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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 89 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Tie Stripe Scarf

Coffee Break· Sales |

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Brooks Brothers Tie Stripe ScarfBrooks Brothers' Friends & Family sale is on, and ends tonight! I always like the scarf and accessory selections there, so I'm drooling over these tie stripe oblong scarf — it seems fun in a “borrowed from the boys” kind of way. It was $98, then marked to $68, and it comes down to $51ish with code FF25. Brooks Brothers Tie Stripe Scarf

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Comments

  1. Anon Worker Bee

    Kat – FYI the picture is not showing up for me. I see part of the html instead…

      • Kat G

        WTH?? Is it working for folks now? Looked OK on the backend to me, but I saw what you meant on the front end. I *think* the problem is fixed — the picture is showing for me on the front end. Lmk if not. Thanks!

    • Ellen

      Yay! Worker bee, if you click the hyper-link, you will see the stripe’d tie scarf’s, like I did. Alway’s glad to help. BTW, I ALSO LOVE MEN’s Brook’s Brothers tie’s. Even Alan, who looked like a schlub, appeared almost professional when HE work a Brook’s Brother’s tie. So I bought him 3 for his birthday, and he onley ruined one with salsa. FOOEY on him for being a SLOB.

      Myrna called and she is bringeing 2 guy’s over for dinner tonite. The guy’s are bringeing takeout and we are goieng to watch the Jet’s games. I have to figure out what that mean’s, but I will by this evening. I decided that the best way to find a guy is to learn sport’s. Guy’s like sport’s and if we women pretend to like sport’s, the guy’s will like us. Now I do NOT want to become a sport’s dork, but I see a lot of women with guy’s at talegate partie’s and they are having FUN! DOUBEL YAY if I can get a guy to MARRY me! Once he doe’s, then I can have BABIES!!!! TRIPEL YAY!!!!

      • Anonymous

        I wanted something light to read this weekend so I downloaded some really bad chick lit from my library’s ebook inventory, and now after reading that Ellen’s cast of characters and issues seem to follow a familiar pattern. Ellen, maybe a career move to consider to get away from the manageing partner?

        • Haha

          1. I think Ellen is good chick lit.
          2. By “lit” I mean “litigation” haha. Lawyer joke.

      • anon

        FOoey on the Jets, Ellen. They signed Michael Vick in March and he KILLED DOGS FOR MOENY. FOoey on dog killing foot ballers. Luckliy Chicago beat them DA BEARS. I would not let a guy who roots for the Jets huff and puff on me. FOoey dog killing TRPLE FOOEY.

  2. Michael Kors bags the new Coach?

    Someone posted recently about whether Michael Kors bags are becoming the next Coach. For that poster (whose name I can’t recall or find), you might be interested in the article “Locking up Luxury” by Ginia Bellafante in yesterday’s NYT (page A26).

    • Nancy P

      It’s so true — I see them everywhere in my NY office building — seems like all the junior BigLaw associates are using it as their go-to bag. Not that it’s a bad thing — it’s a classic silhouette and can carry a few files.

    • AIMS

      I read that this weekend. It’s interesting how you can have a brand that gets popular and then because everyone – even people who are not so fancy, gasp! – starts to buy it, it becomes sort of looked down upon. I don’t think it’s quite hit that point with non-logoed MK but it’s what happened to Coach, DB, etc. Now, I think those latter brands are trying to stage a comeback and have some really cute stuff but I wonder how many people think “cute bag, if only it wasn’t coach”… The same thing happens with clothing styles, I think: x type jeans are cool until everyone has a pair and then it becomes too mainstream/too suburban. Interesting to see it happening with still-relatively expensive purses.

    • pockets

      I was in Macy’s on the Fulton Mall on Friday and I noticed that the MK purses were all locked up, and thought about how odd that was.

    • Meg Murry

      I bought a Michael Kors bag labeled a “Hamilton” from TJMaxx, and was so pleased because it was $200, marked down from $400+. Then I did some online browsing, and returned it after I discovered that
      1) the size bag I bought was regularly $258 from Macy’s – the larger size is more expensive, but still not the $400+ price tag except for special editions
      2) the logo and styling on the bag didn’t match what I saw on Macy’s or MK webs!te – only what I saw on s!tes that looked like questionable places that were either selling knock offs or items that fell off a truck OR it was possibly stylin/logo from many, many years ago
      3) after wondering if it was in fact a fake or knockoff, the construction quality didn’t look so great to me
      4) I realized that that size and style bag fit the aspirational me that reads this s!te and looked similar to one I’d admired that one of our Directors carried, but it wasn’t practical for my lifestyle or ability to take care of nice things.

      In the end, I wonder whether it was a product made for their outlets, a knockoff, or whether the rumors are true and there are brands directly supplying TJMaxx with lower quality runs of their products (I’d heard this rumor, but haven’t seen facts to back it up).Any way I looked at it, I decided if I really wanted it, I should buy the real thing at a regular store (though perhaps with a coupon or deal) and not chance saving a few bucks on a possible knockoff that would still be my most expensive purse purchase ever.

      • KittyKat

        Stores like TJM make orders from manufacturers, you aren’t getting a deal. On the rare (and I mean very rare) occasion you are getting a real deal, but its uncommon. Last christmas I got a pair of Cole Hanns for $22, it was amazing. I think any deals you get at TJM or the like are actually just employee error.

      • Michael Kors bags the new Coach?

        I think you made the right decision. In 1999 (after about a year in trial), I wanted a nice backpack for a post-trial trip. After much back-and-forth and some encouragement from my sister, I bought the “real” plain black leather Coach backpack. It seemed expensive at the time, but I have never been sorry. I carry it whenever I travel, it looks great and is very functional, and it goes with everything whether I am marching through city streets in what I hope is a smart traveling outfit or out tromping through faraway lands off the path. We just got back from a week on Vancouver Island, and I wore it every day — 15 years later. I’d say I got my money’s worth.

  3. Maternit21 Test

    I remember reading a question from another commentator last week about appealing her insurance company’s decision to require her to pay a portion of her Maternit21 test. There were some really thoughtful, helpful responses, so I thought I would take a stab with my own issue. My insurance company has told me that because the test company is out of network, they are denying the majority of the claim…leaving me with an $1800 bill. But my understanding is that only one company nationwide performs this test. My doctor (who is in network) ordered the test because I am AMA. I’ve already spoken to the insurance company once, and was told the provider needs to submit an appeal of the determination that they are out of network. But I’m fairly confident the provider is out of network, since it’s an out of state lab.

    I can pay this, but it will require some serious re-working of the budget for the next few months. My questions are – does anyone think an appeal would be productive, if so any tips on dealing with the insurance company, or the best arguments to emphasize on appeal? If I do appeal, do I need to request info from my doctor who ordered the test or the lab who is billing for the test? Should I instead try to negotiate a lower rate with the lab in exchange for an all cash payment? Does my doctor bear any responsibility for ordering this test and not letting me know the lab is out of network? Am I missing another option?

    Thank you in advance for any insight!

    • Shoes

      Have you had the test yet?

      IIRC, the 11 week US screening for nuchal translucency (and the presence of a nasal bone) is pretty conclusive. This (and the M21 test) are screening tests and not diagnostic tests, so they give you relative risk but not a conclusive answer (which the invasive tests do, but you have the m/c risk with them).

      • OP

        I have had the test already, and if I knew it was going to be $1800, I would have waited for the nuchal translucency scan instead because I’ve (now) read those results are fairly conclusive. But, I’m thinking that fighting with the insurance comapny may be easier than inventing a time machine…could be wrong about that though. :)

        • Need to Improve

          FWIW, the nucheal translucency and the fetal DNA tests are not even close to similarly conclusive. The fetal DNA test is so much better and more predictive (although also a screening test) that if they see no signs of a problem after that test, most doctors will tell you that there is almost no point in doing an amnio or CVS . So you did the right thing by getting the test and it added a lot of value beyond what you get with NT.

          Arguments to emphasize when arguing with the lab (from my own experience): if you asked if it would be covered, if your doctor ordered it without telling you it would not be covered, if your doctor recommended you get it for the best treatment practice . . . It costs them nothing to administer this test, so if you argue hard enough and tell them you refuse to pay they usually will reduce it.

    • Wildkitten

      (Purely an example) I have found that often what happens is the bill is for $500, but if the company goes in network it agrees to get paid only $100. Out of network, the insurance will still pay $100, but the company hasn’t agreed to accept that, so you are stuck paying the $400. I don’t think you can blame your doctor, but I wouldn’t assume an out of state lab is definitely out of network. Doing lab work across state borders isn’t uncommon.

    • mascot

      While it would be ideal if doctors knew every patients insurance plan and its coverage limits, they generally don’t. The billing office might have some clue, but I wouldn’t expect a busy doctor to be up to date on all of the rates. I’d go through the appeals process with your insurance company, but I’d also contact the lab company and see what they can do about the cost. I imagine that they are dealing with this a lot. Also, check some of the pregnancy boards and see what people’s recent luck has been in dealing with payment reductions for that test.

    • Bewitched

      I would suggest you read the NYTimes article from this weekend about out of network physicians who assist during surgery (and the comments). The article title is something about a $117,000 bill from a doctor who assisted during a spinal surgery and the patient did not even know he would be there. Many of the cases described in the article (and comments) suggest that insurance companies do sometimes pay for out of network treatment and also suggest that sometimes the out of network providers sharply reduce their bills. So, I would do everything you mention in your post-appeal, talk to the out of network lab, see what they may be willing to do if you pay cash, get your physician to assist in your appeal since test was ordered due to AMA. It’s not a small amount, so I think it would be worth your time.

    • Need to Improve

      I had this exact same situation with AMA genetic testing (not sure it was Maternity21). I spent hours on the phone with the insurance companies, then called the test company (NATERA) and they reduced the bill from $5,000 to $195.

    • OCAssociate

      I talked to 2 of the companies that perform the Materniti-21 type test. Sequenom does Materniti-21 and Verinata does Verifi. Both of these companies are willing to bill you directly – around $200 – if the test is not covered by your insurance. I believe there are 2 other similar tests – the Harmony and the Panorama.

      It sounds like there may be another aspect of the billing that’s at issue – possibly the lab where you had the blood drawn? You might be better off trying to negotiate directly with them for a cash payment.

      I don’t have much more info, but thought you might want to find out exactly which test you had so you can try to negotiate the payment for that aspect of it.

    • hoola hoopa

      I can’t speak to this test specifically, but my thoughts:
      – It’s not your doctor’s fault for not knowing what is and isn’t covered by your insurance. The person who does the clinic’s billing might know, but it’s an unreasonable expectation of a provider because literally every patient’s plan is different. If it is very expensive and rarely covered, then I’d be surprised that they didn’t mention it was a possibility, which makes me think that many of their patients do have it covered, which brings me to my next thought.
      – Sometimes the difference between a covered test and an uncovered test is a matter of a single diagnosis code. Rather than focusing on the lab (since it sounds like all of these tests go through a single lab), I’d find out from your insurance what about your claim is making you ineligible. If they cover it at all, it may be that your doc can resubmit a form with the proper diagnosis code to explain why it was needed.

    • pockets

      I have had success with just calling the medical provider (in this case, the lab) and telling them that you cannot pay the bill and asking what they can do to help you. Anecdotally, I had a $2000 bill for genetic screening that I called, told them I couldn’t pay, and after very few phone calls they dropped the charge entirely (I think. One day they stopped calling and six months later I haven’t gotten a new bill, so I am going to call that a win). I have had friends who tried the same thing with success, which is how I got the idea to do it myself.

      • Sydney Bristow

        You might want to check your credit report. Medical debt is frequently sent to collections agencies and it is possible they just haven’t called you yet. Fingers crossed that isn’t the case!

    • OP

      I just wanted to thank everyone so much for responding to this. Especially OCAssociate and Need to Improve. After reading the comments I called the lab directly and they told me they were disputing the charge directly with the insurance company. However, despite what happens with the insurance company they said the most I will be responsible for is $200 under the patient assistance program. Thank you all again – you just headed off a huge panic attack and needless hours with the insurance company.

    • NYNY

      If you didn’t sign an agreement at the outset that you understand the test may not be covered by your insurance and you are willing to pay the fee, the lab may not be able to bill you. Did you get any pre-notification of non-coverage?

    • pregomama

      First, call the lab that did the test (the one that will be sending the bill). They will more than likely negotiate a cash price with you if your ins. won’t pay at all. My doc used the Harmony test, which is done out of Ariosa labs. When I was unsure about my coverage, I had a payment plan all set up in case my insurance denied the claim. They were very reasonable.

      ETA: saw that’s exactly what you did !

  4. pls

    So random question that I can only ask of you fine ladies. I bought this necklace last week (link to follow), and the flowers keep turning upside down while I’m wearing it. It takes away the cuteness of the necklace and is really itchy since the top of the flowers are pokey. Any ideas?

    While we’re at it, I love the look of delicate necklaces stacked on top of each other, longer and shorter, but they always get twisted. How do other people avoid that? Or do you just put up with it?

  5. Anon for This

    Hi All – OP from last week with the cheating husband here. Thanks again for all of your thoughtful responses and well wishes. I truly appreciate it. A few requests: (1) Any good book recommendations that I can share with my husband? Like, what to do after you cheat or help determining whether he needs help for a sex addiction and (2) and more importantly (for me), I would love if some of you shared some of your stories about your marriages. Sometimes it feels like everyone’s marriage is perfect and happy except for mine, which is obviously not true. What really hard stuff have you gone through and recovered from? What stuff was just simply unrecoverable?

    • Wildkitten

      Are you getting therapy? Individual and couple so you can figure out what you want/need and how to get it?

    • Anonymous

      I feel like he should be the one coming to you having done this research, found some good books, signed up for therapy and made a plan.

    • Katie

      Not to downplay s*x addiction, but I feel like it’s often used as an excuse for bad behavior by people who don’t actually have it. At any rate, if he had any other kind of addiction, that wouldn’t excuse him treating you terribly, right? He must be the one to come to you with his plan to get help, and you need to see a real progression.

      Somebody who loves you shouldn’t do this to you, especially not repeatedly. I think your marriage may be salvageable, but please be honest with yourself about what you really want out of this relationship. I remember a commenter suggesting Dan Savage’s “monogamish” as a suggestion- but the catch is that it must be consensual.

      Good luck!

    • greenie

      Missed the post last week… but I’ll share a “happy ending”?

      We got married young/ had our first child a year later. Both were planned and talked about extensively before hand, but husband must have not realized the commitment both took. Once baby was about 9 months old my husband stopped communicating all-together. I had no idea what was going on, but it was a very tense environment at home. I was working full-time, doing the majority of baby care and house work and he just checked out. Turns out he felt like his life was over/ he did everything (marriage and baby) too young/ he was awful at providing for us etc. He turned outside of the marriage for whatever he needed (sex, validation, who knows what) I found out a few weeks before my daughter’s first birthday and had to grin and bear it throughout the whole event.
      I went to individual counseling first- to talk through whether I could even bear to try to reconcile (cheating was a deal-breaker after watching what it did to my parent’s marriage) and also to be reminded that I did nothing to cause this and it is truly unacceptable in a marriage. Once I decided I could *try* I told him I wanted him out of the house while he started individual therapy. He did that for a bit and then we started couples therapy. It was a really rocky road and things didn’t feel like they were moving forward until he started taking anti-depressants. He also went to a sex-addicts group but I don’t know how much that helped him. I had to stand firm in my requirements many times- that he stayed on medication, went to counseling etc. He tried to push the boundaries over and over but I knew what I needed to feel like reconciliation was possible.

      After some succesful individual counseling, we ended up going to couples sessions for close to 2 years, he still goes to individual counseling but is down to monthly from weekely. We had another daughter after things were smoothed out and he is honestly the best father, and partner I could ask for. Although our relationship is not perfect I no longer resent him or his actions, I’m proud to be married to him, and our communication is so much better than it used to be.

      There were many books I read, but none stick out over others. My best advice is to find 1 or 2 friends or family members that can listen, but will not hold your husband’s actions over his head after all is said and done. Although I love how protective one friend is of me, her opinion of my husband has been scarred for good and it makes sharing my good news very uncomfortable. Also never feel weak for staying, if you chose to try to reconcile you are one strong woman. I wish this never happened in my marriage, but I know we would not be where we are today if we did not have to make it over those many hurdles.

    • anon

      My now ex-husband met another woman and started pursuing a relationship with her (nonsexual but romantic) while we were still married. After a month of my knowing he was lying to me and trying to figure out what to do, we separated. I was willing to go to counseling but he decided that he was “just done.” I was initially devastated. I had never considered divorce. He’s kind of a mess. I finally let go of any idea of reconciliation after a couple of months and he moved away. I’m a hundred times better off today (9 years later) and he has now cheated on his 3rd wife (the things we learn…). But we did not have children. Good luck. If he’s willing to go to counseling/therapy, there might be something you can do. But when he’s not willing, it’s over.

    • The Other Woman

      Having been the other woman for almost three years, I can tell you that he told his wife he wasn’t seeing me any more, he went to therapy, he talked to their pastor … and he kept seeing me. Repeatedly, she would find emails and texts from him to me, telling me how in love with me he was, how he was talking to a lawyer to figure out how he could have joint custody of their children. And out of tenacity, spite, a desire to maintain her lifestyle as a SAHM, who knows what, she stuck with him. I finally broke it off, but I wonder what it takes for a woman to stick through that. Surely it couldn’t have been any great love for him.

      • Anon

        Wow. You call it tenacity, spite, and a desire to maintain her lifestyle, but it just as well could be out of love, faith, forgiveness, or hopefulness.

        Or it could be out of a desire to protect her children.

        Or it could have been about the reality that women who get divorced are more likely to be poor and that it is very expensive to support two households and children.

        It’s a lot easier for me to understand why she stuck it out than why you got involved in the first place.

      • Anonymous

        I am sure you know or have heard this before, but: you are a terrible person. This sis a joke of a life. Heh! :)

        • The Other Woman

          Not sure I understand the smiley there.
          You can call me a terrible person but I loved him. And he loved me. I’d say we still love each other very much.

          • Anonymous

            Ok? And he and is wife loved each other too. Why did you say? Spite, tenacity, etc? He could have left. but he didnt.

  6. Artie

    TJ: Hello r*ttes, I need some advice.
    My boyfriend of 3 years and I are at a crossroads – we’re not having as much fun as we used to, we’re not really getting along, and there are a few definite cracks in our foundation. We finally had a big talk last night (instigated by him), about what we are getting out of the relationship and what we need more of.
    The thing is though, that I just cannot muster up much emotion about it! I don’t feel particularly sad, worried, lonely, happy, stressed, or anything. I feel completely indifferent, except for a bit of nerves for possible changes.
    We’re about to go on a pre-planned 5 week European holiday that will really show if we should stay together or break up. My last breakup I was a blubbering mess – I do care about my boyfriend, but have any of you ever felt this way at a crossroads in your relationships? I just feel like there’s something wrong with me.

      • Artie

        I was diagnosed with depression in college (about 5-6 years ago) but have been doing well since then. Then, it really presented as insomnia, numbness, anxiety. It’s quite possible, really, since I’ve been flat out at work for the last 3 months (60+ hour weeks).

    • Unicorn

      I have had that feeling before. Kind of “checked out.” It was because I was avoiding what I knew was inevitable, which was ending the relationship. I don’t think it means there’s anything wrong with you, just that you might need to rethink if you might be deceiving yourself about your true feelings. Best of luck.

      • Artie

        Thanks Unicorn. How long did you feel ‘checked out’ for?
        I had a bit of a crush on someone else at the end of last year, for the first time in our relationship (nothing happened, not even close with the guy). It really shook and unsettled me though, and I think that’s when I kind of started to feel this way.
        A related question would be – how do you know when something really is a deal-breaker? I really struggle with my boyfriend not having very many friends (whenever we socialise with others it is with my friends, and he doesn’t enjoy it as much) or a good relationship with his family (they live about 20mins away but we see them only every 3 months or so) – I think I’m starting to realise that this might be something that I need in a relationship, but at the same time I feel like that might be a bit trivial. Thoughts?

        • Anonymous

          You’re not that into him. Does it matter if your concerns are trivial? Nope. Because they matter to you. And it sounds to me like he kinda tried breaking up with you this weekend anyway. Can you cancel your trip? Or keep the plane tickets, Dutch the hotel reservations, and travel seperately?

          • Artie

            When we talked, he was more ‘I feel like you’re pulling away but I love you and want to be with you,’ so I don’t think he was already trying to break up. More trying to fix it. This is a big trip and there is no way I’m cancelling it or anything. We’re still getting along, but I think that you’re right that we do need to put some distance in there.

        • Unicorn

          It was months that I felt ambivalent about the relationship before I admitted to myself why I didn’t care. IMHO it is natural to occasionally have a crush on someone other than your partner, if we are on the same page that “crush” means kind of daydreaming romantically about someone and maybe flirting. I don’t think that being in a relationship means you must shut down and ignore all of your natural tendencies, as a human, to appreciate the opposite sex and desire to cultivate rewarding freidnships. However, if by “crush” you mean you considered acting on those feelings, you might think deeply about how you feel about your relationship that would lead you down the road of considering someone other than your partner. It sounds like you were shaken not because you realized you had a crush on someone else, but because you realized you didn’t feel bad about it. Just guessing though.

          • Anonymous

            You need to give yourself some credit for your guessing – I think you’re pretty spot-on. I felt bad because I would have actually been very tempted had the opportunity presented itself, which is something that I would never normally even think of. That was very unsettling, and that’s when I started to evaluate how I felt about our relationship (but not very honestly, really).
            Another factor is that I’m mid 20s and my boyfriend is 31, and I get the feeling that he’s looking for a very serious commitment (i.e. marriage, kids) from me and I just can’t do that yet. Don’t know why, just can’t. And I think that’s why I’ve been pulling away. Sounds like I have a bit of soul-searching to do, and that I probably need to be more honest with myself about it.

            ETA: that was me, Artie – different device with no name saved!

        • Avril

          If him having more friends or being closer to his family are important to you–they just are, don’t worry about whether they are trivial or not. Everyone is different. And if you feel indifferent, it could be because you are preoccupied with something else, say work or in this case maybe you are avoiding thinking about the inevitable. One tell tale sign could be the crush you say you had, sometimes that’s an indicator that your interest in someone is waning.

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like the only thing wrong with you is that you’re in a relationship you don’t care about.

      • Artie

        I appreciate the honesty! I’m just struggling with the fact that he is a great guy – he’s smart, funny, etc. – but I’m just not feeling it at the moment.

        • Anon

          If it’s truly over, it’s better to let him go so he can start the process of healing and start finding someone who will appreciate him for those things in an enthusiastic way. There are so many of us single women trying to meet a smart, funny guy. And just because he has great qualities doesn’t mean he’s the right person for you–someone can be objectively great and still not be your match.

          • Hey Nonny Nonny

            If he’s not the right one for you, if you can’t muster up excitement/passion for this 5-week trip? Then you’re ultimately doing both him and you a disservice.

    • Another Anon

      I was like this was a previous relationship ended. I had been with the guy for 5+ years and while it was obvious to me that our relationship had run it’s course, I waited it out because I thought breaking up with him would be devastating. However, once I finally pulled the trigger and officially ended the relationship, I was fine (I actually felt relief, more than anything). In the two years I was single after him, there were moments when I missed having a boyfriend, but I never really missed him specifically, which told me I did the right thing.

      The hardest part of it all was hurting him and watching him be upset (I didn’t know until the breakup happened that he wasn’t as “over it” as I was). I felt guilty that it was so easy for me and so hard for him. But I think feeling “nothing” at the thought of a relationship ending might be a sign that it’s time to move on.

    • TXLawyer

      This dress comes up on RueLaLa from time to time for about $59. I own it. It runs small, for what it’s worth.

  8. Hildegarde

    Yesterday I was talking to a friend, about my mom’s age, who asked me how you can identify an “old lady purse” or a “frumpy purse.” I found it surprisingly difficult to answer: at first I said such a bag was shapeless, but then hobos are kind of shapeless and aren’t necessarily frumpy. Then I thought maybe frumpy bags are just too big, but there are plenty of non-frumpy totes, which are large. I don’t think all non-designer bags are frumpy or ugly, and I see plenty of designer bags I think are terrible, so I didn’t know what to say other than that I know one when I see it. Can anyone think of some good rules for identifying bags with no style?

    • AIMS

      Hmmm…. I think function over form is one aspect — not that a fashionable bag has to be impractical in the least but there are bags that are practical above all else. I think this also includes leather bags that are leather to be leather but don’t feel or look particularly nice (for some reason Wilsons leather briefcases in dull black and brown come to mind here)….
      But on the other hand sometimes needless bells and whistles can also make a bag frumpy (I am thinking of, say, Kathy Van Zeeland type purses).
      Obviously anything that looks like it has seen a lot of wear and tear is going to look frumpy so that’s part of it.
      Also certain colors and textures that have recently gone out of style. Or if it’s a seasonal color worn during the wrong season (e.g., bright teal in snowy winter).
      Sometimes it’s also about strong brand associations. It’s hard to think of, say, most Vera Bradley or traditional Eric Javits bags as being particularly cool, for example.
      It is hard to pin down though. Definitely more of an “I know it when I see it” type thing.

    • tesyaa

      A cheap-looking plastic zipper and cheap-looking hardware are the biggest red flags for me.

    • Katie

      I think a lot of it has to do with bags that are simply out of fashion. Aged brass hardware often looks this way to me, along with either bags that have over the top styling, or are super plain (but don’t look streamlined).

      • tesyaa

        Your comment just reminded me that someone (like me) who often carries 90s-era Dooney “all weather leather” bags should not be commenting on the frump factor. Yes, those bags are frumpy, but I have no intention of giving them up and they’re never going to fall apart.

        • 90s era D & B

          Plenty of Brooklyn hipsters sporting them currently. I suppose irony is not frumpy.

          • Katie

            Hah, sometimes the line between “hipster” and “frump” is verrrrry fine indeed- and often depends more on the person sporting the item than the item itself@

    • Bonnie

      I immediately thought of the bags that my mother liked to carry that had a million exterior pockets for her cigarettes, keys, eyeglasses, etc.

      • Anonymous

        Oh, my mom is a crafty one. I thought she had moved into the Practical Above All Else zone for good…and then she up and got a bag that I envied (possibly with my sister’s influence) – I hope my mad styling skills serve me until through my senior years!

  9. cbackson

    I need to get my hair done for an event in New York in a couple of weeks. I’m going to be on the Upper East Side, and I would love some place that can put it up in something other than a boring French twist and yet not charge me a gut-wrenching amount. Any suggestions? I see that some of those blow-out bars will do this sort of thing; any positive/negative experiences to relay? I don’t live in New York and therefore don’t have a stylist already on tap.

    Relatedly, any affordable places to get special event make-up done?

    • AIMS

      I was underwhelmed by my last experience at Blo Blow Dry Bar on E 72nd. It felt like maybe too many of these blow dry places opened up and they ran out of talented people to fill the positions. I hear better things about Dry Bar on E 76. A fancy blow out is $40, if you want an up-do, it’s $80.
      The John Barett salon at Bergdorf (E. 57th) has a braid & ponytail bar — it’s $50 (without a wash and blow, $125 with) but I am not sure how elaborate those would be — although “milkmaid” is apparently one of the options, if that suits your fancy. I haven’t done this myself but my mom gets her haircuts here and LOVES the place.
      For a cheaper option, go to Soho to the Birchbox Braid bar ($30) (https://www.birchbox.com/stores/appointments/soho), bonus they can do your make-up as well.

      Final note: do not go to Sephora to do your makeup. There are exceptions, but for the most part I have always found it to look very cakey and terrible.

    • TO Lawyer

      I can’t speak about NYC specifically, but I’ve had my hair done up at a blowdry bar (Blo) and I really liked it, plus it was reasonably priced.

      I would recommend spending a lot of time on Pinterest to see what you like so you can bring in a picture.

    • Anon

      I have had good luck with dry bar. If you want to kill 2 birds with one stone, use glam squad and they’ll come to your hotel to do hair and makeup. Haven’t used personally, but a good friend used last week for a wedding and looked fantastic!

  10. anonymous

    I found a couple of calf hair belts that I love, but it’s unclear to me how durable/delicate calf hair is. Does anyone know?

    • Red Beagle

      I think it depends on the brand quality. I’ve been eyeing calf-hair pumps and booties lately but don’t want to get cheap ones because everything I see and hear about calf hair accessories tells me you get what you pay for.

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