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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 53 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Darleen Pumps

Coffee Break· Under $150

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Circa Joan & David DarleenHmmn: not only are these low navy pumps on sale, but the 18 reviews are all overwhelmingly positive. Comfortable! Gorgeous! Walkable! I thought I'd post the navy since it's always hard to find navy pumps (but note — you can wear black shoes with navy outfits); but these also come in black. They were $99, but are now on sale for $74.99. Circa Joan & David Darleen (L-2) P.S. Happy Veteran's Day, guys! I'm probably not going to be able to do a roundup of sales (although the Brooks Brothers one is pretty killer) — which are the best store sales that you're seeing?

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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  1. Midwest Attorney

    couldihavethat dot blogspot dot com

    More wishlist than practical, and also a lot of lifestyle and not exclusively fashion, but often very lovely photos

  2. Life Coach Needed!

    Another “should I stay/should I go” work TJ.

    Situation: I was recruited for a position by someone in my current company to work on Big Important Project X (BIPX). My company is looking to sell/be acquired in the next 6-24 months, and BIPX is very high profile and important to the sale. BIPX has been delayed and delayed, and in the time I’ve been in this role, I’ve now had 4 managers. The guy that hired me quit about 8 months ago. I’m bored at work, have basically nothing to do while BIPX is once again on the back burner. I know it sounds obnoxious, but I am smarter, more dedicated, and have a more reputable track record than most of the senior people on my team. My current boss is really nice, but she’s not doing anything to help me develop professionally, and she’s not very competent. Most of my coworkers are not in my office, and my favorite one—and the only one in my office—is leaving to start his own company. I’m afraid that sticking around at this company will just allow my career to just fizzle out, and I know that there are other roles in my industry (which is very “hot” right now) that would fast-track me. The easy answer is to go somewhere else.

    BUT.

    The commute is fantastic. I can work at home whenever I want. I get to travel exactly the amount that I want to (my team is spread out across the country). I have great benefits. I have 6 more months until I am fully vested. The pay is great. DH wrapped up his MBA last year and we are paying down his loans like crazy. I’d really like to get a new car, which we can do on this salary + DH’s salary.
    This job is, logistically, perfect for me as DH and I start to think about having kids. In the worst case scenario, the company gets sold in the next 12 months and my job disappears (which it very well might). Then I’d be able to stay at home with the (yet unconceived) kids for a year or two and it’s a very easy transition on my resume when I want to get back in the market.
    Thoughts? I’ve done some preliminary scoping/subtle networking, and found a few jobs that would be equal/better pay, way more interesting and in a company much better positioned for success. But it would be long hours and long commute, and I’m not sure how smooth a maternity stint would go in the next 12-18 months (which is what DH and I are thinking).

    • Anne

      It sort of sounds like staying with the company for now would be the best, if you want to do the kids route soon-ish. (And don’t underestimate the power of a short commute anyway – kids may take longer than anticipated to show up, but a short commute gives you more time at any time.)

      Can you do some improving on your skills while you’re waiting for the big project to go off again? Either – take short courses/seminars for things that might even just marginally fall into your sphere at work – attend conferences, read relevant journals… and plan for the future once you’re going back to work after the potential kids show up. What are things you would potentially like to do then? What skills would you need to do that?

      If your boss is not doing anything to help, can you suggest things for you to educate yourself on to her without her blocking the ideas?

      • Life Coach Needed!

        I can, and I have, been filling my time with all the things you’ve suggested. I’ve also been getting myself involved with other peripheral projects just so I can add them to my resume. I’ve also talked to a former boss who has started her own consulting practice, who is ready and willing to hire me to do some freelance work (not enough that it would replace my FT salary, but some great experience and probably a path to a new job when I”m ready/ once my current Do Not Compete runs out).

    • K...in transition

      Are you able to find ways to make the job less boring? I don’t think it’s at all obnoxious to recognize your worth or to know that a job isn’t fulfilling. Maybe you can spend the time in the office reading/researching in order to do some publishing? Maybe you are able to spend the time writing letters to people in nursing homes who lack family or support? Are you able to mentor a high school or under grad student who is interested in the field you’re in? This isn’t a forever position, it’s possibly another year or so which sets you and your family (current/future) up well, so it sounds like there may well be reason not to go.

      I hope there’s a way to make yourself happier here, even if the company isn’t helping you with this!

    • SF Bay Associate

      Why would you leave before you are fully vested? Are your options likely to be worth anything? I hear you on how unfulfilled/bored you are right now, but if it’s 6 months to vesting, try to hang in there. Can you do something else outside the office that stimulates you intellectually in the meantime? Heavy-duty volunteer for a charity you care about? Or aim for some physical accomplishment like running a marathon. Can you work on your former colleague’s start up on the side? While you’re bored at work, can you volunteer to help in other areas while BIPX is backburnered? Can you learn more about running a startup in that time? One of my favorite things about working for a startup was my ability to volunteer to stick my fingers into more pies than I was officially hired for. I learned so much about marketing, product management, and professional services from that experience, even though my position wasn’t in any of those departments. Your can-do, engaged attitude would really reflect well on you. And is your industry small? Are you going to burn any bridges you care about if you leave before completing BIPX? The (Silicon) Valley is small, and your undisclosed industry may be, too.

      If your options are unlikely to be worth anything, your industry is super hot, you can make enough money by going somewhere else and get the upward trajectory you need, maybe switch jobs. And don’t leave before you leave – your future child is not even conceived yet, and who knows how long it could take before that happens, as ladies on this blog can attest. You may get pregnant in the next 12-18 months, you may not. Staying at a job which doesn’t make sense unless you assume that you’ll have a baby in the next year seems like a bad idea to me. You could take the better job, work your rear off for a year or two, and earn that maternity stint there, too.

      • OP

        Just to clarify, I am not currently at a startup. I am in a small and highly profitable unit of an “old dinosaur” type company. [big data/healthcare arm of a big old tech firm that is losing money and talent]. My vesting is in retirement match, not future stock options.

        The project I was brought in to work on is what is supposedly going to jack up our valuation. But like I said above, that project is stalled-again.

        I agree that there is some stuff I can do/learn in the interim. But that’s more or less what I’ve been doing since I was brought on board, and I’m starting to think I’m just shooting myself in the foot by not goin to a new frm now…but…the flexibility! I’m on the train home now (4pm).

        I really like the volunteering/ athletics suggestion and will explore both. I never had time to do much of either in my last role.

        • SF Bay Associate

          Oops, sorry for misreading. I’m not familiar with retirement matching – does it match going forward, or match everything you’ve already put in previously? The latter is definitely worth sticking out 6 months for, the former seems less exciting, financially speaking.

          And if you’re hoping to get pregnant in the next year or so, it definitely can’t hurt for you to train for an athletic achievement – being in the best shape of your life before you get pregnant will be really helpful and healthful for you and the baby. Strong muscles, flexibility, and balance can ease the physical burdens of pregnancy, and make recovery much easier. Plus, stress relieving. At least, that’s what I’m told.

          • Life Coach Needed!

            It matches retroactively. In my company’s case, they match 100% of whatever you contribute (up to X amount) from Day 1 of employment, but you only get it once you’ve been there for two years. In my case, it’s probably going to work out to about $10-15k, which is enough to consider, but also might be something I can work into a signing bonus somewhere else.

    • Lyssa

      I left something similar to the job that you’re describing to go to law school, although in my case, the job was fairly low skill (any undergrad degree would do) and didn’t pay very well (though it had great benefits, vacation time, flexibility, etc.).

      While obviously circumstances have a lot to do with it (economy when I left that job was great; economy when I got out of law school was, well, you know), I have definitely been kicking myself over and over again for leaving it, rather than sticking around and trying to build opportunities within the company/industry. I definitely worry that people get too caught up in *career* rather than having a career that lets you live the life that you want to live. It sounds like you have that; unless you have some incredibly fantastic opportunity staring at you; I would say keep it.

      Good luck either way, though!

    • ss

      Kiss of death/ failed/ aborted projects on a candidate’s resume are a big red flag for many decision-makers. It is less important if the candidate is very junior but I would definitely ding someone who was in a position to exercise initiative and/ or commercial judgement to avoid going down with the project. Have a think about how you would answer hard questions like : why didn’t the project happen ? why did you stay on for so long ? did your expectations and ambitions change ? (all this in the event you stay on and the project fails to lift off)

      This may not be what you want to hear but am posting to provide to different perspective – certainly can’t speak to your other priorities about segueing into a kid-friendly lifestyle. All the best with a tough decision.

      • OP

        This is actually exactly what is getting me to think about a move. If I’m not misreading your response, are you suggesting that it is better or worse to stay on if the project doesn’t take off? Or just reminding me that there may be some hesitation either way on the part of a new potential employer?

        • ss

          From a career perspective, it isn’t a great idea to stay on as the delays build up and the project credibility deteriorates, let alone if the project fails to take off at all. If you were asked about this part of your resume later on, it would reflect poorly on your judgement if you said ‘I kept thinking things would be OK despite the delays’ or else poorly on your motivation if you said ‘I was OK to be idle because I was getting ready to have a family’. You may be able to come up with a better fudge of a reply but I think most potential employers would wonder a bit.

          Whereas if you start looking now, you would be able to say in a fairly straightforward way that you signed on to do a job, are not able to do that job for reasons beyond your control and are being pro-active to look for other opportunities. I know this would sound completely reasonable to most people as an explanation of why a high-calibre candidate is looking to move. Hope this helps !

  3. K...in transition

    Was asked to repost this here:

    As it’s an open thread, I hope no one minds the threadjack. An incredible friend of mine passed away suddenly this weekend, at age 35. COD not yet known. He was an activist and a poet, hired to perform his work all over the country. I’ve been watching some of his youtube performance videos and came across this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyj_ZNjevHg For as much as we talk about the prejudgements in the office, in our personal lives, etc. I wish I could be so open with who I am and the things that make me who I am. (FYI, the language is NSFW)

    I know this is a place to discuss which scarf to wear with what and I appreciate that, but I thought I’d take a moment to think about how short lives are and to tell you all how much I really cherish each of you and the ways you contribute here; whether in sharing your struggles or in helping others with theirs, myself included.

    • zora

      Aw, that is sad, Huggs to you, K… And, thank you so much for sharing that poem, it is such an incredible piece.

      And i would second your thanks, I also want to tell everyone here that I love you all for what you bring to every conversation, whether heavy or silly, and I am so grateful to have this community to come to every day.

    • Jules

      K, your post is beautiful and thoughtful. I’ll watch the video after hours but it sounds like your friend was wonderful and I’m so sorry for your loss — and grateful to you and the rest of this community.

    • Silvercurls

      K, I’m sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in your good memories of your friend, and inspiration to continue or commemorate in your own life something that he valued.

      Thank you for reminding me that because life is short it’s best to focus on the most important people and projects. You’d think that between individual tragedies (people dying too young) and public disasters (Hurricane Sandy) I would never forget this but it’s ridiculously easy to get distracted. Maybe this is why people pray daily–to remember their priorities?–but prayer can also be rote or worse, an empty exercise. I thing the real problem is being human and thus doomed to be imperfect. No cure in sight, either, folks. We all just do the best we can. I share your appreciation for this community.

  4. PCV

    My jaw is driving me crazy.

    It’s been clicking a lot, especially when I’m lying down, and occasionally locking. Does anyone have any suggestions? It’s happened before, but never this bad. I looked up some TMJ exercises, so I’ll try those. But I get so freaked out by it! I hate cracking knuckles and this is ten times worse.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      This used to happen to me and getting my wisdom teeth out fixed the locking and dramatically improved the clicking (though it still happens whenever I open my mouth wide – but now I can open it way wider before a “click”).

    • Pip

      Get thee to your dentist – it may very well be something s/he can fix. The jaw joint apparently falls within the realm of dentistry.

    • Merabella

      You may want to get this checked out. When mine got worse I did some anti-inflammatory and then a heating pad, which made it feel better/had less clicking, but it getting worse could be a symptom that something else is wrong.

    • Diana Barry

      May be that you are grinding your teeth at night. See your dentist and get a custom nightguard ($$ but worth it!). I used to have this problem and since the nightguard, nothing.

      • K...in transition

        Are those night guards any different than buying a cheap sports mouth guard? I know they have the kind you heat and bite to mold to your mouth… might be a cheaper option to try before dropping major cashola?

        • Maddie Ross

          Yes, they are. I grind my teeth and I have completely chewed through 3 Target and drugstore brand nightguards. I am having to get one specially molded from my dentist this week actually.

        • fluffy bunnies

          I’ve used a cheapo drugstore mouth guard (made for grinding) with good success. It’s definitely much smaller and more comfortable than a sports mouth guard!

        • MaggieLizer

          Squishy mouth guards can actually make TMJ symptoms worse if you’re grinding your teeth at night because it gives your mouth something to chew on, which puts more strain on your jaw. The savings really isn’t worth the risk that it’ll make things worse.

        • Moonstone

          My dentist OK’d a cheap mouthgard called Stressgard (made by Total Gard) — remember to drop the “U” when you search for it online. They are about 11 bucks. I have never seen them in a store. I order two at a time because it’s amazing how often they disappear. I think my cats have a collection of them stashed somewhere.

    • Granola

      Try to find a massage therapist who is trained in TMJ. I get recurring jaw problems and it helps a lot to get a massage. However, it’s not a very pleasant experience – the therapist puts on a glove and massages your jaw muscles from the inside of your mouth. It’s pretty painful, but makes a world of difference.

      • BB

        As a chronic TMJ problems sufferer, this actually sounds kind of amazing. Any idea what I google/search for when I look for this kind of masseuse? (I’m in Boston if that makes any difference)

        • Granola

          Hmm…I only have a recommendation for San Francisco, but you should look for someone who states on their website that they specialize in TMJ work. There are a lot of delicate muscles in there and you really need someone who knows what they’re doing. Is there a central body for getting certified – perhaps they have a directory?

          • Snoozy

            Not a problem I have, but a good friend suffers from this, and has regular physio as a result. (My rec is European and useless, but am seconding the need to find someone who specialises in this – apparently it’s both unpleasant and useless if done incorrectly.)

    • M-dash

      I just got fitted for a night guard to help with my clicking jaw and after just a few weeks it’s made a difference. My dentist also directed me in how I should be holding my jaw during the day — your teeth should be separated and your tongue up against the roof of your mouth. Apparently your teeth are only supposed to be touching for some miniscule amount of time — like 5 minutes or something crazy like that which was definitely not the case for me. If you rest your chin on your hand when reading, break that habit asap. It’s also best to sleep on your back at night so you’re not putting pressure on your jaw.

    • just Karen

      I would absolutely go to a TMJ specialist. I waited and waited to go (got two different mouthpieces from my dentist to wear at night, but they apparently actually made things worse for me) until my jaw hurt so badly some mornings it would bring tears to my eyes, and I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to eat a banana or take a bit out of a sandwich. I have been getting treatment for a year and I can eat normally and don’t hurt – it has been so so so worth the money. I have one mouthpiece I wear on my lower teeth during the day, and switch to a different bigger piece for my top teeth at night – we’re going to start weening me off the daytime one after the holidays (I am in the midst of renovations/moving in addition to normal holiday stress). If you catch it earlier, the total treatment period can be much shorter. Good luck!

    • MaggieLizer

      I really cannot stress enough how important it is to get to a dentist ASAP. I ignored my clicking and occasionally locking jaw for a while until one morning I woke up and could. not. open. my mouth. It was really scary and I was very fortunate to have a dentist who was willing to come in on the weekend (of course this happened on a Saturday), knew an excellent specialist, and a job that was accommodating of all the time I had to take off work. My insurance didn’t cover any of the therapy other than prescriptions and all told it cost me over $10k out of pocket. It was 8 weeks before I could open my mouth completely and a year of treatment after that to get my jaw back to where it should be. I haven’t had any problems since then but it’s definitely not an experience I would wish on anyone.

    • PCV

      Your responses are ALL terrifying. I have no idea if there are TMJ specialists in this country, but there are dentists in the capital. Looks like I’ll be taking a trip next week.

  5. MacKaylaLane

    Love Joan & David pumps! They are so well balanced and comfortable.

    Also, does anybody else have problems with Cole Haan shoes?

    The heels never manage to stay on my feet! (I got the air talias but they are going right back as the proportions just don’t work with my feet or something and the heels keep slipping out)

    • Emm

      I had a problem with the Air Talias being too narrow in the toe, which is not usually a problem for me. But if I got a size up, I’d probably have your problem with the heel slipping off, since that part fits fine. I’ve got my eye on the Chelsea lows (hoping they may go on sale at some point…anyone know if that ever happens), and I’m hoping they won’t have the same problem, or that I can get a wide (these seem to be harder to come by, Norstroms is out in the wide in my size).

      • anon in-house

        I have the same exact problem as Emm with a pair of open-toe Cole Haan shoes, but their boots fit me perfectly.

    • Kady

      Yeah, I’ve always had a problem w/ Cole Haans, which sooked, since I worked for their parent company for a while and got a 50% employee discount. They always pinched in the toes, fell off the heel, rubbed in the worst places, and this was with every pair I’ve ever bought/tried on. I love the styles, think they are well made, they’re just not for my feet.

  6. roses

    Has anyone ever attended the annual National Women’s Law Center dinner? I just got invited but am unsure of the dress code, and can’t seem to find pics of non-speaker attendees from past years. Thanks!

    • cartascartas

      I’ve been twice–first time, I wore a full suit; last year, I wore a suit dress with a sweater. There’s a little bit of everything. You’ll see people in suits, less formal formal business clothes, and even cocktail attire. I would advise wearing either a suit dress or formal business attire, although not necessarily a suit.

    • Job Huntress

      I’ve been several times in recent years. You see full suits, dressy business casual (shift dresses, blazers, etc), with some dressier outfits (dinner suits more than cocktail dresses) and more casual biz caz mixed in. It’s probably one of those events where you won’t be the only one in the room wearing whatever you decide to wear, I think people tend to wear their work clothes so there is a lot of variety. I’m going again tomorrow and will likely wear a (non interview) suit with a fun shell and necklace or a dress.

      • Job Huntress

        In moderation:

        I’ve been several times in recent years. You see full suits, dressy business casual (shift dresses, blazers, etc), with some dressier outfits (dinner suits more than c-tail dresses) and more casual biz caz mixed in. It’s probably one of those events where you won’t be the only one in the room wearing whatever you decide to wear, I think people tend to wear their work clothes so there is a lot of variety. I’m going again tomorrow and will likely wear a (non interview) suit with a fun shell and necklace or a dress.

  7. a.

    Just wanted to say thanks again to everyone who commiserated on my post earlier.

    And to add a brief update, she did, indeed, have the nerve to invite him over tonight! I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it and she gave me a look like I was being irrational and over-dramatic, and acted as if she was doing me a giant favor by going to his house instead. But at least they are not, at this moment, banging in my apartment.

    I am now going to drink tea and Skype with my mom. Thanks for being awesome, [readers of this website].

    • TO Lawyer

      Wow that girl sounds absolutely nuts! I would not be able to deal with that… you get major credit for still being cordial!

    • K...in transition

      could you sit them down together and say that, while you don’t have residual feelings for him, you find it really awkward and uncomfortable for him to be at your home. If she argues, remind her that you pay half the rent. Explain that you’d really appreciate it if they spend more time elsewhere and that they should stop inviting you to hang out with them. Say that, while you’re sure they mean well, that’s just not ever going to happen.

      Maybe you’ll get lucky and they’ll knock it off and spend more time at his place, maybe not. At least you’ve been clear. That said, if you start dating, if this girl is vindictive, she might try to make the same request of you (to be at his place, not home), so be careful how you word things!

      PS I’d be going nuts too!

  8. Language Learner

    Does anyone have a recommendation for audio language learning? I would like to find something I could listen to while commuting. TIA

    • InfoGeek

      You might try Pimsleur. The 15-20 lesson intros are cheap (even cheaper is borrowing it at your library). If it works for you, then you’ll want the full 30 lesson set #1 and then expand to level 2 & level 3.

      Pimsleur is NOT immersion learning. It’s mixed English and the target language. It’s business/adult based and based on simple conversation. For example, in the Japanese set we have it has conversations asking and answering questions about your family (spouse and kids), gassing up the car, ordering beer and wine, etc.

  9. NOLA

    I’ve said this here before, but my Circa Joan and David t-straps are among the most comfortable shoes I own. These are so pretty! Unfortunately, I have issues with pumps coming off of my heel without a strap. Not that I need more shoes, mind you…

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