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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 96 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Ruched Crepe Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Classiques Entier Ruched Crepe Sheath Dress Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. There are so many great sales on Classiques Entier right now, I can barely choose which piece to post. Beautiful square-neck shells, ponte dresses, silk dresses, and more. For today's TPS report I like this ruched sheath dress with some architectural draping for a touch of interest. It was $228, but is now marked to $113 at Nordstrom. Classiques Entier Ruched Crepe Sheath Dress A couple of plus-size options are here and here. (L-all) Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    The blue option of this dress is lovely!

    Thanks to those of you who recommended Ivanka Trump flats. I got a pair last week and like them so much I am thinking of getting a few more pairs.

  2. Paging AIMS - Maine

    I saw your post from last night, and wanted to mention Old Orchard Beach, just south of Portland. You can putter around Portland, which is a cool little city, stop at the lobster shack at Cape Elizabeth, and then stay in an inn by the beach.

  3. anonforthis

    My boyfriend of about two years got out of the military a year ago, at which point we moved in together. We’re in our mid/late 20s. He’s working in a completely new industry that he likes a lot less than expected, and he has basically no friends here. His whole life (job, friends, home, etc) had been the military, but he’s very stoic and expected this transition to be a piece of cake. Now that the excitement of moving to a new place has settled, he has become very depressed. While we had talked about marriage and children, and planned on getting engaged this year, he says he no longer wants those things. At a minimum, his timeline has greatly increased – as in, get engaged in five years. His new mantra is that he doesn’t know who he is, and he needs to figure it out before making a life with me.

    I am in therapy and find it hugely helpful, but he refuses to see a therapist. He admits he needs to find a new job, or maybe go back to school, but isn’t taking any steps toward those goals. He says he needs friends but isn’t trying to make them. I love this man so much, and we have made it through so many trials – we have literally gone through war together. It breaks my heart to see him unhappy. But I am so worn down by his depression. Part of me feels like this has to be temporary, that if I give it a few more months we’ll be back on track toward a beautiful future. Lately I just want to shake him until he snaps out of it. Meanwhile he says I am pressuring him too much and that I can’t fix things for him, that he needs to realize the changes on his own. I don’t even know what my question is – have any of you been through something like this?

    • mascot

      You both admit that these problems are his and he is the only one who can fix them. Your choices are to cut him loose or ride this out knowing that it will be a ride of uncertain duration and destination. Will you be okay with bouncing along for another couple of years while he finds himself and possibly comes to the decision that he doesn’t want to build a life with you? So much of a successful relationship is timing. He can be the greatest guy in world, but if the timing isn’t right, you are just going to be frustrated. As a related note, re-entry to civilian life can be tough. Are there some organizations in your area to offer assistance for that transition?

      • Anonymous

        This is about timing IMO. You want to settle down and he isn’t in the same place. Depression can certainly cloud many things. The red flag here is that he refuses to address his problems. I was in a similar situation 2 years ago, going through a difficult transition and facing the same pressure from my ex. From the other side it is very unpleasant and caused alot of anxiety. This guy probably needs his space. Give it to him. If you want to continue to support him, do it as a friend–and try not to expect that it will fix the relationship. 2 years on I now realize that what I really needed at the time was support and not pressure. The best you can do is end things gracefully because you want to be married now and he isn’t and continue to take care of yourself.

    • Ellen

      Yay Kat, this is a great sheathe dress! And it is NOT that expensive for a NORDSTROM’s pick, but my tuchus does not fit into a size 2 and the sizeing should be more giving so that I can wear a size 2. FOOEY!

      As for the OP, I had a similar issue with my boyfreind, but the precise issue was ALCHOHOL. At the end of the day, the result was the same. I spent years trying to fix him, but he decided the bottel was better then me. Trust me, unless you cAN Not find any other man to love, consider moving on b/f you invest to much in this guy. I do NOT know if you are a profesional, but you DO write well, so I asume you are NOT a dummy. The milatary is generaly a good starting point, but you have to get out and do something, like my Dad did– NOT sit back on your tuchus and watch you work while he guzzeles 6 pack’s. That is what my Sheketovits did.

      While you are young and cute, and before you get pregnenant with his child, tell him to poop or get off the pot. You do NOT want to be cleaneing his poop for the next 40 years after you get home from work. I felt LIBERATED after I DTMFA. You can to. YAY!!!!!

    • 2 Cents

      Is there a place where former military members can go to get support in your area? Did any of his military buddies also leave and maybe could commiserate with him? (I don’t know much about this, sorry.) It sounds like he’s struggling to find his identity now that he’s on his own.

    • anonymous

      I have not been through something like this, but it definitely seems like he’s not that committed/interested to you or the relationship. It may be b/c of PTSD or general difficulties integrating back into civilian life, but the poster below is right on- those things aren’t deal breakers, but his unwillingness to address them should be.

      Many years ago, I did a similar thing as it seems like he’s doing (extending timelines, saying I didn’t really know what I wanted, etc) Looking back, my not knowing if I wanted to make a life with that person should have been a resounding “no, I don’t want to make a life with this person.” I was just too confused to see that. He should know he wants a future with you, or he doesn’t. I don’t see his regression in your relationship reversing itself.

      • TO Lawyer

        It sounds like he has a lot on his plate. But I will say my ex did something similar – extending timelines, refusing to go to therapy and ultimately, he just didn’t want a future with me. It was hard to see (and accept) at the time but I can now see that I was fighting so hard to keep something that wasn’t going to work.

    • a thought

      Do you have volunteer fire departments near where you live? That seems to be the go-to guy thing that puts you in contact with other guys of a similar age (our VFW seems to be mostly retirees) who are often ex-military. Human contact can be powerful. Alternatively, I’ve seen a lot of ex-military friends get into (perhaps overly) Cross-Fit.

      This is a “for him” thought — not helpful to whether you ultimately work as a couple, but you can’t do that anyway with him as he is.

    • TXLawyer

      I do not know what area you are in, but if there is a local Team Red, White and Blue chapter (teamrwb.org) he will find in them a community of veterans, active duty and civilians whose mission is to support the transition from active duty to civilian life.

    • Anon

      If he isn’t willing to consider getting help you can’t make him. And considering his unrealistic timeline, I think at this point you need to focus on taking care of yourself, starting with putting some space in between you and him. At a minimum, get your own place. Either he will see you are serious and get his life in check, or he won’t, and you can start moving on with your’s. It may be difficult because you have invested so much time into the relationship, but if it isn’t going to work out, do you really want to invest/waste anymore of your time on it?

    • Snickety

      This sounds like a really tough situation. Hugs to you. I don’t have experience/advice but I have a reading recommendation – Learning to Stay, Erin Cellelo. Very poignant novel about a couple struggling with the husband’s reintegration after military service. Maybe would give you some insights, if not solutions.

    • Anonymous

      Dude doesn’t want to marry you. Not now, not five years from now. Move on.

      • Also anon

        Or dude is struggling to get his house in order. He is right to hit the pause button on the relationship. I think OP can be supportive in steering him towards healthy things as they unwind things. OP can also make sure that she supports herself through a difficult time (even if they are on different paths now).

        • anonymous

          Yeah, I think this is true, but if a bit of time goes by and he doesn’t make any effort to figure things out but expects her to stay? That’s not healthy.

        • Anonymous

          It’s been a year. He’s not willing to see a therapist, try to make friends, or attempt to get a different job, but he is willing to string her along for 5 years. Sure, he may be going through a rough time. And at the end of that rough time he’s going to break up with her because he doesn’t want to be with her.

    • Anon

      So this is probably going to come across as more harsh than intended, and for that I apologize, but looking at your timeline and notes:

      – you’ve been together two years
      – he’s been out of the military one year
      – during the one year that you were together AND that he was in the military, he was deployed for at least part of it (I’m assuming, based on the fact that you wrote that you have “literally gone through war together”)

      This sounds terrible, I know, but this is so common. SO SO common. Men (and women, but I have more experience with men) in the military are lonely, esp when far from home, esp when in combat zones, and it is very common for them to get into relationships with someone just because it’s comforting to have that caring presence from afar. You get to spend your days thinking of the future instead of being alternatingly bored by/terrified by the present. And then when the deployment ends, and you’re back in the same space, one or both of you realizes that the other person isn’t really who you want to be with.

      • Jax

        2nd this. It’s been my experience that a moody, despondent guy who is saying he needs a new job (or friends, or something other than YOU to improve things because his problems aren’t about you so stop trying to help) is gearing up to move on. He’s not feeling this relationship anymore but doesn’t want to be the bad guy who suddenly ends it. He’s sinking into a funk to push you away and lay the ground work for the breakup that’s probably coming in the next couple months. Pro-tip: You’ll know he’s ready to break up when the depression turns to anger.

        As a been-there-done-that, I would end it now on my terms. It may snap him out of it and make him realize he doesn’t want to lose you. Or it will save you from another few months of unhappiness and unease before he leaves.

    • Veteran

      Actual military veteran here.

      I left the active military in my mid-20s and had a total identity crisis. I had graduated from college in 3 years, bought a house by myself when I was 22, served in Iraq, gotten married…and now what? In the military, 47 people had answered directly to me and I was 24 years old. Was I now supposed to go work in some office preparing some TPS report that didn’t matter one whit to the universe? For me, my transition was about a loss of purpose.

      I wish I could say I had an easy transition. I sat at home and cried on my couch for 6 weeks and watched Project Runway marathons, then I took a corporate job I ended up despising (the aforementioned TPS reports). In a desperate bid for purpose, I volunteered with the National Guard to go back overseas. And I had an amazing time – my work there was even more important than my work had been in Iraq – I felt empowered and useful and successful. I came home again, though, and was still confronted by feelings of impotency.

      You know the line in Legally Blonde about “It’s like she woke up one day and decided to go to law school?” Well, yes. I was unemployed and purposeless, but I knew I had the GI Bill. I ran through my options: “Med school: takes too long; business school: don’t have the head for; Master’s in poli sci: useless; ok, law school it is!” Should someone have a bit more of a plan than that? Arguably yes, ha, but law school eventually put me back on the path to government work, where again I feel purpose. I craft laws that affect millions of people, and that’s amazing for me.

      Find out what it is that drives him, what he misses about the military. Many vets enjoy second careers as first responders because it provides responsibility and adrenaline. Many enjoy working in nature as park rangers because they liked the “roughing it” side of the military. Some, like me, go to government work.

      There’s definitely a myth in the military that being a civilian is like the Promised Land. It’s not, and your boyfriend’s not doing anything “wrong” by discovering it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

      And, if I can…the other posters might be right about the relationship. It’s worth it to examine whether you should stay with this fellow. Sometimes there’s a feeling of obligation, “he’s only just gotten home! we haven’t had time together!” that keeps you from noticing that you’re just not the perfect fit overall. (Speaking from experience here.) Military issues can cloud the matter.

      Let me know if you’d like to talk more.

      • Veteran

        Oh, and I want to add that there’s a very powerful myth in the military that getting out is like the Promised Land. It’s similar to some entries you read from immigrants on HONY – how they thought America would be the most incredible place ever, but really, it has its ups and downs just like everything else. Your boyfriend may be thinking that he’s “doing it wrong” or a “failure” for not getting out and immediately making it big as a corporate whatever. I know in the couple years where I struggled for footing, I looked at my military-turned-civilian peers and thought, “How are you so happy? How did you land in just the right thing for you?” We all have different paths in life; some are twistier than others ;)

      • long time lurker\

        just wanted to stop by to say thank you for your service, and it sounds like you have a great career you worked hard for. congrats.

      • another Veteran

        +1 to all of this. I also left the military in my mid-20s. Once the sense of wheeee freeeeeeeedom wore off, I was kind of anchorless and unemployed/underemployed for the better part of a year. I’m ok with, and fairly successful in corporate life now, but it took a long time. And I still miss my active duty days, sometimes.

        The military delays actual adulthood. Your mid/late 20’s boyfriend was basically transferred from his parents’ guardianship to the military’s guardianship. He didn’t have to make big decisions for himself, and his financial needs were guaranteed. It is a big adjustment to go from having your job, location, healthcare, schedule, clothing, you-name-it decided for you or on autopilot to having total control over your life.

        It’s unfortunate your boyfriend did not get more transition assistance right when he got out; there are required transition classes for at least a couple service branches, but the level of seriousness with which the service and the students take them varies widely. But if you live near a base, he may still be able to access some of these services. I’d encourage him to look into it for his sake. But *you* probably need to put some space in this relationship and have an exit strategy. He is really not the guy you started dating 2 years ago, and he’s not being overly dramatic when he says he needs to figure out who he is.

        • Wild Chicken

          Another veteran here – getting out is hard. Really hard. Even leaving somewhere that you really want to leave (e.g., Iraq) is hard. Nothing in the States is the same. None of the people around you understand what you’ve been through, even if you had a relatively easy tour. He’s in a state of transition that really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. I hope that you’re able to remove yourself a little bit and see that and let yourself move on. It’s hard, I know, because you’ve been there for him through a very emotional trial yourself, but at the end of the day, he isn’t in any position to commit right now and you ought not wait around while he gets there. Please continue to get help yourself to get through this — you sound like a very caring and loyal woman, and you deserve someone who has himself mostly figured out already. Your boyfriend may get there someday or he may not, but let him go work on himself and know that you have done him a great favor by doing so.

    • EB

      I really feel for you because this is not fun at all. If you want to be married in a year or two, then this guy may not be the the one for you. This sounds really harsh but it may be true. Transitions are incredibily hard, so this is a very trying time for him. But at the same time, you matter. Your needs matters and your desire to have a fully engaged partner in your life matters. If he can’t provide that while he focuses on self-care and finding himself through this transition, then it may not be a great partnership for you and it may be time to part gracefully.

    • ORD

      My husband retired from the reserves just last week. They gave him paperwork on his way out that included references to resources for transition, such as a program that helps get vets into the teaching profession. Your guy needs to figure this out on his own, but there are resources out there for help. FYI, my husband stayed in the military for over 30 years, and I think it was the only place where he really felt he fit in. I foresee a difficult identity transition, even though it was only part-time for him. He’s already talking about, should we move? should he quit his other job? etc. and it’s kind of freaking me out because everything else remains the same, but he seems to feel unsettled now.

    • Anonymous

      Was your boyfriend ever deployed in a combat zone? If so, I would highly recommend looking into whether your community has a Vet Center. A Vet Center can provide counseling and support to him, and it can also help with the civilian transition and finding a purpose/fulfilling life. If he is not eligible for the Vet Center, which serves combat veterans and military s*xual trauma victims regardless of discharge status, then give your state/local veterans assistance agency a call. They’ll be able to understand and to point you in the direction of ways your boyfriend can improve his quality of life. Also, most colleges now have veterans offices, many of which are run by fellow veterans, so he could always set up a meeting with one of them just to talk through his options and where he’s at in life.

      There are a ton of resources available, resources which your boyfriend has earned access to through his service. It can be hard getting veterans to stop being stoic and reach out to others. Good luck to the both of you.

    • National_Anthem

      I could have written this almost word for word two years ago.Ultimately, I broke up with him, and it was absolutely the right choice, but it sucks and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
      My words of wisdom:

      You can’t be happy with someone who isn’t happy with themselves. It sounds like he’s deeply unhappy with many aspects of his life, but is unwilling and/or unable to address the problem. Unfortunately, you can’t do this for him. Only you can decide how long you’re willing to wait for him to address his problems.

      Sometimes two people can really care about each other and both be good people, and still have a relationship fail. It’s not a moral failing or any other sort of personal defect to call it when a relationship isn’t working.

      Best of luck to you.

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      The biggest red flag that I see is that he didn’t say he just isn’t ready to get engaged now, but that he threw out a timeline of 5 years. That doesn’t make any sense. That sounds like he is just trying to avoid dealing with the future of your relationship. I think you should really consider moving on. He’s telling you that he doesn’t want to take the next steps in your relationship any time soon. Are you are willing to be together 7 years before getting engaged? After everything you have been through together I’m surprised he doesn’t want to live life to the fullest now. Ultimately I would give yourself a timeline and if he hasn’t made attempts at making positive changes in say a year, I’d run away as fast as possible! Don’t waste your time.

  4. Asideralis

    This dress is gorgeous! Unf. I’m so excited for the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. I have my appointment booked for Friday evening. Any tips and tricks? Suggestions?

  5. Tazdevil

    You may need to come to terms with the fact that bf has PTSD. While that in itself is not a relationship deal breaker, his refusal to address it should be. Also, PTSD or no t, be very, veeeeryyy wary of a guy who stretches a relationship time line that far out. This has happened to too many of my girlfriends who wait with dog-like patience for five years, only to get dumped like trash for some fawning 20 year old secretary or the like. It seems to me that he wants all the benefits of a relationship with an out when something better comes along.

    • Veteran

      Nothing in OP’s post indicates her boyfriend is suffering from PTSD. Please don’t assume that he is – doing so stigmatizes veterans as a group and demeans those who genuinely suffer with it.

      With things like the Fort Hood shootings, military veterans are increasingly being deemed “unstable” and “risky to hire.” That’s not true. PTSD is very serious, and there are lots of avenues for help, but please remember that not every veteran is suffering from it. To throw it out as an explanation for having a hard time during a major life transition downplays the significance of the diagnosis for those who truly suffer with it and unfairly labels all veterans.

      • Married to a Veteran

        YES. Thank you.

        As with many major life and lifestyle transitions, it takes time and sometimes really makes you question your identity.

      • Tecan

        Thank you so, so much for this. Combat vet automatic PTSD. Combat vet = human being in need of job and assistance with integration to civilian life.

  6. APP123

    I just finished Beach Town by Mary Kay Andrews, which I bought as a fluffy vacation read – I wanted some slightly steamy romance and no heavy thinking. But I just couldn’t get into it – too many gaping plot holes and unrealistic dialogue. So, I’m looking for suggestions – is it possible to find a modern (not historical) romance novel that is a little more coherent? I don’t need Shakespeare (in fact, that’s the whole point), but I’d love something that I won’t be scoffing at the entire time! Ideas??

    • C

      Try the books by Beatriz Williams. I just finished her latest – Tiny Little Thing. Also, you might like Eight Hundred Grapes by Laura Dave

    • Amelia Pond

      anything by Julie James! She usually writes about female lawyers who are smart sassy and actually like their jobs. She has great dialogue/banter between the characters which always makes me happy. My two favorite are Just the Sexiest Man Alive and Something About You.

      I also second Jennifer Crusie, but sometimes she veers off into unrealistic “insta-love” which I find frustrating

  7. Anon

    Reposting from the Coffee Break to get more responses. Thank you.

    Bit of a novella here–just need help with working with an information hoarder.

    I work in transactional law, and my supervisor, who is just a smidge more senior than me (but I am more experienced) _constantly_ doesn’t copy me on emails, and is a classic information hoarder. I can’t really seem to fix this, even though I tried (i) polite follow up emails: “Please let me know if the XYZ document needs any changes before it goes out” (even though I know it likely went out); (ii) outright asking: “Did the XYZ document go out?” and (iii) setting up meetings (or even just informal stop-bys) to check on the status of things.

    This is not me being a busybody–I’m not getting feedback on my work product, don’t know what the client is talking about when they respond to chains I wasn’t on (client copies me!) and I am constantly one step behind with the senior associate because the guy in the middle isn’t communicating (on purpose).

    Also, to make this worse, the withholder is my mentor, so he’s supposed to helpful to me, but is anything but.

    And yes, the withholder is a bit threatened by me because I am more experienced. I am very ginger about this and do not rub it in his face at all, but he is uncomfortable, and I’m not about to pretend I don’t know how to do a deal or what next steps are or what’s missing to placate his insecurities. I still need to do a good job, even if he constantly sabotages my efforts. Ugh.

    Seriously, has anyone successfully dealt with an information hoarder/bad communicator?

    • Anonymous

      Can you provide more information on your level and the supervisor’s level? Are you both associates? My advice hinges on the partner/associate information.

      • Anon

        I’m a first year with 9 years of transactional paralegal experience at V5 firms. He is a second year, technically, but was told to take a years haircut because his first year was spent at a tiny, tiny firm, so he is also a first year. The senior is having him supervise me, but it’s so awkward!

        We are doing M&A mostly, some venture too. (I am experienced at both.)

        • Anonymous

          So, you’re a first year associate. No one cares how long you were a paralegal. You don’t “need” this info. Like, you aren’t actually entitled to feedback, you often won’t get it, and as a junior associate in a big firm you usually won’t be kept in the loop on anything. Focus on doing your best and getting staffed on something else when you can.

          Also, you don’t have more experience than him.

          I know this sounds harsh, and it is, but so are law firms. This is a time for sucking it up.

          • ace

            +1. And if you view yourself as “more experienced” as someone who has been a lawyer longer than you have, you’re going to have a real tough time going forward.

          • Anon

            Sorry, not to be argumentative–I hear you on knowing my place and I will try to do my best work regardless of whether we’re looped in. I definitely do think the problem is that we are too close in years to be staffed on the same deal.

            I really am more experienced–senior paralegals in Silicon Valley are often far more experienced than attorneys, which is why many of them (incl. me) made well over six figures, run associate trainings, work directly with partners, go to the Printers and have tons of client contact (because we’re the cheapest resource a client can call). I’ve done 60+ venture financings, 12 IPOs/follow-ons, 8 high yield deals and dozens of M&A deals, many of them multi-billion dollar. This is his third M&A deal ever.

            I will def suck it up and I thank you for your feedback.

          • Anonymous

            Not to be argumentative, but I asked for advice and instead of listening, contemplating, and deciding if and how to act on it, I’m going to dig in, get even more defensive, and provide you with tons of information you didn’t ask for to prove my point.

            This is why people don’t like working with first years.

        • Anonymous

          agree with anon that paralegal experience does not equal lawyer experience. I do, however, find it exceptionally odd that a first year or second year would be “mentor” to another first year. I find it equally odd that clients are directly communicating with either of you rather than the senior associate or partner. I would probably request a mentor with more experience or try to find one on my own. If the senior associate is annoyed you arent included on emails, he/she will inform the other first year to start copying you. If the senior assoc. opts not to do so, then I agree with anon, you dont actually need this information.

          • Anonymous

            I agree with you too! It is odd that a fellow first year is supervising or mentoring you.

          • CountC

            I found this bizarre as well and it sounds like laziness on the senior associate’s part.

        • anon

          Paralegal experience, whether at a v5 or not, =/= lawyer experience.

          Also, the fact that he spent his first year at a “tiny, tiny” firm means he probably got more hands-on experience than he would at a larger firm. Basically, he has twice as much experience as you do. In 7 years it might not matter that he has one year on you, but now it does.

          I don’t really see how he is sabotaging your efforts. I’d suggest asking him directly: “please cc me on emails so I can be in the loop. Thanks.” Depending on his arrangement with the senior, it may be that he has been instructed just to delegate certain tasks to you and that, in the sr. associate’s view, keeping you up to speed on every detail isn’t an efficient use of sr. associate time, his time or your time. It’s a bit hard to tell from your post.

        • WestCoast Lawyer

          I’m going to have to disagree with the other posters. You most definitely do have more experience. In a transactional practice the paralegals do a great deal of substantive work. I left biglaw as a Senior Associate and if you had given me the choice to staff a deal with a good paralegal with 9 years experience or a 2nd year associate (even assuming both years had been at a large firm) I would take the paralegal in a heartbeat. I don’t really have much advice for you, other than to say that this guy’s type of behavior usually becomes obvious after a while and will reflect poorly on him. Hang in there. You will always have to deal with these types during your practice, whether they are this guy or people who are actually senior to you but just not very good lawyers (because law firms, like anywhere else, have people at all levels who are great at their jobs and people who aren’t). It may take time, but with your experience I would bet that others will eventually see your competence shine through and will be happy to have you report directly to them.

          • Anon

            Thank you. Thank you for hearing me. I just spoke with another partner and he told me that the associate is known for this, and it’s something they are working on. Luckily, the deal is closing Friday and onwards and upwards. Closings and pre-closings are always stressful.

          • WestCoast Lawyer

            Like I said, hang in there. Without knowing you, I can predict that you will make a great lawyer, if for no other reason than you knew exactly what you were signing up for before you went to law school and went to work at a large firm. It’s unfortunate to see how many people go to law school as the “default” option because they don’t know what they want to do and then end up being unhappy lawyers.

        • Anonish

          Anon, there’s a reason you left your life as a paralegal to become an actual lawyer. If you were content being a “senior paralegal” in Silicon Valley (!), then you’d still be there. You wanted to be a lawyer. Now you are, and like other lawyers, you start at the bottom. Maybe things will be easier for you because of your relevant work history, but that is all it is… work history, not “experience” being a lawyer.

  8. New Tampanian

    recommendations on court-appropriate shoes for a woman who is 7-months along with VERY swollen footsies? My friend is having the hardest time with shoes these days and has a trial starting soon. She’s so overwhelmed with the prep that she doesn’t have much time to shop around. Preferably black flats with some cushioning.

    I’m trying to make her life a bit easier by doing research for her. Thanks so much!

  9. LilyS

    Did any of you see the furore over the English FA tweeting that the Lionesses (who have achieved the best placing in a World Cup by a national team of either gender for nearly 50 years) could go back to being ‘mothers, partners, and daughters’?
    I was partly shocked and partly really not shocked.

    • RED

      Gawker / Jezebel also had a post on the horrendous pay gap between the US men’s soccer team (which never wins anything, really) and women’s soccer team (WINNERS). Also shocked but not really shocked.

      • LilyS

        Reported by accident, sorry! Meant to hit ‘reply’.

        I think the England men got paid more for coming last in their group in Brazil last year than the women have got for coming third in the tournament (and top of the European teams).

        And to add insult to injury, they can’t compete in the Olympics last summer because the FAs from England, Scotland, and Wales couldn’t work it out.

  10. Fluff

    Do you remember the guy’s family in The Fighter — a mom and sisters and they all live together? Those are my inlaws. I am about to embark on a 1-week vacation with ALL OF THEM. They are not bad people, but I feel that we are in a cross-cultural marriage sometimes (it stresses my husband out too, but the last thing I can do is voice any agreement that, yes, we have rented a vacation house with crazy people).

    The last time, I could hide a bit behind needing to get some work done (so, 2 hours of work = 2 hours of work + one hour of de-compression time) to take breaks.

    • Anon

      Do you run/bike/do any other physical activity that would allow you to escape, alone, for periods of time? I go for a long run each morning when visiting our ILs because it guarantees me that I have alone time :)

    • Blonde Lawyer

      White lie headaches are your friend. Given the situation, it might not even be a white lie. Say you feel a headache coming on and need to be quiet and alone for a bit to fight it off. Then retreat to your room or the beach or wherever that is quiet and alone.

  11. EB0220

    Trying to plan a visit to Seattle. Looking for hiking, mtn biking, brewery and other outdoor or kid activity recommendations. What would be the best part of town to stay in for these things? I don’t want to spend all of our time driving around town!

    • MJ

      Check out Sunset magazine. Their online search feature is not great, but search through the Goog and back door it–they will have tons of recs for Seattle stuff to do.

    • Annie

      There are a few in-city parks that have good kid friendly hikes (Discovery Park, Carkeek Park, and Seward Park). I have no advice on mountain climbing, it terrifies me. Most of the breweries in Ballard are kid and pet friendly. I highly recommend Reuben’s Brews in Ballard and Fremont Brewing in Fremont.

      Your best bet to avoid driving would be to get an Airbnb in Ballard, Fremont, Phinney, etc.

      Seattle Met magazine also has good recommendations for day trips and activities in Seattle.

    • Out of Place Engineer

      We took my 3.5 year old there a few years back. We stayed at the Olive 8 (I think) and just walked around. We ended up getting a City Pass — Loved the Science Center, Aquarium, Zoo….We also did a Duck Boat tour, which we still laugh about. After hanging out in the city for a few nights, we rented a car and drove for some day hikes in the Olympic. We stayed at Kalaloch on the ocean and it is one of my all time favorite places. Seattle is a great place!

  12. Anonymous

    I took my dog in for what I thought was a UTI (she’s squatting a lot without going) and the vet did an ultrasound on her bladder and was very concerned about what she said was an abnormally thick bladder wall that’s not consistent with a bacterial infection. She threw around “bladder cancer” (quite casually, I might add). Of course I couldn’t stay away from Google and am now having a complete meltdown because this is a highly incurable cancer and living 6 months past diagnosis seems to be a good outcome. My pup is only 5 years old and we only adopted her a few months ago — we thought we had years left with her. Anyone had a similar situation? Or can offer positive thoughts of something they thought might be serious but turned out to be minor? I’m trying to counteract Dr. Google.

    • anonymous

      I’m really sorry to hear this :( I thought my dog was just having some age-related arthritis pain (he was 17) and it turned out that he had a brain tumor that was affecting his mobility. He went from bouncing around like normal to not being able to move in a few days. I loved him so much and he was so healthy and youthful that I thought I had probably a little more time with him, and during the time when he was sick I felt like when he did die, I’d never make it. I felt like I’d be a floundering mess for a long time. It turns out I was okay.

      My story doesn’t really have a happy ending (other than the time I got to spend with the best dog ever), but no matter what happens, you will be okay. Regardless of whether she’s totally okay or not, focus on making really awesome memories with her. that way, if it’s 6 months or 6 years, you’ll feel really good about it when she’s gone.

      • anonymous

        Oh, I’ll add that last year he went in for bloodwork, an ultrasound, etc because the vet really thought he was in kidney failure It turns out he was totally okay.

    • NYtoCO

      So sorry to hear this. One would hope that a decent vet wouldn’t throw around the word “cancer” unless that’s very likely to be the diagnosis, and if it is my heart goes out to you. Did the vet do tests for which you are waiting to receive the results? If it will only be a few more days until you find out, just try to use that short timeline to convince yourself to stay away from Dr. Google

  13. Bonnie

    I tried this dress on in the store and found it to fit much smaller than other CE dresses. I loved the material but wasn’t sure about the waist ruching.

    • Anonymous

      It was beautiful, but felt a little more evening than most of their dresses.

  14. Rec needed

    I’m looking to upgrade from my Chi flat iron. Any recommendations for a higher end iron? For reference, I’ve got thick curly/very wavy long hair that requires a very high temperature for it to be straightened successfully.

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