beautiful children on your own, you have overcome adversity, you have a positive attitude etc etc. Not sure I’d say anything to S/I/L, but if it came up, I’d say some version of the above. Hugs and don’t let the haters get you down!

      • anon for this

        Thank you for this. These are the things I’m reminding myself when it hurts. I teach my girls that what’s on the inside is so much more important than what is on the outside on a daily basis- for some reason it’s not so easy to remember myself in this situation.

    • Cat

      ooh, that stings. And I totally get the desire to “let her know you know” and embarrass her for her comment. But I’d ask my BF to handle this — how did he respond when she made that comment? Tell her to STFU? If not, he needs to stick up for you to her, and if he didn’t, that’s a separate issue.

      • anon for this

        He did handle it well- sticking up for me on the spot and telling her that her opinion doesn’t matter when it comes to who and what makes him happy. I just don’t know how I’ll be able to handle myself around her in the future!

    • Sil.

      How in the world did this comment get back to you? If it was through your boyfriend, that is very concerning….

      What a b1tch. Some people are just…..

      • anon for this

        A family member I am close with thought he had told me and was apologizing for it happening / telling me not to worry that the rest of the family loved me etc. So I found out in quite an awkward way; but like I said it opened up some very meaningful conversation about our past preferences and future expectations.

        • Lyssa

          I’m sorry that that happened to you. From this, it sounds like the family knows what kind of person the SIL is, so I would take this under advisement (that she’s awful, but that doesn’t mean that they all are). Otherwise, it would be best to put it out of your mind – approach her with caution, no good can come from confronting her about it.

    • JJ

      Oh, that’s terrible. I would remind yourself that her comment tells you nothing about you, but tells you a lot about your BF’s SIL. Namely, that she is a judge-y person that doesn’t mind her own business. I wouldn’t address it with her because you’re just opening up a huge can of worms and I doubt it will do much good.

      • Blue ink pens

        +100

        The comment says a lot about SIL.

        And keep in mind — even if you think there’s some truth to the comment, another truth is that your BF wants to be with you! There’s a lot that he loves about you! And that’s all that matters.

        I’m glad that you were able to talk to BF about it. I can imagine that this would be one of the harder conversations to have, because I’m sure that it required you to become vulnerable. Good for you!

    • Dulcinea

      Wow, that was not a nice comment on her part. What I do in these circumstances is remind myself of times that I have been petty or thoughtless (usually because of my own insecurity or other issues) and how much I wish I could take back what I said. (Anyone who thinks they have never done anything petty or hurtful towards others is not doing a deep enough self reflection IMHO). I then imagine that the person who made a hurtful comment about me feels the same way. Even if they never apologize (and it sounds like she doesn’t know you know about the comment?) I try to look at future behavior and see if there is a pattern.

      But also, remember that your BF is with you because he wants to be, and ultimately his moms opinion isn’t what matters.

    • kc esq

      As a mom, anyone who uses your children as a disqualifying factor needs to be ignored. Entirely.

    • lawsuited

      1. There are worse things in this world than being overweight. Way worse things. E.g. Being a jerk.

      2. It’s pretty common for people to initially judge us on obvious characteristics (E.g. male/female, overweight/thin, mother/childless). Most people develop a more nuanced opinion of us as they get to know us better. Not everyone, but most people. My hope is that SIL will grow to know and love you.

      3. It’s especially common for people to be over-protective of their siblings, which unfairly transfers onto the person their sibling dates. Even if SIL would never make such a harsh snap judgement about a stranger on the street, she may have here because she loves her brother and wants the “best” for him, and she like so many people misguidedly thinks that “best” means thin.

      If it were me (and it has been me, actually, but with a boyfriend’s sister not SIL), I would forgive SIL and try to develop a relationship with her. I’d say, “I was so hurt to hear that you referred to me as “an overweight mother of 2″, because there’s a lot more to me than that. I don’t want to dwell on it though, I’d prefer to put it behind us and get to know each other more because I really care about your brother and his whole family.”

      It may come to nothing, but at least you know you’ve taken the high road.

      • anon for this

        Thank you for this reply. It is hard for me to put myself in her shoes and even think about responding with love. Your post has helped me try to get a different perspective on it.

    • Anonymous

      What important conversations did it open up? Obviously he already knew what you look like and had two kids. I’m concerned about that aspect. What is there to discuss beyond that his SIL is mean?

      • anon for this

        We were able to discuss his past dating preferences / patterns in more detail, and I was able to solidify that we both were looking for the same thing in the future.

    • Anon

      I learned from a third party about negative comments my now MIL made about me when I first started dating my husband. MIL also refused to give up her relationship with his ex (who actively tried to break us up for the first year we were dating) for way longer than was appropriate. I’ve been with my husband for 5 years now (married for 2), and those comments and actions are always in the back of my mind, even though my MIL finally came around after about year 2 and is pretty great as far as MILs go. I never confronted her, mainly to keep the peace, and because I know the comments 100% came from her own insecurities, which sounds like it may be the case in your situation as well. For me it was easier to take the high road, mainly because my husband has always supported me 100% when it comes to his mom and her actions. If your bf supports you, I wouldn’t let these comments get you down (as hard as that may be) – just realize this is your SIL’s issue, not your’s.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Everyone has different preferences when they are seeking someone to date. Obviously, mean sister-in-law put having kids and being overweight in the “con” category but to some people, that would be a “pro.” There are people who don’t want to date someone who is always going to be harping on them to eat better and exercise more. Dating someone with the same mindset in that regard can lead to a much more harmonious relationship. There are people that love children, may want their own, may not be able to have their own or whatever but see being someone with children as a bonus. Your husband’s pros are different from his SIL’s . Don’t look at your weight/kids as a con just because someone else sees them that way.

    • Idea

      It obviously says way more about her and her insecurities than it does about your actual weight or anyone’s family status and what role that plays in the relationship. It’s good to know this about her, and about how your BF handled it. People are giving good advice. Sounds like you’re a catch to me!

  9. Anon

    Recommendations for an affordable home security system? I really don’t have room in my budget for a monthly fee, but I also feel like I need to have something at my house. I would love it if it connected to my iPhone somehow.

    I live in a relatively small home that is below the average home price in my area. Our neighborhood is fine, but not great. I’ve lived there more than a decade, and although I’ve never had any problems, there have been break-ins in the area throughout the last several years. I don’t know why this feels more urgent to me now, but it does.

    Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      I have one installed, but I don’t have it hooked up to a monitoring system. I like that it makes noise, which is what you really want in order to scare the person away/out of the house. The response time on unverified alarms is not all that great, so I am betting that the response time with or without a monitoring system would be about the same. I live in a city where there is absolutely crime, but I have yet to have an issue with this approach.

    • Sparrow

      We have Vivint. It was one of those things where the salesman was going around the neighborhood and they came and installed the system the same day. We had seen previous reviews on NextDoor so we were familiar with what they were offering. We’re paying $75 a month, but I don’t recall what the original install fee was.

      They installed glass breakage sensors, door sensors, doorbell camera and a new front door keypad. There is an app that ties into the system and it controls the thermostat and there are a couple of lighting modules.

    • KT

      So when I lived in a sketchy area, I bought stickers off of ebay that said ADT security systems and put them on my windows.

      On Amazon, I bought one cool device that you put in front of your windows. If someone walks close to it, the device makes noises that sound like a ferocious barking dog.

      And I also bought on Amazon a flickering light that makes it looks like (from the outside if you were peering in) that someone is there watching TV.

      All told, it was less than $100 bucks and I never had any problems, though a number of my neighbors did.

        • KT

          There’s a bunch! If you go on Amazon, just search for barking security dog, and there’s hundreds of options. We had the Safety Technology International version. If someone passes by closely but still has some space between them and the house, it barks a bit. As they get closer, the barking gets more frequent, louder, and angrier sounding :)

          I actually have a large dog, but she has a freakishly high pitched little bark, so she sounds like a yorkie.

    • Cat

      We added Comcast security onto our plan — we pay about $140/month for internet, basic digital package, + monitored home security. I think the security is about $35 of that (we have the simplest package – three window/door sensors, one motion sensor, and one camera). There is a Xfinity home app that you can use to view your camera, arm and disarm the system, and see what time “events” happened even if the alarm was not triggered (i.e., when I leave the house to go to work, it records the door open and close even though the system was only in the process of arming).

      We also receive a discount on our homeowner’s insurance, which mitigates some of the cost.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Check out SimpliSafe – we were looking into using them when we were in the process of buying a house, and they seemed very budget friendly. They offered the option for monthly monitoring (for like $15/month, which is pretty cheap, comparatively), but it wasn’t required to use the system, so you could opt to just buy the system outright if the monthly monitoring isn’t in budget.

    • Scarlett

      Look for a local service – I use one that’s only about $100/quarter, and it doesn’t advertise. Found them on Yelp.

    • Anonymous

      Try simplisafe. It’s affordable ($15/mo), easy to install, and good service. They don’t have cameras (yet), but their alarm system works perfectly.

    • Anon

      OP here. Thanks so much. I should’ve added that I have a dog, but she rarely barks. She’s the type of dog who scares herself if she barks, so I can’t count on her to scare anyone. I’m going to look into all of these. Thanks!

  10. Friend conundrum

    I have a friend conundrum and would appreciate any thoughts you may have. I have a friend who is driving me absolutely batty – she’s either smug or massively lacks self-awareness (not sure which). Recently, she bragged about her salary to several people who are currently unemployed and while staying with us, decided to take it upon herself to give me marriage advice. It’s been going on for quite awhile and I just don’t enjoy spending time with her anymore. I come home and gripe about her – which isn’t fair to her or to my poor husband who has to listen to it. I tried seeing her in group settings or more superficial contexts and it doesn’t seem to help. How do I handle it?

    She’s super feelings-y so I’m afraid this might involve a long, drawn out talk.

    • KT

      Why does there need to be a drawn out talk? Just…end the relationship. Don’t meet up with her, don’t return her calls.

      If she happens to be at a social engagement you’re attending, smile and be polite, but focus your attentions on someone (anyone!) else.

      • Anonymous

        I’m aware this is somewhat of an unpopular opinion, but I think ghosting is mean, whether it’s in a dating or friend context (I say this as someone who has been on the receiving end of it a couple of times and has absolutely no idea why). For some reason, a lot of women think it’s terrible when a guy they’ve gone on two dates with stops returning their calls, but think it’s ok to do that to friends they no longer have any interest in. I think you owe it to her to tell her that the comment about your marriage was hurtful and not her business (I’d leave out the stuff about salary, because it’s thirdhand). Maybe her behavior will improve or maybe it won’t and at that point you can back away from the friendship and she’ll understand why.

        • Batgirl

          Incredibly mean and incredibly immature, in my opinion. Be an adult and address things head on, even if you have decided to end the friendship.

      • Anon

        I think ghosting is horrible. I had a friend ghost/phase me out this summer after 11 years of friendship. She even ignored an email asking if I’d done anything wrong. Please don’t take this route. It may be easier for you, but it is not a kind approach.

    • Sparrow

      If you don’t enjoy spending time with her, then don’t. It’s not like she’s a family member that you are forced to see.

    • Anon

      If you don’t want to be friends with her, don’t, and if you do, have you tried talking to her? If I were your friend, I’d want someone to tell me (tactfully) that I’d said something offensive/out-of-touch.

      • Friend conundrum

        That’s a good point. I haven’t said anything. It seems pretty much constant but perhaps I’m noticing it more? Will have to think more on this as I think ghosting is mean spirited but it feels like telling her is also quite mean.

        Thanks for the thoughts all!

    • anon J

      Not to threadjack, but would you feel differently about ending a friendship by ghosting when the friend has not done one specific things to bother you but instead just… bothers you? Like you realize you just don’t enjoy spending time with her, you’ve grown in different directions, you don’t like the person she’s become? I don’t see how that could go well. I have taken major steps back from friendships like that and I’m sure the other person was hurt, but I didn’t know what else to do.

    • Anonymous

      Some people are best experienced in small doses. Take a break from her until you can let go of your frustration, then limit your interactions with her. And under no circumstances should you allow her to stay in your home.

      Alternatively, have you known her long enough to know whether this behavior is out of character? It sounds like she’s taking out her insecurities on others. Is something going on in her life that has made her particularly unhappy?

  11. Anon for this1

    Ladies – I need some advice. I lateraled to a new firm six months ago after about four years at another small firm. My new hours are significantly better (8am-6pm instead of 8am-9pm), and my partners are well respected in the legal community – both of which are big changes for me. We have twice the staff here and everyone seems to be very competent, and I’m learning that some of the things I was doing before were not best practices.

    I don’t really know what the issue is, but I think it may be uncertainty. I no longer dread work the way I used to at my last job, and in fact generally enjoy coming in now. Clients can still be nasty, but that’s the nature of the job. There are some days where I feel like I’m never going to finish everything, and other days where I’m counting down to 5pm because I have nothing more to do. I can’t really tell where I stand with my bosses because they aren’t big on praise or criticism, and since I just started in August, I think it is too early to ask for a review. So I guess my question is … what advice would you give a young-ish attorney? What things do you wish you would have known in my position? Is this normal and does it go away?

    • Ellen

      Yay! I love this Boss dress, and think I can get away wearing it even with my “ampel tuchus” (dad’s word’s), b/c it is not to tight in the back.

      As for the OP, do NOT worry. You have made a change and it take’s time to get used to the new place, the new peeople and the new cleint’s. I would give it a few more month’s before askeing for a review. For now, enjoy your new and improved situeation. When I moved from my supeenie firm to this firm, I was ALSO VERY apreshensive, b/c I had never practiced law before. You have so this transition should be simpiler. You should ALWAYS try and be a good biller, but make sure your manageing partner give’s you direction as to how to bill b/f you approach the cleint.

      YOU will do fine and be a great attorney. YAY!!!

    • Lucy

      I think you can ask them for an informal review just to make sure you are on track and meeting their expectations. Say you really like the new gig and realize you are learning a lot of new practices so want to be sure you are giving them what they need. Sounds like they are decent people who would not seize upon that as an opportunity to hurt you.

    • Senior Attorney

      I think it’s pretty normal for young(ish) attorneys to feel insecure. Many years ago when I was a young associate, one of the partners told me “it’s always the best associates who are the most insecure,” and for some reason that made me feel a whole lot better — for YEARS!

      How about waiting another month or so and asking for a six-month review?

  12. Anon

    Are wool topcoats for women out of style? The classic kind equivalent to what men wear. I ask because I’m in the market for a new winter coat and ALL I’m seeing is the quilted, not-too-puffy, nylon, knee length style.

  13. Should I tip?

    Hair salon etiqu*tte question: Last week I had my hair highlighted in a balayage style. It didn’t come out exactly as we discussed, and the stylist agreed to redo it for free plus the cost of materials. My appointment is tonight. Should I tip her, even though it was her mistake in the first place?

  14. different Anon for this

    Any advice about transitioning practice areas?

    Prior to law school, I graduated with a bachelor’s in economics and worked in labor. My focus as a law student was in the public sector and nonprofits. After law school, I ended up in a federal agency related to health care because they were hiring. However, my interest is in financial regulations with a federal agency. What is the most effective way to make the switch, aside from networking? CLE? LLM? Volunteer work?

    TIA

    • Anon

      You just missed the ABA Banking Committee meeting in DC (two weekends ago), which is THE networking event for Banking/FinReg law. I would definitely get involved with the ABA Banking stuff in your community and consider doing an LLM in Banking and Finance. BU’s LLM is the one to get in this area.

  15. Anonymous

    Any advice for someone who is terrible at in-person interactions, whether social or business? I grew up in the digital age (sorta, I’m 29, but I didn’t have a lot of friends in high school and by the time I got to college a lot of interactions took place over AIM and email) and am way more comfortable interacting with people online than in-person. Although I would certainly love to make more friends and improve my social skills, my biggest concern is business. I just moved from a law firm where everyone I worked with was remote and 95% of our communication was over email (and even the people in my office regularly emailed each other instead of walking down the hall), to a firm where I work with people locally and people don’t use email that much, e.g. partners come to my office to give me an assignment, expect me to go to their office and report on the assignment in person rather than writing a memo, etc. and I can tell I’m not doing a very good job at this aspect of my job and I sense that it’s off-putting when I email them instead of walking down the hall.
    (FWIW, I have no problem with public speaking, taking a deposition, making an argument in court, etc. It’s more small talk-type interactions where I can’t really prepare in advance).

    • Sparrow

      If you’re providing a progress report, take what you would say in an email and write down some bullet points that will help you remember what to say in person. I think it would be fine to refer to your notes as you’re talking to someone.

    • Anonymous

      You absolutely can and should prepare for small talk in advance if it’s hard for you, and discussing business isn’t small talk.

      Get a mental checklist going for when a partner stops by: greet them by name and ask how they are; listen; ask questions; confirm. When you go to report to them treat them like a client- brief summary, important points, specific issues.

    • Blue ink pens

      IME, this is an area where practice will be really helpful. I am very introverted and have never been comfortable with small talk. But during my 2L summer in biglaw, I became great at it. It was just a matter of practicing, and it turned out to be easier than I thought.

      I would read a few books on the subject, or maybe just some long articles online. There are experts who focus on this sort of skill. And I would have a few things in mind that you can always talk about with just about anyone (e.g., sports, news items, etc.)

      Also, I would pay attention to the people around you and listen to what they talk about. Do lawyers ask each other about their families, for example? You can pick up on those things.

      But the most important thing I want to tell you is that you WILL get comfortable with this, and it probably won’t take too long, either. And remember — it sounds like the people around you are all quite comfortable with small talk, so they will probably guide a lot of the conversation. Don’t feel like all of the pressure is on you, or that they are evaluating you on your social skills.

    • Idea

      Toastmasters is good for this.
      An ettiquette class also will help you feel confident – it’s not just which fork to use. Trust me.

    • Aurora

      I’m also an introvert who has learned to socialize, and for me, having some formulas is helpful (if you ever read Captain Awkward, she calls them scripts). One of my basic life hacks for both personal and business small talk is keeping a running spreadsheet of important stuff to know. On a case, that might be that we submitted a motion to dismiss on x date and are waiting to hear back, and that in the meantime we are working on y and z. But I also do this in my personal life – I try to keep general notes in my contact list of key things to talk about for both friends and business associates, e.g. if they’re planning a trip, if their kids have any big life events, what grades/ages/jobs their family members are, if they expressed an interest in a particular area like the theater. That way when I chat with someone I can say, “Oh, how was your trip to Thailand?” or “Oh, how’s little Jimmy liking 3rd grade?” It doesn’t have to be much but it’s really helped me develop better relationships.

      Also consider developing a few opening and closing lines. Then you have a basic formula for these interactions. Start by saying “hey, just wanted to let you know…” or “I thought you might be interested in…” then provide a basic update. Once you’re ready to leave, you can close with something like, “anyways, I’ve got to get back to my desk but feel free to let me know if you have any questions,” or “great chatting with you, have a nice day!” Once you develop a few different “conversation formulas,” it makes getting through these routine interactions much easier.

  16. Bed bugs and Renting

    I cringe about even having to post this, but I need advice and don’t want to ask people in my real life. My husband and I rent a 3-br row home in a Mid-Atlantic city from a private landlord who owns a handful of income properties. We have recently discovered that we have a bed bug infestation. It is not completely out of control and we have just seen a few here and there, but we want to hire an exterminator to take care of the issue. We have two consultations scheduled for this week and the price quoted to me from each company was approximately $700.

    My question is whether I should let my landlord know about this. My inclination is to keep it to ourselves and just pay for the treatment (mostly because I’m embarrassed). However, to me the cost of treatment is kind of high (a little less than 1/2 month’s rent) and I know that our landlord also has an interest in making sure that his property is not infested. In the past, we had a plumbing issue and paid a plumber to come in and fix it. I called the landlord and told him about it and he said to take the cost of out the next month’s rent, but next time to call him because he has a plumber that could have come. He is in construction/contracting, so he has a lot contractors that work on his properties.

    What would you do if you were in my place? And for anyone who owns income property, what would you like your tenant to do?

    • Anonymous

      Tell the landlord. I think he has no obligation to pay for it, because unless you’re in a large apartment building, you likely brought them into the home yourself. So it’s a little different than the plumbing issue, which is something in the house itself breaking. But he’s entitled to know. And it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Unlike cockroachs and the like, bed bugs have nothing to do with cleanliness. Just as likely to get them from a Four Seasons as you are from a Motel 6.

    • Anonymous

      Call! Obviously. And it was stupid to hire your own plumber. You do not own this property.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Tell your landlord. It’s a city, bedbugs happen, it’s not really a thing to be embarrassed about, and your landlord, as the owner of the home, needs to know when service providers are doing work on his property.

    • Mpls

      Tell the landlord. Bed bugs don’t mean you are dirty/filthy tenants. It means you picked up something along the way. If you had any other bug infestation you would tell him, right?

      Let him know you did some research into exterminators, have 2 people coming out to do quotes/consults and ask if there is anyone he wants to add to the list.

      • Bed bugs and Renting

        Thank you. I know you are all right. I travel for work several times a month, so they theoretically could have come from anywhere, but it’s just such an upsetting situation and I hate having to tell people…

        • Idea

          It’s 2016. Bedbugs are cool now.
          They’re the new mice & squirrels, but not as cool as treatment-resistant lice.

    • Anon

      I would definitely tell my landlord, because they may want to (and depending where you are have to?) be able to disclose to future tenants?

      And even more than an STD, I don’t think bedbugs have to be a source of embarrassment. It sucks that you’ve got an infestation, but you could have easily picked them up from a stay at a nice hotel or houseguests, right?

    • E

      I own an income property that had bedbugs a few years back (brought back from a business trip, we think). Please tell your landlord, as he has other properties, he may have run into this before. It is much easier to deal with when caught early. When my tenant told me, my thought process was 1) That is unfortunate and 2) How do we fix this as quickly as possible…absolutely no judgement. In most areas, it is the tenants responsibility to pay for treatment, however, I split the cost with them. I am sure your landlord will be open-minded.

    • Anonymous

      Another landlord here. . . . please PLEASE tell me. $700 seems cheap to me, which tells me you may not be doing enough to eradicate them (which should be the goal). If this were a hardship, even if you’re at fault I might split the cost with you to make sure it’s done right. Bedbugs terrify me asa landlord.

      • Meg Murry

        Yes, tell the landlord and let them make the call. As another landlord I agree 100% that
        -I need to know what contractors are doing work on my property, as I’ve seen shady contractors without the proper insurance that actual have done more harm than good (in your plumbing example, for instance – plumber that tried to unclog a drain and actually put a hole through thin older pipes, which leaked onto downstairs ceiling until the drywall collapsed.)
        -I want to make sure the problem is actually taken care of, and if the $700 solution isn’t enough I want to pay for what will fix it.

        The only time you should be paying for the work is if you clearly caused the problem (ahem, tenant who flushed a pair of underwear that clogged the plumbing or tenant who threw something through the window) – but even then you should only be doing the work with your landlord’s knowledge.

  17. DatingAttire

    What do you wear on nice-ish but still relaxed dinner or drink dates when you’re in your late 20s/early 30s, and where do you shop for these clothes? I feel like my whole wardrobe is either business for work, or super casual (jeans and a tshirt or sweater) for the weekends, and I don’t have a lot of in between type items for dating.

    • Anonymous

      Honestly? Ann Taylor. Every season there’s a cute wrap effect top. I use my cleavage as an accessory. Done.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I like casual dresses with tights and boots for that sort of thing, and I usually find them at the same stores where I find my work clothes (BR, Limited, etc.). Old Navy has also lately been killing it, at least for me, on the casual dress front.

    • Sparrow

      I think you can still wear jeans, but maybe do a darker wash or trouser jeans with a cashmere sweater. Or maybe a sweater dress and boots. I would try Express for tops or maybe White House Black Market.

    • Veronica Mars

      I want to know this too. One thing I will say that makes a big difference for me is wearing a pair of bigger hoop earrings (I got a pair of gold ones from target for $8 that are about 2″ oval, thicker and with a crosshatched design etched on them). I think it makes any outfit look more “weekend.”

    • Cat

      I do a lot of low-ish vneck silky blouses or cashmere sweaters + jeans and either heels or cute flats this time of year (typically for earlyish dinner or drinks with my husband (like 6 or 6:30, not “going out,” but I don’t think I look too fuddy-duddy…)

      I pick up the blouses on sale at Bloomie’s (I am partial to Equipment or Vince) or JCrew, and pick up the sweaters at Bloomie’s (Vince again – so soft!) or NM (love the NM house brand).

      • Cat

        I will add, both these looks are a slightly-tighter-and-more-revealing version of my work wardrobe, which relies heavily on ankle pants, silk blouses, and cashmere sweaters! I figure at least I’m consistent…

    • Allison

      Few of my go-to outftits are:

      A sleeveless, black, fit and flare dress with a mesh, polka dot top detail just above the chest. Got it at H&M.

      Jeans with a nice top – like my black, lace babydoll top from Mint Julep, or my pink, tiered top with beaded embellishments around the neck I picked up at a boutique store in Vermont.

    • Anon

      I’ve worn lots of wrap dresses. They’re comfortable and easy but look impressive. Accessorize up or down. And price points range from Old Navy (yes, really – I’ve gotten so many compliments) to DVF.

      This winter, I’ve repeated an outfit of super skinny black jeans with heels, a silky top, and a trendy black ponte blazer. I’m warm and comfortable and chic.

    • Anon

      I have difficulty figuring it out too, as it seems that miniskirts and crop tops are age-inappropriate, but my breasts are tiny, so no cleavage.

    • lslsls

      I think neutral outfits are on trend right now – think black skinny jeans, black chunky-heeled bootie, cream/ivory cashmere v neck sweater (oversized works with a half-tuck), and dainty gold jewelry. Throw a leather jacket over it if needed.

      But the base of black/dark jeans and booties will get you far, just add wrap tops or the silky button downs in your most flattering color with either a statement earring or delicate necklace.

      • lslsls

        I’m also partial to a patterened jacquard mini skirt (usually black and white) with a chunky black sweater, tights, and black boots/booties.

    • Anonymous

      I’d usually do ankle pants + heels + a tight top (like a wrap top or a plain black tank top) or a casual-ish jersey dress – either a solid color tight ruched dress with really causal shoes, like Birkenstocks, or a jersey fit-n-flare which I wear with just a scarf or with a sweater, tights, and boots if it’s cold. I also like printed silky tops with a deep v, the kind you can get from J Crew, Banana Republic, or Loft.

    • Wendy

      If I was wearing pants, it would be jeans and black pants with boots or flats. With a dress or skirt, it would be knee-length with flats and black tights or knee boots (with heels) and sheer dark hose or perhaps patterned tights.

  18. Employment Lawyer

    Any recommendations for an employment lawyer in NYC? It’s a wrongful termination issue. TIA!

  19. Cleveland Rocks

    I’ll be in Cleveland for a few days next week for a work trip and will have some free time during the day and evenings. Suggestions on things to see/places to eat? For what it’s worth, I *try* to eat a little healthier when I travel.

    • Anonymous

      If you have several hours the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is really fun. I’ve also heard great things about the Great Lakes Science Center (right next door), if you like that kind of thing. I go to Cleveland fairly regularly but I’m usually rushing in and then back out and eating on the road or in the hotel, so don’t have too many restaurant recs (except to avoid the basement cafeteria of the federal building). A surprisingly good place, though, is the restaurant at the Airport Marriott on 150th St. They grow their own vegetables, do lots of local food and have a really good, innovative menu; I had the single best vegetarian meal I’ve ever had at a non-veg restaurant there several years ago, and the exec chef came out to talk to me. I’d definitely eat there once if you’re staying in that vicinity.

    • Emmer

      My hometown! Do you know if you’re actually going to be downtown or in the burbs? If downtown/near west side, try the Flying Fig in Ohio City – healthy options but kind of a scene, and lots of great bars nearby. Also hit up the Great Lakes brewery. If you’re closer to the east side, eat at Tommy’s on Coventry and stop by Algebra Tea House in Little Italy for some tea. La Cave du Vin on Coventry is a great wine bar too (though hard to find – it’s down a flight of stairs in a basement).

      If you can catch a Cleveland Orchestra concert I highly recommend it – not only are they great, Severance Hall is a beautiful venue. And of course the Rock Hall is always worth checking out.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to Severance Hall and the Great Lakes Science Center. I am embarrassed to say I have never been to the Rock Hall, despite being a native NE Ohioan…

        If you are into that sort of thing, the Cleveland Zoo is among the best in the country. Especially the rainforest exhibit (which is obviously warm and indoors).

    • Anona

      Whenever I go to Ohio, I eat a ton of Jeni’s ice cream. Yes, it is unhealthy, but it is worth it.

      • Emmer

        +1 to Jeni’s, but it’s expanded to a lot of places now, including Chicago, LA and Nashville!

    • CLE

      Tremont-Dante, dante next door, ginko (sushi), barrio
      Ohio city-west side market is nice to check out, town hall is good for a drink, Cleveland tea revival for tea and avocado toast
      Downtown-Lola, east fourth street is cool to walk around

      Rock and roll hall of fame is interesting if you are into that. It is really big, so make sure you have enough time to go through all the floors.

    • Meg Murry

      FYI, Cleveland is experiencing a lot of lake effect snow right now – yesterday the highway was closed in portions from Downtown Cleveland to the East Side and again out by Erie PA, while the west side was totally fine with only a dusting. So if you see weather reports about “X inches of snow” don’t freak out, see if you can find a local broadcast to listen to (WKYC for instance) and listen for whether they say “in the snowbelt”= East side or “throughout the viewing area” = everywhere.

      If downtown, +1 to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (even if you aren’t into music, they have big sections with various artists famous outfits which are fun to see from a fashion side), Great Lakes Science Center, West Side Market, Great Lakes Brewing Company. The Botanical Gardens are nice (and warm!) if you want to go to the University Circle area, as is the Cleveland Museum of Art.

      If not downtown, post a neighborhood or hotel and I can give more specific suggestions.

    • Former clevelander

      The art museum is really wonderful. If you are staying downtown, you can take the light rail one stop to Ohio City and I think it also goes to University Circle.

      • Former clevelander

        Oh and if you are downtown I would just plan to go to East Fourth to eat. It’s a pedestrian street with a bunch of great restaurants — Noodlecat is good for a quick meal or delivery if you sont wamt to lwave your hotel and Greenhouse Tavern and Chinato are delicious for a nicer meal. There is also a healthier restaurant called Pura Vida around there.

  20. combating SAD

    My seasonal affective disorder is out of control. I’m already exercising most days, getting plenty of sleep and eating a healthy diet, but I still feel sluggish and sad, and I want to eat all the carbs and cheese in the house at night. Also it’s dark all the time.

    There’s nothing to do but sit around and eat! I can’t stand it. Short of moving to Miami, what else can I do? Do those lamps really work?

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Yes. I have one on in my bedroom getting ready in the morning and one on by a window in my office all day. It’s the Verilux happy lamp that came in a 2-pack on Amazon. I’ve had it over 5 years and never even had to change the bulb.

    • Anonymous

      Stop moping about pretending you have SAD and go to a doctor. Any competent one would already have prescribed a sun lamp, which makes me think you’re just doing an armchair diagnosis.

      • KT

        Way harsh Tai. SAD is a real thing and makes it really hard for some people to cope and get out of bed. Mine was bad enough I literally picked up and moved to Florida.

        That said, OP, sun lamps can work, but worked better for me was going to pet shop (no, seriously) and getting a UV lamp meant for reptiles. They actually give off the proper light spectrum to provide your body with solid Vitamin D, while SAD lamps just reset your eyes’ expectations. My SAD lamp did nothing for me, but I did notice a real difference with my lizard lamp (and yes, I felt ridiculous).

      • combating SAD

        Jeez, calm down. I’m not pretending I have anything. If you can’t vent anonymously on the internet about these things, where can you?

    • Anonymous

      Yes, the lamps work. Vitamin D supplements. 9 minutes in a tanning booth (for the UV exposure to stimulate Vit D production) – yes, the tanning booth people will look at you funny, but that’s okay.

      • Happy Lights

        Not great to use tanning beds, even for this reason. Definitely not MD recommended.

        • Anonymous

          Not all related to SAD, but I legit had a dermatologist recommend 15 minutes of tanning bed time daily as a remedy for teen acne (this was 15 years ago). Unreal to think about that now!

          • Cat

            That is crazy! Although I will say that my skin is NEVER clearer than it is during a tropical vacation — then never worse than when I’m home/it’s adjusting to not needing to produce all that oil to stay hydrated in the sun.

          • Anonymous

            What?? That’s cray. Even 15 years ago doctors knew tanning beds cause skin cancer.

          • Happy Lights

            Yes…. Unfortunately my childhood doctor told me to “get a good sunburn” to help deal with my acne. So that lead to yearly terrible sunburns and now I see a dermatologist who is furious at my clueless doctor and screening me like crazy for skin cancers.

          • Allison

            Ugh, that’s awful advice. Sunlight is good for acne, this is true, but a tanning bed? Awful.

          • Anonymous

            Cat, I’ve noticed the same thing about tropical vacation! Even though I’m constantly covering myself, including my face, in SPF, which you would think would be bad for acne (I wear essentially no makeup at home), my skin always looks perfect when I’m getting direct sunlight.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            I had a real doctor prescribe 5 minutes in a tanning booth twice/week for vitamin D deficiency and SAD. I have a medical condition where my body could not absorb the oral vitamin D. It wasn’t bright enough in winter for me to get it from the real sun. 5 minutes, 2/x week was not long enough to cause a real increased risk in cancer. I only needed to do it for one or two winters. Now my vitamin D is stable enough that just the happy light is enough.

            Many medical treatments have risk/rewards. I’d rather risk the side effects of the sun than the side effects of accutane for example.

      • Dahlia

        Don’t use a tanning bed for this. You significantly increase your risk of melanoma. Here’s a meta-analysis on it:

        http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22833605

        Relative risk of 1.87 (!!) if you use tanning beds before age 35. Dose-response with a 1.8% increased risk of melanoma for every additional tanning bed session per year.

        Part of my job entails performing (often disfiguring) surgery on people with melanoma in an (often futile) attempt to save their lives. Many of them are young women. Don’t take the risk that you’ll need someone like me one day. Take a vitamin D tablet and wear sunscreen. Help put me out of business:)

    • Happy Lights

      Happy Light! Of course they work. I’m amazed you made it this long without one. Cheap. Easy. Put it on your desk at work (on for 30min at least) or near you as you do morning coffee/breakfast at home.

      Costco

    • anon

      I’d go with a real SAD light (some happy lights don’t have enough LUX — I’m partial to the sunlight jr, which you only use for about half an hour a day) and a dawn simulator alarm clock.

  21. Jennifer

    Any recommendations for a tailor in DC who can handle leather? I bought a pencil skirt at Brooks Brothers with their crazy sale, and the only alternation I need is the waist. I normally just let my dry cleaner handle this alteration, but I feel like leather is a bit more challenging (and was more expensive)than the stuff I normally give them.

    • ITDS

      Bedo’s leatherwork in Falls Church. NOT convenient, but they do really good work. Worth it if the skirt was expensive/designer.

    • Bonnie

      Let Brooks Brothers do it. Their in-house tailors are really good and reasonably priced.

  22. KT

    Has anyone done Japanese straightening?

    I have blegh hair that is curly in some spots, wavy in others, and just frizzy/poof in others. It’s very fine and is just blah. Even so, it takes me forever to blow it dry and iron it straight, and after just 15 minutes outside (I’m in Florida, so very heavy humidity) it begins to frizz (no matter how many humidity-blocking serums I use or how great my iron is). In the super humid summer months, I can’t bother straightening it at all because it will just resemble cotton candy so I spend those months in a tight bun.

    I’m completely fed up and looked into straightening treatments. I know a lot of people do Brazilian Blowouts, but that doesn’t get your hair super straight, just helps maintain frizz.

    I’ve read that Japanese straightening gives you poker straight hair at all times–which sounds like heaven. I can’t imagine being able to get a shower, do a rough dry, and have presentable hair.

    I know it’s super expensive (salons near me range from $400-900 depending on the hair) and takes hours to do, but I think it would be worth it if it meant I really had frizz-free, straight hair. Has anyone tried it?

    • Sydney Bristow

      If you’re up for trying an intermediate step, I have similar hair to yours and found a shampoo and conditioner that lets me air dry and go. It is called Number 4 Haircare Hydrate collection. I get it on Birchbox, but it’s expensive ($68 for both). They have sample kits too that are cheaper if you just want to try it.

      I typically wash my hair on Saturday night or Sunday during the day, let it air dry, and then sleep with it in a loose bun. In the morning it is totally fine without needing a curling or straightening iron. It’s like magic because I’ve never been able to do that. I gave some to my sisters who had very similar results.

    • Suburban

      Had a bad experience (10 years ago). My hair was thick and coarse and a nightmare to manage. It worked ( stick straight with a rough dry) but never looked great ( really flat but still looked coarse- I get more of a soft look with a blowout). Worst of all I had terrible breakage, big spiky patches all over my head. Not sure if it was the fault of the stylist or product or the nature of my hair.

    • Wash and go

      I’ve been getting it done since 2001 and love it. I have a ton of hair, and it’s a thicker strand. I’m of east asian descent. It wasn’t until I started getting it straightened that my hair became manageable.

      I do warn though – you need to go to someone who knows what they’re doing, and it can be

      Over the years, I’ve also had bad experiences such as Suburban mentioned so am weary when I have to try someone new. I’ve been with my current person in NYC for 3 years now and he’s great and I love my hair now.

    • LI

      I did it once about 10 years ago and it didn’t “take” – aka I spent the money and it didn’t work on my (at the time) “virgin” hair. They said it works better if your hair has been chemically treated in the past – my hair wouldn’t absorb the chemicals. That being said, retrospectively I’m enormously happy it didn’t work. I thought stick straight from the shower hair would be the perfect college accessory and a lot of my friends were having it done. But it causes a LOT of damage to their hair and the growing out process is really unattractive (imagine stick straight hair with an inch of your natural texture on top – looks funny). I now have friends who do the Brazilian – that grows out super nice, since it just casually washes out after 2-3 months. There are also lots of warnings now about the chemicals used for these treatments. So if you decide to go through with it, just make sure you find a good, well reviewed, well ventilated place. But IMHO try other things.

    • Eliza

      I’ve had it done yearly since 2003 with excellent results. For my curl type (think Julia Roberts), I get 5-ish months of wash and go hair; after that point, I need to straighten the roots, but the length is permanently straight and needs no extra attention.

      I agree with the other poster that finding an experienced stylist is key to avoid breakage and overprocessing. A good stylist can also adjust the solutions to give you a less flat, but still straight look.

      I really love Japanese straightening. Yes, it’s expensive, but over the course of a year, it’s cheaper than repeated Brazilians. I’ve been seeing my current stylist in DC for the last 6 years and hope she does this process forever.

      • Eliza

        Oooh-kay, not sure what word put my post in moderation, but in summary: Japanese straightening+experienced stylist=hair nirvana IME.

  23. Anonymous

    Vent: If you’re writing an online review, please only review the item (1) after you’ve used it and (2) if you’ve used it for its intended purpose. I don’t care if the waterproof snow boots you bought are “cute” and that you “can’t wait to wear them.” I want to know if they were actually waterproof, had good traction on snow, and kept your feet warm. I can see from the photo whether they’re “cute.” If you’re commenting on winter running tights, please don’t tell me that “they fit well under jeans” or that “they’re cute with a skirt for running errands.” I want to know that you did at least three miles in them in at least 30 degree weather. Preferably I want to know that you’ve been doing 3-5 miles in them regularly and what shape they’re in after several wearing/washings, how warm they keep you (including if they’re too warm), and whether they ride up/fall down/etc. Thank you. (Similarly if you call a restaurant and they don’t answer even though it’s during their regular hours, don’t give them 1 star on Yelp. Please review only after you’ve actually eaten the food. Because that’s what I want to know, not whether someone on the phone had a “snooty” voice.)

    • lsw

      Also, don’t give something a single star on Amazon because you weren’t happy with how quickly (or not ) you received it!

      • Bonnie

        That drives me batty. Also, don’t give a 1 star review because you didn’t read the description and it’s not what you needed.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Or the packaging!

        My other favorite on Amazon is when people answer other users’ questions like “how many inches tall is the heel without the platform?” with something line, “I don’t know, I haven’t received mine yet”. Do people think the email Amazon sends out encouraging feedback is a summons they have to complete THAT minute? That the user questions are directed at them personally? Some are unintentionally hilarious.

        • Wildkitten

          Those make me feel so sad. How bad must that person feel that someone desperately needs their questioned answered by that person immediately, and they haven’t even gotten their package yet!

      • Meg Murry

        On the other hand, FYI – I gave a 1 star review to a product on Amazon that died a few days after the 30 day return window. I left the review 3 months ago.

        This week, they (3rd party seller) have emailed me twice and left me 4 voicemails (at work, because that is where my product was shipped so that is the phone number they got for UPS) to ask me basic troubleshooting questions and to ask me to change the review.

        Not changing the review (unless they refund me in which I’ll add a line about that), but I am changing my phone number for all Amazon purchases from now on to a Google Voice number.

    • lawsuited

      Shhhhh, don’t let on to my winter running tights that they’re supposed to be used for exercise….

  24. TBK

    Vent: If you’re writing an online review, please only review the item (1) after you’ve used it and (2) if you’ve used it for its intended purpose. I don’t care if the waterproof snow boots you bought are “cute” and that you “can’t wait to wear them.” I want to know if they were actually waterproof, had good traction on snow, and kept your feet warm. I can see from the photo whether they’re “cute.” If you’re commenting on winter running tights, please don’t tell me that “they fit well under jeans” or that “they’re cute with a skirt for running errands.” I want to know that you did at least three miles in them in at least 30 degree weather. Preferably I want to know that you’ve been doing 3-5 miles in them regularly and what shape they’re in after several wearing/washings, how warm they keep you (including if they’re too warm), and whether they ride up/fall down/etc. Thank you. (Similarly if you call a restaurant and they don’t answer even though it’s during their regular hours, don’t give them 1 star on Yelp. Please review only after you’ve actually eaten the food. Because that’s what I want to know, not whether someone on the phone had a “snooty” voice.)

    • Anonymous

      The people who give a restaurant 1 star on Yelp because they couldn’t get a reservation kill me. I will admit to giving negative reviews to restaurants without eating there, if I have actually had a bad customer service experience….like the $$$$ place that assured me my dietary restriction of no raw fish would be “no problem” when I made the reservation…and then called me back the morning of our meal (which was our anniversary) and said “actually pretty much our entire menu is sushi and there’s no vegetarian option soooooo maybe you shouldn’t come here….” Yeah, they got 1 star.

      • Happy Lights

        Sounds like you made a poor choice of restaurant. I would not give them 1 star for this.

        • Anonymous

          I would never give a restaurant a negative review for not being able to accommodate a dietary restriction if they were upfront about it. But if you tell a customer two months in advance that it will be no problem and you can serve them something they can eat, and then call them back, extremely last minute, and tell them you were wrong, that’s pretty $hitty. If they’d called me even a couple days before the reservation, I wouldn’t have been that annoyed. But it was literally the same day we were supposed to eat there and we had to scramble to find something else at the last minute. That’s bad customer service, I’m sorry.

        • TBK

          I really wish Yelp would create a categorized review so you could review for food, ambiance, service, etc. Then there could be a composite star that could be weighted more heavily toward food.

          • Anonymous

            Or even just break it down separately, like this restaurant has 4.5 stars for food, but only 3 stars for service, or something like that. I think TripAdvisor does that, although I hate their site for lots and lots of other reasons.
            A lot of Yelp reviews of restaurants have NOTHING to do with the food. People write bad reviews because of service all the time and there are a lot of restaurant reviews, especially of really high end ones, that are just like “Wow, this place is SO expensive. 1 star.”

          • TBK

            Those make me crazy. If it was $100+ per head and the food was lousy, okay. But, yeah, some places are crazy expensive. Maybe that’s not your thing. Cool. Other people are into it. So the fact that it’s expensive doesn’t make it a bad place to them.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, um, who chooses a sushi restaurant when they can’t eat raw fish?

          That would be like going to The Pig and then telling them I keep kosher.

          • Anonymous

            It’s not a sushi restaurant though. It’s a tasting menu place that doesn’t advertise their menu in advance and it changes regularly. It does tend to feature a lot more fish than more “traditional” (French/Italian) fine dining places, which I knew when I made the reservation, but I love cooked fish (I love sushi too, but I was pregnant at the time) and when I made the reservation they told me they could cook any raw courses for me.

          • anon

            I’m vegetarian and eat at sushi places all the time… ever heard of vegetable maki or tempura or teriyaki?

    • pilates princess

      I mostly agree, but as for the running tights, I love a good pair of warm tights that can transition to my normal wardrobe. I mean you can usually tell from the photos if there is mesh or reflective details, but I’ve been surprised before.

      • TBK

        Okay, but also comment on their usefulness as winter running tights. As in you’ve been running in them, in winter, in the cold. Not going from your warm house to a warm car. I might like to use teapots as flower vases but that doesn’t mean I’m qualified to opine on their usefulness as teapots.

        • Anona

          Sometimes I buy things like tights to wear under skirts and don’t actually plan to run in them because I don’t run outside in the code. Just because it’s not what you specifically want to do with them doesn’t mean it’s not a helpful review.

  25. OttLobbyist

    Looking for suggestions on where to stay in Washington, D.C., over the Easter weekend. Coming in to town for a touristy weekend, with someone who has never been. TIA!

    • Bonnie

      We enjoyed our overnight stay at the Madera near Dupont Circle. It’s a Kimpton hotel and they have a couple hotels in D.C.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve only been there for lunch/brunch, but one of my friends parent’s stay at the Tabard Inn.

  26. interpersonaladviceneeded

    For those who have lost a significant amount of weight, were family and friends helpful? If so, how?

    My sister (who lives 500 miles away) told me last night her doctor said that her weight was now high enough that many insurances would pay for bariatric surgery. I was stunned because I didn’t realize she weighed that much. (Her health is otherwise excellent – low cholesterol, normal blood sugar levels, etc.) Ideally, I’d wave a magic wand, and make 100 lb disappear. Unfortunately, magic isn’t real and I have to respect her autonomy as an adult. She wants to lose weight and is a regular exerciser (obviously, she knows she’s heavy). She became defensive when I tried to hint about addressing the diet, as opposed to exercise, side of things. Is there anyway I can support her? Should I just let her be on this issue?

    • Sparrow

      Just let her be on this issue. If she chooses surgery, then that’s her choice. My sister-in-law struggled with weight loss for years. For a while, she was able to lose weight with diet and exercise, but finally went through with the surgery. She’s lost a significant amount of weight and is doing great. I’m glad she went through with it and is now much healthier.

    • Anonymous

      Just let her be. If she asks you to support her in a specific way, do that. She’s not unaware diet matters, promise.

      • mascot

        +1. Also, I’m pretty sure that nutrition counseling is recommended pre and post surgery.

        • Idea

          I actually have a friend who does psychiatric counseling (she has an MD) for patients considering weight loss surgery, and also afterwards for their new lifestyle. Your sister is not making this decision in isolation.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Has she asked for your input? Based on your post, my guess is, nope. And I have to say, your “hints” about diet strike me, as a fat person, as being really, really condescending. Do you truly believe your sister is unaware of the supposed connection between diet and weight? Do you actually think she’s never heard of “calories in, calories out!” or “just don’t eat carbs!” or whatever other “helpful hint” you’re offering? At best, your “hints” are clueless, and at worst, they’re implying she’s stupid. Besides, what do you even know about her diet? I know the average thin person sees a fat person and assumes we are downing the bacon-wrapped lard donuts at every opportunity, but I know a lot of fat people (and am a fat person), and I can tell you my diet doesn’t look any different from lots of normal-weight people that I know (and honestly, my diet’s better than a number of those people).

      Believe me, with the amount of time, effort, and research I and my fat friends have put into learning about diet and exercise and weight loss, we should all have PhDs in nutrition and exercise science by now. Lack of thinness =/= lack of information, and your assumption that your sister is fat because she just doesn’t know any better (which is what is underlying your “hints”) is condescending and disrespectful. Unless your sister specifically asks for your input, back off. You can support her best by loving her for who she is, without concerning yourself about the size of the body she comes in.

      • Senior Attorney

        This times a million. Yes, you do have to respect her autonomy as an adult so keep you mouth shut unless and until you are asked a direct question.

    • KT

      Look, I struggled with my weight for a long time. I was huge, and I was actually envious at yo-yo dieters because they actually got results, where my diets just didn’t work. I KNEW I needed to eat less and exercise more–telling me that wouldn’t help. It was just I would eat clean for 2 weeks and exercise every day and not lose an ounce, so I’d get frustrated and go back to eating junk.

      My doctor recommended me a drug called Contrave that doesn’t work like other diet pills–rather than giving you energy or curbing appetite, it requires your brain so you think about food differently. I was skeptical, but it’s worked. I’ve been known to binge eat while I’m depressed….recently I was sitting on the couch moping and was going to eat ice cream. I took 3 bites, then decided I just didn’t want anymore. That has NEVER happened before in my life.

      Normally if something is tasty, I can have 3, 4 portions without hesitating. this drug allows me to eat foods I love, but in a way that’s sensible. I have a few bites of an awesome cheesecake, and then just have zero desire for more.

      It has really re-worked my relationship with food and now I’m acting more like eating to live than living to eat.

      It’s been 6 weeks, and I lost 16 pounds-I’ve just been taking this, eating normal foods, and I walk about 45 minutes a day.

      Rather than giving her info she already knows, be supportive and recommend she get checked by a doctor to rule out any other health issues and discuss options.

    • anon

      +1 to what KKH wrote. Someone who has talked with her doctor about undergoing ***surgery*** to address her weight is FULLY aware that diet and weight are connected. I mean, good gracious, women of all shapes and sizes have this message drilled into our heads from day 1. This would offend me.

    • Allison

      Don’t give her advice unless she asks for it. Unsolicited advice, no matter how well intentioned or how necessary it seems, is almost always insulting and annoying.

      I mean look, I get it. I know that a healthy diet is necessary for an active lifestyle, the two go hand in hand! And when I eat good food, I feel good. But I know that no matter how I phrase it, telling an overweight person to stop eating X, cut back on Y, or look into eating more Z is not going to go over well.

    • Anonymous

      I am sure she knows that adjusting her diet would help. But, if she qualifies for bariatric surgery she also has a lot of weight to lose. And for many people it’s overwhelming.

      I lost about 60lbs in 2014, and I’ve kept off about 45-50lbs of it (depending on the day). What I discovered is that friends and family were very supportive of the results but not so much of the process. I lost my weight via diet and exercise, but it was difficult. And, given the stats of regaining weight, if I had qualified for bariatric surgery and my insurance would cover it, I would have probably taken that opportunity.

      I would encourage you to be supportive of her choice for surgery. If you haven’t struggled with significant weight problems yourself, I don’t think you can understand how helpless she feels about losing weight. She’s probably tried tons of different diets. Going through surgery is a major decision, one I’m sure she hasn’t taken lightly.

      • Senior Attorney

        Definitely support her if she decides to have the surgery. I had weight loss surgery almost six years ago and it was a real game-changer. I still had to do diet and exercise but at least it leveled the playing field and gave me a fighting chance.

    • Idea

      ALso, you say she has “low cholesterol, normal blood sugar levels,”

      What in her diet do you know about (she lives far away) that she should change?

      You want to say, um, eat less… but you don’t know how much she eats. You do know that she knows to eat less, though.

      So, please, for fat people everywhere, for sister relationships everywhere, just support her.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I’m sometimes bad about figuring out when a friend wants to vent and when a friend wants advice. I try to ask an open ended question that helps me figure that out. Either “how do you feel about it” or “what are you hoping happens?” With your scenario, if friend says “well I’m annoyed I’ll need a surgery but it is what it is” or “I’m hoping the surgery works” then she is not looking for advice. Just hear her out. If she says “I’m really torn, I don’t know if surgery is right for me, I don’t know if I have tried everything” or “I’m hoping I can lose the weight without surgery I just don’t know what else to try” – then ask another question like “well, what have you tried so far?” or “what worked in the past?” and then if she still doesn’t say anything about diet you could say something like “hmm, have you ever met with a nutritionist?” But again, that’s only if she is looking for ideas and I would guess her doctor would be suggesting those things – though I wouldn’t say for sure.

    • Anonymous

      I think you are right to be concerned about the surgery. I would let her know what you are glad she is taking steps to address her health and if after full research, she determines this is the best route, you will support her. You could also tell her that you are ready to support her in trying to address this through other avenues like doing Weight Watchers or working with a dietician together if that is something she thinks would help.

      Often the surgery is thought of as an effective treatment when there is not good evidence that it will result in long term benefits or that it is more effective over the long term than changing eating habits without surgery.
      The biggest change will be that with or without surgery she will have to eat differently for the rest of her life. That is often the thing people struggle with the most – that this is how they have to eat for the rest of their life- it’s what I’m finding hard right now.

      From “Long-term Follow-up After Bariatric SurgeryA Systematic Review” – September 2014 – Journal of the American Medical Association

      “Although bariatric surgery is commonly performed, it is not universally accepted as an obesity treatment. In 2009, a Cochrane systematic review advised caution before accepting the effectiveness of bariatric surgery because of limited high-quality evidence supporting its use.1 Most published studies of bariatric surgery are retrospective, short-term studies with insufficient follow-up.2 Substantial missing data in these studies preclude definitive conclusions about the procedures’ outcomes. Although there is ample short-term evidence about the benefits and risks of bariatric surgery up to 1 year after surgery, few data are available about long-term outcomes or groups.”

    • anon a mouse

      I highly recommend you read the book “Stranger Here: How Weight-Loss Surgery Transformed My Body and Messed with My Head.” My aunt had bariatric surgery and asked that anyone who wanted to talk to her about it read that book first. It was really eye-opening and helped me understand better what her struggle was like before surgery, as well as what her challenges were post-surgery.

    • lawsuited

      I just wanted to come here to say that yes, family and friends can be helpful in a weightloss effort. But I agree with everyone else who has pointed out that “hints” or diet tips from family and friends are not what help people lose weight. Unconditional love at any size, a non-judgmental ear or shoulder to cry on, enthusiasm when she’s happy about reaching a goal that’s important to her – those can all be very helpful.

      Your sister will get the medical and nutritional advice she needs from her health practitioners, but will need a lot of love and support from you that her health practitioners can’t provide.

  27. Allison

    I was in an accident last week and the other person was found at fault; their insurance company accepted liability. I went ahead and got the car fixed out of pocket, so today I’m meeting with a repair rep from the other person’s insurance company to get reimbursement. For those who’ve gone through this process, are these reps usually good about cutting a reimbursement check or do they tend to pick apart the repair documents and find reasons not to pay? Should I be ready to argue?

    • mascot

      Had they already had someone look at it for an estimate or asked you to submit an estimate/quote? As long as you followed their protocol, I think they are probably ready to pay.

    • Happy Lights

      Never met face to face before after fixing car, so this is a little surprising. Sometimes they want to see the car before you fix it to make sure the repairs you want make sense, and to refer you to their preferred place. Can always argue with them.

      But at this point, chances are high they will just pay. Make sure you have receipt with repair details.

      But I Always had my insurance pay for the repairs, and then the other guy reimburses insurance. Much safer.

      • Allison

        I get why they want to see the car first, but I need my car to commute, so my primary concern was getting it fixed ASAP. And leaving it in my parking spot, outside, in the snow, with no bumper cover didn’t seem like a good idea.

        I have both my estimate and the receipt.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          Did you go through your insurance? Usually you go through yours and then yours handles dealing with the other company for subrogation. Also, unfortunately, it is common to have to be without your car awhile when this fight is getting worked out which is why many policies include rental insurance. Normally, you shouldn’t get work done without either your policy or the other person’s policy giving you the okay that way you know at least one of the two will be paying you back. Usually the process is much faster through your own since they don’t need to figure out fault. Not to be the bearer of bad news but you may very well need to be prepared to fight. If you have insurance, you want them fighting that fight for you.

        • Happy Lights

          Good argument. Should go through.

          Is the insurance company one of the big ones or a small dinky non-name company? Sometimes the small ones give you more trouble.

        • Spirograph

          Does your insurance not cover a rental during repairs? I see why you did things the way you did, but my experience has always been to take the car to the shop and get a rental. (My insurance covers a rental for up to 30 days without any additional headache, and can be extended after that if an insurance-fault delay happens.) The adjuster can then look at the car and approve all work and the price of the work. This ensures everything will be covered.

          I think you are risking not being fully compensated – they can argue that you had work done on things not caused by the accident, or that you paid a rate above what the insurance will cover. Make sure your receipt is well-itemized. If you got multiple quotes before having the work done, or had some kind of authorization from the insurance company before you went ahead with the repairs, you will have a better case… but unfortunately you’re kind of at their mercy at this point, and will likely have to fight.

          • Allison

            My current policy doesn’t have rental coverage, but I’ll probably change that. Like I said upthread, I have both an itemized estimate and an itemized receipt, and I uploaded 4 pictures taken on my phone to my online claim, so I don’t think there’ll be any question that the repairs I got were related to the accident. There’s one discrepancy, which is that I got the TPMS replaced and it wasn’t noted on the estimate because they hadn’t found that damage until they’d started repairs.

    • CKB

      In my Canadian province (so probably doesn’t at all apply to your situation) an insurance company will not pay if an insurance adjuster hasn’t looked at the car to verify the repairs being done were the result of the accident before the car is fixed. This means time and hassle getting the car looked at, and then getting it repaired. We have rental car coverage on our insurance so we aren’t without a vehicle. I’ve been hit more than a couple of times and it is such a pain! Luckily only superficial damage and no injuries but it’s still a pain.

      Good luck – I hope you have zero issues getting reimbursed.

  28. Miz Swizz

    I’m looking for some mittens that I can wear with my wool coat. I giggle at the idea of “professional” mittens but I know I don’t want anything that can be worn for skiing or other outdoor pursuits, just something that I can wear when walking around during lunch or from the car to the office. I prefer mittens because I have large hands and have a hard time fitting gloves.

    • espresso bean

      I found my favorite pair of mittens from Uniqlo! They were from the Ines de la Fressange collection. Not sure if they’re still available, but they really do keep my hands warm (and as a Chicagoan who just commuted in negative temperatures wearing them, I know of what I speak!).

    • Anonymous

      Have you considered men’s gloves? I have a huge head and a hard time finding women’s hats that fit me but men’s hats easily fit me!

      • Anonymous

        +1 – I always consider the men’s options – hats, gloves, sweaters, shoes/snow boots, since I’m on the tall/big side of a lot of women’s sizes. (I’m a Men’s M or S in sweaters an a 9/9.5 in shoes/boots)

        Also consider looking for women’s gloves that come in S/M/L/XL sizes, if you haven’t already.

      • Anonymous

        +1 on the other side of the coin, I have small hands and wear (neutral color, very plain) kids gloves.

  29. WK

    Are there Everlane tops that looks business professional without being tucked in? The The Silk Long-Sleeve Tee – $88?

    (Trying a different name since I kept going into moderation.)

  30. Nice Cube

    How do I fix my posture?! I hunch my back and my shoulders are always pointed forward. Are there exercises, stretches, tricks I should know about? I want to look like Lady Mary with her amazing posture!

    • KT

      Try some at home ballet classes or beginner barre workouts–they help make you more mindful.

      I’m also a chronic sloucher, so I actually bought a special bra-device off Amazon (I swear, I spend way too much on their website) that is very supportive and comfortable…but only if I sit up straight with my shoulder back. If I slouch, it’s actually very uncomfortable, so it reminds me all day at work to sit up straight. It has tons of reviews of how it’s helped people with posture issues.

    • K120

      Core strengthening exercises will help with posture. Part of it is paying attention to your posture and the other is retraining and strengthening your muscles.

        • pilates princess

          It just sit on my chair and me on it. I looked back at my link and I understand the confusion. It never occurred to me it could be used for exercise. I purchased it directly from my PT. I think they are often used for children with ADHD too, unrelated to spine alignment.

  31. ThredUp?

    Has anyone used ThredUp? Thoughts? I think I might have better luck combing through the racks at Nordstrom Rack and the like, but it looks like a good place to get rid of stuff!

    • KT

      It might be okay to buy stuff, but they pay you nothing for your things. I sent them Cole Haan shoes and a new leather Coach purse (gift, not my style)…and they gave me $20 for the whole thing.

      Way better luck reselling on ebay for me!

    • Anonymous

      I had a pretty bad experience. I sent them only brands they say they accept and everything was in new or like new condition. They only accepted about half my stuff, and the stuff they did accept they paid at the very bottom of the range they give (e.g., they say an H&M dress is worth $5-$10 and I sent them a H&M work dress that was never worn and had the tags still on and I got $5, so I’m skeptical they would pay anywhere near $10 for any H&M dress). If you don’t itemize your taxes, it’s an ok way to get a tiny amount of money for your old clothes. But if you itemize, your tax deduction for donation is likely to be better than what you’d get from ThredUp.

    • Idea

      Like others, I’ve liked shopping there and even buying but won’t send to them again due to low payout. I’d rather donate to Goodwill!

    • Wildkitten

      It works really well for getting rid of stuff. Less well for making money from the stuff.

    • Anon for this.

      I’ve done both a fair amount, and I’ve been happy with it on both ends. I think they’re great for basics and they are thorough in inspecting items. They are not the best deal though most of the time on higher end stuff (Frye boots, Coach bags, etc.). You can get better deals buying these items new on clearance websites in stores (i.e., 6pm or TJ Maxx). I personally only buy from them when I have a coupon code (10% off is pretty common) and try to get free shipping. I’ve bought several items from J.Crew and BR that I saw in the stores a year or two ago and passed on, but now have bought for less.

      As far as selling, yeah, even though they say they take stuff from all the major mall brands, they give you pennies for them. The stuff I’ve had the best luck selling is premium denim and nice handbags. An item that they will sell over a certain amount (I think $60, but I might be off), they sell consignment style rather than just giving you money. So I sold a BR handbag on the site and ended up getting like$70 for it. That was a good deal and it was easier than eBay in that case.

  32. AIMS

    Can anyone recommend a fee based financial adviser in NYC? Also, for those that have done this, what’s a reasonable fee for a basic meeting/plan? We don’t have anything complicated, just want to meet with someone who can talk us through what our priorities should be, whether we should buy now or focus on paying off student loans, etc.

  33. anon3L

    Any recommendations for wrinkle-resistant suits? My J.Crew Factory suit has wrinkled instantly. I like J.Crew because they offer wool suits that fit my petite frame (00 suit jacket (32A) and 0 skirt (I’m wider in the hips).

    Anyone have any affordable, versatile, non-wrinkly suit recs for someone with my frame?

    Should I try Downy Wrinkle Release on a wool suit? I don’t want to mess it up even more.

    Also: I’m still struggling to figure out the best way to wear my black sheath dresses. I have a black blazer, but I didn’t buy it with the dress — plus I don’t like the black on black suit jacket/dress idea. Too stark. Gray blazer? Colorful cardigan? I feel like I’m in dire need of closely cropped sweater blazers or something like the MM La Fleur “jardigan”, which I’ve worn out it’s so comfortable and sleek.

    Recommendations for fitted, polished, (ideally wrinkle-resistant) tops to wear with a black sheath dress to work? (I’m not in court, but I’m in the legislature.)

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I just got a few suits from The Limited’s Luxe line, and I’ve found them to be surprisingly wrinkle-resistant. I am not small, so I can’t speak to their sizing on your end of the scale, but they appear to have a full range of petite/short options.

      Don’t wear the black dress with a non-matching black jacket. Instead go with a gray or other-color blazer or cardigan. You could also look for a patterned or striped blazer – that’d add some visual interest while still being professional.

  34. anonymous

    My old roommate and her husband are hosting me for about a week while I’m in their town for a class. I brought them a bottle of wine and originally intended to take them out to dinner, but it looks like our schedules may not work out for dinner. They’ve been so wonderful and generous, and I’m very fond of them so I’d like to do something really nice for them, but I don’t have a ton of money. any suggestions?

    • Anonymous

      Leave flowers? That’s one of my favorite ways to thank a host because they are always something I enjoy, but not something I buy for myself.

    • SA

      Send a nice thank you note. I have all the stuff, I don’t hear from my friends enough :)

    • LawDawg

      You can buy them dinner without taking them out. A gift card to a nice local restaurant would be an appropriate thank you gift.

  35. Anonymous

    The other day someone posted here about an overnight trip with an opposite sex friend and wondering if something could happen. I responded with my story of my husband and I spending years as just friends before we got together. I loved that memory and brought it up to him this weekend. His response really threw me. He insists we were never friends, he knew what the outcome of our relationship would be the whole time. I’m so sad. He was my best friend. I told him all about dating and boyfriends and I feel like he did too. I can’t decide if he’s forgotten that part of our lives (it’s been 20 years) or if he was playing games. It really doesn’t make any difference, we’ve now been married 15 years but I feel like our history has changed.

    • anon

      Maybe his memories are colored in the sense that hindsight is 20-20? When you begin a relationship (especially a successful one! congrats on 15 years of marriage!) with someone you were friends with, it’s easy to look back at all that friendship and all of its smaller moments and the connection you have and imagine it in arc of your larger story. He may just mean it in a flirty, romantic way- ie, he was always attracted to you! He always believed you’d be in each others’ lives forever! He was just trying to spend time with you when he talked to you about [insert boring topic] for 2 hours!!

    • Anonymous

      No. No no. Nothing has changed. You thought you were just friends. He was into you the whole time but you didn’t know. This is not a sad thing.

      He has not forgotten. He was not playing games. He just fell for you first. Please get a grip.

    • Snick

      I think it’s quite sweet and romantic that he had set his sights on you from the start, or at least now feels it was always meant to be. I’m puzzled as to why this makes you sad.

    • Allison

      I can understand that. What he basically told you was he befriended you with the sole intention of becoming your boyfriend, you thought it was an innocent friendship while he had an ulterior motive. Lots of guys who do this end up getting upset and angry when they realize the friendship isn’t getting them what they really want.

    • Anonymous

      That was my OP so I am not objectively qualified to give advice, but I am going out of town with said friend again this weekend (less planned, in advance of our other trip). Something is going to break, I think, in one direction or the other.

      Thank you for sharing your story!

  36. anon

    I bought a pair of shoes at full price a while ago at $145. They’re now on sale for $60, and I’m wondering if I should pick up another pair. They’re fairly simple but elegant low heels. I bought in black the first time and would buy black again, but there’s also a whitish grey color. This seems like a good idea, but I’m kind of a minimalist and it feels weird to me to own much, especially two of the same thing. Thoughts? Should I get them?

    • SA

      I always get two of something if I love it! There isn’t enough that I love and especially shoes, I’m not a big shoe person so if it fits my style and is comfortable I’d go for it!

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t hesitate to do this, but I have a lot of basement storage space. When I find something I love, especially a classic, not-trendy item, I buy multiple ones and put them in the basement until the original item wears out (obviously I only do this with things that wear out faster than I like getting new ones, which for me is things like shoes and sweaters, not handbags).

  37. Anonymous

    Maybe he means that you were never “just” friends because he always liked you and was waiting for his moment… doesn’t seem like something worth being sad about.

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